Confession is good for the soul
by JLCH
Summary: Post S7. In an effort to get his life together and heal the damage he's done to himself and the people he cares about, House goes into therapy. He seeks Cuddy's forgiveness which begins with a heartfelt letter but becomes so much more.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**_ If I owned these characters, this fic would never have to be written!_

**Setting the stage: **It's post Season 7 and House has done a short stint in prison, returned to work, and completed his parole. He chose to go back into therapy with Nolan in an effort to deal with his emotional pain. He's also in physical therapy to help with the physical pain. He doesn't expect miracles, he just wants to finally be able to move on with his life. During one of their sessions, Nolan, knowing how hard it is for House to talk about some things, suggested writing in a journal. House of course, is stubborn, but he decides that maybe there's something to it. But instead, he writes a letter to Cuddy. He knows the only way he can begin to change is by being honest, with himself and with her.

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><p>Dear Cuddy,<p>

I know I'm the last person you want to hear from but I have so much I want to say to you. After all the things I put you through over the years, I owe you this. I need to do this...for you and for me. Please just at least read it, then you can do with it whatever you want. I just have some things I need to say to you and then I promise you won't hear from me ever again.

I've been seeing Nolan again and one of his crazy ideas was writing in a journal. Some things are just hard for me to talk about so he thought writing about them might help me. As you can imagine I hated the idea but he said it didn't matter what I wrote so long as I did it. I did write a little but it's not what I wanted to write about. What I really wanted to do was write to you and apologize for everything I did to hurt you. Right now though I'm not sure if I'm going to mail it. I guess we'll find out. There are times I think I'm fucked up beyond repair and after what I did to you, I deserve to suffer. I thought that's how it was supposed to play out, the only way I thought any of us would feel better, if I were suffering for the pain I caused you. Nolan, that crazy bastard says I'm wrong. He says that's not how life works, we're not supposed to keep punishing ourselves for our mistakes. We're supposed to learn from them and move on with our lives. Part of this whole healing process is honesty and taking responsibility. While I know this will be painful for you to read, I can't be honest with myself if I can't first be honest with you. This isn't about excuses; this is about me facing the truth and taking responsibility for my actions.

When you were in the hospital, I know that I should have been there to help calm your fears but I was too afraid. I was scared to death that I was going to lose you. I hid from it all, hoping not to feel anything because if I felt it, it would hurt and I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle the pain. The night before your surgery, I was hiding out at Foreman's apartment. Wilson called and told me the tumors had spread and at that moment I realized you were going to die and it was over. I had to see you but I wanted to numb every feeling I had so I could see you without breaking down. I couldn't face the pain and I didn't want to break down in front of you, I couldn't cry, I couldn't show weakness, I couldn't let my heart be broken by losing you. I couldn't let myself feel what it would be like to lose you, to go through the rest of my life without you. I never realized until that moment just how much I'd depended on you to keep me alive. Wilson was right, I had made your illness all about me. I loved you so much and yet all I could think about was how much it would hurt to live without you. I regret that the one time you needed me, I was too scared to be there without taking a pill to give me the courage. Cuddy, I wish we'd talked about this before, it would've saved us so much grief but I have to tell you know so that you will know the truth. Actually you knew the truth, it's me who could never face it.

After you ended things between us, I lied to myself and said it was_ just_ about the Vicodin and convinced myself I was angry because you'd told me you didn't want me to change but in the end you did. It wasn't until later that I accepted the reality that you were right-I was afraid to feel pain-not just mine but the pain of others too. I should've talked to you about my fears but I just couldn't do it. Instead I closed myself off from you when you needed me most. You needed me to put aside my own concerns and be there for you and I couldn't do it like a normal guy. I am sorry I made you feel as if you were going through it alone. I am so sorry that I was afraid to feel your pain, I wish I had been there for you the way you deserved. I am so sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me.

By the time I realized things had to change, I think it was too late. The morning after the surgery on my leg, Wilson helped me out of my hospital bed to go to the bathroom because I couldn't walk. I was so pissed at myself-I never thought I would stoop so low as to take an experimental drug and then wind up cutting tumors out of my own leg. Wilson just looked at me and said something had to change. And I knew he was right. I'd finally decided I'd had enough of the misery and self-loathing and the abuse I'd heaped on me and most of all-you. It hit me that day that I'd pushed things too far. I hurt you beyond repair and I wanted to find a way to make amends and get back to where we were before we got together. Having you in my life, even as my boss, was better than not having you in my life at all. That day after lunch in the hospital, when you held my hand and told me you were sorry, I wanted to hold you and tell you how much I loved you, how much I'd _alway_s loved you and how sorry I was for hurting but then you asked me how I felt and at that moment-it hit me that the only thing I could feel was _hurt_. You broke my heart and I was hurt-and it was worse than any physical pain I've ever felt.

I'd hoped that we we might find a way to have that talk or that fight as you called it. I though our chance would come when Wilson stopped over at my apartment that afternoon. He suggested we go out for a few beers to get our minds off things. On the way out, I picked up your hairbrush and told him I wanted to drop it off to you on the way but it was just an excuse to see you and hopefully be alone with you to talk and sort out the mess. I figured Rachel was still in pre-school and I could send Wilson on his way. But when we arrived at your house, I walked to the front door and that's when I saw it-you with your sister and brother-in-law and that guy. You were smiling at him and you looked happy and something in me just fell apart. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut, ripped out my heart. That's the moment when it hit me that I'd lost you forever. Everything had changed and you were moving on and I was not a part of it.

I felt sick to my stomach and walked back to the car and told Wilson to get out. I just wanted to get away. I didn't care how far or how fast I drove, I just wanted out. I was done, tired of the hurt and the misery. When I was driving away though I was hit with this wave of sadness over what I'd lost not just with you but throughout my entire life. All the shit seemed to hit me at once and then the sadness turned to anger in a split second. I blamed my parents, Wilson, Stacy, you, and everyone else for my pain. Then I blamed myself. I became angry at myself for ruining every good thing I ever had in my life. That anger...it was like nothing I'd ever felt, it overwhelmed me and before I knew it, I turned that car around and started speeding back to your house. I don't even know why I did it, I still can't explain exactly what went through my head at the moment. My intention wasn't to hurt anyone. As I drove my car up into your yard it just seemed surreal, like I was on the outside looking in, watching all this happen from afar. After I walked away, I didn't feel anger or sadness...it was much worse...I didn't feel anything, _I couldn't feel anything_. I was numb. I don't know if it was the Vicodin, the shock, or what, I just remember everything seemed to be in slow motion. When I finally got to my apartment, it hit me. I started to panic realizing what I'd done and I packed what I could and I ran. I took a backpack and boarded a plane for the islands where I spent the next few weeks drinking myself into a stupor, getting high on Vicodin while you and Wilson were left behind to pick up the pieces.

I sat there night after night in that tourist trap alone and getting drunk and high every day, feeling sorry for myself. Then one night I dreamed about you and Rachel. She crawled into my lap and I read her a story just like that night at your house when Rachel had first done that. In that dream, it just felt right. When I woke up I knew what I had to do and so I came home. I had to accept the consequences for my actions. Nobody was going to save me and I didn't want them to. I wanted a quick sentence with no trial because you didn't deserve having your personal life thrown out there for the whole world to see. I called my lawyer, the one who defended me against Tritter, and I told him to take the first deal offered. Despite my request he still managed a plea deal.

The prison therapist tried to get me to talk about my feelings, deal with my emotions. I tried but I didn't know this guy, I didn't trust him. I faked my way through sessions but he probably saw right though it. Even in prison, as I dealt with the consequences of my actions I was still lying to myself and everyone around me. Later, at my parole hearing, I deflected from the truth of what I'd done and told them that when I drove my car into your home, I knew that Rachel was not home. The truth is that while I had hoped on my way to your house, that she was still in school, so we could be alone to talk, I do not think that thought occurred to me later when I committed the act. Actually, I don't know exactly what I was thinking at that moment. I lied because I could not face the reality that when I crashed my car into your house, I could have killed you. _All of you_. _  
><em>

You're probably thinking I should've served a longer sentence and I'd have to agree but eventually it was my time to go. When I found out I was getting out early, I was scared. Getting out meant going back to old habits and it also meant a new life filled with fear and loneliness. I was afraid of going back to that so I actually tried to sabotage getting out early, after all I had nothing left on the outside. I'd lost the woman I loved, my best friend, my job, my medical license and what little respect I had from anyone who cared about me. I couldn't even tell my own mother what I had done because I knew it would break her heart. I was scared to go back to my old world without all the things that had once held me together-most importantly, you. You were my saviour, you defended me and stood by me when no one else would. I never realized until later that made for a very unhealthy relationship and contributed to how things ended for us.

Not a day goes by when I don't ponder what might've been. Sadly, we went into our relationship with blinders on. We believed it could work despite the fact we both had so much baggage. We just ignored the baggage hoping it wouldn't become an issue but ignoring it just made it worse. We were so scared of being hurt that we didn't go all in. If we had, maybe we could've made it work. There's a reason we avoided a relationship for so long, we both knew what was at stake. We knew and yet we ignored it and look what happened. If only we'd known the kind of pain we would've inflicted on one another and that it would've ended the way it did...

As you know I've always believed people don't change but Nolan seems to think it's bullshit. He says anyone can change, they just have to really want it and work hard at it. He says that it doesn't matter if I fail, I have to keep trying. Since leaving prison, I've been clean and sober and though my leg still hurts like hell at times, Nolan made quitting the Vicodin a condition of taking me back as a patient. I didn't do it just for him though, I did it for me. For the first time in a long time I did something positive in my life just for me. I'm glad I did because even with the pain, I do feel better. Nolan helped me find a good physical therapist, his name is Vince and we've worked hard to find better ways to manage my pain. Most days are good, the pain isn't as bad as it once was but I have to keep up the therapy to keep it that way. Some days though, it just hurts like hell and I have to keep pushing ahead. I don't ever want to go back to the way things used to be. I can't. I just wish I'd done this years ago.

Cuddy, I've hurt you over the years more times than I can count. I've done things to you that I will regret for the rest of my life. I wish I could go back and change everything, but I can't. I will never be able to take back that awful day-what I did to you and Rachel. It forced you to leave your home, your job, your friends, everything you had built and accomplished. I ask myself how I became that man who ran his car into your house. The man you have known and loved half your life was not capable of what I did to you that day and yet I did it. I am so sorry for what I did to you, for how much pain I caused you. I only hope you've been able to move on to the life you deserve and that you and Rachel are happy. I put you through an awful lot of pain over the years, especially after we broke up. I was an arrogant, selfish son of a bitch and there was no excuse. I can only hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I suppose it's time to end this letter. I'm still not sure if I am going to send it, but if you're reading it, I guess you know the answer to that. Not that you will ever want to talk to me again but please know that if you ever want to talk about what happened, if you need to yell or scream at me-if it gives you closure, then I am ready for that, I expect it. In case there was ever a doubt, I have always loved you and I never stopped. I even loved Rachel too. She grew on me and I really cared about her. Cuddy, you were right when you said you hoped you made me a better person, you did. I was a better person for having known you and loved you and been loved by you. Thank you for bringing love and happiness to my life when I never thought I would experience it again. I wish I'd done a lot of things different. I realize now that I should have told you and shown you just how much you meant to me when I had the chance. I'm sorry that as always I waited until it was too late.

Always, House


	2. Chapter 2

It was a little before midnight and House, just having finished his letter to Cuddy, sat at his piano playing a variety of tunes, all reflecting a variety of emotions. He was actually in a somewhat calm and relaxed mood unusual considering how depressed he'd been as of late. House admitted to himself that maybe the letter writing was therapeutic. He felt somewhat better after writing it. It took him several hours to write and in the course of it he took several breaks to think. During those breaks he paced his apartment, ordered take-out, played a few notes on the piano, called Wilson for no reason other than just to wake him up, and poured a few glasses of scotch, which he nursed slowly over a period of hours.

House looked around his apartment thinking about all the things that happened there over the years. His eyes roamed over the furniture remembering what part each piece has played in his life. He was never one to collect just any piece of furniture or any book or object. Everything he had meant something to him.

He looked at the couch where he and Wilson watched football games and _"The L Word"_ and where Wilson slept many a night when one of his wives kicked him out of the house. He fondly remembered the nights Cuddy visited him and they ordered take-out and snuggled on the couch watching pre-recorded episodes of his favorite soaps. Cuddy thought the plots were ridiculous and made a point to ridicule the busty nurses with too much makeup as often as possible. House of course chastised her for ridiculing said nurses but his favorite part was dissecting the ridiculous medical plots. They enjoyed their time together though most of the time was spent at Cuddy's because of Rachel. The times House spent at the apartment were when he needed some alone time or he and Cuddy just wanted to be alone after a particularly rough day. During those occasions they'd asked Marina or Wilson to babysit so they could enjoy their time together.

House's mind wandered to Rachel. He didn't mind her. After a while he'd gotten used to her once they found something in common, which turned out to be cartoons. She was a cute kid and quite smart. She had the same pout as her mother and House had a hard time resisting the Cuddy pout

He took a drink of scotch, set it down and sighed. Looking around he admitted to himself that he would give up all of his possessions if he could have the one thing, or rather, person that would make him feel whole again. He wondered how she was doing. He walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out an old infectious diseases college textbook. He opened it up and took out a piece of paper and read it. It was the note Rachel and Cuddy left him when he was in the hospital recovering from the surgery on his leg. The note held so much meaning for him now than it did the first time he'd read it.

After the surgery, House had told Wilson he knew things had to change. He had been ready to try once again to make his life better. He was ready to repair the damage he'd done. He was ready to go into rehab and try again to rebuild his life. As Wilson helped him to the bathroom in his hospital room that morning, House knew what he had to do. He'd give Cuddy her space, he'd get himself together again and he'd go after her, proving to her once and for all he was the man she needed. He knew if he continued his self-destructive behavior, it would kill him. No matter how much hated life at times, he did not want to be dead. He placed the letter from Rachel and Cuddy back in the textbook and set it back on the shelf.

House resumed his place at the piano, played a few notes and thought about Cuddy. He could not figure out how he became the kind of man who could run his car through her house. _How could I hurt the one person I love more than anyone in the world? _He'd asked himself over and over 'd accepted responsibility, and knew what he did was wrong. He was also very aware of the fact someone could have been killed. What he doesn't understand is how he became the man committed that horrible act. Looking back it seemed like it was someone else who'd done that horrible thing. He felt a great sense of shame for his actions. He'd never had a violent streak and in the past he'd always hurt himself, not other people, when he was upset. Oh he'd lash out verbally at people, especially Cuddy and Wilson, but he would never do anything to intentionally cause them physical pain.

House was determined to try to fix himself but he felt conflicted. After all, if he could really fix himself, why didn't he do it when he was with Cuddy? He wrestled with that thought every day, thinking _I did try, I did dammit. I did the best I knew how to do and she dumped me for one pill. _Then out of the blue he recalled Wilson's words a few years back that sent a shiver down his spine. He'd said, "If you can't make it work with Cuddy, you can't make it work with anyone."

Thinking about the night of the breakup made him sad, angry, and finally confused. Even though he told Cuddy it wasn't her fault, looking back he realized that they were _both_ responsible. On one hand, he should have recognized that Cuddy had certain things about her that were difficult to change. She was a perfectionist and had certain views of how relationships should be and how people should behave. He knew that about her and yet he ignored it. He went into the relationship thinking he could be the same son of a bitch he'd always been and she would accept him. On the other hand, she told him more than once she didn't want him to change those things that attracted her to him. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable by trying to be someone he wasn't. She made a point to tell him often that she loved him for who he was but that was confusing sometimes because she would also say things indicating she wanted him to change. He wasn't always sure what she wanted, but then again maybe she wasn't sure either.

In retrospect he realized where they went wrong was that was they did not talk about their relationship. Talking about their feelings was just something neither of them was good at. They never sat down and talked about their hopes and expectations for themselves or each other. They never discussed where they wanted the relationship to go. House was certain the reason they didn't was because it would have forced them into thinking about their future together and that scared them both. They both needed to change a little for it to work, they needed to talk about it and meet in the middle. He knew he should have been more considerate to her; but at the same time she should have understood that the temptation to take Vicodin for his pain was a battle he fought every day. What they needed was to be there for each other and fight their fights _together._ Both of them had much to lose if the relationship didn't work out, but they were too scared to talk about it. So instead they went about their business day after day, hoping to keep the status quo, and completely ignoring the elephant in the room. In the end, the inability to communicate sabotaged their happiness. They embarked on the relationship with constant worries about what they would do to possibly screw it up. For them it wasn't a matter of _if _but _when._

Suddenly, House grabbed his cell phone and dialed Nolan's office number. He felt the need to talk to him sooner than his next scheduled appointment. When it went to voice mail, he left a message and hung up. He'd been seeing the psychiatrist regularly for months and they had been steadily delving into the underlying reasons that set into motion the chain of events which ripped apart two lives. House's hope was that Nolan could help him get to the core issues that tore him apart, so that he could live the kind he'd denied himself for years. It was exhausting, brutal and depressing at times but they pressed on.

House played a bit more on the piano and then, sufficiently exhausted he got up, turned off the lights and headed to bed, leaving his near-full glass of whiskey on the coaster sitting on his piano. He was already in his pajamas so he sat on the edge of his bed, opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out a framed photo. He smirked at it remembering when it was taken. It was the day Rachel attended the birthday party of one of the other little girls in the neighborhood. Rachel and the little girl had played together in the park and so the little girl's parents had invited her. Rachel was adamant about wearing a certain outfit that day, her favorite brightly-colored shirt which didn't match her favorite brightly-colored pants. Rachel's mother of course wanted her to wear a pretty little dress but after some tears on Rachel's part, Cuddy turned to House for help. House's reply was simple, "Just let her wear what she wants; let her be her own person."

Suddenly Rachel stopped crying as if she understood what he'd said.

Cuddy relented and before she left the house with Rachel, House had taken a picture of them for posterity. He'd told Cuddy that someday she would wish she'd had a picture of that moment but what House was really thinking was that he wanted to use it to embarrass the hell out of Rachel when she was older. Now, he was glad he had it for another reason, so he could remember the good times they had when the three of them were together.

House lay on the bed with his back against the headboard staring at the framed picture of the smiling mother and daughter, the former the most beautiful woman he'd ever known and the latter an adorable kid who had captured his heart in ways he could never explain. He traced Cuddy's face with his finger, let out a sigh and set the framed picture on his nightstand. He turned off the lamp next to his bed and settled in for another night of restless sleep, though since writing the letter to Cuddy, he felt just a little bit better than he had felt in a long time. He knew he had a long way to go but at least it was a start.

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><p>Thanks everyone! Reviews are love!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thanks to allthingsdecent for her valuable advice. Thanks also to everyone who has read this, reviewed and added it to their favorites/alerts. I am humbled that you like this story enough to keep up with it. BTW PJ's Pancake House is a real restaurant located in Princeton, NJ. If you've never eaten there you should! It's delicious.

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><p>It was Saturday morning and House was sound asleep. The morning rays of the sun streaked through the windows onto the bed showering his face and chest with warm bright light. It was the combination of that warmth combined with the ringtone of his cell phone which woke him from his peaceful slumber. At first he let it go to voice mail, but then the ringing began again and he knew it wouldn't stop. It was either Wilson checking up on him or the team needing his expertise. Knowing neither would relent until he gave in, he finally answered his phone.<p>

"House. It better be good," he grumbled.

"House?"

"He woke a bit more. No, it's your fairy fucking godmother!" Hearing Wilson's silence he yelled into the phone, "Oh for fuck's sake Wilson, who else would it be? Why are you calling me so goddamned early?"

"It's _nine o'clock_, I thought maybe you'd want get some breakfast, maybe go over to PJ's. You don't do anything other than go to work and home anymore. I just thought it'd be a nice change for you to get out." He added the clincher. "I'm buying."

House contemplated sleep versus the delicious stacks of pancakes that seemed even _more_ mouth-watering by the fact that Wilson was paying for them. _This_ was a no-brainer.

"Thirty minutes," he said before he hung up. House knew Wilson would want to talk. He wasn't good at talking about his feelings but he knew he had to start somewhere and even though Wilson was a mother hen sometimes, he was his best friend and had stuck by him through everything. One of the reasons House considered holding back was that he didn't want Wilson getting his hopes up just to be disappointed yet again. One thing House hated more than disappointing himself was disappointing the people he cared about. That circle of people was very small, actually only three to be exact.

Twenty minutes after hanging up with Wilson, House was showered, dressed and ready to go. Ten minutes later he and Wilson were sitting at PJ's Pancake House eating breakfast. As they sat across from one another in the booth, Wilson noticed House was unusually quiet. Finally, Wilson broke the silence.

"House what's going on? Normally you would have inhaled two plates of pancakes by now and demanding a third and here you've hardly touched the first."

House put his fork down, took a deep breath and said, "I've been seeing a shrink."

Wilson was completely taken by surprise. "Really? Wow. I...uh…gee...since when?"

"A few months," he said through a mouthful of pancakes. "It's Nolan."

"I'm surprised you went back to him."

"Me too but he is a halfway decent shrink." Seeing Wilson's unconvinced stare, he added, "Okay fine, he knows how to get to me, doesn't take my shit and I actually need that right now, are you happy?"

Wilson grinned. "Is it working?"

"Have I killed myself yet?"

Wilson gave House the _look_ and for once House got serious. " Maybe. Okay, yeah it is. We're talking...about...stuff. It's hard but I try. He suggested writing therapy too. It's supposed to help get out things I can't talk about. I'm supposed to talk about my feelings."

"So how _do _you feel House? I remember a time you told me you didn't feel anything."

"I didn't feel anything because I was so doped up on Vicodin. No more Vicodin and I'm still in pain. My leg _hurts._"

"Your leg _always_ hurts. No, I mean what do you _feel_? House, you've been through a lot this past year, don't deflect, just tell me the truth."

House sighed. "The writing helps, okay? No offense, I just don't feel like being analyzed right now, that's what I've got Nolan for."

Wilson held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, I understand. Listen, for what it's worth, I'm proud of you."

Wilson's admission took House by surprise. He mumbled his thanks and then decided to shift the conversation. "I'm also back in PT."

"Wait..what?" Wilson was shocked he didn't know this sooner, but House had been making a point to be by himself a lot in the past few months and Wilson hadn't wanted to push him.

"Nolan suggested I do something about the pain in my leg. He doesn't want me back on Vicodin. I don't either so I've been doing PT."

"Wow. I can't believe I missed this. How often? Is it working?"

"At times I'm sore all over but it takes my mind off the leg pain. I'm doing hydrotherapy with swimming and water exercises and I'm also getting massages and using the hot tub. A few times a week. Doing weights too. I go every Tuesday to the PT clinic in the hospital before my appointment with Nolan. I go back when I need to during he week for short sessions. They've got a clinic on the outside I work with too."

"Ahh that explains why you take every Tuesday off. You never told me."

"Surprised you never snooped."

"I figured you had your reasons." Wilson could hardly contain his excitement. "Wow House this is huge, you know that right? Off the Vicodin, seeing Nolan, physical therapy, this is amazing."

"Oh geez _mom_, can we just take this one day at a time? Don't make me sorry I told you." House picked at his pancakes, and Wilson got the feeling House wasn't finished but he didn't want to pry too much, he knew House would clam up for sure. So the two ate quietly for a few minutes until House finally broke the silence.

"Wilson, what makes you think it'll work this time?"

"Huh?"

"What makes you think I can finally fix myself? I couldn't fix my screwed up life for Cuddy so what makes me think I can do it now?"

Wilson didn't know if House could do it but as his friend he had to support him as he tried again.

"House I don't know if you can change. All you can do is try. If you fall down, get up and try again. Just don't give up. You're screwed up, so what? We _all_ are. But the problem you've had since before I've known you is that you have difficulty expressing yourself. When you're scared you run. You have issues you can't talk about with me, couldn't talk about with Cuddy, things you have kept inside for years. Keeping it all in has made you a bitter, hard, cynical ass, and if therapy is going to help you figure it out, more power to you. That you haven't given up is huge. You had a choice, live or die. You chose to live."

"I wrote a letter to Cuddy," he said, catching Wilson completely off guard.

Wilson nearly choked on his coffee. "What?"

"I wrote a letter to her apologizing and expressing my feelings to her…about a lot of things. Nolan didn't tell me to write her, he just told me to start writing anything, but the only requirement was that I be honest, otherwise it was useless. The first thing that came to mind was writing to her."

"Wow, well this is certainly unexpected."

"I just don't want her to think that I'm trying to give excuses for my actions before or after the breakup either. I'm responsible for what I did. I don't know if you know this but I told her it was not her fault."

"In the letter?"

"Well yeah but that last day, too. We met in the cafeteria for lunch; she wanted to know how I felt. I told her I was hurt, she said she was sorry and I told her it wasn't her fault. It wasn't you know. It wasn't her fault that I'm a son of a bitch who is afraid to feel pain, can't communicate my feelings, and who is so screwed up that...I couldn't even hold on to the best thing I've ever had in my life."

Those last words came out so softly Wilson almost didn't hear them. House was looking down at his plate, moving food around with his fork. It was thedmost serious and somber Wilson has seen him in a long time.

"So House, what are you going to do with the letter?" Wilson had told House where Cuddy was living and working but didn't think House had her actual home address.

"I'm going to eat it Wilson, what the hell do you think I should do with it?"

_"House."_

House sighed. "I don't have her home address. I was going to ask you but I'm afraid to send it…"

"…because you're afraid she'll either not read it or send a reply that makes you feel worse. Am I right House?"

"It's a shock we're not married the way you know me so well."

Wilson smiled. They sat quiet, both pondering their conversation.

"I love her Wilson. I'll always love her."

"I know."

The two men looked at each other understanding no words were needed at that moment. Then they continued to finish off their pancakes and coffee. Wilson decided it was time to break the silence with something a bit lighter. Besides, they had plenty of time to discuss his therapy and Cuddy later.

"So House, have you seen the new nurse in pediatrics?"

"Oh crap, should I be getting my tux dry cleaned in preparation for Mrs. Wilson number four?"

"I haven't even met her yet. I'm just saying she's easy on the eyes."

"Wilson I am so not throwing you a bridal shower so just forget it."

Wilson laughed. "Well I was thinking a spring wedding would be nice."

House just rolled his eyes.

"You know House, there's a monster truck jam coming up in East Rutherford."

House raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Now you've got my attention Wilson. Keep talking."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I thought it was about time we see what's going on a few hours away in the Cuddy household. Thank you again Max for your suggestions. Also thank you again to everyone who is reading and reviewing.

I think you should know this was the hardest chapter to write so far. I don't want to alienate anyone in regards to my portrayal of Cuddy's character. I wanted to be very careful about how I portrayed Cuddy's feelings about House.

Thank you everyone who is reading this!

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><p>It was a beautiful Saturday morning and a light breeze wafted through the windows of a cozy rented home on a tree-lined street in Cambridge Massachusetts. In the kitchen, Lisa Cuddy had just finished having breakfast with her precocious daughter Rachel. Cuddy had promised Rachel she'd take her to the park today and the little girl was so excited she could hardly contain herself. After breakfast, Cuddy cleared away the dishes and the two gathered what they needed and walked to the park. When they arrived, Rachel took off for the swings. She loved the swings.<p>

"Mommy, push me!"

"Ok honey. Hold on tight." Cuddy pushed her daughter on the swing but being careful not to push her too high. As she pushed her, she smiled at Rachel's laughter. Cuddy could never get enough of her daughter's laughter, so young and innocent and carefree.

"Do it like Howse!"

Cuddy was surprised. "Rachel what do you mean?"

"Howse used to push me higher!"

"I don't want to push you any higher honey, it's dangerous."

"But Howse did it and promised he wouldn't let anything happen to me."

Cuddy felt a lump in her throat. As she pushed Rachel a little higher on the swing, she began thinking about House. _When did House take Rachel to the park? He actually made her a promise that he wouldn't let anything happen to her?_ It must have been one of those times he'd babysat for Cuddy. Oh, he always complained about it but every time she came home, Rachel would have this huge smile on her face. Cuddy thought she was just happy to see her mother but now she realized it was entirely possible she was smiling because she'd had fun with House. Of course that misanthropic bastard wouldn't want anyone to know he actually enjoyed spending time with Rachel. Cuddy smiled for a moment and then her face became somber as she remembered why she was in Cambridge in the first place.

Rachel still often mentioned House and it was apparent the little girl missed her friend and playmate very much. It wasn't until later that Cuddy realized just what a positive influence he'd had on Rachel. Despite those annoying pirate cartoons, apparently he had read to Rachel, taught her medical terminology, and introduced her to his piano. Cuddy missed him too but was still shocked at his actions. In all the years they knew one another, she never would have dreamed he was capable of _that_.

Cuddy struggled with her feelings about House. One part of her was still so fucking angry at him while another part still loved him. When she thought of how much she loved him she felt guilty because she knew she should hate him. She spent as many nights cursing his name as she did shedding tears over her loneliness without him. House was the only man she ever really loved and so she was torn over what she was supposed to feel. She recalled that when she was with him she had let herself go a little crazy and be carefree and that had not happened since college. House had always made her feel young, vibrant, and sexy. She loved that he brought that out in her. She also secretly loved when he made her the focus of his attention, even if he was being a pain in the ass while doing it. More than anything, House made her feel loved especially when it was just the two of them alone. Nobody, not even Wilson, got to see the side of House that she did.

Cuddy had always considered herself a strong woman and was concerned about the mixed feelings she had for House. She confided in Wilson who assured her that given their history, her feelings were perfectly normal and she shouldn't beat herself up over it. He'd told her, "Cuddy, this is House we're talking about, nothing is ever simple and straightforward when it comes to him." She knew he was right.

She often wondered what was going through his mind at the time of the crash. He could have killed her. What if Rachel had been in the house? Knowing that House had never been the kind of person to harm her, much less a child, Cuddy thought maybe she and Wilson had missed clues pointing to something more serious. After all, they knew better than anyone about his emotional issues. When she talked with Wilson about this, he told her of the conversation he'd had with House just after his surgery when House made the somber admission that he knew he needed to change his life. When Wilson told her that, Cuddy had suddenly felt a sense of guilt thinking that it may have been House's incorrect assumption that Jerry was her date that caused him go over the edge. However, the more she and Wilson talked, the more they realized this wasn't the case. They had been his closest friends and for years they had tried to help him but in the end House alone was responsible for his actions.

"Mommy?"

Cuddy was brought out of her trance by the sound of her daughter's voice. Rachel had been calling her name because she was ready to get off the swing. "I'm sorry sweetie, mommy was just thinking."

"What were you thinking about?"

She smiled at her baby. "Oh, nothing."

Mother and daughter were having a blast. They built sandcastles in the large sandbox and Rachel begged her mother to let her play on the jungle gym. Cuddy watched Rachel like a hawk making sure she did not fall off the monstrous piece of steel playground equipment. Rachel was agile and coordinated and Cuddy was in awe watching her little girl move around on it. She wondered where she'd learned it and decided to ask her.

"Rachel honey, where did you learn to do that?"

Hanging upside down from the monkey bars, with her long brown hair swinging in the breeze and a huge smile on her face that stretched from ear to ear, Rachel yelled, "Howse!"

_So...what did you think? I'd love to know. Please leave a review. Anonymous reviews welcome!_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Thank you Max aka for her great advice. Also, thank you to all the great folks who have read and reviewed and added this story to your favorites and alerts. Here are some comments to some questions folks have had:

After a few hours of breakfast and conversation, House told Wilson he had some things he needed to do around the apartment so Wilson dropped him off and proceeded to run errands of his own. It was late afternoon and he was driving through downtown Princeton on his way home when his phone rang. He recognized Cuddy's number and pulled over to the parking lot of a strip mall so he could take her call.

"Hey Cuddy, what's up?"

"Wilson, how are you today?"

"Actually I'm fine, just dropped House—I mean I was just running errands."

"Wilson it's okay, you can mention his name, we've talked about him often enough."

"I know, it's just that I don't want to piss you off by mentioning him at the wrong time."

Cuddy knew she shouldn't care about what House was doing, but she asked anyway. "So what did you do this morning?"

"We had breakfast at PJ's"

"Oh I love that place, we used to take Rachel there, she'd eat the pancakes with her fingers and House would too and it was like watching two children eat instead of just one."

Wilson laughed. "Yeah that's House. So Cuddy what's going on?"

"I took Rachel to the park this morning, we had a great time, and it's a beautiful day here. She loves the park, the swings…" Cuddy left off abruptly as if lost in thought.

"Cuddy?"

"Oh sorry Wilson, it's just that the strangest thing happened this morning. Rachel told me how House used to push her high on the swing and promised her he'd never let anything happen to her. And then she was climbing the monkey bars Wilson and it was like she was born to play on them, she was all over them, never once falling and she was swinging and doing all kinds of acrobatic things and she wasn't even afraid."

"Cuddy, Rachel's just coordinated that's all."

"It was more than that…" Cuddy hesitated because she felt that lump in her throat again. In an effort to stop the feelings for the man who had obviously cared for her daughter, she closed her eyes and recalled the day House crashed into her home. Her voice suddenly became calm and the tears were abruptly halted. She continued. "I was so amazed watching Rachel on the monkey bars I asked her where she learned it and she told me House taught her. She talks about him often, remembering things they used to do together."

"Rachel's an intelligent little girl Cuddy not to mention it's not easy to forget a guy like House so it's not surprising. I don't know what to tell you. You know House had his moments."

Cuddy felt a twinge of anger rising in her. "I know Wilson. I know. And it pisses me off! It pisses me off that he could be so sweet and tender, giving me stuffed animals stolen from coma patients' rooms and then teach my daughter things, good things, I never knew about and then he crashes his fucking car into my house. I just don't understand it Wilson. How could he go from one extreme to the next?"

"I wish I knew Cuddy. I really do."

She relaxed a bit after having gotten that out of her system. "Wilson, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you accept him back into your life? I know we talked about it briefly some time ago and you know I'm not mad at you but I've always felt there was more to it."

Wilson was silent for a moment. He wanted to be honest with her. He closed his eyes, relaxing in his seat and hoped he could get her to understand. "It's hard to explain, Cuddy but I'll do the best I can here. House has done some rotten things to me and there were times I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him ever again. There were times he made my life a living hell. People would often ask me how in hell I could be such a good friend to a son of a bitch like House."

"Go on."

"Cuddy, you know about my brother Danny right? He's in a mental institution."

"Sure, House told me."

"Well, we were in college, he was an undergraduate and I was in med school. He was a schizophrenic but when he was on his medication he was doing well and functioning normally. He'd call me all the time wanting to talk and well, you know how it is when you're in med school, you don't have much time to do anything much less talk on the phone. One night Danny called wanting to talk and I had a huge exam I needed to study for. I abruptly hung up on him, then packed up my stuff and pulled an all-nighter at the library to study and avoid any more interruptions."

Cuddy could hear Wilson pause and take a deep breath. "It's okay Wilson, go ahead."

"The next morning my parents called and said Danny had run away. He just took off and left his medication and everything he owned behind. I never saw him again until I was sitting in a restaurant in Princeton, looking out the window and there he was, on the street, thin and tired-looking and looking like a homeless guy. I ran out and tried to follow him but I lost him. It's one of the reasons when House told me about the position at the hospital, I'd decided to apply for it. I'd hoped maybe I could find him again. The next time I saw him was in the mental hospital in New York. House went with me that night. I saw Danny but so many years had passed, he wasn't the same. He was barely coherent."

"I'm so sorry Wilson."

"The reason I'm telling you this is because for years, up until that night, I'd felt guilty for abandoning Danny when he needed me most. I put a lousy exam before the well-being of my own brother. I've always felt responsible for him running away. Now before you think I stayed friends with House out of guilt, that's not it at all."

Cuddy continued to listen as Wilson explained. The tension in Wilson's voice made it very apparent that this was a difficult discussion for him.

"The night we drove to New York to see Danny, House and I talked and he made me realize that I was not responsible, that it wasn't my fault, there was nothing I could have done to stop Danny from running away. House explained to me that we have to take care of our own needs and that me living my life was not the reason Danny ran away. Danny's problems were his own, granted he was mentally ill but his illness was not my fault and his running away was not my fault. For years I'd been living with the guilt over this. Nearly every single day I thought about Danny and I felt responsible for what happened. When House talked to me that night, when he said those words, it was the first time I felt the burden of guilt lifted from my shoulders. It was overwhelming Cuddy."

"Wow."

"Yeah. House was there for me when I needed him. He really believed what he told me about Danny, he didn't just say it for the sake of making me feel better. He believed it. It meant a lot to me and it made a difference."

Cuddy felt her eyes watering at this admission. "But Wilson this doesn't really explain why you allowed him back in your life again after he broke your arm that day he ran into my house. He physically hurt you Wilson, you could have been killed."

"I know Cuddy, but I wasn't. God I wish I could explain this in a way that makes sense. I feel a connection to House. It began the first time we met at that conference. It's insane that one moment I am so pissed off at him I want to strangle him and the next I want to hang out with the son of a bitch watching his stupid soaps and drinking beer. I don't understand it myself. There's only two people House has really ever let his guard down for and that's me and you. He's been there for me when it really counted, and not just with Danny either but with so many other things. When Julie filed for divorce, I was in denial. I moved into House's apartment because Julie had kicked me out. All the time I was hoping for a reconciliation but really I knew it was over, I was just afraid to admit it. House saw what it was doing to me and one night he just handed me the reality of the situation and as much as it hurt, I realized he was right. He helped me take that next step Cuddy. I've always been thankful for that. I don't know what I might have done if he hadn't forced me to accept the reality of my situation."

"That's incredible Wilson, I never knew that."

"A few years back I asked myself if I was House's friend because I felt sorry for him and that's when it hit me that I don't feel sorry for him nor do I feel pity. I like him because, well, he's so much _more_ than what other people see. You and I have seen him at his worst and his best too. We know who he really is and that scares him. No one would believe it if they knew the real House that we know."

Cuddy nodded her head in agreement. She knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I don't know if that answers your question Cuddy. I am sorry for being so long-winded, it's just when it comes to House, I stopped questioning why a long time ago. I need him in my life and he needs me. It sounds stupid and crazy and I know I'm screwed up for feeling this way but I know you know what that feels like."

"Yeah I do Wilson. I know you've told me this before but tell me again, tell me I'm not crazy for still loving the son of a bitch who could have killed me."

"Cuddy, you're not crazy. You're asking yourself what _others_ would do or feel in your situation and you're trying to fit yourself into that mold. I learned that a long time ago. You can't try and make yourself feel what you think you're supposed to feel or what you think others in your situation would feel."

Cuddy was helpless to stop the tears that began to flow. "Wilson, I could have forgiven him for all the stupid shit he did after the breakup. I was ready to forgive him and try to move on and work towards us being friends again. But how can I forgive him for this? I feel like loving him and forgiving him makes me appear weak. I have never been weak. I can't be weak. I have Rachel, I have to be strong, and I have to teach her to be strong too."

"Cuddy, you are not weak, nor have you ever been weak. You are a very strong and determined woman. I have never known anyone who could handle the challenges you have faced and come through them like you have. You are an incredible person and you are a great mother and friend and you were a kickass Dean of Medicine. Nobody is saying you have to forgive House for anything. But nobody is saying you can't either. It's okay to love him and hate him too. I've resolved myself to that. It's okay to remember the good times and laugh and remember the bad times and want to kill him. Please don't beat yourself up about what you think you're supposed to feel."

Cuddy felt a weight lifted. "Thanks Wilson you always know how to make me feel better."

"That's what friends are for. You know I've always been here for you and I always will be."

"I appreciate that." Cuddy sighed and took a deep breath. "Wow, this was an intense conversation for a Saturday afternoon wasn't it? I hope I didn't ruin your day with all this drama."

"Nonsense. For you, anytime."

"Wilson, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Cuddy."

"How is he?"

Wilson didn't answer right away. He wasn't sure how much he should say or if they should even be discussing this. "He's okay Cuddy. Do you really want to know how he's doing? I mean…"

Cuddy interjected immediately. "No, you're right Wilson. I shouldn't have asked." She added quickly, "Listen, I should probably check up on Rachel and see what she's up to. Let's talk soon."

"Sure. Call me anytime. And I mean that."

"You're a good friend Wilson. Bye."

"Bye Cuddy."

Cuddy hung up and let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. That was a much more intense conversation than she'd planned on having. It brought up a lot of things for both she and Wilson. She tried to let it all sink in as she looked around for Rachel and found her in her room with a coloring book. Pushing everything else to the back of her mind, she decided to spend some more quality time with Rachel. Sitting down on the floor next to her, Cuddy picked up a crayon and began coloring the page opposite the one her daughter was working so diligently on. Rachel looked over at her and said, "Don't forget to keep between the lines mama."

Cuddy just smiled. Wilson was right. Her daughter was one intelligent little girl.

Meanwhile back in Princeton, Wilson thought back on that rather deep conversation he'd just had with Cuddy. Cuddy had initially told him she never wanted to see House or talk about him ever again but it was she who brought him up in conversation just after House came back to the States, plead guilty and went to prison. While Wilson had promised never to bring him up, she would do it herself, time and time again. It was as if she cared but was afraid to admit it. He couldn't blame her. Nobody knew better than Wilson how much House really hurt Cuddy. His actions resulted in her decision to resign her position and move to another state. She didn't have to but she felt it was the right thing to do. Wilson tried to talk her out of it initially but in the end he understood that she needed a fresh start, everything in Princeton reminded her of House. She'd been unemployed for four months, not because she couldn't find a job but because she needed to regroup, have her house repaired and spend some quality time with Rachel. During that time she'd sent out resumes, interviewed and took her time finding a job that she liked. He and Cuddy had cried together the day she packed up her car to follow the moving van to Massachusetts, but he knew she would be okay. He'd never met a woman as strong and determined as Lisa Cuddy. He was thankful she wasn't that far away. They had been through a lot together and he needed her as much as she needed him.

The conversation with Cuddy made Wilson think about something they'd discussed, namely forgiveness. Wilson had forgiven House but he still knew how to hold a grudge. He realized that maybe it was time to forgive someone else, one who had broken his heart and hurt him deeply. As he pulled into the garage of his condo, he dialed a number on his cell phone.

"Hi, Sam, it's Wilson."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Many thanks to allthingsdecent and Cherokee Jedi!

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><p>Tuesday was therapy day for House. Every Tuesday he'd wake up early and cook himself a hearty breakfast then travel by motorcycle to Philadelphia to see Nolan. After his therapy session he'd make the one and a half hour drive back to Princeton for the weekly visit with his physical therapists who would work with him on a variety of exercises and ending with a number of laps in the indoor pool and an intense massage. While House had a standing appointment every Tuesday with his physical therapy team, he sometimes returned two or three times a week when he had time for additional swimming and massages because both seemed to help quite a bit. At first House was hesitant to combine his Tuesday therapy sessions into one day but Nolan suggested it might be good for him and it turned out the shrink was right. Therapy with Nolan could sometimes be intense and during the grueling physical therapy he was able to take his mind off the pain by focusing his thoughts on what he and Nolan had discussed in their earlier session. It worked every time because before he knew it, the painful physical therapy session was over. Since therapy took up most of his day, when he returned home, House liked to wind down by playing the piano, that is, if he didn't have a case he needed to tend to at the hospital.<p>

When House had entered his office a half hour ago, Nolan could tell something was bothering him. They began the session discussing House's physical therapy and things relating to the hospital but they didn't talk about anything personal. House became quiet as he sat in the comfortable recliner while Nolan sat across from him, legs crossed in a chair, looking at House intently but not wanting to push him. Nolan knew House well enough to know he would reveal himself when he was ready.

"Greg, your message the other night sounded pretty desperate; I'm sorry I wasn't able to call you back as I was out of town. Do you want to talk about it now?"

House sighed, closed his eyes and just lay back in the recliner.

"Something's obviously bothering you, it won't help keeping it inside."

"You know I'm not good at this baring your soul crap."

"Yes I know that, but you know that keeping things inside has nothing but negative consequences for you. You have to let it out."

"I took your advice."

Nolan laughed. "Which advice?"

"You told me to write, so I did."

"Good for you."

"Well, that remains to be seen."

"What do you mean?"

House leaned forward in the recliner and put his head in his hands. Nearly inaudible, he said, "I wrote a letter to Cuddy."

Nolan sat up straight, pondering this surprise revelation. House's face was still buried in his hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Suddenly and without warning, House removed his hands from his face and banged them on the arms of his chair and yelled "Of _course_ I want to talk about it! Why the hell do you think I'm here?"

House got up and started pacing Nolan's office. Nolan kept quiet and let House have his space. Finally House spoke again.

"She hates me. She has a right to hate me. I'm a sorry son of a bitch. If she hadn't left that room I could have hurt her or worse, I could have killed her." House sighed and leaned forward against the sill of the large picture window in Nolan's office which overlooked an expansive well-manicured lawn. He looked out expressionless.

"Greg, we've never talked about what made you drive into Dr. Cuddy's home. Don't you think maybe we ought to talk about it?"

"I wrote a letter to my ex-girlfriend who I could have killed and you want to talk about what happened that day?"

"Greg, it's pertinent. You're scared of sending it because you're scared of her reaction. I know how you feel about her. How can you expect her to understand what you were feeling that day if you don't understand it yourself?"

"I don't like thinking about it."

"I know. But you're going to have to talk about it if you want to move on."

"Damnit how _can_ I move on? I can't think about moving on. I don't deserve to move on. "

"Why don't you deserve to move on? Don't you deserve to have a life? To be happy?"

"Are you _serious_? Happiness is overrated, look where the hell it got me. I ruined a relationship with a woman I've known and loved half my life. There's no _point_ in trying anymore. Wilson was right."

"What did Dr. Wilson say?"

House was still haunted by Wilson's words from a few years back. "He told me I was scared to get into a relationship with Cuddy because if I couldn't make it work with her I couldn't make it work with anyone."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yeah I believe it. Cuddy was the last best thing I had in my life."

"You think that now but you don't mean it."

House was angry. "Of course I mean it! I don't _want_ anyone else." He sighed, looked down at the floor and his shoulders slumped. "She was the only one who really got me. She excited me, she made me _feel_ alive. I can't feel that anymore. I don't even know how. I don't even know if I want to..."

Nolan sat quietly just listening to House.

"I don't know what to do. She was a part of my life for so long. She was my conscience, she challenged me, and she was the only woman who didn't put up with my bullshit. She called me on it every time and she knew me better than I knew myself. For the life of me, I can't seem to understand why I did what I did to her. Why couldn't I be there for her when she was sick? Why did I crash my car into her house?"

"Greg something in you snapped that day, what was it?"

House just stood there continuing to stare out the window of Nolan's office. It was a very dark, miserable, rainy day and there was no chance of going anywhere yet. It was either talk or be stuck looking at Nolan's face until their time was up. Either way he was going to have to pay for the session so he might as well make good use of the time.

"I was angry."

"I know you were. But angry at who? And why?"

"Cuddy, me, my dad, Wilson, everybody, nobody…I have no fucking idea. I was just pissed off at the whole damn world. I just wanted to stop the pain, I just wanted to feel good again…feel like I finally had something meaningful, like I did….when I was with her. I tried so hard to be the guy I knew she wanted me to be. I tried to show her I loved her as often as I could. I watched her kid, cooked for her, I did little things for her…I thought they meant something. I thought she didn't want me to change. I'm not good at relationships; I don't know how to open up. She was okay with that. At least she said she was but she started getting pissy about the little things and then she dumped me. I know it's not her fault but in the end I don't know if she even knew what the hell she wanted."

Nolan just urged him on. "Please continue."

House took a deep breath. His thoughts and feelings were not organized; he was just saying what came to mind. "I hadn't planned to see her that afternoon. Wilson wanted to take me to a bar to get drunk and I used that as an excuse to see her. We stopped at her house so I could bring her the hairbrush she wanted back. I used it as an excuse to see her, be near her. I'd hoped just for a few moments alone with her, maybe we could talk. I really wanted to see her smile again…it had been so long. I looked in the window and she was smiling…at this guy, I didn't know who he was, I just knew she seemed happy and I….I felt like shit. Since the moment she broke up with me I'd felt like shit. I did all kinds of shit to fuck up my life after the breakup and while I wallowed in self-pity, there she was smiling. She'd told me she wasn't seeing anyone. All I could think of was how I couldn't move on without her and there she was moving on without me."

House kept looking out the window. "That should have been _me_ in there, not him."

"So you were jealous?"

"No. I don't think so. I don't know. I think I was upset that…that…" House looked down at his cane almost as if he were ashamed. His eyes were glassy.

"Go on Greg, this is important."

"All I know is that I loved her. I think I might have even cut off my right leg if I thought it might help us…our relationship. At that moment when I saw her…I felt like someone ripped my insides out."

They were quiet for a few moments while Nolan allowed House time to regroup.

"Greg, did you mail the letter to Cuddy?"

"Not yet."

"I can't tell you what to do but if you want to begin to heal maybe you should send it."

House remained quiet. He leaned on his cane as he stared at the floor.

"Greg, do you feel you were in your right mind that day?"

"I have no idea what mind I was in. I just know I was sad, angry, depressed and hurt. I didn't want to live anymore, I wanted to die. That's how I felt when she broke up with me, it's how I felt the day I crashed my car… into her house."

Nolan was listening intently. It wasn't often he could get this much out of House, he didn't want to push him too far but he wanted to get House to talk a little more.

"Greg, why did you turn the car around that day? Why didn't you keep driving?"

House gripped his cane tight it turned his knuckles white. "I was so pissed off. I was just so pissed. I could have cared less if I ran my car off a bridge. I just didn't care. And before you ask me if I wanted to hurt Cuddy…hell no, I'd kill myself first. I'd never…." He drifted off, staring into space, not finishing his sentence.

"Greg?"

"Isn't our time up _yet_? Don't you have someone else waiting to be saved?"

"We've got a few minutes left. How about we change the subject?"

"Fine."

"How's the anger management going?"

"Seriously? This is how you change the subject?"

"Greg?"

"It's fine."

"Have you figured out why you're angry?"

"Gee, that's an opening you could drive a truck through. Let's see, my daddy didn't love me, my mother didn't hug me enough, and I can't have normal relationships, what the hell do you think?"

"I've known you long enough to know you harbor resentment. You're still angry about your leg and you're angry at your father."

House looked at his watch and rolled his eyes. "Am I paying for this rehashing of the obvious?"

"Greg, do you harbor resentment at Dr. Cuddy for the role she played in your disability?"

"She was just doing her job."

Nolan just stared at him waiting for a real answer.

"Ok fine, I forgave her for that a long time ago. Cuddy comes from a long line of guilt-ridden Jews, I felt it was time to let her have some peace on that issue."

"How about your father?"

"He had nothing to do with my leg."

"You know what I mean. Are you still angry at John House for the way he treated you?"

"Kind of hard to be mad at a dead person."

"We can keep talking in circles here or we can just get to the point. Are you still angry over the way your father—"

"He _wasn't_ my father!" House interjected.

"Fine. Are you angry over how the _man who raised you_ treated you?"

"You could say that."

"Are you angry at your mother for not protecting you?"

"Oh God I knew this was going to come back to my mother."

"Greg, I believe that a lot of your issues can be traced to your childhood. Your inability to open up, to have normal healthy adult relationships can be traced back to the relationships you had as a child. At some point we should talk about it."

House seemed on the verge of defeat then looked at his watch. "Oh gee doc wouldn't you know it? Our time is up. And I was so getting into this conversation. Sorry but I gotta run."

"Okay but we will continue this next time. I'm proud of you. You are making progress."

"Yeah, yeah, same time next week oh wise one?"

As House opened the door, Nolan placed a hand on his arm and stopped him. "Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to mail the letter?"

"You'll have to tune in next Tuesday and find out." And with that he left.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone reading this. Please leave me a review even if it's anonymous. Just let me know what you think! BTW I made a slight change in regards to Foreman's position. IMO what I have written is more realistic. I'd like your feedback on it!

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><p>It was Thursday and the week had gone by rather quickly for House. He divided his time between a couple of cases, clinic duty and his diagnostics seminar. It was no secret House hated clinic duty and he'd been fortunate that Foreman, in his position as Interim Dean, had offered House the opportunity to conduct a two-hour Diagnostics seminar once a week in exchange for a reduction in clinic hours. House hated lecturing but he hated clinic hours more so he was quite receptive to this offer. Besides, less time spent in the clinic meant less time around Foreman, who had become a real pain in the ass. It seemed that ever since the neurologist had been appointed Interim Dean after Cuddy's replacement Dr. Valderrama dropped dead from a heart attack, he had been a thorn in everybody's side, extremely demanding and was more obnoxious than ever before. Rumor had it that Foreman's appointment had something to do with his friendship with a few of the board members. Some also speculated that it didn't hurt with respect to donors that Foreman was African-American. House had not known Valderrama because he died before his return to the hospital however Wilson informed him that the man, while not in Cuddy's league as Dean, had indeed been a likeable individual and competent administrator who had previously served as Chief of Pediatrics at the University of California San Francisco Medical Center, one of the top teaching hospitals in the world.<p>

It was around six in the evening and House had just ended his three-hour stint in the clinic. For some reason his mind was churning and he wasn't ready to deal with the solitude of his apartment quite yet. He decided to check the emergency room for possible cases. As he perused the patient files at the nurse's station, he noticed a couple who looked to be in their late thirties sitting outside one of the ER rooms. The woman was crying and the man was holding her, stroking her hair and trying to console her. It seemed the more the man tried to give her words of comfort the harder and louder she cried. House was annoyed by the incessant crying yet as he watched the man attempting to comfort the woman, he became curious.

House walked over to one of the nurses working nearby and asked, "What's up with that couple over there?"

Without paying much attention to the annoying diagnostician, the nurse just waved him away and said, "House. Not right now. We're really busy."

"Just tell me what happened."

She took him by the arm, led him to a private area nearby and whispered quietly, "Their daughter died."

"Oh let me guess, teenybopper OD's because mommy didn't love her enough?"

"House!"

"Well?"

The nurse sighed, leaned forward and said in a whisper, "I heard that they were crossing the street after leaving a park and their daughter dropped her teddy bear. She pulled her hand away from her mother's for just a moment to run back and get her bear when she was hit by a car. She was thrown and hit the pavement. She suffered severe head trauma and died en route. I don't think anyone could have saved her."

House was speechless.

"House?"

"Oh sorry. Uh...how old was she?"

"Five. She was five years old. Their only child too. It's so sad. They've been sitting there for almost two hours already, the mother won't leave. It took her husband an hour to get her out of the room so we could clean up the little girl. It's just heartbreaking." And with that she walked away.

House just nodded his head and turned towards the couple. He could hear the sobs of both parents now as they held each other. It was then he noticed the father was clutching a stuffed teddy bear in one hand as he held his wife. House felt a lump in his throat. Though he didn't have any children of his own, it didn't mean he didn't feel bad for them. He may be a son of a bitch but he wasn't a monster. In an unusual move, he walked over to them, cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Excuse me. I'm Dr. House. I work here at the hospital and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss."

The father looked up at House with red-rimmed eyes and said, "Thank you" before returning to consoling his distressed wife.

Later, House went down to the morgue to see the little girl and when he walked in it was not difficult to spot her, the small body lying under a sheet on a gurney near the wall. He walked over to the gurney and gently pulled back the sheet. Suddenly he felt a chill up and down his spine. The little girl, who had been cleaned up by the nursing staff, had straight shoulder length brown hair and pale skin. The shape of her face, her cheeks, her nose, reminded him of another little girl who was about her age. As he secured the sheet back over her body, a tear made its way down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away as if it never happened.

House limped back to his office and pulled out a bottle of scotch and his coffee mug. He was about to pour but stopped, putting the cap back on the bottle, pushing it away. He wasn't in the mood to drink, not tonight. He also didn't want to be alone. There was something he had to do. He pulled his phone out and dialed a number.

Twenty minutes later, Wilson was sitting on the couch in the living room of his condo as he heard a key in the lock. He didn't look up as he knew who it was. House closed the door behind him, threw his backpack and leather jacket on a chair and limped his way over to the couch, sitting beside Wilson. Neither man said a word. Tension filled the room and finally Wilson asked House, "Do you want to talk about it?"

House leaned forward holding his cane, with his chin resting on top of his hands. He wanted to talk but he wasn't even sure where to start. After a few minutes he said, "A five year old girl was hit by a car and died in the ER tonight."

"House, I'm sorry."

"What's to be sorry about Wilson? She wasn't _my_ daughter?"

"Obviously from the sound of your voice over the phone, this is bothering you. I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." Wilson went back to his reading.

House leaned back on the couch, dropped his cane on the floor next to it, closed his eyes and sighed. Wilson knew House wanted to talk but he knew he'd talk when he was ready.

"She was five fucking years old."

Wilson closed his book, turned to House and listened.

House fumbled with a pillow on his lap and muttered "She was hit by a car. Head trauma. Never had a chance."

Wilson said nothing.

"I told her parents I was sorry. Me? Sorry? Go figure. I've seen kids die before. It's no big deal."

Wilson could tell it was in fact a very big deal.

"I didn't even know her."

"It doesn't matter, it was a _child_ House. Children don't deserve to die young."

After a few more minutes, House broke the eerie silence. "She reminded me of Rachel."

Wilson sat there looking at his friend. House seemed so terribly affected by the death of a child he didn't even know.

"House, it's okay to feel bad about this little girl. It's okay to think about Rachel too. You miss her."

"Wilson, I need you to do something for me." House got up from the couch and went into the hallway where his jacket lay on the chair. He brought the jacket back and took something from the pocket. He resumed his seat on the couch and handed the item to Wilson who opened it and realized it was the letter House had written to Cuddy.

"I need you to mail this to Cuddy."

"House. You're _serious_. You really want to send it!"

"You seem surprised."

"Well, I wasn't sure if you were really going to do it. I didn't want to pry."

House smirked. "Oh that would be a first when the oh-so-kind and caring Dr. James Wilson doesn't want to pry into my life!"

"House. Be serious."

"I _am_ being serious!"

"Why do you want _me_ to send it?"

"First, if I think too much about it I might be too scared to do it" he said as he looked down at his shoes as if embarrassed by the revelation. "Second, you have her address and when she sees your handwriting on the envelope, she won't throw it away before opening it."

"House? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I owe it to them…to Cuddy and Rachel to tell them how I feel...about what I did to them. I've been debating this. It's time."

"Does this have anything to do with that little girl who died tonight?"

"I don't know. Maybe. All I know is seeing that kid in the morgue...she shouldn't have been on a cold fucking slab under a sheet. She should have been at home, safe, drinking warm milk, listening to her mom reading her bedtime stories. I mean one minute she was playing with her parents in the park and the next she's dead. What if it had been Cuddy who took Rachel to the park and she ran back to grab her doll or something and was hit by a car? It could have been Cuddy sitting all alone in the ER crying over her dead daughter. She was their only child. It's not fair."

Wilson was clearly stunned by House's revelations. "House, you're the first one to say life isn't supposed to be fair."

House just looked at Wilson with a raised eyebrow. "Seriously? Of all the times you have to quote me?"

Wilson smiled as he got up from the couch and went into his study. He knew it was not easy for House to admit his feelings and he had a long way to go but he was proud of him for trying yet again. Wilson pulled out his address book and an envelope, addressed it to Cuddy and placed the letter inside. For a moment he wondered if Cuddy would be mad at him for helping House by sending the letter but he disregarded that knowing Cuddy couldn't stay mad at him long. He knew firsthand that House was doing everything he could to try and fix himself and if writing a letter to Cuddy was part of that, so be it.

After placing the stamped envelope on the kitchen counter next to his briefcase so he could mail it in the morning, Wilson returned to the couch with two beers, handing one to House. "So…monster trucks or El Fuego de Amor?" he asked.

House just smirked and replied with a knowing look, "What do _you_ think?"

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><p><em>Okay folks! Consider the letter mailed! I'd planned to mail it all along, I just wasn't sure how I wanted it to happen. This story isn't planned out. I simply sit down once a week and think about what I want to write and write as I go. I want it to be realistic and believable and if it seems like I'm taking my time with it, it's because I am. I want to do this right.<em>

_Thanks again everyone!_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Many thanks to allthingsdecent for her eyes and V for her expertise as a physician and for willing to assist me with a differential! 

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><p>On Friday morning around ten o'clock, House entered the Diagnostics Conference Room. As he tossed his backpack onto a chair and took off his leather jacket he greeted his fellows, all but one. The short, slightly bald and incredibly annoying member of his team was noticeably absent.<p>

"I'm guessing Taub's on baby daddy duty again?"

Adams replied without looking up from her texting. "He called and said he'd be running late, the sitter hasn't shown up yet."

House rolled his eyes. "Boring. Okay little ones; do we have a case for papa today?"

He smirked as he watched the reactions of his team. Chase just shook his head and laughed. House liked Chase; the Aussie had grown on him over the years. Chase respected House's sense of humor and his unusual methods of diagnosing patients and Housed appreciated that Chase was torn at times with wanting to do the right thing versus breaking the rules to save lives. House looked over at Park and Adams and noticed they had not laughed at his greeting. He wasn't surprised. They just didn't get him. He had tried via his most unusual methods to bring them into his world but neither was very accepting. Park, while she was an intelligent young woman, was very quiet and introverted. Having come from a very strict upbringing, she did not often question authority and she had little if any sense of humor. House mused to himself that on those few occasions Park thought she was funny he'd wanted to pull his hair out. Her sense of humor was extremely dry and worse, she was boring as hell. If it weren't for her unusual thinking outside the box at times, House would have fired her long ago. Then there was Adams. There were times when House liked Adams because she sometimes reminded him of himself when he was younger, in the sense that she showed a passion for helping people and was willing to push boundaries to get answers. Yet there were times Adams was annoying as hell. It wasn't her wanting to do good that bothered him it was that she was doing it out of the guilt she felt for having been born into a privileged wealthy family. House couldn't respect people whose motives were driven purely by guilt.

Finally he took a seat at the head of the conference table as Chase gave him a file and a general rundown.

"Forty-five year old female is complaining of abdominal pain, adrenalin rush, depression, feelings of discomfort, fatigue and inability to focus."

House interjected. "God I'm feeling depressed and uncomfortable listening to this. Can we move on to the exciting stuff?"

Chase rolled his eyes then continued, "For years she's experienced intense abdominal pain. After she got married about ten years ago, she was admitted to the hospital, put on a nutritional IV and the pain went away. Doctors told her husband she was just trying to get attention and to take her home. The pain continued, he'd take her to the hospital, same thing. The doctors told her nothing was wrong with her. She got pregnant two years ago and the symptoms disappeared only to come back about a year later. One of her doctors diagnosed her as a diabetic a few years back and put her on medication. Months later she was so depressed she wanted to kill herself. Her PCP suggested she see a shrink and she's been visiting one for the past year but she's still suffering from depression not to mention other symptoms."

With the list of symptoms still being doled out by Chase, House had a feeling it was going to be a long day. With a sigh, he threw Chase the dry-erase marker and the team began tossing around all the possibilities.

Meanwhile, a few hours away at Massachusetts General, the teaching hospital of Harvard University's Medical School, Dr. Lisa Cuddy was finishing her morning lecture on Patient Care Services as part of the hospital's Administrative Fellowship Program. She enjoyed the lectures because she enjoyed sharing what she learned in her experience as Dean at Princeton-Plainsboro. She also enjoyed being able to split her time between lecturing in the program and seeing patients in the Endocrinology clinic. Cuddy had arrived at Mass General with an excellent reputation and impeccable references and the general feeling among her colleagues was that she would no doubt be an asset to their already prestigious institution, especially in their fellowship program.

On her way back to her office after the lecture, she was stopped by Dr. Sharon Carr, a colleague who had become a very close friend in the time she'd been working at Mass General. Sharon's husband died two years ago and she was raising her daughter alone. Hannah was a year older than Rachel and the two girls often played together as their mothers sat drinking coffee and musing about life.

"Hey Lisa, feel like some coffee and a chat?"

"Sharon, I'm so sorry I didn't call you this weekend so the girls could get together. I had some things to take care of and I got sidetracked."

"It's okay, happens to me all the time. Ask Hannah how many times a day she rolls her eyes at me because she'll call my name and I'm in la-la land thinking of something else. Shit happens, no big deal. Come on, I'm buying."

"Sure, but I'd like to dump the lab coat and grab something warmer before we go."

When they arrived at Cuddy's office, Sharon waited while Cuddy checked her voice mail quickly and changed into her winter coat. Sharon glanced at the photo of Cuddy and Rachel on her desk, one she'd seen a hundred times since Cuddy began working there. It was a beautiful photo of mother and daughter. Rachel was wearing an obnoxiously brightly colored shirt and both had gorgeous smiles and a glint in their eyes that seemed to just jump out at anyone looking at the photo. Sharon mused that perhaps the look was for the person _behind_ the camera. Out of curiosity she asked Cuddy, "Lisa I just love that photo of you and Rachel, there's just something so special about it. Where was it taken? Was it a special occasion?"

Cuddy had just put on her long winter coat and her back was to Sharon as she buttoned it up and tied the sash. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and looked at Sharon and said, "Yes, it's a very special photo."

Sharon suspected there was more to it but didn't ask. Instead she said, "Come on let's go. Coffee awaits and I'm dying to walk in this gorgeous weather!"

As the two women left the building and headed to the coffee shop, they were quiet, just absorbing the sounds of birds chirping and the rustling of the few leaves that remained in the trees. It was really a beautiful day. As they walked, Sharon was caught up in her own thoughts and Cuddy was thinking about the picture on her desk. She remembered every detail of when and where that was taken. More importantly, she remembered who took it and why. She and House were getting Rachel ready for a birthday party and Rachel, as usual, was being difficult about what to wear. Cuddy had chosen a cute little dress and patent leather Mary Janes but Rachel would have none of that. She insisted on a grotesquely bright colored shirt and pants that did not match, both of which House bought for her. Rachel absolutely loved that outfit because House had picked it out for her one day when he took her for ice cream and she begged him to stop at the kids clothing store nearby. Of course Cuddy _never_ would have bought Rachel that ugly outfit and it didn't take Cuddy long to figure out that's exactly why House bought it for her. Sometimes House enjoyed being the "anti-Cuddy". Rachel loved that outfit and in the end, Cuddy loved him for buying it for her. Before leaving for the birthday party, House insisted he take their picture, telling Cuddy that someday when Rachel was a teenager and being a royal pain in Cuddy's ass, she would want to look back and remember the moments in Rachel's youth when the problems that seemed so significant _then _were really nothing compared to what lay ahead.

"Lisa you're awfully quiet."

"_Lisa?"_

Cuddy was brought out of her trance. They were standing in front of the coffee shop and she'd been sporting a slight smile on her face and didn't even realize it.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"Let's grab some java and you can tell me about it."

They grabbed their coffee and chose a table outside and sat down. Cuddy looked down at her coffee and remained quiet. Sharon looked at her friend and guessed what was going through her mind at the moment. Sharon had known about House since Cuddy's first month at Mass General. They'd become fast friends and Cuddy needed a girlfriend to talk to and despite the fact that sometimes Wilson resembled one, he wasn't enough.

"Lisa are you thinking about _him_?"

Cuddy sighed and looked up at Sharon. She couldn't lie and in fact she didn't want to. "How on earth...? What would make you think that?"

"After I asked you about that picture, you smiled in the same way you smile on the few occasions you've talked about him, especially moments involving he and Rachel together. Does that picture have something to do with him?"

"Yes, he took it" Cuddy said as she fondly remembered the moment.

"Lisa sometimes when you've talked about how difficult he was at the hospital, you get that same smile you have on your face right now." Sharon paused before continuing, "I'm so sorry he hurt you like he did. If I ever meet him I'll kill him for you."

Cuddy laughed. "No, no there's no need. I wanted to kill him once and God he made me cry for a long time after what he did, but now I'm okay. They say time heals all wounds and I guess it's true. I know I should hate him but I don't. I think about what we had both been through together and damn we went through so much, not just in the relationship but over the course of the years we knew one another. When you know someone half your life, it's not that easy to finally give in to what you feel and it's even harder to give it up. It was a difficult time for both of us. I still get angry sometimes that he ruined what we had but we both contributed to that mess. No, he should not have resorted to driving his car into my house and that was not my fault but I'm telling you, I've known that man a long time and the guy who drove his car into my house is not the same guy I knew all those years. One of the things I still don't understand is what was going through his mind, what snapped. That act...it was just so unlike him. Before that he had never been violent with me, never done anything to physically harm me or Rachel. I know he wasn't like that with Stacy either."

Sharon took a sip of her coffee and listened to her friend.

"House is without a doubt the most unusual person I've ever met. I mean half the time I loved him, half the time I wanted to strangle him. What the hell kind of relationship is that?"

"Why were you so attracted to him if he made your life so crazy?"

"It's hard to explain. You know how we met, you know about our relationship. It's just that from the moment we met in college, it was like some unseen force drew us together. No matter how hard we tried to stay away we just couldn't. It wasn't just about sex, although there was a lot of tension…oh yeah _lots_ of that." Cuddy had to laugh recalling the years of pent-up sexual tension between the two of them. She continued, "It was something else. He was just so intelligent and he could pick up on the most subtle things. He could read people; he understood them, their motives. But he was so damn screwed up. He had a lousy childhood and he'd never talk much about it. Then Stacy, I told you about her, she dumped him after the infarction. He and I…it was like we knew each other all our lives. When we finally got together it was amazing. He was intense, passionate, devoted, loyal, and possessive. He wasn't possessive in the obsessed sense; it was more like he wanted the world to know I was his and he was mine. He was proud to show the world that the misanthropic cripple won the girl that all the other guys wanted. At least that's what he told me once."

Sharon smiled and continued listening to her friend pour her heart out.

"Am I crazy?"

"Oh hell Lisa, if you are, then the rest of us are too. Relationship are complicated. Feelings are complicated. This guy sounds insane and no doubt what he did was very wrong but from the way you've talked about him in all the time I've known you, he sounds like one of a kind. As for him being screwed up, welcome to the club. Hey you've told me enough about your own family life that I know it wasn't the most functional when you were growing up."

"Oh hey, if you want to see dysfunctional, meet my mother, she's the queen. I don't even know _how _my sister turned out so perfect considering we grew up in the same household."

"Julia does seem as if she has it together but you know everyone has their own share of problems."

"Oh noooo, not Julia. She's perfect. Mom's favorite. Perfect husband, perfect kids, beautiful home, a job she loves, lots of money, friends, everyone loves Julia."

"Are you _jealous_ Lisa?"

"No. It's just sometimes I wish my life had been as easy as hers. She doesn't have to fight for anything; it just falls in her lap."

"Do you wish you had her life?"

Cuddy stared down at her hands which held her coffee cup. She answered honestly. "No, I don't. It just seems like Julia's got everything I ever wanted. I worked hard too. Why does everything I want have to be so hard to get? "

"I don't know Lisa. Forgive me if it sounds cheesy but you know that old saying 'good things come to those who wait' rings a bell right about now."

"God Sharon that is so fucking cheesy."

Sharon laughed. "So what is it Lisa Cuddy _wants_?"

Cuddy sighed then got up from the table and walked a few feet over to a beautiful hundred-year old tree that had lost its leaves for the winter. With her back to Sharon, she looked up to the sky and threw her hands in the air. Suddenly turning towards Sharon, waving her arms wildly, she shouted, "I want to be loved! I want to love! I want to feel passion! I want to break the rules sometimes and _not_ feel guilty! I don't want to always feel like I need to be in control! I want to do crazy things every now and then and not be scared! I want to enjoy life, I want to feel _alive_! I just want to be whoever it is I'm supposed to be."

When Cuddy finished, she looked exhausted, like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Sharon couldn't help but laugh. Cuddy put her hands on her hips waiting for an explanation.

"_What?"_

Sharon shook her head and explained. "Sounds like you're starting to find out who you really are Lisa, it's a good start. Now do you mind if I share an observation?"

"What's up?"

"I think you love that son of a bitch. He drove you crazy, he went back on Vicodin when you needed him most, drove his car through your house, caused you to uproot your entire life and move here but you still love the bastard. I am not judging you here okay? It's just during those moments when you actually talk about him your eyes get a twinkle in them and your cheeks flush. You just got that look again, just now talking about what you want out of life. For all the shit he put you through, that miserable bastard made you feel _alive_."

"I know, believe me, I know." Cuddy paused for a moment before continuing. "Sharon what he did was wrong. He committed a violent act against me. As women we're taught that we deserve better. If a man acts out against us in such a manner, the last thing we're supposed to do is to love him or want to be with him."

Sharon just smirked and said, "I _know_, I watch Lifetime movies too."

"Wilson told me that I should stop trying to do what I thought other women would do in my shoes. He said I should stop comparing myself to other women and instead just do what_ I_ want to do."

"Wilson is a smart guy."

"Oy vey" was all Cuddy could manage as she let out a deep sigh. This conversation had worn her out, especially when it had anything to do with House.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. Listen honey, you're not the only person who has been through this. Okay most of us don't have an ex who ran their car through our house…" before she could continue Cuddy just gave her this annoyed look.

"Okay I'm getting to the point, which is that you need to understand you can't have that perfect life you dreamed of when you were younger. You of all people know by now it's not a fairy tale, sometimes it's just downright hard, sometimes it just sucks. But life is too short not to be happy. It's also too damn short to settle for anything less than what you want."

"Easier said than done and really Sharon, you and Al had it made. I mean from what you tell me, he was the best."

Sharon laughed so loud; a few people at a nearby table gave her a look. "Listen Lisa, Al was a great guy. He was a good husband and father, but he could be a real asshole at times. He made me laugh but he made me cry too. I can't tell you how many fucking tears I shed over fights with him. I never had to worry about him cheating on me, but there were times he had to be in control, it was his way or no way. We were both very strong willed and stubborn and there were times neither of us would give in. We were married years before Hannah was born and there were times I wanted to give up. But just when I was ready to, I couldn't. I didn't want to be a statistic or feel like a failure. And honestly, he made me laugh, more than anyone else I'd ever been around. There was a side to him others didn't see. My parents thought he was an asshole at times but I told them they just didn't see the things in him I saw. When Hannah was born he showed a soft side with her I'd never seen. I try to measure people by whether they are good or bad. Al was a good person. He had a good heart. He had his share of faults but he was not a bad person. We were married ten years and dated for two before that and to the day he died I still didn't know everything about him and honestly, I never told him everything about myself either. I always held something back. It's hard to open up your whole life to someone because once you do you can't go back and if you lose that person, you don't ever want to open up to anyone again. All I can say is looking back, as time goes on I only seem to remember the good times. I guess time really does make a difference. What I know is this…I want Hannah to know that her dad, despite all his faults, was at heart, a good person."

Cuddy stood there in awe watching and listening to her friend. In the time she'd known Sharon she never knew that her relationship with her late husband had been so complicated. It dawned on Cuddy that she spent so much of her time thinking everyone else had the perfect life she'd always craved, underneath it all nobody had the perfect life at all. In fact, she was becoming fairly certain it didn't even exist and in some twisted way that thought made her feel better.

Sharon got up and took both their cups to toss in the garbage can and as she did so, Cuddy thought to herself, _God I'm such an idiot._ Without realizing it she let out a chuckle.

"What are you laughing at missy?"

"Oh nothing." She linked arms with Sharon and said "Come on girlfriend, time to get back to work."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who is reading this story. Anyone, including non-members and those wishing to remain anonymous can leave reviews. Special thanks to **Cherokee Jedi** for giving me an idea and then giving me the feedback I needed to work it into this chapter!

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><p>It was early Sunday evening and House had returned home for the first time all weekend. He'd spent all his time at the hospital with the team and the forty-five year old wife and mother whose acute porphyria <em>might<em> have been diagnosed sooner if Adams and Park had taken a better history and the patient would told them she'd been suffering from certain pertinent ailments since her childhood. It annoyed House to no end when patients, for whatever reason, did not disclose a complete medical history. It pissed him off even more when his team didn't do their job. There were moments he really missed Chase, Thirteen, Foreman and Cameron. Alas, despite the obstacles involved in solving the case, it was solved and that was all that mattered.

Sitting on the sofa, in his pajamas with a glass of scotch in hand and feet up on the coffee table, House closed his eyes and leaned his head back thinking about the events of the past week. Between therapy, cases, clinic, and lectures, the previous week passed rather quickly and he hadn't had much time alone. _Maybe that was a good thing,_ he thought. It kept his mind off his leg pain and kept him from thinking about Vicodin. He'd been clean since leaving prison and he was determined to stay that way. While House enjoyed time alone, it seemed that since returning home, he didn't want to be alone as much as he did before. He found himself spending more time with Wilson and at the hospital. He laughed to himself as he thought about the fact that he might have actually changed. _People don't change_, he thought. That belief had been the basis of many arguments over the years and he shuddered to think that if he actually were changing, it might make him a hypocrite and if it was one thing he despised, it was hypocrisy. Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by the phone. He was so relaxed he contemplated not answering it, but he thought it might be the team so he picked up.

"House."

"Greg?"

"Hi Mom."

"Honey, how _are_ you?"

"I'm good mom. This is a surprise."

"What? A mother can't call her favorite son?"

"Mom, I'm your _only_ son."

"Oh Greg, how are you doing? I mean _really _doing?"

"Mom…" House sighed. He hadn't talked to his mother since the day he was released and even then they hadn't discussed anything about what happened. He was almost glad that he hadn't been the one to break the news to his mother that he'd been incarcerated. He'd been grateful that Wilson called her a few months after and told her what happened, though avoiding specific details, leaving that for House.

"Greg? Are you there?"

"Sorry mom. I'm…I'm good, just taking one day at a time."

"Greg, I think it's time we talked but I don't want to do it over the phone. I'd like to see you if you have time."

"Mom, I'm really busy and I don't want you having to interrupt your life for me."

"Greg, please, it's fine. Since your father…well I do what I want when I want and I really want to see you. It's important. You're my son and I miss you. Please Greg."

She didn't sound pleading, but House could tell his mother really missed him. House never could resist his mother. She'd always been good to him, protective, and nurturing. She was the only reason he stayed sane throughout his fucked up childhood. He owed it to her. "Okay mom, when were you thinking of coming here?"

The next day House limped into the hospital earlier than usual. As he picked up his messages at the nurse's station he took a peek over to Foreman's office hoping he was in there because it meant he wasn't roaming the hospital and that meant House wouldn't have to deal with him. Unfortunately, Foreman looked up just as House looked into his office. That prompted House to move as quickly as he could towards the elevators. Too late, Foreman was already at his side.

"House! I haven't seen you much lately."

"Well you do pay me to do a job."

"Yeah but I haven't had as many complaints as usual, which is very suspicious."

"What can I say? I'm trying to be a model employee."

"A bit late for that don't you think?"

"Is there a point to this taskmaster, because I've got a hooker waiting in my office for a little morning delight."

"You need to keep up with your clinic hours. You skipped a few last week."

"I was busy."

The elevator doors opened and House stepped in. Unfortunately Foreman followed him. "You were asleep, in the morgue of all places."

"Well, it is the quietest place in the hospital."

"I just want you to do your job."

House sighed. Was Foreman this annoying when he worked for him? "I _am_ doing my job. My job is to save lives, which makes the hospital look good, makes people want to donate, makes you look good, and then you get a nice big fat pat on the back by a bunch of stuffed shirt assholes in suits. Isn't that what you want _boss_?"

Foreman just glared at House. "Just please do your hours and don't make me have to come looking for you."

"Yes _Master_, may I go now?" he asked, not waiting for a response as he exited the fourth floor elevator and headed to his office. God, he hated Foreman in this position. Not only was he no Cuddy, but his ego was more inflated than ever before. House laughed quietly to himself. No, Foreman was no Cuddy but what he wouldn't give to spike Foreman's drink sometime, dress him up in a tight suit with heels and get a picture of that. House mused, while the vision of Foreman dressed as a woman was very disturbing, it would make great blackmail material, and at least it'd keep the bastard off his ass for a few months anyway.

House decided to make a pit stop at Wilson's office before his own. Without knocking, he opened the door, and made himself at home on the couch across from Wilson's desk.

Without even looking up, Wilson said "Foreman is looking for you."

"Yeah I know, he cornered me in the elevator and preached to me all the benefits of clinic duty and how it would mean so much to him if I showed up for all my hours."

Wilson looked at House with a raised eyebrow then continued writing in his patient's chart.

"What the hell is it with him and Adams anyway? Why in hell do those two think if I do more hours I'm going to suddenly become Mother Teresa?"

"I don't know House. Maybe they have this weird idea that helping people makes one a better doctor or maybe a better _person_?"

House put a hand over his eyes and sighed "Oh God not you too."

Wilson put down his pen and looked at House. "Why are you here? Last I checked you had a very nice office of your own, complete with new furniture and a stocked bar. What could I have that you possibly want?"

"Can't a guy visit his bestie every once in awhile?"

"House, we see each other so much people are starting to talk."

"It's nothing I haven't heard before, besides whom do you think started the rumors?"

"Seriously. Why are you here?"

"Why am I ever here?"

"You want to talk."

"I hate talking."

"You're miserable and you want to wallow in it."

"They say misery loves company."

"I'm not miserable House." Wilson sighed and leaned back in his chair. House lay on the couch with his hands over his eyes.

"Something's up with you. You solved your case, you should be well…your version of happy, which means you should be slightly less miserable than usual. So what's wrong with you?"

"My mom called last night."

"And?"

"She wants to visit."

"What's wrong with that? You and your mom get along fine."

"Of course we do, we live in different states."

"House, you've always gotten along with your mom. Admit it, you just hate talking about personal things and your mom wants to talk about…well…personal things."

"Exactly."

"Again, what's wrong with that?"

"Uh hello? She's my _mom_."

"Oh shit House, grow up. You _knew_ this was going to happen sooner or later. I intentionally didn't go into too much detail with her about what happened with you and Cuddy because I just felt it was something you needed to do. Knowing you'd gone to jail was hard on her. You never even replied to her letters. You didn't even talk to her until you were released. You _need_ to talk to her now. She deserves to know what happened, don't you think?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not so good at this talking thing. It's what got me in trouble in the first place."

Wilson nodded that he understood. "I know House. Listen, she loves you and she wants you to let her in. Don't you think after all these years it's about time? She's not going to be around forever you know."

"Oh God I can't believe you just played the aging parent card. That whole Jewish guilt complex is a beautiful thing to behold, it's a work of art really, but I'm on to you" he said as he shook his finger at Wilson.

Wilson knew when House deflected it meant he was venturing into uncertain territory and didn't want to talk any more on the subject so he went back to his patient charts.

House just lay there on the couch contemplating. He knew Wilson was right and after all it was too late to do nothing because he'd already made arrangements with his mother to visit. He'd known this had to happen sooner or later. The truth was he loved his mother very much and it hurt him to disappoint her. His mother had always had high hopes for him, always been his biggest supporter and fan and House was embarrassed that his mother knew what he did to Cuddy and that he'd been in prison. It brought back all those feelings he had when his father used to tell him how useless he was and how he would never amount to anything. Suddenly he sat up, too soon though because his leg was hurting. He began to feel a little panicked from all the thoughts running through his head.

Wilson picked up on the tension. "House are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need some air," and without saying another word he was gone.

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><p>Later that evening, Cuddy arrived home with Rachel asleep in the back of the car. It had been a long day for both of them as Cuddy had stayed late at work and Sharon picked up both girls from school and taken them back to her house. She woke Rachel, unbuckled her then led her into the house and straight to her bedroom. Rachel was barely awake as her mother changed her then tucked her into bed with a goodnight kiss. "I love you baby" Cuddy whispered as she walked out of the room and closed the door.<p>

After she changed into yoga pants and a cardigan she set the heat a little higher and headed to the kitchen to make tea. She suddenly realized she hadn't gotten her mail yet so she ran out to the mailbox in bare feet and grabbed the mail, running back into the house shivering. The temperature had dropped very quickly in the last few hours. She glanced through her mail and noted it was nothing interesting, just the cable bill, a couple of pieces of junk mail and…a letter in handwriting she immediately recognized, with Wilson's return address in Princeton. She smiled as she thought it was nice Wilson had mailed her a letter rather than emailing or calling like he usually did. Just as she was getting ready to open it, the kettle whistled and she poured herself a cup of tea. Grabbing the letter she went into the living room and made herself comfortable on the couch. As she opened the envelope, the phone rang. She really didn't want to talk to anyone and that thought was reaffirmed as she saw the number on the caller ID. It was her mother's cell phone number. She closed her eyes and sighed. During their last conversation which was about a week ago, her mother had gone ad nauseam about how Julia's husband Michael, a partner in a prestigious law firm in New Haven, had been elected president of the Connecticut Bar Association. Cuddy closed her eyes and decided to answer the phone, she could always tell her mother she was tired and would call her in a few days. She set the letter back on the table and picked up the phone.

"Hi mom" her voice had a monotonous tone.

"Oh Lisa, thank God you're home."

Cuddy was immediately concerned. It sounded like her mother was…._crying._

"Mom, what's going on? What's wrong?

"It's Michael. He had a heart attack."

"Oh my God. What happened?"

"I don't know, he was at work, a board meeting or something. He just collapsed. The ambulance took him to the hospital but he had another one on the way. There was nothing they could do."

Cuddy's thoughts immediately went to her sister and three children. "Mom how's Julia? Is she okay? What about the kids?"

"When we got the call from the office, I was having dinner with Julia and the kids and I told her I'd stay here with them while she went to the hospital. We weren't sure if the kids should be there. It's a good thing they weren't because your sister went into hysterics. One of Michael's partners rode in the ambulance to the hospital and he brought her home. She was in hysterics, the kids were scared. She had some valium in the medicine cabinet; I gave her a couple so she could calm down. Don't worry it's a low dosage but enough that it knocked her out."

"Where are the kids?"

"The kids are in the bedroom with Julia, they didn't want to leave her alone."

Cuddy sighed trying to control her tears. She couldn't even imagine what her sister and the kids were going through right now. "God mom this is awful. I am so sorry. Listen I got home just a bit ago but I can get Rachel up and we can bet there by midnight."

"That'd be great if you could be here for your sister but it's late dear and honestly there's nothing you can do, nothing any of us can do right now. Why don't you two leave in the morning instead? I think Julia's going to be out for awhile anyway. When you get here tomorrow we can start making arrangements. "

"Okay mom."

"I love you and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Love you too mom." Cuddy hung up the phone still stunned over this recent turn of events. Michael was dead. That was just hard to believe. He was only 45 and had always been healthy and robust and athletic. Never one to sit idle he always had to be doing something, it was one of the things that attracted Julia to him so many years ago. He loved to work and he was good at it. That dedication and hard work that fueled his rise at the law firm and likely would have propelled him to a judgeship eventually, at least that's what he'd hoped for someday. Now, there was no someday, nothing but a long, cold eternity. Her thoughts immediately went to Julia and the kids. How on earth would they get through this? Cuddy recalled how badly it affected she and Julia when their father died. But they were older then. Still, losing a parent is hard at any age.

Cuddy tried to control her emotions as she got up from the sofa and went into Rachel's room where her little one lay sound asleep. She pulled the covers back over Rachel, who had a habit of kicking them off in her sleep. She kissed her on the temple and left the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She went back in the living room and paced, not sure what to do. Cuddy felt sure she should be doing something constructive, after all how could she relax when her sister just lost her husband, the love of her life? It didn't seem fair, they were so happy, had a wonderful family. It just didn't seem fair at all.

Cuddy contemplated cleaning to relieve her anxiety but she felt drained and decided to spend the night on the couch snuggled up with her grandmother's afghan. She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, listening to the comforting tick-tock of the grandfather clock in the hallway. As she relaxed, her mind recalled the memory of a night when a certain handsome, snarky diagnostician crawled into bed next to her and held her close under the covers as she cried, just hours after he'd saved her mother's life. As a tear slipped from the corner of one eye, she drifted off to sleep. The letter she was about to read when she received the phone call, remained on the coffee table, half opened. It would have to wait until later.

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><p><em>Please review! It means an awful lot to me!<em>


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Thank you everyone who has read and reviewed this story. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your comments.

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><p>Michael and Julia had always insisted to their families that upon their deaths, they should be buried the next day or soon after if possible. They wanted the family, especially the children, to be able to begin the process of moving on. So, in accordance with his wishes, Michael Rosner's funeral was scheduled for late Tuesday afternoon, one day after he passed away.<p>

Cuddy had wanted to get an early start to New Haven so she could spend some time with her family before the service. Unfortunately, leaving early wasn't possible because Rachel had pitched a fit about not going to school that day and Cuddy needed to explain to her what happened in words a child could understand. Cuddy told her that "Uncle Mikey" had gotten very sick and the doctors couldn't help him and he'd gone to Heaven. Rachel didn't understand the concept of Heaven and asked many questions and so it took some time for Cuddy to explain death to her the best she could. While this was the first time Cuddy had to explain the concept of death and dying to Rachel, there was another time she had to touch on the issue briefly with her daughter. It had taken place a couple of years earlier when Cuddy had rushed House to the hospital after the surgery he'd performed in the bathtub. Rachel was very shaken by that experience and when they arrived home finally after House was moved into a room, Rachel had asked Cuddy if House was going to die. Cuddy held her close and cried and reassured her House would be okay. Rachel had become very attached to House and so after Cuddy put her to bed that night, she'd overheard Rachel including House in her bedtime prayers.

As Cuddy pulled into the drive of Julia's home around ten-thirty in the morning, Cuddy noticed several cars she did not recognize. She assumed they were friends, neighbors, and Michael's family. She got Rachel out of her booster seat, grabbed their overnight bags and proceeded up the front steps of the very large and luxurious home. Before she could knock, Arlene opened the door and with her usual sarcasm said, "It's about time you made it."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Not now mom, I had to talk to Rachel before we left so she wouldn't be scared."

"Oh Lisa, you don't have to baby her."

"Mom, she's just a child. She doesn't understand these things like we do." Cuddy was annoyed that her mother's bitchiness hadn't taken a day off under the circumstances.

"Okay dear, whatever you say. Come in, it's cold out there."

Cuddy entered the house and found her sister and gave her a hug. "Jules I am so sorry. I don't know what to say but if you need anything…" She left off there because she didn't know the right words to say that would comfort her sister.

Julia's eyes were red rimmed and teary. "Leese, I'm so glad you're here. I just can't believe he's gone. He was fine yesterday morning, he seemed fine. I mean he didn't show any signs. I keep asking myself if I missed something but I know I would have noticed." Julia began rambling and at that moment Arlene rushed over and began comforting her giving Cuddy a look as if she'd said something wrong to upset Julia all over again. Cuddy knew that maybe Julia needed their mother more than her right now besides she didn't want to deal with an overbearing Arlene. In times of crisis, her mother tended to take over and become bossy and Cuddy didn't want to deal with that.

Cuddy walked into the kitchen and found Julia's three children sitting at the breakfast nook with Rachel. When they saw their aunt, they ran to her giving her big hugs. They were good kids and had always been very good to Rachel. Their eyes were red and they looked very tired. Cuddy grabbed a mug of coffee from the counter and sat at the table with Rachel in her lap while she spent some time with her niece and nephews consoling them and asking them about their lives and talking a lot about their dad. It was apparent those kids loved their dad very much. At that moment, Julia walked into the kitchen alone and asked Cuddy if they could talk, just the two of them, for awhile. The kids offered to take Rachel outside to let their mothers have some time together.

Cuddy grabbed her sister's hand as they sat across from one another, both with tears in their eyes and neither knowing what to say. Julia spoke first. "Leese, it seems like only yesterday we were sitting at your table and I was consoling you while you broke down in tears. I never figured you'd be doing it for me."

Cuddy recalled vividly the night she broke up with House and sat at her dining room table for hours crying nonstop while her sister tried to comfort her. Jules had never been there for Cuddy more than she had that night and she was eternally grateful she could be here when Julia needed her now.

"Jules, I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. You and Michael, you…you were together so long. None of us expects to deal with this...not when we're still young."

"It all seems like a dream. I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and none of this will have happened. This morning when I woke up I just expected him to be here. When I realized he wasn't here I just didn't know what to do. He's always been here, what am I going to do Leese?"

Cuddy didn't know how to answer that question so she stood up and put her arms around her sister's shoulders and held her close as the both grieved for her loss.

Earlier that morning in Princeton, House was in Nolan's office for his weekly therapy session. He hadn't slept well the night before and contemplated cancelling his appointment but the nagging little voice in his head told him not to. He needed routine in his life and his visits with Nolan were part of it. He knew that screwing with the routine, especially when it was working would be dangerous for him. House lived with the constant fear that any sudden changes in his life would send him into a downward spiral so he was constantly looking ahead to anticipate problems in an effort to avoid them. It was a very stressful and difficult way to live but he knew if he slipped again, he may not live through it. He couldn't afford to take that chance.

"_Greg,_ did you hear me?"

"What?"

"I was talking to you. You just zoned out. You okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"Anything you want to discuss?"

"Well it is the reason I'm here now isn't it?"

"If you want to go in a circle again that's fine with me, you're paying for the session."

House leaned forward, hands on his cane, chin resting on his hands. He was about to open up a big can of worms. "My mother called me the other night. She wants to see me."

"Does that bother you?"

"I've successfully managed to avoid seeing her since my father died."

"Why is that?"

"I like it that way."

"You don't like your mother?"

"I love my mother."

"Then why don't you want to see her."

"Do we really have to discuss my mother?"

"You brought it up."

"Yeah I was hoping you'd forgotten that."

"Greg, as I've said to you before I firmly believe many of your issues are deeply rooted in your youth, there's no time like the present to discuss them. Look around, it's just you and me. I'm not taking notes, there's no tape recorder. Nobody will ever hear what goes on in this room."

"It's not my mom…it's just that…if I spend any length of time in her presence she's eventually going to want to talk about _him_."

"And?"

"I'm afraid if she starts talking about how much she misses him and how he loved me in his own way, I'm going to freak out. I don't want to hurt _her_ because I hate _him._"

"Greg, we've never discussed this before, at least not in detail, but why do you hate your father?"

"He wasn't my father."

"He raised you."

"Yeah. Raised me." House said it so softly that Nolan hardly heard him.

"What did he do to you?"

House got up and began pacing the room. Nolan knew when Greg did that it meant there was something really bothering him.

"Greg it's okay."

House suddenly turned to Nolan and yelled, "NO! IT'S NOT OKAY!"

Nolan was taken aback by this unusual display of emotion. He could see Greg's face turning red and the knuckles on the hand holding his cane had turned white. He was shaking. He encouraged him to relax.

"I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to listen to you and help you make sense of things. I know this will not be easy but it's built up inside you for years. Someday you are going to need to talk about it."

House hung his head; he seemed defeated which again was unusual for him. Finally he sat back down in the recliner, laid his cane in his lap and said, "He never thought I was good enough. As far back as I can remember he was a son of a bitch. I tried. I tried so hard to get him to like me but he just didn't….." his voice trailed off.

Nolan encouraged him to continue.

"Everything had to be perfect. The household was structured like a military organization. He'd bang on the wall of my bedroom at four in the morning to wake me up for school. He'd check my bedroom and bathroom to make sure they were spotless and if they weren't I'd have to spend hours in there cleaning the tile grout with a toothbrush. Everything had to sparkle and shine, my clothes had to be perfectly pressed. My mother was not allowed to do any of this for me; _he_ believed a man had to learn to do things on his own."

Nolan sat back in his chair and listened. He was getting a much clearer understanding of why Greg House was the man he was.

House continued. "If I was late to dinner because I was at practice or a friend's house, he wouldn't let mom give me dinner. He'd order her to throw it away and make me watch. Later my mom would sneak food to me. He'd make me get up at four in the morning in the winter and do calisthenics in the backyard in just a tee shirt and shorts. He'd give me ice baths to make me show I was a man and could handle pain. He made me sleep outdoors on cold nights to toughen me up."

Nolan was speechless and he realized just from those few revelations Greg looked exhausted.

"Greg there is no excuse for your father's behavior. Let me ask you, did _you_ ever attempt to rationalize his behavior?"

"I did when I was a kid. Once I figured out he wasn't my dad, it occurred to me that maybe he knew it too and took his anger out on me because of it. I don't know if he ever knew for sure but I thought maybe he did and that was why he hated me. Of course, I was nothing like him so I figured it must have been a relief for him to know that _he_ hadn't screwed up. "

"How did you know he wasn't your father?"

"Certain hereditary things. Also, after he died I ran a DNA test and confirmed it."

"Do you know who your real father is?"

"Yeah. A friend of the family."

"How do you know?"

"Well, the most telling sign is that we have the exact same birthmark in the exact same place."

"Wow." That was all Nolan could manage at that moment. He knew how perceptive the man was but he never imagined that at a young age Greg would have figured out John House was not his biological father.

"Yeah, wow. That's what I thought too."

"Were there ever any good times with your father?"

House paused a moment immersed in deep thought. "Yes."

"Would you like to share them? "

House became quiet and leaned back, eyes closed as if in meditation.

"It's okay Greg we don't need to talk about that now." Nolan was patient, he knew he needed time. Nolan tried something else.

"Greg, do you blame your mother?"

House thought about that before speaking. He really hadn't given it much thought.

"No. It wasn't her fault. I remember her paying a lot of extra attention to me after he was mean to me. And when dad had to take trips or go on maneuvers mom and I spent a lot of time together. She taught me how to cook, play piano, and iron my own clothes and a lot of other things. I often wonder why she put up with him. Maybe she felt guilty for having cheated on him, I don't know. I just know that my mother saved me. You think I'm screwed up now? Imagine what I'd be like if she hadn't been there for me."

This information was a lot for Nolan to absorb. Gregory House was a misanthropic son of a bitch but he wasn't that way because he wanted to be, he was that way because of his life experiences. Nolan sighed as all this new information came forward from House. It took nearly a lifetime to make him this way; it will take a long time to make him whole again. He really liked Greg, he respected him too and he silently thanked God that Greg hadn't given up.

Nolan decided to subject abruptly so as to help House relax a bit. "So how's the writing?"

"It's okay I suppose. I was busy last week so I didn't have a chance to write much. I wrote some music."

"Really?"

"Yeah, just random things that came to mind."

"Good for you. I know how much you love music. You should play more. Even if it invokes sadness, music is a great way to express your feelings. I know you hate talking, but I would encourage you to play more if you can."

House didn't say anything but nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"I almost forgot to ask you if you mailed the letter to Dr. Cuddy."

"Yep. Wilson mailed it for me."

"So now we wait."

"Yeah" he sighed. "Now we wait."

Nolan continued. They had a few minutes left and he thought it might be good for House to continue talking.

"Greg?"

"Yeah."

"At least consider talking to your mom about your dad. Maybe it can help you forgive."

"Forgive?"

"Yes forgiveness is a powerful thing."

"Why would I want to forgive him?"

"The point of forgiveness isn't about the other person so much as it is about you. Holding on to bitterness and anger can cause a great many problems. Being able to forgive those who wronged you is a crucial part of your healing. You cannot forgive someone until you have fully felt the pain that person has caused you. Greg, you have been feeling this pain most of your life. It's time to let it go."

"You think if I forgive my dad I can just forget?"

"Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting. You'll never forget Greg but forgiving your dad, should you choose to, may lift a great burden you've been carrying around for most of your life. It would be good for your physical and emotional health and allow you to sustain better and longer lasting relationships. I don't think you realize the extent to which this anger has manifested itself in your life through your actions."

House got up and began pacing the room again. He went to his favorite place, the window, which seemed to help him clarify his thoughts as he looked out. "I'll have to think about it. Right now I'm not ready to forgive him."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"If I said no would that stop you?"

Nolan chuckled. "No, it would not."

"Shoot."

"Has anyone ever forgiven _you_ for anything?"

House wasn't expecting that question. _Had anyone ever forgiven him?_ He'd wronged a lot of people including his team, but the only people whose forgiveness really mattered to him were his mom, Cuddy, Wilson…_and_ Stacy. He thought about them. He'd been very mean to Stacy in the last months of their five-year relationship and he wondered if she ever forgave him for it. Wilson had forgiven him for Amber's death, he'd told House as much. Cuddy had told him one night as they snuggled on the couch together that she had forgiven him for lashing out at her and telling her she'd suck as a mother. She had also surprised him by forgiving him for walking out on her the morning after their amazing night together in college. He thought to himself, _there are so many things I've done wrong to Cuddy and Wilson, how could they forgive me?_ As far as his mother went, he knew he could have been a better son. He'd never told anyone but he was ashamed that he had let his mother down; that he had done something so heinous that he had gone to prison. His mother was a good and kind woman and raised her genius son better than that. What his mother thought of him weighed heavily on House's mind.

"_Greg?"_

"Sorry, was just thinking."

"About?"

"I used to think forgiveness was overrated."

"Given everything you've been through these last couple of years, do you still think that?"

"No."

Later that evening after the last of the guests had paid their respects and gone home, Arlene cleaned up the house while the Cuddy sisters spent some time with their children at bedtime. Arlene kissed both her daughters goodnight and left them on the couch in front of a fire. They sat quiet and felt comforted by the warmth that enveloped the room. Cuddy opened her mouth to say something but Julia said, "Hold that thought!" and she ran barefoot into the kitchen. She returned with a rather large bottle of wine and no glasses. Cuddy was surprised as her sister seemed so proper, she couldn't imagine her drinking wine out of a bottle. It had been a long day with the funeral service and then the gathering at Julia's home where friends and family ate and drank and remembered Michael. Julia had enjoyed having so many people at her home honoring her husband's memory but she was exhausted by the end of the day. She needed something to relax her and was thankful for the unopened bottle of wine her mother had brought over for Thanksgiving.

Julia relaxed on the couch and picked up the open bottle, taking a swig. "Leese, thanks for being here for me and the kids today. I can't tell you how much it means to me. This morning it all seemed unreal but now it's beginning to sink in."

"I know this sounds corny but things will get better. Hang in there, you've got great support and if mom doesn't drive you crazy she may actually be good to have around here for awhile."

Julia laughed. "Mom can be such a pain in the ass but really she's been great. She took care of so much today and she was so great with the kids. Funny how sometimes we can't stand her but the kids just love her to death. "

Cuddy grabbed the bottle from her sister, took a drink and chuckled. "Oh that's because they don't know her like we do. If they knew what mom was really like, they'd run for the border. You see, that's the beauty of being a grandmother, the grandkids get all the good, none of the bad." And with that both sisters laughed and took turns taking swigs from the bottle of wine.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, just enjoying the peace and the fire. Out of the blue, Julia asked, "Can I do this Leese? Can I make it own my own? Michael made sure that financially we would never have to worry but I'm talking about…can I survive without him? I feel like my heart is broken."

Cuddy didn't know how to answer that. She understood having a broken heart but not like this. "Oh Jules, you are stronger than you know. You've always been that way. When Michael worked long hours, you took care of three kids and a household not to mention you got your real estate license and worked part-time too. You did a lot for your family and you did it well. You should be proud. I _know_ this is hard, I can't even imagine what you're going through but I know you will make it, I know you will. I've never told you this but you are a lot like mom. Mom held us together when dad died and you will hold your family together now too. I know you will."

Julia looked at her sister and smiled, "_You_ were always the tough one. I remember dad used to brag about you to his friends. He always told them how you were going to make it big someday in a man's world and damn sure enough you did it. I put on a good façade sometimes but when you've got a husband and three kids depending on you, what else can you do? I had to be strong, I didn't have a choice."

"You did have a choice and you always made the right one Jules. Don't underestimate yourself."

"It was easier when we didn't have kids because it was just us and nothing to lose but having kids…changed everything didn't it? We have to protect them, they depend on us."

"Yeah. I try to protect Rachel so that my problems don't become hers."

"But sometimes they do and there's not much we can do about it. My kids are teenagers now and I tried to shield them from our problems. When Michael and I would fight, I hated that they had to hear it. Kids don't understand adult problems and so they worry."

Cuddy was surprised at her sister's revelation about fighting with her husband. "Fighting? You and Michael? I don't believe it."

"Oh wow Leese, where have you been?" She laughed a bit which was a relief for Cuddy to see her sister be able to laugh. "Michael and I have—we had our share of fights. He thought he was right, I thought I was right. Mom used to tell me someone had to give but I didn't want to. I'd given in so many times early in our marriage that later on I just decided it was his turn. He could be somewhat of a control freak at times and well to put it bluntly he could be an asshole too. But I'll admit I could be a bitch and I had my own way of doing things. Now I feel guilty about thinking that about him. Actually, I'd give anything to fight with him again. I know that sounds absurd but really I would."

Cuddy was quiet. She really didn't know what to say to that.

"If he was such a control freak and an asshole at times, why did you stay with him?"

Julia laughed. "Because I loved him and he loved me and because when things got tough, we knew we could rely on that and build from there. Oh Leese, this is why you've always had such a hard time with relationships." Cuddy looked at her as if offended and Julia caught on quickly. "Please don't be upset, I wasn't trying to criticize you." She took her sister's hand. "Before you get upset, let me explain. You were always the one who had high standards and wanted the best of everything. I admired that in you, you never wanted to settle for second-best. But I think sometimes that hurt your relationships with men because you'd get scared and run the first sign of trouble you'd run."

Cuddy sighed. She didn't want to admit her sister might correct in her assumption. "I don't know where I got that stupid idealized vision of relationships. Mom and dad weren't perfect so where did I get it from?"

"I don't know Leese, I just don't know. Look, there are pros and cons in everything in life _especially_ relationships. Everyone has their good side and their bad side. I chose to see the good in Michael. Oh don't get me wrong, I didn't just ignore the bad, it's just that I knew if I kept looking for someone who had all good and no bad, I'd be alone forever."

Cuddy was silent and took another swig of wine. This conversation had become intense. They were quiet again and just stared at the fire.

"Leese, how do you let go of someone when you've loved them for so long? I mean Michael was a part of my life for two decades, how do I let that go?"

Cuddy thought about this for a moment. "Oh gosh I don't think you can let go and really you shouldn't have to let go, not in the sense that you should forget. The life you had with him is a huge part of who you are. You just hold those memories in your heart and save them for when times get tough and you want to bury yourself in self-pity. That's when you bring out those memories and savor them and they make you feel better. Jules, it's going to hurt like hell at times. Remember how much it hurt us when dad died? Remember how worried we were about mom? She made it and so did we. You're going to laugh and you're going to cry but it'll be good for you, it's part of life. And you've got the kids too and they're a part of him and having them around will always remind you of him. When you love someone for so long, when you know them better than you know yourself.., Cuddy drifted off without thinking.

_"Leese?"_

"Sorry. I just mean that he'll always be a part of you so long as you remember him."

"Leese can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Michael and I knew each other for so long and now I wonder how my life will go on without him. You knew Greg House even longer. Though Greg didn't die, I remember you telling me that not having him in your life anymore made you feel like a part of you died. How _did_ you go on?"

Cuddy was not expecting this question. She wasn't sure she wanted to get into a discussion about House with her sister but Julia was opening up to her which didn't happen often and it felt nice to talk to her like this.

"Jules honestly we should be focusing on you here but I like that we are talking like this, I mean it's been so long since we've been this close and I want to share my feelings with you." She paused, took a deep breath and continued, "I hate him and I love him and I miss him. I know I sound like a moron considering all the shit he put me through over the years and then driving his car into my house. He could have hurt me, you, all of us. I should hate him with every fiber of my being. I did, but now I don't. We went through so much over the years. I tried to forget him Jules, I really did but it's hard. I'm supposed to hate him and want him dead and curse the ground he walks on. But I don't. I can't. I don't know if I can forgive him yet. I just don't know. God, it's so fucking complicated."

Julia didn't know what to say. She wasn't angry at her sister and she wasn't surprised. She knew how much her sister loved that crazy asshole that caused her nothing but heartache for years. She had silently cursed Greg House for hurting her sister and forcing her to uproot her life. She knew how much they had loved one another and she thought finally her sister would find happiness with him, even if it was their twisted version of happiness. She hated Greg for what he'd done but she also knew how much it cost her sister to lose him in her life. Julia thought to herself, w_hen you have the one person you love more than anything, you can't lose them._ She knew that all too well now.

Julia looked directly at her sister. "Oh hell Lisa, life is complicated. Sometimes it's a real fucked up mess and a real pain in the ass but if it were too easy it would be boring, right? Just do yourself a favor and stop worrying. Sometimes you think too goddamn much."

Cuddy nodded her head in agreement then said, "I think I need more wine."

Julia, however, kept talking. "Oh hell Leese, whatever happens just remember time heals all wounds."

Cuddy just stared at her sister and then Julia realized what she said.

"Oh shit! I sound like mom! She said that to me this morning and I just looked her like she was crazy. Now I'm saying it! Oh my God I'm turning into mom!"

For a second, they were quiet, just staring at one another and then they both burst out laughing so hard they wound up with tears in their eyes. Though it was late and they were tired they needed this. The bottle of wine was almost empty and Julia left the room for a moment, returning quickly with another one. Cuddy was just fine with that, after all, what else could they do? They'd been through so much today and this was a nice break from reality. Very soon both would resume their lives. Julia would have to begin adjusting to her new role as a widowed mother of three teenagers and Cuddy would have to return home to her life as a lonely single mom. At least for tonight the sisters could pretend that everything was going to be okay.

_Please don't forget to review. Anonymous reviews welcome._


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Well here we go. Thank you for all the comments. Please keep them coming.

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><p>Cuddy stayed at Julia's house until Friday afternoon when Arlene and Julia assured her they would be fine and she could return home. They knew she had a job to return to on Monday and Rachel needed to get back to school. Cuddy reluctantly agreed but only because their mother had been such a great help to Julia in the last few days. Cuddy had to admit it was a side of her mother she hadn't seen in some time, putting someone else's needs above her own. Arlene couldn't do enough for Julia and even though Cuddy used to be jealous of the attention her sister had always received from their mother, she knew this was one time when Julia needed it. The last few days had been traumatic and yet eye-opening for both sisters. They had finally had a chance to bond and they talked about things never discussed and they laughed and cried. Arlene noted more than once that it was a shame it took something like death to bring the sisters closer together. Cuddy would admit to herself that for once her mother was right.<p>

After Cuddy buckled Rachel into her booster seat and Arlene had kissed both of them goodbye, Julia and Lisa stood there saying their goodbyes.

"Leese, I'm so glad you were here. I couldn't' have ever asked for a better sister. I know I've been a pain in the ass over the years, and I'm so sorry for that. I'm sorry we missed out on having so much fun together. I guess I was just wrapped up in my own life so much I didn't think how it would affect us."

Cuddy nodded her head and understood. "Listen Jules, it's okay. We're both guilty but now we can change that, right?"

"Yeah, we can." Julia smiled and the two hugged.

Cuddy got into her car and rolled down the window. Julia looked at her like she wanted to say something but she seemed to hesitate. She asked, "Jules, what's wrong?"

"Nothing Leese. It's just...I want you to be happy, I really do and I…I want you to do whatever it is that makes you happy no matter what anyone else thinks. Just promise me you won't let other people tell you what's best for you or how you should live your life."

"Jules you know nobody dictates to me how to live my life, well nobody except mom that is." They both laughed at that.

Julia knelt by the car door as she spoke to her sister through the open window. She took her sister's hand and said in a most loving and sincere tone, "Just do what makes _you_ happy, no matter what, okay? Remember, we only get one shot at this life. We have to make the best of it."

"I know Jules. I promise."

"Okay you better get your ass going before mom comes out and starts nagging you about God knows what."

"Love you Jules. I'll call, okay?"

They waved goodbye and as her sister drove away, Julia cried. She really had enjoyed the last few days together with Lisa and she was sad to see her go. She closed her eyes, breathed in the cool crisp winter air and said in a whisper, "God please help her find her way" and with that she opened her eyes, turned around and went back into the house. Her own life was a mess and she had three kids to think about. She had to figure out where to go from here.

Meanwhile on the road, Cuddy dialed Sharon's number on her cell phone. She updated Sharon briefly and told her she'd be home in a few hours. Sharon had already sensed Cuddy would want to be alone and she simply told Lisa to call her if she wanted to talk. Cuddy hung up and began the trip home, thinking about the events of the last few days.

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><p>That morning, House was sitting in his office throwing his ball up against the wall over his desk when Wilson came in and sat down.<p>

"Don't you have a patient?"

"Yep. The kiddos are running tests and since there's nothing I can do, I'm trying to be productive in my own way."

"Uh shouldn't you be supervising?"

"Why?"

"You're their supervisor."

"I'm sure Chase can handle things. That is if Foreman doesn't weasel his way into the case."

"What do you mean?"

"Is it me or has Foreman seemed a little _too_ interested in what my team has been doing recently?"

"It's Foreman, he's your boss, and it's his job to be interested."

"I don't mean in a boss kind of way, I mean he's been hanging around in the DDX room sitting in on our discussions under the guise of just _observing_."

"You think there's more to it?"

"He misses me."

"No he doesn't. If anything he misses the puzzles."

"Are you saying I'm not lovable Jimmy? "

"I'm saying he misses the puzzles way more than he misses you. You're a pain in the ass to work for."

"My heart is broken that you think so low of me."

House continued throwing the ball up against the wall. Neither man said a word for a few minutes. House was deep in thought until Wilson brought him out of it.

"House, anything you want to talk about?"

"Nope."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

"Okay."

House kept throwing the ball, never missing a beat.

"So how's the leg?"

"It's fine."

"Does it hurt?"

"It always hurts."

"You know what I mean, how's the pain level?"

"It's manageable."

"Just manageable?"

House stopped throwing the ball and leaned back in his chair and stared at the wall. "What do you want to know? Does it hurt? Yes. Am I managing it? Yes. Am I back on Vicodin? No. Do I want to be back on Vicodin? Yes and No. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can't fucking believe I gave up the Vicodin and then I remember how it fucked up so many years of my life and I fight the urge every single fucking day. Does that work for ya?"

"Yeah I think so."

House began throwing the ball again.

"So how's therapy?"

"Oh _God_ Wilson. Don't you ever stop caring?"

"I'm Jewish, it's in my blood. Indulge me."

"What do you want to know?"

"Just want to know if your physical therapy and your sessions with Nolan are helping you?"

House stopped throwing the ball again. He turned around in his chair, looking directly at Wilson. He could see the real concern on Wilson's face. He could do what he did in the old days and be a son of a bitch or he could just answer honestly. Wilson wasn't trying to be a pain in the ass, he was being sincere. He just wanted to be sure House was okay.

"The physical therapy has actually helped cut down on my pain. My upper body and my legs feel stronger from swimming. It hurts like hell for a bit afterwards but that pain takes my mind of my leg. Go figure." Before Wilson could interject he continued, "As to Nolan, he's the same, always trying to pick my brain and get me to talk."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Talking."

"Right now?"

"House!"

"Well shit, I thought it was _obvious_ since I keep going back to him."

"Okay, Okay. I get your point."

House smirked and the two men were silent for a few more minutes as Wilson watched House bounce the ball off the wall again.

Finally House spoke again. "Have you heard anything?"

Wilson knew immediately what House was referring to. "No."

"It's been about a week. Either she didn't get it or she got it and tossed it."

"I'm sure she got it. Just give it time."

"Yeah, time."

They got quiet again and Wilson wanted to change the subject. "You hungry?"

"You buying?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'm starved. Let's go."

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><p>Back in Cambridge, Cuddy had arrived home in the early evening. While she missed her family, it was good to be home. The last few days had been very stressful and she was looking forward to a weekend of peace and quiet. Rachel was exhausted from the whole ordeal so Cuddy changed her clothes and put her to bed as soon as they got home. Cuddy showered and changed into a comfortable pair of flannel pajamas before settling on the couch with a cup of hot tea and her laptop. She wanted to catch up on her mail and suddenly remembered the letter from Wilson she had neglected to read after the phone call she received from her mother. Sorting through the pile of unopened mail on the table, she found Wilson's envelope at the bottom. She smiled as she sat back and opened it. The first page was handwritten by Wilson.<p>

_Dear Lisa,_

_I hope you are doing well. I miss you and Rachel and hope I get to see you soon. Attached is something that I promised I would send to you. Please don't be upset, just promise me you will take the time to read it. It would mean a great deal to me. You know how much I care about you and I would never ever do anything to hurt you. Please call me soon. Miss you lots!_

_Love, James_

Cuddy had a feeling she knew what was contained in the following pages. She removed Wilson's cover page and sure enough there were four pages in handwriting she clearly recognized. It was a letter from House. She set the letter down immediately on the coffee table and got up from her seat on the couch. She paced the living room, straightening pictures, organizing things and attempting to clean an already cleaned room. She kept busy throwing laundry in the dryer and taking care of other minor household tasks to avoid the inevitable but all thoughts returned to that letter. She was almost afraid to read the letter though she didn't know why. She thought, _God, why am I so nervous? Why should I even care? After what he did to me, what the fuck could he possibly want to write me about? Why should I give a damn_?

Cuddy thought about Wilson and how he'd apparently conspired with House to get this letter to her. Part of her was angry at Wilson but another part of her realized it was just the way Wilson was, the way he'd always been. He'd always had a hard time choosing between Cuddy and House. He had been a best friend to both of them and always found it difficult to say no to either of them. After House drove his car into her home and fled town, Wilson had been there for Cuddy every step of the way, helping her get her life back together, listening to her yell and scream about how much she hated House and consoling her night after night when she cried for hours over the hurt she felt with what he'd done to her and the loss she felt not having him in her life anymore. She also knew though that when House got out of prison, Wilson had been there for him too, no doubt doing whatever was within his power to try and help his friend get his fucked up life back together. Wilson was a unique individual and he had a good heart and it was hard to be mad at him because most of the time everything he did, he did because he genuinely cared. James Wilson was one of a kind and Cuddy was thankful to have him in her life. She loved Wilson and knew he would never do anything to hurt her. Obviously he felt that whatever House had to say was important enough to risk her being mad at him for sending it. She couldn't stay mad at Wilson long and while she should have been pissed off over receiving anything from House, oddly she wasn't and in a way that bothered her. She thought to herself, _I should just shred this letter and be done with it_.

With her mind made up, she did one final check on Rachel who she found was sleeping peacefully. She closed the door behind her then she checked the locks on the front and back doors, turned off the ringer to her home and cell phones and settled on the couch under her grandmother's afghan which always brought her a sense of peace. Feeling just a bit nervous, she picked up the letter, took a deep breath and began to read.

_Dear Cuddy..._

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><p><em>Ok, there's Chapter 11 for you. I really hope you like this so far. I've worked hard to try and keep it real. I'm extremely anal retentive when it comes to spelling, grammar and continuity in my own writing so if you spot something that I missed, feel free to let me know so I can fix it! <em>

_Remember I'm not just writing this for me, I'm writing it for you, for all the House fans out there who miss the House-Cuddy and House-Cuddy-Wilson dynamic! This story is for YOU! XO_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Thanks so much to everyone who has commented both here and on Twitter. I checked my stats and am in awe of the massive numbers who have read this story, it's amazing!

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><p>Cuddy sat there stunned after having read House's letter three times. A torrid flood of emotions wracked her brain and her body was wrought with tears. Never in all the years she'd known him had House poured forth such honesty from the heart. She thought to herself, <em>dammit House why didn't you talk to me like this when we were together?<em>

It had taken her months to go through the stages of grief after what happened and she'd finally dealt with it and moved on. As she moved through those stages, Cuddy had been angry at House for so many reasons; for not having opened himself up to her when they were together, for being so dependent on her for his sobriety, for relapsing, ruining their friendship, lashing out at her like he did after the breakup and ultimately the final act which forced her and Rachel to uproot their lives and move away from Princeton. Once time had passed and she had let go of her anger, she'd come to accept her part in what happened. She'd had much sadness and regret-for so many things they both could have done that might have saved them the pain they endured.

So much pain.

She knew that his pain had resulted in a self-destructive nature but he was never the kind of person to intentionally harm others which is why it completely stunned her that he had crashed his car into her house. It was so completely out of character and in the twenty-some years she'd known him it would've never been something she thought he'd be capable of. House had never been a violent man, in fact while he could watch violence on television and in films, when it came to real life, he was different. He had no tolerance for it. In the clinic over the years he'd witnessed cases of abuse and reported it immediately and then brooded about it for days. And so when her anger and shock had subsided she'd she'd often wondered what triggered it. She knew it had to be something more than anger. She had often attributed the Vicodin and the stress of his his pent-up emotional pain. House had been a dam waiting to burst and nobody ever saw it coming.

Cuddy pondered that thought as she got up from the couch to stretch her legs and moved into the kitchen to make another cup of tea. As she waited for the water to boil, she looked out her kitchen window and tapped her fingers on the counter. She thought about the events that took place between the night of the breakup and the day House ran his car into her home. He had lashed out at every opportunity. She had seen the signs of an impending crisis but had chosen to ignore them, refusing to talk to him even when Wilson and even Foreman had begged her. She told them it was best if she and House spoke only on matters related to hospital business. What she was doing however was purely self-preservation. She knew if she dealt with House head-on, the full impact of her decision to break up with him would hit her and she feared falling apart. She'd broken down nearly every night since the breakup and watching him self-destruct made it worse for it made her realize just how much it had impacted them both. But Cuddy had always been tough and she had Rachel to worry about and she could not let her carefully managed life fall apart.

She laughed out loud at the thought of that so-called carefully managed life of hers. Her mother had on more than one occasion accused her of being a consummate perfectionist and unwilling to compromise. She'd laughed her mother off and told her it was silly. But now she wondered if her mother was right. She cringed at the thought. Arlene Cuddy had shocked her daughter the morning after the birthday dinner when she gave her daughter her thoughts about their relationship. Cuddy recalled the conversation.

_"Lisa, you know I love you right?"_

_Oh God, she thought. Here it comes. "Yeah mom, I know."_

_"Good because what I'm about to tell you won't piss you off too much. I can't believe I'm saying this but I like Greg. He's one of the most narcissistic, arrogant asses I've ever met and yet I actually like the SOB because he's perfect for you."_

_Cuddy, who had been attempting to get Rachel to eat her breakfast, tried not to look at her mother. "So what are you saying mom?"_

_"What? You didn't hear me? Are you not listening?"_

_"I'm listening."_

_"Good. I can't believe I'm actually saying this but I think Greg is good for you. You needed someone to come in and complicate your perfect little happy life."_

_"What?"_

_"Oh cut the crap Lisa. I'm your mother, I know you. You've always dreamed of the perfect life, the perfect husband, children, and job. You wanted it all and you got it, at least some of it. You've never been able to find a man who was your equal in every way. You've never been able to find a man who energized you or challenged you. You think I don't remember how you used to talk about him when you'd come home on break from college? Greg House this and Greg House that. Good grief, your father and I were wondering when you two would finally get it together but you never did."_

_"Mom—"Cuddy attempted to interject but her mother would have none of it._

_"—No. Let your mother finish dear." With that Arlene grabbed her daughter's hand across the table; finally forcing her to look at her while she talked. "Lisa, stop and look at me for a minute will you?"_

_Cuddy put down the spoon in her hand and glared at her mother as she continued._

_"Greg is an unusual man. Good grief he's complicated, a little crazy, unethical, and certainly not the kind of man you'd expect your daughter to bring home. But he's also brilliant, funny and sensitive. Yeah he's sensitive and before you cringe let me tell you why I think that. He's afraid to let himself go because he doesn't want to get hurt. I sense it in him because I've sensed it before, in you. I don't know what makes either of you like that but it is what it is. All I know is that you both have issues, you're fucked up and you're good for each other. "_

_"Mom, not around Rachel!"_

_"Oh honey she doesn't even know what we're talking about. Look, you two fit together, I don't know how or why, you just do. I want you to be happy. I've seen that look on your face when you're around him and I've never seen it on you with any other man. He makes you happy."_

_"He does…at times. Other times he drives me crazy."_

_"Oh hell Lisa, your father drove me nuts at times and yet I loved him anyway. When you love someone you just put up with their crap. With your father, I gave it back to him, just like you do with Greg."_

Cuddy chuckled for a moment when she recalled when House told her Arlene had paid him a visit and warned him in no uncertain terms that he better not hurt her or else certain parts of his anatomy would suffer dearly. She smiled at the thought of her mother being so protective of her. She tilted her head back, closed her eyes and sighed. _What a fucking mess_. She thought about the peace and tranquility she'd craved in her life and how House used to throw her world into turmoil and create such chaos. Despite that, she'd never felt more alive than when she was with him. How could that be? That wasn't who she was.

_Or was it?_

Cuddy had attempted to define her relationship with House as she always needed to determine exactly how the pieces of her life fit together. Everything had to have a proper role and fit into a proper place, with no loose ends or straggling pieces that didn't fit. With House, that hadn't been easy. The twenty plus years relationship they shared did not fit into any neat little category, it could not be named or defined. It was unlike any other relationship she'd ever had and at the same time it was the best relationship she'd ever had. Sure she yelled at House on a daily basis and he drove her up a fucking wall but as much as he drove her crazy like that, she also loved him for it. It was as if he knew just when she needed her buttons pushed to get her going. The two of them thrived on conflict. It sounded insane but it was them.

She prepared her tea and resumed her seat on the couch. She picked up the letter and re-read it.

_Not a day goes by when I don't ponder what might've been. Sadly, we went into our relationship with blinders on. We believed it could work despite the fact we both had so much baggage. We just ignored the baggage hoping it wouldn't become an issue but ignoring it just made it worse. We were so scared of being hurt that we didn't go all in. If we had, maybe we could've made it work. There's a reason we avoided a relationship for so long, we both knew what was at stake. We knew and yet we ignored it and look what happened. If only we'd known the kind of pain we would've inflicted on one another and that it would've ended the way it did..._

_Oh House_, she thought. _You have no idea how much I prayed that it would work. _Cuddy thought about his words and knew he was right. They had put on blinders. They were both afraid to talk about their issues because whenever they talked they always managed to ruin the moment. They just wanted to enjoy what they had for as long as they could before it exploded in their faces. When they got together she really hadn't wanted him to change but secretly she'd hoped he would want to change. But until now she never put much thought into the idea that maybe he had hoped she would want to change too. She had always believed the reason they didn't get into a relationship years earlier was because of _him_ and that once they got together it would surely end because of _him_. The truth was hard to deal with, that they were in fact, both responsible for the relationship falling apart. All of the thoughts brought to the surface by House's letter began to confuse Cuddy. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel. It seemed everything had been fine and now she was forced to deal with him, or rather _them_, once again.

_I should have been there to help calm your fears but I was too afraid. I was scared to death that I was going to lose you. I hid from it all, hoping not to feel anything because if I felt it, it would hurt and I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle the pain. The night before your surgery, I was hiding out at Foreman's apartment. Wilson called and told me the tumors had spread and at that moment I realized you were going to die and it was over. I had to see you but I wanted to numb every feeling I had so I could see you without breaking down. I couldn't face the pain and I didn't want to break down in front of you, I couldn't cry, I couldn't show weakness, I couldn't let my heart be broken by losing you. I couldn't let myself feel what it would be like to lose you, to go through the rest of my life without you.  
><em>

_I know, House, _she thought to herself._ I never should have broken up with you in that state of mind. You gave up your sobriety for me. You made a huge sacrifice I never even took into consideration._

She read on.

_I ask myself how I became that man who ran his car into your house. The man you have known and loved half your life was not capable of what I did to you that day and yet I did it. I am so sorry for what I did to you, for how much pain I caused you. I only hope you've been able to move on to the life you deserve and that you and Rachel are happy. I put you through an awful lot of pain over the years, especially after we broke up. I was an arrogant, selfish son of a bitch and there was no excuse. I can only hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me._

Cuddy pondered his words. She had moved on but she'd never really been happy. She'd made Rachel the focus of her life, doing everything she could to ensure her daughter had the best childhood. Rachel's happiness was the only one that really mattered to her.

_I sat there night after night in that tourist trap alone and getting drunk and high every day, feeling sorry for myself. Then one night I dreamed about you and Rachel. She crawled into my lap and I read her a story just like that night at your house when Rachel had first done that. In that dream, it just felt right. When I woke up I knew what I had to do and so I came home. I had to accept the consequences for my actions. Nobody was going to save me and I didn't want them to. I wanted a quick sentence with no trial because you didn't deserve having your personal life thrown out there for the whole world to see. I called my lawyer, the one who defended me against Tritter, and I told him to take the first deal offered. Despite my request he still managed a plea deal._

_Prison._

That thought made her shiver. House had been in _prison_. That still didn't seem real that the man she knew and loved for more than half her life had gone to prison for something he'd done to _her_.

Cuddy knew what had happened after House had returned to New Jersey. The prosecutor had called her and then she had called Wilson. She'd been told House surrendered himself two weeks after leaving Jersey and that despite his insistence to his attorney that he that he accept the first offer, without any plea deals, his lawyer believed there were extenuating circumstances and successfully convinced the prosecutor that given House's state of mind and lack of premeditated intent, the charges should be reduced from attempted aggravated assault to simple assault for which the maximum penalty in prison was eighteen months, of which he had been sentenced to no more than twelve.

Wilson had told her he was granted parole at eight months for good behavior but an incident in the prison hospital, in which House intervened to save a patient, got him another eight, though the warden and the parole board had decided to let him out after just two more months and a total of ten months served. When he got out, he finished up the remaining six months on parole successfully and without incident, after which he was a free man. According to Wilson, House had apparently done a good job staying out of trouble. She laughed to herself at the thought that House could behaving himself long enough to finish out his parole.

Cuddy sighed deeply. She couldn't believe that two years had passed since the _incident_ and three since they had become a couple. She thought to herself, _we could have been together three years already_. Her eyes filled with tears once again.

Cuddy looked down and noticed her tears had stained the letter. She quickly grabbed a tissue and blotted the paper. She wanted to keep the letter, it meant a great deal to her. He had bared his soul to her and she wondered for a moment if she should reply. A reply would open all the wounds again, though it appeared from his letter as if House was making the effort to heal not only himself but her as well. She thought she had healed but she soon realized after reading his letter how much she missed his presence in her life. She sat back and sipped her tea and thought about it very carefully. Writing a letter to House would be treading on dangerous ground.

"Damnit, he wrote what he was feeling, why shouldn't I tell him how I feel?" She asked aloud.

Picking up the phone, she dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sharon."

"Lisa! I'm so happy to finally hear from you. It's late, are you okay?"

"Yeah, we got back this evening, Rachel is passed out cold and I've been sitting here relaxing. I wondered if you and Hannah want to meet us for breakfast tomorrow, then we can head over to the park for a bit?"

"That'd be great. Hannah has to be at a recital later in the afternoon but we're good in the morning. Meet you at your place?"

"How about eight?"

"Fine Lisa, see you then."

"Bye Sharon."

Cuddy hung up the phone, happy to have talked to her good friend again. She needed to talk about the past week's events with someone and Sharon was such a great listener. She thought about calling Wilson but it was late and she wanted to make him sweat it out. She had a feeling he'd be worried she would be mad at him for helping House get that letter to her. They would deal with that later.

After checking on Rachel, who was indeed sleeping soundly, Cuddy went back into the living room once again making herself comfy on the couch. Not having had the opportunity to confront House regarding his actions which devastated her life, because he'd run away like a coward, she decided now was the time. _He_ had opened up that door and there was no going back. Now it was her turn to let him know exactly how she felt about everything he'd done and then some. As she grabbed a pad of paper and a pen from the coffee table, she thought if House could write a letter, she could too.

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><p><em>BTW I did my research on New Jersey criminal law and sought the assistance of my attorney friend in Jersey. For me, details are important. Hope you liked this chapter and please leave a comment. More soon, I promise!<em>


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Thanks everyone for the reviews. Keep 'em coming! I am still in awe over the number of reviews and hits this story has received. I am grateful to you, more than you know. This story is unfolding at a pace I feel comfortable with and I hope you do too.

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><p>Despite going to bed late the previous night, Cuddy was up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning. She wanted to enjoy some quiet time before Rachel woke up because on weekends it seemed Rachel was full of energy. She never complained though because having Rachel in her life was a blessing. Cuddy recalled the many years of her life when went home to a quiet, empty house and spent all her free time doing paperwork. Watching Rachel grow up was like a second childhood for her and Cuddy was determined to enjoy every minute of it. She finished her morning yoga with some stretches and afterwards while rolling up her mat, she noticed the pad of paper she'd left on the coffee table last night before turning in. A feeling of contentment and relaxation, unlike anything she'd felt in a long time, enveloped her at that moment as she recalled the thoughts she had put into written words last night. <em> I can't think about that right now, I'll wait till Rachel goes to bed tonight. <em>Her focus suddenly shifted when Rachel suddenly bounded into the kitchen.

"Mommy what are we going to do today?"

As she reached down to hug her little girl she said, "I've got a surprise for you."

"What mommy?"

"I'm not telling you my little _monkey_ because then it wouldn't be a surprise."

"Mommy pleeeease?" Rachel stood there pouting with her hands on her hips. Cuddy knew that pose, she owned it. Wilson used to tease her that while her little girl may not be hers biologically, she was Cuddy in every way that mattered. When Rachel acted like that, her mother could not resist.

"Okay, okay. Hannah and her mom will be here in a little while and we're going to breakfast and then to the park."

Rachel jumped up and down yelling "Yay! I'm going to the pa-ark, I'm going to the pa-ark. I'm going to see Han-nah, I'm going to see Han-nah" and Cuddy just laughed watching her daughter dancing and singing all over the house.

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><p>House and Wilson were sitting in their usual booth at PJ's. Wilson had once joked they ate there so much they should have their names engraved on a brass plate in their favorite booth. The two had unintentionally begun a ritual of eating breakfast there on Saturday mornings, unless they were working. It began shortly after House got out of prison. He had craved real pancakes and since they were both too lazy to make them, they opted on eating out. Thus, a tradition was born. On this breezy and cold Saturday morning, the two were immersed in stacks of pancakes and arguing over whether or not Taub was banging the new nurse in pediatrics.<p>

"House, he's got two little girls for crissakes, he's too busy to be banging anyone."

"How do you think he _got_ those two little girls?"

"A hundred bucks says he's not doing her."

"Oh you're _so_ on." House replied as he held out his hand so he and Wilson could seal the deal.

"So, when's your mom coming to visit?"

"Nice segue. She'll be here next weekend."

"You going to clean up?"

"What's to clean?"

"House, you're a bachelor."

"Oh lighten up Martha Stewart, she's staying at a hotel." He added, "It was _her_ idea, and yes my place will be clean."

"Are you nervous?"

"About cleaning my apartment? Gee uh...no."

"No you ass, seeing your mom."

"Fuck's sake Wilson, she saw me naked and changed my shitty diapers when I was a baby, why would I be nervous?"

"House, she's going to want to talk about what happened with Cuddy. You have two choices, the first is deflecting, and the other is telling the truth."

House sat silent, spearing his pancakes. He was unprepared for this conversation so early in the morning.

"Listen House, she's your mom and she loves you no matter what. Maybe it's just time you talk to her, you know, about everything. You know that I didn't go into details with her about you and Cuddy. I just told her that you two broke up and that shortly after you recovered from major surgery you still weren't yourself and you were depressed and your state of mind caused you to go over the edge. She wanted to know more but I told her I felt you should talk to her about the rest. You need to talk to her."

House just sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Wilson, this is my _mom_, the woman who stood by me when everything and everyone else in my life sucked. When I was growing up she was the one person who never disappointed me. She was the one who made sure I picked myself up when someone pushed me down. She was...is a good person and she raised me better than to do all the fucked up things I have done in my life. How the hell am I supposed to sit across the dinner table from her and explain how her only son, the handsome, genius doctor she brags about to her friends at the Woman's Club and shuffleboard league fucked up his life so bad he went to prison for it. Just tell me, how am I supposed to do _that_?"

Wilson sat quiet, knowing when House was on a roll it was best to just let him finish.

House rubbed his leg and continued his rant. "My dad, oh if he were alive today he'd be telling me what a son of a bitch I am and how I never deserved someone like Cuddy in the first place and that I deserved to rot in hell for what I did."

"Your dad is dead House; you don't have to worry about what he'd say."

"He was right you know."

"About?"

"A lot of things."

"I'm not a mind reader."

House sipped his coffee before he continued. "He told me on more than one occasion I just didn't know how good I had it. He made sure I knew how he felt every single goddamned time I screwed up."

"Your dad was wrong; you didn't deserve all the crap he gave you."

"He used to ask me how I could be so damn smart and make so many stupid mistakes."

"What did your mom do?"

"She'd tell him to stop being so hard on me, that I was my own person and would find my way in the world. Then he'd grunt, pick up his newspaper and walk into another room. Mom would tell me he didn't mean any of those things, that he loved me, it was just hard for him to show it and I shouldn't pay any attention to those comments. She always tried to undo the damage he did."

"So your mom protected you?"

"I guess. She tried. She couldn't always be there when he started on me and in the end no matter how much she tried I guess it wasn't enough was it? Remind me why we're talking about my mother again?"

"I asked you when she would be here."

"Oh yeah I can see now how the conversation would obviously move from that to analyzing my childhood. Thanks so much for helping me remember the good old days."

At that moment the waitress brought them two more stacks of cakes which they accepted greedily. It also gave House an opportunity to change the subject.

"So Jimmy boy, what else is new?"

"Not a damn thing House. But you know that already, don't you?"

"Have you...had any interesting phone calls recently?"

"Gee, you're being so cryptic; I can't even imagine _who_ you're referring to."

House rolled his eyes and stuffed another forkful of pancakes into his mouth.

"House, I haven't heard from her. Sending her that letter was a pretty big deal, you've got to give it time."

"Maybe I shouldn't have sent it. She has every right to hate me. Hell I'd hate me if I were her."

"House, you hate everyone."

"Words hurt you know." After a moment, House spoke again. "You think she'll ever forgive me?"

"I forgave you."

"You punched me."

Between mouthfuls, he replied, "I punched you. Then I forgave you."

"I didn't run my car into your house and nearly kill you."

"Well there _is_ that."

"Gee thanks. So do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

"I don't know."

"Now what the hell kind of answer is that?"

"It's an honest answer. It's the only answer I can give. House I have absolutely no idea if she will forgive you. You're asking a lot from her. The only thing I am sure of is that you both still care very deeply for one another but this was big, really big and whether she can forgive you for the worst thing you've ever done to her...well...I just don't know."

"You sure know how to make a guy feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Hey you asked. Look, it took Cuddy a long time to get through what happened. She cried a lot, more than you could ever know."

"Okay maybe it's time to change the subject."

Wilson pointed his fork at House. "_You_ brought this up. House, _you_ can't ignore this. If you want her forgiveness you have to be patient. You have to understand just how much you hurt her. After the breakup she cried every single night, sometimes hours at a time and on some days she could barely function. But after you drove into her home and ran off, it was worse. She was torn, confused, angry, and hurt. Cuddy is a strong woman and I have never ever seen her in the state she was in when you left town. She knew you were screwed up but you'd never done anything to try and hurt her, not in that way. Goddammit House, she may have broken up with you but don't think it didn't hurt her. She loved you, more than she ever loved anyone. I know that because she told me."

"Hurt goes both ways Wilson. She didn't want me to change but she dumped me over one Vicodin."

"House, you have no idea. You just have no idea how that breakup tore her to pieces as much as it did you. She told me numerous times afterwards that she regretted it. She was scared, just as you were. She felt she acted hastily but then after all the self-destructive things you did afterwards, it made her even more scared to try and make things right with you."

House banged his fist on the table. "Goddamnit Wilson I _loved_ her." He lowered his voice as a few patrons glanced over at their table.

House continued, "I would have done _anything_ for her. I tried so hard to be what she wanted me to be. I know I could have done better, I just hoped that when I did eventually fuck it up, she'd help me through it and not give up. I've only ever been in love with two women in my life, Stacy and Cuddy. Stacy was a good person and what we had worked but in the end she deserved better than what I gave her. With Cuddy, as crazy as our relationship was, we were good together. It was the best thing I've ever had in my life. For the first time in my screwed up life I actually felt like I might finally be able to have what my dad had always told me I didn't deserve."

Wilson was amazed House had opened up like that so he just listened.

"I know I screwed up Wilson. There are no excuses. But damnit she hurt me too. She hurt me worse than Stacy ever did because she'd always been there through everything and she knew me better than anyone else, other than you. She promised me she loved me for who I was. She made me a better person and made me want things I never thought I could ever have."

"I know and I'm _sorry_."

House sat back in the booth and rubbed his right thigh again.

"You okay House?"

"Yeah, it just hurts a little more right now than usual."

Wilson nodded his understanding. He knew that while House experienced real physical pain, it was sometimes exacerbated by his emotional pain and turmoil. He had watched House fight so hard against the temptation to take Vicodin since leaving prison. He was proud of his friend but he knew he had a long way to go. Not ready to give up on this conversation in the hopes House would open up more, Wilson said, without looking up as he stabbed another pancake, "She wasn't seeing that guy in her house that day; he was just a friend of her sister."

"What?"

"That guy you saw, she said his name was Jerry, she wasn't seeing him. She told me later you'd asked her if she had been seeing anyone and she told you no. That was the truth. She had a feeling that seeing him in her house might have been what pushed you over the edge."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I wanted you to know she was telling you the truth. She told me you'd asked if she'd been seeing anyone after the breakup. She said after you, nobody even came close and she had decided to focus on her life with Rachel."

"So you're telling me I ran my car into her house and went to prison over a _misunderstanding_?"

"House I still have no idea why you did what you did."

"Honestly, neither do I."

Both men became quiet, a little tension in the air. House fingered the brightly-colored braided cotton bracelet on his right wrist. "You know what this is for?" he asked Wilson.

"I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."

"Therapy."

"Therapy?"

"I made this."

"You? Why?"

"To remind me every day of what I had done."

"Why do you wear it now?"

"Same reason."

"You don't need that bracelet to remember."

"You're right and yet I still wear it."

"House, you're quite the enigma." Wilson shook his head as House smirked in response. The two continued to eat their breakfast in silence.

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><p>An hour later, Cuddy, Sharon and their daughters were sitting at a booth inside The Friendly Toast, which was one of Cuddy's favorite places to eat in Cambridge. She and Sharon often took the girls there for breakfast before their Saturday trips to the park. The girls were absolutely in love with the blueberry pancakes and portions were so huge they usually split a plate between them. As the girls enjoyed their pancakes and giggled, their mothers were heavy into conversation about the week's events.<p>

"I can't believe you stayed so long, I thought for sure your mom would drive you crazy."

"She nearly did but the only reason I didn't give her a hard time was because she was really helpful to Julia and the kids. She took care of a lot of things for my sister. Julia could hardly function at times, I'm glad mom was there for her."

"Did you and Julia have a chance to talk?"

"Yeah we did. I learned some things I never knew."

"Like what?"

"I always thought she and Michael had this perfect marriage. Turns out that wasn't the case. I mean they were very happy together but it wasn't always perfect. Julia told me they fought quite a bit."

"Every couple fights."

"I just thought that since they seemed so happy all the time, you know, they were _happy_ all the time"

"So they weren't?"

"Actually, they were. But they fought and argued like everyone else. It's just that I never saw it. I just thought..." Cuddy didn't finish her sentence, not sure how to finish it.

"You're doing it again." Sharon said as she took a swig of her coffee.

Cuddy raised an eyebrow and looked at Sharon expecting her to continue.

"Seriously Lisa, you can't see it? You're doing _it,_ you're _comparing_. You do it all the time."

"I do not."

"Yes, you _do_."

"God Sharon, you sound like Wilson."

"I like Wilson, he's a good guy, so I'm flattered you _compare_ me to him. Seriously Lisa, did you do this when you dated? Did you compare what your relationships were like to what other people's relationships were like?"

"Well...maybe, I just knew there were certain ways people treated each other in relationships. I know how Michael treated Julia, at least what I saw, he was a lot like dad. I remember how my parents got along, I mean for all their madness, my parents had something really good. Yeah they argued but it wasn't until I was older and dating that it hit me, all the little things dad did for mom...that's what I wanted. I guess in a way I was comparing the guys I dated with dad. Sounds absurd doesn't it?"

"Nope, actually it's quite normal. It's just part of human behavior. The things we experience in life helps determine our actions and what we want and need. Most often, it's based on the people we have the most exposure to, people we look up to, usually our parents."

"So why did none of my relationships ever last?"

"I don't know Lisa. I suppose you have to ask yourself what you wanted out of those relationships, what you expected. Knowing your mother, your parents' marriage was probably far from perfect, remember as kids we only see a certain side of our parents relationship. While we live with them all our childhood, we don't really see what goes on between them behind closed doors. Again, what did you want from those men? What did you expect? Why did they fall short?"

Cuddy just sat there listening to Sharon intently, then looked down and noticed she'd been stirring her coffee rather vigorously for quite some time. She put her spoon down, looked out the window next to them and sighed. Sharon was asking some deep questions she couldn't answer right away. She'd often asked herself why her relationships never worked out. She used to blame it on House because he generally had a habit of intruding upon her dates but she had to be honest for once and admit that most of the time she was glad he did intrude, which meant that she really hadn't liked those guys enough to give them much thought afterwards. The thought occurred to her that if what Sharon said was true, about basing one's own expectations of a relationship on how others conducted themselves in relationships, in her case, her own parents, why then did she not seek out a man who was much like her own father? _Actually I did look for a guy with dad's qualities but they bored me._ She chuckled to herself after that thought. _My dad wasn't boring, not by a long shot. He was stable, worked long hours, loved his job but he loved his family too and he made us laugh all the time._ Cuddy recalled her father's antics, how he was a great storyteller. They would laugh at his "tall tales". Every time he told a story about something that happened at work or in his youth, it seemed the story got more extraordinary each time. That used to make the girls laugh. Their mother would just sit by smirking but not saying a word, knowing the truth but enjoying the entertainment.

The laughter of two little girls brought her out of her trance. The two were a bit fidgety and she thought it might be time to take them to the playground to work off some of that energy. She then looked across the table at Sharon who had been eyeing her thoughtfully.

"Lisa what were you thinking just now? You seemed lost in thought."

"I was thinking about my dad. He used to crack us up."

"Care to share?"

"Yeah, but first let's get these two to the park before they explode." Both women laughed as Cuddy motioned for the waitress to bring them their check. As she waited for the check, Cuddy was still thinking, about what Sharon had said. If she indeed had compared all her relationships to that of her sister and her husband and her parents, then technically she should have found the kind of man both her mother and sister had found. But those kind of men did not excite her, they did not challenge her, in fact many of them had felt intimidated by her. No, the only one who had challenged and excited her and not been intimidated, had been the one man who was not at all like the type of man she'd always believed was right for her.

"Lisa?"

_"Lisa?"_

"Oh sorry. Just lost for a moment."

Sharon chuckled. "I see that. You ready? Because these two aren't going to last much longer cooped up here."

Cuddy and Sharon decided to ride together to the park and as they took off with the girls safely tucked in the backseat, Cuddy heard Rachel tell Hannah, "I bet you I can hang upside down on the monkey bars longer than you."

Cuddy couldn't stifle her laughter when she glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Rachel stick her tongue out at Hannah who giggled in response. She shook her head thinking about the man who taught her daughter to stick her tongue out like that. There was no doubt it was the same man who taught her daughter _how_ to hang from the monkey bars and bet others that she could do it _longer_.

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><p><em>Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review.<em>


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Sorry I skipped a week. I was so tired last Friday night. I'm taking this slow because I feel it's important to get into the heads of the characters and understand their struggles and what they're feeling. It isn't easy to love someone when they've hurt you in the worst way. You can't just turn love on and off like a faucet, doesn't work that way. You also can't just forgive the past that easily, doesn't work that way either. There's a lot for them to work through here. Remember, these two hurt each other in different ways and they also reacted to that hurt in different ways. They not only have to forgive each other but they have to forgive themselves too. There is no way to forgive someone else if you can't even forgive yourself. Their biggest problem has always been communication. Baby steps...

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><p>Cuddy and Sharon were sitting on a bench at the park watching Hannah and Rachel on the swings. As the girls enjoyed their playtime together, their mothers were deep in conversation.<p>

"I can't believe you're writing him a letter."

"What's so hard to believe?"

"It's just that you swore you'd have nothing to do with him ever again and yet here you are telling me you're writing him back."

"I don't know what came over me. Maybe I just need some closure."

"Yeah but Lisa this isn't _closing_ anything, in fact if anything it's opening it all over again. Don't you see? If you write to him, you're basically giving him the green light for communication. There's no telling what will happen. Are you ready for this?"

Cuddy thought about her friend's words. Sharon was right, knowing House it wouldn't end with a letter back to him, he might want to reply back and then what?

"You don't think I should write him back?"

"That's not what I'm saying. Lisa, I think you should do whatever you think you need to do but don't think you can just write a letter to him and be done with it. This is _House_, the guy you've had a relationship with for over _twenty years_. Look I want to club this guy over the head and I've never even met him, but damn I know you still care about him. As pissed off as you are over what he did, you still care, God only knows why. I've introduced you to guys at the hospital who are perfect for you and you can't even get past a first date if you even go out with them at all. You always find something wrong with them. I can't help but think that it's because they're not _him_."

As Sharon spoke, Cuddy's face flushed and she looked down at her feet. "What is wrong with me?"

Sharon laughed. "Oh there's nothing wrong with you Lisa, when you find the _one_, even if it's an asshole like House, nobody else even compares. You obviously saw great qualities in him and I trust your judgment in that if you loved him, even for all his crap, he must have been a good guy. The question is _now what?_"

"Yeah, that sounds familiar." She chuckled lightly. "That's what House asked _me_ our first night together-after I broke up with Lucas and I told him I loved him."

"Oh Lisa." Sharon put her hand on her friend's shoulder. "You told me you guys never had a chance to talk about what happened not just after the breakup but after what he did to your house. You told me yourself he has never been violent with you or ever tried to hurt you physically right?"

Cuddy nodded.

"What pisses you off the most when you think about him?"

Cuddy looked at her friend with a raised eyebrow. That was out of the blue. She had no idea how to answer that question. What pissed her off the most? Was it House running his car into her home? Running away like a coward? The hookers? The Vicodin? All the bullshit he caused her at work for so many years?

And then it hit her.

"It pisses me off that he just couldn't let me in and let me help him when he was in pain. He couldn't tell me what he was feeling. If he had just _talked_ to me, things would have been different. If he had just opened up to me, trusted me, been okay with feeling pain. We didn't communicate like normal couples, I had to guess what he was thinking and when I tried to talk to him he'd deflect. It was like running in circles at ninety miles an hour trying to keep up with him."

"I see."

"What?"

"Well, I would have expected the first answer to be that the thing that pissed you off the most was that he ran his car into your home but that's _not_ what you answered. Instead your answer was that he didn't communicate with you. That's interesting."

"Oh I'm still pissed about what he did."

"I know you are Lisa and you have every right to be."

"I'm a mess."

"No you're not, for crissakes, you're human, I'm human, we're all just human, we make mistakes, we screw up, it's what we do so well, better than any other species. Let me ask you this, do you think he intended to hurt you?"

Cuddy thought about that a moment before answering. She sighed, "No. At first, I was so angry at him I couldn't see straight and I wanted his ass in jail. I wanted to kill him myself. All I kept thinking is what if Rachel had been there? What if he'd hurt her, or me, or my sister? Or all of us? Or worse? How would this have affected Rachel psychologically seeing the father figure she'd grown to trust, do something like that? It never crossed my mind that he _intended_ to hurt me, I was just so consumed with the fact he'd done it, it took a while for me to work towards thinking about _why_ he might have done it. For all his crazy stunts and self-destructiveness, House had never put me or Rachel in danger and never gave me any reason to suspect he would. The idea of him doing it on purpose _never _crossed my mind because I've known him for half my life and there's just no way..." she left off there unsure of what to say next.

"People can be so hurt or filled with rage and out of their minds that they are capable of doing things they wouldn't do under normal circumstances. Something in him just snapped. You told me once he had a rough childhood, he doesn't make friends easily and he has a hard time communicating. It's entirely possible a lifetime of this just hit him all at once. I do hope for his sake he's getting help because what he did to you was a sign of serious emotional issues, especially given he's never been violent before. Now I'm going to ask you something else. Why did you fall in love with him?"

Cuddy got up from the bench and walked over to the huge tree next to it as she stared out at the girls who were playing in the sandbox.

"Lisa, you okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"About?"

"The first time it was in college and God, he was amazing. He was a brilliant, rebellious, handsome, athletic …he played Lacrosse, he was so active and alive back then. He was a different person. I just loved his energy and he was so charming. Don't get me wrong, he was still an ass but he wasn't self-destructive. "

"What about after? When he showed up in Princeton?"

"He was with Stacy then and I was a little jealous, I mean, I guess that's when I realized that I still had feelings for him. But he was with her, then he had the infarction and everything changed. His personality became darker, he was angry, and hurt, especially after Stacy dumped him. He pushed everyone who cared about him away. I saw how broken he was and honestly I was afraid to get involved with that, it was pretty bad."

"Lisa, I know this hurts. Anytime you don't want to talk about it, you have to just say so okay? I won't be offended."

"I know. Besides Wilson, you're the only person I talk to about House, about my life and I'm okay with that. As to House, I've always loved him. There's something about him I couldn't put my finger on that specifically attracted me to him, it was just the way he was, all of him. Working together all those years, God it was so hard to keep myself from making a move on him. There was always something between us, and maybe we both knew what could happen if we acted on it. I guess that's why we were so scared. We shared many years of memories and if getting together didn't work, we risked losing all of that. Honestly, before I could never imagine my life without him in it but at the same time I knew that being with him could be a disaster for both of us."

Sharon smiled and looked over at the monkey bars where the two girls were getting ready to climb up. "Maybe we better go keep an eye on them, those things can be dangerous."

As they headed over to the monkey bars, Rachel had made it to the top and was already swinging upside down. Her shirt fell over her face as she yelled, "Look mommy!"

Cuddy laughed and watched her daughter. "Rachel, did House really teach you to hang upside down like that?"

"Yes mommy."

"When?"

"He would take me to the park when you worked late. He said it was our secret and I couldn't tell anyone."

Cuddy looked at Sharon. "Why would he want to keep it a secret?"

Sharon just shrugged. As an afterthought she suggested "Maybe he just wanted something that was theirs to share?"

Cuddy looked back up at Rachel, "Rach, did you have fun at the park with House?"

"Oh we had lots of fun and then we would get ice cream. He said that was a secret too."

Cuddy did not seem surprised. After all, House was much like a kid himself so naturally he'd take her to the ice cream parlor, even when she told him Rachel shouldn't have sweets before dinner.

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby."

"Is House going to be mad at me that I told you?"

Cuddy's smile faded. "No honey he won't be mad."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay. I don't want him to be mad at me." Rachel said nonchalantly as she kept swinging and playing with Hannah. Cuddy was amazed that even with the time and distance, Rachel hadn't forgotten House.

Sharon leaned on the monkey bars looking at Cuddy. "House really made an impact on Rachel didn't he?"

"That he did." Cuddy said almost to herself as she seemed deep in thought.

"Lisa I know when you're thinking. Come on, out with it."

"God Sharon you're off-duty now you don't have to be a psychologist _now_!"

"I know, but I like getting into your head. You never know what kind of dirt I can get on you!"

The two women laughed and then Cuddy continued. "I'm just thinking about how much interaction House had with Rachel that I didn't know about. I bitched at him for a lot of shit, not putting the toilet seat down, using my toothbrush, not taking out the trash, just stupid stuff. Well it wasn't stupid back then but now it seems trivial ya know? One of the reasons I didn't get involved with him when I adopted Rachel was because I knew he couldn't be there for her, for us and only afterwards after he...I find out he spent a lot of time with her I didn't even know about. I was wrong about him, he really was trying."

Sharon nodded her head in acknowledgement.

Cuddy continued, "In his letter, he told me that the day he came to my house, the day_ it_ happened, he'd intended to give me my hairbrush and looked through the window and saw me in there with Jerry, the guy I told you about that my sister tried to set me up with. Jerry was a nice guy but not my type, but he was nice and so I invited him over to have lunch with my sister, her husband and me. There was nothing going on, but House didn't know that. He said that when he saw Jerry in there, with me, he felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Sharon, he'd asked me earlier that day if I was seeing anyone and I told him no. It _was_ the truth. Seeing me in there, smiling, he felt like I had moved on and he could not. I think that plus everything else that had happened just sent him over the edge."

"My God Lisa, what a mess."

"Sharon, you have no idea."

Both women were silent for a few moments as they listened to the girls' laughter and watched them play.

"Sharon?"

"Yeah Lisa."

"I need to tell you something."

"What hon?"

"I lied to him. I told him I didn't want him to change. I mean, I didn't but I did. I wanted him to stay the same crazy, charming pain in the ass that I always loved but I just wanted him to learn how to talk to me and trust me and not be so pessimistic about everything. I had hoped he would want to change himself."

"Nothing wrong with wanting that."

"When I broke up with him, it wasn't over the Vicodin. I thought I was dying and he wasn't there with me. Afterwards when I knew I was going to be okay and realized he'd taken the Vicodin, what hurt the most wasn't the pills but that he needed them just to be there for me. I needed to be able to count on him to be there for me. I needed him to be my support system, to be there for both me and Rachel when I couldn't handle things alone. Anytime we had an argument or we had difficulties, he just tried to deflect or avoid, or act like it was nothing. He never dealt with the issues head-on."

"Did you ever tell him that?"

"No. After the breakup, he spiraled out of control, taking Vicodin, locking himself in a hotel room and engaging in God knows how much raucous sex with hookers. Wilson wanted me to talk to him but it was pretty hard to do that considering I was his problem. Wilson found him and tried to talk sense into him but it didn't work. He just wouldn't listen. It was like he tuned all rationality out completely. He'd changed and seemed like a different man. His behavior was off, I knew he was back on Vicodin and lots of it from what Wilson told me, but there was something else, it was like he didn't care anymore, about himself, about me, or even Wilson. He refused to talk with Wilson about what happened with us, he put up this wall that was ten feet thick and wouldn't let anyone in. Wilson suggested he see his psychiatrist and House threw him out of his apartment."

"Wow. From everything you've told me, he may have been scared that dealing with it would send him over the edge. But in fact, _not_ dealing with it is what sent him over the edge in the end. Change is hard and it's made worse when a person has a lifetime of pain and misery to deal with. A person can't move forward without dealing with the unresolved issues that affect their behavior. I don't think there's any way your relationship with House would have survived in the long run without him addressing his issues and maybe without you addressing yours too."

"Yeah. He was a mess. I was a mess. He did some horrible things. I ignored him. We never talked about it. I wanted us to have it out, yell, scream, and cry, whatever. He held it in; he never talked to me about it. He nearly died after that damn surgery I told you about, he could have bled to death in his own bathtub and that would have been it. He has no idea to this day how, when I took Rachel home after his surgery, how I cried for hours thinking I almost lost him _again_. Finally we talked, at lunch, the day everything fell apart and he...I begged him to talk to me. He…he pushed me up against the wall and just looked at me, so hurt, and he just blurted out, "You want to know how I feel? I feel _hurt_." I have never seen him more hurt or vulnerable ever than at that moment. I just wanted to just hold him and cry with him. I told him I was sorry but that look in his eyes made me realize it was too late. You know what he said to me?"

Cuddy took a moment to take a deep breath and gather her thoughts; the conversation had taken its toll on her.

"What did he say Lisa?"

"He told me it wasn't _my_ fault. I nearly lost it. After all that had happened, he was letting me know that I wasn't responsible for anything that happened. At that point I figured he was telling me I could move on, that maybe he could move on too." Tears were forming in her eyes as she spoke.

"Oh hon, are you okay?"

"Yeah" she wiped her eyes. "I didn't expect we'd be discussing this. I'm not upset for talking about it, I just don't want Rachel to see me like this." She looked over at the girls who were climbing off the playground equipment. Sharon gave her a quick hug and Cuddy returned it and said, "God Sharon I love you and you 're a good friend but thank God you're not _my_ psychologist, you could retire on the money you'd make from treating me!" Both women laughed through their tears as the girls bounded towards them.

"Mommy, did you see me hang upside down? Did you?"

Cuddy looked at Rachel, staring down into those eyes full of wonder and innocence. So many nights she lay awake praying that when Rachel grew up, she would never have to deal with the kind of pain that comes with loving someone as much as she loved House. She knew that she could never protect Rachel from the pain and hurt that accompanies life and love, but she hoped she could at least teach her daughter to be strong enough to deal with it when it happened. As she hugged her little girl, she smiled and replied, "Yes baby, I saw you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Chapter 15**

**A/N:** Here goes. Thank you everyone for your reviews and for adding me to your alerts/favorites. I am honored you like my story!

Please take the time to go through FF and Live Journal and read all the great House-Cuddy stories and please leave comments for the authors who put so much time and effort into them. Authors, please continue to work on your current stories and write new ones. The House fandom really appreciates you!

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><p>It was late Saturday afternoon as House entered the Diagnostics conference room to meet with his team. He hadn't expected to be called in but they had a case. He jumped at the opportunity because he didn't necessarily like being home alone too often, even if it was a Saturday. He threw copies of the file on the table and began.<p>

"Seventy-seven year old male with painful swelling and dysfunction of the right knee, complaining of persistent right knee pain for the last two months."

Chase was the first. "Is there any traumatic injury to the knee?"

"None. I'm thinking degenerative meniscus lesion? We could do an MRI" said Adams.

Park looking through the file chimed in. "We can't do that. He's got a pacemaker, can't do an MRI!"

"What about intra-articular steroid injections?" asked Adams

"Last physician tried that, it didn't work", said House.

Taub replied, "I say we try an arthroscopic partial medial and lateral meniscectomy and see what happens."

"Small fry wins. Go with it." With that House went into his office and closed the door.

Park asked, "What's up with him?"

The team just shrugged their shoulders and proceeded to go run tests on their patient.

In the meantime House limped into his office and sat at his desk with his red mug filled with hot coffee. He rubbed his right thigh which had been hurting a little more than usual the last few days. He hadn't said anything to Wilson because he didn't want Wilson smothering him with questions and concern. He knew he should tell Wilson because one of the things Nolan was adamant about in therapy was that House needed to trust others and open up to them. Nolan had told House that those closest to him should know his struggles so they can support him. Wilson could not be a good support system if he didn't know what House needed yet Wilson was a born caretaker and he didn't know when to quit nagging House.

There were times when the pain was so intense that House wondered if the physical therapy and exercise were doing any good. Fortunately these bad days were much fewer than they used to be, thanks in large part to a better pain management routine and his physical therapy, but when they hit, they hit hard. On those days it took everything he had not to seek Vicodin as the remedy for his pain. No one except Nolan and his physical therapist really understood how difficult it was for him during those moments. He wondered if one of the reasons he didn't let on to Wilson how bad it was at times is because he remembered the times in the past when Wilson dismissed his pain, saying it was in his head. House knew that he was an emotional wreck back then but he had also experienced real pain Wilson had never had to deal with and House hoped he never would.

House knew Wilson was right, that emotional pain could sometimes contribute to physical pain, though he'd never admit it to him. He'd been thinking a lot about Cuddy lately and realized the pain seemed slightly more intense during those moments. He was really worried what she thought about what he had written to her, it weighed heavily on his mind. He never expected her to rush back into his arms, but he had hoped she would someday forgive him. The weight of what he had done to her weighed heavily on his mind. The thought that she might not forgive him suddenly sent him into panic mode. His chest felt tight and he couldn't breathe. He jumped out of his chair and limped out to the balcony where he held on to the stone wall, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, which calmed him immediately. He remembered something Nolan had told him in therapy.

_"You are the only one living your life and you have to take charge of it, don't let it take charge of you. If you want to be less miserable, then you have to do it for you, not someone else. The only person who can change your life is you."_

House thought about those words and wondered if he could actually ever be happy, or at least less miserable. He'd felt less miserable in the last year but he felt empty. He had his job and his friendship with Wilson but he didn't really have anything else. He was lonely and he didn't know what to do about it. He no longer spent long hours at the bars, he didn't call hookers to his apartment anymore, and he tried not to spend too many hours brooding in his apartment and drinking. He recalled the time he spent with Cuddy, was mostly at her house and it was never boring. He had even enjoyed spending time with Rachel once he got used to her. He liked that she was so curious and asked so many questions. He remembered telling Cuddy that when Rachel got old enough _they_ should buy her a microscope. He chuckled at that thought. He wasn't sure when he and Cuddy had become _they_ but he liked it. He never thought he would miss being with someone so much and he never thought a day would come when he hated spending so much time by himself. He was beginning to second guess his idea that people don't change.

He was taken by surprise when Chase walked out onto the balcony.

"How's the patient?" he asked.

Chase replied, "Taub and Adams are with him. He's in more pain, developed soft tissue swelling, skin color change and hyperhidrosis. Right knee shows vasomotor and sudomotor changes. Active and passive range of motion is painfully limited."

"What else?"

"Tenderness on palpation of the medial femoral condyle. Ligamentous stability and meniscal integrity cannot be examined due to the pain."

"Are we thinking CRPS?

"Complex regional pain syndrome is a possibility."

"Go with it. Take some blood samples and do a CT/bone scan to confirm."

"Okay." Chase walked away then turned around. "House?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem quiet."

"When I'm raising hell they complain. When I'm not raising hell they complain. Can't get a break can I? Go on, get out of here, let me know when we've cured him."

Chase shrugged his shoulders and left. Despite the fact his boss could be a real pain in the ass, Chase liked House. They endured a rocky relationship at times over the years but he'd come to really respect House and he felt House respected him. Working with House so long, he'd learned to read his moods. He could sense when there was something on House's mind but House wasn't one to talk about his problems, at least not to his team. Chase had seen the positive changes House had made since being back at the hospital and he hoped his boss would continue to improve.

House stood on the balcony and looked over the grounds of Princeton-Plainsboro. He remembered another time he was standing on that balcony. It was a Friday evening right around dusk. He had gone out to his balcony to get some badly needed fresh air after having been cooped up for days inside the hospital trying to solve a complex case. Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

_"Hey."_

_House turned around and saw Cuddy walking through his office to join him on the balcony. "Hey yourself."_

_"Why are you still here? Case is solved."_

_"I'm too tired to do anything else." He sighed, closed his eyes and dropped his head forward._

_Cuddy placed her hand on his arm gently, "Want me to drive you home? Order some dinner, take a nice hot shower. Relax."_

_House perked up a bit. "Shower first?"_

_Cuddy smirked, "Maybe, but only if Rachel's in bed."_

_"You're such a tease. You know the little monkey has to learn the birds and bees some time."_

_"House! I don't want her to catch us having sex."_

_"She might learn something. I am the master you know."_

_Cuddy smacked House on the arm and he motioned for her to move closer to him. They wrapped their arms around one another. He closed his eyes and smiled. He never tired of the feeling of being near her, close to her in moments like this when everything was just right. He buried his nose in her curls and inhaled deeply. Her hair smelled like vanilla. Her scent always calmed him and sent a feeling of warmth through his body. He pulled her tightly to him and just stood there holding her._

_Cuddy sensed something was up. Without breaking the embrace, she asked, "Are you okay?"_

_"I'm fine."_

_"You sure?"_

_"Shhh. Just relax."_

_Cuddy enjoyed these moments as much as House. It was so rare for him to give such an openly warm public display of affection but she absolutely loved when he did. As they stood there, at dusk on the balcony outside his office holding each other, he whispered in her ear. _

_"I love you."_

_Cuddy opened her eyes in surprise at his sudden revelation. She knew he loved her but he hardly ever said those words because he believed actions were more important than words. His method was to show her, albeit through the most unusual and sometimes obscene ways that he loved her. She knew when he said it, there was no doubt in his words. She looked up at him and smiled. "I love you too House."_

_He dropped his arms a bit and squeezed her ass cheeks. She grinned up at him and said "Come on grumpy, mama's driving you home."_

_"You know I wouldn't be so grumpy if you put out at work."_

_"House!" she smacked him again._

_"Hey that's abuse! I'm calling the cops."_

_"Ha! Maybe you should call child protective services instead?" _

_"Nice. Are you implying that I'm a child?"_

_"If the shoe fits."_

_"Well then, cradle robber, why don't we go back to your place and find out if this child has what it takes to make mama happy?"_

_"You're on." They laughed and walked back into his office, he stuffed his backpack with his iPod, files and other things, grabbed his cane and they walked out together, hand in hand._

House smiled remembering that moment. He still wondered at times how he got there from here. He still couldn't grasp how one minute he could be so in love and happy, at least his version of happy and the next minute he was sinking into the depths of hell. It's one of the things he and Nolan tried to work through. House knew his life had to change, but there was no way he could change without figuring out how to deal with his screwed up past. His past helped make him who he was and he was determined that no longer would he let the ghosts of days gone by run his life. At that moment, he just felt like he needed to talk to Nolan. He walked back into his office to get his cell phone when Adams arrived.

"Thought you were curing our patient?"

"I was."

"Not if you're here. What's going on?"

Adams took a deep breath. "It's not CRPS."

"How do you know?"

"The lab results and scans were conclusive. It looks like metastatic urothelial carcinoma."

"What about the CT?"

"CT showed some nonspecific trabecular changes in the medial and lateral femoral condyle."

"Did you do a triple phase bone scan?"

"Yes. It revealed increased activity inflow with the distal femoral diaphysis and epiphysis during the perfusion stage. During the second and third phase of the bone scan, multiple enhancements in the distal femur, the right tibia and right hemipelvis were detected."

House finished it for her. "Which means a metastatic process caused the pain, swelling and dysfunction. Do a biopsy of the femur and cystoscopy to confirm. Then call Wilson for a consult."

As Adams turned around and left, House banged his cane on the desk. He knew what the tests would confirm, it was indeed metastatic urothelial carcinoma. Considering the length of time the patient had dealt with this illness, the tumor had likely progressed past the point of no return. It wasn't entirely the patient's fault, CRPS symptoms were mimicking the disease so it was a perfect scenario for misdiagnosis. The best they could do for him now was palliative chemotherapy. He probably had two weeks at best. House signed. He hated losing a patient. But he and his team had done everything they could.

He reached for his phone and dialed a number.

"Hey Nolan."

A surprised Nolan greeted House on the other end. Usually his patient only called him if something was wrong. "Are you okay Greg?"

House sat down at his desk. "Lost a patient, or rather we're losing him now. Not much we can do but help with his pain."

"How long?"

"Maybe two weeks, that's being generous."

"I'm sorry Greg."

"Nothing to be sorry about. We did what we could."

"I know but you take your cases seriously and you hate losing a patient. You care."

"No I don't."

"Okay fine. You don't. But still it bothers you that this man is dying."

"He's seventy-seven years old, he's lived a long life."

"Losing a patient is never easy. It's a life Greg."

House was silent. Out of the blue he asked, "Have you ever lost a patient?"

That question surprised Nolan but he decided to answer it. "Yes."

"What? Did you talk him to death?"

"No. He committed suicide."

House was silent.

"Greg?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? There was nothing I could do."

"Oh come on you had to feel guilty. It's your job to read patients." House wasn't trying to be mean, he was just hoping to deflect from the awkwardness of the moment.

"At first I did. I felt responsible because I should have seen the signs. As his physician I should have known. But honestly, I never saw it coming. He seemed to be making great strides and then one day something snapped. There was no way to know he would do this. Trust me, I looked at his case a hundred different ways and in the end I realized suicide was his choice and I had nothing to do with it."

House didn't know what to say. He thought about all of the times he'd nearly gone over the edge, come so close to death.

"Greg? Are you there?"

House snapped back into the moment. "Yeah, sorry, just thinking."

"What are you thinking about?"

House wasn't sure if he should reveal but this was Nolan and the promise had been no secrets if Nolan was going to help him with his therapy again.

"I was thinking about the few times I actually wanted to die, or I thought I did, but really I didn't."

"What were you thinking during those moments?"

"I hurt and I didn't know how to fix it."

"Physically or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"No."

"That's progress."

"I guess."

"House, you called me for a reason. What was it?"

House was quiet for a moment then said, "My leg hurts."

"Are you doing anything for it?"

"I'm sticking with the regimen if that's what you're wondering. Yes I want Vicodin, no I won't go near it."

"Good job Greg. I know how hard this is for you."

"Some days are worse than others. Most of the time it's actually bearable. But the last few days it comes and goes. When it hits though it hurts like hell."

"I know you have therapy on Tuesdays after you see me, have you thought of maybe getting an extra session in early?"

"I was thinking maybe a hot tub and massage this weekend."

"Great idea. Did you stand on your leg too long? Has something happened to make it hurt worse?"

House expected that question. "Been sleeping at the office the past few days because of this case. Haven't been able to really sleep comfortably."

"That might have something to do with it. Anything else?"

"Are you trying to get inside my head?"

"Well it is what I do best."

House thought for a moment, should he tell Nolan how much he'd been thinking about Cuddy?

"I've been thinking about Cuddy lately."

"That's understandable, you're working through all your issues and Dr. Cuddy was a major part of your life for many years."

"Yeah. Sometimes it will flare up when I think too much about her, about us, and everything..."

"That's all part of healing and getting your life together. I want you to listen to me, your pain is real. You are missing a large chunk of thigh muscle. Don't let anyone try to convince you that this is all in your head."

"Gee, would you hold that thought while I go get Wilson on the phone?"

"Dr. Wilson thinks it's all in your head?"

"Not all of it, but most."

"Greg, don't worry about what he says. You know your body, you know your leg better than anyone else. If you tell me it hurts I believe it."

House thought for a moment. "There's more isn't there?"

"Well yes."

"I knew it. Spill."

"There is no doubt in my mind the pain you are experiencing is real. However...there are times that stress can exacerbate that pain and make it just a bit worse. So please understand I know your physical pain is real, I also know that it can be made worse by the things you're enduring emotionally."

"I know. I appreciate your honesty. Thanks for not dismissing it."

"Is Dr. Wilson really that bad?"

"No. He's my best friend, he's trying to help. But he doesn't understand this kind of physical pain and he doesn't know my mind like you do, hell I don't even know if I know my mind like you do. He's doing the best he can do to support me and I appreciate it. I should probably go easier on him I suppose."

"Don't be afraid to be honest with him. He really is trying to help, he's just not sure how."

"Yeah I guess."

"Greg, are you okay? Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"I think I'm good, sorry to have bothered you."

"Greg, you're not bothering me. I'm actually glad you called. I'm glad that you know that you can come to me anytime. Took us a while to get there the first time around and it was important that we establish that trust again. I care about what happens to you."

"Oh God don't go all soft on me."

"Hardly. But you've gone through life thinking people don't care what happens to you, and I'm telling you that you're wrong. People do care. You just spent years shutting them out because you were afraid of the rejection you would feel if you reached out and they didn't reciprocate. You were afraid to trust anyone. Things are different now, you are different. _You can do this_."

House thought for a moment about what Nolan had just said to him. He'd thought of throwing some sarcasm out there but instead he just uttered, "Thanks."

"I'll see you Tuesday right?"

"Yeah. Tuesday."

"Okay Greg, enjoy your weekend. If you need anything please don't hesitate to call me."

"I will, thanks" and with that they hung up. House took a deep breath. He actually felt _relieved_. He packed up his things, grabbed his cane and headed towards the elevator. As he did, he noticed the pain in his thigh was slightly less intense than it had been over the last two days. _That son of a bitch. He knew what he was doing._ House smirked as he walked out of the hospital, climbed on his bike and headed home. There was a bathtub and a nice warm bed waiting for him and there was nothing he wanted more right now than a hot soothing bath and a good night's sleep.

At that moment, in Philadelphia, a psychiatrist was sitting in his favorite chair in the living room of his home which was warmed by a roaring fire. His feet were propped up on the leather ottoman, he had a book resting on his lap, a glass of brandy on the table next to him and Dizzy Gillespie was playing in the background. He had a smile on his face and let out a slight chuckle. To no one in particular, Nolan said aloud, "Good for you Greg, good for _you_" and he went back to reading his book.

**Well there goes, yet another chapter. I really liked this one because I wanted to include scenes from the workplace and also more Nolan. When House returned to Nolan after quitting therapy the first time, he and Nolan had made a promise to see this through. So it's important that when he feels he can't talk to anyone else, that he talk to Nolan.**

**As always, please leave a note on your way out! :) Jess**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** I spent a lot of time thinking this through and I hope it's worthy. Thank you to the lovely and talented allthingsdecent for taking a first look and making some suggestions. Also big thanks to GratefulInsomniac, a terrific writer, who sat there patiently reading my messages to her about how nervous I was posting this chapter!

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><p>It was around eight o'clock when Rachel settled down to sleep. It wasn't hard to get her to sleep early on weekends if Cuddy kept her busy during the day. Her play date with Hannah at the park combined with helping her mother around the house afterwards tired her out. Cuddy enjoyed letting Rachel help her with little things like drying dishes, dusting, sweeping and taking out the trash. Rachel always seemed eager to help and Cuddy thought it was good to teach her responsibility at an early age, which was already showing because Rachel had always been a respectful child, taking care of her own toys and showing respect for the property of others. Once Rachel had gone to sleep, Cuddy showered, changed into loose fitting sweat pants, a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of warm socks. Instead of wine, she chose a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows. Ever since she was a child, she loved marshmallows in her hot chocolate. She chuckled to herself wondering what her mother would think if she knew her grown daughter still required marshmallows in her cocoa. All she wanted to do now was relax and work on her letter to House.<p>

_House._ She couldn't get her mind off of him. Ever since that discussion in the park with Sharon, he was all she could think about. While Sharon had introduced her to a few guys she knew when she'd first moved there, she hadn't found them interesting. Cuddy knew she could be intimidating because she had a strong personality, high expectations and she was picky about men.

_Picky about men and yet I was in love with House?_

House was different, no one else compared. He made her feel excited and energized and he pushed her to the limit. She had thrived on conflict with him and he knew it which is why he enjoyed antagonizing her. No man had ever made her feel the way he did. The way he looked at her, held her, made love to her, was like nothing she'd ever experienced. With a sigh, she picked up the pad of paper and pen and began writing. She knew she would not be able to get all her feelings out in one letter, but this was a start.

_Dear House,_

_Thank you for the letter, it means a lot to me that you put so much into it. I know how difficult it has always been for you to talk about your feelings._

_Given that it's been two years, I've had enough time to put things in perspective. I've done a lot of thinking and came to some realizations. When you drove your car into my house, I do not think you were trying to hurt me but your behavior that day was the culmination of all the stupid self-destructive actions you engaged in after our breakup. You've kept so much shit bottled inside of you for years, so much pain and misery, that it was bound to come out sooner or later. _After we broke up, it was one thing after another and you just kept piling on the shit until you eventually cracked. _You were like a ticking time bomb. In all honesty, Wilson suspected you would implode and he even approached me about it, begging me to talk to you. I was afraid to talk to you about it because seeing you hurt so much made me hurt even more. I was tired of hurting and so I built a wall and hoped it would hold.  
><em>

__When I was in the hospital before my surgery, I was devastated by what might happen and I needed you there. I didn't need Wilson or your team, I needed you. I needed your shoulder to cry on, I needed you to hold my hand, kiss me, and lay in my hospital bed and hold me close because I was scared it might be the last time we would ever do that. I know expecting you to do those things seemed a bit much, but I also needed your honesty too, I needed your raw honesty, your obnoxiousness, your bad jokes and your attitude. I know it sounds insane doesn't it? But it's what I needed at the time. Apparently my subconscious knew you might relapse even before I realized you did. In the days prior to the surgery I had weird dreams and I had no idea what they meant. When I was home recovering, it hit me, and I realized you had indeed taken Vicodin, that's the only way you could be there for me. The night I went to your apartment and broke it off was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. It broke my heart but I didn't know what else to do, I had to protect myself and Rachel. Afterwards you lashed out and every little thing you did after the breakup hurt me so much. You were a real son of a bitch House, every time you pulled some stupid stunt, it broke my heart even more. That last day, when we had lunch together in the hospital and I begged you to talk to me, you told me you felt hurt. I know because I hurt too. _In the hospital earlier that day you told me you felt hurt. I told you I was sorry and I truly was, for everything that had happened. I wanted to console you because I felt as miserable as you but then you told me it wasn't my fault and then you walked away. I thought that was your way of acknowledging it was time for us both to move on. I didn't want to move on House, but I had no choice. ___

__I realized after reading your letter that seeing Jerry at my house just added to the hurt you already felt and forced you over the edge. House, I am sorry you had to see that. Please understand that I never lied to you, I was not seeing anyone after our breakup. I met Jerry in the coffee shop, he was a friend of Julia's and he asked me out. I had turned him down earlier but because he seemed very nice I invited him over to coffee with my sister and brother in law. That's it, there's nothing more to that. I wasn't interested in a relationship with Jerry. There's no way I could think of another man in that way after having just been with you for almost a year and then after having loved you for so many years. I wish I'd told you that...maybe it would've made a difference.  
><em>_

_The night of the incident, the officer who took my statement referred to what you did as domestic violence. Those words made me cringe because it just wasn't the House I've known for so many years. Sure, you had a tendency to lash out verbally at people around you when you were in pain, but when it came to physical destruction you usually did that to yourself not others, and especially not me or Rachel. I was so angry and in shock the night you drove into my house I wanted to kill you myself. I told the police if you showed your face at the hospital I wanted them to throw your ass in jail. I was even more angry at the fact that like you always do when you make a mess, you ran away. You left Wilson and me to pick up the pieces. Your actions forced me to leave my home, my job, everything I loved. Everywhere I turned there were reminders of you and it hurt too much._

_House, you asked if I could ever forgive you. I already have. I forgive you. You and I share a long and complicated history. We've seen each other at our best and worst. I would be lying if I said I did not think of you and care about you because I do and you have been on my mind, even more now since I received your letter. Rachel never forgot you, she spoke of you often after we broke up and continued even after we moved. Like me, Rachel never forgot you.  
><em>

_While we're on the subject of forgiveness, I need to ask for yours. You have taken responsibility for your part for what went wrong in our relationship and now it's my turn. You weren't the only coward, I ran too. I knew you were an addict when we got together, I should have been more supportive of your struggles to stay clean. I knew you had trouble opening yourself up and trusting and I should have done more to help you overcome that. I walked away from you at your most vulnerable moment and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not talking to you about what was on my mind. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough credit for trying when it came to us. You said to me that you could do better. I could have done better too._

_Like you, I wonder what might have been but I have to believe everything happens for a reason. We've both made mistakes we wish we hadn't made and we should stop looking back and wishing we had done things differently. Let's stop having those regrets, life is too short. _

_And speaking of life being too short...I've been thinking about this a lot lately because Julia's husband Michael died recently after suffering a heart attack at work. I know you and Julia didn't always see eye to eye but you know how much she loved him. She and the kids are devastated. I spent a few days up there with them. We talked and I found out things weren't always great between them. They had their share of fights and yet they made it work because they loved each other. Their relationship in some ways reminded me of us. There were times we couldn't stand one another but the love was always there. We talked about you. All this time I thought she hated you but she doesn't...she's just angry at what you did to me and Rachel, how our lives changed after that. It took her a long time to work through her anger at you and what could've happened on that day. Oddly enough, Julia actually supported our relationship and said we were good together. She actually thought you had some redeeming qualities. Jules also pointed out some things to me about myself and you that I never realized before and it has helped me to see things from a clearer perspective. But she warned me...to be careful here. She's not worried you will do anything but she knows our history and how easily it would be for us to hurt one another again.  
><em>

____As you know I'm living in Cambridge now. I'm lecturing at Mass General in the Administrative Fellowship program and on staff in the Endocrine Unit. I rent a brick house with a small yard in a nice quiet neighborhood. Rachel is bright, energetic and curious. She is smart too and at times she can be stubborn and headstrong-much like you though my mother says I was just like that at her age. We go the park nearby quite often and Rachel's favorite thing is the monkey bars. She told me you taught her how to hang on the bars! I had no idea! And while we're at it-you took her for ice cream? Read stories to her? Why didn't you ever tell me?____

_So here I am I thought that by this point I would have called you every name in the book and told you how much I hate you for ruining my life and yet that has not happened. I'm a little confused at times about how I am supposed to feel towards you but Wilson and my good friend Sharon have helped me realize I shouldn't worry about how others would handle this or what others think. The only thing that matters is what I think and feel and I should do what feels right to me. That's why I'm writing this letter House because I want to, it feels right. The last two years has been hard for both of us. I am glad you are making positive changes by seeing a physical therapist and Nolan too. Both will do you a lot of good. Besides, Nolan doesn't put up with your bullshit.  
><em>

_At the park today, I told Sharon that I thought writing you might give me closure but she said it would not be closure, in fact given our history, I'd be opening that door again. How well she knows us and she's never even met you. You were so honest in your letter I felt it was only right to reciprocate. You told me that you will always love me. House, I've always loved you and I will always love you. It seems as if no matter where we go or what we do we are still drawn together. We both have a lot of issues to work through and I am not sure where we should go from here, but I feel better after writing this letter to you. We should have talked like this years ago but I suppose it's never too late, right? I think we always knew each other better than anyone else did._

_Always, Cuddy_

_p.s. I've enclosed a recent picture of Rachel. Notice what she's doing._

* * *

><p><strong>The picture she enclosed was one of Rachel on the monkey bars hanging upside down!<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Thank you to GratefulInsomniac for reading this and V,and MystryGAB both of whom took the time to explain realistic pain treatments for House's leg, which will be addressed throughout the story.

-allthingsdecent, partypantscuddy, HillyHuddy, Alica1990, incendioctober, itzaboo, huddyloverxox, 6cbrilhante, winnywriter, InTheHouse, toledogirl, ParijanTaiyou, nikollie, byte size, superboetti, Lia Huddy, drhousefan4eva22, EllieShelly, Penelope S. Cartwright, SissiCuddles, fender24, dyslexic csi, BackToTheStart, huddysmyvicodin, Cherokee Jedi, TheVerbalThingComesandGoes, Maya295, tvshowaddict, aleramp88, huddlesnumba9, DespisedByThePluralofMoose, stenveny, hisbrainisonfire, Shameless4hugh, adieangel, csilover8, paramorefreak24, Iane_Casey, blowersgate, huddysosayweall, houseenthusiast, raffinit, ARiverGhost, Andree Campbell, TeddisonEddison, imnotcrazy82, smackedfan454, JasonMorganFan87, juliabohemian, loveandsqualor, icecreamcastles, huddycat, Zayz, Percy's Gadzooks, jacksam4eva, cunninglinguist20, SVUProductions, jaded27, lukeisfrakkinsexxxy, KatieF-House, TDCSI, Whatuwant15, Fieldsy, lobeisallyouneed, sweetpants, and many others...

...for their never ending persistence in continuing older stories and starting new ones, keeping the House-Cuddy dynamic alive and well for all of us. **Please don't give up on your unfinished stories and please continue to write new ones!**

* * *

><p>Monday morning Cuddy and Rachel were heading out the door when Cuddy realized she'd forgotten something very important. On top of the coffee table was a letter addressed to one Gregory House at 221 Baker Street in Princeton. Cuddy had left the envelope unsealed all weekend because she'd reread what she had written several times, trying to put herself in House's shoes and read it from his point of view. She'd wanted to rewrite it a half dozen times just to get it perfect but she talked herself out of it knowing that House would suspect she'd done just that. She had no idea how House would be able to tell, but he would. Cuddy picked up the letter and before sealing it, she took it out of the envelope, closed her eyes and kissed it lightly, in the hopes that she could pass some good vibes on to him, thinking he probably needed them right now. She placed the letter back in the envelope, sealed it and placed it in the mailbox. It would arrive in Princeton in just a couple of days and she had no idea what would happen next. Deciding there was nothing more she could do except wait, she smiled, got into her car and drove Rachel to school.<p>

* * *

><p>That same morning, House arrived at work earlier than usual. He hadn't slept much the night before because his leg was bothering him and he was having strange dreams so he decided he might as well go to work early. He had a couple of journal articles he wanted to write and figured he might have some time to do that today. As he walked towards the elevators, a few nurses in the reception area glanced his way with a look of surprise on their faces. Instead of being his usual jackass self, he winked at them, smirking to himself as their mouths dropped open in shock. He loved messing with the nurses, especially the really bitchy ones. Just when they think they had him figured out he'd do something unexpected that would shock them even more.<p>

On the way to his office he stopped by to see Wilson. As he barged in unannounced Wilson didn't even bother to look up from his paperwork, instead motioning towards the couch with one hand as House made himself comfortable.

"What say you boy wonder oncologist? Save any lives today?"

"House, I'm busy. What do you want?"

"Is that the best you can do for your bestest friend in the whole wide world?"

Wilson put down his pen, took off his glasses and looked at House. "Okay I give up, what's on your mind?"

House looked surprised. "Nothing's on my mind Jimmy, I just missed you."

"Flowers would do."

"Yeah but then you don't get to see my smiling face, besides people would talk."

"They already talk."

"They'll talk more."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "House, what do you want?"

"I'm bored."

"You haven't even been to work yet."

"Okay, when I get to work, I will be bored. I can predict the future; it's one of my many gifts."

"Yes, if only you were known for that instead of being an annoying asshole."

"Words hurt you know."

"Somehow I'm sure you'll find a way to move on."

House grabbed his cane, got up from the couch and as he passed Wilson's desk he knocked over his pencil cup. On his way out he asked Wilson, "See you at lunch?"

"Yep."

"Later."

"Bye House."

After House left the office, Wilson sighed. Something was on House's mind and Wilson was determined to find out later. For now he had a lot of work to do.

* * *

><p>As House entered his office, his fellows were shocked to see him. He looked at them quizzically, "What? Last I checked I work here too."<p>

Taub shook his head and replied, "We're just not used to you gracing us with your presence this early."

House wanted to reply with something snarky but he was more interested in why Foreman was sitting in the diagnostics conference room with his team. It had become a habit recently and it was annoying the hell out of him.

"To what do I owe this great honor oh wise Interim Dean?"

Foreman said, "I've got a case for you."

"And you couldn't just drop it off and go?"

House picked up his copy of the file, took it into his office, sat down and began reading it. Foreman seemed irritated his former boss was ignoring him so he went after him. House didn't look up when Foreman walked into his office, but he did speak.

"Was there something else you wanted?"

"No. I just want to make sure you're doing your job."

"I am. You can go now."

"House."

House looked up at Foreman and asked, "What? You're up my ass so much these days I'm expecting a proposal of marriage."

"I've gotten some complaints."

"About moi?"

"Yeah. You're not doing clinic duty."

"What else is new?"

"You have to do clinic duty."

"What makes you think that?"

"It's your job. I'm your boss. You work for me therefore you do what I tell you to do."

"And if I don't?"

Foreman just stood there with a look of irritation on his face. He couldn't threaten to have House's parole revoked, not that he would actually have done it, but he couldn't even threaten because House's parole was long since complete. He couldn't threaten to fire him because House knew he didn't have the balls to do it. Besides, the Board would have a fit. House's name and reputation as a world renowned diagnostician still brought in millions in donations to the hospital not to mention worldwide recognition. Foreman knew he was the worst person to be supervising House because the diagnostician never listened to him. The only person who could keep House in line was long gone from the hospital.

"I just need you to do your clinic duty."

"Not right now."

"No, but when you're scheduled to do it, I expect you to do it."

"Is that it?"

"Yeah."

"Then you can go now."

The two stared at each other until Foreman finally gave up and left. House was frustrated with Foreman. He did not dislike Foreman, in fact he respected him, as a doctor though not as an administrator. He thought Foreman's best talents were being wasted pushing paper and dealing with donors and personnel issues. Foreman was a neurologist and diagnostician in training. House felt Foreman had come a long way over the years and that someday he would make a great diagnostician. He believed Foreman was wasting his time and talents as an administrator. He walked back into the conference room, throwing a dry erase marker at Chase and motioning him towards the whiteboard.

"Fifty-six year old African-American male with sickle cell disease, transfusion associated iron overload and state III chronic kidney disease admitted to the ER with fever, shortness of breath and tachypnea. Go."

Taub began reading the notes, "Patient reported a fifteen pound weight loss and increased frequency of bone pain over a period of six months. His medications included hydroxyurea and deferasirox. He was treated for painful sickle crisis and community-acquired pneumonia with analgesics, oxygen and antibiotics. He showed an initial improvement in clinical condition and was released. Then last night he got worse. His family was upset over the course of care he received at New York Mercy and transferred him to us."

Adams picked up where Taub left off. "It looks like he received repeated blood transfusions for the worsening anemia but did not show a subsequent increase in his hematocrit."

House pointed at Taub, "You and Adams do a chest radiography, refractory anemia workup and peripheral smear" and pointing at Park he said, "You talk to the wife and get a patient history."

"What about me?" asked Chase?

"Come with me" as he led Chase into his office.

"Have a seat."

Chase took a seat and asked "What's this all about?"

"I'm appointing you team leader."

Chase's eyes got wide.

"You seem surprised."

"Well I am. I mean why _me_?"

"You want me to appoint one of the three stooges out there? Because if you're really stupid enough not to want the job, I know one of them will jump at the chance."

"No, no. I'll take it, I'm just surprised. Why me?"

"Well, of everyone on my team, you've been with me the longest. In the beginning you annoyed the hell out of me, then you ratted me out to Tritter, started screwing Cameron, kissed an underage patient, I punched you, you punched me, and then eventually you kinda grew on me."

"Whoa! I didn't rat you out. I…I wanted to but I didn't. Tritter set it up so that everyone's bank accounts were frozen but mine, so you would suspect me, so I would…."

"Shut up. I already know all that. If I thought you were that much of an asshole I would have fired you a long time ago. Oh wait, I did." House leaned back in his chair laughing.

"So, is this really a leadership position or just someone to do your shit work and keep Foreman off your ass?"

House leaned forward with his elbows on his desk and said in a serious tone, "The truth is yes, I need someone to be my eyes and ears and keep Foreman at bay. But I also need someone to supervise those morons out there before they blow up a lab or run the wrong tests and kill a patient. I can't be here all the time and even though I want to be here all the time, my shrink doesn't think it's such a good idea. You didn't hear that from me, got it? You've come a long way since I first hired you. You've learned a lot, you've been through some shit and you made it. I'm proud of you and if you tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it then I'll fire your ass and put Taub in charge."

The two looked at each other. Chase nodded his head and said "Okay."

House nodded in reply. Chase walked out of the room, a spring in his step. This was going to be great. Before he stepped out the door House yelled to him. "Better let me tell them."

"Yeah." Chase smirked and walked out.

House felt oddly comforted by the idea of appointing someone to manage the team for him. One of the things Nolan was helping him with was acknowledging when he needed help and not being afraid to seek it. Since returning to his job, he spent a lot of time at the hospital. It wasn't as if he had extracurricular activities to take him away from his work for in reality work was all he had, besides Wilson and therapy. He realized though that he could not spend every waking moment working and after a few weeks considering Nolan's suggestion he finally realized it had to be done. Besides, appointing Chase team leader would be a teaching and learning opportunity for both of them. House would never admit it publicly but he admired how far Chase had come in fact he was actually proud of Chase, Foreman and Cameron and how much they'd grown up and become such great doctors in the time he'd known them. He actually missed the old days working with the three of them. _Ahh the old days_, he thought. With that he opened up a folder full of notes and began working on his article.

* * *

><p>It was around one o'clock when Wilson stopped by House's office. House was so engrossed in his reading and writing that he didn't even realize Wilson had entered his office until Wilson cleared his throat, making House nearly jump out of his chair.<p>

"Are you exacting revenge by making me crap my pants?"

"No. Although the thought of you crapping your pants is rather funny. I thought you wanted lunch."

"Well now you're speaking my language."

The two took the elevator down to the cafeteria and grabbed some food and their usual booth. As always, House piled on anything he could manage to get onto his plate without spilling over. As they ate, they talked about the day's events.

"So what's going on House?"

"Not much."

"Not much?"

"Is there an echo in here?"

"You had something on your mind this morning. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Sure you do."

"No I don't."

"Oh come on House, cut the crap. You came into my office this morning because you wanted to talk. I'm sorry I didn't have time. I've got three patients who aren't doing so well and I just have a lot going on right now."

"Wilson none of your patients are doing well, that's why they are seeing _you_."

"House."

"Ok what do you want to know? That my leg hurts? That I worry I might slip up and wind up back on Vicodin? That my life is boring and dull? That I spend way too much time at the hospital? That I'm wondering if Cuddy will ever respond to my letter or if she's just thrown it away? That enough for you?"

"Wow you do have things on your mind."

"Of course I do."

"Sorry House. Really, I am. About your leg, why is it hurting?"

"Because years ago I had an infarction and my girlfriend had my..."

"I'm leaving House."

"Okay okay. Yeah it hurts, for no reason, it just does. Before you ask, yes the therapy is helping quite a bit but sometimes it just hurts a lot and there's nothing I can do about it."

"The pain management specialist did say you could take oxycodone for breakthrough pain."

_"No!"_ House exclaimed a little too loudly because people around them had turned their heads. "No, not if I can help it."

"But House, if you're in that much pain..."

"Wilson so help me if you mention it again I'll put my foot up your ass so far..."

"Okay, okay no need to get violent. I just know that in the past I tended to dismiss your real physical pain as psychosomatic, even conversion disorder. I was wrong then and I never want to make you feel that I am underestimating the amount of pain you are in ever again. I'm sorry I ever did that."

House nodded his head in appreciation of Wilson's apology. Now he wanted to change the subject. "So uh I appointed Chase team leader today."

"Really? How'd that go over with Taub?"

"Taub?"

"Well, he's been with you for five years and I just assumed he might be the kind of guy you'd choose."

"Are you kidding? Appointing him team leader would be like releasing his inner Hitler. No thanks. Besides I haven't told them yet."

"When will you tell them?"

"When I get around to it. Meanwhile they'll be wondering why Chase is assuming more responsibility and acting all boss-like. Should be fun."

"House. Don't play games with your team. Every time you do that it backfires on you."

"I'll tell them before I leave today okay dad?"

"Okay son." The both laughed.

As House picked up his water with one hand, he also reached down with his right hand and began rubbing his thigh. Wilson decided to continue their conversation.

"So you've been thinking of Cuddy?"

"No."

"Yes you have. You told me as much earlier. Besides I know you too well."

"I can't keep a secret from you can I?"

"I'm sure she didn't throw your letter away House."

"Yeah. Oh damn would you look at the time? I've got to go. Patients to be saved." With that House departed the table leaving his tray for Wilson to deal with.

Wilson just rolled his eyes as he got up from the table and disposed of both trays. On the way back to his office, he couldn't help but think about what Cuddy's reaction was to House's letter. He hadn't talked to her about it; he'd been so busy lately to even call her. He was a friend to both of them but he had decided a few days ago that he had to be very careful about his involvement in what was taking place. He realized that House and Cuddy had to do this, whatever _this_ was, on their own. He didn't mind listening and giving advice but it was second nature for him to meddle and push, and he didn't want to do that, not this time. He couldn't be the one to make things right, this time they had to do it on their own.

* * *

><p>It was around eight o'clock that evening and House still hadn't gone home. <em>So much for not spending my nights at work<em>, he mused. Confident that his team hadn't killed their patient yet, House closed the blinds in his office and settled back in his Eames chair for a nap. He just needed a few hours away from everyone and everything. His mind started wandering as he drifted off to sleep.

_"House?"_

_"House?"_

_House's eyes flew open and there, standing before him, with a smirk on her face and hands on hips was the gorgeous delight of his life._

_"What mom? I was sleeping."_

_"Come on, you're not spending the night here, let's go."_

_"I can't. The kids will blow up the hospital and the administrator will be very mad to me." He grinned._

_"I think the administrator would understand, don't you think?" she asked him as she motioned for him to move his feet off the ottoman so she could sit across from him. When she sat down he put his feet back up trapping her between them._

_Cuddy put both her hands on House's legs and rubbed them as she sat between them. He was beginning to get aroused._

_"Uh Dr. Cuddy do you think we should be doing this here?"_

_"What? I'm just helping my favorite employee relax."_

_"Oh really? I'm your favorite employee now?"_

_"When you do that certain thing with your tongue that I love so much, then yes you are. When you're a pain in the ass, not so much." Her eyes sparkled as she laughed that throaty laugh that he adored._

_They both leaned forward at the same time and kissed. It was a long, deep and meaningful kiss full of longing and want. As they broke apart, they opened their eyes slowly. Neither said a word but their hands entwined and the looks on their faces said it all for them. They were a deeply non-verbal couple with so much being said through facial expressions and body language._

_"You should go home to Rachel and I'll be there when I can. I can't leave yet."_

_"We have a few more minutes before I have to go."_

_"Do we?"_

_"We do."_

_House patted his lap motioning for Cuddy to come closer. She sat on his lap with her weight on his left leg and her legs hanging over his right side. He just held her like that a long time and neither of them said anything. During these moments House felt he was the luckiest man in the world. He had never felt more loved and wanted than when he and Cuddy were together like this. Cuddy felt the same way. Being in House's arms made her feel more safe and secure than she'd ever felt in her life. Despite the dysfunction that accompanied their relationship, each of them offered something to the other they could never find anywhere else. At times, the intense need they felt for one another scared them both though neither would ever admit it._

_They sat there quietly for some time with House's arms protectively around Cuddy while she nestled up against his warm chest. House kissed the top of her head occasionally and ran his hands up and down her left arm and leg as he held her. He thought there was no better feeling in the world than holding this woman. As if she could sense what he was thinking, she opened her eyes and looked up at him, into those amazing blazing blue eyes that she could never get enough of, and she offered him her lips. They kissed for what seemed to be an eternity. They started with small, gentle kisses and eventually morphed into deeper, more passionate kisses with tongues battling for control. Their kisses seemed to reflect the type of relationship they had, sometimes gentle and soft, other times passionate and wild. Neither wanted to pull away but they did, at the same time opening their eyes and staring at each other. Words would never be enough to express their thoughts and feelings._

_"I should go." she finally said to him while not making an effort to move just yet. "Rachel's waiting for me."_

_"Okay. Wait up for me?"_

_"Yeah." _

_They kissed one more time, so incredibly deep and full of need that it elicited passionate moans from both of them. House reached his right hand up her shirt, gently caressing her stomach and breasts. Meanwhile Cuddy massaged his neck with both her hands, pulling him as close as she could, never wanting to let go. Finally he patted her leg and she rose from the chair. He moved to follow her but she insisted he relax a bit more before he had to deal with his team. _

_"I'll see you tonight." she said as her left hand squeezed his right. He nodded and with that they parted._

"House."

_"House!"_

House nearly jumped out of his chair. He was disoriented for a moment until he saw his team standing there looking at him oddly. He glanced around and the blinds were still shut, the lamp was the only light in his office. He realized he'd been dreaming. He sighed and slumped back, rubbed his hands over his three day stubble.

Chase proceeded to explain patient's latest tests. "Chest radiography shows bilateral lunch crackles, leukocytosis and bilateral basilar infiltrates. Refractory anemia workup doesn't support any active bleeding or hemolysis. His reticulocyte count was 1.2% and his parvovirus B19 antibody assay is negative."

"What about the smear?" House asked.

Taub replied, "Peripheral smear showed anisocytosis and Howell-Jolly bodies, but no schistocytes."

House rubbed his leg, grabbed his cane and got up from his chair, leading the way to the conference room, his fellows following. It was going to be another long night.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As you can see it's moving slow because it has to be that way, at least that is unless some sort of catalyst propels things forward unexpectedly :) Thank you for reading! Please leave your comments!<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** Well, here goes. It's Tuesday and House goes to therapy. Remember, opening up is not easy for House but he knows if he wants a chance at life he has to do this. Enjoy and please leave a comment on your way out!

Thank you to Veronique for her M.D. expertise regarding the various treatments of House's leg pain!

Thank you to everyone who is reading this story!

* * *

><p>House arrived at Nolan's office around 9:30 am Tuesday morning. He'd called the psychiatrist to let him know he was running late because the case he'd been working on had kept him up most of the night. House knew if he stuck with it, they could solve it and they did. The patient had begun deteriorating rapidly and suffering from drowsiness, disorientation and slurred speech. His physical, neurological exams and all other tests revealed nothing. The family had lost all hope and decided he would undergo no more tests but House talked to them and convinced them to give his team just a bit longer. Around seven in the morning, somebody, nobody remembers who it was, had an epiphany and after more tests including anion gap and bone marrow, it was determined the patient had multiple myeloma. House told his team to treat and inform the family that the patient should show significant improvement in about fourteen days.<p>

When House entered the building, Nolan's secretary Alice greeted him and waved him into the office. Fortunately, Nolan had a carafe of coffee and two large mugs ready. House took his usual spot in the recliner and put his feet up. He rubbed his right thigh which was hurting more than usual.

"Greg, is the pain worse today?"

House nodded. "Yeah, sleeping in that chair bites."

"We could have rescheduled our session."

"If I reschedule there's a chance I don't come at all."

Nolan nodded his head in understanding. "How's the pain regimen?"

"Acetaminophen, gabapentin, muscle relaxing patches, combined with hydrotherapy, massage therapy, and exercise seem to help quite a bit. Docs offered me percutaneous fentanyl patches and oxycodone for breakthrough pain but I'd like to avoid opiates if at all possible."

"But is what you're doing now working?"

"Most of the time the combination of things helps, the pain varies depending on the level of activity. If I sit, stand or lie down too long it will hurt. Unfortunately muscle tissue can't regenerate on its own but the physical therapy is at least helping to increase the remaining muscle to compensate which helps when I put weight on it. It's the best I can do." House said before taking a swig of coffee. The pain was subsiding and he was beginning to feel up for his session.

"Do you ever wish you were back on Vicodin?

"Sometimes."

"Why?"

"Vicodin numbed the pain."

"In your leg?"

"Where else?"

"It's important for us to talk about your pain, both the physical _and_ the emotional."

It was still difficult for House to talk about his emotional pain; there was so much of it. It would hit him with random flashes of memories provoking feelings he couldn't control. Sometimes when he wanted to discuss his emotional pain he didn't even know where to start and he was afraid of what he'd say once he got started. He took a deep breath and relaxed his head against the back of the recliner.

"I know a lot of my pain is real and that my leg really hurts. I also know that some of this is psychological. When I was on Vicodin, the leg didn't hurt so much, and I was so high, well at least high enough that I didn't care if people tried to hurt me because I couldn't feel it. I didn't want to feel it. Problem was my body got used to the Vicodin so I had to increase the dosage. It's how I wound up here in the first place."

"You did the right thing, it would have killed you. You know that right?"

"Yeah."

"Greg if there's anything I can do."

"There's nothing you can do. This…" he motioned with his hands between himself and Nolan "this helps, talking about stuff."

"I'm glad. What shall we talk about today?"

House sighed. He had no idea where to begin.

"My mother's coming to visit this weekend."

"Is that a good thing?"

"I don't know."

"Was this her idea or yours?"

"Hers."

"Are you going to talk to her about everything that's happened?"

"Shit, I wouldn't know where to start."

"Don't plan it out, just play it by ear. Enjoy some quality time with her and just be honest with her. She's your mother; she's not going to hate you."

House let out a dry laugh. The thought of his mother hating him sent a shiver up his spine. She was the only person who'd ever stood by him and never wavered. He still felt an immense amount of guilt for not being the kind of son she deserved.

"Greg I sense something's bothering you, what is it?"

House waited a few moments before answering. "My mother is the only one who's never turned her back on me. Stacy, Wilson, Cuddy, my dad, they gave up on me eventually. Sure, Wilson came back but mom, she never gave up on me, ever. She's the only one." House had a kind of distant look in his eye as if he were conjuring up a memory.

"Are you worried about disappointing her?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"She defended me to my father, protected me as much as she could from his crap, all she wanted was for me to be happy and I screwed up every chance I ever had. I don't know what in hell she's going to think when she finds out about what I did."

"She's your mom, she's always going to love you."

"I don't deserve her. She's a good person. We're so different."

"How are you different?"

"Mom has a good heart. She's the kind of person who takes in all the strays and cares for them, always going out of her way to help people, do good things for them and not because she has to but because she wants to. My father used to have a fit over it. Told her she was too nice. He even told her more than once that she didn't deserve an ungrateful asshole like me as a son."

Nolan could feel the sting in that last comment and he filed House's words away in his mind for for future reference. He knew House had been adamant about not deserving this or that in life and he wanted to address it but at a later time. Right now he was hoping House would continue talking about his mother.

"I take it she wasn't a confrontational type of person?"

"No, but she inherited a slightly rebellious streak."

"Oh?"

"My grandmother, mom's mother was born into a wealthy family but she married beneath her. She married my grandfather who was a tailor. My grandfather was a master of his trade and made a good living but his mother-in-law didn't like him. No matter how hard he worked and took care of his family, it didn't matter to her, she refused to accept him. My grandmother started a trend because it seems my great-grandmother didn't like my father either and yet my mother married him anyway. My mother was a smart woman, her grandmother kept insisting she should marry a wealthy respectable young man from a good family. So what does _she_ do? She marries a Marine, a guy from a blue collar working class family."

"What did your mom's parents say about that?"

"They encouraged her to do whatever she wanted to do. But my great-grandmother, she was pretty insistent and intimidating. She tried a few times to set my mother up with what she considered respectable young men. According to my grandmother, my mother met them at the door and politely told them she wasn't interested and continued dating my father."

Nolan laughed."It would explain where you got your rebellious streak, wouldn't it?"

"I guess."

"So your mom was no pushover. Apparently she knew what she wanted and didn't let anything stand in her way."

"You could say that."

"Do you wish she had stood up to your dad and said something to him about how he treated you?"

House felt a little uncomfortable talking about this and it showed. He began fidgeting with his cane though he knew he had come too far to turn back now.

"Back then I wish she had, I wanted her to stand up to him in his face and tell him what a son of a bitch he was and then just pack her shit and take me with her but that never happened. My mom was more subtle in how she stood up to him. She did everything she could for me while placating him at the same time."

"How?"

"As I told you once before, mom taught me a lot of things. She taught me to read and bought me lots of books all the time. She also bought me my first piano and taught me to play it. My dad thought she was spoiling me and piano made me a wuss so he tried to toughen me up. One weekend when mom was away visiting her parents, he threw away my books and sold my piano to the wife of one of his fellow officers. When mom got back and found out, she was mad as hell but she didn't yell at him. Instead, she replaced all my books and bought me another piano out of her own money. He never said a word about it to her at least not in front of me. I never heard them discuss it. But after that dad didn't touch my books or my piano again. I knew he hated that she'd defied him by the way he looked at me when I played that piano."

House seemed anxious to talk more so Nolan nodded, acknowledging him to continue.

"Whenever dad would pick on me, mom defended me by talking to my father in an effort to convince him that my actions were just a boy being a boy. She told him I was a bright, intellectual young man and that there was something special about me. She'd tell him there was a gift I possessed that was going to change the world someday. She tried to convince him that my unusual curiosity and way of thinking was part of what made me special and that I should be encouraged. She really believed in me like nobody else did. She encouraged me to indulge in everything that interested me like books, piano, and sports. If it weren't for her I never would have become a doctor."

House took a deep breath and sighed. That was a lot of talking, even for him.

"Your mom sounds like one hell of a woman."

"Yeah I suppose she is. She never said this out loud but I sensed that when dad was gone, she was relieved. It seemed we spent a lot of time together when he was gone. It was peaceful for both of us, they were the best times when it was just us."

"And yet you are worried about her coming here."

"I spent my adult life avoiding her mostly because of him. Now he's gone and I'm still avoiding her only this time it's because of me. Fuck! How do I talk to her about what I did to Cuddy? I mean she already knows what happened but now she has to hear it from me. How do I face her? She sacrificed so much for me and I wound up in prison."

"I think you may underestimate your mother. You went through some serious life changing events all within a very short period of time. You were under an immense amount of stress and you just cracked. Be honest with her about everything that happened. You have taken responsibility for your actions, you paid for it and here you are in therapy trying to fix your life and repair the damage you've done to yourself and others. You could have said the hell with it and continued your old lifestyle when you got out of prison but you didn't. You want to change Greg, you just don't know how. I'm telling you, right now you're on the right path."

"I've tried before and I've failed."

"That's true and yet here you are again. What does that tell you?"

"Trying means nothing, succeeding means everything. I was off Vicodin and clean for almost two years then I thought Cuddy was dying and I slipped right back into old habits and after the breakup it only got worse. It ruined my life. Again."

House sounded frustrated and as he spoke he got out of the recliner, grabbed his cane and headed for his favorite spot by the window. There were times it was easier for him to talk while looking out the window than facing Nolan.

"I'm tired of trying and never succeeding. I'm supposed to be one of the smartest goddamn people in the world and I can't even figure out how to fix my own life. I keep fucking it up time and time again."

"Greg, life is about making mistakes, learning from them and trying again. Sometimes when we try succeed, other times we fail. There's no manual for how to live our lives, we just have to keep going and hope we're doing it right and when we don't we learn from that and move on. Imagine where the human race would be if we never picked ourselves up after falling down. You are not alone Greg, many feel as you do."

House didn't say anything. He just kept looking out the window. "What if I don't want to try again? It just hurts. Every goddamned time it hurts worse than the last."

"I know it hurts and I know that sometimes you just want to give up but that's the easy way out and that is just not who you are. Listen, I can't do anything to take away your pain but I can help you realize that you are _not_ a failure, that you _can_ change and be the person you want to be. You just have to fight for it, more than most. It's going to take time, it won't happen overnight. But if you just keep on trying, you can do this. The question is _what_ do you want to do? What do you want out of your life?"

"I don't know what I want but I know what I _don't_ want. I don't want to feel like I've lost control of my life. I don't want to be miserable but I've been like this so goddamned long I'm not sure how to be anything else."

"You've got a long road ahead of you Greg. You have two choices. Move forward or stay where you are you. If you move forward, you can change things. If you stay where you are you, nothing changes and in fact you'll likely fall backwards. You once told me that doing nothing changes nothing."

"You picked a hell of a time to quote me you know that?"

Nolan just smiled. "Okay Greg, we've got a little time left, why don't we talk more about your relationship with your mom. Are you okay with that?"

House moved back into the chair and set aside his cane. "I can't seem to get a break can I?"

"Not with me you don't." Nolan settled back in his chair, folded his hands in his lap and listened.

* * *

><p>Later that afternoon House arrived home exhausted. He'd spent an extra half-hour with Nolan talking about his mom and that turned out to be a very good conversation. It made House realize how much he missed his mom. He was still apprehensive about telling her what he'd done but he knew he would tell her. He hated to admit it, though he wasn't quite sure why, but talking to Nolan really was helping him. He felt an incredible weight lifted after every session.<p>

When House returned to Princeton he had a light lunch and made it right on time for his physical therapy appointment. He ended his session with an intense massage from Lucia, the sixty-something year old "masseuse from hell" as he liked to call her. Lucia was brutal but House always felt more relaxed after she was done with him. She knew he was in pain and yet she was relentless and he was thankful for that. He didn't like to be coddled or pitied and he was glad that neither Nolan or any of his physical therapists did that to him.

The first thing he did upon arriving home was strip down and get into the shower. The hot water felt good on his tired muscles. He dried off and put on his favorite Ramones tee shirt and pajama pants. It was still daylight but he wasn't going anywhere for the rest of the day. Tuesdays took a lot out of him both mentally and physically and he needed time to recuperate from it. Since Chase was now his right-hand man he'd told him he expected him to run the team on Tuesdays unless it was an emergency. So far he'd received no phone calls and for once he was grateful for that.

He sat at the piano and played while processing the day's events. He didn't pay much attention to what he played, he just closed his eyes and let his hand drift over the keys, his fingers gliding back and forth as if they had a mind of their own. Somehow he found himself playing Cuddy's Serenade, one of his personal favorites. He smiled remembering how he felt when he composed it, all the love and passion he'd felt for her was present that night, even though he'd been sitting alone at the piano drinking scotch kicking himself because he'd been too stupid to just tell her he wanted to be at Rachel's Simchat Bat. In all the time they were together, House had never once played that song for Cuddy. He'd thought of giving it to her as a gift but he never did. Their entire relationship which began the moment he first laid eyes on her back in college, was wrapped up in that serenade and he could not bear to part with it, not even to play it for her.

As he finished playing the serenade he opened his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. For him moments of serenity and peace were few and far between but at that particular moment in time, he was feeling it and it felt good. For a fleeting moment it actually made him...smile. Feeling a second wind come over him, his fingers resumed their place on the keys as he closed his eyes and threw himself into one of his favorite Rachmaninov Piano Concertos.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading!<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

Thursday morning Cuddy was getting breakfast ready while Rachel got ready for school. She hadn't heard her daughter moving around for some time so she called to her.

"Rachel, are you ready?"

When she got no response she called to her again.

"Rachel?"

Still she heard nothing. Concerned, she looked at her watch as she walked down the hall to Rachel's room. There she found her daughter still in her pajamas sitting on her bed swinging her feet.

"Rachel what on earth are you doing just sitting there? Breakfast is almost ready and we need to get going soon."

"I don't feel good."

Cuddy sat next to her daughter on the bed, put her hand on her daughter's forehead and then looked closely at her face. "You don't have a temperature and your face isn't flushed."

"My tummy hurts."

_"Rachel."_

"Yes mommy."

"You are not sick. Now are you going to tell me what this is all about?"

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"You'll get mad."

"No I won't. You can tell me anything."

"You promise?"

"Yes I promise."

"Okay. We have a family tree project and my teacher told me I can't do it."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm adopted."

"Oh Rachel why do you think I would get mad at you?"

"I don't know." Rachel began to cry and Cuddy just held her. She was so angry at that teacher and was going to have words with her. As she held her little girl her mind conjured up a memory from a couple of years ago in a moment similar to this when her then two-and-a-half year old daughter was crying because she didn't want to go to pre-school. It was a Monday morning and House had spent the night with them.

_"House will you help me and get Rachel ready for school? I've got to get to this early meeting."_

_"Oh mom do I have to?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Can we have sex first?"_

_"No."_

_"If I get her ready then will you have sex with me?"_

_"No."_

_"Will we have sex tonight?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Ding ding we have a winner!"_

_"House."_

_"Yes mistress!" he replied as he headed towards Rachel's room to help her get ready for school._

_Meanwhile Cuddy grabbed her jacket and briefcase and headed out the door. As she got to the car she realized she forgot her sunglasses. She dumped everything in the car and headed back into the house. As she approached her bedroom she heard voices in Rachel's room. She always encouraged House and Rachel to get closer and was interested to hear what they were talking about so she tiptoed to the doorway and listened to the conversation between the two most important people in her life._

_"Come on Rachel I've got to get you to school on time or your mom's gonna kill me."_

_"Don't wanna go."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Cuz."_

_"That's not good enough."_

_"Don't feel good."_

_"You don't look sick."_

_"Tummy hurts."_

_"Really? You scarfed down those pancakes pretty good this morning. Try again."_

_"Don't wanna gooooo" and she began to cry._

_Cuddy could tell House looked uncomfortable, this was definitely out of his league. She knew she should intervene and just as she was ready to burst in and tell him she'd forgotten her sunglasses, he spoke, this time in a very soft tone._

_"Rachel, you know I'm a pretty good secret keeper."_

_Rachel stopped crying and smiled. "I like secrets."_

_House smirked "So do I."_

_Cuddy wondered just how many secrets House knew. She continued her eavesdropping._

_"Rachel, please tell me."_

_"You can't tell mommy cuz it will make her sad."_

_"Okay, just between us kid. Now go."_

_Rachel hesitated then spoke with a sad look on her face. "The kids make funna me."_

_"Why?"_

_"I told Maddie I dopted an only have a mommy an she told evybody I don have a daddy an now they make fun of me." Rachel began to cry again._

_"Oh." House replied. Cuddy bit her lower lip. She knew House definitely did not know how to handle this. He was treading in unfamiliar territory and this would make him uncomfortable. She watched him close his eyes for a moment as if he were contemplating his response._

_"Just because you don't have a dad doesn't make you any less special than those other kids."_

_Rachel just sniffed and looked up at House curiously._

_"Look at it this way. Out of all the babies in the world, your mom chose you. She could have had any baby out there and believe me there were a lot of babies who wanted her but the only one she wanted was you. That makes you extra special." Cuddy's face was beaming._

_"I am?" Rachel asked._

_"Yep. More special than all those other girls. Do you understand?"_

_"I guess." Cuddy could tell Rachel didn't seem entirely convinced._

_"Hey munchkin I'm going to let you in on a secret but you can't tell anyone." At this point Cuddy knew she would be late for work but she really wanted to hear what House had to say._

_"I pwomise."_

_He took a deep breath. "When I was a little kid, my dad was gone a lot. My mom and me were home a lot by ourselves."_

_"Where was your daddy?"_

_"He had to work." _

_"Why did he have to go away?"_

_"Because his job required him to help other people."_

_"Like you?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Mommy says you are gone a lot cuz your helpin' people."_

_"Well yeah I guess so."_

_"Did you miss your daddy?"_

_"Yeah," he sighed. "I guess I did. Anyway, some kids made fun of me too because my dad wasn't always around."_

_Rachel's eyes got wide. "Really?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Were you sad?"_

_"I was at first then my mom told me to ignore them. I let them make fun of me but I didn't care. I knew what my dad was doing was important work and he would eventually come home. Besides I loved hanging out with my mom, she was fun, just like yours." Cuddy smiled at that remark. "Now are you going to school today?"_

_"Yeah!"_

_"Okay let's get a move on, your mom laid out your clothes." _

_"No wanna wear them."_

_"Why not?"_

_"They itch."_

_"Well let's find something that doesn't itch shall we?" House and Rachel went through her closet to pick out something she liked. Meanwhile Cuddy tiptoed quietly through the hallway, out the front door and in to her car taking care not to make any noise as she backed out of the driveway. She realized again she'd forgotten her glasses but no way was she going back inside. On the way to work she thought about what she'd just heard. Sure she didn't like House and Rachel to keep secrets from her but it was worth overlooking when she thought about how they were bonding. It had worried her greatly that the two people who meant the most to her in life may not be able to build a relationship and yet there was House trying. Her eyes misted over. It was what she wanted, for them to be a family. She still couldn't get over that conversation she'd just overheard. For others it may have seemed insignificant but for a man like House, it was huge. She wiped her eyes and headed towards the hospital._

Cuddy was brought out of her reminiscing when Rachel coughed. It seemed all that crying made her slightly congested. Cuddy held her daughter and patted her back gently.

"Rachel I want to tell you something."

"Yes mommy."

"You can work on that school project."

Rachel's eyes got wide. "Really?"

"Yep. Just because you're adopted doesn't mean you don't have a family. Remember you've got me, Aunt Julia, Grandma Arlene and lots of cousins, right?"

Rachel's smile faded for a moment. "Yeah" she replied. Then she added, "I just don't have a daddy."

"I know baby, I'm sorry."

"Howse said he'd be sorta like my daddy."

Cuddy was completely shocked. "He did?" She wondered when _this_ happened. That was not like House at all. She knew they had gotten closer but she had no idea the extent of it. Cuddy also knew House would not say something like that to Rachel unless he meant it.

As if Rachel could sense what her mother was feeling she said, "It was a secret. I told him the other girls made fun of me for not having a daddy."

"Wow." Cuddy was still in shock and not sure what to say to her daughter and then Rachel spoke again, more like a whisper.

"Mommy, I miss Howse, I liked it when he was with us. He was silly."

"I know baby, that he was." Cuddy sighed. There was nothing she could do about that situation but right now she and Rachel needed to get ready for work and school. "Come on monkey let's get you ready for school okay? I want to get there early and have a talk with your teacher."

"Okay mommy."

Meanwhile back in Princeton that same morning, House pulled up to his Baker Street apartment building on his motorcycle. He'd spent the night at Wilson's because they'd left a little early the day before to attend an antique car show in the town of Keyport and afterwards had dinner there before driving home. Since they got back pretty late, Wilson offered him his old room at the condo which he eagerly accepted.

He grabbed his backpack and headed into the building, stopping on the way to check his mailbox. Looking through the mail as he unlocked his door he noticed a familiar handwriting on an envelope with a return address in Boston. His heart skipped a beat and his head felt dizzy for a moment. He wanted to rip it open but thought twice about that. He had a feeling that letter would make or break him and he had to be in the right state of mind. He entered the apartment, which had obviously been gone over good by his cleaning lady the afternoon before. He threw down his keys and backpack and tossed the junk mail, leaving the unopened letter from Boston on his coffee table. _No_, he thought. _I need to be in the right state of mind when I read this._ He brewed a pot of coffee in the kitchen, put a blues CD in the stereo then headed to the bathroom where he stripped down and stepped into the shower. His leg was hurting as it usually did in the morning and the hot water felt good.

After a nice long shower he got out, trimmed his stubble a bit, put on clean socks, jeans and a tee shirt and picked up his phone. He needed some time alone this morning and wanted to see if the team had a case before he settled in. When Chase told him there was no case and that they were catching up on charts and doing clinic work, House was satisfied. He reminded Chase he would talk to the team soon about appointing him team leader. He'd been so busy lately he'd forgotten to do it. When he finished the call he made himself comfortable on the couch. He stared at the letter, almost afraid to open it. He was anxious. Oh hell who was he fooling? _He was scared._ Once again she had power over him and her words, as always had the potential to change his life. House didn't want to be dependent on Cuddy or anyone for his happiness but the truth was that he needed her, he always had and every time he thought about what he did to her, his chest hurt as if he had ripped his own heart out. It devastated him to think that finally he had wounded her so deep that she could never forgive him. He knew she had every right not to forgive him, he just hoped she would. Not having her in his life after all these years was difficult for him. Often he regretted the many years of missed opportunities to be with her long before they finally got together. He hated himself for wasting so much time hiding behind sarcasm, deflection and of course Vicodin. All those wasted years, then he had her and let her go. Now all he wanted was to see her, talk to her, just be with her. He loved her but even if she offered him no more than her friendship he would jump at the chance. Without Cuddy in his life he felt like a piece of himself was missing. He felt incomplete.

House took a swig of coffee and picked up the envelope. He turned it over in his hand. It was thick but not too thick. He thought that was a good sign because if she'd just told him to fuck off and die it would have taken less than a half a sheet of paper to do that. _Hell, at least she replied_, he thought. He wanted to open that letter. _No better time like the present_ he thought. He got up to grab a letter opener from his desk. Usually he just ripped open his mail but this time he was taking special care with this letter, as if it were something fragile.

He opened the letter and returned to his seat on the couch. He felt a lump in his throat as he read the first line.

_Dear House..._


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** Well here goes. House is reading Cuddy's letter. I felt it deserved its own chapter.

* * *

><p>House held his breath as he began to read Cuddy's letter. He was anxious to get through it but forced himself to relax and savor every word. After the first few lines, he closed his eyes and took another deep breath. He was trying to relax in order to be prepared for whatever was in it. He thought this day would never come and it was a bit overwhelming. He got up from the couch and limped over to the piano, a place that brought him great comfort. He sat on the bench and began to read again.<p>

__When I was in the hospital before my surgery, I was devastated by what might happen and I needed you there. I didn't need Wilson or your team, I needed you. I needed your shoulder to cry on, I needed you to hold my hand, kiss me, and lay in my hospital bed and hold me close because I was scared it might be the last time we would ever do that. __

His eyes were misty as he read what she had needed from him the night before her surgery. His heart ached. He already knew how much he'd disappointed her but reading it in her words, having to relive that moment again was almost too much. Suddenly the memories of that night, the fear and loss he felt thinking she was dying, came rushing back to him and he banged his fist on the piano keys in anger and disappointment over the way he had handled that moment.

__The night I went to your apartment and broke it off was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. It broke my heart but I didn't know what else to do, I had to protect myself and Rachel. Afterwards you lashed out and every little thing you did after the breakup hurt me so much. You were a real son of a bitch House, every time you pulled some stupid stunt, it broke my heart even more.__

He reread that twice and thought, _I wanted you to hurt as much as I did but I never wanted to break your heart, Cuddy._

_I was even more angry at the fact that like you always do when you make a mess, you ran away. You left Wilson and me to pick up the pieces. Your actions forced me to leave my home, my job, everything I loved. Everywhere I turned there were reminders of you and it hurt too much._

House hung his head in shame and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

__I wasn't interested in a relationship with Jerry. There's no way I could think of another man in that way after having just been with you for almost a year and then after having loved you for so many years. I wish I'd told you that...maybe it would've made a difference.__

Looking back he should've known better. He knew she loved him. She'd never jump into a relationship with someone else so soon after.

_The night of the incident, the officer who took my statement referred to what you did as domestic violence. Those words made me cringe because it just wasn't the House I've known for so many years. Sure, you had a tendency to lash out verbally at people around you when you were in pain, but when it came to physical destruction you usually did that to yourself not others, and especially not me or Rachel.  
><em>

He felt a chill up and down his spine. Domestic violence. He would never hurt Cuddy and yet he nearly did. A tear fell from his eye as he re-read that paragraph. He hadn't been the man she'd known all those years. The man she knew would have sacrificed his own life to save both of them.

_House, you asked if I could ever forgive you. I already have. I forgive you. You and I share a long and complicated history. We've seen each other at our best and worst. I would be lying if I said I did not think of you and care about you because I do and you have been on my mind, even more now since I received your letter. Rachel never forgot you, she spoke of you often after we broke up and continued even after we moved. Like me, Rachel never forgot you._

He wiped his eyes and continued reading and that's when it hit him like a ton of bricks. The words he'd been hoping someday she would say: _I forgive you._ She forgave him. He read those words again to be sure he hadn't hallucinated them. He simply sat there shaking his head in disbelief. It made him feel good to read it but he also felt guilty because he believed he hurt her much more than she ever hurt him. _Oh Cuddy,_ he thought, _I wish we'd talked too. I wish we'd done so many things differently._

As he progressed further through the letter he was amazed and yet pleased that Rachel missed him so much. The little girl had grown on him and he missed her too.

He read on about Cuddy's sister. While there was no love lost between him and Julia, he knew Julia and Michael had been together a long time. He thought about how he felt at the moment he thought Cuddy was dying and compared it to how Julia must feel having lost the love of her life. He suddenly felt compassion for Julia that he never thought he would have. He couldn't imagine what she must be going through. It also surprised him to learn Julia didn't hate him. He suddenly wished he'd had the chance to apologize to her and her husband for his actions.

____As you know I'm living in Cambridge now. I'm lecturing at Mass General in the Administrative Fellowship program and on staff in the Endocrine Unit. I rent a brick house with a small yard in a nice quiet neighborhood. Rachel is bright, energetic and curious. She is smart too and at times she can be stubborn and headstrong-much like you though my mother says I was just like that at her age. We go the park nearby quite often and Rachel's favorite thing is the monkey bars. She told me you taught her how to hang on the bars! I had no idea! And while we're at it-you took her for ice cream? Read stories to her? Why didn't you ever tell me?____

House was elated that she divulged where she lived and worked. It was a sign that she was not afraid of him. He cringed at the thought that at one time she might've been. Twice he read the part about going to the park with Rachel...and the ice cream. The reason he'd never told Cuddy all the little things he'd done with Rachel was because he worried it might get her hopes up that he could possibly be a father figure to Rachel only to eventually be disappointed when he screwed up. Once again he'd prevented himself from going all in because he feared he's lose her over something he might've done. Or maybe not. He was confused. During their relationship there had been so many mind games, not intentional, but every day the two of them figured out ways to maneuver the minefield of their relationship without ever really communicating. They'd perfected it to the point where it ended in complete misery and disaster.  
>He set the letter down and placed his fingers on the piano keys, letting them float gently as music filled the room. He thought about the park and Rachel and the first time he'd taken her there alone.<p>

_It was a Saturday afternoon and Cuddy was at a baby shower for one of the nurses. House had assured her he would look after Rachel and they wouldn't burn down the house. After thirty minutes of watching monster trucks Rachel got bored and asked House if they could go to the park. He tried to bribe his way out of it but Rachel would have none of that. Once she gave him the puppy dog eyes, he was toast. He put her in the car seat and grabbed them a few snacks and two bottles of water and drove her to nearby Marquand Park. _

_As they walked among the trees, resting when needed on benches placed throughout the park, he could see that Rachel was simply amazed by the massive leafy structures towering over them. She was very curious and asked lots of questions. He answered all of them as best he could. When they reached the playground, he was glad because his leg hurt. He sat on a bench and pulled out some snacks while Rachel played with a few of the children in the sandbox. She eventually spotted the monkey bars and asked if she could climb them._

_"Can I play on the bars?"_

_"No, you're not old enough, stay in the sandbox."_

_"I wanna play on that" she insisted pointing at the bars._

_"Your mother will get mad."_

_"We don't hafta tell her." Rachel smiled that mischievous cute smile she used when she really wanted something. He had to admit she was hard to resist. Was he rubbing off on her? He laughed and decided it wouldn't hurt her to just hang on the bars a few minutes and after all he was right there watching her. He took her hand and walked her over to the playground equipment._

_What was supposed to be a few minutes turned into an hour. He watched Rachel climb up to the bars and then over them. He held her lightly as she hung down and swung back and forth. House made monkey noises and she laughed. Eventually they went home, stopping for ice cream first but neither mentioned their adventure to Cuddy. It was their secret._

House smiled at that memory. Marquand Park was a beautiful place, seventeen acres of green grass and some of the most beautiful trees he'd ever seen. He not only missed taking Rachel there but he missed making out with Cuddy there too. Sometimes on the way home from a late day at the office or a date they'd park there and walk a little in the lit areas of the park, stopping to sit on one of the benches so House could rest his leg. They'd talk or kiss or just sit in silence leaning against one another. It was a nice respite from the busy hospital and gave them a few moments of pure quiet time together before going home to Rachel. Those stolen moments still resonated in his mind and he referred to them often on lonely nights in prison and when he'd returned home.

He continued to play and placed the letter where he could read the rest of it. Suddenly he stopped playing and let his hands rest on the keys. His jaw dropped and his heart beat wildly. He wiped his eyes before reading it again to be sure.

__ You told me that you will always love me. House, I've always loved you and I will always love you. It seems as if no matter where we go or what we do we are still drawn together. We both have a lot of issues to work through and I am not sure where we should go from here, but I feel better after writing this letter to you. We should have talked like this years ago but I suppose it's never too late, right? I think we always knew each other better than anyone else did._you. We should have talked like this years ago but I suppose it's never too late, right? I think we always knew each other better than anyone else did._

_After everything I've done she still loves me? _He thought. He banged his fingers on the piano and shouted into the air, "She still loves me!"

And then it him him. A whirlwind of emotions tore through him and his head began to spin with all kinds of thoughts. He needed a break to think so he got up from the piano and grabbed his coffee mug for a refill. He took the letter with him to put it back in the envelope that laid on the coffee table. As he picked up the envelope, he noticed something on the floor between the table and couch. He picked it up and saw that it was the photo of Rachel that Cuddy had mentioned in her letter. In that photo was a smiling Rachel in mismatched clothing hanging upside down on the monkey bars. He couldn't help but smile at that photo. He'd taught her how to do that and for a moment he felt like he'd been a positive influence in her life, at least for a short time. For so many years he'd thought that he was no good for children or anyone else for that matter and that he was cursed to be a miserable son of a bitch like his father. Seeing that picture of Rachel doing something _he_ had taught her to do evoked feelings of pride and love within him.

He took the picture, the letter and his mug into the kitchen and set them down on the butcher block table. He placed his hands on either side of the table and gripped it tightly. He bowed his head, closed his eyes, let out a long sigh and then quietly he wept.**  
><strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** Thank you everyone for reading this story. If you like it that much, pass it on to others you think might like it too. Also, please take the time to peruse the most recent House-Cuddy stories added or updated on Fan Fiction and Live Journal. There's a ton of good stuff out there waiting for readers like you!

Enjoy!

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><p>House woke Friday morning feeling very tired. He spent much of the previous night playing his piano, rereading Cuddy's letter and walking around the apartment in an effort to alleviate the pain in his leg. He had a lot on his mind and it kept him up until the early morning hours. Now as he rubbed his thigh which was always painful upon waking, he thought of Cuddy's letter. He still couldn't believe she actually forgave him and admitted she still cared about him. House thought all of that would have been extinguished the moment he crashed his car into her home. He was conflicted as to how he felt about this revelation. He never understood how could someone so intelligent and compassionate could love someone like him. He felt she should have found a man who wasn't physically and emotionally crippled. He felt responsible at times for holding her back from that. <em>But she admitted so many times to me that it was me she wanted. If she didn't want me she would have said so<em>, he thought.

House shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of his current thoughts. He knew it would be hard but he had other pressing matters like his mother's pending arrival. Deep down he was happy to see her but very nervous anticipating the talk they would undoubtedly have. He worried she was disappointed in him and that bothered him greatly. If there was anyone who ever supported him throughout his life without hesitation it was his mother but House always worried eventually he'd wind up disappointing her, it was just a matter of time. He looked down at his watch, it was eleven-thirty. He had plenty of time to eat a late breakfast, take a long hot bath, and drive to Newark to meet his mother's five-thirty flight from Lynchburg. _At least the apartment is presentable_, he thought. He took a moment to glance around thankful that Marcela, his newly acquired housekeeper and mother of one of his neighbors, had done her weekly cleaning just two days ago. He'd met her son Luis, a schoolteacher, at the mailboxes one evening and invited him to poker. After a few beers, Luis had talked about his mother who recently lost her husband of forty-five years. She wanted to get out of the house and work a few hours a week. Wilson made the suggestion that House hire her to cook and tidy up for him. House liked Luis and he did hate cleaning and doing laundry so he gave it a shot and it worked out perfectly. House grew to like Marcela, she was a kind and wise and very energetic and vibrant for a woman of sixty-five. While House enjoyed cooking, Marcela was much better at it and she enjoyed leaving his freezer stocked with all kinds of cuisines. Her food was so good that he suggested Wilson hire her to cook for him as well. House chuckled at the thought of being a "kept" man then after realizing time was getting away from him, he headed to the bathroom for a nice long soak in the tub before heading to Newark to meet his mother's flight.

* * *

><p>"Son! You look wonderful!" Blythe exclaimed as she gave her son a hug and held him close.<p>

"Oh mom you're just saying that." House accepted her hug but felt uncomfortable in front of all the people around them at the arrival gate.

"No really Greg, you look good. You know I worry about you."

"Mom I'm okay really. You look good too." He smiled at her and she knew he meant it. His mom was dressed casual but stylish in a lavender cable knit sweater with a matching lavender and gray scarf, dark gray slacks and low-heeled suede boots. For a woman in her seventies, Blythe House was still a beautiful woman.

Blythe brought him out of his thoughts. "How's your leg?"

"It's fine mom." He hated when people started a conversation which focused on his leg. He tried to deflect. "I'm parked out that way." he said, pointing to the double doors of the parking garage adjoining the airport, "Let's grab a skycap, your luggage and hit the road."

They began walking out of the airport and into the parking garage. Blythe sensed House was trying to take attention off his leg and so she followed his lead. "I thought I might cook you up some meals while I'm here and you can freeze them for leftovers. Would you like that?"

"You're not here five minutes and already you want to feed me. Do I look undernourished?" House asked while rolling his eyes at her.

"Don't roll your eyes at me young man. Besides, you live for food, that is one thing that has not changed over the years."

"Actually mom I have a housekeeper who cooks for me."

"You? A housekeeper?" Blythe had to laugh. "But James tells me you're a great cook."

"I am. I just hate cooking for myself so Marcela does it for me. I get all the goodness and none of the mess!"

"Well, I'll cook something for you anyway. Since your father-since I've been on my own I miss doing that. I'll cook some extra too for James how's that?"

"Oh no. Let Jimbo's mommy cook his meals, you're all _mine_."

Blythe let out a laugh.

House chimed in, "Mom you didn't tell me where you're staying? Somewhere near me I hope?"

"Actually Greg I've been meaning to discuss that with you." Blythe had a serious look on her face and House didn't know what to make of it. Then it hit him.

"You want to stay with _me?_ All I've got is the couch."

"No dear, actually James told me I could stay at his apartment."

"What? You and Jimmy have something you want to tell me? Am I supposed to be calling him _daddy_ next?"

"Oh Greg! Be serious. It's quite funny really, I called him to see if we'd be able to visit a bit while I'm here and he asked where I was staying and I told him and he suggested I just save the money and stay with him. It's not an issue of money for me but I thought it would be nice to see James and you and I meeting up at a hotel is so well...so formal."

House looked a bit unnerved and Blythe picked up on it immediately.

"Greg if that bothers you I can-"

He cut her off immediately. "No mom it's okay, just surprised that's all."

"Honestly dear, I know it is too uncomfortable for you to sleep on the couch with your leg as it is and I know you well enough to know you would never allow me to sleep on the couch, so I just decided to take James up on his offer. He said it's only a few blocks from your apartment."

House thought about it a moment, she was right. Sleeping on the couch would be murder on his leg and as much of an ass as he was, he'd never let his mother sleep on the couch. He relented.

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"Good, so we're all set." Blythe saw the look of concern still on his face. She knew that look all too well so she added one more thing to make him feel at ease. "Greg, I promise I won't try to butt into your personal life by asking James a thousand questions. Yes I want to know what's going on in your life but I respect your privacy. If there's anything I want to know I'll come to you okay?"

"Fair enough, but it's not you I'm worried about." House thought of all the wonderful late night chats his best friend and his mom would have and it made him want to vomit.

"Greg, if James brings up anything too personal, I'll just politely say something to him."

"Wow mom you did grow a set!"

"Gregory House watch your mouth. Besides I've always had a set. There's a lot about me you _don't know_." With that, Blythe winked at him and smiled.

House chuckled at his mom's reply. His mother was an educated and intelligent woman with incredible style and grace. She had always been proper though not in a snobbish way. She knew how to adapt to any situation and always made those around her feel very comfortable and at ease and she did it so effortlessly. House's grandmother once told him that his mother had always been an independent spirit but that marriage and having a child had tempered it just a bit. House now wondered just how much she'd changed since his father's death. He figured he would find out soon enough.

"Greg?" They were already standing at House's car in the handicapped spot outside the airport doors. House was so busy in thought he didn't even remember getting there.

"Sorry mom I was just thinking."

"Anything interesting?"

"Not really" he replied and paid the skycap after they loaded the luggage into the trunk. "Where to first?" he asked as they got into the car.

"Honestly I'd really like to get settled and just relax if that's okay with you. Listen for tonight how about I stay with you? One night. I will stay on the couch, no discussion or debate, understood? I'd just like us to have this first night to ourselves and catch up a bit. Do you have to go to work?"

"No, I'm good. Chase has things covered and the team knows you're arriving today so they won't bother me unless there's an emergency. We're good."

"Great, let's get going."

House tipped an imaginary hat and replied, "At your service ma'am" as he drove away from the airport and headed for his apartment.

* * *

><p>Around eight o'clock that evening, after a few stops along the way so House could stretch his leg and Blythe could pick up a few toiletries, House had settled his mom into his apartment for the night. She had showered and changed into sweatpants and a turtleneck sweater and was wearing thick comfortable socks on her feet. House chuckled at his mom's casual wear. She'd always been a very stylish woman who made any piece of clothing look expensive and tasteful. Seeing her without her makeup looking so refreshed and vibrant made him remember the Blythe of forty years ago, when he was just a child and she had the energy to keep up with him. He smiled to himself thinking that she could probably still run circles around him.<p>

Blythe insisted she heat something for them and House thanked a God that didn't exist that Marcela had stocked his pantry and freezer with food so his mother wouldn't complain about his lack of sustenance. She send him off to the shower, instructing him to get comfy before he returned, and she set to work preparing dinner. Twenty minutes later he limped down the hall into the living room and found his mom sitting on the couch looking at an old photo album. She looked up at him and smiled at the sight before her. There stood her only son in plaid pajama pants, socks, a tee shirt and a towel around his neck. His hair dripped a little and what there was of it was messy with strands going every which way. It reminded her of the little boy she once knew.

She smiled at him. "Dinner's on the counter dear."

"Smells good, thanks." House went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and a bowl of pasta.

Blythe patted the seat next to her on the couch and her son sat next to her. As they ate, they talked about little things like work, old friends, and family. Setting down their plates, they leaned back on the couch very relaxed at the moment.

"I've always loved this apartment Greg. It emanates the very essence of who you are."

"Really? Dad hated it."

"Oh your father just didn't understand you, not like I did." She sighed.

"Yeah" was the only reply he could muster at the moment.

Blythe took a deep breath before speaking again, as if carefully planning her next words. "Greg, I want to tell you something, it's important I say this now before anything else. It's been on my mind and I need to get it out."

House became nervous. His mother's tone had suddenly become serious and he wasn't sure how to interpret it. He motioned for her to continue.

"Since your father died, I have not been a very good mother to you." House tried to interject but Blythe would not have that. "Let me continue dear. You were always so self-sufficient; you never needed my help with anything. I remember times you tried doing things like roller skating, riding a bike, and climbing trees, and when you fell down you never let me help you up. You always picked yourself up before I could get to you and you kept going. I stood there watching you try over and over again until you succeeded. I'd always known you were special and there was something about you that made you a fighter. I'm afraid that over the years I'd gotten so used to that Greg that I forgot that sometimes, even when a boy becomes a man, he still needs his mother. It's just he just may not know how to ask her for help."

"Mom I told you I'm _fine_."

"Please Greg, let me finish. You never asked me for anything. I wasn't ignoring you, I was doing what you wanted me to do from the time you were a child. I was letting you live your life and make your own mistakes. As difficult as it was I stood by and watched you fall without helping you back up because you always managed to do it on your own. But these past few years, those times you fell and couldn't pick yourself up as easily as you once did, you needed me and I wasn't there. I'm so sorry Greg." Blythe said as tears came to her eyes.

Not used to his mother's tears House was unsure what to do. He hated to see his mother cry so he put his arm around her shoulder and reassured her. "Mom, you couldn't save me, nobody could. I had to do it myself."

"Greg, you have always been a strong person and I counted on that to carry you through the hardest times of your life. But dear, you are only human and sometimes we need help, we need other people. You've always been too stubborn to ask for help. I've always admired your sheer determination and while I find that a great strength, sometimes it can be a great weakness too. In many ways you are like your father." House tried to interrupt again but his mother put her hand up and he knew better. "Your father could be a real son of a bitch at times."

House just gaped at his mother. He couldn't believe she really said that.

"You seem surprised."

"It's just that I never thought I'd hear you of all people say that."

"Give it time dear." She laughed hoping to lighten the mood for a moment before getting serious again.

"As I said your father could be a son of a bitch at times but he was not a quitter. He never accepted failure as an option. For him it was succeed or die trying. In that way you are very much like him. Although his sheer stubbornness annoyed me at times, I loved him anyway, just as I love you."

House just stayed silent, unsure how to respond, if at all.

Blythe put her hand on her son's knee. "Greg, while in some ways you are like him, you are _not_ him and you never will be him. I know that thought has worried you for many years."

Again House was stunned. His parents were married fifty years and in all that time House never heard his mother speak about his father this way.

"Greg, I loved your father very much but as you know he was not an easy man to live with. There were times early on in our marriage I wanted to leave him but I stayed. I stayed because of you and because I believed in him. I really did admire his strength and courage even though at times I hated his need for control and structure. It made things tough at times but I saw a side of your father you never saw and that is why I stayed with him. Believe it or not, beneath that tough exterior was a decent man, but few ever saw it. He once told me that being with me made him a better person. That was one of those moments I knew it had all been worth it. Greg, he knew he was a lousy father and though I told him it was never too late to try, he never did. I don't think it was because he didn't care, I just don't think he knew how or where to start."

Blythe took a breath before she continued. Meanwhile House sat silent, just listening.

"I think your father must have thought that you having me somehow made up for what he couldn't do for you. Your father was a good provider, a hard worker and he did teach you some valuable lessons. I can recall some good times between the two of you but you missed out on having the kind of father you _deserved_. He actually expressed his regret once, a few months before he died, and he never spoke of it again."

House looked down at his hands which were folded in his lap. He was not sure how to respond.

"Greg please understand I am not making excuses for how your father treated you. There is _no_ excuse. But part of understanding who _you_ are is understanding who _he_ was. Your father was raised by a very tough man under very tough circumstances. His father made his life very tough on him and I'm afraid he did that to you too. He never had a good relationship with his father and he made the same mistakes with you. Part of it was my fault, I should have done more to push you two together but he was a very strong-willed person as were you. But trust me dear, you are not your father no matter how much you might think you are. He was not strong enough to overcome his weaknesses and his past but you _are_ and you _can_. Trust me, l know you better than you think. You _are_ a good man, you _have_ a good heart. A lot of people just don't see what I see, what Wilson sees and what..._Lisa_ saw. But I promise you it_ is_ there."

Blythe took a deep breath and looked down. That was a lot to reveal and she hoped it hadn't scared her son into silence. She also hoped he would not be upset at the mention of Lisa's name. Meanwhile House was still surprised by his mother's revelations. He was out of his comfort zone and she sensed it.

Blythe put her hand on her son's arm; it was very gentle and meant to be reassuring. "Greg, it's _alright_, you can feel free to say what's on your mind or not, it's_ your_ choice. But I want you to know you do not need to censor yourself around me. I want you to be who you are, always have. We have a lot to discuss and the only rules are one, you don't feel like you have to hide anything and two, I don't pass judgment. How's that?"

House was still speechless and all he could do was shake his head to acknowledge her. He always knew his mom had been his number one fan, his most fierce protector and defeder. She had always shown him love, support and encouragement and that had not changed, not even now. House let out a sigh and relaxed a bit. His mother's words were actually a relief to him because one of his biggest fears was disappointing her after all she'd done for him in his life. He never felt he deserved her love and forgiveness. Actually, he never felt he deserved it from anyone.

As if Blythe could read his mind at that moment, she took his hand in hers and said "Greg, no matter what you do in this life, I will _alway_s love you unconditionally and I will be here for you. _Always_, no matter what. Okay?"

With a lump in his throat, he replied, "Okay."

She released his hand, patted it and smiled. "Now, it's been a long day. Let's catch up a bit more and call it a night shall we?"

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><p>Thanks so much guys for reading. It means so much to me!<p>

Jess


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:** Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this. Thanks to GratefulInsomniac for letting me bounce ideas off her and thanks to Allthingsdecent for taking a quick peek only to find that I'd revised it before she even got the chance to review the first draft! LOL

I appreciate you sticking with this story.

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><p>It was late Friday night and as Blythe slept peacefully on the couch, House lay on top of the covers in his bed with his hands folded behind his head just thinking about the conversation he had with his mother hours earlier<em>. I will love you unconditionally<em> she told him. Her words had made him both smile and cringe a bit for he wasn't used to that kind of love. For him, love was always _conditional_, at least that's what he had learned from his father. From the time he was a little boy, John House taught his son there was no reward without effort. He always had to work hard for his father's praise which was rarely given, if at all. His father demanded that he be tough and reiterated to him time and time again that there was no room in life for feelings and that a real man ruled with his head not his heart. This would shape House's view of love and relationships. As an adult, he did not believe in the value of praise and he thought that love was overstated and happiness was a pipe dream. This mindset directly affected his relationships with the people who cared about him the most including Stacy, Wilson and Cuddy.

_Cuddy._

She was his Achilles' heel and the addiction that was more powerful than Vicodin. All he had ever wanted was her unconditional love and acceptance. In the end she could love him but she could not accept him unless he changed. Looking back, he did not blame Cuddy for her conflicted feelings, for they had both put on blinders. They had waited so long to acknowledge their feelings, all they wanted was the chance to indulge in them for as long as possible before they eventually ruined it. House knew his father would have strongly disapproved of his son letting his heart make such a decision for him and he hated that his father may have been right. House rubbed his right leg; it was a dull ache but nothing he couldn't handle. As exhausted as he was from the day's events, he couldn't sleep. He thought of a remedy that would solve that problem, the woman who was on his mind. He reached into the nightstand and pulled out the framed picture of Cuddy and Rachel and lay there looking at it fondly. Looking at her picture wasn't the same but it was better than nothing. He missed her beautiful gray eyes, those gorgeous lips, and soft skin he loved to feel next to him at night. He thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Even on her worst days when her hair was unruly and she was bloated and stressed from PMS, she was still beautiful. _I never told her that enough_ he thought. _Another stupid move on my part. _His fingers traced the photograph and he laid the frame on his chest and closed his eyes. He thought about the last timethey lay in bed together, the night before it all fell apart. It had been a rough week and they had not seen much of each other and to make up for it, they planned a nice quiet evening at Cuddy's house. House cooked the three of them a nice dinner and later cleaned up while Cuddy put Rachel to bed. After a few drinks on the couch in front of the fire, they went to bed, made love slowly and passionately and afterwards just lay in the dark talking.

_Cuddy snuggled close to House, her head resting on his chest as he held her close softly stroking her arm. It felt good to be together after the long and exhausting week.  
><em>

"_House"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_This is nice isn't it?"_

"_What?"_

"_Us."_

"_Yeah."_

"_That's it?"_

"_What do you want me to say?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Tell me."_

"_Do you like being here with me and Rachel?"_

"_Where's this coming from Cuddy?"_

"_Forget it."_

"_Cuddy what's on your mind?"_

"_Nothing."_

_House could hear her sighs and knew her mind was churning. He could choose to let it go and fester into another argument and a week without sex or he could nip it in the bud. He chose the latter._

"_Cuddy, talk to me."_

"_It's just I like having you here. I like it when you spend the night with us. I know Rachel enjoys having you here. I just want to know you like it too."_

"_I wouldn't be here if I didn't like it."_

"_House why can't you say it?"_

_He sighed. There would be no end to this if he didn't give in. _

"_Fine, I like it here."_

_She sighed. "Why is it so hard for you to communicate your feelings?"_

"_I just did!"_

"_It sounded forced."_

"_Oh for fuck's sake Cuddy." He put his right hand under her chin and lifted her face to look at him. "Why are you so difficult? If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be here. Trust me."_

_Cuddy sighed and reached for his hand, playing with his fingers. "Okay." _

"_Just okay?"_

"_What do you want me to say House?"_

"_Well you could say more than just okay. I'm hurt now."_

"_Oh House, shut up and kiss me."_

_He kissed her passionately, enough to get her excited and up for another round. Later, as she slept in his arms, he whispered to her, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."_

That was the last night he would ever hold her and make love to her. It was the last night he would feel her warmth next to him when he fell asleep. It was the last time they would lay together in the dark talking. The next morning would be their last passionate kiss before their world fell apart.

House knew their inability to communicate their feelings was one of the main reasons they didn't last. Had they not been so scared of discussing their feelings things would have turned out very different. Now they were just starting to communicate again and he did not want to make the same mistakes. He knew if he could not talk about his feelings to her he could never become part of her life again. Knowing what he had to do, he set the framed picture on the nightstand, reached back into the drawer, pulled out a pen and notebook and began writing.

* * *

><p>That same evening in Boston, Cuddy was wrapping up her attendance at a gathering welcoming the newest group of doctors in the hospital's administrative fellowship program at the lounge of the Liberty Hotel located near the hospital. She hadn't wanted to attend but Sharon talked her into it, saying it was part of her job as a lecturer in the program and it would be good for her just to get out and meet people. After a few hours, the guests bid their goodbyes and she took a seat at the bar to finish her glass of wine before going home. At that moment an attractive man in khakis and a blue denim shirt and tie approached her.<p>

"Hi there, you with the party?" He asked motioning to the remaining guests departing the lounge.

Cuddy turned to him and noted his incredible blue eyes. She remembered he had been watching her very intently earlier in the evening. Not one to be rude, she responded "Yes I am. And you?"

"Yeah" he put out his hand "Mike Kirk, Cardiologist. Mass General."

"Lisa Cuddy, Endocrinologist. I lecture in the AFP. Nice to meet you." She shook his hand and smiled.

"Care for another glass of wine?"

Cuddy was just finishing her third glass but figured one more wouldn't hurt, after all, she didn't have to work tomorrow and she wasn't driving.

"That'd be nice thanks." She smiled.

She watched Mike as he asked the bartender for another glass of wine, the he turned around and handed it to her.

"Thanks." she smiled as she sipped her wine.

They engaged in small talk for about fifteen minutes when he suddenly said to her, "So you're Lisa Cuddy?"

Cuddy raised an eyebrow, not sure what he meant by that but curious to hear more.

"I've heard about you." He smiled. Nice tanned face, perfectly white teeth. He seemed charming.

"Care to elaborate?" She asked as she smiled at him. _This should be interesting_ she thought. Her only friend there was Sharon and she didn't participate in many hospital activities. To her knowledge no one knew anything about her other than the fact she had once been Dean of Medicine at Princeton-Plainsboro.

"Oh I heard a few things. You're single with a daughter, smart, assertive and you used to be the Dean of Medicine at Princeton-Plainsboro in Jersey. I heard you were one tough bitch there. I also heard you were quite the looker." He winked at her running his eyes over her body again.

"You flatter me." she smiled at him and took another sip of her wine.

"You're everything I heard and then some." Mike put his hand on top of hers. "I thought we could get acquainted."

Cuddy felt a little nervous. He seemed like a perfectly charming guy but her heart just wasn't into getting into a relationship right now.

"That would be very nice but you should know I'm not interested in a relationship right now."

He smiled at her, "Relax _Lise_; who's talking about relationships? I just thought we'd get to know one another better."

His hand began moving up and down her arm and Cuddy felt a bit uncomfortable with his advances. She knew she had to stop this immediately before he got the wrong idea.

"Mike, you seem very nice and I don't want to give you the wrong idea. I really am not interested in dating anyone right now. It was nice meeting you but I think I should go now." She picked up her purse, stepped off the bar stool and took out her phone to call a cab. She was feeling a bit tipsy and realized it was probably due to the fact she hadn't eaten much during the day which enhanced the effects of the wine.

"Come on, stay awhile. I'll take you home."

"I'm sorry I can't." She walked quickly out of the lounge and was unaware Mike had followed her outside.

He caught up with her, grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Come on my car's right over here. Let me drive you home. A gorgeous creature like you shouldn't be alone."

"No really it's okay I've got a cab on the way" she tried to loosen his vice-like grip.

"Cancel it" he insisted.

Cuddy was extremely alarmed over his sudden aggressiveness. "Please Mike, let go of my arm, I need to get home."

Mike suddenly pulled her to him and said "Oh come on Lisa, you're a smart, beautiful woman sitting alone in a bar. With a hot body like yours, what man wouldn't be interested in showing you a good time?"

She tried again to pull away and was unable to so she stomped her heel on his foot and as he pushed her away, she nearly stumbled. She regained her balance and he shouted "You dumb bitch. What the hell do you expect? You're sitting in a fucking bar in a dress that shows off your tits, you smile, flirt and lead a guy on then you don't expect him to be interested? You're nothing but a fucking cock tease."

Cuddy was stunned at his reaction. She was sure she had not led him on, she was just being nice. She did not think she was dressed provocatively, she was wearing the same outfit she'd worn to work that day. Sure, the neckline enhanced her breasts a little but it was not inappropriate. She didn't even know this guy and he was treating her like she was a whore. Cuddy could feel the tears welling up in her eyes but she did not want to break down in front of this creep. Fortunately for her, the cab arrived just in time. Without another word or glance at Mike, she jumped into the cab, gave the driver her address and he took off. She leaned against the door and cried silently, hoping the driver wouldn't notice. She was silently cursing men at the moment, as well as the city she lived in, and the fact that she wouldn't even be there if...she tried not to think about that. She didn't want to think about that, not right now.

Fifteen minutes later, the cab arrived at Cuddy's house. By that time the tears were gone but her eyes were read and puffy and she had a headache. She relieved the babysitter and checked up on Rachel who was sound asleep in her bed clutching one of her favorite stuffed animals. She pulled the covers over Rachel and kissed her on the cheek before moving into her own bedroom. In her bedroom, Cuddy slowly stripped down to nothing and looked at herself in the mirror. She thought about what Mike had said about her being a tease. She had never been the type of woman to lead a man on like that. She knew that in the past she sometimes dressed provocatively but that was at Princeton-Plainsboro when she enjoyed when a certain someone ogled her and made her feel sexy and desirable. At Mass General she tried to keep her style of dress at work as tasteful as possible. She suddenly became slightly self-conscious wondering if others at the hospital felt the same way as Mike. She wondered what they would think about her if they knew everything she'd been through with House.

_House._

Cuddy's thoughts wandered to House. He was was always jealous of the men she dated before they got together. Everything he did to ruin her dates was because he wanted her for himself, though he could never admit it. She had secretly loved his possessiveness even if it was annoying at times. She smiled thinking about how House would have punched Mike square in the face and laid him out on the sidewalk for the awful things he'd said to her outside the hotel. She couldn't help but chuckle at that thought. She knew what while House was an ass, he would never ever tolerate anyone treating her like shit. As she thought of him, she looked at herself one more time in the mirror. She did still have a great body, she worked hard at it. It always made her feel good when she looked good and sure it was nice when she could occasionally catch a man looking at her in a way that made her blush. _The way House used to look at me_, she thought. She secretly loved how House would "compliment" her assets and choice in clothing in his own unique way. When they'd started dating she began choosing her wardrobe specifically to please him. She enjoyed the way he ogled her and slowly undressed her with his eyes. He could do that in a room full of people and make her feel like it was just the two of them and nobody else.

She went into the bathroom and retrieved a bottle of Tylenol from the medicine cabinet, taking two for her headache. She quickly showered, changed into pajamas and a warm pair of socks, and crawled into bed. Her bed was comfortable but too big for one person. She threw her left arm over the other side of the bed where it was empty. She sometimes wondered if it would always be empty. _I hate_ _that I miss you you son of a bitch _she thought. Her sister had often reminded her she could have any man she wanted and could never understand why or how it was House who stirred her deepest emotions. It was something she couldn't explain to Julia because she really didn't know herself. Cuddy glanced at the clock and wondered what he was doing right now. She wanted so much to hear his voice at that moment and at the same time she wanted to punch him in the face and whack him in the head with his own cane. While she had forgiven House, every time she thought about the fact she had to relocate and create a new life for herself because of his actions, she still felt a twinge of pain and resentment. Clearly it would still take her some time to work through it.

It was near eleven o'clock and Cuddy, though tired and still upset over the events of the evening wasn't quite ready to go to sleep yet. Her mind was churning. Suddenly an idea came to mind. Some people would call her crazy for doing it _again_ but she was growing tired of worrying about what other people think. _The hell with society dictating what I should and shouldn't do. It's my life. _She got out of bed and made her way to the coffee table in the living room, looking for the notebook and pen she'd placed there days earlier. Locating them, she stopped in the kitchen for a bottle of water and headed back to her bedroom where she fluffed some pillows against the headboard and leaned against them. She picked up her pen and began to write.

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><p>And there you go folks, chapter 22. I rewrote this chapter a few times to get it just right. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Please leave a review on your way out! Also, don't forget, there's a ton of great House-Cuddy stories on FF and LiveJournal you need to check out!<p> 


	23. Chapter 23

Despite retiring to bed well after midnight the previous night, Cuddy was up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning busy with household chores as Rachel slept. While cleaning house and doing laundry, Cuddy was able to organize her thoughts and work through her problems. She recalled how House used to tease her incessantly about her obsessive housekeeping and she'd just laughed and compared it to his obsessive need to watch soaps or toss his ball while thinking through cases. After that, he never bugged her about it again.

Rachel woke around seven-thirty and played in her room while her mother prepared breakfast. Sharon and Hannah were due any moment for breakfast before their outing to the park. Sharon arrived right at nine o'clock just as Cuddy was setting the table for breakfast. She opened the door to greet her friend.

"Hey Sharon," she said as they exchanged hugs.

"Hey Lise. We're not late are we?"

"You're right on time." Looking down at Hannah she said, "Hi Hannah, Rachel's in her room, why don't you go find her and we'll call you when breakfast is ready?"

"Okay Miss Lisa," said Hannah as she went off to find Rachel.

Cuddy handed Sharon a cup of coffee. Sharon nodded her thanks, took a sip and asked, "So, how are things?"

"Things are good I suppose."

"Did you sleep at all last night? You look like hell."

"I didn't get to bed until late."

"Apparently. So what's wrong?"

Cuddy sighed as she mixed the pancake batter. She looked up at Sharon and hesitated a second before telling her about last night's events.

"You know I went to the cocktail party for the new fellows last night."

"Yeah how'd it go?"

"Well it went fine until later on after everyone left, this guy came up to me to introduce himself."

"Oh? You met someone? Was he cute?"

"He was until he opened his mouth."

"What? What the hell happened?"

"Do you know a Dr. Kirk in Cardiology?"

"Oh God, not _him_," Sharon said as she rolled her eyes.

"You know him?"

"Who doesn't? He's an asshole. Lisa, tell me you didn't _do_ anything with him."

"No! Of course not. He introduced himself and offerd to buy me a glass of wine. We talked for a short time but then he expected me to have sex with him afterwards. I said no then he grabbed my arm and called me a cock tease. Bastard damn near didn't let me go."

Sharon shook her head; apparently not surprised by his actions.

"You need to stay away from him. He's bad news. Five years ago he was accused of rape but it was he said-she said and the nurse who accused him suddenly recanted and then left town. I knew the nurse, she was a really nice girl, just out of nursing school, bright and had a really great career ahead of her. One night she goes out for drinks with Kirk and next thing you know he's being accused of rape and then she quits her job and leaves Boston. Kirk's wife divorced him a year later, took the kids and moved to Vermont. It was pretty bitter from what I heard. Apparently he'd been having affairs for a long time. She finally must have gotten tired of it.

"Oh God. Why in hell is he even employed at the hospital?"

"Because one, she recanted and took off and two, he is from a very well-connected family with deep roots in Boston, they are one of the twenty richest families in the state. They've got their hands in everything and believe me Harvard likes keeping them happy."

"Wow. I guess I dodged a bullet didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. My advice is to stay away from him, he's just bad news. Medically speaking, he's one of the best Cardiologists in the state but as a person he's a real son of a bitch."

"He seemed nice at first."

"Yeah, don't they all?"

"Why can't I meet a nice guy?"

"You _want_ to meet someone?"

"Not really. I should but I don't. The men I've met here just don't do it for me. They're nice looking but their personality sucks or their personality is great but they've got no ambition. It's nearly impossible to find the one guy who has everything I want. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah I know. Why do you think I'm still single?" Sharon asked jokingly.

"I thought that was by choice," Cuddy said.

"It is Lise; I'm not going to settle for someone less than what I deserve."

"What if he never comes along?"

"Then I guess I'll have to live with that. The question is can _you_?"

"I don't know. I found the only guy I really wanted and now he's gone and really I just don't feel like trying to fill his shoes. Besides, I've got baggage, I'm damaged goods."

"Lisa Cuddy you are not damaged goods."

"Oh come on Sharon, you don't have to lie to me. I know how screwed up I am," Cuddy said sarcastically.

"I love how this always comes back to House." Sharon laughed.

At that moment Rachel and Hannah had come into the kitchen after smelling pancakes and bacon. Rachel's ears perked up at the mention of her old friend's name.

"Howse?" asked Rachel looking at her mother.

Cuddy was taken back for a moment, not sure how to respond. "No baby, we were talking about something else."

"Oh okay." Rachel was clearly disappointed. She and Hannah took their places at the table as her mother served breakfast.

"I miss Howse."

Sharon just looked at Cuddy and mouthed "I'm sorry."

They ate breakfast and chatted about a number of things. After cleaning up the dishes, they departed for the park. It was a beautiful morning and as they approached the swings, the two women noticed how quiet it was he only noise being the breeze gently blowing through the trees. As the girls took turns pushing each other on the swings, Cuddy and Sharon sat at the picnic table watching them and chatting.

"Lisa, it's amazing that Rach still remembers House."

Cuddy looked down and kicked at the grass with her boot. She didn't say anything. They just watched the girls awhile and enjoyed the morning sunshine and the breeze blowing through the trees. Without warning Cuddy spoke.

"I thought when we left Princeton she'd forget him but when we left she kept asking about him all the time, still does."

It seemed to Sharon that Cuddy really wanted to talk about him, she just needed encouragement.

"Go ahead Lise, talk about it if you want to. It's okay."

She said, "One night just after I tried getting Rachel into Waldenwood School and found out that there was no room for her, he came into her bedroom where we were playing and sat on the floor. Rach climbed in his lap and just sat there. He looked like he was uncomfortable but then he began stroking her back and not saying a word. It was weird. I had no idea what brought that about. Later I found out from Wilson that House had been secretly helping Rachel memorize the games the school used to measure intelligence. I guess they bonded over that."

"He cheated?"

"Yeah. He did it because he knew her getting into the school would make me happy. He even told me that night that he thought Rachel was smart and I could tell he _really _meant it."

"Wow. That doesn't sound like him."

"I know. But as it turns out, as screwed up as it was, it was _his_ way of trying to help me."

Cuddy leaned back against the picnic table and closed her eyes. "God Sharon, how do we know sometimes what's really right for us? I mean there's no damn manual to tell us how to live our lives, we have to play it by ear. Frankly doing it that way just sucks."

"Tell me about it."

They were silent again, no words needed at that moment. After a few minutes Cuddy began talking again. As she spoke, her eyes never left Rachel.

"I thought Lucas was the one. He flirted with me when I first met him and while I thought he was nice, I did think he was a little immature. When House went to Mayfield, Lucas stepped up and helped me with some things at work and then we went out on a date. Lucas was very romantic, he gave me flowers, cooked dinner for me, took care of Rachel, he was very sweet and kind. I was able to talk to him about many things and he didn't deflect. It was so refreshing. He was the kind of guy I was supposed to want. The only problem was he wasn't House."

"Why did you stay with him so long?"

"Honestly, I didn't want to be alone. I weighed being with Lucas and having someone love me versus waiting for House who might never recover and if he did, he might never want a relationship with me. I couldn't take the chance of winding up alone. There were times Lucas made me happy and he was great with Rachel. When it came to sex, well he wasn't so great in bed but I figured that that would get better with time. Then House got out of Mayfield and everything changed."

"How did it change?"

"Well, he was just different inside and out. He buzzed his hair short and looked like he'd been working out. He seemed more physically fit than I'd seen in quite some time. To me he always looked good, but to see him like that, he just looked so healthy. He looked great. He also walked straighter and more confident and he didn't limp as much as he did before. And his eyes, they were clearer than I'd seen them in years, not since med school. There was just this aura about him that was different and I liked it. I really wanted to get to know that side of him but I was afraid. I'd already gotten involved with Lucas and I didn't want to take the chance of breaking up with Lucas to risk a relationship with House that may not work."

"You played it safe."

Cuddy nodded her head in affirmation. "For years I'd told myself that I'd give him a chance if he got clean and straightened out his life. In the back of my mind I think I knew that since he would never do that, I was safe. Then he did it. He got himself together and then he pursued me but then it was too late, I was with someone else. I never thought he'd do it, so I figured I never had to worry."

"Let me ask you this? Did you secretly hope he'd keep screwing up his life so you wouldn't have to take the chance?"

"Something like that."

"Boy you are screwed up!" Sharon exclaimed and shook her head laughing.

"Gee, thanks," Lisa said sarcastically.

Sharon laughed. "Lisa, you're screwed up but not any more than the rest of us believe me. Now keep going I want to hear more."

"When Lucas asked me to marry him I thought I'd be excited after all I always wanted to get married. I accepted his proposal because I was sure it was my one chance. But then underneath that collapsed building when I watched House with Hannah, it hit me why I loved him. I loved him because of exactly who he was, dysfunction and all. Later, House wanted me to understand what I was getting myself into, that just because he opened himself up to Hannah in a moment of weakness, did not meant he had changed. I assured him that one moment wasn't why I broke my engagement, it's just that the moment made me realize all the things I'd already known. It's hard to explain but all the things we'd shared over the years came back to me at that moment and I realized I loved him, I loved the whole package. Lucas could never have made me feel the way House did, nor could he have challenged me the way House did. Besides, House just _got_ me, he knew me better than anyone else did."

Cuddy took some time to compose herself. Her eyes were misty and she looked as if she needed a break. The two were silent for a few minutes, just listening to the breeze and watching the girls play.

After a few minutes Sharon asked, "Lisa why are you thinking about this now?"

"I've been thinking about him for awhile and figured that was normal and it would go away but then I received his letter and it just made me think about how he was an important part of my life for so long. Then last night on my way home, I was so upset about the asshole in the bar. I was cursing House, I mean if he hadn't driven his car into my house I wouldn't be here in Boston now. I'd still be in Princeton. I'd still be Dean of Medicine. Rachel would be in school somewhere in Princeton and I'd be living in my house in my old neighborhood and everything would be the way it used to be."

"I know hon, but you can't undo what's been done."

"I know. I just wonder what things would have been like if I'd stayed in Princeton."

"Do you think for a moment things might have been better than they are now?"

Cuddy shrugged her shoulders. "I have no idea," she said.

"Lisa, could you two have been friends? It would have been very difficult for you to see each other moving on to relationships with other people. Could either of you have moved on? Would you have been able to get back to the relationship you had before you became romantically involved? Of course nothing is certain but things could have turned out much worse."

"Worse, oh come on Sharon-"

"Hear me out-" Sharon interjected. "We can sit here and wonder what might have been and think that if you'd stayed everything would have worked out but we have no way of knowing that. We can only go with what we _do_ know which is this—you got a great job at one of the best hospitals in the country teaching other doctors how to do what you excelled at before you came here. You are working with patients a few days a week, something you said you'd missed in Princeton. Your daughter is growing into a lovely and very smart young lady. You and I met and have become good friends as did our daughters. You've also grown quite a bit and you've worked through issues related to yourself and House as well as with your own family. Your circumstances forced you to deal with things that maybe you would not have dealt with otherwise. There's a chance that might not have happened in Princeton. Rather than worrying about what might have been you need to focus on what is now because that's all you can control."

Sharon could tell Cuddy was questioning the logic.

"That crap about out of everything bad comes something good, well, there's something to that. As corny as it sounds, I like to believe everything happens for a reason. For the last couple of years you two have had space and time to think about a lot of things. Only God knows why but maybe, just maybe that's exactly what you both needed."

Cuddy leaned up against the big tree shading the picnic table. She sighed loudly and said, "Sharon, I hate what he did to me."

"I know Lisa."

"I hate feeling like I have to rationalize my feelings."

"Are you rationalizing to others or yourself?"

"Myself. "

"You don't have to do that. Your feelings belong to you, nobody else. You don't have to justify your thoughts to yourself and you sure as hell don't have to give a damn what anyone else thinks."

Cuddy took a deep breath. "I was raised to believe certain things are not acceptable in society. Physical and emotional abuse is not acceptable."

"That is very true."

"But I also know House did not intend to hurt us. I've always known that."

"Are you worried that thinking that might appear to excuse his actions?"

"Yes."

"Are you worried about what you think or what others think?"

Cuddy thought about that a moment, but she knew the answer instantly. "Other people."

"Forget others for a moment. What does Lisa Cuddy think?"

Cuddy was nervous, she paced a bit and glanced over to where the girls were in the sandbox, as if she hadn't heard the question. Sharon knew she'd heard it.

"Lisa? You're afraid to say it aren't you?"

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Dammit Sharon I can't, it's not right!" Lisa exclaimed loudly but not loud enough for the girls to hear her from the sandbox.

"There's no right or wrong here Lisa, there's only what _you_ think and feel."

"But it goes against everything-"

"Hon, stop. What do you feel? That's all I want to know. How _you_ feel."

Cuddy grabbed the hair band out of her pocket and put her hair in a ponytail, she was clearly agitated and nervous. Sharon knew Lisa just needed to overcome her fear of being perceived as weak for admitting her true feelings.

"It's okay Lisa. Tell me what you feel, what you think what you want."

Suddenly she stopped pacing. She moved back to the picnic table and placed both hands on it, gripping it as if holding on for dear life.

"I love him. I miss him. I _need_ him. Without him in my life, I feel like a piece of _me_ is gone. It hurts so much." Then she began to cry.

Sharon got up and went over to her friend and held her. "Lisa, it's okay. You are not weak; you are a very strong woman. You are smart, kind and generous and you have a huge heart. You are an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. You have always looked out for the needs of others and you honestly care about people's feelings. It is not weak to love, want, or need someone. You knew House long before he did what he did to you and I believe that in your heart and your mind, you know that he is _so much more_ than the man who did that to you. He wasn't some stranger you'd just met; you've known him more than half your life. That still counts, that still means something to you."

Cuddy pulled away from Sharon's embrace for a moment to wipe her eyes.

"Sharon, I think about twenty-something years I knew him and I weigh it against the one minute in time when he did the worst thing he's ever done to me. One part of me says that the years before he did that awful thing should mean more than that one act, but another part of me says that what he did totally negates all those years, all those memories."

"Do you really feel that his actions that day truly outweigh everything you shared over the years?"

"I'm conflicted, It's how I _think_ I'm supposed to feel. There are times when I miss him and I don't think that but there are times I get so mad at him for what he did that I do."

Sharon let out a loud laugh. "Oh Lisa. You'll get there. Baby steps."

"You've been a good friend. I'm sorry I dumped all this on you, it's just that I'm trying to work through things and it helps having someone to talk to about it."

"You can talk to me anytime you know that. Let me give you one more piece of advice. You can't change anything that has happened in the past but the future is up for grabs. Find what makes you happy, grab it and never let go even if it's screwed up and dysfunctional. If it makes you happy it's worth it. To hell with what everyone else thinks. You are in control! Okay?"

"Okay," Cuddy said as she hugged Sharon and they both laughed and headed over to the sandbox to see what the girls were up to.

Later that evening around nine o'clock, Cuddy had just finished tucking Rachel into bed. It had been a long and eventful day and Rachel passed out as soon as she hit the sheets. Cuddy tidied up the living room a bit and turned off the lights as she moved into the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the tap and as she drank, she stared out the open kitchen window. It was a nice evening with a breeze flowing in causing the wind chimes to stir. A few stars were out and the full moon was shining down on her lawn. She suddenly laughed out loud as she fondly recalled a memory from a few years earlier. She and House had been doing the dishes while looking out her kitchen window on a night such as this. It was just the two of them enjoying some time alone listening to classical music as her mother and Wilson, drugged by House for the sake of peace and quiet, slept peacefully at the dining room table.

_Good times_ she thought. _Good times._

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it took a bit of time to write. It's important for me to get into the heads of House and Cuddy to better understand their feelings as they move towards each other again. Please don't forget to leave a comment!


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** I thought House deserved some quality time with his mother. House wants to have a more open relationship with his mom. It's not easy but he has to start somewhere. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thanks to Gr8fulInsomniac for taking a peek! :D

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><p>Saturday morning House woke to an array of smells wafting through his bedroom. He grunted in pain as he moved himself into a sitting position. He spent several minutes rubbing his right thigh before grabbing his cane and limping into the kitchen where his mother was preparing breakfast.<p>

"Greg dear, good morning," said Blythe as she kissed her son on the cheek and handed him a mug of coffee.

"Morning," he replied.

Blythe noticed her son's limp was more pronounced than the previous evening.

"Dear how's your leg?" she asked.

"Fine mom. It's always bad in the morning; it'll ease up a bit in a few hours."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault."

"Yes I know. But still-"

"Mom I'm fine," he told her. The last thing he wanted was pity from his mother.

"I know dear, you're always fine," she said as she moved about the small kitchen preparing breakfast and setting it on the butcher block table. When everything was ready, she pulled up a stool for herself and sat down across from her son.

As they ate, both were unusually quiet. House did not want his mother to worry so much about his leg so he said, "The physical therapy is doing wonders for my leg."

His mother looked up, a huge smile on her face. "Physical therapy? Really?"

"Yeah. I have a standing physical therapy session every Tuesday afternoon; it takes up half my day. It includes swimming, strength training and intense massage therapy. The strength training won't give me back the missing muscle but it helps strengthen the other muscles in my leg and throughout my body." He held up his cane, "Walking with this thing so long doesn't help either so the upper body strength training has done wonders for my back and shoulders."

"I'm happy for you Greg. Good for you!"

House sensed the elief in his mother's voice and it felt good to tell her of his progress. The exercise helped a great deal and while the pain in his leg would always be there, it wasn't as intense for long periods of time as it used to be. House cut into his pancakes and began eating. He let out a moan of appreciation at his mother's fine cooking. She just watched him and laughed.

"You always did love my pancakes."

"Best in Virginia, or anywhere for that matter."

"It beats Lucky Charms doesn't it son?"

"Bite your tongue! Nothing beats Lucky Charms!" House exclaimed.

"I should have given you my special recipe so you could make them for Li—," Blythe stopped herself before she finished the sentence.

House looked at his mother and noticed her obvious discomfort. "It's okay mom, you can say her name."

"I'm sorry Greg."

"Nothing to be sorry about mom. You didn't screw it up."

They continued eating in silence. House took a sip of his coffee and looked over at his mother who was obviously wanting to talk but unsure what to say. House had promised himself he wanted a more open relationship with his mother and though it would take time, he needed to learn not to be afraid to discuss things with her.

"Mom?"

"Yes dear."

"I—" he wasn't sure how to begin the conversation. He looked down at his plate, moving the eggs around with his fork.

Blythe put her fork down. She sensed her son's difficulty in expressing what was on his mind. He'd been like that all his life, keeping his innermost thoughts deeply hidden, revealing himself to her only in bits and pieces over the years.

She put her hand on his arm. "You talk when _you're_ ready."

House looked up at his mother and smirked. He loved how his mom could always read him. So many years had passed when they had very little if any contact and yet she still gets him. He really wanted to take the opportunity to talk with her during her visit, not just small talk either, he wanted to tell her what was going on in his life because she'd always been there for him and she deserved to know the truth.

"Mom, I really screwed up." When House looked at his mother she could see the pain very clearly in his eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"You're only here a few more days. Do you really have that much time?"

"I have all the time in the world when it comes to you." She smiled and patted his arm.

"Where do I begin?" he asked.

"Anywhere you want. Beginning, middle, end, it doesn't matter."

House took a deep breath and just started talking. It was not his strong point but he had to begin somewhere. He began telling her about the events leading to Mayfield. It was as good a place to start as any besides he felt his mother deserved to know what led him there. She'd already known about Mayfield thanks to Wilson keeping in touch with her but she never knew the specific details. Wilson had simply told her that the pain medication had affected him in such a way that he needed to detox and find alternative therapies. Blythe had never pressed her son for information, hoping someday he would want to talk to her about it.

House filled his mother in about Amber's death and temporary loss of Wilson's friendship. He left out the details of how they became friends again, knowing that would require him telling her about Cuddy drugging him to get him to go to his father's funeral. House didn't want his mother to know how much he had not wanted to attend the funeral.

Though it was very difficult for him, he recalled to her the events of Kutner's suicide and the days and weeks that followed when he battled insomnia and dramatically increased his intake of Vicodin which, at some point, no longer helped his leg pain, instead inducing hallucinations. During all this, Blythe never said a word, she just sat there and listened, nodding her head occasionally and patting his hand, urging him to continue as long as he felt comfortable doing so.

"One night, the hallucinations were so bad, I actually thought Cuddy had helped me detox. I hallucinated hav—"he stopped himself, embarrassed at what he was about to reveal. He had already told his mother so much; he worried what she would think if she knew the extent of his hallucinations.

"Greg?"

"It's nothing. I hallucinated."

"What did you hallucinate dear?"

"Mom, really I don't want to go into it."

"Alright."

Both of them were silently sipping their coffee. It seemed to Blythe that House wanted to talk but couldn't find the right words. She did not push him; rather she waited it out, hoping he would feel comfortable enough to continue.

Suddenly House wasn't hungry anymore. He got up from his stool, limped into the living room and sat at his piano. It was the one place he felt shielded from the world, where the painful forces of reality could not reach him. Blythe picked up her mug of coffee, and not saying a word; moved to the couch and watched him play.

After playing for a few minutes, House stopped, placed his hands in his lap and looked down at them. Softly, he said, "I hallucinated that Cuddy helped me detox and that we had sex afterwards."

The apartment was silent; neither of them said a word. Blythe knew her son was uncomfortable talking about this but it had been his call. For whatever reason he felt the need to tell her. Before she could say anything to him, he continued.

"That wasn't the worst of it. At the time I didn't know it was a hallucination and when Cuddy refused to acknowledge our night together I took it upon myself to yell it from the balcony inside the hospital."

Blythe was stunned at her son's revelation but said nothing.

"Mom aren't you going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say? I told you that you talk, I listen."

"Yeah but after what I did? You're not going to give me the third degree?"

Blythe laughed and then replied, "Gregory, you've probably beat yourself up for it a dozen times already. Besides, you were not in your right mind, it wasn't your fault."

House replied softly, "Yeah not in my right mind."

"I'm sorry dear, that's not how I meant it."

"I know mom, relax."

"Do you want to tell me what happened next?"

He hesitated for a moment, plucked a few notes and stopped. "Cuddy fired me and then when I confronted her about our night together, she said it never happened. It was then that I recalled what really happened."

"Which was?"

"I insulted her in her office, she responded by leaving me there all alone. The tube of lipstick I thought I'd been toying with all day long-" he hesitated and then continued, "was really a bottle of Vicodin. I nearly lost it, no I did lose it. Cuddy took me to Wilson and immediately he drove me to Mayfield. I had no choice, I hit rock bottom."

"My God Greg. I never knew."

"Of course not, I told Wilson to come up with something believable and since I was detoxing in Mayfield, it seemed a good enough excuse for you. I just couldn't tell you the truth."

"Why now?"

"Nolan's trying to get me to be more open", he replied. "You deserve to know. You're the only one who has never let me down. No matter what I did, you were always there for me."

"Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you two finally get together?"

"Well, after years of circling one another, I think she had just given up on me. There were moments that seemed like we might get it together but we were never on the same page. When I left Mayfield though I was determined to show her I had changed but by that time…" he drifted off not finishing the sentence. He didn't want to relive the moment he found out she had been with Lucas.

"By that time what Greg?"

"By that time it was too late. She was dating Lucas, a guy I'd hired to do some private eye work for me. He knew I liked her but I guess he figured with me out of the picture he had a shot with her. He was a decent guy, or so I thought. She needed someone who could be there for her and Rachel and that was him."

"Oh Greg."

"It's okay mom, wasn't meant to be I guess. Not then anyway. I tried to show her I'd changed but all she saw was the screwed up jerk I used to be, not how I had changed. Eventually I figured I had to move on, I just didn't know how."

House could see his mother's lips pursed together tightly when he told of how he'd gotten clean and tried to pursue a relationship with Cuddy only to find she'd moved on to someone else. He sensed his mother was angry but she didn't say a word. He continued filling in the blanks with all the things that happened between him and Cuddy after Mayfield. Finally, knowing his mother would want to know how Cuddy moved on from Lucas to her son, he finally told her about night of the crane collapse, giving Cuddy the book written by her great grandfather, the news of Cuddy's engagement to Lucas, and finally Hannah.

"I didn't want her to lose her leg and be in pain the rest of her life like me. I did everything I could to avoid it but in the end, we had no choice. I did everything I could to save her mom, everything. The only way I could get her to let me take her leg off was telling her how miserable and messed up my own life was because I hadn't let them take mine."

Blythe just looked at her son, knowing he was in pain recalling the events of that night. She wanted to reach out to him and hold him and tell him it would be alright but she knew her son all too well, that was not his style. She had to be strong for him so he would have the courage to keep talking, and that is just what he did.

"One time I finally do he right thing, I open myself up and tell the truth, I let someone else in. That's what everyone's wanted me to do for years. When I finally do that everything backfires... " he drifted off for a moment.

Plucking a few notes of the piano he continued, "I tried to save Hannah by doing the right thing and she died anyway. I committed myself to a mental institution to get my life back and prove to Cuddy I could be different and she winds up with someone else. It seemed everything I did after Mayfield just backfired on me. I just thought if I finally did what everyone had told me to do for years, just open up and let others in, that things would go my way. One day I'm clean and sober and the next I'm sitting on the floor of my bathroom with two bottles of Vicodin ready to end it all…or at least just numb the pain." House recalled that moment with extreme pain in his voice.

Blythe listened with tears forming in her eyes. As she watched her son talk for the last few hours about what he'd been through she thought about the little boy she once knew, light haired, blue—eyed, full of curiosity and spunk, never letting anyone get the best of him. She could not understand how that wild and carefree little boy came to be a man in so much pain. It broke her heart to see him like this.

"Anyway, Cuddy just walked in, I mean just like that, she was there. She gave me a choice. Take the pills or not. Either way, she'd broken off her engagement with Lucas and told me she loved me. _Me_. Can you imagine that? A woman who has it all together breaks off her engagement with a guy who would make a perfect husband and father, to be with me." House just shook his head and laughed, mocking himself.

A tear escaped from his mother's left eye but House did not yet notice because he was once again focused on playing the piano.

"And that's how it began." He continued in between playing notes, "The thing is it could have begun so many years ago. Cuddy and I had known each other nearly twenty-two years. You know we met in college but you don't know that if I hadn't been so goddamned stupid and just called her the morning I found out I was getting kicked out of med school, our lives could have been so different."

Suddenly House realized his cursing and said, "Sorry mom."

"Don't apologize for cursing; I do it all the time."

He laughed. "You?"

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me Greg."

"Care to share?"

"Maybe later. This is about you. Did you love Lisa when you were in college?"

House continued playing softly. "I don't know. I guess I did in a way. I know she was different from any other girl I'd ever met. She seemed older, more mature and she was so smart. She was amazing. She challenged authority every chance she got and she questioned everything."

"Sounds like someone else I know."

House looked at her and smirked.

"For years we danced around the obvious, missing every damn opportunity that presented itself and the moment we get our second chance, I'm nearly relapsing on my bathroom floor. How screwed up is that?"

Blythe wiped another tear from her eye. "I don't know son, I suppose it is pretty screwed up but you can't fight fate. It was meant to be."

"Yeah, I guess it was, for a while anyway," He replied softly.

Blythe's heart broke for her son. She sighed. "Greg, love is complicated, life is complicated. I wish there was a manual to tell us how to act and react in certain situations but it doesn't exist. We just have to do the best we can with what we have. Sometimes we get it right, other times we screw up."

"Some of us more than others."

"Don't say that."

"It's true mom," House raised his voice a bit. "I pushed Stacy away and I pushed Cuddy away too. I don't deserve to be happy."

Blythe got up and walked over to the piano, motioning for her son to move over and make room for her on the bench next to him.

"You're a good person Greg, even if you are a pain in the ass." She smiled and continued, "You've been through a lot in your life and it has shaped who you are. I know you don't believe people can change but if you want something bad enough you do what you have to do to get it. You deserve love and happiness as much as the next person."

"I've done so many...terrible things."

"Really? Stand in line. We all have problems, shortcomings, weaknesses. Do you think that makes us any less deserving of happiness? Screwing up is a part of life. We make mistakes, hopefully we learn and we move on and try not to make them again. But sometimes we do make the same mistakes over and over again. Yes it's crazy but it's life but Greg dear, you don't give up; you just keep trying till you get it right. "

House said nothing.

"Oh Gregory, I know you better than you think I do. I've always known you were different and that you could not be constrained by conventional rules of society. You had to be your own person, making your own way in a manner that was different from everyone else. I know you have been in love with Lisa Cuddy for years. I know you fight your addiction to Vicodin every single day of your life. I knew long ago that you pushed Stacy out of your life and I knew there was a chance you might never find love again because you fear it. You challenge authority, you break the rules, you wreak havoc wherever you go. You're obsessed with finding the answers and you drive everyone around you crazy while you're doing it. You're cranky, depressed, angry, hurt, and lonely. You've made mistakes that cost you your sanity, your freedom, and the woman you love. Some of the mistakes you've made at times nearly cost you your life! But guess what? You aren't a bad person, you just made mistakes. You have been in pain for so long and I'm not just talking about your leg either. You've told me on more than one occasion that you can't change but I know better. I didn't raise a quitter, I didn't raise a boy who gives up and takes the easy way out. You can change but you have to want to and you have to do it for the _right_ reasons. You can't change for anyone else son, you have to change for _yourself._"

House just stared at his mother; he was speechless, which did not happen very often.

She sensed what he was thinking. "Yes Gregory, I'm _that_ good. I'm your mother, where do you think you get it from?"

House looked down, shook his head and smirked. She had a point.

Blythe tapped a few keys on the piano and asked her son, "Do you remember when you first learned to play?"

"Hell yeah. Aunt Sarah's old 1925 Bechstein. It was my first. God I loved that thing." House smiled recalling the memory.

"We spent many hours learning to play didn't we?"

"Yeah, it drove dad crazy too."

"Yes it did, which is why I suppose you kept doing it."

"How did you know?"

"You still dare to ask that question."

"Sorry, I forgot." he replied with a light chuckle.

House placed both hands on the keys and began to play, closing his eyes and tilting his head back and enjoying the sounds that filled his apartment. For a moment it was as if he were alone. Blythe just watched him and smiled. She recalled the moments of his youth when he looked most content and it was usually when he played the piano or lacrosse or when he was immersed in a book. She had loved those moments.

"Hey mom?" he asked, never opening his eyes or missing a key.

"Yes?"

"Why don't you stay here with me instead of going to Wilson's?"

Placing her hands on the keys in front of her and duplicating the notes her son was playing, she smiled, looked at him and replied, "That'd be really nice Greg. I'd love it."

* * *

><p>Please leave a review on the way out. Anonymous comments always welcome. Also, please go out there and read the many wonderful House-Cuddy fics on this site and please leave comments for the authors!<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N:** I would like to convey my deepest thanks and gratitude to everyone reading this story. I appreciate your patience. House and Cuddy are two very complicated and screwed-up individuals. For them, nothing worth having comes easy, it takes work. I suppose that's the way it is for all of us.

By the way there are some terrific House-Cuddy fics you should check out! Search FF and you shall find them!

* * *

><p>House had left explicit instructions with Chase that he not be disturbed unless absolutely necessary. Despite his need to solve cases as a means of distraction, he actually wanted to spend some time with his mother. However, a case had presented itself around noon on Saturday and House had to go to the hospital. House invited his mother to tag along and see what happens in the "big bad world of diagnostics" as he called it.<p>

Upon entering the Diagnostics conference room, House was met by his fellows. He introduced his mother to them and offered her a seat on the couch as they began.

"Mom? Are you sure you want to sit through this?" he asked.

"Of course Gregory, just pretend I'm not even here."

House turned to his team, "Okay have we got?"

Chase handed out copies of the patient file and began the discussion. "Two weeks ago, the patient, a forty-five year old Caucasian female showed up at Princeton General's clinic complaining of headache, nausea and vomiting. They did a physical exam and lab tests all within normal limits."

Taub continued, "She returned to the clinic for a second visit complaining of headaches and they sent her home telling her it was a migraine. On her third visit they sent diagnosed her with a tension headache, sinusitis and gave her a prescription for co-trimoxazole. On the fourth and final visit, she told them her headache had subsided but she was still vomiting at least twice a day. Clinic treated with OTC PPI for suspected gastro esophageal reflux and sent her home again."

"Four visits and they still didn't get that something was actually wrong with her?" House asked shaking his head in disgust.

"When the wife returned home from the fourth visit, she passed out on the floor. Her husband found her a few hours later, carried her into our ER," said Park.

House and the team worked through the DDX as he wrote symptoms on the white board. His mother was in awe watching the team in action. House ordered a number of tests and before they departed he made an announcement.

"Effective several days ago Chase is now the new me. Well he's not actually me, I'm better looking and he hasn't hit puberty yet, but you know what I mean." House looked over at Chase who rolled his eyes. Meanwhile Blythe couldn't help but laugh.

"Exactly what are you saying House?" asked Taub.

"Was I not clear _small one_? Chase is in charge when I'm not here."

"Why Chase?"

"Why not?"

"Does Foreman know about this?" asked Taub.

"Why would Foreman care?"

"Well he is your boss."

"Since when do I listen to my boss?"

"Good point," Taub replied.

"Go do the tests; I'll be here when you're done."

A few hours later, House had given his mother a tour of the hospital, introduced her to his favorite coma patients, and had lunch in the cafeteria. They returned to the conference room where the team was waiting for them.

"Patient has developed ataxia and diplopia and her headache has returned, worse than before," said Chase.

"What does the MRI show?" House asked him.

"Head scan shows increased signaling of the left temporal lobe, bilateral pontine areas, left peridentate nucleus and cervical spinal cord."

"So what are we thinking?"

"The MRI suggests an acute demyelinating process," said Adams.

"Possibly myasthenia gravis?" Park suggested.

"Administer a trial of pyridostigmine and keep an eye on her," said House.

"Uh...well…House we have a problem. Her husband won't let us treat her anymore unless he talks to you first," said Adams.

"Did you tell him I'm a very busy man?"

"Seriously?" she asked.

Blythe cleared her throat. House looked over at her while she gave him "the look" the one that made him realize he was about to something he didn't want to do.

"Whaaat?" he whined looking at his mother.

"I didn't say anything dear."

"You want to don't you?"

"No."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you _do_. Now what is it?" House asked, noticing the team was watching them intently.

"The man is probably worried out of his mind because his wife sick. Maybe talking to the brilliant world-renowned diagnostician who is treating her would make _him_ feel better."

The team was clearly enjoying the interaction between mother and son. Finally House relented. Looking at his team he yelled "Oh shut up all of you!" and he limped out of the room. His team laughed.

House entered the room of the patient whose name was Deborah Lancaster. He noticed the husband sitting by her bed and he rolled a stool over and sat across from him.

"Who are you?" asked the husband.

"I'm your wife's doctor."

"Oh yeah, the elusive Dr. House. My wife has been sick for two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Princeton General told us it was a migraine, then sinusitis and _then_ acid reflux. Not knowing what the hell else to do, I bring her here to see the brilliant Dr. Gregory House and you _still_ can't figure out what's wrong with her!" He was raising his voice now, "I've known my wife since she was five years old. I know everything about her and I know there is something wrong with her goddamnit and I want to know what YOU PEOPLE are going to do about it?"

As he listened to the husband yelling at him, House looked down at the woman in the bed. She was beautiful, dark curly hair, pale complexion, petite. She reminded him of someone else he once knew. He recalled when Cuddy was sick in the hospital and he thought he would lose her. He definitely understood what this man was going through.

As he thought about this, the husband was talking to him but House wasn't listening.

"Dr. House, do you hear me?"

"_Dr. House!"_

House was brought out of his thoughts when the patient's blood pressure began to rise rapidly. Adams and Park were nearby and ran into the room and House ordered Park to get the husband out while he and Adams worked on the patient.

* * *

><p>Later that evening House and the team were still at the hospital. He'd called a cab hours earlier for his mother so she could do some shopping at the mall after which she'd decided to head back to House's apartment assuming he'd probably be working late on the case.<p>

House was clearly frustrated at his team and himself for not yet finding a diagnosis. They continued throwing out ideas, including the neurological symptoms.

"What about the neuro exam?" asked House.

Taub read the results, "Unfortunately it shows decreased sensorium, hallucinations, decreased attention span and gait disturbance."

"Taub and Adams, do a lumbar puncture. Park, order us some Chinese."

"How am I supposed to pay for it?"

"Use your credit card."

"Mine?"

"Well duh, do you expect me to use mine?"

Park rolled her eyes, pulled out her phone and walked out. House yelled after her, "Make sure to get extra pancakes for me!"

"What about me?" asked Chase

"What about you?"

"Well what do you want me to do?"

"If you're going to be the boss Chase, you've got to learn to be a boss. You don't do anything. Just make sure the team doesn't kill anybody."

House looked at Chase as he left. Over the years he'd watched as the insecure boy grew into a man. At first he didn't like Chase, only hiring him because Chase's well-respected and world-renowned physician father asked him to do it as a favor. In the beginning he wasn't sure about Chase but over time he had proved himself worthy. Chase had matured into a great doctor and surgeon. Of course he'd never tell Chase lest the Aussie get a big head but he hoped by making him team leader, Chase understood that he did respect him and had confidence in his abilities. House often thought if anyone on his team were to take over the department someday it could very well be Chase.

House went into his office and relaxed in his Eames chair. He put his right leg up and rubbed it vigorously. It had been hurting for hours, getting worse as his patient's health declined. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His thoughts drifted to a night similar to this with a lot of leg pain and a difficult diagnosis. He'd been at the hospital nearly two days straight working on the case of a pregnant woman showing severe symptoms they could not diagnose. The case had weighed heavily on him.

_It was nine o'clock at night and House was in his Eames chair trying to get a few hours sleep. He'd already sent the team home as they had been up nearly eighteen hours. As he drifted off, his cell phone vibrated which meant he'd received a text. It was from Cuddy, she was in her office and needed him there as soon as possible. Wondering why on earth she was there so late, he grabbed his cane and took the elevator down to the first floor. The blinds were drawn in her office. As he walked in he noticed her standing there in yoga pants, a v-neck tee shirt and tennis shoes. _

"_Hi," she said._

"_Hey," he replied, looking her up and down and approving of the way her body looked in her casual outfit._

"_You okay?" She asked as she walked over to greet him._

"_Tired. What are you doing here so late? Everything okay at home?"_

"_I wanted to check up on you. Haven't seen each other much these past few days and I missed you."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Yeah." She replied softly. He noticed on the floor next to her desk was a cooler, a duffel bag and a blanket and pillow. _

"_What's all this?" He asked._

"_I thought you could use a change of clothes and some toiletries. I also brought you some leftovers, iced tea, a blanket and extra pillow in case you needed it for your leg."_

"_Where's Rachel?"_

"_Wilson's with her. I called him and he didn't mind watching her this evening. I told him I wanted to come down here and check on you."_

"_Just check on me?"_

"_Well something like that." She smiled and winked at him._

"_That Wilson's a nice guy isn't he?" he asked her, a slight twinkle in his tired eyes.  
><em>

"_The best," she replied.  
><em>

_House locked the door behind him, dimmed the lights and limped over to the couch. Cuddy noticed he was limping much more than the last time she saw him. He patted the cushion next to him and motioned for her to sit next to him. She sat on his right side and put her hands on his leg. She knew he was in pain and so she massaged his thigh for him. While she massaged his thigh firmly he remained quiet and fifteen minutes later, she could tell he was much more relaxed._

_"Thanks," he said. He truly meant it. Her touch was always healing to him.  
><em>

"_I know this case is hard on you. Is there anything I can do?" She asked.  
><em>

"_We're doing our best. There's a lot of stuff we can't do because of the baby."_

"_Yeah, that makes it much more difficult doesn't it?"  
><em>

"_Yeah." _

_Cuddy could tell in his voice how exhausted he was. It wasn't often his patients included pregnant women but when they did, it always hit him hard for he had to struggle to save two lives instead of one. _

"_House, come here," she motioned for him to lean towards her. When he did she took his lips in hers and kissed him softly and tenderly. She ran her tongue along his lips and smiled as he gave her access to his mouth. They had missed this closeness during the time he'd been at the hospital. He pulled her over to straddle him and she did, mindful of his right thigh. As she moved over his lap their lips never left one another. Finally they pulled apart, breathing heavily._

"_I missed this." He said as he ran his hands up the back of her shirt. He smiled as he noticed she was not wearing a bra._

"_Me too," she replied. She noticed that he noticed she wasn't wearing a bra._

"_So is Wilson staying at your house all night?" he asked as he ran his hands up and down her bare back and her sides, enjoying the warmth of her soft skin._

"_Yep."She closed her eyes a moment allowing herself to indulge in the feeling of being held by him.  
><em>

"_What's for dinner?"_

"_Lasagna and warm rolls." _

"_Uggh vegetarian lasagna!" he whined as he rolled his eyes._

"_No. Lasagna with meat sauce."_

_He looked surprised and said, "You don't eat meat."_

"_Yeah but you do." She poked his chest with her index finger and laughed. "I made two pans, one with meat and one with spinach and tofu."_

"_Really?" _

"_Really." She kissed him again. "Come on let's eat."_

_Using her desk as a table, the two ate in relative silence. Cuddy knew House was hungry and he devoured the two portions of lasagna she brought for him as well as three rolls and the thermos of sweet iced tea. Not many words passed between them, most of what they felt was conveyed through eye contact and body language. _

_About an hour later, after they had digested their dinner, Cuddy unpacked the duffel bag full of House's clothes and toiletries. She handed him his plaid pajama pants, tee shirt, underwear and things he'd need for the shower. _

_Pointing towards the bathroom in her office she said,_ "_Go shower and I'll get the couch ready."_

"_Are you going to join me?"_

"_There's no room for two of us in there."_

"_We can make do."_

"_Go now!" she said and pointing towards the bathroom. _

_Ten minutes later, House exited the bathroom feeling much more relaxed after having showered, shaved and brushed his teeth. He noticed Cuddy had converted her fold-out couch into a bed. It wasn't very big, but it was big enough for the two of them. _

"_I'm feeling a bit spoiled here," he said smirking at her._

"_Yeah? Don't get used to it," She replied._

_He put his dirty clothes in the duffel bag and limped without his cane over to the fold-out couch. Cuddy turned out the lights and the room was suddenly bathed in the bright light of the full moon shining through the tall windows behind her desk._

"_You think we should be doing this?"  
><em>

"_I'm the Dean of Medicine, I can do whatever I want. Besides the blinds are drawn and the door is locked. Brenda has the night shift, she knows we're here, nobody's going to disturb us, I promise."_

"_Good because you have a tendency to get loud," he said._

"_House, we're sleeping, that's it."_

"_Aww come on mom, you can't feed me, clean me up and then deprive me of sex."_

"_I find it very disturbing that you use the words mom and sex in the same sentence." _

"_You're funny, now are you going to change?"_

"_No, I'm fine."_

"_You're wearing too many clothes."_

"_House."_

"_Oh come on woman, compromise! That's what relationships are all about."_

"_Fine,." she said, giving in and sliding off her yoga pants revealing lacy white panties. House licked his lips and Cuddy noticed immediately._

"_Don't get any ideas." _

_Folding her yoga pants and placing them on the table next to the couch, she crawled under the covers with him. She cuddled up close and he wrapped his arms around her as she laid her head on his chest. _

"_This was such a good idea," she said with a sigh._

"_Yeah I'm glad I thought of it," he replied._

"_Shut up!" She smacked him in the chest._

"_Oww that hurt."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Let me see what I can do about that." She leaned in and kissed him, holding his face in her hands, rubbing her fingers over the scruff on his face. She moaned at the feeling of his tongue exploring his mouth. It was an incredibly sensual kiss, the kind that usually led to much more and would have in this case if both of them had not been so tired. _

"_House?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_I ove the way you kiss me."_

"_Well I'll just have to do more of that then won't I?" He smiled at her in the dark.  
><em>

_They lay there in the dark, under a blanket on the fold-out couch, holding each other and whispering, bantering and laughing between kisses. Feeling the most relaxed and at ease that he had in days, House drifted off to sleep spooning Cuddy, his right hand over her stomach, keeping her close to him. They slept soundly until the alarm on Cuddy's cell phone woke them at five o'clock the next morning. _

House woke to the sound of his noisy fellows entering the conference room next door. He wondered how long he'd been asleep. Looking at his watch he realized it was only a few hours. As he limped into the conference room he smelled the Chinese food.

"Park, I thought I told you to order that hours ago."

"You were asleep, I didn't want to wake you."

"Next time, wake me. Where's my food? And what's the deal with our patient?" He asked grumpily.

Taub gave him the results, "We've got the results of the lumbar puncture. It shows increased opening pressure. Based on the radiographic, lab and clinical findings, we think it might be acute demyelinating encephalopathy."

"Could be infectious or toxic encephalitis or collagen vascular disease?" asked Adams.

"Give her plasmapheresis." House ordered and then retreated to his office to eat his dinner in peace.

After the team had done a follow up MRI they discovered plasmapheresis showed no improvement. House went to the patient's room and found her awake. Her husband was sleeping in the chair next to her.

"Dr. House?" She asked.

"The plasmapheresis isn't working. We're going to do another MRI." He told her.

"So you still don't know what's wrong with me?" the patient asked. She was groggy and somewhat disoriented.

"No."'

"Don't let me die. I have a daughter at home, she's eight years old and she needs me." By that time the patient was crying.

"We're working on it." was his only reply.

The husband heard his wife's sobs and woke immediately and directed his anger at House. "What the hell did you do to her?" he demanded.

"I told her we had to do more tests."

"More tests? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Two hospitals, dozens of tests and God knows how many thousands of dollars later and the best you can do is tell me you have to do more tests?"

House replied sarcastically, "You can either bitch about me not doing my job, which by the way I am doing, or you can sit there and console your wife. In case you haven't noticed she's crying."

The patient's husband pulled his fist back and was ready to hit House when his wife, who seemed barely coherent, pleaded with him. In a very soft voice she cried, "Chuck, don't. Please."

The patient's husband stopped, turned back to his wife, took her hands in his and closed his eyes, never looking at House when he said "Just do your goddamned tests."

"Okay," said House and he walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>It was four o'clock in the morning when House stumbled into his apartment. The light in the hallway was on and his mother was on the couch sleeping. House threw down his keys, phone and jacket and limped into the kitchen as quietly as he could.<p>

"Greg?"

House stopped in his tracks. "Sorry mom did I wake you?"

"No dear, I've been awake a few hours. I had hoped you'd be home sooner."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

House was in the kitchen pouring a glass of water when his mother sat up on the couch and watched him. He walked very slowly, his limp was more pronounced and he nearly stumbled twice. She got up and walked into the kitchen.

"Gregory, are you alright?"

With his back to her he said "I'm fine mom, go back to bed."

"Are you sure?" she asked. She could sense uneasiness in him.

"Yeah, I'm going to bed." Without looking at her, he made his way into his bedroom and closed the door. He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. He hated losing a patient, it made him feel like a failure. The patient's husband had brought her to him expecting that his brilliance could save her and in the end he failed. He was haunted by the last words his patient said to him as he left her room:

"_Don't let me die. I have a daughter at home, she's eight years old and she needs me."_

Minutes later, House's cell phone vibrated on the table in the living room where he'd left it. Thinking it might be an important call from the hospital, Blythe quietly answered it. She was surprised to find it was Wilson.

"Blythe?"

"James? Do you need Greg?"

"I take it he's home?"

"Yes. Do you need him?"

"No, I just wanted to check on him. At least he made it home okay."

"What do you mean, what happened?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No."

"His patient died two hours ago. He said he was going to a bar to forget about it. Chase tried to stop him but it was too late."

"Oh my."

"Yeah. He doesn't handle losing patients well."

"I'll take care of him James."

"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow. Call me if you need anything okay?"

"Thank you James, Goodnight."

Blythe ended the call and placed the phone back where she found it. She understood why her son had come home so upset and did not want to talk about it. She wasn't sure what she should do. Part of her wanted to console him and part of her knew he was not the consoling type. She made up her mind and quietly walked down the hallway towards his bedroom. As she raised her hand to tap on the door, she heard something on the other side. She put her ear to the door and suddenly tears came to her eyes when she realized she was listening to her son sobbing. Quickly she tiptoed back down the hallway, turning off the light and crawling under the covers. She did not want to leave him alone but she knew her son would want to deal with this in his own way for now. She would try and talk to him about it later. In the meantime she hoped all the progress he'd made in opening up to her the previous morning would not be undone.

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><p>Please don't forget to leave a review! Reviews are love, they are also like crack, or so Max (aka allthingsdecent) tells me! LOL:D<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **Here's another chapter for you! We're moving right along at what I believe is a reasonable pace. Remember, these are two very complex and dysfunctional people. They carry a lot of emotional baggage which got in the way of their relationship the first time around. In order to make it work again, they're going to have to realize some things about themselves and each other.

* * *

><p>House awoke around eleven o'clock Sunday morning a bit tired and hung over. Hey lay there for fifteen minutes thinking about the events of the night before. He lost a patient. He was usually the last hope for the majority of his patients and so he took it very personally when a patient died because he saw it as a direct reflection on his abilities.<p>

He maneuvered himself to a sitting position with his feet on the floor as he vigorously rubbed his right thigh. The pain was always bad after waking and on days he didn't have to work he liked to start the day with a long hot bath which soothed his leg and the rest of his aching muscles. As he entered the bathroom he noticed a note on his mirror from Wilson letting him know he and Blythe had gone to brunch at Winberie's and would be back in the early afternoon. House enjoyed having his mother stay with him but this morning he welcomed the privacy. He wondered if that's why Wilson took her to brunch. He reminded himself to thank his friend later.

Once the tub was filled, House stripped and lowered himself into it. The hot water felt good on his entire body. He didn't bring his phone, medical journals or anything else with him. All he wanted to do was sit back and relax. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall and let the hot water soothe him. It wasn't long before he fell asleep.

"_House?"_

"_In here."_

_Cuddy found him in her bathroom, in the huge Jacuzzi tub. The water was so hot she could see the steam rising up from it. _

"_House that water is too hot"_

"_No it's not. Besides it's good for my leg. Why don't you join me?"_

"_I can't. Rachel will be up soon."_

"_It's early yet; she was up late last night with us. She'll be fine. Get your rotund ass into the tub with me woman."_

_She smiled. "House as much as I would love to—"_

_He interrupted her, "We've hardly seen each other all week, come on, just bring the baby monitor in here. Please?"_

_Cuddy had a soft spot when House said please and used his cute pouty face. "Alright, I'll be right back."_

_She grabbed the baby monitor from the living room and went back into the bathroom to join House. She began taking off her clothes and noticed how he was watching her every move. She slowed her movements, putting on a show for him. He never said a word while she slowly peeled off her tank top and yoga pants, then her sports bra and finally her panties. Leaving them in a heap on the floor, she walked seductively over to the tub and climbed in with him. He helped her rest between his legs as she leaned her back up against his chest. The water was a bit hot, but it was soothing. She leaned back against him with his arms around her.  
><em>

"_Oh my, this is nice."_

"_Yes it is."_

_He ran his hands up and down her arms, massaged her neck, and caressed her breasts. Every now and then he would place gentle kisses along her neck. He loved holding her and took every opportunity to do it because he wasn't sure how long they would last. He wanted to always remember how it felt to hold her in his arms that way. They stayed like that for nearly thirty minutes and they were so relaxed they nearly fell asleep. Suddenly, they heard a noise over the baby monitor. It was Rachel calling for her mother. Cuddy sighed and House held her tighter but eventually relented knowing she had to tend to Rachel. She was getting ready to leave the bathroom when she turned back to House. She kneeled next to the tub, placed her hands on either side of his face and claimed his lips in a passionate kiss. When they broke apart she leaned close to his left ear and whispered "thank you" before leaving to tend to Rachel. House just smiled as she walked away in a short bath towel and a swing in her hips purely for his enjoyment.  
><em>

House woke suddenly and realized the water had become lukewarm and his ass hurt from sitting so long. He thought about the memory he'd just had. It made him smile for a moment then he frowned remembering the reality of his current situation. He got out of the tub, dried and dressed in jeans, tee shirt, and socks, took his medication and made his way into the living room. His leg didn't hurt so much at the moment and for that he was thankful.

On the way into the living room he smelled coffee. In the kitchen he found that his mother had not only prepared a pot of coffee for him but she had tidied up the kitchen and the living room as well. House smiled, thinking about how some things never change. He knew his mother was trying not to smother him but at the same time she enjoyed doing little things for him knowing he appreciated the effort.

He poured a mug of coffee and went into the living room. He picked up his phone from where he'd left it by the door and planted himself on the couch. He flipped open the phone and called Chase to find out the autopsy results on the deceased patient.

* * *

><p>Wilson and Blythe were deep into conversation at Winberie's. They had lots to catch up on including Wilson's cases, his failed relationship with Sam and the few women he'd dated since. They had successfully avoided the subject of House as Blythe was intent on maintaining her son's privacy and Wilson did not want to jeopardize House's trust. However, after discussing a number of subjects, both eventually became quiet, enjoying one other's company. Eventually the subject turned to House.<p>

"So how have things been between you two?" Wilson asked.

"We're actually getting along quite nicely; it's a breath of fresh air James."

"That's good. I think—no I _know_ your visit has been good for him. He's needed it for quite some time; he just would never admit it."

"He's my son, I love him, even with all the insane things he does."

"Can I ask you something?"

"I won't divulge Greg's confidence if I can help it but I should have known you and I would not be able to have a conversation without discussing him." She smiled.

"When he was a kid what was he like? He used to tell Cuddy and me bits and pieces but we always wondered if he was being sarcastic or if he was really telling the truth," he replied.

Blythe smiled with a reminiscent look in her eye. "Believe it or not, Greg was a good child. He was a mixture of everything under the sun. He was kind, quiet, rambunctious, shy, curious, studious, mischievous, athletic and energetic. The one thing he wasn't was troublesome. I never remember a time when Greg misbehaved and caused trouble. His curiosity would sometimes get him into trouble but it was just merely things boys do, nothing out of the ordinary."

Wilson laughed and said, "I wonder how he went from that kid to who he is now."

"Greg has always been a very complex person. Some things never change like his moodiness. There were times his mood would change at the drop of a hat. There was nothing psychologically wrong with him, it's just the way he was. When he was upset about something or trying to solve a problem he would become very quiet and deep in thought, he did not like to be bothered, so I learned when to give him space when he needed it."

"That definitely hasn't changed. There are so many sides to him that I've often asked myself who the real House is."

"The only answer I can give you is that what you see is the real Greg. He's all of what you see and what you don't see. He is a rare mixture of so many things; I can't even begin to define it. It's a part of what makes him special. I've always believed that."

"I've seen nearly all sides of him. One day I think I have him figured out and the next I don't. He's a mystery wrapped in an enigma," Wilson told her, chuckling.

"I agree. James, I really appreciate you being such a good friend to Greg, I can't tell you how much it means to me and you know what it means to him. I don't know what he would have done without you."

"I appreciate that Blythe but you should know that there were times I wasn't such a good friend. There were times I was selfish and turned my back on him while I was looking out for my own interests."

"James, you do not have to apologize. You have your own life to live too and Greg can be a handful, I know that. I know he requires a lot from you but you can't be his caretaker. He needs to understand that, he needs to be able to take care of himself. I believe in time he will."

"He's come a long way, he's seeing his therapist regularly and he's doing his physical therapy and he's talking more. He's still got a long way to go but I don't feel like he's as high maintenance as he used to be. I used to worry about him all the time, now I feel like I can back off a bit. Besides, I am the last person who should be giving advice at times. I have had my own share of crap."

"We've all had our own share of crap dear, that never ends, but how we handle it is what makes the difference," she said while patting his hand.

* * *

><p>Sometime later, Wilson dropped Blythe off at House's apartment. She found him sitting on the couch with his legs up on the coffee table staring at the television but not really paying attention to it.<p>

"Hello Greg, I brought you something to eats" she said as she placed the carry-out box on the table in front of him. "It's your favorite, buttermilk pancakes, and blueberry syrup with sausage links and in case you aren't in the mood for breakfast there's a Ruben in there too.

"Thanks mom, not really hungry," he said, still staring at the television.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Do you think I need to?"

"Don't be a smartass, I'm just concerned after last night."

"I'm fine."

"Okay, you're the boss."

Blythe moved into the kitchen where she placed the food in the refrigerator. She poured herself a cup of coffee and went back into the living room and sat down. She picked up a magazine and flipped through it, glancing over at her son every now and then.

Finally, House turned off the television, let out a big sigh and looked at his mother. "I know you have something to say, now say it."

"I didn't say anything."

"I know you. You say you don't but you want to."

She put down her magazine and looked directly at him, "Gregory House, I told you when I arrived here-"

He cut her off before she could finish, "But you didn't actually mean it."

"The hell I didn't!" she exclaimed and her tone surprised House.

Blythe stood up from her chair and walked over to where he sat on the couch. She stood before him, hands on hips and he knew a lecture was coming.

"I know there's something on your mind and admit I do want to know _but_ I made a promise to myself and to you that I would not push you." She threw her hands up in the air and continued. "You can be so frustrating at times. I love you to death but sometimes you drive me crazy."

House rolled his eyes and sighed. He knew there was no way out of this. Sooner or later he would be forced to talk to her and he knew she didn't have to say anything to get him to talk; all she had to do was just sit there and remain quiet and he'd cave. He had a feeling he couldn't hide much from his mother these days, she was just that good. He'd often thought he'd inherited his manipulative ways from his father but now he realized he'd been wrong.

"I failed her," he said out of the blue.

"What?"

"I failed."

"Greg…"

"Come on mom; don't tell me you don't know the patient died last night. I was checking my cell phone and found Wilson's number. He called you last night didn't he?"

"Yes he did. Actually he called for you, he wanted to check and see how you were handling things."

House let out a chuckle. "Good old Wilson, you can't get anything past him."

"He just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I know."

"Why do you think you failed?"

House put his hands over his face and rubbed the three-day scruff. "The patient was sick for weeks. She went to another hospital three times and each time they dismissed her symptoms. Finally her husband brought her to us because of me, because he knew I could save her. And I didn't. I let her die."

"You did no such thing."

"Yes, I did. It's not the first time either." House recalled in his mind the few patients he'd lost over the last few years. He didn't discuss them but their deaths were painful for him.

"Greg you do everything you can for your patients. I've heard the stories, you stop at nothing to diagnose them. I am sure tried everything within your power to save her."

House was becoming irritated. He didn't want pity or acceptance. He also did not want to argue with his mother right now.

"Well?"

"_Trying_ just isn't enough!" He yelled as he stood from the couch, his bad leg took the brunt of the weight at that moment and he winced in pain but held himself steady. He hadn't meant to raise his voice to his mother but the more he thought about the patient he lost, the angrier he became.

"If you could go back and do it all over what would you do differently?" Blythe asked.

House paced the living room with his cane, walking helped the pain in his leg as he tried to come up with a reasonable response. "I could have ordered more tests or pushed the team to do something different. Instead of taking a nap I could have been looking over her file again, trying to find something I missed."

"Greg.." Her voice was softer now. "I know you, you're one stubborn son of a bitch, and I know for a fact you did everything you could."

"And yet she died." She could see the pain in his eyes.

"Yes, she did." Blythe sighed sadly.

They were quiet for a few minutes as House had run out of things to say and Blythe was being careful not to push him too far. House finally sat at the piano, it seemed to be a place he felt comfortable when he opened up. He didn't play; he just sat there, brushing his hands across the top to get rid of a little dust he found there.

"She had an eight year old daughter. She begged me not to let her die."

"Oh Greg."

"Part of me knows it was not my fault and then part of me keeps thinking I should have done better. Why do I feel like a failure?"

"You shouldn't."

"I do and hey wallowing in self-pity over it is one of the things I seem to do best," He said with a sadness in his voice.

Blythe watched her son. At that moment he seemed so vulnerable. She wanted to tread carefully. She remained on the couch, not looking at him, just looking at her hands clasped in her lap. Blythe took a deep breath and told him, "Greg if you feel like a failure part of that is my fault."

House's mouth dropped open, he looked at his mother.

She continued, "Your father...instilled in you this idea that failure is not an option." She looked up and threw her hands in the air and asked, "What the hell does that mean anyway? Failure is not an option! Is that supposed to mean everything in life has to be a _success_? That's impossible. We're only human!"

House just stared at his mother. She continued, "You've got it ingrained in thick head of yours that not succeeding at something means you failed."

"Well doesn't it?"

"No Greg, it just means you didn't _succeed_."

House had to admit it made sense but it was just not something he could accept easily.

"You have lived like this for years and now it's time to put it to rest."

House opened his mouth to speak but his mother would have no part of it.

"When you were a little boy, you were so curious. You wanted to know how everything worked. I remember a time, I don't even think you were three years old yet. You were in the backyard on your hands and knees watching ants and asking what they were doing and why. I remember explaining to you what they were doing. You wanted to read a book on it but you were so young you couldn't read yet. I checked out a book from the library and read to you all about ants. Next thing I know you picked up the book and started learning to read. You began sounding out the words, not giving up until you'd formed the words. I helped you but you insisted on doing it yourself. From that moment on you seemed unstoppable. You never stopped reading, learning and asking questions. I knew at that moment you were different from the other kids, there was something special about you."

House was intrigued by his mother at the moment.

"As you got older asked more questions, you drove your father crazy. He thought you were doing it not out of curiosity but because you were questioning authority. When you found the answers to things he didn't know, he thought you were being a smartass. He told me I was spoiling you by encouraging you to read certain books, learn science, play piano, and learn languages. He kept asking me what good all that would do. I told him someday it would come in handy. I didn't know what you would wind up doing with your life but I knew those things would never fail you. Your father and I had many fights about how to raise you. He was adamant about using methods which were used on him when he was a child while I thought my way was better."

Blythe hesitated a few moments to catch her breath. House could tell that this was emotionally exhausting for her.

"I think he resented you for being so intelligent and so good at so many different things. You succeeded at so many things, sometimes with such little effort, it was amazing. Also, you had a much better childhood than he did. You had opportunities he never had. Your father was a smart man but in different ways than you. He was the kind of man you could leave stranded in the middle of nowhere with not a soul for hundreds of miles. You could strip him of every piece of clothing and all necessities and he would survive it just fine because he was tough. Your father was a warrior, he knew how to fight, he knew discipline, and he believed in very strict rules and order. It made him a great Marine but sadly not a great father."

House finally spoke up, afraid of where this conversation might be headed. "Listen mom we don't have to discuss dad."

"Yes we do. At least let me just say this. You picked up a few of your father's worst traits and I think you know that already so this comes as no surprise. Like him, you see life in black and white, you punish yourself for not always being right, you are hard on yourself and too hard on others. You think that showing emotion and compassion makes you weak and finally…" she hesitated a moment before finishing, "you never feel that you are worthy of the life you have or the love and devotion of the people who care about you."

House didn't know what to say. His voice cracked as he spoke to her. "So what am I supposed to do? I _can't_ change."

"That's a load of crap Gregory House and you know it."

"People _don't _change."

"People _do_ change."

"Dad _never_ changed."

Blythe sighed. There were lots of things her son didn't know about his father. "Dammit Greg, your father is dead, it's too late for him but it's not too late for _you_. The question is do you want a better life for yourself or do you want to be miserable?"

"It's not that simple."

"It _is _that simple. For someone who sees life in terms of black and white I thought surely you would understand that."

Blythe walked over to the piano and leaned over it looking at him. "Your father and I raised you and we bear responsibility many of the attitudes you have about life but in the end _how_ you live your life is _your_ responsibility and yours _alone_."

"I'm aware of that. I do just fine on my own thanks."

"If you say so."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"For a brilliant man you sure are dense at times."

House looked down, not wanting to look into his mother's eyes, knowing she spoke the truth.

"Greg, you are lonely and miserable. I see it in your eyes, I hear it in your voice, and I see it in the way you move. I know you are in pain and God I wish I could take it away. I would give my own life if it would take away your pain. You get one life to live that's it, one life. I don't want you to waste it being unhappy. "

"I'm not unhappy."

"Yes. You are."

"I accept life for what it is. I'm a realist."

"Greg" she said softly. "I am so sorry for all the terrible things you have endured in your life, believe me, as a parent, there is nothing I wouldn't do to take away your pain. But son, you are still alive, please do not let life's roadblocks stop you from living, and I mean _really_ living. I know you don't believe in God but I do and I was blessed with just one child and that is you. I have watched you live your life in misery for too long. I want you to live, laugh and love."

"That's so cliche."

"It's how I feel."

"Really you don't have to worry about me, I do just fine. I earn a hefty paycheck, everything I own is paid for, I've got money in the bank, I'm tenured, world-renowned, and hey I've got at least one friend," he mused.

Blythe laughed. "If only that were all it took to be happy in life."

"With the exception of you and Wilson I've pushed away everyone who cares about me. Happiness is a pipe dream when you're in pain."

"You've never talked about the extent of your pain and I've tried not to ask but I would like you to share it with me."

House hesitated. He was in unchartered territory and opening up in ways he never had with his mother. Letting her in could cause her to worry more about him and that was an added stress he did not need. However, he took a chance because the words just began flowing.

"In the old days I'd take three Vicodin in the morning just to be able to get dressed and get to work, and then I'd take two or three in the afternoon to keep going and then the same amount at night so I could sleep. Then there's what I took in between. I could go through one month's supply in a week easily. I used to hoard it in secret stashes so I'd always have it when I needed it," he said with a slight tone of embarassment in his voice.

Blythe knew he had been addicted but had no idea the extent of her son's Vicodin use. "How is it now? Being off the Vicodin?"

"Physical therapy is helping as you know but I deal with the addiction every day. I want to be out of pain but it's impossible without removing my leg and _that_ is not an option. The pain is much more manageable than it once was but there are moments it hurts so much I can't stand it." House was afraid to look up at his mother because he did not want to see pity in her eyes. But when he looked up he did not see pity, he saw love and respect.

Blythe said to him, "Greg, I appreciate you sharing this with me. I know how hard it is for you to open up and I want you to know I do _not_ pity you. You have come a long way and you have a long way to go but you are making strides. I am very proud of you."

Without thinking he replied, "Change is hard. I really don't know how to live any other way than how I do now."

She walked over to him, put one hand on his shoulder and another mussed his hair. She laughed and said, "Greg, it's about time you learn."

"What do you have in mind?" He asked.

"James told me there's a bowling alley around here," she said smiling, attempting to change the direction of the conversation and lighten the mood. Without giving her son a chance to say no, she said, "I'm going to change my clothes. Why don't you call James and see if he wants to meet us there?" she asked as she moved towards his bedroom to find her luggage.

House found himself actually wanting to get out of the house and so he grabbed his phone and called Wilson.

"Hey, Wilson get your bowling ball and meet us in twenty minutes!" He shouted into the phone.

"House? I'm busy."

"Doing what? Or shall I ask _who_?"

"I'm doing laundry you ass."

"You're such a girl Wilson. Laundry can wait. Besides my _mom_ wants you to go."

"Bowling? Are you sure you're in the mood?"

"I'm fine. Get your stuff and meet us there. Oh yeah call Chase, I'm going to need a partner."

"What? You don't want to partner with me?"

"Well duh, I want to _win_."

"You're an ass House."

"Yeah and still you love me."

"That's debatable. I'll call Chase and we'll see you in a bit."

House hung up and smirked to himself. Suddenly the weight of the last hour of intense emotional conversation was lifted from his shoulders. At that moment his mother entered the room.

"Good, you called James. Did I hear you say _you _needed a partner?"

"Yeah and he's good too."

"We'll see about that," she replied buttoning her sweater.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Yep."

"You _do_ know I'm pretty good," he bragged.

"And you _do_ know who taught you to be _that good_, don't you?"

"You're old," he snarked.

"You're crippled. That makes us even," she shot back with a chuckle.

"Nice mom!" He just shook his head in amusement as he followed her out the door.

* * *

><p>I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. More to come as we delve into House and Cuddy and work to help them heal and bring them together. Thank you so much for reading and please leave a comment. I read each and every one and reply to all who are set up to accept replies.<p> 


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** Many thanks to Madfashionista and GratefulInsomniac for taking a peek at this and offering suggestions. Also thank you to V for her medical advice. She's really helped me better understand the source of House's leg pain and realistic treatments for it.

Cuddy left work at four o'clock on Tuesday afternoon, picked up Rachel from school and headed home. It had been a long day at the hospital. All she wanted to do was relax and spend some time with her daughter. Upon arriving home she checked her mailbox and found a letter from Princeton. It was that scraggly doctor's handwriting she knew so well. _House._ A smile came to her face. She hadn't wanted to get her hopes up but she had wondered if House would write her back. She was anxious to read it but decided to wait until later when she was relaxed and Rachel was in bed.

After doing a few loads of laundry and some light housekeeping, she cooked a light dinner of sautéed vegetables and rice. As they ate, Rachel chatted away excitedly about her first day learning piano in her after school music class. Later, Cuddy cleaned up the dinner dishes, helped Rachel with her bath and read her a story before she went to sleep. After checking the doors were locked, she went into her bedroom with the letter, a bottle of wine and a glass. She prepared an aromatherapy bath for herself. She wanted the mood to be perfect when she read the letter. She brought the letter and wine into the bathroom, setting them along with some towels next to the tub. She stripped down and stepped into the water and settled in enjoying the feel of the heat on her skin. Taking a long drink from her glass of wine she reached for the letter, being careful not to get it wet. For a moment she surveyed the envelope before opening, wondering what House was thinking as he placed the letter inside. Nervously, she opened the envelope, took a deep breath and began reading.

_Dear Cuddy,_

_Thank you for the letter, it meant a lot to me. I hope you don't mind me writing to you again, there is still so much to say. I think it will always be that way between us. _

_Remember that time when we shared my office? You told me "everyone knows this is going somewhere" well I wanted it to go somewhere too but instead of kissing you, which is what I wanted to do, I deflected (again!) and grabbed your breast and once again pushed you away. I was so stupid. I was afraid to take a chance because I feared rejection. Even though I knew you wanted it at that moment, I knew what I bastard I was and that it was inevitable anything good between us would crash and burn. _

_When you and I became involved, I felt the best I'd felt in a long time. I was off the Vicodin and even though my leg hurt, I was more clear-headed than I'd been in years. Being with you made my pain easier to handle. The thing was…I wasn't happy, it had nothing to do with you, it was me. Remember? I don't do happy, you said so yourself. I spent too much time worrying about when you'd finally break up with me that I couldn't let myself go. _

_In your letter you talked about me being a ticking time bomb. I was too wrapped up in my own selfish needs and my pain to realize the destruction I'd caused.. I sure as hell did a good job of hurting you and Wilson. While I buried myself in misery, I wanted to see you hurt as much as I did. And I am so sorry for that because I honestly never really wanted to hurt you. And while we're on the subject, I need to address something neither one of us has brought up but it's time. _

_I never saw you look as defeated as when I invited you to my apartment for my so-called wedding. If I could take that back I would. That's when I knew I'd gone too far. I hardly even knew Dominika when I married her. She needed a green card so she could stay here, start her own business, the whole American dream crap. I figured what better way to get back at you than to marry this girl so she could get her green card. She offered to clean my apartment in exchange for a marriage of convenience. She cleaned my apartment twice a week and spent the rest of her time with her boyfriend in New York City. We never slept together and never had sex. She must have thought I was strange because on our "wedding night" I told her I didn't sleep with married women. She knew how fucked up I was when she found out what I done to my ex-girlfriend. She got angry and then after I was sent to prison, filed for an annulment. I received a short letter thanking me for trying to help her but that she couldn't go through with it._

_What a miserable son of a bitch I was to put you through that. What's worse is that I actually hoped you would put a stop to it. I wanted you to save me. I did it both to hurt you and try to get you to realize you wanted to be with me. I was being manipulative son of a bitch yet again. Looking back, it's difficult to believe I actually hurt you like that, yet I have to recognize that's the fucked up person I was. I could say I'm sorry over and over again but it doesn't convey to you the truth of how sorry I really am. _

_Anyway, my mom is here visiting for a few days. It's been a long time since we've seen each other and we're just starting to talk. I feel bad for not having been in touch with her as I should have; I guess I haven't been a very good son. I just didn't want her to know all the shit I've done. Funny thing though, I have nothing to fear, she's not pushing me to talk yet I just feel like I want to talk to her which is unusual for me. Today we had a long talk about my father. She believes I am the way I am in part because of him. I'm conflicted over my feelings for him. I hate him and I don't. He couldn't accept I wasn't like him, he couldn't accept…well, you know some things about my father, but there's so much more you don't know and maybe someday you will. _

_I'm still in therapy. It's hard some days but I keep doing it. Nolan tells me I have to do this for myself, not you or Wilson or anyone else. It should be easy for me to do this for me considering I see myself as the center of the universe but this is different from anything else I've ever had to do. Change sucks but I'm trying. When I open up, I have to confront things about myself I didn't want to face before. It's difficult to do that after living my life this way for so long. _

_Cuddy, I am sorry to hear about your sister's husband. Thinking of her loss reminds me of how I felt when you were sick. The thought of you dying—I can't even begin to convey to you all the feelings that overwhelmed me. Maybe I can talk about that sometime. I'm surprised to hear your sister thought we were good together but then again we had something other people didn't understand; hell I don't even think we understood it. _

_You mentioned your internal battle—fighting what you think you should feel versus what you do feel. You've always been an independent spirit and never let anyone get the best of you. You even stood up to your mom finally and I was proud of you for that. Even with that independent spirit though you've always been concerned about your image and what people thought of you. We were so opposite weren't we? You cared what people thought and I didn't give a shit. I may have given you a hard time about caring but you were so damn good at what you did Cuddy. You earned every bit of the respect you got in the hospital and then some. I mocked you catering to donors and the higher-ups but you kept that hospital at the top and you should be proud. I never came out and said it directly but I admire you and am proud of you. I always have been. _

_I see you finally found out the secret I shared with Rachel. I really wanted to get to know her better, for our sake. I was scared shitless I'll admit, and I wasn't sure how to take her, I'm just not good with kids, but she turned out to be a smart kid and we actually had fun after we spent a little time together. For some strange reason she liked me. She seemed to enjoy some of the things we did together like the park and when I read to her. To be honest I was embarrassed for anyone to find out I was actually good with her. After all, I had a reputation as an asshole I had to keep up. I also worried that if you found out we did get along you might want to get more serious and take things to a whole new level or you might have gotten scared I was getting too close and then you'd back off suddenly. Either way I felt like no matter what I did I was on the losing end. I'm not blaming you Cuddy, again this is one of the reasons things really didn't work out with us, and we never communicated. If we had shared what was on our mind, things would be different. _

_I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Sometimes it comes in the form of dreams when I sleep and sometimes I'll be doing something and it reminds me of you. I wish I'd told you then that all the little moments we had together meant so much to me. I was so afraid to tell you just how much because I was afraid to let myself just feel. I regret that. I think about my life now and how you aren't a part of it like you used to be. It hurts so much not to have you around. God woman, you used to drive me crazy like no one else could. I have a picture of you and Rachel that helps me remember the good times. I'm looking at is as I write this. Call it my muse…it works._

_I love you. I always will love you but I understand that sometimes love isn't enough. You need more, you deserved more. Hell, I guess we all do. I hope you'll write again. _

_Always, House_

Cuddy had tears in her eyes. House was trying, she could tell that much from the letter. He was indeed better at writing his feelings than he ever was speaking them. She thought about how difficult it must have been for him to pour his heart out again. The man who kept so much inside was trying to change. It would not be easy. She was surprised he brought up the green card marriage. She recalled vividly the moment she ran out of House's apartment. She nearly threw up on the way out. When she got home she called her sister to watch Rachel for a few days and then she sat on the floor in the living room and got drunk. She'd cried for hours while drinking herself into a stupor. When she woke the next morning she was lying on the floor, her head hurt and she'd started crying again realizing any chance she thought she had of ever getting House back was gone for good.

Now, thinking about these memories made Cuddy cry again. She knew House wasn't trying to hurt her with his words; he was trying to be honest with her. She couldn't tell if her tears were over how much he'd hurt her or how much she'd hurt him.

Cuddy read the letter one more time before getting out of the tub. After drying off she went into her bedroom to put on something to wear to bed. After reading his sad but heartfelt letter, she needed to feel close to him. She rummaged around in the bottom of her closet for a few minutes until she'd found what she was looking for. Exiting the closet looking quite pleased, she slipped the worn red garment over her head. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled at the _Suicide Jack's Last Man Standing Poker Tournament_ tee shirt that hung loose on her body. It was one the shirts she'd "borrowed" from House. She never washed the shirts because she loved the way they smelled, a mixture of his soap and cologne.

Cuddy crawled into bed and turned out the light. Just before drifting off to sleep, she softly whispered, "Goodnight House."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** Thanks to the lovely and talented GratefulInsomniac and Madfashionista for their wit, wisdom and advice in this chapter.

* * *

><p>It was Tuesday morning and time again for House's therapy session with Nolan followed by his physical therapy in Princeton. House offered to cancel to spend time with his mother but she encouraged him to go. She was planning to meet up with an old college friend who lived in Delaware.<p>

"Mom I can take the motorcycle to Philly if you want to borrow my car," he told her.

"Nonsense dear, Phyllis is picking me up, I'll be fine. We'll have lunch, go shopping, and make a day of it. I haven't seen her in a few years so I won't be back until this evening."

"Go for it. It's a long day for me anyway."

Blythe kissed her son goodbye and returned to reading the morning paper.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, House made his way into Nolan's office wondering where he would start in regards to the discussions he'd been having with his mother. He plopped himself down in his favorite recliner in Nolan's office. For the next forty-five minutes House did most of the talking which surprised Nolan considering he usually had to use some encouragement to get House to open up.<p>

"Yeah, she knows I'm an ass and she loves me anyway. Go figure." House said as he twirled his cane in his hands.

"Well." said Nolan, "unconditional love is a fantasy. But you have the right to be loved by your mother."

"After everything I've done?"

"Some would say that from the moment you were born her job was to do everything within her power to prepare you for entering the world on your own. Your mistakes and unhappiness weigh not just on you but her too. She sees them as her own failures. "

"She shouldn't."

"But she does. She'll blame herself, it's what parents do."

"I'm going to tell her about Cuddy."

This caught Nolan by surprise.

"Have you thought much about how to tell her?" Nolan asked. "It may not be easy."

"I'll play it by ear. She knows some but not all. She deserves to know the truth."

"You're making real strides here," said Nolan with a smile.

* * *

><p>House arrived back at his apartment just after five-thirty. As was the case every Tuesday he was exhausted from his therapy sessions. He grabbed his mail and as he entered the apartment he threw it and his backpack on the table by the door. He quickly showered and relaxed on the couch with a medical journal. An hour later his mother returned home. She took a seat on the couch next to him, noticing he looked tired.<p>

"How was therapy?" She asked.

"It was therapy."

"We can turn in early if you like; get a good night's sleep."

"No it's fine, too early for me anyway," he said. Turning to her he asked, "How was your day?"

"I had a wonderful day today with Phyllis. We caught up on quite a bit. I've really missed her. We promised to meet up at least once a year. "

"Huh," he replied.

House went back to reading his journal while his mother worked on a crossword puzzle. A bit later House set the journal down and took off his glasses. He sat in deep thought while the fingers of his left hand tapped nervously on the arm of the couch.

"You seem restless," she said.

"Just thinking."

"You know I've really enjoyed our visit," she told him.

"Yeah, me too," he replied.

"I'm glad we had a chance to talk about some things, it's been too long."

House nodded.

"I appreciate you trusting me enough Greg to tell me things."

"You're welcome."

"Greg?"

"Yeah?"

"All I want is for you to be happy. You know that right?"

"I know mom." He sighed. "You know I don't do happy, I never have."

House could tell his mother wasn't done yet. It seemed to him she was anxious to talk but trying not to push him.

"Son, you never told me about what happened with Lisa. Would you like to talk about it?"

House stared ahead and kept playing invisible notes on the arm of the couch.

"Do you want to hear it? It's pretty ugly," he replied.

"I know. James told me some of the story. But when you were ready I hoped you would tell me. I'm okay with not knowing if you prefer."

House didn't say anything at first; he just leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. They were both quiet for a few minutes when House spoke again. To her surprise he began to tell her about Cuddy's illness and surgery. Blythe could sense the tension in her son's voice when he spoke so she said nothing, instead nodding her head every now and then encouraging him to continue. He spoke for a long time, pausing here and there to gather his thoughts.

"I don't know why I thought avoiding the situation would make me feel better. It only made me feel worse," he said, about not being there for Cuddy when she needed him.

"I'm so sorry."

"Yeah. A lot of good being sorry does. I was sorry for not being there for her. I had to take a pill to just be with her when she needed me. She deserved better. At first she thought I'd come through for her but later she realized I needed Vicodin to do it and like _that-" _he snapped his fingers, "it was over."

House got up and limped over to the window next to his piano. As he looked out the window he said suddenly, "She told me she didn't want me to change but she dumped me after a relapse."

Blythe was caught by surprise with his statement, as he had not said anything for some time.

"Did she know why you took the pill?"

"I told her I did it because I thought she was dying. She told me I took it because I was afraid to open myself up to other people's pain."

"She may be right Greg."

House turned to face his mother. "You're taking _her_ side?"

"Greg I'm always on your side. But you hate being lied to and I'm not going to do that. We both know you've never been good at opening up about your feelings. That's only gotten worse since your surgery."

"I'm in pain, my leg hurts."

Blythe shook her head. "I know son but does being in physical pain mean you have to close yourself off from feeling anything? Does it mean you can't let yourself love and be loved? Do you have to be lonely?"

"I opened myself up to her mom, at least the best I knew how and she dumped me anyway. She didn't give me a chance. Up to that point she'd just get pissy over the little things I did or didn't do. It always seemed as if she was waiting for that one moment when I would really screw it up. It was like she was looking for a reason to break up with me."

"Greg, you don't believe that, do you?"

"Yes. We were both walking on eggshells, waiting for that big moment. We went in believing it could work without either of us making real changes..." his voice trailed off.

"The night she dumped me I sat there in the bathroom, on the floor. That was how she found me and that was how she left me. The pills were in my hand. I didn't want to take them but I knew if I did, everything would hurt less. I hoped she'd come back but she never did. I just didn't care anymore. "

"I worry about you when you say you don't care," Blythe said sadly. "You act like you don't, but you do. Sometimes I think too _much_."

"I did a lot of things to hurt Cuddy and screwed up my life in the process. There were times I didn't think there was anything left to live for," he said.

His mother cringed.

"Cuddy wanted to talk about our breakup. She wanted some closure, she wanted us to go back to what we were before we got together. She begged me to talk to her and I couldn't do it. I knew if we talked about it, then it really would be over. I couldn't face that. Despite everything I'd done I didn't want it to be over. She kept after me to tell her how I felt and I did, I yelled it to her face. I told her I was _hurt_." The tone of his voice was one of despair but he kept going. "She apologized. Then I felt so shitty for everything I'd done to her. She didn't deserve that. I told her it wasn't her fault. "

House moved over to the piano leaning on it with both hands.

"I meant it you know," he said looking up at her.

"What?" She watched him closely, his eyes seemed so full of sadness.

"It wasn't her fault. She tried. Change is hard. I should know that."

"Hindsight is twenty-twenty son. If we could know the consequences of our actions beforehand life would be great. But we don't. We screw up and then we try our best to move on."

"Mom, you know why I went to prison don't you? I know Wilson told you but you don't know the details."

"I know some of the story of course thanks to James. You don't have to talk about it. I know that this is very difficult for you."

He nodded, appreciating her willingness to back off but he'd already decided to tell her.

"Wilson came over to check on me and invited me out for drinks. I figured what the hell. Before we left I got it into my head that I wanted to see her, just try maybe one last time to talk, away from the hospital, just to figure things out. I used her hairbrush as an excuse because earlier that day she'd asked me to return it. I didn't really have a plan but figured since Rachel would still be in school, at least she and I could talk uninterrupted. On my way to her front door, I saw her in the dining room having coffee with her sister and brother-in-law and some other guy I didn't recognize." His voice cracked slightly.

"This guy was smiling at her and she was smiling at him. She told me that morning she _wasn't _seeing anyone but there was some guy sitting at the table where I should've been. I felt like my guts were ripped out. I mean I'd been drinking and taking pills for weeks, I married a woman I didn't even know so she could get a green card, I was ruining my life doing one stupid thing after another because I couldn't move on and there she was living her life. She'd moved on and I couldn't. I didn't want to. I didn't even want to live if I couldn't be with her. I couldn't let her see me out there and so I went back to the car and told Wilson to get the hell out. I got in and took off."

"Where were you planning on going?" She asked.

"I don't know. My shrink asked me once what I felt at that moment. It all seems like a blur now, a bad dream. But I remember feeling empty like there was nothing left inside me, no feeling at all. As I took off down the street my first thought was to drive that car into a tree or drive off the nearest bridge. I didn't give a damn where I went just as long as I just got it over with soon. "

Blythe had tears in her eyes. It was hard listening to her son talk about wanting to end his life.

"All of a sudden out of nowhere it hit me. I started feeling sorry for myself and then I started feeling angry. Everything bad that happened to me in my life over the years just hit me at once. I turned the car around and suddenly I headed towards her house. I don't know why I did it, I didn't want to hurt her, God I'd never-." He just stopped and looked at his mother with red-rimmed eyes. He was fighting the tears. He was adamant he would not let them fall.

"I'd kill myself first before I hurt her and yet I drove my car right into her house. I got out of the car and handed her the hairbrush and walked way. Like a coward I just walked _away._ When I got to my apartment I realized just what I'd done and in a panic I packed a few things and headed out of the country. I had no idea where I was going."

"Greg" was the only thing Blythe could manage to get out at the moment.

"I was gone a few weeks but I felt guilty about what I did. I left her behind to deal with the fallout. I called my lawyer and told him to do whatever he had to do. I came back and turned myself in; he convinced them I wasn't in my right mind. I know I wasn't but I deserved to pay. I ruined her life. I ruined mine. I was wrong doing what I did to her. Every day I wish I could undo it but I can't. "

Blythe let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Greg, I am so sorry."

"For what? You didn't do anything," he said.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry for all the pain you have endured in your life that led you to this point. I am also sorry for you and Lisa. I know how much you loved each other," she said.

He just looked at her surprised at how much she knew about his relationship with Cuddy.

"Have you talked to Lisa since?"

"Not in person. She never wanted to see me again and moved away a few months after it happened. I was already in prison. When I got out, came back here, she was long gone. She's in Boston," he paused a moment, "I wrote her a letter."

"You did?"

"Nolan told me to try writing therapy. He meant a journal but when I started writing I realized I wanted to write her. I apologized for everything. I tried to be honest with her."

"Oh my Greg. That's a big step for you."

"Yep. She wrote me back too. She _forgave _me mom. Can you believe it? I nearly ruined her life and she forgave me. I still don't understand why."

"_Oh Greg_!" She leaned over and hugged him. He accepted it though he felt awkward at this open display of physical affection with her. "Mom it's okay she just forgave me, we're not getting married."

"I know dear but forgiveness is a powerful thing. You have no idea what it can do for a person."

"Actually I _do_."

"Greg?"

"Yeah mom."

"May I ask why you are being so open with me? Don't get me wrong, I am eternally thankful but it's such a different side of you, one I have never seen but one I absolutely love."

House thought about it for a moment. "Mom, you've always been there for me even when I didn't deserve it. Everything in me that's good is because of you. Being honest with you is my way of saying thanks—for that and for never losing faith in me. "

"I just want you to be—less miserable." She smiled and he smiled back. He knew she wanted him to be happy but she knew he'd settle for less miserable. "I want you to know I'm very proud of you for having the courage to keep going. I know it's not easy for you."

He gave her a tired smile. She knew he was exhausted. They'd been talking several hours already.

"Come on Greg, let's get some sleep. We've got to get up early in the morning."

House nodded and went into the linen closet to get her sheets and blanket for the couch.

"Mom, can I ask you something?" he asked on his way back into the living room.

"Of course dear."

He helped her make up the couch. "I'm an addict and an ex-con. I'm rude and abrasive. I've wrecked my life so many times I can't even count. Why do you still put up with me?"

Blythe sighed. Maybe he never would understand but she would never stop telling him the reason.

"Greg, if you had a child of your own I know it would make sense. You are a _part _of me; I carried you inside my body for nine months. I gave birth to you, I raised you. You're my son. Greg, you are a good person, with have a good heart. You deserve love and happiness even though you don't think you deserve it. You are as deserving and worthy as anyone else. I will always love you and support you no matter what."

House didn't know what to say. He looked down at the floor. She moved in front of him and lifted his chin so she could look into his eyes. "Gregory, you have always been a fighter. You will occasionally take a step backwards and that's okay, just always keep trying. I promise you that as long as you never give up, you will eventually find what you want in life. I believe in you. Now it's time for you to believe in yourself."

House smiled at his mom. It made him feel good to know that with everything he's done, there was one person in the world who loved him no matter what.

* * *

><p>The next morning House and Blythe woke up early to have breakfast with Wilson before going to the airport. When Blythe gave her son a hug, he not only accepted but also returned it in a way he hadn't done in a long time. He wasn't used to public displays of affection but the visit with his mother had been more than he'd ever imagined. He felt a great weight lifted from his shoulders after having talked to his mother about his relationship with Cuddy and the aftermath of the breakup.<p>

House called Chase on his way home to see if they had any cases. To his relief there was none. He felt like being alone the rest of the day just letting the events of the past few days sink in. When he got home, House threw his keys on the table by the door and then noticed yesterday's mail was still there. He flipped through it quickly with little interest until he came across a white envelope with handwriting he recognized immediately. It was the perfect left-handed script of one Lisa Cuddy. He limped into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water and made himself comfortable on the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

_Dear House,_

_It's late Friday night, Rachel is asleep and I felt like writing you. I'm really tired but it feels good to just write._

_I attended a function this evening, it was a meet and greet for the new fellows in our program. We had a nice time and after it was over, I sat at the bar finishing my glass of wine. A guy approached me, a doctor at the hospital. We exchanged pleasantries and then he began acting like a lecherous asshole. I got home fine, no worries but sitting here thinking about it reminded me of how you would have handled it if you'd seen him in action._

_You were always so possessive. I remember the way you used to look at me, like you were undressing me with your eyes. I'd make it clear to everyone around us that I found it utterly disgusting but secretly I loved it. You're the only man who could ever make my spine tingle just looking at me. You do know how to make a woman feel sexy and there were moments when I needed to feel it. Looking back I miss the times you made me feel special. You always had your own unique ways of showing me you cared._

_I will probably struggle with loving you and hating you for awhile. Okay I don't really hate you it's just that at times when I really miss you and miss my life in Princeton I can't help but think of what happened and it still hurts. I know I can tell you this and you understand that while I still forgive you it's hard to let go of the hurt completely. I know in time it will get better, in fact it already has. They say time heals all wounds. It sounds completely ridiculous but wouldn't you agree it's true?_

_Rachel is doing well; she's going to be starting music classes soon. There's an after-school program where kids have the opportunity to learn sports and take art, music and dance classes. Rachel wants to learn music. I can't believe it; my little girl wants to learn to play the piano! I thought you would appreciate that. Do you think that those times you let her play yours may have sparked her interest? There are times like this I wonder what she would be like if she were my biological child. What would she have inherited from me? I know that you would say how it's how I raise her that matters, but you know how I can be sometimes._

_Rachel talks about you and asks about you quite often. You're probably wondering what I've been telling her all this time. I told her that you were sick and needed help. I did not tell her you went to jail; she is too young to understand that. It's not really a lie, I believe you were sick. Now you are getting help and that's what matters._

_How are things with Dr. Nolan? If you care to share your experiences in therapy with me I would like to hear them. I know that it's always been difficult for you to share your feelings. I hope that you are doing it. I wish I'd done more in our relationship to encourage you to talk to me. I didn't want to push too much because I didn't want you to run away. Looking back, I could have encouraged you more, let you know you could talk to me and trust me. Maybe it would have made a difference._

_How is your physical therapy coming along? From what you told me, it's been a great help. For that I am glad. How has it helped with your daily pain? I know it was worse for you in the morning. I used to watch you get out of bed and while I did not pity you—I know how you feel about that—I wished there was something I could do to help ease your pain. I watched you at times you didn't think I was looking. You struggled so much sometimes when your leg hurt yet you tried not to let it show and you never gave up. I was proud of you for working so hard to stay off the Vicodin. I never gave you enough credit for the way you fought that addiction every day. I should have supported you more in that, I'm so sorry I didn't. I want you to know I am proud of you for taking charge of your life and your pain._

_I have to get up early tomorrow so I'll sign off for now. It's hard to believe that with everything that's happened between us, we're actually writing one another. It's actually therapeutic for me. I feel better when I write you. Some people would think it's lunacy but I don't care._

_Take care of yourself and please write soon, if you want to that is._

_Love, Cuddy_

House couldn't help the smile on his face after reading the letter. She was being cautious but honest. Baby steps. He thought about Rachel and the piano. He'd showed her how to play a few notes on nights she and Cuddy spent at his apartment. Rachel loved the sound of the piano and when he played she would run over to him as fast as her little legs could carry her and put her arms up in the air indicating she wanted him to pick her up. She'd sit in his lap when he played. Cuddy had caught them that way once when she'd gotten out of the shower. He'd made her promise not to tell anyone; after all he had a reputation to uphold.

House rubbed his right thigh vigorously. It hurt from the day's physical therapy. He got up from the couch, taking the letter with him. He turned off all the lights and limped slowly into his bedroom. After changing into a tee shirt and sweatpants he tucked the letter into his nightstand and crawled into bed. The bedroom was dark except for a sliver of moonlight that shined through the window onto his bed. He looked at the silhouette of the picture frame on his nightstand. He'd become quite fond of looking at that picture every night before he fell asleep. Tonight was no different. He took the picture of Cuddy and Rachel off the nightstand and held it to his chest as he fell asleep.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N:** Hi everyone! Thank you for the comments, I am honored that you are reading and enjoying my story. Thank you to the _usual suspects_ for laughing, crying, and ranting with me over [H]ouse.

Also just want to give a shout out to the authors who have continued their stories. Some post every few days, some weekly, some monthly, some every few months or less often, but they are updating. We appreciate you. Please keep writing.

And now...the next chapter in our House-Cuddy saga.

* * *

><p>House limped into the hospital earlier than usual the next morning with a smile on his face. He offered pleasantries to those around him and they backed off, not sure how to take him. He just laughed. After exchanging the usual "screw you" glances with Nurse Jeffrey, he made his way to the emergency room to browse through patient files looking for a case. Fifteen minutes later he departed the ER with a frown, having found nothing interesting that required his diagnostic genius. He headed towards the elevator when Foreman stopped him.<p>

"House, you're early."

"Foreman, you're black. Why are we wasting time on the obvious?"

Foreman glared at House, "Your case load is non-existent right now. How about catching up on your charts?"

"How long have you known me?" House asked.

"House, you've got to do your charts. We have to keep accurate records not to mention we need to bill patients and insurance companies. This hospital doesn't run on donations alone."

"Speaking of donations, I hear they're down recently." Moving closer to Foreman, he looked him up and down and whispered, "You know you really _should_ start wearing tighter skirts. Maybe something cut a bit lower on top would help too," House twirled his cane, turned his back to Foreman and got in the elevator.

Foreman shook his head, turned on his heels and went back to his office.

* * *

><p>House entered the Diagnostics conference room, tossed his backpack in a chair and poured himself a cup of coffee. The ducklings watched him carefully, wondering why their boss arrived so early and appeared to be in a good mood. At that moment House turned around, cup in hand and said, "Hello, children. How are we doing today?"<p>

Taub looked at him suspiciously, "You're here way too early. And why are you so cheerful?"

"Well somebody who shall remain nameless but is short and balding is awfully cranky this morning. Being the big bad baby daddy taking its toll already?" House asked sarcastically.

Chase and the girls laughed while Taub just rolled his eyes and shook his head.

House looked at the team hopefully, "Got any cases?" He asked.

"No," Chase replied.

"What the hell people? I pay you to diagnose, you're not earning your keep. The world is full of sick people and you're sitting around on your asses."

"Actually," said Park, "_You_ don't pay us."

House pointed to Park, Taub, and Adams, "You three. Clinic duty. _Now_."

"But…" Adams started to argue but House stopped her in her tracks.

"This is not a democracy. Now _go_," he said pointing towards the door. He made a move towards his office nodding his head in that direction to indicate Chase should follow him. Chase raised an eyebrow and followed his boss.

House took a seat behind his desk and Chase sat across from him. Neither said a word as House began playing with his red and gray ball. Finally he spoke up.

"So mini-me how are things going?" House asked.

"Fine."

"Any problems?"

"Should there be?"

"I'm asking the questions here, Aussie."

Chase shook his head, "None that I know of. Team seems to be fine. Foreman's been on my ass though."

"Foreman?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting," said House as he pondered with a twirl of his cane.

"What are you thinking House?"

"Either he's pissed I didn't clear your new _position_ with him or he's wishing he was back in Diagnostics."

"What makes you say that?"

"A hunch."

"You don't have hunches House. Now spill it."

"Hey! I'm not one to spread nasty rumors."

"Seriously? Half of the rumors in this hospital are _started_ by you."

House looked around and spoke softly out of the side of his mouth as if divulging a deep dark secret that he didn't want anyone else to hear. "According to my sources the Board is riding his ass big time."

"No kidding?"

"Would I kid about a thing like that?"

Chase smirked and rolled his eyes at House. "So…any bets on how long?" He asked House.

"Hey now!" House exclaimed sarcastically. "How could you think I'd place a bet on how long till our esteemed Interim Dean gets the boot?" He shook his head in mock disgust.

"So you're in?" Chase asked with a smile.

"Oh hell yeah," House said as he took out his wallet.

After House and Chase placed their bets, Chase started on the charts and House went in search of Wilson to see if he wanted in the pool. House tried to enter Wilson's office but found the door locked. He returned to his own office and made his way over the wall between their balconies and found Wilson's glass door unlocked. The lights were on but Wilson was not there. House assumed he was checking on his patients. He sat at Wilson's desk leaning back in the chair, looking at all the toys and trinkets Wilson had collected from his youngest cancer patients over the years. After waiting ten minutes, he got up to leave. Just then he heard a cell phone ring; it came from the vicinity of the coat rack. House limped over and fished through Wilson's coat. Thinking it was likely Wilson's latest fling, the tall blonde physician's assistant in the clinic, he flipped open the phone without taking a look at the caller ID and spoke in a deep sultry Barry White voice.

"Dr. Looooove here, how may I serv-_ice_ you?"

"Wilson?" the voice on the other end asked with a snort and a laugh.

House froze. He knew the voice on the other end of the line all too well.

_Cuddy._

House didn't know what he should do, continue the façade, say something, or hang up. Without thinking he hung up. _Fuck. Why did I do that?_ He hadn't heard her voice in so long, it was like music to his ears. _Damn why did I pick up that phone? _Suddenly it rang again and House watched as it lit up for a minute and then stopped. _Probably going to voice mail, _he thought. He immediately put the phone back where he found it and limped hurriedly out of Wilson's office.

Wilson was just getting out of the elevator when he saw House limping quickly down the corridor.

"House!" Wilson shouted.

House half-turned and yelled back, "Sorry! Patient dying!"

Wilson entered his office and heard a beeping noise coming from his suit coat, realizing he'd left his cell phone in it earlier that morning. He retrieved the phone and checked his missed calls. He noticed his screen showed two received but only one missed. He thought that odd considering he cleared his call list last night. He viewed the caller ID and smiled, then entered the code to check his voice mail.

* * *

><p>Just a few minutes earlier, in the café across from Massachusetts General, Lisa Cuddy left a voice mail message and pressed the end call button on her cell phone. At first Wilson had surprised her with his greeting but a second later she realized it wasn't Wilson at all, it was <em>House<em>. She hadn't heard his voice in so long but she knew it in an instant. When she called back a second time she had hoped he'd pick up again but she knew he wouldn't. At the same time she wondered what she would have said to him.

As Cuddy pondered that, her phone rang.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Cuddy, it's Wilson."

"That was quick," she said.

"When did you call?"

"Just a few minutes ago. Where were you?"

"I had a few kids I wanted to see when I got in this morning. I left my cell phone in the office." He realized then why House limped away from him so quickly. "How many times did you call me?"

"Twice."

"I'm assuming House answered the first time." He said.

"How did you know?"

"He looked like the cat that ate the canary when he left my office. I was going to invite him for coffee but he said he had a dying patient and took off like a bat out of hell."

Cuddy laughed. "He obviously didn't take a look at the caller ID before answering."

"So did he say anything?"

"Actually he answered as Dr. Loooove and when I said your name he paused and the phone went dead. I must have freaked him out."

"Interesting," Wilson replied.

"Yeah, guess he wasn't prepared for that. But let's backup a minute, what's going on with you Wilson? Do you have a new woman you haven't told me about?" Cuddy asked.

"I had a date with a new PA in the clinic. She's nice but she's a lesbian, so as you can imagine…," Wilson ended it there.

Cuddy laughed, "Say no more Wilson. Sorry it didn't work out."

"It's no big deal. I don't think I'm really ready for a serious relationship anyway."

"Yeah I know what you mean."

They fell silent a few moments and then Wilson wondered why Cuddy had called him.

"Cuddy, is everything okay there?"

"Yes. I'm fine, so is Rachel. Actually while I'd like to catch up with you, right now I am calling for a different reason. I wanted to know if you're coming to the ASCO conference?" She asked.

Wilson smacked his forehead. He'd forgotten to tell her weeks ago he was attending. He laughed and said, "I meant to tell you a few weeks ago that Sandy signed me up for it and then _told_ me I was going. Of course I'll be there. Who am I to argue with her?"

"She's too good to you."

"Yeah I'd hate to lose her. Luckily she actually likes House so he can't scare her off."

They both laughed.

"Wilson, you're more than welcome to stay with Rachel and me if you like," she offered.

"I appreciate that but Sandy booked me a suite at the hotel on the waterfront, where the conference is being held so I'll have to let you know."

"Okay. Better keep that room in case you get a hot date."

Wilson hadn't even thought of that. "You know, that's _not_ a bad idea."

After a few more minutes catching up, Cuddy brought up the subject of House.

"So how's _he_ doing?" She asked.

"House? He actually got in early this morning and Sandy even remarked to me that he was in a good mood."

"Really?" Cuddy asked.

"Yeah go figure," said Wilson.

"Hmm" said Cuddy.

"What is it Cuddy?" Wilson asked.

"Nothing. I was just wondering about his mood."

"With House there's no telling. I can tell you this, he's clean and sober and doing his therapy. He had a really nice visit with his mom. I think that helped."

"I hope so," she replied honestly.

"Blythe was adamant about not judging him and he appreciated that. They talked about his leg pain, Mayfield, your breakup. He didn't give her _explicit_ details, after all she's still his mom but he was honest about the part he played in everything that happened. She was really proud of him. I was too. It took a lot for him to do that."

"That's wonderful news," she replied.

"Yeah it is. I think it was a huge burden lifted for both of them. She's been worried about him for a long time now. I think she knows now he will be okay," he said.

"Did they talk about John?" she asked. Cuddy knew it was a sore subject for him.

"They talked about him but he didn't bring up the subject of him not being his bio dad. He didn't feel the time was right for that. Too many other things to discuss."

"I'm glad he talked to her, what a relief for both of them," she said.

"He was nervous before her visit but as time went on, it got easier for him," said Wilson.

"Has he mentioned getting my second letter?" She asked.

"No. I didn't realize you'd written him again," he replied.

"Yes, in fact, he wrote me again too."

"Wow. I didn't know that but then again he and I have both been busy and haven't had chance to discuss much in detail. I'm going to take him to lunch so I'll see what I can find out and let you know." Wilson offered.

"No, Wilson, please don't. I don't mind you guys talking about me but try not to let yourself become a middle man again. We made that mistake before. If ever we want to be...well...you know...we just have to talk it out ourselves. I can't let you put yourself in the middle again."

"Cuddy, you can count on me. I won't interfere," Wilson assured her. He knew that if they were going to work through this, they had to communicate without him being their mediator.

"Thanks. Listen, I'm on a short break right now and Sharon is meeting me in a few minutes before we go back to work. I'm glad you'll be at the conference. I'm hoping to take a few days off so I can see you while you're here. I know Rachel would love to see you too."

"That would be nice. I'll call you soon."

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Cuddy thought about the upcoming Oncology conference. She was looking forward to seeing Wilson and wondered if House would tag along. He'd done it the last time Wilson attended a conference with her but things were different then. House was trying to win her over and the whole thing ended in disaster when Lucas showed up. _Lucas._ She had cared for him but she never loved him. She couldn't believe that she had been so desperate for companionship and a father figure for Rachel that she was won over with flowers and cheesy pickup lines. _Never again_.

Cuddy thought about what it would be like to see House again. She thought perhaps if he did show up, it wouldn't be so bad with Wilson there but then she remembered she did not want Wilson to be mediator. Anything she had to work out with House had to be done between the two of them without involving Wilson. Suddenly she was brought out of her thoughts when Sharon arrived.

"So sorry I'm late Lisa, patient from hell."

"It's okay."

"So what's up?" Sharon asked as she sat down across from Cuddy.

"Just got off the phone with Wilson. I wanted to make sure he's coming to the Oncology conference."

"That's great, can't wait to see him again," said Sharon.

"Oh! Before I forget, I wanted to tell you I got another letter from House," said Cuddy.

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. So what did he say?" Sharon asked.

"He's opening himself up more than he ever has before. I know how hard this is for him and it seems he's really trying to get himself together. I'm proud of him," Cuddy said with a smile.

"You don't say..." said Sharon. She chuckled and took note of the smile that seemed to light up her friend's face.

* * *

><p>A few hours later in Princeton it was nearing lunchtime. Wilson walked over to the conference room hoping to find House in a DDX with his team but he found only Chase in there working with a pile of charts.<p>

"Hey Chase where's House?" Wilson asked.

"Haven't seen him for a few hours."

"Is he with the patient?"

"What patient?"

"I thought you had a dying patient."

"No. What's going on?"

Wilson smirked. He realized House had just used that excuse to dodge a bullet and explain that he had answered Cuddy's call. "Oh nothing, I think I know where to find him."

"Be prepared!" Chase yelled after him. "He's been in a really good mood ever since he got in this morning. Don't know what's up with that."

Wilson nodded on his way out. "I'll see what I can do."

Wilson made his way to the coma guy's room where he found House relaxing in the visitor's recliner. As Wilson watched him through the glass, he noticed House seemed preoccupied with his thoughts as he tapped his cane on the floor and stared at the ceiling, not even paying attention to the game show on the television screen.

"Hey House, want some lunch?" Wilson asked.

"Sure, you buying?"

"Yeah."

As House and Wilson made their way into the cafeteria, House asked Wilson about his date two nights ago. Wilson broke the news to House that his hot date turned out to be a lesbian. House suggested rather loudly in front of everyone in line that if anyone could turn her straight, Wilson could. Wilson turned beet red while House helped himself to a steak smothered in salad.

As they sat at the table, Wilson asked about House's dying patient.

"How's the patient?"

"He's a patient."

"Still dying?" Wilson asked.

"Yeah, still dying," said House as he stole a fry from Wilson.

"House, you're an ass."

"Wilson, _you're_ a bitch."

"I know _you_ don't have a patient," Wilson said.

"And I know _you_ know I don't have a patient," said House.

"Why'd you lie to me?"

"Just like keeping you on your toes Jimmy!"

"Seriously House, I know about the phone call."

House was silent.

"You know, the phone call from Cuddy."

"I don't know what you're talking about," House said.

"Okay Dr. Love."

House knew he was busted. "Fine, smartass. I answered your phone thinking it was the soon to be fourth Mrs. Wilson only to find that it was our former boss and luscious administrator on the other end."

"House!" Wilson was becoming annoyed.

"Whaaat, mom?"

"Why did you hang up on her?"

"She said that?"

"Yeah."

"Damn."

"She figured she took you by surprise and you weren't ready."

"I'm not scared of her," House said though he wasn't very convincing.

"House, nobody said you were. You two haven't talked in a long time, it's scary for both of you. Nobody said this would be easy," said Wilson. "So why were you in such a good mood this morning?"

House hung his head and said "What is it with this hospital? Can no one keep a secret?"

"So you're in a good mood and trying to keep it secret?"

"No, I just don't feel like advertising my personal life around this place."

"House, you have no personal life."

"Hey! Words hurt you know!" House put his hand over his heart feigning hurt.

Wilson threw his hands in the air and said, "Look, I'm just glad you're in a good mood. It's nice."

House took a drink from his soda bottle and became serious for a moment. "I can't believe she wrote me back," he said.

"Yeah. I think she's thinking the same thing about you."

House looked up a bit surprised, "She said that?"

"I could tell it made her feel good too."

House didn't reply. The two just sat there finishing their meals. A few minutes later House suddenly said to Wilson, "I hear there's a hot new candy striper in the kids cancer ward."

"House, she's at least eighty years old."

"Hey even old ladies need lovin' too," House said. They both laughed then Wilson spoke again.

"Hey House."

"Yeah?"

"There's a three-day Oncology conference coming up in Boston," He hesitated a moment to gauge House's reaction. House's interest seemed piqued though he tried to hide it by not looking up. Wilson continued, "It's at a nice place on the waterfront. Sandy booked me a suite and it's got a jacuzzi tub, balcony, and a great view of the city."

House just listened quietly as he finished his lunch. Wilson could tell he was deep in thought.

"It was just a thought, House," Wilson said to reassure his friend there was no pressure.

After a moment House spoke.

"Jacuzzi, eh?" He asked.

"Yep."

"Mini bar?"

"Most likely."

House appeared to be in deep thought for a few moments.

"So...Boston?" He asked, tapping his cane on the floor.

"Yeah, Boston," Wilson replied smiling.

* * *

><p><strong>There you go! Leave a review for me, let me know what you think!<strong>

By the way, I do my research because I like to keep things as realistic as possible. The medical cases here are taken from real diagnostic cases. City and street names and the names/locations of hotels, restaurants, hospitals, businesses and things of that nature are all _real_. The ASCO which is mentioned here is a real organization and the Clinical Oncology conference is in fact a conference that takes place in three cities across the nation this year, one of them is in Boston.

Thanks for reading!


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N:** Once again, thank you to everyone reading this story. I appreciate your comments very much.

After you read and comment on my story, you should check out the other H/C fics not just on FF but LJ too. Did you know that there are 3,533 House-Cuddy stories written in English on this website? I checked!

Go to: fanfiction (dot) net/tv/House_M_D/10/0/1/1/0/2729/2730/0/0/1/

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Cuddy left work around three o'clock to pick Rachel up from her after school piano class. When she entered the classroom, Rachel ran to her and hugged her legs.<p>

"Mommy, I did good today!" Rachel exclaimed.

"You did?" Cuddy asked as she reached down to hug her daughter.

The teacher approached Cuddy and smiled. She said, "Dr. Cuddy you should be proud of Rachel, she's picking this up very quickly, in fact, I see great potential in her as a musician."

"That's wonderful to hear. I was never musically inclined myself," said Cuddy.

"Must be in her genes," the teacher replied smiling.

Cuddy's smile turned to a frown for a moment. The piano teacher noticed and asked, "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's okay, it's just that Rachel is adopted."

The piano teacher nodded her head in understanding. Suddenly Rachel looked up at her teacher, smiled and said "I dopted and mommy says that makes me special."

"Yes, you are _very_ special honey. Now come on, let's get you home," Cuddy said as she ruffled Rachel's hair and bid goodbye to the teacher.

On the drive home Cuddy thought about Rachel and what other talents she may have inherited from her biological parents. She smiled at the thought of her daughter being a musical prodigy and then felt a bit of sadness that Rachel didn't inherit it from her. When she stopped at a red light near home, Cuddy asked Rachel, "Rach do you really like the piano?"

"Yes, mommy."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Mommy, can you play the piano?" Rachel asked.

"No, I wish I did," she remembered the few times House had tried to teach her but her impatience got the best of her.

"I bet Hows could teach you how to play," Rachel chimed from the backseat.

Cuddy smiled. "I'm sure he could honey," and changing the subject she said, "We're having your favorite for dinner tonight."

Rachel's eyes grew wide. "Yay! Mac and cheese! Mommy, can we make Hows special mac and cheese?" asked Rachel from the backseat.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

"Okay then that's what we'll have," she said as she looked in the rearview mirror and saw Rachel's ear to ear grin. She thought how amazing it was that a child could be so happy about something so simple as macaroni and cheese.

When they arrived home, Cuddy instructed Rachel to take her backpack into her room and change while she prepared dinner for them. She thought it was funny that Rachel never liked macaroni and cheese until House came along. It was one of his favorite foods. He refused to eat the processed stuff; no he had to make it from scratch. She smiled recalling the time she first tasted his special dish.

_It was Friday night and Cuddy stood in front of the kitchen window pouring a glass of white wine, debating what to prepare for dinner. She had her hair up in a ponytail and was dressed down in a Princeton-Plainsboro sweatshirt, leggings and socks. Earlier in the day she had hoped House would join her and Rachel that evening but then he announced Wilson wanted to go bowling and that dashed her hopes. As she let out a deep sigh, resigned to the fact she would spend her evening alone once Rachel went to bed, she suddenly heard the front door open and close, the sound of a backpack hitting the floor, and the familiar tap-tap of a wooden cane on the floor behind her. Cuddy smiled as she smelled his cologne and felt his arms wrap around her. He buried his nose in her hair, took a deep breath and whispered, "You are so sexy when you dress like that. I could do you right here."_

_Cuddy giggled like a schoolgirl then turned in House's arms and kissed him gently. Their tongues intertwined and they stayed like that, just kissing passionately for a few minutes until their need for oxygen became so overwhelming they had to break apart. When they did, they just stared into each other's eyes. House's eyes always gave Cuddy a sense of peace and comfort. Her smile let him know she was glad he chose her over Wilson. _

_"So, you're going to do me with my daughter in the next room?" She asked him while raising an eyebrow._

"_I do it all the time," he said smugly as he held her close. He whispered in her ear, "Where is the the little rugrat?"_

"_Rachel in her room. By the way what are you doing here? Did you ditch Wilson?" she asked.  
><em>

"_As it turns out, Wilson has other plans."_

"_Doing what?"_

"_Make that a who," he replied._

_"What?"_

"_I sort of set it up."_

_Cuddy rolled her eyes. "What did you do?"_

"_Have you seen him lately? He's lonely, he's miserable, he needed the companionship."_

"_Not a hooker! House!" She smacked him in the chest._

"_Hello? Have you met me? Oh wait…I take that back. Seriously, you think I'd set his royal wholesomeness up with a hooker? Give me some credit."_

"_If you actually deserved it..."_

"_Cuddy, it's not a hooker. It's a physical therapist. Actually Chase went out with her once but she was divorced and all she did was talk about her divorce to the point he couldn't stand it. He told me about her and thought maybe Wilson might be interested. They hit it off. Besides, she's safe. The fact that she's divorced means she won't likely want to become Mrs. James Wilson the fourth anytime soon."_

_Cuddy smiled at House and kissed him. "Nice. So now that you're here, what's for dinner?"_

"_What? Why am I cooking? I'm a guest."_

"_You practically live here. Besides you hate my cooking and now that you're here you're going do it while I spend some quality time with my daughter." Cuddy looked at House with that pouty face he couldn't resist. _

_"Okay fine but you can't complain about what I make and you have to eat all of it."_

_Cuddy thought about it. "Okay fine. What are you making?"_

"_It's a surprise. Go inside with the rug rat and I'll bring it in when I'm ready," he kissed her and patted her ass and sent her in the direction of the living room. Cuddy walked away making sure to swing her hips just a little for his benefit all the while mumbling something about him not blowing up her kitchen. As she sat on the floor in the living room playing Legos with Rachel, she could hear pots and pans rattling. She had no idea what he was doing but given he was a perfectionist when it came to cooking; there was no doubt it would be delicious. _

_Forty minutes later he limped into the living room with a tray and three bowls on it. He set them on the coffee table in front of Cuddy and Rachel. Cuddy looked at the bowls then up at him and asked, "What is this?"_

"_Macaroni and cheese," he said._

"_House, that's not a real dinner. Rachel needs vegetables," she said._

"_Are you kidding? This is its own food group!"_

"_But Rachel doesn't like macaroni and cheese," said Cuddy._

"_Trust me, she'll like this," he said as he offered Rachel her special "Hello Kitty" bowl. Cuddy shook her head and laughed when Rachel grabbed the bowl and looked into it tentatively as if she was afraid to eat it. She looked at House and he just nodded at her to try it._

_Rachel took a small bite and smiled. "Hows, this is yummy!" She exclaimed. House just smiled at her then looked over at Cuddy and stuck his tongue out at her, "I told you so," he said with a cocky smile on his face._

_Cuddy rolled her eyes, picked up her own bowl and took a bite. Her eyes closed and she made a sound that was like pure heaven to House's ears. "House this is delicious! How did you make this?"_

"_A great chef never tells his secrets but...for a special reward I'll do it this one time," he said with a smile. _

_The three sat side by side on the couch, watching a wildlife program on the National Geographic Channel and eating in silence for a few minutes when Cuddy asked, "Where did you learn to make this?"_

_House appeared to be deep in thought a moment before he replied. "My mom used to make it for me when I was a kid. Whenever I was sad or had a bad day she'd make her own special recipe just for me. Eventually she let me help her and I memorized it," he said. A slight smile appeared on his face at the memory. _

"_Well, it really is delicious," she told him. Cuddy was genuinely happy to see House smile. House rarely mentioned his family but when he did it usually centered on time he'd spent with his mother. _

_Cuddy looked over at Rachel who had already devoured her dinner. Rachel giggled at House who had cheese on his chin then she said, "Hows this is my most favorite food ever."_

"_I'm never going to get her to eat anything else am I?" Cuddy asked._

"_Nope," he smiled and stuffed another forkful of cheesy goodness in his mouth._

Cuddy smiled remembering the moment. She took the ingredients out of the cabinets and placed them on the counter. House had taught her how to make it and once she perfected the recipe, she'd made it for him on nights he came home tired from a particularly tough case or when he was feeling down. Somehow it always made him feel a little bit better. It was a simple thing she liked to do for him because she knew it reminded him of good times. Knowing he didn't have a lot of those growing up, it was an important for her to remind him of them.

Suddenly, she had an idea.

"Rachel?" she called.

She received no answer so she tried again. "_Rachel?"_ she called a bit louder.

Rachel ran into the kitchen and Cuddy let out a chuckle when she saw her daughter's attire. She was wearing the "I'm with stupid" tee-shirt House had given her, one that initially Cuddy hated, but had gotten used to because Rachel loved it. Cuddy had given Rachel one condition for wearing it and that was it would only be worn at home.

"What mommy?" Rachel asked.

"Would you like to learn how to make mac and cheese?"

"You mean _Hows mac and cheese_?"

"Yep!"

"Okay!"

Cuddy put a stool next to the counter so Rachel could stand on it and help her. The two Cuddy women spent the next half hour in the kitchen making macaroni and cheese from scratch, getting flour and other ingredients all over them and the counter but the fun they had was well worth it.

* * *

><p>Later that evening Cuddy nestled next to Rachel and read her a bedtime story. Afterwards, Rachel asked, "Mommy will we ever see Hows again?"<p>

Cuddy was taken by surprise and did not know how to answer. She continued stroking Rachel's hair and said "I don't know Rach."

"I miss him mommy. He used to play with me," she said, looking up at her mother.

"I know Rachel, I'm sorry."

"Mommy why did we leave him? What if he's all alone?"

Cuddy raised herself up on her left elbow and looked down at her innocent daughter and said, "Rach, I've told you before, House was sick and needed help. I couldn't help him. Plus he's not alone; Uncle Wilson is there to help him."

"I miss Uncle Wilson too."

"I know you do."

"But _why_ did we leave?"

Cuddy thought for a moment before answering. "Rach, we left because House was sick and his sickness made him do things that he normally would not have done. Honey he was very ill and he could have hurt himself or someone else. I wasn't sure if he would get better and so I thought it would be best for us to move."

"Would Hows hurt us mommy?"

"No honey, not on purpose. But sometimes people do things they don't mean when they are sick," Cuddy said hoping that would satisfy Rachel's curiosity.

"Did he get better?"

"He's trying Rach. He's getting better every day," Cuddy said and she was sincere in her answer. House was getting better; she could tell it from his letters and her conversations with Wilson. He had a long way to go but it seemed he was determined, perhaps even more so than when he left Mayfield.

"Does this mean we can go back to our old house and he can come over again?"

Cuddy sensed the sadness in Rachel's voice. She obviously missed House and her old home very much. It had been a tough adjustment for them in Boston and was hard to leave old friends behind.

"I don't know."

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby."

"Do you think Hows misses us?"

Cuddy's eyes were misty. She knew how much Rachel loved House and she knew House loved Rachel though he had never said it when they were together.

"Yes, I'm sure he does."

"Then I hope he gets better soon so he can be with us again," Rachel said and soon after she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Cuddy lay there with Rachel for a few minutes until she was sure she was asleep, and then she quietly got out of the bed, turned off the bedside lamp and left the room, closing the door halfway. She entered her own room without turning on the lights as the moon cast a soft glow throughout her bedroom. She took off her robe and stood at one window, looking out at the darkness. It was nine o'clock and she wondered what House was doing at that moment. It was far too early for him to go to bed. He could be catching up on his soaps on TiVo, at a bar having a few beers with Wilson, or working late at the hospital on a tough case. Perhaps he was doing none of those things and instead was sitting at his piano playing and drinking a glass of scotch.

Cuddy sighed and crawled into bed. There, in the dark, a whirlwind of emotions hit her all at once and tears streamed down her face. She thought about Rachel and her piano lessons and what the teacher said about her talent being in the genes. The teacher hadn't meant anything by it but it made Cuddy sad wondering what other things Rachel might inherit from her biological parents and not from her. She recalled how House had tried to make her realize that what Cuddy taught her was more important than anything genetically inherited from her biological parents. House had pleasantly surprised Cuddy in those tender moments when he tried to reassure her that she was a good mother and that Rachel was lucky to have her. She wished he could have been like that all the time but then she knew that wasn't the House she fell in love with.

Cuddy dried her eyes with a Kleenex. She had not planned to spend her evening crying over House. She chuckled out loud at the thought that once again it was about him_._ She moved away from Princeton, leaving everything and everyone she knew behind to start a new life and still he was there with her. There were very few people in her life who understood their connection and their inability to let go of one another so she never spoke about it with anyone except Wilson, Sharon and Julia. Of course it had taken Julia awhile to accept that House really wasn't a deranged lunatic and that he really was sick but that came only after Cuddy sat her sister down and had a long overdue talk with her about House's sordid past which included his father, Mayfield, Stacy and the intense physical pain he was in every single day. While Julia had said that did not excuse his behavior, she admitted that knowing about his past helped her better understand his demons. This had made it much easier for Cuddy to talk to Julia about her long and complicated relationship with House.

Cuddy fluffed her pillows and tried to sleep but it would not come. She just kept thinking about _him._ Out of the blue she remembered something she'd said to the police officer that dreadful night. The officer had asked her if she'd had any idea House would commit an act of violence. _Every moment I spent with him. I was always waiting for something to happen._ She cringed thinking about what she'd told the officer. _Did I expect it every moment we were together?_ She felt bad thinking that the entire time they were together, instead of focusing on the things he was doing to be a part of her life, all she did was wait for that one moment when he would screw it up. She remembered the conversation they'd had when they'd accused one another of sabotaging their relationship.

"_You won't let me sleep over. You basically haven't introduced me to your daughter."_

"_Do you want to spend time with her?"_

_"Honestly, before this I'd have said no. But, yeah. How are we ever going to be a couple if you keep hiding her from me?"_

"_House, I need to protect her. I let you into her life, and you go away…"_

"_Call it what it is. I'm not the only one who's holding back."_

She lay there thinking about how stupid both of them had been to think they could make a relationship work without going all in. They were willing to go the distance with their careers but not with their relationship. Cuddy thought about how difficult it was for both of them to leave their comfort zones to be there for one another. Looking back she realized that she had required House to make sacrifices that she wasn't prepared to make herself. She had used her _daughter_, her _job_, and her _hospital_ as a means of avoiding going all in, not even taking into consideration that House also had a great deal at risk...his _sobriety_, his _sanity_, his _heart._

Cuddy wasn't one to believe in destiny but it seemed to her that every time she and House tried to move away from one another, they were eventually drawn together again. She lay on her left side facing the side of the bed where House normally slept. It had been a long time and still she could not forget what it felt like to be held in his arms at night. She placed her hand on the empty space on what used to be his side of the bed and then she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>

I thought we deserved to delve into the mind of Lisa Cuddy for a little while. She feels as much responsible for the breakup and the aftermath as House does. As they move towards each other, they're asking a lot of questions of themselves and doing a lot of soul searching. It's about time too don't you think?

Reviews are love!


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone reading this story. Normally I update on Friday or Saturday but I wanted to surprise you with this additional update. You have all been so great, this one's for you!

Oh yeah: Thanks to my pals allthingsdecent & mystryGAB for the once-over!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House but if I did, he would have driven his car through David Shore's house then gotten out and kicked his ass all the way back to Canada, after which he would have driven over to Cuddy's house, picked her up and taken her to Mont St. Michel for a nice long vacation, courtesy of Wilson's credit card._  
><em>

Enjoy!

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><p>Cuddy's full bladder woke her in the middle of the night. After finishing her business, she headed to Rachel's room to check on her, noting she was sleeping peacefully. She decided to check the doors one more time and as she passed through the dining room she heard a faint beeping sound coming from her purse on the table. It was the familiar sound of the missed call notification on her cell phone. She almost didn't answer it but thought it might be the hospital. She grabbed her cell phone from her purse and checked the caller ID. It was Wilson and he'd called half a dozen times with the last call about an hour ago. Nervously she dialed Wilson's number, skipping her voice mail knowing that if Wilson called that many times it must have been important. Wilson picked up on the first ring.<p>

"Cuddy? _Thank God!_ Where have you been?"

"Wilson I'm so sorry, my phone was in my purse, I didn't hear-"she was cut off by Wilson.

"Cuddy!"

"What? Wilson what's going on?" She asked nervously.

"It's House."

"House? What…what _happened_?" A million scenarios went through her mind.

"He…he fell asleep in his office this evening. He had a headache and had been working a tough case."

"Okay, so what's going on?"

Wilson didn't reply.

"Wilson? What's going on? What _aren'_t you telling me?" Cuddy asked in a scared voice.

"We couldn't wake him Cuddy. He's...he's _gone_."

"What?" She screamed into the phone.

"They think it was a brain aneurysm and he went in his sleep. He didn't suffer," Wilson said between sobs.

"_No!_" She screamed. The room started spinning and everything went black.

Cuddy awoke suddenly drenched in sweat, her heart racing. She looked at the clock, it was just after midnight. "Oh my God, please tell me this was a dream," she cried out loud. It took her a moment to get her bearings and be sure it was just a dream. She jumped out of bed and ran into the dining room and grabbed her cell phone from her purse. _Oh thank God, no calls_ she thought as she checked the screen. Then she began to cry. The dream seemed so real that she still couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of sadness she felt thinking House was dead.

Taking her phone with her, Cuddy walked back to her bedroom, stopping in her bathroom first to splash cold water on her face. Her hands were still shaking from the nightmare. Looking in the mirror, she saw noticed her eyes were red and swollen from crying. She dried her face and got back into bed, placing her cell phone on the nightstand with the ringer on. She tried to relax but the feelings of dread remained. She cried again thinking about what it would be like if House were really dead. She'd prepared herself for a lot of things but never that. As much as they had been through, as angry as he'd made her over the years, she would never want him dead. He'd always been a part of her life. She recalled her words to him a few years earlier, "For better or worse House, you are a part of my life."

Cuddy lay there pondering the meaning of her dream. Was it a sign? Was something wrong with House? What was her subconscious trying to tell her? She looked over at the cell phone on her nightstand. _No, it's crazy_, she thought. She struggled with the whirlwind of thoughts going through her head. Finally she made her decision. She picked up the phone, scrolled through the numbers, pressed the send button and held her breath.

* * *

><p>It was after midnight and House was having a hard time getting to sleep. He'd arrived home an hour earlier after spending twelve hours at the hospital trying to diagnose a difficult case. He drifted off to sleep for a few minutes then woke with a sudden epiphany. He grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and dialed.<p>

"Hello," answered a very groggy Chase.

"Chase get your ass up, it's melanoma," said House.

"What? House? How do you know?" Chase asked, slightly more awake.

"He's African American, the symptoms aren't the same. Check his small intestine. Melanoma is the most common tumor to metastasize to the GI tract. It's a small percentage but it's possible. Check the small intestine, if it's there start the treatment," House said before hanging up, not giving Chase a chance to respond.

Feeling confident in his diagnosis, House felt he would be able to finally get some sleep. He turned out the bedside lamp, fluffed the pillows and closed his eyes. He was finally relaxed and drifting off to sleep again when his phone rang. "Goddammit!" he yelled out loud before reaching over to pick up the phone.

"House," he growled into the phone. There was nothing but silence on the other end. He gave it a few more seconds before he said, "Whoever you are, I'm hanging up now, goodnight." but before his finger reached the end call button he heard her voice...

"House, _wait!_"

House paused a moment, he couldn't believe his ears. _Am I dreaming?_ He turned on the bedside lamp quickly and everything around him seemed real.

_"Cuddy?"_ he asked into the phone.

There was silence for a few seconds and then Cuddy finally responded, "House, I'm...so sorry for waking you." She let out the breath she'd been holding.

House was stunned to hear her voice. "It's okay. Is something wrong? Is it _Rachel?_ Did something happen?" He asked with a sense of urgency to his voice.

"No, I mean...everything's fine it's just that I wanted to check and make sure _you_ were okay."

"It's after midnight, why wouldn't I be?" He asked. It may have been two years but he still knew her voice and he knew something was wrong.

"I had a dream," she told him.

"Okay..."

"Uh...it was a nightmare actually. Wilson called me and..."

"Oh hey, if Wilson called me in the middle of the night it'd be a nightmare too," House said trying to make light of the situation.

"It's _not_ funny House. He called me to tell me you were dead!"

"Oh." He was not expecting _that_. "So, what was my preferred method this time? Vicodin overdose? Motorcycle accident? Liver failure? Shot by an angry patient or-"

"Shut up House!" She interjected. "You went to sleep in your office and never woke up," she said. She started to cry again.

House was silent for a moment. He thought about all the stupid shit he'd done in his life and thought it would be ironic if he actually went in the most peaceful serene way a person could go, in his sleep. He was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard her crying.

"Cuddy, listen, I'm _fine_. No need to get all weepy."

"I know House, I couldn't help it. Dammit, it seemed so _real_," she said sniffling.

"Listen, I'm _okay_, everything's _fine_," he said. After a moment he continued, "You know, this wasn't exactly how I pictured our first conversation in two years."

"Yeah, I know."

"It's good to hear your voice," he said softly.

"You too," she said, smiling on her end.

There was an awkward silence, both were unsure what to say next.

"House?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you really okay?"

"As far as I know."

"Okay," she replied.

"Sorry to ruin the death wish you seem to have for me." He immediately regretted that remark. After all, she called him because she was really worried about him and he was making a joke of it.

"House, that's _not_ what I meant. Look, maybe this was a bad idea," she said sadly.

House panicked for a moment. He had waited so long to talk to her, he knew he had to say something quickly before she hung up.

"_Wait!_ Cuddy. I'm...I'm _sorry_," he said.

Cuddy could tell by the tone of his voice he really meant it. She took a deep breath and then replied, "Apology accepted."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Cuddy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"House, you just apologized."

"Not about that. I mean...about...well..._you know_. I'm _sorry_." House swallowed hard, not sure if this was the right time.

After what appeared to House to be a long silence but was really only a few seconds, Cuddy replied. "I _know,_ House." She knew he had been completely sincere.

House let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He could hear the sincerity in her voice.

"House?"

"Yeah, Cuddy."

"I'm sorry too."

"I know," he said.

Neither House nor Cuddy said a word for a few minutes. Both lay in their respective beds not sure of the next move. Both wanted to say something but were holding back. Finally, Cuddy broke the silence.

"Well, I should go, I have to get up early."

"I know, five o'clock yoga, right?"

"You remembered."

"Yeah," he said. "Well, take care of yourself Cuddy."

"You too, House."

Though they had both intended to hang up, neither did. They lingered for a moment and this time House broke the silence.

"Cuddy?"

"Yeah?" She asked with a hint of hopefulness in her voice.

"Thanks for the letters," he said.

"Your welcome," she replied. She seemed disappointed as if she expected him to say something else.

"Cuddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Would it be okay if...well...if I called sometime, just to make sure _you're_ okay?" He asked. There was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Sure, House. You have my number now."

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"Well, goodnight House."

"Nite, Cuddy."

* * *

><p>House and Cuddy are two dysfunctional and screwed up people. They are so much alike they don't even realize it...or maybe they do. You can't just throw these two idiots (for lack of a better word) back into a relationship overnight and expect everything to be hunky dory. Oh no, they have a lot to work through but they've made big strides already through baby steps.<p>

Don't worry, more drama, angst, humor, and romance to come. Remember, I am writing this story for ALL of us!

After you leave a review, please go check out the great H/C fics here. You will not be disappointed at the amazing creativity!


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it. You guys have been awesome and I can't thank you enough for all your support.

Special shout-out to _The Usual Suspects _for always making me laugh and for keeping me sane during Season Eight. Oy vey!

Also, thank you Gr8fulInsomniac for loving this idea and encouraging me to go for it.

* * *

><p>House awoke around eight-thirty Friday morning feeling more rested than he had in a long time. The phone call from the night before suddenly came back to him and to be sure it wasn't a dream he checked his cell phone and breathed a sigh of relief with the Boston area code and the name <em>L. Cuddy<em> on the caller ID. _It wasn't a dream_, he thought smiling to himself. He still could not believe Cuddy had called him then he remembered why she had, the dreaded death dream. On one hand he was disappointed that the only reason she contacted him was because she thought he'd died but on the other hand, she _had_ called him and they talked and that was all that mattered at the moment. There was so much he wanted to say to her but last night was not the time. Still, it was a start.

As he lay in bed pondering what to do next, his cell phone rang.

"House," he grumbled.

"House, where the hell are you?" It was Wilson.

"I'm in bed and by the way, your mother says hello and that you should call me big daddy from now on," he said sarcastically.

"Funny, House. Get in here, you've got a visitor," said Wilson.

"Who?"

"Do I look like your secretary?" Wilson asked frustrated.

"Well Jimmy, you do have a great pair of legs, a little pasty but nice nonetheless."

Wilson put his hand to his head, clearly annoyed. "House, I'm busy, you have a visitor, if you don't come in to work soon, Foreman's going to have your ass."

"His Royal Blackness doesn't scare me; I'll get in when I get in. Just tell whoever it is to wait," he said.

Before Wilson could reply, House had hung up. Wilson sighed and went to House's office to tell his visitor he would be there as soon as possible, hoping that he was indeed right about that.

Thirty minutes later after a hot shower and shave and placing a new fentanyl patch on his leg, House strolled into the hospital under the watchful eye of Nurse Brenda who gave him a sneer that he happily returned. As he headed towards the elevator, he spotted Foreman coming towards him. He pressed the button multiple times quickly with his cane and looking up towards the ceiling he shouted,

"Do you have radar that tells you anytime I come into this place?" He asked, annoyed.

"No, I told Wilson to call you because you have a visitor. You're late."

"Do you not know me by now? I'm always late, now if you don't mind I'm a very busy man!" He yelled back to Foreman over his shoulder as he stepped into the elevator and the doors closed.

As House approached his office he noticed a blonde haired woman sat in the chair in front of his desk. He passed his door and entered the Diagnostics conference room. Taub was busy reading a medical journal and taking notes.

"Where are the others?" He asked.

"Chase and Park are in clinic, Adams has the day off," Taub replied.

"Who's the chick?" House asked nodding towards the woman sitting in his office.

"I have no idea. Foreman escorted her up here. You don't know her?"

"I haven't seen her up close and personal so I have no idea. What are _you_ doing?" House asked motioning to the journal.

"Just catching up on some reading."

"Interesting. Aiming for my job?"

_"Hardly."_

House watched as the woman in his office attempted to get comfortable in her chair. From the side, he could tell she was _very_ pregnant. He swallowed nervously, wondering what a pregnant woman, who was not part of a case, since he actually had no case, would be doing in his office. He entered, threw his backpack into a chair and hobbled over to his desk. "Listen" he said, "I'm _not_ the father, no matter what you say," and as he looked directly at her for the first time, he realized who it was.

_Eve._

She stood up and held out her hand to him and smiled. "Dr. House, it's good to see you again."

Before he realized what he was doing, he extended his hand out and shook hers and motioned for her to sit down. "You know I'm still worn out from our last conversation," he said sarcastically.

She smiled at him. "I'm sure. Actually, I'm here to thank you."

House looked puzzled. "For what?" He asked.

Eve took a deep breath and continued, "Six years ago I was raped. I had a terrible life changing thing happen to me and I felt like I'd lost control of everything. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't trust anyone, and I felt like I had no one to talk to about it. I was so messed up I wanted to kill myself. You were there, you helped me."

"You forget I was there only because my boss told me to be there and then when she let me out of it, _you_ manipulated _me_ into talking to you."

"I know that but what matters is you _did_ talk to me," she smiled warmly at him. "Remember? Out by the lake?"

House remembered but did not want to rehash that conversation. He chose to hide his discomfort with sarcasm. "As you might recall I'm not exactly a conversationalist."

"No, you were not but you opened up to me and I appreciate it, I know it had to be..._difficult_. Just by talking to me, you helped me make some tough decisions that changed my life."

"I didn't do anything, _you_ did. You made those decisions on your own."

"Yes, I did and I struggled with it for a while afterwards but I eventually came to terms with it. I realized I made the right choice. My life is good now. I'm married and well—as you can tell I'm expecting a baby anytime now."

"Does your husband know?"

"Yeah, he does. I couldn't keep it from him. I didn't want to start our relationship off with lies. What happened to me is in the past. It doesn't define me but everything I went through helped make me who I am _now."_

"So you're justifying it with that _'out of everything bad comes something good crap?_'"

"I know you think it's stupid but I don't believe I went through all that for _nothing_. Before the rape I held a lot inside but afterwards when I started talking about what happened to me, I also began talking about other things I'd been keeping inside for years. Opening up about everything made me feel _better_ and even helped me forge a better relationship with my own family."

House sat quietly, not offering up the usual sarcasm and snarky wit. He had to admit, she piqued his curiosity. He motioned with his hands for her to continue.

"You may not think you did much of anything but the fact is my interaction with you helped me heal, it helped me take the first step towards the rest of my life. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied sincerely.

"Since the moment I met you I was fascinated by you. You're a very famous doctor and people in the medical profession admire your talent though they do chastise you for taking risks. "

He raised an eyebrow at her. "They're cowards. I'm taking the risks they're afraid to take."

"There's much talk about all the insane things you've done," she looked down and hesitated a moment before raising her eyes to meet his, "and not just professionally either. Look, I'm not going to pass judgment on you, we all make mistakes and do things we wish we could take back but we can't. The best we can do is take what we learned and move on, hopefully making better choices down the road."

House looked at her sternly and said, "I don't need your pity."

Eve laughed. "I don't pity you. I _respect _you. I am sorry for what you've been through, but I know you want neither sympathy nor pity, so you're not going to get it."

"Glad to know that we're both on the same page," he said.

Just then the door opened and a tall, handsome, well-dressed man in khakis, a leather bomber jacket and dress shoes walked in.

"Sorry, we're closed," said House sarcastically.

Eve turned at that moment and smiled, "Come on in Dan and meet Dr. House." Turning back to House she said, "Dr. House, meet my husband, _Dr._ Dan Hodges."

"_Doctor?"  
><em>

"I'm in pediatrics at New York-Presbyterian. It's an honor to meet you sir," Dan said as he held out his hand for House, who accepted it. The young man sounded sincere in his greeting and had a solid, confident handshake which impressed House.

House looked at Eve, "Very nice. So tell me how you two kids met."

Eve smiled and put her hand on her belly. "When I met you in the clinic, I was finishing up my senior year at Princeton and had already been accepted to the Masters Program in Social work at NYU. In the months that followed the rape, I deferred my admission and seriously considered not going. One day I just realized I had to move on with what I'd started. A career helping people was important to me and that was even more apparent after what I'd been through. I enrolled in the masters program and was in the middle of my first year when I met Dan through mutual friends. The rest is history."

"So it is," said House. "I've got to ask you something. You're an intelligent woman, you could do anything. Why would you want to spend your time listening to other people whine about their problems_?_"

Eve smiled, not at all bothered by House's sarcasm. "Well, when I'm ready to pass judgment on someone for their actions or behavior I just remind myself that _everybody has a story_. There's a lot of crap going on in the world and I just want to do whatever good I can for as long as I can. I know you probably think that's a waste of time, but trust me, it's just something I feel I _need_ to do."

House nodded. He understood having a calling though he would never express that to anyone.

Dan smiled at House and said, "We really have to get going but Dr. House I just want to thank you. I know, Eve told me I shouldn't because you're not that kind of guy but listen, if she hadn't met you in the clinic that day, she might never have talked about what happened to her and if she hadn't done that, she and I probably never would have met. You changed _her_ life, she changed _mine_. I'm grateful."

House felt uncomfortable but nodded his acknowledgement.

Before they parted, Eve walked over to House and kissed him on the cheek. She whispered something in his ear that only he could hear and then she turned around and walked out the door, her husband's hand resting protectively on the small of her back.

House leaned on his cane and watched the couple walk down the hallway. Once they were out of his line of sight, he sat down in his Eames chair with his feet up as he mulled over the events of the last hour. Of all the people to find sitting in his office, he just never expected it would be _her_. He recalled the day he'd met her in the clinic and how he'd tried to pawn her off on the mental health counselor only to be sucked back in by her desperate _need_ to talk only to him. He never told anyone but he had been fascinated by her. He had tried to act as if she was just another puzzle but he found himself actually concerned about her well-being. He was pleased on the inside when she began talking about the rape because he knew it was the first stage to healing. She was young and had her whole life ahead of her and he knew all too well from personal experience that one wrong decision made in a moment of pain could potentially destroy her life. He had not wanted her to go down that road.

As he lay back in the chair with his eyes closed, he thought about those last words she whispered in his ear.

"Like me, you've got a second chance. Make it _count._"

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed that chapter!<strong>

I thought it was important for House to see that he made a difference _outside_ the realm of Diagnostics. His ability to open to Eve all those years ago about his father's abuse encouraged her to talk about her rape, which in turn helped her move forward. Just imagine though how different her life might have been if that hadn't happened. Imagine too how her coming back to thank him could impact _his_ life.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:** Here's another chapter. I'm hoping to post twice this Memorial Day weekend. We'll see how it goes. Thanks to everyone for continuing to follow this story. To answer your question, of course House and Cuddy are going to meet up; you don't think I'm crazy do you? T_his is a House and Cuddy story._ You just have to remember they can't meet up overnight and everything be fluffy, these are two screwed-up people, they've got a lot to work through.

I promise this will be the story you love. In the meantime, enjoy.

**My disclaimer: **I don't own House but if I did I would have tied Lingenfelter, Hess and Friedman (for starters) to their chairs and forced them to watch their ridiculous Vlogs until they threw up as much as we did and eventually realized the error of their ways.

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><p>Cuddy woke on Friday morning and glanced at the clock, it was an hour half past her normal wakeup before getting Rachel off to school and heading into work. She recalled the phone conversation that took place in the middle of the night. <em>Did I really call House or was it just a dream?<em> She asked herself. She picked up her cell phone and scrolled through recent calls and sure enough, House's number was there. She lay back on her pillows holding the phone to her chest and thinking about their conversation. The dream had scared her to death and she needed to know he was okay. She wasn't sure how she would feel after their first words shared in two years but she actually felt no regret, if anything she felt an odd sense of peace. After a few more minutes pondering the brief conversation, she got out of bed and started her day.

Around eleven-thirty, Cuddy was in her office finalizing her lecture notes for the following week when she received a text from Sharon inviting her to lunch in the courtyard. She finished her notes, grabbed her jacket and headed out. When she arrived at the picnic table, Sharon was already there.

"So, what's up with you? Anything big planned this weekend?" Sharon asked Cuddy sat down with her lunch.

"No, I thought I'd get some things done around the house," Cuddy replied.

They chatted about this and that and then both were silent, relaxing and listening to the birds in the trees nearby when Cuddy suddenly said, "I talked to House last night."

Sharon dropped her fork and looked at Cuddy. "You did _not_!" She exclaimed.

"I _did_."

"What?"

"Yeah, well actually I talked to him twice."

"I'll be damned. How did this happen?"

"Well, the first time I talked to him was completely unintentional. I called Wilson's cell phone a few days ago and House picked up answering as Dr. _Loooove_." Cuddy laughed as she emphasized that last word.

"Oh my God!

"Yeah, I get the feeling thought he was talking to one of Wilson's lady friends but was so shocked to get me instead he just didn't know what to do and hung up."

"Yeah, no kidding. So how did you wind up talking to him again? Did you call him back?"

"Not at that moment. I had a dream last night, actually more a nightmare...that he died. It felt so _real_ Sharon; I mean I woke up thinking he was dead. How fucked up is that?"

"Jesus."

"Yeah."

"You know dreams rarely mean what they appear to mean."

"I know. But I still needed to know he was okay so I called him."

"It must have been pretty bad."

"Yeah, it was. I felt like someone had just ripped my heart out. I was devastated."

"So what on earth did you say to him on the phone?"

"We didn't really talk about much; I mean it was strange enough that we were talking at all. I told him I'd had a bad dream about him and wanted to make sure that he was okay. He assured me that he was and then…he apologized to me for what he did."

"Wow! How did that make you feel?"

"Honestly, I was relieved. I mean, he's written it in his letters but it was so different hearing him say it. House generally does not say things he does not mean, he's just like that. Trust me, he only says he's sorry if he really means it," Cuddy said as she looked down at her food.

Sharon noticed she suddenly seemed sad. "You okay?"

"Yeah I guess. I have to tell you I was so relieved to hear his voice but it was awkward. It seemed like neither of us knew what to say. House and I always felt comfortable when we bantered and fought but when it came to talking about what we were feeling, it never went well."

"It's been two years, of course it's awkward."

"I know. He asked me if we could talk again soon, if he could call me and make sure I was okay. I told him I'd like that."

"Wow that was a big step. First letters, now phone calls. If this is what you want, then good for you."

"Yeah I think I actually do want it," said Cuddy, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"So what's wrong?"

Cuddy picked at her food and said, "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. You don't pick at your food unless there's something bothering you," Sharon said as she reached over and put her hand on top of Cuddy's to stop her from picking at her food.

Cuddy got the hint and put down her fork. Clasping her hands together on the table in front of her she said, "I couldn't stop thinking about him for hours until I fell asleep again. I miss him in my life."

"Oh, _Lisa_."

"It's so weird, for nearly half our lives, House and I have been in each other's circles. No matter what happens, we always wind up drawn back to one another and every time it happens, we fight it."

"So why fight it at all?"

"I suppose it's who we are, call it a defense mechanism."

"It's apparent that there's something bigger than both of you that keeps bringing you guys back into each other's lives. Last night you dreamed he died, but it was just a dream. What would you do if he did die?"

"Don't even go there!"

"Exactly," Sharon said as she sat back with a smile on her face.

"It's hard enough that he's not a part of my life like he used to be, but to imagine him dead? I can't. I mean he's always been there."

"I know that. I wanted to see your reaction and I was right. It's one thing to be in another city and just not talking to one another but it's very different when they're dead, there's never another chance...to talk, make things right...try again," Sharon said.

Cuddy sat quietly and listened.

"I know I've told you this before but it's worth rehashing until you _get it_. Here we have two people who have known each other half their lives, both are intelligent and driven, but are not very good at maintaining close intimate relationships. They fear rejection and hurt and find it easier to hide behind sarcasm and deflection in an effort to keep others at arm's length. They fear if they let themselves be vulnerable or give up some of their control it will make them seem weak. When they finally had the opportunity to be together, instead of working at it by _slowly_ breaking down the walls they'd built between them over the years, they just wanted to enjoy what they'd missed all those years before that narrow window of opportunity closed for good, which is something they both feared. So, they jumped in head first, knowing it would likely fall apart but simply not caring because they wanted to enjoy the moment as long as they could, before it was over."

Cuddy just stared at her friend. "Wow."

"Yeah. Listen, it just didn't last because neither one of you committed your all to it. You weren't focused on the long-term. You and House brought some pretty serious baggage into the relationship and I can see what caused you both to be so apprehensive about going all in, why you broke up with him, and what drove him to indulge in severely self-destructive behavior. The reason I don't sit here and push you to run in the other direction is because based on everything you have told me, what he did was not consistent with his usual behavior."

"It wasn't, not at all. After it happened I was angry as hell, I just wanted his ass in jail. I was in shock I mean, I never expected it. But really, he was sick and he needed help. Wilson and I both knew it was inevitable that he would crash and burn. I knew it was coming and I did nothing," Cuddy said.

"Did you really think he might do something?"

Cuddy looked down, fidgeting with her napkin. "I feel ashamed admitting this but yes, I knew he might do something, but to himself. I did not expect what he eventually did to me. I was afraid to get involved. I tried to get him to talk but he wouldn't and after that I just stopped trying. I knew that going back on Vicodin in such large doses as he was taking combined with his extreme behavior would eventually wind up killing him. I wanted to do something, I loved him so much, but I was afraid if I jumped in to try to save him, I would get my heart broken even more. I was afraid I'd let him back in my life and he would hurt me even more and I couldn't do that, not again. I had to be strong enough to walk away for good. That meant letting him self-destruct, leaving it up to him to save himself. I was stupid enough to convince myself it was better that I not get involved."

"He may have very well been sick. With his history of mental illness, his Vicodin abuse and the emotional stress, he was a ticking time bomb," Sharon said sadly.

Cuddy nodded in agreement. "I knew he was self-destructive but he never tried to hurt anyone physically. There is not a time I ever feared for my safety or Rachel's for that matter. For him to go over the edge like that and snap, it must have all hit him at once.

"I wonder sometimes what things would have been like..." Cuddy said, staring up into the sky and letting out a huge sigh of frustration.

"You can wonder all you want but it doesn't change anything. Girl, I do not know why you beat yourself up over the past. Instead of focusing on what might have been, how about focusing on what could be?"

Cuddy just sat silent, listening intently to her friend, knowing she was right.

"Lisa, what do you want out of life?"

Cuddy was taken by surprise by the question.

"I guess I just want to be happy. I mean I don't expect to be happy all the time, I just...I don't know, I just want to feel more happiness than I do now. Something's missing."

"Tell me about it."

_"What?"_

"Talking about happiness is great but it doesn't make a damn bit of difference unless you take action."

"I have a wonderful daughter I love with all my heart, I have a great job, I have a few good friends, I make great money, I am financially independent, I-"

"Eventually Rachel is going to grow up and have a life of her own, your friends have their own lives too, you're eventually going to retire and then what?"

"I haven't gotten that far."

"Do you plan on being alone for the rest of your life?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"Ha! I'm not buying that. Lisa Cuddy thinks of everything _that far ahead_."

"I do not!" She threw her balled up napkin at Sharon who laughed and returned it.

"Lisa, you mentioned Rachel, your job and money but you forgot one important thing."

"What's that?"

"Love. Someone to share it all with. What good is it all if there's no one to share it with?"

"Yeah that is a good point. Love is just too damn complicated."

"I'm going to tell you something right now. I love you dearly, you are my best friend and so I know you will take this in the spirit in which it is given."

Cuddy raised her eyebrow at Sharon, wondering what was coming next.

"Don't let yourself be alone because you are afraid. You have two choices; either get out there and find a man who will sweep you off your feet and drive you crazy mad with love. I mean the kind of love that makes you daydream about him, the kind of love that sets your skin on fire when he touches you and makes your stomach do flip flops just by hearing his voice. Find yourself a good man who will challenge you, make you laugh and sometimes make you cry, doesn't put up with your bullshit and tells you like it is, knows you are controlling but loves you anyway, isn't afraid to show you his vulnerability, and will accept Rachel into his life."

Cuddy wasn't prepared for that speech. "Oh come on, you know I've been out a few times, I'm just not interested and-" she was interrupted by Sharon.

"Or you can try again with Greg House and this time; _do what it takes_ to make it work." Sharon sat across from Cuddy with a smirk and a defiant glare. "I'm serious Lisa; you don't deserve to be alone. You deserve to love and be loved."

Cuddy sat silently pondering what her friend said, letting it all sink in.

"I'm afraid," she said softly.

"I know you are, but of what?"

"It _hurts_."

"Oh hon, I know it does. Love hurts it can also heal too."

"I could go out and find a guy who might be all those things but I don't know if I want to. It's so much work to try and then be disappointed."

"Yep, that's life. But is there another reason?"

Cuddy hesitated then looked right at Sharon and said, "House. He...he used to make me feel that way. He's the only one who could ever make me feel that way. None of the other guys, even the really great ones who I should have fallen for, ever made me feel like that. The reason I can't make it work with anyone else is because I don't want to make it work with anyone else. I love _House_. I was too busy being scared of getting hurt and too busy pointing out his flaws and mistakes in an effort to protect myself and keep him at a safe distance that I never let us just _be_. I never told him how much I appreciated him and loved him."

"Well there you go."

"Yeah but with our history?"

"Lisa, your heart loves him; your head tells you to be wary. That's fine but don't let the two fight each other, let them work together."

Cuddy just looked at her curiously.

Sharon reached over and took her friend's hand. "Lisa, your head will tell you that you need to move slowly and cautiously and that you two need to work to break the barriers you built for years. Your heart will tell you that it's okay to let yourself be vulnerable and open and let yourself feel love. For years you let the two fight one another and no doubt House did the same. That approach didn't work; it's time for something new. Find a way to make it work. I know you love House and it's obvious he loves you too. You two have been through a lot of shit, you've both hurt each other and you've both paid the price. All that you've been through and you still have feelings for one another. What does that tell you? You've both hurt _far too long,_ isn't it time to let go of the hurt and resurrect and nurture what's been lying buried underneath inside of both of you all these years?"

"How in hell did you come up with that?" Cuddy asked.

"Oh please, just call me Dr. _Loooove,_" Sharon said. They both laughed.

"Thank you Sharon, you're a great friend," Cuddy said as she grasped Sharon's hand in appreciation.

"Oh you're welcome, what are friends for? We'll just say you owe me one. You could pay up by helping me get to know James a little better sometime. He_ is_ absolutely adorable," replied Sharon as she winked at Cuddy.

"Oh he is and you'll get your chance. He'll be here for the Oncology conference next week," said Cuddy. She added, "Just don't move too fast or you'll wind up Mrs. Wilson number four."

"I'll be careful," Sharon said playfully. "Hey Lisa?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you hoping _House_ will come with him?"

"House hates conferences."

"Yeah, okay," Sharon replied, with a knowing look.

Cuddy smirked at her and said, "Come on, we have to get back to work."

"Sure..._queen_ of deflection."

They laughed in unison as they tossed their trash in the nearest bin and headed back into the hospital.

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><p><strong>Please read and review!<strong>

This concludes yet another chapter in the House and Cuddy journey. Stay tuned, so much more to go. Lots more to go in this story and our two favorite characters are moving closer together. They've a lot to learn about themselves and each other.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N:** For you my dear readers, I told you I'd try to post twice this weekend. This was in my head and now it's yours to enjoy. I've got some ideas for the next chapter, if I can get them out, I'll post them today or tomorrow. Three chapters in a weekend hasn't happened in awhile now! Just enjoy :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House but if I did I would have tied Greg Yaitanes to his director's chair and forced him to listen to a recording of _"RIP HUDDY"_ over and over again for a month straight till, like us, he got tired of hearing it!

Oh one more thing: I am PLEASED to say that **"HouseMD83"** has returned here after almost a two-year hiatus and just posted Chapter 44 of the fabulous story titled: "You Just Might Get What You Need" and you can find it at fanfiction (dot) net/s/4818393/1/You_Just_Might_Get_What_You_Need

It's really a terrific story. Please check it out and review.

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><p>On Saturday night, House and Wilson opted to hang out at Wilson's apartment, make homemade pizzas, drink beer and watching the pool tournament playoffs. Wilson sensed House had something on his mind since Friday but rather than pressure him as he normally did, he wanted to let House tell him when he was ready. They stood at the large prep counter in Wilson's kitchen making their pizzas.<p>

"Hand me the pineapple will you?" Wilson asked.

"What the hell Wilson? Nobody puts pineapple on pizza," House said with a look of disgust on his face.

"I do," Wilson replied.

"It's gross."

"Says the guy who eats Reuben sandwiches," said Wilson, rolling his eyes. "It's just _pineapple _for crissake_._ Hey, throw me the ham and mushrooms too while you're at it."

"What the fuck Wilson? Mushrooms and ham on pizza? That's so un-American. Are you sure we're friends?" House chuckled.

"Just hand me the goddamn ham and mushrooms House."

House handed him the bowls. "The only stuff that goes on pizza is sauce, pepperoni and cheese, period."

"Just hurry up and let's get these things in the oven, the commercial's almost over."

"God you're such a nag."

"Yeah and you love me for it."

"You'd make a great girlfriend."

"So you keep saying," Wilson said as he put their pizzas in the oven. Satisfied with their pizza-making skills, they grabbed their beer and headed into the living room where they took a seat and put their feet up on the table. Wilson let out a sigh and House couldn't help but hear it. House leaned his head back on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "Oh for fuck's sake Wilson, just ask me if you want to know what's on my mind."

"Know what? I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to. I know when you know I have something on my mind. And I know that you know how to make me talk. You start doing that sighing thing that drives me fucking crazy."

"House, I told you I was going to try and be a better friend by doing more listening and less nagging."

"Did you say that? I still think it was your evil twin because there's no way in hell James Evan Wilson would mind his own business."

_"House."_

"Fine. Do you really want to know what's on my mind?"

"Yeah, but only if you want to tell me."

House didn't reply, he just watched the television and immersed himself in the pool tournament. A few minutes later he broke his silence.

"I talked to Cuddy the night before last."

"You _what?_" Wilson was clearly taken by surprise.

"I swear Wilson you squeal like Debbie from accounting is sitting on your lap."

"You've used _that_ line before House, try something new."

"Okay you squeal like _Roger_ from accounting is sitting on your lap," House said smirking.

"Okay fine, let's get back to the subject at hand. How on earth did this happen?"

"Well she picked up her phone and dialed, then my phone rang-"

"House! Stop deflecting, spill it!"

"She called me last night around midnight and said she'd had a bad dream, she was worried about me. I'd say it was bad too, she dreamed I was dead. Apparently I'd been working on a case and took a nap in my office and never woke up."

"Holy shit, that's creepy," Wilson said shaking his head.

"I could tell it got to her pretty bad too, from the sound of her voice."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"So now what?" Wilson asked him.

"I don't know. We talked a little, didn't say more than a few words. I apologized to her."

"You already did that, in the letter right?"

"Yeah but last night I didn't know how many more chances I'd have to actually tell her so I figured it was a good time to do that."

"How'd she take it?"

"She accepted it. She even apologized too."

"She did?"

"Yeah she'd written it to me in her letter too. I think she still feels guilty for having dumped me."

"Do you think she _should_ feel guilty?"

"No. I used to, but then I realized Cuddy was doing what she's been doing for years, what I've been doing for years, it's called self-preservation. We've fucking mastered the art of it. She was just protecting herself from the inevitable nuclear fallout. I can't say I blame her. What happened to us is exactly why I avoided getting involved with her for years."

"You can't avoid relationships because you're afraid of getting hurt."

"Seriously? Says the guy who would rather stay home with a diabetic cat on a Friday night than meet chicks."

"Your idea of chicks and my idea of chicks…_very_ different."

"Oh, 'Outside Wilson' looks all adorable and shy just like the boy next door but 'Inside Wilson' is a far cry, he's an unshaven, misanthropic, cane-wielding horn dog like the rest of us."

"You know you really should write Hallmark cards," Wilson snarked.

"Do you think that if she hadn't broken up with you over the Vicodin, you guys would still be together?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Sooner or later I would have fucked it up. I predicted this shit Wilson, remember? I told you I was trying to find something we had in common in order to make it work and you told me not to worry about it. I told you then how it would go and eventually I was right."

"So you think it was doomed from the beginning?"

"Yep. Is this what you wanted to talk about? I thought you wanted to know what was on my mind."

"You told me, the phone call."

"Yeah and I wasn't finished. I asked her if I could call her sometime, to make sure she was okay."

"No shit? What did she say?"

"She said it would be alright if I called her."

"Oh wow. That's a big step for her, for both of you."

"I still can't believe she called me. First she wrote me back, now _this_."

"So how are you going to screw this up House?"

"There's no _this_ Wilson, there's nothing to screw up."

"Are you kidding?" Wilson asked, standing up and pacing the living room blocking House's view of the pool tournament as he paced.

"Goddamnit Wilson you're blocking my view."

"House don't you think there are more important things going on right now?"

"No. We've got beer, a pool tournament, pizza in the oven; I'd say we've got it covered."

Wilson continued to pace and threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "You do remember what's happening next weekend _right_?"

"You're finally getting laid?"

"No!" Wilson exclaimed and pointed his finger at House, "Don't you dare deflect here."

House sighed and looked up at his frantic friend. "Yes Wilson I know what's going on next weekend. I've been going over it in my mind every single fucking day since you brought it up."

"Well, you're coming with me, right?"

"I don't know."

"What? I thought this was settled days ago."

"Yeah well I get to change my mind, it is my life." He lowered his voice as if talking to himself, "Besides, it's been so long, I don't know to say or do."

Wilson resumed his seat on the couch next to his friend and said in a much calmer voice, "House, you just go with the flow. Don't try to plan it. Just be yourself. It's all she ever wanted."

House gritted his teeth. "No it's _not_ what she wanted. She wanted the slightly modified, well-behaved, more respectable, model boyfriend version of me. It doesn't exist."

"House, she wanted _you_. I know this for a fact. She needed you to be your normal sarcastic pain in the ass self. She didn't you to censor yourself; she needed you to be your usual crass, obnoxious self. She needed _truth_ and apparently you're the only one who gives it to her. When she thought she might have cancer, _that's_ the House she wanted, not the one you apparently think she wanted."

"She should have told me."

"Seriously? Since when have you and Cuddy ever been on the same page?"

"Sex."

"What?"

"Sex was one of the few times we were on the same page," House confessed solemnly.

Wilson, not wanting to venture into images of the physical aspect of House and Cuddy's relationship merely replied, "Okay that's fine and all but I'm talking about _verbal _communication, which as you know is very important in a relationship."

"I tried, she tried, and it didn't work."

"Bullshit. It's your biggest goddamn problem, the two of you, you didn't try. Hell, you never talked about anything, you always assumed what the other person was thinking. I spent years being the middle man for you two trying to translate your thoughts and feelings to one another. It's a wonder I stayed sane. If you two had only talked like normal people you'd probably still be together."

"We're not the talking type."

"Well, start learning how to be the talking type because you're coming with me to Boston on Thursday and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"What if she doesn't want me there?"

"House, she still cares about you. Besides she needs to see you've changed."

"I haven't changed."

"You _have_ changed. For years you hid behind your pain, using it to as a way to avoid relationships but you're not hiding anymore. Sure, you've fallen down but you keep getting back up and fighting. You're off Vicodin, seeing Nolan again and you're even doing physio. You are trying to have some kind of life."

"It's not enough for a woman like her. She deserves better."

"Let _her_ decide that."

"I did last time and look where it got me."

"I think you're using her as an excuse. You're scared."

"I'm not scared."

"You are too House, just admit it."

"Oh goddamnit Wilson I'm scared alright? Feel better?"

"Okay," Wilson replied softly.

They sat quietly and watched the pool tournament. Wilson turned to House and said, "You should call her."

"I just talked to her."

"No, I mean you should tell her you want to see her next weekend."

"If she knows ahead of time she could say no and then what?"

"Like no has ever stopped you."

"Things are different _now_, I can't push," House said as he got up from the couch and limped into the kitchen to check the pizzas.

"I know. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pushing you. Really I'm not," Wilson replied.

They were silent a moment before House looked at Wilson and asked, "_Why_ do you care so much?"

Wilson put his head in his hands for a few seconds, then looked up at House and said in a tone that conveyed pure honesty, "You're my best friend House, we've been through a lot and I care about you. I care about Cuddy too. You two are my family and I want you to be happy. You've both hurt each other so much over the years and yet you keep bouncing back towards each other. Watching you two over the years, makes me wish that I could have felt that same energy that you felt with her. The only one who ever did that for me...was _Amber_. I know you think it's bullshit but you deserve happiness House, just as much as anyone else."

They were both silent, just staring at the pool tournament on television, half of which they'd missed because they were talking. Suddenly the oven buzzer went off. House leaped off the couch, in an effort to diffuse the awkward moment, and limped into the kitchen. He pulled the pizzas out of the oven, took a whiff and said,

"Now that's what I'm talking about. Come on Wilson, let's eat."

* * *

><p>Later that night, House lay in his old room at Wilson's place, having decided to avoid riding his bike with alcohol in his system though he'd only had a few beers. At least that's the excuse he gave Wilson. Truthfully he didn't want to go back to his lonely apartment. He'd had fun with Wilson and didn't like being alone as much as he had in the past. His thoughts drifted to their earlier conversation. Wilson's words came back to him.<p>

"For years you hid behind your pain, using it to as a way to avoid relationships."

He knew Wilson was right and yet while he wanted to change, he just didn't know how to make the kind of lasting change Cuddy needed. He closed his eyes thought of her.

_It was Saturday night and House woke up on the couch in Cuddy's living room. Cuddy lay on her right side comfortably nestled up against him, stretched along his chest and his left leg, with her left arm protectively around his middle. The only light in the room was from the infomercial on the television, which he promptly turned off. The room was bathed in darkness except for a small dimly lit lamp in the far corner of the room. House rubbed his thigh a little and then wrapped his arms around her tight, enjoying the feeling of their closeness.  
><em>

_"Stop thinking," he heard her say softly. "You're keeping me awake."_

_"I'm not thinking."_

_"Yes you are, I always know when something's on your mind."_

_"You do?" he asked playfully, kissing her hair._

_"Yeah, I can feel it. Go back to sleep."_

_"I would but I have this ginormous ass with a hottie attached to it currently crushing me."_

_Cuddy smacked his chest lightly and chuckled. "If you ever want to ever see this ginormous ass and the hottie attached to it naked again you'll shut up."_

_House laughed. "You know, we should go to bed."_

_"Don't want to move, stay here," she said snuggling into his chest._

_They lay there feeling comfortable, not wanting to move. They were quiet a long time until House suddenly whispered in her ear, "How did I ever get so lucky?"_

_"House, stop asking and just enjoy it."_

_He stroked her hair and put his nose in it, smelling that shampoo she used that he loved so much. "I don't deserve you. You could have had any guy and you chose me. You're screwed up, you know that right?"_

_With her eyes still closed and speaking in a slightly more awake voice, she spoke softly, "House how many times do I have to tell you I don't want anyone else, just you? Stop saying you don't deserve me. If anything I don't deserve you."_

_"What? Are you kidding?" he asked, lifting her face so he could look at her. She opened her eyes and blue met blue._

_"Do you not know me? After all these years? I'm a perfectionist, controlling, and I have fear of intimacy issues. It's a wonder you put up with me."_

_"So it's a competition now? Which one of us is more screwed up than the other?"_

_"No, you're definitely way more screwed up than me," Cuddy said just before giggling into his chest._

_House loved it when she giggled; it reminded him of when she was young and carefree. As he stroked her and left kisses in her hair, he whispered again, "Being with you makes me feel so much less pain. I never thought I could feel this way."_

_"Oh House," she whispered, before stretching upwards to kiss him. He leaned forward to meet her lips and found them sweet, soft and reassuring. Her kisses always made him feel wanted and needed and he could never get enough of her._

House opened his eyes, smiling slightly at the memory. Though he and Cuddy fought often in public, when they were alone they had shared many tender moments. During their time together they had shared private things in quiet moments. Looking back he realized he wished he'd shared more, so much more. If he had, they might still be together.

He rubbed his face with his hands and looked over at his phone which lay on the nightstand. He wanted to call her but was afraid. _She said I could call her._ _Would I appear too needy by calling her so soon?_ He tried to sleep but couldn't because thoughts of the phone call with her, his conversation with Wilson earlier in the evening, and the trip to Boston were all running through his head. Tired of fighting the nagging Wilson-like voice in his head he picked up his phone and spent a moment tapping several buttons on the keypad, then pressed send. Once it was done he let out a sigh and closed his eyes, waiting to see if she would respond.

Ten minutes later, House felt the vibration of the phone on his chest. He swallowed hard, then picked it up. As he read the screen, a relieved smile appeared on his face. The text message read, "Sure, I just put Rachel to bed. Let me shower and you can call me in twenty minutes."

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><p><strong>I thought House and Wilson deserved some quality time discussing things. Please read and review!<strong>

I've got a lot more in my head so there's no telling when I might post another chapter. It could be right around the corner. Thanks for your support!


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N:** This is the third of the three chapters I had in mind this weekend. I thought a lot about how I wanted to write this chapter, it's been one of the most difficult to date. I hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thank you GratefulInsomniac for giving this a once-over and offering great advice. Thank you to those reading and reviewing. Finally, thanks to everyone who has created or updated their fics recently.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House but if I did, Cuddy would have slapped some sense into House and yelled "SNAP OUT OF IT!" after "Bombshells" then afterwards they would have made up. House would have gone back to being our favorite pain in the ass of earlier seasons and Cuddy would have gone back to being our favorite tough-as-nails, kickass Dean of Medicine and the only person who can keep House in line.

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><p>House stared at the text message from Cuddy then placed the phone on his chest and thought about what it would be like to talk to her again. He couldn't believe she was okay with this after everything he'd done to her. What would he say? Would things be awkward like they were last time? House was trying not to be concerned but he couldn't help it, this was Cuddy, and truthfully talking to her scared the shit out of him. He pondered all sorts of outcomes to the conversation until, per Cuddy's request, twenty minutes later, he dialed her number. It rang twice before she picked up.<p>

"Hi, House," she answered softly. Cuddy was freshly showered, dressed in tiny shorts and a tank top and tucked from the waist down under the thick covers, leaning back against a pile of soft pillows.

"Hey yourself," he said. Like her, House was dressed in the usual bedclothes, boxers and a tee-shirt. House was relieved that Cuddy seemed happy to hear from him.

"I'm glad you texted me, I was thinking about you."

"Me too."

"You were thinking about you too?" She let out a slight chuckle.

House loved the way she laughed. "You know me, I'm always thinking about myself."

"Some things never change do they?"

"Nope."

"So does this feel weird to you too?" She asked as she fidgeted at the edges of the throw pillow in her lap.

"Yeah," he replied. He was just as nervous.

"What do we do about it?" He asked.

"I don't know. Neither of us have ever been ones to talk but now with all that happened between us…"

"I know what you mean. Maybe there's a way we can make it less stressful," Cuddy smiled, she had an idea in mind that might help make things less awkward.

"I'm game," he said, curious to know her plan.

"Actually, it's simple. No lies, no deflections, no assumptions. If we want to know something about one another we tell the truth and if we don't want to answer it, we just say we don't want to answer it. No games okay?"

"Always have to be in control don't you?" He joked sarcastically.

"I'm just trying to help," she said. The tone in her voice seemed slightly hurt at his insinuation she was trying to control the situation.

"Wait, I didn't mean anything by that Cuddy. I'm sorry. Let's not start off on the wrong foot here. Actually I'm okay with your suggestion," he said hoping to reassure her.

She let out a sigh of relief. "Well _that_ was an icebreaker."

"I'd say. Three minutes on the phone and we nearly had our first argument in years."

"I guess some things never do change," she said with a hint of laughter back in her voice.

After about ten minutes or so of small talk exchanging pleasantries and talking about things mostly related to their mutual friend Wilson, House decided to take the conversation in another direction.

"So, how's Rachel?" House asked.

"House, do you _really_ want to talk about Rachel?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Well I'm just not sure if you're asking because you care or you're just trying to break the ice."

House sighed and said, "Cuddy, I don't want to play games."

Cuddy paused before she replied honestly, "I don't either. Our shitty communication skills got us into this mess in the first place."

"Yeah. So getting back to Rachel, how is she?"

Cuddy decided to follow the conversation he was trying to start with her. "Oh Rachel is great, really. She's such a smart little girl and she's doing great in school. She loves to read and is a great speller though she hates math, but so did I at her age. She's very active and loves to play outside and she absolutely loves music. She is enjoying her piano lessons in the after school program. I think that your talent rubbed off on her."

House smiled hearing about her little musical prodigy. "The kid's a quick learner."

"I wish I could have seen you teaching her to play."

"You were always working or doing something related to the hospital."

Cuddy knew was right, he'd watched Rachel many times so she could work late. "I'm sorry I missed those moments."

"Me too. It's okay though, it's all about the kid and she enjoyed it so that's what matters, right?"

"I suppose. I do appreciate what you did for her."

"Tell anyone and I'll deny the hell out of it," he said.

"I would expect nothing less." They both laughed.

"I was so blind...about a lot of things. I thought Rachel annoyed you."

"At first she did but not for the reasons you think."

"Okay," Cuddy said, curious as to where this was headed.

"I was jealous."

"But _why_? She was just a baby."

House hadn't expected this conversation but now that he started it he had to see it through. "When you wanted to adopt the first time and I gave you a hard time about it, it was because I was mad at you for telling Wilson and not me. I mean I'd been there for you during the IVF and I never told anyone. But when it came to adopting you chose Wilson. I thought you trusted me."

"I did," she said.

"No, you didn't," he insisted. "You didn't think I'd take it seriously, that I would mock you for it."

"You're right. I needed someone who could be supportive and Wilson's always been that for me."

"Listen, I gave you a hard time about adoption both times not because I thought you'd be a shitty mom, in fact, I thought you'd be a great mom, it's just that I just figured once you adopted it would fill that void in your life and then...well...," he drifted off afraid to continue the sentence.

"You thought I wouldn't need you around anymore. Is that what you were going to say?" She asked hesitantly.

He swallowed hard. "Yeah. I was such an ass. I'll never forget what I said to you about you being a crappy mother. I'm still sorry for that."

"All the things we've been through and that's _still_ bothering you? I told you long ago I forgave you."

"I know but…honestly, I was never quite sure if you were just saying that or if you really _meant_ it."

Cuddy lay her head back against her pillows and closed her eyes, taking it all in. "I guess we can chalk that up to another miscommunication, or lack of it. God there were times I thought we were making progress but we really didn't make much did we?" She asked, sadly.

"We were both set in our ways, change was hard. I was at fault way more than you; don't beat yourself up over it."

"House, don't be a hero, there's plenty of blame to go around."

"I guess."

In an attempt to change the subject she asked, "So how's work?"

"You really want to talk about work?"

"I want to talk about whatever comes to mind."

"Okay."

"What's it like there without me?" It was a hard question for her to ask because she still missed her job there. Wilson had often told her what it was like not having her there, but she wanted House's point of view.

"Well, Foreman's not you. He doesn't look as good in the tight skirts." He heard her laugh on the other end. "He keeps the place together but he doesn't command respect like you didl."

"I never commanded _your_ respect."

"Oh the hell you didn't! Look Cuddy, I was an asshole but I _always_ respected you, except for when you kissed donor ass, I didn't like that but only because I thought you were better than that. I thought 'fuck it' if they didn't want to donate because the Dean didn't kiss their big fat asses. You did what you had to do to make that hospital great and that hospital in the top ten was in large part because of _you_. Nobody can argue knew your shit and you were damn good at it. That place is not the same without you."

"I don't know what to say," Cuddy was surprised by House's compliment.

"Don't say anything, it's my fault you're not still there kicking ass."

"Listen we don't have to talk about that," Cuddy wasn't sure if they were ready to go that far yet.

"You said we could talk about anything."

"I know, but..."

"It's still too painful for you. I'm sorry Cuddy. Geez I'm doing a bang-up job here." House banged his fist against the bed at his stupidity for bringing the subject up so soon.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. House, I forgave you and I _meant_ it. We both paid a heavy price for what happened, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, I suppose we did."

"I...I just don't want to talk about it unless we're both ready," she said.

"I think I can. How about you?" House asked.

"I think so. To be honest I'm nervous as hell. I never thought we would talk about it."

"Cuddy, one night, one phone call, isn't long enough to have all of the conversations we _need_ to have but this is a start. Just promise me you'll be honest and not hold back." He knew the only way they could move past it was to be completely honest. They needed to be able to trust one another.

"Fine but it goes both ways," she said. "We have to be completely honest and hold nothing back if this talking thing is going to work."

House was silent for a moment and Cuddy became concerned maybe he'd changed his mind.

_"House?"_

"Oh sorry. I was just thinking that Wilson would be proud of us," he said. They both laughed at that thought. As an afterthought he added, "Cuddy, I'd like to keep what we discuss between us so, can we agree not to talk about it with Wilson? He's trying hard not to meddle and I don't want to give him any reason to. Agreed?"

"Absolutely," she said.

"Good."

There was a long pause before House spoke again. "I don't even know where to begin. I hurt you so much."

"I know, I hurt you too."

"Nothing you did deserved what I did to you."

"House, I was so angry I could have killed you that day. I wanted you in prison and out of my life forever. I was hurt and angry and in shock. It was just so completely out of character for you. It took a few months for me to stop being so damn angry and try to figure out the burning question which was _why did you do it_? In order to answer that question I had to go back to the beginning of our relationship, where it all started."

"It wasn't your fault that I ran my car into your house," House stated adamantly.

"No, but I dumped you at the first sign of trouble," she replied.

"Oh hell Cuddy, you were just protecting yourself and Rachel."

"House, _you_ crashed your car into my house, but _we_ set in motion the events that led to it. Now that we've both accepted responsibility for our parts in it, the question is where do we go from here?"

"I don't know," he replied.

"We fucked up from the very beginning. You know that, I know that," she said.

"Yeah, you think?"

"House, if we had taken our time and just been honest and open things would have been different. Instead, we jumped into it with blinders on because we were so desperate to catch up on all those years we missed. It just seemed like we were just trying to take what we could get before we blew it up."

"I told Wilson from the beginning it was doomed to fail. I didn't want it to but it was inevitable," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Cuddy picked up on his tone immediately. "I know. I wanted it to work too but like you, in the back of my mind I had a feeling something was going to happen."

"Wow," said House.

"Yeah," Cuddy sighed. "It was like we were just waiting for that big moment we knew was coming, we just didn't know when. We were afraid of being hurt so we each held back."

"Yeah. It sucked living like that from day to day," he told her.

"I know, she replied. "Hey House, do you realize that right now we're on the same page?"

"I guess we are. All it took was us breaking up and me driving my car into your house. Go figure." They chuckled a moment and then were silent. After a few moments, House could hear sniffling on the other end of the line.

"You okay?" He was concerned the conversation had taken its toll on her.

"Yeah, this was just all a bit overwhelming," she replied as she grabbed a Kleenex from her nightstand. "I wish we'd been able to talk like this a few years ago."

"Me too."

They were both tired and seemed to be winding down.

"Cuddy, can I ask you something?'

"Sure."

"Are you...in a relationship with anyone right now? If you don't want to answer I'll understand."

"No. I dated a few times but it never lasted long. Honestly, I always found fault with every guy I met. I guess I'm just like that."

"Yeah, you're kind of a perfectionist," he said jokingly.

She laughed, "Yeah something like that. How about you?"

"Me? You're kidding right?"

"Well..."

"I don't do relationships but to answer your question, no, I'm not seeing anyone." He added, "Nor have I wanted to see anyone since you."

"Oh, okay" she said quietly.

"Cuddy?"

"Yeah House."

"Would you have given me another chance? I mean, back then before I went over the edge?"

"I thought about it but I was afraid. I loved you so much and wanted you back but I was afraid if I let you back in I wouldn't ever be able to walk away. I worried that if you didn't recover and went back to your old ways, I would be dragged down that road with you and it would hurt more than I could bear."

"Back then I was angry and hurt, but eventually I realized you were just protecting yourself and Rachel," he said.

"Yeah, but you were hurting just like me," she said.

"We did what we always do Cuddy, we went into self-preservation mode. You walked away as fast as you could and kept yourself at a distance and I went into self-destruct mode, turning up the volume to eleven as usual, pushing away the people who cared about me."

"God, we are so screwed up," she said.

"That we are," he agreed.

"I never thought we'd talk again," she said.

"Yeah, me either."

"Hey House, can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

She hesitated a moment before she continued. "Do you think you might be tagging along with Wilson to the Oncology conference next week?"

House was taken by surprise with her question._  
><em>

_"House?"_

"Sorry, I'm here. I considered it but had second thoughts. I thought maybe it was too soon," he told her.

Breathing a sigh of relief that they were once again on same page she replied, "I know Rachel would like to see you," she said. Then she added, "I would like to see you too."

House smiled at her reply. They were silent a few seconds until they both tried to talk at the same time. House insisted Cuddy go first.

"I just wanted to thank you for writing me that first letter. I can't tell you how reading that really helped me to finally put things in the past," she said with sincerity.

House picked up on that sincerity immediately. "You're welcome but it should be me thanking you for giving me a chance to make things right."

"You're welcome House," she said. Looking at the clock she realized the time. "Oh shit," she chuckled out loud. "Do you realize we've been on the phone two hours already?"

"Time flies when you're having fun."

"Yeah, it does. It's late, I guess I should get some sleep," she said sounding somewhat reluctant to end the conversation.

"Yeah me too," he replied, also not quite willing to let go.

"We'll talk soon okay?" She asked in a hopeful tone.

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, goodnight House."

"Goodnight Cuddy."

House set the phone down next to him, completely overwhelmed at the discussion that unfolded over the course of the last two hours. He couldn't believe he'd spent all that time talking to Cuddy and they had been honest, without yelling or fighting or deflecting. He lay back and closed his eyes and the tension that he'd felt earlier that evening was gone and he was more relaxed than he'd been in a long time.

Meanwhile, Cuddy hung up her phone and thought back on the conversation. Given everything they'd been through, she never imagined that they'd have the chance to talk again. She wondered to herself why they couldn't have been that honest years ago? As she lie back on her pillows and let out a huge sigh, she realized that maybe the only way they could get to this point is by going through everything they'd been through. She smiled, feeling better than she had in quite awhile. With a slight smile on her face, Lisa Cuddy closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading. Please stop and leave a review on your way out!<strong>


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N:** Here goes yet another chapter in the saga of Gregory House and Lisa Cuddy. I appreciate you sticking with it. I'm really enjoying writing this story!

You should know that I plan to see this through to the very end, whenever that is, before I embark on my next one which will pick up where Season 8 left off. I've got two pages of ideas for my S8 story and how I'm going to make right the things we got in the finale. Once the ideas hit me, I couldn't help but smile. It's going to be great! The ways in which I am plotting that story are quite believable and I am sure you'll like it. First things first though, I've got to concentrate on _this_ story.

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><p>House spent Sunday and Monday at work on a case and he'd decided to shake things up a bit, mostly because he was bored. Since Chase was the number two man, House wanted him to run the differentials without his assistance. House sat in the back of the room listening to them, mocking their ideas occasionally. He relied heavily upon Chase and Taub's experience because he was not completely confident in Adams and Park. In the end, the team had pulled together and done exceptionally well and the patient was diagnosed with little intervention by House.<p>

By the time House arrived at Nolan's office on Tuesday morning, he was anxious to talk to the psychiatrist. During his ride to Philadelphia, he thought a lot about the conversation he'd had with Cuddy a few nights earlier. He had been so sure she would hate him for the rest of his life but instead they were exchanging letters and phone calls. It still didn't seem real to him.

House entered Nolan's outer office and grunted a greeting to the receptionist who, without even looking up, nodded her head and waved her hand, letting him know the doctor was waiting for him. He entered Nolan's private office without saying a word and made himself comfortable in his favorite spot, the recliner by the window. He put his feet up and let out the usual sigh of relief which he did when he elevated his leg after the long bike ride from Princeton. Nolan noticed from the furrowed brow and the way House pressed his lips firmly together that he had something serious on his mind. The two sat back in their chairs and didn't say a word for a few minutes. House was deep in thought as if carefully considering what he wanted to say. Finally he broke the silence.

"Aren't you going to ask me anything?" House asked.

"Do you want me to?" Nolan replied.

"Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Answer a question with a question."

"Do I?" Nolan smiled.

House rolled his eyes. "Okay fine I'll spill it. I talked to Cuddy…on the phone…twice."

Nolan leaned forward; elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together, a look of curiosity in his eyes. "Really?"

"It began a few days ago when she called me out of the blue to check on me because she'd had a dream."

"What kind of dream?"

"The kind where I was dead."

"I see."

"I finally convinced her I wasn't dying which was followed by several minutes of awkward silence and then I apologized."

"How did she react?"

"She accepted and then apologized to me."

"Like you, she has acknowledged her responsibility in the breakup and its aftermath. Did you accept?"

"Naturally."

"Good. You said you talked to her twice. What happened the second time?"

"Before we hung up the first time, I asked her if I could call her sometime just to check up on her. She said that would be nice. So, I called her Saturday night."

"What did you talk about?"

"I wasn't sure where to begin so I played it safe and started with Wilson then we moved on to Rachel. At first she wasn't sure if I was genuinely interested in Rachel or if I just wanted something to talk about. I told her I wanted to discuss Rachel and that's the truth, I like the kid, she's smart. It also turns out she likes to play the piano," House said with a slight smile.

"I wonder where she learned that talent," Nolan said, noting the smile on House's face.

"What else did you discuss?"

"She asked me about work and that led us to a conversation about our feelings about how we both screwed up the relationship. We both acknowledged our part in that and actually it felt pretty good to talk about it. We wished we'd done things differently. The conversation went surprisingly well since we both agreed the only way we could talk about it was by being completely honest."

"Wow, this is a big step for you. First letters, now phone calls. You're talking about things openly and honestly. This is really good Greg. How does it make you feel?"

"I don't know. Like an idiot I suppose."

"Why is that?"

"Only an idiot would be doing this."

"What exactly is _this_?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to repair your relationship with her?"

"I don't know. I miss her and...I still love her but sometimes it still hurts."

"I'm sure it does. I can understand you are cautious, but you can't continue to live your life alone."

"I've done it before."

"And you were miserable."

"I've always been miserable."

"Greg, you can get back out there and live your life and start trusting and yes, even risk getting your heart broken again or you can stay where you are and live a very lonely life."

"I've got Wilson," House joked.

"James is a good friend to you but he's not enough. What about _love_?"

"Love is overrated."

"How did you feel when you and Cuddy were together?"

"I loved her and she loved me but it felt like it was all going to fall apart any moment. As it turns out, we both felt that way."

"That attitude obviously contributed greatly to the demise of the relationship."

"Yep. If only she would have listened to me from the beginning, when I told her it wouldn't work, we would have been better off."

"Is that so?" Nolan asked in a tone that seemed to challenge House's view.

"She'd still be head bitch in charge at the hospital and I wouldn't have a criminal record."

"You seem sure of that."

"If we hadn't gotten together that morning after the crane collapse, everything would be different," House's voice raised just a little.

"Possibly, but things could be worse."

"She would've married Lucas, pushed out two point five kids and lived in the house with the picket fence. She'd have her happily ever after just like she always wanted."

"And you think _that's_ what she wanted?"

"I _know_ it is."

"I think you're wrong. Why did she dump Lucas for you? You're not the two point five kids and picket fence type."

"I have no idea. She said she loved me."

"Do you doubt that?"

"No. But sometimes love isn't enough."

"Well, where do you think _you_ would be if she'd married Lucas?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you _do_."

House shifted uncomfortably. "Is there a point to this?"

"Yeah and I thought we agreed when you came back to therapy that you were going to be honest."

"I am being honest." House sighed, pushed the lever of the recliner down and rested his elbows on his knees with his hands over his face. Nolan watched him carefully noting that he seemed conflicted on how to answer the earlier question.

"Greg, do you think you would have been okay with everything if Cuddy had married Lucas? If the woman you loved had gone to live a _lie_ with someone else."

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

House got up and limped over to stand in front of the window behind him. He stared at the horizon where the line of trees stood against a deep blue sky. The sight was so beautiful that for a moment he felt a sense of peace around him, then he spoke.

"I'd be dead," he said as he turned away from the window and leaned forward, both hands resting on the back of the recliner. He looked directly at Nolan. "I don't think I could have watched while she married someone else. I couldn't have lived through that," he said. His eyes became slightly misty and he looked down at his feet.

Nolan had noticed the change in House's eyes before he cast them downward and he knew it had taken a great deal of courage for House to make that admission.

Nolan spoke in an attempt to shift the suddenly somber mood. "The night of the crane collapse, when you lost your patient. As you lay on the floor in your bathroom with those two bottles of pills, you were ready to do whatever it took to take away the pain. You could have overdosed and died. What stopped you was Cuddy showing up at your apartment and revealing her true feelings to you. Once again, someone else had to save you. That's how you lived for a long time but _now_ everything has changed. Don't you see what's happening here?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me,"House said sarcastically.

Nolan shook his head and laughed. "You're saving _yourself _now. You have taken responsibility for your own life because you want something more than what you've had in the past. You had enough of the misery and the pain. You came to see me of your own free will, nobody coerced you or gave you an ultimatum, this was _your_ choice."

House knew Nolan was right, the only way he could save himself was to take responsibility for his future. All his life he'd been taught that seeking help was a weakness and he'd done everything he could to avoid it. His father's words from forty years ago resonated in his head. _Real men solve their own problems, they don't ask for help.  
><em>

"Greg?"

"Sorry, was just thinking."

"Care to share?"

"When I was a kid, a friend's parents were separated and he told me they were going to marriage counseling to try and work things out. My dad laughed and then said that real men took care of their own problems without asking for help," House said as he shook his head. "That worked great for me didn't it?"

Nolan stated firmly, "That was then, this is now. You tried to change after Mayfield but you couldn't change because it required a lot more than you knew how to give. Now, you understand and are willing to give it your all. Get the voice of John House _out_ of your head, this isn't about him, it's about _you._ You didn't listen to your dad back then, don't listen to him now."

House took a seat in the recliner again. He rested his chin on his hands, which gripped his cane tightly. He looked up at Nolan. "That is easier said than done," he said.

"I want you to find some kind of peace in your life. I want you to finally find a way to break through the walls you've so carefully constructed all these years, the walls that have kept out the people who care about you, and kept in all the pain and misery you've carried with you. It took a long time for you to erect those walls and under some painful circumstances too. Each block in that wall is some bad experience you've had during your life and every time you overcome the pain of that experience, every time you push forward, you remove one of those blocks."

In a low voice, almost a whisper, House said, "It's hard."

"I know it is, but I know you can do it. I believe in you Greg, don't you think it's time you believe in yourself?"

House looked up and gave him a smirk, "You sound like Wilson."

"James is a smart man," Nolan said leaning back in his chair with a knowing look.

"At times," House countered. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course Greg."

"What would you say if I told you I may see Cuddy in a few days?"

Nolan's eyes widened in surprise. He was not expecting that. "Seriously?" He asked.

"Yep. Wilson's going to an Oncology conference in Boston and wants me to tag along. Cuddy even asked me if I had considered going. She said she and Rachel wouldn't mind seeing me."

"How do _you_ feel about it?"

House became restless so he rose from his chair and limped around the room. As he paced, Nolan could tell the decision of whether or not to see her weighed heavily on his mind.

"I want to see her and it seems like she wants to see me too."

"So what's the problem?"

"She hurt me but I hurt her worse. She didn't deserve what I did to her. If I see her again, if she lets me back into her life, I know I won't make the same mistakes again but I also know that I won't ever be able to walk away. I couldn't handle it again if she...," he drifted off without finishing the sentence.

Nolan knew how House would have ended his sentence. "Greg, I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't see her. All I can say is that you've come a long way and I believe you have changed for the better. If you decide to go, just be honest and straight up with her. Acknowledge your mistakes and be willing to leave them in the past, but let her know you've learned something from them. Forgiveness is about healing, moving on. If you truly have forgiven each other you can do that."

House nodded his head in agreement and then he said, "She deserves better."

"Greg, you should let Cuddy decide what she deserves. As for you, you are a good person and you deserve happiness and love as much as anyone else. Your mistakes shouldn't prevent you from finding that. Sometimes we just don't make the right choices in life and hopefully we learn from those experiences. Don't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up over the past, just focus on the future. Remember, you can make changes in your life, the kind of changes you want, that make you a better person, and _still_ be Greg House."

"Fair enough," House replied as he stopped pacing and leaned against Nolan's desk. As he twirled his cane, he found comfort in Nolan's words.

"Greg, I know our time is up but before you go, I want to tell you one more thing."

"Go for it," said House.

"Your father may have thought a man was weak to ask for help but he was wrong. It takes a lot of courage for a man who has been through as much as you have to do what you're doing right now. Instead of letting life take charge of you, you are taking charge of it. You should be damn proud of how far you've come."

"Yeah, yeah," House replied with a smirk as he got up and headed for the door.

"Hey Greg," Nolan called out.

House turned to acknowledge him, "Yeah?"

"Good luck in Boston," he said, with a mischievous smile on his face.

House chuckled as he closed the door behind him.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading. Please don't forget to leave a review on your way out! <strong>


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N:** We're moving closer to the moment when House and Cuddy finally see each other for the first time in a long time. I appreciate you hanging in there with the pace. It is important to me not to rush or force it, but let it flow naturally. Don't let the slower pace turn you away from this story; otherwise you'll miss out on some great stuff. Both House and Cuddy are emotionally scarred people and they've got a lot of issues to work through but it seems no matter where they go or what they do, they are always drawn back together.

There's an extremely healthy dose of Arlene in this chapter and hey, who doesn't love Arlene Cuddy? What makes her even better is Candice Bergen!

I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is a special treat, two chapters in one weekend because the next chapter will be House and Wilson on the road and headed to Boston!

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><p>On Wednesday morning Cuddy was busy cleaning her house from top to bottom. Though she only rented the three-bedroom immaculate brick home from an elderly couple who had moved to a cottage in Virginia Beach, where it was warmer and nearer to their children, she treated the house as if it was her own. Every few weeks she liked to do a thorough cleaning and with Rachel at school today she was able to complete her tasks at a steady pace, her only companion a classic rock station playing in the background.<p>

Cuddy enjoyed cleaning because it helped her sort through things on her mind and put them in perspective. She smiled recalling how House used to tease her about it. He once told her that if world leaders took a cue from her and used cleaning as a means of working out their problems, the world would be a much safer place. She stopped scrubbing the stainless steel kitchen sink for a moment and looked out the kitchen window. She thought about the reason she was cleaning, the things that were on her mind, mostly related to House. He and Wilson would be arriving in Boston the next day and she wasn't quite prepared. Suddenly, she was pulled out of her thoughts by the ringing of her cell phone. She picked up without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Lisa dear, how are you?"

"Hi mom, I'm fine."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just doing some cleaning."

"You're home today? What's going on? You never take a day off during the week."

"Everything's fine, I just felt like taking a few days off to get some things done I've been neglecting."

Arlene laughed and said, "The Lisa Cuddy I know is a perfectionist, she never neglects anything. You sure that's it?"

"I just had lots of stuff to get done."

"I see,"Arlene replied, not sounding completely convinced.

Cuddy could tell from the tone of her mother's voice that she didn't believe her. Arlene Cuddy had a sixth sense when it came to her daughters, they could get very little, if anything, past her. Cuddy also became suspicious that in this case it wasn't her mother's sixth sense kicking in.

"Mom, have you been talking to Julia?"

"Given that I live in the same town I'd say that's obvious."

"No, I mean did you _talk_ to Julia?"

"Oh, you mean about anything or rather _anyone_ specific?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Your sister and I might have had a talk that might have concerned you..." Arlene said, letting her words drift off.

Cuddy leaned her elbows on the counter and put her head in her hand. "Okay mom, spill it."

"Lisa I'm not prying into your private life."

"Seriously? Since when? I know Julia told you."

"Told me what dear?"

"Oh come on mom, cut the crap," Cuddy was tiring of the games with her mother.

"Okay, fine, and by the way that's no way to talk to your mother. So Julia might have let it slip…that a _friend_ was visiting you this weekend."

"That's a nice way of putting it mom."

"Is there something you want to tell me, Lisa?"

"Oh for God's sake mom, you know Wilson is going to be in Boston for a conference and House is coming along with him." There, she'd said it, it was now out in the open. Cuddy prepared for her mother's wrath.

"Really? I had no idea," Arlene said as she feigned innocence.

Cuddy sighed and said, "Go ahead and lecture me now, let's get it over with. Tell me how crazy I am and that I should have my head examined."

They were both silent for a few moments and then Arlene spoke first.

"When I first met House I didn't like him. I thought he was an arrogant son of a bitch who desperately needed a shave, but eventually he grew on me. I suppose it was because I could see how much he loved you and I liked how he could go toe to toe with you. He made you crazy but you thrived on it. He challenged you and he called you out on your perfectionist, control freak ways. When we had dinner together the first time, you let me just walk all over you _and_ your daughter, that's not the Lisa I raised. I knew House wanted to say something but he held back, _for you_. When I was sick in the hospital, you let me dictate everything until finally he convinced you to take control of the situation. I wasn't happy about what happened in the hospital but in the end, you did the right thing, thanks to House bringing you back to your senses. If you hadn't stood up to me, I'd be dead."

"Okay," Cuddy replied, slightly speechless at the moment.

Arlene continued, "I love you and if anything ever happened to you I don't know what I would do. That day when House rammed his damn car through your dining room, he could have killed both of my daughters, my son-in-law, and my granddaughter had she been there. He's goddamned lucky nobody was in that room. The only reason he's still alive is because one, nobody was hurt and two, I know you still love him and Rachel does too."

"Mom…"

"Lisa, stop…hear me out. I know you still love that crazy son of a bitch. Your sister and I have talked about this."

"You've talked about me...and House?"

"Well _duh._ Besides, Rachel draws pictures of him when she's here. You think I don't know who the lanky guy with uneven arms, a beard on his face and a cane in his hand is in her drawings? Anyway, I am still pissed off at what he did and there are times I want to rip his balls off and shoving them down his throat and don't tell me you wouldn't feel the same way if you and Rachel were in our shoes."

"You're right," Cuddy said.

"I have mixed feelings about House and someday he and I are going to talk about what he did. Look," she said gently. "I remember a few years ago when he called me out of the blue about your desk, he said he wanted to surprise you with it. He knew you loved that desk because your father built it for you and it obviously held memories for you from med school. Seems to me a guy just doesn't do something like that unless he's in love. I can't understand how that guy and the one who ran his car into your home could be one in the same."

"Yeah, me too. House is just a really complicated person. There's so many layers to him," Cuddy said with a sigh.

"I suppose," replied Arlene. After a pause, she continued, "How do you feel about seeing him again?" Arlene asked.

"I don't know. Nervous, maybe a little anxious."

Arlene was silent.

_"Mom?"_

"You'll be fine, you always are. For years you thought I didn't worry about how you lived your life because I didn't care. The truth is that I never worried about your decisions because I knew you were in control of your life. I knew that you could handle nearly every situation thrown at you. From an early age you had what it took to make it on your own. There may be times when it seemed like I doubted your ability to make the right choices but I promise you I very rarely, if ever, doubted you. You were different from your sister, she needed more guidance, but you...you were always the free spirited independent one. You never let anyone or anything get in your way. I've always been proud of you for that."

Tears formed in Cuddy's eyes as she absorbed her mother's words, "Wow, I don't know what to say."

"Lisa, you have lived your life for so long doing things the right way, by the book. You always had something to prove and you probably always will. You've always let your head rule your heart. And the son of a bitch he is...House seemed to bring out more of your heart. As crazy and messed up as your relationship was with him, you actually seemed happier than I'd seen you in years. I can't believe I'm saying this but House was actually good for you and you were good for him. Oh I know he put you through hell and you probably did the same to him. God how you two screwed things up."

"We did. Listen, I'm sorry for not telling you about all this but it's just that..."

"Don't apologize. If I were you I probably wouldn't have told me either."

"House wrote me a long letter apologizing for everything he did and for hurting me. When I read the letter, I knew he meant it. I felt such relief reading his words. When it was my turn, I told him how I felt and didn't hold back. It felt good to finally get it out after all that time. And since...well, we've talked on the phone. I just wish we'd communicated like this years ago," she said, sadly.

"Interesting," said Arlene.

"I expected more of a hard time from you about this."

"Lisa, I've always trusted your judgment when it counted. It's apparent the connection you two share goes deeper than anything the rest of us could possibly understand. I'm not sure what to think of this and I still plan to let him know someday how I feel about what he did but I can't tell you how to live your life. I'm sure that shocks you."

"A bit."

"I just want you to be happy. Do you remember when I tried to bring you and House back together with that lawsuit?"

Cuddy closed her eyes and shook her head remembering that awful ploy by her mother to reunite her and House. "Oy, don't remind me."

"Looking back, it was a bad idea but I had only your happiness in mind. Obviously, you and House were miserable. I figured my meddling couldn't make things worse."

"I know, mom and though your methods were rather sinister, I appreciate that you cared enough to try and get us back together. Honestly...I wish it had worked. If it had, things might be different."

"Lisa, I didn't want to spend this phone call lecturing you but let me give you a piece of advice."

"Okay."

"Your father was an eternal optimist and he believed there was a lesson to be learned in everything, that good could come out of bad. I didn't believe all that crap until my near death experience brought you and I closer. I suppose your father was right after all. You and House hurt each other but maybe there's something good that can come from it. You've changed. For your sake, I hope House has too."

"He has mom. He's more open and he's taking steps to make his life better. He's off Vicodin, seeing his psychiatrist again and even doing physical therapy. Seems like he's trying to do whatever he can to keep the pain under control without taking drugs."

"Well that's _something_. Lisa you know me, I'm not an optimist by nature. I don't know where this thing with House is going but maybe there's no way you two could have changed for the better if things hadn't happened the way they did. Don't go thinking that's a free pass on the two of you acting like a couple of schmucks either, I'm just saying sometimes it takes something bad happening to make people reevaluate their lives and their priorities."

"Okay...who are you and what have you done with my mother?" Cuddy asked.

"Don't worry, I'll go back to being an annoying _meshuggener _very soon_," _Arlene replied with a chuckle.

"Mom, thanks for trusting me and caring enough to tell me how you feel about this," Cuddy said sincerely.

"You're welcome dear, don't worry I'm sure you'll do something in the near future to cause me to have to nag you about your choices once again."

"Gee, thanks."

"What's a mother for if not to point out the error of your ways?" Arlene asked, laughing.

"I think I read that in a Hallmark card somewhere."

"Don't you have floors to clean and windows to wash?"

"Okay mom I get the hint. We'll talk soon okay?"

"Goodbye Lisa, I love you."

"Love you too, mom. Bye."

Cuddy hung up, shook her head and laughed out loud. Just when she thought she had her mother figured out, Arlene managed to surprise her yet again. As Cuddy thought back on their strange but refreshing conversation, she laughed again then picked up the scrub pad and began working once again on her stainless steel sink. _One day till they arrive,_ she thought. _Only one more day._


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** Boston, here we come...

By nine o'clock Thursday morning, House and Wilson were on the road, headed to Boston. Even though it was only a five and a half hour trip as the crow flies, they knew it would take longer when they factored in meals, bathroom breaks and periodic rest stops so House could stretch his leg. House hated taking long trips by car; fortunately Wilson's Volvo S80 was roomy in the front and thus made the trip much more comfortable for him.

There wasn't much talking during the first few hours of the trip however the conversation began to flow freely as they both felt more awake. First, they argued over radio stations; Wilson wanted to listen to NPR and House wanted to listen to classic rock. When they couldn't agree on what to listen to, they turned off the radio and just talked about whatever came to mind. They ranked hospital nurses in order of do-ability, discussed whether or not Park was a lesbian, and debated the latest episode of Prescription Passion in which Wilson insisted it was impossible for a white woman to give birth to a black baby unless she was impregnated by a black man. That led to House recalling a story about a soldier's wife who tried to convince her husband, who had just returned from war, that the reason she'd given birth to a black baby while he was gone was because she'd been impregnated by watching a 3-D porn flick that had starred a rather well-endowed black man appropriately nicknamed "Shaft". Of course Wilson wasn't buying any of it and finally House admitted the entire story was a fabrication from start to finish, something he'd read in one of his tabloids. But still, it was entertaining and it helped pass the time.

Eventually after they'd discussed a half dozen odd, unusual and totally fabricated tabloid stories, the conversation quieted down. Both men were lost in their thoughts until Wilson spoke again.

"So, what's the plan with Cuddy?"

"What plan?"

"Exactly, you're on the road...with me...for a reason. You're not going to Boston because you care about Oncology; you're going because you want to see her. Do you have a plan?"

"Nope."

"Shouldn't you come up with something?"

"Nope."

"What the hell? Are you going to show up at her house unannounced?"

"Do I look rude to you?"

Wilson just looked at him and rolled his eyes. "You forget House, I know you."

"I've changed."

"People don't change."

"Whoever told you that is a liar," he said as he smirked at Wilson.

"You should call her."

"I will, _dad_," House said. "Don't worry, I have a plan."

"I know you, you plan is _no _plan." Wilson shook his head. "I still can't believe you're going to see her. I just never would have believed it."

"Me either."

"What do you hope will happen here?"

"I have no idea; I haven't thought that far ahead."

"A lot of time has passed. Things change, people change. You're talking. That's _huge_ House."

"That's what _she_ said," House joked in an effort to avoid the conversation taking a serious turn.

"House. This is _serious_."

"I'm flying blind here Wilson. I'm just hoping like hell I don't screw it up," House said softly as he looked out the window at the passing landscape.

Wilson decided to change the subject so he turned on the radio and tuned in to a local NPR station which was airing a repeat of _Car Talk._ Fortunately it was one of the very few NPR shows House actually liked and so the two men spent the next hour playing a game in which they had to guess the diagnosis before the Car Talk guys did.

Cuddy heard a knock on the door around noon and when she answered it was Sharon and Hannah. The two had come to pick up Rachel as she was going to the Museum of Science with them and then spending the night with Hannah. Cuddy and Sharon had already had a long talk about Wilson and House's visit to Boston and Sharon suggested she take Rachel for the night so Cuddy could have some time to talk to House without interruption.

"You okay?" Sharon asked with a concerned look as she sat down next to Cuddy.

"Yeah, I think so."

"You seem nervous."

"I don't know how I'll react when I see him. I don't know if I want to beat the shit out of him or hug him."

"Do what feels right."

"They _both_ feel right."

"Then do both." Sharon smiled. "Do you even have a plan?"

"Nope. If he actually shows up, maybe he can come over alone, we can talk."

"Good," Sharon said. She placed her hand on Cuddy's arm and said, "You've been waiting a long time to do this, be strong."

"It's one thing to write and call but seeing one another in person is a whole other thing," Cuddy said as she moved from the couch to the window and looked out at her front yard.

"What exactly are you hoping will happen here?"

Cuddy replied without turning from the window. "I don't know. It's been so long, I mean, how will I feel when I see him again? I'm torn over what I'm supposed to feel."

"Oh Lisa, you've spent so much of your life trying to control things, you've got to learn to let go sometimes. Worrying about what might or might not happen is not going to do you any good. Just wait and see. Deal with things as they happen. Stop anticipating the outcome, it will drive you crazy."

Cuddy finally turned to Sharon. "I know I'm a control freak, it's one of the reasons we didn't last. I had to have things my way all the time. I know how hard change is for both of us. I don't know what I'm doing here and it scares me."

Sharon could hear the desperation in her friend's voice and wanted to ease her fears. "For what it's worth, I'll give you my advice, it's yours to take or not. No games, no assumptions, no deflections, just be _honest_. Don't say anything you don't mean and if you sense he's not being completely honest, call him on it. Insist on complete openness and honesty. Didn't you tell me you tried that on the phone?"

"Yeah and oddly enough we were both willing. It actually made things..._less_ awkward."

"Well, there you go. Start with honesty. There are things you two are going to have to say to one another that will not be pleasant, but they have to be said. There are also things you will want to say that you will both _want_ to hear, maybe even _need_ to hear. Don't be afraid. Just be honest."

"I'll try."

"Lisa, don't just try, _do_."

"I will, I promise."

Sharon shook her head and chuckled. "I don't get this pull you two have on one another, I just don't, but apparently _you_ do. I guess that's all that matters. Someday when I meet this guy he and I are going to have words."

Cuddy shrugged her shoulders. "People at the hospital have asked me why I'm still single given there are so many good looking doctors on campus and I tell them I'm just not ready. It's the truth...well, sort of..." she said looking down. "I'm an idiot. All those available men and I still think about the asshole who made my life insane and drove his car into my house."

"You're a lunatic Lisa but I love you anyway," said Sharon as she got up from her seat on the couch. "Now I've got to get the girls because the planetarium opens at two and I want them to see the whole show from the beginning. Do you want me to call you later?"

"I don't know what's going to happen so how about if I call you?"

"Okay." Sharon called for the girls and they came running into the living room. Rachel had her pink and green backpack with her and a big smile on her face. She ran to her mother, who kneeled on the floor to hug her.

"You're going be a good girl with Sharon, right?" Cuddy asked Rachel while straightening her collar.

"Yes, mommy. Why don't you come with us?"

"I can't. Mommy has some things she has to do that may take awhile. Besides you're going to have so much fun with Hannah and your friends at the slumber party. Are you excited?"

"Yes!" Rachel shouted with glee.

"Good! Now give me a hug before you go." Cuddy hugged Rachel as tight as she could, and then kissed her on the top of her head. "Now go have a good time. I'll call you tonight okay?"

"Bye, mom!"

"Bye, sweetie."

Sharon walked over and took Cuddy's hands in hers and said, "It's going to be alright, you've both been through a lot and there's no way you both haven't been changed by this. You are both sorry about everything that went down. You're taking a huge chance talking to one another this weekend. Have faith, be honest, and talk to him. Just be _yourself_ Lisa. It's all you can do."

"Thanks, I needed that."

Sharon smiled and the two women hugged. "Now I have to go, call me okay?" Sharon yelled over her shoulder as she walked out the front door. Cuddy followed her and watched as she got into the car with the girls.

"You guys have fun!" she shouted to them. Once they pulled away, she closed the door, leaned up against it and closed her eyes. She let out a laugh and then shouted into the empty room, "Oy vey what have I gotten myself into?"

Around three o'clock that afternoon House and Wilson were in the lobby of the Renaissance Waterfront Hotel in Boston. While Wilson checked in, House wandered the luxurious and expansive lobby. He was impressed at the location of the hotel and its amazing view of the waterfront. He took his cell phone from his jacket and walked out the front entrance of the hotel. He dialed a number and waited patiently.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," he said.

"Hold on a sec, I'm just getting in the car," Cuddy said, setting the phone on the passenger seat as she closed her door and buckled herself in. She picked up the phone again, "Sorry I'm just leaving the grocery store." In anticipation of House's visit she wanted to pick up some things for dinner. She was tense, wondering if he'd actually made it to Boston with Wilson.

"Where are you?" she asked. She held her breath in anticipation.

"At the hotel. Wilson's checking in, I thought I would too." Sensing the tone of her voice House asked, "You didn't think I'd come did you?"

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't sure."

"Don't apologize. I would have done the same."

"Thanks," she said a hint of relief in her voice. "So...what are your plans?"

"Wilson got a call on the way here; a couple of his colleagues from Florida wanted to meet him for dinner after the welcome reception. I'll probably just watch porn till I fall asleep," He said jokingly hoping to lighten the mood.

"Well...uh...would you like to have dinner here?" Cuddy asked nervously.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I mean I was hoping we could...you know..._talk_."

"Yeah. What time?"

"Six?"

"Sure." As an afterthought he said, "Wait, I don't have anything to write with, could you text me your address?"

"Yeah."

"I'll see you later?" He didn't mean it to come out as a question but it did.

"Yeah," she said softly. "See you at six."

After the phone call with Cuddy, House was nervous as hell. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way. He wasn't sure what to expect but he knew he had to brace himself because it was one thing to write letters and talk on the phone; it was something totally different to talk in person. He turned and walked back into the hotel, meeting up with Wilson and heading to the elevators. As they got in, Wilson pressed the button for the twenty-first floor.

"Twenty-one huh?"

"Yep. I owe Sandy a big fat raise. This place is _great _House." Wilson sounded like a little kid at Christmas. Holding the brochure up for House to see, he said, "Look, it's got gorgeous views, great restaurants and bars and hey...a fitness center and a lap pool." He looked down at House's leg which did not go unnoticed by House.

"Oh I get it. That was for my benefit right? You think I want to do therapy on my mini vaca?"

"No...okay, well I thought it was worth mentioning."

House looked at Wilson, he knew his friend meant well. "Okay I'll _think_ about it, how's that? Tell me more about our digs."

"It's awesome. It's the luxury suite, can you believe it? Four hundred square foot parlor, dining table seats, reception capacity for twenty, full bar, mini fridge, jacuzzi tubs, big ass TV, wireless internet, and gorgeous view of the harbor. Oh yeah, I've got an additional connecting king room so nobody has to take the sofa bed. "

"_Very_ nice. Now let's get back to that full bar and jacuzzi tub," House said as the elevator opened on their floor.

Three hours later, a yellow cab stopped at the curb in front of a modest and pleasant looking brick house on a tree lined street in Cambridge. The driver called out the number House had given him. House looked at the sheet of paper in his hand and let out a deep breath. _This is it_, he thought. He got out, paid the driver and limped up the front steps. His hands were sweating and his right leg hurt slightly as he made his way up. Taking another deep breath, he lifted his cane and tapped it on the solid wood door.

Cuddy was in the kitchen preparing dinner with some light jazz playing in the background when she heard a familiar sound at her door. It was a tapping sound, not knuckles on wood but wood on wood, a _cane_ to be exact_._ For a moment she stood in the middle of her kitchen unable to move, her heart beating rapidly and her palms sweating. Knowing she could not delay the inevitable she put down the knife she'd been using to chop vegetables, wiped her hands on her apron and took it off before walking to the door, stopping only to check herself in the mirror on the wall next to it. To be sure, she looked through the peephole and her knees nearly buckled at the sight of him. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer and opened the door.

For a moment, they just stood there; mouths open slightly, neither knowing what to say. Time seemed to stand still as they gazed at each other, blue on blue, a plethora of emotions reflected in their eyes.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she replied softly.

**While Wilson is at the reception and dinner with friends, House and Cuddy are going to see each other for the first time in a long time. How will they handle things? I thought that their first meeting in a long time deserved its own chapter which will be coming up soon. Thanks for keeping up with this story, I love you all for reading and reviewing!**

**Jess**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N:** Many thanks to GratefulInsomniac for taking a peek at this before I posted it.

* * *

><p>"So…uh…are you going to invite me in?" House asked with a grin as he broke the silence. His eyes wandered over her, taking note of how time had been so gracious to her. In his eyes, she looked even more beautiful now than she had when they were together.<p>

"Sorry," Cuddy replied and moved aside so he could enter. He had made her blush with his gaze. She thought to herself how much better he looked since last time she'd seen him. His eyes were clear, his face had fewer lines. She thought he looked so much healthier than he had a few years ago.

As House limped past her through the foyer, he caught a hint of her perfume and recognized the scent that was unique to her. _Some things never change,_ he thought.

"Nice place," he said looking around.

"It's the perfect size for Rachel and me," she said as she gestured for him to make himself at home.

"Speaking of, where's the kid?" He asked.

"Rachel is at a friend's house tonight. I thought it would be best so we could talk uninterrupted."

"Okay," he said. "Listen, Cuddy…"

"No. Sorry, I mean, _not yet_. I'd like to talk but let me put dinner in the oven first, grab us something to drink and _then _we can talk, how's that?"

"Fine."

"What would you like to drink?"

"Do you have any coffee?"

"Coffee? No beer?"

"Don't worry, I still like an occasional beer but it's been a long day and even with my earlier catnap, beer will only make me tired. I'm not ready to fall asleep yet."

"Let me grind some beans and I'll be right back." She left him alone as she went into the kitchen.

House took a look at his surroundings. The rented brick home was a mid-sized open floor plan with a comfortable and lived-in feel. The décor was definitely a reflection of Cuddy's personality with its warm earth tones. He'd always liked her choice of furniture and color schemes. He limped over to the fireplace and took a look at the pictures she had on the mantel, mostly of family. There were pictures of Rachel as she had grown over the years and a few pictures of Arlene and her daughters and Julia and her family. There was even a picture of Wilson with Rachel on a carousel. He felt somewhat envious, knowing it should have been him in that picture with her. They had just started to really bond when everything fell apart.

He moved over to one of the bookshelves that flanked the fireplace and noted the books there, mystery and crime, biographies, romance novels and a few old college texts. He smiled when he saw the one he had given her, _The Approach to the Acute Abdomen_ by her great-grandfather Ernest Cuddy. He ran his fingers over the spine of the old text, remembering the moment he found it in an old bookstore many years earlier and how he'd wanted to wait till just the right moment to give it to her. He had once dreamed of giving it to her on an occasion to celebrate a milestone in their relationship. The smile left his face when he remembered he gave it to her as a housewarming gift when she was moving in with Lucas.

As he moved to the opposite bookcase, he looked at more books and photos. A framed photo behind the others caught his eye immediately. It was a picture of the two of them taken at the Oncology benefit years earlier. He was in his tux minus the tie, seated at the piano with Cuddy standing next to him on his left in that gorgeous royal blue dress that showed off all her best assets. They were looking at each other and smiling. House was floored because he didn't even know the picture existed. Just as he picked it up to inspect it more closely, he heard her voice behind him.

"Remember that night?" She asked as she placed his coffee mug next to the recliner, hoping he would take advantage of it and rest his leg.

"Yeah, but I don't remember having our picture taken," he said as he took her hint and made himself comfortable in the chair.

"You wouldn't," she said. She took a seat on the couch near him. "Brenda was overseeing the morning shift and came on duty about the time you were playing. She spotted us in the corner and took it with her cell phone. I didn't know till a few days later when she emailed it to me and told me I should use it against you sometime. You know, grumpy diagnostician smiling and all...she figured it was worth many hours of clinic duty," she said.

"You never used it."

"I guess I liked it so much I kept it for myself." She smiled at him warmly.

House looked at the photo again. He remembered how he had felt looking at her at that moment. In that blue dress, in the early morning hours, with most of her makeup worn off, she still looked like the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He smiled at that thought, for a moment forgetting she was in the room.

"What are you thinking?" She asked.

Her voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Sorry, it's just...I remember that morning…playing the piano...the way you looked..." House looked down as if he were embarrassed. He asked, "Why do you still have that picture? Has it been there all this time?"

"It was in a box with a lot of other things that reminded me of you, of us. I never had the heart to throw any of it away. But after you wrote me the first time, I took the photo out and put it in a frame. The photo is important to me because..." she paused a moment to gather her courage, "It's when I realized I still had feelings for you. Of course, Brenda had no idea what that picture meant to me. After I got your first letter, I wanted to be reminded of how I felt when you played the piano for me that morning."

House set the picture on the table next to him. There was so much that needed to be said but there was some tension between them. He recalled that years ago they could banter and laugh and poke fun at one another, now everything was different.

Finally he said, "I don't know how to do this, Cuddy." He motioned with his hand gesturing between the two of them. "This is all so awkward now; it never used to be like this."

"I know."

House suddenly got up from his chair and Cuddy could tell by the look on his face that he was in pain. He limped over to the fireplace without his cane and stared into the flames.

With his back to her he said, "For a long time I kept saying if only I hadn't taken that pill, everything would have been different, but then I realized that if it wasn't that it would have been something else. Every single day I woke up worried if that was our last day together. I worried all the time what I would do to fuck it up. I thought it was just too good to be true."

"Oh House, I wish you had talked to me but you never did. You kept it all inside and shut me out. Then the one night you tell me...the night of the awards banquet...you were drunk and you told me I made you a crappy doctor but that you would always choose me. How do you think that made me feel?"

"I shouldn't have done it that way. I just wanted you to know how important you were to me."

"I know you were telling me in your own screwed up way that you loved me but it still hurt because it felt like you blamed me because you didn't think you couldn't practice medicine _and_ be in a relationship with me at the same time. I never wanted you to choose. You should have been able to have both."

"I couldn't handle both."

"That's where you're wrong, I think you could have if you'd tried. What's so wrong with change?"

"There's nothing wrong with it if it's done for the right reasons."

"Us being together the right reason?"

"I wanted to change, I just didn't know how. I did the best I could but you were too busy noticing all the shit I did wrong and none of what I did right."

"I know. I only realized that after the fact. I never saw the progress you'd made. I regret that. But you did not do your best and neither did I."

House turned to face her. "I know, believe me, I've beat myself up enough over it too. Not a day goes by I don't wish I could go back and change everything, the way we handled things. We really just blew it," he said.

"Yeah, we sure did," she said, nodding her head in agreement.

"Cuddy, that day I came over to bring you your hairbrush, I just wanted to talk to you. I needed you in my life. I thought if we couldn't be together, at least maybe we could go back to what we had before that."

Sensing they might be moving too quickly, Cuddy said, "House we don't have to discuss this right now, we have time."

"No," he said adamantly. "I have to do this. I wanted to just try and be friends and then...I saw that guy there; I went out of my mind. There you were moving on with your life and I froze...I couldn't move on Cuddy, not without you."

Cuddy saw his eyes were misty but it could have been from the fire.

"You've were always there, always," he said.

"House..."

"I promised myself after Stacy left I'd never get involved with anyone again, not like that. One of the reasons I broke it off with her the second time was because I couldn't go through the pain again once she realized once again she'd made the wrong choice," he said. He turned around and limped back to the recliner and took a seat again. He rubbed his leg where it hurt, then gripped his mug of coffee and took a swig as if expecting it to give him a shot of courage.

"When I was at Mayfield, I thought finally getting clean and seeing a shrink might make it possible to finally fix me, maybe give me a shot at a future with you. I had high hopes until I found out about Lucas and it hurt all over again, just like with Stacy. Every single day I fought the urge to go back to my old life, every day it was a struggle to survive. But then you broke up with Lucas and came to me. You said you loved me..."

"I did. I never lied about that."

"It hurt me to see you with _him_."

She wondered why he'd never told her that before. "You _know_ why I was with Lucas. I was tired of being alone and Lucas was good with Rachel and me and we had fun. When you came back from Mayfield, I saw a side of you I hadn't seen in years and I wanted to be a part of it but I was already with Lucas and I was scared to take the chance on you."

"I don't blame you."

"I'd tried to hide it, even from myself but it wasn't working. Even my mother pointed it out to me. We invited her for dinner and afterward she spent two hours chastising me for settling for an overgrown teenager. Even my own mother knew I'd made the wrong choice. And finally I started facing the truth. One day at work, you both came to see me at different times of the day. That was the beginning of the end for me."

House tilted his head curiously.

"You walked into the room to get me to sign off on a procedure and when I saw you my heart started racing, my stomach did flip flops, my palms were sweaty. We bantered on about the test but it was more fun than work and I tried to figure out how I could get you stay longer without you knowing what I was up to. But you left and then I felt this awful feeling of loneliness."

"And Lucas?"

"He brought me lunch that day as he often did. When he walked into the room..." she paused and he raised his eyebrows at her and nodded, wanting her to continue. "When he walked in, I felt nothing."

"But you stayed with him."

"I think out of a sense of confusion and obligation. I kept telling myself I'd deal with the situation and then a few days passed and he proposed one night over dinner. I panicked, thinking it was the only chance I'd have at a family so I said yes. That night I put the ring on, but I took it off before I went to bed and never put it back on."

"You lied to me in Trenton...telling me that you didn't love me...I thought it was finally over."

"I was angry. Angry that you'd finally come around too late...again. But later...after Hannah...that wasn't when I realized I loved you...I'd known that for years. I realized I couldn't live without you. I meant every word of it when I said I loved you."

"But you didn't _want_ to love me."

"Because I was _afraid_!" She didn't mean to raise her voice so she softened her tone. "We'd circled each other for years and when I thought we were getting close you'd pull away. I couldn't handle it if we finally got together and you..."

"I wouldn't have done that."

"I didn't know that though." Her eyes were wide with unshed tears.

"Cuddy," he said softly. "Don't you see? It was _you_. I never could've done that to _you_."

"I know now. You're not the only one who's changed." She smiled and he smiled back.

"I never questioned that you loved me Cuddy. I questioned whether you could accept me for who I was."

"I thought I could. I guess I was wrong and you were right."

"I usually am." He joked.

Cuddy got up and put another log on the fire. As she kneeled stoked the fire she spoke again.

"House, after we broke up, you really hurt me. Wilson came to me and wanted me to give you another chance. He told me you deserved it and I agreed with him, but I told him it wasn't about you, it was about me and what I deserved. When I broke up with you, you did what you always do when you're hurt and scared, you indulged in self-destructive behavior. You took drugs, had sex with God knows how many hookers, and you did stupid risky things. You could have died jumping off that hotel balcony. Hell, you could have died in that bathtub."

"Don't you think I_ know_ that? I wasn't in my right mind."

She stood up and faced him. "Exactly. You did what you always do. Instead of dealing with things like the rest of us, you self destruct. You could have _died_. Do you realize what that would have done to me?"

House looked at her and shook his head. His leg ached so he walked over to the couch and sat down. "What it would have done to you? What about _me_? You crushed me when you dumped me. You ripped my guts out Cuddy; it hurt a hundred times worse than what Stacy did to me. I was scared to death of what would happen if it didn't work out but I risked it anyway because you were worth it."

Cuddy returned to her seat on the couch next to him. Their closeness did not go unnoticed by either of them.

"House it wasn't about the pill; it was about you being there for me. I thought I was _dying_. I needed you to be there for me and you couldn't because you were scared. I didn't need you to be comforting; I just needed your presence. What about _me_ House? I was scared too." She sat there with her head in her hands, trying not to cry.

House was frustrated. "Cuddy I don't know how to make this right. I don't know what to do."

"I don't know either."

"I'm just trying to be honest with you," he said.

"I know. Tell me, why are you different _now_? What's changed?"

"I've been to hell and I don't ever want to go back. Losing you and then all the stupid things I did afterwards...it all changed me. It made me think about where I've been and where I want to go. I had the choice to live or die. I chose to live. I don't want to go back to that miserable life ever again."

Cuddy just listened, amazed at the change in his attitude.

"Cuddy, I can't take back what I did to you but I can learn from my mistakes and do better."

Just as Cuddy was about to say something, the oven timer went off. They had covered a lot of ground and she welcomed the distraction, even if for a few moments. "Dinner's ready."

As she walked towards the kitchen, House followed her and asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Sure. There's clean dishes in the dishwasher, you can grab us a couple of plates, glasses and silver."

House hooked his cane on the handle of the kitchen island and limped over to the dishwasher to grab dishes and utensils. "Can I ask you something?" He asked as he went about gathering his items.

"Sure."

"Are you ready to talk about your feelings…about what I did to you that day?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Not right now, we've got time for that," she said.

"We should get it out in the open as soon as possible. You wrote me about how you felt but I need you to _tell_ me. You have a right to tell me how you feel. I want you to feel like you can get mad at me, yell, and scream at me if you want." House was concerned that it would quickly become the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room. He felt it had to be dealt with, sooner than later, if they were to make any headway.

Cuddy was frustrated. "House, we've got time. Let's eat first."

"We can eat later. This is important. I need you to be straight with me Cuddy."

"Why is it so important at _this_ moment?"

"I just want you to talk about it, that's all. You need to get it out."

"It can wait." Cuddy was quickly becoming frustrated at his insistence. One thing hadn't changed about House; he could be relentless when he wanted his way.

"_Please_ Cuddy; we need to do this"

The mood shifted and both of them could sense it. Cuddy was annoyed with House for pushing the issue. She continued with what she was doing and he sensed she was ignoring him.

"Cuddy…"

_"House! Enough!"_ She snapped at him. She threw her serving spoon down on the counter, and turned to him, taking him completely by surprise with her change in mood. "You want to do this _now_? Fine, let's do it!" Cuddy marched up to House and got right in his face. "Sometimes I hate you for what you did. You ran your fucking car into my house; you could have killed four people, _five_ if Rachel had been there. You could have hurt us, hurt _me_. You could have hurt my _baby,_ House. _Rachel!_" She was in his face yelling at him, tears in her eyes, but he dared not say a word.

"I never thought you would have been capable of what you did! You broke my heart, you wrecked my home and you ran away while I was left behind to pick up the pieces! I couldn't even walk into the hospital without people staring at me and whispering about me behind my back. Do you know how hard that was for me? I left my home and the job I loved and worked so hard for because of _you_." Her voice cracked as she yelled at him.

She poked her finger into his chest. "Is that what you wanted to hear House? Is it?_"_ She sobbed loudly and pounded her fists into his chest as the tears streamed down her face. "Godammit I've known you for more than half my life. _How could you do that to me?_" Suddenly she began to hyperventilate and he knew he had to do something quick.

"Cuddy…it's alright," he said to her softly, in an attempt to soothe her but she fought him.

"_Lisa!_" That got her attention. She stopped fighting him and looked up at him, lost. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her close to him, hoping to calm her. Cuddy buried her face in his chest and sobbed. House leaned back against the kitchen island and held her. It seemed like an eternity before her tears finally subsided. She looked up at him again, her eyes swollen, her face red and blotchy.

"You okay?" He asked, tenderly, wiping away the remaining tears.

Unable to speak, she nodded yes.

He kissed her forehead and she wrapped her arms around him and nestled in his warmth.

"You called me Lisa," she spoke muffled against his chest.

"I promise it won't happen again."

She let out a weak chuckle and he knew she would be alright.

"Come on, dinner will wait," he said gently. He led her out of the kitchen into the living room. They sat on the couch together. He put his feet up on the coffee table to ease the pain in his leg while he kept his arms around her and held her close. She could hear his heart beat and it calmed her. When he felt her relax, House breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm so sorry, Cuddy," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head and rang his fingers through her hair gently. "So sorry."

A few hours later, House awoke on the large couch in Cuddy's living room. Cuddy was nestled between his body and the back of the couch, with his arms around her. The events of the last few hours came back to him. He recalled that after her sobs had subsided, she remained in his arms, neither of them wanting to move. He had told her they just needed a little rest and afterwards they could have dinner and continue their conversation if she was up to it. She agreed and they fell asleep.

Now he lay there with his arms around her, slowly running his hands up and down her back. It felt so good to hold her in his arms again. He whispered in her ear, "Hey sleepyhead, time to get up."

Cuddy woke slowly and looked up at House. "How long have we been asleep?" She asked.

"About two hours," he said. "How do you feel?"

"I'm okay. My eyes hurt."

"You did a lot of crying." He wiped her eyes and kissed her forehead. "You hungry?"

"A little. You?"

"Yeah, I haven't had anything since some dive back in Connecticut."

"Come on let's get up. I've got to clean myself up and we'll eat."

"You look fine," he said as they moved into a sitting position on the couch.

"I need a shower, I just feel icky. How about you?"

"Do I feel icky? Uh no, but thanks for asking."

"No I mean do you need a shower?"

"Actually I showered and changed before I came over."

"Okay. Do you mind if I do?"

"Can I watch?"

"House," she said rolling her eyes.

"Go. I'll get our dinner."

"You don't mind?"

"Cuddy, I made you cry, it's the least I can do."

"Yeah. Listen, about that...I don't know what came over me. It wasn't like me, not at all."

House put his fingers over her lips. "_Don't_. You had every right to lash out. You were already stressed about us meeting today and I pushed you past your limit. I don't know why I did it, I guess I was anxious to get this all out in the open. We've waited so long. I was wrong to push you and I'm sorry," he said looking down at his feet. Even though he was glad it was out in the open, it bothered him that he pushed her and made her cry.

"Oh House," she said as she sighed. "Maybe it was just another necessary step in this...whatever this is we're going through."

He looked into her eyes. "Maybe. I just know I don't want to be the cause of your tears ever again," he said quietly.

"Baby steps, House." She rose from the couch and held out her hand to assist him. "Come on, don't be proud, let me help you."

House hesitated a moment then took her hand and let her help him up.

"Now," she said, "Why don't you heat up dinner while I grab a shower?" She walked towards her bedroom and then turned around and asked, "You don't have a curfew do you?"

"No," he replied.

"Good. We'll have plenty of time to talk and this time we'll try to stay calm and rational. No more yelling or fighting. God knows we've had enough of that to last us a lifetime," she said as she smiled and turned back towards her bedroom.

"Yeah," he said quietly, nodding his head in agreement as he turned around and headed towards the kitchen.

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><p><strong>Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a long time coming wasn't it? I felt there were some things even going back to the Lucas era that still needed to be hashed out. I hope you liked it.<br>**


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N:** I love the comments on my last few chapters. Chapter 39 was a tough one to write because it was so full of emotion. I'm so glad we finally got our favorite twosome together in the same room. They've got a lot to work out, no better time to begin like the present, right?

Please, do yourself a favor and take the time to read some of the 3,537 House-Cuddy fics on this website. Show your support for the authors, their writing and for our favorite couple.

Thanks to the awesome GratefulInsomniac for taking the first peek at this before I posted it.

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><p>While Cuddy took her time in the shower, House prepared two dishes for them that he placed in the microwave one at a time. He decided to do a little clean up around the kitchen while he waited. As he rinsed items and placed them in the dishwasher his thoughts drifted to memories of the many times he and Cuddy had bathed together. House enjoyed baths as often as possible because the hot water soothed his sore muscles but many times he and Cuddy showered together. They didn't have shower sex standing up because of his leg but many times when they spent nights at her house, which was quite often, they took advantage of the built-in shower bench in her rather large shower.<p>

He recalled their first shower together, it was at his apartment the weekend they became a couple. They had to go back to work and reality the next day and the night before they just wanted to enjoy their alone time together as much as possible.

_They stood under the hot spray soaping each other and sharing kisses and caresses. Cuddy moaned into his mouth when he grabbed her ass and caressed her cheeks gently. Suddenly he stopped, realizing there was no way he could pleasure her standing up, not with his leg as it was. His eyes reflected regret and embarrassment but Cuddy was not fazed, she sensed his frustration and gently put her hands on either side of his face and drew him to her, kissing him passionately, whispering how much she loved him in between her kisses. The way she looked at him, held his face tenderly and kissed him softly reassured him that she understood his concern and it did not bother her. With no need for words, they rinsed, dried off, and made their way to the bedroom and resumed where they'd left off in the shower._

House smiled thinking about how Cuddy had never felt sorry for him, never pitied him. She understood his pain and how important it was for him to be treated like everyone else. As he lost himself in his thoughts, he suddenly heard a voice behind him, which made him jump in surprise.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Cuddy asked.

He turned around and noticed she was dressed casually in yoga pants, tee shirt and socks. Her hair was damp and curly, her face devoid of makeup. House thought she looked most beautiful when she looked like that.

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"This and that."

_"House."_

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you."

Cuddy gave him a curious look.

"I was thinking about you and me in the shower."

She blushed. "Of course you were. Good times huh?"

"Yeah."

She looked around the kitchen noting he'd cleaned everything up except the casserole dish he'd served from and their plates. "Thanks for doing this, you didn't have to."

"I know. I _wanted_ to."

"Well, thanks."

"You're welcome. Why don't you grab us something to drink and we'll eat."

They opted to eat in the living room where they could relax and House could put his feet up on the coffee table. They enjoyed their meal with very little talk, mostly centering on the food, which was delicious and devoured eagerly by both of them. After cleaning their plates, Cuddy took them and stacked them on the end table on her side of the couch.

"Listen, House…what happened earlier…I know you understood why I needed to do that and I just wanted to say…thanks."

He looked up surprised she would thank him. "You're thanking me for letting you scream at me?"

"Umm…I'm thanking you for encouraging me to do it. It needed to be said, it needed to come out. While I've forgiven you I've also been holding in a lot of anger for a long time. I know forgiveness is supposed to help with that but it's easier said than done. We've both been through so much that I don't want to hold a grudge anymore; I don't want to hate you. I don't want you to hate me."

"Cuddy I don't hate you, I never have. You have every right to hate me though."

"We spent so many years fighting one another. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't mind arguing with you, I think we both need that. It's just that I don't want to fight. There _is_ a difference."

"Did we fight that much?"

"Well, not that much but when we did it was rough on both of us, all because we didn't communicate." Cuddy said. She added, "We had good times too, remember?" Cuddy asked, smiling.

"Yeah we did but I got tired of walking on eggshells waiting for the inevitable breakup. What kind of morons go into a relationship fearing the worst?"

"We do."

Before House could agree, the phone rang. Cuddy looked at the clock on the mantel and realized what time it was. She remembered she'd promised to call Rachel before she went to bed. She picked up the portable phone from the receiver next to the couch.

"Hello?"

House shook his head and chuckled listening to Cuddy talking to Rachel. After a few minutes Cuddy bid goodnight to her daughter and hung up. She turned back to House to resume their conversation.

"So, how's the munchkin?" He asked.

"She's good. She went with her friend Hannah to the Museum of Science today; they had a blast at the planetarium and now she wants to be an astronomer." Cuddy rolled her eyes and laughed.

"I thought she wanted to be a Dean of Medicine like her mother."

"Oh you have been gone awhile! She's been through a dozen different careers in the past couple of years. I have no idea what she'll be next month. It's actually quite fun to watch her and listen to her talk all about what she wants to be when she grows up. She changes her mind constantly and I think that's fine. I told her she can be anything she wants to be so long as it makes her happy."

"She's a smart kid."

"You think so?"

"In the beginning I wasn't so sure but she grew on me. Yeah I think she's smart. She may not be yours biologically but she takes after you. She's got the same facial expressions and body language as you and she's got the attitude. She's yours alright."

"That's funny because my mother said the same thing. You know, recently I've had doubts. Her piano teacher told me she has a natural gift for music. I'm not musically inclined, never have been. Rachel plays by ear and she's very quick and picking up learning to read music. I wouldn't be surprised if she begins composing soon." Cuddy said with a chuckle.

"She's going to have some natural talents that run in her DNA and she's going to learn a whole lot from the people around her, especially her mother. Don't sell yourself short. She's got a lot of you in her, trust me."

"Thanks House, that's one of the nicest things you've ever said about her."

"Well, I should have said those things earlier."

They sat silently on each end of the couch. Cuddy stared down at her lap and House watched her intently. Neither one knew what to say. Finally Cuddy broke the silence.

"I know that you really tried with Rachel and I know how hard it was for you."

"I never thought I'd get along with her, hell I never thought we would last long enough to get that far. Wilson kept telling me I needed to step up because you wanted a father figure for her but I just wasn't ready to be someone's dad."

Cuddy looked at House but didn't say anything because he looked like he wasn't finished talking yet. It was hard enough to get him to talk and she didn't want to interrupt and risk him closing himself to her again.

"You're a good mother."

Cuddy smiled. "Thanks. You were good with her too House. I saw things you didn't think I saw and I heard things….and well…even though you were there for her I kept expecting the worst to happen."

"It was no picnic for me Cuddy. What do I know about kids anyway? She was a good kid and she was smart…turns out she wasn't as much of a problem as I thought she'd be."

"You taught her things…you were good to her, it made a difference. She missed you."

"I never thought I'd say this but I missed her too but I always felt she was better off without me though. I didn't want to screw her up…like my dad did with me."

"Oh House, you're not your father. Whatever he did to you, I know that you'd never hurt Rachel, you'd never hurt any child."

"Not intentionally but then again, I've hurt a lot of people without intending to do it."

"That's true but you took your time with Rachel and you taught her things she would not have otherwise learned. You taught her music, read to her, and you gave her advice."

"Advice?"

Cuddy smiled remembering the moment she'd overheard House talking to Rachel. "One morning I left for work and you were getting Rachel dressed and off to school for me. I forgot something and went back and overheard you talking to Rachel. She said she had a stomach ache and didn't want to go to school because some kids teased her about being adopted."

"You heard that?"

"Yeah, I heard what you told her. It was real sweet House."

"Oh crap you're going to ruin my image."

"Your secret is safe with me."

"I just told the kid what she needed to hear to make her feel better."

"I know but you meant it too. She had a problem, you were there for her. It meant a lot to her…and to me."

"I was afraid of her you know…at first. When you adopted her I acted like an asshole to you. I was…jealous. You finally had everything you'd wanted and I wasn't a part of it."

"House, it wasn't a competition."

"I know, but you wanted a child for years, I couldn't compete with that."

"I also wanted a relationship."

"But I think you wanted the kid more."

"Yeah, it turns out I'm better at parenting than I ever was in a relationship. Once I had her, it felt like a void was filled."

"It would have become lonely eventually."

"It _did_."

At the moment she said that, they just looked at one another. No words needed at that moment to understand the loneliness they'd both felt but afraid to act on for so long.

"You know what was neat about our relationship? We always challenged each other. We never put up with each other's bullshit. We gave as good as we got."

"We sure did."

"We were good together."

"Yeah we were."

"I keep going back to that night. If I'd given you a chance…"

"Cuddy, listen to me. _Yes,_ I was upset that you broke up with me over one pill but eventually I realized _why_ you did it and I forgave you. You had to protect yourself and Rachel. If we hadn't broken up that night, it would have happened _eventually_. Even though we'd waited twenty something years to be together, when we finally got together, we still weren't ready. "

"Oh, House..."

House got up from the couch and walked over to one of the bookshelves. He ran his fingers along the spine of one of Cuddy's old medical textbooks and smiled. Continuing his train of thought, he said, "I blamed you, Wilson, my parents, Nolan, even Stacy…and when I ran out of people to blame for my mistakes, the only person left was me, the person I should have been pointing my finger at in the first goddamn place. I knew I was completely responsible for where I was. I finally admitted to myself what I'd been telling others to admit for years, that we are where we are because of the choices we make. I made bad choices that cost me dearly but in the end, the worst choice may have saved my life."

"So you're saying everything that's happened was meant to be?" Cuddy asked. She was astonished that House, a man of reason, would give himself over to such thought.

"It's possible. People change."

"They do? Since when?" She asked.

"Since they hit rock bottom and nearly lose everything," he said as he turned to face her.

At that moment Cuddy could not believe the color and clarity in House's eyes. It had been years since she had seen him like this, so clear-headed and focused. He had really changed.

"We've wasted so much time, haven't we House? I mean in college, then all those years working together, and then the last couple of years. I'm so tired of wasting time. We're not getting any younger."

"I know."

"Do you remember when I said you were the most incredible man I have ever known? Well, I meant it. I've loved men in my life but I've only ever been _in love_ once," she said, looking right at him so he would understand the meaning of her words.

House didn't know how to respond. He wasn't sure where the conversation was headed but he knew that not being honest would put them back where they once were and that scared him more than anything.

"I've _always_ loved you Cuddy."

"You have?"

"The first time I set eyes on you in the college bookstore, I knew there was something about you…I had to get to know you better. After I got kicked out of med school and left without telling you well I just figured it was never meant to happen." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I moved on with my life but I thought of you."

Cuddy was stunned by his admission. "Did you think about me when you were with Stacy?"

"What kind of question is that?" House laughed and noted Cuddy frowned at him for that. "Oh relax, would you? I'm not laughing at your question. I guess I never expected we'd be having this conversation." He moved to put his feet up on the coffee table again but glanced at Cuddy then took off his shoes and then put his feet up. He continued where he left off.

"Look, I've only really loved three women in my life. You, Stacy and Beth, a girl I dated in high school. Okay maybe there was a fourth, a little girl I grew up with down the block, but we were only six years old and I don't think that counts." He smirked at her and then continued. "I wasn't the relationship type of guy, I'm still not. I was with Beth for a year in high school and in college I'd go out with girls and maybe we'd have sex, but in the end, those who actually liked me couldn't be with me because I just wouldn't open up and talk about my feelings. I decided relationships were bullshit and as long as I was having a good time, that's all that mattered."

"What about Stacy?"

"Stacy and I hit it off immediately. We were attracted to each other and the sex was good. We didn't talk about being in a relationship, we just moved in together and that was that. We talked about a lot of things but we never had serious conversations, not about life or our future. Neither of us wanted marriage or kids, at least not then. When we got along it was great but when we fought, it was nasty and bitter. I don't know if you know this this but before the infarction things weren't going so well which is maybe why it was so easy for her to leave when I pushed her away."

Cuddy sat still, picking at the napkin she'd been holding in her hand. She couldn't believe House had opened to her. She had so many questions, she wanted to take his hand in hers and comfort him, but she knew she had to let him talk.

Realizing he hadn't answered her question House said to her, "Cuddy, you want to know if I thought about you when I was with Stacy. From time to time I did. I had a life with her then so I was happy with it, at least for awhile. I had moved on and I figured you had too but there were times I wondered what would have happened if…if I hadn't left like I did. There were times I wanted to call you just to see how you were doing but I was too much of a coward."

Cuddy smiled. "Thank you."

"Now it's my turn to ask you something," he said.

Cuddy nodded her head.

"Did it bother you when Stacy came back here?"

"No," she said but the look in her eyes relayed something quite different.

_"Cuddy."_

"Okay, maybe a _little._ I offered her the job because I felt bad for her and I knew she needed to work while Mark was in rehab. But I also worried because she started asking me questions about you. I worried when I thought she might try to get you back and I didn't want you to get hurt again. I knew it would devastate you."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Cuddy let out a hearty laugh and looked right at him. "Yeah, okay. Would you have even listened? Things were just so different between us. Back then we didn't have that kind of relationship."

House nodded his head affirming what she said. "It took a long time for us to get our heads out of our asses didn't it?"

"Yeah and then we had them right back up there," she said, shaking her head. She got up from the couch. "Come on, I've got to get these plates in the dishwasher and put away the leftovers, you can help me."

"Ohhhh, mom." He whined.

_"House."_

"Alright." He feigned pain but actually he felt very relaxed. His leg hurt a bit but nothing he couldn't live with for the time being. He grabbed his cane, limped into the kitchen behind her, admiring the way her ass swayed in front of him. He had always loved the way she looked in those yoga pants.

As if Cuddy could read his mind she called over her shoulder, "House are you staring at my ass?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

She laughed at him as she moved into the kitchen. She put away the leftovers as House placed their dinnerware in the dishwasher.

"Coffee, House?"

House chuckled. "Did you just hear what you said?_ Coffee House?_ Get it?"

Cuddy just shook her head as she got two mugs out of the cabinet. While the coffee brewed, Cuddy looked out the kitchen window into the moonlit backyard. House walked over to stand next to her. They just stood side by side, looking out the window.

"It's so beautiful isn't it?" She asked.

"I suppose, if you like that sort of thing," he said.

Suddenly, Cuddy grabbed his hand. "Come with me," she said.

Without a word, he grabbed his cane as she led him to the door of the kitchen that opened to her backyard. She made sure to turn off the kitchen light and the motion sensor porch light as they walked out the door. As he closed it quietly and stepped outside, he took in the scene around them. The backyard was very comfortable and large, with a patio and brick barbecue and a wooden picnic table. There were a few very large trees, one of which had a swing. The yard was fenced all around with privacy hedges that were at least six feet tall. The yard was bathed in soft moonlight and it was eerily quiet except for the rustling of the leaves in the cool breeze.

"House" she said, "Look up there." She pointed at the sky and said, "It _is_ beautiful isn't it?"

At that moment, House looked up and realized she was right. The moon was large and bright and there were only a few stars which could be seen among the sea of blackness. It was incredibly beautiful, in fact, it was simply breathtaking. He turned to her and looked in her eyes. The way the moon reflected in them made them look like blue-gray pools of glass. He was entranced.

Cuddy moved to stand in front of House and placed her hands gently on both of his arms. "House, the world is not all bad; there are so many beautiful things to experience. We've both taken so much for granted in the past, it's time we stop doing that. We both have a lot to be thankful for. Look at you, you've been through hell and you're alive and you're getting healthier, both emotionally and physically, every day. You don't have to be scared to live anymore," she said softly, as a lone tear escaped her left eye.

House wanted to brush away her tear and comfort her but he wasn't sure they were ready for that kind of contact yet. "Cuddy" he said, "For me, this is it. If I don't get my life together _now_, I never will. I hate the person I became and what I did to the people I care about. I don't ever want to go back to being that person ever again."

At that moment, Cuddy wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him into a hug, her face buried in his chest. At first he wasn't sure what to do, but for once, he didn't think about it, he just followed his instinct. He dropped his cane and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her close to him, resting his chin on top of her head. As he closed his eyes, he felt her relax into his arms. He heard her speak, softly but very clearly.

"I don't think you will House, I think you're going to be okay now."

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><p><strong>Well, there you go, another chapter finished. Hope you enjoyed it. Leave me a comment. If you like this story, feel free to pass it on!<strong>


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: **I am just in AWE over the new House-Cuddy fics showing up on this site. Not only that but folks are returning to finish old fics. Yay! Come on folks; check them out, leave reviews. I've been in touch with folks who finished stories up to five or six years ago, trust me, they still care that people read their old stuff!

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><p>House and Cuddy remained in their embrace for a few minutes until Cuddy felt him shift slightly. Moving away from him without letting go, she noticed a look on his face that she immediately recognized as pain.<p>

"Oh House…your leg…I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's fine."

"No, you're in pain."

"I'm _fine_."

Cuddy stepped away from House but left both of her hands holding onto his biceps. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"When we were together and you were in pain, you shut me out and now you're doing it again."

"I don't want you to worry about me."

"House, it's only natural for people to worry when they care."

"Yeah, yeah."

Cuddy rubbed her arms up and down, feeling the chill of the night air. "Come on let's go back in. It's chilly out here," she said grabbing his arm and leading him back into the house.

"Where's the little boys room?" He asked as they stepped back into the house.

"The _little girls room_ is down the hall on the right." As an afterthought she added, "And don't go anywhere near my room!"

"Yes, _mom,_" he replied, rolling his eyes as he limped down the hall.

House entered the bathroom which was clearly inhabited by a little girl. As he relieved himself in the toilet he noted the shower curtain with cute little pink, blue and purple fish on it. There were matching bathroom accessories too. He chuckled to himself as he washed his hands and dried them on a bright pink hand towel decorated with two fish seated at a table playing cards. As he left the bathroom he nearly turned left to go back into the living room but instead his curious side got the best of him. He turned right and wandered down the hallway to what he recognized as Rachel's room which consisted of off-white colored walls with pale yellow furniture, some of which he recognized from the old house. The bed was covered in a bright yellow, pink and blue comforter. He took notice of the large number of children's books as well as puzzles and games. He smiled for a moment as he remembered the times he'd read to Rachel and told her it was a secret just between them.

As he continued his journey, he stopped at the end of the hallway. The door was open as he entered Cuddy's bedroom. He immediately recognized all her old furniture. He wanted to go through her drawers just for old times' sake but he refrained. As his eyes gazed around the room he noticed something familiar among the bottles of perfume and pictures of Rachel on her dresser. He got up and walked over to the dresser and upon closer inspection of the object; he smiled, picked it up and held it. He took a seat on her bed with the object in hand, recalling the moment he had given it to her.

_House was bothered by the case of writer Alice Tanner and made his way to a coma patient's room to peruse the many gifts at her bedside, trying to decide which one he wanted to steal for his girlfriend. After choosing one, he made his way into Cuddy's office. Immediately he noticed the new low-cut purple blouse she was wearing, it was one he hadn't seen before and he liked it. It showed off her assets and that made him very happy indeed._

_As he barged in, she looked up from her paperwork. "What's behind your back?" She asked._

"_Peace penguin," he replied, holding it up to show her before handing over the gift._

"_What room should I return it to?"_

"_234. I need some help with Alice Tanner. She wants a vagina."_

"_I'm pretty attached to mine. I told you to hire a temporary replacement for Thirteen two weeks ago."_

"_I've been busy."_

"_Doing what?"_

"_You."_

"House!"

"_House!"_

House was immediately roused from his thoughts and looked up at a rather annoyed Cuddy standing in the doorway of her bedroom with her hands on her hips. He had missed the way she looked at him like that.

Feigning innocence, he said, "Oops, I think I took a wrong turn."

"I thought I told you not to snoop around in here."

"I'm not snooping, I just got lost."

Cuddy sat down on the bed next to him and sighed. She took the penguin out of his hand and looked at it, a slight smirk on her face remembering the moment he gave it to her. "You're a shitty liar, you know that right? How did I not know you would do this?"

"You knew," he said looking over at her knowingly. She just nodded in agreement.

"Really House, what are you doing in here?"

"I wanted to see the munchkin's room and I guess I just wanted to make sure you didn't have anyone hiding in here."

Cuddy laughed. "Trust me House, nobody's hiding here or anywhere else in the house."

"You kept it," he said nodding his head towards the small stuffed animal she held.

"Yeah."

"I stole that from a coma patient."

"I knew that, in fact I knew the origins of all of your gifts. One day Rachel was in my office and commented about all the stuffed animals on my shelves and it was then I realized I was the accomplice in a stolen stuffed animal ring," Cuddy said trying not to burst into laughter.

"Oh...the things I did for love," he said moving his fists to his chest as if clutching at his heart.

"You could have served hard time," she said joking with him.

"It would have been worth it," he said with a smirk. "Did you keep them all?"

"No," she noticed the sad look on House's face and continued, "But it wasn't because of you. When we moved, I wanted to downsize and get rid of extra stuff and Rachel wanted to help. I suggested she donate some of her old toys to the kids cancer ward and she was ecstatic about it. She donated many of her stuffed animals and I decided to do the same. I knew those kids would enjoy them."

"But you kept this one. Why?"

She looked at him and then cast her eyes downward to her lap where she toyed with the penguin. "It was the first one you gave me. It reminded me of better times, the fun we had before...it all fell apart."

"You really thought we had _fun_?"

"Sure, we had fun times, you don't think so?"

"Yeah, I just wasn't sure you felt the same way."

"Looking back I realize I did. You made me laugh, a lot. Why didn't I see that then?"

"You know why. Spending so much time waiting for the inevitable sort of made us lose sight of some things."

"That it did."

"Cuddy, there's something we haven't discussed."

"What's that?"

"Rachel."

"What about her?"

"How are you going to tell her about me?"

"I hadn't thought about it. She talks about you a lot and she misses you."

"Thanks for not telling her...about what I did."

"How would I have explained it to her?"

"You could have told her that the crazy tall guy her mom was sleeping with decided to run his car into her house in a fit of…oh hell I don't know what it was."

"Anger? Jealousy? Hurt? Any of those things ring a bell?" She asked.

"How about all of it?"

"You _were _in a pretty bad state of mind."

"You tried to talk to me and I just couldn't...I'm sorry. Things would have been different."

Not having the right words to respond, Cuddy nodded in understanding then placed her hand on his knee in a gesture of comfort. After a few moments, House spoke again.

"Wilson said you told the cops that you had expected me do to something like that every moment you spent with me, that you were just waiting for something to happen. Did I…really make you feel that way?"

She thought for a moment before responding. She wanted to be honest with him. "When the police questioned me, I was angry and in shock. They asked me if you had threatened me and of course I told them no and they asked if there were any signs hinting at what you might do and that's when it just came out. You know I've always expected the unexpected from you but I never imagined you could get so out of control that you could do something like what you did. So, what I told the police was somewhat true, from the moment we got together, I worried about the big _thing_ that would tear us apart but at the same time, I never expected you would lash out the way you did."

House leaned forward on the couch, with this elbows resting on his knees and his chin in his hands, it was apparent he was deep in thought over what Cuddy had said.

Cuddy continued, "For a long time after that night I replayed everything in an effort to pinpoint the moment you lost it, trying to convince myself I could have done something to stop it. It wasn't until later that I finally admitted to myself that I didn't miss the signs, I i_gnored_ them."

"What do you mean?" House looked at her, his curiosity piqued.

"I was so pissed off at your behavior after we broke up...your hooker, drug and drinking binges and then marrying that...that _woman_ and inviting me to that sham wedding. I knew I still loved you and that I would always love you, but that if I got involved even a little bit, if I allowed you to get close to me again, even as a friend, it would end very badly again…for us. So, I ignored the signs and tried to focus on getting my own life together. It didn't mean I didn't love you, but you were hell bent on destroying your life and I couldn't get dragged down into it." Cuddy finished and took a deep breath, feeling a great weight lifted from her shoulders.

House appreciated Cuddy's honesty. "Thanks for telling me the truth. I wish we'd talked like this back then. I've done a lot of shitty things over the years to a lot of people especially you and Wilson and I'm really sorry for that. One thing is for sure, I want to do everything in my power never to hurt you like that again and I don't want you or Rachel to ever be afraid of me. _Ever_."

"House, I'm sure there are people who would say I should be afraid of you but I'm not. Our situation is unique, we share a long and complicated history. I was never afraid of you hurting me, I was always afraid of what you would do to _yourself_."

"If you weren't afraid of me, why the restraining order?"

"The police kept hammering it into me that I was a victim of domestic violence but I refused to believe it because you would never hurt me like that. You never abused me verbally or physically. I know that back when you were on Vicodin and in pain all the time, you had a tendency to say some pretty nasty things but you didn't do it to hurt me intentionally, you were doing it to push me away. I told them you would never lay a hand on me but they said I was making excuses. Sure I was pissed off at you and wanted you to pay for what you did but I never thought for a moment you would come back and hurt me. Never."

"I understand why you had to do it Cuddy and I don't blame you," he told her with complete sincerity.

"Actually I did it so that you wouldn't try and contact me. "She took a deep breath before she continued on. "I wasn't afraid that you would hurt me; I knew you wouldn't, but if you knew there was a restraining order, you wouldn't try to contact me when you got out of jail. It was my way of avoiding having to deal with you. I thought there might be a slim chance you would risk contacting me but I also figured the idea of going back to jail for violating the order might keep you away. It was only valid for a year and when it expired I was long past the bulk of my anger and I just didn't feel the need to extend it."

House didn't say anything. He just hung his head, his eyes staring at the carpet in her bedroom.

"What are you thinking?" She asked.

"When I started seeing Nolan again he asked me if I could pinpoint the moment when my life started going downhill after Mayfield. I wanted to tell him it was when we broke up but...I think it happened way before that."

"I don't understand," Cuddy said, resting her hand on his arm.

"There's so much shit that happened to me during my life that made me the way I am but then I remember that grown men don't blame their mistakes on stupid bullshit that happened in their childhood...their past... it just doesn't work that way. I'm responsible for the choices I make, not my father or...anyone else." House put his head in his hands and began to feel uncomfortable. Sitting so close to Cuddy, talking about his feelings, things he had kept inside so long. He began to wonder if all of this was a good idea.

Cuddy felt House pulling back. _No, no please don't do this_, she thought to herself. _You're making progress, don't hold back now._

House felt Cuddy's hand grip him tighter, in a wordless gesture urging him to keep talking. He suddenly got up from the bed and felt her hand let go of his arm. They looked at one another and he noticed the look in Cuddy's eyes, which begged him not to shut her out.

"It's late...I should go," he said as he limped down the hall into the living room.

"House? Are you okay?" She asked following him.

"Yeah. It's been a long day; I should call a cab now."

"Listen, you can stay if you want."

"You want me to stay?" He asked as he turned to face her.

"Do you _want_ to stay?"

"I thought we said no more games."

"I want you to stay," she said quietly.

House adored the way she looked at that moment, so beautiful with her hair pulled back and no makeup, standing in front of him, biting her lower lip.

"I'd like to stay. But first I have to call and cancel the hookers I had scheduled for later tonight," he said with a slight smirk.

"You _do_ that."

"After everything I did...you want me to stay...here?"

She moved towards him and placed her hands on his biceps to reassure him. "House aren't we trying to deal with the past and put it in its place once and for all? We can't do that if we keep dwelling on it."

"Don't you think it's too soon for us to...you know...?"

"I'm not going to sleep with you, you ass, I just said you could stay." Cuddy was glad House was returning to his normal sarcastic manner, it meant he was somewhat okay.

"You trust _me_? Here in your house, alone with you?"

"Actually yeah I do. Weird isn't it?"

"Yeah." House took a seat on the couch again, leaning back and rubbing his right thigh.

"How bad does it hurt?"

"Actually not that bad. I haven't worked out for a few days so that may have something to do with it. They've got a gym at the hotel; I'd planned to get in some swimming."

"Good for you House." Cuddy smiled. She really was proud of him for not giving in to the pain.

"The couch is really comfortable and big enough for you to stretch out, let me just get you some sheets," she said as she left the room.

House sat there and thought about the last several hours. He had never, in a million years, expected his first meeting with Cuddy to go so well. A part of him was happy about that but another part of him was worried he would do something to screw it all up. He needed to stretch his leg some more and got up and walked around the living room again waiting for Cuddy. He limped over to the stereo and took a look at her CD collection, much of which he recognized. There was one CD in her collection he recognized all too well. He heard Cuddy's footsteps come down the hall.

"Lisa Cuddy, you little thief..." he turned to her smiling, with the CD in his hand.

"What?"

"Blind Willie McTell, that's what," he said smirking.

"Oh gosh I'd forgotten I had that," she said placing the sheet and blanket on the back of the sofa. She watched House take the CD out of the cover and put it in the CD player.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"It's late, I'm tired, you're tired, but I really am not in the mood to sleep just yet. It's been a very long day for us both and I thought maybe instead of talking, we'd just relax," he said as he walked back to the couch, dimmed the lamp on the table next to it and made himself comfortable. "Come here," he said, as he patted the empty cushion beside him.

Cuddy hesitated a moment, wondering what he had in mind. He must have sensed her thoughts because he said in nearly a whisper, "Please, just sit with me awhile."

Cuddy walked over to the couch and took a seat next to House. He motioned for her to move closer, which she did. He raised his arm tentatively to put it around her shoulders, his eyes on hers as he silently requested permission, which she granted. She put her bare feet up on the table next to his and relaxed against him. As the soft sounds of the delta blues flowed throughout the dimly lit room, the worries and fears of the last several hours and the past two years receded somewhat and allowed House and Cuddy a sense of peace which had long eluded them. A few minutes later, the two tired and lonely souls closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Now I don't know about you but I'd say House and Cuddy had a pretty damn intense first day together after two years. Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment. Because FF has this new "Guest" thing, please be sure to leave your name somewhere in your comments so I know who you are!


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for continuing to read this story. Your comments do my heart good! I can't believe the number of new folks reading this and commenting!

Thank you for enjoying the pace of this story too. This is a House-Cuddy love story and will include romance, drama, humor, and angst. I'm trying to bring our favorite couple together in a most believable and interesting manner. I appreciate the time you all have taken to read this.

There will be much more House, Cuddy, Rachel, Wilson, Nolan, Sharon, Hannah & Co. So stay tuned!

* * *

><p>In the wee hours of the morning, House woke to the feeling of something soft on his neck. He opened his eyes to a mass of dark curly hair strewn over his neck and face. Cuddy was curled up between him and the back of the couch, he had his arm around her and she was holding on to him tightly. He wasn't sure how long they'd been like this but vaguely remembered sometime during the night he had moved them to a more comfortable position and pulled the sheet over them.<p>

House listened to Cuddy's quiet snoring and remembered the many mornings he woke up with her just like this, although it was usually in her bed. At the moment, his leg throbbed and he needed to get up and move around but he didn't want to disturb Cuddy. Slowly and painfully he maneuvered his way out from under her and she sighed in her sleep as he covered her with the blanket. He watched her for a moment, tracing the line of her jaw and moving a lock of hair away from her face. He always thought she was beautiful when she was asleep. He loved the way she'd smile and curl up to him in the middle of the night. One of the things he missed most about being with her was the cuddling but of course he would never tell anyone that. He rubbed his thigh for a minute and decided it would help his thigh immensely if he could immerse himself in hot water. He knew Cuddy had a rather large bathtub that he'd seen from the bedroom the night before and he figured she wouldn't mind if he took a hot bath. Leaving her sleeping soundly, he grabbed his cane and his phone so it wouldn't wake her if it rang, and limped towards her bathroom.

House closed the door of Cuddy's bathroom and began to run the water as hot as he could stand it. He looked around for soap and found nothing but body wash. He pondered between the sandalwood and the Eucalyptus/Chamomile. He thought the latter would be soothing and poured a generous amount into the water along with some Epsom salt for his muscle aches. He removed his clothes and laid them over the bathroom sink, grabbed a towel to keep nearby and gently lowered himself into the tub. As he lay back in the hot water he let out an incredibly loud groan in pleasure as the heat immediately began soothing his very sore thigh as well as his shoulders. Once the tub filled he turned off the water and lay there, water up to his neck, eyes closed, enjoying himself. He picked up his watch from the shelf next to the garden tub, it was only five o'clock. He felt like he'd slept well and was sorry he had to leave Cuddy all by herself on the couch. He rested his head against the back of the tub with a smile on his face. He thought to himself, g_oddamnit, you lucky bastard, you got another chance to make things right, don't fuck it up._

While House relieved his aches and pains in Cuddy's bathtub, Cuddy woke from her slumber on the couch. She was disoriented a moment, not used to sleeping on the couch and then remembered she wasn't alone. She noticed the sheet over her and wondered what happened to House. His cane and phone were missing. Suddenly, she realized he'd left. She felt a sadness wash over her, wondering when he'd taken off and why he'd left her alone. She thought they were moving forward and trying to repair the damage they had done to one another. She wasn't angry, just disappointed that he would leave so soon, with so much to discuss. _Maybe he just needed some time alone,_ she thought. Since she was all alone and Rachel wasn't due home for a couple of hours, she decided to get in some yoga. She got up and folded the sheet and walked to her bedroom when she heard a noise coming from her bathroom. She set the sheet down on her bed and walked over to the bathroom door and opened the door.

"Cuddy, I'm naked!" House shouted to her.

"House, what are you doing here?" While she was surprised to see him in her bathtub she was actually more relieved he hadn't left.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Your leg…is it okay?"

"It's better now." House watched Cuddy and had the feeling she was a little uncomfortable seeing him nearly naked. "Cuddy" he said with a smirk, "You've seen me bathe a hundred times before, don't get all weird on me."

"It's been a while."

"Want to join me?"

_"House."_

"There's more than enough room for two. I'll let you in here with me if you promise to keep your hands to yourself."

"Yeah, as if it would be me with the roaming hands," she said trying not to laugh.

"You never complained before."

Cuddy turned a light shade of pink and asked, "Would you like some breakfast?"

"What about your morning routine?"

"You mean yoga?"

"Yeah."

"I can skip it."

"No, you can't. It's part of your morning routine, you enjoy it, why skip it?" He waved his hands at her. "Go on and do your thing. After last night it'll be good for you. I'll be fine here; my leg's feeling a little better. We'll eat later."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, I think I'll do that," she said, then turned around and left. House couldn't be sure but he would have sworn Cuddy swayed her hips just a little for his benefit.

As Cuddy left the bathroom she couldn't help but be amazed at the change that had come over House since she'd last seen him. He was still the same sarcastic ass but he seemed different. He actually cared about what was important to her, like her yoga. In the past, he knew she indulged in yoga in the early morning hours but many times he would try and talk her out of it in favor of spending time with him in the mornings. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend time with him, but her yoga was important to her, it helped her unwind and relax and prepare for the hectic day ahead.

Cuddy knew House was really trying but she wanted to be sure he wasn't just doing it for her; she wanted it to be for him. She wanted him to change only if he wanted to, otherwise it wouldn't last. As she changed into spandex shorts and a tank top she thought, _this is certainly turning out to be a very interesting weekend._ As she grabbed her yoga mat and walked down the hallway, she passed Rachel's room and thought about her daughter who was coming home in a few hours. She wondered how Rachel would react to seeing House. She knew House cared about Rachel and Rachel adored him. It was only fair that they have a chance to spend some time together while he was in town. _Four days_, she thought. _How do you make up so much time lost in just four days?_ Cuddy wasn't sure what would come next but for the first time in a long time she felt some peace and her heart felt a bit lighter. Whatever was happening, she liked it and wanted to do her part to make things right between them.

An hour later, Cuddy was sweating from her yoga workout but she felt more energized and clearheaded than she had in some time. She thought perhaps House might want a change of clothes after his bath and so she made her way to her bedroom and dug through the bottom drawer of a bureau in her closet where she kept clothes she didn't wear very often. She reappeared with a pair of worn but clean gray sweatpants, a pair of dark blue boxers, and a tee shirt, all of which belonged to House. While he returned most of the things she'd left at his apartment, she'd never had the chance to return the things he'd left at her house and she never had the heart to get rid of them. Now she was thankful she didn't. She grabbed the items and walked towards the bathroom, hearing the shower and knowing House was rinsing off after his bath. She snuck in quietly and traded the clean clothes for the dirty ones. She also opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a spare toothbrush and laid it on the clothes for him. Then she threw his dirty clothes in the hamper and took it with her as she headed to her utility room to do a load of laundry. It was just after six o'clock but she was feeling awake, alert and ready to start her day.

House finished his shower and as he toweled dried himself and noticed a toothbrush on top of a set of clean clothes. He shook his head thinking about the fact that she had kept some of his things after all this time. _All the shit i put her through a__nd she still has this stuff_. It made him smile. He looked in the mirror and ran his fingers through his thinning hair. _Don't fuck this up old man, not this time_. He finished dressing, hung up his towel and left the bathroom in bare feet.

When he found Cuddy, she was in the kitchen making breakfast. The morning paper lay on the table in the breakfast nook, still in its wrapper. He heard the sound of the washer going in the utility room. "You're a busy little beaver this morning aren't you?" He asked as he entered the room, leaning on the counter behind her.

She turned around and smiled. "Yeah I guess you could say that. How was your bath?"

He took a seat at the bar in the kitchen. "It was good. Thanks for the clothes."

"You're welcome," she said not turning around. "How's your leg?"

"Not bad actually. Hurts a little but the fentanyl patch works really well."

"That's good to hear. I know how hard it is to deal with the pain when you first wake up."

They were both quiet a few minutes as she continued preparing breakfast and he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"House...about last night," she said.

House was worried about what would come next. "Cuddy, please, don't say it was a mistake."

She turned to face him, spatula in hand. "I wasn't going to say that. I wanted to _thank you_."

"For what?"

"Well, last night was the first time we've seen each other in so long and it was just not what I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"To be honest, I don't know, but I do know I never thought it would be like that. Instead of anger, I felt peace. I don't understand it and frankly I'm not going to question it. I've questioned enough things in my life, especially things related to us. I don't want to do that anymore. For whatever reason, we were drawn back together and frankly, I'm tired of fighting it."

Before she turned back to the stove, House nodded his head but didn't say a word. He knew she could see by his motions that he agreed with her. All of the honesty and openness felt weird but it was the only way things could work.

"House, can you grab a couple of plates and glasses? I think you know where they are."

"Sure." House limped over to the cabinet and pulled out the necessary things, placing them at the breakfast table.

"Can I help you with what you're doing?" He asked.

"No I'm fine. Have a seat and relax, it'll be ready in a minute."

As he took a seat, House's phone rang and the caller ID showed it was Wilson. He picked up and said, "Before you ask me mom, I'm fine. Cuddy hasn't cut my balls off yet."

"House? Everything okay there? You didn't come back last night and I was going to call Cuddy's house but I wanted to give you guys a chance to talk. So uh...did you talk?"

"Yep."

"And?"

"Do you have to know everything?"

"House, this is huge."

"That's what she said." At that moment Cuddy turned around with a look of disgust on her face. House just stuck his tongue out at her.

"House, be serious," said Wilson.

"Fine, what do you want to know?"

"Are you getting along? Is everything okay?"

"We're getting along and everything's fine. Can I go now?"

"Yeah but I want the scoop later okay?"

"We'll see. I'll give you the G-rated version. Bye, mom." He turned off his phone and set it on the table.

As she served the omelets at the table Cuddy noticed he'd turned off his phone. "I should have known Wilson would want to check up on you."

"Some things never change," he said as his eyes got wide looking at the huge omelets she had prepared for them.

"You turned your phone off, what if your team tries to call you?"

"Chase has the helm."

"You put Chase in charge?"

"Yeah, he's now my second in command." He said, as Cuddy stopped what she was doing and stared at him.

"What? I figured it was time that someone else take charge every now and then. Besides, Nolan thought it would be a good idea if I didn't spend every waking hour at the hospital."

Cuddy nodded as she poured almond milk into both their glasses.

"Woah! Are you making me drink that almond crap?" House asked with a disgusted face.

"Oh come on, you're in my house, you eat and drink what I eat and drink. Besides it's vanilla flavored, try it before you bitch about it."

House cringed but took a sip anyway.

"Well?"

"Okay it's not _terrible_."

Cuddy smiled because she knew that was House's way of saying it was good. They ate in relative silence, the sound of the silver clattering against their dishes. Cuddy set her fork down and watched House as he ate.

"What?" He asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No. I'm just…I'm really proud of you."

House stopped attacking his omelet and looked at her. "Don't be, I haven't done anything extraordinary."

"You may not think so, but you've come a long way. I can tell."

"I haven't been here that long."

"I know we haven't seen each other in a couple of years but it was pretty evident from your letters you had changed and it's pretty evident now. House, I know you're trying."

House put down his fork a moment and looked at her. "I didn't have much of a choice."

"But you _had_ a choice and you made the one you thought was right."

"Eventually it came down to life or death. Did I want to live or die? My survival instinct kicked in."

"It was more than that," she replied in almost a whisper, but House heard what she said.

They continued eating in silence until Cuddy spoke up again.

"House?"

"Yeah."

"Is it me or does all this feel really weird and yet sort of comfortable all at the same time?" She asked him.

"You feel that too eh?"

"Yeah."

"It's no wonder Wilson says we deserve each other. We're both so totally fucked up," he said through a mouthful of toast.

"That we are, I mean look how many years we've circled one another. There has to be a reason, right?"

"I suppose. A woman like you though, you should have found a decent guy by now. That's what I don't get about you Cuddy. You're beautiful, smart, and you're a halfway decent doctor." He noted she raised an eyebrow at that last comment, then he continued. "You could have any guy you want and yet here you are single. I don't get it. Did you even try?"

Cuddy got up and went over to the coffee pot to refill their mugs as she pondered his question. House recognized that move as a need to have some space in order to figure out her response.

As she placed their mugs back on the table and took her seat, she fiddled with the spoon in her mug. Finally she said, "I've gone out with a few guys since I've been here. They were nice looking, smart, they seemed right, but there was one problem."

"Not good in the sack eh?"

She gave him the evil eye and continued. "No, I didn't sleep with any of them, not that it's any of your business."

House looked at her wide-eyed; his heart fluttered a moment when she said she hadn't slept with anyone since she'd been in Boston.

"When I went out with them, they were pleasant, kind, even romantic, said all the right things but in the end, there was nothing…oh what's the word…unique…different about them that made them stand out. I don't know how I want to say it but they were all the same and that didn't interest me."

"You weren't afraid to trust someone again, were you?" He suddenly felt guilty that he may have been the cause of that.

"No, no, House it wasn't that. It was...," she stopped and took a deep breath before being completely honest with him. "They weren't you."

She looked at him and he swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Why?"

"These last couple of years I spent some time thinking about the past and I wondered how many times my interference in your personal life kept you from meeting the right guy."

"Oh House, it doesn't bother me anymore. Listen, everything happens for a reason. Think about it, if things hadn't turned out the way they did back then, so much might be different today. I might not have Rachel and I love Rachel so much. She has made me a better person and I cannot imagine my life without her. So much may never have happened. You might not have gotten off Vicodin and you might be dead now. I might have married to someone who was awful to me. There's really just know way to know what might have been and we have to stop wondering what if."

"Everything happens for a reason is just too simple."

"Maybe, but it works for me. Shit happens, right? The only way we can move forward in our lives is to accept the past, deal with it and move on. We both have our own share of shit we haven't come to terms with. Well, it's time to deal with it once and for all so it quits getting in the way of us living our lives."

"When did you become such a philosopher?"

She took another sip of coffee and laughed at him. It was a real laugh, the one he had missed hearing for so long. Her eyes were bright and smiling. "When I met _you_. House, you analyze everything, how, over the last twenty-something years could some of that _not_ rub off on me?"

His lips turned up into a slight smile and then a thought hit him. He had to know something but he wasn't sure how to express it. He twirled his fork and stared at it in deep thought. As he did this, Cuddy noticed the intense look on his face and recognized it immediately as House deep in the thought process. She sensed something important was on his mind and that he was working his way through it. She wanted to give him all the time he needed to put his thoughts into words and while she waited, she sipped her coffee and watched him. She'd missed the way he'd go into a trance-like state when he was thinking through a problem. She watched his long nimble fingers twirl the fork. She thought about how those fingers used to run through her long hair at night when they were in bed. She moved her eyes up to his arms and noticed how developed his biceps were, all that swimming and working out paying off. As she was drawn once again to his face, she was still amazed at how clear his eyes were and how healthy he seemed with fewer deep lines in his face than he had the last time she'd seen him after the breakup. She felt butterflies in the pit of her stomach watching him and she was beginning to have feelings she hadn't had in a long time. As she watched him and thought about him, his voice pulled her out of her trance.

"Cuddy, what is this?" He asked softly as he looked up at her.

"What do you mean?" Cuddy noticed his tone was gentle and his clear blue eyes were focused on hers, they seemed to be searching her soul. She shivered at the thought.

He motioned between them. "This...us. I need to know if you and I want the same things? I want to know how you feel."

She opened her mouth to respond when the front door opened and closed loudly and the pitter patter of five year old feet could be heard running through the house.

_"Mommy?"_

Cuddy looked over at House, silently apologizing for the interruption but he didn't seem annoyed at all, in fact he smiled at the sound of Rachel's voice.

Cuddy, still seated at the table, leaned to her left and shouted, "I'm in here Rach."

"Mommy, guess what?" she shouted excitedly from the other room. As she entered the kitchen, she stopped, taking in the sight of the man she hadn't seen in two years, her friend who used to read her stories, take her for ice cream and teach her how to hang upside down on the monkey bars.

_"Hows!"_ she yelled. For the moment Rachel forgot what she wanted to tell her mother as she ran over to the tall man who was sitting at the table smiling. As he reached out for her and pulled her onto his lap, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Hiya munchkin," he said as he looked over at Cuddy who was watching the interaction with tears in her eyes.

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><p>I just love writing Rachel and House! I also love your reviews. If you log in as "Guest" please leave your name so I know who you are!<p> 


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N:** Wow looks like you guys really loved the fact I posted two chapters last weekend. Well, you won't get as lucky this weekend as it took me some time to write just one chapter, however a third of the next chapter is already written so it'll be posted next Friday or Saturday. I love the interaction between House and Rachel, I think she brings out some of the best in him, don't you think?

I cannot thank you enough for all the reviews. You guys are awesome. Thank you to all who have left their comments here:

_6cbrilhante, Abby, Alddi, Alex, Alice, Alltheloveintheworld, Allthingsdecent, Andree campbell, Asia, Bakerstreet Blues, Belali, Berenice, Bigboss, Bladesmum, Bobby, Camila, Cantstopobsessing, CGCath, Cherokee Jedi, CHIGRLTP, CroftEli77, Dalilita, Dani, DehMD, DespisedByThePluralOfMoose, Dmarchl, Ellen, Fanhouse07, Frootloops, Gaia, GratefulInsomniac, Harpomarx, Housebound, Housemaniac21, hpMarauder4Life, Hspirito, Huddycat, Huddygirl, Huddyholic, Huddy-lover-gregandlisaforeva, huddyloverxox, Huddysosayweall, HughIsMagic, Hughsoulingregsmind, Iane Casey, Ifiloseitall, IHeartHouseCuddy, IHeartHouseCuddy, Imawallflower, Imazebra, JamHuddyFan, Jane Q. Doe, Jkarr, Josam, KatieF-House, Kermie, LapizSilkwood, Lena, Lenasti16, LiaHuddy, Limptulip, Lin12344, Little Greg, Liv, LoveMyHouse, Maya295, Melo03, Mon Fogel, Newdayz, NewGirlJess, OldSFfan, ParijanTaiyou, Raquel9, Roby, Rosella, Ruby, Sam, Sindy, SissiCuddles, Superboetti, Suzieqlondon, Suzmum, SweetSauce, TDCSI, Tina, Tomken, Truth, Wow, Yahnis_

Remember, we are on day two of House and Wilson's trip to Boston. They left Princeton on Thursday morning, arrived in Boston Thursday afternoon and House visited Cuddy on Thursday evening. It is now mid-morning on Friday.

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><p>Cuddy watched in amazement at the interaction between House and Rachel. When House had let her know he was traveling to Boston with Wilson, Cuddy wasn't sure how she would handle Rachel meeting him again. House seemed to be letting himself relax in Rachel's presence and that was good enough for Cuddy at the moment.<p>

Footsteps could be heard moving through the house. "Lisa? Rachel?" It was Sharon followed by her daughter Hannah. As she entered the kitchen, Sharon stopped at the sight of her friend sitting at the breakfast nook with the man she recognized from photos as House, and he was holding a very giddy and smiling Rachel.

"You must be Greg," Sharon said, looking over at House as she leaned down to give Cuddy's shoulder a squeeze.

"You must have ESP," House replied.

Sharon rolled her eyes and put her hand out to him. "I'm Sharon Carr, a friend of Lisa's; she's told me a lot about you." It surprised Cuddy when House, not one to shake hands, actually extended his hand out to her. She shook it confidently and House smirked as he admired her strong grip.

"Mom, can Rachel and I play in her room?" Hannah asked as she stood behind her mother in the kitchen.

"Lisa, do you mind?"

"No, but girls please don't make a mess," Cuddy said as the girls ran out of the kitchen. Before she followed Hannah to her room though, Rachel turned back to give House another hug. It took all three adults by surprise.

Sharon took a seat at the table with House and Cuddy.

"So…you're the infamous Gregory House? I've heard so much about you."

"All bad, I'm sure."

"Not _all_ bad."

House looked over at Cuddy. "Truth. How much does she know?"

"Everything." Cuddy sipped her coffee and watched both House and Sharon carefully, unsure of what they would say to one another.

The smile fell from House's face as he looked down at his cane. He wondered how Cuddy's friend would react to him knowing everything he'd done.

Sharon sensed his discomfort. "Listen House, I don't know you, you don't know me but we'll get along just great if you're straight up and don't bullshit me and whatever you do, try your damndest not to hurt Lisa again."

Cuddy looked down at her napkin and grinned.

"Wow does your husband know you've got his balls?" House asked with a tone of sarcasm.

"Actually, considering he's dead, I'm the _man_ of the house so I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"I like her," House told Cuddy as he pointed at Sharon and grinned.

Just then the buzzer in the laundry room sounded. "Shit, I've got to go get the stuff out of the dryer, you guys sit here and talk and don't kill each other okay?"

"Yes, _mom_," House snarked back at her.

When Cuddy stepped out of the room, House expected Sharon to give him the third degree but instead she leaned forward and said, "You really hurt her."

"I know."

"When she first told me about you, I hated your guts. I felt so bad for her I was sure I'd rip your nuts off if ever I met you."

"So what's stopping you now?" He asked looking up at her.

"Honestly? I know you fucked up Greg…or do you want me to call you House?"

"House is fine. Do tell…"

"You were _wrong_ in lashing out like you did but it's hard for me to hate you when Lisa _can't_. It took her some time to deal with things but she knows now that you were out of your mind. I know you already know this, but it bears repeating. She's had a hard time reconciling how she really feels for you with how she thinks she's supposed to feel. Society would say she should hate you and never have anything to do with you again. I think she was expecting me to tell her that she's an idiot for still caring about you."

"She is, you know...an idiot, after all, she shouldn't care."

"But she _does_ and if I didn't know the history between the two of you, maybe I would tell her she was crazy but I do know it and it helped me understand things better. It made me understand why she could hate you one moment and still love you the next."

House hooked his cane on the chair next to him and looked right at her with both elbows on the table, hands clasped. "Listen, you don't know me and I know you're Cuddy's friend but I just want you to know I'm really trying here. This is unchartered territory for me...for both of us. This is our last chance. I don't want to lose her again."

"Then don't."

"Easier said than done."

"Listen House, just be honest, don't hold things in like you used to…just tell her what's on your mind instead of assuming she knows. And whatever you do, don't tell her what you think is best for her."

"I never—"

"Oh please. You used to tell her she didn't deserve you. "

"She told you that?"

"Yeah, and then some. I know the two of you sabotaged your relationship by going into it thinking it could work without either of you having to change. I've got news for you, being in a relationship changes people. If it's a good relationship with someone you love, then you should change for the better."

House just looked down at the table as he stirred his coffee, mostly because he wasn't sure how to respond.

"She made me a better person, I was just afraid to show her that she did. The whole time I kept worrying when she'd get tired of my crap and end it. Every time she said _we need to talk _I thought that was the end of it."

"Did you tell _her_ that?"

"No."

"Idiot," Sharon said, shaking her head in amazement that two such intelligent people could be such idiots when it came to something as simple as communication.

House continued. "If I could take back everything I did, I would. She deserves so much better than me, she always did."

"See, you're doing it again."

"What?"

"Stop the self-deprecating crap and stop thinking you know what's best for her more than she does. Let her make up her own mind about what she wants and you do the same."

"Have you told her that?"

"Oh hell yeah. Believe me, I've told her."

"You'd make a good shrink."

"Well..."

"Oh God, don't tell me." He put his head in his hands and laughed. "Cuddy's buddy is a head shrinker? This is too good to be true. So as her friend _and_ as a shrink, I've got to know something…how in hell can you encourage her to have anything to do with me?"

Sharon just smiled. "I am her friend but I am not her _shrink_. I try not to analyze her; I try to just be her friend. We were there for each other during some pretty rough times. I will say this though; you two have some pretty crappy communication skills. Maybe you can take _this_ opportunity to work on them, ya think? "Sharon winked at him.

"You and Wilson would make a great pair."

Nodding towards the utility room, Sharon laughed and said, "That's what she said."

House chuckled at her words and added, "Just don't let yourself be sucked into becoming Mrs. Wilson number four."

"Don't worry, that boyishly handsome face doesn't fool me for a moment."

"I think we're going to get along just fine," he said. Then he continued in a more somber tone, "I'm afraid I _will_ hurt her again."

"Well, of course you're going to hurt her, it happens in relationships. I'm talking about doing it intentionally. Don't do and say things that push her away because you're feeling sorry for yourself or you don't think you're good enough for her or whatever crap is going through your mind at the time. Look, people say or do things they don't mean all the time and when it happens, don't act like an asshole, just own it, apologize and move on. Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat the same crap over and over again."

"I worry about her, I just want her to be happy."

"I'm not trying to be your shrink here so don't take this the wrong way but don't _worry_ about Lisa."

House eyed her curiously.

"There's a difference between worrying and caring. Caring helps you open up to one another but worrying tends to have an element of anxiety attached to it and it's not healthy. Sometimes worrying can cause a person to keep silent for the sake of the other person. It's great not to want to hurt someone but truth is important especially given everything you two have been through. If ever two people needed to talk about everything, it's you two. So try not to worry, just _care,_ got it?"

"Damn, you're good."

"I try. I expect you will let me know if I cross the line." She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, absolutely," he replied. In an effort to change the subject he asked, "Can I ask how your husband died?"

"Aneurysm. He died in his sleep, nobody ever had a clue there was a problem."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Sorry, no medical mystery here."

"How old is your daughter?"

"Six. She was four when Al died. She hardly even knew him."

"Shit."

"Kinda sucks but life goes on, it has to, especially when you have kids."

Just when House was getting ready to say something, Cuddy returned to the kitchen.

"Sorry I was gone so long, figured I'd just fold everything while I was there. You guys have a nice talk about me?"

"Hey there's more to talk about than just you," House said sarcastically.

"Yeah okay. Did you get acquainted?"

"Sure did. Basically she's going to cut my nuts off if I don't behave."

"Sharon?" Cuddy asked, surprised.

"Oh don't look shocked, you knew I'd say _something._"

"And I really like my nuts so…I think I'll behave when she's around." House joked. His hands reached down as if protecting his crotch.

"_All_ the time," Sharon said, giving him a knowing look.

"Oy vey, you two."

Sharon looked at her watch and said, "Oh I've got to go, I'm taking Hannah to her cousin's house for a birthday slumber party and we're going shopping first."

"I was going to invite you for dinner tonight. Wilson will be here and before you say anything, no, I am not trying to set you up, just dinner between...friends."

Sharon understood and said, "How about this? You three get together tonight since you haven't seen each other in awhile and then before they leave we'll do it again okay?"

Realizing maybe it was a good idea to be alone with just Wilson and House for this first time in awhile, she nodded her head in agreement. "Okay."

Sharon said goodbye to House and Cuddy called for the girls as she walked Sharon to the door. House soon heard the rapid pitter patter of small feet and the giggles of two small girls and he chuckled when Cuddy yelled at the two girls not to run in the house. Alone in the kitchen, he got up from the table and cleared it and rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. It was the least he could do to thank her for making him breakfast.

Cuddy and Rachel walked back into the kitchen and Rachel ran over to House, who stood at the kitchen island and vigorously rubbed his thigh.

"Howse still hurt?" Rachel asked softly.

"Yeah, kid, it still hurts."

"I sorry," she said and gently hugged his right leg. House looked up at Cuddy and she shrugged her shoulders and grinned.

House put his hand down and patted Rachel's head and suddenly felt as if he needed some space. "Listen, I've got to get back to the hotel, just want to see what Wilson's up to. I'll come back later."

Cuddy looked disappointed but she sensed his need to have some time and space to think. "Okay, you want me to take you?"

"No, I'll call a cab."

"Really House, it's not a problem. It's only ten minutes from here. Besides I've got some grocery shopping to do and Rachel and I can spend some time together."

"Okay."

House grabbed his jacket and Rachel took his hand and led him out to Cuddy's car while Cuddy locked up and followed them. She couldn't get over how Rachel had taken to House again so quickly.

House secured Rachel in her booster seat and got in the front seat next to Cuddy. "Thanks," she said, acknowledging what he had done.

As they drove the ten minutes to House's hotel, Rachel talked excitedly about her trip with Hannah and Sharon to the museum and planetarium. The two adults sat in the front seat exchanging glances and smirks as Rachel went on and on about her adventures. For a moment it seemed so normal that the three of them were together. In no time, they arrived at the hotel. House looked over at Cuddy, not sure what to say. So much had happened between them in the past twenty-four hours. Neither was ready to leave the other but both knew they needed a little space.

"Thanks for the ride," he said, a small smile on his lips.

"You're welcome," she said, returning the smile. Her eyes sparkled and that did not go unnoticed by House.

"I'll see you later?" He asked.

"Yeah."

Suddenly, Rachel interrupted. "Are you going to kiss?"

House and Cuddy just looked at each other, then Cuddy turned to Rachel and asked, "Rachel what makes you say that?"

Rachel replied innocently, "You used to kiss all the time."

Cuddy shook her head while House chuckled at the little girl's response. She certainly was a mini version of her mother, he thought.

House and Cuddy looked at each other and House leaned close to her. Cuddy's heart fluttered in her chest as she felt his breath on her face. He put his hand up and gently caressed her jaw line, and her eyes closed as he placed a light kiss just at the corner of her mouth. He lingered for a moment and moved his lips toward her ear.

"Thank you," he said softly, his words intending to convey something much deeper than his gratitude for giving him a ride to the hotel. House felt butterflies in his stomach at the closeness he shared with her. He inhaled deeply, enjoying the sweet smell of vanilla body wash mixed with her natural scent.

Cuddy felt a shiver up and down her spine at the tone of his words and his warm breath upon her ear. She opened her eyes and looked into his, which were clear and blue. At that moment, a flood of emotions rushed through her. Knowing the deeper meaning in his words, she responded to him. "You're welcome," she said, wanting him to know she understood what he was trying to convey with his words. She placed her hand on the hand he was using to caress her cheek and they sat there for a moment as if they were the only two people in the world.

House broke the trance and looked over at Rachel in the backseat. She had witnessed the affection with a big smile on her face. "I'll see you later munchkin," he said to her.

"Okay. Can we play?"

"Sure kid, whatever you want."

House slowly got out of the car, then closed the door, leaned down and looked at Cuddy, nodding his head slightly, she responded with a smile. Both knew words were not needed at the moment. He watched as she drove away and when the car disappeared out of sight, he sighed and made his way into the hotel.

When House entered the suite he shared with Wilson, his friend was on the phone pacing back and forth, dressed casually in jeans and a polo shirt. House closed the door behind him as Wilson motioned him into the room. House grabbed a bagel from the breakfast cart Wilson had ordered and made himself at home on the couch, throwing his cane on the coffee table in front of him. It seemed from Wilson's side of the conversation that he was on the phone with the hospital, and House sighed loudly in an attempt to annoy Wilson. When Wilson finally got off the phone ten minutes later, he shook his head in dismay.

"What was that all about?" House said as he tore a large piece of bagel with his teeth.

"It was Sandy. One of my patients died last night."

"Cancer?"

"Gee, how'd you guess? Yeah, it was Mr. Crane, we figured it would be any day now."

House put his feet up on the coffee table and sighed. Wilson took the hint and realized he hadn't even asked House about his visit with Cuddy.

"So, you spent the night at Cuddy's?"

"Yes. And no, there was no exchange of bodily fluids."

"Didn't need to know that House. Besides I didn't really think she'd jump into your arms and have sex with you for the first time in two years."

House just smiled wickedly.

"You didn't!" Wilson shouted.

"No, you think I'm going to take advantage of her like that?" House just nodded his head at Wilson's idiocy.

"I don't know, House."

"I've changed." House grinned.

"People don't change."

"Quit trying to be me."

"Okay so did you have a chance to _really_ talk?"

"Yeah, have you not been listening?"

"Come on House, you gotta give me something more here."

"We talked; she yelled at me, she cried, we fell asleep."

"That's it?"

"Well we woke up on the couch, had dinner, talked some more, and fell asleep again...on the couch."

"You did a lot of sleeping."

"And _talking_, don't forget that part."

"Did you two come to any conclusions?"

"We're both screwed up."

"Well, that's a shocker," Wilson replied flatly.

"I'm not sure what she wants Wilson, I mean…I asked her and she was going to tell me her answer but then Rachel got home and we never finished the conversation."

"Do you love her?"

"What kind of question is that?" House asked, attempting to deflect.

"Damnit House, either you love her or you don't."

"I do. But love isn't enough."

"That would make a great Hallmark card," Wilson said rolling his eyes.

Changing the direction of the conversation, House asked Wilson, "Did you know she kept some of my things? She still had all my clothes I'd left there."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I thought for sure she'd want to erase every single memory of me…of us."

"You're a hard person to forget, House."

"Then there was the kid. How did she remember me after two years?"

"Like I said…"

"Yeah, yeah I'm a hard person to forget. Rachel is cute and smart, too damn smart for her own good. She's a mini-Cuddy."

"You called her Rachel."

"So?"

"Not used that it, that's all. So how did you two get along?"

"She hugged me."

"And that's bad..._how_?"

"I didn't say it was bad. She walked into the kitchen looking for Cuddy, saw me there and came over and climbed in my lap. After two years, go figure, she just jumps in my lap like she'd seen me yesterday. I don't get it."

"You know that kids are pretty good judge of character."

House got up and limped over to the large windows overlooking the river. "I've never considered myself a good character."

"You are your own worst critic. For someone with an ego the size of New Jersey, you're still pretty hard on yourself."

House turned to him. "You don't get it Wilson, I don't see what _they_ see."

Wilson shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what to tell you House, at some point if you want to have some kind of life, especially one that involves Cuddy, you're going to have to figure out a way to accept you're not as bad as you think you are."

House stood by the windows soaking in the sun. Changing the subject he said, "I met her friend Sharon."

"I like her, she's good for Cuddy. You know she's a shrink right?"

"Yeah."

"So how did you two get along?"

"She's interesting."

"Hmm…that means you like her."

"I didn't say that."

"But you _do_."

"She's honest, doesn't mince words, and she's been a good friend to Cuddy."

"Did she threaten you?"

"Not _exactly_."

"She did!" Wilson laughed. "What did she say to you?"

"Let's just say I get the feeling I'll be singing in soprano if I ever hurt Cuddy again."

Wilson laughed again, slapping his thigh. "She reminds me a little of Arlene."

"Oh god please, one of _that_ woman is enough."

"So, what's the next move?"

"Well, there's dinner tonight. She invited Sharon but Sharon thinks the three of us should have some time just to hang out."

"Wow, that'll be the first time we've done that in a while." Wilson reminisced a moment about the last time they'd gone to dinner together, it had been at Cuddy's house to celebrate her birthday.

"Yeah," House said thinking of the same moment. House leaned on his cane and rubbed his thigh vigorously, which did not go unnoticed by Wilson. Wilson decided to take his friend's mind off things for awhile.

"How's your leg? Did you bring your medication?"

"Yeah, just trying to keep the doses to a minimum. The fentanyl patch is still working."

"You know, they've got everything in this place, fuzbol table, gym and an indoor pool, wanna check it out?"

House thought about it for a moment. He really was just in the mood to relax but all he kept thinking about was Cuddy. He thought maybe working out would help him process things better before dinner at Cuddy's house later, besides, he needed to keep up his exercises to keep his pain to a minimum.

"I'll kick your ass in laps you know," Wilson challenged, interrupting House's thoughts.

House just looked at him knowingly. "Oh it is so _on,_" he said as he limped toward his room to change.

Well there goes another chapter in this saga. I hope you enjoyed it. Please understand it's important to me to take the time to work things out between House and Cuddy. I know some folks want a lot of things to happen right away, I promise you that if you wait you will be very pleased.

Please leave a review. If you use "Guest" please be sure to leave your name somewhere in your comment! THANK YOU AGAIN FOR READING!


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N:** Hi everyone. Thanks for all the reviews on the previous chapter, they made me smile! This picks up right where the last chapter left off. It is Friday afternoon...

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><p>House and Wilson spent two hours working out in the gym and in the pool. They challenged each other in laps and in the end Wilson won, but House got a good workout. They played foosball a bit to cool down and then went back to the suite, where House got in the Jacuzzi to give his leg some relief. The workout had been hard on him as had the swimming. His physical therapist had warned him that once he started regular workouts, he couldn't just stop because his muscle would atrophy. The regular exercise routine, which he hated initially, had helped with his pain, not just in his leg but in his neck and shoulder too. The muscle he had strengthened in his right leg helped to compensate for the missing thigh muscle and the muscles strengthened in his neck, back and shoulders did wonders for his posture and his ability to walk easier with and without his cane.<p>

As he soaked in the Jacuzzi, he was thinking about the impending dinner with Cuddy and Wilson and wondering how it would go with the three of them. They hadn't had dinner together since Cuddy's birthday when her mother visited. He laughed to himself and thought; _now that was some dinner._ For him, the dinner wasn't as memorable as what happened later, much later.

As he recalled, it was around ten o'clock that evening, Rachel was in bed and Arlene was back at her hotel, the woman insistent upon not intruding on her daughter. Cuddy hadn't argued the point with her either. House showered while Cuddy lay on the bed reading hospital budget reports.

_"Seriously? It's your birthday night and you're working?" House said with disappointment as he exited the bathroom in a towel, steam from the hot water still coming off his body._

_"The Board meets in a few days, I'm just trying to stay a step ahead," she replied. She looked over at him in the towel and wolf-whistled._

_"Like what you see?" House took a few steps, did a half turn, looked over his shoulder and then ripped the towel off and flung it on the floor. He shook his ass then turned around and smiled at her."_

_Cuddy laughed and patted his side of the bed. "Get over here you ass."_

_House jumped on the bed, not caring about the slight pain in his leg. He proceeded to inch his way over to her and as he did so, Cuddy placed the reports inside her nightstand, turned out the light and giggled as he made his way towards her. He groped her and she laughed some more._

_House grabbed Cuddy and rolled her under him, leaving gentle kisses on her face, neck, and collarbone. He couldn't get enough of her, she smelled divine. Needing to see and feel all of her, he helped her pull her snug fitting tank top over her head and tossed it on the floor. He took a long look at her perfect breasts, taking each in his hand and caressing it gently. His tongue circled each nipple and sucked on them while Cuddy moaned beneath him. He took her lips in his and kissed her passionately, full of want and need. He kissed his way back down to her flat stomach and laid his cheek against her soft smooth skin. As he moved lower with his kisses he hit a ticklish spot just below her belly button. She giggled out loud and he stopped suddenly. He loved to hear her laughter and at that moment he looked up at her, taking in the loveliness before him. The room was dark except for the moonlight streaming through the windows, hitting her in just the right places. Her curls were spread out over her pillow and her face was slightly flushed. He took it all in thinking she was just absolutely stunning in that state. Not knowing how long he would be fortunate enough to be with her like this, he savored the moment and traced every detail of her to keep in his mind for the nights he was sure would eventually come, when he was all alone again in his cold, cruel, world._

_"House, what is it?" She asked, sitting up and looking at him curiously._

_He worked his way back up her body with light kisses and touches and when they were eye to eye, the only thing he could think of was how he could never get enough of her. What they had was more than a physical connection, it was so much deeper and while he tried to keep her at arm's length for years, even now, to avoid exposing too much of himself and becoming too vulnerable, his walls were slowly crumbling and he was finally admitting he was completely and totally in love with her. If they never had sex again, he'd still want to spend every waking moment with her for the rest of his life. _

_House gazed into Cuddy's eyes, which were dark with lust and longing and said quietly, in almost a whisper, "Cuddy, I know I don't tell you how I feel very often; it's just the way I am. I…I just want you to know that I think you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said, in that rich husky sexy voice he used only for her in moments like this when they were alone._

_"Oh, House," she said as she closed her eyes._

_House placed a gentle kiss on each eyelid and then the tip of her nose. He moved his lips to her ear and whispered, "I love you. I don't know where we'll be a week, a month, or a year from now but no matter what, please don't ever doubt that I have always loved you."_

_House looked at Cuddy and with his thumb, he wiped the tear that escaped her eye. She kissed him with everything she had and when they paused to take a breath of air, she said, "I love you too House, I have always loved you."_

_Before he made love to her for the first of many times that night, he whispered in her ear, "Happy Birthday, Cuddy."_

House opened his eyes with a smile on his face recalling the memory of that night. While he constantly waited for the moment things would fall apart, he never imagined it would end the way it did. He'd tried blaming it on Cuddy's cancer scare and then the Vicodin that followed but he knew it was never really that, it was fear. They were doomed to failure from the start. There was no doubt they loved each other but fear of commitment, of what lay ahead, the unknown was difficult for two individuals who were consumed with control. Neither was willing to give up it up and just allow things to take their natural course. House knew if this second chance was going to work, they would have each be willing to work on that.

A few hours later, Wilson returned from a short informal lunch meeting with a few of his colleagues and entered the suite. The television was loud and House was asleep on the couch with the remote in his hand. Wilson chuckled to himself. _He can sleep anywhere_, he thought. For the first time in awhile, Wilson was relieved for House. He'd been worried about his friend so long because while House had done much to get his life in order, he knew something was missing, something that couldn't be replaced. Wilson had tried to introduce House to a few women he knew, but House never seemed interested. He also noticed that when House got out of prison he didn't indulge in hookers anymore. It seemed his friend wasn't interested in trying to form a relationship with another woman nor was he interested in casual sex. He tried approaching the subject with House a few times but House quickly changed the course of the conversation making it all about Wilson, of course.

A little while later Wilson was showered and dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a polo shirt and House was awake and dressed in his regular attire of jeans and a button up, minus the tee shirt which was unusual for him. As House attempted to finger comb his hair, Wilson laughed at him.

"Only now after all these years you're attempting to comb that mess?"

"What? The ladies dig the gray streaks. Makes me look distinguished."

"Cuddy doesn't give a shit about your hair."

"I know _that_. I…just want to show her I'm making an attempt."

"She knows House, just be you, that's all. Trust me on this. She wants you to just be yourself, that's all she ever wanted."

"I've tried that, it didn't work."

"Oh no, don't you pull that crap with me. What you were doing was deflecting. You were afraid to just let yourself be, so you put up that damn wall of yours to keep her out." Wilson was waving his hands wildly while attempting to get his point across. "Listen, be you, be sarcastic, be annoying, be a pain in the ass if you want to. Just don't hide your feelings, don't shut her out."

"For a man who was married three times and almost a fourth, how the hell do you manage to still give halfway decent advice about women?"

"Years of practice my friend. You could say I'm living vicariously through you. If you get this right, that means there's hope for me."

House laughed as he poured himself a scotch. "You're living vicariously through me? Jimmy boy, all you have to do is bat your baby browns and the women fall at your feet."

"Yeah but none of them are like Cuddy."

House looked up at him surprised at his remark. "You wouldn't by chance have a secret thing for the former Dean would you?"

Wilson shook his head and replied, "To be honest, I never really thought of Cuddy that way, she's more like a sister, I know it sounds weird but there's just never been any spark between us."

"Thanks, 'cause I thought I'd have to fight you for her."

"You couldn't possibly think...," Wilson said, slightly flustered.

"No…I was just trying to get you all worked up and it worked."

"Cuddy has everything, beauty, brains, a sense of humor, and she's tough, she can take care of herself. I like that."

"She's also got a kickass bod."

"House, be serious."

"Okay I'm totally serious that she's got a kickass bod."

Wilson rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. "Come on Romeo let's go."

* * *

><p>Cuddy was running around her kitchen putting the last minute touches on the dinner she'd prepared. She'd spent the better part of the day indulging in housekeeping, errands, and some playtime with Rachel. Now, the table was set, Rachel was bathed and dressed in one of her favorite outfits, it was completely mismatched but she had insisted on picking it out herself. Cuddy was dressed casually in dark blue Capri jeans and aqua blue v-neck shirt. She hadn't had time to put on her shoes yet when the doorbell rang.<p>

Cuddy took a deep breath and before she could get to the door, Rachel beat her to it. Cuddy reminded her anxious daughter, "Rachel honey, remember, you never open the door until you know who it is."

"But mommy I can't see out the peep-thingy," Rachel said jumping up and down trying to reach the peephole that was way too high for her.

Cuddy looked at her and smirked. Her little girl looked so adorable. "Come here munchkin," she said picking Rachel up so she could see out the peephole. "Who's that?"

"Unca Jimmy and Howse!" she yelled and scrambled to get down from her mother's arms so she could open the door. "Mommy can I let them in?"

"Sure you can," she said just barely getting the words out before Rachel reached up and opened the door smiling wide at the two men before her.

"Unca Jimmy!" she said as she ran into Wilson's arms.

"Hey kiddo!"

"Did you bring me a prize?"

House chuckled as he watched Wilson reach into his pocket and pull out a yo-yo.

"Oh boy a yo-yo," she said excitedly.

House chimed in. "Yeah and it glows in the dark too, so you can play with it in your room when you're supposed to be sleeping."

Cuddy looked down at Rachel and said, "I don't think so," as she ushered the guys into the house.

She followed them in and as Rachel led Wilson into her room to see her latest toys, House turned to Cuddy and took in an eyeful. She could feel his eyes roaming over her as he moved them up and down taking in her outfit.

"Is there something wrong with what I'm wearing?" She asked.

"Well if you are referring to the fact that you're wearing too much, then yeah. Otherwise, the _ladies_ are certainly looking fabulous this evening. I'm sure they're excited to see Wilson no doubt."

She smiled coyly and the moved closer to him looking up into his deep blue eyes. "Yes, they are very excited to see _Wilson,_" and she walked past him into the kitchen, leaving House speechless.

_This is going to be a long night,_ House thought to himself as he followed her, watching the way her ass swayed side to side. He thought to himself, _that is the finest ass I've ever seen._

"Hey House," Wilson yelled from Rachel's room. "You've got to see this."

Cuddy laughed as she turned around and watched House go into Rachel's room. Rachel loved science and had a lot of science toys. Cuddy was sure she wanted to share them with the guys. She smiled to herself and thought, _knowing them; they'll do more playing with them than she will._

A few minutes later, Wilson entered the kitchen where Cuddy was putting the finishing touches on dinner. He hugged her and said, "It's so good to see you," he said. "You look good."

"Thanks Wilson, so do you. Where are House and Rachel?" She asked as she hugged him back.

"Rachel is currently explaining the theory of gravity to him, well as best as a child can. When did she become so interested in science?"

"She finds it fascinating. She loves to ask questions, has to know why things are work the way they do."

"I think House definitely rubbed off on her."

"I think so too."

"So, are things okay with you?" He asked.

"You mean are things okay with _House_?"

"Well...yeah."

"Oh Wilson," she said putting her hand on his arm. "Some things never change, do they?" She asked him as she turned back to her cutting board.

"I just wanted to make sure...," he left off figuring she knew what he meant.

"I know and I appreciate your concern. House and I have been talking and we're trying to move past the things we've done to each other and work on figuring out where to go from here."

"I know it isn't easy. He hurt you a lot."

"I hurt him _too_."

"I know."

"Listen, I know you mean well," she said as she chopped the last of the tomatoes, "and I appreciate your concern for me, for both of us. We started with forgiving each other, the rest...well we're working on that. It'll take time but it actually feels _good_ to be where we are right now."

Wilson shook his head in agreement. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay with him being here, I mean it really hasn't been that long since you started talking to one another again."

"In all honesty, most of the anger is gone. He and I even talked about it, in fact...he _pushed_ me to lash out against him. He needed me to scream and yell at him for what he did that day. It needed to come out and when it did, it felt good. I think he felt relieved too. Afterwards, it was like this weight lifted. You know," she shook her head and laughed, "he's _always_ known how to get to me, he's _always_ known exactly what I need. I don't know how he does it. I guess, to answer your question Wilson, yeah I'm glad he's here and I don't give a goddamn what anyone thinks about it."

Wilson smiled. "That's great, it really is Cuddy."

"Yeah. It's good to see him. I really missed him. I guess it's because he's been part of my life for so long, I took for granted his presence in it and I think he did the same with me. Who would have thought after everything that happened, we'd be here, in my house, like this...talking, laughing. And yet here we are. We got another chance to try and make things right and I have to believe that there's a reason for it."

House and Rachel joined them in the kitchen as Cuddy finished her sentence.

"My ears are burning," House said as he stole a grape tomato from the salad.

"Let 'em keep burning House and get your fingers out of the salad, thank you," Cuddy said. Even with her back turned she knew what he was doing.

"Mommy, I showed Howse my new putty," she said looking up at her mother.

Wilson looked at House. "Her _what_?"

"Cuddy got her some of that glowing aura putty; it's a science toy for kids. You can bounce it, tear it, and stretch it and all kinds of cool stuff. It glows in the dark too. Pretty cool huh kid?" House said looking at Rachel.

"Yeah!"

House looked down at Rachel who was grinning from ear to ear. He smiled at her innocence and wished she'd never have to grow up and see the world for what it really was.

"Okay guys, dinner's ready," Cuddy said. She opened the oven and took out the enormous pan of lasagna she'd baked.

"Holy cow, woman what are you guys going to eat?" House's eyes got big looking at the delicious food in the pan.

"There's enough for all of us House, don't be a pig. C'mon guys let's go."

House and Wilson picked up the salad, wine and bread and took them into the dining room followed by Cuddy, Rachel and the lasagna. They all took their places at the table.

Cuddy told the guys to dig in as she served Rachel a small salad. Wilson and House jumped right into the lasagna.

"Oh wow, this is delicious," Wilson said.

"Hey there's meat in this. I thought you were a vegetarian," said House.

"Of course I am, those are _meatless_ crumbles."

"Huh?"

"You heard me. Meatless crumbles. Boca makes them from Soy."

"You're telling me this isn't meat?" He asked with a disgusted look on his face.

"That's right," Cuddy seemed proud that she had fooled him.

"Well, what the hell Cuddy? I require sustenance, not this soy shit."

"House! Don't curse around Rachel."

"Mommy, what is shit?" Rachel asked innocently.

"Oh God," Cuddy said giving House the look. Meanwhile, Wilson stuffed his mouth with another bite of lasagna trying not to laugh out loud.

House got the hint from Cuddy's evil eye, then looked at Rachel and said, "You shouldn't say that word, it's bad."

"But_ you_ said it," Rachel challenged.

House looked at Cuddy who had her head in her hands. "She is so _your_ daughter," he said.

Cuddy looked up and glared at him. "Okay, House no more cursing. Rachel, don't say that word again." Looking at Wilson she said, "And Wilson, stop laughing."

Everyone went back to their meal as Wilson and Cuddy discussed things at their respective hospitals. House just listened as he ate, not participating too much in the conversation, every now and then looking over to Cuddy to see how she reacted to Wilson's questions. He felt slightly uncomfortable when they talked about Foreman as Interim Dean at Princeton-Plainsboro. After all, it was yet another reminder of the repercussions of House's actions and he didn't want to be reminded.

Wilson noticed House's unusual silence. "House, you okay?"

"Yep, just listening."

"You never listen."

"Wilson, why do you hurt me so?" House asked as he put his hand over his heart.

Wilson rolled his eyes and turned back to Cuddy and continued the discussion. Rachel leaned over to House and out of the blue she said, "I'm glad you're here."

He just looked at her with a surprised expression. "You are?"

"Uh huh. Mommy's happy now."

"Really." He said as he looked over at Cuddy who was talking to Wilson and illustrating her point wildly with her hands in the air. He always loved the way she'd use her hands when she told a story. He continued to watch her, amazed at how even though some things about her had changed, so much remained the same.

Cuddy caught him watching her and she gave him a quick smile before looking back to Wilson to finish telling her story.

Eventually the conversation turned to a subject House could sink his teeth into...Cuddy's mother.

"So, how's Julia holding up?" Wilson asked.

"Actually she's doing well. It's taking her awhile to adjust but she finally got the house and cars switched over to her name and the insurance stuff settled which was a huge relief. Mom's been staying with her and it's really helped."

"Your_ mother?_ _Helpful?_" House laughed, nearly choking on his lasagna.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm surprised Julia isn't an alcoholic by now with your mother living in the same house."

"Hey, mom has changed...some since you last...since her hip surgery. Once her health improved, she actually got a little nicer."

"Yeah, dear old mom."

"Mom has her quirks but she really does care. She even liked _you._"

"After I saved her life, sure she liked me, they _all_ do," he said with a hint of arrogance.

Suddenly Rachel chimed in, "I like gramma."

House chuckled, looked at Cuddy, and nodded in Rachel's direction. "Give her a few years, she'll change her tune."

"Come on, I'm serious. Of course she's still a pain in the a-you know what," she caught herself before she cursed in front of Rachel. "But she's really been there for Julia."

"Your mom is a piece of work Cuddy." Wilson said.

"Well, I'll give you that. I remember how she used to drive my dad crazy at times; she likes to be in control and it's _her_ way or _no_ way."

"Sounds like _someone_ we all know."

Cuddy looked at House with a raised eyebrow. "Just what are you saying?"

Wilson watched the interaction between the two, wondering how far he would let it go before he intervened.

"Hey, I'm just making an observation."

"Just because I like things a certain way...there's nothing wrong with that." She said defensively.

House laughed.

"Hey, you're not being fair."

"Listen Cuddy, you don't just like things _a certain way_, they have to be perfect. You have to plan everything far in advance and then you stay up all night anticipating every conceivable outcome, every possible problem. _You_ have to be the decision maker and if things don't go just as planned, it makes you crazy."

Wilson nodded his head in agreement but neither of them noticed.

"I do not. I just believe...I just have a certain way I like to do things...the _right_ way."

House laughed again then took a sip of his wine.

Cuddy was flustered. "Why are we talking about _me_ here? I was talking about my mom and then you started on this whole control freak thing." Her cheeks were flushed from the wine and she was flailing her hands wildly.

"Listen _sweet cheeks_, when it comes to you and your mother, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And that one there," he pointed at a smiling Rachel stuffing her face with lasagna, "is going to be just like _her_ mother."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and then looked at Wilson. "A little _help_ here?"

Wilson just threw his hands in the air and said, "I'm staying out of this."

_"Seriously?"_ House and Cuddy asked at the same time, both looking at Wilson when they said it, and then they looked at one another and burst out laughing.

Wilson picked up his glass of wine and emptied it, then proceeded to pour himself another. He had a feeling it was going to be a_ long_ night.

* * *

><p>After dinner, Wilson and Cuddy cleaned up while House took Rachel into the living room to await dessert. Rachel kept looking at House with those big eyes and unsure what she wanted to do, he turned on the television and tried to find something to watch.<p>

"Howse where ya been?" Rachel asked suddenly, looking up at him with that innocent face.

House worried this moment would come and had hoped when it did, Cuddy would be there to help him. Now that he had to deal with it all alone he got nervous, not wanting to say the wrong thing but also wanting to be as truthful as he could in a way that a young child would understand.

He looked down at her then at his hands holding the remote in his lap. "Kid, it's a long story but a couple of years ago when you were younger, I got sick and it made me…I did some bad things I'm not proud of."

"What did you do?"

He thought about how to answer that. He never believed in sugar coating anything but with Rachel it was different, he didn't want her to know the exact truth because he didn't want to scare her.

"I hurt some people I care about a great deal."

Rachel looked at him thoughtfully. "Did you hurt mommy?"

"What makes you say that?" _God_, he thought, _this kid is too smart for her own good._

"When you left mommy cried a lot," she said sadly.

House didn't know how to react to that. He also wasn't sure how far to go with the conversation.

"I…uh…did some things that were not so nice and it made your mommy very sad and I'm really sorry for that."

"But where did you go?"

He thought about how to answer that. He couldn't go into detail but he always tried to be honest with her. "Well…when you do something wrong, what does your mom do to you?"

"I get punished."

"Right, but how does she punish you?"

Rachel looked toward the ceiling thoughtfully then replied, "She puts me in time out and takes away my toys."

"Well…in a way, that's what happened to me."

"Somebody put you in time out and take away your toys?" Rachel looked confused.

"Yeah I guess you could say that."

"Are you still sick?" She asked with a look of concern on her little face.

"No, I'm getting better every day."

"Do you hurt?" She asked in a sad tone as she gently patted his right thigh.

"Yes it still hurts, it will always hurt." He noticed the sad look on Rachel's face. "But it hurts a lot less now that I'm here," he said to reassure her. It worked because she smiled at him.

Rachel crawled onto House's lap and hugged him tightly. He wasn't sure what to do at first, but eventually he put his arms around her.

"What's that for kid?"

"When mommy takes me outta time out she hugs me and tells me she forgives me so now I hug and forgive you."

House didn't know what to say. His eyes misted over. _If only life was that simple_, he thought.

"Thanks kid."

"Okay now?" She asked looking at him smiling.

"Yeah, I think so."

From the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, Cuddy stood in shock just having heard the intimate conversation between House and Rachel. Neither one of them could see her but she had seen and heard everything. Slowly she backtracked into the kitchen where Wilson was getting another mug of coffee.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, I forgot something," she said. She seemed unsure what to do next.

"Cuddy, something happened in there."

"It's just, all this is happening so fast. I mean…I'm glad he's here but this morning he asked me what this was…me and him."

"Is there something?"

"Wilson there's always been something. But now things are different, I mean he's here, and he's in there with Rachel and she _loves_ him…"

"Do _you_ love him?"

"I never stopped loving him. It's just not that easy."

"Cuddy, it is that easy. The two of you have this…this thing nobody else has ever figured out and you keep getting sucked back into each other's lives. Two years ago I'd tell you that you two were crazy to even think about talking again much less seeing each other in person like you are now. House insists people don't change but he's dead wrong. He _has_ changed and so have you."

"What if we make the same mistakes again? What if we work through our past issues but other things come up again and we do the same stupid shit all over again?"

"You just face it together, you don't walk away." Wilson put down the mug of coffee and moved closer to her, putting his hands on her shoulders gently. "Cuddy, it's rare you find that one person that you feel complete with. I loved Amber and she was the most amazing woman I'd ever met. For me she was that person who made me feel complete and I lost her. I don't know if I will find anyone who can make me feel that way again but you better believe if I do, I'm never letting her go. You and House...you guys love each other and you care a great deal for one another. You've both made mistakes and you've hurt each other and you'll do that again, it's human nature. But something deep down, something none of us can explain, keeps pulling you together. Stop fighting it, just _go_ with it. Don't give in to fear because you'll regret it the rest of your life. You _know_ that."

"I know." She gave Wilson a hug. "I've missed this…you, me, House. It just feels so insanely normal."

"It is insane but it's _our_ normal and I've missed it too. It's not the same back home without you." He pulled back and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Hang in there; everything's going to be okay."

Cuddy placed her hands on his arms and looked into his eyes. "Thanks. You always know what to say. Come on, House is going to think we're making out if we don't get out there soon."

Cuddy and Wilson walked into the living room with coffee and dessert and were shocked at the sight before them. House was on the couch, head resting on the back of it, his shoeless feet were propped up on the coffee table. Sitting on his good leg and snuggled up against him was Rachel. Both of them were passed out cold.

As a tear slipped from Cuddy's eye at the scene in front of her, Wilson pulled out his phone and said, "I've got to get a picture of this."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, there you go. I spent some time thinking about the dinner. I didn't want them going into too much about personal things with Rachel at the table, but I wanted a little of the old banter. Remember, House and Cuddy have a lot of things to work through, and it will take time, but they are making progress and that is important here. I'm striving for believability here and keeping them in character. I hope I do them justice. I'm a sucker for consistency so please if you happen to catch a glitch let me know. The longer a story gets, the more a writer has to work to be sure to keep things consistent.<strong>

**Please leave a review on the way out. Also, if you don't have a FF account you can still review. Just type your name over the word "Guest" when you review so I know who you are! Jess**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N:** Thanks for all the great reviews on the last chapter. It sure was nice getting the three of them back together again wasn't it? Feels like old times. As we begin this chapter, it is still Friday evening at Cuddy's house.

* * *

><p>Apparently, House wasn't sleeping that soundly because as soon as Wilson took the picture of him and Rachel with his cell phone, House opened one eye and said, "You take one more and I'm going to tell everyone you shave your pubes."<p>

"I do not."

"Oh but you _will_ next time you're passed out drunk on my couch."

"Okay, okay, you win," Wilson threw his hands up in surrender as he put the phone back in his pocket. "He's ruthless you know," he said to Cuddy.

"Oh please, how long have you known him?" She asked, laughing.

Rachel opened her eyes and looked at Cuddy. "I fell sleep on House," she giggled.

"Why yes you did. Do you want to go to bed?"

"Can you read me a story?"

"I think I can do that," Cuddy said as she leaned down to gather her daughter in her arms.

"Can Hows come too?"

Cuddy looked at House. He put on his best "don't wanna" face but as he did he noticed both Cuddy women adorned their pouty faces knowing he would not resist.

"You two are evil temptresses," he said. Cuddy just shook her head and laughed at him.

"Wanna say nite to Unca Jimmy," Rachel said as she lay in Cuddy's arms. Cuddy took the sleepy child over to Wilson who kissed her on the forehead and told her goodnight.

As House followed Cuddy and Rachel down the hall, Wilson planted himself on the couch. After everything that happened, he never imagined the three of them would ever be in the same room together again. Wilson was happy for his friends but it made him a little sad that while they were drawn together by some force, he still couldn't find someone right for him. He sighed, kicked off his shoes, put his feet up on the table, and waited for his friends to return.

Meanwhile, in Rachel's room, she had changed into her pajamas and was snuggled under her covers with her stuffed duck. House sat in the rocking chair looking on as Cuddy lay on the bed with Rachel reading Dr. Seuss. House chuckled silently to himself that a modern-age toddler would like the same stories both he and Cuddy had read when they were her age. He closed his eyes and rocked back and forth listening to Cuddy read _Hop on Pop_. He remembered when his own mother had read stories to him when he was little. She would do it nearly every night when he was a small child. House cherished those times with his mother, when it was just the two of them and his father wasn't around. When his father was home, he'd remark that boys didn't need bedtime stories. Blythe countered that reading was good for a boy's imagination. His father scoffed at that, grumbling that soldiers didn't need an imagination.

House was so lost in the memories that he never realized Cuddy had finished reading the story to Rachel. He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder which shook him out of his thoughts.

"You okay?" She asked, concerned.

"Just thinking."

She stood before him, so petite and beautiful in her bare feet. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted him to tell her what he was thinking.

He hesitated then realized that it was important to share these moments with her if they were going to trust one another again. "I was thinking about how my mom used to read me stories and my dad would tell her I needed to toughen up if I was going to be a soldier."

"Did you _want_ to be a soldier?"

"Nope. When he started harping on me about it when I was Rachel's age, I vowed I would do everything I could not to become like him. I admired the guys who were soldiers, most of them were pretty good guys and I thought they were brave as hell for putting their lives on the line. A lot of my friends wanted to follow in their dad's footsteps, but I was not one of them. I didn't want to be like _him_."

"Even when you were five years old he never gave you a break, did he?"

"Nope."

Cuddy wanted to talk more about his relationship with his father but knew they had time for that. Instead she decided to say something to encourage him. "House, I just want you to know I'm thankful to you for reading to Rachel, even if you did keep it a secret. I think I understand now why it was so important to you."

"Thanks," he said, looking up at her. There was softness in her eyes that conveyed to him she really did understand and appreciate what he had done.

She reached her hand out towards him. "Come on, let's go find Wilson and have some éclairs, they're from the best bakery in Boston."

House, not one to resist the temptation of food, practically leaped out of the rocker. As he stood, he rubbed his thigh and held on to her for support for a moment.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's not as bad as it could be. It's just a combo of working out and sitting too long tonight."

"House?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean what you said to Rachel earlier?"

"Huh?"

Cuddy wasn't sure if she should reveal what she heard but she didn't want any secrets between them. "Well, what you said to Rachel about…your leg feeling better now that you're here. Did you really mean that?"

House looked down at his feet; he hadn't realized she heard the conversation. Cuddy sensed his uneasiness and placed her hand gently on the side of his face, silently asking him to open up to her.

"I meant it. Being around you and Rachel keeps me from thinking about my leg."

She smiled. "I know it took a lot for you to say that and I appreciate you trusting me," and she kissed him gently on the cheek.

"Just don't spread the word okay? I have a reputation to keep up. If people think I'm a nice guy, bad things could happen." He just smirked at her.

"Oh come on," she said as she led him by hand down the hallway into the living room where Wilson waited.

"What took you guys so long?" Wilson asked when they made it to the living room.

"Oh I sooo tapped that," he joked, pointing his cane at Cuddy. She just looked at him horrified.

"Don't listen to him Wilson. I was reading Rachel a Dr. Seuss story and it was a big long," she replied. "She was really tired and now she's down for the night."

"Where's dessert? I'm starved," House said as he made himself at home in the recliner and put his feet up.

"Geez, we ate over an hour ago," said Wilson. "Are you a bottomless pit?"

"I'm a growing boy."

"Oy vey. I'll be right back." Cuddy went into the kitchen to grab the baked goods, returning moments later with a plate of homemade chocolate éclairs. She set it on the table and sat on the couch opposite Wilson. The two men did not hesitate to make a grab for the luscious chocolate cream-filled goodies. Cuddy had to laugh watching them; they were like two little boys.

House took a bite of his éclair and rolled his eyes in delight. Cuddy smiled, she knew he loved a good éclair and these were amazing. "Glad you like it," she said. "There's more where that came from."

"Hey Wilson, I think Cuddy's trying to get down our pants with these things cause right now I'd do whatever she wanted if she kept feeding me these for the rest of my life."

Wilson just rolled his eyes at House, but as he took a bite out of his éclair, he let out a moan. Cuddy just shook her head laughing. "I should get pictures of you guys eating those things, it's almost pornographic."

They ate their dessert in relative silence, enjoying each other's company, no words necessary. When she finished her dessert, Cuddy asked. "So, Wilson, how's your love life?"

House laughed out loud.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"It's just that the words _Wilson_ and _love life_ in the same sentence are kinda funny, don't you think?"

"Oh leave him alone," she said.

"Well it's true. I mean come on, Wilson doesn't have a problem _getting_ women, he just has a problem _keeping_ them."

Wilson chimed in. "I'll have you know House, I could keep them if I wanted to, and I just haven't found the right one yet."

"What about Cuddy's friend?"

"Sharon?"

"Yeah she's hot and smart and my guess is she wouldn't put up with your shit."

"I don't really know her that well."

"So? That's never stopped you before."

"She seems nice but I'm just not ready."

"Oh I get it, you're not ready for the _kid_, right?"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call myself a father figure, would you?"

"Wilson, believe me, you'd make a great dad," Cuddy intervened figuring Wilson needed an ally.

"Thank you, Cuddy," he said giving House a dirty look. House just stuck his tongue out in return.

House turned his focus on Cuddy. "So, Cuddles, what about you? All this time you've been here and not a man in the picture?"

Wilson looked at him, "Come on maybe you shouldn't be going there."

"No, it's okay Wilson," she said. She put her coffee cup down and frowned at both of them. "I appreciate you trying to be my buffer but we're going to have to talk about things that happened in our lives after House crashed his car into my home." She watched as House cringed just a little hearing those words.

She looked at House and smiled and spoke softly. "House, I know it makes you uncomfortable, hell it still does that to me sometimes but it's in the past and we have to move on. This can't be the elephant in the room, if it is we can't move forward."

House nodded but didn't say anything.

"You have to admit it does feel a bit weird," Wilson chimed in. "I mean, you left, House went to prison, everything…well…everything changed."

"It did but House and I have been talking about this and we're working on moving past it together, but I want all three of us to finally find a way to figure out how to deal with it so that when we have moments like this," she said motioning her hand in a circle to point at the three of them, "we don't have to skip over things or try to avoid certain conversations."

"It is weird and I know it's hard for you," she said, leaning forward and putting her hand on House's knee, "but you know how I feel. If anything, I want to talk about it but for the purpose of understanding where we were, why it happened and how we can learn from it, and we can learn from it. Hell I think we already have, don't you?"

House nodded in agreement. He just watched Cuddy and was in awe of her strength and courage more than ever before. Her desire to work through this and deal with it directly rather than shove it under the rug and avoid it at all costs amazed him. He always admired Cuddy for her ability to attack problems head-on but generally she applied that methodology to her work, not to her private life. Yes, Cuddy had changed and he began to believe that he didn't have to cringe or hide his feelings when discussing what happened. It was hard not to though because every time he thought of it, it reminded him how much he hurt her…and Rachel.

"So you're okay talking about your life here and things that have happened since you moved here?" Wilson asked.

"I have to be. It's the only way to really move on," she replied.

"You guys know I suck at this touchy-feely crap, right? I mean, don't expect a miracle," he said in a tone meant to convey annoyance but both Wilson and Cuddy knew it was his way of deflecting. They both knew he wanted to deal with it and put it in the past forever.

"House, as miracles go, I think the fact we're all three sitting here right now speaks for itself don't you think?"

House scoffed. Cuddy laughed. Wilson just rolled his eyes again.

"So Cuddles, since we're baring our souls, you gonna answer my question?" House asked sarcastically.

"You mean about _men_? No House, there haven't been any and you know it."

"You see Wilson, nobody compares…"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Shut up House."

Looking at Wilson she said, "Honestly, I just didn't want to get into another relationship. A few people tried to set me up but….it just wasn't right for me."

House gave Wilson his "do I know what I'm talking about or what?" look.

"Anyone at your new job know about…what happened?" Wilson asked, trying to ignore House and his big fat ego.

"Not that I know of. Oh there's this guy…in Cardiology…says he knew all about me, that I'd been Dean at Princeton and he even said he heard I was a tough bitch."

"Wow, he said that?"

"Yeah."

"What an ass."

Cuddy frowned and she looked uncomfortable discussing it. House sensed it and decided to push a little.

"Cuddy, did he say something else?" he asked.

"_Nothing_, I don't want to talk about it."

House knew when something was bothering her; clearly this guy had done something to upset her.

"You can tell us," Wilson insisted.

Cuddy sighed. She'd always known House and Wilson were protective of her. She figured it wouldn't hurt to tell them considering the chances of them meeting that creep were slim to none and she wouldn't have to worry about a confrontation.

"Okay fine, if it'll get you to drop it." She sighed before telling them what happened. "Not too long ago, we had a meet and greet for the fellowship program at a hotel downtown. When it was over, I was sitting at the bar; I just wanted to finish my wine before I left. There was hardly anyone there and I was minding my own business. This guy introduces himself to me and then starts coming on to me."

House leaned forward twirling his cane between his knees, listening intently, trying to hide his emotions. He absolutely hated the thought of Cuddy with other men.

Wilson asked, "So what did _you_ do?"

"I told him to leave me alone. He put his hand on my arm and started rubbing it and calling me _Lise_ and it was just creepy. When I turned down his offer to go home with him he started calling me a… whore and cock tease or some shit like that. He wouldn't leave me alone. Finally, I ran out and caught a cab home."

House was pissed but remained silent. His hands gripped his cane tightly till his knuckles were white. If there was one thing he would not tolerate it was a man trying to force a woman into sex, what made him angrier was this woman was Cuddy. Nobody treated her like that and got away with it.

Wilson noticed House was upset about what Cuddy had told them, but figured he would talk to him about it later.

"What's his name?" House asked.

"House, don't even bother, it's not worth it. I let it go, you should too."

House didn't say another word about it but Wilson had a feeling this wasn't the end of it.

They proceeded to talk more about whatever came to mind; their jobs, Wilson's failed relationships, monster trucks, House's patients, and a whole host of other things. After Cuddy's remarks about wanting to deal with what happened by not avoiding it, the conversation between them seemed to flow easily. House felt a bit more relaxed and returned to his usual snarky self, Cuddy indulged in a lot of eye-rolling at the two men and Wilson played mediator and peacemaker. All in all, it was business as usual. Before they knew it, it was midnight and Wilson had to leave because he had to be at a panel early in the morning. He asked House if he was going back with him but House and Cuddy wanted to stay up longer and talk. Wilson hugged Cuddy and bid her goodbye for the evening and headed back to the hotel.

Cuddy and House were finally alone; the only light in the room were a few candles she'd lit hours earlier to create a more comfortable mood for the three of them. They sat on the couch opposite one another. House rubbed his leg and put it on the coffee table.

"Hurts again?"

"It comes and goes, elevating it helps."

"I'm an idiot."

"You don't say?" House's curiosity was piqued.

"Really, it took me years to figure out why you had your feet up all the time. I used to give you a hard time about it. You weren't lazy, the pain wasn't so bad when you had it up was it?"

"No."

"I also came to another realization too."

"What's that?"

"All the times I used to give you shit about not coming in to work until late…you had a good reason, and it had nothing to do with staying up too late with hookers or porn."

House nodded but didn't reply. He just kept massaging his thigh and looking down at his lap.

"You weren't sleeping well at night; the pain level was always the worst in the morning. I didn't realize that until we were together and for whatever goddamn reason I didn't just come out and tell you that I finally got it."

"It's okay Cuddy."

"No, it's not. I was so blind to so much of your pain. You were so damn good at hiding it. I should have been better at spotting it."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. Like you said, I was good at hiding it, for a reason. I didn't want people to know how much pain I was in, you know how I am."

"I know. I wish that had changed when we were together. I wish you would have let me in."

"Me too."

"Ya know, I'm proud of you."

"For what?"

"Deciding to manage your pain with something other than Vicodin. I watched you battle your pain and your addiction over the years and at times it nearly killed you. I know this must be so hard for you and I am just so proud of your resilience."

"Like I said before, it was a matter of life or death, I chose life."

"You always choose life. You're a fighter House; you're not the kind of man to go down without fighting to his last breath. I've always admired that about you."

"You admire something about me?"

"You're kidding right? You have an ego the size of New Jersey, there's no way you didn't know that!" Cuddy smiled at him. She looked as if she wanted to ask him something. House couldn't resist prodding her about it. "Do you want to ask me something?"

"How did you know?"

"You have a tell."

"Do I?"

"Yep."

"Care to share it?"

"Oh hell no, giving it away would be like revealing who shot JFK, what really happened at Roswell, or the real identity of Keyser Soze. If I tell you there'll be black helicopters, I'll disappear, hell we could witness the End of Days, or Armageddon…."

Cuddy cut him off suddenly. "Okay House, I get it," she said laughing.

"I think I'll hold on to your tells if you don't mind."

"I still can't get over how you can read people."

"It's a gift, the ladies love it."

"Sure." She laughed. "I heard the ladies are banging down your door."

"Some would say they're banging to get out." They both laughed.

"So is there something you want to ask me?"

"Yeah only I'm not sure how so I better just ask."

"Shoot."

"Do you still resent me for what I did to your leg?"

House couldn't imagine what she was going to ask him but he certainly didn't expect this. "Why would I?"

"Every time I see you in pain, I know it's my fault. I talked Stacy into it, knowing it wasn't what you wanted. It was selfish of me, of us. She didn't want to lose you and I…neither did I."

"You did what you had to do Cuddy. How is it any different from what I do with my own patients?"

"It is different. The decision left you in pain for the rest of your life. Our selfishness cost you so much."

"I could have died if you had done it my way."

"Or not," she said quietly.

"Cuddy you know the numbers, I won't repeat them. They weren't in my favor." House knew she would not let the matter rest until it was discussed to her satisfaction. He braced himself because he was going to tell her the truth about how he felt after the infarction and he wasn't sure how she would take it but she had wanted complete honesty and he was trying to give her that. He just didn't want to hurt her doing it.

"Cuddy, I don't talk about the infarction because there's nothing I can do to change things but since you want to talk about it I will. After it happened, I hated what you and Stacy did to me. I hated you both for taking away the use of my leg." House looked up at Cuddy to see a stunned look on her face. Her mouth was open but she said nothing. He took that opportunity to continue.

"You went against what I wanted; you took the control of my life away from me. You were not just my attending, you were my _friend_. I didn't want to use that option because I knew that I would be in pain for the rest of my life and it's not how I wanted to live. I knew I would no longer be able to do the things I used to do; I knew people would take pity on the cripple and see me as different. I didn't want that."

Cuddy swallowed hard. She wanted to cry but was steadfast in keeping it inside. She feared that if she shed tears House might clam up out of guilt. She needed him to talk about it, for their sake.

House continued. If they were talking about it, he might as well tell her everything. "I think you feel partly responsible for Stacy and me breaking up. Before the infarction, things with Stacy were already going south. If that hadn't happened we would have probably split up anyway. I loved Stacy but we wanted different things, it just took five years for us to realize it. I pushed her away knowing she was likely going to leave anyway but she didn't deserve to be treated like shit. She made the decision she did because she wanted me to live. I hated her for what she did but I eventually forgave her because I realized I probably would have done the same thing if it had been her laying in that bed dying."

"Did you ever tell her that?"

"No, by the time I realized it, she was long gone. I only admitted it to myself after she left with Mark. There didn't ever seem to be a reason to tell her after that and I really didn't want to get in contact with her either."

"That had to be difficult for you not to tell her."

"She'd moved on with her life, I didn't see any reason to bring it up. You however were a different story."

"Me?"

"Yep. You saved my life and I thanked you for it by giving you as much pain and misery as I thought you had given to me. Instead of trying every possible treatment to make my leg better, I lashed out at everyone, especially you, blaming you every chance I got."

House looked down in his lap and Cuddy just sat there, in shock at his admission. She couldn't understand where it was coming from this is what she'd been wanting all these years, for House to open up to her.

"I was too much of a fucking coward to try and fix my life. I took it out on you and that was wrong. I couldn't understand why you kept sticking by me through everything. Every time I was in trouble, you were _there._ I never understood, after everything I'd done to you to make your life hell."

"I was there partly because I felt it was my fault you were so fucked up but mostly because I really did care. I always cared. I just wish you would have talked to me. I think about all the anger you carried with you for so long and how it festered and hurt you and the people you care about. If you'd been able to get help, talk about it, maybe we could have found a way for you to move on and enjoy your life."

"Cuddy, you knew me in college, you know I was screwed up long before the infarction."

"But House, I remember you laughing and being happy. We had some really good times. You were so much fun and carefree."

"I was still screwed up though. Blame dear old dad for that one. As screwed up as I was, before the infarction I did feel good, I liked my life. Afterwards, I hated it. I thrived on misery and did my best to make everyone around me as miserable as I was. You can see where that got me eventually."

"Yeah."

"Don't you dare blame yourself. I had every opportunity to try and alleviate my pain through methods that didn't turn me into a drug addict but I didn't take those routes, instead I chose to medicate myself into oblivion. That was my choice; you had nothing to do with it."

"But House..." she said, her voice full of sadness, "your pain made you no longer care _whether you lived or died_. Look at all the stupid stunts you pulled over the years which almost killed you. You never would have done that before the infarction. It hurt so much to watch you go through it time and time again. I worried if the next one would be the one that finally killed you. That last time…in the bathtub. I can't tell you how it scared the hell out of me."

"You were there, every time. Wilson never could understand it. I wanted to believe it was because there was something still there between us." House looked at her after he said that, wondering about her response.

"There was always something there, it never left." She smiled at him and took his hand. "House, you do know that I've never judged you because of your limp and I never thought you any less of a man because of it, right?"

"I may have given you shit over the years but one of the biggest reasons I loved arguing with you is because you didn't care about my leg, you didn't hold back because I was a cripple. You came at me with both barrels and I liked it. I _needed _it."

"I think I did too. There are times now when I'm at work and walking up and down the halls and wishing for that same banter we used to have. There were times I felt like shit and just seeing you, arguing with you over some procedure, made me feel better."

"Cuddy, if I forgive you for the surgery, then it implies you did something that requires forgiveness. I don't think you did anything wrong but if it will make you forgive yourself then fine, I forgive you."

"Thank you," she said. Her eyes were misty; it had been a very emotional conversation.

"Oh shit, come here." He rolled his eyes and nodded as he opened his arms. She moved closer and relaxed into him.

"Have you noticed that every time we have a talk like this, we wind up in this position?"

"You don't like it?"

"I didn't say that."

They sat there a few minutes perfectly content to just be close. No words were spoken and none were needed.

"So what do you guys want to do tomorrow?" He asked as he stroked her hair.

"You want to do something with Rachel and me?"

"Well duh. Wilson's brochure mentioned something about a children's museum downtown."

"The Boston Children's Museum, Rachel loves that place. We went there once but didn't have enough time to see everything. She's wanted to go back."

"Well then we'll go there."

"Oh wow, she'll love it, thank you."

"You're welcome," he said in a sleepy voice.

"You sound beat."

"Actually, I am."

"I think we should get some sleep."

"Do you mind if I crash on the couch?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Oh," he replied wondering why she didn't want him to stay. "I'll get a cab."

Sensing the misunderstanding, she quickly added, "No, that's not what I mean, I do want you to stay, just not on the _couch_," she said shyly at him.

He raised an eyebrow and said, "Dr. Cuddy, are you asking me to _sleep_ with you?"

"I'm asking you to sleep in my bed with me. Do you think you can do that and _only_ that?"

"Hmm, I don't know."

"I'll get the sheets."

"Wait! I can do it." He wouldn't pass up a chance to be near her as they slept.

He got up from the couch and grabbed his cane as she walked quickly around the room blowing out candles, then he followed her down the hallway. They checked in on Rachel first who was sleeping soundly. When they got to Cuddy's bedroom, he automatically went to the side of the bed that was his when they were together. He looked up at her as if asking permission.

"You remember," she said, with a smirk.

"How could I forget?" He smiled at the thoughts of the many nights spent with her in that bed.

She rummaged through her drawers grabbing a pair of short shorts and tank top to sleep in. "I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

While Cuddy was gone, House took the opportunity to undress down to his boxers, placing his clothes on her dresser. He sat on the bed waiting for her as he rubbed his thigh. Cuddy exited the bathroom and House looked over at her. Her hair was down and around her shoulders; the tank top and shorts fit snugly against her body. To him, she looked like an angel. "Bathroom's all yours," she said. "The spare toothbrush is still there for you and I got you a fresh towel."

"Thanks," he said as he limped to the bathroom and closed the door.

As late as it was Cuddy still went through her nightly routine, putting lotion on her arms and legs and stretching for a few minutes. As she climbed under the covers and waited for House, she thought about how routine this seemed, the two of them getting ready for bed. It reminded her of the old days. She couldn't believe that he was here, in her house, at this moment and about to sleep in the same bed with her again. Her heart jumped with excitement. How she had longed to be next to him like this for so long. Ten minutes later, a freshly showered House walked out of the bathroom and crawled under the covers on his side of the bed.

"House, are you sure you're okay sleeping in here?" She asked before turning out the lights.

"Yeah, are you okay with it?"

"I wouldn't have asked you if I wasn't."

"Because you know I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"I know, but it's no good for your leg."

House frowned at the thought that she was only doing this for his leg. For a few minutes they were silent.

"House?"

"Yeah."

"I lied."

"About what?"

"I wanted you to sleep in here with me but it had nothing to do with your leg. I just wanted you next to me."

House smiled to himself. "Get over here, woman."

Cuddy smiled and scooted backwards toward the middle of the bed as House moved towards her. He put his arms around her waist and spooned her. Cuddy laid her hands over his and sighed. Neither of them said a word, hoping the other had fallen asleep. House broke the silence.

"Cuddy, you still awake?"

"Yeah."

"I missed this."

"Me too."

Cuddy turned over and faced him. They were face to face with their noses touching and each could feel each other's warm breath. House pulled her as close to him as he could. "Cuddy," he said softly but before he could say anything else their lips connected. The kiss was soft and gentle and full of longing. House parted her lips with his tongue and she opened for him, their tongues gently caressing one another, both moaning at the pleasure they felt. As they kissed, Cuddy's hands moved to massage House's scalp while House kept his arms around her waist and held her tight. After what seemed an eternity, they broke apart, both in desperate need for air.

"Wow," she said.

"_Wow_ is right. Want to do that again?"

"Oh God yes," she said as she leaned in to kiss him again. She moved on top of him, mindful of his right thigh, and as they kissed tenderly he slid his hands under her top and ran his hands up and down her back, pulling her towards him, enjoying the feel of her warm bare skin. House could feel her pointed nipples through her tank top against his bare chest and Cuddy could feel his manhood rising to the occasion. They kissed for a long time, using their hands to feel as much of each other as they could. They came up for air every now and then but the kissing and touching continued as if their lives depended on it. They broke apart for air once again and just stared at one another. They were breathing hard and their hearts were pounding. The sexual tension between them was indescribable but given everything they'd been through, neither wanted to rush it.

"House, let's take this slow, okay?"

"Yeah," he said. Then he laughed and asked, "Did I just say that?"

"You did and I'm shocked," she said. "When this happens between us I want it to be right."

"I know. God, I have missed kissing you." He just stared into her eyes and felt like he could see straight into her soul.

"Me too, House."

"Wanna get some sleep?" He asked, yawning.

"We should if we're going to get up early and take Rachel to the Museum."

They curled up again with her back to him as he spooned her from behind, his nose in her hair, taking in the wonderful scent of her shampoo. As he held her close he whispered, "Goodnight, Cuddy."

She placed her hands over his as they wrapped around her waist protectively. "Goodnight, House."

* * *

><p>House woke the next morning at the crack of dawn, still a bit tired, but feeling quite rested. He looked over and saw Cuddy wasn't there. He moved to her side of the bed and lay there inhaling the scent from her pillow. He loved her scent. His mind drifted to the previous night and he smiled when he thought about the pure raw passion in their kisses. It was like a dream come true for him for he never thought he would ever have the chance to kiss those lips again. Now that he was here, with her, he never wanted to leave.<p>

He sat up and rubbed his thigh a few minutes and did some stretches before he limped to the bathroom to do his business. He assumed Cuddy was doing her yoga; it was the one thing that truly relaxed her in the mornings. As he stopped by Rachel's room, he noticed the little girl was still asleep. .

"Cuddy?" He called out as he entered the living room. There was no response.

He looked outside and noticed her car was gone. When he walked into the kitchen, he found the note she left next to the coffee pot letting him know she had run out for milk and orange juice and would be right back. He poured his coffee and went into the living room to watch some television. A few minutes later, Rachel padded her way into the living room and climbed on the couch next to him. Her eyes were still half closed as she asked, "Where's mommy?"

"She went to the store, she'll be right back. What do ya want to watch, kid?"

"Toons."

"I can handle that," he said as he switched on the Cartoon Network just in time for the Flintstones.

Forty-five minutes later Cuddy still hadn't returned and both he and Rachel were hungry. House figured she'd decided to get more groceries while she was out. He made them a couple of omelets with mushrooms and cheese. The two ate breakfast together on the couch as they watched cartoons. House had to convince Rachel to keep it a secret because he assumed Cuddy would have a fit if she found out they'd eaten on her couch.

A few minutes after they finished breakfast, House's cell phone rang. He answered without bothering to check the caller ID.

"House," he said in his usual monotonous phone greeting.

"House, it's Sharon."

"What's up?"'

"There's been an accident."


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N:** Normally I update every Friday/Saturday so it's highly unusual but these last three chapters flowed and I wanted to get them out. The story picks up on Saturday morning at Cuddy's house. Remember, it may seem like an eternity but House has only been in Boston since Thursday afternoon!

Thank you Veronique & MystryGAB for their help re: the pain/medical stuff and thanks to GratefulInsomniac who left me this review that had me rolling:

**_"So, i was sitting in this peaceful, lovely meadow...and this cute, little, fluffy bunny came up to me...and said, look at my little cotton tail, and pretty twitchy nose, and then...it pounced on my chest screaming "ANGST BUNNY!" and gnawed my face off! :-)"_**

* * *

><p>House's heart dropped in his chest and he felt lightheaded. <em>Please, not Cuddy.<em> He swallowed hard.

"Where is she?" He asked Sharon.

"The ER at Mass General."

House hung up the phone and looked over at Rachel. _Rachel._ _What am I going to tell her?_

"Rachel, I need you to get dressed, we have to go out."

"What about mommy?"

"We'll see her in a bit but first we have to make a stop. Go get dressed okay?"

"Okay." Rachel bounded off to her room.

House headed back to Cuddy's bedroom and got dressed. He sat on her side of the bed and picked up her pillow and held it to his nose, inhaling her scent. Just a few hours ago everything was good and she was wrapped safely in his arms and now she lay in a hospital. _How am I going to do this?_ He thought. _I can do this. I can be there, I want to be there for her._

By the time he made his way back into the living room, Rachel was already dressed in pink shorts and yellow shirt; she even had her shoes on and tied correctly. House called a cab and paid the driver extra to get them to the hospital _safely_ in less than fifteen minutes; they made it there in ten. House limped into the ER with Rachel holding his hand, the little girl was curious as to why they were visiting her mother's workplace. He spotted Sharon at the nurse's station and approached her slowly so as not to alarm Rachel.

"Sharon!" Rachel yelled and ran over to her. Sharon smiled and ran her fingers through Rachel's hair and took her hand.

"What happened?" House asked her in a low voice.

Sharon took a deep breath and spoke quietly. "It happened about thirty minutes ago, near her house. The witnesses said a heavy duty pickup truck ran a light and hit her, causing the car to spin and hit a tree.

"How bad?"

"She's got a grade three concussion, no broken bones or fractures and no bleeding that they can find. She's unconscious right now. It's a miracle House, it really is. That truck hit her in the _rear driver's side_ and when it spun it hit the tree making impact on the _passenger's side_."

"How did you find out? Were you working?"

"No, actually last month I encouraged Lisa to fill out this emergency information card I found online, you put in contact info, blood type, allergies, and such. She did this for both her and Rachel. I'm her emergency contact so they called me immediately. Thank God they did." She noticed House gripped his cane tightly and she placed her hand on his arm. "She'll be okay House, she was lucky."

Though he was relieved it wasn't worse, House wouldn't relax until he could see for himself she was okay.

"I need to see her."

"I know. She's in room five."

"Can you...watch Rachel for me?" He asked. "Would you call Wilson, too? He's at the conference."

"I've got this...you go," she said patting him on the arm. Before she walked away, she said, "I'll make sure your name is in her file at the nurse's station."

House nodded his thanks and limped into the small cubicle in the ER where Cuddy lay unconscious. His heart fell when he saw her lying in the bed hooked up to monitors. She had cuts on her arms and on her face, most likely from shattered glass, a few bruises on her arms and one on her chin and forehead. He picked up her chart and read it, the physician in him taking over and making sure everything was done right.

He pulled the recliner next to her bed and sat in it, leaning forward and taking her hand in his. "Cuddy," he said softly, "I'm here now."

A few minutes later, an older man, tall and white-haired with glasses, wearing a white physician's coat, entered the room. House reached for his cane so he could stand but the doctor put his hand on House's shoulder to stop him.

"No need to stand son, you just sit right there." He offered his hand to House. "I'm Dr. Burt Kelly, Dr. Cuddy's attending."

"Gregory House." House acknowledged with a handshake.

"I know."

"Have we met?" House asked curiously.

"Actually, _no_, but I saw your name in her file at the nurse's station. Dr. Carr made sure I knew to speak with you. Son, your reputation for solving the toughest diagnostic cases in the country is pretty damn impressive. I've read your journal articles. I must say it's an honor to meet you."

"Most people wouldn't consider it an honor."

"Screw 'em. I know your methods are questionable but you've got your reasons for doing it that way, I respect that. You're a hell of a doctor."

House nodded his appreciation.

Dr. Kelly picked up Cuddy's chart and initialed it. He took off his glasses and looked at House somberly. House's heart jumped in his chest, thinking maybe the doctor was going to tell him they missed something.

"Someone up there," Dr. Kelly said, pointing upward, "was looking out for Lisa today because she should have been in much worse shape. Dr. Carr told me Lisa's car was totaled." He shook his head in amazement and continued, "Other than cuts and bruises, she's got no broken bones and one _hell_ of a concussion. It's a grade three but there's no edema or bleeding. She'll need to be monitored for awhile but I want to keep her here for a day or two, to make absolutely sure she's okay before I send her home."

House let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He just looked at Cuddy and caressed her hand.

"You called her _Lisa_. Do you know her?" He asked the older gentleman.

"My wife and I used to have lunch together downstairs in the cafeteria nearly every day for years but...she died six months ago. One day, not long after that, Lisa walked into the cafeteria and saw me sitting by myself and asked if she could join me. I guess I looked kind of lonely. Anyway, she looked that way too...and a little sad...so I welcomed her company. She reminded me so much of my daughter who lives across the country and well...we decided to have lunch together once a week. She's a pretty amazing woman," he said smiling down at Cuddy in the hospital bed.

"Yeah, she is."

The softness in House's voice and the way he looked at Cuddy when he said it did not go unnoticed by Dr. Kelly. "You obviously care about her a great deal."

House nodded.

As Dr. Kelly talked with House a few more minutes about Cuddy's condition, Sharon was in the waiting room with Rachel, who sensed something was wrong and anxious because no one would tell her. Sharon had just gotten off the phone with Wilson who was on his way to the hospital when Rachel asked, "Where's mommy Sharon?"

"Listen Rach, your mommy was in a little accident and right now the doctors are checking her out."

"Is she gonna be okay?" Rachel asked as she started crying.

"Of course she is, I promise." Sharon comforted her until House walked out of the room where Cuddy was sleeping.

"Hows! Did you see mommy?" She cried as she ran over and hugged his good leg.

"I'll go sit with Lisa, you talk to her," Sharon told him as she left them alone.

"Hey munchkin, don't cry, mom's going to be okay."

"She is?"

"Sure, I'm a _doctor_ you know."

Rachel wiped her nose and put her arms around House's neck. "I glad you here Hows." She held on to him tightly. He didn't know what else to do but put his arms around her and rock her until she calmed down. Moments later, Wilson arrived in the ER.

"House! What the hell happened?" He asked as House cradled a sniffling Rachel close to him.

"Some SOB ran a red light and hit Cuddy," House barely choked out the words. He knew Cuddy would be okay but the thought that she could have been killed hit him hard.

"Is she okay?"

"She will be. Grade three concussion, no bleeding or swelling and no broken bones."

"Oh thank God."

"Hey munchkin do you think you'll be okay with Uncle Jimmy for a bit? I want to go check on mom."

"Can I see her?"

"When she wakes up you'll be the first one okay?"

"Mmkay," she said as she reached her arms out to Wilson who took her from House.

"Go ahead House, I'll be here."

House walked into room five and saw Sharon sitting there next to Cuddy, holding her hand. House took the chair on the other side of the bed and took Cuddy's other hand, the one with the IV in it. He ran his fingers up and down her arm, hoping it would wake her. They kept vigil on either side, no words necessary. A few minutes later, Sharon's cell phone buzzed, she checked it and said, "House, it's my sister, she's got Hannah so I need to take this."

"Go, I've got her," he said softly.

House softly stroked Cuddy's hair. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you." He kept thinking about how they were finally getting back to some kind of normalcy in their lives and as usual something had to fuck it all up. _It always does_, he thought. _Every single goddamn time I feel like I have something good in my life, it gets ripped away from me._ Still holding her hand, he put his head down on the bed next to her and dozed off as he listened to the rhythm of her breathing.

_He was seventeen and a senior in high school. He was riding his ten-speed returning home from lacrosse practice when a black and white border collie caught up with him and began running beside him. House tried to shoo the dog away and told it to go home it just stuck with him. Finally he arrived home and the dog followed him into the fenced yard, tail wagging._

_House put his bike away, closed the gate and bent down to inspect his follower more closely. "Well hey there, where do you live little guy?" House checked him over for injuries and identification tags, finding neither. The dog wasn't undernourished and seemed healthy. House had never had many pets because they moved so much but he thought maybe there was a reason this dog followed him home. Though his father objected, griping that House wasn't responsible enough to have a dog, House's mother let him keep the dog in the fenced yard for a week and told him if nobody claimed him he could keep him so long as he maintained responsibility for the dog. Nobody claimed the dog and so House named him "Ralph" and used his own money, earned from an after-school job at a local grocery store, to pay for Ralph's vaccinations. House and his friends even built Ralph a fine wooden doghouse. One hot Saturday afternoon, just after House finished painting Ralph's new home, he went into the house for a drink of water. As he stood there in the kitchen drinking and looking out the window admiring his handiwork, his father walked past him and said, "You're not responsible enough to own a dog, you'll see." House just ignored his dad's comment, as he had been used to his father telling him things like that for years._

_One Friday morning a few months later, House was getting ready to do his morning run before school. He went into the backyard and called Ralph but he didn't come. He looked all over and then noticed the metal gate was open. He could have sworn he closed it when he came through it the night before. He always checked it to be sure it was latched, especially since he adopted Ralph. He called Ralph's name but there was no sign of him. House felt bad, it wasn't easy for him to make friends and he liked that he could talk to Ralph about his problems and the dog just sat there listening, licking his hand, or nudging up against him in affection. House was so upset he decided not to go running that morning. A few hours later, he was driving to school when he noticed something on the side of the road not far from his house. He panicked immediately recognizing the black and white furry object. He pulled over and stopped, afraid of what he would find. As he walked over to the object, his heart sank. There was Ralph, lying by the side of road, tongue hanging out of his mouth, eyes glazed over, he was dead._

_House bent over to pet Ralph, who was already cold. As the tears fell from his eyes, he returned to his car and opened the trunk and got a blanket. He went back over to Ralph and wrapped him in the blanket and put him in the trunk, turned around and headed home. When he arrived, he grabbed a shovel from the garage and headed into the backyard. Two hours later, Ralph was laid to rest, wrapped in a blanket with a few chew toys, five feet beneath the old sugar maple tree in the backyard._

_His father, who had just gotten off duty, pulled into the garage as House was putting the shovel away. _

_"Shouldn't you be in school?" He asked gruffly._

_House was sweating and still shaken from what happened. With bloodshot eyes, he looked at his father and said, "Ralph must have gotten out last night, he...he was hit by a car."_

_"What's with the tears? I told you that you weren't responsible enough to have a pet. See, you didn't listen to me, now the poor thing is dead. It's your fault. Maybe that will teach you a lesson," and he grabbed his hat and walked into the house without another word._

_House stood there, stunned. Sadness and anger ripped through him. He kept thinking to himself, I closed that gate last night, I know I did._ _He began to think that maybe his father was right; it was his fault. With that thought, his eyes filled with tears again and he cried alone mourning the loss of his canine friend.  
><em>

House woke with a start, looking around him he realized he was still in the emergency room. He was still shaken from his dream, it brought back memories he thought he buried long ago. He noticed his leg hurt more than usual and he tried to ignore it, attributing it to sitting down so much the past two days. He didn't want to use another fentanyl patch as he was already using the lowest dose possible and didn't like to use them all the time. He also didn't want to resort to the Oxycontin he had for breakthrough pain. His goal was to do everything he could to manage the pain, using the medication only in emergencies or as a last resort.

Taking advantage of the time he had alone with Cuddy, he leaned close to her and whispered in her ear. "See, my leg hurts but I'm not on Vicodin. I did that because of _you_. You made me realize that I can do this. I owe you so much and so it would be nice of you to wake up now and grace us with your presence. If you don't I'm going to wreak havoc all over this hospital."

He watched the movement of her chest up and down, she was breathing regularly and her vitals seemed normal. He was concerned that after a few hours she still hadn't woken up and worried that the doctors missed something. He wished he had access to the MRI so he could do the scans himself. He chuckled out loud at the thought. _Yeah Cuddy would love that, waking up in the hospital she works in only to find I'd stolen her from her room and done an unauthorized MRI._ He leaned forward again and moved some of the curls that had fallen near her ear and said, "Cuddy, if you don't wake up, I'm going to tell everyone at the hospital here that you're really a man."

House kissed her earlobe and whispered, "The doctor says you'll be fine. I'm going to stay and take care of you, I promise."

"House...if you...tell anyone I'm...man, I will kill you."

House nearly jumped at the sound of her voice. Cuddy was awake. Her eyes fluttered as she said, "water" House released her hand to get some water from the pitcher on her nightstand. He put the cup to her lips and she drank just a little.

"Hey, hey not too much now okay?"

"What...what happened?"

"You were in an accident. Do you remember anything?"

"I went to the store. God my head hurts, how long was I out?" she asked, her hand going to her head.

"Just a few hours. You're going to be in some pain awhile, that's normal. You'll remember everything in a few days too. Damn Cuddy, you scared the shit out of me, don't ever do that again."

"I'm sorry." She began to cry.

"No, no, don't cry. I'm sorry, I was just worried. You just have a whopper of a concussion but other than that you're fine."

"I am?"

"Yeah, I can't say that about your car though," he joked.

Cuddy gave him a tiny smile, then she cringed a bit, obviously her entire body would be in pain a few days. "Where's Rach?"

"Outside with Wilson. Wanna see her?"

"Yeah, please."

"I'll be right back okay?" He kissed her forehead before leaving the room to get Rachel.

House exited her room and saw Rachel sitting in Wilson's lap while he read to her from Highlights magazine. Wilson looked up hoping for good news.

"She's awake."

"Thank God."

"Yeah. And guess what?" He looked at Rachel. "She wants to see a little munchkin; do you know who that might be?"

"That's me! I'm a munch'n."

"You are? Well, we'll see about that. Come here, let's go see mommy." Before he finished the sentence, Rachel had scrambled out of Wilson's lap and into House's arms. Wilson watched the two, House holding his cane in one hand and Rachel's hand with his other. He shook his head and smiled. _And House says people don't change_, he thought. He got up to look for Sharon who was in the vicinity; he wanted to give her the good news.

House walked into Cuddy's room with Rachel and the little girl scrambled out of his arms onto the bed next to her mother. "Rachel, take it easy on mom okay? She's going to be sore for a few days."

"Mmkay Hows," she said with a smile.

"Mommy you okay?" She asked, placing her hands so gently on her mother's arm.

"I am now that you guys are here." Cuddy carefully lifted her very sore right arm and wrapped it around her baby girl. "I love you so much," she said.

"Love you too mommy. I was scared."

"I'm sorry baby. But you were with House and I bet he took good care of you didn't he?"

"We ate eggs on the couch," she said with a wide smile. House closed his eyes and cringed, waiting for Cuddy's wrath.

"House, I'm too tired to yell at you, so how about you just do it for me later okay?" She said. He noticed the corner of her lips turned up into a slight smile.

House chuckled to himself. She nearly escaped death, she was in a lot of pain, but she was_ back_.

* * *

><p>Later that evening Rachel had gone home with Sharon and Wilson returned to the hotel for a meeting. Cuddy was admitted and House planned to stay with her for the night. He kept an eye on her by waking her every few hours and checking her vitals. It was nine-thirty and he was planted in the recliner next to her bed flipping channels on the television when she woke on her own.<p>

"God, that shit's loud."

"Well, aren't you all sunshine and puppies?" he joked.

"Shut up." She noticed he had a heating pad on his leg.

"How's your leg?" She asked, concerned.

"Got a heating pad at the nurses' station which is helping a lot. By the way, I like the nurses here, they're friendly," he said.

"That's because they don't _know_ you. You haven't spent _years_ torturing them."

"Give it time," he joked as he munched rather loudly on potato chips with his mouth open, grinning at her.

"You're a _pig_."

"You're an _administrator_. Oh wait," he said with a thoughtful look, "I can't say that anymore can I? I'll have to come up with another rude, crude and socially unacceptable nickname for you," he said.

"Just turn that thing off and get up here."

"You sure?"

Cuddy nodded her head yes.

"You do understand what happened last time I slept in a bed with you."

"There will be no touchy-feely crap, understood?"

"Good because I suck at the whole touchy-feely thing. Now _ginormous ass _grabbing? I won a gold medal in that competition!" he said raising his eyebrows up and down lewdly as he kicked off his shoes and jeans. Before he climbed into bed with her he fiddled with his watch.

"What are you doing?"

"Setting the alarm so I can wake you up in a few hours."

"Do you have to?"

"Yep."

She scooted over gently, expecting to feel more pain but thrilled to find the painkillers were doing their job. She made room for House on the big bed. He lay on top of the covers on his left side and pulled her close to him, his right arm around her waist, protectively. He watched her until she fell asleep again. As he lay there in the dark, listening to her breathing he thought about how good it felt to be there with her and take care of her. The feeling of being content, something perhaps resembling happiness, was occasionally interrupted by sporadic thoughts in his head, that little voice, nagging him, making him wonder what else could go wrong. He knew he shouldn't think that way but it was hard to undo a lifetime of pessimism. The last thing he heard before he drifted off to sleep was his father's voice in his head, _"It's all your fault."_

* * *

><p>Let's face it, "bumps along the way" are the natural course for House and Cuddy. What doesn't kill them makes them stronger and I owe it to them to throw in as much drama as I can to help them along. For years, they ran from each other, like cowards, they were afraid to face their fears, some of which included how to <em>love<em> and _trust_. In the past they spent their energy fighting themselves and each other_._ Now, if they want this to work they're going to have to fight the battles _together_.


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N:** Here you go, another chapter in the ongoing drama...

* * *

><p>Dr. Kelly visited Cuddy on Sunday morning and informed her that there were no complications arising from the concussion and that there was a possibility that she could go home that afternoon. House was concerned it was too soon for her to go home but Cuddy insisted that she should not receive special treatment just because she was an employee of the hospital. Nevertheless, House took Dr. Kelly aside in an effort to make sure sending her home wasn't premature. Dr. Kelly insisted that she would be okay at home so long as someone was there with her. House liked and even trusted Dr. Kelly and decided the old man's opinion was good enough for him. He walked into Cuddy's room; she was dressed in a loose-fitting v-neck tee shirt and a pair of yoga pants and lying on top of the covers.<p>

"So what's the verdict? Can I go home?"

"Well, yes and no."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"There are conditions for your release."

"Okay."

"You can go home today _only_ if there's someone there with you."

"Oh."

"You do understand you suffered a grade three concussion right? They should keep you in the hospital another day but I talked them out of it. Your doctor made me promise that you wouldn't be alone. So unless you want to stay here another day, you better decide you're okay with someone watching you."

"I guess I could talk to Sharon."

"Sharon has to work; she's got a kid, a life."

"That's so decent of you to notice. So Sherlock, do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, it would help if the person who stayed with you had some kind of medical knowledge."

"Hmm…"

"Someone who could tolerate you and put up with your obsessive, nagging, anal-retentive bullshit."

"Gee, I'd love to know what you say about me behind my back."

"Actually, now that you asked-"

"I don't want to know," she said interrupting what would no doubt be a remark referring to her ass. Knowing what he was getting at she beat him to the punch. "House, do you want to stay with me?"

"Who, me?" He asked feigning surprise. "You think I want to play nursemaid?"

Cuddy looked at him, lips pursed, arms crossed, waiting for him to get serious.

House let out a sigh. "Well who else do you think is going to stay with you? Wilson? Good God woman, a week with him and you two will be best girlfriends, sitting around painting each other's toenails, doing Cosmo quizzes, drinking lattes while watching reality shows."

"How is that any worse than you sitting around my house, with your feet up on my furniture, eating my food, watching your soaps and not cleaning up after yourself?" She asked, sarcastically.

"Hey! I'll have you know I watch those purely for medical research."

"Yeah, I seem to recall your research generally focused on the nurses with double D cups."

"Hey, big breasted women need lovin' too."

Cuddy just rolled her eyes. "What about your job?"

"I'll call Foreman. I've got tons of leave time."

"You're going to tell him about us?"

"What's to tell? I'll just tell him I need some time off."

"What about your team?"

"Chase is in charge."

"House, what if they need you?"

"Cuddy, relax, get out of administrator mode. I've got a phone; they'll know how to contact me." He said on the edge of her bed and ran his fingers up and down her arm gently. "Listen, I'm not good at this but I am trying. I want to help you, let me do this."

She knew House would insist on staying and honestly, she wasn't opposed to it. Despite everything they'd been through over the years, she felt safe with him around.

"Okay, but listen, there's one condition."

"Oh mooom, not the conditions."

"Yes."

"Okay fine. What?"

"Well, don't get upset but...you've been doing so great taking care of your leg and your health and I don't want you to regress so you've got to get back to working out while you're here. I know a physical therapist here who could probably work with you. I need you to take care of yourself while you're taking care of me. Can you do that?"

House looked at her thoughtfully. In her eyes he could see she was serious, she really cared about his well-being, wanted him to take care of himself. He didn't know how it would go, being at her house and taking care of her and it wasn't something he was good at, but he had to try. He needed to show her he could be there and he needed to prove to himself he could overcome his past.

"Okay," he said.

"That's settled," she said with a smile. "Now if you don't mind, can we start the process of getting me the hell out of here?"

* * *

><p>Cuddy finally arrived home around four-thirty that afternoon. Wilson had the afternoon free so he picked House and Cuddy up from the hospital and brought them home. Sharon and Hannah had spent the day at the house with Rachel and all three were waiting for them when they arrived. Wilson parked in the garage and House got out of the backseat and limped around to the other side to help Cuddy out.<p>

"House, I'm not an invalid, I can get out on my own."

"You know, you bitch when I don't help you and you bitch when I do, make up your mind woman." House insisted that Cuddy lean on him till they got into the house.

Wilson listened to them argue and said, "You two have been bickering ever since we got in the car, what's up with you?"

They both just looked at Wilson like he'd asked a stupid question. "How long have you known us?" House asked, smiling. Wilson just sighed and murmured "too long" under his breath and proceeded to get the rest of Cuddy's things out of the car.

Sharon had the door open for them when they walked in. She gave Cuddy a hug and helped her through the door. Everyone moved from the kitchen into the living room where House directed Cuddy to the big recliner where she settled in and put her feet up, with a blanket he placed over her. Her head hurt and she was a bit tired but she smiled at him in appreciation. Rachel, who had been playing with Hannah, ran over to her mom and asked if she could lay in the chair with her. Of course Cuddy let Rachel climb up into the chair and rest with her. House took a seat on the couch nearest to Cuddy, Wilson and Sharon on the opposite couch, Hannah sitting on the floor at her mother's feet.

"Well aren't we one big happy family?" House joked.

"Shut up House," Cuddy said, with a smirk.

"Lisa, I cooked up some stuff for you, it's nothing big, so don't get all upset. I cooked up some stir fry, pasta and sauce and some soup and there will be plenty of leftovers. I also finished up your shopping for you so you kids have plenty to eat and you don't have to worry about going anywhere."

Cuddy smiled at her best friend, always in awe of the things Sharon did to help her out. "Sharon, you didn't have to but I really appreciate it."

Sharon looked over at House. "So, how long are you planning on staying with Lisa?"

Wilson did a double-take. "You didn't tell me this."

"You didn't ask."

"You're going to stay_ here_?"

"Where else would you suggest?"

"We're supposed to leave tomorrow morning."

"And your point is?"

"Have you called Foreman?"

"Not yet."

"Don't you think you should?"

Cuddy and Sharon were amused watching the two of them banter back and forth. Finally House said, "I'm going to tell Foreman I need some time off. So you will have to be sure not to let anyone there know what's going on here."

"Okay," he said, nodding his head. "I'm actually glad you're staying. Give you two a chance to...you know...catch up."

House and Cuddy turned and looked at each other, then House turned to Wilson and said facetiously, "You are such a good girlfriend."

"No I'm not."

Sharon chuckled and interrupted. "Listen the soup is probably heated by now, James, Hannah, you guys want to help me in the kitchen?"

"Yeah sure, lead the way," Wilson said, getting up to follow the girls into the kitchen.

House leaned over to Cuddy and said, "So how long till Jimmy pops the question?"

"House, they hardly even know one another!"

"Like that's ever stopped him before."

"I'm not playing matchmaker."

"Neither am I, I'm just saying Wilson's available, needy, and not so bad looking-" he was interrupted by Cuddy's laughter. "What's so funny?" He asked.

"You, calling Wilson handsome."

"I did not, I called him not so bad looking, there's a difference."

"Yeah only in House land."

"Anyway as I was saying, he's available and needy," he said intentionally leaving off the part about Wilson not being so bad looking, "and she's hot and single and smart."

"So you think they'd make a good pair?"

"Yeah she would so have his balls and he'd love it."

At that moment Wilson and Sharon returned to the living room. She held a tray with four mugs of homemade minestrone and Wilson followed with a plate of bread. Hannah entered behind them with a smaller tray with two smaller plates, for the girls. Hannah looked up at Rachel who was snuggled in the chair with her mother and said, "Rachel I got our food." Rachel perked up and climbed off her mother's lap.

"Mommy can we eat in my room?" She asked with an adorable look hoping her mother would give in.

"Rachel you know we don't do that, why don't you and Hannah eat at the table in the kitchen?"

"Okay," Rachel said. Trying to make her mother feel guilty, she trudged to the kitchen with Hannah, trying to look pitiful. Cuddy chuckled at the two girls, not buying it for a moment.

The four adults relaxed and enjoyed Sharon's minestrone. House devoured his and Cuddy had to laugh at him when he made a point of slurping the remainder of his soup from the mug, ending with a resounding "Ahhhhhh."

"I take it you liked it?" Sharon asked.

"Listen, you think you can teach her how to cook like that?"

"Hey, I can cook."

"Really? Because I don't remember TV dinners being considered cooking."

Sharon laughed watching House and Cuddy. This experience was new to her. Wilson leaned over and said, "Oh, this is nothing. You should have seen them at the hospital, it was like Wild Kingdom." That just made Sharon laugh harder.

House and Cuddy stopped arguing to look over at Sharon and Wilson who were laughing at them.

"Are we entertaining you?" House asked.

"Actually yeah. I mean, I know what you and Cuddy are like together and this is all new for Sharon. I was merely sharing an observation, that this..." he waved his arms wildly at House and Cuddy, "was nothing compared to what to what I've seen you do."

House leaned his head back on the couch. "You guys are going to be a pain in our asses aren't you?"

"Every chance we get," said Sharon, laughing. "James and I talked in the kitchen, we're staying out of this. We're your friends but it's not our business what you do or don't do. We're not going to interfere, but we're here for you if you need to talk." She looked at Wilson with a serious face, expecting him to agree.

"Oh yeah, what she said." He put his hands up in defense. "Not going to interfere at all."

Cuddy laughed. "That would be a first. Look, we appreciate you guys wanting to help but also wanting to stay out of it. We'll try not to put you in the middle."

"Fair enough." Wilson said. House and Cuddy couldn't help but see the way he exchanged knowing glances with Sharon. They were definitely going to have to keep an eye on those two.

They continued to talk for another hour so until Cuddy told them her headache was getting worse and she needed to get some rest. Since House was staying with Cuddy, Wilson offered to drive him back to the hotel to get his things. Sharon insisted on staying till House returned despite Cuddy's protests that she would be fine.

* * *

><p>While House was packing up his toiletries and clothes and throwing them into his duffel bag, Wilson watched, wondering what was going on in his head.<p>

"House you're not saying much."

"What do you want me to say?"

"You okay? I know Cuddy's accident scared you."

"It did."

"Anything you wan to talk about?"

"Nope."

"Okay." Wilson wanted to respect his friend and not push it but he cared about House and he knew something was bothering him.

"God you're a nag, I can hear you caring over there."

"What? I haven't said a word."

"You don't have to." House turned around and looked at him. "Oh fuck, it's just that...things are moving really fast. This was just supposed to be a visit, just to get to know one another again and now here I am…packing my shit to go stay with her. I don't know if I can do this."

Wilson sat on chair opposite the bed where House had his suitcase. "I know you can do it, but I don't know how to get you to believe you can do it."

"I keep wondering how long till I screw it up."

"You seemed okay the last few days. What happened?"

"Everything happened!" House yelled. He limped across the room and looked out the window of the suite. "It suddenly occurred to me yesterday that she could have died, in an instant she could have been gone. I can't lose her. I can't and yet I don't know what to do to make sure that doesn't happen."

Wilson got up and walked over to the window looking out next to House. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Man, I don't know what to tell you. This has to be your decision. Eventually though, you've got to stop beating yourself up."

"I know." House kept throwing more stuff into his bag. He continued talking to Wilson. "I was sitting with Cuddy yesterday when she was unconscious, I must have dozed off. I dreamed about something I hadn't thought about in years."

"Wanna talk about it?"

House shook his head no.

"Listen, if you can't talk to me about it...and believe me I understand, maybe you should talk to Cuddy."

"I don't want to worry her."

"How about Nolan?"

"I don't know yet, I'll have to think about it."

"Do what you feel is right House."

"I just don't want to hurt Cuddy."

"How about you House?"

"What?"

"All this talk about hurting Cuddy, what about _you_? Cuddy hurt you and you didn't deserve it, even she knows that now. You two admitted that you both screwed up so stop beating yourself up, don't feel guilty, let it go and really move on with her. She wants this, so do you. You need to stop worrying about hurting her, she needs to stop worrying about hurting you and you both just need to concentrate on building something new."

House just sat there absorbing what Wilson said. Wilson put his hand on his shoulder. "Come on I'll help you pack."

* * *

><p>While House and Wilson were gone, Sharon helped Cuddy get settled in her bed. Sharon sat on the edge of the bed and they talked.<p>

"You and House are really amazing together."

"Yeah, we are aren't we?"

"You know to be honest I have a hard time believing that the guy I've met is the same guy who ran his car into your house."

"I know what you mean."

"Lisa, what do you see? Do you think he's changed?"

"Yeah, I do. I can see he's trying to do the right thing by being here for me. I know it's hard because he's used to keeping people at a distance."

"Why is he like that?"

"Long story, some of which I'm not even privy to. Some of it has to do with his relationship with his late father, they never saw eye to eye growing up. He was really hard on House. And then the infarction, you know about his leg and the surgery and everything that went down. He just feels getting close will get him hurt so he doesn't do it, at least not often."

"Wow."

"Yeah. You had to know him Sharon, I mean he's always been a little different from everyone else, even back in college."

"So what now?"

"Well, he'll stay with me and help me out the next few days and then...I don't know. Honestly, I really like having him here. Everything we've been through and having him around makes me feel safe. Is that crazy?"

"Nah. You know, I like him. I like the son of a bitch." She laughed. "I can see what you see in him. You guys have a long way to go to make things right but I think you're on your way."

"I hope so."

Sharon patted her leg. "Good, I'm glad. Now listen, get some rest okay? I'm going to be down the hall with the girls till House gets back."

Cuddy nodded her head and lay her head back on the pillows. Her head was hurting and she just wanted to sleep a bit. She knew that she should call Julia and let her know what happened and figured it was better to get it out of the way now. She dialed her sister's number.

"Hello?"

"Jules, hey it's Lisa."

"Oh hey Lisa, I tried calling you yesterday but there was no answer at home? What's up with that?"

"Well, I sort of…I had an accident."

"Oh my God are you alright?"

"Yeah yeah I'm fine. Just some idiot ran a red light, I'll be fine, just a concussion. I'm very lucky that's the extent of it."

"Is Rachel okay?"

"Yeah she was at home?"

"At home?"

Cuddy realized her mistake and tried to cover it up. She wasn't quite ready for her sister to know House was back in her life. Though Julia knew how she felt about House, it was quite a different thing to actually act upon those feelings.

"She was with Sharon."

"Oh, okay. Are you still in the hospital?"

"No, I'm home.

"Lis, isn't that a bit soon?"

Cuddy knew it was a bit soon for her type of concussion but again she needed to cover herself here. "Actually, no, it's not too soon, I'll be fine. I feel much better."

"Still Lis, you sure you should be alone?"

"Honest Jules, I'll be fine, really. I've got Sharon in case I need anything." She knew she was digging herself deeper with her lie but she had no choice.

"Yeah but Sharon's got a daughter, you sure she has the time? I mean you should have someone there with you all the time."

"I'll be fine, we've got it covered, really Jules. Listen is mom there?"

"No, she took the kids out for ice cream; she's been feeling so much better lately and getting out more. It's good for her. Besides I was able to get some housecleaning done."

"Oh good, just tell her I'm fine and I'll call her. How long will she be staying with you?"

"She's actually been back at her house awhile now; of course you'd know that if you called more often." Julia had a habit of laying the guilt trip and she was very good at it.

"I'm sorry Jules, just been busy, have a lot going on. Listen, I want to talk more but I have to go, I'm really tired. We'll talk soon."

"Okay keep me posted. Call me if you need anything."

"I know, I know, I'll call you. Let mom know I'm okay will ya? Tell her not to worry, I'm fine."

"Okay Lis, you're the doctor. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye." Cuddy hung up the phone and lay back on her pillows as House walked into the room.

"Hmm…now you hung up that conversation awfully quick, either it was your secret boyfriend…or girlfriend," he said raising his eyebrows up and down hopefully. "Or it was your mother."

"My sister."

"How is the youngest evil spawn of Arlene Cuddy these days?"

"I don't know. We didn't really have much of a conversation, I called her to tell her what happened and that I was okay."

"You didn't have to tell her did you?"

"My mother has a sixth sense about stuff like this; she would have sniffed it out eventually."

"Julia doesn't know anything?"

"Nope."

"What do you think she'll say?"

"Julia hates what you did and she probably hates you, but she's been oddly…supportive of the fact that I…still have feelings for you."

House looked at her with mock curiosity. "You do?"

"You're an ass."

"Well that's something I don't hear every day," he said, smirking at her.

* * *

><p>About an hour later, Cuddy was resting comfortably and House was sitting on her back porch watching the sunset and enjoying the silence. He had one of Rachel's old baby monitors on the table next to him and the other was on Cuddy's nightstand in case she needed him. House smiled to himself at the thought that most people wouldn't figure he was the type of guy to watch sunsets. He always had, there was something magical to him about a sunset. When he was a little boy visiting his grandmother, whom he affectionately referred to as Oma, she would tell him that when the sun went down over the horizon, it took all the day's troubles with it. She told him that when the sun rose the next day, it brought a fresh clean slate so one could start over again. When he was a child, House liked to believe that, it helped him get through some very tough times. He only wished it were true now. Thinking about it, his Oma's words brought him a great sense of peace, which he so desperately needed. He thought about Oma, there were times he really missed her. She had been a kind old woman, teaching him music and reading poetry to him. His father thought music and poetry was for sissies but Oma, much like his mother, insisted that those were important things to learn and that someday they would come in handy.<p>

House was brought out of his thoughts by the ringing of his cell phone. It was Chase.

"Hey House, just wanted to check up on you and see if you're coming in tomorrow."

"Nope, something's come up. Why? You killed a few patients while I was gone?"

"Actually, we've only got one and we just released her this morning. Four year old girl with eczema, seizures and mental delays. Turned out to be P.K.U. Told the parents they can control it with diet, I think they nearly passed out from shock. They expected something more serious."

"They always do. Good work by the way."

"Wait, did you just say good work?"

"Yeah, but don't get used to it. I've got a reputation you know."

"House, admit it, you miss us."

"I'm sure that's it."

"You and Wilson enjoying the conference?"

"Yep."

"Get lucky yet?"

"Hookers and lap dances every night."

"Yeah okay."

Before House could respond, suddenly and without warning, a loud voice came over the baby monitor. "Hey House, can you do me a favor?" Cuddy's voice came over the baby monitor rather loudly. It did not go unnoticed by Chase.

"House, who was _that?_" He asked.

"One legged hooker, got a thing for cripples, anyway she's ready to jump my jock so I gotta go, bye." He hung up before Chase had a chance to reply.

House put the phone back in his pocket and limped to Cuddy's room. "Were you trying to blow our cover?" He asked, waving the baby monitor in his hand.

"We have one?" She asked.

"I was on the phone with Chase when you rang," he said as he held up the baby monitor.

"Oops," she giggled.

"What's up anyway? Miss me?"

"Actually, I just need another bottle of water so I can take my pills." She held up an empty water bottle. "Would you get me another?"

He smiled. He actually liked that she needed him. "Your wish is my command," he said as he limped off to get more water.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the line in Princeton, Chase had a puzzled look on his face. Taub, who was sitting across from him at the conference table asked, "What was that all about?"

"A woman."

"A woman? You mean a hooker."

"Not a hooker and not just any woman."

"What?"

_"Cuddy."_

"No way."

"I could have sworn that was her voice."

Taub laughed. "You seriously think Cuddy would let him get anywhere near her after what he did?"

"Yeah, you're right," he said, "but still, that sounded an awful lot like her."

"Cuddy's too smart to get wrapped up in him again."

Chase shook his head and said, "Come on let's go see if we can find a case before House gets back." He put the matter to rest for the moment but he sensed there was more going on than House was letting on.

* * *

><p>It was eight o'clock in the evening and House helped Rachel with her bath, then took her in to say goodnight to her mother before tucking her in to bed.<p>

"Hows, can you read to me?"

"Aren't you too tired?"

"No. Can you read _More Bears_?"

"You sure you want _me_ to do it?"

"Yeah I like all the voices you do," she said to him. She had her cute face on and he couldn't resist. Knowing how much she loved stories and how well she slept when they were read to her, he relented.

"Okay scoot over munchkin." He sat in the bed with her and read her the book and did all the voices and Rachel giggled until she yawned and then she closed her eyes and before House even finished the story she was asleep. House returned to Cuddy's bedroom to check on her. He sat next to her on the bed.

"How ya feeling?"

"Head hurts."

"I know. It will for a while. Do you need anything?"

"Actually I'm okay now. You've done so much, with Rachel and all, thank you."

"You're welcome." House sat there, his fingers pulling at loose threads of her comforter. "Cuddy..."

"Yeah?"

"I..."

Cuddy looked at him, the softness in her eyes urging him not to be afraid to open up to her. She reached out and put her hand on his.

"I'm trying. I don't want to screw up again. I don't." His eyes conveyed that he was being completely sincere.

Cuddy patted the vacant side of the bed with her hand. "Will you stay with me?"

He nodded. Without saying a word, he kicked off his shoes and stripped down to his tee shirt and boxers. He turned out the light, then crawled into the space next to her. She moved towards him and snuggled up close. It was as if it was something they did every day. It seemed so natural to both of them. They lay there in the dark and as Cuddy relaxed in his arms, he stroked her hair gently. She heard him take a deep breath and then let out a loud sigh. It was as if he wanted to say something but she didn't want to push him.

"I had a dream yesterday, when I was at the hospital waiting for you to wake up."

"Okay."

"When I was seventeen, I found a dog, named him Ralph, he followed me home one day and my mom told me I could keep him if his owner didn't show up."

Cuddy was intrigued. "Tell me more."

House lay there and continued to stroke her hair. "Dad didn't like me having a pet, I don't know why, he just didn't. I paid for the vet bills, my friends and I built him a doghouse. He was a good dog. One day he got out, apparently the gate was left open, though I was sure I'd closed it. I found him on the way to school, lying on the side of the road."

House, no!" She said, turning painfully in his arms to face him.

"Yeah. I took him home and buried him. Took me hours because the roots underneath that damn tree were so tough, I had to find a space in between them to dig. I finally got him buried and later, my dad told me it was my fault he was dead. He'd been telling me all along I wasn't responsible enough to take care of a pet and that it was my fault he died."

"Oh House I'm so sorry. He was wrong you know."

"I know now, but back _then_…not so much."

"What made you think of this now? After all these years?"

He lay there, looking at her in the dark, the glow from the nightlight on her side of the bed outlining her silhouette. It just felt so right. He didn't want to shut her out but opening up was so difficult. He pushed himself anyway.

"I don't know, but when I went to sleep with you last night, I kept hearing his voice in my head, telling me it was my fault."

"House," she cried softly, "You're not responsible for my accident, you know that, right?"

"Cuddy, I know that but I kept hearing his voice over and over and it made me feel worse for not being there...to protect you."

She raised her hand to his face and scratched his stubble. "It wasn't your fault. I am so glad you were there for me after it happened. I was so happy to see your face when I woke up."

"Even though I threatened to tell everyone you were a man?" He joked.

"Yeah." She let out a tired chuckle.

"Hey, let's get some sleep," he said, gently pulling her closer to him.

"House?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being there for me yesterday, taking care of Rachel, this, and just opening up to me. I know it's hard. I just want you to feel like you can trust me."

"I do," he murmured into her neck as they drifted off to sleep together.

* * *

><p>The next morning, House woke up around eight o'clock. He looked over and Cuddy was still snoring. He'd kept a watchful eye on her during the night, she'd turn over occasionally and her breathing was normal so he decided not to wake her up. He knew Rachel would be up already and wanting breakfast. He went into her room but as expected it was vacant. He heard the television in the living room and the sounds of early morning cartoons. He limped down the hallway and found her sitting on the couch in her pajamas watching Speed Racer; he had to laugh because that same cartoon had been on when <em>he<em> was a kid.

"Hey munchkin, how long you been up?"

"Not long." She sat there holding her ducky and seemed intensely focused on the cartoon. "Mommy up?" She asked.

"No, she's still sleeping, which is why we need to keep it down okay?" He said as he sat on the couch next to her.

"Okay. Do I have to go to school?"

House thought about it. With Cuddy as her mother, it probably wasn't often that the kid had a chance to skip school. "Nope, not today. You stay home with mom and me."

"Yay," she said quietly and continued watching her cartoon.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. The only person he thought it might be was Wilson, but he wasn't expected for hours. It rang again and House was concerned it would wake Cuddy. "Shit!" he said out loud to himself as he got up from the couch. His leg hurt as it did every morning and it took him a little longer to make his way across the room. As he limped towards the front door, he called out in an annoyed voice, "Wilson if you wake Cuddy up so help me-" as he opened the door, he stared in shock at the woman standing across the threshold from him.

"What in hell are _you_ doing here?" She demanded.

* * *

><p>There's much more to come, this isn't even remotely close to the end, in fact, to be honest I don't even see the end to this story. I don't plan it out, I have ideas but I really just write these chapters as they pop out of my head. So, you never know where I'm going to take it!<p>

Please leave a review, they mean a great deal to me and other writers too!


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N:** So avid readers…have you guessed who is at the door?

I'd like to plug our H/C fanfics. You can find them by going to Fanfiction dot net followed by /tv/House_M_D/10/0/1/1/0/2729/2730/0/0/1/0**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"Shit!" he said out loud to himself. Cuddy's bedroom door was open and he didn't want her to wake up just now, she needed her sleep. As he limped towards the front door, he called out in an annoyed voice, "Wilson if you wake Cuddy up so help me-" as he opened the door, he stared in shock at the woman standing across the threshold from him.<p>

"What in hell are you doing here?" She demanded.

"Hello, Arlene."

"I should have known that when my daughter called her sister to tell her she was hurt that you were somehow involved."

"What? No hug? No how the hell are ya Greg?"

Arlene Cuddy pushed her way past House and into the living room. "Where's my daughter?"

"She's sleeping and don't you dare wake her up." House was in defensive mode, hoping to protect Cuddy from what was sure to be a nightmare confrontation with her mother.

"Gramma!" Rachel yelled, climbing off the couch and running over to Arlene.

"Hello my little bubeleh," she said looking down at the little girl who clung to her legs smiling. Arlene looked up at House and asked in a low voice, "Should I call the cops on you?"

"Why would you do that?"

"I'm sure I could find a reason."

"But you won't."

"Really?"

"I haven't done anything _wrong_. You know they don't put people in jail for nothing," he said, a smartass look on his face.

"You should know," she snarked back at him. "So_ Gregory,_ why are you here?"

"I'm taking care of _your_ daughter."

"Really? Didn't you give up that right when you crashed your car into her house?"

"Gosh, you really know how to make a guy feel all happy inside cause right now I'm just overflowing with joy. Is this how the late _Mr. Cuddy_ felt?"

"You're an ass."

"And you're a bitch." House kept his voice low so neither Rachel nor Cuddy could hear him.

"If I were your mother-"

"You couldn't handle me."

Arlene sighed. "Why are you even here? In Boston?"

"I'm here with Wilson for a conference and your _daughter_ invited me _to her home_. But you knew that already."

"Well I'm here now, get in your car and go home."

"Kinda difficult to drive considering I didn't drive here."

"Then get a flight."

He stuck his hands in his pockets and pulled them inside out. "All out of money."

"Then I'll _buy you a ticket_."

"As generous as that sounds, I think I'll pass. Look...have you ever considered that maybe your daughter wants me here?"

"Why would she?"

"Because I _do_, mom."

House and Arlene both turned to see Cuddy, in her robe, standing in the hallway watching them argue.

"Lisa!" Arlene walked over to her daughter and gave her a gentle hug.

"Hi, mom."

"Oh dear, are you alright?" Arlene asked looking her over.

"I'm in pain but I'll live. What are you doing here?"

"Julia told me about the accident; I didn't want you to be alone."

"I told Julia I was fine, that I wouldn't be alone." She looked at her mother suspiciously. "And you_ knew_ House might come to see me during the conference."

"Really? I don't recall that conversation," she said facetiously. "Besides, as your _ex_-boyfriend says so eloquently, _everybody lies_."

"Seriously? You quote me? I'm honored." House said sarcastically, leaning against the front door, twirling his cane.

"House," Cuddy said clearly annoyed at both of them. "I'm fine mom, really. House has been a big help."

Arlene moved towards her daughter. "Come on, you need to get back to bed. You're right; we can talk about it later." She motioned for Cuddy to return to her room. Before Arlene followed her daughter, she turned around and said to House, "You and I are not finished yet."

"Gee, can't wait," he mumbled. He sat down on the couch and Rachel came over and sat with him. House rested his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands.

"Hows, whatcha doin'?"

"Thinking."

"Okay," Rachel said, and then mimicked his pose.

House looked over at Rachel. "What are you doing kid?"

"Thinkin'." She just sat there swinging her feet and looking at him. He noticed she had the same pouty look as her mother.

House shook his head and laughed. "You're one smart kid, you know that right?"

"Yep."

House began to rub his thigh vigorously, it had been hurting since he woke up, not too bad but enough. He noticed the throbbing got worse when Arlene showed up. _Gee, what a fucking coincidence,_ he thought.

"You hurt?"

"Yeah."

She put her left hand on his right thigh, very gently rubbing it like he did. "I help?"

"Yeah kid, you help."

She smiled up at him. He couldn't help but be enamored by her innocence.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in her bedroom, Cuddy lay back on her bed while her mother sat beside her.<p>

"Lisa, tell me what happened."

"I don't really remember. I just went out to get a few things from the store and next thing I know I woke up in the emergency room."

"I was so worried about you when Julia told me what happened."

"Mom, you didn't need to come. You should have called first."

"And miss out on your dirty little secret?" She asked.

"I'm not hiding anything but you...you knew there was a chance he'd be here so you planned this."

"I planned that you'd be in an accident?"

"No, but I know you and you would've figured out a way to come regardless."

Arlene smirked. Her daughter knew her well. "Why didn't you tell Julia he'd be here?"

"Oh come on, Julia's not dumb, we've talked about House. I may not have come out and told her he'd be here, but I think I was pretty obvious when I told her about the letters...about...how I feel about him. Besides, it's my life, not hers and not yours either."

Arlene sighed and fiddled with her watch.

"I know you tried to be supportive when we talked about him recently but...underneath it all I know you hate him for what he did and I understand that. He's changed but I know you-you're not even willing to give him a chance. You never liked him when we were together and now that you're here and it's just going to make things worse." Cuddy put her hand to her head. It hurt and the last thing she'd expected was to be arguing with her mother.

"I really appreciate that you came here to check up on me and I love you for it, but I knew how you would react." Cuddy rubbed her temples.

Arlene placed her hand gently on her daughter's arm. "Lisa, I never said I didn't _like_ him when you were together."

"It was obvious."

"At first I didn't like him but he grew on me. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy."

"I know that but you haven't always trusted my judgment."

"Actually I've always trusted your judgment...except when it came to men. You've always made crappy choices in men."

"Gee mom—"

"However," she continued unfazed. "The schmuck obviously wormed his way back into your life and I don't want to see you hurt again."

"You do realize that we hurt one another, right? I hurt him as much as he hurt me."

"Do you love him?"

Cuddy bit her bottom lip and looked away.

"I knew it." Arlene slapped her hand on the bed with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"What?" Cuddy asked suspiciously. She hadn't even answered the question.

"You love him!"

Cuddy hesitated then finally confessed because she knew her mother would be able to read her.

"I've always loved him." She put her hand to her head and groaned. "What the hell is the matter with me? How do you dump a guy who you've loved for half your life?"

Arlene sighed and pursed her lips together thoughtfully. "Lisa, I don't give you advice very often..." she paused when her daughter just gave her the "_are you fucking kidding me?" _look.

"Okay let me rephrase. I know I don't give you advice _you want to hear_ very often but God help me, I'm going to do that now. When you were with House, you were the happiest I'd seen you in a very long time. You brought out the best and worst in each other. Your father and I were a lot like that. I could love him and hate him in the same breath. It's why I knew how you felt. It's why..."

"Why what?"

"That first time I met him before I left town, I told him if he ever hurt you I'd kill him."

"You did?" Cuddy let out a chuckle though her mother's actions shouldn't have surprised her.

"I did."

"Wow."

"I knew from the look on his face that moment how much he loved you. It was the look of a man who would do anything for the woman he loved."

Cuddy stared up at the ceiling. She knew her mother was right. House would've done anything for her.

"Lisa, I need to know something. Are you sure that there's no danger of him going off the deep end again?"

Cuddy picked at a loose thread on her comforter.

"Mom, the night it happened, the officer called it an act of domestic violence. I hated that because domestic violence is about abuse. And House...he never abused me. He never would have laid a hand on me or Rachel. They told me I was just making excuses for him but they didn't know House like _I_ knew him. They didn't know his past, how he got to that point, what he'd been through."

Cuddy paused to look at her mother, her eyes pleading for understanding. When Arlene nodded, she continued.

"The House who did that was not House I'd known all those years. There was so much pain, so much hurt." Cuddy's voice was a bit shaky and she had to pause a moment to regain her composure.

"But can you be sure he would never do it again?"

"Mom, I know you think my judgment in regards to men sucks but when it comes to House, he was the only smart move I'd ever made regarding men. I should've made the smart move years ago but I...we...it just wasn't the right time. He was high and sick and...we were both in so much pain. When he saw Jerry there..." She shuddered at the thought of House looking through the window thinking she'd moved on.

"He thought I was moving on with my life and leaving him behind. He actually believed I was capable of moving on...without any feeling for him or any regard to what we'd once had. He really believed that I thought so little of him, of us, that I could dismiss him just like that..." Cuddy didn't finish her sentence; tears were forming in her eyes.

Arlene put her hand on her daughter's knee and rubbed it gently. "Didn't you?" She asked.

"What?"

"Didn't you dismiss him? Lisa, I understand that you broke up with him because he wasn't capable of being what you thought you needed, but he made a _mistake...one mistake..._and you broke his heart. One of the reasons you've never been good at relationships is because you don't like _mistakes_. You like it when things go your way, all the time. That's fine at work but...with people, with real relationships, it's different."

"Wait? Now _you're_ defending him?" Her mother's behavior was puzzling.

"I'm on your side, of course." She looked away from her daughter and towards the window. "Listen, there's a lot you don't know about my relationship with your father. Sometimes...you remind me a lot of me when I was younger. Your father tried hard to please me and there were times I expected so much of him and...when he didn't measure up...I..."Arlene paused a moment, deep in thought. "I was pretty hard on him. Looking back, he tried, and there were times I never appreciated him enough. So believe me, I understand why you did what you did but I also think you were a gigantic idiot."

"Oh geez not again." Cuddy rolled her eyes and let her head fall back on her pillow. "I know mom, you've told me that a hundred times."

"Okay, so now it's a hundred and one. You'll learn this with Rachel in a few years dear, it's hard as hell to sit back and watch your child make mistakes, get her heart broken and suffer through misery. No matter how much I wanted to do everything in my power to stop it, I couldn't. I wanted to hug you and throttle you at the same time. In the end, all I could do is offer you comfort and hope that eventually you came to your senses before it was too late."

Cuddy looked up at her mother with sad eyes. "So...is it too late for me?"

"Before, I might have said maybe, but now, I think you'll be okay but you have to learn to set aside the ridiculously high standards of perfection you have, not just for yourself but for others. Whatever this thing is between you and the schmuck, as insane as it is, it's obviously something so deep that not even all the crap you two have been through can shake it."

Cuddy smiled faintly. "It's true mom. We always seem to be circling each other. I'm tired of fighting it."

"Lisa, I hate what he did that day and I hate the pain he caused you." Arlene watched her daughter's face frown with worry. "But I have to let you live your life. That doesn't mean though that he won't get a piece of my mind."

Cuddy knew she couldn't stop her mother from discussing it with House. "Okay. Just...whatever you do, don't say anything to make him leave."

"You have my word. Now, I'm going inside to visit with my granddaughter and make you some breakfast. You need some meat on your bones, you're looking a bit _oysegedart_ lately." Cuddy rolled her eyes, her mother had always thought she was too thin.

As her mother got up to leave Cuddy asked, "Can you send Rachel in? I'd kinda like to spend some time with her alone."

"Of course, dear," Arlene said as she walked out of the room. Before she closed the door she heard her daughter say, "And please take it easy on House, okay?"

"Just get some rest," Arlene said as she closed the bedroom door behind her.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile House and Rachel had moved from the living room to the breakfast nook in the kitchen, where House was teaching Rachel how to play gin rummy and she was losing.<p>

"Hows, no fair," she whined.

"Hand over the pennies kid, you lost."

"I'm telling mom," she said sticking her tongue out at House.

"Fine, you do that," he replied sticking her tongue out at her.

"Oh that's nice House, you've finally found your intellectual equal. Good for you."

"Gramma, do you wanna play Rummy?" Rachel asked.

"No dear, I'm going to fix breakfast. Your mommy wants to spend some time with you, why don't you go into her room and I'll let you know when breakfast is ready."

"Okay." Rachel ran out of the room, then all the sudden returned running over to House and hugging his bad leg gently for a moment, then ran out of the room. Her actions left House stunned once again at how attached the little girl was to him.

Arlene watched the events unfold out of the corner of her eye. She didn't say a word as she went about the kitchen gathering the ingredients for breakfast.

House sat at the breakfast nook and returned to his coffee and cards. He began a game of solitaire. Without looking away he asked, "So I take it you and your daughter had a nice talk?"

"Yes."

"So you figured out that she's quite safe here with me?"

Arlene didn't reply; she just went about her work. House sensed Arlene had something on her mind. He decided to prod her along a bit. "Why don't you just come right out and say what's on your mind?"

Arlene just ignored him.

"I get it that you're still pissed and all but-"

"Really? Do you really get that?" She asked as she set down the knife she'd been using to chop the ingredients for omelets. She stared at him. "My daughter is a beautiful, smart, and wonderful woman but even with all that, she sucks at relationships."

"Okay." House was confused at her remark.

"And you…you're…well you know what you are and you suck at them too."

"Gee thanks. Now what's your point?"

Arlene put down the knife and walked over to the nook and sat down across from House.

"Thanks for putting the knife down first," he said facetiously.

"I hate what you did to her. I hate that you could've killed everyone in the room that day."

House swallowed hard. He'd never forget that either.

"Your inability to deal with people, to just have a normal relationship caused you and my daughter a lot of pain."

"I know. Listen Arlene—"

"No, hear me out. I need to say it wasn't just your inability to have a normal relationship. It was Lisa's as well."

House looked at her, puzzled.

"I didn't like you at first. I thought you were an asshole with a God complex. I'm sure you still are but...it didn't take me long to realize how good you were for her. You were her match in every way. I saw a fire in her eyes and a spring in her step that I hadn't seen before. You did something for her...that nobody else has ever done."

House stared at her intently and listened.

"When I saw you two together I picked up the vibes immediately. My God...just the eye contact between you two and the way you looked at one another…you could carry on an entire conversation without every saying a word. I saw the slight smiles and subtle touches when you two didn't think I was looking. And Jesus H, there's the sexual tension."

Arlene smirked at House when he cringed at those last words.

"What you had...that's rare and then...you two had to go and screw it all up because you couldn't communicate. It broke my heart that you two split up because I knew that if she could make a go of it with anyone, it would be you. I just wished I'd been able to somehow help you two figure it all out before everything hit the fan."

He looked down and said solemnly. "Wilson said the same thing." He looked up at her. "He said if I couldn't make it work with her, I couldn't make it work with anyone."

"He was right wasn't he?"

"Yeah."

"I know you understand my point of view here." She saw him nod in agreement.

"Thank you...for not dismissing it. As a parent, it's hard to watch your child make mistakes. You want to step in and make all their decisions for them and prevent them from having to go through the pain you _know_ they will experience, but in the end, you can't do it. You have to just sit back and watch them hurt and hope that they figure things out for themselves before it's too late. I saw how much she hurt when she broke up with you. I held out hope you two could reconcile. I knew somehow it would happen, maybe not immediately but someday. And then..."

House just stared at her intently, hanging on to her every word. "And then I gave her a reason not to want to reconcile."

"That you did. I have to tell you, I understand why Lisa broke up with you and I _also_ understand why you acted out as you did, doing all that stupid shit to piss her off. I also understand why you drove your car into her home."

That took House by complete surprise.

"There's no excuse-," he began but Arlene put her hand up to interrupt.

"I know that. Nobody is defending your actions. I'm saying I _understand. _I'm saying I can see what drove you to it. You were pushed to your limit. Where you went wrong is that you acted on it, that you didn't try and talk to her...or someone...that you didn't get help to deal with your pain."

House looked at her apprehensively.

"Lisa helped me better understand what you were going through. I need to ask you this, how can you be sure you won't let it happen again?"

House picked up the deck of cards and shuffled them. He knew there was nothing he could say that would ease Arlene's mind so he decided to just tell her the truth and hope it worked.

"I'm not the same person I was then. I mean in some ways I am but...I've gotten help. I've learned how to cope with the pain. I know you won't believe this but not having her in my life was worse than any prison sentence or pain I went through. I don't want to lose her again."

He looked up at Arlene who assessed him carefully. And then he knew that she knew that he was completely sincere.

"I believe you."

House sighed appreciatively.

"I love Lisa," she continued. "And I want only the best for her. I told her point blank I never trusted her judgment with men...until it came to _you_." She watched as House's jaw dropped.

"She sees something in you most people don't and I'm going to trust that. I know my daughter and she never willingly gave her heart completely to anyone but you. I also know you love her and I'm going to try and trust that too. When I came here today it was to take care of my daughter. I knew you'd probably be here and I'd planned to give you a piece of my mind and I guess I did though it didn't turn out the way I'd planned. I'm okay with that. Seeing you two and Rachel here...together...I don't want to continue to punish you.. My guess is that you've already done enough of that yourself."

"Yeah," he said as he shuffled the cards again. He certainly had.

Suddenly, Arlene put her hand over the deck, stopping him in mid-shuffle. She knew he was in deep thought and the turn of the conversation may have been a bit much for him. She decided to give him a chance to breathe.

Taking the cards from him, she said, "Why don't you go check on her? I'm sure by now she's dying to know if we've killed each other yet." She gave him a devilish smirk.

House looked up at Arlene and he could see a look in her eye that resembled one of complete understanding. She was giving him space. He was still shocked by her demeanor. It wasn't at all what he expected. In the end, he decided not to question it. He grabbed his cane and got up from the table. Before he headed out the door, he turned around and faced her.

"Arlene, I'm sorry. For everything," he said softly. His eyes conveyed his sincerity and Arlene picked up on it immediately.

"I know," she said reciprocating the honesty. She waved him away. "Go...I'll let you guys know when breakfast is ready."

House silently nodded his thanks and limped out of the room. Arlene watched him leave, shaking her head and letting out a long sigh. That conversation had not gone at all the way she'd planned but then again she was glad it didn't. Arlene Cuddy liked to think herself a good judge of people and even though she wanted to despise House for what he had done, she could not knock the feeling that he had indeed changed and that maybe they deserved that chance they both obviously so desperately wanted. She just hoped that she'd imparted a bit of wisdom upon them. With that, Arlene Cuddy walked back over to the kitchen island and continued preparing breakfast.

* * *

><p>House limped into Cuddy's bedroom; he was still stunned over the conversation with Arlene. He never thought it would be that easy, in fact it shouldn't have been. He dissected the conversation in his mind and ultimately he realized that the elder Cuddy had been sincere in her words. When he reached Cuddy's room he found her propped up on a few pillows sleeping. Rachel was beside her, sleeping too. House sat on the bed and watched them. They looked so peaceful and he couldn't get over how much he'd missed seeing the two of them like this. Rachel opened her eyes slowly and smiled.<p>

"Hows I fell asleep," she said, then giggled.

"Hey, why don't you go help grandma and make sure she doesn't burn breakfast?"

"Okay." Rachel scrambled off the bed.

House took Cuddy's hand in his and gently rubbed circles on the top of it with his thumb. He really didn't want to wake her again but he knew she needed to eat something. She opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Hi again," he said to her as she woke up.

"Hey. Where's mom?"

"Still here. I just sent Rachel to teach her how to cook."

Cuddy let out a snicker. "Yeah that'll be the day. It's nice that you're still alive."

"Your mother surprises the hell out of me."

Cuddy looked at him, her brows furrowed. "What did she do?"

"It's what she didn't do. She didn't even try to kill me. She actually thinks we're good for each other."

"She told you that?"

"Yeah, she did. I think I'm growing to like the old bat already."

"You're insane."

"I know. Hey you want me to get rid of her?"

Cuddy smiled. "No, it's okay, I was worried about what would happen between you two but if you say it's okay then it's fine."

"The old woman surprised me." He noticed the pain reflected in her eyes and he brushed a loose curl out of her face. "You okay?"

"I hurt all over."

"I know, but it'll get better I promise."

She firmly grasped his hand and said, "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," he said as he gently kissed the hand he held.

"I need to take a bath."

"I can help with that you know," he said, raising his eyebrows up and down at her.

"I'm sure you can."

"You relax while I run the water. You need anything else?"

"Just the ibuprofen."

"Nothing stronger?"

"Nah. Speaking of," she pointed to his leg, "How is it?"

"It's okay."

"You're lying to me. You forget that I know how it gets in the morning."

"It hurts."

"Listen, why don't you take a cab over to the hospital today and use the pool? I asked Burt if he would make sure you had access to the PT facilities."

"You did?"

"Yeah. He knows the folks in the clinic well…he had hip replacement a few years back and they helped him get back on his feet. He said he'd talk to them for me."

"I'll have to thank him," House said as he went into her bathroom and began running the water for her bath.

"House?"

"Yeah?" he replied from inside the bathroom.

"Did you call Foreman?"

"Shit."

"I take it you forgot. You're not due back till tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah but I need to call him, Nolan too."

"Okay call them while I'm in the bath, then we'll have breakfast."

"I know it's a little soon after your accident but we need to take care of some things, the police report, insurance and all that. You need a new car too ya know."

"I know, I'm just not ready," she said making her way out of bed to head towards the bathroom.

"Hey, don't worry about it, I'll help you okay?" He stepped over to the bed to help her out.

"You sure you don't mind?"

"Nope. Now come on, I'll help you get undressed," he said with a smirk.

"I think I can do that on my own," she said walking very slowly into the bathroom with him behind her. She looked into the mirror.

"Oh geez…" she said softly as she inspected the small bruises on her forehead and chin.

House stepped behind her as she looked into the mirror. He saw the pain in her eyes with her every move. Gently he pulled her hair back behind her ears and ran his fingers along the sides of her face and down her neck. She closed her eyes and leaned to the right, into his touch. He gently caressed her shoulders and her upper arms and she smiled. He moved the hair away from the right side of her neck and gently kissed her there. She opened her eyes and watched him in the mirror as he continued leaving light kisses from her jaw line to her right shoulder, where he gently pushed down the strap of her tank top and let his lips linger there softly. His touches weren't sexual, rather they were comforting and reassuring. He looked into the mirror and they locked eyes, blue on blue, and she smiled at him, silently thanking him for being there for her. She turned in his arms slowly and wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her gently and held her close. Cuddy sighed into his chest and murmured to him softly.

"I've missed you so much," she said.

House buried his nose in her hair and lost himself in the warmth of her body. He leaned down and whispered to her, "I've missed you too."

They held each other for awhile until House looked over to check the level of the bathwater and noticed it was near the top.

"Cuddy?"

"Hmm," she murmured into his chest.

"Tub's full."

"Mmm hmm."

"Come on lazy, let's get you in it. You need some help?"

"I think I'll be okay. Just hurts to move."

"Gonna be that way awhile."

"I know, it just sucks."

"I'll give you some privacy so you can get in," he said, turning towards the door.

"You've seen me naked before."

"True, but...," he smirked and looked down, tapping his cane on the hardwood floor.

She smiled at him, understanding. "Ever the gentlemen aren't you?"

He smirked at her. "Don't let that get around, you'll ruin my rep."

"Go on," she pushed him towards the door. "Bring me the baby monitor, please."

While House was gone to retrieve the monitor, Cuddy undressed slowly, thankful she didn't have a bra on as it would have been painful to unhook it. She laid her clothes on the sink and stepped into the large tub. The water was hot at first and she stood there letting her legs adjust to the temperature. Slowly she sat down and then leaned back against the wall. She was immersed up to her neck in very warm water scented with sandalwood bath beads and Epsom salt for her sore muscles. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of the water permeating her skin, easing the soreness of her muscles and joints. She heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

"How does it feel?" House asked as he laid the baby monitor on the floor next to the tub. He didn't miss an opportunity to look her over, noticing the suds covered her in all the right places.

"It feels great, thanks so much." Cuddy blushed when she noticed the way he looked at her.

"You need anything?"

"No, I'm okay for now, thanks. Why don't you go ahead and make your calls? I'll let you know if I need help, I promise."

"Okay," he said. Before he left, he turned around to look at her. They locked eyes for a moment. Cuddy just nodded at him letting him know she would be fine by herself for a little while. He nodded and smiled, then turned around and limped out of the bathroom. Cuddy sunk back into the tub and closed her eyes and relaxed.

* * *

><p>House had calls to make and he needed some time alone to think so he went outside to the back patio, avoiding the kitchen where Arlene and Rachel were busy with breakfast. He took a seat in the lounge chair so he could stretch his leg out and he placed the baby monitor on the table next to him as he'd done last time. It was a cool morning; he took a breath of fresh air trying to comprehend all the things that had happened over the last few days.<p>

His leg hurt more than usual and he knew he needed to get back to physical therapy soon. He didn't want to let on to Cuddy how much it hurt because he knew she would blame herself. Right now he wanted the focus to be on her getting better so she could resume her life. _Resume her life._ House thought about that. Once she was back to normal she wouldn't need him anymore, there would be no reason to stay. When he first arrived in Boston he was nervous but the past few days spent with Cuddy and Rachel felt like home to him, he didn't want to leave.

He sighed and took his cell phone out of his pants pocket; he had calls to make that couldn't wait. He dialed Foreman first.

"Eric Foreman."

"It's House."

"House, what the hell? We haven't heard from you in a few days."

"You do remember I'm on vacation right?"

"Yeah, but I thought for sure you'd check in with the team."

"Chase is in charge, he'll be fine."

"So what's up, you trying to reach the team?"

"Nope. Need some time off."

"You? Time off?" Foreman laughed. House never took time off. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, I just need some time."

"How much?"

"A week, maybe more, don't know yet."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, so do I get it or not?"

"Listen...House...I've known you a long time, it's not like you to just take off. Anything you wanna talk about?"

"What are you, my shrink? Oh wait, I have one of those."

Foreman sighed, battling wits with House that early in the morning wasn't on his agenda. "Okay fine, do what you gotta do. Just keep in touch."

"You've got my cell, call me if you need me."

"House..." Foreman paused a moment. "You sure you're alright?"

"Yep. Nothing I can't handle."

"Okay, guess I'll see you in a week or so. Keep your cell phone on just in case."

"Yeah, bye." House flipped his phone shut. He hated asking Foreman for anything. It still bothered him that his former lackey was now his boss, at least temporarily. Foreman let him get away with a lot but still…it just felt strange for him to have to ask Foreman permission for anything.

House looked at his watch and noted Cuddy had been in the bath about fifteen minutes. He wouldn't disturb her for another fifteen minutes or so, he wanted her to have some time to relax. At the moment, he had a tougher phone call to make, to his psychiatrist. He hadn't seen Nolan in a week and so much had happened, he wasn't sure where to begin. He dialed the all-too familiar number but instead of the man, he got Nolan's voice mail. He nearly hung up until he realized he needed to let Nolan know everything was alright so far.

"It's House, listen I won't be seeing you Tuesday, I'm still in Boston...staying a little longer...Cuddy was in an accident, she's okay but I'm helping her out. I know...can you believe it? She actually wants me here. Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid...or at least I'll try not to. I'm on my cell phone...if you want to call me. Later."

House ended the call and pondered Nolan's reaction to the news that he was staying in Boston with Cuddy. Nolan had been completely supportive of him getting his life together but he wouldn't expect that House and Cuddy would find a way to move forward, not after everything that happened. A thought entered House's mind, that maybe _he_ had changed and that maybe _Cuddy_ had changed too. This thought didn't integrate well with his philosophy. For years he insisted people don't change and yet after everything that had happened, here he was...in Boston...with Cuddy, not only getting along with her and trying to help her but he was also forming a bond with Rachel.

House leaned his head back against the lounge chair and just listened to the quiet that surrounded him. He didn't like change; in fact it scared him to death, though he'd never admit it to anyone. He sighed to himself and wondered what he had gotten himself into. His mind flashed back to the moment he found out Cuddy had been in an accident. He remembered that feeling of dread, like someone had ripped his heart out. It was the same feeling he had when she broke up with him, it was complete and utter emptiness and it was the very reason he'd avoided relationships for so long, it hurt too much to love. In the few days he'd spent with Cuddy and Rachel, he found himself getting attached to them all over again and it made him wonder if he'd made the right choice.

At that moment, he heard the soft voice of the woman he'd been thinking about, coming through the baby monitor.

"_House?_ You there?"

He smiled at the sound of her voice. He had no idea if he could overcome all of the pain and misery he'd lived with for so many years but he had to keep trying. There was a beautiful, intelligent and vibrant woman calling his name from the bathtub and he found himself becoming more attached to her and her precocious little girl once again. He picked up the baby monitor.

"I'm here," he replied to her. _I'm here._ He grabbed his cane and leaned forward pushing himself out of the lounge chair and went back into the house.


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N:** All I can say is thanks for hanging in there! It's been a rough two weeks. I was too tired to update last weekend and this past weekend I had the flu. Thankfully I'm feeling much better.

Many thanks to my good friend GratefulInsomniac for taking a peek at this last night. Having been sick, I needed someone to make sure I was still on my game.

Also want to give a shout out to RochelleRenee, Allthingsdecent, DrDiagnostic, Raquel9 and MystryGAB for their recent fic updates. You guys kick ass.

So, where are we in the story? Well, let's see...House and Wilson arrived in Boston on **Thursday**, Cuddy had the accident on **Saturday**, arrived home from the hospital on **Sunday**, and Arlene showed up on **Monday** morning...so we pick up there.

* * *

><p>A few hours after Arlene showed up at her daughter's door, she was in the kitchen. Cuddy didn't care what her mother was doing, as she had more important things to do. At the moment, she was curled up on the couch with Rachel watching cartoons, or at least trying to, as they were interrupted by House who was pacing the living room behind them, on his cell phone in an effort to help his team solve a new case. Cuddy finally turned off the television and suggested to Rachel that she go into the kitchen to help her grandmother. As House paced and Cuddy watched him work, the doorbell rang. Cuddy moved to answer but House stopped her, walking over to answer it himself. A moment later he ushered Wilson into the living room as he continued his phone conversation.<p>

Wilson sat on the couch next to Cuddy and gave her a gentle hug. "How ya feeling?" he asked.

"I'm still sore, head hurts occasionally but other than that I'm okay."

"You're pretty lucky."

"I know."

"What's up with him?" Wilson asked nodding over to where House was still pacing.

"Case. I'll admit it's kinda nice seeing him like this."

House got off the phone; he had a worried look on his face.

"What is it, House?" Wilson asked.

"They want me to come back."

"Oh." Cuddy was clearly disappointed.

"I'm not going."

"Your team needs you," she said.

"_You_ need me."

"I do but there's no reason you can't come back when you're done."

House had a pensive look on his face. Cuddy reached for his hand and pulled him down next to her. At that moment she noticed Wilson slipped out of the room giving them some privacy. She placed her hand gently on the side of House's stubbled face. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. She spoke softly. "That you are here with me now means more to me than you could ever know. I _do_ need you but I also understand you have a job to do. People come to you to save their lives because nobody else can. It's important to you and it's important to me too. I'm going to be okay but your patient might not. You _have_ to do this, it's who you are. When you solve the case, you'll come back."

House opened his eyes and said nothing. Cuddy felt as if she could see right into his soul. She shivered for a moment; it was nothing short of amazing that he had such a powerful effect on her. "House, you were there for me so much over the years. You had your own unique way of making me feel loved and cared for and less alone. You saved me countless times only I never realized it until it was too late." Cuddy trailed her fingers down his jawline and leaned forward grazing his lips softly, just barely touching them. Her desire to show him just how sincere she was overtook her and she pressed her lips against his and he parted them, welcoming her tongue. Their kiss was slow, passionate, and full of longing and reassurance. They each moaned their pleasure, not caring if anyone else heard them. Cuddy opened her eyes and watched House, his eyes were closed and he was completely lost in the kiss. She loved watching his response when they kissed, he was always so much more relaxed. She pulled back a bit and smiled against his lips. He opened his eyes and gave her a sly grin.

"You really are something, you know that?"

"I know." She smiled back at him.

"Okay, I'll go."

"Good." Cuddy leaned forward and embraced him. As he put his arms around her and gently pulled her closer to him, she sighed into him and whispered, "I don't know how I ever made it through these last few years without you." Her words warmed his heart. House was a man who put more faith in action over words but it didn't mean he didn't need to hear those words from time to time. They relaxed into one another and Cuddy rubbed House's back soothingly while he gently ran his fingers through her hair. Neither spoke, but they both knew in that moment, their actions expressed so much more than words ever could.

* * *

><p>Later that afternoon House and Wilson were on their way back to Princeton. They'd enjoyed a bit of banter and conversation until House started yawning. Wilson told him to get some sleep.<p>

_It was cold and he was late arriving home from the beach party, having been somewhat distracted by the fun he was having performing card tricks for the girls in the group. He rode his bike home in the dark, shivering realizing he'd forgotten to get his jacket back from the girl who borrowed it. He couldn't even remember her name. She was gorgeous but not his type, too stuck on herself and more interested in guys with money than sons of Marine officers. She had been cold and his father had taught him to be a gentleman and so House loaned his favorite leather jacket, the one his grandmother had given him for his birthday. When he arrived home, no lights were on and he breathed a sigh of relief that his parents were asleep. As he put his key in the lock of the back door and opened it, he was met with a sudden bright light and the angry face of his father staring down at him._

_"What are YOU doing home so late? Didn't we give you a curfew?"_

_"Yeah"_

_"What did you say boy?"_

_"I mean yes, sir."_

_"That's better."_

_"Why are you late?"_

_"I lost track of time."_

_"Oh, you did? Your mother was worried about you."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Where's your jacket?"_

_"I forgot it, I loaned it to a girl-"_

_"A girl? Is that what this is about? Were you making out with some tramp?"_

_"No! She was cold-"_

_"Enough. You know young man; there are rules in place for a reason. I think you need to understand that."_

_"Yes sir."_

_"Don't think you're getting out of it that easy. You want to come home late? Worry your mother? Ride around without a jacket and get sick? Fine. Go," he said pointing at the door._

_"What?"_

_"You heard me, move."_

_House backed out the door, not understanding what his father was doing. Suddenly as he took a step back he lost his balance and fell backwards and down the steps. As he looked up, he heard the door lock and saw the room go dark. He got up quickly and pounded on the door, "Dad let me in, it's cold out here," but his father never returned, leaving his son out in the cold for the night. He called his father's name a few more times but there was no reply._

_House walked around the house, trying the front door but it too was locked. He wanted to pound on the door but was afraid to wake his mother. He never told her the things his father did because he didn't want to worry her; it was hard enough being the wife of a decorated Marine pilot. House walked around the yard looking for a place to get away from the cold. He found a blanket folded on some milk cartons next to the garage. It was the old blue blanket his father used to lay on when he worked under his car. It smelled of oil and had holes in it but it looked like it might be warm. He picked up the blanket and chose to sit on the side of the house away from the wind. He sat down on the cold ground with the blanket around him, shivering and teeth chattering. He thought about how only an hour earlier he'd been laughing and having a good time with his friends._

House awoke with a start with Wilson's hand shaking his arm.

"What?" House was annoyed and pulled his arm back. He was shivering.

"You okay?"

"Fine. Why the hell is it so cold in here?"

"It's a little warm so I put the A/C on. What's with you? You were shivering and calling out in your sleep."

"I'm fine."

"Anything you want to-"

"Nope."

"Okay, guess it's too late anyway, we're back. You want me to drop you at your place or the hospital?"

"Hospital."

Wilson nodded. He should have realized the hospital would be his first stop. He couldn't get the sound of House's desperate plea out of his head. Why was he calling out for his father? He didn't have time to prod House further as they arrived at the hospital. He watched House get out of the car and grab his backpack. House turned around and muttered his thanks and a moment later he was gone. It was dark and he was tired so he sighed and put the car in gear and drove off towards the loft.

* * *

><p>House limped into his office, it was dark and only the lamp on his desk was lit, the team expecting him. He threw his backpack on the chair and picked up his ball. He was tired and he hadn't been able to get the dream out of his mind. It bothered him that he was thinking about his father. <em>Why now?<em> He thought. _Everything was going so well._

"House?"

House turned to see Chase, white coat wrinkled, hair mussed and looking very tired. "You look like hell."

"Thanks, so do you."

"Where's the team?" House asked.

"Just waiting on you." He pointed towards the conference room where a very tired Adams and Park waited.

"Where's Taub?"

"Babysitting."

"We'll get him on the phone if we need him. Let's go," he said leading Chase into the conference room.

"Welcome back, House," said Park.

"Ok let's start at the beginning."

Adams began. "Thirty-seven year old woman. Pain and cramping in the calves, thighs, buttocks and feet. It started a few years ago but she's a dancer and thought it it was somehow related to that but then it became more frequent to the point where she can barely walk. She said her legs feel like stone. It's got to be poor circulation but we can't find anything."

House raised an eyebrow. _"Stone?"_

"That's what she said," replied an exhausted Chase. He joined the team at the table while House cleaned the whiteboard so they could start over. The gears in his mind were turning rapidly.

* * *

><p>Twelve hours later, at around nine in the morning, the team still hadn't solved the case. The patient had been at the hospital for three days losing circulation in her lower limbs. If it continued, she would die. House was desperate, he poured through medical journals, paced the hallways, bounced his ball against he walls of his office and took a few trips up to the roof. He wasn't inspired by anything and it bothered him that he hadn't had a single epiphany. To add to his frustration, he was tired and hungry and he longed to be back in Boston. When he was there, with Cuddy, everything was okay but in the back of his mind he worried that she might come to her senses and realize she was better off without him. He couldn't handle that rejection again. He knew he could survive it but he wasn't sure he wanted to. He was up on the roof for the third time in as many hours when his cell phone rang. He looked at the number and his anxiety eased.<p>

"House."

"Hey."

House smiled. "Well, well Dr. Cuddy, miss me already."

"No, just checking up on the patient." She sounded amused.

"Come now, you don't care about the patient; you just care about the hot doctor treating her."

"You wish."

"I _so_ know you."

"Do you?"

"Yes, I do."

"What am I doing right now?"

"You're in bed with your skimpiest nightie hiked up over your luscious breasts, no panties-"

"You wish."

"Oh, you are an evil temptress."

"You know, the sooner you get back here..." Cuddy stopped there, teasing him, knowing it would drive him crazy. She smiled on her end of the phone when he was speechless for a moment.

"House?"

After a moment of contemplation, thinking about all the things he wanted to do to her at that moment, he replied, in a deep, sexy voice, "Yes?"

She chuckled into the phone. "Are you still _there_?"

"Just pondering a thought."

"Would you like to share?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" House growled into the phone in the sexy voice he knew Cuddy once loved. He heard her laugh on the other end.

Despite her pain, Cuddy began to feel an ache in her lower regions, it was something only he made her feel. Just he sound of his voice could stir her.

House noticed her silence and brought her out of it. "Okay so if you're not doing deliciously nasty things to yourself, what _are_ you doing?"

"Actually I just got off the phone with my sister. She wanted to know how I was doing and if I'd killed mom yet."

"Oh wait...let me ponder that thought for a moment."

Cuddy laughed. "Listen, I'm just glad it's only mom and not her _and_ Julia. I love my sister but at times she's just like mom. I couldn't handle both of them right now."

House loved the sound of Cuddy's laughter and reveled in the fact that he could still make her laugh like that.

"I wanted to call you earlier but she had me on the phone forever. So uh...how's the patient?" She asked.

House rubbed his face with his left hand; he looked out over Princeton watching the sun come up. "I don't know what's wrong with her."

"Oh House, I'm sorry," she said sincerely. Cuddy knew how important it was to him to get the correct diagnosis, not just for the patient, but for himself. She knew he'd be a mess if he didn't solve this spent the next few minutes throwing out ideas and the more she talked, she noticed House was awfully quiet.

"House?"

No response.

_"Hello?"_

House had gotten lost in his thoughts. It was something Cuddy said that got him thinking. Suddenly it hit him. "I've got to go, I'll call you back," he said as he hung up.

On the other end of the line, Cuddy was at first shocked that he hung up on her, and then she smiled realizing he'd gotten his epiphany. She tossed her phone on the coffee table and leaned back to relax on the couch. She was happy she could help him and hoped he had finally solved the case so he could get back to Boston. She smiled at the thought that she felt safe and comforted around him. _I need to be sure I tell him that_, she thought. She closed her eyes and relaxed to the memory of the kiss they'd shared just a day earlier.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, House limped into the patient's room after having called his team and instructing them to meet him there.<p>

Chase was the first to greet him. "House, what's going on?"

He looked at the patient. "Mrs...," he paused to look at Park for help.

"Gianelli."

"Thank you." He said to Park. Turning to the patient he said, "You," he pointed his cane at the patient,  
>"are a liar."<p>

"What are you talking about? Who are _you_?"

"I, my good woman am the man about to save your life." The team looked at him confused. He sighed and gave her a look of disgust. "Why didn't you tell my team that your mother and both of your sisters are taking the eternal celestial dirt nap?"

"Huh?" She looked confused.

"You know..._dead_?" House pointed towards the ground with his cane.

"I didn't think it was important."

"Really? Were they your family?"

"Yes."

"Well...what part of _family history_ do you not understand?"

Chase looked at House suspiciously. "House, what are you talking about?"

"Maria Antonia Gianelli here had _two_ siblings, Isabella and Grazia who were significantly older than her and died of coronary artery disease within three years of one another. Their mother died fifteen years ago, from a heart attack. I'm assuming she had CAD as well. All three probably suffered from extreme arthritis too."

"How did you know?"

"I just do. But it wasn't arthritis at all; they suffered from a rare genetic disease called arterial calcification disorder. Thing is, it generally affects the lower limbs while leaving the coronary arteries alone. In the case of your siblings and your mother it was likely that CAD led to their deaths but it was probably assumed that their circulation problems were caused by that. Congratulations. You're only the thirteenth person I know of, with this interesting rare genetic disorder, although since your mother and sisters are dead, you're only the tenth person in the world actually diagnosed."

"Nobody would have thought their symptoms were related to CAD or arthritis because the symptoms were masked." Adams said, amazed that House solved the complex puzzle.

"Exactly," House replied.

"Am I going to _live_?" The patient asked.

"You need surgery to reroute the blood flow. With the exception of this condition, you're in good health and you should recover fine. Because of the history of CAD in your family you should have your cholesterol checked regularly and get a full physical at least once every six months."

"That's it?"

"Not quite." House became more serious.

"What's wrong?"

"You've had this genetic disorder all your life but it appears to have worked its magic very slowly over a long period of time. There is some permanent damage. The surgery will fix just about everything..._except_ your left foot."

"What do you mean?"

House sat on the bed next to the woman, an unusual move for him and the looks from his team didn't go unnoticed by him. He remembered a time years back when he was the patient and the doctor was breaking similar news to him. He tapped his cane on the floor and then, still looking down, he said, "We have to amputate your foot."

"What?" The patient was hysterical. "I've been dancing all my life. This is what I love, you..._you can't do this_."

He remained quiet as she sobbed through her words, then he spoke. "We don't have a choice. If you don't have the surgery, you _will_ die."

"I don't understand. You said you could reroute the blood flow. Why can't you fix this?"

House was torn between wanting to console the patient and wanting to yell at her for even questioning the obvious. However, he remained calm. "Your foot has lost all circulation, the tissue is dead and it will only get worse. It could kill you." He sighed and looked directly at her. "As the patient it's _your_ choice in the end. You need to know that if you decide to amputate you won't dance again, at least not in the ballet, but there are other things you _can_ do and prosthetics have come a long way."

"It's my_ foot_."

"I know."

The patient sobbed. "I gave up everything for this career. It always came first. I traveled so much I hardly saw my mother and sisters, I didn't even find the time to maintain a regular relationship. Now, I'll have nothing."

House looked at her. In her eyes he saw the same pain and sadness he'd once felt. "I'm sorry," he said to the patient. His admission took his team by surprise.

The patient looked at him, still sobbing. "You're sure there's _no other way_?"

House shook his head no and then stood up. His leg was bothering him and he had to get out of there. He began to limp out of her room when she called to him.

"Dr. House?"

He turned around.

"I'll do it."

He nodded, then turned and walked away.

The patient lay there for a moment then looked over at Park. "I can't believe I have to do this," she said crying again.

Park placed her hand on the patient's shoulder. "If there was any other way...he...Dr. House is one of the best doctors in the world, if he says you should do it, you should do it."

The patient was silent for a moment; eventually she nodded her head in silent resignation.

* * *

><p>Wilson walked into his office around noon, having taken a half day off to attend a memorial service for one of his patients.<p>

"Wilson old man, where the hell have you been?" House shouted from the couch in the darkened office.

"House? What the hell? Don't you have an office? Better yet, don't you have an apartment with one of those things..." He waved his hands around wildly, "...that you sleep in? You know...something called a bed?" He asked as he opened the blinds.

House shielded his eyes from the glaring noon sun. "Why mess up a perfectly clean, made bed when I can lie on this comfy couch and scare the hell out of you? Speaking of why are you late?"

"What are you? My mother?"

"You wish. Where ya been?"

"Memorial service for a former patient."

"That's nice. You going to ask me about my case?"

"I just got here."

"It's all about you isn't it?"

"Fine, how's your case?"

"Solved it. The brilliant diagnostician does it again."

"So what was it?"

"Arterial Calcification Disorder."

"Seriously? Never even heard of it."

"Exactly, it's new, it's rare, it's genetic, and it's a beauty."

"Only you can make a rare genetic disease seem...oh I don't know...poetic? So how'd you figure it out?"

"Actually, I damn near didn't. It was something Cuddy said earlier..."

"You talked to her?"

"Well yeah? She missed me."

"Aww."

House gave Wilson an annoyed look. "As I was _saying_, something she said made me think of an article I'd read and I did some research and the rest is history."

"Just like that?"

"Yep just like that." House twirled his cane in satisfaction.

"So what's the treatment?"

House was quiet for a moment and he stopped spinning his cane.

"House?"

"She's got to have surgery," he said in a somber voice.

"Oh." Wilson was taken back by House's sudden change in mood. "So now what?"

"I guess I'll head back to Boston."

"Driving or flying?"

"Kinda far to take the bike. I hate driving but I need a way to get around."

"You could fly first class and then rent a car."

"Do I look like moneybags to you?"

"House you pull in a hefty six figures per year, you own your apartment, your car is paid for, I pay for your meals, what else could you have since you don't do hookers and drugs anymore?"

House just looked at him innocently. "What about all the donations I make to the poor?"

"Seriously?"

"You act like you don't believe me."

Wilson took a seat at his desk and shuffled papers in annoyance. "Okay, so what's your plan?"

"I'll probably drive my car to Boston; have a few errands to run first." House leaned forward and massaged his thigh, he grimaced in pain.

"You okay?"

"Nothing I can't handle. I took the patch off yesterday and I need some PT."

"Anything I can do?"

House thought about it. "Can you just keep an eye on the team and make sure they don't blow anything up?"

"Isn't that what you have Chase for?"

House gave him a deadpan look. "I'd feel better if my bestest buddy checked up on them occasionally."

"Yeah, I'll do it but you owe me."

Before House could give a smartass reply, there was a knock at the door. Wilson told the party to enter and there stood Foreman and Chase. When they saw House they both smiled widely.

"House, I wouldn't have known you were back if Chase hadn't told me."

"Gee, remind me to thank you," House said sarcastically looking at Chase. "Pretend you didn't see me, I'm leaving."

"Yeah, about that..." Chase just looked at House with a quizzical expression.

"What?"

"Well..."

Foreman intervened. "You going to spill the beans on what's up in Boston?"

Wilson couldn't hide his smirk. It wasn't often House's underlings got the best of him but this time they had.

"There's nothing to spill."

"Hmm...didn't sound that way to me when we were on the phone."

"Oh come on Chase; seriously is my private life that interesting to you?"

"Only when it involves one hot former Dean of Medicine," Chase said. He and Foreman looked at House with a look that said they were determined they weren't leaving without some answers.

House pushed himself off the couch. "See you later," he said to Wilson and departed the office with Foreman and Chase close behind. Unfortunately with a limp he was no match for the two young doctors.

"Come on House, we won't tell anyone, just tell us what's going on."

"Why?"

"Well...we uh...care?" Chase said. House thought it actually sounded sincere.

He turned around and confronted them outside his office. "Really? I've been a real son of a bitch to you two for years, I helped break up _your_ marriage," he said looking at Chase, then he pointed his cane at Foreman, "and I know I've done plenty of stuff to piss _you_ off. Now you tell me you _care_?"

"House, we've known you a long time, you're not a bad guy, you've just been through a lot of shit. Listen if you and Cuddy have worked things out, that's your business. It's just...nice, that's all." Foreman said as he and Chase followed House into his office, past the curious eyes of Park and Adams.

"House, we just want to see you happy...at least...whatever that is for you," said Chase.

House sat behind his desk and contemplated his answer. He looked up at the Foreman and Chase, who seemed genuinely interested in his well-being. Despite everything, he trusted the two doctors. The only reason he'd been hard on them in the past was because he expected so much from them. He always knew they were capable of being excellent doctors and he felt it was his job to push them to the limit to prove it. He'd never admit it to them _directly_ but they had earned his trust.

"Cuddy and I have been corresponding for a while now." He sat back and waited for a smartass remark which never came so he continued, "She knew Wilson was going to the conference and she invited me up."

"And?"

"You want more?"

Chase smiled and it made House roll his eyes at the romantic side of the Aussie who once whored himself out after Cameron left him. "No, it's just that you two were destined to be together, everyone knew it, you two just didn't know how to make it work."

"Isn't_ that_ the truth?" Foreman chimed in. House gave him a look. "What? Hell, it wasn't just you. Cuddy's a perfectionist, has to be in control of everything, a woman like that would drive me crazy but you...somehow you two just fit. Frankly I never thought you two could stay away from each other forever."

House sighed and twirled his cane.

"So Cuddy is the reason you wanted time off," Foreman said.

"Something like that."

House leaned forward in his chair, he looked completely serious. "Listen, this...stays between us. No rumors, no gossip, not even to Taub or them," he said pointing at Adams and Park in the other room. "You know I don't care what people say about me but Cuddy is off limits. Just don't say a word."

"Okay," said Chase and Foreman nodded in agreement then turned and headed out the door.

When they were gone, House sat back in his chair and pondered for a while until he realized he was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open and needed some sleep. With no vehicle at the hospital and Wilson working, he called a cab to meet him at the front entrance, then grabbed his bag, turned out the lights and left his office. When he reached the entrance downstairs, the cab was already waiting for him. After he got in and gave the driver his address, he remembered something important he had to do. He picked up his phone and dialed. After a moment, he spoke.

"Hey, it's House. I need to talk to you."

* * *

><p>So...who does House need to talk to? Stay tuned.<p>

As to the diagnosis, Arterial Calcification Disorder is in fact a real rare genetic disease. The NIH's Undiagnosed Disease Pilot Program discovered it in just nine people in three unrelated families and it is deadly if it goes undiagnosed. Treatment, if the disease is discovered in time, is surgery to reroute the blood flow through other arteries.

I appreciate your patience. I've never been two weeks late with an update before! Hopefully this won't happen very often.


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N:** Here's another chapter, thanks for all your support, it's been great. I wanted to get this out on Friday night but I was too damn tired to write!

Shout out to Cherokee Jedi, author of "Safety" who has had a lot of stuff going on in her life lately. She has NOT abandoned that wonderful story, just hang in there. If you haven't read it, you should, it's great.

* * *

><p>When House woke up on Tuesday evening, it was nearly six o'clock. He'd slept six hours and needed every bit of it. The first thing he did was rub his thigh vigorously to relieve the pain. It reminded him he'd forgotten to put a new patch on his leg when he got home. He lay there thinking about the phone call he'd made hours earlier. He grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand and found he had two messages. He sat up, leaned against the headboard and dialed the first of two numbers.<p>

"Hello?"

"It's House."

"Are you alright? I got your message."

"I'm fine; I know it's not our scheduled day but I need to see you."

"Where are you?"

"Princeton. I had a case, finished it up earlier."

"I'm in New York right now and I can make a stop there sometime late morning on my way home."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it's really not out of the way. What time?"

"I'm doing PT early, how about eleven?" He thought about where they should meet. He was in the mood for pancakes and lots of them. "How about PJ's Pancake House on Nassau Street?"

"Across from campus right?"

"That's the one. See you at eleven?"

"Fine. Anything you want to talk about now?"

"We'll save that for when you get here."

House and Nolan talked a few more minutes before hanging up. He thought about how he would tell his therapist about the dreams. He'd had a few dreams about his father over the past few years and in some of the dreams, he and his father actually got along while in others they were at odds. He was conflicted over his feelings about his father because when he was a young boy he'd idolized his father, it was only when he was a teenager that he began rebelling and loathing how his father treated him. It bothered House greatly that the dreams he hadn't had in quite some time had returned just as he and Cuddy were in each other's lives again.

_Cuddy._ He grinned to himself as he recalled the kiss they shared recently. He ran his finger along his lips savoring the memory of how she tasted, her full lips against his, her tongue massaging his mouth. To him there was no sweeter pleasure in life than kissing Lisa Cuddy. In those few days they were together, he realized he needed more of her. He was disappointed he had to leave so soon and a tingle shot up his spine thinking of the fact that he would see her again soon. At that moment, he noticed little Greg had made an appearance. Thinking of Cuddy made him horny and he thought of going into the shower to remedy that situation, however, he didn't want a fantasy; he wanted the real thing. As hard as it would be to hold out for her, he wanted to because it would make their blissful reunion that much more special, something neither of them would ever forget. He didn't want to do anything to screw up whatever it was they were building, not this time. He was willing to take his time and think things out and do it right. He got out of bed and stretched a little to help ease his very sore leg, then headed to the shower with thoughts of anything but her to help him get through the next few minutes.

* * *

><p>Hours away in Boston, Cuddy had just finished having dinner with her mother and daughter and had gone outside to get the mail when her cell phone rang. She smiled at the thought it might be House but then she recognized the hospital number on her caller ID.<p>

"Dr. Cuddy."

"Lisa, it's Burt."

"Burt, what a nice surprise."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing much better, thank you. I know I'll be sore for awhile but I'm not complaining too much, I know how lucky I am."

"Indeed you are. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm okay. Mom's here with Rachel and me."

"Where's Greg?"

Cuddy chuckled. It was so unusual to hear anyone call House by his first name. "He's in Princeton, he got called in for a case but will be back soon."

"I see. Well, I don't want to bother you while you're on leave but I could use a favor."

"Sure, I'll help if I can, what is it?"

"Well, Dr. Tunkle in Pediatrics picked up a patient yesterday and when she told me about it, I thought Dr. House might be interested."

"House?"

"Considering you know Dr. House _so well_, I thought perhaps you could ask him if he wouldn't mind being a consult on this case."

Cuddy noticed Burt emphasized the _so well_ part. "Wow. I can't speak for him but he's not one to turn down a puzzle, that's for sure. I'll be talking to him later, can I call you back?"

"Sure and Lisa, remember you can call me if you need anything, you know that right?"

"I do and...thanks."

"You're welcome; I'll talk with you soon."

As Cuddy hung up the phone, her mother met her at the door. "There you are, I was looking for you."

Cuddy held up a stack of envelopes. "Mail," she said as she walked into the house. "Where's Rach?" She asked.

"She's in your room." Arlene shook her head and laughed. "She wanted to watch Madagascar so I put it in for her. She loves that movie."

"It's one of her favorites." Cuddy took a seat in the recliner across from her mother.

"How do you feel dear?"

"I'm fine."

Arlene sat watching her daughter go through the mail, chuckling silently as she watched her daughter organize everything into neat little piles.

Cuddy felt she was being watched and looked up at her mother. "What?"

"You remind me so much of your father."

"Really?"

"Don't be surprised Lisa. You two were just alike. Intelligent, well-spoken, ambitious and incredibly _organized_. Just watching you do routine things at times reminds me so much of him."

Cuddy laughed. "I remember he used to call me his _mini-me_."

Arlene nodded. "When you were little you followed him everywhere. Your sister was too young and so she stayed with me more often but you and your father were stuck together like glue."

Cuddy pondered that a moment and the memories of her father brought a smile to her face. She sighed and said, "I wonder what dad would think of everything…all the things I've done."

Arlene relaxed into the couch, enjoying the rare intimate discussion with her daughter. "Your father loved you and Julia more than anything in the world. He was so proud of both of you...for following your hearts with what you wanted to do. Julia was like me, she could have worked outside the home but she really wanted to be a stay at home mom, take care of her kids and her husband. That was fulfilling to _her._ Like your father, you could never stay still, you were stir crazy, always had to be doing something." She laughed. "You get your drive and ambition from your father and he was immensely proud of you."

Cuddy smiled. She and her mother hadn't talked about her father in a long time, it felt good to reminisce. "Mom, what do you think dad would have said about the decisions I've made regarding Rachel and House?"

Arlene thought for a moment. "Your father had complete faith in you. When I thought you were making a mistake, he'd remind me that you had to stand on your own two feet and that we had to trust you would end up making the right choices."

Cuddy smiled at her mother. It was still so unusual that they had these kinds of conversations she waited for the inevitable barb that would come from her mother.

"He was right you know."

"Right?" Cuddy asked, with an arched eyebrow.

She folded her hands in her lap. "You made a lot of right choices Lisa. I didn't always agree with them at the time and you know I'm not going to agree with more of them in the future but that's who I am. When you first adopted Rachel I was against it because I thought you were making a mistake being a single mother." Arlene noticed her daughter cringed when she spoke of disapproving of the adoption. "_But_ I think you've done a great job with her and your father would have been very proud of you for adopting Rachel, for saving her life."

"Saving her life? How did you know? I never told you?"

She laughed. "It figures. Greg told me all about it during one of my visits. I'll never forget that. You were working late and he came over early to cook dinner because he didn't have a case. Rachel and I were in the backyard and I was pushing her on the swing. Greg came out there and we talked about Rachel a bit, just small talk, which seemed a bit unusual for him. It seemed like he was making an effort. Then, he came right out with it. He said 'you know, she saved Rachel's life' and I had no idea what he was talking about. He told me the story about Rachel's birth mother and you going into an old abandoned building in a rundown part of town, convincing the woman who found her to give her to you. He told me how you looked that night, in the nursery, watching her."

Cuddy had a look of surprise on her face. She shook her head. "I had no idea he told you that story. I can't even believe he remembered that night."

"Well, it's hard to forget that story because as I recall, when he told it, he had this goofy smile on his face. He just watched Rachel play as he talked about it and I had this feeling there was much more he wasn't telling me."

Cuddy recalled the night in the nursery when she told House she had applied as a foster parent. "He objected to me adopting her, in fact he made my life a living hell, trying to convince me I'd made the wrong choice. I thought he was just being an ass but I realized later on that he was just jealous. He thought that once I'd taken her into my life, there would be no room for him."

"Your father was like that when you came along. For the first year or two it was just us and then you were born and he thought it would ruin everything. As it turns out, he wound up spending more time with you than he did me."

"I had no idea."

"There's a lot you don't know about your father. He was an intensely private person but he loved his family."

"I wonder what dad would have thought about House. I doubt they would've even gotten along."

"He was very protective over you girls so he wouldn't have put up with any bullshit, you know that. He did have sort of a sixth sense about people and I suspect those two would have liked each other."

"Dad and _House_?"

"Sure, why not? I think there would have been a mutual respect. Your father would have seen him for who he really is, he damn sure wouldn't have pitied him and he would have had no problem putting him in his place. I think Greg would have respected him for it. Besides, one thing they would have had in common is they both loved you."

Cuddy smiled at the thought of what it would have been like for her father to meet House. "I wish Rachel had had the opportunity to know him."

The two sat quietly pondering their conversation, which was unusual for them and quite refreshing. Finally, Cuddy broke the silence.

"Mom, I never thanked you for…well…not jumping all over House when you got here. I mean, you did, but it could have been worse. Why are you being so…_nice_ to him?"

Arlene sighed and contemplated her answer carefully. "Whatever this thing is you two have, it can't be defined in normal terms. Your sister and I had a long talk about this because we both had a feeling at some point he'd be back in your life, it was just a matter of time. We didn't want him coming back and hurting you again."

"You thought I'd let him come back just like that?"

"Well, not just like that, but…you two have known each other more than half your lives; we knew how you felt about him. Lisa, I know you better than you think I do. I never saw you smile around anyone else like you did when Greg was around. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy and with him, it seemed like you were, at least for awhile."

"I know. It was complicated."

"Only because you both made it that way. Despite all his faults and God knows he has many, it is clear he cares about you and Rachel and loves you both. I can't run your life and I'm still concerned about you and whether or not you're able to handle whatever this thing is between you but I know I have to let you do what you feel is best. I just hope Greg is getting the help he needs to work through his problems and…" Arlene paused and her voice became more serious. "I hope _you_ figure out what you want this time before it's too late."

"He is mom, trust me and I'm working on it." Just as she was about to continue, her cell phone rang. She looked at her caller id and immediately smiled. "I'm going to take this on the back porch."

Arlene rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. It's him isn't it?" She saw her daughter turn around to look at her curiously and she just said, "You've got that look." She shook her head and laughed as she watched her daughter turn around walk out the sliding glass doors and close them behind her, taking a seat on the lounge chair. Arlene signed and picked up Cuddy's mail and began rifling through it.

On the back porch Cuddy made herself comfortable in the lounge chair. "Hi," she said happily, her mood having changed quickly. "I was in the house with mom, decided to take this outside."

"Geez it's like we're in high school."

"She knew it was you, I didn't even have to tell her."

"Well that gigantic shit-eating grin does give you away."

"Shut up."

"Miss me?"

"No."

"Don't lie."

"Okay, maybe a little."

"That's better. How's the _lesser_ Cuddy?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes, remembering the first time House referred to her daughter that way. "_Rachel_ is fine. Sharon took the girls to watch a recital."

"Piano?"

"Yep. Rachel is so excited."

"Are you sure that she's not half mine?"

"Sometimes I wonder."

"Hey, I'll be there tomorrow sometime. I've got some things to do first."

"Like what?"

"PT and Nolan." House thought a moment about whether he should tell her about the dreams but decided against it, at least over the phone.

"Okay. If you need more time I understand. Mom has actually been very helpful."

"Don't worry, the sooner I can get there the sooner she can jump on her broomstick and head back home."

"House! She's not that bad. We actually…kinda bonded today."

"I'm sorry, did I hear that correctly?"

"Yes you did, we had a nice talk."

"Is that why my ears were burning?"

"Not about you, ass, about my dad. We haven't talked about him in awhile."

"Hard to believe you and your mother actually had a nice conversation. No nagging? No arguing?"

"Shocker isn't it?"

"Yeah. Hey, how's the head doing?"

"The head is doing better. The body aches like a son of a bitch. I'd like to restart my yoga in a few days; I think it will help me feel better."

"Just wait till I get back so I can watch you get into all those bendy positions." He smiled remembering the times she'd let him watch her do yoga. Cuddy's policy was during yoga he could look but not touch. He also had to be silent. House never did like her policy much.

"The police officer who investigated the accident came by earlier today."

"What did he want?"

"He gave me a copy of the police report. He told me the guy who hit me was a twenty-something law student from an old-money family in Boston. Apparently he's got a history of getting into trouble but always gets off thanks to his dad, who is also a lawyer and has connections all over the place."

"Seriously? The cop told you that?"

"Yeah."

"You ready to deal with these people?"

"No, but I know I have to. I've been working with the insurance company, they've been very nice. The adjustor has been out to the impound yard and took pictures of the car. They also have the police report, witness statements, and my medical records to date. I told them I'd call them back go over things more thoroughly but I'm just tired and don't want to deal with it yet."

"I'll be there to help you. We'll find a lawyer, just in case the family tries anything."

"Thanks. I really don't want to deal with it alone. By the way, I've still got to go to the impound yard where my car is being held."

"No, you shouldn't."

"I have to get some things out before they total it." Cuddy put her hand to her head in frustration. She was going to have to go out and buy another car.

"I wish you wouldn't. At least wait till I get there. I'll take you."

"Okay," she said. "God, I'm dreading this...all of this, so much crap to take care of."

"Try not to think about it right now."

"Yeah, easier said than done. Oh hey, I almost forgot...would you be interested in consulting on a case here?"

"Me?"

"Well, do you know another pain in the ass world class diagnostician I would ask?"

"You wound me."

"I'm sure. Are you interested or not?"

"Who's asking?"

"You remember Burt Kelly, my attending in the ER? He said that pediatrics has a case you might be interested in."

"Do you really want me working with people at your hospital?"

"I don't run it, I just work there, it's okay if you want to do this, or not. Actually I think it'd be great if you did."

"You do?"

"Sure, I think it would be good for you _and_ good the hospital. For all its money and prestige Mass General doesn't have a Diagnostics Department.

"Don't we have to clear it with someone?"

"Well, besides Foreman on your end, there's our Chief of Medicine but I don't think that will be a problem."

House thought about it. "Okay I'm in."

"Great. I'll call Burt, I imagine they'll want to talk to you right away. Listen, are you okay to drive here?"

"Yeah, I'll stop when I need to."

"How's your leg?"

House once again fought the urge to hide his pain. "It hurts but therapy will help. I need to exercise and put another patch on tonight."

"Well, just take care of yourself, I worry about you."

"I know, but don't worry about me, I'll be alright. Let's just focus on you right now," House said in an attempt to veer attention away from his pain and more on hers.

"So I'll see you tomorrow, right?" The tone of her voice indicating she needed reassurance.

"Count on it," he said.

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><p>Please leave a review on your way out.<p>

Jess


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N:** Thank you to GratefulInsomniac for giving me feedback I so desperately needed. Also to Cherokee Jedi for the midnight chat _last_ Sunday night in which we tossed around ideas for our fics and fed the plot bunnies! Let me just say that plot bunnies are vicious little creatures with humongous appetites and razor-sharp teeth. They scared me. :)

Do you like Nolan? Do ya? Good, because he's here and he's not going anywhere.

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><p>On Wednesday morning just after eleven o'clock, House and Nolan sat comfortably in a booth in a quiet corner of the restaurant. Both men were digging into the stacks of pancakes in front of them. Nolan chuckled watching House greedily devouring his breakfast.<p>

"What? I'm hungry. PT was a bitch this morning."

"Of course," Nolan replied, nodding at the huge stack on House's plate and the huge stack that lay on the plate next to it.

Rolling his eyes House said, "I'm a growing boy."

"Of course you are." Nolan chuckled. "PT still helping?"

"So far, so good," House replied not even looking up from his food.

"I noticed you're standing straighter."

With a full mouth he spoke. "Walking with a cane screwed up my posture, we're working on it."

"Are you still wearing the patch?"

"I don't have much of a choice, it's the only thing that works that I can handle."

"What about the Oxy?"

"Only in an emergency," he said before taking a long gulp of milk.

"Good for you Greg," said Nolan, obviously pleased that House considered it a drug of last resort.

"Gee thanks _dad_."

Nolan shook his head and went back to his breakfast. The two continued to eat in silence for a few minutes, then Nolan put down his fork and fingered his coffee cup carefully, his eyes on House.

"So…is there anything _in_ _particular_ you'd like to talk about?"

House leaned back in the booth and tapped his fingers on the table.

"I'm assuming you want to talk about your visit with Dr. Cuddy?"

"Well, duh."

"Did you two talk?"

"If you mean talk as in _have sex,_ no. If you mean talk as in _talk_, then yeah." He looked down at the table and fingered the rim of his coffee cup. "In fact, I'm headed to Boston today."

"I take it then you are making strides."

"Yep."

Nolan felt House was holding back so he decided to prod him a bit. "What is it?"

"I really wanted to stay and help her when she got home from the hospital but I had to come back when the team called me."

"She understands Greg, she knows you have a job to do."

"I want her to know she is important...more important than the damn job." House said it louder than he intended, as the couple behind them turned around and stared. House just gave them a "mind your own business" look.

"You're going back just like you said you would."

"I just don't want her to change her mind."

"About?"

"About _us_."

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

"We talked about this some time ago, your obsessive need to question everything related to your personal life. Why can't you accept she forgives you and go from there?"

"Fifty plus years of experience."

"When it comes to the people who care about you, instead of questioning it, try to accept it."

"Hello? Have you met me?"

"I'm just saying don't give up. Try and have faith."

"She deserves better."

Nolan just shook his head. He'd heard that from House many times before. "Greg, you need to stop thinking you aren't good enough. If she didn't want you around, if she didn't care, don't you think she would have told you by now?"

Silently, House sat back and listened quietly, an array of thoughts churned in his head.

Nolan spoke again, but softly this time. He didn't want to overdo it. "How can you expect her to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself?"

House looked out the window next to them, watching the people milling about outside. Nolan understood that House often needed to take a step back to process things. He was willing to give him that time if it meant progress.

Finally House spoke. "Cuddy is all the things I'm not. She's caring, compassionate, understanding...I'm none of those things."

Nolan laughed out loud. House looked at him curiously. "Greg," he said shaking his head. "You underestimate yourself greatly. I've seen you in action, I've seen how you are when you want to help someone. I don't buy it's always for the puzzles either. Besides who said you should be those things you mentioned? Why can't you just be...you? Why isn't being _Gregory House_ good enough?"

"It's never been good enough," House said softly to himself but Nolan heard it.

"Listen," Nolan said leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. "We're only human, we're going to make mistakes in life. We acknowledge the mistakes and we move on. We can't brood on it and let it run our lives."

"I hate change."

"I know you do."

House smirked. "I'd hate for people to think I'm going soft."

Nolan laughed. "_That_ will never happen."

Both men sat in the booth, quiet a few minutes. House people-watched with a toothpick in his teeth, Nolan sat watching him. Finally he said, "Greg, you deserve happiness just as much as anyone else. We need to begin looking forward, letting go of the past, and having more confidence. You're a brilliant doctor and you are always sure of yourself in that regard. I only wish you could develop that same sense of confidence and security in your personal life."

"Don't know if I can."

"You can and you will because you want it. You have already overcome many obstacles. The strides you've made are significant; the way you open up now...you never would have opened yourself up like that before."

"You forget, I did…once…after Mayfield and it backfired on me." House said solemnly.

Nolan heard the hurt in House's voice. "I know Greg. It worked for a while but you didn't get the results you wanted right away so you just gave up. Change like this takes time and you've got to be willing to stick with it even when you think you can't. This is about adjusting to life without relying on Vicodin and alcohol to ease your pain. It's about trying to deal with the demons of your past so that you can develop healthy long-lasting relationships. It's about learning to communicate with the people you care about, leaning on them for support and being there for them when they need you. It's about you learning to accept and like yourself, not just the brilliant doctor, but the _man_."

"Change sucks."

Nolan sighed. "Sometimes it does, at the beginning. Once it becomes second-nature, it's not so bad."

"Why do you think I avoided relationships so long?"

"You avoided them because they cause pain."

"Well duh." House rolled his eyes at Nolan.

"Alone is not in our nature. We don't do well alone. Human beings need relationships to thrive. Let me ask you something. Were you happier alone or with Dr. Cuddy?"

"I don't do happy."

"That's your fault. Let me rephrase, were you more content alone or with her?"

"What do you think?"

"I know what I think, but I want to hear you say it."

In an annoyed tone, House replied. "Fine, with _her_."

"Well, there you go."

"You make it sound simple. When you think about it logically, I am just not ideal relationship material, nor am I the ideal father figure."

"You think too much. Who cares about ideal? Who even defines ideal anyway? You once told me that you had really gotten along with Rachel."

"That kid has no idea how screwed up I am."

"Well, it's true that kids don't have the filter that we develop as adults but that's a good thing. They see people and things for who and what they are. Greg, they don't care about what you've done in the past, they just want to be loved. When Rachel saw you, she really saw_ you_, not all your faults and mistakes."

House looked thoughtful. "Rachel is a good kid, she's perceptive and smart. She's a lot like her mother."

"Nothing about you suggests you wouldn't be a good father. I'm quite certain you would never put a child through what you went through."

"I never thought I'd do a lot of things."

"Put the past in the past where it belongs so you can move on. I know you can't forget it, but I think you've dealt with it enough, don't you think?"

House let out a sigh. "It's hard." He fidgeted a bit with his cane during a few moments of silence. Finally he said, "I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately and...the dreams are back."

Nolan leaned back in his seat. He and House had discussed the dreams he'd had about his father when he was in Mayfield. The memories seemed to recur when House was dealing with severe emotional stress. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not much to tell, it's the same as before. My mind is just rehashing stuff that happened when I was younger."

"What do you think that means?"

"I don't _know_, that's why I'm talking to you."

"You're worried you're going to screw things up, it's no surprise you hear your father's voice or have the flashbacks. You've got to fight giving in to it."

"What if I can't?"

"You can. There are steps you can take to help you through it. We've gone over them before but we can do it again. Are you ready?"

House nodded.

"Good. First and most importantly is forgiveness. I can't emphasize its power and I won't elaborate more because you're well-versed in this conversation."

House put his head in his hands. "People throw around the word_ forgiveness_ like it's nothing."

"Yes, but you don't. So when you forgive someone, you mean it."

House nodded in agreement.

"Now, the next thing is to avoid shoving the memories of your father into the darkest corners of your mind so you won't have to deal with them. When a memory comes to you, acknowledge and accept it, then file away in the proper place. It's your nature to hold things in and then when it becomes too much you lash out. You want to learn to deal with your problems in a constructive manner. If the memory bothers you, talk to someone about it. Talk therapy is still not your favorite but you're doing better. If you simply can't talk, write it out."

"Cuddy had a great father, how could she possibly understand?"

"My guess is she'll understand more than you know."

"I don't need her pity."

"Pity?" Nolan laughed again. "I'd be willing to bed she _doesn't_ pity you."

House smirked. He knew deep down that if there was one thing Cuddy didn't feel for him, it was pity.

Nolan continued his lecture. "Finally, accept that things and people_ do_ change. Change is_ inevitable._ You have learned from every experience you've had in your life and these experiences have changed you and that will continue, even if you try and fight it. So, instead of fighting it, embrace it."

House just nodded.

"Greg as much as we've talked about your dad, I know you have good memories of him. Do you think you conjure any of those up in moments when you begin to doubt yourself?"

"I don't know."

"Try."

House took a moment to think about the good memories. "When I was a kid, he took me places. We used to go to the air shows, just the two of us, then we'd go out to eat afterwards. There were times we went fishing. I remember I had a hard time casting the line and he'd do it for me every time. I was afraid to learn how to do it and he showed me, kept showing me till I got the hang of it."

"That's very good Greg, can you come up with others?" Nolan was enjoying the moment because House seemed to have a softer look in his eyes when he spoke about those memories.

"Sometimes he'd let me help him fix the cars, I'd hand him tools and he'd explain what he was doing."

"See, it wasn't all bad."

"I remember when he returned from a deployment, I couldn't wait to see him. I'd sit on the steps in front of the house or in front of the office on the base where he worked. He'd take me for ice cream after he checked in and got settled."

"Did you enjoy it?"

With a slight smile, House replied, "Yeah, I did."

"That's good Greg, very good. You might be interested to know I was doing some research related to PTSD a few months ago and read a report where researchers said negative emotions like fear and sadness trigger increased activity in a part of the brain linked to memories. They say these emotionally charged memories are preserved in greater detail than happy memories, but they may also be subject to distortion."

"So you think I'm making up the bad stuff?"

"Of course not. I'm attempting to explain this by way of scientific method, which I know is something you understand and accept."

House just smirked at how well Nolan knew him. "Go on," he said.

"As I was saying, researchers using MRI have shown that negative events stimulate activity in emotion-processing regions of the brain, such as the orbito-frontal cortex and amygdala. The more these emotional centers are activated by an event, the more likely it is to remember certain details linked to the emotional aspect of the event, and perhaps less likely to remember happier or mundane details of events. The conclusion was that this technique of preserving bad memories may have evolved as an evolutionary tactic to protect against future life-threatening or negative events."

House sat back and sipped his coffee slowly. He was absorbing everything Nolan had said. It made complete sense to him. Meanwhile Nolan watched him intently, knowing he was processing the information in his mind. He knew House well enough not to push him, House would speak when he was ready. Finally, he did.

"I don't get it. Sometimes I am conflicted over my feelings for him. Sometimes I hate him and other times I remember when things were good between us. It wasn't always bad."

"Greg, I'm sure it's difficult to reconcile your feelings about him. I can't explain why your father did the things he did to you, nor will I even attempt it, but it is safe to assume he taught you some good things. Maybe you can find a way to focus on them."

"I don't know."

"In the end, regardless of the fact that he wasn't your biological father, he was the only father you had. He was only human and he made his share of mistakes but he's dead now and the ball is in your court. You can either continue to hate him and let it eat at you and affect your ability to live your life to the fullest or you can forgive him, try to focus on the good things you remember, and move forward. I am in no way telling you what you should do, but you are my patient and I care about you and I want to see you happy. If you forgive him it doesn't mean you're excusing his behavior, it just means you are accepting what happened and moving on. You don't need to reference the bad stuff anymore; those memories add nothing to your life except misery."

"Wow. You give that crap to everyone or did you make it up especially for me?"

Nolan smirked at House. "You know me so well don't you?"

"I had you pegged since day one."

"Sure you did," Nolan said knowingly. He looked at his watch. "Listen, I've got a little more time for another round of pancakes. You up for it?" He asked, pointing at the two empty plates in front of House. He hadn't even realized House had cleaned both plates during their deep discussion.

"Bring. It. On." House smiled, a devilish look in his eyes.

* * *

><p>I started this fic in December 2011 and up until August I was able to update weekly, sometimes more often. Now it seems no matter how hard I try, I need about two weeks to publish a chapter. I'm so busy and I just can't seem to find the time to do it any sooner. I just wanted to let you know. I plan for my updates to be posted on Friday or Saturday nights. If the ideas flow and I've got time you will always get them sooner!<p>

I'd like to reassure you that this story will continue and will never be abandoned. I don't know how long it will be, I've not thought about that, I'm just focusing on writing what's in my head.

I really appreciate that you read and review this story. I am honored that you think it's worthy. I'm writing this story for you...the House and Cuddy fans, because you deserve it, we all do. This story is for YOU!

:)


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N:** Thanks everyone for reading that last chapter. As soon as I published it, I began working on this one, a little bit here and there throughout the week and well here it is. Enjoy!

Oh yeah do yourselves a BIG FAT FAVOR and check out all the new fics on this site...and the old ones too. There are (drum roll!) 3,611 House-Cuddy stories on this site.

One last thing. I'd like to thank my House chicas for the laughs we've shared...including...MystryGAB, DrDiagnostic, FreyaOz, TracyHepburnFan, Vicpei1, BabyGoz, Kermie, GratefulInsomniac, CherokeeJedi, RochelleRene, Maya, Oc7ober, Allthingsdecent, Winnywriter, LapizSilkwood, HuddyLoverXOX, DrGaia, TDCSI, Yahnis14, HughsBlues, LeakeyLover, PartyPantsCuddy, CantStopObsessing, SissiCuddles, etc. You guys crack me up!

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><p>Cuddy and Rachel sat on the back porch watching the stars twinkling in the early evening sky as they listened contentedly to the soothing sounds of a violin next door. Cuddy's next door neighbor, Dr. Bernard Schatz, was a widower and retired music professor at Boston College. He played with the Boston Philharmonic and a few evenings a week he practiced his instrument. Given the nice weather, Bernie, as he was known to friends and neighbors, had decided to open his windows and let in the fresh air. Cuddy and Rachel listened quietly and contentedly as the sounds of Beethoven's Violin Concerto in D Major made its way to their ears.<p>

The first time Cuddy heard Bernie play, it had been a Saturday afternoon shortly after she moved in. She and Sharon had spent the day unpacking boxes and were grilling kebobs in the backyard while the girls played in the sprinklers. Unable to resist the lure of the beautiful melody, she walked over to the fence, leaning on it and listening as Bernie and his group of retired musician friends played for at least a half hour. Bernie had noticed her watching and smiled at her. When they finished playing, he waved to her and told her to come over. She took him up on his offer, and together with Rachel, Sharon and Hannah, they visited with the group and stayed over two hours listening to them play. She chuckled to herself as she recalled Bernie's interaction with Rachel that first time.

"What are you playin?" Rachel asked.

"Well, my dear, it was Dmitri Shostakovich Violin Concerto No. 1, Op. 99."

"Huh?" Rachel looked completely confused. "Shoxta..._who_?" She never finished the sentence because she couldn't correctly pronounce the name. Bernie chuckled and then explained to the little girls a bit about Shostakovich as well as other great musicians like Sergei Prokofiev and Igor Stravinsky at least to the extent that two young children could understand. Rachel and Hannah listened intently as the old man told them stories of his trips to Russia and Eastern Europe in his travel with the Symphony. Bernie had later asked Cuddy if it would bother her that he practiced a few days a week. Being the music lover she was, she didn't mind and sometimes when he practiced with the windows open, she would set aside whatever she was doing at the moment and close her eyes and listen to the beautiful music being made next door.

As Cuddy lay in the super-sized lounge chair, with Rachel beside her, she listened to the gentleness of the music and thought about House and his piano. She so loved when he played for her because he played so beautifully and she loved the way he lost himself in the music. He was at his most relaxed when he played. She loved the way his fingers would glide over the keys, his eyes closed, head tilted back, lips slightly parted. During those moments, he was mesmerized by the music and she by him. The last time she'd seen him play had been a few days before their breakup. He'd had a particularly rough case and hadn't slept more than a few hours over the course of three days. When he'd left the hospital early on the day they finally made the diagnosis, he looked very rough and tired and his limp was more pronounced. The stress and the lack of rest and decent meals had taken their toll on him. She'd invited him over to her house but he declined, which was unusual, and opted to go home instead and rest. She'd kissed him on the cheek before he departed. Later that evening she and Rachel were restless, neither could sleep.

_"Mommy, I can't sleep," Rachel called from the doorway to her mother's room._

_Cuddy, who hadn't been able to sleep either, motioned Rachel over to the bed. "Climb in with me."_

_Mother and daughter lay together under the soft duvet comforter. After an hour, Cuddy hadn't heard Rachel's usual soft snores. She looked over at her and noticed the child was wide eyed and fidgeting._

_"Rach, you okay?"_

_"Yes mommy, I not tired."_

_Cuddy sighed. "I know, I'm not either."_

_"Mommy, where's Hows?"_

_"House is home honey, he's really tired."_

_"But why isn't he here with us?"_

_"He's had a very rough day, he hasn't slept much lately."_

_"I like it when he comes here. We play games." Rachel looked so sad. It was one of those moments when she realized once again how much House's presence influenced her daughter's life. _

_"You like it when House plays with you eh?"_

_Rachel shook her head vigorously and smiled. _

_Cuddy had an idea. It surely made no sense as it was late and Rachel had pre-school tomorrow and Cuddy had to work, but for once she decided not to analyze. "Honey, would you like to see House?"_

_"Really?"_

_"Yep. Listen, go put on your sneakers and grab your jacket, we're going to see House."_

_"Yaaaay!" Rachel exclaimed. She jumped out of her mother's bed and ran down the hallway to her room. She returned in a few minutes sneaker-clad, with a stuffed animal and favorite pink jacket. "I'm ready mommy!" _

_Cuddy turned to see her daughter standing there in the doorway; sure enough she was ready to go. She shook her head and laughed in amazement that her daughter was so excited to see the man who had quickly become her best friend and favorite playmate. The fact that by just being himself, he had melted the heart of her daughter made her love him that much more. _

_"Well then I guess we better go!" Cuddy, now dressed in sweat pants and a tee shirt, slipped on ballet shoes and grabbed her wallet, cell phone and keys and took off for House's place. Ten minutes later she was standing outside of 221 B Baker Street knocking softly on the door. After a moment, she heard the music stop. She knocked again and was met with the haggard face of her boyfriend. _

_"Hi."_

_"Cuddy? Why are you here? Is Rachel okay?" He noticed the toddler nestled in her mother's arms._

_"Oh she's fine, a bit tired. She can't sleep."_

_"Warm milk works a lot better than driving around at this hour, don't you think?"_

_"Well, the thing is we're here because she wanted...you."_

_"Me?"_

_"Yep."_

_At that moment, Rachel woke up and gave House a toothy grin. She stretched out her arms to him. "Hi Hows," she said through droopy eyelids. Cuddy noticed House frown a moment and then he relented. He moved out of the way so they could enter and he ruffled the little girl's hair as they went past him. Cuddy lay Rachel on the couch and covered her with an afghan then she turned to House who once again made himself comfortable at the piano, a half full glass of Scotch on a napkin in front of him._

_"You okay?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"House, would you please trust me? Don't shut me out." She sat next to him at the piano and wrapped her right arm around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. "Why are you playing such sad music tonight?"_

_House sighed and looked at her looking up at him. "It's been a rough day. I don't want to talk about it. Just stay with me for awhile?"_

_Cuddy knew that not only was he tired but he was in pain. She knew when not to push him so she nodded her head and without words conveyed she would stay with him as long as he needed her. As she leaned on his shoulder, he continued to play. It was sometime later, she didn't remember how long, that he stopped for a moment and looked down at the piano keys. In a low nearly inaudible voice, he said, "Music has always been my escape...from everything. When things got tough...when I felt like I was losing control...music made me feel better. It was the one good thing that could never be ruined. My grandmother told me that no matter what anyone ever did to me, they could never take away the music because it was in here." He pointed to his heart. _

_Cuddy's eyes filled with tears at his revelation. She'd always known how much he loved music but she never knew why it meant so much to him. She was overjoyed that he had shared his secret with her but the sadness he endured which was the reason he had to escape to music in the first place, pained her greatly. Gently, she took his hand in hers. "Thank you for sharing that with me." House had then done something completely unexpected. He turned to her and enveloped her in his arms. He held her close like that for several minutes and she felt him relax around her. Finally, knowing it was late and they both needed their sleep, she stood and offered him her hand, and after making sure Rachel was tucked in securely on the couch, she led him to his bedroom._

Cuddy smiled as she recalled the memory of that conversation. Later that night, they had not made love; rather they had undressed each other, taken a hot soothing shower together and crawled into bed falling asleep in each other's arms. When they were no longer a couple and later when the only thing they had left to salvage—their friendship-had been torn apart after one fleeting moment of anger and despair, she often thought about those things he had revealed to her in secret, during incredibly vulnerable moments. She'd grown to love the way he trusted her and she had missed it. Now that he was back in her life, she vowed they would rebuild that trust.

As Cuddy lost herself in her thoughts and the music, Rachel nudged her and asked, "Mommy when's Hows comin?"

"I don't know baby, he should be here soon." Cuddy had been anticipating House's arrival. He called her when he left Princeton and told her had some things to discuss with her after Rachel went to bed. She became concerned but he assured her everything was okay, he just needed to talk to her. She checked her watch; it was just after eight o'clock and was anxiously waiting for him. At that moment her mother opened the glass doors and walked out onto the porch.

"Lisa, dear how are you feeling?"

"I'm good mom, I feel good."

"Hi gramma!" Rachel chimed in.

"Rachel, are you enjoying the music?"

"Uh huh," she said with a smile on her face.

"Rach honey, do you know what instrument Bernie is playing? Can you tell grandma?" Cuddy looked at her daughter who shook her head vigorously.

"It's a violin."

"Good job Rach!" Cuddy high-fived her daughter.

"Rachel you are one smart little girl aren't you?" Arlene asked. "Where did you learn that?"

"Silly gramma, _everyone_ knows it's a violin," Rachel responded matter-of-factly and Cuddy just chuckled at her daughter's response.

"Hmm…she's getting sassy like you were at that age." Arlene raised an eyebrow and Cuddy responded in kind.

"Listen dear; is there anything I can do for you?" Arlene asked as she took a seat at the foot of her daughter's lounge chair.

"Gosh, I don't think so. You've pretty much taken care of everything."

"I wanted to, now you can focus on getting well."

Cuddy suddenly felt a twinge of guilt for being so upset at her mother for arriving unannounced days earlier. Her mother had been a great help to her.

"Stop it Lisa, you're feeling guilty again."

Cuddy was still amazed at how her mother could read her. "I'm sorry I was upset with you when you got here. I just hadn't expected you and with House here I just wasn't sure what was going to happen. You two in the same room...you're like ticking time bombs."

"Don't apologize, you had every right to be upset. I can be annoying, hell you don't think I know that? Your grandmother was the same way with me, it's what we _do_. You can rest easy knowing someday you'll be driving Rachel crazy too."

Cuddy laughed, and then held her left side, as she was still a bit sore in that area.

"What time is Greg supposed to be here?" Arlene asked.

"It's almost a six hour drive and with his leg, I expect it might take longer."

"So, what comes next?"

Cuddy sighed. Knowing what her mother was referring to, she shook her head. "I have no idea. I do know we have a lot more talking to do."

"Good to hear that." Arlene patted her daughter's ankle. "I would imagine you do have a lot to say, but you have a lot to hear too. Greg isn't one to talk so once he starts, don't stop him whatever you do."

"I'm still shocked that you and Julia aren't having me committed for this."

"If I have you committed for this, then you can do the same to me for having dated _Jesus_."

"Oh geez, not your finest hour was it?"

"No, but he was good in the sack," Arlene leaned forward and whispered to her daughter.

"No, no, no." Cuddy waved her hands in front of her. "Do not talk about your sex life around me."

"Oh geez Lisa, I didn't raise you a prude."

_"Mom!"_

"Ok fine." Arlene put her hands up in surrender.

"I can't believe so much has happened these past few weeks, sometimes it's just overwhelming ya know?"

"Actually I do. You're a strong woman, you'll be fine."

"You really think so?"

"If all of this had happened back then, I don't think so, but you've changed. Greg has changed. I don't know what it is about him that makes you, hell even me, want to believe in him, but I can sense that he's remorseful and that he's trying very hard to do the right thing, to be the person he wants to be."

"Can you believe it? He had to drive his car through my house and go to prison before he finally got it? I'm pretty sure that's _not_ in the manual."

"He's different from any man you ever dated and you dated some real winners. Do you remember Bunky? He had such a crush on you."

"Oh God mom, that was _sixth grade!_"

Arlene ignored her daughter and continued to reminisce. "You used to go across the street to his house to play with his microscope. Poor kid came over one day looking for you and I had to tell him you were in his basement playing with his stuff."

Cuddy laughed. "I wonder where he is now."

"Mommy who's Bunky?" Rachel interrupted the conversation, wanting to know what they were talking about.

"Oh just someone I used to know when I was your age."

"You were _my _age?"

Arlene cut in. "Yes Rachel, there was a time your mother was little as you are now. All the boys used to follow her everywhere she went but she wouldn't give them the time of day."

Rachel looked at Arlene with a quizzical look on her face. Cuddy stepped in to explain but before she could, her cell phone rang. Rachel picked it up and saw the caller ID and became excited."Mommy, its Hows. Can I answer?"

"Okay."

"Hello?" Rachel asked politely.

"Hello runt, put your mom on the phone."

"I not a runt." Cuddy rolled her eyes listening to the one-sided conversation.

"Yes you are, where's your mom?"

"Right here."

"Well, let me talk to her."

"You hafta say please!" She sang into the phone. Cuddy and Arlene chuckled listening to the one-sided conversation.

House sighed. _"Please?"_

"Okay." She handed the phone to her mother. He wants to talk to you."

Cuddy smiled and took the phone from her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi, yourself."

"Where are you?"

"Answer your door and find out." Just at that moment Cuddy's doorbell rang. She smiled.

"I got it!" Rachel yelled as she jumped out of the lounge chair and raced to the front door.

"If only she was that fast when I want her to clean her room," Cuddy mused. "Rachel, remember,always ask who it is first," she yelled to her daughter.

Rachel ran to the window and looked out onto the front porch. "Hows!" She opened the door, grabbed House around his knees and hugged him. "Hi!"

"Hey kiddo," he said, standing there with the phone still at his ear, backpack slung over one shoulder and the cane in his right hand. "Gee, I was only gone a couple of days."

"I miss you," said the little girl looking up at him with a cheesy grin.

"Missed you too kid, now you gonna let me in?"

"Okay." Rachel let go of his knees and took his left hand and led him into the house. Cuddy met him in the living room.

"Hi," Cuddy smiled as she greeted him.

"I thought we covered that already," he said, smirking at her.

"How was the trip?"

"Long and boring. I'm tired."

At that moment Arlene entered the room and looked at House.

"Gregory."

_"Dragon lady."_

"Nice to see your charm is still intact."

"You always seem to bring out the best in me."

"I'm sure," she said, rolling her eyes. "Lisa, I'm going to get Rachel her bath so you and the schmuck here can have some time alone."

"Thanks mom."

"Yeah thanks _Endora_." House smirked as he watched Arlene turn around and give him "the look". As he watched Arlene and Rachel walk down the hall, he heard the little girl whine, "But I don't wanna bath, I wanna stay with Hows."

"That's my girl." He smiled at the thought that Rachel would rather spend time with him than have her grandmother give her a bath. He tossed his backpack on the couch and followed Cuddy into the kitchen.

"Are you hungry?"

"Actually yeah, a sandwich sounds good."

"Okay."

House gently took her by the arm. "No, you relax, let me get it."

"Oh House come on, I'm not an invalid, I'm just a little sore. Please, I need to feel useful around here; mom's done everything since she got here."

House threw his hands up; knowing arguing with a very determined Lisa Cuddy was useless. "Fine, how about a fried egg sandwich?"

"One fried egg sandwich coming right up."

He settled onto a stool at the kitchen island and watched as she moved about slowly with a smile on her face. She was moving with much more ease than when he'd left but he could tell she was still a bit sore. Once the eggs were cooking on low, she walked over to him and placed a tall glass of milk in front of him, which he drank almost immediately. She smiled at him then ran her finger along the top of his upper lip then put it in her mouth. He just looked at her oddly.

"You had a milk moustache." She smiled.

House placed his hands gently on her arms. "I missed you," he said sincerely.

Cuddy looked at him; his eyes were glassy and tired. He motioned for her to come closer and he wrapped her in his arms. He noted to himself again how perfectly they fit together. Her head snuggled against his warm chest and his chin rested on her shoulder. He could smell the shampoo she used that he loved so much. She smelled that essence of him she had grown to love over the years, it made her feel safe. They stayed like that a long time, neither of them saying a word as mere words were unable to convey their thoughts and feelings at the moment. They pulled away from one another at the same time. She patted him on the chest and said, "Let's get you fed."

The two sat at the breakfast nook in the kitchen as House eagerly devoured his dinner. They'd talked a bit about the trip, his recent case, and the upcoming consult he had at her hospital. He expressed that he was looking forward to it.

"How was your session with Nolan?"

"Went well actually, lots of talking and pancakes."

"Pancakes?"

"Yep, killed two birds with one stone. Pancakes and therapy at PJ's."

Cuddy smiled and nodded her head. House loved his pancakes. "So, you had a good talk?"

"Yeah, we did."

"Good. Anything you want to share?"

House finished the last bit of his sandwich before he replied. He wiped his mouth and thought carefully. He wasn't ready to share everything just yet but he knew the only way they could do this right was to trust one another with their secrets.

"I thought we'd talk later, once everyone else is in bed."

"Okay. Listen, I won't push you. Talk as little or as much as you want. I'll just be there to listen."

House nodded his appreciation and finished off the milk in his glass. Cuddy offered to make him another sandwich but he declined. "I'm going to shower." He got up, kissed her on the cheek and left the kitchen. Cuddy smiled wide as he left, touching the place on her cheek where he'd kissed her. Humming a little to herself, she put his dishes in the sink and began cleaning up the kitchen for the night.

House limped tiredly into Cuddy's bedroom with his backpack. He closed the door behind him and tossed the backpack on the chair next to the bed. He hung his cane on her dresser, toed off his shoes and slowly unbuttoned his long sleeved shirt and took it off, followed by his tee shirt. He unzipped his jeans and sat down on her bed. He thought about how much he wanted to talk to her later; there was so much to be said. He didn't want to be rushed, there was time. Now that he was back, he was nervous but he remembered what Nolan said about taking one day at a time. He leaned forward, head in his hands and remembered what they had discussed about his happiness being solely dependent on one thing in life. He knew Nolan was right; he had to find meaning in his life that went beyond Cuddy. He had to learn to enjoy life; he only hoped she was patient enough to help him. Removing the rest of his clothes, he finally made his way into her bathroom and the oversized shower. Turning on the water as hot as he could stand it, he stepped in and smiled. "Oh yeah," he said aloud. "This is _good_."

* * *

><p>Forty-five minutes after House left Cuddy in the kitchen, the lights in the house were off and Cuddy made her way to Rachel's bedroom where Arlene was reading her a story. Cuddy quietly stood in the doorway, leaning against the door frame watching the interaction between mother and daughter. She was amazed sometimes that her mother, who could be so harsh and annoying the rest of the time, could be so soft and loving as she was with Rachel at the moment. She knew her mother was easily annoyed by small children and babies but Cuddy knew Arlene loved Rachel as much as she loved Julia's children. Rachel was the youngest and over the last few years Arlene had grown especially fond of the little girl.<p>

As Cuddy listened to her mother read to Rachel, her mind drifted to the past. There were times her mother had been tough as nails on her, nagging and pushing, and there were times where she was extremely loving and comforting. Arlene Cuddy had always known when to turn it on and off. Looking back Cuddy realized that as she got older she had focused so much on the harsher side of her mother's personality that she had completely forgotten about the tenderness. Arlene had been tough on her to the point where it had forced a wedge between them by the time Cuddy had left for college and it wasn't until a few years ago, after House had saved her life, that she realized why her mother had been so tough at times, she knew her daughter could handle it and she wanted her to succeed. Cuddy had always been closer to her father and when he died, Cuddy felt left out of the mother-daughter bond her sister and mother shared. It was only in the last few years that the two developed a stronger relationship and Cuddy was thankful for it. Watching her mother with Rachel, she smiled thinking about how much she used to love when her mother read her stories.

A few minutes later, Arlene had finished the story and Rachel was almost asleep. Arlene stood up to let Cuddy take her place on the bed. Cuddy kissed Rachel on the forehead. "Okay, time to go to sleep, you've got school tomorrow."

"Can't I stay up with you and Hows?" She whined sleepily.

"No, you have to go but you can spend plenty of time with us when you get home okay?"

"Okay."

"Give me a hug." Cuddy enveloped her little girl in her arms. She would never get tired of the feeling of holding her daughter. "I love you," she whispered in her ear as she laid her back down on the bed.

"Love you too mommy."

Cuddy stood up and walked towards the door. "Goodnight Rachel," said Arlene.

"Nite gramma."

Cuddy walked Arlene to the guest bedroom. They stood at the door ready to say goodnight.

"I'll be leaving in the morning."

Cuddy looked surprised. "You sure?"

Arlene nodded. "Greg's here, you'll be fine. Besides you guys have a lot to do. For starters, you need to deal with the insurance company and get this accident mess straightened out."

"I guess so, I hadn't really thought much about it. I figured I'd wait."

"Lisa, I'm proud of you," she said, as she turned her back to Cuddy and walked over to the windows to close the blinds.

"What? I didn't do anything."

"I'm proud of you for being so strong, for going after what you want no matter what. Sometimes, the easiest thing to do when things get tough is to walk away. Sometimes it seems like walking away is the more difficult option but that's not always the case."

"Okay…" Cuddy wasn't sure what point her mother was trying to make.

"I'm talking about you and Greg." Arlene turned around to face her daughter. "I'm an old woman, a nag and a pain in the ass, but _every now and then_ I say something that makes sense. You walked away from Greg when things got tough and then instead of trying to win you back, he just let you go and he walked away too. Look what it did to both of you. Walking away seemed hard _at the time_ and it probably was, but it was easier than doing what it took to stay together. Sometimes the _hardest_ part is sticking around and doing what it takes to make things work."

Cuddy just gazed wide-eyed at her mother in amazement and taking in her words. Suddenly her mother took both her hands in hers.

"I've asked myself a hundred times what would other mothers do in my shoes and the only conclusion I've come to is that I don't give a damn what other mothers would do. You're _my_ daughter and I want what's best for you."

Cuddy remained speechless. Her mother noticed the look and laughed out loud. "God knows why but he's the _only_ man in your life who keeps coming back to you and you seem to be the only woman in his life, besides his mother, who does the same." Cuddy chuckled at that. "When things get tough, it might _seem_ like the best thing to do is walk away, but it's not. I think you both know that now. If he relapses, don't give up on him. Support him, be there for him, and love him. We both know he's going to make you crazy, he's going to make you cry but we also know you are so much happier with him than you were with Lawrence—"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Lucas mom, it was Lucas."

"Yes dear, whatever, now where was I? Oh yes, we both know that crazy bastard in the next room is the one for you. Did I just say that?"

Cuddy's eyes had become moist listening to her mother. She could tell her mother was being sincere, masking it with sarcasm, as she always did.

"Yes, you did."

"Keep it between us."

"Mom, thanks…you know…for everything."

Instead of deflecting or saying something sarcastic, her mother just hugged her and said, "You're welcome dear."

Cuddy closed the bedroom door behind her, still in awe over her mother's words. Sometimes her mother surprised the hell out of her. She headed for her bedroom, the door was still closed. House had been in there quite a long time, she thought maybe he'd fallen asleep. She opened the door gently and there he was, lying on her bed, leaning against the headboard, on top of the covers in his boxers and a tee shirt. He wore his reading glasses and seemed to be immersed in a thin journal.

"Hi. You okay?"

"Yeah. My therapist gave me some reading, a few journal articles on pain breakthroughs."

"Anything interesting?"

"A few."

She stood there looking at him, he looked so sexy in his current attire and those glasses. There was something about him in those glasses that drove her wild. So many times she'd walked into his office and he'd be wearing them and look up at her. She recalled the time she went to see him about being her donor. He looked at her peering over the rims of those glasses. How she wanted him at that moment but pride and the need for self-preservation held her back.

"Cuddy? Something wrong?"

"No, just thinking."

"You know they say _sharing is caring_."

"So I've heard."

"Hey, I hope you don't think I assumed I'd be sleeping in here."

"What?"

"I mean, I plan to sleep on the couch. I was just tired after my shower."

"It's okay House. You can stay here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Listen, I'm gonna go shower, then we can relax." She went through her drawers and grabbed what she needed and entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She leaned up against the door and took in the smell of his aftershave, which she had missed. He had cleaned up nicely. When he walked through her door earlier he looked haggard and tired, and hadn't shaved in days. Now, he looked so much better. He had trimmed his stubble back to very short, just the way she liked it, his face seemed less stressed and he smelled so good. _Oh what am I doing? I can't think about that now. We have so much to talk about._ With that thought, she undressed and stepped into the shower. All she could think of was that just an hour earlier House had stood naked in that same shower. The thought send shivers of pleasure up and down her spine.

Meanwhile, in the bedroom House was thinking about the way Cuddy had looked at him when she entered the bedroom. He could have sworn he saw a hint of lust in her eyes. He wanted her so much but not like this, it had to be right. If…or rather he hoped, when they consummated their relationship, he wanted it to be the right moment for both of them with no regrets, second thoughts or hesitations. He loved her so much and was willing to wait for her as long as it took.

_Love._

He thought about that word. He'd shied away from it for years after Stacy. He wasn't exactly free with the word with Stacy or even before her, but after she tore out his heart, he swore he'd never love let himself love anyone again. The problem was he'd always loved Cuddy. In college and then years later, she had brought out the best in him, she challenged him and made him want to be a better man, though it just wasn't that easy. He wanted to tell her for years that he loved her but he dare not for he worried she wouldn't feel the same way and he would rather keep what they had than risk not having her in his life at all. He thought about the moment he said it to her that weekend they were together, their first time in twenty years. They had just talked about his insecurities and his inability to change. At that moment he had looked into her eyes and knew it was the moment of truth. She had bared her soul to him and was taking a chance on him; he felt he owed it to her to let her know how he felt. He'd only said it a few times in the time they were together but he assumed she knew how he felt. He hoped she understood he was just not good at words, besides, he'd never grown up hearing his parents say it to one another, and so he never thought it was a big deal.

But this was Cuddy, she was not his mother, and he was surely not his father. He never wanted her to ever doubt how he felt about her. As far as taking the next step, he loved her so much he was willing to wait for her, focusing first on rebuilding _them._ But Cuddy was so beautiful and strong and amazing, that it was hard for him to resist her. It was one of the reasons he was considering sleeping on the couch. He didn't know if he could sleep in the same bed with her again and not touch her, not make love to her, not give himself completely to her. He relaxed against the oak headboard of her bed and listened to the sounds of the shower. She was only a few feet away from him, naked and wet. He wondered if she was at that moment thinking about him as much as he was thinking about her. He could feel himself responding in his boxers. _Not now_, he thought to himself.

Moments later, as if on cue, Cuddy stepped out of the bathroom, her hair damp and curly, dressed in a terry cloth robe. She smiled at him as she casually took off her robe and hung it on the hook on the back of the bedroom door. Underneath she wore a tank top and shorts. She could feel his eyes on her from behind. House swallowed hard as he watched her. He would swear until his dying day, until he took his very last breath in this life, that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.

Cuddy turned back towards the bed, took a seat on top of the covers, and hugged a throw pillow to her chest. She leaned back against the headboard and looked over at him and smiled.

"So…you wanted to talk?"

* * *

><p>Well, another chapter is complete. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. How many of you got the "Endora" reference? Remember Endora was Sam's mother on the old TV series "Bewitched"!<p> 


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N:** I just gotta say TDCSI cracks me up. She read my last chapter and commented, _"Great as always. So who's gonna screw shit up?"_ Nice!

I thought it was about time House and Cuddy began talking some of the things that haunt him. He wants to change, it isn't easy but he's got to start somewhere. Hopefully his attempts at opening up will spur her on as well.

And now let us continue with House and Cuddy's journey. Arlene and Rachel have gone to bed and it's time for House and Cuddy to talk.

* * *

><p>House looked over at Cuddy, put down his journal and removed his glasses, setting them on the nightstand. He sighed and rubbed his right leg.<p>

"Does it hurt that bad?"

"Actually it's pretty manageable right now. The long drive aggravated it."

"You should have flown."

"Do you know what a round trip first class ticket costs these days?" He asked sarcastically.

"Seriously? Quit bitching, I know what you earn," she said knowingly.

"Geez, you sound just like Wilson."

"Do you want me to massage it for you?" She nodded towards his leg.

"It's okay, thanks." He fidgeted with the comforter a bit, trying to determine where he should begin. He inhaled deeply then let it out slowly. It was time to talk about this before he lost his nerve. "A few years ago you told me that everything I've ever done is to avoid pain. You said the drugs, sarcasm and deflection, were my way of keeping people at arm's length so I wouldn't get hurt."

"The night I ended it." She said in a near whisper, recalling the moment she said those fateful words to him. The thought of the pain they both felt that night sent a shiver up and down her spine.

"You were right."

"I wish I hadn't been."

"There are things I want to put behind me but it's been difficult."

"Like what?"

He hesitated a moment. "My dad," he said. "I've been having these dreams lately about him."

"If you want to talk about it, I'll listen."

"There's a lot I never told you. We were together almost a year and known each other forever and still you know so little about the things I'm dealing with."

"I wanted you to let me in."

"But I didn't."

"You were afraid."

House nodded.

Cuddy reached over and gently grasped his hand in hers. "House, you _can_ trust me."

"I told you that he was not my biological father but I never told you the things that went on between us."

Cuddy squeezed his hand as a sign to continue.

"When I was just a kid, I remember some good times but dad was moody and he'd come home from work or deployment tired and take it out on me. One moment we could be going out for ice cream, just the two of us and having fun and the next he'd be punishing me with ice baths and yelling at me about how I had to learn to be tough if I wanted to be a Marine."

_"Ice baths?"_ Cuddy was mortified.

"Yeah," he said as he looked down in his lap, he didn't want to look in her eyes, afraid of the pity that might be there. "He also took to locking me outside on cold nights if I came home after curfew. He threatened to do it again if I told mom. He'd let me in early the next morning before mom woke up and make me go to my room and get into my pajamas so she never knew. He said he did all that shit to toughen me up, show me how to be a man."

"A _man_?" It came out louder than she intended. Much more softly she added, "For God's sake, you were just a _child_."

"He believed in starting young. See, John House didn't believe grown men should cry or show that they are in pain. I twisted my ankle playing ball in the street and he made me walk on it without crutches, I broke a rib playing football and he wouldn't let me get it taped up. He was so determined that I not show any signs of weakness. I just learned to hide my pain."

Cuddy cringed. She knew all too well how good he was at hiding his pain. She also knew from little things House and Wilson had said over the years that House's dad was hard on him but she never realized the extent of it.

"Did he know that you knew he wasn't your biological father?"

"He did eventually. I don't remember when I started thinking we weren't related. I know I'd hoped it. At some point in time I began noticing the traits and characteristics that separated us and I just had this feeling, I can't explain it, but things started to just come together and make sense. When I was twelve, around the time school ended and summer began I'd been making plans with friends to go camping. We were going to ride our bikes about twenty miles or so to the lake in the middle of these woods. All the dads had given permission…except mine. He said I needed to work around the house, not go off with my friends. He made sure of it too. The next morning, I got up early to ride my bike and it was gone. Mom told me he'd gotten rid of it and there was nothing she could do. We got into an argument over it and he smacked me good and told me not to raise my voice to him. Then I told him, just like that. I told him that he had no right to tell me what to do because he wasn't even my real father. I told him I was glad too. Then he called me ungrateful and sent me to my room. He took away all my stuff…books, games, sporting equipment, and the old guitar one of his buddies had given me. My room was bare, just my bed, dresser and clothes."

"So what did you do all summer?"

"He slid a note under my bedroom door every morning with my list of chores. He was a military man, so there was no shortage of things to be done. It was constant physical labor inside and outside of the house and in the yard all day long, all summer."

"All summer?"

"Yep. I was working while my friends had fun. Dad wasn't deployed that summer so he was home every night except if he had duty so he'd check up on my work. If it wasn't perfect, he'd make me do it all over again."

"Oh, House. Where was your mom during all of this?"

"For years, she stood up for me when she could but she couldn't be there every minute. She was really involved in her women's groups, wives clubs and that sort of thing. An officer's wife had certain duties and responsibilities."

Cuddy nodded her head. "I just don't understand how she loved him with the way he treated you. I can't imagine loving any man who would treat Rachel like that."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I can't answer that. She told me recently that she saw the good that was in him, and that she loved him but that she knew he was a son of a bitch. She has a lot of regrets about not doing more to protect me. Mom grew up in a different time; women didn't leave their husbands, especially when they had kids. She never gave up hope that he could change but eventually she had to come to terms with the fact that we would never make up. At the funeral, she told me that the war was over."

"Would you have _wanted_ to make up?"

House pondered carefully before answering. "I don't know. I hated him for what he did to me but when I remember the few good times I feel guilty about hating him. I'm not sure how to feel sometimes."

"Have you been able to talk about this with Nolan during your sessions?"

"Yeah. It's helped but I needed to talk about it with you. More than anyone, you're the person who deserves to know the truth."

Cuddy crossed her legs in front of her, took her hand from his, and bent forward with her elbows resting on her knees and her head in her hands. She spoke with a slightly angry, shaky voice. "When they visited you in the hospital after the surgery, your dad was so rude to you; I just had no idea that was who he was, I thought…maybe he was just upset over what happened." She took a deep breath, her face remained hidden in her hands. "But then they visited a few times after that and he was still the same. He'd put you down and I figured maybe he was just…that there was something unresolved between you two." She paused again before she continued. "I had no idea what really happened, but it all makes sense now. The way he mocked you for your disability, belittled you for every little thing and chastised you for not being tough. He never stopped putting you down did he? Jesus House, I never should have drugged you and made you go to that bastard's funeral had I known. How could your mom want you to give his _eulogy_ knowing what he did to you?"

House could hear the anger and sadness in her voice. "Cuddy, let it go. Don't be angry at her."

Cuddy smiled faintly. "I can't help it. If I was married to a man who did that to Rachel, I couldn't stay with him."

"When you love someone you put up with all kinds of shit."

"_You_ are nothing like _him_," she insisted.

"I never physically hurt you but I hurt you in other ways. I tore you down and mocked you. I embarrassed you in front of your colleagues and family. How is that so different?"

"It just _is_," she replied adamantly. She was determined to make him see he was not his father.

"Cuddy," he said as he leaned toward her, "I spent so many years insisting that I would never be like him, but in some ways, I did become him. I was a lonely, bitter man. The difference is that I finally realized I can change and I don't want to be like that anymore."

At that moment they smiled at one another. The need for physical contact was great. He opened his arms and she scooted over and rested her back up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her as they relaxed against one another comfortably. It felt completely right.

Cuddy sighed loudly. "Don't you wish we could have talked about these things years ago? Just imagine all the hell we wouldn't have had to endure."

House didn't reply. Instead, he just rested his chin on top of her head. He closed his eyes and relished the feel of her in his arms. At the same time, Cuddy was completely relaxed, smiling as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth and security of being wrapped in his arms. For a few minutes they lay content like that. It was House who broke the silence.

"Hey, do you remember the night the hospital presented you with that award?" He asked softly. Cuddy nodded her head in affirmation. How could she forget the words he'd spoken just before he fell asleep with his head in her lap?

"Well, the next morning after I woke up and realized what I'd said and done, I wanted to finally tell you the truth…about a lot of things, including my relationship with my dad. I thought if I did, it would help you understand me a little better and it would show you I wanted to let you in. I wanted to prove to you that I really wanted to make it work between us. That morning, I'd planned to tell you—"

"—that was the morning I found blood in my urine. Oh, House," she replied. "I'm so sorry."

"Cuddy, there's nothing to apologize for. You deserved to know that I really had wanted to let you in."

"So much happened and it felt like the days just ran together. Now it all seems like a blur, except for the parts that really hurt. I wish we could have trusted each other more."

He gently rubbed her arms. "It's the fear of the unknown, Cuddy. We were both scared. All my life I never trusted easily and when things got tough for me, I just closed myself off, it kept me from being hurt or disappointed. I wish I could say it'll be this easy for me to talk to you but it won't. It's just hard unlearning a lifetime of behavior."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes. I always did, to a point. I mean, we had a history and that meant something to me. You knew me longer and better than anyone else but there were limits. I couldn't let myself trust you completely because I worried that if you knew everything, you'd run and I couldn't risk losing you completely. I had so much baggage, I wasn't sure you could handle it."

"We _all _have baggage. You really thought that knowing the truth would change how I felt about you?"

"Wouldn't it?"

Cuddy bit her bottom lip and thought about it. With complete sincerity, she replied, "I don't think so. If anything I think I would have been glad that you opened up to me. All I ever wanted was for you to trust me, let me into your life completely."

"Cuddy I've been alone my whole life, I'm used to counting on me, no one else."

"Self-preservation. We both know an awful lot about _that_."

House laughed as he ran the fingers of one hand through her hair. "God Cuddy, we're so fucked up."

Cuddy looked up at him. "What's this _we _stuff?" She chuckled and conceded, "Okay, you're right. I suppose even though we're older now, what happened to us when we were younger still impacts us."

"It does, to a point but who I am is not all my dad's fault; I had a lot to do with it too."

"I remember when we were in college. You were guarded but you were so…lighthearted, you were fun. You were an ass even then but you laughed all the time. Then after your leg…you were angry and depressed. You closed yourself off from the people who cared about you. I always thought it was all because of your leg. I kept telling myself if you could do something about the leg and the pain, you wouldn't need the pills anymore and then you would be okay. I was wrong. You could have cut your leg off and this albatross would still be around your neck."

"I've never known how to deal with it."

"House, have you ever felt you were deserving of love and happiness? Ever? Was it like this with Stacy too? The doubts and the fear?"

"They were there. I just didn't have the leg to blame it on, at least before the infarction. I look back and I realize that Stacy and I never talked about this stuff, in fact she was just as guarded as I was. It's kind of funny actually...before I was crippled people thought I was just an asshole because that's who I was. After I was crippled, everyone blamed it on the leg. That made it even easier for me."

"As long as I've known you, you have always thought so highly of yourself as a doctor. You pride yourself in doing the near-impossible but as a person you have never felt that same value and pride. House, you should believe in yourself, you're so much more than you know. You are such an amazing person." She looked at him with sincere and honest eyes, silently pleading with him to believe her.

"I've never had a reason to think of myself that way."

"You do now. I wish we hadn't wasted all those years playing stupid games, building walls, keeping our distance from one another. And yes, we _both_ did that, it wasn't just you. We wasted so much time when we could have been busy building something. Think of the life we could have had together." Her voice shook and she began to cry.

House sighed. It broke his heart to see her cry. Held her tight and whispered in her ear. "It's okay, don't cry."

"I can't help it," she sobbed. "If your father wasn't already dead, I'd fucking kill him."

"That's my girl." He smiled and kissed her hair. He secretly loved protective Cuddy.

"You deserved better."

"I know."

"So what do we do now?" She turned in his arms and faced him. She had stopped crying but her eyes were red and puffy.

With his finger, House gently wiped the lone remaining tear that made its way down her cheek. He looked down at her and with one hand he pushed the hair that had fallen over one eye back behind her ear as he answered her. "We do what we're doing now. We talk."

Cuddy reached up and put her hand on his cheek, gently rubbing his stubble. He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes, his lips parting just a little. When he opened them, he found her beautiful gray eyes looking at him. Both seemed to want to say something but neither knew exactly what to say. Slowly and deliberately, House lowered his head, his lips barely grazed hers. Gently his tongue traced her bottom lip. Cuddy parted her lips slightly and joined her mouth to his. Time seemed to stand still and it was as if it were the first time all over again, just as it had been that first time in Michigan. For two people whose physical relationship in the past had been so torrid and demanding, in this moment they took their time, savoring the feelings of joy and contentment that flowed through them. House moaned at the pure pleasure he felt as Cuddy ran her fingers through his hair, scratching his nape with her nails. Cuddy let herself go as House pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her and caressing her back as they kissed. In her arms, House felt loved and in his arms, Cuddy felt safe. Minutes later, they reluctantly pulled away from their kiss out of a desperate need for air. Their faces were flushed, their hair mussed, and they were slightly breathless.

"Cuddy?"

"Yeah."

"I've missed this."

"Me too." She breathed a sigh and snuggled into his chest. "House?"

"Hmm," he replied, in a state of complete and total bliss.

"I don't want to know what it's like to be without you _ever again_."

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><p>Well, there you go. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I love the conversations they have, don't you? I love how two such screwed up people are doing what it takes to make it work this time. They are learning to set aside their fears and trust. They are learning that unconditional love is accepting a person for who they are and in tough times, instead of running for cover away from one another, they join forces and face their fears together.<p>

I'm already working on Chapter 54. I love you guys! Don't forget to leave a comment on the way out!


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the reviews. I'm honored you like this story! It's been great therapy for me and hopefully for you too.

As we return to our story, our favorite couple is _still_ talking; you know they have lots to work through. Hey, we wanted them to communicate, right? Now, go forth and read for yourself.

This my lovelies, is a bonus chapter because I'd started working on it immediately after Chapter 53 and I didn't want to wait another week to post it!

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><p>Hours later, House and Cuddy lay comfortably in the center of her bed; Cuddy's head lay propped against House's side. Two empty water bottles and an empty platter that just an hour earlier held an assortment of vegetables, cheese, and dip from Cuddy's refrigerator were on the floor next to the bed. Cuddy glanced at the clock and groaned at the time. "Oh God, it's midnight. I'll never get up in the morning."<p>

"It's not like you have to work tomorrow."

"No, but you do, remember, you have a case."

"I'm consulting, that's not like having a real job."

Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"I'm on _vacation_ woman."

"Yeah and you're supposed to be taking care of me."

"I could take _very good_ care of you." He gave her a lecherous look and smiled mischievously.

"Pervert."

"You know you like it."

Cuddy chuckled. "This is amazing."

"What?"

"You and me here, just talking."

"Yeah, it's nice."

"What time do you want to go to the hospital tomorrow?" She asked as she removed her head from him and rolled over onto her stomach.

"Nice segue. Do we have to talk about that _now_?"

"Hey, I just asked."

"When we there, we get there."

"Okay."

"Seriously? You're just letting it go?" House sounded surprised she was willing to give up so easily.

"I'm not your boss anymore, House."

"I kinda miss those days."

"Sometimes, I do too."

"You know, you could be the boss of any hospital in this country."

"Oh I wouldn't say _any_ hospital; besides, I don't think I'd want to do it again."

House looked at her curiously, surprised at her admission. "Cuddy, I made your life a living hell when you were in charge, but _damn_ you always knew what you were doing. That hospital was one of the best in the country because of _you_. You brought in millions in donations, hired the best doctors, advocated patients rights, and you cared about the faculty and staff. Damn woman, you stood up to powerful assholes in three piece suits and singlehandedly took on the biggest insurance companies never backing down or breaking a sweat. You even kept that free clinic I hated so much, going during tough times."

"Wow. You really mean that?"

"Cuddy, you know me. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. What you did at Princeton-Plainsboro, you could do anywhere, trust me."

Cuddy looked at him with a huge smile of appreciation for what he'd said to her. He wasn't one to give compliments and she knew that he'd always respected her work even when he seemed to put it down. "Honestly, I had my moment and it was great but I'm past it now. There was something special about being Dean at Princeton. It came at the right time in my life at the right place…with the right people. It wouldn't be the same now. Besides, I really do enjoy working with patients and lecturing in the fellowship program allows me to pass on the years of experience I had as an Administrator. I didn't expect to be Dean of Medicine forever you know."

House closed his eyes tightly, the wrinkles in his forehead became more pronounced. He remembered all too clearly why she was no longer Dean. "I guess I sort of helped that along didn't I?" He asked, sadly.

"Yeah, I guess you did." Then she added, "I suppose everything happens for a reason."

"You can't be serious." He looked at her incredulously.

"What?"

"You think everything that happened to us happened for a _reason_?"

"Sometimes I have to believe that all of this wasn't just random and means nothing in the end."

"So it was all about a lesson?"

"Maybe. I don't know. Yes, some _bad_ things happened but some _good_ things happened too. You've changed. Right now, your mental and physical health is probably the best it's been since the infarction and finally, you and I and Rachel…we have a chance again to be a real _family_." She emphasized the word family and hoped it wouldn't scare him too much. Continuing her train of thought, she said, "Look at me…I've got a job that I really enjoy at one of the best institutions in the country. I have way more time to spend with Rachel than ever before and I've built a stronger relationship with my mom and sister. I met Sharon who is a wonderful person and a good friend to me and our daughters have become best friends. I even have time for myself now that I didn't have in Princeton. I feel less stressed and more relaxed than I did back then. Is that crazy?"

House heard what Cuddy said about _family _but decided to file it away for future reference. "No, it's not crazy until you realize that all of that _good stuff_ is because I went crazy and drove my car into your house."

"I know but we also can't deny that right now at this point in our lives, we are probably happier…okay…more content than we were _then_ even before things went south. Though I miss certain things about my old life, I like this one much better and…," she paused, then smiled up at him, "Even more so now that you are back in it." Cuddy reached over and took his hand in hers, entwining their fingers together.

"Yeah?" He asked, playfully.

"Yeah." She leaned over and pecked him on the lips.

"So everything happens for a reason eh?"

"You know its okay to believe that House. I mean, look at us, the way our lives have gone, the twists and turns they've taken and yet we always seem to be pulled back together."

"Destiny?"

"Maybe."

"I don't know about that."

"If you believed in God, you would think differently."

"I have a hard time believing in something I can't see, hear, feel, or touch."

Squeezing his hand she replied, "Sometimes, you have to just have faith. You have to let go of the control and just let things happen."

"Says the former control freak administrator."

"I've struggled with that. But I had to change, it was wearing me out."

I don't know if I can do that."

"_Yes_, you can, if you want to. I'm not saying you have to believe in God, but I am saying that some things are out of our control so we ought to stop worrying so much about them. We should spend that energy on the things we _can_ control."

"Let God take over?"

"I was going to say, let things happen naturally, but God works too."

House turned on his side and rested his head on his free hand. "Do you remember Eve? The rape victim in the clinic a few years back?"

Cuddy thought for a moment. "Yes. She was pregnant. Very sad situation. What would make you think of her?"

"She knows about the things my dad did to me."

"You told her?" Cuddy asked with a look of surprise and hurt on her face. She had no idea he had told anyone else, much less a stranger.

"I was trying to get her to talk about what happened and face the reality of her situation. I didn't understand why she wanted to talk only to me and she kept telling me it because she sensed I'd been hurt too. I tried lying to her and telling her my grandmother had done that stuff to me. She didn't buy it; finally I told her it was my dad. Then she went on about how there has to be a reason for all the pain and if there's nothing after this life, then this is all for nothing...shit like that. Can you believe she actually thought that what happened to her was God's doing?"

"That's amazing, that you got her to talk by telling her about your dad."

"Whatever works, right? It gets better. She came to see me a few weeks ago."

_"What?"_

"Yeah. She finished her Masters in Social Work, married a doctor and is at this very moment, extremely pregnant, probably popped by now."

"Why on earth did she want to see you?"

"She came by to thank me."

"Wow."

"Yep. She told me that our talk helped her to heal and like you, she said out of everything bad comes something good."

"Is she happy now?"

"Yeah, she is. Her husband seems to be a good guy."

"That's wonderful House." Tears started rolling down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?"

"I don't know."

"You don't cry without a reason."

"I just...think…it's so...nice that she came...to see you." She said in between sobs.

"Yeah it was, and yet I'm not crying," he said in a sarcastic tone.

She smacked him in the arm. "It's just that…here's someone who wasn't your patient, not really, and you took the time to talk to her and it changed her life."

"Cuddy," House said, attempting to downplay the significance of it all. "_I_ didn't change her life, _she_ did."

"Something really bad happened to her and by chance you were working in the clinic at that very moment when she needed someone. She chose you to talk to; you may have saved her life. Call it coincidence or chance or whatever but you can't deny that you made a difference. You were a part of her changing her life. Why can't you accept it?"

"I just don't know if I can believe in some great big plan."

"You don't have to believe in some great big plan. Just accept that you _are_ a positive force in the world. I want you to believe in yourself, in your worth as a person. I know I do." She took her hand from his and gently caressed the side of his face. "You are special and you have a lot to offer the world, I will never stop trying to convince you of that."

They looked at each other and burst out laughing. "God that was cheesy. You seriously believe that shit?"

After she calmed down she said, "Yes, I do."

"You're insane."

"And so are you which makes us a great team, don't ya think? Now come on, let's go to bed. Rachel's going to be up at six and my mom is leaving." She rolled off the bed and picked up the water bottles and tray to take them into the kitchen.

"Wait, did you say you're mother's leaving? Hark! Are those angels I hear singing?"

"Oh shut up! I'm taking this stuff into the kitchen, be right back."

"Cuddy, maybe I should sleep on the couch?"

"Why?"

"Because your supertanker will be overtaking my side of the bed and I won't be able to sleep."

"You slept in here with me before."

"But your ass has grown since then. I mean its humongous now!" House held his hands about a foot apart and grinned.

"You're such an ass."

"Takes one to know one," he snarked back as Cuddy left the room with the water bottles and tray in hand. House pulled the covers down and got under them. He loved being in the bed with her again but he wasn't sure he would be able to keep his hands to himself. He wanted to ravish her, make love to her all night long but he wanted their _third_ first time to be amazing and unhurried with the entire night ahead of them. They were both exhausted and what they needed now was sleep. He couldn't get the events of the night out of his head. He had never been one to believe in miracles or a higher power but he could not figure out exactly what forces were in play that brought him and Cuddy back together. All he knew was that he was thankful and determined to do everything within his power to make it work.

Cuddy entered the room a few minutes later and noticed House was already under the covers. She turned out the light and crawled into bed next to him. The room was dark except for the the moonlight which cast a faint glow on the bed. She rolled over to face him and they lay there, quietly letting their eyes adjust to the darkness.

"House?"

"Hmm."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said. Then he added, "What'd I do?"

She laughed. "For coming back."

"Did you have any doubts?"

"No."

House smiled in the darkness. "Cuddy, I don't want things to be the way they used to be between us."

"What?" Cuddy asked, confused.

"I want them to be better."

She smiled and moved over to his side of the bed and he pulled her close to him. She rolled over with her back to him and he lay on his left side and spooned her. His right arm wrapped around her waist and found its way underneath her top and he gently rubbed his palm soothingly over her skin.

Cuddy loved the way House was being intimate with her, yet not taking for granted they would have sex. They were moving slowly for a reason, once they took that step and made that commitment there was no going back. She took a deep breath and expressed her feelings.

"House, being with you like this…it just feels right. I've never felt so loved."

House smiled and kissed her hair. He whispered into her ear, "You know how much I want you Cuddy; I'll never stop wanting you. You turn me on and I can't stop thinking about you. You are the smartest, hottest, and sexiest woman I've ever laid eyes on."

Cuddy smiled wide and turned in his arms slightly, enough where she could look at him. He grinned at her and raised his eyebrows suggestively. He leaned down towards her and kissed her tenderly, showing her as he always did, with his actions, just how sincere he was. The kiss was soft and sweet and sent shivers through both of them, it was a promise that whatever was to come, they were in it together. Finally, they broke their kiss and smiled at one another. She rolled over again so her back was snuggled tightly against his chest, with his hand once again resting on her stomach, underneath her top.

"House, there's one more thing."

"What's that?" He asked, placing soft kisses behind her ear.

"I want to massage your leg for you, like I used to."

"You do?"

"I've been thinking about it. Your pain is part of who you are and I want to understand it better and do what I can to help. I think it would be good for both of us if you would let me do that for you."

House smiled at her request. It had always been difficult for him to let her in when it came to his leg pain. When they finally had gotten together he had let her massage his leg a few times and she was truly happy to help him. While it meant a great deal to him, he thought her wanting to help was more out of guilt than anything else. He also worried she would perceive his disability as a weakness. He didn't want her to have to do things for him. But this time, things were different. This wasn't out of guilt, this was her wanting to become closer to him and understand his pain so she could understand him. He and Nolan had talked about this in great detail. If he wanted to form meaningful long-lasting relationships, especially with the people closest to him, he had to _trust_.

"Okay," he said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he whispered softly. "Come on let's get some sleep. Rugrat will be up in a few hours."

"Goodnight, House." Cuddy smiled to herself, happy that they had just overcome something that had once been a major obstacle in their relationship.

"Night, Cuddy," he said, holding her close. The last thought he had before he fell asleep was how much he loved the scent of her sandalwood shampoo and the feel of her soft, warm skin beneath his hands.

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><p>More romance, drama, hurt, comfort, and humor to come! Please leave your comments on the way out, they mean so much to all writers!<p> 


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: **Hi peeps. Here's another chapter for you. Enjoy!

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><p>The next morning was active in the Cuddy household. House was on the phone with Burt, discussing the case he would be consulting on in a few hours, Arlene was getting her things packed for the drive home and Sharon was in the kitchen making breakfast with Hannah and Rachel before they headed off to school. All in all, it was an organized chaos and Cuddy liked it. For a moment, Cuddy stopped and looked around and just listened. She heard House on the phone, her mother giving her advice from the next room and the girls laughing in the kitchen. This was her family, of course absent were two other people she loved dearly—Julia and Wilson, but this, as it was at the moment, was nice. She'd never had so many people in the house all at once and it was a nice break, it made her feel loved. Suddenly two strong arms came from behind and embraced her tightly.<p>

"Wanna have sex right here on the couch?"

She put her hands over his arms, holding them in place. "Nice. You want my mother to walk in?"

"Your mother's no prude, believe me. I've seen the pictures."

"Please don't remind me!"

House laughed into her hair, she giggled and that moment she heard her mother's voice behind her.

"Seriously Greg, are you trying to molest my daughter in front of everyone?"

"Speak of the devil."

"So you were talking about me?"

"You're so perceptive," he said with a devilish grin.

"Ass."

"Takes one to know one." Arlene promptly smacked him in the arm.

"What the hell? Cuddy you gonna let your mother hit me?" House feigned hurt.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "When have you ever known my mother to listen to me?"

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><p>Two hours later, Arlene was on her way home, Rachel was in school and House and Cuddy were at the hospital. He was a bit nervous about being in her place of work but she made him feel at ease, introducing him to a few of the people she worked with at the hospital. After a brief tour, they finally arrived at Cuddy's office. It was smaller than her previous office but it was cozy with light brown walls, dark brown trim and decorated in earth tones, which very much suited her personality. Her bookshelves contained numerous texts and journals and a few pictures of Rachel and some knick-knacks from travels. Her office had one large window which overlooked the courtyard and the historic Bulfinch building, the original hospital which was built in 1823. House knew Cuddy loved old historic buildings and thought it was a nice touch that her office overlooked the oldest building on the medical campus. As he continued to survey her office, there was a knock at the door. He opened the door and was greeted by Burt Kelly and a young woman in a lab coat he assumed was Dr. Tunkle.<p>

"Dr. House, good to see you," he said offering his hand which House took. Burt then walked over to Cuddy and gave her a gentle hug. "It's good to see you my dear, how are you?"

"Actually I'm feeling much better Burt, thanks."

"Lisa, I think you know Dr. Ashley Tunkle. Ashley this is Dr. Gregory House."

"Dr. House, it's an honor to meet you." Dr. Tunkle offered her hand.

"Some wouldn't think so." House, not normally one to shake hands, offered his in return. He took in the woman in front of him. She was in her twenties, tall, pretty, with shoulder-length curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She smiled at him and he couldn't help but notice it was genuine and friendly.

"Dr. House, I know you have a reputation for being an ass _but_ you get results, I like that. I appreciate you consulting on this case."Then she turned to Cuddy. "Lisa, are you back so soon? Burt said were taking a couple of weeks off."

"No, no I'm just here with House, showing him around and maybe help him with his case," Cuddy said as she smiled and nodded in House's direction.

Burt spoke up. "Listen, I took it upon myself to inform our Chief that we were requesting Dr. House's consult on a case. Given his outstanding reputation and the fact we have no diagnostics department, so long as Princeton-Plainsboro doesn't mind, we should be fine. The paperwork is being processed at this moment."

"Thank you, Burt." Cuddy was not at all surprised at the speed in which Burt had taken care of things. It was no wonder he was Chief of Emergency Medicine, he was prompt, efficient and knew how to get things done. He was also extremely well-liked and respected.

Burt put his hand on her arm. "You know I'm always glad to help." He looked over at House and said, "So...shall we begin?"

Cuddy took a seat behind her desk and House stood behind her leaning up against the wall. Burt and Tunkle took their seats directly across from Cuddy's desk. Tunkle began reading the file.

"Six year old female admitted to the ER a few days ago with a high grade fever, dry cough for the past week, headache, lethargy and three episodes of nonbilious vomiting and two episodes of epistaxis. Examination shows no history of joint pain, swelling, abdominal pain, diarrhea or skin rashes. Child was not disoriented, normal pulse, blood pressure slightly elevated, no pallor, icterus, skin rashes and lymphadenopathy. Throat examination revealed single whitish exudates over right tonsil with no mucosal congestion. No clinical arthritis in any joint. No abdominal distension or tenderness, no free fluid and bowel sounds were normal. Respiratory and cardiovascular systems normal." She closed the file and sighed.

"She's had the symptoms for a week and the parents just brought her in?" Cuddy asked.

"They're just getting into the homeopathic stuff and thought it was just a cold but then a week passed and she got worse, that's when they brought her to the ER," said Burt. "We thought it was the flu at first so we took the normal course of action."

"So we're not thinking influenza?" Cuddy asked.

"We could do throat and nasal swabs but test sensitivity for this is sixty to seventy percent and we run the risk of false positives. Would help to know if anyone in her household or classroom was sick," House replied.

"She hasn't been to school in over a week and nobody in the household is ill," said Tunkle. That's what made us suspect it wasn't the flu."

"Has she been vaccinated?"

Burt opened his file and went through the list. "Let's see…flu shot, mumps, chicken pox, yep…the usual."

Suddenly Dr. Tunkle's pager went off. Looking at it she rose from her seat and said, "Guys I've got to get this, it's about a patient. Can you continue and we'll catch up later?"

"Sure," Cuddy said smiling at her.

"By the way, I've got two fellows, they're not really busy right now, and I have them working on charts. I can have them run any tests you need. They're office adjoins mine." She smiled. "I'll see you in a bit," she said before she left the office.

After Tunkle departed, Cuddy continued the differential. "Meningitis fits."

"I don't see any neck pain in her chart."

"She's got a lot of joint stiffness, but not a stiff neck."

"We'd have to do a lumbar puncture to verify," said Burt.

"On a six year old girl?" Cuddy asked her voice full of concern.

"It's the only way to know for sure."

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and turned to House. "We should avoid that if possible. It has to be something else."

"I'm all ears," House said, running his face over his stubble. He wasn't used to doing differentials with anyone but his team but he Cuddy was smarter and sharper than his entire team put together.

"It could be Mono."

"It could be. I think we should do a CBC to check the white blood cell count and Liver Function to see if there's any increased bile pigment and elevated enzymes."

Burt chimed in. "That's fine. I'll talk to Tunkle's fellows, I know them, good kids. They'll be a big help. You guys need anything?"

House nodded. "If you've got a whiteboard that'd be great."

"I think I can get one here from the lecture hall in no time. Shall I have them deliver it here?"

"That's fine Burt, thanks so much," Cuddy replied.

Burt nodded and said, "You two make a good team," then he left Cuddy's office. The two were left with their copies of the file. "So now what?" She asked.

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><p>A few hours later, it was mid-afternoon. Cuddy was in the patient's room and House had taken a stroll through the hospital corridors to think. He returned with one of Tunkle's fellows who was briefing him on the results of the blood work.<p>

"CBC shows low platelets, anemic, low white blood cell count and elevated liver function," he said to Cuddy.

"Infectious mono?"

"No. Damn, she wouldn't be anemic."

"House, her fever is still high, and she's having chest pains and the cough has gotten worse. What if it's TB?"

House pondered that a moment, his eyes closed, deep in thought. "It just doesn't fit." He flipped through the chart. "No history of prior TB treatment, exposure, travels outside the country and she's not homeless or living in a shelter. I'm also pretty sure she hasn't been to prison yet."

"Should we do a PPD anyway?"

"And waste time? It just doesn't fit."

"But we have to rule it out."

House turned to the fellow. "Get me an ALT, AST, sputum and creatinine, stat."

Once the fellow did what he was asked and left, Cuddy went over to the window and looked out. She imagined her little girl in that bed. She needed to do everything she could to help little Katie go home healthy.

"Okay so we've ruled out Influenza, Infectious Mono, and we're testing for TB. What's left?"

House rattled off the list of possible ailments. "It's not Viral Hepatitis, Malaria, or Typhoid, so we can cross those off the list. That leaves us with brucellosis, histoplasmosis, infective endocarditis, and maybe leptospirosis."

"The patient doesn't live on a farm and hasn't been out of the country so brucellosis is not likely. Infective endocarditis seems like a long shot, it occurs in something like one in fifteen hundred pediatric cases per year."

"The symptoms fit."

"It also fits the others too."

Cuddy walked over to the patient, who was fragile and weak. She gently brushed the hair from her forehead. "Katie. Wake up honey," she said. When the child opened her eyes, Cuddy smiled at her. "Can you open your mouth for me? I just need to check something." Cuddy gently looked around in her mouth. "House, look at this."

"What?"

"It looks like she might have had some dental work."

"She could have developed a bacterial infection. We should test for streptococcus viridians."

"Talk to the parents and find out when she had the work done and if she's had any complications from it."

Cuddy nodded and walked outside the room to talk to the parents. House took a seat next to the patient. She was just six years old. He thought about Rachel and how if it were her lying in that bed in pain, he would want to be sure she had the best care.

"Are you my doctor?" The little girl asked House.

"I might be. What do you think?"

"I think you are."

"Then, I guess I am." House smiled.

"I hurt."

"I know."

"Am I gonna die?"

House wasn't prepared for that question.

"Not on my watch."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, rugrat, if I have anything to say about it, you're not going anywhere except home."

"Okay." She closed her eyes.

House just sat there watching the little girl and thinking. Cuddy entered the room and put her hand on his shoulder. "Katie had a couple of fillings put in about six weeks ago but hasn't had any problems. Now what?"

At that moment, Dr. Tunkle walked in. "How's the patient?"

House took Cuddy's stethoscope and listened to the little girl's heart. "No murmurs."

"What are you thinking?" Tunkle asked.

"Could be infective endocarditis which we can treat now or possibly histoplasmosis, both seem to fit but we can rule the latter out with more tests."

"I hate to start her on antibiotics for endocarditis if that's not it but we may have no choice."

"It couldn't hurt. In the meantime, have your fellows do a bronchoscopy, chest CT and chest X-ray."

"Okay."

"She's hot for me," House said as Tunkle walked away.

Cuddy laughed out loud. "What?"

"You saw the way she looked at me."

"House you're old enough to be her—"

"Don't even finish that sentence."

At that moment Sharon entered the patient's room. "Hey guys, how's she doing?"

"Not great. We're still working on it."

"Any ideas?"

"Could be any number of things, they're testing for TB. If not we're thinking infective endocarditis or histoplasmosis."

"What do the parents say? Any clues?"

"They haven't given us anything that can help so far."

"Do you guys want something to eat?"

Cuddy noticed House's head popped up from the chart he was reading at the mention of food. "Geez, I hadn't realized we missed lunch. Sure, let me call Burt and see if he wants to meet us there."

Cuddy informed the parents they would return later then Cuddy called Burt on her cell phone while the three headed to the cafeteria. As they entered, House detoured to the bathroom while the women served themselves at the salad bar.

"Well, well Dr. Cuddy, how _are_ you?"

Cuddy didn't even have to look to know who it was. It was Dr. Mike Kirk, the Cardiologist she'd been hoping to avoid since he'd hit on her and grabbed her arm at the bar.

"I'm fine, thank you." Cuddy continued putting salad items on her plate and then headed over to a table in the far corner, with Sharon close behind.

"I haven't seen you in awhile. It's such a shame too, because your ass is looking _bodacious_." Kirk stood at the end of the both, leaning over with his hands on the table, leering at the women.

Sharon just glared up at him. "Do you need something?"

Kirk ignored her. "Oh come on Lisa, listen how about you and me go out Friday night? I've got a bottle of wine with your name on it."

"No thanks, I'm busy."

"You?" He laughed. "You haven't been out with a man since you got to this place. I think you're in need of a real man's attention." He leaned closer to Sharon and whispered, "You know…rumor has it-"

Cuddy cut him off. "That's enough! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Oh come on you're not still upset about that night? It was a misunderstanding. I just wanted to get to know you better."

Suddenly, a voice came from behind Kirk. "Is there a problem here?" House had been standing there long enough to hear everything that had been said.

Cuddy looked up at him with a sense of relief, conveying to him with her eyes her appreciation that he showed up but begging him not to do anything irrational. "No problem," she said. "Dr. Kirk was just _leaving_, weren't you Mike?" She looked at Kirk defiantly.

Kirk had seen the intimate eye contact between the two and then gave House the once-over, noting his cane. He laughed and looked at Cuddy. "Wait, you won't go out with me but you'll go out with _him?_" He shook his head, "I figured you were cock tease or a prude, or maybe you just liked chicks, but this…this takes the cake."

House pursed his lips together and looked at Cuddy, silently pleading for forgiveness just before he turned Kirk around and punched him in the face. The impact made him fall back on the table where Cuddy and Sharon were eating their lunch.

"House!" Cuddy shouted. Sharon's eyes widened in shock and then once it hit her she tried not to laugh. She nudged Cuddy to show her the other patrons had seen the events unfold.

House looked at Kirk sternly with his cane held tightly in his hand. "You can say whatever you want about me pal, but she" he pointed at Cuddy, "is off limits. And that one was for what you did to her that night. A real man doesn't have to try and force a woman to have sex with him. You stay away from her. Got it?"

Just then, Sharon spotted a security guard heading over to their table accompanied by Burt Kelly. She stood up and took Kirk by the coat and got up close and personal with him. "Mike, you walk away and nobody says a word about anything. If you don't, your wife is going to find out about all the shit you've done behind her back with every candy striper and student nurse in this hospital and Dr. Cuddy will file a sexual harassment suit against you not to mention she'll be going to the police and filing a report for assault. Given your _colorful_ past, I'm pretty sure her accusations will be taken seriously."

"Bullshit," he spat out.

"Try me," Cuddy said from her seat.

House watched the eye contact between Sharon, Cuddy and Kirk. He knew the women could handle it at this point.

Finally Kirk gave in. "Fine. Just forget this….everything that's happened."

Just then the security guard walked over. "You folks okay here?

"Everything's fine, just a minor misunderstanding. Isn't that right Mike?" Sharon asked with a smile.

Kirk looked at Sharon while he wiped the blood from his mouth with a napkin. He knew she had an impeccable reputation at the hospital and a lot of friends higher up, he couldn't take any chances. "Yeah, no problem here," he said as he turned around and walked away quickly. Sharon noticed a few of the hospital staff in the cafeteria gave her a smile and a nod, having witnessed what happened. She smiled back. Apparently they too knew of Kirk's lecherous reputation.

Burt talked to the security guard a moment and then the guard turned around and left.

"You guys okay?" Burt asked, taking a seat next to Sharon.

"Yeah, he's such a creep." Sharon looked at House and smiled, "By the way buddy…Bravo!"

House took a seat next to Cuddy and picked a tomato off her plate. "He's damn lucky we were in a public place."

"Thank you." Cuddy her hand on his arm and he looked down at it and then up at her and they smiled at each other. This did not go unnoticed by their lunch partners.

"Anytime. You think you'll have any problems from him again?"

"No, I'm sure he'll keep his hands to himself," said Sharon confidently. "His wife is loaded and connected. He's got money but she's got more. Besides, Kirk's got a shitty reputation and I don't think the hospital would go to bat for him if it came down to it. We're good."

"Well, now that we've settled that. Any ideas about the patient? Because I still can't figure out what's wrong with her and she's getting worse," House said.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, the sun had already gone down and it was getting late. Sharon had offered to pick Rachel up from her after school program so she could have dinner with the girls. Cuddy assured her they'd be home early. She sat in her chair with her legs up on the desk, crossed at the ankles. They'd done a number of tests and House was frustrated. The whiteboard was full of writing and still no epiphanies.<p>

"House, it's only been a day, sometimes it takes days for you to make a diagnosis."

"We don't have _days_, she's getting worse. Her glands are swollen now."

Cuddy watched him pace the office, twirling his cane. Finally he stopped and faced her.

"I need to get into their house."

"What?"

"Yeah, I need a Foreman but since he's not here, you'll do."

"We are not breaking into anyone's house."

"Come on Cuddy, we have to."

"How about we just ask them for a key?"

"Where the hell's the fun in that?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "It's after nine o'clock. At night."

"The parents are still here. Besides you know everybody lies, what if they don't give us the key because they have something to hide?" He asked. Putting on his best pouty face, he said, "Come on, I just have a feeling about this."

Cuddy closed her eyes and sighed. She was tired and frustrated but she gave in. "I can't believe I'm letting you talk me into this."

A half hour later, House and Cuddy were inspecting the kitchen in a modest home in South Boston.

"I still can't believe you picked the lock on that door. Where did you learn that?" Cuddy asked as she took items out of the refrigerator.

"You think I never learned anything from Foreman in all that time he worked for me?" Asked House as he continued inspecting the chemicals under the kitchen sink.

Cuddy shook her head. "Hmm…that's strange."

"What?"

"There's an unmarked carton of eggs, two glass bottles of milk and a two-inch slice of cheese in a plastic container." She took the items out of the refrigerator and placed them on the counter. She opened everything and sniffed it with a look of slight disgust. "There are no dates on any of this stuff and no labels either."

House finished his inspection under the sink and moved over to the counter next to the fridge and looked at the items carefully. He picked up the container with the piece of cheese in it, sniffed its contents and stared at it. He put it down and slipped on the latex gloves he had in his pocket and opened the lid of the garbage can. Cuddy watched as he reached in a gloved hand and rummaged around. He took out various items from the bag until he found what he'd been hoping to find. "And here it is," he said, pulling a plastic wrapper with a label on it. He handed it to Cuddy.

"River Falls Farm," she read from the label. "It looks homemade."

"Yep."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She asked, her eyes lighting up that they may have found a break in the case.

"Unpasteurized."

She smiled. Suddenly, in unison they said, "It's Brucellosis."

"Come on let's get outta here."

When they arrived back at the hospital, Cuddy asked the fellows to confirm the diagnosis by doing more blood and antibody tests. Once they were relatively sure of their diagnosis they approached the parents, who told them that in their quest to live a healthier life, not only had they chosen homeopathy, a friend had talked them into obtaining fresh produce and dairy products from River Hills Farm, which was about ten miles from their house. Among the dairy products produced at the farm, were unpasteurized milk and cheese. Cuddy told the parents all the symptoms fit Brucellosis and the parents consented to treatment. She also explained to them the dangers of consuming unpasteurized products.

Later that evening in Cuddy's office, House was sitting behind her desk with his feet up and she sat on the chair opposite him on the other side of the desk. Cuddy was on the phone with Rachel apologizing because she hadn't made it home earlier but that they would be on their way soon. At that moment, the door opened and in walked Burt and Tunkle.

"Good job," said Burt as he took a seat next to Cuddy. "I hear you contacted the farm and the FDA."

"Yeah, the farm is going to halt production for now. They need to get those animals tested."

"I don't know how to thank you Dr. House, I appreciate you taking this on, both of you," Dr. Tunkle said with a sigh of relief.

"You're welcome," said House. "She'll be fine with daily intramuscular injections of streptomycin for fourteen days oral doxycycline twice daily for forty five days, concurrently."

"Well there's one happy family tonight. I just saw the parents, they are so relieved. You guys did great. I'm going to let the Chief know about this one. I'll see you soon," she said to Cuddy and Burt. "Dr. House, it was a pleasure," she said as she shook his hand and left.

House leaned back in Cuddy's chair and smiled his Cheshire cat grin. "All in a day's work."

Burt shook his head. "I can't believe it was something as simple as _unpasteurized milk_."

"They never would have thought of telling us because it didn't appear to them it might be a problem. They weren't trying to hide anything, they just had no idea," she said.

"That's why an accurate patient history matters." House looked over at Burt. "I'm not saying you did anything wrong, you couldn't have known, none of us could. I don't think there's a question we would have asked which might have prompted them telling us about it."

Burt looked at House and nodded his acknowledgement. "You two ought to get home, it's late and you must be tired."

"Yeah it is and I am," said Cuddy. "We still need to pick up Rachel."

"Well I expect you two will enjoy the rest of your time off. I hope to see you again soon."

Cuddy got up and gave Burt a hug. "Burt, you're a good friend, thanks for everything."

"For you Lisa, anytime." He looked at House, "See you soon." House nodded as the old man left.

Cuddy walked over to House, stood behind him as he sat in her chair, and she put her arms around him and gave him a hug.

"What?" He asked smugly.

"We solved the case."

_"We?"_

"Well I did, you just helped a little." She chided tightening her hold on him.

"I can't believe we solved it in a day, granted a very long and frustrating day but a day nonetheless. That's got to be a record."

She helped House out of his chair so they could leave. As she handed him his cane, she said, "You used to drive me crazy at the hospital but damn, I loved watching you work, the way you processed information, came up with the answers, I've always been amazed by it, I still am. To be honest…it feels good to be a part of it." Cuddy's eyes sparkled in a way he hadn't seen in a long time. She was energized and radiant. The last time he saw her like that at work...she'd helped him on a case.

"House?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for what you did...in the cafeteria."

"No problem."

As they walked side by side out of the hospital into the chilly night air, he asked, "Do you think we could handle working _together_?"

"I wouldn't mind. We make a great team."

"Yeah we do but you know I'm a pain in the ass."

"I'm well aware. I just think it would be interesting and fun, don't you think? Especially if I weren't your boss." She took his arm in hers and walked close to him.

"That I do." They reached the car and he opened the driver's side door. She knew his leg was likely hurting and it was easier for him to stretch out in the passenger seat. After making sure she was secure, he got into the car and buckled himself in. He looked over at her. "And how exactly would this work given I live in Princeton and you live here?"

"I don't know?" Cuddy put the keys in the ignition but didn't start the car.

"Details suck," he said.

"Yes they do. Maybe you could...consult occasionally?" She looked hopeful.

He smiled at her and said, "Maybe."

Cuddy smiled again, something she noticed she'd been doing a lot of since he returned. She started the car and pulled out onto the street towards home. House fiddled with the buttons on the radio station.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked.

"Maybe tomorrow. For now, all I care about is going home, tucking my little girl in, taking a hot shower and relaxing with you. That okay?" She smiled at him flirtatiously.

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Ohhh, I think we can work _something_ out."

* * *

><p>Yes, House and Cuddy solved this case in the course of a very long day but...had they not gone to the patient's home it would have taken much longer. Some cases in this story will take longer, but this one wasn't necessary to stretch out over the course of time. It served its purpose and I hope you are happy with it. :)<p>

I'm going to have a busy week but my plan is to once again publish the next chapter by Friday or Saturday. I've already got some of Chapter 56 written and so I may be able to add bits and pieces this week, edit and have it up in a timely manner!

Thanks for reading, now please be kind and leave your comments!


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N:** Sorry I couldn't update last weekend but I had a lot going on. I worked on this over a period of a week or so when I had time. I appreciate everyone encouraging me on, your comments mean a great deal to me. This story goes until the characters say it's time to bring it to a close. Trust me when I say I do not see an end in sight. :)

Now, where were we? The last chapter took place just before the weekend. I believe House has been there five days as of the day this chapter begins...

* * *

><p>A few days passed and House and Cuddy had gotten into somewhat of a routine. Their first weekend together since House returned was busy as they spent time doing some necessary things around the house. Cuddy found that House was actually a decent repairman and after a few minor projects, and a healthy dose of whining, he helped her put together the new swing for Rachel in the backyard. Afterwards, House, Cuddy and Rachel enjoyed a barbecue with Sharon and Hannah. On Monday morning, Cuddy decided to restart her yoga routine so she woke up at five o'clock on the morning while House slept in till six. When House woke, he got Rachel out of bed and made breakfast for the three of them while Cuddy got Rachel ready for school. A few hours later, House and Cuddy sat at the dining room table drinking coffee and munching on toasted bagels.<p>

"How's everything going with the insurance companies?" House asked, looking over his glasses at her, as he flipped through the comics.

"It's okay, just lots of things to keep track of like bills and correspondence."

"You're good at that."

"Maybe but it's still a pain in the ass."

"We should get your things out of the car."

"I know. I just didn't want to do it alone."

"Wanna do it this morning?"

"I guess."

"Where's it at?"

"Hector's Towing and Salvage. Their card is on the fridge."

"Well," he said. He got up and limped into the kitchen, taking the card out from under the refrigerator magnet. "No time like the present."

* * *

><p>An hour later, House pulled up at Hector's Towing and Salvage, shut off the ignition and looked over at Cuddy. "You ready?"<p>

"I have to do it sometime," she groaned.

They got out of the car and headed inside the shop where the manager gave Cuddy her keys and belongings which were held for safekeeping. After signing the papers acknowledging receipt, she told House she wanted to see the car. He tried to talk her out of it but she insisted. They walked outside past a row of cars until they came to her totaled Lexus. Cuddy stopped suddenly and gasped.

"Oh my God."

They stood there side by side looking at the wreckage of Cuddy's car. The rear driver side was smashed from the initial impact of the truck and the passenger side was smashed in from the impact of the tree. The passenger door was pushed in to where the middle console should have been. The car was almost in a v-shape from the impact of the tree. House looked over at Cuddy who was visibly shaken. She began to sob hysterically and House did the only thing he could do, he put his arms around her and held her to him while she cried. They remained like that for a few minutes. Cuddy finally stopped crying and looked up at him.

"Listen, you sure you want to do this?"

"No, but I have to." She moved toward the car and placed her hand on it. Suddenly, her pulse quickened and she got lightheaded. She leaned forward against the back of the car in an effort to keep herself from falling. House noticed immediately something was wrong.

"Cuddy!" He moved forward quickly to prevent her from falling. "Are you okay?" She was on the verge of hyperventilating and House encouraged her to take slow, deep breaths. He held her back close against his chest and in a low, soft voice, he said, "Breathe with me Cuddy, just breathe slow, pace yourself." In a few minutes she was feeling better and House left here there for a moment, holding onto the car while he took a quick peek in the car and glove compartment to be sure all her personal items were really out of it. Once he confirmed it, it he took her gently by the arm and said, "Come on, there's nothing left in there, let's go."

In the car, Cuddy was silent. He didn't know what to say to make her feel better. He wasn't one to offer words of compassion just for the hell of it but he had to do something.

"What are you thinking?" He asked. She just sat motionless staring out the window.

House turned down the next street, pulled up at the curb and turned the ignition off. He turned to her, hoping she would talk to him. Finally she spoke.

"I thought I was okay, till I saw the car. I mean…I was in that thing. I could have _died_. What about Rachel? You and me?" She started sobbing again. House leaned over her into the glove compartment and grabbed a napkin, handing it to her. She nodded her thanks.

"I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. Yeah it was pretty bad and it could have been worse but here you are, alive and okay."

"But what if—"

"You can ask 'what if' all day long but it doesn't change anything. It makes no difference. What is…just is and we move on."

"I know, it's just hard that's all."

House put both hands on the steering wheel and looked straight ahead. "Cuddy, what happened to you was pretty traumatic even if you came out of it fine. It's going to be hard, but I know you, and if anyone can deal with this, you can." He smiled at her and put her hand on her knee."If you need to talk about it, I'm not really good at this sort of thing, but I'll try."

"You're doing fine." She smiled back. "Come on let's go, we've got some stops to make."

* * *

><p>Several hours later, House and Cuddy were sitting at the round table on her back porch sifting through insurance paperwork and listening to Bernie and friends play their music.<p>

"That guy is really good," House remarked. "How often do they play?"

"He and his friends practice a few days a week. Some of them are retired professors, others used to play professionally, and they're just a group of old guys who get together, drink wine, eat good food and play their instruments. You should meet him sometime. Rachel loves to listen to him play."

House grunted his acknowledgement and then opened an envelope and read its contents rather intently. He waved it at Cuddy. "Looks like your lawyer is on the ball, this is an itemized list of the doctor bills your insurance company has paid so far. He also sent you back your copy of the contract. You trust this guy?"

"Yeah, he's a good guy."

House looked at her, one eyebrow cocked curiously. "So you know him personally?"

"Oh geez, House, no, I don't know him _that personally._ Sharon recommended him. He helped her sort through things after her husband died. He's a friend of one of her friends. He's a good lawyer."

"We'll see," he said sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean? Not all lawyers are crooked."

"Name one."

Cuddy thought for a moment. "Stacy."

"Seriously? That's the best you could come up with?"

"He's been really helpful. He did some digging and found out the guy who hit me has a history of reckless driving. Jack says he's been cited but I don't know what's going to happen to him. Apparently the company he worked for knew this and let him continue driving the company vehicles."

"You could sue him."

"I just want the insurance stuff settled, I don't need anything else."

"You're so honest." He said, smirking at her as he continued rifling through her mail.

"Only you could make that sound like a _bad_ thing," she said. Cuddy occasionally looked over at House who was reading the file on her accident. She wasn't sure why a certain woman was on her mind but now that she was, Cuddy was curious.

"So uh...have you spoken to _her_ at all?"

_"Who?"_

"Stacy."

"What on earth would make you ask that?"

"I don't know, I guess I thought of her and wondered if you've…you know…been in contact."

"Nope. I think she's over her schoolgirl crush."

Cuddy snorted. "Yeah, right. _Schoolgirl crush_."

"What? Were you jealous of Stacy?"

"No."

"Seriously?"

"I was never jealous of Stacy," she said. "I was just angry at the way she…just left you."

He shrugged. "I pushed her away."

"It was the only way you could cope. She should have known it would be hard for you."

"Yeah well I do have unusual ways of coping don't I?" House glanced over at Cuddy to see her reaction. She was looking down at her paperwork but he was sure she heard him. He leaned back in his chair and glanced out over the backyard towards Bernie's house and attempted to change the subject.

"You know we should get Rachel violin lessons?"

"She's already taking piano lessons."

"Yeah but she might like the violin."

"Wait, what's this _we_?"

"Fine, _you_."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Do you remember how she used to dance around your apartment when you played the piano?"

"If you mean do I remember her moving about nonsensically, knocking over everything, yes, I do."

Cuddy scoffed at him and hit him in the arm with a magazine. "She never knocked anything over and you know it."

"Oh right…that was you and me...while we were having wild monkey sex around my apartment, I forgot." He winked at her over his glasses.

"House, how old were you when you started playing piano?"

House thought for a moment. "I was about Rachel's age I guess. My dad was gone a lot and mom and I were home alone. It was her way of spending quality time with me. "

"Did you ever compose anything?"

"Yeah, a few things here and there."

"I'd love to hear them."

"Oh they're not much, just some things I threw together." He had written many pieces and his thoughts went to the only piece he'd ever composed for anyone, a certain_ serenade_.

"House, I can't imagine when it comes to music anything you do is just thrown together. I used to love it when you played for me."

"You should feel honored. I've only played for three women besides my mother."

"Oh, really?" Her curiosity roused.

House realized his mistake. Three women in addition to his mother. Cuddy was one and she already knew one of the others.

_"Three? A high school girlfriend?"_ She mused, thinking it was a high school crush.

"No, not really."

"Then who?" She asked. Knowing how private House was about his music, her curiosity was piqued.

House swallowed hard. "It doesn't matter, how about I play something for you some time?"

She noticed he was deflecting. "In case you haven't noticed, I don't have a piano."

"Oh yeah, well we can work something out I'm sure."

"You're deflecting," she accused.

"No I'm not."

Cuddy suddenly had a thought and it took the smile right off her face. "Was it...the fake _wife_?" She could barely say the words.

"No!" House replied, raising his voice more than he'd intended. "I never played for her, ever."

"What is it you don't want me to know? You don't have to hide anything from me."

House leaned forward and put his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. He rubbed his face a few times and then looked over at her. "When I was in Mayfield, I met someone."

Cuddy felt as if the breath had been sucked from her body.

House could tell by her response, clearly she wasn't expecting that. But if she didn't want secrets, he didn't either. "After detox I started group therapy. I was having a hard time adjusting, as you can imagine and on visiting day I met Lydia, she was the sister-in-law of one of the patients in my therapy group. Her sister-in-law played the cello so we talked about music and eventually other things. I just needed someone to talk to and she was there."

"I see."

"I was in hell Cuddy. I just needed someone to talk to, who would accept me for who I was. Lydia was there for me."

"I accepted you; I wanted to be there for you."

"No, you didn't, not really. You wouldn't let me into your life, or Rachel's."

"You were so toxic back then." Looking down and pulling a string on the hem of her shirt she asked, "So uh...whatever happened to _Lydia_?" She said the name as if it were vile.

"Do you really want to hear about it?"

Cuddy nodded silently.

"We got to know each other. She was German, married, with kids, living the American dream. We had nice talks about a lot of things. Anyway, one day when we were talking, she kissed me."

"She...kissed you?

"It felt good, just to have that connection with someone again. She made me feel things, real things I hadn't felt in years, things I didn't think I could feel anymore." He looked up and noticed Cuddy staring at him with what appeared to be disbelief in her eyes. "But I couldn't be just some fling because I was convenient or she wasn't happy with her husband. I told her I couldn't get involved."

"So that was it." Cuddy seemed somewhat more relaxed at that thought.

"Well, no…a few nights later, I'd had a particularly rough day and I found her alone in the rec hall crying. I felt bad for her, I mean I cared about her and wanted to help her. One thing led to another and …" House had a difficult time finishing the sentence but when he looked at Cuddy, he realized she knew what he was going to say.

Cuddy's eyes got wide and she blurted out, "You had sex with her?"

"Yes. Look, neither one of us was thinking about it, we just did it. We both needed comfort and we were there for each other." House took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. He was glad it was finally out. He had felt bad for years for not telling her what happened at Mayfield but he thought she wouldn't understand. He felt like he'd betrayed her even though they weren't in a relationship.

"Did you love her?"

"I _liked_ her. She was a good person. She made me believe I would be okay."

Cuddy's eyes met his. "So, what happened after that?"

He rubbed at his scruff before he answered her. "A few nights later, I got a pass from Nolan and went to see her. She said she and her family were moving because her sister-in-law had made incredible progress and they were taking her to a facility in Arizona." House swallowed hard before he continued. He had a feeling Cuddy wouldn't like what he was going to say next. "I asked her not to go," he said, watching her eyes which were full of sadness. "But she said she had no choice, she didn't want to break up her family. That was it, that was the last time I saw her."

"You didn't want her to go?" Cuddy was devastated to think House could have feelings for someone else.

"Cuddy, try and understand, she was the first person who I connected with in there. She didn't know any of the shit I'd done in my past. She thought I was...a good person. Can you believe that? Me? I started to believe it and it felt good."

"You might have grown to love her House. If she'd stayed behind you might have gotten into a relationship with her. You might have eventually married her. She wouldn't have judged you or pushed you away." Cuddy managed to choke out those words as tears rolled down her face. "You couldn't talk to me but you could talk to a complete stranger. For fuck's sake, we have a history, which should have meant something. Instead you turned to someone else." Cuddy asserted in a hurt tone.

House was becoming angry. All he'd wanted to do was just tell her the truth, after all, that's what she wanted. "Why is this about you? You're upset about me being with Lydia, who, at the time, was the only friend I felt I really had. She didn't judge me, she just accepted me for who I was, which was actually kinda refreshing. Meanwhile you were playing house with _Lucas_. You slept with him, you shared your kid with him and you were going to _marry_ him. How did you think that made _me _feel?"

"It's not the same-"

"The hell it's not!" House said sternly. "You'd been telling me for years to get my shit together. Finally I do, I get help and in the process I find someone I begin to care about, who cares about me, who helps me get through one of the worst times of my life, and you're upset about it? While you were getting your jollies off with junior detective, I was trying like hell to hold on to my sanity. Thanks so fucking much for understanding." House stood up and limped over to the large tree in Cuddy's yard. He just leaned against it, looking away from her. He banged his cane continuously into the ground.

House's revelation made Cuddy feel she'd been slapped in the face though she wasn't sure why. They had not been in a relationship; they were both free to see anyone they wanted. She knew she should have been happy for him that he had found some respite from his pain during the lowest point of his life. Yet she was angry. She was angry at him for finding comfort in someone else, the kind of comfort she had always wanted to give him. She was also angry at herself for not being what he needed. She still felt guilty for not helping him years earlier when he began going downhill. She knew it began long before Mayfield, before his father's death, Kutner's suicide, her adoption of Rachel, even before Tritter. House had been a mess for so long; it all seemed to run together. Suddenly feeling the need to distance herself from the tense situation they had created, she pushed her chair back abruptly and charged into the house.

Hearing her get out of her chair, House turned around and watched as Cuddy went into the house. He heard her slam her bedroom door. He sighed sadly as he looked up to the blue sky. Suddenly he felt a chill and realized he'd left his jacket on the back of his chair. He leaned against the tree, thinking about their conversation. They'd been doing so well and it felt like they'd just taken a huge step back. She was visibly upset about Lydia and apparently he was still upset about Lucas._ I'm sorry Cuddy_, he said to himself. Feeling the need to get some rational feedback about the situation he took out his cell phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hey House."

"Wilson, my man, how's it hanging?"

"Well, it is still hanging; can you say the same about yours?"

"Given the conversation I just had with Cuddy, I'm not so sure."

"What did you do?"

"What makes you think I did something?"

"You always do something."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Okay I did something...stupid." He heard Wilson sigh on the other end.

"Oh God."

"No, not _that_ stupid. I'm not high and I haven't crashed my car into her house."

"Not funny, now go or I hang up. I have patients to see."

"I told Cuddy about Mayfield."

"Okay..." Wilson sounded confused.

"A certain part about when I was in Mayfield."

On the other end, Wilson was deep in thought about what House could have told Cuddy and then the light bulb went off. "Oh shit, you didn't. _Why after all this time?_"

"It slipped out."

"Really? How do you let it slip out to the woman you love, who pined for you day after day the entire time you were gone, that you had sex with another woman, _in a mental institution_?"

"We were talking and it just—wait a minute—what do you mean_ pined_?"

"The first few days you were gone she took off from work. I visited her, we talked a bit. At times she'd just sit in that rocking chair in the nursery holding Rachel and she'd wonder about what things might have been like with the three of you. She cried a lot but then she got better. Eventually she began getting back into the swing of things. She came back to work and threw herself into it. She never went up to the fourth floor if she could help it. She'd call me to her office when she needed to talk so she didn't have to walk past your office."

"She had Lucas to comfort her."

"She only hooked up with Lucas in the last few weeks before you came home but even then she still looked sad. Why didn't you two ever talk about this?"

"I don't know. Hoping to keep the past in the past I guess." He scratched his head in frustration. "She's really upset about Lydia."

"House, it was a really hard time for both of you. Just go to her, talk about how you feel, how she feels. Don't hold back because you're scared or you think it'll hurt, just do it. I'll be here if you need me but most of your talking needs to be with her, okay?" Wilson followed that with a goodbye and hung up, leaving House pondering his next move.

After a few more minutes, House limped determinedly into the house and down the hallway towards Cuddy's bedroom. Not knowing what to expect, he opened the door softly and noticed she was lying on the bed, her back to him.

"Cuddy?" He called to her.

She didn't answer.

"I know you're not sleeping."

He sighed in frustration and sat on the bed next to her. He gently placed his hand on her ankle. He felt her shiver under his touch.

"You okay?"

"Fine, just sore."

"Do you want anything for the pain?"

"No."

"Want me to run you a hot bath?"

"No."

House sat there a bit longer, first rubbing her ankle then moving up her leg, gently caressing it, not in a sexual way just tenderly, trying to show her with his touch, how much he cared. The tension in the air was thick and both wanted to talk but neither knew what to say.

"House, what do you want?"

"I'm sorry."

Cuddy didn't reply.

"It's been so long since Mayfield; I didn't realize it still hurt."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you do."

She rolled over and looked at him. "You have no idea how much it hurt when you were gone."

"I think I might."

"It didn't just hurt; it felt like a piece of me was gone. I felt so...so _lost_."

"But why? I made your life hell. You didn't even like me. We weren't even friends."

Cuddy let out a sarcastic laugh. "Seriously? House, _we were friends_, it was strange and crazy and yet it _was_ friendship. We just disguised it and hid it beneath our work relationship, pulling each other's strings, yelling at each other, always playing the game. It was crazy but it was _our_ crazy." She smiled faintly at the memories.

House was relieved to see her smile. He lay down on the bed next to her and put his hands behind his head. "Mayfield was one of the worst moments of my life. Early on, during detox, I wanted to die. I had to talk to a shrink about my feelings and I had to talk to a group of people I didn't know about things I didn't want to talk about. I wish I could've shared my experiences with you, but I just couldn't do it. I know I should have, but it was too hard."

"House, I'm sorry I got upset about Lydia. I should be thankful you were able to connect with someone while you were in that place."

He rolled over and faced her. "Lydia was a friend to me when I needed it and she helped me see that I could feel something real again, but what got me through that place was thinking about _you_. I cared about her but I loved you. You saved me again and you didn't even know it."

Cuddy reached over and laid her hand on his arm. "House, take some credit here. You saved yourself. You took a brave step checking yourself into that place, it saved your life. You know, I've been laying here thinking about how lonely and scared you must have been. I should be thankful you weren't completely alone. I'm not angry that you confided in her or that you had sex with her. I realize now why she meant so much to you."

House nodded slowly, acknowledging her words as she continued.

"When Lucas asked me out, I didn't want to go but I needed to get back into _life_ again. I needed to feel something too. Not having you around made me realize how much you had always energized me and kept me going. Lucas made me laugh and he was simple, easy to get along with. I felt like I was finally able to connect to another human being again. I thought I'd lost that." Cuddy rolled on her back, linked her fingers over her stomach and sighed at the ceiling. "Being with Lucas was nice but he never told me the truth...what I mean is...I'd ask him something because I needed the brutal, hard truth and he'd tell me what he thought I wanted to hear. I thought of you and how you'd always give it to me straight. It was brutal at times but straight. You weren't afraid or intimidated. I missed that...I needed that. There were times I was with Lucas intimately, when I thought about you. I thought it would pass but when you got out of Mayfield and I saw you again, it started happening more often. That's one of the reasons I broke off my engagement with Lucas eventually. I couldn't marry him when the eyes I wanted to be looking into when making love...were yours. I guess maybe in some strange way Lucas helped me. He was there for me when I was having a hard time and being with him eventually made me realize how much I wanted to be with you."

They turned their heads toward each other, a look of relief in their eyes, that they finally understood what each other had endured during those hard months apart.

"Thanks, Cuddy."

"For what?"

"For being honest about how you felt when I was gone."

"Thanks for telling me about Lydia and why she was so important to you." She reached over and squeezed his hand tightly.

"How about I run you a bath?" He asked.

"I think I could use one. What about you? You've been favoring your leg a bit more today."

"I'll take one later, it'll help. I forgot to tell you that your buddy Burt hooked me up with the staff gym and the PT clinic at the hospital. Apparently he has connections."

"He knows everybody."

"This is one time I'm glad about that. I figure when you're at your appointment tomorrow, I'll head over there a bit."

"That's great House, really."

"So what do you want to do now?" He raised his eyebrows at her flirtatiously.

"Run me a bath while I make a few phone calls and get dinner on. Rachel will be home soon," she said as she got out of bed. As she walked past him towards the door, she swayed her hips a bit just for him.

"You're a slave driver," he whined.

"Yeah, yeah, just get me my bath, slave," she laughed on her way out of the bedroom.

House grumbled something about bossy women as he rolled out of bed and headed toward the master bath. A moment later, Cuddy stuck her head in the doorway of the bedroom.

"Hey House?"

"Yes Mistress?" He stuck his head out of the bathroom.

"I really do miss you playing the piano for me."

House grinned. "We'll just have to do something about that won't we?"

* * *

><p>So what do you think he means by that? Oh there is so much more to come. I felt it was important to talk about Mayfield, since I do not think they would have talked much about it the first time they were together. During that time they obviously worked all the time, but during their time together they likely had a lot of sex, fought a bit, and spent some quality time worrying about how they were each going to screw up the relationship. With all that, who has time to talk about the past?<p>

Some of you have asked if and when House and Cuddy will consummate their relationship. All I can tell you is "in due time." You see, they're just rebuilding their trust, they're opening up about things never discussed, and they're not only getting to know each other again but themselves too. Yes, they could jump into bed together and it would be great but...when they consummate their relationship, it has to be right...for them. My characters are writing this story; I'm merely the tool they use to tell their tale. They're not trying to wait for that "perfect" moment; rather they are waiting for when it just feels right. You know House and Cuddy...when it's the moment, they will both know it.

I've got some great ideas in mind for this story. I can't wait to put them into words!

Jess


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N:** Hello all. This chapter picks up immediately after the events of the last one. I'm going to post a few lines from the previous chapter to help the flow between chaps and see how that works out for us. Enjoy and please don't forget to leave a review! Reviews are love!

* * *

><p><em>"So what do you want to do now?" He raised his eyebrows at her flirtatiously.<em>

_"Run me a bath while I make a few phone calls and get dinner on. Rachel will be home soon," she said as she got out of bed. As she walked past him towards the door, she swayed her hips a bit just for him._

_"You're a slave driver," he whined._

_"Yeah, yeah, just get me my bath, slave," she laughed on her way out of the bedroom._

_House grumbled something about bossy women as he rolled out of bed and headed toward the master bath. A moment later, Cuddy stuck her head in the doorway of the bedroom._

_"Hey House?"_

_"Yes Mistress?" He stuck his head out of the bathroom._

_"I really do miss you playing the piano for me."_

_House grinned. "We'll just have to do something about that won't we?"_

* * *

><p>Around five o'clock in the afternoon, Sharon arrived at Cuddy's house with Hannah and Rachel in tow. As she entered the house, she heard voices in the kitchen and upon entering the room, she noticed House, in an apron, standing at the stove inserting a spoon into the mouth of a giggling Lisa Cuddy. Sharon rolled her eyes and stifled her own giggle when she saw Cuddy moan in response to what she was tasting.<p>

"Ahem," she interrupted.

Cuddy jumped and she and House turned to see Sharon and the girls standing there. "Sharon! You scared me," she said.

"And what are you two doing?"

"She's tasting my special sauce," House said with a wink.

Cuddy elbowed him.

"Ouch! What? It's true, it _is_ special."

Sharon held her hands up. "I do not want to know any more, just keep it to yourselves."

"Mommy," Rachel chimed in. "Can I have some special sauce?"

Cuddy's mouth dropped open as she looked at House. "See, what you've done. You're corrupting her!"

"Cuddy you're such a pervert, get your mind out of the gutter, will ya? The kid just wants some of this delicious homemade tomato sauce."

"Mommy, what's a pervert?" Rachel asked her mother.

Cuddy glared at House but he had his back to her. She could tell from the slight tremble of his body that he was laughing.

She turned back to her daughter. "Nothing honey, nothing you need to know about right now." She attempted to change the subject. "How was your day?"

"It was fun. We finger painted."

"You did?"

"Uh huh. Look!" Rachel took a large rolled piece of paper out of her knapsack and gave it to her mother.

Cuddy unrolled the paper on the counter and smiled. "Oh wow this is really nice. House, you have to see this."

House backed up to the island and took a look at the painting. It was definitely a finger painting made by a five-year old but he could make out the squiggly figures rather well. "Let's see, the skinny one with the wild kinky hair is uh…you," he said glancing at Cuddy. "And the midget troglodyte with big eyes is…hmm...who could that be?" He asked looking at a giggling Rachel. "The tall handsome squiggly line with the cane, great hair and regal air about him must be…me."

Rachel clapped her hands together. "Do you like it?"

He laughed at the picture. "Yeah, I do. Picasso had nothing on you kid."

"You know House; I think you've got too much hair in that picture," Sharon joked.

Turning to Cuddy he said, "You just gonna let her pick on me?"

She waved one hand at him. "Please, you can hold your own. Just finish dinner." Turning to Sharon, she asked, "You guys wanna stay for dinner? House is making lasagna."

"Not just lasagna, my world-famous lasagna, get it right woman!" House barked from the stove.

"Mom, can we please?" Hannah tugged at her mom's shirt.

"Well, I think you have your answer."

"Mommy, do you wanna see the books we got at the fair?" Rachel asked.

"Sure, honey." Cuddy left House and Sharon in the kitchen as she took the girls into the living room.

Sharon stood at the island watching House cook. "You two seem to be getting along fine."

"Yeah, we are."

"You mind if I ask you a question?"

"Go for it."

"How long are you planning to stay here?"

"Another week or so, maybe longer if I can get away with it."

"What happens when you leave?"

"I don't know. Why do you want to know?"

"She seems…I don't know…so relaxed and happy, I've never seen her like that."

"There are those who would disagree that I had anything to do with that," he said sarcastically as he placed boiled lasagna noodles into a baking dish.

"You seem to be doing okay too."

"I get by."

"How's your leg? If you don't mind me asking."

"I don't mind you asking so long as you don't ask every five minutes. For the record I have my good days and bad days; today it's alright."

"Lisa says you're going to PT while you're here?"

"Yeah, her friend Burt got me in starting tomorrow."

"That's great. Are you talking to your therapist while you're here?"

"Damn woman, you know everything?"

She put her hands on her hips. "Lisa's my best friend. We do talk, you know."

"In that case, yeah I'm still talking to him."

"Good. I'm not trying to be nosey, it's just that continued therapy on a regular basis is a good thing. I worry about my own patients if they don't see me for awhile. It' so easy to fall back into familiar patterns."

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Not at all. You seem to be doing great. Just don't give up on your therapy. If it's working, and I hope it is, it'll really help you change your life for the better."

"I've never been a fan of therapy…but it's helped. I can't ask for more than that."

"Compare your life right now to where you were a year ago, six months ago, you've undoubtedly come a long way, wouldn't you say?"

"I have and I don't want to go backwards."

"Who does? But you have to remember House, we all take steps backwards occasionally, it just happens. What makes the difference is how we handle it. You've got to stop worrying about making mistakes and just live your life the best you can. Just deal with things as they happen, then move on. Dwelling on our mistakes or feeling guilty only makes us miserable."

"You sound like my shrink."

"Well, we do have something in common, don't we?"

"What's that?"

"We both want to see you make it."

"You hardly know me."

"I know you better than you think." She winked at him, and then left the room to find her friend and their daughters. Meanwhile House just stared after her. _That's one ballsy bitch, I like her_; he thought and went back to his food.

* * *

><p>Two hours later, after a dinner of meatless lasagna with tossed salad and baked garlic bread and House's secret recipe chocolate mousse for dessert, Sharon and Hannah had gone home and House, Cuddy and Rachel were sitting on the couch in front of the television. Cuddy was on her laptop answering email from work while House and Rachel were firmly engrossed in reruns of the Cosby Show.<p>

"Mommy, why is Theo's dad mad at him?"

"'Cause he got an earring, kid," said House.

"What's that?"

"An earring?" He said pointing at the hoops in Cuddy's ears. "See those hoops in your mom's ears."

"Those are for girls." Rachel said adamantly.

"Exactly."

"But Theo's not a girl."

"Well there's only two kind of people who wear earrings, girls and-"

"House!" Cuddy looked at him frustrated. "You're not helping."

"Well, real men don't wear earrings," he said.

"Yes they do," Cuddy countered.

"No they don't."

Cuddy gave House the evil eye, then looked at Rachel and said, "Honey, you _don't_ have to be a girl to wear an earring."

"But Hows doesn't wear one."

House sat there with his arms crossed and a satisfied smirk on his face. "Yeah, apparently your daughter knows a _real_ man when she sees one."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "No, he doesn't honey, but some men do."

"Why?"

"Well," Cuddy thought about how to answer the question. "Sometimes people do things other people might not do, just because they want to."

"Huh?"

"It's like…House…" Cuddy watched House roll his eyes at the mention of his name. "He does things other people don't do just because it's who he is."

"Really?"

"Yeah, people think he's unusual but really he's just being himself."

"So Theo wanted to be himself?"

House interrupted before Cuddy could answer that question. "Well, kinda. Except back then all the boys his age were getting earrings so really he was being like everybody else. Instead of being his own person and doing his own thing he just conformed to what every other kid his age was doing, which in the end, makes him just like everyone else." He smirked knowing he was annoying the hell out of Cuddy.

"I like you Hows, you're not like everyone else," Rachel said innocently, smiling up at him.

House looked at Cuddy and stuck his tongue out. "Thanks kid, I am my own man."

Cuddy sighed. "Oy vey."

"Mommy can I get a earring?"

"You're kind of young."

"How old were you _mom_?" House asked.

"House, that's not the point. Don't give her any ideas," she whispered to him.

"Oh so you had them but she can't?"

"For the record I was…_ten_."

"Okay so she can have them when she's ten," he said.

"Shut up House." Turning to Rachel, Cuddy said, "Honey, we'll wait till you're ten and see what happens then okay?"

A very thoughtful look appeared on Rachel's face which, it seemed to House, oddly bore a strong resemblance to her mother despite the non-biological connection. "Okay mommy."

Cuddy looked at her watch. "Time for bed. Say goodnight to House."

Rachel leaned over to House to hug him. House faked a look of disgust and held his fingers up in the sign of a cross. "You've got cooties."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Okay you guys. Say _goodnight._"

"Nite Hows."

"Nite Rugrat." The wink he gave Rachel did not go unnoticed by Cuddy.

Cuddy took Rachel's hand and led her down the hall. House leaned back into the couch and put his sock-clad feet up on the table and waited for Cuddy to return, which she did fifteen minutes later.

"She asleep?"

"Yeah she was tired. Amazing that since she started school, she gets tired so much earlier and goes to bed without a fuss. How about you? Ready to go to bed? She asked.

"In a bit."

"Okay." Cuddy turned and went back to her bedroom. She turned back to him. "Anything on your mind?"

"No more than the usual. Night, Cuddy."

"Night, House," she said as she padded down the hall into her bedroom and closed the door. She brushed her teeth, stripped down to her panties, slipped on a very sheer tank top and crawled under the covers. She looked over at the empty side of the bed, running her hand along the cold sheets. As she lay there, she wondered why House hadn't gone to bed with her as he had since he'd arrived. She figured he just wasn't tired yet or had things on his mind he had to sort out. Cuddy loved sleeping next to him, it made her feel safe but it was getting more difficult to keep her hands off of him. Though they'd discussed it and decided they needed to wait for the right time, being in the same bed didn't make it easier. She sighed out loud then slid her her right hand under her tank top and gently caressed one breast slowly, her eyes closed, imagining it was his hand caressing her. Realizing that nothing she could do for herself would equal the pleasure he could give her, she gave up, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Meanwhile, in the living room, House waited about an hour before he turned off the television. He checked the locks on the doors and then limped down the hall. First he checked on Rachel, who was sound asleep, then he checked on Cuddy. He opened her bedroom door gently and just stood there, taking in the sight. Moonlight streaked across the bed highlighting her brunette tresses sprayed across her pillow. Her covers were down at her waist and he could see she was wearing a tank top and a smile graced his lips as he noticed one of her hard nipples showing visibly through the thin fabric. He watched her chest move slowly up and down with the rhythm of her soft snores. He loved seeing her relaxed like that and knowing that he had something to do with it. He closed the door quietly and proceeded to the guest room. Closing the door behind him, he limped over to the bed and turned on the lamp before undressing down to his boxers and tee shirt. He sat down and rubbed his thigh a bit. While he knew it would hurt like hell, he was actually looking forward to physical therapy the following day. Besides, the pain of the exercise took his mind off the pain of the missing muscle. It wasn't Vicodin but for that he was glad. He never wanted to turn to Vicodin ever again. He turned out the lamp and lay in the dark, hands behind his head, waiting for sleep to come. He knew he'd sleep better next to Cuddy but it was hard as hell to resist her. They'd kissed and touched, but they hadn't taken it any further yet. While he yearned to throw caution to the wind and make love to her, he didn't rush it. They had to be sure who they were together and what they wanted because once they took that step and became one again, that would be it. He didn't think either one of them could take the pain that would come once again if they were not sure of what they wanted and needed. He rubbed his tired eyes as his mind ran amok with thoughts of her. He turned over on his side and closed his eyes, hoping sleep would come soon so those thoughts would continue in his dreams.

* * *

><p>Not long after House dozed off, he woke to a noise in the room next to him, which sounded like crying. Thinking something was wrong with Rachel; he leaped out of the bed and limped quickly to Rachel's room without his cane. He found her in there sitting up in her bed crying. Closing the door behind him, he made his way to her bed and sat at the foot of the bed.<p>

"Hey kid, what's wrong?" He asked.

"Bad dream," was all she could get out in between sobs.

"You know whatever it is can't hurt you right?"

"It was scary."

"Sure it was. Everyone has bad dreams."

"Even you?" She asked surprised.

"Sure."

"Are they scary?"

"Sometimes. But I always remember they're just make-believe and can't hurt me and you have to believe that too."

"Okay."

House got up from the bed ready to tuck her in again.

"Hows?"

"Yeah?"

"When you went away I dreamed about you."

"You didn't have bad dreams did you?"

"No. You're not scary."

"Good." He smiled.

"Are you going away again?"

"I might have to." He didn't want to think about going back to Princeton but he knew he had no choice.

Rachel's lip curled into a pout and she looked like she was going to cry.

"But I'll come back." He quickly added, sitting down again, this time right next to her.

"You will?" Her eyes lit up and she smiled.

"Of course I will. We're buddies right?"

"Yeah," she replied smiling as they bumped their fists together.

* * *

><p>Sometime during the night, Cuddy woke to go to the bathroom. She noticed the other side of the bed was still empty, and then looked at the clock, it was past two-thirty. After taking care of business, she headed for the living room expecting to find House asleep on the couch. Instead, she noticed he wasn't there. After checking the locks on the doors, she headed for the guest room. Peeking inside, she noticed the comforter and sheets were disturbed and his clothes lay rumpled on the floor. The only other place he could be was Rachel's room and as she opened the door quietly, her eyes began to tear at the sight before her There was House lying peacefully in the double recliner, the one Cuddy often sat in with her daughter just before bedtime. House wasn't alone in the chair, for next to him, tucked under the afghan, was her small sleeping child. House had his arm wrapped protectively around Rachel and she leaned against him in her sleep. Cuddy smiled. She hadn't wanted to wake them, but in closing the door, it creaked and House woke immediately.<p>

"Cuddy?" he asked softly.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," she whispered.

"She had a bad dream." He said, motioning with his hand for her to approach him. "Take her for me will ya?" Cuddy gently took Rachel from him and laid her in her bed and covered her. She kissed her little girl on the forehead and helped House out of the chair. Quietly they left the room and closed the door.

In the hallway, House said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep in there."

"House, why would you be sorry? I appreciate that you could be there for her. Are you going back to bed?" She asked.

"Not yet. Since I'm up, I'll get something to drink. You?"

"I am kinda thirsty," she said as she followed him into the kitchen. After heating up warm milk with honey the two sat at the breakfast nook, neither saying much of anything. Finally Cuddy broke the silence.

"Why didn't you want to sleep in my bed?"

House ran his finger around the top of his mug. "I...just thought it would be better if maybe I slept in the spare room."

"Is it because of what we talked about?"

House nodded.

"I understand."

With his head still facing down towards the table, he lifted his eyes to her. "You missed me?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"What kind of answer is that? Kinda?"

"Well I did miss you but I didn't miss you sucking all the warmth from me." She chuckled.

"Yes, you know I'm actually well known for that."

"You don't have to sleep in the guest room."

"Don't you think it's safer?"

"You afraid you can't keep your hands to yourself?"

"It's not _my_ hands I'm worried about."

"Trust me, I think I can control myself. Come on, we have to get up early tomorrow." She got up from her chair.

"Lead on mistress," he said as he got up from his chair and she took his hand and led him down the hallway into the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Around ten o'clock the next morning, while Cuddy was in her checkup with Burt Kelly, House was neck deep in physical therapy. Burt had arranged for him to work with one of the older and more seasoned therapists, Renee Cohen, Doctor of Physical Therapy. Cuddy had filled Burt in on House's leg and explained to the older doctor how sensitive House was about physical therapy, that he required a different approach. Burt passed that information as well as the history of House's injury, to Dr. Cohen.<p>

"Fuck!" House shouted after completing the first round of wall slides. It was difficult enough for someone with a fully functional thigh muscle but for someone missing a large portion of it, it was especially painful.

"Come on House, you can do this." Renee yelled at him.

"What have I ever done to you?"

"Nothing. I don't even know you but I know all _about_ you."

House just glared at her.

"Dr. Kelly told me all about you; you're some kind of genius and a real pain in the ass. Now do it."

"I don't like you already."

"I'm not here to be your friend."

"Why _are_ you here?"

"Because Dr. Kelly is a friend, a good friend, and he thought I would be the one person who could handle you. You're lucky I've got time for you in my busy schedule. You're not even a patient of mine, hell you don't even live here, but as a favor to Burt, I agreed to help you while you're in town. Now quit talking and move your ass. Straight leg raises this time." Renee patted the table and House grudgingly climbed on it.

In an effort to keep his mind off the pain, Renee talked to him while doing her exercises. "So, you really a genius?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't like to brag." He grunted.

"Really? Because you remind me of the kind of guy who would want everyone to know it." She snarked.

"You keep up the bad attitude and I'm going to want to marry you."

"Don't get your hopes up, I swing the other way."

"You don't say?" House asked, thoroughly amused at her ability to keep up with his banter.

"Yeah, I do. Now raise that leg and I don't wanna hear a peep out of you."

"Nazi."

"Ass."

_She's alright_, House thought to himself as he continued his grueling workout.

After about an hour of intense therapy and another hour of rather frank discussion about House's injury, his past and current attempts at rehab for his leg, the two wrapped up their first visit.

"How long are you going to be in town?"

"Just another week, maybe two, I've got plenty of vacation time. I suppose I'll be here till my boss misses my handsome and charming personality so much he wants me back."

"You plan to keep up with your regular workout schedule? Weights? Swimming?"

"It works, I need to fit it in. I missed some time recently, I can feel it. I have to keep at it."

"Good for you. I like the attitude." She made some notations in a file. "House, I gotta hand it to ya, you're one tough son of a bitch. Not a lot of people could keep fighting like you are."

"I just do what I have to do."

"Sure you do. Listen, my guess is your job is very stressful, you know, being a genius and all." She smirked at him. "I'm also guessing that there are days that the pain is so intense you want to end it all." She noticed House just looked up at her with a shocked expression. In a soft voice she said, "I don't pity, but I do believe in helping someone who wants it and needs it. You obviously need it, now if you want it, I'll do what I can even though I'm not your regular doc."

"Thanks."

"That damn muscle is always going to hurt but as you now know, there are ways of managing it without Vicodin."

"I don't want to go there again."

"Good, because pills aren't the answer. Eventually they would've killed you. You would have had to take more pills than your body could handle in order to reduce the pain to a reasonable level."

"They almost did kill me," he said almost in a whisper but he knew she heard him from the look of understanding on her face. Suddenly the door opened and they both turned and watched as Cuddy entered the room.

"Dr. Cuddy so nice to see you," Renee extended her hand to Cuddy.

"Dr. Cohen," she said accepting the therapist's hand. "I hope he wasn't hard to handle."

"Nope, he was a real angel." Renee winked at House.

"See, she's already trying to pick me up."

"Why don't you come in tomorrow? Anytime is fine, I'll set you up on the machines for some strength training and then you can get in a good swim. That sound good?" She asked.

"Wouldn't miss it," he replied. House and Cuddy bid Renee farewell and decided to have lunch in the cafeteria. They made a stop at her office so she could grab her purse which she'd left there when she'd decided to do some work after her checkup with Burt. On their way to the cafeteria, Cuddy's phone rang.

"Lisa Cuddy."

House listened to one side of the very short conversation. A look of surprise was etched on Cuddy's face as she listened to the person on the other end.

"Okay, we'll be there in ten minutes," she said.

"What's that all about?" House asked when she hung up.

"I have no idea but we're taking a detour. The Chief of Medicine wants to talk to you...or rather..._us."_

* * *

><p>Hmm...whatever could be going on here?<p>

That's all she wrote. Until next week...thanks for hanging in there.

Jess


	58. Chapter 58

**A/N:** Here we go folks. Been toying with the idea in this chapter since the very beginning. Thanks to the awesome Grateful Insomniac who helped me work this idea out in my head some time ago. Also thanks to the_** "Usual Suspects"** _for all their help and inspiration!

Also, I made a few changes to the last chapter in regards to the title of Dean, which has been changed to Chief of Medicine_. _ Harvard Medical School has a Dean of the College of Medicine but he is not Dean of the Hospital. Mass General is under the leadership of the President, Chairman/CEO and Corporation Officers. Under them is the Chairman of the Chiefs Council followed by the Physician-in-Chief/Chief of Medical Services. The PIC leads all of the Department Heads, 11 departments and over 700 physicians. Just a bit of background for you to help with this chapter.

Thank you for all the comments, there have been so many, and I appreciate all of them!

LOTS of House-Cuddy fics! Find them here at fanfiction dot net/tv/House_M_D/10/0/1/1/0/2729/2730/0/0/1/

In this chapter, it's Tuesday :)

* * *

><p><em>House and Cuddy bid Renee farewell and decided to have lunch in the cafeteria. They made a stop at her office so she could grab her purse which she'd left there when she'd decided to do some work after her checkup with Burt. On their way to the cafeteria, Cuddy's phone rang.<em>

_"Lisa Cuddy."_

_House listened to one side of the very short conversation. A look of surprise was etched on Cuddy's face as she listened to the person on the other end._

_"Okay, we'll be there in ten minutes," she said._

_"What's that all about?" House asked when she hung up._

_"I have no idea but we're taking a detour. The Chief of Medicine wants to talk to you...or rather...us."_

* * *

><p>House and Cuddy entered the outer office of Dr. Nancy Baker, Chief of Medicine. As Dr. Baker's assistant left them alone for a moment, Cuddy looked about the large well-furnished reception area. Dr. Baker, or Nancy as Cuddy called her, had been one of the individuals who interviewed her when she first applied to the hospital and the one to offer her the position. She'd found that Dr. Baker genuinely respected her work as Dean of Princeton-Plainsboro and they found they had mutual friends, including Cuddy's beloved favorite Professor Lamm at the University of Michigan. The two women became friendly almost immediately and through their talks Cuddy had learned Nancy and her husband married when they were both undergraduates and began a family shortly before she started medical school and he began his PhD studies. She had told Cuddy of her struggles as a wife, mother and medical student and Cuddy was amazed that through it all, the couple had stayed happily married. Cuddy liked and respected her colleague, for not only was she a very good doctor with a wonderful bedside manner but she was also a pioneer for women in the medical community.<p>

"Lisa, it's so good to see you." Nancy Baker greeted Cuddy with a genuine smile as she walked out of her office into the reception area. Cuddy accepted the warm hug offered to her by the pretty, petite woman in her sixties. "Burt told me about your accident, are you alright?" Cuddy nodded her head and smiled.

"Dr. House, it is an honor to meet you again." Nancy extended her hand to him. He nodded and took it, taking note of her firm grasp, obviously a woman in control, something he respected. "I bet right now you're wondering where we met aren't you?" She asked.

House watched the older woman curiously as she led them into her comfortable office decorated in warm earth tones. She gestured to them to have a seat on the couch as she took a seat in the chair across from them. "I'm quite the fan Dr. House. We met at a conference in New York a few years back. You were giving a lecture on errors in diagnostic medicine and if I recall correctly, you filled the ballroom to standing room only."

Cuddy looked at House. "I remember that conference, you kept complaining you didn't want to go. You didn't tell me you packed the house."

"What can I say? I'm humble."

Nancy chuckled. "Humble is not the word I'd use to describe you but yours are by far among the most fascinating lectures I've ever attended and I have attended more than my share. I've always found yours to be very insightful and loaded with witty repertoire." She smirked and leaned back comfortably in her chair.

"Lectures? You've attended more than one?"

"Like I said, I'm a fan."

House stored that information away for later consideration.

"So, you're obviously wondering why I've asked you here today."

Both of them nodded.

"Dr. House…" She paused to look at him. "Your reputation as a pioneer in the field of diagnostic medicine is unmatched by anyone in any hospital in this country or around the world for that matter. You have unorthodox methods of getting things done...but you save lives. The lengths you are willing to go to in order to save a patient's life are…well, they are extraordinary. While I don't necessarily agree with all of your methods, your process simply fascinates me."

"Thank you," House said. The look of surprise he received from Cuddy did not go unnoticed.

"To cut to the chase, Dr. House, would you be interested in teaching a class in Diagnostics?"

"Here?" House was completely taken by surprise, he was not expecting that.

"Yes."

"Why me?"

"You're the best and frankly if Lisa didn't have such a tight hold when she was Dean at Princeton, we would have tried to snag you from there years ago."

Cuddy looked surprised. "Why didn't you try?"

Nancy laughed softly. "Would you have let him go?"

"You have a point," she said. "If you don't mind me asking Nancy, this is about House. Why am I here?"

"You two have a very long and... shall we say...complicated history together. Knowing that he was here...with you, I didn't think I should ask him without you being a part of this."

House looked at Cuddy then down at his hands holding the cane in his lap. He knew he had to tell the truth. "Look, I appreciate your offer but there are some things you should know-"

"I already know."

"What?" Cuddy asked curiously.

"You're both well known in the medical community for your work in your respective fields, it's hard to keep something like what happened...to you..." she paused momentarily for the right words, "...a secret." She watched Cuddy shift uncomfortably in her seat while House got up out of his seat and walked over to the window, twirling his cane while looking out onto the grounds of the hospital's campus.

"Lisa, I didn't say anything when you were hired because it wasn't my place. You are a top notch physician, lecturer and administrator and you came to us with nothing but the most outstanding recommendations."

"But if you knew, why did you let me consult?" House asked, never turning around. "You should want me as far from here as possible."

"You're the best at what you do."

"But _that_ doesn't answer my question," he said, finally facing her.

Nancy sighed. She knew this wouldn't be easy, even she was uncomfortable discussing what happened with them but she had a feeling it would come up in conversation. "When I heard of Lisa's accident, I talked to Burt since he was her attending. He said she was going to be alright, that the injuries beyond the concussion were minor. He said she'd need a couple of weeks off and that she had someone taking care of her. That's when he told me it was _you_. I won't lie and say I wasn't shocked at first. Both Burt and Sharon told me, without divulging anything too personal, that things between you two were in a sense...good. Not long after, Burt was in the ER when the little girl with Brucellosis was brought in. He talked with Dr. Tunkle and they thought since you were headed back here, you might be able to help on the case. They approached me and well...it was a case of good timing I suppose."

House watched her thoughtfully, listening but not saying a word.

"So yes, I needed to know your state of mind before I agreed to allow you to consult in this hospital and it helped that you had two people...or rather three..." she smiled at Cuddy and then turned back to House, "who would vouch for you." She again turned to Cuddy, "Lisa, I didn't mean for this conversation to get so personal and I promise you anything we say here will not leave this office. I just felt I owed it to you to be honest."

"I appreciate that."

"Once you start digging into my past-" House started.

"Oh, but I have," Nancy replied.

"Damn, you work fast."

"I usually do when I want something. I've made some phone calls, sent a few emails and got the answers I needed. You, Dr. House," she said leaning forward in her chair, hands clasped over her knees, eyeing him confidently, "have more friends than you realize."

House and Cuddy just looked at each other, then back at Nancy who watched them intently.

"You made a mistake and you paid the price. Do I like what you did? Of course not but it's not my place to judge why you did what you did, nor is it my place to judge Lisa's reasons for accepting you into her life again, which obviously she has. Let me just say I believe in second chances."

"It can't be _that_ simple, it never is." House said, shaking his head adamantly while leaning on his cane.

"Oh, but it is." Nancy sighed. "I'd like to share something with you, it's personal but it will help explain my thoughts about this matter. Do you mind?"

"No, please go ahead," Cuddy replied.

"I have three grown sons. My husband and I raised them the best we could. Our middle son was quite a rebel growing up and no matter what we did or how hard we tried to reign him in, to help him get on track, he wanted to do his own thing. When he was twenty-one he robbed a convenience store at gunpoint and shot the clerk, who thank God, survived the ordeal and recovered completely. Joey was caught, convicted and sentenced to prison for seven years. When he first got out, it was hard on him because most of his friends had moved on and no one would hire him with his record. The only people he could depend on were his family and the few true friends he'd known most of his life. My son thought we hated him but that just wasn't true, it could never be true. We hated what he did but we still loved _him_. I know my son and he is _not_ a bad person, but he did a terrible thing and he had to face the consequences. Joey is thirty-three now and he's doing well. It's been tough at times but he doesn't let it get him down."

"Oh, Nancy, I had no idea," Cuddy said, her eyes tearing up after hearing the heartbreaking story. She looked at House who had been listening to Nancy's story, absorbing the meaning behind it. Cuddy thought of House and how she knew he wasn't a bad person but had just gone over the edge due to his inability to deal with his physical and emotional pain.

"It's not something I'm proud of Lisa, but not because of _him_, but because of _us_. My husband and I always thought if only we'd done better things would've been different but ironically it was our son, Joey, who made us realize that sometimes what you do is the best you know how to do...at the time." Nancy sighed and looked directly at House. "So you see Dr. House, if I believe in someone, I _will_ fight like hell for them. Do you understand?"

"I think I do."

"You have a gift. I've read your journal articles, listened to your lectures, seen your work. I trust the judgment of the people who have worked with you and the opinions of Drs. Kelly and Carr. I _also_ trust Lisa's judgment." At this point, Nancy got up from her chair and walked over to the big picture window in her office to face him, in an effort to convince him of her sincerity. "I am confident Lisa would not have let you near her or her daughter, much less let you step one foot in this hospital, if she didn't trust you."

Cuddy looked at House, watching him absorb Nancy's words.

"Who came up with the idea of a diagnostics lecture?" House asked.

"This past weekend we had a fundraiser for the new wing of the pediatric unit. Dr. Tunkle was discussing your case with one of the benefactors, who promptly approached our hospital's President and asked why we did not have a diagnostics department."

House raised an eyebrow. "Most hospitals don't."

"Exactly. I told him that very thing. I explained that Dr. Cuddy had created that department specifically for you."

"So now he wants one too?"

"Yes, he does. But...that may be some time in the future. That's when we came up with the idea about the lecture. Our benefactor has offered a very substantial grant to cover the costs."

"I hate lecturing."

"So I've heard. Dr. House, it's your call but I think you would be happy with the compensation. We would appoint you courtesy faculty, pay you a stipend I think you will be happy with plus _all_ transportation and lodging costs and cover the cost of any materials you might need. We would also give you office space."

"Seriously?"

"He is a _very_ generous benefactor."

"I've got to talk to my boss."

"Actually, I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty—"

"You spoke to Foreman?"

"I did, this morning. I know people above him but going through proper channels is important to me so I called him directly. A bit presumptive perhaps, but I didn't want to make this seem so promising to you if I didn't know he'd be willing to work with us. I also told him I had not talked to you yet as I did not want him thinking you were looking for work elsewhere."

"I can only imagine his response."

"Would it shock you if I said he thought it was a good idea?"

"Seriously?"

"Dr. Foreman said his ten years working for you were extremely aggravating...but that he had no better teacher in all his years in the field of medicine."

House sat back with a grin. "He said that?"

"He did...along with 'House is an ass'."

"Of course." Cuddy laughed.

"I know you don't like teaching but in your own…unusual way, you _are_ a good teacher. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't something in it for me and this hospital to have the best diagnostician in the world lecturing to our students."

"What about your Board?"

"Not a problem, I've already discussed it with most of them." She noticed again a look of surprise on House's face. She laughed and said, "Seriously, get used to it. This is just how I work."

"Nancy, given House's past…I can't imagine they'd want him to step foot in this hospital," said Cuddy.

"Well, the Board _is_ concerned he would be a liability. Most of them know his reputation, both the good _and_ the bad." She frowned slightly at House. "Fortunately there are people in and outside of Princeton who are willing to vouch that he has indeed changed." She looked House right in the eye. "The question is..._have you?_"

House took a seat next to Cuddy once again, sitting thoughtful for a moment, tapping his fingers on the top of his cane. Finally, he said, "Look, my belief has always been that _people don't change_. For years, I tried it and it didn't work but after that last..." He stopped himself to gather his thoughts, wanting to say what was on his mind though it was difficult. "After what happened, I had to do _something_." Looking at Cuddy and then down at the floor, he continued, "I regret what I did every single day but I am not the person I was back then...at least not in _that_ way. A lot of things about me won't change, I'm still going to be an ass…but the self-destructive..." He sighed and looked up, hoping they understood what he was saying. Cuddy smiled, he knew that she did and when he looked at Nancy, he didn't see judgment or pity, he saw genuine understanding and for some reason it made him want to continue his train of thought. "No, I am _not_ that person anymore. I've found better ways to deal with...my pain."

"I appreciate your honesty," Nancy said to him.

"Nancy, this is all a bit sudden, can he take some time to digest it and think about it?"

"Absolutely. Don't feel rushed. I'm sorry if I seemed intrusive in regards to your personal lives but I don't think there was any way to avoid the issue."

"We understand," Cuddy nodded.

"One more thing House. If you decide to do this, I have one favor. I'm just asking you to..._behave_. I don't expect you to wear a suit and tie or be overly cordial, but I do expect you to be in the lecture hall on time, hold office hours, and try not to alienate the faculty and staff in this hospital. Can you do that?"

"I'll try."

"I guess that's all I can ask then. I really do appreciate you coming by on such short notice. Please let me know if you have any questions."

Cuddy and House got up to leave. Nancy gave Cuddy another friendly hug and said, "I'm so glad you are alright Lisa, please take care of yourself and when you get back to work let's do lunch."

"You can count on it and thanks…you know…for _everything_."

"Don't mention it. I hope things work out," she said giving Cuddy a knowing wink.

"Dr. House," she said walking over to him as he opened the door for Cuddy. She extended her hand to him once again. "Thank you for coming by and I hope you'll give our offer some serious thought." House took her hand once again noting the firm handshake. He liked her, she was a woman in control, who knows what she wants and how to get it.

"I will, thanks," he said genuinely and then he followed Cuddy out the door.

They didn't speak as they walked out of Nancy's office and into the main corridor of the hospital. Both were still a bit overwhelmed about the recent conversation. House turned to her, "Wanna buy me lunch?"

"Sure."

They walked into the cafeteria and House noticed out of the corner of his eye, a few of the nurses glancing Cuddy's way smiling at her. As they got their food and made their way to a table, a couple even stopped her to offer her a hug or a pat on the arm wishing her well. She made her way to the table and sat with him.

"Looks like you've got a lot of friends."

She shrugged. "I've gotten to know some people since I started here but I really haven't made any friends, I mean other than Sharon and Burt and a few people I talk to regularly, I've pretty much kept to myself."

"Must be all those low cut blouses," he said with a smirk.

"Oh shut up," she said smacking him on the arm with her tray. "I just come in and do my job and go home. Not like the old days."

"You did a damn good job running that place. I should have told you that."

Cuddy stopped in front of him, turned and said, "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"So...what do you want to do?" She asked as they took a seat in a booth in the corner.

"Right now eat, later..."

"No, I mean about Nancy's offer."

"I don't know."

"Once a week isn't so bad and they're offering a pretty good deal."

"It's not about the money."

"I know that. You hate schedules and you hate lecturing. You don't like structure."

"How well you know me."

"You've been that way for as long as I've known you. That will never change. The thing is you don't have to take this if you don't want to. It's _your_ choice. You still have a job."

"Yep."

"So...what are you thinking?"

"It's just...I keep thinking about what happens when I go home. You're here, I'm there."

"Yeah. I know."

"I keep thinking about how this can work...me and you...getting to know each other again and this distance."

"It's not that far."

"You say that now."

"House, there's telephone and email and you can visit us."

"Do you ever wish you could go back to Princeton?" He asked out of the blue.

Cuddy was taken by surprise by his question. She had often thought about it. "I've thought about it, I mean it was my home for so long. Rachel was born there, so many...things happened there. I do miss it. But I don't think I could ever be Dean there again, I don't think I would have the same trust and confidence of the Board or the doctors that I once had."

"I'm sorry," he said.

Cuddy was moved by the genuine sincerity of his tone. She put her hand over his. "I know you are. Believe it or not, the more time passes, the more the bad memories fade and just the good ones are left."

"You have a lot of good memories there?"

"Actually, I do."

"I made your life a living hell."

She looked at him and she knew he wanted truth. "Yeah you did but not all the time. I think I knew that weren't doing it because you didn't like me, or because you wanted to hurt me."

"Still, I hurt you..."

"Yeah, you did. But listen, we hurt each other. Before you start beating yourself up for things you did to me, remember I hurt you too." She looked down shamefully. "Remember when I set that trip wire? And when you were in pain and I gave you a saline injection instead of morphine. That was wrong."

"I deserved it."

"No!" She looked around at the few people near them who heard her exclamation. Speaking in softer tones, she said, "No, do not justify what I did. You did not deserve to be hurt like that. You were in pain and you were miserable and lashing out. No matter how much you may have hurt me, I was wrong to lash out and hurt you physically like I did. I was wrong and I am so sorry," she said, her hand on his, her eyes pleading with him to understand and accept her apology.

"I know Cuddy. Apology accepted." He relaxed when she smiled at him. It was that smile of hers that lit up the entire room. Through a mouthful of fries, he said, "Cuddy, you know what it means if I take this, right?"

"We'll get to see each other more often."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I like it."

"Are you telling me you had no idea this was coming?"

"None whatsoever."

"The drive is going to suck."

"How about the train?"

"It'll take at least five hours."

"You could fly."

"I could. Nonstop flight from Philly to Boston takes just over an hour."

"How do you know?"

"I was checking it out some time ago."

"Really?" She smiled at him again.

"Yeah."

"Geez, you'd have to fly once a week. How would that mess with your schedule?"

"I could ask for a lecture on Friday afternoons, leave Princeton Friday morning, stay the weekend and fly back Sunday or Monday."

"But then you'd have to drive back to Philly on Tuesdays to see Nolan."

"Yeah, plus my therapy session."

"You could ask for a Wednesday morning lecture. That means you could do PT on Tuesday mornings, see Nolan and then fly out and return to Princeton on Thursday afternoon. If PT affects your driving you could always do it when you get here."

"That might work except I'd rather spend the weekends with you. I think I'll change my sessions with Nolan to Thursday evenings, fly out after then do an early Friday lecture and go back home Sunday."

"That sounds good. Flying won't bother your leg?"

"Are you kidding? I'm flying first class baby!" He exclaimed taking a disgustingly huge bite out of his burger. He nearly spit it out laughing when Cuddy rolled her eyes at him. "What? They're paying for it. I'm gonna fly in luxury. Free drinks, plenty of leg room and flight attendants with legs up to-"

"House!"

"Jealous much?" He asked, winking at her.

She leaned back in the booth and shook her head. "I can't believe Princeton agreed to this."

"My guess is your girl Baker made it worth their while. She's smart."

"That she is. I had no idea about her son, that's some story. I still can't believe that she is so understanding about what happened? I mean as a woman, you'd think she'd want to throw you out of this place on your head."

"So how do you feel about this?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you."

"I'm happy for you. This is a chance to lecture to some of the best and brightest med students in the country at one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country. House, you're brilliant, you're so good at what you do, I want good things to be associated with that name."

He just looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh come on. You don't have to make people cringe at the name House _forever_ do you?"

"It's my mission in life," he said, snatching the last fry off her plate.

She looked at him. There was a sparkle in his eye and the color of his eyes...they were that incredible shade of blue that came when he was...happy. Suddenly she got an idea.

"We should celebrate."

"We are. You bought me lunch."

"No, I mean we should _do_ something."

"Oh really? And what do you have in mind?"

"I have no idea but we can make it up as we go along."

House looked at his watch. He realized he'd forgotten to call Nolan. "Shit, I was going to call Nolan today. I guess I can do it tomorrow."

"No, do it today! Keep the schedule House."

House just looked at her as it sounded more like a demand than a suggestion.

"I'm sorry, it's just that...well, you've gotten yourself into a routine and I'm afraid if you break it..."

"Say no more Cuddy I get it."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. Let's surprise Rachel and pick her up from school then head home. I'll call Nolan when we get there."

Cuddy smiled as they got up from the booth to return their trays. As they made their way out of the side entrance of the hospital, side by side, House stepped down off the curb and his right leg faltered a bit, nearly sending him tumbling.

"House! Are you alright?" She asked as she caught him so he wouldn't fall.

With his weight resting on her, he blurted out, "Yeah I'm fine," and attempted to regain his balance. "PT kicked my ass. I'll rest it tonight."

"Here, lean on me."

"No. I've got it," House growled. He was in pain and clearly did not want help.

Cuddy sighed, noticing the tone of his voice had changed; it was that tone he used when he was irritated and didn't want anyone to help him. As they made their way to the car, she noticed his limp was more pronounced and the grimace on his face spoke volumes regarding his level of pain. As much progress as they'd made, she knew it was still hard for him to accept that an offer of help or a note of concern wasn't merely out of a sense of guilty or pity. Cuddy wanted to reassure him but she knew that he would need to come around on his own, though she vowed silently to be there to support him all the way. She just hope he understood and accepted that.

Cuddy watched House climb into the passenger side of the car, a signal to her that his leg hurt too much for him to drive. Understanding but not saying a word, she slid into the driver's seat and looked over at him. His eyes were shut and his head leaned back against the headrest. She wanted to put her hand on his left knee, to let him know she was there with him but instead she just started the car and headed over to pick Rachel up from school.

* * *

><p>So, what did you think? Surprised at the recent turn of events? I figured given House and Cuddy's reputations, there was no way you could keep something like what happened with the crash, a secret in the medical community.<p>

Also, don't forget that House's pain is real and they have to deal with that...


	59. Chapter 59

**A/N:** House is in pain. You had to know this would happen. Thanks to Veronique for expertise in the field of medicine. As always, she's a great help in this area! Also thanks to the many readers of this story and to the folks updating ongoing fics and writing new ones. Trust me, your work does not go unappreciated.

Also, I just re-read some older one-shots from a few years ago. There are some incredible stories out there. Go do some searching and give them a chance will ya? Don't forget to leave reviews on the stories you read even if they are older, believe me, authors still enjoy getting reviews years later!

Anyway, here we go, another chapter in the House/Cuddy saga. Thank you for hanging in there with me. I really do appreciate your patience and comments.

Tuesday evening...

* * *

><p>It was early evening and House, Cuddy and Rachel were sitting at the dining room table. Rachel was going on about her day in-between bites and Cuddy was trying to smile and listen but her thoughts were on House, who had been mostly silent since they'd arrived home. She knew from his more pronounced limp, the furrow of his brows that he was suffering a bout of extreme pain but she didn't want to push him to talk about it.<p>

"Aren't you hungry?" She asked as she watched him pick at his food. House always had a healthy appetite so not eating was another clear indicator something was wrong.

He put his fork down and said quietly, "I'm going out for awhile." He got up and limped into the living room, leaning heavily on his cane.

Cuddy started to respond but stopped herself. She wanted him to open up, knowing there was a reason he couldn't share this level of pain with her but she was hesitant to push him knowing he was brooding heavily. If he wanted time alone she would give it to him.

"Hows, where ya goin'?" Rachel asked her eyes wide.

"Out, kiddo."

"Can I come too?"

"Not this time," he said before closing the door behind him. Cuddy watched from the window as his car turned the corner and was out of sight. She sighed deeply and started clearing the table.

"Is he mad?" Rachel asked quietly.

"What on earth would make you say that?"

"He didn't say much." Rachel seemed unhappy.

"Oh baby, he's just sad because he's in a lot of pain. His leg hurts."

"I wish we could make it better. I don't like it when he's sad."

"I know Rach; I wish I could do something too."

"I just don't want him to go away again."

Cuddy looked at her daughter, then picked her up out of the chair and hugged her. "I don't want him to go either but you know what? I bet that if we tell him how much we like having him around, he won't want to leave. What do you think?"

"I'm gonna draw him a picture. Do you think he would like that?" She asked, excitedly, trying to wriggle out of her mother's arms.

"I think he would." Cuddy put Rachel down and smiled watching her little girl dance around in circles around the kitchen. She started clearing the table and then she heard her daughter call her again.

"Mommy, can we go outside on the swing?"

"It's going to be dark soon."

"Pleeeeeease?" Rachel looked so adorable at the moment and Cuddy couldn't resist. She looked down at the dishes in her hands and for once resisted the urge to control the moment and do what she felt she _had _to do instead of what she _wanted_ to do. Right now, she wanted to spend some quality time with Rachel. She set the dirty dishes on the table, took her daughter's hand and led her out the back door.

* * *

><p>House sat on the bench looking out at the water. With great force he pressed his palm into his right thigh kneading it roughly. He had driven around as long as he could until the searing pain was too much for him. He found the park by the waterfront and opted to stop there, hoping the pain would subside enough to drive home. He hated walking out on Cuddy and Rachel but he feared his pain would cause him to lash out at them. He was in pain every day but it was on a lesser scale and more manageable than in the past thanks to the physical therapy and the patch. However, every now and then he experienced a bout of breakthrough pain that sometimes brought him to his knees. He was inactive it most often it happened when he overworked his leg in exercising or in therapy. His doctors couldn't pinpoint the exact cause, attributing it to a combination of phantom pain and neuropathic causes, exacerbated by muscle cramping.<p>

House leaned forward, his chin rested upon his hands which gripped his cane tightly. He wanted to talk to Cuddy and let her in but it was still hard at times to break old habits. It wasn't that he didn't trust her; rather, he worried about her guilt. Even though he'd forgiven her and she said she would let go of the guilt, it was easier said than done. He remembered all the times he lashed out at Cuddy when he was in pain. For years he made his pain hers and he saw how it devastated her. He didn't want to subject her to that again. He also worried that seeing the intensity of his pain might cause her to worry that he might relapse. He wished he could tell her that sometimes when the worst pain hit, he craved the Vicodin, its ability to numb him and make him feel nothing at all but he dared not because he feared her reaction. He also knew that if he didn't talk to her he risked undoing all the good they had achieved over the last few weeks.

As he watched lights of the city twinkle along the shore, his phone rang. Checking the caller ID he saw it was Nolan.

"House."

"I'd hoped to hear from you. What's going on?"

"My leg hurts."

"More than usual?"

"I did PT today, just overworked it. It always hurts after PT."

"You once said the pain from PT is still not as bad as the pain you endured without it, is that true?"

"Yeah."

"Have you taken anything for it?"

"Just the patch and I want to keep it that way."

"Good for you, but you do have options if it gets really bad."

"I know."

"Have you talked to Cuddy about it?"

"We've talked about my leg, the pain...but not this…this is the first time it's been this bad since I've been here."

"Are you going to let her in?"

"I wanted to…but I just couldn't, so I left."

"You left?"

"We were eating dinner and I knew she wanted to talk. I needed some time alone."

"So, instead of letting her be there for you, you just walked away."

"Yeah."

"Where are you now?"

"At a park on the waterfront somewhere."

"You've dealt with the pain alone for years and it didn't get you anywhere. Sharing your pain really does make a difference, especially with someone you trust."

"I'm sharing it with you."

"Yes and that's _good_ but you need to share it with the people you care about too…the people closest to you. You've always felt the need to hide it because you were afraid to trust and you thought showing your emotions made you weak. Greg, it takes a tremendous amount of strength to share your pain. Let the people who love you go through it with you."

"How do I make Cuddy realize it's not her fault? I forgave her a long time ago and even though she says she's okay I know she still feels guilty."

"Guilt is a tough thing to overcome. Saying you let it go and actually doing it are two very different things. How about you start letting her really be there for you? Have you ever considered that pushing her away hurts her feelings and perpetuates the guilt?"

"Shit. When I left tonight, she didn't even try to stop me."

"She of all people, knows how sensitive you are. She likely didn't want to push you and thought it better that you work things out on your own. But you know that no relationship can be one-sided. You have to share your pain Greg. Go back home and tell her how hard it is for you to be honest but that you will take it one day at a time. That's all you can do. If you try one day at a time, it'll get easier, I promise."

"Easier said than done."

"If anyone can do it, you can."

"Now that's just cheesy." House was ready to end the conversation but remembered one more thing he wanted to tell his therapist. "Listen there's something else you should know."

"What's that?"

"Cuddy's Chief of Medicine called us in for a meeting today. They want me to do a diagnostics lecture once a week.'

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How much have you told them about what happened?"

"The Chief of Medicine knows everything. She has connections."

"And they still want you?"

"I told them I was working on ways to deal with my pain. That's the only promise I can make."

"You've come a long way."

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like it."

"Don't underestimate yourself. You've worked so hard on the things about yourself you really want to change and I know it has not been easy for you."

"It wasn't hard when the decision comes down to live or die."

"True. So, what are you going to do? About the offer?"

"If I can work out the logistics, it might be worth it."

"What does Cuddy think?"

"She seems to be for it. Though after I just walked out tonight, who knows if she'd still want me around?"

"Somehow I doubt this time she'll give up on you that easily."

House shrugged to himself but said nothing.

"Listen, when you feel like giving up, remember what your life was like before. Remember that when the Vicodin wore off, you were right back where you started. You say people don't change, they can't change, but you have, in subtle ways and its okay to acknowledge that and to be proud of it."

"Geez, you always have something prophetic to say, don't you?" He asked sarcastically.

"That's why you pay me an exorbitant amount of money, right?" Nolan chuckled.

"Yeah." House laughed and bid Nolan goodbye, then hung up. He stared out at the water and the stars now twinkling in the twilight sky. Leaning back on the bench, he closed his eyes and thought about what Nolan said, how he had changed in subtle ways and how it was okay to acknowledge it. The thought of change made him cringe but he had to admit that his life was better now than it was before. Being off Vicodin left him clear-headed and in control. Being with Cuddy...made him feel safe and..._happy_. He smiled at that thought. _Happy._ He didn't do that word but he couldn't deny that being with her and with Rachel made him feel whole again. With them it didn't feel like something was missing. He didn't want to screw things up but he was also tired of worrying about that. He'd spent enough time in their previous relationship worrying about screwing up. _So much goddamn wasted time_, he thought.

Suddenly, a strong burst of arctic air descended upon the waterfront, and it felt as if the temperature dropped dramatically in a matter of seconds. Through his leather jacket, House felt the chill penetrate down to his bones and it made him shiver. He sat up straight, looked around and realized how cold, lonely and desolate it was around him. The sky was gray and darkening and there were no other people around. It was eerily quiet save for the sounds of the traffic in the distance, and the waves lapping against the sea wall. It was a great place for someone who wanted to be alone and think but he suddenly realized he really didn't want to be alone. He'd spent far too much time alone thinking. Sure he liked occasional solace but right now there was someplace he'd much rather be, someplace warmer and more pleasant, where he felt...less lonely. He let out a loud grunt as rose from the bench and limped over to his car. _Yeah_, he thought, _definitely less lonely._

* * *

><p>After dinner, Cuddy and Rachel spent some time in the backyard. A few days earlier, Rachel had found a magnifying glass in an old trunk that belonged to Cuddy's father and ever since she'd been trying to inspect everything through it. She kept it in her pocket in case she came upon something that required investigation. They spent a little while in the backyard looking at everything Rachel could get her hands on. Cuddy chuckled at Rachel's curiosity, it reminded her of herself when she was younger. She used to spend hours with her father reading and asking questions. His answers would only provoke more questions. She learned so much from her father and she smiled at the wonderful memories. She was so lost in those memories that she almost didn't hear the phone ring on the picnic table. She ran over to grab it, hoping it was House.<p>

"Hi Lisa."

"Oh, hey Julia." Cuddy tried to hide her disappointment.

"Wow, nice to talk to you too."

"Sorry, I just thought you were…someone else. It's good to hear from you."

"I'm sorry, listen if you can't talk…"

"No, no I'm fine. I'm sitting out here in the backyard with Rachel. She found dad's magnifying glass in the old trunk last weekend and hardly puts it down."

Julia laughed. "Oh my God I remember that thing. Once you found it you couldn't put it down either!"

"That's Rachel right now. She's pretty much inspected every inch of the house inside and out with it."

"So…how are things? Are you feeling better?"

"I'm doing better, going to find a new car soon then back to work next week. Right now I'm spending some quality time with Rachel."

"How are things with House?"

Cuddy picked nervously at the hem on her shirt. "They were going pretty good...until this afternoon."

"Uh oh."

"It's his leg...it's hurting him more than usual, it's one of those breakthrough episodes, where it hurts like hell and nothing works. He could take Oxy but he doesn't want to if he can help it."

"Would it help with the pain?"

"In the short-term, yes. He doesn't want to take it unless he has no other options. I just wish he'd talk to me more about it. I hate not knowing what he's thinking."

"I thought he was opening up."

"He is; it's just that sometimes things are hard for him."

"Sounds like some things haven't changed that much."

Cuddy got defensive. "Don't say that. He's trying; it's just going to take awhile I guess."

"You're the most patient person I know. Honestly I don't know how you do it."

"Underneath that gruff exterior he's got a real heart."

Julia laughed at her sister. "You're a chip off the old block, you know that? Dad would be proud."

"I suppose."

"Will you be okay?"

"You mean with House? Yeah. We're making progress."

"Just…take things slow. I know you love him and there's never going to be anyone else you'll love half as much as him. I just don't want you to get hurt again."

"I won't."

"You seem pretty sure of that."

"I am. And what's with this negativity crap? I thought you were okay with him being in our lives again."

"I'm not being negative!" Julia exclaimed. "I just want things to be good for you and Rachel. I want you to be _happy_."

"Happiness is relative. I know you mean well. Trust me, he's trying." Cuddy insisted.

"Hang in there. I know this hasn't been easy for you but if you need to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thanks Jules." Cuddy was ready to change the subject and get her mind off her own problems for awhile. So…" she said, "Enough about me. How are you and the kids?" She knew Julia had her own share of problems, like adjusting to a new life raising her children without their father. As the sun settled beneath the horizon and the soft glow of the solar lights she had planted around the backyard slowly brightened her surroundings, she sat back in her lounge chair, listening to Julia talk about her children's latest escapades. Meanwhile, her own precocious little girl ran around the backyard investigating everything in sight with her newest toy.

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><p>Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I want to address House's pain in this story because it's a very important part of who he is. He's defined himself by his pain for years and now maybe he can define his life by something else. His pain will test not only him but Cuddy too.<p>

Also, my apologies for the delay in posting the chapter. I've been so busy lately; doing it every week became a little more difficult. Once the holidays get here I'll have more time for weekly updates. I'm already working on Chapter 60 as we speak. I may even throw in a few more one-shots which serve to inspire me as I work on this story.


	60. Chapter 60

**A/N:** You guys have been so great about following this story and I appreciate it. As a special treat, I'm publishing this chapter a few days early! I'm already into writing the next two chapters.

Thanks so much for supporting me in writing this. I'm really enjoying it and have been inspired by so many great people. Thanks to all the House-Cuddy fans. Best damn fans anywhere!

As we get back to our story, it's Tuesday night into Wednesday morning.

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><p>After making a couple of stops, House finally arrived back at Cuddy's house just after nine-thirty. The front porch light was on but he could see no lights on inside the house. He sighed, frustrated, as he had hoped he and Cuddy would have a chance to talk. He trudged up the steps to her front door with his right hand tightly gripping his cane and the other in his pocket, trying to keep warm. He approached the door and entered with the key she had given him. He closed the door behind him quietly, hung his coat by the door and stood for a moment in the living room trying to warm up. He wanted a hot bath and considering that Rachel's tub wasn't large enough, he knew he would have to use Cuddy's tub. After grabbing his flannel pajama pants and a clean tee shirt and underwear from his bag in the spare room, he made his way towards Cuddy's bathroom, hoping not to wake anyone along the way. As he passed Rachel's room he peeked inside and noticed Cuddy was curled up on the bed next to Rachel, an open book lay in her lap. Careful not to disturb them, he closed the door and made his way to Cuddy's room. He turned on the lights in the bathroom, closed the door behind him and stripped down. He turned on the faucets, poured some of Cuddy's eucalyptus bath crystals into the hot running water, then sat on the toilet and waited for it to fill. As he waited, he removed the fentanyl patch and rubbed his thigh vigorously. When the tub was full he eased himself into it and closed his eyes hoping the heat would give him some relief.<p>

Forty-five minutes later, House's leg felt a great deal better, the hot water having done its job and reduced the pain to a dull ache. Having found a heating pad in Cuddy's linen closet he placed it over his thigh and made himself comfortable in the bed in the spare room. He nestled under the comforter and turned his head to the empty side of the bed. He laid his arm over the empty space and caressed the sheets with the back of his hand. Even though they hadn't had sex, he missed sleeping in the same bed with Cuddy. He recalled in the early days of their relationship, he had often not wanted her to spend the night because he was used to having the bed to himself, not to mention he liked avoiding the small talk at the breakfast table the next morning. No, in the beginning, he enjoyed waking up alone, in his big bed, but the longer they were together, the more he enjoyed spending their nights together. Once he and Rachel got to know one another, he began staying over at Cuddy's house more often, towards the end, in fact nearly every night. Cuddy had even made room in a closet and her dresser for his things. He'd never admit it to anyone but having her sleeping next to him made him feel less lonely. He closed his eyes and thought of the beautiful woman in the next room…her intriguing blue-grey eyes, gorgeous, soft, wavy hair and her smile that lit up a room whenever she walked in. Mere words could never describe how he felt waking up to her smile during the time they were together. He'd get a funny feeling, something like joy, in the pit of his stomach, knowing she smiled because of him. Her smile was the last thing on his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Cuddy woke to a loss of circulation in her left arm, then realized Rachel had fallen asleep on her. Careful not to wake the sleeping child, she gently moved her arm out from underneath her daughter and then reached for the cover and tucked her in. She placed a kiss on Rachel's forehead and whispered sweet motherly words in her ear before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. She glanced at her watch and realized it was after eleven and House wasn't home yet. She began to worry about him and went into the living room to get her cell phone to call him. She stopped when she noticed the door to the spare room was closed and realized House had returned and must have gone to sleep in there. Quietly, she opened the door and saw him lying on his left side snoring softly. She wanted to talk to him but knowing how difficult it was for him to rest, especially when something was on his mind, she opted not to disturb him. Before she closed the door she turned back around one more time. She really didn't want to sleep alone, besides it would be hard to sleep knowing he was just down the hall from her. She crept back inside the room and closed the door behind her, leaving it cracked in case Rachel needed her. The room was dark except for the soft green glow of the digital alarm clock. Clad only in a tank top and flannel pajama bottoms, Cuddy crawled into bed and snuggled up behind House, wrapping her right arm around his waist. She clung to his warmth, kissed the back of his neck and whispered, "I've missed you so much," before she drifted off to sleep.<p>

A few minutes later. the man her arm was wrapped tightly around opened his eyes and a smile formed on his lips. He laid his hand over hers and clasped her fingers tightly, then went back to sleep.

* * *

><p>Sometime around five o'clock the next morning, Cuddy woke to arms wrapped around her and loud snoring in her ear. She turned over and was face to face with House. She loved how peaceful he looked when he slept. She traced the lines on his face, thinking about how all of the stress in his life that had caused those lines. They were just one of many signs of the pain and heartache he had endured. She frowned knowing she had caused some of it.<p>

Suddenly, House stopped snoring and without warning opening his eyes, asked,"_What_ are you doing?"

Cuddy giggled. "I'm tracing the lines on your face."

"What's my lifeline say?"

"There's no lifeline on your face silly, that's your _hand._"

He placed his hand over hers, then opened his eyes and looked at her. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"Me too," she replied, her eyes reciprocating the sincerity.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"For not stopping you when you left last night."

"You shouldn't apologize."

"I wanted to stop you."

"Why didn't you?"

Her thumb brushed the corner of his lip. "I was afraid. I didn't want to push you."

"Was I that obvious?"

"Yeah. You were in a hell of a lot of pain. I was afraid that if I pushed too much, you wouldn't share it with me."

House rubbed his hand over his unshaven face. "I _want_ to share it with you. It's just hard."

"I know."

"I don't want you to feel guilty."

"House, I told you—"

He cut her off gently. "I _know_ what you told me but I can't help but think that when you see me in that much pain, you still blame yourself."

"It's hard sometimes."

House nearly made a wisecrack but decided it was not the time. He wanted to talk to her, he _needed_ to.

"I talked to Nolan last night."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He said that when I push you away...it might make you feel guilty all over again. I don't want to do that."

Cuddy looked thoughtful for a moment. This was one of those conversations they needed to have. "I used to think that even though you said you cared...acted like you did, that inside you resented me, that maybe you couldn't be with me...even as a friend because it was too much of a reminder."

"Cuddy, if anything you _took awa_y the pain."

"God House, you have a hell of a way of showing it. Why didn't you tell me?"

Almost inaudibly he replied, "You already know why."

She heard him and nodded her head in agreement, knowing that they both feared the fallout that might come from an exploration of their feelings.

"I don't want to disappoint you," he added.

"Shh." She put her finger over his lips. "We disappointed each other, mostly because we were idiots. I used to get so frustrated and disappointed when you...didn't even _try_ to be better. You'd say 'oh the hell with it' and figured because of all the shit you'd been through in your life, there was never a chance for you to be happy. I hated that you threw away so many chances to have a life because you were too scared to _try_. But you need to know I am not disappointed in you, I am so proud of you."

"Proud?"

"Yeah. You've overcome so much shit. You never give up."

"Oh I've given up, remember?"

"I _remember," _she said, her eyes sad recalling all the moments House had come so close to death because he just didn't care anymore. "If you'd _really_ given up you'd be dead now. Yet, here you are."

"Yeah. Here I am." He leaned his forehead against hers."But you know you're pretty amazing yourself."

She laughed out loud. "Seriously? I haven't had to overcome all the things you have."

"Maybe not, but you can't deny you've got your own share of dysfunctional bliss. Years of trying to get pregnant, almost marrying a guy with the mental equivalency of a toddler," he noticed Cuddy's eyebrow raising glare at that last jab and he continued, "and let's not forget your crazy ass lunatic mother, an overbearing sister with the perfect life and then there's your narcissistic anal retentiveness…."

"Hey!" She laughed again and smacked him in the chest. "You forgot the part where I dated a brilliant but incredibly emotionally stunted pain in the ass."

"You wound me evil temptress," he said, feigning hurt. He smirked at her. "Look, you picked yourself up and got your life back together after what I did to you. You pushed on and moved forward, never looking back. You were determined to make a life for you and your kid. In the face of incredible adversity Dr. Cuddy, _you_ are absolutely fucking amazing. I've never told you but I'm proud of you."

"You are?" Cuddy was shocked by his admission as House was not one to compliment often.

"Yeah." He nuzzled her neck and whispered in her ear, "You are an amazingly strong woman. You've got balls, ambition and determination and goddammit you are the smartest, most evil and cunning woman I've ever known."

She laughed. "And you've known a lot of women."

"But none of them ever came close to you. You're one of a kind."

Cuddy smiled, leaned forward and lightly touched her lips to his, playfully teasing him with gentle pecks on each corner of his mouth, then he parted his lips and dove in and kissed him deeply. Her hands caressed his stubbled face as she moaned her pleasure into his mouth. House pulled her closer to him, deepening the kiss as their bodies melded together. House always loved when she caressed his unshaven face when they kissed and Cuddy loved the way he ran his hands through her hair. They were consumed by their need for each other and when they kissed, they gave each other everything they had. After a few moments, they pulled away, breathless.

"House," Cuddy whispered. Her lips were wet and plump, she had butterflies in her stomach and her whole body ached with her need for him. She looked into his eyes, so amazingly bright and clear beneath half-closed lids.

"Cuddy," he replied, wanting to say more but knowing the words would never come. A man of few words, he knew he could show her how he felt with his actions. He brushed his lips across hers again and their mouths pressed hotly together. Cuddy responded immediately, wanting him to know how his kisses made her feel. She placed her hand on his chest and felt his heart beating rapidly, and then she took his hand in hers and laid it over her left breast so he could feel hers too. He could feel the warmth of her firm breast and the hardening nipple beneath his hand as he gently squeezed it and it made him hard. Slowly their lips pulled away from one another, they opened their eyes and lay there, breathless and panting. The air was charged with sexual energy, lust and passion burning within them, both wanting, needing to find a way to share what they were feeling. It had been so long since they had shared their passion with reckless abandon and time seemed to stand still as each waited for the other to make the first move.

Finally, Cuddy gently pushed House over so he lay on his back. Slowly she straddled him, carefully avoiding his delicate thigh. She leaned over him and gently kissed him on the lips again and ran her hands through his hair. He gently tousled her hair with his fingers, loving how it fell all around them as they kissed. She leaned back and moved her hands to the hem of his shirt and began lifting it. Following her lead, he raised his arms up and she pulled his shirt off and threw it carelessly to the floor. She took in the sight before her, the chest which was toned and arms much firmer than she remembered. He'd always looked good to her but the physical therapy was certainly helping his upper body. She kept her eyes on his as she ran her hands up and down his bare chest, loving the feel of him under her. She felt his arousal beneath her and ground her hips against his in a circular motion, teasing him and making him groan out loud his need for her.

House looked up at Cuddy and what he saw nearly took his breath away. In those amazing eyes he saw genuine love and understanding. He didn't just see it, he _felt_ it. At that moment he felt like he was finally _home_, in a place where he belonged, and it felt good. House pulled her down to him and held her close, breathing in her scent as he nuzzled and kissed her neck and ear. The essence of her overwhelmed his senses, she was all around him and within him and he couldn't get enough of her. His heart was so full of want and need, he wanted to show her just how much she meant to him. He ran his hands slowly up and down her back, underneath her tank top and he felt her moan and shiver under his touch. He loved the feel of her soft, warm skin under his hands and he loved the feel of the toned muscles in her back and arms from years of yoga. All he wanted was to see and feel all of her, make her his once again. He placed his hands on the hem of her top and as if she read his mind, Cuddy sat up and raised her hands over her head so he could remove her tank top.

_"Mommy! Hows!"_ Rachel yelled excitedly as she barged into the room. House quickly pulled Cuddy's top down and she rolled off of him just as her daughter jumped onto the bed with them. House lay his head back on the pillow and groaned in frustration while Cuddy let out a chuckle and gave her daughter a hug.

"Mommy, you weren't in your room," Rachel said innocently, as she made herself comfortable between them.

"Hey rugrat, who said you could just barge in here?" House propped himself up on his elbow and looked at the little girl.

"I'm _not_ a rugrat and it's my house too; I can do whatever I want," Rachel said as she stared at him, displaying on her angelic face, the oh-so-familiar Cuddy pout.

Cuddy watched the interaction between the two and laughed out loud at her daughter's boldness. House rolled his eyes at them both and lay back with a pillow over his face. From underneath the pillow, he shouted, "My God woman! She's getting just as bossy as you!"

Cuddy just smiled.

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><p>LOL you gotta love Rachel barging in at the most inopportune moment. Thanks for reading, don't forget to review! More to come soon if I can crank 'em out!<p> 


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N:** I apologize for the two-week delay in publishing this chapter, I have been so busy. A longer fic takes more time to write because I've got to think about how I want to continue it. I have ideas of where I want to go but I don't have the fic laid out from start to finish as so many others do. Because I needed some time to think about this one, I took a slight break to write my short post-_Ignorance is Bliss_ fic titled, "I just want you to be happy" which I started on Thanksgiving Day and concluded last night.

I find writing short fics re-energizes me and helps me in continuing the longer one. I'm still trying to decide if I will write this particular story one long fic or end it at an appropriate moment and then write a continuation of it in a new fic. I'm still thinking about that and getting feedback about it.

**Oh by the way—I just realized I began this fic on December 3, 2011! Can you believe it's been one year already?  
><strong>

I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's now Wednesday and we are nearing the day when Cuddy returns to work and House returns to Princeton. I know, what will happen to our favorite couple when they part again?

* * *

><p>After dropping Rachel off at school that morning, House and Cuddy stopped for breakfast at The Friendly Toast before embarking on their mission for the day, which was to find Cuddy a new car. House had been nagging her about it and considering she was going back to work in a few days, she finally resigned herself to the task. They took a seat in a booth towards the back. Neither had made mention of what took place in Cuddy's bedroom earlier that morning.<p>

"You okay?" He noticed she seemed a little quiet in the car.

"Yeah."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing," she said casually.

"You used the word _oh_ which means you hesitated, you're _lying_."

"I'm not."

"So you're brooding about absolutely nothing."

"I'm not brooding."

"I'm the king of brooding, trust me, I know. Spill it."

"You're an ass."

"Tell me something I don't already know. Try again," he said sarcastically.

"Fine. I was thinking about what happens when I go back to work next week."

"Are you expecting something to happen?"

"No, it's just that I've gotten used to things being different."

"You mean my being here?"

"Yeah."

"Oh come on you love your job."

"I _like_ my job. But when I go back to work, everything changes."

"What you're really wondering here is what happens with us."

"I guess. I like having you here."

"I like being here.

"But you have a life in Princeton."

"I have a _job_ in Princeton."

"And you have Wilson."

"If I fold him just the right way, he fits nicely into a suitcase," he said with a smirk.

Cuddy raised an eyebrow. "I think _he_ might disagree with that."

He grinned, enjoying their banter.

"Have you given much thought about the offer?" She asked.

"I've been a little preoccupied."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I've thought about it."

"So?"

"It's a good deal but they never gave me a salary figure."

"They're getting a world renowned diagnostician to lecture; I think it'll be more than satisfactory."

"We," he waved his finger between the two of them, "never discussed living arrangements."

She looked down and started stirring her coffee. "No, I guess we haven't."

"It's bound to come up sooner or later."

"Would you like to stay with us?"

"You sure about that? I mean…_what are we_?"

"I thought you hated labels."

"After what almost happened this morning, I need to know."

She sighed. "We do have a lot to talk about don't we?"

"I hate talking but for you I make an exception."

"I appreciate that. Just so you understand I don't expect miracles overnight."

"I don't believe in miracles."

She smiled and rolled her eyes at him.

"Are you going to be okay with me going back to Princeton?" His voice filled with concern, not just for her but himself too. He wasn't looking forward to the trip home.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She'd been trying not to think of it. "Yeah."

"You don't sound okay."

"I think I finally figured out while I do alone just fine, it's not much fun."

House reached across the table and took her hand and looked into her eyes, hoping to convey his understanding. He knew better than anyone about how difficult it was being alone. Then, to lighten the mood a bit, he changed the subject and said, "Come on Cuddles; let's go find you a car."

* * *

><p>Hours later, House and Cuddy had left the dealership just outside Boston, dropped House's car off at her house and were in Cuddy's new Volvo on their way to pick up Rachel early from school. House was still reeling over Cuddy's expertise in the area of automobile negotiations. He knew she was awesome in the boardroom <em>and <em>the bedroom and apparently in the showroom, she was just as magnificent and in control. She'd gone in knowing exactly what she wanted, with a pre-approved draft from her credit union and made them an offer they couldn't refuse. She'd done her homework too. It was the end of the month and they were behind in meeting their sales quota. She'd researched their competitor and in no uncertain terms told the manager, was being a class-A dick, that she had no problem going to said competitor if they couldn't meet her demands. House sat back smiling the entire time, marveling in an area of her negotiating experience he had never witnessed until that moment. When they left the dealership she had a brand new car thirty-five hundred dollars under invoice and they'd even thrown in four floor mats, cruise control, window tinting and a navigation system, all at _no_ cost.

"When do I get to drive?" He whined from the passenger seat.

"House, you haven't let me drive anywhere since the accident, I need to get back into it again you know."

"You're just hogging the new car all for yourself."

Cuddy chuckled at him. "Well it is _my_ car."

"I'm hurt." As if that would work with her.

"Oh shut up." she teased.

"You know I find what you did in there a huge turn-on." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"You don't say?"

"Of course the low cut sweater surely helped." He leered at her and then suddenly a light bulb went off. "You did it on purpose didn't you?" He eyed her suspiciously.

Cuddy didn't reply, she just smirked as she stared at the road ahead.

"Oh my God, you did! You used your feminine wiles to get your way."

"I did not!" She exclaimed. "Besides, if I had, you shouldn't be shocked, after all it used to work on you."

"It did _not._"

"Did too. You were putty in my hands and you know it."

"So you would have slept with them to get what you wanted?"

"If that's what it took," she said, winking at him.

He shook his head. "I am so in the wrong business."

* * *

><p>By the time they finished errands and ended up at Rachel's school it was raining hard. Cuddy pulled into the circular drive and up to the curb where the children were huddled with their teachers. Rachel stood with her teacher and the rest of the class towards the back of the group.<p>

"Stop the car, I'll go get her," he said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, with the rain and all these cars it might be safer."

"Thanks." She smiled at him. It still amazed her how he was willing to do little things for her he'd never have done in the past. _Or maybe he had_, she thought, _and I just didn't notice_. She frowned at the thought that House had done so much more than she had given him credit for. She vowed to make sure she showed her appreciation this time around.

House got out of the car and was pummeled by the downpour. He limped over to where Rachel stood huddled with her teacher and classmates. She spotted him immediately.

"Hows!" She exclaimed happily.

"Hey monkey, you ready to go?" He asked, shaking the water from his hair.

"You're gonna get wet."

"So are you, come on," he reached for her hand.

Rachel's teacher looked up at him before allowing Rachel to go with him. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've met."

"He's Hows!" Rachel said, looking up at her teacher.

"I'm Dr. Gregory House." In an unusual move he extended his hand to the teacher, which she took as she introduced herself to him.

"Where's Dr. Cuddy?" She asked politely.

House pointed to the car, and at that moment, Cuddy had rolled down the passenger side window and waved to the teacher, who immediately recognized her and let Rachel go.

"I hope you understand Dr. House, we can't be too careful these days."

"No problem. Come on kid, let's go," he said. Holding his cane in one hand and Rachel's hand with the other, they proceeded to make their way over to the car. House opened the door for Rachel and buckled her in and he closed the door and got in himself.

"God, you both are soaked to the bone."

"Well, duh that's what happens when it rains." He looked back at Rachel who giggled at him. Cuddy just shook her head at them both.

"Mommy, I played piano again today."

"You did?"

"Uh huh. My teacher said I was so good I could play a recycle."

Cuddy looked at House and mouthed to him, "recycle?" She looked confused.

House thought about it a minute and chuckled. "You mean _recital_, kid?" He asked turning his head to look at her. He saw her head go up and down as she smiled.

He looked back at Cuddy who had a look of pride on her face. "My baby girl at a recital? But she's so young."

"Never too young to be a prodigy."

Cuddy suddenly looked serious. "I wish she got it from me but I'm definitely not musically talented."

"Didn't we talk about this already? She gets a lot of other things from you that are just as good, if not better. Stop beating yourself up over it."

"I know but-"

"No buts. It is what it is. Just appreciate it," he said, staring out the passenger side window. "Believe me when she's older it won't matter to her she didn't inherit some things from you, she'll just remember you were always there and always supportive."

Cuddy could have sworn she detected a note of sadness in his voice. She put her hand on his leg and smiled at him.

"Thanks."

"Oh don't thank me, I've got a reputation to uphold."

"I'm sure you'll find something completely insulting and asinine to say very soon."

"Don't you know it." He replied smugly.

* * *

><p>That evening, Cuddy was preparing dinner and House was in the living room with Rachel, listening to her talk about her piano lessons. She could hear the two of them, mostly it was Rachel giggling at something House had said. She loved the way he was bonding again with Rachel and wondered how her daughter would react when she told her that he was leaving again. She was slicing tomatoes when two arms came up behind her and hugged her. She felt his breath in her neck and smiled.<p>

"Watch it, I've got a knife."

"Oooh I love dangerous Cuddy."

She laughed at him and kept slicing, his arms still around her. "You're so good with her."

"Who? The rugrat? Oh, it's nothing. She's a good kid."

"Yeah she is. I never gave you enough credit with her before. You let her do things I'd never let her do and I was so worried it would have a negative effect when all you were doing was having fun. In the end, it brought you two closer together."

"Hey you said it yourself; I'm just a big kid."

"That you are."

He moved from behind her and grabbed a slice of tomato of the bowl. he stood at the island watching her prepare the salad.

"So, what are you doing Friday night?" He asked out of the blue.

She looked at him in surprise. "I have no idea. Why?"

"Wanna go out with me?"

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Uh no...I'm asking you if you wanna go out with me on Friday night."

"What do you have up your sleeve?"

"Nothing. Now, do you have plans Friday night?"

"I was going to wash my hair," she said sarcastically.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yep."

"That's it. You're not gonna press me on it?"

"Nope."

Cuddy was annoyed by House's knowing smirk. "You do know I'm _not really_ washing my hair."

"I know."

"Then why do you do this?"

"What?" He asked innocently.

"Play these games. You know damn well I don't have plans, I never have plans. Now, let me ask _you_. Do_ you_ have plans Friday night?"

"Yep."

"Doing what?"

"Well, I don't know if I want to tell you."

"House."

"Fine. I'm taking you out."

"Well, duh." She rolled her eyes. "I mean, where are we going?"

"Poker game."

_"What?" _She gave him a look of disbelief._  
><em>

"Damn Cuddy, I'm kidding. It's a surprise. You okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, one, I'm not good at the whole dating thing and two, I didn't want to move things too fast."

"After this morning I would have thought a date was actually slowing things down." She looked down, as if she was embarassed. Her cheeks flushed.

"I just want you to be comfortable with everything."

"You know that if I wasn't, you'd _know_ it."

She went back to what she was doing and House walked around behind her again. This time he put his hand over hers as she sliced the tomatoes, his hand guiding hers. His touch sent vibes of electricity through her fingers and him standing so close to her sent a shiver up her spine, which he felt. No words were necessary as they worked together, hand over hand, gently slicing vegetables for the salad. Once finished, she set the knife down gently and turned to him, her eyes locking with his. They could both feel the energy that drew them together. House placed his hands on her hips and gently pulled her to him. Cuddy kissed him on the corner of his mouth and held it there a moment as she caressed his stubbled face with her hands. It was meant to convey to him how much she trusted him and to House that meant the world, especially with everything they'd been through. He wanted so badly for her to trust him again. With eyes closed, they leaned their foreheads together. Neither spoke, but then again with them, words were not necessary.

When they parted, she smiled at him and asked, "How about I give Sharon a call later and see if she'd like Rachel to spend the night with Hannah on Friday?"

House looked down at her and cocked an eyebrow. "Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"

Cuddy smiled up at him. "Maybe. We don't have much time together before you go."

"I'm not that kind of guy you know, I can't just be treated like a piece of meat." He feigned disgust.

"Well, okay, if that's what you wish," she said slapping him on the arms and then walking over to the oven. She bent over to take the casserole out, giving him a nice view of her ass. His eyes widened. He could have sworn she wiggled it just for him.

"You're a tease," he said, still staring at her ass.

"Shut up and take the salad into the dining room."

House picked up the salad in his cane free hand, gave a manly grunt and limped out of the kitchen, shouting over his shoulder, "Woman, you are insufferable!" Behind him, he heard Cuddy's unmistakeable laugh. He smiled to himself, loving the fact that after everything they'd been through, he could still make her laugh. At that moment, he once again silently thanked an entity he did not believe in for the chance he'd been given to make things right and be with her again.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! <strong>I expect to publish another chapter next weekend.<strong> Also, I may start another short fic soon, for fun and perhaps for inspiration.


	62. Chapter 62

**A/N:** Thanks so my pal MystryGAB who reviewed the first draft. I made some good changes based on her comments. Many thanks to Cherokee Jedi who would have sent me comments back but I didn't send my revision to her in time LOL! I've never written smut so it's been the hardest chapter to write so far, not because of the sex, it's because the before, during and after including the dinner and everything, needs to be just right. I know this was an important chapter for all of us and for House and Cuddy.

I'm beginning to see some light at the end of this tunnel. I'm still unsure as to whether this should continue as one long story until an eventual conclusion or end at a place that makes sense with the possibility for a sequel later on. I'm still thinking.

Anyway in the story it's now Friday and you know what that means? It's date night for our favorite couple!

* * *

><p>Friday morning House left early for a scheduled physical therapy appointment at the hospital. The therapist he'd been working with had called him the day before and said she had a last minute opening. She had encouraged him to do therapy as often as possible as the exercise would keep him strong and healthy. Physically, House was in much better shape than at any time since the infarction and the same could be said for him mentally. The more he exercised it seemed the better he felt and the less he thought about Vicodin and his pain. The pain was always there, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it once was. After his therapy he'd planned to meet with Dr. Baker about his appointment at the hospital. She'd called and left a message earlier that she needed to see him right away about his contract. He assumed she wanted him to sign it and get the details out of the way before he returned to Princeton.<p>

While House was gone, Cuddy decided to get some things done around the house. While her muscles were still sore weeks after the accident, it was minor and she knew the more she moved about the more limber she'd become and it wouldn't be long until she was completely healed. As she dropped laundry into the washer she heard the doorbell.

"Hey," she said to Sharon who gave her a hug as she entered. "What are you doing here?"

"I took the day off and figured since House was at the hospital doing his thing; you and I could hang out."

She looked at Sharon curiously. "How'd you know he was at the hospital?"

She smiled. "A little birdie told me."

"A little _House_ you mean."

"He figured since we hadn't spent much time together lately, we might want to just hang out today."

Cuddy shook her head. "Sometimes he just surprises the hell out of me."

"You don't mind, do you?"

"Hell no, I'm just catching up on housework before Monday. Lots to do and I could use the help."

"I'm in."

They walked to the utility room so Cuddy could put the clothes in the washer. As she separated the clothes, she came across one of House's tee shirts.

She put his shirt to her nose and took in his scent. "You know it's hard to believe that months ago we hadn't spoken in two years and now I'm doing his laundry. I don't get it."

"If it were anyone else I would have told them to run far and fast, but I see you two together and you're just…I don't know…perfect, in your own imperfect way. The chemistry between you is so incredible; I can feel it when I'm in the room with you. James told me when he was here that he could tell you'd changed towards each other. He couldn't pinpoint it but I suspect it's a number of small things, that when added up, makes it pretty significant."

"We have changed. We've reached a level of trust and honesty that neither of us thought we could ever achieve."

"Lisa, I've never seen you happier."

Cuddy smiled broadly. "It shows?"

"Oh yeah."

"I don't know how to describe being with him. It's like he completely overwhelms me and I don't mean that in a bad way, it's like this feeling that I'm totally complete when I'm with him. With him I don't feel lonely or like I'm missing anything, it's like...being home." She just shook her head and continued throwing clothes in the washer until it was full, then she closed the lid.

Sharon smiled at her friend's happiness. "So…how do you feel about him going back home this weekend?"

Cuddy stopped what she was doing and hung her head. "God, I'm going to miss him. I wish he didn't have to go."

"Have you told him that?"

"I'm pretty sure he knows, but he has to go."

"Just try to make the best of it this weekend, enjoy each other's company. By the way where's he taking you?"

"You don't know?"

Sharon shook her head no.

"I have no idea where we're going either. He said it was a surprise. But then House's definition of surprise is not the same as yours and mine."

"He might surprise you."

Cuddy smiled. "Yes, he just might."

* * *

><p>House hated dressing up in a suit but it was for Cuddy and damnit he'd do just about anything for her. He donned a pair of black slacks, a dark blue shirt and dress shoes. He skipped the tie because he figured the dress shoes would more than make up for it. He grabbed his wallet and keys from the kitchen counter and when he turned around, Cuddy walked in and took his breath away. She was wearing a knee-length, fitted midnight blue backless halter dress that tied around the neck, with a very seductive sweetheart neckline. She complemented it with diamond stud earrings and a pair of Louboutins. She also left her gorgeous wavy hair down, the way he liked it.<p>

She looked up and caught him staring at her.

"What?"

"You're...amazing."

She laughed. "Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself." She reached up and held his face with one hand and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"You know...we could stay home," he said wiggling his eyebrows at her seductively.

"We could but I think we need to get out of the house."

"Ready to go my mistress?" He asked.

"Oh yeah, there's no way I'm going to miss out on our _third_ first date," she said smiling.

* * *

><p>"This is beautiful." Cuddy exclaimed as they made themselves comfortable in a private area of the Terrace at the Aragosta Bar and Bistro on the waterfront. "I can't get over the view," she said as they took in their seat at a table overlooking the water. A chilled bottle of wine and two glasses waited for them on their table.<p>

"Oh my God where did you get this?" She asked picking up the rare bottle of 2008 Littorai Thieriot Vineyard Chardonnay.

"Turns out the guy who runs this place is quite the wine connoisseur. He's got some serious rare stuff in his cellar."

"Well, tell him thank you. Better yet, how about I just thank you instead?" She leaned over to him and planted a warm, wet, passionate kiss on his lips.

"Listen, you can thank me like that anytime you want," he said smirking.

"So, how'd you find out about this place? This is great."

"Wilson told me about this place."

"Wilson?"

"Yeah, said it was a great place to take a date if you want to get laid."

Cuddy almost choked on her wine. "He said that?"

"Come on, you know Wilson's the king of panty peelers."

"Speaking of Wilson, I miss him."

"Me too."

"Something I should know about you two?"

"Well you know Jimmy's great in the sack, maybe even better than you." He winked at her.

Cuddy rolled her eyes at him. "I bet he'll be glad when you get back."

"Apparently he's dumped me for Chase."

"Chase?"

"Seems he's lonely since I've been gone so Chase started hanging out with him."

"Well that's an odd couple."

"Yeah but Chase doesn't have my ass."

She laughed and House noticed Cuddy hadn't stopped smiling since they'd arrived. He liked that he was the reason for it. Suddenly their waiter approached and took their orders. Cuddy ordered stuffed gnocchi, with ricotta cheese, pancetta and fried organic egg while House ordered the Barolo braised short ribs, with truffle ditalini, autumn carrots and grilled radicchio.

"House," she said when the waiter was gone.

"Yeah."

"When do you start lecturing? We haven't even talked about that since you got back today."

"Well, there might be a change in plans."

Cuddy's smile disappeared from her face. "What change?"

House took a sip of his beer. "Don't worry, it's just that they may want me to start a diagnostics center."

"What?" She exclaimed. She looked around, thankful nobody was near them.

"That's terrific news. Does this mean they don't want you to lecture?"

"Still lecturing once a week starting next term but they want to revisit the idea of a new Diagnostics center in a few months."

"Why so soon?"

"Apparently that donor Baker talked to is adamant about the top hospital in the nation having one."

"Wow. What did you say?"

"I told them I'd consider it."

"Wow."

"You said that," he teased.

"You're a hot commodity."

"I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"After everything that happened, I can't believe they want me."

"You got another chance."

"Yeah and I'm not fucking it up."

She smiled.

"Wait, you said your lecture doesn't start till next term. Does that mean I won't see you till then?" Her face fell in disappointment.

"Nope, I'm hoping to see you in a week or two."

Her face lit up again. "Really?"

"Cuddy, I get paid a damn good salary and I hardly spend money. I don't have any real bills except for my apartment and utilities, I pay most everything in cash, what credit cards I have I pay off every month. I've got a savings I could live on for years if I needed to and I keep adding to it. It's gonna be nice to spend my money on something besides therapy, medication, and buying Wilson's lunches," he said.

Cuddy was beaming. She didn't think she could be any happier but she was. "You don't buy his lunches!" She laughed. "So you're gonna come see us."

"Every chance I get. Gonna fly first class if I have to." He added as an afterthought. "You know you guys are welcome to take a few days off and stay with me...if...you want. I know it might be too painful to go back there and I understand."

She thought about it before answering. "When we left, I was hurt and angry. I was just so...devastated. On one hand, I don't know what memories it would evoke even though we've made things right and put it behind us. On the other hand, it might be nice to leave that place with a good memory. So...I wouldn't be opposed to it, just let me think on it okay?"

He took her hand. "Yeah, take your time. I understand. Listen, You going to be okay when I leave?"

"I think so. Oh I know I'll be okay but I'll miss you. I know Rachel has gotten attached to you as well."

"I seem to have that effect on the Cuddy women," he said with a grin.

"Except my mom and sister."

"They don't count, they're evil."

Cuddy just rolled her eyes at him and took another sip of the delicious white wine.

Their dinner arrived and they ate in relative silence, just enjoying each other's company and the view of the waterfront, which, now that it was dark outside, was magnificent.

"God, this is delicious, how's your steak?"

"Out of this fucking world," he said with a grin. He finished chewing. "Hey what would you think if I cooked tomorrow night?"

"You?"

"Duh. You know I can cook, better than you."

"I'd love it! What do you want to make?"

"I'm going to surprise you."

"I hate surprises."

"Liar."

About an hour later they were finished with dinner and just standing by the terrace railing taking in the gorgeous view of the waterfront. There was hustling and bustling aboard the Coast Guard ship that was moored just across from them.

"What do you think of this view?" She asked.

"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She covered his hands with hers and relaxed into him. He nuzzled her hair and took in the scent of her sandalwood shampoo. "You smell so good you know that?"

"Mmm," was all she could get out for she was overwhelmed by the feeling of being in his arms. It was cool outside but he was keeping her warm. His hands ran up and down her bare arms.

"You want your wrap?" He asked.

"No, I like it just like this." She closed her eyes and relished the feel of him all around her. Then he turned her around to face him and she felt his soft, warm lips on hers. When he kissed her, it was slow and deliberate and tantalizing. Cuddy sucked his upper lip and ran her tongue over it making House smile and take her tongue in his mouth. Soon he moved away from her mouth, kissing her neck and sucking on her earlobe. She let him have his way as she caressed the back of his neck with her nails.

"Oh, House…" she moaned in his ear.

"I love it when you do that," he said.

They stopped kissing and just stared at each other. "This is the best third first date ever," she said.

"How 'bout we go home and change into something more comfy?" He asked winking at her. He took her face in his hands and held it gently, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I like the sound of that," she said.

* * *

><p>They barely made it inside the front door before they were all over each other. Their lips attacked one another in a furious frenzy, tongues engaged in a heated battle, hands caressing and stroking. House turned her so she could face the mirror by the door and he untied her halter top with his teeth and let it fall, exposing her bare breasts. He reached his hands up around her and grabbed her luscious round globes and caressed them while kissing her neck. "You are so hot," he whispered in her ear as they watched themselves in the mirror, pure lust in their eyes.<p>

Cuddy reached behind her to undo the zipper of her dress and he stopped her. "No, let me do that," he said and he pulled the zipper down and the dress pooled at her feet leaving her in her heel and a lacy blue thong. He pulled her back against him and held her possessively with one hand at her waist and took his other hand and trailed it all down her naked body, as they watched in the mirror. She shivered against him as he reached down with his hand and found her wetness. "You are mine," he said possessively as he attacked her neck with a frenzy of kissing and sucking.

Cuddy's core throbbed with her need for him. She grinded her ass against his erection then turned in around in his arms and kissed him feverishly as she unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants and yanked the zipper down. He stopped his ministrations long enough to help her push the garment down to his feet where he kicked them off. Cuddy reached down and stroked his cock and pressing herself against him letting him know she wanted him now.

"Bedroom," she said, breathlessly.

"Not gonna make it," he managed to reply in between kissing and fondling her breasts.

They moved toward her couch and she pushed him down She took control and quickly straddled him and grabbed his shoulders and sank down on him slowly. "Oh my God, you feel so good," she cried out.

"Cuddy...damn woman...you're gonna kill me," he said, his eyes closed, his tongue licking his lips. He was enjoying the feeling of being completely sheathed within her tight walls after such a long absence.

She was now kissing him and riding him feverishly. "Can't…get enough of you…need…more," she panted breathlessly as she moved up and down on him ferociously grinding into him to get him as deep inside her as she could. House was impatient, he wanted to be balls deep into her but he wanted to be on top while doing it. He picked her up swiftly and pushed her down on the couch, her head resting on fluffy pillows on the arm of the couch. He nestled between her legs and pushed himself inside her again.

"Oh!" She cried out. He sucked on her neck as he thrust himself deeper into her. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and cried her pleasure as he took a nipple into his mouth and sucked on it, circling it with his tongue and biting gently. The pain mixed with pleasure made moan loudly in ecstasy. Her fingers ran ferociously through his hair, scratching the nape of his neck. She arched her back and he placed his hand underneath her ass bring her as tightly to him as he could. His leg hurt but he knew it would be worth it in the morning. They were so far gone, so lost in each other, they didn't know where one ended and the other began.

She writhed against him, completely lost in the feeling of him being inside her. He smiled down at her, relishing the way she looked when she was hot, horny and wild. This was the Cuddy that lay dormant, the she-devil, the minx only he was lucky enough to see. Now that he had brought her out again, he never wanted to let it go.

They rocked together and Cuddy urged him on. "Harder…faster…please!" She cried as she reached around to his ass and pulled him deeper into her. He chuckled at her actions and reached his free hand down and used his thumb to massage her clit and suddenly Cuddy felt her core tightening around his thick shaft and came undone. House felt her muscles contract and his entire body tingled from head to toe, he couldn't feel anything except the burst of electrical energy shooting throughout his entire body. Cuddy cried out in bliss, shouting his name over and over again and begging him not to stop and he followed her into the abyss, unable to stop himself from pumping into her while endlessly calling her name. She reached up to hold his face and look into his eyes as they climaxed together.

"That…was…" Cuddy couldn't finish the sentence she was so completely spent. There was no need for words for their actions spoke volumes. It was like it always was, they knew what each other wanted and they knew how to give and take with everything they had.

House chuckled. "So…fucking…amazing," he said attempting to finish her sentence. He lay over her holding his weight up with his elbows, kissing every exposed patch of skin he could get his lips on. Together they rolled over where she lay on top of him. He pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and covered them. They lay there, completely exhausted and out of breath but happy as House ran his hands up and down Cuddy's smooth silky back and she nuzzled into his chest while her fingers played with the sparse hair there.

"Cuddy, it's been so long. I just wanted this to be perfect for you," he said kissing her forehead.

"God House, it was." She looked up at him and saw him smirk at her use of those two words together. "I didn't care how it happened just as long as it did."

"We still got it," he grinned.

"We sure do." Looking at him she saw the sparkle in his eye that she loved so much. They were lost in each other's eyes as he leaned down and captured her lips in a soul searing kiss that made her toes curl. Suddenly she felt little Greg spring to life again beneath her.

"Oh my," she said, grinning at him. "Looks like someone's up for seconds."

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><p>Okay there ya go...<p> 


	63. Chapter 63

**A/N:** Okay seriously, to take two weeks to publish this is just wrong! LOL. In all seriousness, there's been so much going on. This story requires so much more time but I'm proud to say here is the next chapter!

It's Saturday in Boston and it's been six weeks since House wrote the letter to Cuddy in Chapter 1 :)

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><p><em>"That…was…" Cuddy couldn't finish the sentence she was so completely spent. There was no need for words for their actions spoke volumes. It was like it always was; they knew what each other wanted and they knew how to give and take with everything they had.<em>

_House chuckled. "So…fucking…amazing," he said attempting to finish her sentence. He lay over her holding his weight up with his elbows, kissing every exposed patch of skin he could get his lips on. Together they rolled over where she lay on top of him. He pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and covered them. They lay there, completely exhausted and out of breath but happy as House ran his hands up and down Cuddy's smooth silky back and she nuzzled into his chest while her fingers played with the sparse hair there._

_"Cuddy, it's been so long. I just wanted this to be perfect for you," he said kissing her forehead._

_"God House, it was." She looked up at him and saw him smirk at her use of those two words together. "I didn't care how it happened just as long as it did."_

_"We still got it," he grinned._

_"We sure do." Looking at him she saw the sparkle in his eye that she loved so much. They were lost in each other's eyes as he leaned down and captured her lips in a soul searing kiss that made her toes curl. Suddenly she felt little Greg spring to life again beneath her._

_"Oh my," she said, grinning at him. "Looks like someone's up for seconds."_

Cuddy woke on Saturday morning feeling more relaxed than she had in a long time. She looked over at the clock, it was six-thirty. She'd had the alarm set for six which meant House must have turned it off. She reached over to the other side of the bed and found it void of a warm body she hoped to snuggle up to just a bit before starting her day. She smiled, knowing he hadn't gone far. She swung her sore legs out of bed and put on her panties, a pair of socks, House's tee shirt and a robe and padded down the hall to find out what kind of mischief was going on. Upon entering the hallway she picked up the amazing smell of pancakes. She smiled at the thought that House was cooking breakfast for them. She entered the kitchen and nearly teared up at the sight before her. There was House, in his old striped robe, boxers and a pair of socks wearing one of her aprons in front of the stove carefully instructing Rachel, who was standing on a chair, how to make pancakes. Cuddy just leaned against the wall watching them for a moment, wishing she could witness this every single morning for the rest of her life.

House, sensing he was being watched, turned around and winked at her. "The rugrat is learning to cook breakfast."

"I'm not a rugrat," Rachel said adamantly with her hands on her hips looking up at House.

"I think you heard her loud and clear House," Cuddy said smirking at him.

"Yeah, Howse." Cuddy couldn't help but laugh at the way Rachel stood on the chair, hands on hips, lips pressed tightly together much in the same way she often did. She watched as House just shook his head at the scene in front of him.

"You get back to your pancakes or else I'll eat your share and you get nothing," he said.

"Noooo you can't eat my pancakes!" She yelled as she looked at her mother. "Mommy, don't let him eat my pancakes."

Cuddy walked over to House and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the back of his neck. "You will not eat her pancakes, understand?" She joked with him.

"I'll eat anything I want and as I recall last night you were begging me to eat your—"

"House!" She smacked his arm.

"What? You have no idea what I was going to say."

Cuddy just raised her eyebrow at him. "So, why didn't you get me up earlier?"

"I wanted you to get your beauty sleep. You're not getting any younger you know."

Cuddy rolled her eyes at him. "It's too early to deal with you without coffee," she mused and poured herself a mug and took a seat at the breakfast nook while House and Rachel finished cooking. She watched them intently as House instructed Rachel carefully on how to know when the pancakes were ready to be flipped. Ten minutes later, the three of them were sitting at the breakfast nook scarfing down delicious blueberry pancakes, eggs, and orange juice.

"So, what do you want to do today?" She asked.

"I kinda thought we'd take the kid to the museum."

"Really?"

"Big Bird's over at the Science Museum."

"Big Bird?"

"Yeah, the planetarium has this exhibit using Sesame Street characters to teach kids about the universe. I figure a kid as smart as her ought to start learning science young."

Cuddy smiled at House's thoughtfulness and his description of her daughter. "Sounds like a plan, what time do we need to be there?"

He looked at his watch. "Show starts at ten."

"Good, means we can get back early."

"Why? You have a date I don't know about?"

"No, I have things to do."

"Seriously? It's Saturday, what on earth could you have to do today?"

"Just stuff."

"Mommy can we take Hannah?"

"No sweetie, not today. Today it's just you, me and House."

"But why?"

"Because House is leaving…tomorrow and we want to spend some time with him."

Rachel looked at House with a frown on her face. "You leaving?"

"Yep kiddo, I gotta go back home."

"But _this_ is your home." She looked like she wanted to cry.

"Honey, House lives in New Jersey, remember? He stayed here to help us after the accident."

"When are you coming back?"

"I'll be back in a week or so."

"You promise?"

"Yeah."

"Can we watch pirates later?"

Before Cuddy could intervene with her "hell no", her cell phone rang and she picked it up and took it in the other room. House heard her have a short conversation with someone then hang up.

"Who was that?" House asked.

"Oh…just the hospital. Nothing major. So…who wants to see Big Bird today?" She asked. Two people at the table raised their hands and Cuddy just shook her head amused.

Several hours later, House, Cuddy and Rachel returned from their outing. They'd thoroughly enjoyed the museum and then stopped at a café for lunch. Rachel had talked nearly the entire time about all the things she'd seen at the museum. She had asked a lot of questions and Cuddy was so proud of her little girl for being so inquisitive. She also loved how House would not only answer her questions but go into deeper explanations to her about the stars and the planets. She reveled in the way Rachel watched House as he explained normally difficult concepts to her, the little girl was simply mesmerized and his explanations only sparked more questions. House was incredibly patient, answering every one of them in a way he thought she could understand. House had even bought her a few puzzles and games so she could have fun while she learned.

As soon as they walked into the house, Rachel ran to her room with her bag of goodies and House and Cuddy went into the kitchen. She looked at her watch and then at House.

"Damn. I forgot to pick up the stuff I was going to need to cookout tonight. House, would you go to the store for me?"

"Aww mom, we just got home," he whined.

"Please?" She walked over to him and put her hands on his chest and smiled sweetly. "There'll be a special something in it for you if you do this for me."

House rolled his eyes. "Good god woman when you do that, how can I resist?"

"I knew it," she patted his chest and turned away from him.

"Wait a minute don't I get a little down payment now?"

"Hmm, I think I can spare a little something for you," she said as she pulled him by his shirt and kissed him.

"You can thank me like that any time. Give me the damn list before I change my mind."

When House left, Cuddy closed the door and looked at her watch again. She took out her cell phone and made a quick call then hung up. She paced the living room anxiously and kept looking out the window. Five minutes later, a delivery truck arrived. Rachel heard the truck and ran into the living room.

"Mommy what's that?"

"It's a surprise for House. Stand over there, baby," she pointed into the dining room, "Stay out of the way so you don't get hurt, okay?"

"Okay," Rachel said, taking a seat in one of the dining chairs, eyes wide, swinging her feet and excited to see the surprise.

Cuddy went outside to meet the delivery crew, letting them know they didn't have much time. The men carefully unloaded the items into the house and put everything in place. They even helped Cuddy move around pieces of her furniture to make the item fit. Fifteen minutes later it was done and she signed the receipt, gave the guys a generous tip and bid them goodbye. She looked out the window and watched them leave then turned back to the rearranged living room, sweating a little from the moving and nervously anticipating House's return.

"Mommy, House is going to be surprised isn't he?"

"Yes he is, now remember don't say anything when he gets here. He has to notice okay?"

"Okay."

When House arrived home shortly after, mother and daughter sat on the couch looking at the pictures in one of the children's books House had bought at the museum. Both tried to keep the smiles off their faces but it was more difficult for Rachel who was terribly excited over House's surprise. House entered the house with two bags in one hand and his cane in the other. He closed the door behind him and saw his two favorite girls on the couch smiling.

"You two are trouble," he said pointing his cane at them. They didn't reply, instead they diverted their eyes to the area over between the fireplace and window. House turned to his left, following their gaze and then his mouth dropped open when he saw it. Gone were the small antique table and two chairs and in their place was a beautiful upright piano. Cuddy got up immediately and took the bags from him and smiled.

"Wow. What…is...this?" He asked, stuttering a little.

"Surprise!" Rachel yelled from the couch. She had this huge smile on her face and went over and hugged House's good leg.

He looked down at Rachel, then up at Cuddy. "For me?"

"Uh huh, you like?"

House nodded and limped over to the piano. "Wow," he said, still stunned, as he gently caressed its smooth mahogany top. "I can't believe this. You know what this is right?" He asked, pointing at it.

Cuddy smiled and nodded. "Yep, it's a Sohmer and Company Cupid, 1956."

"It's amazing, how did you find it?"

"I know a guy."

He grinned at her. "This...this thing is an antique."

"Yep."

"You paid a fortune for it."

"Not quite."

"How much?"

"I'll never tell."

"This is why you wanted to get me out of the house?"

"Well yeah, that and I really needed the stuff on that list."

"Oh woman you are evil and I love it," he said as he sat down at the piano and flexed his fingers. He began playing and the melody flowed freely throughout the room.

Rachel and Cuddy took their places back on the couch and listened to House play. "Mommy, Howse plays good."

"He sure does. He used to play for you when you were a little girl."

"Mommy I'm _still_ little," Rachel insisted.

"When you were littler than you are _now_. Sometimes we'd stay at House's apartment and he'd play for us."

Mother and daughter sat back and listened for nearly a half hour as House played song after song. They varied between classical and show tunes and jazz and then some of them she didn't even recognize. He moved into Chopin's Number 15 in D flat, _Raindrops_, which Cuddy recognized because he'd played it for her when they were together. House closed his eyes as he played. The piano was in perfect tune, the music reverberated throughout the house. It was clear, it was beautiful. The piece started off hopeful and naïve taking a turn when the minor chords revealed a deeper truth. It cried softly before the persistent notes and strong chords interrupted with a resentful yearning, and then ended with a calm acceptance. Tears formed in Cuddy's eyes as she watched him lose himself in the music. She loved seeing him like that, it was one of the few times he was most vulnerable. She thought about them and the things they'd shared together over the years. When he played his music for her, it had always captured the deepest parts of her soul and she thought there was nothing more beautiful than him at that moment. As the piece neared its end, she began to cry.

"Mommy why are you crying?" Rachel asked, concerned.

House finished and put his hands in his lap. "You okay?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah. I just…I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." She got up quickly and went down the hall.

House was perplexed. She'd gotten him this beautiful piano and she seemed so happy and then all the sudden she was crying. _Women_, he thought. _Damn hormones_. But he wasn't sure it was hormones. He'd had his eyes closed but he'd peeked over at her a few times as he played and noticed she seemed lost in her thoughts. Something was on her mind and he couldn't rest until he knew what it was. They had one day left together and he was not going to spend it with her sad.

"Hey munchkin, you think you can guard this thing till I get back? I want to check on your mom."

"Okay."

House limped down the hall to Cuddy's room. He tapped on the door which was closed but not all the way. He peeked in and found her sitting on the bed blowing her nose.

"Can I come in?"

"I'm fine, really," she said sniffling.

He opened the door and leaned against the doorway. "You were fine a few minutes ago and all morning and last night. Now you're a mess. What's going on?"

"Probably just PMS."

"Liar. You haven't broken the sugar ban yet."

"Sometimes I hate that you know me so well," she said with a sad chuckle.

"So, what did I do?"

_"You?"_

"Yeah, the only time you cry is because of me. I assume I screwed up again."

"Oh God no. _I_ screwed up. I mean…not now but…" She started crying again.

He limped over to the bed and sat down next to her. "As gifted as I am, I'm not a mind reader."

"I screwed up when I broke up with you."

He was shocked by her admission. He thought they were past this. "What are you talking about?"

"Listening to you play, it's so beautiful and it reminded me of the times you used to play for me when we were together. In those moments, I felt so connected to you. It's one of the few times you really put yourself out there," she said. "It just reminded me of everything…and how much went wrong between us and how much I've missed you."

House sighed softly. "I thought we were moving past our mistakes."

"We are, it's just it takes awhile, ya know." She said between sniffles.

"It's easier said than done. Baby steps, Cuddy," he nudged her with his shoulder.

"God I hate it when you're right." She blew her nose again. House laughed.

"You sound like foghorn, leghorn." She frowned at him and he said, "C'mere," as he pulled her to him.

Cuddy leaned on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. "I know you carry your share of guilt. Believe it or not, I do too." She looked up at him. "I'll deny it if you ever tell anyone though," he said.

"Naturally," she mused.

"Cuddy, it's hard to forget the past, I know that better than anyone." When he said that, Cuddy knew he was referring to his father as well as them. "I don't think we forget though, we just move on."

"I don't think we ever really forget it, we just deal with it and move on."

House nodded as he nuzzled her hair with his nose. "I wish I could say or do something to make things automatically better so you wouldn't feel so bad."

"Things _are_ better House; we've come a long way. We're talking and I like that we can do that and still be us."

"You know we'll always argue and fight, it's who we are. Cuddy, it wouldn't be us if we didn't. It just wouldn't work," he said.

"We have proven that haven't we?"

"All too well." He kissed her on top of her head. "Come on, we better get back in their before your musical prodigy claims ownership of my new piano."

"So you really like it?"

"Are you kidding? I fucking love it. But…why?"

"House, I wanted you to feel at home when you're here. I know how much your music means to you."

House smiled and Cuddy couldn't get over how much she'd missed that. He rarely smiled and when he did only two people were on the receiving end of it, her and Wilson.

"How in hell did you set this up?" He asked.

"Well…I made a few phone calls here and there and like I said, I know a guy."

"I bet you know a _lot_ of guys," he teased.

"Don't you know it," she responded coyly.

"Any guy in particular who...stands out?" He asked as he took her hand and led her out of the bedroom into the hallway.

"Maybe."

"Hmm…I wanna hear more about this guy. He must be one hot dude."

"You have _no_ idea," she winked at him then, still holding his hand, followed him back into the living room.

Well, there ya go. I've wanted to get House into his music again because it's such an important part of who he is and he communicates his feelings through his music and he works out his problems through it as well. I've already got a large part of the next chapter done as it was originally going to be part of this chapter but it's so long and I thought the ending here makes a much more appropriate end for this chapter. I'll update tomorrow or Tuesday!


	64. Chapter 64

**A/N:** Ahhh...I can breathe a sigh of relief now. What was I thinking starting another fic while I was writing this? Actually I think I've written six short ones while this one's been going on. I just finished _"Where do we go from here?"_ and now I can devote more time to this story. Sometimes the muse hits, it makes you want to write a short fic and when the muse hits you have to go with it. That story was only supposed to be one chapter. I'm long-winded sometimes, what can I say?

Thanks to Cherokee Jedi (go check out her H/C fic Safety!) for taking a look at this. :)

_Do yourselves a favor and go out there and check out the over 3,000 House & Cuddy stories. You can find them by going to fanfiction dot net(forward slash)tv(forward slash)House-M-D/10/0/1/1/0/2729/2730/0/0/1/0/_

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><p><em>"So you really like it?"<em>

_"Are you kidding? I fucking love it. But…why?"_

_"House, I wanted you to feel at home when you're here. I know how much your music means to you."_

_House smiled and Cuddy couldn't get over how much she'd missed that. He rarely smiled and when he did only two people were on the receiving end of it, her and Wilson._

_"How in hell did you set this up?" He asked._

_"Well…I made a few phone calls here and there and like I said, I know a guy."_

_"I bet you know a lot of guys," he teased._

_"Don't you know it," she responded coyly._

_"Any guy in particular who...stands out?" He asked as he took her hand and led her out of the bedroom into the hallway._

_"Maybe."_

_"Hmm…I wanna hear more about this guy. He must be one hot dude."_

_"You have no idea," she winked at him then, still holding his hand, followed him back into the living room._

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><p>House thoroughly enjoyed breaking in the new piano. After playing for about thirty minutes, he'd drifted off into his own world, into a particularly sad song and he got so lost in the melody he seemed to forget he wasn't alone. Rachel, always the observant one, tugged at House's sleeve and asked him why he was so sad. At that moment, House stopped playing and looked over at Cuddy, a silent plea with her to help him. She read the emotion in his eyes and quickly rescued him by telling Rachel that House wasn't sad, he was just thinking. Then she suggested the two of them go play one of her new astronomy games while so House could have some time to "think". In reality, she knew that House needed some time to himself. Rachel begrudgingly obeyed her mother and they padded off to her room together.<p>

House was overwhelmed by Cuddy's gift. Often during his stay with her he'd wished he'd had access to his music as it was a respite and it helped him work through all the things going on in his head. He had missed two things he held dear since his visit—his privacy and his music, though he'd never said anything to Cuddy. As he played, he didn't seem to be bothered that there were two people in the house who could hear the music, but at least he was alone in the room and no one could see his face and the emotions that went through him as he played. He was sad, but he didn't want Cuddy and Rachel to know that. He didn't want to go back to Princeton but he had no choice, he had his job, his apartment, his stuff…and Wilson. Even though he was known to recklessly disregard rules, he was nothing, if not habitual and though he enjoyed being with Cuddy and Rachel, he sometimes craved his old routine. He wondered if it was possible he could create a new routine traveling back and forth from Princeton to Boston on a weekly basis.

As his fingers glided over the keys as he played Rachmaninoff's Prelude in G Minor Op. 23, his cell phone rang. After a few rings it went to voice mail and he continued to play. The second time, he sighed and stopped playing, reaching for his phone.

"House."

"Hey, just thought I'd see how things were going there." It was Wilson.

"Good."

"You ready to come back tomorrow?"

House rubbed his face with one hand. "Not really but I know how much you miss me."

"I'm sure if you wanted some more time off, Foreman would give it to you. You must have months worth of vacation saved up."

"Can't. The kids need me."

"They seem to be doing fine with Chase."

"You trying to tell me something?"

"No, just thought that you should know they're doing okay with him and if you need more time-"

"I'm fine Wilson."

"Listen, you and Cuddy have been through a lot and you're just getting to know each other again, I know this must be hard for you."

"What part of I'm fine do you not get?"

"It's just...you guys seem so much happier this time around."

"Happiness is overrated."

"Quit deflecting."

"Quit nagging."

"Fine. It's that...I really want things to be good for you guys. After all this time, you deserve it."

"I can't screw this up."

"Then don't."

"What if I don't know how not to screw it up?"

Wilson sighed. He wasn't sure how to convince House things would be all right. "House, don't spend all your time worried about screwing up, just live your life, enjoy it, enjoy her."

"Oh I plan on that Jimmy," House mused.

Wilson threw his hands in the air. "No, no, no. I do not want you to go there."

"So, you wanna start up the weekly poker game again?"

"Sure. I still owe you an ass kicking."

House smirked. "Dream on, Wilson, dream on."

"What time will you be back tomorrow?"

"Not sure, don't know what time I'm leaving here yet."

"How's Cuddy taking this?"

"I don't know. I mean, she's been okay so far today. You know women though..."

"Yeah...I do. She's going to miss you."

"Maybe."

"No maybe. Trust me."

"Aww Jimmy, you speaking from experience?"

"Shut up House."

"See you later Wilson."

"Bye House."

As he hung up the phone Cuddy walked into the room and stood next to the piano, running her fingers along its polished wood surface.

"Where's the munchkin?" He asked.

"Taking a nap. I wanted her to be able to stay up a little later with us this evening."

"Hmm...maybe I've got something special planned." He grinned and reached his hand out, placed it on her arm and pulled her over to him. He scooted back on the bench and placing her between him and the piano.

"Oh you do, do you?" She asked seductively as she put her arms around his neck. "Who was on the phone?"

"My mother," he said, as he rested his head against her belly.

Cuddy raised his chin to look at him. "Really? Everything okay?"

"Relax, it was my _other_ mother."

"Oh, how's Wilson doing?" She asked with a chuckle.

"Checking up on us as usual." He resumed his place nestled against her.

"We've got to get him a girlfriend."

"Then he's fine until he marries them."

"True."

"How are you doing?"

"Me?"

"Well duh, I don't see another hot MILF in the room, do you?"

Cuddy slapped him in the shoulder. "I hate that term."

"But it's so fitting. You are a mother and I'd like to fuck you," he lifted her shirt up and kissed her bare stomach.

"You already have."

"Oh, then I'd like to do it again...and again...and again..." He kissed every inch of skin he could reach, inching her top up higher and higher.

Cuddy sighed in pleasure. "House..." she moaned."Rachel is in the next room."

"She's sleeping."

"We can't do this now." She pushed the hem of her shirt back down. "Later okay?" She smiled at him, and leaned down and kissed him. Their tongues tangled deliciously, eliciting moans from both of them.

"I'm gonna miss this," she said.

House didn't reply but the way he pulled her even closer to him, she knew he felt the same way too.

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><p>Early in the evening, House played chef and barbecued...burgers for him, kabobs for Rachel, and a Portobello mushroom for Cuddy. House shook his head watching Cuddy bite into the monstrous thing; he couldn't understand how a person could choose fungus over a thick, juicy burger. They sat around the picnic table after dinner and House played checkers with Rachel, who turned out to be pretty good.<p>

"Where'd she learn to play like that?" He asked Cuddy.

"Michael."

"Julia's husband?"

"Yeah."

"Smart kid," he replied. He watched Rachel running around the yard with her favorite toy, her magnifying glass.

"She sure is. Look at her with that thing, she loves it."

"How's your sister doing by the way?"

"Did you just ask about Julia? I thought you couldn't stand her."

"I couldn't stand her when she always took your mother's side, but other than that she's okay."

"She's managing. She got the death certificate, settled the insurance and everything."

"He leave her okay?"

She smiled faintly. "More than okay. They both took out very large policies on one another to ensure if anything ever happened, the other would be set for life."

"What's she going to do now?"

"I don't know. She's spending a lot of time with mom and the kids. I think it's good for her."

"That's good," he said, not paying much attention, just watching Rachel and thinking.

"What are you thinking?" She noticed he was distracted.

He fiddled with the checkers. "When you were in the hospital and we thought you had cancer...I thought about what life would be like if you were dead. It scared the shit out of me."

Cuddy reached over and took his hand. "No, we don't have to think about that."

"_You_ wanted me to talk."

"I'm sorry, go ahead."

"When Wilson told me the tumors had spread, I couldn't handle it. I knew you needed me to be there for you because you were scared too but I couldn't. It was like a bad dream and I just couldn't imagine a time when you wouldn't be here anymore. When you told me about Julia's husband, I did feel bad for her. It reminded me of what could have happened to us."

"Oh, House. I remember you telling me how you felt that night in that first letter you sent me. It was the first time you told me what you were going through."

"We never talked after the breakup. Besides Wilson, Nolan was the only other person who knew. I had to talk about it sooner or later."

"I'm glad you told me now."

"Yeah."

Just then Rachel came running up to Cuddy with a leaf in her hand, shouting excitedly. "Look what I found!" She practically shoved the leaf in her mother's face.

"Do you know what that is Rach?" Cuddy asked looking closely at the tiny bug nestled on the leaf.

"It's a ladybug," she replied happily.

"Good job." Cuddy handed the leaf to House who took it and studied it carefully.

"Do you know the _real_ name for the ladybug?"

"No."

"Adalia bipuncata."

"Huh?" She asked. She tried to pronounce the word but couldn't.

"Don't worry, you'll get it eventually," he said patting her on the head.

Cuddy smiled at the exchange. "Okay, who wants dessert?" Cuddy asked. She wasn't surprised when House and Rachel raised both hands.

* * *

><p>Later, after dinner and dessert, they'd moved back into the house to watch a movie, <em>Milo and Otis<em>. Rachel had seen the movie at Hannah's house and had begged her mother to buy the DVD. Halfway through the film, Rachel started to yawn.

"Okay Rach, time for bed."

"Oh mommy, do I have to?" She begged. House watched with a grin as the mini-Cuddy attempted to use her best pouty face on her mother.

"Not going to work, missy. You're yawning."

"But mom."

"No _but mom._"

"But I wanna hang out with you guys." House just grinned at the interaction between mother and daughter.

"It's getting late. You'll see House tomorrow."

Rachel looked down at her feet and shuffled back and forth. "But he's leaving and we might not see him again."

Before Cuddy could respond, House interceded. He limped over to Rachel and kneeled as best he could in front of her, though it hurt his leg to do it. He looked right at her and said in his most sincere voice, "I'm coming back. Okay?"

"But when?"

"Soon."

"You promise?"

Not one to make promises, House made an exception. "Yeah, I do."

Rachel looked thoughtful for a moment then replied, "Okay. Will you read me a story?"

House looked up at Rachel and for a moment he saw himself in her. He remembered when he was her age and his mother would read to him. His father had never been a part of those moments. Suddenly, House felt the need to change that.

"Sure." He put his hand on the table next to him and pushed himself up, grabbing his thigh for a moment. He looked over at Cuddy and nodded. "I'm okay." Turning to Rachel he said, "Come on rugrat, let's go." As they walked down the hallway, Rachel reached up and took his hand. House hesitated at first but then he grasped it.

Cuddy watched the interaction with tears in her eyes. This was what she'd wanted the entire time they'd been together. Hell, it was what she'd hoped for after she'd adopted Rachel. She sighed and tried not to think about the fact that he was leaving the next day. She'd gotten used to him being around and she felt a momentary wave of panic flow through her. Even though he said he'd be back in a week, she worried something would get in the way, because something always did when it came to them. Cuddy decided to put those thoughts aside so they could focus on enjoying their last night together. Knowing Rachel would demand House read the story to her at least twice before she went to sleep; she figured she had time for a quick shower. As she walked down the hallway, she heard House reading to her and she chuckled silently as she heard him take on the many voices of the characters in the story.

* * *

><p>A half hour later, Cuddy had emerged from her bedroom, barefoot, sans makeup, hair drawn back in a ponytail and dressed in comfortable cotton leggings and a white fitted long-sleeved v-neck. She went into Rachel's room and kissed her daughter on the forehead and fixed her covers, then closed the door before proceeding down the hallway. There, she found blues music playing on her stereo, two candles on the coffee table along with a bottle of wine and two glasses. A warm fire roared in the fireplace. House sat in the recliner in jeans, a tee shirt and his socks. His feet were up and his head nodded back and forth in time with the music. Sensing her presence, he opened his eyes.<p>

"You like?" He asked.

"Wow," she said.

"I take that as a _yes_."

"I love it."

He got out of the chair and poured two glasses of wine, then handed her one. "To us," he said, lifting his glass.

"To us," she repeated.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked, bowing in front of her.

"You don't dance."

"Tonight, I do."

Cuddy smiled. "This…is so unlike you."

"I know but sometimes you have to expect the unexpected." He took her glass from her and set them both on the coffee table. He put his arms around her and drew her to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his warm chest. It wasn't really dancing, it was more like barely moving, but they were doing it together and it was nice.

"You're not using your cane."

"Don't need it...yet."

The moved again for a few minutes, neither saying a word.

"House," she said, softly. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Now where have I heard that before?" He smirked into her hair.

She remembered. He had just gotten out of Mayfield and was in Wilson's apartment cooking. That's when he'd told her he wasn't returning to work.

As if he sensed what she was thinking, he said, "You asked me if you were the reason I was leaving."

She pulled back a bit stunned. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"I know you," he said. He kissed the top of her head. "I lied...about that."

"What?"

"You were the reason I didn't want to go back, well at least one of them anyway. I really wasn't sure I could handle practicing medicine again but I also wasn't sure how we were going to work together. I knew things would be different and after what I did to you, I just couldn't go back knowing you hated me."

"I never hated you," she said, pulling away a little and looking up at him.

"Not even a little?"

"I was pissed at first but when I realized you were sick, being angry was the last thing on my mind. I was worried about you." She went back to her position leaning against him.

"Seems like ages go doesn't it?"

"Yeah. I never thought we'd be here, right now."

"Me too. I figured I'd be dead by now," he replied, holding her tight. He heard Cuddy gasp at his words.

"Don't say that."

"It's true. After I realized the magnitude of what I did, not just to you house but to you right after the breakup, I wasn't sure I wanted to go on. I still don't know how I managed to get my life back together."

"I'm just glad you did," she said holding him tighter.

"I keep saying I don't want to screw this up but I'm tired of worrying about it. Wilson says I need to just let it be and enjoy it. You know that's hard for me but I'm going to try like hell. Just...don't give up on me." He looked down at her.

"I won't. Just don't give up on me either."

"I don't think I could."

"I don't expect things to be perfect. I don't care anymore what works for other people, I just want what works for _us_."

"My leg is always gonna hurt but I manage the pain. When things are good, it doesn't hurt as much. It's not that the pain has gone away because it's always there; it's just that focusing on something else seems to take my mind off of it. I'm still talking to Nolan and as much as that's a pain in the ass at times, it helps. I'm doing what I can. I just hope it's enough for you."

"It's more than enough, House. We both have shit, but this time instead of dealing with it ourselves, we can deal with it together."

"I'd like that," he said.

They held each other and swayed through a few songs then they stopped and House reached for her shirt and gently pulled it up over her head. He stood looking at her in all her glory, her body was so beautiful. He kissed her as he reached his hands around her back to undo her bra. When he did, he slowly lowered the straps down her shoulders, letting his fingertips caress her arms on the way down. She pulled his head down and kissed him and when they finally parted for air, his lips wandered to her neck and he sucked her pulse point. He nipped her and she groaned. She ran her hands up his biceps to the nape of his neck and scratched him in the way she knew he loved. He ran his hands down her smooth warm back and down to her ass which he squeezed in delight.

"I love your ass," he said, grinning at her. As they stared into each others eyes, the electricity vibrating through them, no words were needed; it was as if they could read each others thoughts.

"Come with me," she said, taking his hand and leading him down the hallway, stopping only to blow out the candles and turn off the music. They reached her bedroom and closed the door, locking it and then turning on the lamp by the bed. Cuddy approached him and put her hands on his chest. House swallowed hard and looked down at her. They had already made love once but there was something different about this time. They were taking it slow, speaking without words, conveying every want and need through their actions.

Cuddy lifted the hem of his shirt and he helped her ease it over his head. He sat down on the bed and she stepped between his legs and kissed the top of his head and wrapped her arms around him. He took one of her nipples in his mouth, caressing it with his tongue. As he licked and sucked one breast, he palmed the other gently and then he switched. God how he'd missed the feel of her breasts, so soft and plump and perfect. He smiled against her soft skin as she moaned in response to his touch. House reached for the waistband of her leggings and pulled them down along with her lace panties. She stepped out of them and was completely naked in front of him. He nestled his face against her warm stomach and kissed her, inserting his tongue in her belly button, which tickled and made her giggle. He smiled to himself remembering the many mornings he woke up with his face pressed against the soft, warm skin of her stomach.

"You are terribly overdressed," she said, taking him out of his trance.

"I was just thinking that."

He lay back and she pulled his pants and boxers down and over his feet, tossing them in the corner, then she removed his socks and tossed them aside. Cuddy's heart raced even more at the sight of him completely naked and ready for her. She lay on the bed next to him and they kissed again, taking their time to explore each other's mouths. He rolled her on her back in the middle of the bed. He kissed her lips, her nose, her eyes, and ran his tongue down her neck and in between her breasts. He left a trail of kisses down her stomach and when he reached her heat, she was wet and ready for him. He blew softly on her center and she spread her legs wide for him. He decided to tease her some more, letting his tongue glide lazily down the inside of one thigh, down to her foot, and then moved to the other and worked his way back up. By that time, Cuddy was a moaning mess on the bed, one hand in her own hair, the other fisting the sheets. He reached her mound again and ran his tongue over her lightly. He parted her folds and probed with one finger inside her as he kissed and suckled her. He ran his tongue up and down her slit, and then sucked on her clit until she writhed beneath him.

"Oh..." she exclaimed loudly. She placed both of her hands in his hair, scratching gently at his scalp, urging him along.

He smiled and sank another finger into her and suckled her clit until her body began to shake uncontrollably and she writhed beneath him begging for him never to stop. When she reached her climax, she howled his name longer and louder than he could ever remember and when she was done she was left panting and saying, "Oh my God" over and over again. He kissed her inner thighs and moved up her body, caressing it and kissing her sweaty skin. He reached her lips and gave her another heated passionate kiss. He looked her in the eyes and smiled. She grinned back at him.

"I love it when you smile, I love that I'm the reason for it." He leaned down and captured her lips again, kissing her with every fiber of his being, telling her with that one kiss what he could never say in words.

"I love it when you make me smile," she returned his sentiment, then gently pushed him over on his back and straddled his knees, gently caressing his thighs and paying special attention to his scar. There had been a time he didn't want her to see it and just as she did their second first night together, she leaned down and kissed it, running her fingers over it gently. She thought about the first time she'd ever kissed his scar and wondered if he did too. At that moment she looked up at him, their eyes locked and she hoped to convey to him that she accepted him, faults and all.

She wrapped the fingers of one hand around his hard length and began stroking him while her other hand massaged his balls.

"Oh…Cuddy…" he gasped.

"Want me to stop?" She laughed.

"Oh, hell no. Don't stop you evil woman!" He exclaimed. He heard her laugh at his response. God how he'd missed her laughter.

Cuddy loved to make him feel good and she'd missed this so much. She had enjoyed giving him pleasure as much as he enjoyed giving it to her. She knew these moments gave him a brief respite from his pain and she was so happy to be a part of it. She stroked him gently and leaned down to run her tongue over his tip, tasting him, and then she wrapped her lips around him and moved up and down slowly, feeling him writhe beneath her, overwhelmed by her movements. He put his hands in her hair as she sucked and licked him. She took him out of her mouth and looked up at him, his eyes were glazed over, and the look on his face was pure ecstasy.

"I'd love to make you come this way," she said in a seductive raspy voice, "But I've got something better planned." She moved up his body and rested her heat over him, grinding against him, teasing him. He reached for her hands and held them in his as she put her weight on his arms and lifted herself up and then down onto him. She took her time so she could adjust to him and finally she sank down on him all the way.

"Oh my God this feels so good," she said looking down at him.

"Tell me about it."

They stayed like that for a moment not moving, just relishing the feeling of being joined together again. For them, it felt like home, the safe place they both belonged. Their hands still clasped, she began to move slowly up and down on top of him, taking complete control of his body, grinding her hips into him. He filled her up completely, not just her womb but her heart as she rode him and held his hands, which he kissed alternately. Tonight was not about desperation and neediness as it had been last night, tonight they were taking it slow, enjoying the feel of being with each other and making that deep physical, emotional and spiritual connection that opened their hearts and souls to one another, making them completely vulnerable.

Cuddy moved above House effortlessly and the friction created by their connection was overwhelming. Cuddy lay on House's chest, as she moved her hips above him. They whispered things to one another in between kisses and their hands roamed and touch every inch of skin they could find. Time had passed but they still knew what the other liked and it was as if they'd never been apart. House was mesmerized by her beauty as Cuddy swayed above him, her breasts so round and full in his hands as he caressed them. He watched her hair fall in her face and at that moment he swore that until his dying day, there would never be a more beautiful sight than her.

Though he enjoyed the feeling of her on top of him, House knew she liked to be taken and he wanted to give it to her like he knew she wanted. He flipped them over and pushed himself inside her again. He heard her groan in pleasure. He placed one hand under her ass and one under her neck and pulled her as close to him as possible as he thrust in and out. He dipped his head and captured her lips and they kissed passionately as their bodies moved in unison, sweaty and slippery, grinding together in perfect symbiosis. She wrapped her legs around his thighs as he plunged in and out of her, making her spine tingle.

"Oh…God…don't ever stop," she yelled.

"I don't plan to mistress," he said as he kissed her. He was breathing hard and starting to lose control but he didn't want to come before her. He moved faster while kissing her neck and sucking on it, leaving his mark to let the world know she belonged to him.

"House…faster…please!" She cried. House picked up the pace and began to move faster while he kissed every bit of skin he could reach as they grinded together towards ecstasy. His leg hurt but he knew it would be worth it. He took his hand from behind her back and reached around and let his thumb circle her clit vigorously, knowing she was almost there. As her walls clenched, she let out a gasp, knowing the end was near. Their eyes connected and at that moment they realized that through all the pain and tears they finally belonged to each other again. Neither of them had ever felt more loved as they did at this moment.

As she neared her climax, House put his lips to her ear and whispered, "I'm gonna miss you so much Cuddy."

Cuddy came apart hearing his words. "Oh my God..._House_!" She yelled breathlessly. Suddenly she felt the incredible rush and tingle from her spine down to her toes and she cried out her release, yelling his name over and over again as she climaxed and wave after wave pulsed through her. Hearing her shout his name sent House over the edge with her, groaning her name into her neck repeatedly as he felt his release pouring seemingly endlessly into her.

When they finally came down from their high together, breathing hard, sweating, and completely satisfied, they were overwhelmed with emotion. Neither could speak, they simply maintained their connection as he lay over her planting kisses about her face and neck. Finally he pulled out of her and her body tingled with tiny aftershocks. They crawled under the covers and held each other. Cuddy lay with her head on his chest as he gently ran his fingers through her hair.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear. He noticed her eyes filled with tears. "What's wrong?" He asked as he wiped away the tears with his thumb.

"Even when I was angry at you for what you did, I still missed you. My sister didn't understand, nobody did, except Wilson, that is. Without you, I felt like a piece of _me_ was missing. I tried not to miss you but it was impossible, it just hurt so much. I don't ever want to feel that way again."

He held her tightly and said, "I know. I felt the same way. Honestly, I never wanted another relationship after you. And speaking of Wilson, he was the only one who understood why. I just didn't want to try and have with someone else, what I had with you. I don't even think I could have."

Cuddy looked at him surprised, her heart warmed by his confession. "We're idiots," she said.

"Tell me about it." He kissed the top of her head as one hand caressed her hip. "Thanks for giving a grumpy pain in the ass another chance."

"I love you, House," she said. "I don't think it's ever been in me _not_ to give you another chance. Thanks for doing the same for me."

"For you, my little MILF...anytime," he said, eliciting a laugh from her. House moved on top of her and nestled himself between her thighs, taking her soft, warm lips with his own and kissing her passionately once again.

* * *

><p>And there we go. I can't believe it took twelve days to get this finished but I've had to write it in between other things. Please leave your comments on the way out!<p> 


	65. Chapter 65

**A/N:** Hi all. I wanted to post weekly but life gets in the way so it looks like for now, every two weeks may be the best I can do unless the muse hits sooner and I can find more time. I'll play it by ear. In the meantime, please read and review!

At the end of our last chapter, it was Saturday night…

* * *

><p><em>"I love you," he whispered in her ear. He noticed her eyes filled with tears. "What's wrong?" He asked as he wiped away the tears with his thumb.<em>

_"Even when I was angry at you for what you did, I still missed you. My sister didn't understand, nobody did, except Wilson, that is. Without you, I felt like a piece of me was missing. I tried not to miss you but it was impossible, it just hurt so much. I don't ever want to feel that way again."_

_He held her tightly and said, "I know. I felt the same way. Honestly, I never wanted another relationship after you. And speaking of Wilson, he was the only one who understood why. I just didn't want to try and have with someone else, what I had with you. I don't even think I could have."_

_Cuddy looked at him surprised, her heart warmed by his confession. "We're idiots," she said._

_"Tell me about it." He kissed the top of her head as one hand caressed her hip. "Thanks for giving a grumpy pain in the ass another chance."_

_"I love you, House," she said. "I don't think it's ever been in me not to give you another chance. Thanks for doing the same for me."_

_"For you, my little MILF...anytime," he said, eliciting a laugh from her. House moved on top of her and nestled himself between her thighs, taking her soft, warm lips with his own and kissing her passionately once again._

* * *

><p>Sometime after five o'clock on Sunday morning, Cuddy woke from her peaceful slumber. She looked over at House who slept soundly, emitting only a light snore. The lines on his face seemed faded and the crease in his brow which was constant was temporarily gone. She recalled how, when they were together, he'd told her he rarely enjoyed a good night's sleep and it was then that she understood why he often arrived at work late. After that she stopped chastising him for it. She had always underestimated the toll his pain had taken on him and now she wanted to be sure that never happened again. The sight of him in her bed, so relaxed, made her heart lighter. She closed her eyes and laid there, a smile on her face as she daydreamed about House. As she was drifting back to sleep, a deep voice interrupted her thoughts.<p>

"What? No yoga this morning?"

Her eyes still closed, she rolled over and snuggled up to him. "I should but I got quite a workout last night and as I recall, again earlier this morning. Besides, I can do yoga anytime." She opened one eye and peered at him. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough. What were you thinking about?"

"Who says I was thinking about anything?"

"I know that look."

"Well, you're wrong."

"Don't lie. Besides, I know the feeling."

"Oh really?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "You've been doing some deep thinking lately?"

"See, you admit it," he said, wagging his finger at her.

"Don't deflect."

"I'm always in deep thought," he admitted.

"About what?" Cuddy asked curiously.

"This isn't about me, this is about you. Now _you're _deflecting," he accused.

"No, I'm not, come on tell me."

"Will it shut you up?"

Cuddy gave him a look.

"Sorry. The last couple of months I've been having flashbacks about things. You and me, my dad…"

"Wanna talk about him?"

House shook his head. "You wanna talk about my dead dad while we're in bed?"

"I want to talk about whatever is on your mind."

"Well what's on my mind doesn't require talk." He grinned mischievously at her as leaned over and slid his hand under her tank top. He groaned at the feel of her soft, bare skin.

"House!"

He rolled over on his back. "Fine woman, what do you want to know?"

"Well when you say it like that." She moved away from him.

"Do you want to talk or not?"

She sighed and rolled back over to him and laid her head on his chest. "I don't want to force you to talk to me; I just want you to feel like you can."

House encircled her with his arms. "I'm not trying to hide anything. I talk to Nolan all the time. For the record, it helps."

"I wish you could talk to me more."

He felt her tense up in his arms and he kissed the crown of her head. "We've been making progress, just give me some time. I can't change a lifetime of behavior in just a few weeks."

"Okay."

House felt her relax. "Okay? That's it?"

"I'm not going to nag you. I just want you to know I'm here when you do want to talk…about anything."

They lay there quietly for a few moments before he spoke again. "I was scared as hell to send you that letter."

"Really?"

"I had no idea how you'd react. I knew I had one chance to make things right and I wasn't sure if you'd even read it." House ran his fingers up and down her arm. He could tell Cuddy was thinking, it was just something he felt.

"Why don't you tell me what's on _your_ mind?"

"It's nothing, really."

"Don't do this Cuddy. Tell me what's going on."

"You'll think it's stupid."

House sighed and rubbed his hand over his tired, stubbled face. "This is _so_ five years ago."

Cuddy rolled over on her stomach and leaned on her elbows, with her chin in her hands. "I have this overwhelming desire to start a fight with you."

"You're right, that's stupid."

She smacked him in the chest.

"Okay, why do you want to fight?"

"I don't know. It's strange, it's just…."

"Hormones?" He interrupted with a smirk.

_"No."_

When Cuddy didn't elaborate, House had an epiphany. "You're putting up the wall even before I leave. You want to fight as a way of pushing me away."

"Yeah." She admitted with a desperate sigh.

"Will it make you feel better if we fight?"

"No."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Just hold me."

"That's _so_ cheesy."

"Are you trying to pick a fight with me now?"

"Shut up Cuddy," he said as he held her close. Her head lay on his chest as he stroked her bare skin of her arm. "You know us. Give it time and we'll have plenty of arguments."

Cuddy smacked him playfully. "It's been great since you've come back into our lives. And last night and the night before…were amazing."

"Isn't it always?"

"It was always amazing with you."

"You think we can keep from screwing it up?"

"The sex? Oh no." She chuckled. "It's the one thing we always got right."

"No, not the sex, just everything else."

"In the past I would have been hesitant, in fact…I was. But now I'm pretty sure we can do this. After everything we've been through…I'm convinced we just can't have this with anyone else." She said sincerely. "How are we really going to do this? Long distance is hard."

"Hey I'm supposed to be the pessimist here."

"You don't think it'll be an issue?"

"Not unless we make it one."

She tapped her fingers on his chest. "Would you want me to move back to Princeton?"

"I could never ask you to do that."

"I wonder what people at the hospital would think."

"Do you care?"

"Not really but...everyone knows, at least everyone who was there when it...when things happened."

"A lot of people are still pissed at me for you leaving." Then he added, "But you know that I never gave a shit about what they thought. I do know how much you miss it, you've said as much."

"I miss us working together, I miss Wilson, and running that place...I was good at it. The only thing I don't miss is working all the time."

"You know what they say about hindsight."

"I suppose."

"Would you ever take a job as administrator again?"

"At Princeton?" She raised an eyebrow at him, surprised by his question.

"Anywhere?"

"It'd have to be the right job at the right place at the right time. I'd have to have not only a kickass assistant but a competent Associate Dean as well. I can't do it all."

"You always thought you could."

"I was an idiot."

"My little girl is all grown up now." He smirked at her.

"Now that just sounds creepy." She smiled at him then reached up to run her fingers through his hair, leaning forward to kiss him. At that moment, there was a soft tapping on the door.

"Mommy, can I come in?" Asked the soft-spoken voice on the other side of the door.

"Oh shit," she said, removing herself reluctantly from House's lips. "Hold on Rach," she said. Their lips met once more and then House broke away to grab his pajama pants. After House put his pants back on, she got up and opened the door to a sleepy Rachel.

"Can I come in with you guys?"

Cuddy picked her up and brought her over to the bed where she crawled in the middle and got under the covers.

"Hey, what is this?" He asked as moved closer to him.

"Wanna sleep with you and mommy," she said still half asleep.

"You have your own bed."

"I know." Rachel settled under the covers and closed her eyes. In a few minutes she was asleep again. Cuddy got back into bed with them, moved towards Rachel, pulling her daughter close to her. She looked over at House and smiled at him.

"Now, where were we?"

"Well we were making out until a certain rugrat interfered."

"One kiss does not constitute making out."

"You were hot for me. Your hand was reaching for my…"

"Hey," she whispered. "Small child here."

"She's gotta get used to it sometime," he mused. He rolled over and faced her and the child sleeping close to her.

"I wish you didn't have to go," she said softly.

"You know I'll be back."

"What if you get busy?"

"You think I'll forget about you?"

"No. I'm just worried that...when you get back there you'll start thinking and…"

He interrupted her thoughts. "I could just as easily get those thoughts here."

"No, because at least you have me here to keep you preoccupied."

"You think you can control my thoughts while I'm here?" He asked puzzled.

"No, idiot, you know what I mean."

"I made the kid a promise."

"She really looks up to you. I wish I'd seen it when we were together."

"Before…it took awhile before she grew on me. She's a good kid. I don't want to let her down."

"What makes you think you will?"

"Experience."

"You're not your father. Is there anything I can say to convince you otherwise?"

"I know I'm not my father, but I can't help but think I'll make the same mistakes he did."

"I often say I'm not going to do the things my mother did but sometimes I do. I don't mean to, it's just…it's just the way it is. The important thing is that I am trying to learn from her mistakes as well as my own."

"When we were together before, I warned you about how I was an insane choice for someone with a kid. I wanted to be with you…but not her and that would've never worked. It's not that I didn't like her, I just never thought I could be someone's parent."

"I didn't ask you to be her parent back then."

"Cuddy, she was the elephant in the room. I wanted to be with you…not anyone else…ever. That couldn't happen unless I accepted Rachel as a permanent part of my life. You knew that but you avoided the subject as much as I did."

"I wanted to be with you so badly that I was willing to overlook it."

"That was stupid."

"Yeah, it was also one of the reasons it didn't work between us. It was bound to become an issue at some point if I hadn't gotten sick."

"I still don't know how to be what she needs."

"You're doing just fine. Don't rush it, just be you." Looking down at the sleeping child, she said, "I think that Rachel likes the real _you_ just fine."

"My dad…he wasn't always like that you know. I mean, he had his good moments."

Cuddy gave House a smile. "You can always tell me whatever you want…or not. Will you at least keep talking to Nolan?"

"Yeah."

"That's good. You're doing great House, I'm really proud of you."

House swallowed hard at her words. It wasn't often he'd heard that during his life, from anyone other than his mother. She had always seen through his façade and known who he really was and now Cuddy was able to as well. It made him feel good to know that.

"House, you okay?" Cuddy interrupted him in deep thought.

"Yeah."

"C'mere," she said. House moved closer to Cuddy and Rachel and put his arm around them as the two of them joined Rachel in sleep.

* * *

><p>Hours later, after breakfast, Rachel watched cartoons while Cuddy helped House pack his things in the bedroom. Cuddy noticed House was only packing his backpack and not the duffel bag he'd brought with him.<p>

"You're not leaving yet are you?"

"No, just getting my stuff together." I think I've got everything," he said, putting his reading glasses and a few journals and miscellaneous items in his backpack.

"That's it? What about your clothes and the stuff in the bathroom?"

"I figured I'd leave it here."

Cuddy beamed. "Yeah?"

"You don't mind do you?"

"Of course not."

"Just figured since I'll be back in a week."

Cuddy sat on the bed.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she offered a smile, which House knew was fake.

"You know it's okay to be sad, you don't have to fake it for me."

"I just don't want to depress you."

He grabbed her shoulders lightly and brought her to him. "C'mon let's go see what the rugrat is up to."

They sat in the living room watching cartoons with Rachel. Cuddy let out a few disgusted sighs as House and Rachel laughed at the idiocy on the screen.

"What on earth are you watching?"

"Cow and chik'n mommy."

_"What?"_

"Don't tell me you've never heard of it. It's the stuff of legends," House replied, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"You've got to be kidding."

"This," House said pointing to the screen, Is about the surreal adventures of a _cow_, named of course, Cow, and her _chicken _brother, named of course, Chicken. They are often antagonized by _The Red Guy_ who poses as various characters to scam them."

"And what's the Red Guy's name?"

"Oh he's just Red Guy," Rachel replied, knowingly.

Cuddy looked dumfounded and House and Rachel looked at one another and then at Cuddy, with a look of disgust that she had never heard of the legendary cartoon.

"It was nominated for an Emmy," House said.

"Twice," Rachel added. House held up his hand to Rachel. "Up high," he said as she high-fived him. Cuddy looked down and shook her head.

"I can't believe I'm watching this."

"It's quality family time. Now shush, I'm missing the plot."

"There's a plot?" She asked.

House sighed and looked at her. "Yes, there's a plot. Hello?"

"Oy vey."

Hey this is better than the episode "Buffalo Gals."

"Why?" She wondered if she would be afraid she asked.

"It was banned. See Cow and Chicken's house was invaded by a gang of female bikers."

"What's so wrong with that?"

House smirked and leaned towards her. "They broke into people's houses and began eating the carpet…literally." He pulled back to watch her reaction.

"Geez House, you let her watch that?"

"What part of it was banned did you not hear? Of course not, though I did hear that it was pretty funny."

Cuddy put her head in her hands.

"It's okay Cuddy, this stuff is harmless. She has no idea what they're talking about. She just likes the funny looking characters."

"Still…"

"Look, when she's in her twenties and starts having issues because of it, I'll pay for the shrink myself."

"That's so comforting." Nonetheless, she leaned back on the couch and watched House and Rachel intently focused on their cartoon. She couldn't care less about the cartoon, what interested her more was the growing bond between her daughter and House. She'd seen it once before, when they watched House's soaps and during the awful pirate cartoons they'd watch together. She hated that her daughter watched those things and it was only after they broke up, Cuddy realized Rachel was too young to really know what was happening, all she cared about was spending fun time with her tall friend.

Ten minutes later the cartoon ended and Rachel turned to House.

"Hows?"

"Yeah kid?"

"Will you play piano again before you go?"

Cuddy looked over at House and smiled sweetly. Actually she was just happy to be turning off the television after the madness she had just witnessed on it.

"You Cuddy women are gonna be the death of me," House said as he limped to the piano. Rachel sat with Cuddy and watched as House splayed his fingers over the keys and began to play. Rachel smiled at his rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" followed by "All the pretty horses." After he played she clapped and asked him to play again.

"Again?"

"Yes!"

"You want to hear something nobody else has ever heard?" He asked Rachel.

"Yes!" She cried happily.

House winked at her then cleared his throat and then once again his graceful fingers touched the keys and he began to play. He was a little nervous because it was something he had never played for them before. Cuddy was immediately mesmerized by the melody, a mix of classical with an ethnic flair and a modern twist at the end using a song she thought she recognized but couldn't place. She watched House intently, his eyes were closed and he was relaxed and incredibly focused on the task at hand. She wondered where he went in those moments when he lost himself in his music. Finally, he finished the piece and laid his hands in his lap.

"House...that was…beautiful. What is it?"

"A little something I wrote."

"You wrote _that_?"

House shook his head.

"Does it have a name?"

"It does." House had never told her about the song he'd composed just for her because he always feared if he shared it and something happened between them, she would take it with her and it would no longer be special. He recalled the night he began writing it and even after a year he'd added a little to it until he was satisfied with its completion. He'd played many times in the loneliness of his apartment because though it was written for her, he had composed it just as much for himself.

"I named it after you," he said quietly, looking directly at her.

Cuddy almost didn't hear him but she made out the words as he spoke to her.

"What? You wrote that..."

"The night of Rachel's Simchat Bat."

"You wrote that for me?" Rachel interrupted, hearing her name mentioned.

"You could say that."

"What's it called?" Rachel asked.

"Cuddy's Serenade."

Rachel looked up at a stunned Cuddy. "Mommy he named it after us." She climbed off the couch and ran over to the piano and held her hands up so House would help her up on the bench, which of course he did.

"Can you play again?" She asked.

House looked at Cuddy who had tears in her eyes. She nodded at him finding it difficult to speak. House was a man of action and he understood no words were necessary. He laid his fingers over the keys and began to play once again. Next to him Rachel watched in awe as his fingers moved effortlessly over the keys. Cuddy leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands just watching the man she loved, as he played the song he'd written just for her.

When he was finished, he helped Rachel off the bench. He wanted to give Cuddy some time to compose herself so he asked Rachel, "Hey how about we go outside? You can play on the swings."

"Okay."

"Rachel honey, go get your jacket." Cuddy called to her.

While Rachel went into her room, Cuddy stood up and faced House.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

House put his hands on her waist and drew her near him. "I just…couldn't, not till the time was right."

"But it's been _five_ years House."

House nodded.

"I wanted you to come you know, that night."

"I know."

"I'm sorry I pushed you away and made you think I didn't want you there."

"I'm sorry too."

"You? Why?"

"I wanted to be there," he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "But I was too chicken shit."

"Jesus House, we've both spent too many years being chicken shit. It's no wonder we didn't work."

"You'd think having known each other nearly half our lives; we could've made it work."

She laughed. "That's for normal people."

He grinned. "We're definitely not that."

Just then, Rachel came running into the room again with her SpongeBob jacket. "Can we go outside now?"

"Sure," she said.

"I've got my mangifing glass," she said, trying her best to say the big word, but not quite getting it right. Cuddy and House just grinned at her.

"I see that," he said. "Come on let's find a big bug to put down mommy's pants." He looked over at Cuddy who was momentarily horrified at the thought.

"Okay," Rachel giggled and ran out the sliding glass door as House held it open for her. He looked back at Cuddy and raised his eyebrow at her as she rolled her eyes at him.

House and Cuddy were sitting on lounge chairs on the back porch watching Rachel play when House turned to her.

"I've gotta leave soon," he said, breaking the silence.

"You have a long drive."

"You gonna be okay?" He asked, concerned.

"I think so."

"I'll call you."

"Okay." Cuddy stood up from her chair and helped House out of his. She watched him rub his thigh.

"Does it hurt much?"

"A bit. The patch is working fine but I think I might have overdone it last night."

"And again this morning," she replied with a shy grin.

They stood there looking at one another, love, lust and want in their eyes. They had so many things they wanted to say but words would not come. Looks had always conveyed so much between them and they seemed okay with that, for the looks seemed to speak volumes more than words ever could. It was comfortable to them because it was something they'd always had, ever since the moment they met.

Rachel ran up to them, breaking their trance. "Where ya goin'?" She asked the adults.

"Honey, House has to leave now."

"No!"

"C'mon you knew I had to leave today, right? Remember what we talked about? I'm coming back."

"You promise?"

"I do."

"Can I have a hug?"

"I don't do hugs."

_"House!"_ Cuddy pursed her lips, looking at him with her hands on her hips.

"Just kidding, geez. C'mere," he said bending down, slightly painfully to embrace the child. She approached and wrapped her small arms around him as best she could. He heard her sniffling.

"I'm gonna miss you Hows."

"I'm gonna miss you too rugrat."

"I'm not a rugrat."

"Sure you are, but you're special."

"I am?"

"Yep, 'cause you're the only rugrat I actually _like_."

"Really?"

"Yep, but that's our secret okay?"

Rachel beamed. "Okay," she replied, thinking it was a secret between them even though Cuddy had heard everything.

House stood up and massaged his thigh, as Rachel took hold of his good leg. Cuddy was tearful watching yet another moment between the two. It amazed her how House always talked about not being parent material and yet he and Rachel had bonded years back in ways she'd never imagined.

"Come on Rach; let's help House get his stuff." She opened the door and let Rachel into the house. She stepped in and House followed. He smacked her gently on the ass as she walked ahead of him. She turned around halfway, feigning dismay, but he could tell she liked it.

"Well, this is it," he said, setting his backpack on the arm of the couch.

"I guess it is," she said sadly.

Cuddy wrapped her arms around House's neck when his arms encircled her waist and pulled her close to him. He buried his head in her neck and took in the scent of her raven curls. It reminded him of the many times he'd done this before, when they were together and it never got old. His hands drifted lower until they found her ass and then he squeezed both ample cheeks in his hands. He heard her laugh into his chest.

"Cuddy," he said.

"Yeah."

"You've got a big ass." He said, smiling into her curls.

Cuddy laughed out loud, remembering the first time he'd said that to her at the hospital after their argument just days after they'd first gotten together. It was his way of breaking the awkward moment and lightening the mood. It always worked. She stepped back from him, grabbing his biceps and smiling.

"You always know just the right thing to say," she said, pulling back. House noticed her eyes were brighter than they were just moments ago.

"What can I say? I'm a gentleman. I taught Wilson everything he knows."

"I highly doubt that," she said with a raised eyebrow.

"Cuddy…thanks," he said with all sincerity in his voice.

"Why are you thanking me?" She asked curiously.

"For this." He motioned between them.

"I should be thanking you too…for helping us get to this moment."

He rolled his eyes. "Ahhh so me being a complete crazed lunatic was a good thing."

She sighed out loud. "_No_, I'd like to think that we were supposed to go through all the shit we've been through over the years for a _reason,_ to get us to this point. I couldn't be happier about having you back in my life. Things are different now, we've both learned a lot."

He hugged her again and whispered in her ear. "There's gonna be times I screw up, sometimes pretty bad. Just please…just give me a chance."

Cuddy nodded in their embrace. "I will," she whispered. "I always will. Just don't give up on us."

House pulled back a little and gazed down at her, taking in her ethereal beauty as he pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. He leaned down and captured her lips in a soul-searing kiss that, when they eventually broke apart, left them both completely breathless. They broke contact simultaneously, knowing he had to leave, then House turned towards the couch and picked up his backpack and cane and limped towards the front door. Cuddy and Rachel followed him outside. Before he got into the car, he turned to Cuddy and they stared at one another for a brief moment. No words were spoken and they knew none were needed. He carefully climbed into the car and closed the door. He looked up at Cuddy, who had tears in her eyes and he reached for her hand and held it tightly within his own, using his thumb to gently rub circles on her hand.

"I love you," she mouthed to him.

House nodded, then started the car and put it in gear, backing out of the driveway and into the street. When he got to the corner just down from her house, and stopped at the intersection, she noticed his car sat there longer than necessary and she wondered what he was doing. Suddenly something vibrated in her sweater pocket and she realized House must have slipped her cell phone in there when she wasn't paying attention. She pulled out the phone and saw she had one text message.

_"Me too."_

She smiled and looked up but his car was already out of sight. She pulled her sweater around her tightly then took Rachel's hand and led her back into the house.

"Mommy, don't cry," Rachel said. Cuddy just ruffled her daughter's hair and smiled down at her.

Cuddy closed the door behind them and Rachel climbed back on the couch to watch television. Cuddy sat next to her and tuned in the Animal Planet. As she wiped the tears from her eyes, she wasn't sure if she was crying because she was happy or sad. She knew things were okay between her and House and that she'd see him soon, however, she couldn't help but worry about what lay ahead. She felt the need to control things and with House headed back to Princeton, she felt a little helpless. She knew she could not control his life and his actions, nor did she want to, but she couldn't help it. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. _House is doing fine_, she thought to herself, _he doesn't need me to protect him. _Though they had made great strides, Cuddy couldn't help but worry about the unforeseen things lurking about waiting to interfere with their chance at happiness again.

Despite those negative thoughts, she knew that she _had_ to think positive. They'd found each other again for a reason and neither was willing to let go this time. She smiled at the thought that they were committed in a way that they had not been before. With that thought, she decided to concentrate on the good things. She looked over at Rachel who was looking at the television screen and laughing at videos of cats doing funny things. Cuddy reached over and pulled her daughter onto her lap, holding her close, watching and listening to Rachel's expression of happiness, allowing herself to enjoy the moment with her.

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><p>Thanks so much for all your patience with this update. Reviews are love!<p> 


	66. Chapter 66

Hi all, sorry so late with the update, but better late than never. Thanks to Cherokee Jedi for giving this a once-over. Thank you to the H gals for keeping me laughing so hard I'm in tears sometimes.

The usual shout out to the Huddy fic writers for being an inspiration!

In this chapter, it's Monday morning. House is back at PPTH.

* * *

><p><em>"I love you," she mouthed to him.<em>

_House nodded, then started the car and put it in gear, backing out of the driveway and into the street. When he got to the corner just down from her house, and stopped at the intersection, she noticed his car sat there longer than necessary and she wondered what he was doing. Suddenly something vibrated in her sweater pocket and she realized House must have slipped her cell phone in there when she wasn't paying attention. She pulled out the phone and saw she had one text message._

_"Me too."_

_She smiled and looked up but his car was already out of sight. She pulled her sweater around her tightly then took Rachel's hand and led her back into the house._

_"Mommy, don't cry," Rachel said. Cuddy just ruffled her daughter's hair and smiled down at her._

_Cuddy closed the door behind them and Rachel climbed back on the couch to watch television. Cuddy sat next to her and tuned in the Animal Planet. As she wiped the tears from her eyes, she wasn't sure if she was crying because she was happy or sad. She knew things were okay between her and House and that she'd see him soon, however, she couldn't help but worry about what lay ahead. She felt the need to control things and with House headed back to Princeton, she felt a little helpless. She knew she could not control his life and his actions, nor did she want to, but she couldn't help it. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. House is doing fine; she thought to herself, he doesn't need me to protect him. Though they had made great strides, Cuddy couldn't help but worry about the unforeseen things lurking about waiting to interfere with their chance at happiness again._

_Despite those negative thoughts, she knew that she had to think positive. They'd found each other again for a reason and neither was willing to let go this time. She smiled at the thought that they were committed in a way that they had not been before. With that thought, she decided to concentrate on the good things. She looked over at Rachel who was looking at the television screen and laughing at videos of cats doing funny things. Cuddy reached over and pulled her daughter onto her lap, holding her close, watching and listening to Rachel's expression of happiness, allowing herself to enjoy the moment with her._

* * *

><p>When he arrived back in the hospital unusually early Monday morning, House made sure everyone knew it. He made a general nuisance of himself to the nurses in the clinic as well as his team who he immediately dispersed to the clinic since they had no case. He spent the first few hours in his office catching up on email, most of which he promptly deleted without reading. As he was deleting the last one, his cell phone rang. He hoped it was Cuddy but frowned when he noticed it was a number he didn't recognize.<p>

"House," he grumbled into the phone.

"Dr. House, this is Dr. Baker. How are you this morning?"

"Fine," he responded dryly. "Uh oh, is this where you tell me you've changed your mind about hiring me?"

"What?" Baker laughed. "No, of course not. Actually we might have something better. We'd like to revise the plan, if you're interested."

House leaned forward and took off his glasses. "I'm listening."

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Wilson entered House's office, taking a seat across the desk from House.<p>

"So...," he said.

House leaned back in his chair, rubbed his right leg, and took off his glasses. "So..._what_?"

"You've been back for hours and you haven't said more than three words to me all day."

"I've been busy."

"You don't have a case and judging from the number of unread emails you've likely deleted, I assume that's a lie. You're avoiding me."

"No, I'm not."

Ignoring House, he said, "The question is why. What don't you want me to know?"

"What do you think I don't want you to know?"

"Oh come on, spill it."

"Is this the part where I go 'Oh, by the way I slept with Cuddy'?"

"You slept with Cuddy?" Wilson asked with surprise.

"Like you didn't know."

"Actually, I didn't. I mean I assumed. So was it…you know?"

"Was it..._what_?" House looked at him suspiciously.

"Well...you know...everything you thought it'd be?"

"You do know we've had sex before, right?"

"Yeah but you've been apart for so long, I just wasn't sure if it was still…"Wilson drifted off hoping House got his point.

"See, that's why you never stay married; it's always about the sex. Don't you know women have feelings and emotions? They're not just sexual playthings. They like to be cuddled and held too." House smirked at him.

Wilson frowned in annoyance. "Who are you and what've you done with House?"

"I just don't think sex is the most important part of a relationship," he replied sarcastically.

Wilson nearly choked on his coffee. When he regained his composure he replied. "Normally you'd be running into my office to brag about it."

"People change," House responded casually, taking Wilson by surprise.

"Fine." Wilson stood up, threw his hands in the air. "Sorry to have bothered you." Then he exited House's office. House just sat there with a bewildered look on his face. He waited a few minutes and when he couldn't take it anymore; he spun around, grabbed his cane and limped out his door, bursting into Wilson's office finding him sitting behind his desk, pretending to work.

"I knew you'd come," Wilson said, looking up with a satisfied smirk.

"You manipulative bitch," House replied, pointing his cane at Wilson.

"I learned from the best. House, I know you. You want to talk but because you don't know how to communicate like a...normal person...you were going to make me drag it out of you. I knew if I gave up, it'd drive you crazy, because you actually _want_ to talk about it."

House sighed and took a seat on the couch, giving out a slight groan that didn't go unnoticed by Wilson. "I hate that you know me so well."

"You okay?" Wilson asked, concerned.

"Fine," he said, not wanting to discuss it.

Wilson took the hint. "Sooo..." he tried again.

House breathed out heavily and said, "Yes, I slept with Cuddy."

"Well, duh. See, was that so bad?"

"You need a girlfriend," House snarked.

Once again ignoring House's comment he asked, "So, how do you feel about being back here?"

"I don't."

"You don't miss her?"

"No, actually I was just pondering which hooker I'd call tonight. Maybe Tawny or Brandy or better yet, the Russian one..._Slutnika_."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "You don't _do_ hookers anymore, not since you got clean and sober. Admit it, you miss Cuddy."

"Well of course I miss her."

"You love her."

"Well, duh. What is this? A game of state the obvious?"

"I haven't seen you this happy since…well, since last time you got together. But this time you seem different."

"A lot of the baggage that was there before is gone. We're talking, which we didn't do the last go 'round."

"That's great. So did you guys do anything exciting?"

"You mean besides having sex?"

"Oh come on House."

House relaxed into the couch. "She bought me a piano and not just any piano either, a Sohmer and Company Cupid, 1956."

"O-kay."

"It's…only the best...oh never mind, you wouldn't get it." House discussing the intricate details of antique pianos was much like Wilson trying to explain the plots of his Mexican telenovelas to House.

"Obviously not." Wilson replied. "So she bought you a piano? What did you do for her?"

"You mean besides rock her—"

Wilson held up his hands and interrupted. "Do not finish that sentence."

"I took her on a date."

"So how was the kiddie carnival?"

"No, I mean a _real_ date."

"No kidding. Have a good time?"

"Yeah, we did." He smiled to himself thinking of how happy Cuddy had been on their first date in two years.

"I'm glad things are good House," Wilson replied honestly. He really was happy for his friends.

"Yeah," House said. His eyes looked away and he seemed distracted.

Wilson knew that look. "No, House, don't go there," he warned.

"What?"

"You're thinking too much."

House twirled his cane in deep thought. Finally he said, "I can't help it."

"House, be positive."

"Okay, I'm _positive_ that I can't help it."

Wilson sighed. "You know what I mean. You two are happy. Enjoy it."

"I can't help worrying how we'll screw it up."

"What's with the _we_?"

"Well, in case you forgot, there's two of us in this...relationship. I have this bad habit of sabotaging everything good in my life and Cuddy...well, she has a habit of being a control freak."

"Do you want this to work?"

"Of course I do..._we_ do," House insisted.

"Well, then...what's the problem?" Wilson was perplexed,

"It's not a matter of wanting it to work; it's just who we are. It's _us_, all the way back to when we were in college."

Wilson sighed and leaned forward, elbows resting on the desk in front of him. "So, what are _you_ doing to do?"

"Everything in my goddamn power to make it work."

"House, I'm proud of you. I know it won't be easy, but you just have to figure out how to let go of the past and look forward to the future, a great future with the woman of your dreams."

"You should write Hallmark cards," House quipped.

Happy that his friend was comfortable discussing some of the details of his renewed relationship with Cuddy, Wilson moved on to other things.

"How were things with you and Rachel?"

"We had a good time. She's a smart kid, like her mom," House said. The corner of his lip turned up thinking about her. "Cuddy's done great with her."

"She seems to be pretty fond of you."

"That kid...she's smart. She asks a lot of questions."

"Most kids do."

"At least Cuddy encourages it."

"What parent wouldn't?"

House looked away and replied, "You'd be surprised."

Wilson looked at House, whose eyes were still focused on the wall next to him. He had a feeling House was referring to his father. He decided to get back on the subject. "So...about Rachel..."

At the mention of the little girl's name again, the corners of his lips turned up just a little. "She's got a magnifying glass and uses it on everything and I do mean _everything_."

"It'll only get worse from there you know. Now it's a magnifying glass, tomorrow it's a chemistry set."

"That gives me an idea," House said, his face reflecting an epiphany.

Wilson laughed. "There's no way Cuddy will let you get her daughter a chemistry set. _No way_."

"Oh ye of little faith," House replied and both men laughed, genuinely.

Wilson watched his friend laughing and was amazed. House was still the same sarcastic, pain in the ass friend he'd always been but he seemed happier, more relaxed. He was definitely a man in love. He'd seen House in love when he was with Cuddy before, before even then there seemed to be hesitation, anxiousness and a lack of confidence. Wilson knew those things were part of the many reasons the relationship didn't work last time around. This time around, House was different. After all the terrible things he and Cuddy had been through, it still amazed him that they'd gotten to this point.

House noticed Wilson looking at him strangely.

"What?" He asked.

Wilson was brought out of his thoughts. "It's just…nice...seeing you like this."

"Oh geez, are we gonna cry now?"

Wilson smirked and then changed the subject. "So, what about the offer you told me about?"

"Either they're insane or I'm just that good." He watched as Wilson rolled his eyes again. "Actually it's been amended."

"You mean rescinded?"

"_No,_ I mean _amended_. I just got off the phone with them a few minutes before you showed up."

"And?"

"Instead of teaching a diagnostics class to med students, they want me to do a diagnostics lecture to students and faculty. Eventually they might want to expand it to include some or all of their seventeen affiliates. "

Wilson's eyes got wide. "Wow, I can't believe it, this is huge. So how much are they paying you?"

"It's all about money with you isn't it?" House asked, feigning innocence.

"Oh cut the crap and spill it."

"Originally they offered me a lump sum per semester plus expenses, but now it's a three thousand dollar honorarium per lecture...and expenses."

Wilson's eyes got wide. "Seriously?"

"Yep." House said. "Since I'll be staying with Cuddy, I can pocket the per diem."

"_Or_ you could decline it."

"Seriously? That school has mega bucks. They want my talent; they have to pay for it."

"Of course." Wilson's reply dripped with sarcasm. "So I take it you're doing it."

"Well, duh I'd be crazy not to."

"How often?"

"I decide how many lectures but they'd like at least once a month."

"Any actual hands-on?"

"No, but after that case I helped them with, they want to keep me on as a consult."

Wilson shook his head in disbelief at House's good fortune. "Sounds to me like they're trying to steal you from us. I can't believe our Board approved it."

"Apparently the head honchos know each other. Believe me, both hospitals are getting _something_ out of this."

"As are you."

House nodded in agreement. He knew being asked to lecture and consult at the top teaching hospital in the country, while also employed at one of the next best hospitals on the list was a dream for many physicians. Not to mention he'd get to see Cuddy quite often. He might not voice it, but House knew how lucky he was and he wasn't about to complain.

"Do they know your history?"

"We talked about it." Remembering Dr. Baker's story about her son he added, "Let's just say that the one who made the offer, has a soft spot for lost causes."

"Apparently," Wilson mused. "So, you'll be going back there at least once a month?"

"Actually, I told Cuddy I'd be back once a week. My plan is to leave here Friday mornings, do the lecture Friday afternoon, spend the weekend there and fly back here early Monday morning."

"Whoa! That's a tough schedule. What about your cases here?"

"I'll manage. Chase is doing a great job running things."

"Wow. A compliment?"

"The truth."

"He's not you."

"Well who is?" House smirked. "He can hold down the fort if necessary."

"You think Foreman will be okay with this? I mean it just seems odd that this hospital would be okay sharing you."

"I'm pretty sure he will. I'll be available, my cases won't suffer. As long as I can keep things going, nobody cares. Baker assured me that it's all been taken care of. Sanford Wells and the rest of the Board here agreed."

"Wow," Wilson shook his head in disbelief. "In the past you would never have relinquished control of the kingdom and you never would have lectured at another hospital."

"Things change," House replied casually, once again stunning Wilson.

"And your leg? You'll be able to travel with it?"

"Well I _was_ thinking of leaving it behind but that would make the whole _walking_ thing kind of difficult."

"You know what I mean."

"I'll manage. Plenty of leg room in first class."

"Of course, I forgot, someone else is paying for it. So what about Nolan and therapy?"

"I'll manage it."

"You're not skipping it, are you? You've made great progress?"

"I didn't say that." House was growing annoyed. "Don't worry _mom_, I've got a plan already on how to handle both. When I know exactly what I'm doing I'll let you know. Besides, what's with the twenty questions? I thought you were okay with this."

"I am, House. I just don't want to see you try to do too much and wind up taking a step back."

House leaned forward with his hands on his cane. His face turned serious. "Look, I just might wind up taking a step back every now and then but I can't stop moving forward. I can't...I won't go back to that dark place I was before. I know my leg will hurt like hell at times and I know I can't forget about my past but...I _love_ her. I don't want to be without her and I don't want to be with anyone else…ever. I'll do whatever it takes and she'll do the same."

Wilson leaned back in his chair, stunned at House's change of attitude. Just hearing the genuinely honest and gentle tone in his best friend's voice, he knew House was serious and committed to his words. "House, I'm really happy for you. You know what you want and you're doing what it takes to get it. You deserve this, _both_ of you do." Wilson's eyes were slightly glassy as he smiled at House.

House broke his serious tone when he noticed Wilson's eyes. "Oh, don't get all girly on me now Wilson."

"What? I can't be happy for you?" Wilson mused, thankful for House's humor at the moment.

"How about you be happy for me over some food. I'm hungry. I'll buy and you can tell me all the good gossip I missed while I was gone." House pushed himself out of his chair slowly, grabbed his cane and headed for the door.

Wilson got up and followed him. He noticed House's limp a bit more pronounced, but said nothing. His friend seemed to be okay so he let it go for the time being. "Wait, _you're_ buying _me_ lunch?" He asked in shock as they made their way to the elevator.

House banged the tip of his cane against the elevator button and replied, "Actually, it's code for _you're going to buy me lunch because you missed me so much._"

_"Naturally,"_ Wilson groaned, rolling his eyes as he followed House into the elevator.

* * *

><p>Thank you to Norea for coining the term "Slutnika" on twitter. We've used it a thousand times and it doesn't get old!<p>

Thanks for reading. This was going to be a much longer chapter that covered both House and Cuddy back at their respective workplaces and lives but figured that I'd save Cuddy for the next chapter. As always thanks for reading. Your reviews mean a great deal to me.


	67. Chapter 67

**A/N:** I've got the next several chapters mapped out. I know where I want it to go from here and how I want it to end. Prepare for more angst, drama and romance.

**I'd like to thank those who have reviewed this story:** dlmarch 21, chloe, huddyloverxox, Alex, Huddygirl, OldSFFan, Abby, IHeartHouseCuddy, LiaHuddy, TVIsForever, CacauHousemaniaca, sissicuddles, Laurieesc, freeasabird14, Hspirito, jkarr, Pdubou, LapizSilkwood, lin12344, GratefulInsomniac, lenasti16, truth, CherokeeJedi, Raquel9, bladesmum, Lusine, housebound, 6cbrilhante, Houseocdfan, Sarah C, TDCSI, Josam, suzmum, time, Anny Rodrigues, alchukina, Lau, jaybe61, Reader, huddyholic, hfspc, southpaw2, Laurie, newdayz, Roby, Mon Fogel, LoveMyHouse, suzieqlondon, XxRawrSmoresxX, precioussoulandsweetcheeksii n1, MsStevieCooper, dk239418, TheMollyBee, Alltheloveintheworld, Jane, anan, Amber SanGiovanni, melo03, berenice, chloe2007, Heather, Louisexoxo, Ashley, cantstopobsessing, imazebra, sam, clarebear14, alddi, Rhastahippy, LEfan77, Lana, PrincetonBlues, Huddycat, Jane Q. Doe, tomken, ChiGrlTp, iamawallflower, hughsoulingregsmind, tina, sindy, ruby, belali, SweetSauce, rossella, ifiloseitall, anon, Little Greg, BakerStreetBlues, JamHuddyFan, Dani, allthingsdecent, superboetti, Gaia, CGCath, Parijantaiyou, bigboss, Asia, Wow, ellen, fanHouse07, limptulip, Alice, yahnis, hpMarauder4Life, NewGirlJess, harpomarx, CroftEli77, Kermie, andreecampbell, maya295, Camila, dalilita, Liv, KatieF-House, Hughismagic, DehMD, IaneCasey, huddy-lover-gregandlisaforeva, frootloops, Lore Noble, Bobby and all of the guests.

**In this chapter, it's still Monday but we're taking a trip to Boston to see how things are going with Cuddy as she resumes her life there. Things are going to be progressing at a pretty good pace from here on out.**

* * *

><p>After her last lecture of the day, Cuddy exited the lecture hall intending to head to Sharon's office to see if she wanted to grab a late lunch in the cafeteria. As luck would have it, Sharon was already waiting for her when she stepped out of the classroom.<p>

"Hey," Cuddy said as she spotted her friend. "I was just on my way to see you."

"Hey, yourself." Sharon gave her a hug. "I had a feeling you'd want to talk."

"Sorry I haven't been in touch in a few days."

"No, don't apologize. I know you've been very _busy_." Sharon winked as she emphasized the word _busy. _"You hungry?" She asked.

"Starved."

"So, how are things?" Sharon asked as they made their way to the cafeteria.

"_Things_ are good." Cuddy beamed.

"You're smiling."

"I'm tired, but I'm in a good mood."

Sharon stopped and turned to her. "Oh my god, you had sex with him!"

"Sharon!" Cuddy's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as the people in front of them turned their heads hearing that part of the conversation.

Sharon chuckled and leaned close to Cuddy, linking their arms together. "Woman, in the two years I've known you, I've never seen you smile like this."

"It was amazing." Cuddy replied happily, her cheeks still flushed. "It was always amazing with him but now after all that time apart, it was just...really special. It wasn't just about sex. Of course it never was with us but this time it felt like a promise of something more."

Sharon was amazed by the change in her friend. "Wow, it must have been something. Look at you. When you talk about him you're practically glowing."

"I remember you telling me you would have advised anyone else to run." She put her hand on Sharon's arm and said, "Thank you for not encouraging me to do that."

Sharon laughed and grabbed a tray. "You're welcome. So, is he going to take the offer?"

"Definitely."

"How will it affect his job?"

"His job has to come first...but knowing House, he'll figure something out."

"So he's going to be with you and Rach more often."

"I hope, he's thinking once a week."

"Wow, that's pretty serious. So how did he and Rachel get along?" She asked as they paid for their food.

"Great. She is so attached and there are times I swear she's a mini version of him." They found an empty table in a corner of the cafeteria and sat down. Cuddy groaned. Her feet were killing her after standing on them most of the day.

"What happens now?"

Cuddy sighed and stabbed at her salad. "We just keep doing what we're doing I guess."

"You want more."

"Sure, we both do. The distance is going to be an issue."

Sharon waved her fork at Cuddy. "It doesn't have to be."

Cuddy shrugged. "We have to talk about it eventually. We can't avoid the issue like we did with Rachel. When we first got together, Rachel was the elephant in the room. We didn't talk about our future because then we'd have to talk about _her_ and I wasn't sure I wanted to know how he felt. I knew he didn't want to be a dad so we just..worked around it. Now, everything is different, we have to talk about everything or it won't work."

"Did you discuss the future?"

"Not directly but we hinted around. This isn't an experiment to see if we can work, it's the real deal, we're all in. The thing is, long distance sucks and one of us will have to move eventually. He can't give up his job and I can't give up mine."

"Can't or won't?"

"Who? Me?"

"Both of you."

"I don't want to move again, not for a while. I like it here and I'm close enough to my mom and sister and Rachel is in a great school, she's got friends and...it's good here for her...for us. Also, I can't imagine going back to Princeton and working at that hospital. Even if I were just a practicing physician there, it would be weird considering I was once the boss. I don't think either of us would want to make Princeton our permanent home anyway, we'd need a place that didn't remind us of our mistakes, our baggage."

"I have to agree with you. What about House moving here?"

"I don't know if he'd want to leave."

"Have you asked him?"

"No, I just don't want to push him. House is a creature of habit. His clothes, the apartment, his job, most everything in his life has been the same for so long, it's the way he likes it."

"_Never_ assume. Look where it's gotten you two in the past."

"True," Cuddy nodded in agreement. "Let me ask you something. Do you think we're moving too fast?"

"It doesn't matter what I think. The question is...do _you_ think you're moving too fast? Does anything between you feel forced?"

"No, it actually feels right for once. It feels normal, at least normal for us. It's just sometimes...I wonder."

"It's okay to wonder and to have second thoughts, it's human nature. Just remember when the little voice starts nagging at you about what other people would do, you've got to remind yourself that you're _not_ everyone else, you are Lisa Cuddy and what works for you is all that matters. I know it's a hard habit to break but you're getting better at it."

"I am."

Sharon put her hand on Cuddy's arm. "Listen, if I got the sense that you were hesitating or that you weren't ready, I might say slow down a bit but that's not the case. Things between you are progressing naturally, yes at a somewhat faster pace than one might have expected but this is _you and House_, you've known each other for so long and your relationship is so unique, what works for you guys might not work for anyone else and that's fine Lisa. You're happier than I've ever seen you and it seems you and House are positive forces in each other's lives now. You'll have bad days sure, but you'll have just as many good ones and don't forget that bad times help us appreciate the good times even more. As your friend, I say go with it Lisa, _enjoy_ it. We so rarely get second...or even _third_ chances."

Cuddy smiled faintly, understanding the emphasis on third chances. "I can honestly tell he's changed. He's really trying this time."

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Yes, but only if he wants to change and I believe he does. I know he really wants to be happy. I love House for who he is, I always have, but I always hated that he was so miserable and that he felt he didn't deserve happiness. He wouldn't allow himself to feel it. After the infarction and Stacy leaving him all he had was his work, the booze, vicodin and the goddamn hookers. His work was the only thing that meant anything to him, the rest was just filler. He was so sad and sometimes I felt sorry for him, other times I got angry at him for not even trying. It's like he was afraid to try. You don't know how many nights I'd lie awake wishing I could do something to ease his pain. When we were together finally, I felt his presence physically but there were times...I didn't feel the rest of him there with me. He just never could completely let himself go and then, unfortunately, neither did I. The more he held back, the more I did too. I am as much at fault as he is for ruining things, but if you could have been me and felt the immense sadness within him...it was...overwhelming. Like House, I wondered every day if it would be our last."

When she finished, Cuddy was in tears. It pained her greatly to think about how much sadness and pain House had suffered over the years, mostly due to his own fears.

Sharon put a hand on her friend's arm. "Oh, Lisa."

"I have loved him for so long and even when I hated him and wanted him out of my life, I still loved him. The thing is until now I could never really have him because his pain had too great a hold on him. Now…he's facing his pain head-on and dealing with it and he's letting me in. Sometimes it's overwhelming, just because I'm not used to it. We actually have a shot at making it. Sometimes it scares the shit out of me but I wouldn't trade him for anything." Cuddy wiped her eyes and continued, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional."

Sharon reassured her friend. "Don't apologize. You're only human Lisa, you don't need to hide your feelings."

Just as Cuddy opened her mouth to reply, her phone rang. Her face lit up as she recognized the number.

"It's House." _Nice timing,_ she thought.

"Go ahead. I've got to run to the bathroom anyway," Sharon winked as she left their booth.

"I was just thinking about you," she whispered seductively into the phone.

"Do you always answer your phone like that? Or were you expecting Wilson to call you?" House asked, grinning on the other end of the line.

"Shut up before you ruin the mood. Anyway, how are you?"

"Better now that I'm talking to you."

"Such a _smooth_ operator."

"What's going on there?" He asked, before taking a large bite out of his Ruben.

"I'm having a late lunch with Sharon. What about you? I'm surprised to hear from you."

"What? A guy can't a guy call his girlfriend for no reason?"

Cuddy grinned at the word _girlfriend_. It had been a long time since he'd called her that. "I just figured you'd be busy you know..._working_."

"Got no case and the kids are in the clinic. It gave me a chance to delete all my email, watch some porn and make Wilson take me to lunch."

"Naturally," she rolled her eyes at his remark. It was nice to know some things never changed.

"Speaking of, we've got to get him a girlfriend."

"I'll get _right_ on it," she replied sarcastically.

House decided to change course. "I got a call from Baker this morning."

Cuddy frowned thinking the worst. "They aren't having second thoughts, are they?"

"They changed the deal."

"What?" Her stomach did a flip-flop.

"Yeah. They don't want me lecturing a class; they want me to lecture to students and faculty. They prefer one lecture a month, but I can do more if I want. I get three thousand per lecture plus expenses."

Cuddy sighed in relief, glad that they still wanted him though her heart sank at the thought that she might not see him as often as she'd hoped. Focusing on his good news she continued. "So, what made them change their minds?"

"They thought weekly lectures would be a bit much for my schedule here and they decided they wanted a broader audience. I'm more popular than I thought. Who knew?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

"Well at least I don't need to hold office hours and that's fine with me."

"When do you start?"

"Anytime. I need to get my lectures together."

"You're actually going to _plan_ them?"

"Well, duh. What kind of _teacher_ would I be if I didn't plan?" He asked, his tone filled with sarcasm.

"I'm happy for you," she said sincerely, though a hint of sadness in her voice.

House noticed it immediately. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Cuddy was ready to lie and say nothing was wrong so as not to worry him, but she didn't want to repeat old patterns of hiding their true feelings.

"I thought I'd get to see you more often," she said softly.

"You will. I'm coming to visit you, remember?"

"Maybe it was wishful thinking? I mean your schedule is usually pretty hectic."

"Are you having second thoughts?" House asked nervously. On the other end of the phone, he sat, listening to the tone in her voice and gripping his cane tightly. "Cuddy,_ talk_ to me," he said.

"Of course I'm not having second thoughts. It's just…I miss you," she confessed.

"I was planning to come see you Friday anyway but I'm going to try to get in the first lecture while I'm there. Then, we'll have all weekend to ourselves. How's that?"

"Sounds good," she said quietly. She felt goosebumps up and down her arms thinking of the moment when she'd see him again.

"I miss you too you know," he said.

Cuddy smiled in relief. She'd known it but it meant a lot to her to hear him say it. "I know. Listen, we can Skype later if you want."

"Will you be naked?"

"_Maybe_...if Rachel's asleep," she teased. "But if I know her, she'll want to talk to you so make sure you're clothed."

"You're a tease, you know that right?"

"Yep."

"You know, I could skate out of here and be in Boston in a few hours."

Cuddy's heart skipped a beat. "You can't just pick up and leave anytime you want."

"Says who?"

"House, you have responsibilities."

"So? When has that ever stopped me?"

"True," she replied. Secretly she wished that he would leave but she'd never tell him that. She looked up just as Sharon walked back to the table with two plates of chocolate cake in her hand, smiling at Cuddy.

"Cuddy, I like my job but I like _you_ more."

"You're just saying that," she teased, but in the back of her mind she recalled his words to her her that drunken, rainy night. _I'll always choose you, he'd said and he meant_ it. The thought made her giddy inside.

On the other end, House was going to say something witty when Chase walked into his office, folder in hand, and followed by the minions. He looked like he was in a hurry and he walked right up to House, tossed a folder on his desk and said, "We've got a case." The fellows stood there watching House curiously. He wanted to continue his conversation with Cuddy but not in front of them.

Cuddy heard Chase's voice in the background and then silence. _"House?"_

"Sorry, kids just brought me a case."

"Well, at least you won't be bored now. Call me later okay?"

"Definitely."

"Bye," she said. She heard him reply then the phone disconnected.

Sharon sat down and pushed a plate of cake over to Cuddy. "I figured you could use this," she said.

"How did you know?" Cuddy's eyes were wide looking at the huge pice of chocolate cake with chocolate icing on her plate. It wasn't often she broke her ban on sweets for something like this but she remembered...change was good.

"Trust me, you _need_ chocolate."

Cuddy took a bite of the cake and moaned, "Oh my God this is delicious! What did I do to deserve a friend like you?"

"Well actually, if it wasn't for House, we never would've met."

"Hmm...that's true." Cuddy pondered how something so wonderful and good could come out of something so bad.

"So, how is he?"

"House? Oh he's fine. He told me something interesting on the phone. The hospital amended the offer they made to him. Apparently they don't want him teaching a class, they'd rather he lecture to students _and_ faculty, at least once a month."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How does he feel about that?"

"I don't think he was all that keen on the idea of holding office hours and meeting with students so this is good."

"When does he start?"

"Surprisingly, this Friday. He was just supposed to come visit but he's going to give his first lecture too. He still thinks he can get up here every week though."

"So what's wrong?"

"I mentioned it might be too much and he immediately thought I had changed my mind about things."

"You reassured him right?"

"I was honest, I told him I knew how hectic his schedule was there, but that I missed him."

"Good."

Cuddy sighed. "After all we've been through over the years, what the hell are we waiting for?"

"For things to be perfect?" Sharon asked curiously.

"They'll never be perfect. I just want to be with him."

"Then_ be with him."  
><em>

"How?"

"Just tell him what you've told me. Tell him how much you want to be with him, that you want to spend the rest of your life with him because face it...you and I know that's the truth. Don't assume you know what he does or doesn't want. Don't be afraid of what he might think, just tell him. Lisa..you and me...we're not getting any younger, we have to hold on to what we have. If you want to be with House, then do what it takes to make it happen."

Cuddy picked at her cake a bit, deep in thought.

"Lisa? What are you thinking?"

Cuddy put her fork down. "Right after we broke up, House went off the deep end and I buried myself in work trying to ignore his bullshit. Remember that mess I told you about...when we treated mom and House saved her life...in a rather unorthodox manner? Well, she pulled a stunt to get us together again. She threatened to sue us for how malpractice."

"Well, _that_ certainly doesn't sound like Arlene," Sharon said rolling her eyes. She knew Arlene and it was exactly something she'd do.

"Yeah, she tried making herself our common enemy so we would work together as a team, against her. When I called her on it, she said that House and I were both idiots, that no one else would put up with either of us." Cuddy shook her head at the memory of that day.

"Well, she wasn't _exactly_ wrong there," Sharon replied.

Cuddy raised her eyebrows at that remark but continued. "When I told her we weren't getting back together, she told me I was an idiot with impossible standards."

That remark _made_ Sharon laugh. "Yep, that doesn't sound like Arlene at all," she replied sarcastically. "That woman knows you too well."

Cuddy sighed. "Let's just let the fact that she was _right_ be _our_ little secret, shall we?"

"Oh, most definitely," Sharon replied with a chuckle, raising a forkful of cake at Cuddy, she made a toast. "To mothers...may they never find out that they were right and may they never, ever find out that _we_ know it."

"Here, here!" Cuddy replied with a devilish grin as she raised her own forkful of chocolatey goodness in solidarity.

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><p>Thanks for reading, please leave your comments on the way out! We're moving right along here. More to come very soon.<p> 


	68. Chapter 68

**A/N: **Thanks to the usual suspects for keeping me laughing. Thank you to all the fic writers out there who keep House and Cuddy alive and well. Also thanks to Cherokee Jedi for giving this a once-over. I think I an work in weekly updates now that things have settled down!

Anyway, in this chapter, it's Tuesday and you know what that means. House has physio and Nolan. He also has something he hates more than anything...pain. It's been about seven weeks now since House wrote the letter to Cuddy. Just wanted to throw in that frame of reference.

* * *

><p>On Tuesday morning House woke early to get ready for his physio session and the drive to Philadelphia to see Nolan. It took him longer than usual to move about because his leg hurt more than usual. The breakthrough pain had started a few days earlier and only gotten worse. House attributed it to a combination of the workouts he put himself through while in Boston, hours long sexcapades with Cuddy, and the cold weather. The long drive home hadn't helped either. Generally the worst pain hit when he did something to aggravate it. The last time he'd experienced a similar bout of pain had been about eight weeks earlier, before he'd sent the letter to Cuddy. <em>Goddamnit<em>, he thought to himself. _Just when things were looking up._ He'd experienced this same type of pain many times since Mayfield but tried his best to hide the worst because he didn't want those closest to him like Wilson, Cuddy and his team to fear he'd relapse. He sat there, on his bed, rubbing his leg, recalling one of the many times he'd dealt with the pain on his own and just how close he'd come to succumbing to it.

_It was a cold, rainy Thursday morning. He'd been out of Mayfield a few months and recently moved into the new condo with Wilson. When he woke up, his leg hurt like hell. Determined not to let it get the best of him, he sucked it up and went to work. Since he had a case, he kept the team as far away as possible by having them run tests. Wilson had taken Sam to New York for a long weekend and he and Cuddy weren't exactly on friendly terms since she was with Lucas, so House spent most of that day alone in his office, sitting in the Eames chair, his leg propped up on the ottoman. As the day progressed, the pain got worse, and so did his attitude. _

_"She's in liver failure now." Foreman interrupted his thoughts as he entered House's office with the team behind him._

_"First her kidneys, now her liver." After a few moments, House had an epiphany. "Run her blood work, test for DIC."_

_"House, are you alright?" Chase was concerned._

_"Am I your patient? No. Now, as to the actual patient, if we don't diagnose her, she's going to die. Go test her goddamn blood."_

_His team just stared at him._

_"I'm fine," he said, slightly calmer. He pointed his cane at them. "It's got to be DIC. Do a complete blood count, PTT, platelet count, PT and Serum fibrinogen. Let me know, I'll be here." _

_Chase stayed behind after the team left. He approached House carefully. "Listen, if there's anything I can do, let me know. I won't say a word. I know Wilson's not here so if you need someone to talk to..."_

_"I'm fine. Go run the tests. Make sure they don't kill her."_

_Chase had shrugged his shoulders and walked out. Meanwhile, House leaned back in his Eames chair, rubbing his right leg vigorously and trying to figure out how to best deal with the pain. He eyed the locked bottom drawer of his desk, where he kept his bottle of scotch. Nolan had told him he shouldn't drink and so he'd kept the bottle locked in the drawer, he just felt better having it there in case he needed it. About an hour later, he got up and grabbed his cane, ready to exit the rear door of his office. He turned towards the entry door to his office as if expecting Wilson to walk in and talk him out of what he was about to do. Realizing he was on his own, he turned and limped out the rear door and climbed painfully over the wall to Wilson's office. He pulled out his keys and used one of them to open the glass door. He walked around to Wilson's desk and rummaged through it, not finding the item he was searching for. He switched to another drawer and found it. He pulled out the prescription pad and a pen and took a deep breath, then just before setting pen to paper he realized the implications of what he was about to do. If he forged Wilson's name, if he took the Vicodin, he could lose everything...his freedom, his sanity and...his best friend, not to mention any respect or feelings Cuddy may still have for him deep down._

_"Damnit!" he shouted to the empty office. He had not gone through months of torture only to wind up back in that goddamn hole again. He put the pen and pad back in the drawer where he found them and exited Wilson's office, locking the rear door behind him. He returned to his office just in time to see his fellows enter with smiles on their faces. He limped over to the desk and hurriedly began placing items in his backpack._

_"House, you were right. It's DIC. We already started the treatment."_

_"Good," he said, then he pointed at Foreman. "You...make sure they don't burn the place down and you," he pointed his cane at the rest of the team,"go play in the clinic. Find something constructive to do." He added as an afterthought, "And keep it on the down low, I don't need dragon lady breathing down my neck!"_

_"Where are you going?" Taub asked suspiciously._

_"Home," he replied. He felt tiny beads of sweat on his forehead. The pain was overwhelming and if he didn't get out of there soon he thought he'd pass out._

_"Are you alright?" Taub asked again, this time a hint of concern in his voice._

_"Are you writing a book?" House asked sarcastically.  
><em>

_"No."_

_"Good. None of your goddamn business," he said, and then he walked out leaving his puzzled fellows behind. _

_With his backpack slung over his shoulder, he painfully made his way toward the lobby. He looked towards Cuddy's office and noted her absence. He assumed that she was either in the clinic or at a meeting, which was good for him because she wouldn't give him the third degree about leaving early. He opened the front door of the hospital and exited and as he limped painfully down the long sidewalk to his handicapped parking space, he nearly ran into her._

_"House, where are you going?" She asked, staring intently at him._

_"Nowhere."_

_She frowned. "Really? It doesn't look like nowhere to me. You're going home aren't you?"_

_"No." His leg was beginning to cramp and he didn't want her to see him like this._

_She threw her hands up in the air. "Why can't you just make my life easier and do your job?"_

_"Why do you care?"_

_"Because this is my hospital, I'm responsible for you."_

_"All you care about is this damn hospital."_

_"That's my job."_

_"Well guess what? I just did my job. I saved another one of your goddamn precious patients and now I'm going home." He turned sharply on his cane, making the pain worse, and limped to his car, hoping like hell he could make it without her suspecting anything. He winced in pain as he got into his car, then after catching his breath, he turned the key in the ignition, put the car in gear and backed out of his handicapped space. As he drove past where Cuddy stood, he could see she was staring at him, a hurt look on her face, as if he'd slapped her. He felt bad about being so short with her, but as soon as he reminded himself she was with Lucas, it made him angry all over again and he stopped caring about her feelings at the moment._

_"Fuck her," he said to himself as he pulled away from the hospital and onto the highway._

_A few minutes later, House arrived home. He barely made it through the front door before he collapsed after closing it behind him. He didn't even try to move, he just lay partially propped up against the door, rubbing his leg and taking deep breaths to keep from passing out. When he woke up hours later, his neck hurt from the position he'd fallen asleep in, but at least the pain in his leg had subsided, a little. He figured the pain had been about a nine. On most days it was usually a manageable six or seven. With Vicodin it had been even less._

_Vicodin. _

_He had a love-hate relationship with that drug. He loved it because it eased his pain and he hated it because it eased his pain. Despite what people thought, he hated having to rely on the pills to get through every single moment of every day of his life since the infarction. Sure, he'd flaunted it in people's faces, but deep down he felt weak that he couldn't function without it. He'd never told anyone that, except Nolan. He'd fought the battle and won, at least for now. Now he had his health for what it was worth, then there was Wilson, and of course his job. But it had all come at a great cost. He thought about the one thing he really wanted that he couldn't have. He'd gone through hell to be a better man for Cuddy only to find out his best wasn't good enough. With that thought, he sighed heavily and wiped away the tear that had escaped his left eye. Then he let out a loud groan as he pushed himself up off the floor and limped painfully to the bathroom hoping that a hot bath would give him at least a little badly needed respite from the pain. _

House was brought out of his thoughts when his cell phone rang. He leaned over and picked it up off the nightstand.

"House," he grumbled.

"Got a case." It was Chase.

"Yeah? So what? I'm off today, remember?"

"But House, this guy came looking for you specifically. Apparently some big shot from New York sent him here. Foreman says this guy's important and he wouldn't ask you to do this if it weren't really important. He says you owe him."

"Oh did he?" House asked in surprise. In reality he knew he owed Foreman. He'd gone to bat for House since resuming his life and while House never came out and thanked him, he appreciated everything Foreman had done.

"Fine, but you get me after physio, the chick doing massages this week is a triple D and I don't want to miss that."

House hung up the phone and sighed. He tried never to miss either physio session or a meeting with Nolan but he knew Foreman wouldn't ask for his help if he didn't really need it. He'd have to call Nolan and let him know he wouldn't be there. House thought about Nolan, he knew he was lucky to have psychiatrist treating him. Despite everything that had happened, Nolan had agreed to take him back as a patient after he'd been released from the correctional facility and had insisted on open and honest communication and that House keep his appointments. In those rare instances when House did have to miss a session, they talked by phone. As a creature of habit, the regular contact as part of his routine was important to House.

Generally House hated psychiatrists but he trusted Nolan because Nolan didn't judge him, he just listened, offered suggestions, asked questions, and helped House see things from a different point of view, in an attempt to break down the walls House had built around himself over the course of his life. It had taken a long time to get House to do that but once he did, he was finally able to begin to heal. Nolan had helped House become comfortable enough to discuss his episodes of breakthrough pain with Wilson, citing that his best friend really needed to know so he could be there for him. There were still times House worried that Wilson still believed the pain was related to Cuddy, or his father or some other unresolved issue in his life, though Wilson had not said or inferred such in a long time. Nolan knew the extent of the damage done by the infarction and subsequent surgery. He knew all too well that the bulk of House's leg pain was real and he understood the toll it took on his body, mind and spirit and when he resumed his sessions with House, they discussed strategies to manage the pain and he convinced House to incorporate a regular exercise and physio routine into his lifestyle, something he had not done much when he left Mayfield. Fortunately, when House began the new routine, he stuck to it, and on days he didn't want to go, he simply remembered what his life had been like before. He feared the possibility that if he discontinued his routine, he would take a giant step backwards and fall into the hole it took him years to crawl out of.

House was grateful to Nolan for taking him back again. Though he made it clear he did not condone House's actions after the breakup with Cuddy, Nolan was completely convinced that the man who committed those acts was not the same man who had walked out of his hospital clean and sober a few years earlier. One of the main reasons House still had a career at Princeton-Plainsboro was because Nolan appeared in person before the Board and explained to them that he believed that House had been suffering from serious diminished mental capacity and that with treatment for his mind, body and spirit, he could begin to heal. Because Daryl Nolan was one of the most respected psychiatrists in the country, the Board took his evaluation of House into serious consideration when they voted to support reinstating his medical license and practice again at their hospital.

* * *

><p>It took him over an hour but House finally managed to get himself dressed and in the physio clinic at six o'clock. It had been tough and the pain had him nearly in tears, though he fought it with everything he had. His leg hurt so bad he couldn't drive himself so he had to call a cab to take him to Princeton-Plainsboro. When he arrived, his trainer Vince saw his noticeably worsened limp and the scowl on House's face so he didn't ask questions. In the beginning House had told him that he didn't think the physio would do any good but Vince disagreed with him. Though there was nothing the doctors could do about the damaged nerve endings in his right leg, the purpose of the physio was to strengthen the remainder of his quadriceps muscles as well as the muscles in other parts of his body. House had endured much pain during his therapy over the past year and Vince had helped see him through it. Vince told him early on that a physio routine would have to be an overall body experience and so he worked both legs and his entire upper body as well. He often urged House to push himself to the limit. House was not by any means bulky but in a year's time he'd managed to develop a leaner, more defined musculature which even House had to agree, helped his posture and eased, if not eliminated at times, the shoulder and neck pain often felt from is use of the cane. The strength training, massage and swimming activities combined with the medication had definitely made a difference. There were good days and bad days but on the bad days, the pain was far more manageable than it had ever been.<p>

"Greg, I know this sucks. You did great." Vince tossed a towel at a very sweaty House. He'd intentionally not given House the usual full body workout, choosing instead to do light stretches for the legs, while keeping he majority of the workout to the upper body. He did this to not only give House's aching leg a break, but he hoped the focus on the upper body workout routine would take some of House's thoughts off his leg pain.

"Yeah, whatever," House grumbled. He wasn't in the mood for chit-chat. He was sweating buckets and his face was slightly pale.

"Give me a number." Vince knew House was in a lot of pain.

"An eight, maybe nine." House replied.

"_Nine?_ How long has this been going on?"

"A few days now."

"Have you taken the Oxy?"

"No."

"Jesus Greg. How in hell are you dealing with this?"

"I just am."

"Goddamnit, Greg," he said shaking his head in amazement at man in front of him. He knew House thought himself weak if he had to resort to the pills, but in fact Vince admired the fact that the stubborn son of a bitch could resist them and function at least this well with such intense pain, without falling apart.

"Listen," he said. "There will be times when the pain gets so intense you might need the additional help. I hate pills too but I don't want you to pass out from the pain. So what are we going to do?"

House was irritated at the word _we_, as if Vince were also in pain. "This is not a _we_ thing Vince, it's a _me_ thing. I've got to deal with this on my own."

"You're such a stubborn son of a bitch," Vince said. "Listen, you don't have to do this alone. I'm setting you up for a massage with Melinda."

"Oh God not her, she's a Nazi."

"Exactly, she needs to really work that leg good."

"How about triple D?" He asked hopefully. He wasn't _really_ interested in ogling the woman's large breasts, but he thought having her massage him was much more fun than the stout, middle-aged woman with the thick accent.

"You mean _Christine? _Oh she won't hurt you like Marge will," he said.

"Exactly."

"You're going to see Marge, she's the best, and you know it, so suck it up," he said. Then, as if he could read House's mind, he added, "Besides this isn't supposed to be fun."

House scowled at him.

"Look, I'm here to help you. If _we_ don't manage the pain, _you're_ gonna want to go back to the Vicodin. Is that what you want?"

"No," House muttered.

"Then cut the crap. You love to fight me and yet I know you appreciate me." He threw a water bottle to House, who caught it at the last minute. He was thirsty and drank the entire twenty ounces quickly, and then he threw the empty bottle back at Vince.

Vince shook his head and picked up the bottle. "You're an ass but deep down inside, you're a real softie."

House sneered at him. "Yeah? That's not what your mama said."

Vince laughed and turned and left the room, letting House to cool off and dry himself before his massage therapy. Just before turning the corner, he turned back a moment to watch House rub his leg and bang his fist on the bench. Vince didn't pity House, he was amazed by him. He actually liked House and wanted to do everything he could to help him live a life with as much relief from the pain as possible. He sighed and turned the corner looking for Marge.

* * *

><p>Around nine-thirty, House limped heavily into his office, freshly showered, damp hair and dressed in his usual Nikes, jeans and a purple button-down shirt. He took a seat behind his desk and hung his cane on the handle of the table behind him. His leg still hurt like hell and though the massage and hot tub helped a little, he knew the pain wouldn't ease anytime soon. He took out his keys and opened up the bottom drawer of his desk. He hesitated a moment and took out the bottle and held it in his hand, just staring at it and contemplating. He set the bottle on his desk and took out his phone and dialed. The party on the other end answered.<p>

"Hello," the voice said.

"It's House."

"Hey, where are you?"

"Princeton."

"What? You're supposed to be on your way."

"Not today."

"What happened?"

"Got a call this morning from my team, said they needed me for a special case."

Nolan sighed on the other end. "Well at least you called. We have a lot to catch up on."

"Yeah, we do."

"First things first. How was physio this morning?"

"Okay. My leg hurts."

"Your leg always hurts. How bad?"

"Bad enough I'm sitting here staring at a full bottle of oxycodone."

Back in the comfortable office in Philadelphia, Nolan leaned forward in his chair, concerned. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nothing to talk about. It started Sunday and just got worse."

"While you were at Cuddy's?"

"Yeah." House rubbed his thigh. He knew where Nolan was headed.

"Did you and she get into an argument?"

"I know what you're thinking and no."

"So this is the breakthrough pain?"

"Yeah."

"Have you taken anything?"

"Not yet."

"Why not?"

"You know the answer to that."

"You're stronger now Greg. You're aware of your pain, talking about it, and doing what it takes to manage it. There may be times that the breakthrough pain is so intense that the usual treatment won't help. I know you don't want to take the oxy and frankly I hate it too, but...what we don't want is for you to be in so much pain it completely incapacitates you. You know better than most, what pain, especially when it's not controlled, can do to a person."

"Relapse is the last thing I want to happen." House replied.

On the other end of the line in Philadelphia, Nolan leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face. House had come a long way, but he still struggled with his fear of becoming an addict again and rightly so. He had been through more hell than most and made it clear he did not want to go back.

"You may not have a choice right now, especially if it gets worse. You know the dosage, you know how it works. Take one pill and we'll go from there. You've done this before and you can do it again. And remember, you are _not_ alone Greg."

House was silent for a few moments. Finally, he said, "You're right. I can't handle this much pain."

Nolan was relieved. "You've worked hard and you've been strong but sometimes you need help, we all do. Just remember, it is _not_ a sign of weakness to ask for help, in fact, it takes an incredible amount of strength. Do you understand?"

"Yeah," he replied.

Nolan smiled on the other end. "Good, now have you talked to your physician about this?"

"Not yet."

"You're seeing someone other than Wilson, right? We talked about that."

"Grogan, he's actually...pretty good."

House rarely complimented other doctors so Nolan knew Dr. Grogan must indeed be someone who earned House's respect.

"Okay. Make sure he knows. He should always be kept informed of these occurrences. Now, how about Wilson and Cuddy?"

"Haven't talked to them."

"You should. Let them be there for you."

"Not about this, no. I don't want them to worry."

"They care about you and that's what people who care about you do, they _worry_. But...they also give you a shoulder to lean on, words of encouragement, and strength during moments of self-doubt and weakness. You've come a long way in your progress but sometimes you need a little push...we all do. Let them be there for you Greg, don't shut out the people who care about you. I know it's not easy at times but you can do this. You've been doing it and you will continue to do it."

"Okay." House felt better hearing those words from Nolan. Sometimes he needed a push.

"Good. Now, do you want to talk more now? If not we can pick this up again soon."

"I probably should find out what's going on with the patient."

"Okay, call me later."

"I will."

"Hey Greg?"

"Yeah."

"You've made great progress and you continue that every single day. I'm proud of you."

House swallowed hard hearing those words. Even though he'd heard them from the people who cared about him-Nolan, Wilson, his mother, and now Cuddy, the words still sometimes sounded foreign to him. Sometimes it was still hard to accept that he was worthy of such praise.

"Thanks," he replied, before he disconnected the call.

House grabbed the bottle of pills and reached for his cane. He hobbled over to the Eames chair and eased himself into it, putting his legs up on the ottoman. He sat there several minutes, his right palm digging into his leg as he held the bottle of pills in his other hand. He just stared at it, feeling conflicted. He'd been through this routine before, contemplating the pros and cons and then finally settling on the route which would ease his pain. He knew he'd been fine every other time but still, the fear was always there. Finally, he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and he removed the cap on the bottle and shook out one pill. _One step at at time,_ he thought. He placed the closed prescription bottle on the bookshelf next to to him and reached for the half bottle of water on the floor next to his chair. After emptying the bottle, he let out a loud sigh, tossed the bottle in the trash, then leaned back in the chair and waited.

* * *

><p>I really wanted to convey the extent of House's pain. It hasn't been discussed much because House has been doing relatively well. He's been going to his physio, doing his exercises and seeing Nolan. He deals with pain every day but it's been manageable, much more than it has ever been in the past. The breakthrough pain comes unexpectedly and when it does...well you see what it does to House. I wanted to explore how House handled this worst pain during times when things were going relatively well for him. It shows us just how far he's come and also that he still deals with some of his old demons and his doubts about himself and others. There will be more to come regarding House's pain and Wilson and most of all, Cuddy will play a significant role in that! Real growth and change doesn't come overnight and this has been a long ongoing process for House. Actually, not just House, but Cuddy and Wilson too. I hope you liked this chapter. Please review on the way out. Thanks so much for taking the time to read it!<p>

Have a wonderful weekend. Another chapter to come soon.


	69. Chapter 69

**A/N:** Am loving the reviews. You are too kind.

Thanks to Vicpei1 whose medical advice no Huddy fic writer can live without!

Also thanks to Cherokee Jedi for being my whiteboard. It's been fun.

Thanks to MystryGAB, AllThingsDecent, DrDiagnostic, Maya, writersblk, partypantscuddy, GratefulInsomniac, HarperPenn, Raquel, RochelleRene, FlexYourImagination, HuddyLoverXOX OldSfFan, In the House, CantStopObsessing, PrincetonBlues, GiveMeKevinBacon, TDCSI, CuddyownsPPTH, AnonymousPublishers, Ms Orton and all the other fic writers out there for keeping this wonderful couple of ours alive and well here!

* * *

><p>By Thursday afternoon, House had managed to get the pain in his leg under control. He'd placed a call to his physician and brought him up to speed on what had happened over the last few days. Under Grogan's careful watch, House took the oxycodone only when needed. The result was the breakthrough pain had subsided a bit, at least to the point where it no longer brought House to his knees. Grogan suggested he rest his leg but House really couldn't relax so long as his patient went undiagnosed. Fortunately for the patient, the alleviation of House's pain allowed him to focus on the case and thus they eventually found the diagnosis. It was a big case for House and Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital for the patient was a prominent scientist who had discovered an accumulation of protein called alpha-synuclein, which was found to progressively disrupt neuronal function and viability, resulting in the symptoms of Parkinson's Disease.<p>

Around three-thirty, House, Chase and Taub exited the elevator on the first floor headed to Foreman's office to break the good news about the patient and the successful treatment. House was relieved because he wanted desperately to go home and get some sleep. As they crossed the lobby and entered the clinic, heading to the Interim Dean's office, House heard shouting and commotion coming from exam room three, which was just across the hall from their destination.

"Someone call security!" House yelled as he limped quickly and painfully towards the exam room. The door flew open and he saw a nurse unconscious on the floor, with a bloody lip while a large muscular man smacked a young boy so hard he landed against the cabinet in the exam room. A small-framed, blonde woman attempted to help the boy but the large man pushed her and she fell to the floor. House, forgetting his own disability, rushed forward to stop the man.

"Hey!" House shouted from behind.

The man turned to him. He was at least an inch taller than House, with a large muscular frame.

"I guess beating up on women and children makes you feel like a real man eh?" House asked.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"The one telling you to leave them alone."

"That bitch started it, trying to get me arrested for disciplining my kid."

"Is that what they call it these days?"

"He needs to learn to listen."

"So beating him all the time is the way to do it?" House growled. His face was red and he was angry.

"I don't _beat_ him all the time, I just teach him a lesson when he needs it."

"Judging from the way he's favoring his left arm and shoulder, you've probably broken or dislocated it at least once. The light brown color on his arms indicates you beat him in the last ten to fourteen days and the greenish bruises on his legs tells me you beat him again about a week ago. Guess you figure he's ready for another round?"

"What I do with my kid is my business. I'm taking him out of here." The man made a turn towards his son.

"No, you're not." House stepped forward. He was running on pure adrenaline.

"Says who?" The man yelled, turning back towards House.

"Me." House swallowed hard. He didn't know where the courage was coming from but he was damned if he was going to let that son of a bitch lay a hand on that kid and his mother again.

The guy nodded towards House's cane and laughed. "You think you're going to stop me with that?"

House sized him up. "You afraid to pick on someone your own size for once?"

"You got a fucking set of balls don't you?"

"Funny, that's what your mother said," House replied sarcastically.

"You fucking cripple...stay outta my business!" He yelled, moving closer to House.

House stood tall and toe to toe with the man. "I'm going to make sure you don't ever lay a hand on them ever again."

Suddenly, the little boy got up from the floor and ran over and tugged his father's shirttail. "Daddy, please," he whined.

The man turned around and raised his fist, ready to hit the boy. House wasted no time and holding his cane with both hands, and though his leg felt as if it was being stabbed with a thousand knives, he put all his strength into it and hit the man in the back of the head. The man stopped for a moment, turned around, wild-eyed and lunged at House, pushing him violently into the exam room door, forcing it closed. House slammed his cane into the man's side then punched him in the face. The man punched him in the stomach and as doubled over in pain, the man kicked him in the leg, sending him screaming to the floor. House raised his cane and hit the guy in the balls as a last attempt to stop him and the man kicked House in the head and knocked him unconscious. At that moment, security forced the door open and tased him. The man fell to the floor and they handcuffed him and hauled him away. The boy and his mother were crying as emergency workers removed House and the nurse on stretchers and then escorted them to the ER to check out their injuries.

* * *

><p>Wilson was sitting in his office finishing notes in his patient charts when his phone rang.<p>

"Dr. Wilson."

"Wilson, it's Chase. House is hurt."

"What? Where are you?"

"In the clinic."

"What happened?"

"This guy was beating up on his kid in the clinic, House took him on."

"Shit. How's he doing?" Wilson got up from his chair and headed out the door to the first floor.

"They're taking him to the ER now, I think you should be there."

"I'm on my way." Wilson was already in the elevator before he hung up the phone. He made his way downstairs to the ER and noticed the commotion coming from the clinic. He rushed past and entered the ER finding Chase there at the desk filling out paperwork.

"Chase, what the hell?"

"We were on our way to see Foreman, we'd finally diagnosed the patient. He heard a commotion in exam room three and checked it out. Guy was in there with his wife and son. He'd already knocked a nurse unconscious. House probably saved that kid's life.

"Wow. Where is he?"

Chase led Wilson to House's bed in the ER. They pulled back the curtain and Wilson cringed. House had a bruise on the right side of his face near his eye.

Just as Wilson picked up the chart, Chase gave him the list of injuries.

"He's got a concussion, his head hit the door pretty hard and the guy kicked him at least once from what the mother told us." Chase looked solemn. "He kicked him in his bad leg."

"Oh Jesus." Wilson lifted the blanket and saw the bruise forming over the scarred area on his leg.

"Yeah. They've got him on morphine right now and they'll monitor his concussion," said Chase. He added, "I can't believe House jumped in the middle of that."

"I know, right?" _He wasn't about to stand there while that son of a bitch hit his kid,_ Wilson thought. He smiled at House's bravery but then frowned at where it had gotten him.

"I've got to make a phone call," Wilson said.

"I'll keep an eye on him."

"Thanks," Wilson replied as he left the ER. He walked outside for a breath of fresh air, pulled out his phone and dialed.

* * *

><p>Cuddy was at her desk sending an email when her cell phone rang. "Hello?" She answered without checking the caller ID.<p>

"Hey, it's Wilson."

"Hi, what a surprise."

"Yeah uh listen...it's about House."

Cuddy sank into her chair. "No." She felt the breath knocked out of her as she automatically feared the worst.

"He's in the hospital."

"What? Why?"

"He was attacked."

"Oh God. What happened?"

"He...he was trying to save a kid. Seems the kid's dad knocked a nurse unconscious and then proceeded to beat the crap out of his son and wife in the exam room when House stepped in."

"How bad?"

"He's unconscious now because he hit his head, twice. They've got him on morphine for the pain."

"Morphine? His leg?"

"Yeah, the guy kicked him in his bad leg."

"Oh, no." Cuddy was nearly in tears.

"Listen, he's had a bad bout of breakthrough pain ever since he came back from Boston and he was just getting through it when this happened."

Cuddy put her head in her hands realizing that's why he was limping on Sunday.

"You're asking yourself why he didn't tell you. Well, he was going to but he's been busy with a case and trying to get through the pain so he could be there tomorrow."

Cuddy suddenly realized House's first lecture was Friday.

"What can I do?" She asked.

"He needs you."

Cuddy didn't even need to think about it, she knew what she had to do. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Are you sure? What about Rachel? The hospital?"

"I'll bring her with me and the hospital will understand."

Wilson smiled. Cuddy was willing to drop everything to be with House. They had definitely made progress. "You can stay at my place if you want."

"Just let me figure out what to do here and I'll call you. I should be able to leave in a few hours."

"Okay. Cuddy...thanks for being there for him."

"Sure. Bye, Wilson," she said.

Wilson hung up the phone and headed back to the ER. He just hoped that this sudden setback didn't throw House back into the hell he'd worked so hard to escape.

* * *

><p>Back in Boston, Cuddy hung up the phone and put her head in her hands. <em>House had been doing so well, why now?<em> _Why him?_ She sighed and wiped the tears. She had to take care of things now. Fortunately she had no lecture, but then she realized House was due to give his first lecture the next day. She grabbed her phone and exited her office, dialing along the way.

Dr. Baker was on the phone when Cuddy knocked on her office door. She answered, "Come in."

She motioned for Cuddy to enter and have a seat. Cuddy took a seat as Nancy finished her call.

"Lisa, what can I do for you?"

"It's about House. He's been hurt."

Nancy leaned forward, concerned. "Oh my God, is he alright?"

"Apparently he's been in a lot of pain recently and now it's much worse. He needs me."

"What can I do?"

"His lecture...tomorrow, we need to cancel it."

"Of course, I'll send out an email. Is there anything else?"

"I think I'm okay. On the way here, I took care of some things. Dr. Varnes is covering my lectures for Monday and Wednesday just in case and my patients are covered."

Nancy smiled. "There's the administrator in you."

"I guess there's still a bit of that left in me." Cuddy smiled back.

* * *

><p>House awoke in a slight haze and noticed his hand in a tight grip. He turned his head and his eyes fell upon the beautiful brunette sitting in the chair next to his bed. Her eyes were closed. He squeezed her hand to get her attention.<p>

She opened her eyes suddenly. "House," she whispered, looking up at him.

"Where am I?" He asked, groggily.

"You were in the ER but they needed the space, so they moved you to a room. Are you okay?"

"Too soon to tell. How-?"

Cuddy interrupted him as she stood and ran her fingers through his hair. "Wilson called me."

"Naturally." He swallowed and realized he was parched. "Water."

Cuddy poured water from the pitcher into a cup and inserted a straw and held it to House's lips so he could drink.

"How long have I been out?" He asked after he pushed it away.

"Since this afternoon. It's just after eleven."

"How bad is it?"

"You've got a concussion, some bruising on the side of your face," she said touching the area gently. "And you've got some bruising on your stomach and your leg where he kicked you. Because of the fentanyl, they've got you on a very low dose of morphine."

"It's good, I'm not in pain right now."

"That's good. You need a break."

House eyed her suspiciously wondering if Wilson already talked to her about his recent pain problem. He decided to change the topic.

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"The asshole who hit me."

"Wilson said they arrested him and took him to jail."

"And the kid?"

Cuddy frowned. "He suffered a broken arm and a concussion, his mother has some bruises but she's okay. The nurse suffered a concussion too but she'll be fine. It could've been much worse."

"Yeah," he closed his eyes and swallowed hard.

Cuddy continued to caress his face and run her fingers through his hair. Her eyes were glassy and she looked exhausted.

"You know there's room in this bed for two. C'mere," he said as he patted the empty spot next to him.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"What will everyone think?"

"Don't care," he casually responded.

Cuddy smiled and slipped her shoes off and climbed into the bed with House. She laid on his left side and snuggled into him, draping her left arm over his stomach.

"I'm not hurting you am I?"

"To the contrary, you're better any pain meds." He kissed her forehead and ran his left hand down her back. "This reminds me of you a few weeks ago, minus the shitty leg of course."

"We do have a twisted way of getting each other's attention, don't we?" She chuckled softly.

"That we do." House ran his hand over Cuddy's arm. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

House closed his eyes. He was tired but he felt he needed to talk to her before going to sleep again.

"Cuddy, I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"I've been in a lot more pain these last few days."

"Wilson told me when he called. How bad?"

"A nine, maybe higher at times. It started while I was in Boston but it got worse after I got back."

Cuddy sighed. "The day you left, your limp was more pronounced but I let it go, I figured you'd tell me if anything was wrong."

"I'm still working on that."

"How often does it happen?"

"Over the past year or since I left Mayfield?"

Cuddy frowned. "You did a good job of hiding it when you left Mayfield. Then again I did a pretty good job of not noticing, didn't I?"

"It's not your fault."

"Did you talk to someone, get some help?"

"My physical therapist, Nolan and Grogan."

"Grogan?"

"My doctor. Nolan thought I should get a doctor who could be objective, one who wasn't my best friend."

"Good idea. How did he suggest you handle it?"

"Oxycodone." He looked down to see her reaction but Cuddy kept tracing circles on his stomach with her finger and so he continued. "I didn't want to but I realized in the end, they were right and it worked...at least until now."

"How did you handle being on it?" Cuddy glanced up at him with a worried look on her face.

"Grogan kept an eye on me while I took it. I took the minimum dose every so often as needed."

"You're being so careful."

"I have to. I can't go back there."

"House, your pain is real and when it hurts you that bad I want to help you. I don't want you to ever be afraid to talk to me about it and I promise not to nag you. I'll support you in every way I can."

"I was going to tell you when I got to Boston and then...well...some asshole beat the crap out of me."

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment and then Cuddy leaned forward and took his lips in hers. At first, it was soft and gentle. Both were too exhausted to go any further. They kissed for a few minutes and then parted and snuggled closer to one another.

"What was that all about?" He asked when they parted.

"I just want you to know how much I love you."

"Is that the best you can do?"

"Save the rest for when you're out of here. It'll give you some incentive."

"I never need incentive when it comes to you." He ran his fingers through her long hair. "So how long are you here?"

"A few days."

"The hospital okay with that?" He asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Nobody batted an eye."

"Nice. They must really like you."

"They do. It's a great place to work." Cuddy knew she'd been blessed with a wonderful job.

"What about Rachel?"

"She's with Wilson at his place."

"Oh," he said. They laid there a few minutes when he spoke again.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"For what?" She looked up at him curiously.

"I thought I was done injuring myself. I'm sorry you had to drop everything because of me."

"I'm not. Besides, you didn't injure yourself, someone attacked you." She looked into his eyes to reassure him. "House, I've got vacation time. Don't worry about my job. My family come first."

"What?" The word family in conjunction with him caught him by surprise.

"In the past, I always put my job first. I don't do that anymore. I love it but I love my family more. Rachel's my family and you're my family, for better or for worse." Sh e smiled at him hoping he'd get the hint.

"Are you proposing to me?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Not in the least. I'm just saying that when Wilson called, my first instinct was to come here, to be with you. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?"

House nodded. "Yeah," he whispered. "If only I'd done that before when you needed me."

She patted his chest. "I know. We've both learned some tough lessons. We can't forget our past and the bad things that happened but we can move on, we have moved on House. We have good memories too, right? Let's not forget those." He nodded. Besides, we're here _now_, we've come a long way. That's all that matters." Cuddy smiled at him.

House was overcome with emotion at her words. He didn't have much family, just his mother and Wilson and now...her and Rachel. His heart fluttered a moment at the thought that she considered him a part of _her_ family. She was right, the past didn't matter. He was trying to put it behind him but it took time. That she dropped everything to be here with him said more to him than words ever could.

"Where are you staying?"

"My stuff's in the car. Wilson said I could stay at his place."

"Don't."

"What?"

"Stay...at mine."

Cuddy hesitated a moment and House sensed her apprehension. "Listen if you don't want to, that's fine."

"No, that's not it. It's just...there are so many memories there."

"It was a bad idea."

"No, it wasn't a bad idea. I want to be with you and we can't very well stay at Wilson's."

"I'll play you your song," he teased.

"You don't have to bribe me House. We'll stay. Maybe we can make new memories there. Where will Rachel sleep?"

"We'll buy an air mattress."

"You mean _Wilson_ will buy an air mattress." She corrected him.

"How well you know me."

They lay there silently for some time, slowly drifting off to sleep. Suddenly, Cuddy broke the silence.

"House?" She asked softly.

"Hmm?"

"That was a wonderful thing you did for that woman and her son."

"It was stupid," he mumbled.

"It was wonderful _and_ stupid." Cuddy kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "But promise me before you ever do that again you'll get some backup, okay?"

"Okay."

"Night, House."

"Night, Cuddy."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading this chapter. House may be a lot of things but he'd never let someone beat a woman or a child. This chapter isn't what I had originally planned but after much thinking, I wanted a catalyst that would not only bring Cuddy to Princeton to be there for House (as he was with her, and it helps her realize what's important and what should come first in her life) but it would serve as another catalyst for him to deal more with his relationship with John. What he witnessed in the clinic, the man and the boy, surely evokes memories of his own childhood. There's more drama to come...because they wouldn't be our favorite couple without it!<p> 


	70. Chapter 70

**A/N:** Hey all, thanks for the great comments. Thanks to Cherokee Jedi for being my whiteboard.

Haven't posted a disclaimer in a while but here goes. I don't own House. If I did, he would have crashed his car into David Shore's house, then got out and shoved that hairbrush where the sun don't shine. :)

Remember...The man we know as House is a work in progress. Even the smallest steps are huge strides for him. He fights the demons every day but with the love and support of the people he cares about most, he will learn he can handle anything!

* * *

><p>The next morning, around nine o'clock House awoke and frowned when he realized he was alone in the bed. For a moment he thought he'd hallucinated Cuddy sleeping next to him until he saw her laptop on the chair next to his bed and breathed a sigh of relief. He sighed and threw off his sheet and looked at the damage to his leg. It was bruised in the area near the scar but he felt no pain. He noticed the morphine drip was set at a low level. While he did not welcome the eventual return of the pain, the last thing he wanted now was to get used to having <em>no<em> pain at all. He swung his left leg over the side of the bed and used both hands to carefully move his right one when suddenly the door to his room swung open.

"House! What are you doing?" Wilson rushed over to the bed to help him.

"I've got to piss like a racehorse. But first..." He reached over and lowered his morphine dose to zero and disconnected the drip from his arm.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Gotta cut the cord sometime."

"It's going to hurt."

"It _always_ hurts. I need to manage this like I've been doing, not with this stuff."

"Well let me help you to the bathroom."

"What? You gonna hold it?"

"Cute. Come on, lean on me," Wilson said, annoyed.

House allowed himself to lean on Wilson till he got to the bathroom door and let go. "I'll be fine mommy," he said as he limped in on his own. When he was done with his business, he limped out of the bathroom and motioned for Wilson to help him back to his bed. At that moment House's physician entered the room.

"Grogan," House acknowledged the doctor.

"House. How are you feeling?"

"Well, right now no pain, but..." he pointed to the disconnected morphine drip. "Give it time."

"You sure you want to do this?"

"You sound like Wilson now," he replied. "Yeah I'm sure."

"I'm proud of you. Given your history, this is huge."

House rolled his eyes. "Okay dad, now when can I get out of here?"

"I know it's going to be impossible to keep you here so as long as you aren't alone, I'll let you go home."

"Oh goodie," he grumbled.

"But...we need to keep an eye on your pain."

Before House could reply, there was a knock at the door and then Cuddy walked in the room with Rachel. Grogan looked at her in surprise. Rachel's eyes lit up when she saw House. She let go of her mother's hand and ran over to him.

"Hows!" She yelled as she ran over to greet her grumpy friend.

"Dr. Cuddy? I guess the rumors _are_ true," Dr. Grogan held his hand out to her. "It's good to see you."

Cuddy shook his hand. "Jerry, good to see you too and what rumors are you talking about?"

"That you're back...well not back but...you know what I mean."

"The rumors of her returning here to rule her former empire clad in tight skirts and low-cut tops are greatly exaggerated," House joked.

Cuddy stared at House, but her gaze softened seeing him help Rachel onto the bed with him.

"What?" He asked feigning innocence. "You had to know word was going to get out that you were here."

Grogan ignored House's comments. "Lisa, you here...with House...is not exactly surprising_._ Either way, it's good to see you."

Cuddy smiled nervously. "Thanks." She decided to change the subject. "Anyway, how's he doing?"

"Well, the patient, as you well know, is slightly irritated at being hospitalized. He's already turned off his morphine drip."

She looked at House, shocked. "You can't just stop it."

"I can and I did. It's all or nothing."

Cuddy turned to Grogan with a pleading look on her face. Grogan just shrugged. "It's his call. Seems to me he wants to get back to where he was prior to the...incident so he can get back to managing th epain. We'll need to know how to do that without the morphine and while he's doing this he shouldn't be by himself."

"I'll be staying with him," she said.

Rachel had been listening to the conversation, picking up that last part. "Mommy we're staying with Hows?"

Cuddy nodded and watched Rachel's reaction. Rachel grabbed House's arm. "Can we play piano?"

"Yep. We'll play pirate songs and drive mommy crazy," he said, smiling devilishly at Cuddy.

"Yay," Rachel shouted.

Staring in awe at the unusual family atmosphere between House, Cuddy and Rachel, Grogan said, "I'm going to leave you guys. House, call me if you need anything." Turning to Cuddy, he said, "Lisa, take care of yourself."

"You too Jerry," she said as Grogan exited the room.

"Hows are you hurt?" Rachel asked him.

"A little but I'm okay now," he said, pulling her over a bit to make room for Cuddy to sit down.

"Is it your leg?"

"Yep and my head."

"Can they make it better?" She asked as she gently placed her little hand on his injured leg.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

Suddenly, a nurse stuck her head in the door and did a double-take at House, Cuddy and Rachel sitting together on the bed. "

"Can we help you?" He snarled at the shocked nurse.

"I'm sorry, it's just well...I'd heard Dr. Cuddy was here but I didn't believe it."

"Well now that you've seen her you can go away."

"House!" She smacked him on the arm.

"Ouch mom!" Cuddy rolled her eyes at him then looked back to the nurse. "Did you need something?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she smiled nervously. Looking at House, she said, "The police are here to see you," she said.

Looking at the nurse, House replied sarcastically, "I didn't do anything."

"Oh I know. Everyone's talking about what you did."

"They are?"

"Yes."

"Oh great." He rubbed his face with his hand.

"Should I send them in?" She asked uneasily.

Cuddy nodded and the nurse left the room.

"House, it seems you're a hero," Cuddy teased.

"Geez, there goes my reputation."

"At least you and the police are on the same side," Wilson said with a smirk.

"Hows, how come the police wanna see you?" Rachel asked, her wide blue eyes staring up at him.

House thought about how to answer that, then Cuddy intervened. "House did something nice for someone, honey, and now the police want to talk to him about it."

Wilson decided it was a good time to get Rachel out of the room. "Rachel, why don't I take you to the gift shop? We can pick out something nice for House?"

She pouted. "I wanna stay with Hows."

"Honey, I think you should go with Wilson."

"Okay. Mommy. Can you come too?"

"No, I need to stay with House."

Wilson helped Rachel off the bed and took her hand. Before they left, she turned around and looked right at House. "I'll be back," she said before they left the room.

Cuddy chuckled. "I have no idea what hold you have on her."

"The Cuddy women just can't resist my personality."

There was a knock came at the door and before inviting the officers in, House raised his legs up on the bed and leaned against the pillows.

Cuddy opened the door for the police. "Officers, please come in."

"Thank you ma'am."

As the officers entered, one of them looked suspiciously at House, as if he knew him, then he looked back at Cuddy as if trying to place her.

"Aren't you Dr. Lisa Cuddy?"

"Yes."

He looked back at House, then back at her.

"Is there a problem officer?" She asked him as she settled in the chair next to House's bed.

"No ma'am. We just have some questions for Dr. House."

Fifteen minutes later, when the police were done with House they turned to leave, the officer who had eyed House suspiciously earlier approached her. "Dr. Cuddy, do you mind if I speak to you outside?"

House and Cuddy just looked at one another. "You can talk to me in front of Dr. House."

"I'd rather not ma'am." He seemed insistent.

House nodded to Cuddy and she got up and followed the officers, turning back to House giving him a look of complete cluelessness. When they were outside the room, the officer told his partner he'd meet him outside then he turned to Cuddy.

"Is something wrong?" She asked him before he even opened his mouth to speak.

The officer looked a little uncomfortable. "Ma'am I was on scene the night Dr. House ran his car into your house."

"I see." Cuddy bit her lip nervously, wondering where the conversation was headed.

"You had a restraining order against him, didn't you?"

"I did."

"But you're here now."

"I am."

"If I recall correctly Dr. House has quite a history of trouble and-"

Cuddy interrupted. "Officer..." she looked at his name badge, "Sheridan. I appreciate your concern but my relationship with Dr. House is nobody's business."

"Dr. Cuddy, I appreciate that you were in a relationship with Dr. House and that what he did may still be difficult to comprehend but I've seen this kind of thing before. Men like that apologize to the women they love and they do it all over again. It's a cycle of abuse."

Cuddy shook her head in disagreement, ready to reply but the officer stopped her. "Ma'am I'm not trying to upset you, I'm just doing my job. I deal with this every day. You don't know how many women I've come into contact with who suffer over and over at the hands of a habitual abuser and then they make excuses for the behavior."

Cuddy stepped forward towards the officer, in a non-threatening manner. "Listen, neither you nor anyone else, except maybe Dr. Wilson, understands the relationship House and I have. What he did was wrong, he knows it and I know it but I have forgiven him. I know him better and longer than anyone else does. I have seen him at his best and his worst as he has me. When he crashed his car into my house he was _not_ himself. The man I knew all those years would have never have tried to hurt me." Cuddy pointed towards House's room and continued. "For so many years, through all the good and bad, he has been my one constant, the one person I knew I could count on. Even when he didn't know it himself, I did." She finished nearly in tears and several of the doctors and nurses were looking at her. They had heard everything. She hadn't meant to raise her voice but it was too late.

The officer, seeing how his comments had affected her, backed off. "I'm sorry Dr. Cuddy, I didn't mean to upset you. I was just doing my job."

"I understand and I appreciate that." She spoke softly this time. "He has come a long way, he has gotten help and he's clean and sober. The man in that room who defended that little boy and his mother in the clinic, putting his life in danger to protect them...that's who he is. It's there, underneath the ego, the sarcasm and deflection. I would not be here with him if I did not have faith in him and believe in him."

The police officer eyed her carefully. He was good at reading people and he could tell she was confident and very sure of herself. He sighed and reached into his jacket and took out his card, handing it to her. "I'll take your word for it Dr. Cuddy. Please let Dr. House know if he has any questions or anything to add to his statement, he can call me."

As the officer walked away, Cuddy looked around at the bustling in the hallway and took a deep breath and returned to House's room. She found him sitting on the bed, sulking.

"House, what is it? Is the pain back already?"

"No."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Talk to me." Then it hit her. "Oh God. You heard our conversation, didn't you?"

He replied without looking up. "People who know what happened are wondering what the hell you're doing with me. They're always going to remind you that I could crack at any moment and hurt you."

"Who cares what they think?"

"That cop felt the need to warn you."

"He doesn't know you like I do."

"Everyone here...they know what I did. They see you here and they think you're weak, that you're one of those women who just keeps running back to her abuser. I don't want people looking at you like that."

"That's not true. You _never_ abused me. I don't care what anyone says, they're not important."

"I treated you like shit for years. Verbal abuse is still _abuse_."

"We both played that game for years. It was our way of communicating."

"You never did the things to me that I did to you."

"Why are we rehashing this? I thought things were good."

"Things were...I mean are...it's just..."

"House, don't do this," she pleaded.

"You know I'm right."

Cuddy was getting frustrated. "I _love_ you."

"I love you too but love doesn't conquer all."

"What the hell does that mean?" She asked. He was frustrating her by the second.

"Love doesn't erase the bad stuff."

"No, and it's not supposed to. Love is a good thing and it makes the bad stuff more bearable."

"Yeah," he replied softly. "Cuddy, what's going to happen when Rachel gets older and finds out the truth about me?"

"We'll talk to her..._together_."

"And you think she'll forgive me?"

"House, she'll know _you_ and she'll know what kind of man you are."

"You don't think it'll be traumatic for her to find out that the guy she trusted and called her...friend all those years was a psycho?"

"You're _not_ a psycho." Cuddy sat next to House on the bed and took his hand in hers. She could feel the turmoil within him. "Rachel _loves_ you."

House sat on the bed, simmering in his self-loathing. "I think you coming back here was a mistake," he said, suddenly.

"What?" Cuddy felt her stomach take a flying leap.

"It's just that you coming back here...just brings back all the shit that happened between us. It makes you have to face it all again. You deserve better."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I think you and Rachel should go back to Boston," he replied quietly.

At that moment, Wilson returned to the room with Rachel. Rachel held her hands behind her back as she ran over to House.

"Hows, I got you a prize!" Rachel gave him a big goofy grin.

Neither House nor Cuddy reacted and Wilson, noting the somber tone in the room, wondered what happened while he was gone.

"She means _surprise_." Wilson tried to lighten the mood.

"Close your eyes," Rachel said to House.

House groaned.

"C'mon House, just do it," Wilson said.

House closed his eyes. When House opened them, he found she had placed a small yellow duck in his lap. It had big laughing eyes and a bowtie around its neck. He looked at it, then at her. She was beaming.

House picked up the stuffed duck. He had to admit it was actually cute and the look on the little girl's face was priceless.

"See, now we both have one." She pulled her other hand from behind her back to show him another duck. It was a different color but had the same eyes and matching bowtie.

Cuddy found herself getting emotional watching the interaction. Suddenly, she needed to get some air.

"Come on Rachel, let's go home and get cleaned up," she said, standing up and grabbing her purse and laptop from the table next to the bed. She'd stayed at the hospital all night and was still in the same clothes she'd worn when she left Boston. The look House gave her at her use of the word _home_ did not go unnoticed.

"But _mommy_ we just got here."

"We'll be back."

_"Mommy," _she insisted._  
><em>

"Hey Rachel, don't argue with mom."

"Okay." Rachel looked up at House then turned and walked over to her mother.

"We're going to Hows's right?" She asked hopefully, looking up at her mother.

Cuddy looked at House and replied without taking his eyes off of him. "Yes, we are." She took Rachel's hand and walked to the door. Before they exited the room, Cuddy turned around and looked at Wilson.

"Will you bring him home?" She asked.

Wilson nodded and Cuddy glanced once more at House. She gave him a sad but hopeful smile then turned and walked out.

Wilson put his hands on his hips and looked at House. "What the hell was _that_ all about?"

House ran a hand wearily through his thinning hair.

"I think I fucked up."

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><p>I love you guys! Thanks for reading. Remember...Huddy is endgame. Always!<p>

Another update soon!


	71. Chapter 71

**A/N:** I told you they've got things to work through. House is a man of ACTIONS over WORDS. It's very important to him, that no matter what, his actions show everyone else and himself that he has changed and that he continues to change. Remember, change is not easy for him. Baby steps.

I found a fic the other day titled _"My Brother's Keeper"_ and I'd never read it before! It's a House-Cuddy-Wilson fic. House has an on-the-job accident and well...you read it. It's got drama, romance, angst...it's twenty chapters of good reading. It's at fanfiction dot net /s/6127579/1/My-Brother-s-Keeper

Thanks Cherokee Jedi for being my whiteboard. Bouncing ideas off her is lots of fun. To my FF writing friends, thanks for keeping the Huddy alive!

In this chapter, it's Friday morning.

* * *

><p>Cuddy arrived at House's apartment, taking the key Wilson had given her hours earlier and inserting into the lock. She took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. She stepped aside so Rachel could enter first, then she followed and locked the door behind her. At first glance it was lived-in but clean. Rachel immediately started looking around for something to capture her interest. In House's apartment, that was not a difficult task.<p>

"Rach, be careful and don't touch anything that looks breakable okay?" Cuddy said, as she placed their bags on the couch.

"Okay, mommy." Though Rachel was a curious child, she was also respectful of other people's things.

Cuddy recalled the last few times she'd been in the apartment and frowned at the bad memories. There had been the night she broke up with House, then that awful night when she and Wilson showed up at his apartment in time to see him marry that..._woman_. Cuddy still remembered what it felt like to watch the two exchange rings. Even though she knew why he was doing it, it broke her heart that he wasn't placing the ring on her finger. She knew House wasn't the kind of guy who wanted to get married but secretly she had wondered at times what it would be like to marry him. Then there was the night...the last night she'd stepped foot in his apartment when he'd called pleading for help and when she arrived there was blood everywhere and he was pale and drugged and slowly dying. Shivers went up and down her spine as she recalled that night all too vividly.

She ran her hand across the mantle above the fireplace and cast her eyes about the around the living room noting everything was as it was last time she was there. She was glad there wasn't a single trace of the woman who once posed as his _wife_. Pushing that thought out of her mind, she roamed around the living room and kitchen, touching his things and taking in the essence of House all around her. She'd always felt warm and safe at his apartment and now it was no different. Cuddy walked over to the piano and ran her fingers over the top, caressing its shiny lacquer finish, a smile gracing her face as her mind replayed a certain memory...

_It was six months since they'd gotten together. House had surprised Cuddy by making arrangements for Wilson to watch Rachel overnight so he could take her to a great southern blues club in Philadelphia. He told her that he'd found Warmdaddy's by accident during one of his trips to see Nolan before they had gotten together. After a night relaxing in the cozy atmosphere with great food and terrific music, they returned to House's apartment. Cuddy kicked off her heels and made herself at home on the couch while House took off his tie and tossed it on the coffee table, toed off his dress shoes and sat on the arm of the couch next to her, rubbing her neck. _

_"You had fun tonight?"_

_"I loved it."_

_"I can't believe you drank beer."_

_"What? I've had beer before."_

_House smirked. "You really liked it?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Good." He leaned down and kissed her. _

_Cuddy moaned with delight. "I'll take more of that," she said and let him kiss her again. He took her hand and helped her up from the couch and led her to the piano. _

_"Are you going to play for me?" She asked seductively.  
><em>

_"Hmm...something like that."_

_House sat on the large piano bench. He motioned for her to stand in front of him, between him and the piano. He removed the clip from her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders, then reached his hands behind her and unzipped her cocktail dress. Cuddy let it fall and then stepped out of it, picking it up and draping it over the piano behind her. She was left in her heels, strapless bra and lace panties. House licked his lips as his eyes roamed lustfully over her body._

_Cuddy reached behind her and undid her bra, removing it slowly and tossing it aside. House pulled her close to him and nestled his face in her stomach, kissing and nipping at it, eliciting moans of pleasure from her. He stood and lifted her up and placed her on top of the piano. Cuddy leaned back and lay across the instrument, her hair spread out around her face. House placed his fingers underneath the thin waistband of her panties and pulled them slowly down her thighs, over her knees and calves, kissing every inch of her skin along the way. He tossed the panties behind him and groaned at the vision in front of him. He pulled her off the piano and stood her in front of him. She lifted his shirt over his head and kissed his neck and chest, sucking at his bare skin. She reached down and unbuckled his belt and lowered his zipper. He stood and helped her lower his slacks and boxers at the same time and he stepped out of them, then sat back down on the bench. House lifted Cuddy to sit on his lap. She wrapped her legs around him and draped them over the bench.  
><em>

_"Your leg?" She asked, as she nipped his earlobe.  
><em>

_"It's fine, trust me." He ran one hand up and down her back as he ran the other through her luscious thick, raven curls.  
><em>

_"You get more beautiful every single day," he whispered to her as he left kisses on her neck and shoulders.  
><em>

_Cuddy's heart leaped in her chest at his words and she smiled at him. His eyes were so blue she swore she could see right through them. It still amazed her that House had such a tender side to him. She felt incredibly special that she was the only one to see it. Suddenly, House did something Cuddy had not anticipated. He moved his hands from her body to the piano keys and began playing. He played for what seemed an eternity and she was content to rest against him, skin on skin, her head on his shoulder as he played one of the most beautiful melodies she had ever heard. When he was finished, he moved his hands back to caress her._

_"What was that?" She asked.  
><em>

_"Her most beautiful smile," he said as his fingers caressed her cheeks, jawline and her neck. _

_"I love it. It's beautiful."_

_"Not half as beautiful as you." _He whispered into her lips as he kissed her, then he lifted her gently as if she weighed nothing at all, and eased her down over his thick, pulsating erection. She moaned in pleasure as he filled her to her core. They stayed like that for a moment, her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands caressing every part of her, slowly and gently. They simply relished the feeling of being connected so intimately.  
><em>_

"Mommy!"

Cuddy was jolted back to reality when she heard Rachel call her from House's bedroom.

"Coming Rach," she said. Staring at the piano, her smile widened at the thought of the memories they created that night. She made a promise to herself to focus on the good times they'd had there and let the bad things stay in the past where they belonged. It also occurred to her that those little things he did for her, like taking her out occasionally and nights spent playing the piano for her, and all the little things in-between had been House's way of showing her he cared about her, that he loved her. He'd always reminded her that actions, not words, were what mattered. She never showed him enough how much she appreciated him and spent far too much time focusing on his faults, waiting for the inevitable moment when they would implode. Cuddy really had loved all those things about him that made him who he was and now that they had and now that they had another chance, she vowed to make sure he always knew how much she appreciated him.

She grabbed their bags and walked down the hallway and into his bathroom, where it had all started. Glancing down at the tub, she recalled the many nights they spent in it, talking, touching, and just enjoying the quiet together. She tried not to remember the last time she'd seen him in that tub, when he was bloody and broken. She turned left and entered his bedroom and found Rachel in there checking out House's things.

"Mommy what's this?"

"It's a unicycle?"

"What does it do?"

"Oh honey, you ride it."

"Like a bike?"

"Yep, except it doesn't have any handles and it only has one wheel."

Rachel looked at it thoughtfully then turned to her mother. "That's silly, without handles you'd fall off."

"Some people do."

"Does Hows ride this?"

"No honey, he can't."

"Oh." Rachel sounded disappointed.

"But he did at one time," Cuddy added. She remembered it was one of the crazy things House had done in college. House was a creature of habit and like his guitars, piano, his car and the apartment, the unicycle was one of those things he refused to part with.

"He did?"

"Yep."

"Neat." As Rachel looked around, Cuddy placed their things on his bed, which was unmade on his side. She touched the soft, familiar, Egyptian cotton sheets. The top sheet smelled like him and she held it close to her cheek.

"Hows has lots of neat stuff."

"Does he now?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Come on, we're going to take a bath." Cuddy went into the bathroom and rinsed out the tub and ran a bath for them. She looked through House's cabinets and found a bottle of bubble bath. She shook her head recalling the time she'd convinced him that a bath wasn't _really_ a bath without bubbles. She'd given him a bottle of her favorite bubble bath to try and he'd confided in her later that the bubbles were nice but he also threatened to deny it if she ever told anyone.

Cuddy dumped a a large amount of bubble bath in the water, helped Rachel out of her clothes and then she stripped down. When the tub was full, they climbed in. Rachel immediately went for the yellow rubber duck on the edge of the tub. Cuddy hummed as she washed Rachel's hair and then Rachel asked her mother to tell her a story. And so they spent the next forty minutes bathing, telling stories and laughing in the bubble bath until the water was no longer warm. Afterwards, they dressed comfortably and Cuddy made them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with milk, which was essentially the only food in the apartment. Rachel yawned throughout her meal and so after they finished, she laid her in House's bed, under the covers, for a nap, and then pulled her laptop out of her bag and took it into the living room.

* * *

><p>About an hour later, Cuddy was in the middle of an email to her sister when House's home phone rang. She decided to let it go to the answering machine but immediately changed her mind when when she recognized the voice of the person leaving a message.<p>

"Hello?" She asked.

"Uh, may I speak to Greg please?"

"He's not here. Is this _Dr. Nolan_?

"Well hello, Dr. Cuddy," the man said.

Cuddy was surprised he'd recognized her voice, they hadn't spoken in so long, then again, House had told him all about their reconciliation.

"Please...call me Lisa."

"Sure, but only if you call me Daryl. I thought he'd be in Boston and I've tried his cell phone every few hours but he's not answering. I thought I'd leave a message for him at home so he could get it when he returned."

Cuddy thought House would want Nolan to know what had taken place, after all, the man knew everything about House there was to know. "He didn't go to Boston this weekend. He was injured in the clinic yesterday afternoon."

"Is he alright?" Nolan asked in a worried voice.

Cuddy sensed his anxiousness. "He's fine, really. He's got a concussion and some bruises. The guy kicked him in his leg so...you can imagine how that affected him. He was kept overnight for observation but should be home in a few hours."

"I'm relieved that he's alright. Can you tell me what happened?"

"A man was beating up on his wife and son in the exam room and House jumped in to stop him."

"You don't say?"

"Most people wouldn't think of House as that type."

"Most people don't know him like we do."

"That is true," Cuddy said, shaking her head in agreement.

On his end, Nolan smiled. "You know Dr. Cuddy..._Lisa_, we've only had the chance to meet a few times. I wish I could've gotten a chance to know you."

"Likewise. Would you like me to give him a message?"

"I just wanted to know if he wanted to get back to our schedule and meet Tuesday. Things have been a bit crazy lately."

"Yes, I know. He hasn't said that he _wouldn't_ be there but I really don't know his plans. I'll ask him to call you."

"Thanks. I know that you would need to talk to Greg first, but I would welcome you if are able to join us."

Cuddy was apprehensive. "Me?" She wasn't sure how House would feel about that.

"I've been telling him for some time that I'd like to talk to you both if you were both agreeable to it."

"I don't know how House would feel about that."

"He hasn't rejected the idea, he just needed some time to think about it. It seems like a perfect time. I'm not sure what your schedule looks like but if Greg is agreeable and you're able to make it, I think it would be a good thing."

"I've got Rachel with me but I can make arrangements. I'll talk to House."

"That's fine. I hope to see you soon."

"Same here, Daryl. Goodbye." Cuddy hung up the phone and went back to her email. She couldn't help but wonder if House would want her to be a part of his session. She tried not to think about it and continued answering email for the next hour when she heard keys rustling in the door. Moments later, House and Wilson entered behind her.

"Honey, we're home," Wilson called out.

"Shh," she whispered loudly, turning around on the couch. "Rachel's napping."

"Sorry." He took House's things and set them on the table by the door while House grunted his greeting and limped down the hall towards the bathroom.

Cuddy looked at Wilson curiously. "He's had to piss since we left the hospital," Wilson explained.

Cuddy nodded and continued her email.

Wilson sat on the couch next to her. "House told me what happened."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I tried but he wasn't in the mood."

"He's doubting himself again," she said sadly.

"You know that's going to happen from time to time."

"But for how long?"

"He's trying to defy his own logic that people don't change. This is still new for him. He just needs to work through a lot of things. "

"So what do I do?"

"Reassure him, be there for him, _support_ him. It's all you can do. Don't let him push you away."

"No, I _definitely_ won't let him do that. We've come way too far." Cuddy sighed, then glanced down the hall. "What's he doing in there anyway? Did he fall in?"

Wilson glanced down the hall and noticed the bathroom door was still closed. He walked to the bathroom tapped on the door. "House?"

There was no answer so he opened the door slowly. When he noticed the light was off, he opened the door wider. The room was empty and he stepped in and took in the sight to his left. Through the door leading to House's bedroom, he saw House sprawled out on top of his covers, fast asleep, with Rachel tucked under the covers close to him. He laid on his left side with his right arm protectively over Rachel, as if it came naturally to him. Wilson smiled and closed the door, then eased back down the hall.

"I found him."

"What's he doing?"

"Sleeping."

"Really?" Cuddy was dumbfounded. He hadn't even said a word to her when he walked in the door.

"Yeah, right next to Rachel."

Cuddy shook her head in amusement. House was always full of surprises.

"He's tired. The pain he went through this past week and then this...he admitted to me earlier he's exhausted."

"I know. He needs to rest. I'll see that he does that these next few days."

"Are you mad at him?" Wilson asked, slightly worried about what had taken place earlier at the hospital.

"Mad? No, I'm just...well...it's exhausting trying to convince him constantly that he's not the same person he was when he crashed his car into my house. He thinks he's an abuser and not just the crash either; he brought up verbal abuse. All the shit he's said to me for years, now he thinks it was _abuse_. I've never thought of it that way, I mean he's always been crass and facetious and annoying but it's part of what I love about him."

"You know it's going to take time."

"I know. He's made such strides since he got out of jail. I mean making amends with you, getting his job back, seeing Nolan, doing his therapy and then...writing me that letter. He _has_ changed, he's come so far and then...one thing happens...one cop has to say something and he starts second-guessing everything. I don't know what I can do to convince him that he's not the evil bastard he thinks he is."

Wilson scratched his head. "You've forgiven him and that means everything to him but he's still working on forgiving himself...and trying to figure things out. Sometimes I think he's confused over who _he_ really is. All you can do is just keep doing what you're doing. Like I said, be there for him, he needs that. He needs...time. Just remember, when he tries to push you away, stand firm. Don't go. That's what Stacy did. He pushed her away because he believed it was best for her."

"And him," she said.

"Yeah." Wilson remembering all too well how House was protecting himself when he pushed Stacy away the second time.

Cuddy sighed. "I suppose."

"Cuddy, there's something you should know about...that happened when we left the hospital."

"What?"

"I can't even explain it myself. I took House down to the first floor in a wheelchair. You know he fought me like hell on it but finally agreed. Well, when we got to the first floor, I parked him there so I could pull my car around." Wilson grinned and shook his head.

"What is it Wilson? What happened?"

"Well...the entire clinic staff gathered there and gave House a round of applause."

Her eyes got wide. _"No, they didn't!"_

"Yes. They did! It's the last thing I thought I would ever see there. Apparently word got around about what House did."

"Wow."

"Brenda walked right over to him and...planted a big wet one on his cheek."

"Oh my God, she _didn't!"_

"Yep. I think she did it more to embarrass him since he was in the chair and couldn't get away from her."

"What did House do?"

"Well, he said something about the fact that they're so bored with their lives they have to live vicariously through him then he threatened me bodily harm if I didn't go get the _goddamn_ car."

Cuddy laughed. "Poor House."

"Exactly, but ya know, what he did was pretty brave. "

"He doesn't see it that way."

"I know. When I asked him what he was thinking when he did it, he just said he wasn't."

"Maybe he'll want to talk about it later," she said, hopefully.

"Maybe." Wilson looked at his watch. "Shit, I've got to head back to the hospital to wrap some things up. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Oh wait." She remembered her talk with Nolan. "There's a chance I might need someone to watch Rach on Tuesday. Will you be around?"

"I'm supposed to work but I think I can work something out. I didn't realize you planned to be here."

"I thought I'd be leaving that day but I think I'll wait till Wednesday."

"Good. You guys have more time to talk."

"I hope."

"I'll see you later. Call me and let me know."

She stood up and gave Wilson a hug. "Thanks...for _everything_."

"Anytime." He kissed her on the cheek.

When Wilson left, Cuddy closed the door behind him and locked it. She eyed her laptop and then looked down the hall towards House's bedroom. She could spend her time working on email or take a nap with the two people who meant the most to her in the world. The decision was a no-brainer. She set her laptop on the coffee table and walked quietly down the hallway. She reached House's bedroom and opened the door and heart skipped a beat as she took in the sight before her. House was on top of the covers on his side and his arm covered Rachel, protectively. She crawled into bed opposite him, snuggling up to Rachel and wrapping her arm around her. Then she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading. It's flowing now so there's no stopping this train. What will happen next? Another chapter soon!<p> 


	72. Chapter 72

**A/N: **My goal is still to publish a chapter a week but if I can, I'll do two. It depends on my muse and if I can get the editing done in a reasonable amount of time. I like to have a few future chapters written and ready for editing when I publish the next one.

Thank you to the lovely friends I have who love Huddy as much as I do! I enjoy our discussions. Also thanks to Cherokee Jedi for our discussion the other night about where I wanted this chapter to go. That conversation resulted in a bit of editing which worked out nicely. This was going to be a much longer chapter but the ending I have here seemed most appropriate.

Picks up where last chapter left off...Friday.

* * *

><p><em>When Wilson left, Cuddy closed the door behind him and locked it. She eyed her laptop and then looked down the hall towards House's bedroom. She could spend her time working on email or take a nap with the two people who meant the most to her in the world. The decision was a no-brainer. She set her laptop on the coffee table and walked quietly down the hallway. She reached House's bedroom and opened the door and heart skipped a beat as she took in the sight before her. House was on top of the covers on his side and his arm covered Rachel, protectively. She crawled into bed opposite him, snuggling up to Rachel and wrapping her arm around her. Then she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.<em>

* * *

><p>"Mommy?"<p>

_"Mommy?"_

"Shh kid, people sleeping," House grumbled from his side of the bed.

"I'm hungry!" Rachel whined a bit too loudly.

House grunted. "Inside voice, _please._"

"I'm hungry," she whispered.

"I'm tired," he replied.

"I'll get you something to eat," Cuddy said, waking slowly from her nap.

"Mommy, can I watch TV?"

"I suppose."

"Cartoons?" She asked sweetly.

"_Actually_," House said. "I've got something better."

Cuddy raised an eyebrow curiously.

He turned his face away from the pillow and looked at Rachel. "How about Ice Age?"

"Yay!" Rachel said excitedly.

Cuddy stared at him. "I thought you lost it."

"I thought I did too but it turns out I never took it back to the video store. Bastards made me pay for it," he said into his pillow.

"House, _language_!" Cuddy gave him a stern look.

House groaned and rolled over, then he sat up and rubbed his leg.

Cuddy sensed House needed some privacy. "Come on Rach," she said. "I'll put the movie in for you." She got out of bed and took Rachel to the bathroom and then into the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets and fridge, annoyed that she couldn't find anything decent for them to eat. A few minutes later after she'd popped a bag of popcorn and put the DVD in for Rachel, Cuddy entered the bedroom again.

"How bad is it?" She asked, standing in the doorway watching House massage his thigh.

"About an eight. I damn near had this under control till that asshole kicked me."

"Do you want your pills?" She asked as she stood in front of him.

House didn't reply, he just kept rubbing his leg. He didn't want her to see him as needy.

"Please, talk to me. You've been acting different. Tell me what's going on."

House finally looked up at her with slightly red, tired eyes. Cuddy sensed his hesitation.

"I'm proud of you for working so hard to manage your pain but I realize now...that there are times that it hurts so bad that you have to take something. I think now is one of those times, don't you?"

House was conflicted and still mulling over what happened at the hospital. But more than anything, he was tired of the pain so he finally relented.

"Top shelf of the medicine cabinet above the sink," he said, in a whisper.

Cuddy went into the bathroom and found the pills in the cabinet just where he said they would be. She returned with the bottle and a glass of water. "Here," she said offering it to him. He took the bottle and shook out one pill then swallowed, chasing it with the entire glass of water.

"What? No dry swallowing?" She joked.

He handed her the bottle and the empty glass. "No. I take it seriously now," he said dryly.

Cuddy nodded her head in understanding. She supposed he had to change all of his old habits when it came to taking pain pills. She set the glass on the nightstand and sat on the bed next to him.

"Do you want to talk?"

"About?"

"Anything. What happened at the hospital. What you -"

"No," he interrupted abruptly. Then he got up from the bed slowly, grabbed his cane and limped out. Cuddy noticed he was slightly unsteady. She lay back on the bed and put her hands over her face and cried. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to try to get him to talk and yet she wanted to give him his space. It frustrated her that just when things were getting better, they managed to get worse. Finally, she dried her eyes and went into the living room where House and Rachel sat at opposite ends of the couch watching the movie.

Cuddy took a seat on the lounge chair. She clasped her hands together and rubbed her fingers nervously. "Nolan called before you got home."

"He did?" House asked without even looking away from the television.

"Yes, he'd been trying to get a hold of you on your cell phone but couldn't. He figured he'd leave a message here."

"You talked to him?" He looked at her curiously.

"Yes."

"What did he want?"

"He wondered if you were planning to meet him Tuesday for your regular appointment."

House nodded. "Did you tell him what happened?"

"Yeah." Cuddy bit her lip and House knew she had something on her mind.

"And?"

"Well...he invited me to join your session," she said in a low voice. "That is, if you're okay with it."

House looked away but didn't reply. It seemed like he was thinking about it. Cuddy was frustrated by his behavior and so she decided she needed to get away from him for a while to think. She picked her cell phone and threw it in her purse, then grabbed her keys. House watched her but didn't say a word.

"Where you going mommy?"

"There's no food here so I need to go shopping."

"Just order take-out," he said.

"We can't live on crap all weekend," she replied sarcastically. "Will you watch Rachel for me?"

"Do you really have to ask?" He asked with an annoyed expression.

"Sorry. I just know -"

He interrupted before she could finish. "Just go. She'll be fine."

* * *

><p>While Cuddy was gone, House and Rachel sat on the couch snacking on popcorn from the same bowl and watching the movie. They both had their feet on the coffee table, legs crossed exactly the same, right over left.<p>

"Hows?" Rachel asked, her mouth full of popcorn.

"Yeah?"

"Are you gonna come see mommy and me again?"

House looked down at her. "I don't know."

"Are you sad?"

"No." In reality he was sad and very confused.

"You sound sad."

"Just watch your movie, kid."

Rachel turned back to the television but kept talking. "I like when you come to our house."

"Yeah?" House seemed surprised at her admission.

"Mmm hmm." She nodded and looked up at him again. "I miss watching pirates with you."

He let out a sad sigh. "I miss it too."

"Will you come to our house for good?"

Instead of replying to her, he just grabbed a fistful of popcorn and shoved it in his mouth.

"Hows?" She asked again.

"What?"

"Don't you like us?"

"Sure I do."

"Then why can't you come live with us?" Rachel asked innocently.

"It's not that simple."

"But _why?_"

"It just isn't."

Rachel scooted over and snuggled against his side. She looked up at him with those big eyes and her face stuffed with popcorn and House couldn't help but grin at her. He was still amazed that she liked him as much as she did. He liked...no he _loved_ that little girl because she made him smile and feel better about himself. She liked him for who he was and she loved him unconditionally. He never thought he could love a child and yet he did.

"Hey kid, I have to make a phone call. You stay here okay?"

"Okay."

House pushed himself off the couch and into the kitchen. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed a number. On the other end, a voice answered.

"Daryl Nolan."

"Hey, it's House."

"Greg, good to hear from you."

"Yeah, listen...I need to talk to you about something."

* * *

><p>Cuddy sat on a bench at one of her favorite places, the jogging park at the hospital. She'd taken a detour from House's apartment, needing some time to herself to think before going shopping and heading home. Looking around the grounds, which were beautifully manicured and dotted with joggers or people enjoying a picnic, she remembered the many times she spent there. Sometimes she'd go there to have lunch by herself, other times she chased House down as he was trying to escape her wrath. Every now and then, when they were dating, they'd have lunch out there together, away from the prying eyes of the hospital staff.<p>

She looked at her watch and then pulled out her cell phone and dialed a familiar number. A voice on the other end picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me."

"Hey. Are you still in Princeton?" Sharon asked.

"Yeah."

"You sound down, what's wrong, hon?"

Cuddy broke down, unable to respond coherently.

"Oh Jesus, what in hell happened?"

Cuddy didn't respond right away and Sharon knew to let her friend have some time to get it out. Sharon whispered reassuring words to her friend as she let out her tears. Finally, Cuddy wiped her eyes and leaned back on the bench. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly and told Sharon what happened.

"The police came to talk to House about the incident in the clinic. One of the officers recognized me...he'd been at my house the night House drove his car into it."

"Oh no."

"Oh yeah. He was surprised to see me there with House. Then he asked to see me privately and proceeded to lecture me about what happens to women who return to their abusers."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him House never abused me...that he wasn't in his right mind when he drove his car into my house. I told him I've known him for over twenty years, that I know him better than anyone. I think he thought I was making excuses. Finally he let it go and left. When I went back into House's room, he was acting strange and that's when I knew he'd heard everything."

"Shit."

"He told me it was a mistake to come here to see him and that he thought we should go back to Boston. Then he asked what we were going to tell Rachel when she was older...about what happened. And then he insisted the things he'd said to me for years were abuse. Sharon, he and I both have said some pretty nasty things to one another over the years but I never considered anything he ever said as abuse. House was a man protecting himself from pain by doing whatever he could to push others away, it was his defense mechanism. Honestly...there were times I did the same."

"So, did you get through to him?"

"No. Finally, I just...I needed to get away and give us both some time. I took Rachel and went back to House's apartment. When Wilson brought him home later, he looked really tired and didn't say a word. Instead he just went straight to bed. I took a nap with him and Rachel and when he woke up I thought everything would be okay but he still won't talk to me about what's on his mind. Here I thought I was the one who would have the hardest time dealing with things but I'm actually handling it better. Sharon, I thought when I forgave him it would make things better for him and for us."

"That was an important part of it, especially for you to be able to move on but it seems he hasn't forgiven himself. From what you've told me he's got a lot of baggage he carries around, much of which has nothing to do with you. He's going to need to deal with it in order to move on."

"So is it normal that one moment we're fine and making progress and talking about things and the next he's done a reverse?"

"Yes, it's perfectly normal to take steps back. Things happen that make us doubt ourselves and when you're in a fragile state and hurt it doesn't take much to change course. The good thing is he can and will take steps forward again. House has you and Rachel, James, and other people who care about him. He is loved more than he knows. Show him that he is loved and needed and wanted. Show him he is deserving of love and kindness and forgiveness. By the way, is he still seeing his therapist?"

"Yeah, he is and I can tell it's helping him." Cuddy remembered the phone call with Nolan. "Speaking of his therapist, Nolan called before House got home and I talked to him. He wants me to sit in on their session next week."

"Really?"

"Yes. I told him but he didn't say anything about it. I hope he'll agree. I think it could be good for us."

"It could be. I think with all you guys have been through over the years, maybe having you both in the same room talking with a professional would be good. Just remember, if he isn't ready for it, don't push him. It's huge to bring someone else into your therapy session. He needs to do it when he's ready."

"I know. I hope he will because I know it can help him...both of us. We both have a lot to work on but I feel like we can do it so much better _together._ Even with all the shit we've been through we do make each other better, we are stronger together. I want so much for him to be able to let go of the shit eating away at him so he can finally be happy. I know he wants it, he admits he wants it. If only he could get rid of that weight he carries with him every single goddamn day."

"He will Lisa. Just be there for each other. Continue what you're doing. Talk about everything, be encouraging and supportive of one another. Don't push each other away and don't give up."

Cuddy smiled on her end. _What would I do without her?_ She thought.

"Sharon, you're a great friend."

"So are you. You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I am."

* * *

><p>Cuddy returned to House's apartment nearly three hours later. After her hour-long trip to the hospital park where she'd been able to regroup thanks to her conversation with her best friend, she headed to get some shopping done. By the time she returned home, she was in a much better mood. She took a deep breath and entered the apartment where she found House and Rachel playing cards on the coffee table. They were betting popcorn instead of money or poker chips. She shook her head and set the groceries on the kitchen island and went back out to her car. She returned with a box she placed next to the couch, then closed the door.<p>

"What's that?" He asked pointing to the box.

"Air mattress."

"I thought we were going to let Wilson get that."

"I think _we_ make enough money that we can afford an air mattress."

"What's this _we_? She's _your_ kid."

"From the looks of things," she pointed to the table where Rachel was dealing cards to House. "It seems that she's picking up your bad habits."

"Hey, she needs to know how to put on a good poker face. I've learned it comes in handy." House smirked at her and she was relieved that he seemed to be in a lighter mood.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and walked back into the kitchen. At least he was talking to her. That was a start.

"Hey are you gonna blow that thing up?"

"No."

"But you've got such mad blowing skills."

"House!"

"What? You should be proud!"

"It comes with a mini-compressor. It's in the box." She pointed at the box leaning against the couch and as she turned to go into the kitchen she looked down at the coffee table, covered in popcorn and cards. She shook her head, which did not go unnoticed by House.

"Remember when we used to play?" He asked with a sly grin.

Cuddy blushed as she was reminded of the times they played cards in the confine of her bedroom when Rachel was asleep. Banter would ensue and things soon got physical and the two of then ended up naked and panting among the sheets, cards long abandoned and strewn all over the bed and the floor.

"Do me a favor and blow that thing up then come help me with dinner," she said over her shoulder as she walked into the small kitchen.

House looked at Rachel who was attempting to shuffle the cards. "Tell me you're not going to be bossy like her when you grow up."

Rachel just picked up a handful of popcorn from her bowl and shoved it into her mouth as she looked up at him and smiled.

* * *

><p>Not long after she put the groceries away, Cuddy sat at a barstool in front of the kitchen island watching House slice vegetables julienne style.<p>

"I thought _you_ were going to help _me_ prepare dinner," she said.

"I am."

"No...you're doing it all."

"You are doing something. You're watching and learning."

Cuddy opened her mouth to reply but House stuck a piece of carrot in her mouth to silence her.

"You were gone awhile," he said, changing the subject.

Cuddy finished chewing on her carrot. "I made a few stops."

House knew she needed some time away from him. He continued chopping again and out of the corner of his eye he saw Cuddy bite her bottom lip which she always did when she was anxious about something.

"How long were you planning to stay?" He asked, out of the blue.

She hadn't expected that question. "Well...I figured we'd probably leave Tuesday morning. Why?"

"I thought you might want to go to therapy with me on Tuesday and then...Philadelphia."

Cuddy felt an overwhelming sense of relief and wanted to jump for joy but tried not to make a big deal out of it.

"Okay," she said.

"Good," he replied.

It was as simple as that. She thought he'd fight her on it but he actually _wanted_ her there. Her thoughts drifted to all the things Nolan might want to talk about during the session.

As if House could read her mind, he stopped chopping and glanced over at her and said, "Stop thinking so much. It'll be fine."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! I really do like where this story is headed. My muse has taken over... :P<p> 


	73. Chapter 73

**A/N:** Glad you all liked the last chapter. I really enjoy writing House and Cuddy going through their angst and drama. I think it serves to help them grow and become stronger together.

* * *

><p><em>"How long were you planning to stay?" He asked out of the blue.<em>

_She hadn't expected that question. "Well...I figured we'd probably leave Tuesday morning. Why?"_

_"I thought you might want to go to therapy with me on Tuesday and then...Philadelphia."_

_Cuddy felt an overwhelming sense of relief and wanted to jump for joy but tried not to make a big deal out of it._

_"Okay," she said._

_"Good," he replied._

_It was as simple as that. She thought he'd fight her on it but he actually wanted her there. Her thoughts drifted to all the things Nolan might want to talk about during the session._

_As if House could read her mind, he stopped chopping and glanced over at her and said, "Stop thinking so much. It'll be fine."_

* * *

><p>The weekend passed quickly. House, Cuddy and Rachel spent some time alone at the apartment and went over to Wilson's for dinner. The four of them went to a park at the outskirts of Princeton to watch the sailboat races and Rachel made Cuddy promise she would buy her a motorized sailboat to play with when they got back to Boston. And even though House was on sick leave he'd been called in because they had a case. Cuddy went with him late Sunday night, after they dropped Rachel off with Wilson. She sat in on the differentials, offering her input. It was the first time she'd seen his new team in action and it was interesting, they didn't seem to have the same dynamic as his old teams. The two young female doctors kept looking at her oddly but she just ignored them. The group sat there in the diagnostics conference room late at night, going through medical books and jotting down symptoms on the whiteboard until the early morning hours when they finally figured out the diagnosis. House's leg was still in a lot of pain and he'd spent too much time on it over the weekend so they decided to stay inside at his apartment all day relaxing.<p>

On Tuesday morning, House and Cuddy woke early so they could get an early start. House didn't want to get up too early but Cuddy knew that he would need extra time because of his leg. Neither had spoken about the upcoming appointment with Nolan since Friday night. After dropping a sleeping Rachel off with Wilson, who had agreed to take the day off to spend with her, they headed for the physical therapy clinic at the hospital. When they arrived, it was early enough where most of the regular shift staff had not arrived yet. As they entered the double doors of the clinic, House saw immediately that his therapist Vince was working with a patient. Vince acknowledged them and told them he'd be with them shortly and instructed House to begin his stretching routine. The fact that House was limping worse than usual did not go unnoticed by the young physical therapist.

House limped over to a locker and placed his backpack and Cuddy's purse in it, then took two mats from a shelf nearby. He took off his jacket and hung it on the wall. He was clad in his tee-shirt and sweatpants.

"You want me to stretch with you?" Cuddy asked, nodding to the two mats in his hand.

"Well you can sit there and ogle my hot bod or yeah, you can stretch with me." House placed his mat on the floor and placed his cane on a bench near them.

Cuddy rolled her eyes at him. "Fine." She grabbed a mat from him and laid it on the floor in front of her.

"There are fifteen stretches I have to do starting with the chest."

Cuddy watched House begin his stretches and then she followed his movements. She could tell he was in a lot of pain because he began sweating not long after he began his stretches. She was in awe over his ability to compose himself in that much pain. She watched him swing his arms behind his back and clasp his hands and stretch his upper back, upper arms, back and torso. He seemed a bit off balance and when she reached out to help, he gave her a look that signaled he didn't want it. Finally he finished the upper body stretches and prepared to stretch his hamstrings and his thighs.

"Need your help with this," he said. It took him longer to get himself settled on the floor and when he did he let out a loud groan. He knew she heard it and he looked up at her.

"Goddamn I hate this," he said, referring to the pain.

"I know you do. What can I do to help you?"

"See the chart up on the wall? There are illustrations you can use to help me."

"Okay," she said. Cuddy walked over to the chart on the wall and took in the illustrations on it then turned back to House and kneeled in front of him.

"Ready?"

"Yep."

Vince had completed his work with his patient when he turned to watch Cuddy helping House with his lower body exercises. House was instructing Cuddy on how to help support his right leg as he stretched and Vince watched quietly. He noticed immediately how they seemed to move in sync like a well-oiled machine. When they finished and she helped him up, House went to the bathroom and Vince took the opportunity to introduce himself to Cuddy.

He stretched out his hand to Cuddy. "Hi, I'm Vince Green and _you_...are Dr. Lisa Cuddy."

"How did you know?"

"I've seen your picture," he said, grinning. He leaned towards her as if telling her a secret. "But you're even more beautiful than that old worn pic he carries around in his wallet. Besides, who else would you be?"

Cuddy smiled at the thought of House carrying a picture of her in his wallet. "Thank you and please call me Lisa." She didn't recognize him as one of the staff she'd hired. "Are you new here?"

"I've been here about a year," he said. "You know...people still talk about you."

"Oh." Suddenly she felt very uncomfortable.

He took a step forward and smiled in an effort to ease her mind. "I didn't mean anything bad by it. You did a lot of great things at this hospital and people still talk about that. As a matter of fact, this clinic was expanded and funded because of your work. You did some amazing things for Princeton-Plainsboro."

Cuddy nodded and blushed slightly at the compliment. "We had some generous donors whose money made it all possible."

"Indeed it did, but don't sell yourself short; a lot of people owe you a debt of gratitude. Let's just say that you are greatly missed." He gave her a genuine smile of appreciation.

Cuddy smiled back and then with a seriousness in her voice, she said, "Vince, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do people _really_ talk? You know what I mean."

"I'll be nothing but honest with you because you deserve that. Most people here know what happened between you and Greg and I am guessing it might be a little uncomfortable for you to come back. I've gotten to know a lot of people here and I don't hear much about it anymore so I can only assume everyone has moved on. It's often been said that you and Greg always had a unique relationship that nobody else could figure out. They say you danced around each other and played games years before you got together."

She looked down at the floor. "We did," she said quietly.

"I've also heard that given your long history and your personalities, it's no surprise it blew up like it did but that it would be no surprise if you two eventually ended up together again."

Cuddy was taken by surprise. "They said _that_?"

"You two obviously had something special and maybe you still do. That's between the two of you and nobody else's business. I'll say this-Greg has talked a lot about you since he started coming here." He shook his head smirking. "People love to talk to their therapists; I have _no_ idea why."

"Thank you Vince." She smiled genuinely, appreciating his honesty. "I can see why House likes you so much. You've been a great help to him and I can't tell you how much that means to him…and to me."

"Lisa, let me assure you I don't judge him or you; that's not my place. Helping him manage his pain and get healthy is my job and I take pride in it. Greg is one of the most unique individuals I've ever met. He came to this clinic desperate to find a way to manage his pain and have some kind of life. He told me he didn't want to get lost in that abyss again. I told him upfront that it would be hard work and at times he'd hate it and he'd hate me and he'd want to give up but he was determined and stuck with it. He never gave up. I fight for _him_ because he fights for _himself_."

Cuddy was amazed hearing these words from Vince. For nearly twenty years she'd heard nothing but praise about House's diagnostic skills even with his unorthodox ways, but she hardly ever heard anything good about him as a person. It made her proud that House had worked so hard to turn his life around after everything they'd been through. Long before she received his first letter, she often wondered if he'd had the strength to pick up the pieces and create a new life for himself. After the anger subsided and she had forgiven him, she prayed he would find some peace but knowing House as she did, she wasn't so sure he would.

"Vince, you talking shit again?" House suddenly bellowed from behind as he limped up behind them. He had changed into a pair of cotton shorts and Cuddy noticed something unusual-the shorts didn't cover the entire scar. In the past, House had made it his mission to hide his scar from everyone, including her.

"Always, man," Vince retorted.

House noticed Cuddy eyeing him up and down. "What?" He asked.

"Oh...nothing," she said. Turning back to Vince, all business, she asked, "So, where did you work before?"

House watched Cuddy switch to her take-charge administrator mode, wanting to make sure he had only the best care.

Vince grinned expecting to be questioned by the former administrator. "I graduated from the physical therapy at the University of Delaware, about fifteen years ago. My wife and I lived in lived in Baltimore where she taught high school history and I worked in the PT clinic at the VA there. Her mother died and left her a pretty good chunk of change so we decided it was time for her to go back to school. She applied to Princeton's graduate program and was accepted. I applied here and got the job. We don't have any kids and we rented a place back in Baltimore so moving was easy for us."

Cuddy was impressed. "Wow. Delaware is one of the best PT programs in the country."

"You know your schools."

"I do. As Dean I recruited some of the best talent to this place." She smiled and winked at House. Then she added, "That's also great news about your wife going back to school."

"It is. We really like it here."

"I really appreciate you taking such good care of House."

Vince glanced over at House and chuckled. "Oh he's okay in my book. His leg is healthier now than it ever was despite the breakthrough pain. It'll come and go but we just have to keep working on it."

"That guy in the clinic kicked him pretty hard," Cuddy said.

"He did but he'll work past it, it's what he does. The combination of therapy, medication and workouts are doing him good. It's become part of his lifestyle now so there's no going back."

Cuddy nodded and looked over at House, who was tapping his cane on the floor somewhat impatiently while watching the conversation between her and Vince.

"Are you taking anything?" Vince asked looking at House.

House was brought out of his thoughts. "I'm taking Oxy in small doses when I need it and I'm still using the patch," pulling up his shorts leg to show the patch. "It hurts like a mother fucker but…it is what it is."

"He hates taking the Oxy," Cuddy said.

"Hang in there man, the worst pain will eventually subside and get back to where you can manage without the pills. You're doing great Greg, you really are."

House shook his head, a little embarrassed at the compliments and in attempt to deflect the attention he said, "Okay ladies, can we get down to business here before you two start getting all emotional on me?"

Vince threw his hands up in the air. "Fine, let's go." He led the couple to an empty therapy room.

* * *

><p>Three hours after first arriving at the therapy clinic, House and Cuddy were on the road headed to Philadelphia. Therapy had taken about an hour longer than usual because House needed more time because of the pain and Vince had taken his time instructing Cuddy on House's therapy techniques and massage. In the past she'd massaged his leg for him but she never really knew how to do it properly. Vince showed her the proper way to do a deep tissue massage not only on his leg but on his shoulders and back, which at times were in pain due to his use of the cane. As House expected, Cuddy paid close attention and asked a lot of questions. She took the time to practice on him with Vince watching and occasionally correcting her. While House enjoyed the feel of her hands on him and made a point to comment about it often, he also appreciated that she wanted to learn how to help him. Afterwards while House was in the shower, Vince had taken Cuddy on a tour of the facility and introduced the former Dean to some of the patients. He also gave her his card in case she had any questions about House's therapy. When they parted he told her he hoped to see her again.<p>

"I like Vince," Cuddy said looking over at House in the passenger seat as he snacked on a bag of pretzels. She noticed he seemed more relaxed than when he woke up this morning.

"He's a good guy. His dad was an Army doctor. When they were stationed in Hawaii, Vince got into some kind of trouble and had to do community service. His dad arranged for him to work at Tripler Army Hospital helping get the vets to and from their appointments. Seeing all those injured guys affected him and eventually he figured out what he wanted to do with his life."

"Wow."

"Yeah, that guy has seen a lot of people in pain and not just physical either."

"I'm glad he showed me those techniques." She looked over at House in the passenger seat.

"You're actually pretty good for a beginner. We'll have to practice you know...a lot," he said raising his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure that won't be a problem." She put her right hand on his left knee and squeezed it gently. "Thanks...for letting me in House."

"You're welcome." He looked at her, and the softness in his eyes conveyed to her that he was just as grateful to her as she was to him.

They talked...about things, like Wilson's latest conquests, Cuddy's family, rating the Real Housewives by sluttiness, and a multitude of other things until they were all talked out. They drove in silence for the next twenty minutes or so before House broke the silence.

"What do you think about Foreman?" He asked out of the blue.

"Eric Foreman?"

"Uh no..._George_. Of course Eric."

"If you're asking about his doctoring skills, I think he's very good."

"How about _Dean_?"

"I don't know. It's been awhile since I've worked with him. I always thought he had the potential to go higher but I think he would have been better off being a department head first, hone his administrative skills. Why? Is he thinking about more than interim?"

"I heard rumors."

"What kind of rumors?"

"Parker, Weiss and Cochran want to keep him; they think that in time he'd be great. Wells and Reed think he needs more experience as an Associate Dean first before stepping up to take over a hospital, and Jenkins and Lanier don't want him at all in that position. Apparently Lanier has a brother-in-law who is the Associate Dean at UCLA who is looking for a promotion and a move to the East Coast."

"I never liked Lanier. What about Harper?"

"She's the swing vote."

"Well, that's no surprise," she said sarcastically. "I always hated having to deal with her, she's such a bitch."

"Well you can rest easy knowing nothing's changed in that regard."

"Does Foreman want the job?"

"I don't know."

"You should talk to him."

"Why?"

"You've been his mentor for years, he'll listen to you."

"Foreman does what Foreman wants to do. Besides, do you think he's going to listen to an addict and ex-con?"

"I think he'll listen to his extremely intelligent, older and very experienced mentor. Despite all the shit you've done, Foreman still respects you. Does he know what's going on?"

"I don't know."

"You should tell him. You've always been straight up with him."

House nodded. He wanted to give Foreman advice but he wasn't sure he'd even listen to him.

"What about the rest of your team?" Cuddy asked.

"What about 'em?"

"How are they doing? Adams and Park, I mean."

"Adams isn't a bad doctor, but she's doing it for the wrong reasons. It's like she's trying to right some wrong in the world and make up for the fact she grew up privileged. As for Park, she's Asian so she has something to prove to her parents. She'll make a good doctor...eventually...but she comes from a family that has high expectations and she constantly tries to prove herself to them by doing things completely opposite of what they want her to do. She's another one who's not a doctor because she wants to be one."

"Do you think they'll work out long-term?"

"I haven't a clue."

"Then why did you hire them?"

"I didn't hire Park, Foreman did. Adams...well I told you the story about her."

"Yeah, you got her fired."

"Umm…hello? We _saved_ the patient."

"Well that made it okay," she mused.

"She was wasting her time there anyway."

"She was doing something _good_. Something she thought was important."

"In her own little world she was but it was a waste of time. Trust me, being a prison doctor sucks."

"As if you would know. You _practiced_ without a license, if you can even call that practicing."

"Words hurt you know!" He said, putting his hand over his heart feigning hurt.

Cuddy ignored his sarcasm. "So how's Chase handling things?"

"Chase is the biggest mystery of all. When I hired him, I did it as a favor to his dad and to you. I had no idea he'd actually turn out to be a halfway decent doctor."

Cuddy smirked and looked over at him. "House, he's more than a competent doctor, don't you think?"

House looked out the window in thought. "He's actually doing a great job though I haven't spent much time there in these past few weeks."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Shit happens." He sighed and rubbed his thigh, mostly out of habit, then looked over to Cuddy and gave her a tight lipped smile to reassure her. "There was a time I thought I couldn't be away from that place"

"I remember being like that too."

"Things change."

"Yeah, they do."

Ten minutes later they pulled off the exit in Philadelphia. House gave her directions and not long after they arrived at Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital.

"We're here," she said.

"Yep."

"Why don't you see him at his other office? Doesn't it bother you to come back here?"

"He's got a great recliner here and the window view is pretty nice."

Cuddy just looked at him, puzzled. "And on Tuesdays he's here."

"Well yeah, there is that. Anyway, I'm okay coming here. It's good in a way; it reminds me why I got clean, what I went through...why I don't want to go through it again." He took off his seat belt and looked at her, a serious look on his face.

"House, what is it?" Cuddy knew that look; it used to scare her because it was that look he gave her before he confessed something.

"There's something you need to know that I haven't told you. Remember when I walked out on Nolan about a few days before the crane collapse?"

Cuddy nodded. She'd been devastated that he stopped his therapy because she believed it was the one thing that kept him sober.

He continued. "Well, I figured that would be the last time I'd ever see him. But...after that career day mess, I realized things weren't going so well between us and I called him and told him I wanted to start back with him again, if he'd have me. He said he would and even suggested that I bring you too…but I refused."

Cuddy stared at him and swallowed hard. She had absolutely no idea that he had wanted to go back to therapy while they were together. He had never mentioned it. "Why?"

"Do you mean why did I want to go back or why did I refuse to get you involved?"

"Both."

"I had to go back. You and I were fighting…at the hospital…at home. I'd screw up; you'd yell at me, I'd screw up more figuring what the fuck did I have to lose because you were going to break up with me anyway. I needed to be prepared when it happened."

"Oh, House," she said sadly, reaching out for his hand. "But why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you want me to go with you?"

He looked down. "I thought if we saw him together, it'd really bring some things out and would make things worse."

"But House, it could've helped us."

"I just kept thinking that once he started talking about our relationship, you might start thinking and then realize you didn't want to be with me...that we'd rushed things...that it wasn't going to work."

"You never did see him, did you?" She already knew the answer.

"No. By the time I'd gotten around to doing it...it was too late." It was true, she'd broken up with him just days before he was to see Nolan again.

Cuddy let go of his hand and let out a long frustrated sigh as she sank back into her seat, her eyes looking out the driver's side window. "I wish you would have told me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Me too." She turned her head to look at him, noting the sadness in his eyes. She had a feeling he'd been thinking about how things might have been different for them if he'd gone back to therapy.

"I guess we should go in now. He's probably watching us and taking meticulous notes," House said, smirking. They got out of the car and Cuddy immediately went over to his side to help him.

"I'm okay." He assured her.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It still hurts like hell but it's not that burning, throbbing shit like last night. The massage really helped."

Cuddy looked at him, and in his eyes she could see he was being honest. Her heart felt lighter knowing the worst of his pain was subsiding, albeit slowly.

"You ready?" She asked.

"Yeah."

They walked side by side towards the building entrance and when they reached the steps, they stopped. Cuddy linked her left arm with House's right and grasped his bicep reassuringly. They looked at one another for a moment, words unspoken, but thoughts understood. Then they looked ahead and together, they slowly walked up the steps and into the building.

* * *

><p>Thanks everyone for reading. Just a note about Tripler, it's a real hospital known as Tripler Army Medical Center. I had to go there once when I was stationed overseas. They do lots of good things for injured soldiers and sailors!<p>

In the next chapter, House and Cuddy see Nolan. I couldn't have written that chapter without the help of a number of people who I shall mention when I publish it. Stay tuned for the drama and angst.


	74. Chapter 74

**A/N:** Thanks so much for all the great reviews. I fully intended to update this two weeks ago but life got in the way PLUS writing this chapter was difficult because House, Cuddy and Nolan went out and got minds of their own and started taking the therapy all over the place. I felt that where they'd gone was too much for one chapter, for an initial session together. So I broke this up into two chapters.

In this chapter, it's Tuesday afternoon's therapy session with Nolan. Some things will come up that have been discussed either between House and Cuddy or House and Nolan. Throughout this fic, House and Cuddy will revisit their past and talk about things, sometimes more than once because that's how therapy works...you talk about it until you're done with it and can move on.

A lot of thanks go to: Ana, Maria-Eleni, Cherokee Jedi, Amy, Marisa, Laura, and JulLia for the roundtable discussion a few weeks ago.

Thanks to LapizSilkwood for taking a look at the final draft!

* * *

><p>Nolan's secretary showed House and Cuddy into the office. Nolan was sitting behind his desk writing when the couple entered. He stood up to greet them.<p>

"Hello Greg. Lisa, it's good to see you again," he said shaking her hand.

"Likewise."

"Please have a seat." He motioned to the large comfortable leather couch then turned to his secretary. "Remember, I'm not available for the rest of the day." The secretary nodded and closed the door.

"Wow, the rest of the day? Should I be worried?" House asked.

"No. You've still got your usual hour with me. I didn't book any other patients after you because I've got a journal article to complete. You know how it is."

Cuddy raised an eyebrow at Nolan as if to say _are you kidding? _Nolan just winked at her. _  
><em>

House didn't take his usual seat in the recliner, instead he made himself comfortable on the couch next to Cuddy. This did not go unnoticed by Nolan who was used to House keeping his distance during their sessions.

Nolan leaned forward and clasped his hands together. "Lisa, Greg invited you here so that you could see for yourself how much progress he's made and to allow you both an opportunity to talk openly about your relationship."

That last line surprised Cuddy. She didn't know House had wanted to talk about their relationship.

"Are you sure?" Cuddy asked curiously.

House hesitated a moment. He was a little apprehensive but only because having someone else at his session was new to him. Then he thought about how much he'd revealed to Cuddy over the past few months and how much Nolan already knew about them. The only difference now was now they were in the same room.

"House?" She asked again, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine...it's fine." He gave her a nod of assurance and she smiled.

Nolan continued. "While I would love to see things work between you, Greg is my patient and his well-being takes precedence. He has made remarkable progress in identifying and discussing things that have been a great burden to him...for a very long time."

Cuddy glanced over at House, the corners of her lips jumped upward slightly, and clearly he knew she was appreciative of his efforts in letting her in.

"You two have a very unique relationship and I know how much it means to Greg and through him Lisa, I feel I know you much more than perhaps I should, considering we've only met and chatted briefly a few times. Now, I'm not a couples therapist but then again this isn't couples therapy and well...you two aren't exactly the typical couple either, wouldn't you agree?"

They both nodded.

"I won't lie to you; most couples could never reconcile or recover after such a devastating blow to their relationship but you two apparently have something...special that brings you back into each other's lives. You two parted ways under the worst of circumstances and what you went through was very traumatic to say the least. Communication has not been your strong point and the fact that you have come this far shows much promise."

"Do you think that we _can't_ recover?" Cuddy began to fidget nervously with the strap of her purse.

Nolan sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Lisa, I don't know what the future holds for you and Greg but I _do_ know that the best way to fix a relationship is for both parties to work on it _together_. This involves more than solving issues or changing behavior. It is my experience that couples are better able to repair their relationships when they learn how to relate to each other in healthier ways. When they learn how to do that, they deal with problems more effectively. I know it might seem difficult at first but I believe you can do this and you need to believe it too. In order for it to work, the two of you must be honest with one another. _Can you do that_?"

House and Cuddy turned to look at one another and for a fleeting moment, their eyes connected in a moment of mutual agreement. They were determined to make it work this time.

Nolan picked up on their silent affirmation. "Good." He rubbed his hands together. "We won't plan where this is headed and what I would like is for you to just be yourselves. We have to start somewhere so to break the ice I think I'll start by asking how therapy went this morning."

"It was good," House said. "The pain is rough but at least the worst of the throbbing and cramping is gone."

"That's good. The injury you suffered in the clinic no doubt set back your ability to recover from the breakthrough pain you were dealing with." he replied. "Lisa, I assume you went with him. How was that experience for you?"

"It was eye-opening."

"In what way?"

Cuddy smiled enthusiastically and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She was happy to share her participation in the morning therapy session. "I got to see his normal therapy routine, which hasn't happened since his infarction. I did stretches with him and his therapist showed me how to help him with his exercises and how to do the massages properly. He helped me understand more about the things that trigger the pain."

"That's good. Have you ever done that for him before?"

"I'd massage his leg for him occasionally but..." she said. "He never _really_ let me in."

"How does it feel now to be let in? To be an active part of his therapy?"

"It feels good." She sat up straight, hands in her lap, an air of confidence about her. "I want to do things different this time."

"How so?"

"Well...being a part of it makes me feel like I am better equipped to help him manage his pain. In the past, House always worked so hard to hide it," she said with some disappointment. "I always wanted to help him...I just didn't know how. Now I can't just sit there and watch him deal with it by himself like I did before. I want to be an _active_ part of his pain relief and his healing. I want to do this...I _need_ to."

"You still feel guilty," House chimed in, unexpectedly as he fidgeted with his cane.

Cuddy scooted over on the couch a bit so she could face him. "You _know_ I'm not doing this out of guilt," she insisted."

"You've _always_ felt guilty about it."

"No, not always, but there was a time-" she attempted but was cut off by House.

"It's the reason you let me do...what was it you once said, 'Fifty one weeks out of the year you let me run around like a monkey in a banana factory?'" He asked as he raised an eyebrow at her mischievously.

Nolan chuckled at his response then to Cuddy he asked, "Lisa, is it true? Do you feel guilty?"

"No...well..." She bit her bottom lip contemplating her answer. "Yes...sometimes," she confessed.

"Why?"

"It's my fault," she said. Her shoulders fell resignedly. She glanced over at House who rested his chin in his cane and stared at the floor shaking his head, clearly annoyed at her response. "He lives in pain, every single day because of me."

"That's ridiculous. You know I don't blame you."

"There were times...you hurt so bad...I knew I was a part of it." She looked back at Nolan. "I'm the one who suggested to Stacy...his ex-girlfriend, the middle ground, the removal of the dead muscle."

Nolan nodded to convey he knew the story. "I know. Let me ask you a question. _Why_ did you do it?" He asked.

"_Why?_ To save his life."

"Why didn't you abide by his wishes?"

Cuddy tensed up and reacted defensively. "Because he could have _died._"

Nolan noticed Cuddy tensing up. "Relax Lisa," he said trying to put her at ease. "I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just trying to make a point. As the patient, Greg's wishes took priority. Obviously you had a very good reason for not abiding by them."

She chewed on her bottom lip nervously. She wasn't sure why she was nervous, it had been years ago and she had come to terms with it. Or so she thought she had.

"I knew there was a good chance that he wouldn't recover and that he'd die in the coma," she said.

Nolan knew from his earliest sessions with House in Mayfield the first time around, when House had first talked about Cuddy, how she had violated his wishes as well as hospital policy after the infarction. "Would you have done that for anyone else? Would you have violated protocol and ethics and put your medical career in jeopardy just to save a patient?"

House eyed her curiously, awaiting her answer.

"No...not normally. But House wasn't just _any_ patient."

"You cared about him."

"Of course I did," she said, matter-of-factly. "We had a past going back to med school, surely he told you."

Nolan nodded affirmatively. "May I be so bold as to ask if you _loved_ him?"

"Yeah. Even though he was with Stacy, I did," she replied softly, looking down at her hands twisting the strap of her purse.

"So you went against his wishes and saved his life because you loved him. Why do you feel guilty for that?"

She smacked her hands on her knees and looked at him, her eyes wide. "I put him through a lifetime of excruciating pain because I was selfish, even though he was with her...with Stacy, I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. I had to do whatever it took to keep him alive!" She realized her statement of truth had come out far more loudly than she had intended.

"It's not wrong to want to do everything you can to save someone you care about."

"Over the years I've seen him in so much pain it nearly killed him." When she spoke, her voice cracked a little. "Sometimes he made reckless decisions, did things that put his life in jeopardy and there were a few times..." She looked over at House and bit her bottom lip again nervously. "I wondered if I'd made the wrong choice in saving his life."

The room was silent as Cuddy and House just stared at each other. The only noise was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of the office. Nolan watched, intrigued by their connection. He could have sworn they carried on a conversation without ever saying a word.

Finally he said, "Greg...were there times _you_ thought Lisa made the wrong choice in saving your life?"

Cuddy crossed her arms in a self-hug, her hands gripped her upper arms as she awaited his answer. She certainly hadn't expected them to get this deep into things this early in the session but now it was too late to go back.

"Yes," he replied in almost a whisper.

Cuddy let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding but when it came out, it was more like a sob. She'd known over the years, he'd been in so much pain, there were times he wished it would all end but hearing it was so painful.

"Do you still think that?" Nolan asked, his eyes darting between them.

"No." This time his answer came without thought or hesitation.

"Why not?"

House dropped his eyes toward the floor and tapped the end of his cane on his foot. With a low sigh, he tilted his head up to look at Nolan.

"Because even with all the pain and shit that's happened, I think...I'm actually _happy_ now."

* * *

><p>The next chapter will be up soon! I like to have an additional chapter nearly finished and ready for editing before publishing the one before it. Didn't happen this time! I'll get better about updates!<p> 


	75. Chapter 75

**A/N:** Thanks for all the comments and for taking the time to read this! So sorry it took longer than usual. I've been so busy. I meant to get this up a few days ago! Believe it or not, it took me over three weeks to write and edit this chapter. I think this chapter and the last one were the hardest so far to write. It is not easy writing House and Cuddy in therapy with Nolan!

Now, I'd like to thank: Cherokee Jedi for her quick beta. We have missed you girl! Also, Allthingsdecent, RochelleRene, GratefulInsomniac, GiveMeKevinBacon, Maya295, SomeBadHat, InThe House, OldSFFan, Ms Orton, CuddyOwnsPPTH, huddyloverxox, writrsblk, Harper Penn, PartypantsCuddy, Princeton Blues, Iane Casey and all those others who have started new Huddy fics or added new chaps to current ones. Thanks for inspiring the rest of us.

I'd also like to thank every person reading this. I never expected it to be this long. I hope it measures up to your standards. I'm trying hard. I've never written fiction...ever. Most of my stuff is non-fiction: opinion, review, humor type stuff, but never fiction so this is new territory.

Thanks for putting up with my delay. The therapy session ends with this chapter and we should be able to move on quickly to the next chapter and hopefully I can publish Friday night.

* * *

><p><em>Finally he said, "Greg, were there times you thought Lisa made the wrong choice in saving your life?"<em>

_Cuddy crossed her arms in a self-hug; her hands gripped her upper arms as she awaited his answer. She certainly hadn't expected them to get this deep into things this early in the session but now it was too late to go back._

_"Yes," he replied in almost a whisper._

_Cuddy let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding but when it came out; it was more like a sob. She'd known over the years, he'd been in so much pain, there were times he wished it would all end but hearing it was so painful._

_"Do you still think that?" Nolan asked, his eyes darting between them._

_"No." This time his answer came without thought or hesitation._

_"Why not?"_

_House dropped his eyes toward the floor and tapped the end of his cane on his foot. With a low sigh, he tilted his head up to look at Nolan._

_"Because even with all the pain and shit that's happened, I think...I'm actually happy now."_

* * *

><p>Cuddy's jaw dropped. <em>Happy.<em> In that moment she was both thrilled and terrified. She was thrilled because that's all she wanted for him since his infarction and terrified because she knew how he felt about happiness, he'd always insisted it was a pipe dream. House admitting he was happy was a huge step for him...for them.

"Lisa?"

_"Lisa?"_

Cuddy was brought out of her thoughts. "Oh, sorry."

"Where did you go?" Nolan aske.

Cuddy pursed her lips together in contemplation. "House said he was happy."

"And that's a problem?" Nolan asked curiously.

"Well..." She attempted before being interrupted by House.

"It's my fault," he said. "I planted the idea in her head years ago that people don't change."

Nolan leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands across his midsection. "Most people find change difficult for many reasons. They don't know themselves well enough and they don't have an accurate view of which they are, therefore they don't recognize those aspects which need improvement. There's the propensity to blame others for our weaknesses and faults. Few people are willing to accept that their own character traits and choices are the main determinants of the kind of life they lead."

"So House is wrong, people can change?" Cuddy asked.

"Gaining insight into one's true nature doesn't necessarily change who you are. The traits and tendencies you've had all your life will always be a part of who you are, it's just that you gain a better understanding of them."

"So what you're saying is there's no use in trying," she said. Her shoulders slumped in resignation.

"I didn't_ say_ that. Let me explain it this way. Greg tends to be very critical with the propensity to judge people harshly, saying exactly what is on his mind, whenever he chooses to do so. Recognizing now _why_ he does it and the effects it has on him and others means each time he's about to say something harsh or cruel, especially to the people he cares about, he can take care to prevent that from happening. He's isn't going to suddenly be tolerant or accepting of people but he's learning to deal with his feelings in ways other than his usual style. Even if all he does is keep his reaction to himself, it's better than hurting the people he cares about most."

"I don't understand how anything has changed if he still has those feelings," she said, frustrated.

Nolan sensed her frustration and tried to explain things more clearly. "When someone reaches that moment of truth, when they realize that what they're_ currently_ doing in their life just isn't working anymore, they begin to think differently. It's the catalyst for changing one's way of thinking and nothing proves that more than one's _actions_."

Cuddy nodded slowly in understanding. "House has always believed in actions over words."

"Exactly," Nolan replied. "The way to do it is review the past and make a list of the ways in which you _haven't_ changed. Maybe you've made lots of resolutions to do better, only to find yourself slipping back into familiar ruts. What mistakes do you keep repeating? Real change begins with the recognition of the ways in which you have remained the same, made the same unfortunate choices, followed the same destructive pattern your entire life."

Looking at House, Nolan asked, "It took you a while to understand this concept didn't it Greg?"

House, who had been watching the interaction closely, nodded slowly. "I fooled myself into believing that just by gaining some great insight about myself, all I had to do was use this." He pointed to his head. "To reprogram out all of the problematic behaviors and thinking. That's what a person of reason and intellect would say is the right thing to do."

"You're a man of great reason and intellect and even you realized it didn't work," Nolan said. "You realized you needed to do more than just think and talk, you needed to take _action_."

"Yeah. That whole modified thinking crap they write about in the books is a pile of shit."

Nolan chuckled.

"But House, when you got out of Mayfield, you took action. You tried doing things differently. You quit your job…you went out with Wilson and your team. You took cooking classes. Nothing worked." Cuddy recalled how House threw himself into many different things in an attempt to avoid his old habits.

"I wasn't actually trying to change my life; I was doing whatever it took to keep my mind off the Vicodin…and _you._"

Cuddy leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees, her head in her hands. She rubbed her hands over her face, then clasped them together under her chin and looked up at him. "It was that bad," she said, sadly.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Lisa, Greg finally realized that the only way to have real transformation was through new experiences and not the same old thing he'd been doing. But it couldn't be for the sake of just avoiding Vicodin…" he paused. "Or anything else," he added.

Cuddy perked up as if she'd had an epiphany.

House knew that look. "What?" He asked.

"Putting Chase in charge of the team, agreeing to the lecture offer at Mass General, the physical therapy, everything else you've been doing. Normally it would be out of your comfort zone but this...it's all a part of it isn't it? This is all part of your _actions._"

"You could say that. Although I actually did need someone to run the team while I wasn't there."

"I know it's not easy for you. I wish it'd never come to this. I can't believe that we had to go through all of that...shit...to get to this point in our lives. Look at the price we paid," she said, shaking her head.

"Better late than never Lisa," Nolan said. "I know that sounds cliché but it's true."

"We just could never talk, not really but things have changed. It's so much better than it ever was."

"It's very healthy to share one's pain. Greg and I have discussed that. He's made great progress."

"Easier said than done." House tapped his cane on the floor between his feet. "I do…" he said, pausing to look at Cuddy." I do want to share more with you, it's just not easy. Most of my life I've dealt with shit on my own."

Nolan sat back, leaning his elbow on the arm of his chair, rubbing his chin with his index finger and thumb, thoughtfully as he watched their interaction.

"House, just because it's always been that way doesn't mean it has to be that way now."

"When you lose every good thing you ever have in your life you just...you don't want to share anymore. I wanted it to work but…like my dad always said, you have to learn to survive without the things you want. He said wants didn't matter."

Cuddy swallowed hard and felt the lump in her throat.

"I did everything I thought he wanted to get his respect and it was never good enough. All he could say was that I could do better. He'd tell me I was spoiled and didn't deserve the things I had and that maybe if I lost them, I'd appreciate them more."

Cuddy sat silently, tears in her eyes.

"So...you figured when you lost something good in your life it was because you didn't deserve it. Then you just gave up."

"Something like that." House pushed himself up from the couch and walked over to the window that looked out upon the grounds. He did that often when he found himself in a situation where he had difficulty facing his therapist.

"Cuddy," he said, still looking out the window, "There were times I thought we'd make it but there were other times I just _knew_ it wouldn't last. It couldn't. I didn't have the guts to end it, I never would've ended it. So I pushed you and then you pushed back and you stuck around. We'd have a fight and not speak for days and then I'd think...even hoped...you'd eventually realize I was no good for you."

Cuddy sighed loudly. "You hoped? So all those arguments? You did that stuff on purpose?"

House turned from the window to face her. "No, not all of it. I mean...I shouldn't have pushed so hard but...I was waiting...for that one moment I'd push you too far. It was inevitable. I had to protect myself."

"You should've had faith," she argued.

"Like you did?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at her.

"I guess I deserved that," she said. "We started everything off wrong."

"How so?" Nolan inquired.

"We just assumed we could jump into a relationship and nothing had to change."

"Did you really think you could do that?"

"I told House I didn't want him to change."

"Greg?" He asked looking up at House who still stood by the window looking out again.

House shrugged. "I assumed she would accept me for who I was."

"Lisa, did you mean it when you said you didn't want him to change?"

"I thought I did but…looking back…no, I didn't."

House turned around again and leaned back on the windowsill. "Then why say it?"

"Because I was afraid of losing you if I'd told you that I hoped you would _want_ to change. I just didn't want to discuss it too much because I didn't want to push you away."

"Greg, it's not unusual to hope that the person you are with will _want_ to change. Obviously Lisa hoped being with her would make you want to live your life in such a manner that would allow you to be happy," Nolan said.

"I didn't want to be someone I wasn't. I don't do things other guys do just because they're supposed to do it."

Cuddy chimed in. "I loved who you were. I just wanted you to let yourself be and enjoy the relationship. I wanted you to let your guard down and just be happy for once."

"But I couldn't do that. Every time I turned around you were there to point out my mistakes," he pointed out.

"Because you weren't even trying," Cuddy accused.

"Cuddy, you kicked me out. You cut off sex when I didn't do what you wanted me to do."

"I was just upset, I-"

House interrupted, pointing his cane at her. "You were trying to control me."

"I never tried to control you!" She said, raising her voice.

_"You did!" _He fired back.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"The same reason you didn't talk to me."

"You were afraid."

"Yeah."

House stayed by the window, still leaning against it, twirling his cane. Cuddy leaned back on the couch, rubbed her hands over her face in frustration. Nolan watched them and decided to keep the flow of the discussion moving forward.

"Again it comes down to communication and trust issues. I've found more often than not the inability to trust comes from something deeper than most people are willing to admit. There reasons you both have trust issues likely have little if anything to do with one another. Learning to trust one another may require digging into your own pasts and tackling those issues. Greg has done quite a bit of that, as you know Lisa, and if you haven't done that yourself, it might be a good idea. You can talk about it, write it down or whatever. Try to share those things with one another."

"We've been talking about it," Cuddy said.

"That's good. Keep it up. Resolving those issues and understanding more about how that affects your behavior now is important," Nolan said. He decided to turn the conversation a bit. Turning back to Cuddy, Nolan asked, "Lisa, may I ask how you felt when you realized you still had feelings for Greg?"

"I was conflicted."

"That's understandable."

"I was torn about my feelings for him. Sometimes I loved him, other times I hated him. I knew that people would think I was crazy that I still loved him. We had a unique relationship that most people wouldn't understand. I've already told House this...that I was worried what people would think if I returned to him, considering the magnitude of what he did."

"Do you think Greg would hurt you in the future?"

She shook her head emphatically. "We may hurt one another with words but physically he would never harm me."

"Greg, how do you feel about what Lisa just said?"

House was overwhelmed with emotion. He didn't even know where to begin. "I don't ever want to hurt her like that again. I was so angry and hurt when I saw her that day...with that guy in her house. I just didn't understand how she could move on while I stood still, unable to move in any direction. It was devastating. It broke me."

Cuddy stood up and walked over to House. It was as if they were the only persons in the room.

"I know," she said, tears falling freely now. "I know I've said this before but I'm so sorry."

"Me too," he replied. "Cuddy, without you I didn't care anymore." He reached up and wiped a tear from her face. At this moment he didn't care if Nolan was watching them. "You should hate me. You shouldn't have forgiven me," he said, caressing her jaw.

"I don't hate you and I can't not forgive you. I don't want to not forgive you. I have because I want to. Please accept it."

Nolan intervened in the tender moment. "Greg, Lisa has forgiven you, why can't you forgive yourself?"

"I could have killed four people that day."

"But you didn't," he said. "You can't change what happened but understanding why you did it and what was going through your mind that day is important."

"I don't want to forget what I did."

"Greg, you will never forget but you can forgive yourself and move on. You can put it in the past where it belongs. You have changed, Lisa has changed. You have both learned something very important from this experience. Forgiveness is part of healing. It is a way of being able to put the past to rest and move on."

"I don't want to make the same mistakes," he said as he leaned heavily on his cane. His leg was a little stiff having stood by the window so long.

Cuddy gave House a tender smile. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief. It was one thing to talk about this to one another as they had in private, but it was something else altogether to discuss it with Nolan. She was proud of House, of them, at that moment. Gently she took his hand and placed it over her heart. "House, we're always going to make mistakes, some of them we'll repeat over and over again. The thing is…we're learning. Baby steps. It will get better."

Nolan was amazed by the couple before him. He'd never seen House like this and with everything they'd been through, there they were putting themselves out there, making themselves vulnerable and trying to heal so they could move forward together. He watched as Cuddy gently took House's hand and put it over her heart while talking to him softly. He watched House nod to her and then follow as she led him by the hand back over to the couch. He thought they both looked much more relaxed than they had a few moments ago. He picked up and continued the discussion.

"Now Lisa, I'd like to ask you, why do you want to be with Greg?"

The question took Cuddy by surprise and she pursed her lips together in thought. She looked down at her fingernails as she contemplated her answer carefully.

"Let's see…how do I explain it?" She asked, with a nervous chuckle. "House is one of the most _sensitive_ people I've ever known." House groaned next to her but she went on anyway. "He acts outwardly like he doesn't care but he does. I've seen him talk to his dying patients and I can sense he feels their pain. House has little patience for most people but he has so much empathy too. And he has this hidden passion for life. He can be so philosophical one moment and childlike and fun the next. When he is having fun, it shows, and he's like a little boy, carefree and happy. I love seeing him like that because there are times he looks at the world with such wonder, like it's the very first time he's seen it. It's so..._beautiful," _she said with a smile.

This time, House rolled his eyes at her. "Is there more?" He asked sarcastically.

She ignored his sarcasm and continued her assessment. "And he's interested in so many things, I mean his mind can be everywhere at once but when he's focused on something, that is all he's focused on and nothing else. And despite what he wants the world to believe, he's a good person with a good heart. He cares and feels so much deeper than anyone will ever know. I never felt more alive than when I was with him. He makes me feel beautiful and smart. He's got this unusual way of using words that encourages me when it sounds to everyone else like he's insulting me. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths. He challenges me to be my best. Without him I feel incomplete. With him I feel whole."

Nolan looked at House. "Greg, why do you want to be with Lisa?"

House too was surprised by the question. Not one to talk much about his feelings, he just groaned. "Do we really have to do this now?"

"Yes, we do."

"But Cuddy _knows_ how I feel about her," he insisted.

"I'm sure she does and I'm sure we've covered quite a bit here today that you two have already talked about. So why don't you just do it anyway?"

"Fine," he grumbled. He stopped twirling his cane and looked completely serious. "She's caring, kind and compassionate. She can't say no to helping people or animals. I give her hell for it but...I admire it. She's the most intelligent woman I've ever met and she can give as good as she gets. She's tough and knows how to get what she wants and she's not intimidated or swayed by those more powerful than her. She's relentless when she believes in a cause and she'll do what she feels is right when she believes in something. She puts on a tough facade but inside she's sensitive and she hurts like everyone else, it's just that she's just gotten really good at hiding it. She's the real deal, there's nothing fake or phony about her. An she's a great mom. Rachel is a damn bright kid and she's a good kid too, she really is. She's not mean, doesn't throw tantrums, she's caring...like her mom. Cuddy gives her more love than anyone else ever could have given her. She couldn't have had a better mom."

Nolan began to say something but House interrupted.

"And...she's the most beautiful woman I've ever known, inside and out. When she loves you, she loves you with everything she has and you never want to experience it with anyone else."

Nolan grinned and shook his head in approval. He knew it was hard for House to speak of his feelings like that but he did great.

Cuddy sat speechless. House had been looking right at her when he made that last statement and when their eyes met, she saw in them complete and absolute truth. She didn't have to say the words "thank you" for him to know what she conveyed in that look between them. He smiled ever so slightly. He knew.

"What do you look back on and wish you had done differently after the breakup-that might have changed the outcome of your relationship? Lisa, you want to go first?"

Cuddy was eager to answer this time, the great weight having been lifted from her shoulders. "A lot of things but one in particular…something that still haunts me is the look on his face in the hospital that day when I asked him to tell me how he was feeling. All I ever wanted was for him to open up to me but that day...he looked at me and told me he was hurt. I saw it in his eyes; I heard it in his voice and felt it in his touch. Not only was his heart broken but his spirit was too and it was my fault. In his own way he was pleading with me to talk to him…to help him. Yet when he opened his heart to me that day all I did was hold his hand and apologize and then...I walked away. For months he'd been falling apart and I should have been there for him. My God, he was not just my ex-boyfriend and my employee, he was...my friend. I totally abandoned him."

"Why do you think you did that?"

"I never knew how to talk to House. There were things I wanted to say and yet…I couldn't find the words. I wanted so badly to try again but I didn't know if we could make it work. I was afraid of hurting worse than I was at that moment." She looked at House. "No matter how it might have looked after we broke up, I was hurting, just as much as you."

Nolan nodded and then asked House, "Greg, how about you? What would you have done differently?"

House tapped the arm of the couch nervously with the fingers of his right hand. He swallowed hard before he spoke. "I should have gone after her the night she broke up with me and if that didn't work, I should have kept trying every day until she'd listen. I never should've made her life hell by…with hookers and then marrying some girl who needed a green card. I was just…so angry and so fucking hurt. I wanted to talk to her but I didn't know how. I did what I'd always done, I self-destructed. I was relentless. I was so absorbed in how miserable I was, I didn't stop to think she was hurting too. I wish I would have just talked to her. I think things would've been different."

Cuddy took his arm and rubbed it soothingly, trying to reassure him and let him know how proud she was of him. He looked down at her and smirked and she returned it. Then suddenly, she shook her head and laughed out loud, almost maniacally. She gazed directly at Nolan and asked boldly, "Are we crazy?"

Nolan, surprised by her question, just let out a chuckle himself. He leaned back in his chair, glad that the worst was over.

"Quite the contrary. You two are the most interesting couple I've ever known and I haven't known you as a couple that long. I think you're both quite sane and I believe it's going to work this time. You two have this incredible, inexplicable bond that draws you back to one another time and time again. Knowing you, I'm quite sure there will be more pain in the future but you have learned from your mistakes and you will continue to learn so long as you communicate like you are now. Most people would have thought you two were crazy for even talking to one another again, but then again most people are _not_ like you. So in answer to your question Lisa, no, you are most definitely not crazy. What you have...is...what works for you."

* * *

><p>Wow, I managed to edit this from 6,000+ words down to some 4,600. I'm really ready to move on to the next chapter, which will be lighter once they leave therapy. Who's with me?<p> 


	76. Chapter 76

**A/N:** Thanks for all the great comments. Special thanks to Cherokee Jedi for taking a peek.

Thanks to all the folks who are writing new fics and updating. Keep up the great work.

By the way, everyone drop what you're doing (after you review this chapter of course) and head over to DrDiagnostic's blog "Diagnosing House" so you can vote in the Huddy Madness Championship Bracket. Just Google "Diagnosing House" and then click on her latest post!

Anyway...on to our story. It's Tuesday afternoon, we pick up after therapy. This chapter is one of the reasons this story is rated "M" so be prepared...

* * *

><p><em>Cuddy took House's arm and rubbed it soothingly, trying to reassure him and let him know how proud she was of him. He looked down at her and smirked and she returned it. Then suddenly, she shook her head and laughed out loud, almost maniacally. She gazed directly at Nolan and asked boldly, "Are we crazy?"<em>

_Nolan, surprised by her question, just let out a chuckle himself. He leaned back in his chair, glad that the worst was over._

_"Quite the contrary. You two are the most interesting couple I've ever known and I haven't known you as a couple that long. I think you're both quite sane and I believe it's going to work this time. You two have this incredible, inexplicable bond that draws you back to one another time and time again. Knowing you, I'm quite sure there will be more pain in the future but you have learned from your mistakes and you will continue to learn so long as you communicate like you are now. Most people would have thought you two were crazy for even talking to one another again, but then again most people are not like you. So in answer to your question Lisa, no, you are most definitely not crazy. What you have...is...what works for you."_

* * *

><p>It was late afternoon when House and Cuddy were finally on their way back to Princeton. They stayed and talked with Nolan for another thirty minutes after the session was over, discussing a number of things, mostly medical-related. Nolan had told Cuddy how pleased he was about the progress in her and House's relationship and said if House was amenable, he would welcome her back again if they felt it was necessary.<p>

After listening to some music on a classic rock station, House and Cuddy had engaged in a spirited debate about whether or not there was a real feud between Neil Young and Lynyrd Skynyrd and whether or not Stevie Nicks actually slept with everyone in Fleetwood Mac, including Christine McVie. In the end, House won the Neil Young argument while they agreed on a draw about Stevie Nicks.

After driving awhile in silence, House announced, "I've got an idea."

"What?"

House took out his phone and dialed.

"House what are you up to?"

House ignored her. "Hey old pal, old buddy, listen can you do me a favor? And by me, I mean Cuddy. Need you to keep Rachel overnight."

"House, no!" Cuddy tried to grab the phone from him.

House pulled away from her and whispered, "Shh, on the phone here."

Cuddy focused her eyes on the road as House talked to Wilson. A few minutes later he hung up and looked at Cuddy with a grin. "Well, that settles it, we are munchkin free till tomorrow morning."

"Maybe I don't want to be munchkin free."

"Look on the bright side, Uncle Wilson gets to spoil her a little longer."

"You should've asked me first."

"Too late."

Cuddy sighed. "What are you up to?"

"It's a surprise," he said, winking at her.

"I hate surprises," she chimed.

"No, you don't. You're leaving soon and I just want to spend one night with you in my apartment, alone, with no distractions, eating too much take-out, watching old movies, and you wearing one of my tee shirts and nothing else." He turned to look out the window, a pouty look on his face.

He looked so adorable when he pouted, she felt bad about arguing with him. "I'm sorry. I'm acting ridiculous," she said with a sigh.

"You can say that again," he mused.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'm acting ridiculous," she repeated with a smirk.

"You're such a bitch sometimes, you know that?"

"Yeah, I do."

"I'm hoping there will be much more of that later," he said raising his eyebrows up and down.

Cuddy chuckled. "At least let's stop by and see her when we get back."

* * *

><p>When they arrived back in Princeton, House and Cuddy went straight to Wilson's apartment. House banged obnoxiously on the door and Wilson opened it with a frown.<p>

"Must you do that every time?"

"Must you be so slow?"

"Hey I was busy." He opened the door wider and Rachel ran towards her mother.

"Mommy!" Rachel yelled happily.

"Hey baby, did you miss me?" Cuddy asked hugging her daughter.

"I missed you this much." Rachel stepped back and held her little hands as far apart as she could.

House rolled his eyes. "We weren't gone _that_ long." Cuddy just elbowed him in the side as she took Rachel's hand and followed her into the living room. When they entered, House and Cuddy stopped in their tracks. House had a shit-eating grin on his face. There before them in the middle of the living room was a small round table and two small chairs. A tea set along with two plates of crackers were on the table.

"Good God Wilson if your dad could see you now," House joked.

"Hey, she wanted to play tea party."

"Mommy, Uncle Wilson likes to play tea party," Rachel said, happily.

"Does he now?" Cuddy asked, turning to look at Wilson with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm never going to live this down am I?"

"Nope," House replied as he stored the memory of the scene in front of him for future use. Then he yelled, "I gotta pee," over his shoulder and limped to the bathroom.

Cuddy took a seat next to Wilson on the couch and Rachel climbed on her lap.

So...how'd it go?" Wilson asked, glancing back and forth at them.

Cuddy let out a deep sigh. Wilson thought it meant things hadn't gone well, but she surprised him when she replied, "Actually, it was great."

"Really? Do you want to talk about it?"

She thought about it. She didn't want to divulge anything too personal. "He's made great progress with Nolan. I never realized what a great relationship they have."

"He's a good guy."

"He is, I like him."

House re-entered the room and Rachel jumped off her mother's lap and ran over to House and hugged his good leg.

"Hi," she yelled to him.

House leaned down and patted Rachel on the head. "Hey kid." Looking at Cuddy he asked, "So, how much have you blabbed?"

Wilson held his hands up in defense. "She hasn't told me a thing, don't worry."

"House, don't give Wilson a hard time because he cares about you."

"Yeah, yeah, so...you ready to go?" House was anxious to start his alone time with Cuddy.

"But we just got here."

"We have things to do woman, places to go."

"Mommy where ya going?" Rachel asked, looking over at her but not budging from House's side.

"Didn't Uncle Wilson tell you? House and I...have some things we have to do so you're spending the night here," she said.

House cleared his throat, looking quite amused.

"Can I come with you guys?"

"Oh baby, not tonight."

Rachel put on her pouty face, which she had perfected over the course of her short life. She looked up at House with puppy dog eyes. Despite the pain he knew it would cause him to kneel on the floor, he did it anyway and brought himself face to face with Rachel.

"Listen, you know what time out is, right?"

She nodded.

"Well mommy and me need some time out."

She cocked her head and looked at him funny. "You were bad?"

Cuddy let out a snort as she awaited House's reply.

"Never!" Rachel giggled at the expression on his face.

"Anyway, sometimes adults need time out too."

"Mommy's gonna make you sit in the corner?" She asked innocently.

"Well...," he said, looking over at Cuddy.

"House," she warned.

"Not exactly kid. We just need some time alone, to talk about things...adult things. I promise you can have her back tomorrow, is that okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Okay," she said and then she surprised him when she came closer and gave him a hug. At that moment, he didn't have to think about his response, it just happened. He wrapped his arms around her slowly and held her to him for a moment. He looked up and found Wilson and Cuddy smiling at him.

"Oh shut up," he said, sarcastically.

Rachel pulled away from him and shook her finger at his face. "Mommy says you should never tell people to shut up."

"Oh does she?"

"Yes," she responded with her little hands on her hips. House grinned at the mini-Cuddy in the making. He tried to raise himself up from the floor but had a little difficulty. Cuddy tried to help him up and at first he put his hand up indicating he didn't want her help but then he saw Rachel watching him curiously and it occurred to him that maybe he could set a better example by showing it was okay to accept help. He allowed Cuddy to place her hands under his arm and help him. He smiled at her gratefully.

"Thanks," he said.

Rachel took House's hand. "Come play tea party with me."

Cuddy sat there amused watching as her daughter nearly dragged the limping, middle-aged diagnostician across the living room to play with her.

* * *

><p>Hours later, a freshly showered, pajama-clad House and Cuddy sat at opposite ends of the leather sofa in House's apartment. It was dark and cold outside and they'd built a small fire which was the only light in the apartment. Near-empty cartons of Chinese food lay between them as they watched Mildred Pierce, making comments and bantering over nearly every scene.<p>

"You know, Mildred should have hauled off and slapped the shit out of Veda," Cuddy said. "Every time I see this movie, I keep hoping for that."

"You better hope Rachel doesn't turn out like that," House joked.

"What? Oh hell no."

"Oh hell yeah. You were no angel when you were younger."

"No, I wasn't." She laughed. "But my daughter _isn't_ a spoiled brat."

"Maybe not a _brat_."

"Are you saying Rachel is spoiled?" She looked at him incredulously.

He winked at her then nudged her foot with his. "I'm kidding. You show her a lot of love. Nothing wrong with that."

She smiled at him. "Thanks."

"You going to finish that?" He pointed at the last egg roll.

"Have at it," she said. "I'm done." Leaning back into the couch she groaned, "I am so full. I will never eat again!"

"Ha! You say that now. You'll be up for leftovers later," he said, his mouth full of egg roll.

"Never."

"You will. Ever notice how you're always hungry an hour after eating Chinese food?"

"Maybe should've ordered extra?"

"Oh, I'm sure I can think of something that will fill you up that's better than Chinese food." He raised his eyebrows at her. "C'mere," he said.

Cuddy collected the containers and put them on the coffee table and moved over to straddle him. He wrapped his arms around her. "I kinda like having you around," he said, eyeing her seductively. He placed gentle kisses on her neck and earlobes, driving her crazy.

"I kinda like being around." She leaned forward, feeling the bulge in his pants. She kissed him passionately and ran her fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck.

"Mmm," she moaned against his lips, savoring how good he felt. One of the things she loved about him was how he kissed her with all that he had. It was like he took everything he felt in his heart-all the things he could never tell her- and conveyed it to her through kisses. She smiled against his lips, thankful that House was a man of _action_ over words.

"Ready for bed?" He asked in that low, sexy, baritone voice that made her melt.

"Oh hell yeah," she replied, kissing him once more.

* * *

><p>House stood in front of Cuddy, clad only in his boxers, his hands on her waist, pulling her to him. He kissed her softly on the lips and Cuddy instantly felt the butterflies in her stomach and the anticipation stirring in her lady parts. He abandoned her lips and kissed her nose, then touched his forehead to hers. They stared at one another wordlessly, conveying a thousand thoughts without ever saying a word.<p>

Cuddy wrapped her arms around his neck and met him halfway as he leaned down and parted his lips and took her bottom lip between his and sucked on it gently, eliciting a moan from her. He ran his tongue over her lips teasing her. She opened her mouth wider and caught his tongue and sucked it until she heard him moan and then they resumed kissing. There was no urgency in their kisses, they were simply savoring. When they parted for air, Cuddy turned her head and lay her head against his chest, her ear over his heart. She wrapped her arms around his waist as she listened to his heartbeat. She relished the feeling of being wrapped up safe and secure in his arms. She never wanted the feeling to end.

House slid his hands underneath her tee-shirt, or rather _his_ tee-shirt, and caressed the warm soft skin of her back. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "A long time ago you said I made you better and hopefully you made me better."

"I remember," she mumbled into his chest. She definitely remembered that moment in the observation room at hospital, when she'd said that to him.

"You do make me better, you know." He kissed the top of her head as his hands continued to glide over her body.

"I do?"

"Oh yeah. You're everything I'm not. You're the yin to my yang," he said, grinning at her.

"So I'm your yin, huh?"

"Yep."

House needed to give his leg a break so he sat down on the bed behind him and pulled her closer so she stood between his knees. She took his face in her hands and kissed him passionately. When they parted, he looked up at her, his eyes full of love and lust.

"You make me better too," she said. "You give me the courage to take chances and go outside my comfort zone. You make my life fun and exciting."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's actually kind of refreshing."

"You've come a long way baby. I'm proud of you," he said, truthfully.

"Thanks," she replied, blushing. She loved when he told her he was proud of her.

"You know what I wanna do now?" He asked. His voice low and sexy.

"Hmm?"

"I just want to spend the rest of the night naked with you," he said with a sexy twinge of his lips.

"You do?" She smiled slyly.

"Oh yeah," he said, letting out a manly growl as he palmed her ass.

"And what if I don't want to be naked with you?"

House grabbed the hem of her shirt and she helped him lift it over her head, leaving her naked except for her her midnight blue silk panties. He caressed and cupped her perfectly sculpted breasts with his hands, flicking his thumbs over her hard rosy nipples, sending shivers down her spine.

"I can never get enough of these," he said as he licked and sucked every bit of skin he could get his mouth on.

"House," she gasped. He suckled one of her nipples evoking gasps and moans from her. He gently bit one nipple and then moved on to the other. As he suckled her, his hands moved to her panties. He stuck a finger inside her and felt her wetness. She squirmed when his finger entered her and the sensation along with his mouth on her nipple was nearly enough to push her over the edge. He removed his finger and then he reached under the waistband of her panties and slowly pulled them down, letting them fall at her feet. She stepped out of them and kicked them aside.

"Hmm...I think it's too late to not be naked with me," he winked at her making her giggle. God how he loved it when she did that. "Besides, have you ever been able to resist this?" He asked, motioning up and down his body with his hands.

"Absolutely."

"You're a shitty liar, you know that right?"

"I am...and yet you love me anyway."

House laid back on the bed and scooted up on it. Cuddy pulled his boxers off and tossed them aside. She straddled his legs and ran her hands up and down his chest and down to his groin. She kissed the inside of his thighs and ran her hands along them, feeling him shiver under her touch. She took great care to be gentle with his scar as she kissed the area around it. She knew it was sensitive and so her kisses were feather light. She moved up and kissed his stomach, leaving a trail all the way to his nipples where she circled her tongue around each and bit down lightly. House let out a gasp when she lightly bit one of his nipples. He'd always been sensitive there and loved when she did that. She moved lower and wrapped her fingers firmly and gently around his shaft and moved her fist up and down in a slow, steady motion. Taking two fingers, she massaged the underside evoking loud groans of pleasure from him.

"Ohhh God," he moaned, breathing heavily.

Cuddy used both hands in tandem, scaling down his shaft first with one, then the other. She took her time and paid attention to his testicles too, taking each of them in her mouth, lightly sucking, as she moved one hand to stroke his perineum. That was almost too much for House as he began moaning loudly and bucking into her touch. She wanted to take him to the edge but not quite over so she lowered her mouth down on him and sucked up and down his shaft, letting her hands follow as she bobbed up and down on him massaging him with her tongue.

"If you...keep...this up...it'll be...over," he managed to gasp as she licked and sucked his cock. He opened his eyes and raised his head and nearly came at the sight of her bent over him sucking him off. She caught him looking at her and she smiled with her mouth full. He nearly died. _God I love this woman_, he thought to himself.

"Well then I'll just have to move on won't I?" She replied coyly, then moved her mouth off of him and let her tongue glide up and down the underside of his cock.

"I want to come inside of you," he groaned. He was so hard, he didn't think he would last if she kept this up. Not that he wouldn't mind coming in her mouth but at that moment he just wanted to be buried deep inside her, feeling her walls tighten around him, milking him, until there was nothing left. _If there was ever a way to go_...he thought to himself.

At that moment, Cuddy moved up his body, leaving kisses in her wake, on his stomach and chest and then when she reached his mouth, she moved her lips over his and sucked on his bottom lip. When he opened his mouth for her, she sucked on his tongue and they kissed deeply and passionately as they moaned their need for one another. House reached down and caressed her thighs and parted her ass cheeks and slipped the tip of his finger into her anus, just enough to hear her gasp with pleasure. He knew it drove her wild when he did that. When she felt his finger, she began grinding herself against him furiously.

"God, you are so beautiful," he told her.

"House...I need you...now...fuck me...please," she whispered into his ear before nibbling on it and moving down to his neck to suck on his Adam's apple.

House flipped them over and nestled himself between her legs. He looked into her eyes as he slid slowly into her. He watched as she gasped while he pushed himself deeper until he was completely sheathed within her. They lay there a moment allowing her to adjust to the feeling of him inside of her and then resting on his elbows, he rocked himself into her and she wrapped her arms around him tightly, pulling his ass against her making sure every inch of him was buried as deep as possible. He leaned down for another kiss and their tongues tangled, their kiss was full of passion and meaning.

"You feel so good to me," he said, between kisses.

"I know...this...is so amazing," she replied, panting. She wanted, needed more of him. The angle of penetration was hitting her g-spot just right. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out. She had her arms wrapped around him tightly, hoping the moment would never end.

House watched her movements and was absolutely mesmerized by her beauty. "You are so stunningly beautiful Cuddy. No other woman on this earth compares to you," he said to her without even thinking. Cuddy responded by pulling his face down with her hands and kissing him passionately again.

"God...I wish you stay inside me forever," she cried loudly. Knowing she was on her way to bliss, one of his hands caressed her face as he reached the other down to where they were joined and he began circling her clit. At the same time, he picked up the pace, sliding in and out of her relentlessly. Cuddy began feeling the tingles in her groin spreading as she moved toward her peak. She wanted to hold it and wait for him. She gasped for air and held her breath in spurts and when it hit, she shut her eyes and threw her head back against the pillow and cried loudly.

"House...Oh...Oh God," she cried as spasms of pleasure wracked her entire body. Cuddy arched her back and felt her spine tingle and her toes curl tightly.

House pumped her furiously through her orgasm and hearing her call his name threw him over the edge. As his own orgasm took over, he screwed his eyes shut and his lips sought hers, needing to feel connected at every point possible. Bright light flashed behind his eyelids as his orgasm tore through him, sending jolts of electricity to every part of his body. At that moment, he was completely lost in her and without coherent thought. "Cuddy...Cuddy..., he moaned her name over and over again between frantic open-mouthed kisses and his entire body shook uncontrollably as he released himself inside of her.

They came down from their peak together, sweaty and panting heavily. House felt the residual tingling in his spine and the pain in his leg was momentarily gone. Cuddy lay underneath him, still feeling beautiful aftershocks and trying to catch her breath. He kissed her on the nose, then on the forehead and when she opened her eyes, he took her lips and gave her a soul searing kiss. When they parted for air, they smiled at one another.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Never been better."

Their eyes locked and Cuddy thought House had something he wanted to say.

"What is it House?" She asked curiously.

"Itsuitsu to machinishi hito wa kitarikeri," he said, his eyes never leaving hers.

"What was that?" She asked, surprised.

His fingers caressed her cheeks. "It's Japanese. It was written by a monk named Ryokan in 1829. When he was sixty-nine years old, he fell in love with a twenty-nine year old nun and professed his love for her in a poem."

"He did?" She laughed out loud. "Oh come on House, seriously?"

"Very serious," he said.

"What does it mean?"

House swallowed hard. He was still getting used to opening his heart but it was getting easier each time.

"The one I have always waited for has finally come."

"That's...that's beautiful," she said, her eyes tearing up.

"It's not supposed to make you cry." He frowned at her tears and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe them from her eyes.

"They're not tears of sadness House," she said with a slight sniffle.

He leaned down and kissed the salty drops on her cheeks. They lay there a few more minutes still joined until Cuddy shivered and he pulled out of her and rolled on his back. She slid over to him and he wrapped them in the thick comforter. Cuddy laid with her on House's chest and her left leg over his. She could feel his rapid heartbeat beneath her. House reached down with his right hand and took her left one and held it to his chest while his left hand caressed the soft, silky skin of her back.

"What are you thinking?" He asked.

"I feel so good right now," she said.

"Me too."

"House?"

"Hmm?"

"You think the sex will always be this good?"

"Of course it will," he assured her. He kissed the top of her head and they relaxed into each other. House continued to caress her until her breathing slowed to its normal rhythm.

"I don't want you to go," he said quietly, breaking the silence.

"I don't want to go," she murmured into his chest.

"But you can't stay," he said, resignedly.

"I wish we could."

"We've both got plenty of money. We could quit our jobs and travel the world." He looked at her eagerly.

"What about Rachel?"

"We could leave her with your mother."

"What?" She gave him a shocked stare.

"Kidding. Relax...of course we'd take her with us. She'd have a blast."

"You make it sound so easy." She'd always wanted to travel but responsibilities always held her back.

"It is."

She nestled closer to him, planting a kiss on his chest.

"Do you think you would've ever contacted me if I hadn't written that letter?" He asked, out of the blue.

"I honestly don't know." She thought his question was oddly timed but then again, knowing House, it didn't surprise her.

He lifted his head and looked down at her curiously. "Guess that's better than a _no," _he said sarcastically.

She moved off his chest slightly and rested on her elbow, looking up at him. "It doesn't mean yes or no, it just means I don't know. I wasn't angry with you anymore, I'd already forgiven you in my heart but I don't know if I would've had the courage."

"You? Please! Lisa Cuddy fears nothing and no one."

"You'd be surprised."

"Oh wait, I forgot about your _mother._"

"Oh God, she scares _everyone_." She laughed loudly.

"Now that's true," he said. "Hey," he put his finger under her chin to get her to look up at him. "You're one of the most courageous women I've ever met."

She smiled at him and gripped his bicep, squeezing it to show him her thanks. He did not often give compliments to anyone and when he did, it was something to cherish.

He played with her hair, running his fingers through her soft curls. "So, what do we do now?" He asked.

"Well, I need to get back home. Rachel has school and I have missed so much time at work."

"No, I mean _us_."

"Us? I'm so happy with the way things are going between us," she said, contentedly. "We've come so far. I'm so glad we talk now. The more we do it, the easier it gets. I just feel so much less stressed." She reached up and planted a kiss on his lips and whispered, "Thank you for trusting me enough to include me in your therapy."

"I wanted you to see for yourself that I was trying."

"I never questioned that. I knew you are and I'm so proud of you."

Her head resumed its spot on his chest and he continued touching her. He could never get enough of the feel of her skin under his hands and she never wanted to move from that place. They lay there quietly, listening to the sounds of silence. He stroked her from her neck down to her ass, gave it a squeeze and worked his way back up again. He felt her relax into him.

"You know...seeing you once every couple of weeks isn't enough," he said, unexpectedly.

"I know, I feel the same way," she replied as she ran her fingers up and down his arm.

"What are we doing to do?"

Cuddy sighed deeply. "Well..." she began. "You could move to Boston and live with us."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading. Love the comments!<p> 


	77. Chapter 77

**A/N: **Thanks everyone for reading. I never ever expected to write a fic this long but there was just so much to get out ya know? My fic is by no means even close to the amazing mega-chapter fics out there. Maya295, W8ing4Huddy, Writrsblk, Grateful Insomniac, Raffinit, In the House, ParijanTaiyou Iane Casey, Nikollie, HillyHuddy, EllieShelly and Whatuwant15 are just a few of the amazing mega-chapter fic writers out there. They've been doing this a lot better and a lot longer than me. So I think I owe them a debt of gratitude for being so inspiring.

Also, please take a moment to Google "Diagnosing House" and vote on the best Huddy scenes! We're at the end of Round Two now. Kudos to the awesome DrDiagnostic for putting that together for us!

Without further adieu, I give you the next chapter in this saga. I'm expecting things to move at a pretty good pace from here. I'm going to start posting chapters more frequently but the worst case scenario is at least each weekend.

* * *

><p><em>"Us? I'm so happy with the way things are going between us," she said, contentedly. "We've come so far. I'm so glad we talk now. The more we do it, the easier it gets. I just feel so much less stressed." She reached up and planted a kiss on his lips and whispered, "Thank you for trusting me enough to include me in your therapy."<em>

_"I wanted you to see for yourself that I was trying."_

_"I never questioned that. I knew you are and I'm so proud of you."_

_Her head resumed its spot on his chest and he continued touching her. He could never get enough of the feel of her skin under his hands and she never wanted to move from that place. They lay there quietly, listening to the sounds of silence. He stroked her from her neck down to her ass, gave it a squeeze and worked his way back up again. He felt her relax into him._

_"You know...seeing you once every couple of weeks isn't enough," he said, unexpectedly._

_"I know, I feel the same way," she replied as she ran her fingers up and down his arm._

_"What are we doing to do?"_

_Cuddy sighed deeply. "Well..." she began. "You could move to Boston and live with us._

* * *

><p>Thursday afternoon House sat in his office throwing his ball up against the wall. His team was running tests and he was bored. Cuddy had been on his mind nearly every moment since she arrived home Wednesday afternoon. She'd had to leave a day early because of work obligations and while he wanted very much to call her at work just to hear her voice, he knew she was likely very busy. He leaned back with his feet up on his desk, closed his eyes and his thoughts drifted to their conversation in bed late Tuesday night.<p>

_"You could move to Boston and live with us."_

_"What?" He looked down at her surprised by her words.  
><em>

_"You're surprised?"_

_"That's a pretty big step Cuddy, especially for us."_

_"So you wouldn't consider it?"_

_"I didn't say that," he said defensively.  
><em>

_"But you're apprehensive."_

_"It's just that we haven't talked about something as serious as relocating."_

_"You said seeing me once a week isn't enough."_

_"That's true and I meant it," he said, squeezing her hand.  
><em>

_"Then what's wrong?"_

_He was going to say "nothing" but they were long past deflecting and playing games, this time he needed to be honest with her.  
><em>

_"Are you sure it isn't too soon?"_

_"This "it" has been going on since the eighties, House. Considering everything we've been through, we've come a long way."  
><em>

_"I guess I never really thought that we'd ever make it this far."_

_"I know," she said, regretfully before she perked up. "But you know what? _Like Nolan said, what we have works for us. _I won't pressure you about this. There's no rush, I just want you to know that if and when you're ready to take that next step, I'm ready."_

_"What about Rachel?"_

_"Are you kidding? She's got you wrapped around her finger."_

_House scoffed, but he knew it was true. He couldn't help but love that little girl. _

_"Get some sleep, Cuddy."_

_"Goodnight, House," she said pulling the covers more snugly around them.  
><em>

_He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Goodnight, Cuddy."  
><em>

They'd gone to sleep that night wrapped up in each other's arms, waking only once around three o'clock when he had to go to the bathroom and experienced stiffness in his leg. Thankfully Cuddy had massaged it for him and afterwards he was able to get back to sleep.

His memory was suddenly interrupted by Foreman walking through his door.

"To what do I owe this displeasure Interim Dean Foreman?"

"Can I sit down?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"House," he said, frowning.

House carefully removed his feet from the desk and motioned to the chair opposite him. "Ok so what is it this time? Lawsuit? Sexual Harassment? Am I finally being fired?"

Foreman put his hands up. "No, none of that. Actually you didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why the sad face?"

Foreman leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows House's desk. "I'm interviewing at the Mayo Clinic next week. They need someone to be the lead in their Alzheimers and Dementia research program."

"Seriously? What about the position here?"

"I don't think I'm going to be hired."

"Says who?"

"Well...one, I don't think I'm who they're looking for. Cuddy's shoes are pretty big shoes to fill. Valderrama was a good guy but even he wasn't Cuddy."

"This place was great because of her," House lamented.

Foreman nodded his head in agreement.

"So, why Mayo?"

"After losing my mom...the way she died...it was awful, not knowing anyone around her, not even knowing who she was. In the end, she was trapped, a prisoner in her own mind. If I can do some good and help figure out a cure, or at least new and better ways to treat, I want to do it. It's where I belong, at least at this point in my life."

"Minneapolis is cold."

"So is Princeton."

"No, I mean_ really_ cold."

"I've got winter clothes."

"So besides the fact you can't fit into Cuddy's Louboutins, what else is going on?"

Foreman leaned back casually. He actually felt comfortable talking like this with his former boss.

"I'm just not cut out for this...administrative bullshit. I have no idea how Cuddy did it but I gained a new respect for her since I've been doing this job. It takes a lot to run this place and you've got to be on your game all the time. She had it, I don't. I can't do it as good as she did. Nobody can, at least not since she left. And even if I _could_ do it...I don't find it challenging."

"Okay."

"That's it? No lecture?"

"Nope. I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong for wanting to leave because you're not."

Foreman did not expect the conversation to go so well. In fact, he expected House to be condescending and berating, neither of which had happened yet.

"Thanks, House. I appreciate your support."

"That's funny coming from a guy who once hated me," House snarked.

"I _never_ hated you."

"You said you didn't want to be like me."

"I meant that, but I meant the self-destructive, reckless person you were then. I didn't want to go down that same road. The thing is...despite what you might say, you've changed. You're not that guy anymore."

House laughed. "You think you know me now?"

"I've known you a long time. You've changed House, but it's different this time. I'd credit Cuddy with it but you changed before she came back into your life. If you tell anyone I said this I'll deny it but _I'm proud of you_. I've seen you go up and down over the years but that breakup...and...everything after...well...you hit rock bottom. When you got out of prison, you could've easily wallowed in misery and popped a whole bottle of Vicodin in the confines of your apartment and died all alone but you didn't. You came back, and not just to the hospital, but to life. Honestly...I'm glad you did."

House eyed Foreman carefully. He wasn't sure if he was impressed or annoyed by his former fellow's sentiments.

"Being a fellow here...learning under you," Foreman said, "was complete insanity but it was the best learning experience I've ever had."

"Some people would think you're crazy for saying that."

"Screw what everyone else thinks." Foreman smiled.

House smirked. "It's about time you figured out where you really belonged."

"Why didn't you say something before?"

"You had to learn this on your own," he replied adamantly.

"So...you wouldn't want me to come back to the team?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"You're ready to move on. You can't stay here forever. Look at Cameron, she got out of here and she's running her own department. Hell, Chase is practically running mine. It's your turn."

"I don't have the job yet."

"You will. If not at Mayo, then somewhere else just as good," he said. As an afterthought he added, "You want a reference?"

"You'd give me one?"

"Not a chance," House said, as he took a swig from his coffee mug.

Foreman smiled and shook his head knowingly. It didn't surprise him. He placed his hands on the arms of the chair and pushed himself up with a sigh. "Well, I guess I'll head back now. I've got a lot of work to do."

House nodded and then put on his reading glasses and turned towards his computer and began typing.

Foreman was almost out the door when House stopped him.

"Foreman."

"Yeah," he said as he turned around to face his former boss.

"I'll leave the letter on your desk," he said casually, never looking up.

"Thanks, House," Foreman replied before he turned and left the office.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Wilson was at his wits end searching the hospital for House. Before giving up, he decided to try one more place. As he opened the door to the roof, he spotted House looking out over the edge.<p>

"I've been looking all over for you. You wanted lunch right?" He asked, clearly annoyed.

"What took you so long?" House asked with a smirk.

Wilson gave him a scornful look as he set the containers on the small wood checkerboard-top table. He pulled out one of the wooden chairs and sat down. House joined him. "I never did ask how you got this stuff up here," he said, pointing to the table and chairs.

"Made a deal with one of the night janitors. Told him I wouldn't rat him out for being here illegally if he moved this stuff up from storage."

"How'd you know?"

"I just do."

"Of course." Wilson took a bite of his sandwich. "So, what's up?"

"Got a case. The kids are running tests."

"Everything okay with you and Cuddy?"

"Yeah."

"Anything you wanna talk about?"

"No."

"Okay."

They sat at the table eating in silence. After so many years of friendship they were way past the need for small talk.

Minutes later, House said, "Oh for crissakes Wilson, what are you doing?"

"What?" Wilson responded, his mouth full of food.

"You're letting it go, just like that?"

"Yeah. If you want to talk about it, you will."

"Bullshit," House countered.

"Hey I'm trying to give you a little space. Besides, I am not going to get involved. Not this time."

"Since when?" House side-eyed Wilson. "What did she tell you?"

"Nothing! I haven't even talked to her!"

A few moments later, House caved. "She wants me to move to Boston."

"Wow. No kidding?"

"Nope."

"That's pretty big."

"That's what she said."

Wilson frowned. "Quit deflecting, you know what I mean. What are you going to do?"

House took a bite of his sandwich.

"So..." Wilson motioned his hand at House that he was waiting for an answer.

"So...what?" He asked through a mouth full of food.

"You're scared."

"Well of course I'm fucking scared," he replied sarcastically. "Wouldn't you be?"

"If it were Cuddy? Hell yeah. But then again she didn't choose me. She chose you."

"I'll never know why. She could've had any guy she wanted, any guy."

Wilson gave him a knowing look. "You made that kind of difficult, don't you think?"

"You mean those jerks she went out with? They were losers."

"Of course they were." Wilson shook his head laughing. "Listen House, life's too short."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's going on almost three decades you two have been in each other's lives. You _love_ her. Go _be_ with her."

House looked at him, clearly annoyed. "I thought you weren't going to get involved."

"Everybody lies," Wilson said with a cheesy grin as he took another bite of his sandwich.

House rolled his eyes. "Shut up and finish your damn lunch."

* * *

><p>Next up Cuddy resumes her life back in Boston and boy does she have a lot to spill! Prepare for Mama Cuddy!<p> 


	78. Chapter 78

**A/N:** Thank you for all the terrific comments. I'm glad I've been able to keep you interested. I'm so sorry I didn't update last weekend. Something came up that required my time.

Round Four of the Huddy Madness Championship Bracket is going on. Just google "Diagnosing House" and you'll find DrDiagnostic's blog. Vote for the best Huddy scenes ever! We're going into the Final Four now!

Thanks Cherokee Jedi for taking a peek. I love that you're always chompin' at the bit to read this first!

In this chapter, it's still Thursday, this time we're in Boston.

* * *

><p>Cuddy kept busy with patients throughout the morning and most of the afternoon. One of her colleagues was attending a conference in Memphis and asked her to help with his patients. Between that and preparing her upcoming lecture schedule, she didn't have much free time so when Sharon approached her during an hour-long break between patients and asked if she could do a late lunch, she readily accepted. Though they usually preferred to eat outdoors, it was raining heavily outside so they sought refuge in the quiet atrium which adjoined the main dining hall.<p>

"I wish we'd had more time to talk last night Lisa, but we were running out the door when you called," she said apologetically.

"It's okay, I had to unpack, get Rachel situated and get some things done around the house."

"So...from the little you did tell me, it sounds like things are going well with House."

"Yeah," Cuddy replied slightly dreamy-eyed. "I never thought I would see him reach out to me like this. Between going to PT with him and therapy with Dr. Nolan, it was pretty overwhelming. We got a lot of things out in the open."

"That's good."

Cuddy took a sip of her iced tea. "It is. We're talking more about things we didn't talk about before. It gets easier the more we do it. We're trying to deal with the baggage. I think I've told you this but his dad is a big part of why he feels he doesn't deserve to be happy. He was taught that wants are irrelevant and he got so used to losing anything he ever wanted that he figured it was because he didn't deserve it. I'm just glad we're talking about it."

"The relationship we have with our parents when we're kids has a real impact on us as adults."

"Tell me about it," Cuddy replied knowingly. "On the drive home I was thinking about our session and our parents. I know House's dad treated him pretty badly. My mom wasn't that bad but I think she would've eaten him alive."

Sharon burst out laughing. "Hell, she scares _me_ sometimes and I'm used to crazy people." She waved her fork at Cuddy. "Listen, you've both got a lot of issues to work through with your respective parents that are interfering with your ability to communicate with one another. Change is hard but you'll be fine," she said through a mouthful of salad.

"Funny you should mention change. We talked about that. Nolan said gaining insight about our true nature doesn't _change_ us, rather it gives us a better understanding of who we are and why we do what we do. He said that change begins by recognizing the ways we've remained the same, making the wrong choices and following the same destructive patterns over and over. In the end, if we really want change, we have to recognize the same old shit we've been doing needs to stop. It's all about actually getting of our ass and _doing_ something about it."

She nodded in agreement. "That's pretty much it. You can talk forever about how you _want_ to change but unless you actually take steps that make it happen, it means nothing."

"Well, House doesn't put much stock into words, he prefers action. I remember when we first got together and we played Boggle and..." she shook her head and smirked at the memory. "I asked him how come he hadn't told me he loved me, especially after I'd said it to him. He said words didn't matter. Then he spelled out the words 'I Lobe You' on the board."

_"Lobe?" _Sharon asked with a puzzled expression._  
><em>

She nodded yes. "The thing is, later, after we'd had a long talk which consisted of him telling me he wasn't the sane choice for me and then me telling him that I really did love him and didn't want him to change, that's when he told me he loved me. But for someone who doesn't put much faith in words, it seemed odd. I mean I was happy to hear it but...it was so _unlike_ him. If you would've seen his face...I could see that he was scared."

"Why?"

"Because the last woman he loved, broke his heart."

"The ex-girlfriend."

"Yes. Don't get me wrong, I know he meant it when he said it to me but I don't think he was ready to tell me yet. He only said it because he knew I wanted to hear it."

"Did he say again after that?"

"Yes. It was rare and at moments when I least expected it but that's what made it so wonderful. House is so careful with his feelings and when he takes that chance and opens himself up completely, he's unguarded and vulnerable. When he was like that, it made me love him more than I ever thought possible."

"You two are really something," Sharon said as she leaned back in the booth crossing her arms authoritatively.

"What do you mean?"

"Seriously, Lisa do you even have to ask that?"

"Good point."

"So...how's his leg after that incident in the clinic?"

"Much better, still healing. It'd be a lot worse if he wasn't taking care of himself. It was good to see what he does during his PT. I like that he shared it with me. He never wanted me to see his pain but I want to see it, I need to so I can better understand it and him. I just wish we'd done this years ago."

"I've said this before but it bears repeating. Maybe everything had to happen the way it did to get you both to this point."

Cuddy scoffed. "That's a hell of a way to learn a lesson."

"I'll say. Now let me ask you, are you sharing your pain with him?"

"What pain?"

"Come on Lisa, _everyone_ has pain."

"Yes, mom," she replied rolling her eyes. "Trust me, I'm trying not to hold back. I know I have baggage too but I'm trying.."

Sharon winked at her. "Good girl. Now, what's next for you two?"

Cuddy stabbed at her salad, thinking about how to break the news.

"What don't you want to tell me?" She asked.

"Well, it isn't that I don't want to tell you. It's just big news. I uh...I invited House to move here and live with Rachel and me."

Sharon nearly choked on the food she was chewing. "Oh my God! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was waiting for the right moment. It's pretty big."

"Uh _yeah,_ I'd say so. So what'd he say?"

"He was definitely surprised. Look, we could wait and just take things slowly but really I don't want to go that slow anymore. What's the point when you've known someone so long and you've been to hell and back with them? We don't need to do things like everyone else."

"You're absolutely right Lisa. You guys _should_ go at your pace. Do what feels right and don't overanalyze it. And whatever happens, don't let anyone dictate to you when you should do anything. And I mean _anyone_."

"I can think of only one person who would do that," Cuddy mused.

"Starts with A and ends with E?" Sharon asked with one eyebrow raised inquisitively.

"I wonder what she's going to say."

"She was civil to House when he was here helping you after the accident so it isn't_ all_ bad."

"I know but I'd been recovering and Rachel was there so I don't really know what she would've done otherwise. She can forgive but she doesn't _forget_." Suddenly Cuddy's phone rang and she reached for it. "Oh God, speak of the devil," she said with a hint of dread in her voice as she looked at the caller ID.

"_No way_. You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. Do you have any change?"

Sharon gave her a puzzled look. "I think so. Why?"

"Heads I take it, tails I ignore."

Sharon grabbed her tray and got up from the table suddenly, shaking her head. "Nope, don't think so," she said, laughing. "You have to talk to her sometime."

Cuddy groaned. "I thought you were my _friend._"

"Oh but I _am._" Sharon walked away, laughing. Sighing heavily, Cuddy answered her phone.

"Hi _mom_."

"Gee, don't sound so happy to hear from me."

"Sorry. Is everything okay?"

"You think I'd only call you if something were wrong?" Arlene asked, slightly dismayed.

"No mom, I just meant..."

"I know what you meant dear," she interrupted. "So how are you? We haven't talked much."

"Good. I've been really busy lately."

"I'm sure you have. And did you have a nice visit to Princeton?"

"Yes...wait..._what_?" That caught her completely off-guard. "How do you even know about that?"

"Oh, I have my sources."

_Goddamnit Wilson,_ she thought to herself. _How else would she know?_

"Yes mom, it was a good visit."

"Is he behaving himself?"

"Who?"

"Who do you think Lisa? The_ schmuck._"

"Yes mom, House behaved himself."

"It's about time. Now listen...I'd like to talk more but I've got a dental appointment in a few minutes. I'm calling about your Thanksgiving plans."

"Uh well I hadn't thought about it." It was true. She'd been far to busy to think about what to do for the four-day holiday.

"Surely you and Rachel are coming to see your family. You know I'm not getting any younger dear."

"Yes mom _I know_." _How many times is she going to use that line?_ Cuddy wondered.

"Julia's having dinner at her house. It's only been a couple of months since Michael died and it's the first holiday without him. It'd be nice if we could all get together."

"I know," she said. It was true that she missed her family, the talks she and Julia had, and catching up with the kids, who were growing so fast. Rachel also enjoyed being with her older cousins.

"So you'll come?"

"Yes, I'll be there."

"Is _he_ coming with you?"

"Now how would I know that? You just asked me to come," Cuddy snapped. She did not mean for it to come out that way, but her mother was getting on her nerves.

"Lisa, no need to get upset. Just...bring him."

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

"Don't you want to?"

"I don't know. I suspect you have an ulterior motive here."

"I was nice to him last time wasn't I?"

"Well...yeah. But considering the situation at that time, maybe you didn't want to upset me."

"Lisa dear, what are you afraid of?"

"God mom, it will be you and Julia and House in the same room together."

"I'm not going to kill him. I can't speak for your sister, however."

Cuddy ran hand through her hair, frustrated. "Mom, please, not now."

"Lisa dear, I was kidding. Listen, bring House with you. Your sister and I will not kill him but...we have discussed this and we want to talk to him. I think he owes us that, don't you?"

Holding the phone to her ear with one hand, she leaned her forehead against her other hand. She didn't know what would happen with the three of them in the same room but at this point, she didn't care. It was bound to happen eventually.

"Okay, mom."

"Thank you dear. Now you get back to work and we'll talk soon, okay?"

"Sure, mom. Bye." Cuddy hung up the phone wondering how she was going to break the news to House.

* * *

><p>It was around nine-thirty in the evening and House sat behind his desk. The only light in his office was the lamp on his desk. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes and yawned, obviously tired from working many hours on the latest case. He'd sent the team home and was going over the file trying to find something they might haev missed when his phone rang.<p>

"Hey," he said, knowing who it was without looking at the caller ID.

"Hi," she said. "I've missed you."

"It's only been a day."

"I know. Do you miss me?"

"No."

_"House," _she whined.

"What kind of dumbass question is that? Of course I miss you. How was your first day back?"

"Overwhelming. I'm seeing patients for one of my colleagues who's at a conference for a few days and then I took some time to prepare for my lecture."

"Speaking of lecture, I'll be up next Thursday," he announced unexpectedly.

"Really?" Cuddy's tired spirit perked up at the news.

"Got an email from Baker this morning. They're ready for my awesomeness."

"Full of yourself aren't you?"

"Wouldn't you like to be?"

"Are you offering?"

_"No."_

"Ass."

"And yet you love my ass."

"Oddly enough, I do and the rest of you as well." Changing the subject, she asked, "So how is everything there?"

"Got a case. The kids have had it a few days but nobody thought to tell me."

"Maybe they didn't want to bother you."

"Could be. I think Chase is trying to be more independent."

"Does that bother you?"

"Maybe."

"You know it doesn't matter how good he gets, you're still the best."

"Why Doctor Cuddy, are trying to get in my pants? Because you know it takes a _lot_ less than that."

She laughed. "So how did Chase handle things while you were out?"

"He did okay."

"Just okay? That doesn't sound like Chase."

"Fine, he did _alright_," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, well _that's_ better. When you say he's doing alright, then I know it means he's doing a great job. I know how much you respect him."

House wanted to change the subject. "Fine, I'm guilty of respecting him, can we move on now? Besides I've got something more interesting to discuss. You'll never guess what happened today."

"You were sued?"

_"No."_

"You bought Wilson's lunch?"

_"No,_" he said impatiently.

"Hmm," she thought. She was just teasing him now. "You and Nurse Jeffrey finally called a truce?"

"Oh _hell_ no."

"Well, what?" She asked.

"Foreman told me he's got an interview at the Mayo Clinic."

"No kidding. Why?"

"All those tight skirts and low-cut blouses are too much for him and people were starting to talk," he mused.

"I would've told you that. Now, really what's going on with him?"

"He figured out he's not the right guy for the job."

"I've never thought of him as the administrator type."

"Neither have I."

"If you knew, why didn't you say something to him?"

"I wanted him to figure it out on his own."

"Why Mayo?"

"They need someone to run the Alzheimer's and dementia research program there. Given how his mom died, this is his way of doing something that makes him feel like he can make things right, by helping others like her."

"Good for him and please tell me you didn't mock him for that."

"Me? Mock someone for doing the right thing?"

"House, you-" she started.

"Cuddy," he interrupted, knowing where it was going. "I didn't mock him."

"Good. I've always thought of him as a terrific doctor. Do you think he'll get the job?"

"Foreman's a smart guy, they'd be crazy not to hire him. Besides, I'm going to make a call."

"House, do you even know anyone at the Mayo Clinic who likes you?"

"You act like I'm not a likeable guy. Oh wait..." He jested.

She rolled her eyes as she leaned back on the couch getting comfortable. "You okay with him leaving?"

"What I think doesn't matter."

"It does...at least to him."

"He's not my employee anymore."

"He learned from the master, he owes you a lot."

"More than he cares to admit."

"You taught them more than they ever dreamed they would learn. As unorthodox as you are...you are an amazing teacher."

"He actually told me working with me made him a better person."

"That was nice of him."

"Yeah it was lovely." Ready to change the subject, he asked, "So what else is up?"

"I talked to mom today."

"So how is the old broad?"

"House, she's not an old broad."

"_You_ call her one."

"She's _my_ mother and not to her face, I don't."

"You're never gonna let that go are you?"

"You called my mother and I quote '_that old Jew broad'_ to her face."

"Point taken. Anyway what did _dear sweet mother_ want?" He retorted.

She hesitated, then took a deep breath. "She invited me and Rachel for Thanksgiving."

"Okay so what's so bad about that?"

"She wants you to come along."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

He thought about it. He remained torn regarding his feelings about Arlene. On one hand, he didn't like how she picked on her eldest daughter, causing her to question her choices and make her feel inferior. On the other hand, he liked her because she was straightforward and didn't hide her innermost thoughts and feelings. In some ways they were alike. He always knew where he stood with her. It had shocked him that she'd been civil to him at Cuddy's house but she had and he appreciated it. He was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt again.

"Okay."

"What?" Cuddy asked, clearly surprised by his response.

"I'll go."

"You're serious."

"Uh...what part of _I'll go_ do you not get?" He grumbled.

"I...I was thought you'd argue a hundred reasons why you shouldn't go."

"Well actually there's probably way more than just a hundred, but I figure I might as well just do this. You only live once."

"There's one more thing."

"What?" He couldn't imagine what else she was going to tell him but by the tone of her voice, she sounded worried.

"Dinner is at my sister's house."

"Oh."

"Mom says she and Julia want to talk to you."

"This is bad."

"She did promise not to kill you."

"Well that makes me feel better."

"You had to know this would happen eventually."

"I just didn't think about it."

"I didn't either. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I did this, not you. I gotta own this Cuddy, all the way. I guess Thanksgiving is as good a time as any," he said. House knew the time would come eventually when he had to make things right with Julia. There were four people he could've killed that day. Cuddy had forgiven him, Michael was dead, that left Julia and that guy whose name he couldn't seem to remember at the moment.

Cuddy let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." She knew it was hard for him to face her mother but her mother hadn't been in the room that day. She knew that facing Julia would be particularly hard for him.

"You're welcome," he replied, softly. Silence took over for a few moments until he spoke up again.

"So...Rachel's in bed?" He asked.

"Yep."

"Does that mean you can come out and play now?" He growled in a low, seductive voice.

"Hmm...how should we start this game?" She asked, coyly. The tone of his voice had sent shivers up and down her spine and made the butterflies in her stomach flutter. She lay back on the couch, her head rested on the middle cushion and her legs dangled over one side. A flirtatious smile graced her flushed face and she felt like a giddy schoolgirl.

Meanwhile, House relocated to his Eames chair and eased his feet onto the ottoman. Now completely relaxed, he leaned back, sighed and closed his eyes.

"First, tell me what you're wearing."

* * *

><p>Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. I've been so busy. I've got drafts of the next two chapters already started and hopefully I can work on them this week.<p> 


	79. Chapter 79

**A/N:** Thanks all for the reviews on the last chapter. I've got the next two chapters nearly completed so hopefully I can get them up sooner rather than later!

* * *

><p>By late Saturday afternoon, House was exhausted. He'd worked three complicated cases since Thursday and hadn't been home at all. The first case was two different cancers occurring simultaneously and upon diagnosis, was referred to Wilson's department. The second would've been solved much sooner had the mother of the sick child admitted early on that her child's father wasn't<em> really<em> the father. The third case turned out to be a patient's allergic reaction to medication given for Crohn's disease. During the weekend, many doctors pulled extra clinic duty because of the flu epidemic that had hit the area. Due to his specialty in infectious diseases, House was called upon for his expertise in helping to identify the strain. So, not only had he not been home but he'd hardly slept and hadn't showered or shaved; his leg hurt like hell and he was grouchier than usual. When the last case was solved, he returned to his office to complete one last task before he headed home. He'd had something on his mind the last few days and he needed to take care of it. Finding himself free to take care of it, he turned to his computer and began typing into the search engine on his screen. He was interrupted, however, when, moments later, Chase and Taub entered his office.

"What?" He growled.

"We've got another case." Both fellows looked freshly showered and alert.

"I'm going home."

"House, you live for this stuff," Chase said.

"You do know I haven't been to my apartment in days, right?"

"If you'll just take a look at it and give us your thoughts, we can run it for you."

"Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?" House asked suspiciously.

"No…I…uh…well you put me in charge when you're not here."

House motioned for Chase to hand him the file, which he did. "Where'd you find it?" He asked as he perused the contents.

"I was talking to one of the EMT's in the ER when he overheard a nurse talking to the patient. She came in yesterday."

"You mean you were _flirting_ with her," Taub chimed in.

"She's into chicks," House said without looking up.

"Who?"

"The EMT. Long blonde hair, hot bod, bodacious tatas and legs up to her neck."

"How do you know?" Chased asked, surprised.

"Tried to hit that," House answered nonchalantly.

"No way." Chase shook his head in disbelief.

"_Fine_, I overheard it in the nurse's locker room."

"Wait..._what_?"

"You heard me."

"What in hell were you doing in the nurse's locker room?"

"Taking a shower."

"By yourself?"

"Well, duh. You know anyone around here that wants to take a shower with me?"

"I don't even want to know…I just don't," Chase waved his hands in the air in surrender.

"I want to know," Taub said. Chase gave him a look and Taub responded, "What? Good gossip. I might be able to use it."

House glared annoyingly at Taub then continued to look over the file. As tired as he was, he just couldn't help himself; it was hard to resist a good case. He grabbed his cane and got up from his chair and limped heavily into the conference room. Behind him Chase gave Taub the thumbs-up sign.

Chase tossed the copies of the case file on the table and as a well-rested Park and Adams filed into the room. House reached for the dry erase marker and threw it to Chase as he nodded toward the whiteboard and then began rattling off symptoms.

"Fourteen-year old female in the ER with chronic hepatosplenomegaly and acute thigh pain. In generally good health with-"

"House, are you okay?" Park interrupted with a concerned look on her face.

"No previous hospitalizations," House said, finishing the sentence. He looked up at her. "Am I the patient?"

"No."

"Then how I look is irrelevant. I'm fine, so let's continue."

Park wouldn't let it go. "But you haven't had a good night's sleep in days."

"What part of _I'm fine_ didn't you hear? Now can we get back to the not-so-fine patient before she dies?" House asked before going back to the file. He continued reading the patient's history. "No history of serious illness or disease in her or her family, although about a year ago she began having intermittent episodes of epistaxis, which became more frequent over the past three months. Also acute thigh pain and mild abdominal distention about two months ago progressing gradually...but with no pain. Okay, go," he said.

"She's athletic so maybe the thigh pain is sports injury?" Chase asked. The rest of the fellows chimed in soon after with their thoughts.

"And the nosebleeds?"

"Acute sinusitis, aspirin, or something as simple as a common cold. Epistaxis may not even be one of the symptoms here."

"Her primary care doctor noted she had an episode of bone pain about a year ago but it went away on its own."

"Again...she's athletic; it could've been a sports injury."

"Says here she's been fatigued a few months, complaining occasionally of a low grade fever. ER says her lymph nodes are swollen."

"Okay let's focus on the enlarged organs," House said.

"If we start with infection, it could be mono."

"Or tuberculosis, toxoplasmosis, congenital syphilis, brucellosis, or histoplasmosis. There are also the viruses like HIV or herpes."

"Her parents said the kids all had TB tests before they started playing sports. I'd rule out congenital syphilis as neither of the parents has ever been diagnosed. She's not sexually active and hasn't had blood transfusions so that rules out HIV and herpes."

"Vascular congestion means cardiac failure, pericarditis, or cirrhosis."

"She could have CF or Wilson's disease."

"What about autoimmune? Chronic lymphocytic leukemia or Osteomyelitis."

"Do a physical, blood work, and abdominal ultrasound." House instructed.

As the team was leaving, he called out, "Park!"

"Yeah."

"Clinic."

"I already did my clinic duty," she whined.

"I know, now you're doing mine."

"What?"

"Do it or you're going to do theirs too," he said pointing at the other fellows.

"But it's not fair."

"Do it or you're fired _after_ you do their clinic duty." House turned his back to her as he limped into his office.

"You won't fire me."

"Oh won't I?" He turned abruptly in her face and raised an eyebrow at her. "Do I look like I'm not in the mood to fire someone today?"

Park threw her hands in the air and headed downstairs to the clinic.

He pointed his cane at the rest of the team. "The rest of you run tests, talk to the parents again and don't kill the patient."

After his team departed and he was all alone, House went back to his computer. He put his glasses on and opened up the search engine again and began typing. After finding what he was searching for, he read for some time, tapping his finger occasionally on the desk. He scrolled down, continuing his reading the documents for nearly an hour. After reading and finding the information he sought, he hit the print button. With a heavy sigh, he placed the printed documents in his backpack. He limped over to the Eames chair and sat down, closing his eyes hoping to get some badly needed rest.

* * *

><p><em>"Scoot over, make room for me." <em>

_House opened his eyes and Cuddy stood before him, barefoot and dressed in loose-fitting sweatpants and a tight v-neck tee shirt._

_"Mine. You can sit over there," he said pointing to the chair across from the couch._

_"Move or I'll sit on you," she warned._

_"You'd like that wouldn't you?" He snarked._

_"Not as much as you, I'm sure." She turned to walk away and House grabbed her wrist, pulling her onto him. She planted herself between his body and the back of the large couch, her left leg draped lazily over his legs. She watched him wince as he moved a little to get more comfortable._

_"You okay?"_

_"Yeah, just the usual."_

_"How bad?"_

_"Enough. I'm okay now that you're here."_

_"You've been nonstop for days, you must be exhausted." She put her left hand under his tee shirt and rubbed his chest._

_"How'd you guess?" He asked as he planted a soft kiss on her forehead._

_"I love how you get all wrapped up in your puzzles but I also love it when you relax. You don't seem to be doing much of that lately; in fact I've hardly seen you in days."_

_"That's because my boss is working me too hard."_

_"You can always say no."_

_"I could never deny my mistress," he mused._

_She leaned up and gently bit his earlobe. "You're such a gentleman," she teased._

_"You keep doing that and Rachel's gonna wake up to you screaming out my name." He raised his eyebrow at her mischievously._

_"We could go into the bedroom and close the door," she said rubbing her foot lightly up and down his leg. _

_"Lightning is probably gonna strike me for saying this but right now I'd just like to lay here with you."_

_"Wow you're turning down sex? You sure you feel alright?"_

_"I do now," he said as he pulled her more tightly to him._

_House closed his eyes as he held her and enjoyed the sounds of her breathing and the soft jazz playing on her stereo in the background. _

_"Hey," he said, after a few minutes._

_"Hmm," she responded, lazily._

_"You think we'll be like this years from now?"_

_"Like what?"_

_"You know...us...like...this."_

_Cuddy sighed and ran her hand up and down his arm. "Wow that's an odd question coming from you."_

_"Why?"_

_"You normally don't think much about the future, especially your own."_

_"Sometimes I do," he confessed._

_"Well, we've never had much luck with anyone else and as crazy as it might seem sometimes, we fit. Perfectly. Even when we're at our worst."_

_"Yeah," he said. Then, as an afterthought, he added, "Do you want it to be like this years from now? I mean…will I be enough for you?"_

_"What kind of question is that?" She smacked him lightly in the chest. _

_House looked at her waiting for a response. _

_"House, I don't know where we'll be ten or twenty years from now but I can't imagine you not being a part of my life and I don't want to. It's like you've always been there, even when you weren't. You know what I mean?" _

_He looked into her stormy grey eyes and his breath hitched at the love and sincerity he found in them. At that moment, he could not deny that when they were open and honest like this, it made him believe that they really would make it. _

_"Yeah, I do."_

* * *

><p>"House, wake up! We've got a problem."<p>

House woke abruptly to see Chase standing in front of him. "What time is it?" He growled, annoyed that he'd been woken from his slumber.

"It's six-thirty."

"Wow, thanks for letting me sleep a whole two hours," he grumbled. "What's going on?" He asked grumpily.

"The pain in her right thigh is worse and she's she can't even walk now."

"Did you do an MRI?"

"No, the machines have been in use."

"Boot someone. Lie. Cheat."

"I can't."

"Have you not learned anything from me over the years?" House asked, clearly annoyed.

"I don't have to because she's next on the list. Taub's on it."

"So what are you thinking?"

"Osteomyelitis but her white blood count isn't high enough."

"Do a bone biopsy."

"Before we do the MRI?"

Just then, Adams entered House's office with test results in her hand. "Her liver function, lungs and white cell count are normal; blood and urine are negative."

"That rules out infection. No need for a bone biopsy," said Chase.

"But she's got enlarged lymph nodes, liver and spleen. Something's attacking it," Adams said.

House stood up painfully, rubbed his thigh and walked over to the rear door of his office, looking outside.

"If it's not an infection, it could be a tumor. Leukemia, Lymphoma, Neuroblastoma. Do the MRI and radiography," he said.

"You know, the pain and the swelling in the abdomen _could _be a lipid storage issue. There are some signs of Niemann-Pick," Adams suggested.

Chase's eyes lit up with an epiphany. "The patient _is_ Jewish," he said.

House looked at him thoughtfully. "Ashkenazi Jews have a higher tendency for Niemann-Pick. Do a blood and bone marrow test for type B which would be more appropriate for someone her age."

As Adams and Chase took off to run the tests, they were met by Wilson at the door. He nodded at them before entering House's office.

"Hey, you haven't been home yet?"

"Shocking, isn't it? They just can't get enough of me."

"I guess you haven't heard the news then."

"What news?"

"Stevens is the new Dean."

"Stevens? From NYU?"

"Yep and not only that but Grogan is the new Associate."

House rolled his eyes. "Doesn't surprise me. He's the biggest ass kisser here."

"He's a good doctor."

"Good doctor doesn't mean good _administrator_."

"Well, at least now things can get back to normal."

House scoffed. "Things haven't been normal since...well...it's been a long time."

Wilson nodded his agreement. He knew all too well what House meant. "You know I miss the old days," Wilson said. "And I don't mean your drug induced, hooker binging, overdosing or doing the ten thousand other things that nearly killed you days but the days when _she_ was here and you'd antagonize her, stare at her ass, make snide comments and she'd grab your balls and refuse to give them back to you."

"Cuddy _never_ had my balls."

Wilson snorted. "Ha!" He pointed his finger knowingly at House. "That's what you think. Everyone knew she had your balls, everyone that is...except _you_."

House twirled his cane. "You know what I miss? I miss the days when you bought me lunch because you're such a good and caring friend."

"House, I _still_ buy you lunch."

"Oh yeah, well now you can buy me dinner too. I'm starved," he said as he limped away with a smirk. Wilson let out a sigh and shook his head as he followed his best friend out the door.

* * *

><p>Okay all hope you enjoyed that chapter. Got some good stuff to come. Thanks for leaving your comments!<p> 


	80. Chapter 80

**A/N:** You still with me? Good. I bet you didn't expect another chapter so soon? I think I'm on a roll now. I've got the next few chapters nearly complete.

Also...to "Guest" who found Chapters 79 and 80 boring "filler stuff" I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. You should know that all of my chapters have a purpose and they aren't merely "filler". If you find yourself bored by my story, there are over 3,700 more great Huddy stories for you to choose from.

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><p>On Monday morning, House was in his bed sleeping soundly when his phone woke him up. Without even opening his eyes, he fumbled around on his nightstand till he found it.<p>

"House," he grumbled, half-asleep.

"It's not Niemann-Pick."

"Where are you?"

"Conference room."

"Put me on speaker," he growled.

"Don't need to."

"Why not?"

"It's Gaucher's."

House rubbed his bearded face and propped himself up against the headboard of his bed. "How do you know?"

"Process of elimination. Infection isn't likely to cause_ both_ major symptoms. Besides the patient's visceral involvement was chronic and uncharacteristic of infection. Her bone scan was cold. Hot bone scans are typically associated with infection."

"What about cancer?" House asked.

"Some childhood cancers like leukemia, lymphoma and neuroblastoma can explain enlarged organs and bone pain but they present acute, rapidly developing symptoms. Our patient's symptoms have been progressing slowly over a period of years. She has had some fever and chills and she's lost four pounds in four months but but that can be attributed to a few things. First, she's a teenage girl they're always wanting to lose weight. Second, her mother told me she'd gone vegetarian in the last six months and in a teenager that's pretty significant."

House was impressed. He continued to challenge Chase's diagnosis. "Histiocytic disorders?"

"She's too young. Besides, no rapid clinical deterioration, wasting away, skin rash, irritability, and central nervous system problems."

House smiled to himself at Chase's ability to put the pieces together so quickly. He had certainly trained him well.

Chase chimed in again. "Listen, she had bone pain in two separate incidents a year apart accompanied by fever, leukocytosis, increased erythrocyte sedimentation rate, and cold bone scans. The cold scan also osteonecrosis rather than osteomyelitis, which would have a hot scan. It's unique in its association with both of these symptoms. We tested for the wrong enzymes."

"So you tested for deficient glucosylceramidase enzyme activity," House concluded.

"Yep, and then a bilateral bone marrow biopsy confirmed it."

"So where's the rest of the team?"

"I sent them off to find another case."

House smirked. "Chase?" He said.

"Yeah, House?"

"Good job."

"Thanks." Before he could say anything else, House hung up. Chase wasn't surprised. After all, House was never one for unnecessary words and his "thanks" were few and far between which meant when he gave it, it was sincere. Chase shook his head and yelled to the empty room, "Yes!" Then he exited to find the rest of the team.

Meanwhile, House decided he needed to get up, after all he had important things to do today...well at least _one_ important thing. He hoisted his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his aching thigh. There were times he wished for a Vicodin to dull the ache and not just in his leg either. But he knew what would happen if he took one. He might take another and another and soon, he'd be right back where he started. For once, things were looking up. He felt he had regained control of his life and was making it better, not worse. He didn't want to screw that up. Trying to ignore thoughts of Vicodin, he limped into the bathroom and stripped down, throwing his clothes in the hamper. He opened the faucets in the tub and as it filled with hot water, he poured Epsom salt into it, using his hand to help it dissipate.

He sat on the toilet with the lid closed and waited for the water to rise. Once it was half full, he carefully lowered himself into the it and leaned his head against the tile wall and let out a loud sigh of relief. Most people would never know how something as simple as a hot bath could help relieve some of his worst pain. The heat of the water gave him great relief that sometimes brought him to tears, though he would never tell anyone that. Though he'd slept all night, he closed his eyes and lost himself in the soothing feeling of his body immersed in the hot water.

House lay there for nearly an hour before he realized the water had cooled. Roused out of his relaxed state, he carefully eased himself out of the tub, drained it, and toweled off. After wrapping the towel securely around his waist, he limped over to the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror. _God you've aged in three days,_ he thought. He turned his head right to left, running his hand over his gray whiskers. Picking up the electric razor, he turned it on and began trimming down to just less than his normal stubble. When he finished, he rinsed, cleaned up the sink and took note of how much younger he looked when he shaved. He dressed in a pair of dark jeans and his pink button up shirt which was clean and pressed and hanging in his closet thanks to his cleaning lady. When he was finished, he limped into the living room feeling more awake and alive than he had in the last few days. He grabbed his backpack and pulled out the papers he'd printed at his office. When he found the one he needed, he glanced at it, then folded it and stuck it into the pocket of his jacket. Grabbing his keys and helmet he headed for the door. It looked as if it might rain but he decided to chance it, opting to take his motorcycle.

* * *

><p>Just over three hours away, in Boston, Lisa Cuddy took a break between lectures. It was an overcast day with a nice breeze and she just wanted to get outside for a few minutes. She pulled out her phone and dialed a number. The voice on the other end greeted her enthusiastically.<p>

"Lisa! It's so good to hear from you."

"Hi Jules."

"How the heck are you?"

"I'm good, I'm at work right now and don't have much time to talk. I just wanted to call you."

"I'm glad you did. Listen, mom told me she called you the other night. She said you spent some time in Princeton."

"Yeah."

"So...I take it things are progressing with House?"

"Listen, I can explain-"

Julia cut her off. "I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking."

"Yeah but you should be."

Julia sighed heavily over the phone. "He's caused you so much heartache over the years. You're an intelligent woman, you could have any man you want and yet..."

"Jules, I wish I could explain but I don't think I ever could. It's not something I can put into words. It's something I _feel_."

"And you never felt it with Lucas?"

"No, and not with anyone else either."

"It's hard to forgive what he did."

"I'm not asking you to."

"But at the same time I know you love him."

"I do."

"Does he love you?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Lisa." Cuddy thought her sister sounded almost regretful.

"When I was there for Michael's funeral, you asked me how you are supposed to let go of someone when you've loved them for so long?"

"I remember," Julia replied.

"That's what this is like." She heard Julia breathing on the other end but her sisters said nothing. "Jules, you also said you wanted me to be happy and do whatever it takes no matter what anyone else thinks. Do you still feel that way?"

"Yes, but," she inhaled deeply. "I don't know how to feel about _this_, even though I knew it was a possibility."

"I don't know what to say."

"Leese, you don't have to say anything. You don't have to defend your choices, even if I don't understand them."

"I suppose mom told you she wants me to bring him to your house for Thanksgiving."

"Yes. What did you decide?"

"I asked him and he agreed. He knew a day would come when he had to make things right, or at least try. Can you handle him being in your house."

"I don't know what's going to happen, sis. I just know I have some things I want to say to him."

"I know that. He does too."

"So...how is he coping with his addiction? How do you handle him popping pills again?"

"He's not popping pills."

"So he says," she scoffed.

"He's been working so hard to manage his pain _without_ narcotics. He wears a patch with a time released drug called fentanyl and it's slowly released into his system over a long period of time and it helps. When he has breakthrough pain, that's the real bad pain, he has something for that but he only takes it if he needs it."

"For now. Leese, what are you going to do when he relapses?"

"He hasn't relapsed...not yet. He's going to physical therapy weekly, he's doing his exercises, and he's back with his psychiatrist."

"Once an addict, always an addict."

Cuddy was becoming annoyed at her sister's cynicism, though she understood completely. "If he relapses then we'll deal with it. I'm not going to dump him and run away like I did last time."

"You did what you felt was best for you and Rachel."

"But was it really Jules? Was it really the best thing? Look how miserable we were, the three of us. And Rachel? She pined away for him for weeks, even months after that."

"Kids are young, they get through it."

"Could you say that about your kids if you had left Michael?"

"It's different. He was their _father_."

"House was as unconventional a male role model as there ever was but when he got to know her, he was good with her. He would never hurt her. They had fun together, she learned things from him...good things. He cared a great deal about her and she for him. It hurt her when he wasn't there anymore."

"But if you decide you can't handle things with him again and you walk away, there's no telling what he might do this time," Julia warned.

"Jules, I know you're concerned but if he relapses, instead of running, I'm going to do what you do when you love someone. I'm going to be there for him, support him and help him get through it. I told him when we were together before that I accepted him for who he was but really I didn't. I spent so much time looking at his faults and weaknesses and waiting for a reason to break up with him that I lost sight of how I felt just being with him."

"Which was?"

"It's hard to describe but I know that I was a better person with him than without him. Even on the worst days, I felt more loved than I ever had in my life."

"You're insane."

"That wouldn't be the first time I've heard that. Look, he's really trying. I went with him to see his psychiatrist the other day."

"You did?"

"Yeah, it was really productive."

"How on earth did you get him to agree to that?"

"Actually he asked me. He wanted me to see for himself how he's progressing."

"And is he _really_ progressing?"

"Very much so."

"Lisa, I don't know House like you do. It would be nice to think someone who has been what he's been through and done what he's done can change but I'm just not so sure."

"I understand that Jules, I do."

"You have to do what you feel is right, remember? No matter what anyone says. Listen, I'll always love you, so will mom. Period. And I'm not mad at you. If Michael were here he probably wouldn't be mad either, he'd call you an idiot. And dad probably would too."

"I know," she said, smirking to herself. "Trust me, I know."

* * *

><p>Two hours after he'd left his apartment, House found himself maneuvering through the winding streets of an upscale neighborhood in Middletown, New Jersey in the pouring rain. He pulled up to a large colonial style home at 1241 West Farm Road. He turned the key in the ignition to the off position but held his hand there as if reconsidering his decision. Finally, he removed his hand from the ignition and took off his helmet. He carefully swung his leg over the bike, grabbed his cane and limped slowly up to the had stood in front of the closed door for at least five minutes before he rang the bell. When the door opened, a tall, pretty brunette with kind eyes and a very large pregnant belly greeted him.<p>

"May I help you?"

"Hi. I'm uh...looking for Gerald Rosner. Does he live here?"

"He does..._we_ do. I'm his wife, Cheryl."

"I'd like to talk to him."

"Do you know my husband?"

"We met once. We have...had...mutual friends. My name is Greg."

"He's in the office. Please, come in, you must be freezing out there." She opened the door and motioned for him to enter. "Please, take off your shoes, let me get you a towel."

"Thank you," he said politely.

The woman returned moments later with a large towel. "It's really a mess outside. Supposed to be bad all weekend."

"Yeah I guess I picked the wrong day to ride my bike." She laughed at him.

"When are you due?" He asked.

"Any day now. I can't wait. _He's_ getting restless."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you," she said. Once he'd dried off sufficiently, she led him through the expansive living room toward a set of French doors that opened to a large home office.

"Hon, there's someone here to see you," she said to the man who sat in a chair with his back to the door. The man waved his hand to let her know he was on the phone.

"Go on in, Greg," she chuckled. "I'm sure he'll be off in a sec."

"Thank you."

The man finished his phone conversation and turned in his chair. The smile dropped from his face when he saw House.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

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><p>Comments welcome!<p> 


	81. Chapter 81

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone reading this story. I honestly never thought it would be this long. I just went with my muse. I'd like to thank allthingsdecent, writrsblk, gratefulinsomniac, iane casey, hillyhuddy, w8ing4huddy, mystryGAB, drdiagnostic, Ms Orton, Harper Penn, EllieShelly, maya295, Cherokee Jedi, Sinister Scribe, TDCSI, enlee,housemd83, InTheHouse and so many other writers here for inspiring me with your awesome stories. You guys know how I feel because I leave comments every chance I get!

There are so many writers here that are so much better than me and they have turned writing Huddy fanfic into an ART form! I could only hope to be half as good as those guys! Like them, I'm just doing this for fun.

Anyway here we go..._  
><em>

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><p><em>"Hon, there's someone here to see you," she said to the man who sat in a chair with his back to the door. The man waved his hand to let her know he was on the phone.<em>

_"Go on in, Greg," she said. "I'm sure he'll be off in a sec."_

_"Thank you."_

_The man finished his phone conversation and turned in his chair. The smile dropped from his face when he saw House._

_"What the hell are you doing here?"_

* * *

><p>"So...you're <em>Jerry<em>."

"And you're the infamous _Gregory House_." Jerry stood up at his desk. The two men sized each other up.

"Talk fast or I'm calling the cops," Jerry said as he pulled out his cell phone.

House lifted a hand and motioned in a way to reassure Jerry. "There's no need to get upset, it's not what you think."

"How would you know what I'm thinking?" He asked angrily.

He tapped his cane on the floor, clearly nervous. "Look, I'm sure I'm the last person you expected to be here."

"You're damn right. "How did you even know where I live?"

"I looked up the police report and the article about the..._incident_ and then I just searched the internet. It's not hard to find the address for the President of the largest bank in New Jersey."

_"Incident?"_ He snorted. "That's putting it mildly. You tried to kill us."

"That's not what I was trying to do," House insisted.

"Really? Because it sure as hell looked like that from my vantage point!" Jerry took a deep breath and said, "Why are you here?"

"I'm sorry," House said in a low voice.

"What?"

"I'm _sorry," _he said more loudly_._ "I know it probably too late for that but for what it's worth, I really am sorry for what I did."

"From what I understand, you're not exactly the apologetic type," Jerry said as he eyed House suspiciously.

"Things change. _People_ change."

"What in hell were you thinking that day?"

"That's the thing...I...I wasn't thinking. I was addicted to Vicodin...because of my leg. I've never been a happy person but I was less miserable before the infarction. Afterwards, I was worse and for years I took it out on everyone. I hated life...I hated everyone...or almost everyone. I finally got clean, got my shit together and when Cud...Lisa and I finally gave it a go after all those years-"

"You can spare me the details," Jerry said, interrupting him. "Julia told me the whole sordid story about you and Lisa. I've heard a lot about you. They say you're brilliant but a real son of a bitch."

"That's true but...it doesn't mean I don't have regrets. I regret what I did to you, to everyone that day."

"Why? Because you went to jail for it?" Jerry snarled.

"No!" House's denial came out a lot more forceful than was his intent. He spoke more softly this time. "I regret it because...I could've seriously hurt someone or worse...killed them. It was wrong...I was wrong."

"Why did you do it?"

House looked down at his feet. "I don't know."

"That's not enough, surely you-"

House interrupted him before he had a chance to finish. "I was angry and upset and...hurt!" He stammered. "She told me she loved me, that she_ accepted_ me for who I was. She told me she wasn't seeing anyone else and I went to her house that day to return her favorite hairbrush, I'd hoped we could talk and...I don't know...try to go back to the way things were before. I'd done some pretty hurtful things and I just didn't want to do that to her anymore. Then I saw her smiling at you. She seemed...I don't know...she seemed fucking _happy_. I couldn't move on but it looked like she _had_. She was holding together great...like it wasn't even bothering her. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was reckless and stupid and out of control. I was just...going to drive away," he said with a sad sigh. "Then it all just hit me at once."

"One minute, I'm hanging out with friends having a nice lunch then we move into the living room for coffee and all of a sudden a car comes crashing into the room where we were sitting moments earlier."

House looked down.

Jerry regarded House solemnly, tucked his cell phone in his trousers pocket then walked around to the front of his desk and leaned back against it, his arms crossed. "I don't know why I am about to tell you this," Jerry said, shaking his head.

House eyed him curiously.

"Lisa's sister was a customer at my bank and we'd become friendly over time. She'd been trying to get Lisa and I to meet but I really wasn't interested." House gave Jerry an odd look, confused over why any single guy would not jump at the chance to meet Cuddy.

As if he could read his mind, Jerry chuckled for a moment. "I'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and I just wasn't ready." He saw House nod in understanding and then he continued. "Anyway, when I finally met Lisa, it was purely by accident. I introduced myself and told her that I recognized her from the pictures her sister showed me. That creeped her out a bit and I can't say I blame her. She told me I had her confused with someone else." Jerry shook his head and continued. "But I knew it was her. You don't forget a woman like her...but I guess you already know that."

House nodded and Jerry continued his story.

"When I ran into her again, she apologized and accepted my offer for a cup of coffee. So we talked and had a few laughs, but her heart wasn't really into it. She just looked so sad. I asked her what was wrong. You know what she told me? She said she'd just broken up with the _love of her life _and that she wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone else. She said she wasn't sure she ever would be. She said she knew she had to move on with her life and that maybe getting out and meeting new people was a good idea. Then she asked me if I minded if we could just be friends."

House swallowed hard, not sure how to react.

"I was okay with that. I'm not the kind of guy to try and push a woman into a relationship with me when she clearly doesn't want it. I guess I look at it this way now...if Lisa had gone out with me, maybe I never would've met Cheryl. I love her and we're starting a family. My life is good now so I guess it was part of God's plan."

Changing the subject, Jerry continued. "It must have taken a lot for you to come here."

"Just trying to do the right thing. My shrink says making amends and seeking forgiveness is part of the process."

"Not always easy is it? Doing the right thing," Jerry said.

House grunted his response and the two men stood uncomfortably for a moment until House spoke up. "Well, I should go now."

"Yeah," Jerry replied as he walked past House and led him through the office and the living room through the front door. He opened it and House limped out the door and gave Jerry a half-nod as he stepped out.

"Dr. House," Jerry called, causing House to turn around and face him.

"In Judaism, we speak about remorse and the need to make amends to those we harm. It's a major teaching of my faith. We are encouraged to forgive others who may have sinned against us and we must seek forgiveness from those against whom we have sinned."

House was taken by surprise when Jerry extended his hand. At first he didn't comprehend but then he realized the significance of the gesture and then he reciprocated.

"Goodbye, Dr. House. I appreciate the courage it took for you to do this. I hope that someday you will eventually find some peace," Jerry said, before stepping back inside and closing the door.

House stood on the front steps for a moment, still absorbing what had just taken place. Then he looked up and noticed that for the first time in hours, the rain had stopped and a hint of blue sky had returned.

* * *

><p>Late Monday afternoon House found himself back at the hospital. His day had gone so well he thought he'd return and see if he and the team could find a new case. He was in a better mood than he'd been in since before Cuddy left. This was a relief to his team who met him in the emergency room as he instructed them on what he wanted them to do. While his team was busy scouring the ER and clinic for cases, House decided to pay Wilson a visit. Unfortunately before he could step into the elevator on the ground floor, he heard someone call his name from behind.<p>

"Dr. House!"

He turned and saw Dr. Tom Stevens motioning him over to his office. House had successfully avoided his office since Stevens was named Dean.

"A moment with you please?"

House groaned. "I really need to get off my feet, my leg's starting to hurt."

"You can sit in my office."

House raised an eyebrow. _His office?_ It didn't take him long to assert his authority in his new position. House grumbled and limped into the new Dean's office, stopping at the reception desk first to grab a red lollipop. He entered the Dean's office and looked around noticing boxes along the side wall and pictures leaning neatly against them.

"Body's not even cold yet," he said sarcastically.

"I find it's best to jump in immediately and take charge of things." He motioned to the chair across from the desk. "Please, have a seat."

"Thanks, I'll stand."

"That wasn't a request."

House took a seat.

"That was good work on the Grantham case."

"Who?"

"Leigh Anne Grantham. Fourteen-year old girl. Gaucher's."

"Oh yeah, her. Once you've been here awhile you'll catch on that names are not important to me."

"Of course not," Stevens said, leaning back in his chair. "You know her father is in the media business and a very big contributor to the Governor's campaign. Since you cured his daughter, he's decided to make a rather substantial donation to the hospital."

"That's nice. Can I go now?" House tried to spend the least amount of time possible in the Dean's office. It made him uncomfortable to be there with his favorite former occupant no longer there.

Stevens ignored him. "I've been busy reviewing the files of all the employees here. Your file," he held up a thick folder, "is rather interesting. It seems you have a problem with authority.

"No kidding?"

"You break the rules everyone else has to follow, you have more lawsuits than anyone else in this hospital."

"I save lives. To do that, sometimes I have to take risks."

"Dr. House, you're well-known for your genius and your tendency to disrespect authority. Rules are there to be followed. It's apparent your previous supervisor had a hard time keeping you in line."

"Foreman?"

"Actually him and Dr. Cuddy. It is my understanding that Dr. Cuddy covered for you quite often."

House just watched him, wondering what he was up to.

"She should have fired you a long time ago."

"Maybe she realized I made this hospital look good."

"You are a_ liability_."

"Cuddy didn't see it that way."

"Then maybe Dr. Cuddy should have been fired too," Stevens mused.

House's eyebrows furrowed and he stopped tapping his cane on the floor. He didn't like where this was headed. "And the Board?" He asked.

"They obviously trusted Dr. Cuddy's judgment. There's no question she ran this hospital well, actually no...that isn't the right word. She was an amazing administrator. But I sense her loyalties were shall we say...stretched...when it came to you."

"Don't you dare," he said. "She always did what she thought was in the patient's best interests."

"I'm not saying she didn't have their best interests at heart and I'm not saying she didn't run this place well. I met her on several occasions, she played ball in a male-dominated world and frankly...I think she kicked ass."

"But?" House knew there was more.

"I'm saying she couldn't control you and it cost this hospital. And I would say from the things I read...it cost you both far more than that," he said, looking up at House to gauge his reaction.

"What's your point?"

"There are going to be some changes around here. I think for the time being you and I will discuss requests for your services together we will decide what cases you take."

"As Dean don't you think you have other more important things to do?"

"The Diagnostics department in this hospital is the best in the country. It brings a lot of prestige and donations to this hospital. I want it to shine."

"It already does."

"It can be better."

"So this is all about money isn't it?"

"No hospital can survive without it."

House shook his head. "You're a politician, not a Dean."

"In this position I've go to be a bit of both. Look, I know you're the best at what you do but I can't have you running all over this hospital raising hell and doing your own thing. You and I are going to have an understanding House. You will be at work every day unless you've got approved leave. You will do your clinic duty, treat patients respectfully, follow the rules, and you will do your job to the best of your ability. You will approve all unusual and risky procedures through me or the Associate Dean and you will not break machines, allow your fellows to break into patients homes, or commit any other criminal activity."

"Or?"

"You'll be fired."

"You won't fire me. You can't. The Board won't let you."

"I've got friends in high places. You'd be surprised what the Board will do for me."

"So that's a threat?"

"Take it however you want."

"I don't believe this. You just want a yes man. That's not me."

"I don't think I'm being unreasonable. Every other doctor in this hospital has to follow the exact same rules, why is it so hard for you?"

"If you knew me you wouldn't have to ask."

"I don't want to fire you House. I just don't. You're an amazing doctor, frankly...I would hate to lose you when I have so many great plans for your department."

"I'll quit first."

He laughed. "You won't quit."

"You don't think?"

He held up House's thick personnel file again, then dropped it on his desk. "I know. Do you think anyone else will hire you? If you think it was bad before, just add to it that you're a convicted felon. Do you think any hospital would take a chance on you now?"

"I served my time."

"Maybe. But the simple truth of the matter is that you need me more than I need you."

"Are we done here?" House leaned forward and grabbed his cane ready to get up and leave.

"Not quite."

House sat back down.

"About your team..."

"What about them?" House looked at him scornfully.

"Robert Chase has been with you how long?"

"About eight years."

"And Taub?"

"Five years."

"Park and Adams?"

"About a year, I guess. Why?"

"The Fellows program is supposed to rotate the best doctors wanting diagnostic training into your area for no more than four years. I'd like to transfer Chase to the ICU. He's an intensivist, we can use him there. I'd like him to head up that department since right now we're running it with an interim."

"You can't do that! Chase is _my_ employee."

"Actually, Dr. Chase is an employee of this hospital. Department heads certainly have a very strong say in what happens to their staff but ultimately reassignments are my authority."

"He practically runs my team when I'm not here. Who is going to run things when I'm not here?"

"I'm still working on that. I think it's time that Drs. Chase and Taub move on and you bring in two fellows to replace them. I'm sure we can find excellent replacements."

"Speaking of me not being here. What's going to happen to my lectures at Mass General in Boston?" House grew concerned. It was his opportunity to get away and see Cuddy and he had been looking forward to doing something new and different.

"I believe that your lectures there will build a strong bridge between the two hospitals and I have no problem with that arrangement."

House was listening but his mind was elsewhere churning. He had an idea.

* * *

><p>As the sun went down, House was sitting on the wall of the balcony which separated his office from Wilson's. He'd lost interest in finding a new case and he told his team to take off if they wanted to. He didn't care, he just didn't want to sit in his office and sulk alone. He threw pebbles at the glass door until an annoyed Wilson opened it and shouted at him.<p>

"What the hell, House?"

"Need to talk."

"I'm with a patient."

"Tell them they're dying and move on."

"She's _not_ dying."

"Well then it shouldn't take you that long, right?"

Wilson sighed. "Give me five minutes okay?" He put his hand up and displayed five fingers. "Just five minutes."

House waited, continuing to throw pebbles, but this time over the balcony towards the ground. He didn't care where they landed. True to his word, about five minutes later, Wilson appeared.

"Okay so what's wrong?"

"We've got a problem."

"What?"

"Stevens."

"No, that's _your_ problem."

"Have you met with him yet?"

"Actually, yeah. I met him during the interview and this morning I had a good chat with him. Seems like a pretty good guy. He's a stickler for the rules, though."

_"You like him?"_

"Yeah, why not? The guy's an expert in his field, he's a great doctor and he's got serious administration experience. He'll be good for this place. So tell me...what did he do to you to piss you off?"

"He made it pretty clear he wants to own my ass."

"Let me guess, he wants you to do your job?"

"I do my job."

"Okay let me rephrase. He wants you to do it without costing the hospital millions and breaking any laws."

House gave Wilson a scowl in return.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. He's determined to do things his way."

"House, he can do whatever he wants. It's _his_ hospital."

House looked up at Wilson as if he'd committed blasphemy.

"Nobody's ever going to run this place like Cuddy. Those days are over," Wilson said.

"Duh. Don't you think I know that?" House asked, loudly. "It sucks that I'm the reason she's gone."

"House, don't put yourself through that again."

"Can't help it. It's the truth."

"Look, if it makes you feel better, she's happier now than I think she's ever been. And you," he pointed at House, "are partly responsible for that."

"Oh geez, don't tell me that just like Jerry, you believe it was all part of God's plan," House said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"Somehow I don't think driving your car into Cuddy's dining room was part of God's plan, House." Wilson tilted his head looking at House wondering who Jerry was.

House ignored Wilson's curious look. "Nope, it wasn't God, that was _all me_."

"Anyway, she's happy now. She spends more time with Rachel than she ever did and she really likes her job. She's not married to it and she has a life outside the hospital. It's good for her and so different than when she was here."

"I just don't like _him._"

"Who? Oh, Stevens? You just don't like him because he won't put up with your shit," Wilson mused.

"Because he's not _her_." House twirled his cane but didn't look up at Wilson.

"What are you going to do?"

"I could resign."

Wilson shook his head and laughed. "What? You _can't_ do that."

"Why not?"

"Where will you work? Nobody's going to hire you."

"I'm not exactly in the poorhouse, I can afford _not_ to work for awhile." He looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Actually...a _long_ while."

"How _much_ is a long while?" Wilson asked.

"Let's just say six figures and then _some_."

"Seriously?" Wilson choked. He was surprised though he knew he shouldn't have been. House never bought his own lunches, had driven the same old car for years, lived in the same apartment, and never bought new clothes. The only thing he spent money on was sneakers, occasional take-out, guitars and vinyl albums. Of course there were the hookers but that had been a long time ago and Wilson knew that House had widely exaggerated his use of their services.

"Oh yeah. I'm not stupid," House replied. "I didn't blow _all_ my money on hookers."

Wilson shook his head. "You _can't_ just...quit!"

"This isn't Brokeback Mountain, Wilson. I can quit you if I want to."

"I mean _diagnostics_ you ass..._medicine_."

"Who says I'm quitting medicine?"

"Nobody else will hire you."

"You said that already."

"Because it's worth repeating," Wilson stressed.

"There are other jobs out there in this profession. Besides, I know people," House replied with an air of confidence.

"Of course you do, but...do they _like_ you?"

"Ouch!" House snapped."Words hurt, ya know." He watched Wilson roll his eyes and then he smirked at successfully managing to annoy his friend once again. He knew Wilson, the insufferable mother hen, would not let this go.

"So uh...House?" Wilson asked, interrupting House's train of thought.

"Yeah?"

"Who's Jerry?"

* * *

><p>Hope you enjoyed that chapter. Reviews are love! Lots more to come here!<p> 


	82. Chapter 82

**A/N:** Thanks for the great reviews. I know you want Huddy together so hang in there, it's on the horizon.

This chapter is dedicated to the resident James Garner fan club! I know...shout out to James Garner in a Huddy fic? But really you had to be there the other day in order to feel the love! Here's to you Freya, Amy, Anne and Veronique! Thanks for sharing the love!

**Disclaimer (because it's been a while):** Given the absence of hookers in this story, it should be pretty obvious I don't own House, M.D.

* * *

><p><em>"Who says I'm quitting medicine?"<em>

_"Nobody else will hire you."_

_"You said that already."_

_"Because it's worth repeating," Wilson stressed._

_"There are other jobs out there in this profession. Besides, I know people," House replied with an air of confidence._

_"Of course you do, but...do they like you?"_

_"Ouch!" House snapped."Words hurt, ya know." He watched Wilson roll his eyes and then he smirked at successfully managing to annoy his friend once again. He knew Wilson, the insufferable mother hen, would not let this go._

_"So uh...House?" Wilson asked, interrupting House's train of thought._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Who's Jerry?_"

* * *

><p>On Tuesday morning House woke before sunrise as was his usual routine on that day. Even though he'd moved his session with Nolan to Thursday to coincide with his Boston trip, he opted to keep his physical therapy on Tuesdays since he'd adapted to the schedule with his therapist. He needed to be sure to make that appointment early because he had another meeting sandwiched between therapy and work. He retrieved his cell phone from the nightstand to see if he had any messages and frowned when he saw there were none. He and Cuddy had both been so busy, they'd only talked a few times in the last few days. The lack of communication was starting to make him crazy. His left arm caressed the empty side of the bed which would have been hers if she were there with him. Thursday couldn't come soon enough for him. <em>Two days<em>, he thought to himself. _In two days, I'll get to hold her again_. It still freaked him out at times that they had managed to find their way back together after all they'd been through. He vowed to do his best do put his all into the relationship although he wasn't so blinded by love and optimism to think he wouldn't screw up royally at times. He just hoped they had grown strong enough to weather the storm when he happened.

House sighed deeply and rolled out of bed, massaging his thigh as was the case every morning. He thought about the appointment he had in a few hours and what he would say. He knew it probably wasn't smart to go up against the new Dean so soon but he didn't like the idea of Stevens already dictating to him how he should run his department. Reassigning Chase pissed him off and he was determined to make sure that it did not happen. He removed the fentanyl patch from his leg, grabbed his cane from its resting place against the nightstand and let out a loud groan as he pushed himself into a standing position. Once he steadied himself he limped into the bathroom for a bath, shave and preparation for the day.

* * *

><p>As the clock struck nine o'clock, House stood at the reception desk in the warmly and tastefully decorated office of Grantham Communications, Inc. in Hoboken, waiting for the receptionist to hang up the phone. When she did, she looked at him and apologized before asking what she could do for him.<p>

"Greg House. I have a ten o'clock with Mr. Grantham."

The receptionist looked down at the leather appointment book and smiled up at him warmly. "Dr. House, yes please have a seat, I'll take you back in just a few minutes."

House thanked the girl and instead of taking a seat, he chose to stand by the window. He looked outside and viewed the people walking along the tree-lined street in front of the old brownstone which housed the offices of the multi-million dollar company. He'd done some research on the man. Grantham, a Jersey native was a former high school salutatorian and athlete. He'd completed double majors in Journalism/Telecommunications and Business at Princeton. House was surprised to discover he'd made his money the honest way. Grantham stressed strong morale at his company with generous vacation time, higher education and training and a good insurance plan. Family was also very important to him. In an article House read, Grantham talked of the importance of being home with his family as often as possible and attending his daughter's sporting events. From what House gathered, Grantham was the kind of man who respected loyalty, teamwork and friendship. _Yes_, he thought,_ that could work in my favor_._  
><em>

"Dr. House, if you'd please follow me, Mr. Grantham will see you now." The receptionist interrupted House's thoughts and led him down the hall. On the walls up and down the spacious hallway hung old vintage black and white framed photos of Hoboken. Yes, Grantham obviously cherished his connection with his hometown.

"Dr. House, so good to see you," Phil Grantham rose from his seat to greet him with a warm smile.

"Grantham," House offered his hand in return. House observed the man carefully. He was about House's age, tall with an athletic build, a head full of brown hair with some gray flecks and a slight tan. He wore a dark business suit that was classy but not over the top.

"Please call me Phil," he said motioning to the plus chair across from the desk.

"Only if you call me House. Nice space you've got here," he said as he sat down.

"Thank you. Most people find it somewhat unexpected that I'd rather work here than across the river."

"Doesn't surprise me. You were born and raised here, so were your parents and grandparents. You've got deep roots and strong family ties. Being here makes you feel grounded, gives you a sense of community."

"Wow. I'm impressed. You've certainly done your homework."

"Reading people is part of what I do."

"I can't thank you enough for what you did for my Leigh Ann. I know you're not much of a people person so I'm very glad you returned my call.

"That's a nice way of putting it. And I see you've done _your_ homework."

"I make it my business. So what brings you here?"

"Well," House said, tapping his cane on the floor between his legs. He looked up at Grantham. "I've got a favor to ask."

* * *

><p>Around the same time House was meeting with Phil Grantham, back in Boston Lisa Cuddy was in her office putting together the notes for her next lecture. For the first time in days, she wasn't swamped and it felt good just to take her time on something. She'd just finished pouring herself a cup of tea from the pot located in the solid wood hutch in the corner of her office when her phone rang. She became excited at the thought it might be House. She missed talking to him and was subsequently disappointed that the number on the caller ID didn't register Princeton.<p>

"Hi Julia," she said, trying to hide her disappointment.

"Hi Leese."

"Everything okay?"

"Geez, mom's right. Every time one of us calls, you think something's wrong."

"Oy vey. It's a habit. I'll work on that. So what's up?"

"Are you busy? Did I call at a bad time?"

"I'm at work, but I can talk for a few minutes."

"Good because boy, do I have something to tell _you_."

"What?" Cuddy asked.

"You remember Jerry, right?"

"Jerry?" Cuddy's eyebrows furrowed trying to remember.

"Jerry _Rosner,_ from the bank."

It took Cuddy a moment. "Oh yeah." How could she forget the reason...or at least one of them...that House had crashed his car into her home. "You're kidding right? I mean, it didn't work out the first time-"

Julia laughed. "No, no...Jerry's married now, his wife is about to have a baby."

"Oh wow, that's great." Cuddy couldn't imagine why her sister brought him up.

"Yeah, he's very happy now but that's not why I called."

"Okay, now I'm confused."

"Apparently..._House_ went to see him."

_"Wh..what?" _Cuddy nearly stuttered getting the word out._  
><em>

"Exactly, can you believe it?"

"But...why?"

Julia was silent for a moment. "He apologized."

"He apologized?" Cuddy repeated.

"Yep. What do you think he's up to?"

Cuddy sat down. "I have no idea. I guess he felt it was time."

"He never mentioned anything to you?"

"No."

"Well, Jerry said he apologized and it seemed pretty sincere."

"House never apologizes...well not to many people anyway."

"He's got to have an angle," Julia said suspiciously.

Cuddy immediately went into defense mode. "In all fairness Julia, he's worked really hard to try and do better, not just for me but for himself too. Change is hard for him. I know that therapy has really helped and I would assume that trying to make amends is _part_ of that."

"Still..."

Cuddy attempted to turn the conversation away from Julia's suspicions. "So, was Jerry upset that House went to see him?"

"At first, yes because he didn't know why he was there or what to expect. I mean his wife is pregnant and all so I can only imagine. But then House apologized out of the blue and Jerry said that he could tell it was sincere. He said...and _get this_...House was very humble and forthcoming. When Jerry asked him what was going through his mind when he did it, he just opened up."

"Wow." Cuddy knew the guilt and remorse House felt, but knowing he had put his fears and pride aside to do the right thing made her feel very proud of him at that moment.

"I've known Jerry a long time, he's a good guy and he's also got a very strong faith. His father is a rabbi and he was raised like that. It took him some time to get over the anger and shock, as you can imagine. But from what he told me, apparently House's apology finally let him get the closure he needed."

"Wow. This is really something. I'm so proud of him."

"I still can't believe House apologized at all."

Cuddy smiled, understanding her sister's cynicism. But she didn't let it get to her. "I told you Jules, he's _trying_."

* * *

><p>"So you're telling me that you want me to make the donation on the stipulation that Dr. Chase stays on the Diagnostics team?"<p>

"Yep."

"That's it? You don't want anything for yourself?" Grantham eyed House suspiciously. He was making a very generous donation to the hospital's pediatric unit and couldn't believe House's request was so unselfish.

House nodded. "Oh I do get something out of it, but Chase _was_ a pretty important part of diagnosing your daughter. He's a great doctor already but he can be greater. His time and talents will be wasted in the ICU."

"And how will your new Dean handle this? From what you've told me, he's adamant about doing things his way."

"It could backfire royally," House admitted.

"You've definitely got a set of balls."

"I've also got tenure."

Grantham leaned forward and clasped his hands together on his desk blotter. "How do you know I'll do this?"

"Because you're an honest man. You _care_ about people. Chase helped save your daughter's life and he's a good doctor and that matters to you. You want to see him do the same for someone else's kid."

"You're an interesting man, House," Grantham said, shaking his head and smiling.

"That's not exactly how most people would describe me."

"In my business, I take risks. They don't always pay off but fortunately for me and my investors, often enough they do. You're a risk taker too. I like that," he mused.

"Again, something I don't hear very often." House leaned forward and looked at the framed picture on Grantham's desk.

Grantham noticed House looking at the photo. He picked it up and touched frame lovingly. "You know Dr. House, my daughter isn't even supposed to be here. My wife had three miscarriages before Leigh Ann was born. _Three_. You can't imagine the pain we went through."

House thought about Cuddy and her fertility issues. _He knew._ "Obviously you didn't give up."

"No. We were forty when we gave it one last try against doctor's orders. We decided if it didn't work, we'd try to adopt. My wife was urged to abort early when she found out she was pregnant but she wouldn't do it. It was a rough pregnancy at first. She was sick the first few months, then it smoothed out. When she delivered there were complications. The cord was wrapped around her neck..." Grantham's eyes were slightly misted but he kept going. "She wasn't breathing at first, but thank God...well as you know, the rest is history."

"And she's never had any health problems?"

"Never...until the last year or so. Leigh Ann is one of the most vibrant, outgoing young girls you'll ever meet." His face glowed with great pride as he caressed the frame. "She's your typical teen at times but she's a good kid and we are very proud of her. Have you ever loved someone so much that you can't imagine your life without them?" He asked House.

House swallowed hard and nodded. He knew all _too_ well.

"These two...they're my world." He set the picture down gently. Then he looked up at House. "I'll be glad to honor your request."

* * *

><p>LOL as you can see, House may be changing but he's still a manipulative son of a bitch when he needs to be! Some things a guy just can't change! And maybe we don't want him to!<p>

By the way, as you read, it's Tuesday in this chapter. Don't forget Huddy reunites on Thursday! Thanks for reading. Hang in there. More good stuff to come!


	83. Chapter 83

**A/N:** thank you to Cherokee Jedi who came up with idea of a Hachel bond in this chapter!

For Max...

* * *

><p>House drove straight to the hospital Tuesday after his trip to Hoboken. He didn't mention anything about the visit with Wilson or Chase. He decided to lay low because he knew that pissing off Stevens now was going to make things worse when he received word of the condition of the donation. It was late afternoon and because he didn't have a patient, he opted to get his weekly clinic hours out of the way. He wasn't one to willingly do clinic hours but again he wanted to keep the Dean off his ass. He was in the midst of the dreaded duty when his cell phone rang. He ignored it thinking it might be his boss. Minutes later, during a tirade in which he berated a young pregnant mother for not using birth control only months after having twins, he decided to answer it without looking at the caller ID.<p>

"What?" He growled.

"Howse?" Came the tiny voice on the other end.

His eyes widened in alarm. "Rachel? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Hold on a minute, don't hang up," he said.

"Okay."

House covered the mouthpiece on his phone and wrote something in the patient's chart and sent her on her way, then he locked the exam room door.

"Where's your mom?" He asked.

"In the kitchen."

"Where are you?"

"In my room."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I miss you."

House's heart skipped a beat.

"Howse? You there?"

"Yeah kid. You on mom's phone?"

"Uh huh."

"You know how to use it?"

"Yes, silly," she said with a giggle. "Just in case of a mergency."

House smirked. He realized he shouldn't have been surprised, it was so like Cuddy to teach Rachel how to use the phone in case of an emergency.

"Howse, when am I gonna see you?"

"Day after tomorrow."

"Really!" She yelled into the phone and jumped up and down excitedly. House had to hold the phone away from his ear as he listened to the little girl voicing her happiness. Suddenly House heard a voice in the background.

_"Rachel, have you seen my phone?"_

"Uh oh," Rachel said, her back turned to her mother. House couldn't help but smirk as he listened.

"Rachel, what are you doing?" Cuddy stood in Rachel's doorway, hands on her hips.

Rachel turned around slowly, the phone still to her ear.

"Who on earth are you talking to?"

Rachel looked down and mumbled, "Howse."

Cuddy walked over to her. "I don't mind if you call him, just ask me next time okay?"

"You're not mad at me?" She asked with an innocent face.

"Of course not. Here," She held her hand out. "Let me say hi to him."

Rachel handed her mom the phone and they sat on the bed together.

"Hi," she said to him.

"Hi yourself. You don't care if she calls me?"

"Of course not. You think I would?" Cuddy was surprised.

"I don't know."

"You're an idiot," she said sarcastically.

"Tell me something I don't already know."

"So what are you doing right now?"

"Actually, clinic duty."

"Willingly?" She asked, shocked.

"Well, not really but I want to get it out of the way to keep Stevens off my ass."

"Stevens?"

"New Dean."

"You never did it willingly for me."

"Because annoying you was fun."

"So, where's the new guy from?"

"NYU."

A light bulb went off in her head. "Oh _that_ Stevens. He's a nice guy. Great doctor too."

"You administrators always stick together."

"No, really he's not bad guy House. Oh God you haven't already pissed him off have you?" She asked, rubbing her free hand over her face.

"Well...not really."

"What does that mean?"

"The guy's an ass, trying to tell me how to run my department."

"That's his _job_."

"He's taking Chase out of Diagnostics and putting him in charge of ICU."

"I'm guessing that didn't go over well."

"No, it didn't. You never would've done that. You know as well as I do that Chase is better off where he is."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I have a plan."

"What's the plan?"

"I'll tell you when I get there."

"Fine," she sighed. She wanted to talk to him about what Julia had told her but decided that could wait. "Not to change the subject but what's the plan for you Thursday?"

"I take the four o'clock train to Philly, be there by four-thirty, do my thing with Nolan, then hop the six-fifteen flight to Boston and be there by eight o'clock."

"Wow, nice job."

"Yep and going first class all the way too."

"Naturally."

"You know they have the hottest stewardesses in first class."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "I believe they prefer to be called _flight attendants._"

"Whatever. Are you jealous?"

"Should I be?"

"Not a chance. You're way hotter and less bitchier too. By the way, what are you wearing?" He asked.

"Nice segue and not now, House," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Mood killer," he whined.

"That's me. Listen, why don't you call me later when you get home?"

"I can do that."

"You better get back to work before your boss comes looking for you."

"You know as adorable as he is, he just doesn't do the pencil skirts and Louboutins like you do," he snarked.

"Yeah, yeah, get back to work. A little munchkin here needs some dinner" she said, looking at Rachel.

"Mommy, can I say bye to Howse?" Rachel practically yelled in her ear.

"Of course you can." She handed Rachel the phone and chuckled when Rachel rolled over on her stomach on the bed, and kicked her feet up in the air. She heard Rachel say _yes_, _no_, and _I don't know_ a few times, then the pirate talk commenced and Rachel finished up with an _aye matey_ and handed Cuddy back the phone and ran down the hallway.

"What was that all about?" She asked him.

"Nothing."

"You talked to my daughter for two minutes and yet you said nothing?"

"It's a secret. What? I can't have a secret with the kid?"

"Of course you can." She smiled at the thought of House and Rachel bonding over secrets. It didn't bother her how they did it, she just wanted them to bond. "Now get to work and call me later."

"Yes, mistress," he replied in a deep, sexy voice. House hung up the phone and looked at his watch. One more hour of clinic before he could leave. He opened up the exam room door, walked out to the waiting area snapping a newly donned pair of latex gloves and yelled, "Next!"

* * *

><p>Cuddy stood at the kitchen island preparing a salad. Rachel had begged to help her so Cuddy stood her in a chair, gave her a plastic knife and told her she could cut up the strawberries and bananas for the fruit cocktail dessert. She watched her daughter in awe as she used great care cutting up the banana slices just so that each slice was equal in size. Her determined concentration reminded her of a certain blue-eyed diagnostician.<p>

"So, how was school today?" She asked.

"It was fun. I got at gold star."

"You did?"

"Uh huh. I've read the most books in the class," Rachel said, beaming proudly.

"Really?" Rachel nodded. "That's very good. How was piano class?"

"Miss Rose said I'm ready for a recital."

"Wonderful Rach. When is it?"

"Next week. She gave me a note."

"Why don't you go get it for me?" She helped Rachel down from her chair and the little girl ran off. A moment later she was back with a piece of paper in her hand. She handed it eagerly to her mother.

Cuddy helped Rachel back into the chair, then picked up the paper to read it. The recital was scheduled for next Friday night. "Rachel I am so proud of you. Would you like to buy a new dress?"

"Okay! Can Hannah and Sharon come too?"

"Yep."

"Can Howse come?"

Cuddy shrugged her shoulders. "Well honey I don't know if he can but we can ask him."

"I hope he can," She said, hopefully.

"You know, House is the reason you started playing the piano."

"He is?" She asked wide-eyed.

"Yep. You used to sit with him when he played."

"Do you think he will like it when I play?"

"I think he'll _love_ it."

The two went back to their respective tasks, then a few moments later, out of the blue, Rachel asked, "Mommy, do you think House will ever come live with us?"

That caught her by surprise. "Well...honey, I...uh...don't know. House has a job and he lives in Princeton."

"But he's all alone!" She said, a bit loudly.

Cuddy nearly cut her finger chopping carrots. She set the knife down and looked at Rachel. "Rach, what's going on here?"

"Nothing," she replied innocently.

"You can tell me."

Rachel sighed and put down her plastic knife. She clasped her hands and wrung them in much the same manner Cuddy did when something was bothering her. Cuddy helped her sit down in the chair.

"Missy says her daddy is sad and drinks a lot because he's all alone."

Cuddy recalled Rachel's playmate Missy, an adorable but quiet little girl whose parents were recently divorced. Sharon had told her it was a messy custody battle and that Missy's mother had won custody rights.

"She said _that_?"

Rachel nodded her head enthusiastically. "She isn't allowed to go and see him till he gets better. Mommy, I don't want House to be sad too. Then I won't get to see him."

"Oh Rach," she said, helping her sit in the chair and facing her while holding her hands. "House isn't sad."

"But he got sad before and then he was sick and he wasn't around for a long time." Her face frowned.

Cuddy tried to find a way to explain things to her daughter. "Honey, House was sad for a very long time, long before you came along. You know his leg hurts right?" Rachel nodded. "Well, his leg used to hurt a lot worse and he took pills to make it feel better but the pills didn't always help and it made him very sick. Sometimes when people are in pain all the time like House was, it can make them hurt others or themselves, when they don't mean to."

"You mean like Missy's dad?"

"Yeah. I'm sure Missy's dad doesn't want to hurt anyone but he's in pain and he's very sad because of it. I know we grown ups are supposed to know everything but sometimes we don't and we can't always make ourselves better. Sometimes we need help but we're too afraid to ask. One time House's pain got so bad, the pills didn't work and he found the courage to ask for help. It took him a long time but he got better. Remember when he was with us? He was good to us. You played with him and spent time with him. You liked that right?"

"Uh huh."

"But then I got sick and House didn't know how to handle it. He was sad and in pain and he thought the pills would help."

"Did he his leg hurt again?"

"Not exactly." Rachel looked at her confused as she tried to explain. "See, House loved us and he got used to having us around and he was happy. But when he found out I was sick, it scared him. He took a pill thinking it would help his pain but it didn't."

"Because the pain was in his heart?"

"Yeah," she said softly, ruffling Rachel's hair. "You're such a smart girl. Sometimes when you love someone, it can hurt here," she said putting her hand over her heart. She watched Rachel do the same. "And _no_ pill can make that feel better. The pain in House's leg will never go away, not completely, but he's doing things to make it better. He exercises and he takes medication that helps him."

"What about the heart pain?"

"That's much better too. You know what helps?"

"What?"

"Love. Forgiveness. When you love someone and they love you back, it doesn't hurt, at least not much. Sometimes people who love each other hurt each other but they also forgive too and that makes the pain go away."

"Like when Hannah took my doll?"

Cuddy smiled. "That's exactly it. When Hannah took your doll, you got mad didn't you?" Rachel nodded. "And then you pushed her in the mud and got her new dress all dirty. You made her cry and that made you sad, right?"

"Yeah, I got in trouble too."

"Yes you did," Cuddy smirked remembering how she had scolded Rachel for what she'd done. "But then you apologized and made it better."

"And now she's my bestest friend."

"She sure is. Forgiving someone you love is sometimes very difficult but in the end, you'll be glad you did it, especially if they are really important to you. Do you understand?"

Rachel nodded.

"Good. And just remember, even though I'm your mom, sometimes I do stupid things and I hope that when you are older and that happens you will remember I love you and you will forgive me too."

"Oh you're not _stupid_ mommy. You're the smartest person in the whole world."

Cuddy reached out and brought Rachel into her lap. "You know what? You're pretty smart for a kid." She planted a kiss on the top of Rachel's head. "Now as to House being alone, don't worry," she said putting her hand over Rachel's heart. "We're never _really_ alone when we have people who love us."

"Okay, mommy."

"Now, let's finish up here. The sooner we eat, the sooner you can play the piano for me."

* * *

><p>Hope you enjoyed. We never have enough Rachel so I wanted to throw her in there. This talk between them was very important to segue into the next chapter which is...the long awaited HUDDY reunion!<p> 


	84. Chapter 84

Thursday evening House was stretched out in his seat in first class on US Airways Flight 1886 headed to Boston. He looked at his watch. _Only twenty more minutes_, he thought. It had been a long day and he was tired. He'd been sent a patient in the early morning hours and worked the case as much as he could before he left. Fortunately, Chase was still on the team for the time being and could take care of things in his absence. As he put his feet up and nursed his scotch, he recalled the conversation he'd had with Nolan earlier.

_"Well, time's almost up and I've got a plane to catch," House said, getting up to leave._

_"Are you sure we're done?"_

_"You think there's more?"_

_"Earlier you mentioned having done something completely out of character. What did you mean by that?"_

_"Nothing. Can I go now?"_

_"I know you're anxious to see Dr. Cuddy and I don't want to keep you but if there's anything you want to talk about...that's what I'm here for."_

_House sighed. He knew Nolan wasn't going to give up. "Okay fine," he said as he sat down. "I went to see the guy who was in Cuddy's house the day I ran my car into it. I apologized to him."_

_"You did?"_

_"You shouldn't be surprised, after all, it's your fault."_

_"How's that?"_

_"All that forgiveness and making amends shit you talk about. You know I hate apologies. They don't change anything."_

_"That's not why we apologize and I suspect you know that, you're just deflecting. An apology is about admitting a mistake and taking responsibility. Granted, admitting a mistake can evoke feelings of shame and guilt and it makes it that much more difficult, but in the end it is the right thing to do when you have wronged someone. So, how did he take it?" _

_"He seemed to accept it. He said he was raised with a strong faith and that made it possible for him to forgive me."_

_"It couldn't have been easy for him. You know how difficult it was for you to apologize? Well, forgiving someone is just as difficult. A person considering forgiveness may feel that they are condoning the behavior or somehow letting the other person get away with something. For many, it's very hard to let go of what's happened but when they do, it allows them to let go of the anger, the hurt, and the pain. It gives them closure and allows them to move on. Greg, you of all people, know what it's like when you hold on to pain, it eats at you until there's nothing left."_

_House nodded. He definitely understood._

_"Let me ask you, why did you decide to apologize to him?"_

_House looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'm trying to move on with my life and...something was nagging at me...telling me I needed to do it."_

_"Your conscience was bothering you."_

_"I suppose." He looked down and fiddled with his cane._

_"Greg, that's good. Your conscience was telling you to do the right thing and you did. Apologizing is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to admit your mistake and accept responsibility for it. Hopefully you will get to the point where you don't feel this is out of character for you. You've taken another major step in your progress and I'm proud of you."_

"Sir?"

House woke suddenly to someone gently shaking his shoulder. It was the flight attendant.

"Please move your seat upright and secure your seat belt. We're about to land," she said politely before she cleared his tray and moved down the aisle.

As House secured himself and packed up his belongings, the conversation with Nolan was still fresh in his mind. Nolan was right early on when he'd said apologizing and asking for forgiveness would help him heal. He felt enormously better after leaving Jerry's house though he was a bit humbled after learning about the conversation Cuddy had with him. Discovering that she had hurt so bad that she had closed herself off to the possibility of a relationship with anyone else should've made him happy but instead, he felt like shit. Once again it hit him how much he had failed to see that she had been falling apart before his eyes. He made a promise to himself that no matter what happened between them in the future, he would try to never let himself be so consumed by his own pain that he couldn't see hers.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes after the plane landed, House's cab pulled up at the familiar tree-lined street in Cambridge. The porch light was on and there was a lamp on by the window in the living room. He paid the driver, grabbed his backpack and duffel bag and got out of the car. After shutting the cab door, he turned around to make his way up the walkway when he spotted her standing on the front porch. She wore a white bathrobe and ballet slippers and her hair was loose and curly around her shoulders. He watched as she walked down the steps towards him. They met halfway and he dropped his bags as they looked at one another.<p>

"Hi," she said shyly.

"Hi," he replied. He was nervous though he didn't know why because when he was with her, he felt like he was home. He stepped closer, placed his hands on her waist and brought her to him. As he embraced her, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"God I thought you would never get here," she said, her eyes filled with tears.

"I know," he said pulling back to look at her. He noticed her watery eyes and he took his thumb and brushed a tear that escaped from her left eye. "Hey, no need to cry," he said as he kissed her left cheek.

She just nodded, unable to speak for fear the tears would flow. They held each other again until he felt her shiver.

"Come on, it's cold out here, let's get you inside."

He picked up his duffel bag and she picked up his backpack and together they made their way into the house. When they got inside, they set his bags down next to the couch and Cuddy locked the door. Just as she turned around, House grabbed her and pressed her against the front door, planting a soul-searing kiss to her lips. Suddenly, they couldn't get enough of one another. His hands roamed her back and he grabbed her ass as she ran her fingers through his short hair. Their lips devoured one another and their tongues dueled until they finally broke apart for air. Then they started laughing.

"What's so funny? He asked.

"I have no idea," she replied. Once the laughter subsided and they caught their breaths, House took off his jacket and toed off his shoes.

"Rachel awake?

"No, she went to bed about two hours ago."

"Oh come on,let me see her. I won't wake her."

"Come on," she said. She couldn't possibly deny him the opportunity to see the little girl he'd grown so fond of. She led him by the hand down the hall and into Rachel's room. She opened the door quietly and House handed her his cane. He limped in without itand stood at the side of her bed, watching her sleep. Suddenly, Rachel turned on her side and opened her eyes only to find his blue orbs staring back at her.

"Howse!" She whispered.

"Hey kiddo."

She tried to sit up but he gently pushed her back down. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Will you make us pancakes?"

"Yep, but first you have to go back to sleep."

"Okay."

"Night, kid."

"Night, Howse." When Rachel closed her eyes, House turned around and headed toward the door. He spotted a smiling Cuddy.

"What?" He asked as he approached her, taking back his cane.

"Nothing. You're so good with her," she said, closing Rachel's door behind them.

"She's easy. She eats, sleeps, poops and plays."

Cuddy slapped his arm playfully. "She's not a pet."

House started to reply with something snarky but was stifled by a yawn.

"You must be so tired," she said. "You hungry?"

"No. Just want a shower and then sleep."

"I'll unpack your stuff," she said, leaving him in her bedroom while she went into the living room to grab his bags.

House sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room until something caught his eye. He got up and limped over to her dresser and picked up the five by seven wood frame that sat upon it. His jaw dropped when he saw the photograph it held. It was a color photograph of he and Cuddy, much younger, standing in front of a trailer with hay bales on it. He was dressed in faded blue jeans, white tee shirt and a long sleeved plaid shirt over it and a jean and sweatshirt clad Cuddy was sitting on his shoulders. His arms were wrapped around her legs, securing her to him. Her hair was up in a ponytail as it often was back then, and both wore smiles.

"Can you believe we were ever _that_ young?" Came the sultry voice from behind him. He turned around to see Cuddy placing his bags on the chair next to the bed.

"Where did you get this?"

"Mom."

"Your _mother_?"

Cuddy took the frame from him and sat on the edge of the bed, patting the space next to her so he would join her.

"Mom and Julia decided to go through a bunch of boxes in mom's attic and they found a ton of old stuff Julia and I had left behind from our younger days. Mom found this tucked between the pages of one of my old textbooks. I can't believe she found it. I thought it was gone a long time ago. I thought they were all gone."

"All? You mean there's more?"

"Yeah," she said as she ran a finger over the glass. "This is my favorite. I think we were slightly tipsy here."

"That we were," he nodded in agreement. "Why your favorite?"

He watched her run a finger over the picture in a reminiscent manner. She side-eyed him and smirked, then she got up to place the picture back on the dresser. She walked back over to him and House reached his hand out and gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. She stood between his legs with her arms resting on his shoulders.

"You know why it's my favorite picture," she said she planted a kiss on his nose. "That was a pretty big night for us."

"That it was." He lowered his hands to her ass and fondled it.

"You were so handsome back then."

"Yeah I was, wasn't I?" He said with a cocky smile.

She smacked him playfully. "Fortunately, you got better with age."

"Ya think?"

She leaned down and kissed him. "Oh, I know and in more ways than one too," she murmured through her closed lips. After a long, passion-filled kiss, they broke apart and he buried his face in her robe as she stroked the skin on the back of his neck.

"You know, I'm not the only one who got better with age," he said.

She pulled away from him and looked down. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." He smiled up at her. "Nobody holds a candle to you. Nobody."

Cuddy beamed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said as he continued to fondle her ass. "Although your ass has expanded exponentially."

"Shut up" she said with a chuckle.

"Hey, how about that shower?"

"I've already had one."

"Yeah but I'm sure a second one wouldn't hurt. You know what they say...cleanliness is next to godliness."

Cuddy burst out laughing again. "You did not just say that." He smirked.

"How about a _bath_ instead?" She asked, arching one eyebrow. "It'll help your leg." She gave him a chaste kiss and removed her arms from around his neck, then went into the master bath and turned on the water. He followed her in there and she gently nudged him backwards so would sit on the toilet. She slowly unbuttoned his long-sleeved shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. He pulled it off the rest of the way and discarded it onto the floor. Next, she took the hem of his tee shirt and pulled the garment up over his head. She knelt down and rolled off his socks then massaged his bare feet for a moment before leaning closer to undo his belt.

"I can do that," he offered.

"No, let _me_," she insisted.

He acquiesced and she knelt down and unbuckled his belt and popped the button on his jeans. She slid the zipper down slowly and motioned for him to raise his hips which he did just enough for her to slide his pants off. Seeing him sitting there in only his boxer briefs made her heart race as she would never cease being turned on by the sight of him. She moved between his legs and House lazily untied the sash on her robe, letting it fall open exposing her silk shorts and spaghetti-strap top adorned with lace. He wrapped his arms around her middle and buried his face in the warm skin of her belly.

"You don't know how much I've missed this," she said, enjoying the feel of his stubble against her bare skin as she ran her fingers through his short hair.

"Not more than I did," he replied. He watched as Cuddy let the robe fall from her shoulders. He hooked his fingers in the waistband of her silk shorts and pulled them down slowly, making sure to glide his fingers over her smooth, silky legs all the way down. When she stepped out of them and kicked them aside, House pulled her close again and began placing kisses on her stomach.

"Oh, God that feels so good," she moaned. She felt the buildup in the pit of her stomach. She stepped back and held out her hand to him. He got up and she knelt down and pulled down his briefs. He stepped out of them and kicked them aside. Before she stood up, she put her left hand over his right thigh, gently caressing his scar. He offered her his hand and helped her up. As she faced him, he turned her around so her back was to him. He took the hem of her spaghetti strapped top and pulled it over her head then pulled her to him with her back snug against his chest. He kissed the naked expanse of her soft, elegant neck, running his tongue along the way, leaving a trail of heat wherever he went. He could feel her tremble beneath his touch. Her head fell back into his chest as his right hand traveled down her naked belly to her warm wetness between her legs. As he used his fingers to pleasure her, she moaned and rubbed her ass against his erection. She turned to face him and he stared lustfully at her, taking in the creamy white skin and perfect breasts. He placed his hands on them and gently massaged. He bent his head down and took a nipple in his mouth, twirling first one with his tongue, then the other.

She pushed him away gently. "Come on, let's get in," she said. He nodded and eased himself into the tub and after dimming the light a bit, she settled herself in as well, sitting between his legs with her back resting against his chest. He put his arms around her and held her hands, as they'd often done in the past. No words were spoken and none were needed.

"This is nice," he said after awhile.

"Yes, it is."

When the water cooled, Cuddy got out of the tub first, then helped House get out. She took the oversized bath towel from the hook and they took turns drying each other. At one point, House wrapped the towel around them both and pulled her against him and they kissed. Short pecks were followed by sweet, lingering kisses. During the entire time, they chose to communicate with everything but words. Cuddy hung up the towel, turned off the light and they made their way into her bedroom. Cuddy turned down the covers and they slid under the soft cotton sheets and duvet comforter. She turned off the light on her nightstand and rolled over and snuggled up to House.

With her head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped securely around her, she said, "You had a long day today, you should get some rest."

"I'm tired, but never too tired to please you," he said, eliciting a giggle from her as he kissed the top of her head.

She looked up at him, her eyes dark and sincere. "Honestly, as much as I want you at this moment, just being here with you like this means more to me than anything."

House swallowed the lump in his throat. He was overcome with emotion at her words. He caressed her cheek softly as they gazed into each other's eyes. Suddenly, he rolled them over and nestled himself perfectly between her warm thighs, positioning himself at her opening. He reached one hand down and parted her with his fingers. He smiled mischievously at the feel of her slippery wetness.

"You want me," he teased.

She chuckled. "Always." She pulled his head down and kissed him just as he pushed into her. She let out a loud gasp at the feeling of him being inside of her.

Oh God," she said softly.

"You okay?" He asked, his hands on either side of her face, his thumbs caressing her beautiful cheeks, which were softly highlighted by the glow of the nightlight next to the bed.

"Never better. It feels so...oh God...so _incredible_."

House rested himself on his elbows as he moved slowly and deliberately in and out of her eliciting pleasurable sighs from her. Cuddy kicked the covers away and wrapped her legs around him tightly, using her feet to press against his ass encouraging him to push deeper into her.

"House...it feels...so...so good." Her moans were getting louder. "Have...missed you," she managed to get out.

He placed one arm underneath her ass and brought her closer to him which helped him penetrate her deeper. "I want you to feel every inch of me."

"I do...I do." Cuddy laid her head back and enjoyed the feeling of him moving languorously in and out of her. He was taking his time and she loved every moment of it. Soft sighs and gasps emanated throughout the room, as they reveled in their lovemaking. With the fingers of his free hand, House began circling her clit. Cuddy involuntarily held her breath as she felt her climax building. She wanted to wait for him, but it was useless, her body caved. Like a spring wound too tight, eventually she let go, unable to suppress the buildup. She let herself go, feeling wave after wave of pleasure convulsing through her. House felt her tighten around him and while he wanted to prolong her pleasure, her cries of ecstasy sent him immediately over the edge. He continued to thrust into her as he lost himself in the intensity of his orgasmic bliss. For a moment, he was so overcome with emotion, he wanted to cry.

As they came down from their high, they lay sweaty and still, staring at one another, trying to catch their breaths as they exchanged kisses. He stayed inside of her for a long time as they were both too overwhelmed by the moment to do anything else. Eventually House pulled out of her and rolled over onto his back, bringing Cuddy with him. She pulled the covers around them and rested her left leg in between his legs and he wrapped his arms protectively around her. Few, if any words, were said and it wasn't long until House heard Cuddy's soft snores. He continued to stroke her gently as he buried his nose in her soft raven locks and took in the scent of her sandalwood shampoo. Oh, how he had missed that scent.

He brought his lips close to her ear. "I love you," he whispered softly just before he closed his eyes and joined her in sleep.


	85. Chapter 85

**A/N:** Thank you to Cherokee Jedi for taking a peek and for giving me an idea that I ran with. I'm so glad I did! This chapter is a bit longer than the last few but it's worth it, at least I think so. I hope you will too.

Sorry it took two weeks to post this chapter. That was not my intention. I'd hoped to post this chapter last week but I really wanted to tweak it. Also, there's that thing called a muse. One can't write if one's muse is busy doing other things! :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House, M.D. If I did, the incredibly untalented Olivia Wilde never would've made it past season 4.

* * *

><p>On Friday morning House woke to an empty bed. He lifted his head and looked around the room as he rubbed the five-day stubble that graced his face.<p>

"Howse! Howse!" Rachel bounded into the room and tried to climb up on the bed.

"Inside voices, kid," he said. Mindful that he was naked beneath the sheets he stopped her before she got too far. "Hey, why don't you go ask mom to make us some breakfast and I'll be there in a minute."

"'Mmkay!" She yelled and ran out the way she came.

He sat up and spent several minutes massaging his thigh. It hurt more than usual but not as bad as it could get and for that he was thankful. He got up slowly and looked for his duffel bag but when he didn't find it, he realized Cuddy had unpacked it and put his things away. He shook his head. It was just like her to want to put everything in its place. Sure enough, he looked in the drawers she'd cleared for him the last time he was there, and there he found his clothes, neatly folded. He grabbed a pair of boxers, pajama pants and a tee shirt, put them on, found his cane and ambled down the hallway. As he entered the living room he smelled breakfast cooking. In the kitchen, he snuck up behind Cuddy and when Rachel began to giggle he put his finger over his lips to shush her.

"House!" Cuddy jumped when House grabbed her ass from behind. "You scared me to death you ass," she said as she set the plate of pancakes on the table.

"I'm telling! You said ass in front of Rachel," he teased.

"Mommy what's an ass?" Rachel asked curiously.

Cuddy frowned at House. He raised his hands in defense. "Hey, I didn't teach her that word."

"God I can see it now, the next time I'm at my mother's house, it'll be the first word out of her mouth and I'll never hear the end of it," she groaned.

"Blame me, I'm sure nothing I do anymore will shock her. Now, can I get a kiss?"

"Mommy, what's an ass?" Rachel asked yet again.

"Something House is twenty-three hours of the day," she snarked back as she glared at House.

House leaned close and whispered in her ear. "Oh sure, the entire hour you spend screaming my name in ecstasy, I'm a nice guy eh?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"Can I get a kiss now?"

"Mommy, you're not gonna kiss him?" Rachel watched them intently.

"See, even the rugrat wants you to kiss me."

"I not a rugrat," Rachel said defiantly.

House backed Cuddy up against the counter. "Oh come on give daddy a kiss." His bottom lip jutted out in a pout.

Cuddy raised an eyebrow and looked at him shocked. "Did you just say..."

"Quit analyzing and just kiss me." When their lips touched, they both let out a soft nearly inaudible moan.

"Mmm," he said as they broke apart. "Now that's what I'm talkin' about."

"Good morning to you too," she smiled.

"It was until I woke up to an empty bed," he said as he pulled away and grabbed the mug of coffee she'd poured for herself, and sat at the breakfast nook with Rachel.

Cuddy scrambled around the kitchen cleaning up and then took a seat at the kitchen island. "I've got to get Rachel ready for school and we've got to get to the hospital. Your lecture is at ten o'clock."

"But mooom, it's only seven," he whined.

"I know how long it takes you to get ready in the morning."

"You're not expecting me to wear a suit right? Because uh..I didn't bring one."

"Nope, your stuff's ready." She pointed to the utility room off the kitchen and hanging on the door there was a pair of khakis and pink shirt he'd brought with him. They were freshly pressed.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know," she said softly.

"Thanks," he said with complete sincerity.

Cuddy acted surprised. "Did you just thank me?"

"Oh shut up!"

"Now that's more like it." She smirked at him. "So...are you ready for today?"

"What's to be ready for? It's _just_ a lecture."

"What do you plan to talk about?"

"It's a surprise."

"Oh geez," she said.

"Wait, are you afraid I'll embarass you?"

She stopped buttering her toast and looked over at him. "I know you and that means I really have no idea what you'll do."

"Old habits die hard," he said, with a wink. "And speaking of hard..."

"House!" She warned. "Little ears."

At that moment they both looked over at Rachel who sat there giggling at them.

At nine forty-five Cuddy and Sharon arrived for the lecture and grabbed coffee and danish from a table in the back of the room before finding their seats. The lecture hall had filled quickly and it seemed that despite his reputation as a jerk, House could still attract a crowd. Cuddy looked around and noticed the audience consisted mostly of med students with faculty scattered throughout.

House walked in promptly at ten o'clock and Cuddy was surprised he had arrived on time. She watched him as he was approached by a few of her colleagues who shook hands with him as he entered. He seemed to be respectful towards them. Cuddy tilted her head noting his change of behavior. Normally he would've rolled his eyes and made some smartass remark by now, causing them to scurry away in the other direction. She wondered what was up with him. As she watched, she took in how he looked. He was handsome in his pink shirt and khakis and she had to chuckle at the sight of his brightly colored Nike Shox. _Some things never change_, she thought. She noticed he'd trimmed his beard back and combed his hair. _Yes_, she thought, _he's fucking hot_. Cuddy felt her lady parts stir and wondered what he'd say if he knew that. Her thoughts were interrupted when Dr. Baker took to the podium and after a brief introduction to the students and faculty, which included a background on the lecture series and a short bio on House, she introduced him. After initial applause, House took a seat on the small table next to the podium. Twirling his cane confidently, he began to speak.

"Seven years ago in Washington, DC, a 23-year old Congressional intern visited a primary care physician complaining of a high fever, extreme exhaustion, vomiting, and diarrhea..."

The lecture ran thirty minutes longer than expected and when House concluded, he received a hearty applause from the audience. His first lecture had been a success and he couldn't help but feel good about it. His professional demeanor was a far cry from the old days when he'd rip into med students and insult his fellow doctors. He had already decided at breakfast that morning that he didn't want to do anything during the lecture to embarass Cuddy in front of her peers. During the lecture it thrilled him to see Cuddy watching him with pride. Oddly enough, he didn't want to disappoint the woman who hired him either. Dr. Baker had been kind to him, despite his reputation and offered him an excellent opportunity to do something different and he was thankful for that. For once, he actually cared about how he presented himself. Though a few med students had tested his patience with what he thought were ridiculous questions, he held his tongue. Thinking about his change in behavior suddenly made House feel very anxious and he needed some space. He tried to make his way to the nearest exit but was continuously approached by faculty and students.

House looked over at Cuddy, hoping she could save him but it was no use for she was busy talking with colleagues. Looking around he saw no opportunity for escape, so he relented and answered questions.

Meanwhile, Dr. Baker approached Cuddy and Sharon who had just finished talking with a few colleagues. "Dr. House was amazing," she said. "But then we knew he would be. The students have a lot to learn from him and I think even our faculty enjoyed him too."

"It seems that way," Cuddy said. "He never ceases to amaze me." She looked back over at House who was engaged in what appeared deep conversation with a group of med students. Cuddy knew how much he hated lectures and the question and answer sessions afterwards but he appeared to be handling things well. She wondered what was up with his change in behavior.

"Lisa, can I be honest about something?" Baker asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Sure."

"Dr. House has a reputation for being such an ass. There are a lot of people who can't stand him and yet...when he gets up there and talks about medicine, it's like he's a different person. I've never understood it."

"He's different alright," she said still watching House, a slight smile gracing her face.

Dr. Baker watched the way Cuddy looked at House and laid a reassuring hand on her arm. "I'll never understand him but...you do and that's all that matters. Maybe that's all he needs," she whispered. "I've got a meeting, I'll talk to you later."

"Sure," Cuddy replied, surprised yet comforted by her colleague's words. Just as Dr. Baker left, House finally made his way over to Cuddy and Sharon.

"I see you were finally able to break free from your adoring fans."

"What can I say? They all want a piece of this," he said motioning up and down his body with one hand.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Of course they do. Listen...I'm so proud of you," Cuddy said as she squeezed his bicep. "You were amazing up there."

House looked down at her hand on his arm. "Is this all I get for behaving myself?"

"Geez, is that all you think about?" Sharon asked, jokingly.

"Don't blame me, blame my gender."

Sharon rolled her eyes at his comment and laughed. "Lisa, I'm outta here. You two...how about we do dinner before House leaves?"

"Sure," she said before her friend exited the room. She turned to House. "You really were great."

"Thank you. You think they'll want me back?"

"I'm sure they will."

"So...how about we grab lunch then head up to your office and break in the new desk."

"No and uh...no."

House gave her the pathetic look.

"Nice try. Seriously, I _can't_. I've got things I need to take care of. Why don't you take a tour around the city or something?"

"You want me to go _sightseeing_?"

"Why not? Boston has some great things to see. Lots of history."

An idea popped into his head. "Okay," he said.

"Wait. Okay? Just like that?" She eyed him curiously.

"What the hell? Do you want me to go or not?"

She handed him her keys. "Fine. Just pick me up on time okay?"

"Yes, Mistress," he turned towards the door and then back to her. "Before I go, can you do me a favor?"

House pulled up at the Cape Cod style administration building of the Shady Hill School in Cambridge. C He got out of the car and glanced over the private school campus. The school was constructed of grayish blue clapboard with large windows, beautiful trees and an expansive lawn that, though it was brown from the winter, was obviously well-maintained. A slight breeze was blowing and gave him a shiver as he stood there listening for a moment as it whispered through the leaves of the trees. _Yeah_, he thought. _This place isn't bad at all._ He limped into the administration building. As he approached the front desk, the middle-aged receptionist greeted him.

"May I help you sir?"

"I'm here to pick up Rachel Cuddy."

"Your name?"

"Gregory House."

The receptionist typed something into her computer and then looked at him suspiciously, over her bifocals. "May I see some identification please?"

House handed her his driver license and she scanned it and handed it back to him along with a clipboard. "Mr. House, please print your name, address and phone number and sign next to it."

House completed the form and the receptionist told him to have a seat. Cuddy hadn't batted an eye when he told her he wanted to take the little girl out for lunch. He'd rolled his eyes and pretended to ignore her when she'd insisted it not be fast food. Anyway, he had bigger plans for Rachel than just lunch. As he waited he gazed out the large picture window in the comfortable waiting area. He watched the small children at recess on the playground. They looked happy and carefree and he silently cursed adulthood and all the things that lay waiting for them when they grew out of their innocent stage. He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the patter of sneaker-clad feet.

"Howse!" Rachel yelled as she ran towards him.

"Rachel, there's no running in the building," chided the receptionist.

"Yes ma'am," she said as she approached her tall friend.

"She's a buzzkill isn't she?" House asked her with a wink. He glanced up and saw the receptionist frownat him. Rachel shook her head in agreement.

"Where we going?"

"We're taking the rest of the day off."

"We are?"

"Yep." He held out his hand and led her to the car.

"Well where we goin?"

"It's a surprise."

Her eyes got wide. "Really?"

"Yep." House buckled her into the backseat, got into the front, closed the door and drove off. Fifteen minutes later they pulled up in front of a large stone gray building with ten columns topped by a large dome.

"We're heeeere," he sang.

"Wow," Rachel said, her voice reflected her awe. "What's that?"

"This...is the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Museum."

"This is a museum?"

"Sure is."

"Wow, it's huge," she said as House unbuckled her and helped her out of the car.

"They've got all kinds of cool stuff, wait till you see it."

"Oh boy, I can't wait."

House led Rachel through the front doors of the massive structure and paid the admission fees. After warning Rachel not to stray away from him, they began walking through the marbled hallways looking at the number of exhibits. Rachel practically ran to the Science and Technology collection where House had wanted to take her. She was in absolute awe over the robots flanking the doors as they entered the area.

For the next three hours, they perused all kinds of exhibits from slide rules to stroboscopes, thermometers to telephones and cathode ray tubes to computers. Rachel asked a million questions and though it was generally against his nature, House never got tired of answering her. He couldn't help be but enthralled by her interest and fascination in science. House smirked. It reminded him so much of the younger Cuddy he'd met in med school. Once again he had to remind himself that Rachel was not Cuddy's biological daughter as she was so much like her mother, it was easy to forget.

His stomach rumbled and brought him out of his thoughts. "Hey squirt," he said. "Let's grab some lunch."

Rachel stood there, hands on her hips, bottom lip jutting out. House couldn't help but laugh. "We're coming _baaaack,_" he said. Rachel's pout turned into a smile as she ran over to him.

While House and Rachel were out having a fun at the museum, Cuddy was in the middle of her rounds. As she approached the nurse's station, someone called to her from behind.

"Lisa!"

She smiled at the familiar voice and turned to greet the tall, handsome man who approached her. It was Phil Resnick, one of the hospital's more prominent doctors. Though his specialty was internal medicine, he'd recently obtained a second specialization in endocrinology. A few weeks earlier, Cuddy had been asked to supervise him during his probation period since his original supervisor was on maternity leave. She liked Phil, he was a nice guy, very intelligent and funny, and an excellent doctor.

"Hi Phil," she said, smirking and looking down at her watch.

Phil put his hands up. "I know, I know. I'm late but had a snafu with a patient and it all went downhill from there."

"That's okay," she said with a smile. "We've got plenty of time."

They pulled some charts from the nurse's station and walked down the hall together chatting eagerly.

A few hours House sat in Cuddy's office, in the executive chair behind her desk, waiting for her to return. He and Rachel had finished the museum and decided to surprise Cuddy a little early hoping he could convince her to start the weekend sooner rather than later. He had looked forward to spending some serious quality time with them. He sighed with impatience and tapped his fingers on her desk as he watched Rachel reading a children's magazine Cuddy had on her table.

After a few more minutes, Rachel tired of reading. She looked up at House. "Howse, when's mommy coming back?" She whined.

"I don't know kid, I'm sure she'll be here soon." House played a game of hearts on his cell phone until he had the urge for something to drink. Remembering the vending machine in an alcove near Cuddy's office he got up and grabbed his cane.

"Rachel," he said, looking down at her sternly. "I am going just down the hall to get us something to drink. Do not leave this room for any reason okay?"

"Okay," she said looking up at him innocently.

House limped out the door and made sure he closed it securely behind him. He made his way down the short hallway and took a right towards the alcove where the vending machine was when he heard voices and a familiar laughter. Instinctively, he stepped back into the shadows until the source of the laughter came into view.

"Lisa, that's hysterical, did she really say that?" He heard the man say.

"Yes! I know, right?" Cuddy replied, laughing loudly.

House listened to their continued banter and then peeked around the corner and watched the interaction between Cuddy and her colleague. They were at the nurse's station and her colleague stood close to her. _Too close_. And he was smiling and his eyes never left Cuddy. House watched their interaction intently. His eyes got wide when she bit her bottom lip and ran her fingers through her hair smiling at her colleague as they talked. _Wait,_ he said to himself. _Is she flirting?_ His heart felt like it dropped into his stomach and he felt the familiar pangs of jealousy, much like he'd felt anytime he'd ever seen her interacting with other men.

"Hey how about we grab a late lunch?"

Cuddy looked at her watch. "Well...I _am_ hungry."

"Good. Let's go."

_What? _House was pissed. _She was too busy to have lunch with me but she can have lunch with him? _House watched angrily as Cuddy strolled down the hallway with her colleague, walking just a little too close for his liking. He thought about her body language a few moments ago. The way she bit her lip, tilted her head and ran her hand through her hair-suddenly he felt nauseous but remembering Rachel was waiting on him, he made his way back to her office and opened the door.

"Hey Rach, mom's uh...got things to do. I'm going to take you home." He gathered her backpack and adjusted the magazines so nothing would look out of place.

"What about mommy?"

"She'll meet us there later."

"Okay." Rachel got up from the couch and took House's hand and followed him out to the parking garage. As he buckled her in he kneeled in front of her.

"Look, don't say anything to mom about us going to her office today okay?"

"But why?"

"Because I don't want her to feel bad that we waited so long for her. She'll be sad that she didn't get to see us. It's gotta be our secret."

"Okay, I won't tell."

"Good."

When he arrived home, he gave Rachel a snack and put in a DVD for her. He walked out onto the back porch and stretched his legs, bending forward as far as he could to stretch his hamstrings before it became too painful. He wished he had a place to workout at the moment because he felt like he needed to work off the stress. He was angry and he wasn't sure why. He trusted Cuddy, she was a one-man woman and not the type of woman to cheat. But then again there was always this nagging voice in the back of his head telling him that he wasn't good enough for her, that there was always the possibility someone better could come along. He hadn't had those feelings as often as he once did when they were together previously, but now, feeling them again-he hated it. The more he thought about it, the more his leg hurt. He'd just put a new patch on his leg two days ago and he really didn't want to take the emergency medication.

Tired of thinking too much, he limped back inside the house and planted himself next to Rachel as they watched tractor pull races. About an hour later, his phone rang. He picked it up and saw it was Cuddy. He debated answering it but decided to let it go to voice mail. After a few minutes, he picked it up and listened to her message.

Cuddy stood at the nurse's station on her phone waiting for House to pick up. _That's odd,_ she thought. _He always answers when he knows it's me._ Finally, tired of calling him and getting no answer she left him a voice mail.

"House, it's me. Listen, I figured you guys would be here by now. Anyway, I'll take a cab home, maybe I'll meet you there. Call me when you can. Bye."

She disconnected and Phil walked over to her. "What's wrong Lisa?"

"Oh, nothing. I just...I need to call a cab."

"You going home?"

"Yeah."

"I can drive you."

She shook her head. "Oh Phil, that's nice of you but I can't ask you to do that."

"It's not really that far out of the way, I don't mind. You were nice enough to supervise my rounds, at least let me do this for you."

Cuddy hesitated but she was tired and Phil was being so nice to help her out. She smiled. "Okay."

Twenty minutes later, House was in the kitchen with Rachel preparing dinner when he heard the closing of a car door. He figured it was Cuddy's cab so he got up to take a look. When he did he frowned at what he saw. Parked in the driveway behind her sedan was a silver Audi sportscar. Cuddy was standing outside the car talking to _that guy_. House watched as the guy got out of the car and opened the door for her to get out, then walked her to the front door. _Such a fucking gentleman_, he thought. He turned quickly and headed back towards the kitchen. A moment later he heard the front door open and close.

"Hey, I'm home," Cuddy said when she walked in the door. She passed through the living room and noticed House's phone sitting on the end table. She heard voices in the kitchen and walked in that direction. When she entered, she found House at the sink and Rachel coloring at the breakfast nook. She walked over to Rachel and smiled.

"Hey honey," she said.

"Hi mommy!" Rachel gave her a kiss.

"Where were you guys today?" She asked.

House looked at Rachel and gave her a slight nod to remind her of the secret. "My leg was hurting so we came straight home. I was gonna call you."

"And yet you didn't."

"Guess I forgot," he said nonchalantly.

His answer and his attitude took her by surprise. "You _forgot_?" She knew that wasn't like him at all.

"Yeah. Sorry."

"House, are you okay?"

"Peachy." His back was still to her.

Cuddy wasn't satisfied with his answer. She ruffled Rachel's hair and then walked over to House and gently placed her hand on his arm. She noticed he flinched slightly. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," he insisted. "I told you, my leg hurts."

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for."

Knowing he wasn't being truthful but realizing she could not get more out of him at the moment, she asked, "You cooked dinner?"

"Nothing big, just a casserole."

"That was so nice. I'm not very hungry right now but maybe later."

"Really," he said flatly.

"I had a late lunch." When House seemed too preoccupied to engage her, she sighed. "You need help with anything?"

"Nope, I got it."

"Okay...well...guess I'll take a shower."

"Fine." He never looked up from his dishes and Cuddy didn't pry further.

Cuddy turned and exited the kitchen and as she made her way to her bedroom. She wondered what on earth had caused this sudden change in his behavior. He seemed cold and distant and not at all like he'd been earlier in the day. She couldn't help but think about times in the past when House had reverted to his non-communicative ways. When he put his walls up, he was protecting himself. Suddenly, thoughts of House's old ways sent a shiver up her spine. She knew all too well what _could_ happen, what _had_ happened in the past when he withdrew. Despite all the progress he'd made, she still worried there might come a time when he might turn to other means for help before he would turn to her. She stripped off her clothes and looked into the bathroom mirror, then hung her head and chided herself for being so ridiculous. Once again she was overthinking and overanalyzing. There was obviously something on his mind and he would talk to her when he was ready.

At least that's what she hoped.


	86. Chapter 86

**A/N:** Big thanks to MystryGAB, Dr Diagnostic and Cherokee Jedi for discussing something with me that I had planned to include in this chapter but decided at the last minute not to. It could've been one hell of an amazing scene but...it might have added much more to this story than I had planned and would require a heck of a lot of deep digging into the psyche than is necessary.

Kudos to MystryGAB, GratefulInsomniac, Harper Penn, GiveMeKevinBacon, Dr. Diagnostic, Ms Orton, PartyPantsCuddy, AnonymousBrit, Allthingsdecent and everyone else doing updates and writing new stories.

One more special shout out. The author Raffinit wrote a story a few years ago titled "Reach for Me and I'll Save You From The Darkness". She was fifteen years old when she wrote it and it really was a good story. Now, years later she is doing a complete rewrite. She's just posted the first chapter. Go ahead...take a look!

**_Disclaimer: _**_I don't own House, if I did, the show would've had a kickass 7th and 8th season resulting in its inclusion on the recently released Entertainment Weekly's Top 100 Television Shows. It would not have in fact, been left out and bested by the likes of...dear God...dare I say...Beavis and Butthead. _

_Speaking of Beavis & Butthead...anyone heard from Shore & Yaitanes lately? :D_

* * *

><p>While Cuddy showered, House continued his cleanup of the kitchen. He hated shutting her out but he didn't want to talk to her while he was angry because he was afraid he'd say something hurtful. His father's words came back to him. <em>If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.<em> A hell of a time to listen to him, he thought to himself. Still, he was trying to change some things about himself and one of them was not to lash out in anger towards the people he cared about if he could help it. That was a very short list as it was and he couldn't afford to lose them.

As he washed the last pan, he looked out the window over the sink into the backyard. The grass had long since turned brown and the trees had lost their leaves. Fall was his favorite time of year, though he didn't think anyone actually knew that. As he looked at the piles of leaves in the backyard, he felt the corners of his mouth turn upwards. His mind flashed back to a moment when he was around six years old.

_"Gregory House, go put your jacket on."_

_"Aww mom."_

_"Greg listen to your mother."_

_"Yes, sir." Greg retrieved his jacket from the chair on the patio and put it on. He picked up his smaller, plastic rake and ran over to his dad._

_"Can I help?"_

_"I've got it."_

_"Please?"_

_"Oh, John let him help you," Blythe said from her place in the garden._

_John House sighed. "Okay. Let's rake them over to that pile over there." He pointed to a big pile in the middle of the backyard._

_Greg was happy. He liked helping his dad. He took his little rake and though he could move only a handful or two of leaves at a time, he was successful in clearing a tiny area._

_"Look dad, I did it." Greg stood proudly next to a leafless circle._

_John smiled at him. "I guess you did son. Hey, you know what we used to do when I was a kid?"_

_"What?"_

_"We'd find the biggest pile of leaves and then jump in it."_

_"Oh can we do that dad?"_

_"I'm too old for that now son."_

_"No you're not!" He yelled excitedly._

_"Son, I worked all morning to clean up this yard."_

_"Oh come on dad, pleeeeease?" Greg begged and then looked over at his mother hoping she would convince his father to say yes._

_His mother chuckled. "Oh John, have a little fun every now and then."_

_Finally, John gave in and nodded his head toward the pile of leaves. A very happy Greg let his rake fall to the ground and ran toward the pile of leaves. He took a flying leap and fell into it, laughing as he spit leaves out of his mouth and removed them from his face._

"Howse?"

House was brought back to the present when he looked down and saw Rachel standing next to him holding her empty glass up to him.

"Can I have some more milk please?"

House looked down at her innocent eyes and for a moment he saw himself in them. It hit him that when he was that young, the world was big and fascinating, and fun. His parents were fun too. At that age, he depended on everyone around him for his every need. He had to admit, he was a happy boy at that time in his life. Looking at Rachel, he realized how much he wanted to impart on her some of the good things he'd experienced in his own childhood, long before everything changed.

"Sure, kid," he said as he took the glass from her.

* * *

><p>Cuddy dried off and dressed in a warm fleece sweatshirt, yoga pants, and socks. She put moisturizer on her face and fixed her ponytail before she went into the living room and sat on the couch, tucking her sock-clad feet underneath her. At that moment, House walked out of the kitchen behind Rachel. The little girl immediately veered towards her mother and sat down next to her. House sat at the piano. Neither of them said a word though they glanced at each other occasionally.<p>

"So, what did you do today?" She asked Rachel.

"Howse got me from school early today and took me to the museum."

Cuddy raised her eyebrows in surprise. "He did?" She asked, their eyes meeting. House had asked her to call the school to authorize him to pick her up but he'd said it was to take her to lunch. She wasn't upset, rather her heart warmed at the thought that he would do something like that.

"Yeah and I saw strobothingies and robots and all kinds of neat stuff."

"So you had a good time with House?"

"Uh huh." Rachel went on enthusiastically about the museum. House played his music softly as he listened to Rachel go on and on about all their excursion at the museum. Rachel was absolutely mesmerized by the holograph displays and so Cuddy leaned over and grabbed her laptop from the coffee table and she looked up holograms and explained them as best she could to Rachel. A few hours later, it was past Rachel's bedtime so Cuddy tucked her in and read her a story. When she returned to the living room about a half hour later, she found House still at the piano; his eyes closed, his fingers drifting lightly over the keys. She leaned against the wall of the living room watching him for a few minutes.

She hated to interrupt him but they really needed to talk. "Why didn't you tell me you were at the hospital today?"

House stopped playing and looked at her curiously.

"Rachel let it slip," she answered before he could even ask.

"Oh."

"Yeah." She walked over to the couch and sat down again. "Are you ready to tell me what's bothering you?"

He glanced at her then started playing again.

Cuddy leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her hands clasped together nervously.

He stopped playing abruptly and looked at her with a serious expression. "We stopped by your office this afternoon to see if we could talk you into leaving early." He added, "You know...spend some quality time together."

"Okay," she said hesitantly wondering where he was headed.

"And then I found out you were already spending _quality time_ with someone."

"Quality time with someone?" She repeated. Cuddy looked confused and then it hit her. "You mean _Phil_?"

"Don't need to know his name."

"House, he's just a colleague. I'm supervising his _rounds_."

"You call all your subordinates by their first names?"

"It's not what you think."

"Really, what am I thinking?" He asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

Cuddy was flustered and becoming angry herself. "I don't _know_ but...you are acting ridiculous."

"If the tables were turned and you saw me fawning all over some chick at the hospital, you'd be pissed."

"You think I _fawned_ all over him?" She asked loudly.

"I know what I saw."

She stood and walked towards the piano. "House, that's not what you saw," she refuted.

He got up from the piano and faced her. "I guess I can't blame you. He's smart, good looking and probably hasn't crashed his car into anyone's home. I'd say there's a pretty good reason to fawn don't you?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She was yelling now. "You saw me talking to a colleague, that's it. A _colleague_."

"You were flirting with him!" He yelled back, pointing his cane at her.

"No, I-"

He interrupted. "You flipped your hair, bit your bottom lip, and tilted your head."

"Oh come on, don't you think you're overreacting?" _She hadn't done that intentionally, had she?_

"And then your knight in shining armor figured out you didn't have a ride home so he offered to drive you in his _sportscar_ and walk you to the door."

"God, he was just being _nice_." He was really getting on her last nerve.

"Yeah, nice. He wants down your pants," he said, emphatically.

"Dammit House!" She got right up in his face. "Must you analyze everything to death? I don't understand this. I mean this morning everything was great. One minute we're fine and then next you're..." her hands were flailing wildly now, "acting like a crazy person."

"And there it is!" He exclaimed. "I wondered when you'd get around to that."

"What?"

"Calling me crazy."

"I didn't mean it _literally_."

"Really? Are you sure? Because I'm pretty goddamned sure I've given you plenty of justification."

Cuddy shook her head adamantly. She put her hands up defensively. "I am _not_ getting into this with you because no one will win. I don't even know why we're arguing."

"Let me refresh your memory. I was pissed because I caught you throwing yourself at your underling."

She looked at him with fire in her eyes. "And I told you that I didn't," she said through gritted teeth.

_"Mommy?"_

Suddenly they both turned and looked towards the hallway to see Rachel standing there crying, her stuffed dog held tightly to her chest.

"Oh my God." She glanced at House briefly then ran over to Rachel, picked her up and tried to comfort her. A moment later she turned around and before she knew it, House had slammed the door behind him.

* * *

><p>Back in Princeton, Wilson had just gone to bed after a long day at the hospital, when his cell phone rang.<p>

"Nooooo!" He yelled. He covered his head and let it go to voice mail. The problem was it rang again...and again. Someone was calling him relentlessly and he knew there was only one person who would do that. He clicked on the lamp next to the bed and sat up and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. Looking at the caller ID he growled.

"House, this better be good. I was sleeping."

"And now you're not."

Wilson rubbed his tired face. "Okay what is it?"

"I had a fight with Cuddy."

"What in hell did you do?"

"Why do you think it was _my_ fault?"

"Because it's always _your_ fault."

"Not helping here."

"Okay, why were you fighting?"

"Something about me accusing her throwing herself at a subordinate."

"Huh?" Wilson was confused.

"In a nutshell, I caught her flirting with a colleague. She asked me what was wrong so I told her."

"You couldn't tell her in a way that wouldn't start a huge fight?"

"Have you met me?"

On the other end, Wilson sighed and rubbed his hand over his tired face. "Are you sure she was flirting?"

"I know every move that woman makes and why she makes it."

"Of course you do," he replied facetiously.

For a moment there was silence.

"So now what?" Wilson asked impatiently.

"There's more."

"What?"

"Rachel caught us arguing."

"Shit."

"Yeah. I guess we got too loud and woke her up."

"So, what happened?"

"I don't know. I left."

"You ran away?"

"Nooo. Need I remind you I can't run? I got in the car and drove to a park down the street from her house. That's where I am now."

"You gotta make this right."

"Why do I always have to make it right?"

"Look, nobody knows Cuddy better than you do. Cuddy is not the cheating type. I don't see her flirting with anyone intentionally either. You know how she feels about you."

"I didn't say she would cheat."

"So what's the problem?"

"She could do better."

"Than who?_ You?_" Wilson groaned loudly and laid back on the bed. "I thought we were all resigned to the fact that you're what she wants...what she needs. Goddamnit House are we going down this road again?"

"I can't help it."

"You've got to get over your insecurities. Cuddy loves you. You love her."

"What if love isn't enough?"

"You have a_ past_."

"Exactly."

"House, every time something happens with you guys, you always start worrying. You get insecure and you think the end is near."

"I can't help it. It's what usually happens."

"No, it's what _happened." _He stressed the past tense. "Past-tense, things change. Seriously. Just go back there and talk to her. You have to be honest with her about why it bothered you."

"If I tell her that, she'll think I don't trust her."

"Did you just hear yourself? You gave her a hard time about flirting with a guy. She probably already thinks you don't trust her."

"Oh yeah. God I hate it when you're right." House groaned.

"Wait, can I get that on tape?" Wilson asked, amused. "Okay in all seriousness House, learn from your mistakes. You guys need to talk this out. Keeping things in and letting them fester...you know where that leads you."

"I can apologize for yelling at her but I don't know if I can apologize for how I felt about what I saw."

"I'm not saying you should. You have every right to your feelings House. Besides, it's about time you stop shouldering all the blame when something goes wrong. But you have to not just tell her that it upset you but you have to tell her how it made you feel. She needs to know."

House sighed and absorbed the advice. Wilson was right. Seeing that guy with Cuddy made him feel insecure. He just didn't know how to tell her that without feeling like an idiot.

"You still with me House?" Wilson asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah. So what about Rachel?"

"That's a tough one. You both just have to talk to her. Rachel's a bright kid. It'll be okay."

"Jesus, Wilson. I can't screw this up."

Wilson laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Stop worrying about screwing up. Of course you're going to screw it up. Cuddy's going to screw it up too. It happens to _everyone_. You're not _that_ special House." He laughed again. "Look, it's not that you screw up, it's _how you fix it_ that matters in the end."

* * *

><p>Enough angst for ya? :)<p> 


	87. Chapter 87

**A/N:** Wow, tonight everyone on Twitter seems to be reminiscing over Huddy. A nice trip down memory lane but also sad. Remember, no matter what, they can't take the good memories away from us!

Thanks to Cherokee Jedi who took a look and had not one single recommendation for edit. Now we all need to give her a friendly shove in the right direction so she will crank out that next long-awaited chapter of Safety!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own House. If I did, Cuddy would have walked into that sham of a wedding at House's apartment, grabbed him by the tie and yelled, **"SNAP OUT OF IT!"** and then turned around and bitch-slapped that Ukrainian knish-making masseuse whore and kicked her ass right out of Princeton. And that, my friends, is how "Fall From Grace" should've ended.

Okay so where were we? It's Friday night...

* * *

><p>Cuddy spent the better part of an hour trying to get Rachel back to bed. By the time she did, House still hadn't returned home. She tried to call his cell phone but it went directly to voice mail. She couldn't imagine where he'd gone. As she sat in the rocking chair by the front window, she looked out, hoping she'd see her car pull up into the driveway. When another half-hour passed, she decided to call Sharon, just because she needed a friend.<p>

"Hi Lisa," Sharon answered.

"Hey, are you busy?"

"Not really. Hannah's asleep, I'm just reading. What's up?"

"House and I got into an argument, Rachel walked into the middle of it and he took off."

"Geez, I'm sorry Lisa, and your first night together again too. That sucks. What was the fight about?" Sharon put down her book and diverted all her attention to her friend.

"He and Rachel came by the hospital today to see if I could leave early. He saw me talking to Phil Resnick and accused me of flirting with him."

"Resnick...I don't think I've met him."

"New guy in our department. I'm supervising his rounds for a few months."

"Okay. So...umm...were you flirting?"

"No...of course not!" Cuddy stated defensively. She added, "At least I didn't think so. It wasn't intentional. Besides, if there's one thing House knows about me, it's that I would never cheat in a relationship. _Ever_."

"I'm sure he does but old habits die hard and from what you've told me, his life is littered with disappointment and the people he counted on most seemed to give up on him eventually. Maybe you should try looking at this from his point of view."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say you were visiting him in Princeton and you went to the hospital and saw him laughing and flirting with one of the female doctors."

Cuddy laughed out loud. "_That_ would never happen."

"Just go with me on this."

_"Okay,"_ Cuddy relented.

"So you're excited about spending some time with him and then you see him flirting. How would you feel?"

"It's just hard because...well...House would never do that."

Sharon sighed loudly. "You're not making this easy," she said.

"Sorry."

"Okay forget that scenario. Were you ever jealous of him with any woman?"

"Yeah, twice. There was his ex-girlfriend, Stacy."

"Okay good, _now_ we're getting somewhere."

"When her husband was sick, she came back to the hospital asking for House's help, I worried there might still be something there. I was right."

"What happened?"

"House had never really gotten over her. He pushed her away in anger after the infarction. She just couldn't put up with the anger and guilt anymore so she left. They never had closure and he never had the strength to move on so when she came back needing his help, it brought back all those feelings again between them."

"Even though she was married?"

"Yeah. They slept together a few times before she left again for good. Wilson told me that House asked Stacy to leave Mark for him. At first she couldn't do it but then she decided she would. A few days later, he'd changed his mind. He told her he couldn't do it, that he wouldn't change for her and things would be like they once were. And that was it, she packed up that night and was gone for good."

"So how did all that make you feel?"

"I had feelings for him back then but I was his boss and he'd changed and become a harsh, angry person after the infarction. There was no way I could even think of a relationship with him. We were adversaries most of the time, kept each other at arm's length and it worked for us. I resigned myself to the fact that we could never be together. But even then, I still cared about him very much and I worried she would break his heart again. When I found out she was leaving, I was actually relieved."

"And what was the other time?"

"He told me recently that he'd met a woman at Mayfield, the psychiatric hospital he'd been in. She visited her sister-in-law often and she and House got to know one another. Apparently she didn't pass judgment on his past and she was easy to talk to. He said he felt _comfortable_ with her."

Sharon noted a hint of anger in that last sentence. "Was there anything serious to their..._relationship?_"

"No, but they had sex...once."

"And that was it?"

Cuddy sighed deeply. Talking about Lydia was hard but she couldn't just pretend it didn't happen.

"He thought he might've felt something for her but when he found out she was moving, he showed up unannounced on her doorstep and found out she had kids and she didn't want to leave her family. He didn't say it but I could tell it hit him pretty hard. He said something good came of it though because she helped him open up and realize that he could feel something again. I guess I should be thanking her for _that_ huh?"

"Lisa, it was obviously a very terrifying time in his life. That he was able to make a meaningful connection with another human being during that time is significant."

"When he went to Mayfield I missed him so much. I missed him every single day. I kept going over everything that had happened in the past year, wishing I would've been a better friend, seen the signs. I hated myself. I wanted to be the woman he confided in, the one who made him better. It just hurt that he turned to someone else."

"But you didn't have that kind of relationship then," Sharon reminded her.

"No, we didn't. We were never on the same page."

"Try looking at it differently. Instead of still feeling guilty that you couldn't save him, be thankful there was _someone_ to help him get to the point where you and he could finally take that next step. Because remember, he didn't take that step with her, he took it with _you_."

"You can put a positive spin on anything, can't you?" She asked, feeling a bit lighter.

"I'm that good." Sharon laughed. She was glad Lisa was in a better mood.

"I'm just trying to help you see his side of things. I hope it's working."

"It is. Talking to you always makes me feel better."

"Ditto. That's what friends are for."

"Sharon, you want to know what's really crazy?"

"What?"

"When my anger at him for what he did to me started to subside and I thought about how he was doing, I wondered if he'd found someone else. Even though I'd hoped he'd found a way to move on, in my heart I hoped he hadn't found anyone. It wasn't because I wanted him to be miserable, oddly enough I didn't, at least not later on. I just didn't want him to be able to give his heart to another woman. Does that make me a bad person for feeling that way?"

"No hon, it just makes you _human_."

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><p>Around ten-thirty, House limped into the bedroom and found Cuddy buried under the covers and sound asleep. Part of him had hoped she would still be awake so they could talk. Then again, he thought maybe it was better to sleep on it and talk in the morning when they were thinking more rationally.<p>

He quietly stripped down to his briefs and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower and brush his teeth. When he emerged a half hour later, he was dressed in pajama pants and a tee shirt. He slid under the covers facing Cuddy. As he looked at her in the dark, her features barely visible in the soft glow of the nightlight, he reached his hand forward to push a stray hair out of her face, careful not to wake her. As he watched her, House remembered all of the nights when they were together, when he'd wake up in the middle of the night unable to sleep all the way through because of the pain in his leg or something else on his mind. He'd often watch her and wonder how he got so lucky. _A guy like me doesn't deserve a woman like her,_ he'd say to himself. With that would come the worry that he was inevitably going to do something stupid and push her away. He only hoped when he did, they could still work together. Sure, she was the one who would hire him but more importantly he couldn't imagine his life without her in it.

Cuddy sighed in her sleep and emanated an unintelligible word, then rolled over on her right side away from him. House rolled over on his back and put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He trusted Cuddy and he knew she would never cheat, it just wasn't who she was. And yet he was practically accusing her of wanting to. Sure, she flirted and that bothered him but really the more he thought about it, the more he realized it wasn't intentional. Cuddy had an open, extroverted personality and people were drawn to her. When she smiled it lit up a room. It was one of the reasons he loved her.

Love.

He loved Cuddy more than he ever thought he could love anyone. His was overwhelmed with feelings he could never explain. Sometimes it thrilled him but most times it scared him to death. He never thought he could feel that way again after Stacy. After she left him, he swore he would never trust his heart to anyone else. He just couldn't handle the pain. It had taken him years to get over Stacy. He couldn't go through that again.

He lay there thinking about Stacy and how she was doing. They hadn't talked since he forced her out of his life again for good during Mark's recovery. He wondered if she and Mark had stayed together, if they'd had any children. He smirked at that thought. Stacy had never wanted any kids, not while they were together. She was a busy career woman and he just wasn't the fatherly type. House knew Mark was different. He was a steady, responsible, nurturing guy who would probably want kids. Though House was initially jealous of Mark, deep down he knew he was what Stacy needed. Stacy craved a man who was mature, responsible, and emotionally available. That was never House.

Until now.

Though it was still hard for him to open himself up at times, and let himself just be happy and enjoy the moment without reservations, he knew he wasn't the same man now that he was back then. He never wanted to be that way again if he could help it. Despite all that had happened between them, he had the woman of his dreams sleeping next to him. He already knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He didn't consider himself the marrying kind but stranger things had happened. After all, he never thought of himself as father material and yet he was incredibly fond of Rachel and she was of him, and to his surprise, he was actually okay with that. He smiled to himself thinking about that but it was quickly followed by a frown. _I'm getting way ahead of myself here,_ he thought. Before he could even think about the future, he needed to deal with the present.

He drifted into a deep sleep as he pondered how he would do that.

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><p>Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment on the way out!<p> 


	88. Chapter 88

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for the comments, I really appreciate them. Thanks to DrDiagnostic for the music discussion and also to Cherokee Jedi who took a peek at this days ago and who told me to get my ass off Twitter and get this thing edited and posted.

I've got a third of the next chapter done. I'm trying to get two chapters ahead. I will post again soon. Weekly updates at the longest, but maybe another extra chapter sometime this week!

We're moving right along here. It's Saturday morning in Boston.

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><p>House groaned and turned over on his back, his arm falling on the other side of the bed, which he found empty. He raised himself up and looked over at the clock which read six-thirty. He supported his leg as he swung it over the side of the bed. As he rubbed his unshaven face, he listened for any signs of life. There were none. He assumed Rachel was sleeping and Cuddy was busy with her morning yoga. He rubbed his thigh which hurt like hell. He knew he needed to get some therapy in soon. He grabbed his cane and pushed himself off the bed. After taking care of business in the bathroom, he ambled into the living room, first passing Rachel's room and noticing upon looking in that she wasn't there. He smelled coffee and limped into the kitchen and found a note on the counter in front of the pot.<p>

_"Ran to the store, be back in a few. There's coffee. -C"_

He smirked and put the note in the pocket of his pajama pants, then poured himself some coffee and sat at the breakfast nook with the newspaper that had been placed there for him. He was absorbed in his reading for a few minutes when he heard voices near the back door. Before he could get up to open the door, Cuddy already had her key in the lock. She pushed it open and let Rachel in first, encouraging her daughter to keep her voice down in case House was still asleep. Upon entering the kitchen they noticed him sitting here.

"Howse, you're up!" Rachel placed her smaller bag on the chair at the breakfast nook and ran over to give House a hug. This took him by surprise and he welcomed her in his arms as he looked up at Cuddy, who just shrugged her shoulders.

"I missed you last night," she said.

He rubbed her hair. "I missed you too, kid."

Cuddy thought it might be a good time to talk to House. "Rach, why don't you watch cartoons while I make breakfast?"

"Okay mommy," Rachel said as she ran out of the kitchen.

Cuddy closed the back door behind her and took off her coat. "It's cold out there," she said as she hung it on the hook next to the door.

House grunted his acknowledgement and kept reading the paper. There was tension in the air and he desperately wanted to say something but he couldn't. He wanted to apologize to her for his accusations last night but something prevented him. He knew what he wanted to say and yet the thoughts refused to manifest themselves into words.

Meanwhile, Cuddy put away the groceries as she thought about the right words to apologize to him for their fight. Talking to Sharon last night really helped her put things in perspective and when she looked at the situation from House's point of view, things fell into place and she understood better why he'd been so upset. Apologies weren't easy for her but she wanted to do the right thing. She and House had been doing so well and she didn't want the rest of his very short visit to be wasted being angry at one another. But just as she was going to finally say something, sounds of piano music could be heard in the other room.

"Sounds like my cue," House said suddenly, pushing himself from the table and limping into the living room leaving Cuddy to sigh sadly at their missed opportunity.

In the next room, House took a seat next to Rachel at the piano. "Hey rugrat."

"I not a rugrat."

"Yeah you are. I thought you were going to watch cartoons."

"Nah, I changed my mind."

"Wanna play something for me?"

"Okay" she said, nodding her head. She placed her fingers on the piano and began to play. At first House was amused by her stern look of concentration, but as she took her time warming up, being deliberate about her motions, she seemed to relax though her eyes were firmly focused on what she was doing. As she played Beethoven's _Fur Elise_, he was in awe of her ability to play it without sheet music. The tune brought back memories of his childhood for _Fur Elise_ was one of the first pieces his mother taught him as a child. The simplicity of it, its grace unrivaled, evoked emotions of calmness and felicity within him.

As House and Rachel sat at the piano, Cuddy quietly stepped out of the kitchen and leaned against the doorway watching them, their backs to her as they sat close together. It warmed her heart to see her two favorite people in the world sitting next to each other sharing something that was extremely important to both of them-music. She watched and listened to their interaction.

Rachel played a bit more, though hesitant at times and then sighed in frustration as she took her fingers off the keys.

"Why'd you stop?" House asked.

"I keep messing up that part."

"Are you kidding? You did great, kid."

"I have to get this right cause I wanna play it at my recital."

"You've got a recital?"

"Uh huh. Next week. Can you come?" She looked at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"I don't know, I'll be back home." Honestly he had no idea if he could make it, he didn't have another lecture scheduled for two weeks. He didn't want to disappoint her by making a promise he couldn't keep.

Rachel pouted and House couldn't stand it when she did that. Finally he rolled his eyes and said, "I'll try but I can't promise."

She looked up at him beaming. "Okay!"

Cuddy watched them and tried not to laugh. She shook her head at how easily Rachel had House wrapped around her finger, though he would deny it. She thought about all the times early in their former relationship that she had worried House would not be a positive influence on Rachel and how very wrong she'd been about that.

"Now, if you want to have a good recital you have to keep practicing," he said.

"Will you play it for me?"

"Sure." As he began to play the same song for her, albeit more softly, he watched as she smiled and watched his fingers glide effortlessly across the keys. He thought it was a good time to discuss what happened the previous night. He was still unaware they were being watched.

"Did you sleep okay?" He asked, looking down at her.

"Yeah."

"No nightmares or anything?"

She shook her head no.

"Listen, you saw something last night that upset you, right? Me and your mom arguing?"

She shook her head yes.

"Wanna talk about it?"

She shrugged her shoulders."Mommy and I talked. I told her I don't like when you and her fight."

"I don't either kiddo but sometimes adults don't always agree and...they don't know how to handle their anger," he said as his fingers continued to glide over the keys.

"Mommy tells me when I get angry about something, I should try to think happy thoughts and the anger will go away."

Cuddy smiled when she heard this. Before Rachel had started school she sat down and talked to her about how to deal with kids in her class who might not always be nice to her.

"She did?"

"Uh-huh. Maybe you could do that."

House chuckled. "It's not that easy."

"But you could try, right?" She looked at him with those big expressive eyes. The way she looked at him and up to him made House want to do everything he could not to disappoint her.

"Yeah, I guess I could." He finished playing and took his hands off the keys and placed them in his lap. "Rachel, I'm really sorry I yelled at your mom. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry I made you cry."

"It's okay. Mommy told me you didn't mean it. She didn't either."

"Were you scared?"

"A little. I don't want you to leave."

"What would make you think I would?"

"Missy Thornton told me that her parents fight all the time, that's why her daddy moved out and didn't come back."

House hung his head. He hated that at such a young age, kids were having to deal with that kind of shit.

"Listen, your mom and I have known each other a really long time, you know that right?"

She nodded her head.

"We argue as a way of...communicating."

She looked at House confused.

"Your mom and I have _always_ argued and we probably always will argue but sometimes we do it because...it's the only way we know how to talk to each other. But it doesn't mean we don't care about one another..._or you_."

Cuddy watched and her eyes filled with tears.

"Mommy says that people who love each other have fights."

"Well, she's right."

Rachel continued. "She said that sometimes they keep things in so they don't hurt each other and then all the sudden something happens and they 'splode."

He smirked. "They 'splode eh?"

"Uh huh."

"Can I trust you with a secret?"

"Yeah!" She looked at him excitedly. He knew she loved secrets.

"Your mom is one smart woman," he whispered. Cuddy wiped her eyes and went back into the kitchen.

House stretched his fingers out in front of him. "Now, mini-me, what else would you like to hear?"

The three enjoyed a rather quiet breakfast with little talk between House and Cuddy as they spent most of the time listening to Rachel go on about school, the museum, her friends, the recital and other things. Around ten o'clock Sharon stopped by to take Rachel with them to the park as they'd arranged the night before, mostly so House and Cuddy could have some time alone. House was on the phone with his team and Rachel was in her room getting her jacket.

"Thanks for doing this, Sharon."

"No problem, there's a magic show going on at the park and the girls will love it. You guys need some time alone right now."

"I'm glad we talked last night, it really helped me see some things clearly."

"I'm glad, hon." She squeezed Cuddy's arm. "Lisa, I'm going to stop at the store with the girls later to pick up dessert for tonight. Anything special?"

"About tonight..." Cuddy started, a bit apprehensive.

From the tone of her voice, Sharon caught on quickly and interrupted her. She put her hands up. "Say no more. You guys need some qualify family time. You and I can catch up next week. Listen, how much time do you _need_ this morning?" She raised her eyebrow knowingly.

"We're just going to talk."

"Mmm hmm." She said matter-of-factly, then looked at her watch. I'll bring her back around one. That'll give you plenty of time to..._talk_."

Cuddy rolled her eyes just as Rachel bounded into the room. "I'm ready!" She yelled.

"Good, let's go. Hannah's waiting in the car."

Cuddy hugged Rachel before she bounded out the door ahead of Sharon who was still laughing at Cuddy. The house was quiet save for the muted conversation House was having with his team in the bedroom. Cuddy went back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up. She was nearly done when she heard the telltale thump of his cane behind her.

"Everything okay?" She asked without turning around.

"Yeah, Stevens is just being a pain in the ass but they're fine." He didn't really want to talk about the team at the moment. "Is the kid gone?"

"Yeah." She answered turning around, dishtowel in her hands. "Listen...I heard what you said to Rachel earlier. I wanted to thank you."

He tapped his fingers on the table nervously. "I felt bad the kid overheard what happened last night."

"Me too."

She put the dishtowel down and leaned on the kitchen island. "We should talk."

"Yeah," he replied quietly.

"Let's go in there," she nodded toward the living room. "I'll get us some coffee first." She got two clean mugs and filled them with coffee and topped with french vanilla creamer, then followed him into the living room. She set the mugs on the coffee table and they each took a seat at opposite ends of the couch facing one another.

"Cuddy-"

"House, wait." She interrupted with her hand up. "Let me go first."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry."

He gave her a slightly confused look.

"I took some time to see things from your point of view and I realized how that must have looked to you yesterday. Phil Resnick and I are only colleagues. He's a very nice guy and funny too but I had no intention of flirting with him and I'm sorry that it appeared that way."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You talked to Sharon didn't you?"

"How did you know?"

He shrugged. "I know you. Besides, I talked to Wilson."

_Naturally, _she thought_. _They both laughed.

"I'm sorry too," he said.

"For what? You didn't do anything wrong."

"For giving you the impression I didn't trust you."

"Do you...trust me?"

"Of course I do." He tried to reassure her.

"I'd never cheat on you."

"I know that."

"Then what made you feel that way yesterday?"

House leaned back and stared at the ceiling a moment. "It's hard to explain. I'm still working through that feeling that everything's gonna come crashing down on me. I...there are times I wonder how you can love a guy who is in so much pain...who's as screwed up as me inside and out. And then there's this...fucking leg that stops me from being able to do normal things. I can't...do certain things with you...with Rachel."

Cuddy watched him sulk a little after that revelation.

"There's more to you than your leg."

"I know that, it's just...hey I can't help it sometimes."

"We all have pain, House. We're all screwed up and we all have shit we have to learn to live with. And your leg? I never loved you any less because of it. I never saw it as a weakness. The only thing about your leg that bothers me is the pain it causes you because when you hurt, I hurt. The thing is, I want to feel your pain, I want to help you through it. I don't ever want you to feel like you're going through it alone. House, I want you to know that I'm working on my issues too. It's not easy. I'm trying so hard not to think about what _could_ happen and just enjoy what _is_ happening but still I try to anticipate every possible outcome and how I'll deal with it ahead of time. I still feel the need to be prepared for the worst."

"Except we can't predict everything. As we've both learned," he said.

"Yeah."

"What scares you Cuddy? _About us?" _He asked unexpectedly.

She looked down and picked at her nail polish. "There are times I can't help but think about what happened in the days after we broke up. I never felt so alone and empty before and I couldn't deal with that again. I feel like if we fight one too many times, one of us is going to push the other away and then..." She drifted off not wanting to finish with the obvious.

House stepped in. "I need you to know that I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you. Those things I did when you broke up with me-"

She interrupted him because she knew what he was alluding to. "It wasn't the hookers that bothered me, I mean not them specifically, I was more upset that you had spiraled out of control after being sober so long and that you hadn't even given me a chance to regret my decision. I knew it was just sex, a way for you mask the pain. While I sat at home every single night crying miserably, trying to figure out how to deal with it, you were off trying not to feel anything."

He nodded his head slowly in agreement. "It hurt, you know that. I did that because...well...they were a distraction." He tapped his cane on the floor nervously.

"Yeah. Until..." She took a deep breath. She knew she had to bring it up. It was one of those things that further placed a wedge between them after the breakup, ensuring no chance of a reconciliation.

"That..._woman_ you married."

House stopped tapping his cane and looked up at her. He knew this would come up eventually. It had to if they were ever going to really deal with the past and put it behind them. He never forgot the look of devastation he'd placed on her beautiful face that night.

"I'd hoped you would stop me," he said quietly.

"I almost did stop you but...I was hoping you'd do it yourself. I was hoping you were just pulling another one of your stupid stunts, that you were just bluffing."

"I was...but then...it was too late."

"Yeah, I know. Is it crazy that I had it in my head that you couldn't marry just _anyone_."

"I couldn't."

"You did."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. But _that one_ hurt." She turned to him and put her hand over her heart. "I know she was just some dumb hooker...masseuse...what ever the hell she was...but it hurt so much for so many reasons."

"I didn't love her."

"I know that."

"Did you think I _might_ fall in love with her?"

"No...I don't know. She was pretty."

"She wasn't _you_. She wasn't even close."

"Did you ever have sex with her?" She asked, looking up at him.

"No."

"Why?"

"I couldn't."

Cuddy looked at him confused. "But you had sex with hookers before."

House felt awkward. It still bothered him to even think about what he had done. _What if I say the wrong thing?_ He asked himself. He pursed his lips in thought. _Just tell her the truth_.

"Because I _was_ married to her."

When Cuddy looked at him puzzled, he went on to explain. "Having sex with your _wife_ is supposed to be...special. She wasn't that to me. _You_ were."

Her heart flipped. She believed him and she understood. "I wish I'd stopped you," she said sadly.

"I wish I'd never done it in the first place."

Cuddy nodded. "House, it's your turn. What is it about us that scares you?"

He looked at her thoughtfully. In the past, he would've done everything he could to evade the question. Now, he didn't want games, he just wanted honesty.

"It isn't anything specific. I don't even think it's you, it's more...the idea of happiness. It's just that I struggle with that idea that there's no such thing as real happiness, not long-term anyway. At times I feel like it's fleeting and useless to be happy about anything for any length of time because it's going to get ripped away. It just...it hurts too much to lose something that means so much to you."

Cuddy leaned forward and laid her hand on his left leg, which was now partially on the couch. "I know this goes farther back than Stacy and you've been working with Nolan but I want to help you however I can. Let me be there for you."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, thinking about his reply. "If something's wrong, just tell me. Don't beat around the bush, brood over it, withhold sex from me, or give me the silent treatment. I can't read your mind. I just need for you to tell me what's on your mind so I don't have to guess."

"Okay," she said, nodding up and down. "Can you do something for me in return?"

He looked at her curiously.

"Don't run away from me when something's wrong. I know you have a tendency to want to hide out to sort things out and I'm okay with that, but be honest with me and tell me you need to do that. Just tell me you need space and I'll be okay with it. I just want...I need you to talk to me."

He thought about her request for a moment before he replied. She understood and respected his need to get away and think on his own and so he owed it to her to give her consideration and respect in return.

"Okay."

She smiled in relief and took his hand. "I'm proud of you."

House was still not comfortable with praise but he was adjusting. He decided to change the subject. "Listen, while we're being honest and all...there's something you should know. I wanted to tell you earlier but we haven't really had a chance to talk. I went to see that guy, Jerry, the one who was in your house that day."

"I know."

"H-how?"

_"Julia."_

"Ahh, okay. You're not upset are you."

"Upset? Of course not. How did you feel about what you did?"

"Nervous. I had no idea how he'd take it."

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah. He accepted my apology but I'm sure he'll be happy if he never has to see me again."

Cuddy moved closer to him on the couch, their fingers stillentwined. "You'd be surprised, House. An apology, an honest apology that is sincere and heartfelt goes a long way."

"I'm not big on words."

"I know that too." She moved closer. "You're a man of..._action_." She took her left hand and cupped his jaw and brushed her lips against his. "But what you did...by going to him, makes me very happy. I am so proud of you House. Every day you deal with incredible pain and you fight to stay clean. You're working so hard to be the man you want to be but I need you to know that I love who you are at your core. I should've told you years ago but I was scared. I was scared that all the turmoil and pain in your life would become mine and I couldn't handle it, especially after Rachel came along. The thing is...I find myself wanting to face all that pain and turmoil with you. I feel like it can actually make us stronger, not weaker. I love that you want to change, but you need to know that I do love you for who you are. I love you more than I could ever say."

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. "So why don't you _show_ me?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively before leaning forward and touching his lips gently to hers. Cuddy opened her mouth and accepted his tongue which caressed hers gently. The kiss became more heated and they kept at it until they couldn't breathe. House laid back on the couch panting a little and Cuddy settled herself on top of him. She could feel his hardness beneath her. His arms reached underneath her light cotton blouse and traveled up and down her back. The warmth of his hands sent chills up her spine as he caressed her.

As she laid her head on his chest and listened to his heart beat, he asked, "How long do we have?"

She chuckled and looked up at him. "A few hours. Sharon wanted us to have time to..._talk."_

"Is that what they call it nowadays?" He mused.

"Apparently." She raised herself off of him and stood up, holding her hand out to him. "Come on, I haven't had a shower yet this morning."

"You're not dirty."

"Are you _sure?_" She asked seductively.

Taking her cue, he nearly leaped off the couch. "I'm right behind you."

The streams of water drenched them in warmth. Cuddy leaned up on her tip toes and wrapped her arms around House's neck and drew his face down to hers and they kissed passionately. She moaned her approval as their tongues dueled for dominance. Neither cared about winning, at that moment it was just about satisfying their mutual need and longing for one another. They kissed with reckless abandon, holding each other tight, hands caressing, bodies close together, neither wanting to let go. They parted underneath the warm water and smiled at one another.

"Come on, let me wash you," she said.

Cuddy picked up the body wash and poured a generous amount on the washcloth. She ran the cloth over his shoulders and chest and up and down his arms. She washed underneath his arms and around his turned him around and told him to put his arms up against the wall. She ran the cloth over his neck and back and bent down and washed his ass cheeks, making sure to squeeze each one lightly before moving down the backs of his legs. His cock stood at attention at her intensely erotic movements. She hung the washcloth and used her bare hands to massage his back and shoulders, digging in deeply with her fingers. She moved down to his thighs, massaging first the left, then the right, taking care to be gentle with his scarred area but giving it a good massage. She smiled when she heard him groan with pleasure.

"That feels so good."

"I'm glad. You deserve it." She snuggled up against his back and wrapped her arms around his waist, her hands running over his chest. "How's your leg?" She asked.

"It's okay. Hurts." House turned around and pushed her gently up against the shower wall and kissed her again. He was so aroused, so full of passion and need, he nearly lifted her off her feet as he kissed her. He let her go and she let out a gasp. He picked up the body wash and cloth and went to work on her. He ran the cloth gently over her soft supple breasts, lingering over her hard, wet nipples. He pulled her close to him again and as she was pressed to his chest, he washed her back and massaged her ass cheeks with his hands, running his fingers down her crack, caressing the outer edge of her anal opening which made her shiver. His hardness pressed against her and between feeling how hard he was and the intense feeling of his hands working her over, she felt she would orgasm right there.

"You clean yet?" He asked. His leg needed a rest.

"Oh hell yeah," she said smiling up at him.

She turned around and turned off the faucets. They stepped out of the shower and grabbed their towels and began drying each other off, slowly and deliberately. They didn't speak, didn't kiss or touch except to dry one another. Afterwards, House took Cuddy's towel from her and threw them both in the hamper. He took her hand and led her into the bedroom.

The room was bathed in the warm glow of the morning sun. House sat on the bed and pulled Cuddy between his legs and snuggled his face against her bare stomach. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close, running her hands through his hair and massaging the muscles at the base of his neck. They stayed like that for several minutes, listening to each other's breathing, neither wanting to let the other go. House was the first to pull away. He looked up at her with an intense stare and the corners of his lips drew upward. Cuddy sensed by the way he looked at her that he was deep in thought.

"What?" She asked, blushing.

As he held her hips, his thumbs glided over her belly. "You're so beautiful."

"House," she said, her eyes misty. She looked away from him.

"Hey," he said, tilting her chin back towards him. "Don't cry."

He kissed her belly again and reached around and palmed the soft skin of her ass, holding her to him tightly. He put his face up against her and breathed in her scent. He could feel her nails massage his scalp and he always loved it when she did that. House kissed her belly once again before he pushed her away gently. He scooted himself albeit awkwardly up the middle of the bed, placing a few pillows between his back and the headboard with enough cushion to keep him upright. Then he motioned for her to join him.

Cuddy crawled like a tigress on hands and knees toward him. Her ass swayed in the air and her hair fell around her shoulders and he got goosebumps just watching her. She kissed the top of each of his feet as she moved toward him. She kissed his ankles and the inside of his knees as her lips worked their way up to his inner thighs. She gently drew her tongue up first the inside of his left thigh and then his right. She remained at his right thigh and kissed the palm of her left hand and placed it gently on his right thigh over his scar and held it there as she looked into his eyes. House swallowed the lump in his throat and felt his heart leap out of his chest when their eyes connected. He accepted this was her way of telling him that she accepted him completely.

She spread his legs wider and settled herself between them, running her hands up and down his thighs to his groin area. She took his already hard cock in her left hand and massaged it starting at the base and moving up the shaft to the tip, alternating hands and squeezing it gently. House bucked his hips to her ministrations and groaned loudly when Cuddy dropped one hand down to massage his balls and gently ran her finger up and down his perineum. House felt like he was losing his mind the way she touched him and he loved watching her enjoy herself with him.

"God...woman...what you do to me," he managed to get out as she tortured him and smiled devilishly. She bent down and ran her tongue around the tip of his shaft and then kissed it, sucking on the tip, running her tongue along the underside of it.

Suddenly, unable to take it much longer, he reached out and gently tugged at her arms and she moved further up on him, placing kisses on his stomach, sucking his nipples with her plump, wet lips. Finally, she straddled his lap, mindful of his right thigh and found a comfortable position. The room was slightly cold as the heat was off so she pulled the covers up behind her and over his legs and around them like a cocoon. They were both upright and facing each other. He reached up and ran his fingers through her long dark hair.

"I love your hair," he said. "I remember how kinky it was when I first met you." He threaded his fingers through it. "It was wild and out of control."

"God I remember that," she laughed.

"It fit your personality."

"I was _not_ wild and out of control!" She playfully smacked him in the chest.

"Not in public but behind closed doors you were a vicious little vixen."

_"Were?"_

"Are."

"You better believe it," she said as she lifted her body and placed her opening over his shaft, then lowered herself down onto him slowly, closing her eyes and relishing the feeling it created within them. She wrapped her legs behind his back against the pillows and the bare skin of their chests touched one another.

"God, Cuddy," was all he could say as he ran his hands up and down her back while she nipped at his neck and sucked his earlobe. He brought his hands around and cupped her breasts then licked and suckled her hard nipples. Cuddy threw her head back exposing her neck to him and he momentarily left her delicious breasts to suck on the bare skin she offered him. He kissed her pulse point and left a trail of kisses from her chin, down her neck to the valley between her breasts as he began to suck on them again. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands kneading her ass, pulling her tightly to him, wanting to sink himself deeper into her wet abyss.

As Cuddy rocked on top of him, he drew up his knees slightly and bent his legs so she could lean back on them. The position created an amazing angle of penetration he thanked God for the workouts he did as he used the muscles in his legs to help push himself deeper inside her. He knew it would hurt like hell later but it was worth it.

"House...I'm close...so close..." she whimpered.

House heard that and he was ready to explode inside her. Not wanting to wait any longer and knowing how close she was, he took his thumb and gently circled her clit. This ignited Cuddy and she began impaling herself on him harder, grinding herself against him trying to get him even deeper. Her legs wrapped snugly around him, her arms around his neck, kissing him, he took the fingers of his other hand and reached around between her ass cheeks and pressed one finger gently into her anus. It was as if a dam broke. She couldn't control herself anymore and moaned out his name loudly over and over again as she was sent completely out of control. Feeling her clench tightly around him and hearing her moaning his name over and over again sent him over the edge after her, pumping himself inside of her relentlessly until neither of them had anything left. The high seemed to last forever when House leaned back into the pillows and took her with him. They kissed longingly, tenderly, savoring one another as he remained inside of her. Their limbs were like jelly but they were relaxed and couldn't stop smiling at each other. Suddenly, they both laughed.

"Oh God, that...was...amazing," Cuddy said as she tried to catch her breath.

"Yeah," was all House could manage. It had been an intensely emotional experience for him. He'd never had that kind of sex with anyone else and he never would. He never wanted to either. At that moment he felt so completely in love with the woman who laid panting in his arms, he didn't know how to express himself.

"What time is it?" He asked, running his hands up and down her smooth bare back.

She looked over at the clock on the nightstand then looked back at him and grinned.

"We've got at least two more hours."


	89. Chapter 89

**A/N:** Hi everyone. Here's yet another installment. Thanks to Cherokee Jedi for all her help here! When I'm not sure about a scene, she reminds me to ask myself, "does it move the story forward?" and my hope is that I'm doing that. These baby steps are huge for House and Cuddy and it's not easy to write!

Thanks to everyone reading this!

* * *

><p>A few hours later, House, Cuddy and Rachel were sitting in the backyard. House had offered to barbecue and he'd even gone to the store and picked up a ten ounce Fort Worth Ribeye for himself, a chicken breast for Rachel and giant Portobello mushroom for Cuddy as well as all the necessary ingredients for side dishes. Cuddy knew House's cooking skills were second-to-none so she did not deter him from his mission.<p>

Cuddy reclined lazily in her lounge chair listening to the sounds of Bernie and his musician friends playing next door. Between losing herself in the music of the cello and watching the interaction between Rachel and House, she felt completely relaxed and at peace. She closed her eyes and turned her face up toward the sun. She was content, perhaps even happy. Hidden by her sunglasses, her eyes misted over thinking about how she never thought she'd be happy again. So much had happened in her life over the past few years that she never thought she'd feel normal again. She chuckled softly thinking that of all the men in the world, it was House who made her feel normal. Normal for her was them-the three of them-like this, together.

_I never thought we'd get this chance_, she thought to herself. Cuddy recalled how, after their breakup, she secretly hoped somehow they'd get another chance but one thing after another happened, driving a wedge further between them. Between the vicodin, the hookers, the whore he'd married, and the leg surgery, she had been beaten down completely. She was exhausted and near ready to give up when he'd told her in the hospital room that day that he wanted things to back to the way they were before they began dating. At that moment, she'd felt something resembling hope, that maybe, just maybe things would be okay. Then at lunch the next day, the lunch where she'd begged him to talk to her, he'd suddenly pushed her up against the wall and nearly knocked the wind out of her. In that moment, she'd seen something in his eyes, something so pleading and desperate, something she couldn't describe. She wanted to reach out to him then and tell him she still loved him but the only words that came were "I'm sorry" and all he could do was tell her it wasn't her fault and walk away. Once again, he blamed himself. He always blamed himself. She hated that because it wasn't always his fault. Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted by a little girl's laughter. She turned her head to the side casually and watched through her dark shades grinning as House instructed Rachel on the finer points of grilling. She smiled. _Yes,_ she thought. _I am happy._

House stood next to the grill after having lectured a very curious Rachel on how to grill the perfect steak. As Rachel carefully rolled the baked potatoes and corn cobs in tin foil, House looked over at the brick patio where Cuddy lay in the lounge chair, sunning herself. She wasn't actually getting any sun as she was dressed casually in a light gray knit jacket over a white tank top and fitted black knit pants. A set of large black shades adorned her face. He smiled as he remembered how he used to tease her about the ugly large-framed sunglasses she couldn't live without. He enjoyed her casualness these days for back in Princeton, she always looked immaculate and perfect in her suits, dresses and heels, finished off with perfect makeup and manicured nails. Back then she was always stressed and barely relaxed, even when she was home. He realized after his first visit to Boston that she seemed more relaxed than he'd ever seen her since college. He frowned a moment to think that the only way she'd been able to relax was leaving Princeton. But he had to admit the change had been kind to her. She wore less makeup now and looked younger. She seemed more energetic and happier and she smiled more. He shook his head refusing to believe _he_ had anything to do with it. _Maybe it's the sex_, he thought. _Cuddy always glows after sex_. But as he looked at her again, he realized it wasn't just sex. She smiled all the time around him. The last time he remembered her looking like this was back in college, only now she was even more beautiful and vibrant than she'd ever been back then.

House took a good look at his surroundings as if seeing them for the first time. The blue sky with not a single cloud, the chill in the air, the smell of barbecue, the sound of music in the background, and a beautiful woman who lay with her eyes closed and a smile on her face. What could be more perfect? He thought about his leg and how that always seemed to ruin things. For the moment, it hurt, but it was manageable. He knew he'd have to get some swimming and therapy in soon. He looked over at Rachel who was busy trying to figure out how to use the child-sized set of horseshoes he'd picked up at the store on the way home earlier. He felt content, maybe even a little happy.

He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to feel this way every day.

"I sure love whatever they're playing next door," she said, when she noticed House deep in concentrated thought.

"Lutoslawski's Cello Concerto." he said without missing a beat.

"Huh?"

You wanted to know what your buddy over there is playing. It's Lutoslawski's Cello Concerto.

"How do you even know that?"

"I'm brilliant." He answered facetiously.

"Howse?" Rachel interrupted him.

"Yeah?"

"Can we play horsie shoes now?" She asked, a little impatiently.

House laughed at her pronunciation. "It's horse-_shoes_. And yeah, do you know how to play?"

"No," she said shaking her head.

"Come on, I'll show you."

"Where are the directions?" Cuddy asked, as she approached them.

"Who the heck needs directions? It's horseshoes."

"You know how to play?" Cuddy asked.

"Well duh. What red-blooded American_ doesn't_ know how to play horseshoes?"

"Not everyone is as _brilliant_ as you," she snapped back humorously.

"Seriously? That is so lame," he said shaking his head in mock disgust.

"But I bet I could kick your ass," she said.

"Hey child here!" He mocked his offense.

She moved closer to him. "She can't hear me. Come on, you too_ chicken_ to take a bet?" She taunted teasingly.

He eyed her suspiciously. "What's the bet?"

"We decide when the game's over."

"Oh no...that's not how it works woman!"

"You afraid?" She asked taunting him even more.

He looked at her as she clicked her tongue mischievously. Her hands were on her hips and she was tapping her foot impatiently.

"Oh evil temptress you are _so on_." He could never resist a challenge especially one that involved her. House grabbed the stakes and pounded them into the ground explaining to Cuddy and Rachel along the way, the basic rules. When he was done, they began the game.

"Cuddy, you throw like a girl!" He yelled.

"That's because, contrary to popular belief at the hospital, I _am_ a girl."

"Yeah but you don't have to _throw_ like one."

"Howse, is this right?" Rachel asked, taking her turn tossing the horseshoe. It spun ridiculously and landed with a thud at least three feet too far to the right.

He did a facepalm. "Uh a little less torque next time."

"Huh?"

"Torque. You don't know what that is?"

"No." She had her hands on her hips and House thought she looked just like her mother.

"Torque my _littlest_ Cuddy is something that produces or tends to produce torsion or rotation," he answered smugly.

"I don't get it," she replied, confused.

"Well there's this thing your mother does that I like-"

"House!" Cuddy yelled, giving him the evil eye.

"Whaaat? I'm teaching her about mechanics here."

"You are not going to discuss our sex life in front of Rachel!" She yelled, but nearly whispering the word _sex._

"God you're such a prude," he whined.

"If you want prude, I can guarantee you prude _later_."

"Fine mooom."

"Mommy, what's a prude?" Rachel now looked up at her mother with those large curious eyes Cuddy could never resist.

"Oh honey you don't need to know-"

House interrupted. "Let me handle it." He turned to Rachel. "Well Rachel, you see the word originates in Latin meaning to be good and evolved into French indicating a wise woman of propriety, and of course in English it means unusual modesty associated with a negative view of sexuality."

Cuddy gave him the death glare.

Rachel looked thoughtful for a moment then beamed. "So it means mommy is good?"

"Something like that."

"What's pro...pity?" Rachel struggled with the word propriety and House just grinned from ear to ear.

"It's _pro-pri-e-ty_," he corrected.

"What does it mean?"

"Ask your mother, she's the queen of it."

"House!"

"What? It's true!"

Cuddy had no choice but to answer for if she didn't Rachel would obsess over it. With a sigh, she explained. "Honey, _propriety_ means to conform to established standard of good behavior." When Rachel looked at her confused, she continued. "You know how when you're in the classroom you are quiet and respectful of your teacher and other classmates?"

Rachel shook her head.

"And you know how you always say please and thank you?"

She shook her head again.

"That's propriety. You're observing the rules of good behavior."

"I'm very good in class," Rachel said smiling.

"Yes, you are," Cuddy said, patting her daughter on the head.

"Oh God," House groaned.

"Shut up, you started it." She smacked him in the arm.

"No, you did, talking about being a prude."

"Mommy are you going to show me how to throw?" Rachel interrupted.

"Yes, honey," Cuddy said. She stuck her tongue out at House then walked over to Rachel and helped guide her hand and toss the horseshoe, this time it made it closer to its mark.

"Hey! You can't throw for her. That's _cheating_."

"Seriously? She's _four_ House, she needs help."

He shook his head and threw his hands up in the air. "I'm outnumbered, it's not fair."

"Yes, you are and quit whining," she said smugly as she turned back to Rachel. For the next half hour, Cuddy "helped" Rachel throw the horseshoes. In the end, Rach won the game.

House shook his head in disgust when the game was over. "I can't believe this. I lost to a...novice...no...two novices...two _amateurs_!" He looked up and saw Cuddy grinning from ear to ear.

"Wait..." he said limping over and pointing his finger at her accusingly. "You're no amateur, are you?"

"Never said I was."

"You lied."

"I never said I didn't know how to play. You assumed I didn't know how to play. And you know what they say when you assume, don't you?" She shot back.

"Oh you are one cunning, evil, woman," he said with a smirk. Then he raised his eyebrows seductively at her and winked. "I like it."

"I learned from the master."

"That's me the master manipulator. I knew you couldn't be around me all these years and not let some of my better qualities rub off on you." He nodded over at Rachel, who was picking up the horseshoes. "Wait...was she in on it with you?"

"What? No. This was all _me_," she said proudly. "You wanna play again?"

He sighed. "My leg hurts."

"Does it really or are you just afraid to lose to a girl?" She asked smugly.

"Really hurts," he admitted. "Been on it too long."

"Sit down over here and take it easy." She sat down on the big chaise and patted the spot next to her.

"So," he said, taking a seat. "What is it you want me to do?"

"I'll think about it and let you know," she said as she gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. As she turned to get up he grabbed her by the arm.

"Oh no, daddy needs more than a peck," he said. "After all you lied to me and I need to be consoled." He gave her a pitiful look hoping she'd give in. When she didn't he pulled her close touched her lips lightly with his. Smiling against them he said, "I definitely need more than a peck."

"Oh really," she asked, putting her arms around his neck.

"Oh yeah," he said. House tilted his head and captured her lips in a passionate kiss that sent vibrations throughout his body. He had never kissed anyone with as much passion and fervor as he did her. With Cuddy it wasn't just a kiss, it was a whole-body experience. He would be happy dying if in his last breath he was kissing her.

"House," she whispered. They parted and leaned against one another, foreheads touching. "Rachel-"

"What? We're not having sex."

"I know but-"

He turned away. "Hey Rach?" He called to the little girl who was too busy laying on her stomach looking at something in the grass to pay much attention.

"Yeah," she responded without even looking up.

"You mind if I kiss your mom?"

"Nuh uh," she replied.

"See, she doesn't mind. C'mere," he said.

They'd stayed outside long after dinner to roast marshmallows and look at fireflies. Rachel was absolutely mesmerized and House showed her how she could run her hand lightly over the bushes to make them fly out. Finally they'd gotten around to cleaning up the mess outside and Cuddy told Rachel it was time for a bath. She went into Rachel's bathroom and turned on he water in the tub. As Rachel stripped down, Cuddy walked out, running into House in the hallway.

"You're too hard on her."

"No, I'm not, she's filthy."

"Oh come on, it's what kids do. It's in their DNA."

"Really? DNA? So it has nothing to do with the fact that you two engaged in a mini _big dig_ in my backyard."

"Yeah only ours was a lot less expensive," he mused. "Weren't you ever curious when you were a kid?"

"Sure, but-"

"You forgot what it was like to be a kid, to have fun."

"No, I haven't."

"Yes, you have," she insisted.

"Mommy, I'm ready!"

"Let's continue this conversation later,"she said.

"Fine," he yelled after her. "Deflect."

Cuddy laughed over her shoulder and walked into the bathroom and Rachel was sitting in the half-filled tub of suds patiently waiting for her mother.

Cuddy pulled the stool out from under the sink and began washing her little girl. "So did you have fun today?" She asked.

"Uh huh."

House was on his way to the bedroom when he heard Cuddy and Rachel talking. He stopped at the door of her bathroom and leaned against the door jamb listening.

"What was your favorite part?"

"I liked it when Howse and me dug the hole."

"Of course you did." Cuddy shook her head and chuckled. It couldn't be the fireflies, it had to be the dirty stuff she enjoyed.

"We saw all sorts of stuff with my mangifing glass."

Cuddy and House both smirked at her mispronunciation.

"What did you see?"

"We saw ants and worms and mold crickets."

"Mold crickets?"

"Uh huh."

A lightbulb went off in Cuddy's head. "Oh you mean _mole_ crickets."

Rachel nodded. "They're eat worms and grass and they move around at night."

"Do they?"

"Uh huh. They also chirp really loud."

"You're a really smart little girl, you know that?" She asked as she massaged shampoo into Rachel's hair.

"That's what Howse said."

"He did?"

"Yep."

House stood outside the door with a smirk. When he'd first met Rachel he thought she was as dumb as a box of rocks but as they became closer, just before the breakup, he'd noticed she was actually a very bright little girl. Now he could see her blossoming and it reminded him of him when he was little when he was always curious and asking questions. His mother had encouraged it, his father discouraged it. House wanted to be sure _he_ did the right thing. He thought of how Rachel reminded him of the Cuddy knew in college, who was always curious and seeking answers to everything. It was one of the many things that had attracted him to her.

"Well, House is usually right."

He smiled again at that.

"He is?"

"Well, most of the time. He's a really smart man. Remember I told you he's helped a lot of people?"

"Uh huh, they were sick and he made them better."

"Yep."

"I have lots of fun with him."

"I know you do."

"I hate it when he goes," Rachel said sadly.

Cuddy dropped her wet hands in her lap and looked at her daughter. "I know honey, I do too."

"Mommy do you 'member Howse said he was in time out cause he was bad?"

"I do."

"He said he was sick. Is he better now?"

"I would say he's getting better every day."

"Mommy I don't want him to be sick again and go in time out and I don't want him to be in pain cause it makes him sad."

House heard that and swallowed hard. He didn't wait for Cuddy's reply, instead he limped into her bedroom and closed the door. He sat on the bed and laid back on it. He felt a bit anxious and wasn't sure why. While he was feeling a little anxious, he knew he hadn't felt this good physically and emotionally since they were together the first time. In fact, it was so much better this time around and he attributed it to the fact that they were communicating better and they were on the same page. THey'd both lost so much before, they knew they had to go all in to make it work for good. Of course they didn't see each other every day so those daily things they did to annoy one another were absent. _What would happen if I was here all the time?_ He asked himself. _Would it change things? _House remained laying on the bed, listening to Cuddy and Rachel as they moved from the bathroom into Rachel's room. He decided to take a shower while Cuddy put Rachel to bed.

A half hour later, House limped into the living room barefoot in a pair of striped pajama pants and a tee-shirt. he thought Cuddy would be alone but she was there on the couch with Rachel.

"I thought she went to bed?"

"Actually she's wide awake and wanted to hang out with us. Since you're finished, can you watch her while I go shower?"

"Sure."

Cuddy gave him a kiss on the cheek and left the room.

House made himself comfortable on the couch next to Rachel. "Hey kid."

"Hi."

"Whatcha watchin'?"

"Tom and Jerry."

"You like them?"

"Yep. Mommy says she watched it when she was little."

House chuckled. "That was a long time ago, kid."

They sat in silence watching the cat and mouse on television. House was still thinking about what Rachel had asked Cuddy earlier.

"Hey Rach, I kinda overheard something you said to your mom earlier."

Rachel looked up at him curiously.

"You asked if I'm still sick."

"Are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"No, I'm not mad. I just wanted to explain about why I'm sick." When he knew he had her full attention, he continued. "I figure you're old enough to know the truth. See, years ago when I was younger, I had blood clot in my leg. The doctors didn't diagnose it in time and by the time we figured out what it was, it was pretty bad."

"What's a blood clot?"

"Blood gets thick and won't pass through. All parts of our body need blood and oxygen. Without it they die. Well, my leg was sort of...dying."

"Your leg was dying?"

"Yeah, that's the extent of it. Anyway, it was pretty painful and they had to do something. Well, your mom was my doctor-"

"Mommy?"

"Yep."

Cuddy padded down the hallway into the living room when she heard House and Rachel talking in low voices. Tying her robe, she stopped at the end of the hallway and watched the two figures from behind.

"Your mom and the other doctors tried to convince me to have an operation that would make me better but I didn't want it."

"But why if it would make you better?"

Cuddy frowned. She wasn't sure this was a proper discussion for a child but she decided to give House the benefit of the doubt.

"Well, I was scared. See, they wanted to remove my leg."

Her eyes got wide.

"I know it sounds scary but it was the only way they knew how to save my life. The thing is, I wouldn't let them do it. "

"Why?"

"I was afraid of having just one leg."

"That's weird."

"Not really. Have you ever seen anyone with one leg?"

"Noooo!" She shouted and giggled at the same time.

"Would you like to see something cool?"

"Uh huh."

He grabbed Cuddy's laptop from the coffee table and begin searching the internet. "Aha! That's what I'm looking for," he said as he turned the laptop towards Rachel."See these people here. What are they doing?"

She pointed at the screen. "That guy is roller skating, that girl is riding a bike and that guy is running."

"Good job. Now, would you believe each of them only has one leg?"

"They do?"

"Yep." He clicked on a picture of an artificial leg. "See, there are people who are trained in making what we call prosthetics, or artificial arms and legs to help people who lost one when they were sick."

She pointed to the screen. "Hey! That girl is little like me." She'd pointed at a small child on the screen with an artificial leg from the knee down.

"That's right. Artificial limbs aren't just for adults. Sometimes kids your age get sick too."

"So why didn't you let mommy give you one of those? Then you wouldn't be sick, right?"

He smiled at how quickly she caught on. "Well...probably." He sighed and rubbed at his face. "Kid, I was scared back then. I was scared to lose my leg. I mean it's been a part of me my whole life. It's pretty scary to think about losing something you've always had, don't you think?"

She nodded.

"I didn't let your mom do it so she did the next best thing she could. She had them take out the part of my leg that was hurt but unfortunately it left me in pain, lots of pain."

"So mommy didn't fix you," she said sadly.

"No, but it's not her fault. She did the best she could. You need to understand that okay? Your mom wanted to save my life and she did and that's all that matters. If she hadn't done that operation, I wouldn't be here today."

"You'd be dead?"

"Yep."

"Then I'm glad mommy did the operation,"she said as she gently placed her hand on his bad leg.

"Me too. You remember when I told you I'd been in time out for not behaving?"

She nodded again.

"Well, for a long time, I did some not so nice things. I hurt people I care about because my leg hurt and I was in pain."

"You never hurt me and mommy."

"Well...actually, I hurt your mommy a lot. When I was in pain I said and did things to her that weren't so nice. I made her sad. Have you ever done that? Said or done things to someone that you didn't really mean?"

She thought about it for a moment, then shook her head vigorously.

"Then you know what I'm talking about. Did you feel bad afterwards?"

"Yeah."

"Me too but I was pretty stupid then. People wanted to be my friend but I wouldn't let them. I did things so they wouldn't like me anymore."

"That's stupid."

"Yeah, it kinda is but adults can do stupid things sometimes."

"Adults are silly too."

"Yeah we are that," he sighed.

At that moment, House heard Cuddy enter the room behind them. He wasn't sure how much she'd heard. He watched her as she settled on the couch next to Rachel. She pulled the little girl against her and ran her fingers through her hair.

"So...what's going on here you two?"

"Mommy, Howse told me all about his leg."

"He did?"

"Uh huh. He said he was sick and in pain and you saved him."

"He said that?"

"Uh huh."

"What brought this up?"

"I wanted to explain to her why I was sick. I figured she's a smart girl, she's old enough to hear it." Then as an afterthought he added, "I didn't mean to listen in, I was just passing-"

Cuddy interrupted him. "It's okay House, no need to apologize." She smiled at him.

Cuddy looked at Rachel who just beamed up at House. She loved the way he talked to her as a little adult instead of a child. She should've known he wouldn't tell her anything inappropriate.

"Mommy, House showed me pictures of people with one leg but they can do everything!"

"That's right, they can and you should never ever treat someone like that as if they can't do the things you can do."

"Okay. Mommy do you think they were scared too?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Howse told me he was scared."

"He did?" She looked over at House who suddenly looked at something more interesting across the room.

"Yeah."

"You know, people get scared when they're in pain."

"I know. Howse said he hurt you but that he was sorry," Rachel said. House scoffed as Rachel continued her train of thought. "But I said adults were stupid."

Cuddy smirked at her daughter's comment. Rachel was smart beyond her years.

"People do stupid things when they're in pain, Rach." She knew that only too well. Her stupidest mistake had been breaking up with House after her surgery. She looked at him and he returned her gaze, understanding the deeper meaning of her words.

You know what to do!


	90. Chapter 90

**_A/N: _**_Hi! I am so sorry it's taken me so long. I really did intend to update once a week but I got really busy and then for some reason in the past month, the plot bunnies weren't hopping and the muse wasn't yelling in my ear. Now they're all hopping and screaming so it's good. Real good._

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><p><em>"So...what's going on here you two?"<em>

_"Mommy, Howse told me all about his leg."_

_"He did?"_

_"Uh huh. He said he was sick and in pain and you saved him."_

_"He said that?"_

_"Uh huh."_

_"What brought this up?"_

_"I wanted to explain to her why I was sick. I figured she's a smart girl, she's old enough to hear it." Then as an afterthought he added, "I didn't mean to listen in, I was just passing-"_

_Cuddy interrupted him. "It's okay House, no need to apologize." She smiled at him._

_Cuddy looked at Rachel who just beamed up at House. She loved the way he talked to her as a little adult instead of a child. She should've known he wouldn't tell her anything inappropriate._

_"Mommy, House showed me pictures of people with one leg but they can do everything!"_

_"That's right, they can and you should never ever treat someone like that as if they can't do the things you can do."_

_"Okay. Mommy do you think they were scared too?"_

_"Why do you ask that?"_

_"Howse told me he was scared."_

_"He did?" She looked over at House who suddenly looked at something more interesting across the room._

_"Yeah."_

_"You know, people get scared when they're in pain."_

_"I know. Howse said he hurt you but that he was sorry," Rachel said. House scoffed as Rachel continued her train of thought. "But I said adults were stupid."_

_Cuddy smirked at her daughter's comment. Rachel was smart beyond her years._

_"People do stupid things when they're in pain, Rach." She knew that only too well. Her stupidest mistake had been breaking up with House after her surgery. She looked at him and he returned her gaze, understanding the deeper meaning of her words._

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><p>Late Tuesday morning, two hours after a grueling physical therapy session, House stood in front of the warm fireplace in Nolan's brownstone office in Philadelphia. As he stared into the fire, he leaned heavily against the mantle, his left hand resting upon it while his right hand gripped his cane tightly. Not only did his leg hurt from the extreme cold but Vince had worked him exceptionally hard during his session.<p>

Nolan sat in his chair watching House. Normally the diagnostician would enter his office and say something snarky, generally about the doctor's taste in artwork or his grumpy secretary needing to get laid, followed by a bit of banter as they felt out the mood. However, Nolan noticed today things were different for at least five minutes had passed without so much as a word from House.

Suddenly, as if House could read Nolan's mind, he spoke without turning around. "You're not going to ask about my trip?"

"I know how you get when you're thinking. I wanted to give you a chance to sort things out first."

"I think I'm sorted out," he said, turning around.

"Okay. So how was your trip?"

"Good."

"You were doing an awful lot of contemplation there for just _good_."

"I don't even know where to start," he said as he plopped down in the wide, comfortable chair across from Nolan and pushed at the lever to raise the footrest. As his legs elevated he let out an audible sigh of relief. He'd never come out and expressed his appreciation to Nolan for the chair, but he truly was thankful for it. About a week after House had started seeing Nolan again, he'd endured a particularly cruel bout of pain in his leg. On his next visit to the psychiatrist, he'd noticed the straight chair had been replaced with a rather expensive and comfortable recliner.

"Let's start with your first guest lecture. How'd it go?" Nolan asked.

"Packed the _house_. See what I did there?" He joked.

Nolan rolled his eyes. "I assume you didn't mock half the faculty and get kicked out."

"On the contrary, I was well-behaved."

"That's a first."

"You think it's impossible?" House asked with a raised eyebrow.

Nolan gave him a knowing look.

House sighed. "Okay, _fine_. I couldn't do that to Cuddy _or_ the woman who hired me."

"That was thoughtful."

"Don't let it get out."

"Your secret's safe with me. So, what did you talk about in your lecture?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Just making conversation. If you don't want to talk about-"

House interrupted. "It's _not_ what I want to talk about."

"Okay."

"Cuddy and I had a fight."

Nolan nodded for House to continue.

"I saw her with a guy she works with. I guess I got a little jealous."

"There's no such thing as a _little_ jealous."

"Okay fine, I was a _lot_ jealous."

"I thought you trusted her."

"I do," House replied adamantly.

"So why the jealousy?"

"I don't know," he groaned.

"Greg, come on. You _know_. You always know." Nolan was insistent.

House took a moment to think as he tapped his fingers nervously on the arms of the chair. Nolan just watched him silently.

Finally he admitted, "It's not that I don't trust her, it's _him_."

Nolan shook his head and laughed. "See...I never understood that."

_"What?"_

"Well, if you trust the woman you love, then it really doesn't matter what the guy does because no matter what, she's not going to succumb to his advances. If she loves you and I've no doubt Cuddy does, you have nothing to worry about."

"Oh that's deep," he mumbled.

"Of course _this_ isn't about cheating, is it?"

House sighed. "You're just like a shrink, always over analyzing everything." Seeing Nolan wasn't about to give it up, he decided to keep going. "It's not that I think she would cheat, I _know_ she wouldn't. I can't help but think about the day she's going to realize she made a mistake. She'll meet some guy who is all the things I'm not. He'll be easy to talk to, reliable, great with kids and he won't be a pain in the ass and make her life difficult."

"So you're not easy to talk to, you're learning. You're great with her daughter from what you've told me and it seems she likes you being a pain in the ass. Face it, she wants you. _You_ make her happy."

"That's too easy."

"Of course it is because you thrive on complicated. You like puzzles and you need to peel away at the layers. If it's too easy, it's not worth having. You could've had the woman of your dreams years ago but you chose to take the most complicated route."

"Yeah," House snorted.

"Think about it, all you and Cuddy had to do was let down your guard and tell each other how you felt. All you had to do was just talk, and then follow up with meaningful actions. But you didn't and well...we all know what happened. But now things have changed and now you are doing those things so it's time you stop feeling like you aren't the man she needs because you _are_."

He watched as House toyed with his cane. He decided to try another approach. "You've mentioned that for a long time you didn't understand why your mother stayed with your father. Why do _you_ think she stayed?"

"So all of a sudden this is about my parents?"

"For the moment, yes."

House sighed. He hadn't been prepared to discuss his parents but he knew when Nolan was on a mission, he would not let it go.

"When mom came to visit me recently, she told me though dad wasn't easy to live with and she hated how he treated me, she saw something in him, something that made her believe in him and wanted to keep fighting for him to be a better man. She wanted to leave him early on but didn't because of me and because she believed that he could change."

"Do you believe her?"

"What? That she stayed for me or that he could change?"

"Both."

"My mother never lied to me…except when it came to my biological father. So yeah I believe her reasons. My mom is a good person and she believes the best in people. She never would've left me and I believe she thought he was capable of change."

"So your mom believed the best in people?"

"That's what I said."

"And she saw things in your dad no one else saw."

"Apparently," he said. "What's the point?"

"The same way Cuddy sees things in you that no one else sees."

"So now you're saying I _am_ my father."

Nolan chuckled. "You know Greg, for a brilliant guy, sometimes you are pretty dense. No, you are not your father but you do emulate some of the qualities of each of your parents and your relationship with Cuddy in many ways is shaped by your parents' relationship with each other. Our parents are really our first relationship and that does have a significant impact on how we treat our relationships with others."

House pondered that a few moments, tapping his cane on the floor in silence. He realized Nolan had a point. "Remember when I told you my dad wasn't always bad?"

Nolan perked up.

"He'd take me for ice cream when he came home from a deployment. He taught me how to ride a bike and hit a ball. He gave me this toy rocket I really wanted for my eighth birthday. A couple of times we went hiking. One time when I was sixteen, the neighbor tried to blame me when a baseball went through his car window. It wasn't me but he made threats that he was going to make me pay for it. My dad stood up for me and told him off. There were just some things he did that were okay."

Nolan watched as House lost himself in his memories for a moment. When he talked about his dad, his voice was calm and his eyes seemed distant. When the moment passed he returned to the present and again tapped his fingers nervously on the chair.

"You've talked a lot about being conflicted over the memories you have of your dad. That you remember good things is a step forward in your progress. Maybe we can try to help you remember some more of them."

House gripped his cane firmly and pushed the footrest down. He eased himself out of the recliner and began pacing around the room as he talked.

"I took it upon myself to earn my own money as a kid. I mowed lawns, took out the neighbor's trash, walked their dogs, washed cars and ran errands for them. I earned good grades, was most valuable player in Lacrosse three years in a row, graduated top of my high school class, awarded scholarships that paid for my college education, graduated med school early with not one but _two_ specializations," he said, turning towards Nolan and leaning heavily on his cane. "Instead of telling me he was proud of me or that I'd done the right thing, he'd say that I was _spoiled_ and everything came _too easy_ to me and that one of these days I was going to have to really work for what I wanted. Fuck, I thought I _was_ working hard. Yeah some things came easy to me, but I worked fucking hard the rest of the time and he never gave a shit. I just wanted to know he gave a damn."

House leaned with his back against the windowsill, looking down at the floor. Nolan remained quiet with the hope that House would continue. After all, this is what he wanted, for House to open up and talk about his feelings.

"After the infarction, he and mom visited me in the hospital. I think my mom had to drag him there. Anyway, I was laying in that hospital bed and at the lowest point in my life, he told me that a real man would fight like hell to get out of that bed and use that leg again instead of whining about the pain. He said that I was used to having everything handed to me and that I was going to find out what it was really like to have to work for something." House gripped his cane tightly with both hands and leaned forward, a hint of anger flashed in his eyes. He took a moment to take in a deep breath before he continued.

"After Mayfield," be began a bit more calm, "When I moved in with Wilson, I started hearing voices and thought I was going crazy again. Turned out he was talking to his dead girlfriend at night. He told me it was healing and that I should try it. So I do. I talked to my dad; I told him there were some good memories. I had some flashbacks of good times. Ice cream, birthday parties, playing ball in the park." He relaxed into the credenza behind him, his eyes slightly glazed over. "My mother is a smart woman so she had to see _something_ in him. Recently she said he'd acknowledged he was a lousy dad but when she encouraged him to fix things between us; he confessed that he didn't know how. Not long after that he died. I just wish he would have fucking tried."

Nolan was moved by House's revelations. "Greg, sometimes we need help but we're too afraid to ask because we think it's a sign of weakness. Your mother's strength and love may have helped your father some but obviously it wasn't enough for him to be the father you deserved"

"I thought it was easier to hate him, blame him for my screw-ups. I'm just tired of hating him. He had his bad moments, he had his good moments, that's it. I can't hate him anymore, it just drags me down."

"I'm very glad to hear that Greg. It's unhealthy to carry around so much anger and pain. It's apparent though that your mother loves you very much and wants to be there for you. There's an opportunity to have the relationship with her you've always wanted...and needed."

"I haven't exactly been a good son," House said. "Since I left home at 18, I only went back a few times. I haven't seen her much over the years. Hell, I didn't even have the balls to tell her I was in prison. Wilson had to tell her."

"You made mistakes. That doesn't make you a bad son."

"I never thanked her. For a guy who believes in actions over words, I did a piss poor job of showing her how much I appreciated her."

"It's never too late. Listen, you've made a lot of mistakes in your life and through it all, your mother still loves you."

"I don't know why."

"Because you are her_ son_."

"That makes no sense," House retorted.

Nolan sighed deeply. "It does if you're a parent. The bond between mother and child is exceptionally strong from birth. She carried you for nine months, nurtured you with her own body, and gave you life. She nursed you, held you, comforted you, dried your tears and tried to protect you when she could. Surely you've seen that bond between Cuddy and her daughter."

House nodded and smiled for the first time during the session. "Despite the fact that her own mother is a real pain in the ass, when it comes to being a mom, Cuddy is damn good at it. When Rachel does something wrong, she talks to her or puts her in time-out but that kid always knows she's loved. Cuddy always makes sure of that."

Nolan grinned at House, noting how his face seemed to soften and his posture relaxed when he talked about Cuddy and Rachel.

"Greg, I think it would be good for you to continue building a stronger relationship with your mom. It will help you put the past to rest and find the love and acceptance you've so desperately sought your entire life." Seeing that House was about to open his mouth, no doubt to refute his suggestion, Nolan put his hands up to stop him. "It's time you learn to accept the love you deserve," he said. "And it's time you learn to be able to give love freely without worries or reservations."

"So you think fixing my relationship with mom will fix everything with Cuddy?" He snarked.

"Greg," Nolan said as he leaned forward. "From what I see and hear, you and Cuddy have made amazing progress on your own. While I don't think it fixes everything, I do think that building a stronger, healthier relationship with your mom will help not just with Cuddy but with all of your relationships."

"Easier said than done," House mused.

"True. It takes tremendous strength and work to find inner peace and put the demons to rest. At times it requires forgiveness, not just of those who have wronged you ofbut yourself too. Greg, I promise you that when you finally have the courage to take that step, it will feel as if a great burden has been lifted. You _will_ feel different." As an afterthought he added, "At least continue to talk to your mom, get closer to her and become a real part of each other's lives, as you've never been before."

House nodded.

"Good. Now, we've got some time left. Do you want to take a break or keep at this?"

"Let's do it. I'm not sure if I take a break from this that I'll be willing to come back today."

"Okay," Nolan said slapping his hands on his knees. "Now, I would like to know more about your conversations with Cuddy this past weekend that is if you want to share. I'm assuming you made up after your argument?"

"Yeah, we talked about some things like that green card marriage. I never realized how much I'd hurt her doing that. She asked if I loved Dom—that woman and if I'd had sex with her. I told her I no on both counts."

"Did she seem relieved when you told her that?"

"Yeah." He stopped twirling the cane. "I think she knew it already but needed to hear it from me. I can't believe I ever did that to her."

"You were angry."

"I was more than angry. I wanted her feel every bit the pain I felt."

"You didn't think she was hurting enough?"

"How did I know? She went on about her life as if nothing happened; at least that's what it looked like. Of course I was too high on drugs and wallowing in self-pity to stop and take a closer look. If I had, maybe I would've seen through her facade and realized she hurt as much as I did. She just did a good job of hiding it."

"Like you, she has a tendency to keep things inside."

"Yeah." House agreed.

"If you and Cuddy broke up again, how would you handle it?"

House glared at him. "Why?"

"It's a legitimate question."

House leaned his head back against the chair and pursed his lips tight. "I don't want to think about it."

"I'm not saying it'll happen, rather I want to know if you would try and maintain your sobriety and fight the urge to wallow in self-pity and destruction."

"I don't want to go back to being _that_ person," House insisted.

"Good. I want you to remember you are _not_ alone and that you can count on the people who care about you. Sometimes bad things happen and when they do, you're going to have to be strong and fight the urge to revert back to self-destructive ways. Use your support system, lean on it."

"What if I relapse and she leaves me again?" In the back of his mind, it had bothered him that there might be a time when he would relapse.

"All I can tell you is that while you can't control _her_ reaction, you can control _yours_. You need to talk to her about this because relapses do happen, you're only human. You need to know your support system is there for you and they need to realize that it could happen and understand their role in helping you."

House pursed his lips thoughtfully. He may banter and argue with Nolan but one thing he knew was he did respect the hell out of the man and he knew Nolan had only his best interests at heart.

"I'll talk to her."

Nolan smiled. "Good." Nolan leaned back in his chair with a satisfied smile. Determined to keep going, he asked, "So, how is your relationship with Rachel progressing?"

"I told her about my leg."

"Really? What made you do that?"

"I heard her tell her mom she didn't want me to be sad anymore and I knew I had to explain to her about why I am in pain and how I was scared of losing my leg and how her mom saved my life."

"You told her that?"

"Yeah. I know she's just a little kid but she's damn perceptive. She didn't bat an eye when I talked to her about it." He smiled at the memory of the conversation with Rachel.

Nolan nodded emphatically. "Kids are remarkably perceptive and have a tendency to see things without filters. They see people and situation soften exactly as they are, without adult prejudices and preconceived notions to distort their view."

"She's smart, like her mother."

"You're obviously a good influence on her. She's learning a lot from you."

"Kids are like sponges, they absorb everything."

"That they do. It's obvious you care about them very much."

"Yeah, I do."

"That's good Greg, that's really good." Nolan glanced at the clock and rubbed his hands together. "I wish we had more time but I've got someone coming in right after you."

House stood up. "No problem, I'm all talked out anyway."

"I'm sure. So...same time next week?"

"Yeah." House limped over to the door but hesitated and turned around.

"Something else, Greg?" Nolan asked, looking up.

House tapped his cane on the floor. "There's just one more thing. I've come to a realization," he said, still looking at the ground.

"And what's that?"

"There was a time when the only thing that mattered to me was my job. Now, all I can think about is _them_."

Nolan walked around to the front of his desk and leaned back on it, crossing his arms. "Well, that's certainly not a bad thing," he said.

"I'm distracted."

Nolan looked at him curiously.

"When we were together, I lost a couple of patients. There was this one night when she was receiving a big award. It was a big night for her and she wanted me there. I'd planned to go but at the last minute I decided not to. My patient died and well…I wound up drowning my sorrows at a bar, then I went to Cuddy's house in the middle of the night, blaming her for everything."

"Go on," Nolan urged gently.

"I told her being in love with her made me a crappy doctor. I blamed her for not being able to focus on my work. I told her it was her fault my patients died. Then, in a pathetically drunken stupor I told her that I would gladly choose her over my work, that she was worth it."

"Wow."

"The truth was that I never missed anything that would've saved those patients. They were going to die regardless. I just couldn't handle that. I was in love with her, it felt so incredibly good and I was scared. The only thing I ever really had that I could count on was this," he pointed to his head. "I blamed her when I wasn't focused and I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid because it wasn't her fault," he said, his voice clearly reflecting his guilt.

"So she's distracting you again?"

"I'm not making mistakes, it's just that instead of thinking about work all the time like I've always done, I'm thinking about her. I'm thinking about the next phone call and the next time I'll see her. I need my cases, but I need her…._them_ too."

Nolan was both surprised and greatly moved by House's confession. "I see. Greg, have you given more thought to maybe...moving closer to them?"

"I'm a creature of habit."

"I'm well aware."

"I've lived in the same apartment for years. I've had the same guitars, same piano, same clothes, same job..." House drifted off.

"Same..._friend," _Nolan replied, finishing the sentence for him.

House smirked at his reference to Wilson. "Yeah."

"You have a comfort zone there which is understandable, but you're also missing something that is a very important part of your life now. I know how much you hate change but your life _has_ changed,_ you've_ changed. It was inevitable that this would happen but this is a good thing Greg, it seems you've finally found what makes you happy. At some point in time you'll have to decide what you're going to do about it."

"I don't know if I'm ready...to do anything about it..._yet_."

"Nobody's forcing you, just do what feels right. Think about what you want out of your life and how you're going to get it. What you want is no longer unattainable, it's there when you want it; you just have to have the courage to go for it."

"You think I can?" He asked.

"I don't think, I _know._ When you're ready to make that commitment, you'll know it and it may be easier than you think," Nolan replied with complete certainty.

Hearing his response, House looked up at Nolan, his brows furrowed, his lips pursed together in contemplation. "Thanks," he said, nodding with a slight but relaxed grin before he turned around and opened the door then closing it quietly behind him.

As he made his way down the steps of the brownstone toward his car, House felt more at ease than when he'd arrived. It felt good to talk about the things on his mind. As much as he chastised the psychiatry profession publicly, privately he knew it worked, he was living proof of that. Nolan had helped him a great deal. They'd touched on a lot of areas and he this session gave him a lot to think about. As he got in the car and made the trip back to Princeton, he reminisced over a particular part of their conversation.

_"So you think fixing my relationship with mom will fix everything with Cuddy?" He snarked._

_"Greg," Nolan said as he leaned forward. "From what I see and hear, you and Cuddy have made amazing progress on your own. While I don't think it fixes everything, I do think that building a stronger, healthier relationship with your mom will help not just with Cuddy but with all of your relationships."_

_"Easier said than done."_

_"True. It takes tremendous strength and work to find inner peace and to forgive, not just those who have wronged you but yourself too. Greg, I promise you that when you finally have the courage to take that step, it will feel as if a great burden has been lifted. You will feel different." As an afterthought he added, "At least continue to talk to your mom, get closer to her. Become a real part of each other's lives, as you've never been before."_

Not far from Nolan's office, he pulled over to the side of the road and took out his cell phone and dialed. After a few seconds the party on the other end picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, mom."

"Gregory dear, it's wonderful to hear from you. How are you?"

"Fine. Listen...would you mind if I flew down to see you this weekend?"


	91. Chapter 91

**A/N: **_Thanks to Anne for helping me talk through some things about Adams & Cameron. Also thanks to Cherokee Jedi who took a peek :)_**  
><strong>

Thanks to all the Huddy writers and fans who keep the great memories alive. The Television Without Pity website just awarded the Tubey Award to House and Cuddy for Best Relationship (romantic or otherwise) of the decade. Is there any question why? Shore created the characters but Hugh & Lisa brought them to life. We owe a great debt of gratitude to them for taking words on paper and turning them into nothing short of pure awesome.

Also...I was PM'd lately by a Huddy fan who is very popular around these parts, she comments all the time on Huddy fics and she asked if those of us who write Huddy fics were going to stop writing with the news that Lisa is starring in a pilot on Bravo television, a half-hour comedy-drama titled, "Girlfriend's Guide To Divorce".

The answer to that one was simple: **OH HELL NO! Why would we? :) There's never been a better dynamic on TV and House & Cuddy will always be endgame-to all of us-that's why we read and write this stuff.**

Just because the show is over, just because the actors and characters have moved on doesn't mean fanfic ends. Fanfic is an important part of keeping the dynamic alive. Sure, Hugh is busy filming Tomorrowland, preparing a six-part BBC radio series on the Blues, and getting ready for the US leg of his tour and Lisa is busy guest-starring in television roles and preparing for filming the pilot on Bravo not to mention all the other projects she has going on...but _none of that means we'll stop writing_. So if you're worried that Hugh and Lisa moving on changes anything in Huddy fanfic land, forget that notion.

On behalf of all the Huddy writers, I would say we're deeply committed to keeping our ship sailing for as long as we have ideas...and good prompts! And now, without further adieu...

* * *

><p><strong>In the last chapter:<strong>

As he made his way down the steps of the brownstone toward his car, House felt more at ease than when he'd arrived. It felt good to talk about the things on his mind. As much as he chastised the psychiatry profession publicly, privately he knew it worked, he was living proof of that. Nolan had helped him a great deal. They'd touched on a lot of areas and he this session gave him a lot to think about. As he got in the car and made the trip back to Princeton, he reminisced over a particular part of their conversation.

_"So you think fixing my relationship with mom will fix everything with Cuddy?" He snarked._

_"Greg," Nolan said as he leaned forward. "From what I see and hear, you and Cuddy have made amazing progress on your own. While I don't think it fixes everything, I do think that building a stronger, healthier relationship with your mom will help not just with Cuddy but with all of your relationships."_

_"Easier said than done."_

_"True. It takes tremendous strength and work to find inner peace and to forgive, not just those who have wronged you but yourself too. Greg, I promise you that when you finally have the courage to take that step, it will feel as if a great burden has been lifted. You will feel different." As an afterthought he added, "At least continue to talk to your mom, get closer to her. Become a real part of each other's lives, as you've never been before."_

Not far from Nolan's office, he pulled over to the side of the road and took out his cell phone and dialed. After a few seconds the party on the other end picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, mom."

"Gregory dear, it's wonderful to hear from you. How are you?"

"Fine. Listen...would you mind if I flew down to see you this weekend?"

* * *

><p>House was sitting in the cafeteria with his glasses on, reading a file, with others spread out in front of him when Wilson found him.<p>

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Duh. It's a cafeteria," House responded, not looking up.

"But you're not _eating_."

"But I could be." He said, looking over his folder batting blue eyes at Wilson.

On cue, Wilson rolled his eyes and walked away. He returned a few minutes later with two plates, both loaded with sandwiches and fries.

"Stevens is looking for you," he said as he placed the trays on the table and sat down.

"He knows I've got therapy on Tuesdays," House replied pushing the files out of the way.

"Yeah but he wanted to see you as soon as you got back. What did you do?"

"Why do you think I did something? Maybe he just wants to say hi," House asked with mouthful of food.

Wilson scoffed. "I highly doubt it."

House leaned forward and said in a conspicuously low voice, "I might have convinced a donor to uh...make a rather large donation based on a certain _condition_."

Wilson facepalmed. "You didn't."

"I did."

"You know...Stevens _isn't_ Cuddy."

"Really? Cause he totally has the ass for it."

"My point is that he's not going to put up with you like she did."

"I've got it covered."

"This I can't wait to see." Wilson shook his head, knowing House wasn't going to elaborate. He decided to change the subject. "Speaking of Cuddy..."

"Yes, we talked."

"I told you," he chided knowingly, pointing a fry at House. "You just needed to talk to her. You should listen to me more often."

"Thanks for the advice mom. Now if only you'd help me pick out a dance to the formal, " he snapped, returning to reading the file in front of him.

Wilson picked up one of the files and read the name on it. "Daniel Grady. Why does the name ring a bell?"

"Subacute sclerosing panencephalitis," House said without missing a beat.

"Hmm..."

"Kid that played lacrosse..." House said, hoping he'd catch the hint.

Wilson shrugged cluelessly. "Doesn't ring any bells."

House glanced up at Wilson over his glasses. "Let me refresh your memory. You lost _six hundred dollars_."

"Oh _yeah_...the DNA test." Wilson frowned. He remembered. "Julie was pissed about that," he said. "So what are you doing with his file?" Wilson perused through the other half dozen files there. "Hey? Are these all former patients."

House smacked his hand. "Hands off the special project."

He caught Wilson staring at him expecting more information and House took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I was thinking maybe I'd use some of my former cases as the basis for my lectures and then I was curious as to whatever happened to them."

"You care?"

"Pfft. Of course not, just _curious_, I assure you."

Before Wilson could reply, Stevens approached them.

"Dr. Wilson. _Dr. House_." he greeted. Looking at House he said, "Need to talk to you."

"Ya know that sucks because I _just_ got a case," he said as he motioned to all the files in front of him.

"Looks like you're eating lunch to me and aren't those _old_ case files?"

House looked at Wilson as if to say _how did he know?_ Wilson raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

"I overheard your conversation."

"Fine," House relented, tossing a fry back on his plate. "Won't you _join_ us?"

"Don't mind if I do." Stevens sat down next to Wilson, across from House. "I got a phone call you might be interested in."

"Oh?"

"Seems Phil Grantham wants to give a rather large sum of money to this hospital."

"Really?" House replied, nonchalantly.

"He's got a condition. A certain condition that has to do with _Dr. Chase_."

"Hmm."

Stevens leaned back in the booth and crossed his arms. "That's what I said...just before I thanked him for his offer and turned it _down_."

"What the hell did you do that for?" House asked, a bit too loudly which caused the other patrons to stare at him. He turned to them and sneered. "Nothing to see here people!" he yelled obnoxiously. They shook their collective heads and went back to their food.

Stevens looked sternly at House. "I'm willing to give you some leeway every now and then because underneath that ass of an exterior you're quite brilliant." He tapped his finger on the table as he continued. "But I can't give you leeway in this. It's time for you to get new fellows."

"You and I both know Chase's talents are wasted in the ICU."

"The ICU will benefit from his expertise."

"A couple more years and he could run his own department," House urged.

"He'll be doing just _that_ when he moves to the ICU," Stevens countered.

Wilson's head turned from one side of the table to the other watching the showdown between the two men.

"I meant _diagnostics_."

Stevens ran his hand through his thinning hair in frustration. He knew this conversation would be a difficult one.

"House, I_ know_ you're a creature of habit and you don't like change but the point of the fellowship _is_ to bring new people in every few years to learn from you. Surely I don't need to remind you that there's nobody better to train these young doctors in your field of expertise." He paused, then let out an enormous sigh. "For what it's worth...I admire your work, even with your unorthodox ways because you have a gift that most people could only dream of possessing and because you are willing to put your career on the line do to the right thing...to save lives. Not a lot of people would do that."

"I'm no hero," he snapped.

The Dean chuckled. "I never said you were. The fact is though that you save lives nobody else can save and that comes at a price. Lisa accepted it, as do I, as does the Board. But some things I just can't budge on and this is one of them."

"Cuddy never would've done this."

Stevens rubbed his tired face. "I've always admired Lisa. I think it hit me with the Atlantic insurance thing just how great she was at running this place. She had a set of balls and she knew how to negotiate...but best of all she really cared about this place. She truly cared about the patients, the doctors, nurses and the entire staff. Everyone knows this was her baby and being here, trying to fill her shoes, it's hard because she accomplished more than anyone had in decades before her and she's a tough act to follow."

House remained silent. He knew how much of herself she put into that place and that he could not argue. Meanwhile, Stevens paused and waited for a reaction from House and when he got none, he continued.

"You're right," he said. "Lisa probably wouldn't have done this but...she's not here anymore, _I am_ and though my decisions will not always be popular, I am the boss and I have to do what I think is right."

House pursed his lips together in thought. After a few seconds, he gave a half-nod and looked away. He looked at Wilson who stared at him surprised that he'd quit arguing the issue. For some reason, he didn't care about pushing the matter, he knew he wasn't going to win. Oddly enough he wasn't as angry at the Dean as he thought he'd be. He didn't exactly dislike the guy, he just didn't like Stevens being his boss but that was because the only boss he was ever happy with was Cuddy. Alas, House was no idiot, he understood his boss's point, even if he wouldn't admit it.

Stevens had been watching House's reaction carefully. "Whether you believe this or not House, this is strictly business, it is _not_ personal," Stevens said calmly, in a manner he hoped would placate the agitated diagnostician.

"I never thought it was personal," he finally replied. "At least let _me_ talk to Chase."

"I can do that," Stevens said as he got up from the table and walked away. Before he walked away, he turned around.

"House?"

"Yeah," he groaned wondering what else the Dean had up his sleeve.

"I heard you did a hell of a job up in Boston."

House nodded and watched as Stevens smiled, then turned and walked away.

"Well _that_ was interesting. So, now what?" Wilson asked.

"There is no _now_ _what_," House said resignedly.

"You're just giving up?"

"You heard the boss."

"This is not like you."

"I don't compromise and you bitch at me, I compromise you bitch at me. God you're annoying!"

"You fight for the things you believe in. Why not now? Did you change your mind about Chase?"

"You kidding? Chase could do it, hell he's been doing it since I appointed him team leader. I've always known that kid had potential."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Well, duh, I guess I need to talk to him about his move to the ICU."

"And what about the others?"

"Taub's heart isn't in this anymore, it hasn't been in years. He won't miss it when I boot his ass back to private practice."

"And the other two?"

"You mean the pretty one and the little boy."

"Their given names _are_ Park and Adams."

"Park is smart, she just lacks confidence. Adams is-"

"Too pretty?" Wilson chimed in.

"No. I mean she's nice to look at but she's no Cameron."

"You're comparing her to Cameron?"

"No, I did just the opposite. Cameron had her moments but she and Foreman and Chase, they worked really well together. I couldn't have done it with just two of them, I needed all three. With this bunch, I don't get the same feeling."

"So why did you hire her?"

House took a deep breath then let it out slowly. "There was this guy, he was sick, they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. I knew how to fix him but the SOB's wouldn't let me help. They were just going to let him die."

House looked up at Wilson for a reaction but his friend kept silent, just listening to him so he kept on.

"In the end, the only person I could count on to do the right thing was Adams. She did and he lived. I went into solitary fucking confinement for it for a week but the guy was back in his cell in a few days and if he made it without getting shanked, he's probably already out. Anyway, she lost her job because of me, I felt I owed her."

"That was a nice thing you did."

"Yeah, nice. But it's not working. This team isn't the same. It's never been the same. Sure, Adams is as much a bleeding heart as Cameron but goddam it she agrees with me too often. At least Cameron stood her ground, defended her principles. She wasn't afraid to disagree with me, challenge my ideas and my authority."

Wilson nodded his understanding. He knew all too well the balance House needed with the people he worked with. He and Cuddy had offered House that balance at one time and his team did too. Without that balance, he knew House was unsteady and unsure of himself.

"You know it's possible the next team you hire won't work either."

"I know."

"So...are you going to fire them?"

"That or piss them off enough to make them quit."

"Don't play games House, if you don't want them, just let them go."

"Have you known me to do anything the easy way?"

Wilson smirked. No, House never did anything the easy way. "Okay, okay," he said throwing his hands up, willing to end the conversation there, for now anyway. He Ferrell and Wolford wanna play poker, I figured maybe it was a good time to get poker night going again. You up for it?"

"Ferrell from Radiology?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

"He likes to dress up in women's clothes."

Wilson's jaw dropped. "No way."

_"Yes, way."_

"Wow."

"Yeah uh...how long have you worked here? Anyway I thought Tuesday night was poker night...that would be uh...tonight."

"Ferrell can't do Tuesdays because his kid has boy scouts."

"And you...can't play poker without Ferrell?"

"Can't play poker without Ferrell's _money_. The guy's loaded."

House laughed. "So are you."

"Yeah but you're a better poker player than me. With you there, we could kick his ass and split the winnings."

"What's this we shit? I work alone."

"We're a team."

"Not when it comes to poker. It's every man for himself. Besides, you're not a bad poker player you're just a bad bluffer."

Wilson rolled his eyes as House stole another cold fry from his plate.

"So can you make it Friday? We'll do beer, homemade pizza, it'll be fun."

"Can't. Busy."

"Cuddy?"

"Mom."

"Everything okay?" Wilson asked, concerned.

"It's fine. She came up in my session today and Nolan though I should spend more time with her."

"So it's part of your therapy."

"Something like that. Do we have to talk about this?" House asked, annoyed.

"Okay fine, fine. So uh...you wanna talk about Cuddy?"

House groaned, then he gave Wilson an evil smile. "The makeup sex was great. She does this thing with her-"

Wilson threw his hands up again. "Didn't need to know that."

House chewed on his food and took a sip of his iced tea. He set his glass down and without looking up he said, "She finally brought up..._Dominika_."

Wilson was surprised. "Woah. Where did _that_ come from?"

"We were talking about all the things that happened after the breakup. One thing led to another and then..." he drifted off without finishing the sentence.

"Wilson shook his head in disbelief. "Wow."

"It was bound to come up sooner or later. It did and it's done." He added, "I'm just glad I never had sex with her."

"Dominika? You mean...you _didn't_?" Wilson asked loudly as he nearly choked on his burger.

"You thought I did?" House seemed surprised Wilson didn't know.

"Well uh..._yeah_."

"Well uh..._no_, I didn't."

Wow, you really were screwed up, weren't you?"

"Marrying her wasn't about _sex_, even though if I'd wanted it, she probably would've put out. But I didn't want it, at least not from her. Marrying her was about me being in a Vicodin-induced haze and wanting to do something to piss Cuddy off and hurt her as much as she hurt me."

"Yeah but did you want her to _hate_ you?"

"I figured she'd do one of two things, either break down and stop the train and maybe realize what a mistake she'd made breaking up with me or hate me so much she wouldn't want to have anything to do with me ever again."

"Honestly, in all the time I knew her, up to that point I don't even think I'd seen her so heartbroken."

"I know what I did was wrong," he snarled. "You don't have to remind me."

Wilson moved to placate the situation quickly. "No, you've got it all wrong, I'm not trying to rub it in, I'm just saying that...well...when we left that night, we went to a bar near my place and had a few drinks afterwards and we talked. She told me some things."

House's curiosity was piqued. "And you never thought to tell me?"

Wilson laughed out loud. "Why would I? The damage was done. I'd hoped maybe you two idiots would come to your senses but once you said 'I do' and slipped a ring on Dominika's finger, you and Cuddy were officially _over_."

House sighed and rubbed his beard. "What did she tell you?"

Wilson shook his head. "It was in confidence."

"Says the only person in New Jersey who _can't_ keep a secret." House pointed his finger at Wilson knowingly. "I know you Wilson. You _want_ me to know. I never would've known about this if you hadn't brought it up."

Wilson finally acquiesced. "We'd had a few beers, she wasn't drunk or anything, just needed to take the edge off. We talked about marriage and how the two of us had always had trouble finding the right person and how ironic it was that you...of all people, were the one next on the list to get married."

"Oh yeah that was me...next on the list," he mused.

"Anyway, she said even though you openly mocked marriage, you once told her you actually respected it."

House recalled that conversation. They were at his apartment watching an episode of _The Real Housewives of New Jersey, _a show that House loved and Cuddy absolutely hated, but only agreed to after he said he'd watch some chick flick with her, when somehow they got into the subject of marriage. It turned into a long discussion that lasted till after midnight when they'd fallen asleep on the couch under a blanket. He remembered waking up around three o'clock in the morning laying on the couch with Cuddy on top of him snoring into his chest. He smiled at the memory for a second before he returned to the current conversation.

"I only respect marriage when it _works_. It doesn't work for most people, so I mock it," he said truthfully.

"Anyway, she told me that for the first time in her life she'd finally given up the idea of marriage and that with Rachel and...you...she was okay with that because what you had worked."

"If what we had was working, she never would've broken up with me, I wouldn't have rammed my car into her house, she wouldn't have had to leave town and I never would've gone to prison."

Wilson's voice took on a more serious tone. "She said even with all the baggage you guys brought to the relationship and all the issues you both had to deal with, she'd never been happier and I could tell she meant it too. What she'd always wanted was a family of her own and as unconventional as it probably seemed to anyone on the outside, she had it, with you and Rachel."

Wilson looked at House to gauge his response, but House just sat at the booth, arms crossed, chewing on a toothpick, watching him. Wilson could tell the wheels were turning so he continued.

"She just didn't know how she could convince you she wanted to make what you had a permanent thing without you thinking she was pushing you into marriage. She didn't want to lose you so she never said anything. And eventually...it didn't matter because it was too late."

* * *

><p>An hour later, House entered the diagnostics conference room and pointed his cane at Taub, Adams, and Park who were deep in conversation at the table.<p>

"Beat it!" he yelled.

"We're discussing a new case," said Chase.

"I didn't hear anything about a new case."

"Just got it," Taub said, offering the file to House.

House dismissed the file. "Fine, go discuss it elsewhere."

"Don't you want to know what it's about?"

"Not yet. Go. Now!"

"Why?" Taub asked.

"Because I'm the boss and I can _fire_ you."

"You wouldn't fire us," Taub countered.

"Oh wouldn't I?" House asked, looking over at Chase.

"Believe me," he said chuckling. "He would."

"Fine, we're going," Adams said tossing her pen on the table and throwing her hands up in the air as she left with the file along with Park and Taub in tow.

"What the hell, House?" Chased asked.

"We need to talk."

"Uh oh."

"Do you want to be in ICU or Diagnostics?" He asked, bluntly.

"Well, duh...Diagnostics."

"You know that Stevens wants you to head the ICU but I think your time and talent would be far underused."

"I'm an intensivist, it's what I do."

"Diagnostics is what you do _well._"

"You have any ideas?"

"My last one bit the dust. I just wanted to know where you stand."

"I know you," he said, getting up and walking over to coffee pot. "You've got a plan. Why don't you let me in on it?"

"There's no plan."

Chase shook his head as he poured coffee into his mug, then poured some for House too.

"If you were in charge, who would you keep?" House asked as Chase handed him the mug.

"Me? I don't know if I'd keep any of them. I don't think Taub is really happy doing this anymore, and Adams and Park...well they're no Cameron."

House smirked that Chase and he had expressed similar thoughts. "I thought you liked them."

"I miss the old team."

"You mean old team as in old, old team."

"Yeah."

House led Chase into his office and took the seat behind his desk. He put his feet up and winced as he massaged his leg.

"That first case I had after you three left...everything that could go wrong went wrong. I mean nothing added up. It turned out we weren't treating the person we thought we were treating, thus her medical history was useless. I had _no fucking clue_ that I was treating the wrong patient. Cuddy gave me three reasons why that never would've happened...you, Cameron and Foreman."

"Wilson told me about that case. You really did screw that up."

"Yeah, I did. Cuddy was right," he leaned back. "God did I just say that?" He asked while Chase smirked at him. "Stevens says I have to get new fellows. You know he wants you to head the ICU. Taub needs to go and the other two haven't been here that long but I don't want to be stuck with them."

"You could hire new fellows."

"I could, but maybe I don't want to."

* * *

><p>It was around five o'clock and Cuddy had just finished seeing her last patient of the day and none too soon when her phone rang.<p>

"Lisa Cuddy," she answered while removing an earring.

"Hey."

"House," she said, a wide smile gracing her face. "How are you?" She asked as she packed her things in an over-sized bag preparing to go home for the day.

"Better now that I'm talking to you."

"You're just saying that."

"Okay, fine, I'm just saying that. What are you wearing?" He asked in a gruff, seductive voice.

"Clothes. How was therapy today?"

"Killjoy and why does everyone ask me that?"

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe because we care?"

"It was fine."

"Just fine?"

"It hurt like hell." House wasn't kidding either. At he moment he sat at his desk, rubbing his thigh and wishing the pain would subside.

"How bad?"

"Bad enough. A seven I guess, but I haven't worn the patch in a few days so that's expected. It's better now. Vince kicked my ass and told me to keep up with the exercises, no excuses."

"Jesus House, I hate that I can't help you."

"Just talking to you helps."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said. Cuddy could tell the sincerity in his voice. All these years she wanted him to let her feel his pain and slowly but surely he was doing that.

"So what's going on? Anything exciting?" She asked, still packing.

"Stevens is definitely moving Chase to head the ICU and wants me to get new fellows."

"So what are you going to do?"

"What can I do? I'm going to do what he wants."

"That's not like you."

"You sound like Wilson now. What am I supposed to do? He's the boss."

"Did I hear that right? You're letting the boss win?"

"Just giving him what he wants. Besides, it's no fun fighting with the boss these days, his ass isn't nearly as delectable to watch when he turns around and stomps away pissed." He could hear her laughing which made him smile. In a low voice, he added, "It was different when you were here. You kept me on my toes, I thrived on the challenge. Now, it's just...boring."

"Aww my baby's all grown up," she joked.

"Ha ha," he said. "Stevens said I have to get new fellows. And as much as I fucking hate to admit it, he's right."

On her end of the phone Cuddy's mouth dropped open. "You actually _agree_ with him?"

"Agree is a strong word, let's just say that he's not completely wrong. But enough about me, what's going on there?"

"I was busy today, I'm beat."

"How's mini-you?"

Cuddy's heart skipped a beat when House asked about Rachel. "Fine. She misses you already. Keeps talking about how excited she is to see you this weekend."

"Shit!" He said, loudly, banging his fist on the desk.

"House! What's wrong?"

"I'm..." he sighed. "I can't make it this weekend."

"Oh," she said, trying to hide her disappointment. She knew he hadn't wanted to promise Rachel he'd be at her recital but when he told her he'd try, Rachel had been so excited.

"I'm going to see mom. I'm sorry, I forgot. I was talking with Nolan about my dad and some things came up and I just felt like I needed to see her."

Cuddy was actually relieved to hear his reasons. Deep down there were times she still dealt with the fear that he might have second thoughts about their relationship. It was something she knew she had to work through and she suddenly cursed herself inwardly for automatically thinking the worst.

"It's okay," she said, reassuring him. "I'll tell her something came up."

"You thought I'd changed my mind, didn't you?"

"No."

"Cuddy."

"I'm sorry House, I guess old habits die hard," she confessed, biting her bottom lip in frustration.

"I really did forget."

"I know you did. I understand."

"Good. Now quit biting your bottom lip and feeling guilty."

Cuddy shook her head and laughed out loud. He always knew, always.

"I'll make it up to her." House felt bad. Though he knew he hadn't made a promise, he had intended to attend Rachel's recital.

"You don't have to, I'm sure she'll understand."

For him it wasn't that easy, he remembered all too well how it felt to be disappointed by a parent. Suddenly what he'd thought hit him. _Did I just say that? Parent? _Before he could rationalize it, he heard Cuddy's voice again.

"House? Are you there?"

He quickly returned to the present. "Yeah, sorry. Just thinking." Before he could continue, his pager went off. He looked at it and cursed out loud.

"Shit, I gotta go before the kids kill the patient. Can I call you in a few minutes?"

"Actually, I'm going to dinner with some colleagues."

"Oh," he said, sounding disappointed. Quickly he added, "Yeah well I better let you go then."

Cuddy sensed his abruptness. "Call me later?"

"I'll try. I'll probably be working late so we'll see. You go and have fun," he said before hanging up without warning.

Cuddy stood there staring at the phone in her hand wondering what the hell just happened. She shrugged and decided to discuss it with him later. For now, she had to hurry up and meet her colleagues.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, House's mood had fouled somewhat as he limped painfully to the patient's room where he'd been paged. His leg hurt like hell and he found that he was peeved about Cuddy going out with her colleagues for dinner, though he didn't know why. It never bothered him before and he wasn't jealous. He rounded the corner and as he entered the patient's room he bellowed,<p>

"Okay which one of you asshats paged me?"

* * *

><p>Okay folks we're moving right along in this story. Lots of good stuff happening soon. Funny how some scenes just flow and others take longer to write. Am working on the next two chapters already so hopefully I can get them up soon. Thanks for reading and commenting!<p> 


	92. Chapter 92

**A/N:** I really LOVE this chapter! We're getting into some deep stuff here so be prepared. I just realized too that December will be two years since I started this fic. I was intending to wrap it up around 100 chapters but I can't tell you if I'll be able to do it by then. It has to happen when it happens. So it might or it might not. I won't drag it out but I won't wrap it up before its natural conclusion either.

Thank you to:

Cherokee Jedi for taking a peek.

Anne & Deletta for helping me through a tough time this week.

The Readers for your comments, they mean the world to me.

All the other fic writers for plugging away with your fics and keeping our ship sailing!

**Disclaimer: I don't own House, Cuddy or any of the original characters. I'm just borrowing them to make things right!**

* * *

><p><em>"I'm..." he sighed. "I can't make it this weekend."<em>

_"Oh," she said, trying to hide her disappointment. She knew he hadn't wanted to promise Rachel he'd be at her recital but when he told her he'd try, Rachel had been so excited._

_"I'm going to see mom. I'm sorry, I forgot. I was talking with Nolan about my dad and some things came up and I just felt like I needed to see her."_

_Cuddy was actually relieved to hear his reasons. Deep down there were times she still dealt with the fear that he might have second thoughts about their relationship. It was something she knew she had to work through and she suddenly cursed herself inwardly for automatically thinking the worst._

_"It's okay," she said, reassuring him. "I'll tell her something came up."_

_"You thought I'd changed my mind, didn't you?"_

_"No."_

_"Cuddy."_

_"I'm sorry House, I guess old habits die hard," she confessed, biting her bottom lip in frustration._

_"I really did forget."_

_"I know you did. I understand."_

_"Good. Now quit biting your bottom lip and feeling guilty."_

_Cuddy shook her head and laughed out loud. He always knew, always._

_"I'll make it up to her." House felt bad. Though he knew he hadn't made a promise, he had intended to attend Rachel's recital._

_"You don't have to, I'm sure she'll understand."_

_For him it wasn't that easy, he remembered all too well how it felt to be disappointed by a parent. Suddenly what he'd thought hit him. Did I just say that? Parent? Before he could rationalize it, he heard Cuddy's voice again._

_"House? Are you there?"_

_He quickly returned to the present. "Yeah, sorry. Just thinking." Before he could continue, his pager went off. He looked at it and cursed out loud._

_"Shit, I gotta go before the kids kill the patient. Can I call you in a few minutes?"_

_"Actually, I'm going to dinner with some colleagues."_

_"Oh," he said, sounding disappointed. Quickly he added, "Yeah well I better let you go then."_

_Cuddy sensed his abruptness. "Call me later?"_

_"I'll try. I'll probably be working late so we'll see. You go and have fun," he said before hanging up without warning._

_Cuddy stood there staring at the phone in her hand wondering what the hell just happened. She shrugged and decided to discuss it with him later. For now, she had to hurry up and meet her colleagues._

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, House's mood had fouled somewhat as he limped painfully to the patient's room where he'd been paged. His leg hurt like hell and he found that he was peeved about Cuddy going out with her colleagues for dinner, though he didn't know why. It never bothered him before and he wasn't jealous. He rounded the corner and as he entered the patient's room he bellowed,<em>

_"Okay which one of you asshats paged me?"_

* * *

><p>Wilson found House passed out in the Eames chair in his office around four-thirty Friday morning. He was supposed to be at House's apartment at four o'clock to take him to the airport for the first flight out but when he got there, House wasn't home. After finally tracking down Chase, he was told House spent the night in his office after the grueling case they'd been working on. Apparently the diagnosis was Tularemia and after notifying the CDC they began treatment. House had mumbled something about "goddamned patients not giving complete and accurate history" before he'd ambled into his office and passed out.<p>

Now, Wilson stood before his disheveled friend. He gently nudged him.

"House?"

"Hmmph," he grumbled.

"Come on, we have to go."

"Don't wanna."

"You can't stay here."

"Fuck you Wilson, go away."

"I'll drive you home." Wilson held out his hand and knowing he wasn't going to take no for an answer, House accepted it and let his friend help him to his feet.

Fifteen minutes later they were at House's apartment and Wilson packed a duffel bag while House showered. An hour later, House was fast als on a plane bound for Lynchburg. Wilson watched from the window as the plane took off.

"Good luck, buddy," he said, watching as the plane disappeared in the distance.

* * *

><p>Blythe House was in the kitchen cooking Frikadellen, one of her son's favorite meals, when his cell phone rang. Someone had been trying to call him for the last hour and she hadn't wanted to intrude upon his privacy by answering. But now, she thought maybe it was important and decided to answer it.<p>

"Hello?" She said.

"Mrs. House?"

"Yes."

"This is Lisa...Lisa Cuddy."

"Well Lisa dear how are you?"

"I'm very good thanks. And you?"

"Better now that my son is here."

"I'm sure. Is he...doing alright?"

Blythe smiled. "Well he just got here a couple of hours ago but he looks to be doing well, better than I've ever seen him. I'm guessing you have something to do with that?"

Cuddy blushed on the other end of the line. "He's done a lot of the work himself."

"Yes he has, but I think we both know it's more than that."

"I'm so happy that he went to see you, he needs this. I know he's had a lot of things weighing him down."

"He has and I couldn't be happier that Greg has finally found the strength to come home. But I'm assuming though you didn't call to talk to his mother."

"Oh I don't mind. Is he um...is he there? I've been calling but he wouldn't pick up."

"So that was you," Blythe chuckled. "He forgot his phone when he went out. I'll tell him you called."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that," she said. "I guess I"ll let you go."

After few seconds of silence, Blythe spoke again. "Lisa, I hope I'm not being too forward but...why don't you come down and spend some time with us?"

Cuddy was taken by surprise by the invitation. "Oh I couldn't intrude. You need some time with your son."

"Oh honey, I have plenty of time with Greg and it would be nice to have you here. Why not? You could bring your daughter with you."

"I don't know, I mean I'm not sure how House would feel about that."

"Actually, I think it would be good for him. He's dealing with a lot right now and you being here...and Rachel, I think that's just what he needs. In fact, I'm sure of it."

Cuddy thought about it a moment. "If you're sure you don't mind."

"Of course not. Now...you could be here in a few hours, if that's not inconvenient. You can fly into Lynchburg easily, then rent a car. I'll give you directions."

"You think we should surprise him?"

"I think that would be wonderful."

* * *

><p>House was sitting at the counter in the Sheridan Livery Inn, an old restaurant in historic downtown Lexington. He was reading the paper and chewing on a toothpick when a man approached him.<p>

"Excuse me, you're Gregory...John and Blythe's boy, right?"

"That's me." He eyed the stranger suspiciously.

"Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" The tall, balding, elderly man asked.

"I've got some." He pointed to his mug.

"How about breakfast?"

"I'm good," he showed the man an empty plate.

"So you are. Listen son, it's good to see you after all this time."

"And you are?" House asked, perplexed.

The man laughed heartily. "I'm sorry. The name's I'm Allen MacGregor, but you can call me Mac," he said holding out his hand.

"Mac...Mac MacGregor," he said, pursing his lips, squinting a little trying to access the archives in his brain. Finally, it clicked. "Rudy's dad?"

"Yep." Mac smiled. "You mind if I have a seat?" He asked, politely. House motioned his hand to the seat next to him.

"I haven't seen you since you graduated from high school. I don't know how much you remember but your dad and I joined the Corps together."

"So you stayed in touch all these years?"

"On and off. I hadn't seen or heard from him for some time until I ran into him at a reunion of guys from our outfit after I retired. I told him my wife and I were thinking of Virginia since we're both from here. Well, the rest is history. I saw you at the funeral, heard the eulogy. I wanted to talk to you afterwards but you'd left abruptly."

"About that..."

Mac put his hand on House's arm. "Son, no need to explain. You didn't say anything the rest of us didn't already know."

House looked surprised and Mac attempted to put him at ease. "I knew your dad, I saw him at his best and his worst. I know how hard he was hard on everyone, including you." He saw how House looked at him with a curious expression and he continued. "John House was a rough guy and he'd never deny it. He liked a schedule, he required order. Everything had to be done his way or no way. He hated excuses. He said a man had to work for what he wanted, if it was handed to him he'd never appreciate it. He said if that way of life was good enough for his old man, then it was good enough for him."

House finished his mug of coffee. "Yep that's _Colonel_ House, alright."

Mac motioned the waitress over and asked for refills. Looking at House again, he said, "Your dad and I were old school, we came from a different world."

"Dad's world was all about rules, black and white, no room for gray. Life isn't like that but he didn't get it."

"That's why the Marines were perfect for him, that's why he stayed in so long. Their way of life was his way of life."

"I guess it was."

They were quiet a moment until Mac spoke again. "So, are you still a famous doctor?" He asked with a sly smile.

House smirked. "Something like that. I work in Princeton, just here visiting mom."

"I'm sure she's glad to see you. She's been so lonely since John died. She used to talk about how much she wished you'd visit."

"Yeah. I haven't been a very good son these past few years."

"Shit happen Greg, you do the best you can with what you have. Things haven't been easy for you have they?"

"No, but a lot of it was my fault."

"Maybe, maybe not. Like I said, shit happens, we do the best we can. From what I remember, you were a pretty good kid. Oh you were feisty and energetic and goddamn did you love to argue-but you never got into any real trouble, not that I recall."

"Mom and dad would get a call from the school at least once a week. Most of my teachers were tired of me arguing with them in class. It used to piss them off." He smiled at the memory.

"Yeah, I remember your dad telling me he took away your motorcycle until you quit doing that."

"That was my first bike too. I shut up for a whole week to get it back."

"I remember the week you graduated from high school, your dad told me he was selling that bike since you wouldn't need it anymore. He asked me if I thought Rudy would want it. Did you know Rudy wouldn't ride that thing till you left for college?" The old man chuckled a moment as he reminisced. "He knew how much you loved it so he waited till you left to ride it."

"I really loved that bike," he said. "So what's Rudy up to these days?"

Suddenly Mac's face became somber. "He's...dead."

House was caught off guard by his answer. "I'm sorry."

Mac nodded. "He was a Marine just like his old man. Always wanted to prove to me he was the kind of man I wanted him to be. The thing was, he was every bit that and more, I was just too damn stubborn to tell him. Rudy was a good kid but he always had his head in the clouds. I told him that maybe joining the military would help him find some direction, help him find his goals in life. When he graduated and joined the Corps, he found something he really enjoyed, being a mechanic. He was a hands-on guy, liked to take things apart and put them back together again."

"What happened to him?"

"Roadside bomb in Iraq back in two thousand four."

"Damn," House said quietly. Rudy MacGregor was only forty-four when he died. He still had his whole life ahead of him. House found it difficult to believe the likeable, friendly, red-headed kid he'd known in high school was really gone.

"Sometimes I wish I hadn't pressured him into joining."

"_You_ didn't kill him."

"No, I didn't but sometimes I feel guilty that I pushed him so hard. Maybe he would've chosen another path and-."

House cut him off without letting him finish. "Do you think you did a good job raising your son?"

Mac looked at him with an odd expression, clearly taken back by House's question. "I'd like to think my wife and I did the best we could but I do look back and think there were times I could've done better."

"Don't do that," House said, sternly. "Don't take that away from him...the right to choose his own path and make his own choices. If you respected him you _have_ to give him that. Rudy chose to join the Marines and make it a career. Did you force him to stay in?"

"No," he said resignedly. "It was something he wanted."

"There you go," House said, confidently.

"You're pretty smart aren't you?" Mac asked with a raised eyebrow.

"At some things, others not so much."

"You're dad called you a smartass, he was right." He laughed again, heartily. "Don't worry, he said other things too...good things."

House swallowed hard. This he was not expecting.

"I take it that surprises you. He wasn't the kind of guy to talk about anything too personal but there were times he talked about his son, the brilliant athlete who could earn straight A's without even trying. The son who was a party animal and spent too much time with girls." House smiled at that. "There were times he thought you were too big for your britches and needed to be knocked down a peg or two but then...he did that to everyone didn't he?"

House nodded in agreement.

"I watched him drop precise bombs on the enemy taking care not to hurt a single civilian. I saw him put his own life at risk and lower his chopper into VC infested rice paddies to pick up a half dozen guys who'd been separated from their pack. He never even thought twice about it. He wasn't always easy to get along with but I respected him. He was always so goddamned guarded that it was hard to know what he was thinking at times. But there was this one time, in Nam...we'd just come back from dropping napalm on some godforsaken fields full of VC. We needed to talk about something good, something to remind us the world was still a good place. So we talked about our kids. I remember him bragging about how smart you were and that you'd started reading when you were three."

House swallowed hard. "He did?"

"Yeah. That night we got back to camp and he got a letter from home. Sometimes he'd read bits of them to me, sometimes not at all. Just depended on his mood. Anyway, he opened that letter and there was a picture with it. I'll never forget that moment when he sat there looking at that picture and there were..._tears_ rolling down his cheeks. I'd never seen it before and not after.

House sat there, shocked by the revelation. "What happened?"

"He never told me. Must've been something though because _nobody_ made John House cry."

* * *

><p>An hour and a half later, after a bit more conversation and coffee, House limped through the cemetery searching for his dad's grave.<p>

There was a bench at the foot of John House's grave. He smirked at the coincidence. Painfully, he sat down and stared at his dad's simple marble stone. It was cold and windy which made the pain in his leg worse. He pulled his coat around him and pulled his woolen hat down low. He let out a long sigh and thought about the conversation he'd had with Mac.

_Nobody made John House cry._

In all his years, he'd never seen his dad cry, at least not that he could recall. He'd also never seen his dad show pain or fear. He'd learned to hide both very well. House was beginning to realize that he was more like his father than he ever imagined.

"You once told me once I didn't realize how good I had it," he said out loud as he tapped his cane in the brown grass under his feet. "You were wrong. I knew but I wasn't used to having anything good and it scared the shit outta me." He looked up at the blue sky, then down at his father's grave again. "I want to hate you but the older I get, the harder it gets. I remember the times you treated me like shit and then I remember the times when we had fun, when things were good. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I just know I can't keep on like this."

He rose painfully from the bench and limped over to his dad's headstone, wiping off some leaves that had covered it. He stared down at it as he spoke.

"You once told me I didn't care who I hurt and that I enjoyed spreading misery but that's not true. I just didn't know how to deal with my pain. Long before my leg, I hurt. I fucking hurt and you had something to do with that!" He said, a bit more loudly than he'd intended. It was just that he wanted to tell his father now all the things he never had the chance to say. He could feel the need to release it. Holding it in only made him bitter. He knew all too well how destructive it was for him and others around him when he kept his feelings hidden. He rubbed his hand on the rough marble and kept going.

"People think I'm some kind of heartless bastard. I'd do something halfway decent and they'd make some comment about me showing my _human_ side...like I was some kind of monster. I'm _not_ a monster. I have feelings. You were wrong about me. I felt it. I felt every fucking bit of it. I just didn't know how to stop it. So I kept on lashing out at everyone and hurting them and pushing them away. But the more I did that, the more I hated myself! I fucking hated myself. Do you hear me?" He yelled again, this time his voice created an echo carried away by the wind.

Suddenly, he took his cane in both hands and raised it over his head, ready to smack his father's headstone but he stopped himself in mid-swing. He looked at the cane then back at the stone and then he yelled as loud as he could and threw his cane as far as he could, hearing it land somewhere in the grass yards away.

Without his cane, he had to lean against his father's headstone for support. He caught his breath and then in a much softer tone, he said, "There were times...a long time ago when I thought it would be so much easier not to feel anything. I was wrong though. It's harder to _not_ feel, to turn it off. It actually hurts more. And now I can feel again and I like it. I don't want to lose that, dad. I used to think I didn't deserve it but now I know that I do. I'm not a bad person right? I just fucked up. I mean...everybody fucks up, everyone makes mistakes. Even you. But you'd never admit it."

The wind blew a strong gust through the cemetery and sent chills through his heavy coat. He shivered a moment and continued talking out loud.

"I never thought I was a violent guy. I never initiated a fight, never threatened anybody. But I was angry at Cuddy when I rammed my car into her house. I could've killed her...her family...her kid." He felt his eyes get moist, his heart beating fast but he continued the confession to no one listening. "I committed an act of domestic violence against the woman I loved more than life itself." He paced a few steps as best he could without his cane. "I don't know dad, I don't know. I was so angry and so hurt, it felt like she'd ripped my heart out. I just...I just snapped." Suddenly it hit him. He turned back to the headstone.

"Is that how you felt when you found out what mom had done? You were hurt...and angry too, weren't you? But was that the reason you were so damn hard on me?" He paused as if waiting for an answer. "The truth is dad, I hate that you hurt me but I don't think I can hate you anymore. Maybe you did the best you knew how to do. Maybe you did have regrets and just didn't know how to make things right. I forgive you for not being a better dad. If you were here would you forgive me? For not being the son you wanted me to be?"

In the distance, House heard the crunching of leaves and turned his head to the side. There was a small figure standing about fifty yards away, coattails flapping in the breeze. He watched as the figure moved toward him and his eyes widened when he realized who it was. Cuddy smiled as she approached.

"How did you know?" He asked, completely taken by surprise.

"Your mom. I called your cell phone a few hours ago and she picked up. We talked a little while and she invited us here for the weekend. I hope you don't mind."

"But how'd you get here so quickly?"

"Helps to have friends in high places. I went to see Sanford after I got off the phone with your mom. I wanted to reschedule a meeting we had this afternoon, told him I needed a few days off. It was an important meeting so he asked me where I was going. I told him the truth and explained how important it was to be here..._with you_." She looked down sheepishly, then back to him again. "Then he mentioned he had a friend with a charter jet."

"That was nice."

"Yes, it was. I think he understands what we're trying to do here. Sometimes he treats me like I'm one of his kids."

"And sometimes it pays off."

"Yep." She held her hand up to shield her eyes from the winter sun.

"What about the recital? You missed it to come here."

"There'll be other recitals."

"She should've been there. It's a big moment in her life," he said, feeling guilty.

Cuddy stepped forward into his personal space and tried to reassure him. "_Stop_ feeling guilty. She'll have other big moments House. It's _just_ a recital. Besides, Rach made the decision."

"Rachel?"

Cuddy nodded. "When your mom invited us, I told Rach the truth, that you had a lot going on and you needed to see your mom. I asked her what she wanted to do, go to the recital or go see you. She chose you." As an afterthought she added, "You're not upset are you? I mean, maybe you wanted to deal with this alone?"

He looked at her with complete sincerity. "I'm not upset, I'm glad you're here." He took a careful step forward and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her resting his chin in her hair. "Speaking of mini-you, where is she?"

"Your mom is teaching her how to bake."

"Oh God, another Blythe House in the making."

"She's even teaching her the named of the dishes. I think by the time we leave here, Rachel will be fluent in German." She smiled against his chest as he held her. "I missed you," she said.

"Me too." He rubbed his hands up and down her back to warm her.

Cuddy noticed House's cane was missing. "Where's your cane?"

"I tossed it somewhere over there," he motioned with his head.

"Why on earth-"

"I was angry and I was going to smash it against his headstone. But I stopped myself."

"House," she said in a worried tone.

"I was so angry but then I realized violence doesn't solve anything. Ever. In the end it wouldn't have solved anything and it wouldn't have made me feel better."

"You've never had a temper House, not in all the time I've known you. But when a person holds things in indefinitely, it takes its toll. You've always held so much in especially about your dad. You never had a chance to talk to him and resolve this."

"I wish I'd learned this lesson before I drove into your house."

"Me too but you learned it and that's what matters. Are you okay?"

"I think so."

They held each other, swaying just a bit with the strong breeze that overcame them.

"I told him I forgave him."

Cuddy looked up at him with love and pride in her eyes. She squeezed his biceps reassuringly. "House, that's wonderful."

"Nolan was right you know. He said when I was ready, it would feel good. It does...a little."

"I'm so proud of you. I wish I'd told you that more often in the past. I was then and I am now." She placed her gloved hands on either side of his face and gently caressed it as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. A moment later he opened his eyes and looked at her. Cuddy shivered, for he wasn't looking at her as much as he was looking through her. He cupped her face and leaned down slowly and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He didn't go any further, he just leaned his forehead against hers. Cuddy felt him shift uncomfortably, she knew his leg was bothering him.

"Hey," she whispered. "Let's sit down."

Without his cane, House had to lean on Cuddy for support as they moved to the bench and sat down. She reached for his gloved hand, holding it tightly in her own. Neither said a word, but then again words were not necessary as their ability to communicate with touch conveyed much more than words ever could. Just as another gust of wind came through, House sighed deeply and his breath hitched a moment. Cuddy glanced at him sideways and saw a tear rolling down his cheek. Instinctively she put her arm around him and drew him to her and he rested his head on her chest as he wept. He wept for himself and his father - all the wasted years, missed opportunities, unspoken words and moments never shared. And as she held him close and comforted him in his grief, Cuddy wept for all of them.


	93. Chapter 93

**A/N:** Thank you for all the people who have written new chapters and new fics lately. Thank you for keeping the dynamic alive. I suppose we owe a debt of gratitude to Hugh & Lisa for having such amazing chemistry that they took mere words far beyond what Shore or any of the writers could have ever imagined and gave those two characters more life than we ever could have dreamed of...and we're so glad for it.

Also...Happy Birthday allthingsdecent & oc7ober! I hope you enjoy your special day!

* * *

><p><em>"I told him I forgave him."<em>

_Cuddy looked up at him with love and pride in her eyes. She squeezed his biceps reassuringly. "House, that's wonderful."_

_"Nolan was right you know. He said when I was ready, it would feel good. It does...a little."_

_"I'm so proud of you. I wish I'd told you that more often in the past. I was then and I am now." She placed her gloved hands on either side of his face and gently caressed it as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. A moment later he opened his eyes and looked at her. Cuddy shivered, for he wasn't looking at her as much as he was looking through her. He cupped her face and leaned down slowly and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. He didn't go any further, he just leaned his forehead against hers. Cuddy felt him shift uncomfortably, she knew his leg was bothering him._

_"Hey," she whispered. "Let's sit down."_

_Without his cane, House had to lean on Cuddy for support as they moved to the bench and sat down. She reached for his gloved hand, holding it tightly in her own. Neither said a word, but then again words were not necessary as their ability to communicate with touch conveyed much more than words ever could. Just as another gust of wind came through, House sighed deeply and his breath hitched a moment. Cuddy glanced at him sideways and saw a tear rolling down his cheek. Instinctively she put her arm around him and drew him to her and he rested his head on her chest as he wept. He wept for himself and his father - all the wasted years, missed opportunities, unspoken words and moments never shared. And as she held him close and comforted him in his grief, Cuddy wept for all of them._

* * *

><p>Later that afternoon, when House and Cuddy entered his mother's home, they were bombarded by delicious smells and the sound of a little girl laughing in the kitchen. Knowing Rachel was in good hands, they decided to take a few more minutes to themselves. House led Cuddy by the hand down the hallway and stopped at the first room on the right. It was a warm and welcoming room with a wood stove, sleeper sofa, and rocking chair. House closed the door behind them then moved Cuddy and Rachel's bags off the bed and sat down, rubbing his leg. The cold had definitely sent the pain up a notch. He watched as Cuddy ran her hands along the shelves full of plastic containers.<p>

"She's got all kinds of crafting supplies here. It's amazing," she said.

"My mom loves doing crafts. My dad fixed this space up just for her."

"She's incredibly talented," she said holding up a small shiny blue ceramic whale with intricate designs. "Has she always done this?"

"Not that I remember. But then again there's a lot about my mom I didn't know."

Cuddy turned to face him, leaning back on the desk behind her.

"This is a nice room. I guess we can stay in here."

_"We?"_

"Rachel and me. Surely, you don't expect me to sleep with you in your mother's house," she said adamantly.

"My mom's _ not _a prude."

"I didn't say that, I just-"

"Stop thinking about it. Mom's not _stupid,_ she knows we've...you know...," he said sarcastically as he used his hands to display a certain sexual act.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "God, sometimes you are so juvenile. I don't want to think about _your mom_ thinking about _us_ having sex."

"You're staying with me, Rachel stays in here. End of story." He held his hand out to her.

She sashayed over to him and he yanked her to the bed. "House!" She yelled as she fell on it and rolled on her back.

"Shh." He buried his face in her stomach.

"I am not having sex with you."

"Why do you think I always want to have sex?" He asked, feigning hurt.

"Uh...have you met you?"

He raised his head and smirked at her. "Good point."

She lay there looking up at him, that smirk on his face, the sheer clarity of his blue eyes, the way he seemed so relaxed and content. All she ever wanted was for him to be this way, to be happy, whether it was with her or someone else. His happiness meant a great deal to her and at one time, after Mayfield, she had been hoping he'd find it, even if it wasn't with her, though it broke her heart to think he might find it with someone else. But now, knowing she was partly responsible for that look on his face made her heart skip a few beats and nearly brought tears to her eyes.

"What are you staring at?" He asked, curiously.

"You. You look...good."

"That's it?"

"I was thinking."

"About?"

She sighed. Complete honesty was still something new to them but she definitely liked the way it felt. "I was thinking about...how you seem...happy."

He raised her shirt and laid his cheek on her warm stomach. "At this moment, I feel good. I don't know what's going to come an hour from now or tomorrow but at this moment, I'm okay." With his left hand he reached up for her right and their fingers intertwined. She took her left hand and reached down to run her fingers through his graying hair.

"I always liked when you did that," he mumbled into her skin.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They laid like that for a few minutes, he with his cheek against her stomach listening to it making all kinds of noises and she, running her fingers lazily through his sparse hair, when Cuddy spoke up again. "House, I want you to know that no matter what happens, I'm with you in this..._all_ of it."

"You mean _sex_?" He asked, attempting to deflect, but knowing full-well the deeper meaning of her statement.

She sensed his deflection. "You _know_ what I mean."

House raised his head and looked at her thoughtfully, a serious look on his face. "I do." In those two words he conveyed completely and sincerely that he knew exactly what she meant. He decided to move up on the bed and laid next to her, on his left side, draping his right arm over her.

"Are you sure you're okay with us being here?" She asked, tentatively.

"Does anything I've done suggest the contrary?"

"No."

"Then shut up and let me kiss you."

He leaned over and kissed her gently and it didn't take long for light, delicate kisses, to suddenly turn open-mouthed, deep and passionate. After a few months, they broke apart, trying to catch their collective breaths.

"That never gets old," he said, voice full of wonder and amazement.

"Tell me about it," she responded breathlessly. "I can't tell you how many times over the years before we finally got together, that I wished I could feel the way I felt the first time you kissed me."

"Yeah? You remembered that?"

"How could I forget? I'd waited for so long for it to happen."

"So nobody kissed you like I did eh?" He asked, obvious pride in his voice. "Not even Lucas?"

She looked at him annoyed. "You just love to pick on Lucas, don't you?" She sighed. "Lucas wasn't a bad kisser, it's just that he was..._different_."

"He wasn't me," he said proudly.

She laughed. "True, though I'm not sure that's what I was thinking _then_ but now I would agree with you. When you kiss, you put everything you have into it, like you do with your puzzles or when you _annoy_ me." She watched him crack a smile, knowing that he agreed with her. "When we kiss..." she said, blushing, "it's like at that moment, I'm where I'm meant to be, where I _belong_. Does that make any sense?"

House looked away for a minute, concentrating on the wall, or rather his response, then he looked down at her. Her eyes were wide and jubilant and she looked so young, so happy, just as she was when they first met. House thought she looked like a schoolgirl in love for the first time. They may have aged but it seemed being together gave them both a youthful exuberance. He decided he liked that and planned on keeping it.

"Yeah, it does."

She was curious about what was going on in his head. "What are _you_ thinking?"

His first thought was to say something snarky but at that moment, her eyes searching his face, his soul, he opted for the plain and simple truth.

"I'm thinking..." he caressed her cheeks. "That I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on the face of the planet."

Cuddy nodded her slight disagreement. "It wasn't luck. Luck implies we were at the right place at the right time, which may apply to us back in Michigan but everything after...this is _us_. We've been through a lot over the years to get here, so if you don't mind, I think _we_ should take credit for this."

"You're right. I just wish we would've gotten it right last time," he said.

"I wish we would've gotten it right the _first_ time," Cuddy said. "Think of what we might've had if we'd made it work. If you hadn't been too scared to call me and if I hadn't gotten so angry at you for not calling that I didn't bother to hunt you down and give you a piece of my mind."

"Angry young Cuddy was a sight for sure," he said, raising his eyebrows flirtatiously.

She chuckled. "We always learn our lessons the hard way, don't we?"

"Seems that way."

"The important thing is we learned. We went into it not being honest with each other. We _both_ set into motion a chain of events that led to the destruction of our relationship. We never could have known that would happen...not the way it did anyway. It took _that_ to finally get us to _this_ moment."

House nodded. He took her hand and put it over his heart. "I'm so sorry."

"I know, House. I am too." Cuddy laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. After a few moments she asked, "House, do you think your dad would've liked me?"

House was taken back momentarily by the sudden change in conversation. He pulled away from her slightly to look at her. "Well, at first he would spent most of the time wondering what you see in me, trying to convince you that I wasn't relationship material and that you should run in the other direction. He'd tell you that I took everything for granted, thought I was better than everyone else and didn't appreciate what I had and that you were crazy for dating a subordinate. Then he would've criticized you for being a single mom, working so many hours, and leaving your daughter with a nanny all day."

"Geez, did he ever _not_ see the worst in anyone?"

"Mom."

"Even though she cheated on him?"

"I guess he really loved her. She was good for him."

Before Cuddy could reply, Rachel came barreling through the door. "Hows! Hows!" She exclaimed running up to the bed. She tried to climb on the bed but couldn't do it by herself. "I missed you!"

For a moment, House was speechless. It still amazed him sometimes that Rachel was so attached to him. He never thought he could actually love a child but Rachel made it so easy. She was smart, sassy, adorable and she was every bit her mother's daughter. House saw so much of Cuddy in Rachel it amazed him. There was a time he thought himself unworthy of anyone's love, especially a child but Rachel had managed to find a way into his heart. He'd always said kids were the most honest human beings because they had no filter and saw things exactly as they were. He knew if Rachel could love him, there was hope.

"I missed you too runt," he said as he sat up and pulled her onto the bed with them.

"I not a runt."

"Yes, you are."

"No!" Cuddy laughed out loud as she too sat up and saw the way her daughter sat on her knees next to House, hands on her hips in defiance, her bottom lip jutting out.

House gently tapped Cuddy on the arm. "See that? You think it's cute _now_ but wait till she turns sixteen."

Before Cuddy could give him a snarky reply, a voice sounded from the doorway.

"Well, hello you two."

At the sound of Blythe's voice, they turned to find Blythe her standing in the doorway with a dish towel in her hands and a smile on her face.

"I've got something cooked up in the kitchen. That is...unless you have _other_ things you need to do first," she said with a wink.

"Mooom," House said, rolling his eyes while Cuddy blushed.

"Gregory it's not like I've never seen you with a girl," she said. "It's ready when you are," she gestured towards the kitchen, then turned and walked down the hall.

Cuddy turned towards House, her face still slightly pink. "You look so cute when you blush," he mocked.

"Shut up. I'm still not used to this...you know...us and uh..._family._"

"I know," he said. He gave her a look of reassurance that she wasn't alone in her feelings. It was awkward for him too.

"Mommy I helped cook!" Rachel said, excitedly.

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. Blythe said I could help."

"What did you make?" Cuddy asked.

"Umm," she said, her lips puckering while she looked up at the ceiling in deep thought. "Frid..a...ked..." She stopped, unable to pronounce the word.

_"Frikadellen,"_ House chimed in.

"Yeah!" Rachel nodded her head excitedly.

"What on earth is that?" Cuddy asked, looking at House.

"You're kidding, right." He stared at her as if she were crazy. "It's _only_ the most incredibly tasty German dish in the world."

"Come on Hows, let's eat," Rachel interrupted him as she climbed down from the bed and took his hand. House grabbed his cane and stuck his tongue out at Cuddy as he let Rachel lead him down the hall. Cuddy rolled her eyes and grinned madly as she followed them.

* * *

><p>Hours later, they finished a delicious dinner and Blythe insisted on cleaning up as she shooed House, Cuddy and Rachel into the living room. House and Rachel were ensconced in an oversized stuffed chair watching television and eating popcorn while Cuddy took the opportunity to familiarize herself with the comfortable lived-in space, checking out the many books and family photos on shelves on one large wall of the living room.<p>

"Oh my gosh, House," she said, picking up a framed photo. It was an eight-by-ten photo of House in his lacrosse uniform in high school. He was handsome, thin and well-built. The first thing she noticed was his intense and mesmerizing blue eyes.

"What?" He asked, not looking up from the television.

"This photo, it's beautiful."

"Yeah my mom was a looker wasn't she?"

"No, it's _you_," she said handing him the photo. "When was this taken?"

"Last game of my senior year," he said nonchalantly.

"Can I see?" Rachel asked. House handed her the photo.

"Wow, this you Hows?"

"Yep."

"Where's your cane?" She asked, thoughtfully.

"Didn't have one then."

"Oh," she replied.

"What I'd give to see your baby pictures," Cuddy said, taking a seat on the couch.

"Don't have any," he said.

"Oh but of course we do Greg," Blythe chimed in as she entered the room and sat next to Cuddy.

"Oh we get to see Hows baby pictures?" Rachel asked excitedly.

House groaned. "Oh geez, you three ganging up on me already?"

Blythe smiled. "It's okay honey, we'll give you a reprieve tonight. Besides, it's been a long day. Why don't you turn in early?"

"That sounds like a good idea. And this little munchkin," Cuddy said, pointing at Rachel, "Needs a bath first."

Blythe stood up. "There's plenty of towels in the bathroom and if you need spare blankets, they're in the hall closet."

"Thanks," Cuddy replied. "Come on Rach, bath and bedtime."

Rachel gave her best pouty face. "Oh mommy do I have to? Can't I stay up with you guys?"

Blythe smiled warmly at the little girl. She had already become smitten with her. She looked down at Rachel who stood before her. "Honey, go with your mommy. We'll do something special tomorrow okay?"

"Promise?" She asked.

"I promise. Now, I know we just met but may I have a hug?" Rachel nodded and Blythe bent down and picked the little girl up and hugged her. She closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of hugging the little girl she'd grown very fond of and secretly hoped would become her granddaughter eventually. She patted Rachel on the back gently and set her down. "You are a beautiful and smart little girl, you know that?"

Rachel nodded. Cuddy beamed. "Rach go get undressed, I'll be in there shortly."

"Okay mommy," Rachel said as she turned and ran down the hall but stopped in her tracks halfway and ran back into the living room and over to where House sat. Blythe and Cuddy watched her as she approached House and leaned against the arm of the chair, her little face peeking over the arm.

"What's up munchkin?" He asked, looking at her suspiciously.

"You read to me later?"

He looked up at the ceiling pretending to be thinking about it. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her scrunch her face at him. Finally he looked at her and replied, "Okay."

"Yay!" Rachel yelled happily and turned around and skipped down the hall with Blythe and Cuddy close behind. They stopped outside the bedroom door and Cuddy turned towards the older woman. "Thank you for inviting us."

"I'm so glad you're here," Blythe said sincerely. "I haven't seen Greg like this in a very long time. There's something so calm about him with you both here. He is wonderful with Rachel and I can tell she really adores him."

"She does. I never thought they'd be this close but...they are," Cuddy said with a smile.

Blythe took Cuddy's hands in her own. "I know my son better than he thinks I do. He's always been a good man. He's complex and difficult at times but he has a good heart and he is so deserving of happiness. He just needed the love of a good woman...one who understands him, accepts him and appreciates him, to help him see it." Blythe stepped forward and offered Cuddy a hug, which Cuddy warmly reciprocated.

"I'm just glad we got another chance," Cuddy said.

"Me too." Letting Cuddy go, she smiled. "Goodnight, dear."

"Goodnight."

* * *

><p>Blythe returned to living room which was now dark. She followed the trail of dim light that came from the kitchen where she found her son sitting idly at the kitchen island.<p>

"Greg, do you want something to drink? I've got coffee and tea. Or maybe something a little stronger?"

"Stronger."

He watched her walk out into the dining room and return a moment later with a bottle and two glasses. He did a double-take when he saw the label.

"That's Old Pulteney, where'd you get that?"

"Your dad liked a good Scotch," she said, opening it. "He liked to drink it when the weather was miserable outside...like forty-degrees and raining kind of miserable," she mused.

House picked up the glass and sniffed its contents. His eyes closed and he let out a moan of appreciation. "Now this is the life. Crisp and clean, balanced with medium body. Musty, nutty, sultana, toffee, spices."

Blythe chuckled. "Tou're quite the connoisseur aren't you?"

"I know good Scotch."

"As did your father."

"At least I inherited that," he joked. He took a sip from his glass. "This is so goddamn good."

"Greg!"

"Sorry."

She chuckled. "I'm kidding, son."

"I wonder what dad would say if he saw us drinking his booze?"

"I'd like to think he wouldn't want it going to waste. Your father didn't drink often but when he did it was the good stuff. I haven't had a drop of this since he died, not until tonight."

"Why?"

"I just couldn't, it brought back memories. These last few years, we'd taken to sitting on the swing on the back porch, usually on Saturday nights, looking at the stars, on a Saturday night. We'd have a glass of his favorite and just talk."

"Dad wasn't a talker."

She smiled. "No, he wasn't, which was why when he was in the mood to talk, I'd just let him."

House downed the rest of his drink.

"Do you still miss him?"

"Oh Greg, of course I do. You can't be a part of someone's life for more than fifty years and not miss them. We spent most of our lives together for better or for worse. There were things about John that I loved and things I hated and he could've probably said the same about me, but that's what a relationship is about. You of all people know your father and I were very different and yet...we made it work." She took a sip of her Scotch and continued. "Your father was not an open person but in the last couple of years we talked about a lot of things." She wiped her moist eyes and continued. "It was good for both of us and wonder if sometimes he knew his time was near. When he died, there was still so much more to say, but then again, that's always the way it is, isn't it?"

House stayed silent but nodded his head in agreement.

"One of the hardest things to come to terms with when he died was that I'd lost my last chance to bring you two together."

He looked up at her. "That wasn't your fault. It was up to him...and me."

"I know, but when you love someone, you _never_ stop trying," she said as she placed her hand over his and squeezed it gently, hoping to convey to him the deeper meaning of her words.

They drank their scotch quietly for a few minutes.

"So, tomorrow would you like to go through your father's things?" She asked, hesitantly.

"What's to go through?"

"There's a trunk that belonged to him, some very personal things and I think it's time you see what's in there."

"Are you sure you want me to?" He asked.

She patted his hand. "Yes."

House poured them both a half-glass of scotch. They clinked their glasses together as he shook his head and smirked at her. "I still can't believe I'm sitting here drinking Scotch with _you._"

"I'm not a _prude_, Gregory."

House raised an eyebrow.

"I was young once, you know. I had a life _before_ you were born..." she stopped herself realizing the magnitude of her statement.

"I know," he said quietly.

"Greg, I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"I know, mom. I forgive you," he said as he placed his hand over hers.

* * *

><p>Cuddy emerged from the bathroom in her robe and her hair in a towel and checked on Rachel who was fast asleep. Apparently Rachel had been so tired she passed out before House had a chance to read to her. Cuddy closed the door, leaving it cracked just a bit before she made her way down the hall to House's room. She knocked gently before she entered.<p>

"Hey," he said. He was sitting on the bed in his tee shirt and boxer briefs, removing the fentanyl patch. He began to massage his thigh.

"How bad is it?"

"Enough. Damn cold weather makes it worse."

Cuddy took the towel off her head and shook out her hair. House watched intently as she took a scrunchy from her bag and put her hair up in a ponytail. Then she shed her robe revealing a pair of boxers and a tank top, her usual bed attire. His breath caught as he watched her. In that casual outfit, with no makeup and her hair pulled back, she again reminded him of the co-ed he'd met in college. She turned around and caught him watching her.

"What?" She asked curiously.

"You're just...so amazing after all these years." His said, his voice full of awe.

"Oh, House," she said, her face turning a light shade of pink.

"It's true. I wish I would've taken care of myself that good."

She finished rubbing her hand creme into her skin, then kneeled in front of him. "I know. But listen to me, you've already made a difference. You've been off the Vicodin, you're exercising, seeing Nolan, your mind and body are strong. I mean feel these..." she wrapped a hand around one bicep which was hard as a rock from his workouts. "God, it wasn't this hard in college was it?"

They looked at one another for a moment then burst out in laughter.

"You know what I meant," she said, smacking his good leg.

"Physically this is the best I've felt since before the infarction," he said with complete honesty.

"Now you've got to keep doing what you're doing."

He sighed and looked down at his leg and realized that Cuddy had managed to distract him with conversation while she massaged his leg. He looked at her appreciatively and she smiled at him. "I don't have a choice," he said but then corrected himself. "Okay I do have a choice. It's the patch, breakthrough pain, therapy and exercise or...Vicodin and everything else that comes with it. We both know what I need to do here."

"Do you miss it? The Vicodin?" She asked, hesitantly.

He hesitated but opted for truth. "Sometimes. I miss it at the times when I don't know how to deal with things, when I want to forget. Yeah, it helped the physical pain but it numbed everything else. When I was on that shit, things didn't hurt as much."

"And now?"

"Shit hurts but at least I can _feel_." He emphasized that last word for her benefit. "Pain happens when you care." He looked at her and smiled slightly. He could never forget her parting words to him that night. Every time he thought of giving up on himself in therapy, he remembered those words, and they helped motivate him to push forward.

She swallowed hard listening to him recite her words. "It does. It helps too when you share it with someone you love."

"Yeah," he whispered, watching as she carefully massaged his right thigh, taking care not to aggravate it while at the same time hitting all the right spots that alleviated his pain.

"I was always so scared when you took the Vicodin. I knew it alleviated the pain in your leg but I also knew it would kill you eventually." She stopped her movements and looked up at him, her eyes moist with unshed tears. "Day after day, I watched you scarf it down like candy and I did _nothing_. It nearly killed you."

He pulled her up on her knees and she reached her arms around his waist and rested her head against his stomach. He stroked her hair gently. "You tried, remember? You, Wilson, Nolan...I just never listened, to anyone. _I wasn't ready_."

She knew he was right but sometimes she did feel like she could've done more. "I know, I wish we would've done things differently. It broke my heart seeing you become an addict, falling apart."

He wondered how he could make her understand it wasn't her fault. "Cuddy, listen to me, I hated it too but back then it was about getting through just one more day. I didn't even think I had a future back then."

It broke her heart to hear that and that's when the tears flowed. "I know. So many times I wanted to tell you...show you that we could have something. I was just too scared," she said between sniffles.

House hated to see her cry. He knew he had done that to her more times in the past than he could count and though he'd never admitted it, it broke his heart every single time. He removed her arms from his waist and pulled her up on the bed next to him. As she sniffled, he wiped the tears away ever so gently with his thumb. She leaned into him and he put his arm around her.

Cuddy took a deep breath and shuddered in his arms. There had been moments like this, when they were together before, when he let his guard down and comforted her. There were times he showed a tender side of himself to her that he'd hidden from others and she only wished she'd acknowledged it back then instead overlooking it in favor of calling him out on his mistakes. She knew all too well that he guarded this side of him because he was afraid of a moment it would be used against him as a sign of weakness. But Gregory House was not weak, not by any means. She looked up at him and placed her hands on either side of his face, caressing that stubble she loved so much.

"Even with everything we've been through, I can't imagine my life without you," she said sincerely.

"Cuddy, I'm so sorry I put you through that. I was a selfish bastard. I'm here now." He lifted her chin from his chest."Hey, look at me. I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled through her tears. "I know."

He kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

Cuddy's heart skipped a beat. House rarely professed his love but only because he didn't feel it was something that needed to be done every waking moment. When he did, it was a rare gift to be cherished.

"I love you too," she whispered.

"You okay?" He asked, tilting her chin up to look into her eyes. She nodded, the beautiful smile he loved so much returned to her face.

"That's my girl," he said. He held her face in his hands and his thumbs caressed her delicate features as he leaned forward and his lips softly caressed hers. It was not a kiss full of lust or passion, rather it was one of gentle reassurance, his attempt to convey through actions that he was there _for_ her and _with_ her and that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Come on," he said, as they broke apart. "Let's get some sleep.

They stood from the bed and went to their respective sides, pulled down the covers and climbed in. House turned off the lamp on the nightstand and rolled onto his left side as Cuddy scooted back and nestled against him. He moved her hair and kissed her bare shoulder, then wrapped his arm around her, sliding it underneath her tank top, caressing the soft, warm skin underneath. Cuddy smiled and placed her right hand over his as he soothed her. They lay that way for a long time and House continued his motions until her breathing slowed and she fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Growth anyone? I love how these two are making such wonderful strides, don't you?<p>

One more thing...reviews are love. I know many of you read but don't comment and I just want to say that all of us who put our hearts into these love to get feedback. Please take a moment to tell me what you think about these chapters. How does it all make you feel? Where do you see it going?


	94. Chapter 94

**A/N:** Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I'd like to thank Cherokee Jedi for always letting me bounce ideas off of her. Now if we can all get together and encourage her to continue her amazing fic "Safety" LOL! Sorry for the delay but I've been so damn busy! Work, writing and oh yes...not one but two Hugh Laurie & The Copper Bottom Band adventures! That man inspires me to write!

In this chapter, it's Saturday, we're still at Blythe's house in Lexington, Virginia.

* * *

><p><em>"Even with everything we've been through, I can't imagine my life without you," she said sincerely.<em>

_"Cuddy, I'm so sorry I put you through that. I was a selfish bastard. I'm here now." He lifted her chin from his chest."Hey, look at me. I'm not going anywhere."_

_She smiled through her tears. "I know."_

_He kissed the top of her head. "I love you."_

_Cuddy's heart skipped a beat. House rarely professed his love but only because he didn't feel it was something that needed to be done every waking moment. When he did, it was a rare gift to be cherished._

_"I love you too," she whispered._

_"You okay?" He asked, tilting her chin up to look into her eyes. She nodded, the beautiful smile he loved so much returned to her face._

_"That's my girl," he said. He held her face in his hands and his thumbs caressed her delicate features as he leaned forward and his lips softly caressed hers. It was not a kiss full of lust or passion, rather it was one of gentle reassurance, his attempt to convey through actions that he was there for her and with her and that he wasn't going anywhere._

_"Come on," he said, as they broke apart. "Let's get some sleep._

_They stood from the bed and went to their respective sides, pulled down the covers and climbed in. House turned off the lamp on the nightstand and rolled onto his left side as Cuddy scooted back and nestled against him. He moved her hair and kissed her bare shoulder, then wrapped his arm around her, sliding it underneath her tank top, caressing the soft, warm skin underneath. Cuddy smiled and placed her right hand over his as he soothed her. They lay that way for a long time and House continued his motions until her breathing slowed and she fell asleep._

* * *

><p>House woke unusually early for a Saturday morning and when he rolled over he found he was alone. He scratched his three-day growth, looked around then plopped back down on the pillow. The house was eerily quiet and he was still tired from the events of the previous day, so he pulled the covers over his head and tried to go back to sleep. Moments later, he heard the sound of a little girl giggling. He peeled the covers off and slowly eased himself out of bed and limped over to the french doors that overlooked the backyard. He peeked out the lace curtain and saw Rachel, with an oversized straw hat on her head, traipsing through his mother's garden with Blythe close behind. He looked around for Cuddy and found her sitting cross-legged on her yoga mat on the back porch, meditating quietly. Though he yearned to go back to bed, the sight of his family starting their day amused him and made him want to join them.<p>

_His family._

House pondered those words as he continued to peek out the window watching the goings-on outside. He hadn't been particularly close to his mother in his adult years but after his last visit with her, he felt the need to see her more often and get to know her all over again. And as far as Cuddy and Rachel, well, he'd never thought of them as family but he supposed they were the closest thing to family he had besides his mom and Wilson. As he watched Rachel kneeling in the garden with his mother, he thought about how nice it was to be a part of a family again. It made him feel less alone and though others might find it surprising, he really didn't want to be alone anymore. Allowing a slight grin to pass over his features, he had an idea. He grabbed his cane from its place on the headboard and made his way down the hall into the rest of the house.

* * *

><p>Cuddy finished her yoga and shivered a bit as she threw on the light sweater on the mat next to her. The weather was cool but not cold and the air was crisp and clean. It had been awhile since she'd done yoga outdoors and found it a nice change. She closed her eyes to inhale the country air when she heard Rachel squeal in delight. Her eyes flew open and she caught sight of her daughter chasing a rabbit. She got up quickly and walked out into the garden and stood with Blythe as they watched the chase until Rachel gave up when the rabbit crawled under the wooden fence and into the neighbor's yard.<p>

"Mommy, did you see the bunny?" Rachel asked, running over to her, out of breath.

"I did honey."

"Can I have one?" She asked, innocently, batting her eyes.

Cuddy laughed. "I don't think so."

"But bunnies are _cute_."

"Yes they are, but not cute enough to have as a pet." She watched her daughter put on her perfected pouty face. "Not working...come on let's go in the house and feed you," she said as Rachel sighed and trudged into the house.

Blythe couldn't help but laugh watching the interaction. "Greg did that to me when he was little," she said as she followed them into the house.

"The pout?"

"Oh God, yes."

"Did you give in to it?"

"Every chance I got." Cuddy turned around and stared at her in surprise. Blythe put her hand on her shoulder. "He was my only child. He'll never admit it, but I spoiled him _just a little_."

"I never would've guessed."

"He was a good boy, he deserved it. Did you know he used to love helping me in the kitchen?"

"He did?"

She nodded emphatically with dreamy eyes. "Always fascinated at the idea of creating something out of nothing. It was much like a puzzle to him. He loved to experiment."

"Even back then," Cuddy mused.

Blythe took her arm and linked it with her own, then patted her hand. "Come on, let's have some breakfast. Maybe we can get him to do the dishes too."

"Fat chance!" Both women laughed as they entered the house and were surprised by the feast laid out for them. The dining room table was set for four complete with dishes, glasses and silverware and plates of food were on the counter. House had taken over the kitchen completely and it smelled heavenly.

"Gregory, this smells wonderful," Blythe said. She walked up to her son and kissed him on the cheek.

"And that surprises you?" He pointed to the platters of food on the kitchen counter. "Go eat." He turned back towards the stove and flipped an omelet. His mother laughed and took the platters into the dining room.

Cuddy smiled broadly and walked up to him, putting her arms around him from behind and nestling her face into his back. "I can't believe you did this."

House looked over to see Blythe and Rachel in the adjacent dining room, their backs to the kitchen, then put down his spatula and turned to wrap his arms around Cuddy. "You know I take _everything_ to an eleven," he said as kissed her on her bare neck. He reached down and squeezed her ass gently. "By the way I think _you_ need to lay off the breakfast, your ass is getting humongous," he said, patting her ass and looking at her with an adorable smirk.

"House, _your mom..._"

He rolled his eyes. "Mom's seen me with girls, remember?"

"I didn't think you wanted to be so _public _with your affection_._"

"She can't see us." He kissed her to silence her. They got lost in it, momentarily forgetting where they were until they heard a clearing of a throat behind them. They broke apart, breathless and saw that Blythe was watching them, as was Rachel who was standing in a chair so she could see over the counter.

"Uh..." House began, his face and neck flushed.

"What's the matter Gregory, cat got your tongue?"

"Well...now that you mention it..."

"Shut up House," Cuddy said smacking him lightly on the chest.

"They do that all the time," Rachel said, matter-of-factly and shaking her head.

"Do they now?" Blythe asked with an arched

"Uh huh."

"Oy," Cuddy said burying her head in House's chest.

"Come on Rach, let's just turn around and pretend we didn't see a thing."

"You do understand you are encouraging fornication, right?"

_"House!"_

* * *

><p>Two hours later, after a big breakfast and House enduring his mother's stories about his childhood escapades, Cuddy and House were in the shower in House's bathroom. The sound of the water drowned out the moans and whispers from the couple seated on the wide bench inside of it.<p>

"I missed you so much." Cuddy whispered as she raised herself up and took his hard length inside her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her feet touching the back of the bench.

"You have no idea." He tried to move inside her but she stopped him.

"Just for a little while I want to feel you inside me, like this," she said, caressed his scruffy cheeks as he combed his fingers through her long wet hair. "Is your leg okay?" She asked softly.

"Yeah, it's fine. In the meantime this is just wrong...you're teasing me here."

She kissed his nose. "Am I? Is it so wrong that the woman who loves you wants to feel your long, hard, wet cock inside her for as long as possible?"

He loved it when she talked like that. "Well...when you put it that way," he said. "You know, I think I'm spoiling you."

"I think that goes both ways." She pushed herself down on him more and smiled devilishly when he groaned.

"God woman." He sucked on her neck while his hands squeezed her ass and massaged her cheeks.

It seemed to them forever that they they exchanged kisses and touches while he was fully sheathed inside of her. They tried not to move, they just wanted to savor the connection but it was too much and Cuddy raised herself up slowly and slammed down on him and laughed teasingly at him. House watched the sparkle in her eye, listened to her deep throaty laugh and his heart swelled. He absolutely could not get enough of this woman. He pulled her even tighter to him and moved his hips and when she moaned in ecstasy, that was it. Their slow and sensual tryst took on a life of its own. Cuddy wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and using his shoulders for leverage, raised and lowered herself on top of him as he guided her hips with his hands. They traded touches, kisses and moans, trying to be as quiet as possible yet enjoying the feeling so much that they were unable to silence themselves completely. House lowered his hand between them and massaged her swollen clit as she grinded herself frantically against him. Sensing his impending orgasm and feeling close to the edge herself, Cuddy moved faster on top of him. She threw her head back and moaned loudly. House leaned down and ran his tongue from the base of her exposed throat to her chin and that was her end.

"Oh God," she cried. "House! I'm...coming!" She repeated over and over. She needed to feel his mouth on hers and his lips found hers and as they kissed, wave after wave came crashing over her. House responded by tightening his grip on her, their chests pressed tightly together, his thighs pushed up on her ass to get him even deeper, as if that were even possible. Suddenly, he was unable to hold it in and shot his load deep inside her. He felt like he would come forever and if he died at that moment, it was alright with him. They held each other tightly as they came down from their highs and the water began to cool.

"Wow," she panted into his chest. Her body was riddled with aftershocks.

"Yeah." House's heart beat wildly and he could feel Cuddy tremble against him.

Feeling the water turn cold on her back, Cuddy moved quickly and helped him up so they could rinse. She turned off the water and grabbed the large bath towel and walked over to House, who stood with a hand against the shower wall to balance himself. She wrapped them both in the towel and dried them. House stood there watching her in awe as she patted his skin gently with the towel. She kneeled down to dry his legs and ran the towel ever so gently over his scar taking care not to irritate the area. House flinched momentarily but relaxed into her touch. When they were both dry, she hung the towel over the shower door and reached for his hand, which he took and she led him out of the bath and into the bedroom where he sat on the bed while Cuddy found their clothes.

Cuddy sensed she was being watched. "What are you looking at?" She asked, not turning around.

"Your ass has expanded exponentially since the shower."

"Has it?"

"Mmm hmm." He grinned as she handed him his clothes.

"Come on, we should do something constructive today."

"I thought that's what we were doing," he said. He slipped on his jeans and watched her in the mirror, her back to him, as she slipped on her panties and bra. Immediately he moved behind her taking the clasps from her fingers and connecting them himself. They looked into the mirror together as he ran his fingers down her arms and then over her stomach. He pulled her back to him and moved her damp hair aside with one hand and bent close to her ear.

"You are so incredibly hot."

"Stop," she said bashfully.

"You get hotter and more beautiful the older you get."

She smiled sheepishly. "Thank you."

"You know what I wish?" He whispered in her ear.

Her skin prickled with excitement. "What?"

"I wish we hadn't wasted the last twenty years," he said as he stared at her in the mirror.

Cuddy turned in his arms and kissed his naked chest. "Think of it as foreplay," she said with a wink before walking away, adding a swing to her hips that was just for his benefit.

* * *

><p>A little later as Blythe, Cuddy and Rachel traveled into town to pick up some things from the store. House roamed around his mother's house surveying things that had been a part of his parents lives over the years. He eyed his favorite piece of furniture in the corner of the room and approached it hesitantly. Memories flooded him as he ran his fingers over the 1940 Steinway Baby Grand that had been given to his parents by his grandparents when they got married. He ran his fingers along the edge of the beautiful mahogany piece, remembering the many hours he'd spent playing it when he was younger. He sat on the bench and allowed his fingers to roam the keys a bit. He noted it needed tuning but it wasn't too bad. He closed his eyes and played whatever came to mind. Suddenly, as if he'd had an epiphany, he smiled and at that moment began to play something he hadn't played in years. Suddenly, his mother's house was alive with the sounds of the old English folk song his grandmother had taught him when he was seven years old.<p>

_"Grams, I don't know if I can play this."_

_"Of course you can Gregory. Greensleeves is a beautiful song and when you learn to play it you will want to do it over and over again. Just remember to play each line with your right hand until you can memorize it, then do the same with your left. When you do that, try it with both hands." Greg watched as grams played the song from beginning to end, showing him how effortlessly it could be done._

_Determined to learn the song and impress his grandmother, Gregory played over and over for hours until he had the entire song memorized, all the while his grams assisted him with gentle reminders to help him. e had to relax his arms and shoulders and keep it smooth and flowing._

_"Relax your arms and shoulders and keep it smooth and flowing," she said._

_Greg concentrated on his posture and his grandmother praised him. "Good dear, now string the lines together until you can play the whole piece. Keep it slow until you are comfortable and familiar with it. Then start playing it faster, working up to the appropriate tempo."_

_Gregory played the tune over and over, all the while his eyes remained closed as he focused on feeling the music. Finally, when he felt he'd mastered it, he opened his eyes and his grandmother applauded. _

_ "Well done Greg, you've done it. I am so proud of you," she said, hugging him from her place next to him on the bench._

Suddenly, House's phone rang and interrupted his private moment.

"House."

"We've got a case." It was Chase.

"You can't handle it?" He asked, exasperated.

"I need _your_ help."

"On vacation," he replied.

"It's a toddler and she's really sick and I don't know what to do." It wasn't often Chase admitted he needed help but when he did, House knew it was serious. He sighed and rubbed his face. Babies and young children were among the worst patients because they could not communicate their symptoms clearly. Often times, so many died for exactly that reason. Still, he couldn't back away from the puzzle...the need to cure the most difficult kind of patient, so he relented.

He let one hand roam gently over the keys of the Baby Grand as he talked to Chase. "Fine, whatcha got?"

* * *

><p>Cuddy, Blythe and Rachel were making the rounds at Paulsen's Market gathering up the rest of the things they needed for dinner.<p>

"Steaks, Portobello, potatoes, asparagus..." Blythe recited the list as they walked through the produce section.

"Mommy can we have cob corn?" Rachel asked.

"I don't see why not," Cuddy replied, as she massaged the hair on her daughter's head.

"I was thinking about making one of Greg's favorite desserts too. It's called Bienenstich," Blythe said.

"Bean..en...what is that?" Rachel looked at her, puzzled.

Blythe chuckled. "Actually it goes by another name...bee sting cake."

"Bee sting?" Rachel asked, a quizzical look on her little face.

"Yes, dear. It's a German dessert made of a sweet yeast dough with a baked-on topping of caramelized almonds and filled with vanilla custard or cream."

"Sounds delicious...and rich," Cuddy said.

"It's why I rarely make it, but Greg loves it."

"Why do they call it bee sting cake?" Rachel asked.

Blythe kneeled down to the little girl and looked her into the eyes. "Well, legend has it that because there was honey in the cake, a bee was attracted to it and stung the baker who made it."

"That's silly," she stated adamantly.

"Yes it is. Would you like to help me bake it?"

"I can?" Rachel was delighted.

"Of course you can. You're actually a great little helper, just like my Greg was when he was your age."

"Do you mind if I join you? I'd like to learn how to make it too," Cuddy chimed in.

"Of course, dear."

They picked up the ingredients and stood in line. As they waited, Blythe leaned closer to her. "Lisa, was Greg alright last night? When he went to bed? I worried about him going to the cemetery yesterday. It's the first time he's been back since the funeral and I'm still not sure...how he's taking it."

Cuddy didn't want to reveal too much but wanted to reassure Blythe. "It's hard but...he's opening up. It's just difficult at times as you can imagine."

"I know it is," she said, placing their items on the belt. "I just want him finally be able to move on from it for good. He's always had a problem forgiving. He holds grudges forever."

"Don't I know it?" Cuddy scoffed. "After I broke up with him, he was so hurt and angry, he closed himself off and refused to talk about it."

"James told me everything that happened after Greg went to..._prison_." Blythe shuddered visibly at the thought. "God it's still so hard to say that word," she said with a half-smile. "It just seems unbelievable at times."

"I know what you mean."

"Anyway, he's always been like that. I could tell when he wanted to talk but he was afraid. He'd approach a subject but back off and change his mind." Blythe handed the cashier her credit card to pay for their groceries.

Cuddy nodded. "We spent a lot of years doing that," she said as she pushed the basket out the store and headed for Blythe's car. Blythe held Rachel's hand as they crossed the parking lot.

"I blame myself. I could've done a better job encouraging him to be more open. I can't help but think that it would've made his life so much better."

Cuddy nodded in understanding. She knew everything she did now would impact Rachel greatly as she got older. "It's why I work so hard to do my best with Rach but it isn't easy. Being her mom is the hardest job I've ever had. Sometimes I don't think I'm all that great at it and I worry about how badly I'm going to screw it up."

They finished loading the groceries into the car, got Rachel secured in the back and when Cuddy buckled herself in, Blythe gently placed a hand on her arm. "Rachel is a bright, fascinating, funny and curious little girl. It looks like you're doing a fine job."

"Thanks," she said. "I just don't want my problems to become hers."

Blythe smiled at her reassuringly. "You just keep doing what you're doing Lisa. You have to remember some things are unavoidable. Children are perceptive. Greg did at her age, he was always like that. He was also so much more sensitive than the other kids but he hid it well. He always felt things more deeply than the other kids and he didn't know how to handle it."

"As long as I've known him he's thought showing his feelings was a sign of weakness."

"Yes, and his father felt the same." Blythe replied sadly. "There are times I could swear Gregory was John's biological child." She looked over at Cuddy curiously. "I am assuming you knew that John isn't his biological father?"

"I knew. Are you and he ever going to talk about it?"

"It's never been the right time but..." Blythe hesitated sadly.

"What's wrong?"

"His...biological father...is dead."

Cuddy sat stunned in silence, wondering if House knew. As if Blythe could read her mind she said, "No, he doesn't know."

"When?"

"Last month."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"I just didn't know how...or when. It's complicated. I've wanted to talk to Greg about him but I kept putting it off because I knew when I did, it would be one of the most difficult conversations we'd ever have."

"But he's known for years John wasn't his father."

"I know, but...actually talking about it...I was afraid of what that would do to him. I wanted to wait until a point in his life where he had been able to move on from the past and try to find some happiness. I thought that maybe then he would deal with it better."

"He's not going to handle this well," Cuddy sighed. This time she placed her hand on Blythe's arm for comfort. "When you love someone, there's never really that perfect time to tell them something that will hurt them. I'll never forget the night...not long after House got out of Mayfield when he confessed to me he had feelings for me since college. I don't know how much you know about our past but...well we have quite a history. Anyway, I'd started dating someone else, someone he knew and I hadn't had the guts to tell him. I could see how much he'd changed and...yet I was afraid to get involved." She looked up at Blythe who smiled at her. "I kept my dating Lucas a secret because I was afraid of how much it would hurt House to find out..."

"But he found out," Blythe said matter-of-factly, driving through the green light.

Cuddy placed both hands in her lap and looked down, ashamed at the memory of how she'd treated House. "Yes. And it broke his heart. He didn't say it but I could see it in his eyes. I hurt him by not being truthful with him, by not believing in him. But that was us, we were never on the same page, we never talked. What we have now is the best communication we've ever had. Old habits die hard but I can't lose him again, I can't lose his trust."

Blythe kept driving but was listening to Cuddy intently. She couldn't have been more proud of the woman beside her who was in love with her son. Lisa Cuddy was intelligent, caring, sympathetic, funny, beautiful and she was a good mother. She knew her son needed a strong woman who could give as good as she could take and from what she'd learned about her so far, Cuddy was everything she'd hoped she'd be and then some.

"I'll talk to him tonight," Blythe said. They pulled up in front of her house and Blythe turned off the ignition and looked straight ahead and sighed. "He'll be angry with me."

"He might," Cuddy said. "But whatever happens you'll be okay and so will he. He's gotten through so much worse than this."

"Greg has always been a survivor."

Cuddy nodded. "I know. There were times I didn't think he'd make it. And then...he did."

"Mommy are we gettin' outta the car now?" Rachel asked impatiently from the backseat. Her outburst caused both women to laugh.

"Sorry Rach," Cuddy said as she smirked at Blythe.

The two women unbuckled their seat belts and exited the car. Cuddy helped Rachel out and sent her towards the front door then walked towards the trunk to help Blythe unload the groceries. Before Blythe opened the trunk she looked up at Cuddy, worry clearly etched on her face.

Cuddy stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Blythe, who welcomed her embrace. "It'll be okay," she told the older woman. After a moment, the two women separated and smiled at one another.

"My son is so damn lucky to have you," Blythe said happily, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Cuddy replied with a smile. "We're lucky to have each other."

* * *

><p>Well, there you go. I'm hoping like hell to get #95 out this weekend. Wish me luck.<p> 


	95. Chapter 95

**A/N:** Hi all, thanks for reading. We're moving right along here.

* * *

><p><em>"His...biological father...is dead."<em>

_Cuddy sat stunned in silence, wondering if House knew. As if Blythe could read her mind she said, "No, he doesn't know."_

_"When?"_

_"Last month."_

_"Why didn't you tell him?"_

_"I just didn't know how...or when. It's complicated. I've wanted to talk to Greg about his biological father but I kept putting it off because I knew when I did, it would be one of the most difficult conversations we'd ever have."_

_"But he's known for years wasn't his father."_

_"I know, but...actually talking about it...I was afraid of what that would do to him. I wanted to wait until a point in his life where he had been able to move on from the past and try to find some happiness. I thought that maybe then he would deal with it better."_

_"He's not going to handle this well," Cuddy sighed. This time she placed her hand on Blythe's arm for comfort. "When you love someone, there's never really that perfect time to tell them something that will hurt them. I'll never forget the night...not long after House got out of Mayfield when he confessed to me he'd had feelings for me since college. I don't know how much you know about our past but...well we have quite a history. Anyway, the night he told me this, I'd started dating someone else, someone he knew and I hadn't had the guts to tell him. I could see how much he'd changed and...yet I was afraid to get involved." She looked up at Blythe who smiled at her. "I kept my dating Lucas a secret because I was afraid of how much it would hurt House to find out"_

_"But he found out," Blythe said matter-of-factly, driving through the green light._

_Cuddy placed both hands in her lap and looked down, ashamed at the memory of how she'd treated House. "Yes. And it broke his heart. He didn't say it but I could see it in his eyes. I hurt him by not being truthful with him. But that was us, we were never on the same page, we never talked. What we have now is the best communication we've ever had. Old habits die hard but I can't lose him again, I can't lose his trust."_

_Blythe kept driving but was listening to Cuddy intently. She couldn't have been more proud of the woman her son was in love with. Lisa Cuddy was intelligent, caring, sympathetic, funny, beautiful and she was a good mother. She knew her son needed a strong woman who could give to him as much as she could take and from what she'd learned about her from Wilson and on her own, Cuddy was everything she'd hoped and then some._

_"Lisa, you're right. I shouldn't have waited. I'll talk to him tonight." They pulled up in front of her house. Blythe turned off the ignition and looked straight ahead and sighed. "He's going to be angry with me."_

_"He might," Cuddy said. "But whatever happens he'll be okay. He's gotten through so much worse than this."_

_"Greg has always been a survivor. I just don't know where he gets that from."_

_Cuddy nodded. "I know. There were times I didn't think he'd make it. And then...he did."_

_"Mommy are we gettin' outta the car now?" Rachel asked impatiently, surprising both women, glad to have a break in the somber moment._

_"Sorry Rach," Cuddy said as she smirked at Blythe._

_The two women unbuckled their seat belts and exited the car. Cuddy helped Rachel out and sent her towards the front door then walked towards the trunk to help Blythe unload the groceries. Before Blythe opened the trunk she looked up at Cuddy, apprehensiveness clearly etched on her face, her eyes worried._

_Cuddy stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Blythe, who welcomed her embrace. "It'll be okay," she told the older woman. After a moment, the two women separated and smiled at one another._

_"My son is so damn lucky to have you," she said happily, her eyes misty but shining._

_Cuddy replied with a smile. "We're lucky to have each other." _

* * *

><p>It was nearing dinnertime and the house smelled warm and delicious. House spent most of the day in his mother's den, on the phone and laptop researching his latest case. It was a tough case and he didn't want to be disturbed. He was thankful Cuddy and Rachel were helping his mother in the kitchen because he was in no mood to talk. He massaged his leg for a moment before his laptop beeped. It was his Skype and he turned it on and signed in. When Chase appeared on his screen, they began to talk.<p>

"In addition to extreme shortness of breath, she's tired, lethargic and dizzy."

"Hypertension?" House asked.

"Seems that way," Chase replied.

"How in the hell does a three-year old have hypertension?" He twirled his cane in deep thought when he heard approaching footsteps on the hardwood floor.

"Gregory, I hate to interrupt you but can uh...we talk?" Blythe asked softly.

House looked up at her. "Actually mom, I'm right in the middle of something, can it wait?"

She leaned against the wall, her hands clasped. "No, it can't."

House knew by her tone of voice something was wrong. He took off his glasses and rubbed his nose. He was upset that he and the team could not find the cause of the little girl's illness and she was getting worse by the hour.

"Fine. Hold on." He looked back at the screen and said to Chase, "Run the ECG and chest x-ray again. There's got to be something there, we're just missing it." He exited Skype and looked at his mother. "Okay," he said apprehensively. He sensed he would not like whatever it was she wanted to discuss.

"There's something I need to tell you." Blythe sighed deeply. "It's about Thomas Bell."

"What about him?"

She walked over and leaned against the desk. "He's dead."

House swallowed hard, trying to hold back his shock. _"What?"_

"I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner."

"What do you mean? When did it happen?"

"Last month."

"I see."

"We need to talk about this."

"No, we don't."

"Greg...it's time."

"Mom, not now." He got up abruptly and put the phone in his pocket, closed the laptop and limped painfully out of the room. "I need to get out for awhile." On his way out, he stopped to look in the kitchen. Cuddy stood there putting flour on a rolling pin and Rachel sat on the counter helping her. Cuddy sensed she was being watched and looked up. She noted the empty look on his face.

"House?" She asked, with an arched eyebrow. Without responding he walked away. Concerned about his sudden behavior, she lifted Rachel off the counter then went after House. When she found him, he was putting on his coat near the front door.

"What's going on? Is it your patient?"

He pointed at his mother. "Ask her."

Cuddy looked over at Blythe who stood leaning against the doorway of the living room and noted her sad expression, then looked back to House. She realized Blythe had told him about Thomas.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Out."

Rachel chimed in. "Howse can I go too?"

"Honey. I think House wants to be alone," Cuddy said, as she stood behind Rachel watching House as he approached the front door.

"But _mooom_," she whined to her mother, then looked up at House, "I wanna hang out with you!"

House just wanted to be alone to digest what his mother had told him. Between that and the case, he felt suddenly overwhelmed, but then he saw the look on Rachel's face, and it hit him right in the gut. She really wanted to go with him. She wanted to spend time with him, nobody else. At that moment he thought maybe it was better to spend time with Rachel than drown his sorrows at the local bar, which he was sure was his destination had he not been stopped. He really didn't want to drown his misery in alcohol.

Finally, he said, "Okay squirt, you can come with me." Noting Cuddy's look of apprehensiveness, he reassured her, "Oh stop. She'll be fine. Besides, she'll keep me out of trouble."

Cuddy sighed and patted Rachel on the head. "Okay, get your coat."

"Yay!" Rachel yelled happily as she ran to get her coat. Cuddy helped her put it on. She put her hand on House's back as he and Rachel walked out the door. He turned back and they looked at one another, silent but eyes full of expression. Only a moment passed, but much was said between them in that moment. House told her silently that he needed some time alone to digest things and Cuddy replied in her own silent expression that she understood and would be there for him when he returned. He gave her the slightest nod and she squeezed his arm. Then he turned around and left.

"Well that went well," his mother said, sadly, sitting on the couch, putting her head in her hands. "I wonder where he's going."

"He just needs time and space. I've learned to give him that. Besides Rach is with him, they'll be fine."

"I hope so. This is just the beginning."

* * *

><p>Rachel wanted to go to the mall. From the moment she got into the car with him it was all she talked about. She wanted to see that store Blythe had told her about with all the science toys. House hated the mall but he didn't have the heart to say no. One of the things he loved about the little girl was her curiosity, her questioning of everything. He knew he should encourage that. Besides, she promised him she'd be good if he took her there. He didn't need that promise though, of course he was going to take her there. They pulled up at the mall and House eased himself out of the car. His leg hurt but he tried not to let on. He helped Rachel out of her eat and then picked her up and set her on the trunk so he could talk to her.<p>

"We have to have some ground rules here."

"Okay."

"You stay with me. No running around, no wandering."

"Okay."

"And no talking to strangers."

She rolled her eyes Cuddy style. "Silly, I _know_ that."

"Yeah," he replied. "You know, for a kid, you're pretty smart."

"You always say that," she replied, hands on her hips. He laughed at her sass. So much like her mother.

"One more thing," he continued. "If we get separated, you stay where you are till I can find you. But if you can't stay where you are, find a policeman or security guard. They're everywhere okay? You know what they look like, right?"

"Uh huh. They wear uniforms and badges."

"That's right. Tell them who you are and that you're lost. Give them my name and tell them to page me okay?" When she nodded, he asked, "You ready?"

"Yep," she said, taking his hand and leading him into the mall.

An hour later, House and Rachel were still inside the store and both had virtual reality helmets on playing an arctic adventure game. House chose to be a polar bear and Rachel a penguin as they embarked on a hike through the snow. They laughed and enjoyed themselves so much, that for a moment House was able to forget about his need to escape his mother's home. When they finished, House sat down to rest his tired leg until Rachel cajoled him into taking her to see the microscopes and telescopes. House shook his head and grinned. He was in awe of how smart she was. She'd always shown a keen interest in exploring and asking questions and it was one of the things that drew him to love the little girl.

They looked around for a bit, testing out a few of the microscopes and telescopes and when all was said and done, he'd purchased one of each for her along some additional items. Tired from shopping and looking around, they sat on a bench outside the store for awhile watching the people go back and forth. They both seemed to share an amusement in watching others.

"So, squirt what about her?" House and Rachel were looking for the worst-dressed people in the mall.

"She's pretty." Rachel said.

House just looked at her and laughed. "Maybe but that's a really _ugly ass _tattoo." He didn't catch himself in time and only hoped Rachel wouldn't repeat his words later on.

"What's a tattoo?"

"Well, it's kinda like artwork on your skin."

"It washes off?"

"No, not exactly, it's permanent. Once it's there you can never get rid of it. Ever."

"That's stupid."

"That's my girl," he quipped.

"I thought art was sposed to be pretty. That's ugly," she said pointing to the woman with the big tattoo on her leg.

House couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, it is, but not all tattoos are ugly."

"Do you have one?"

"No."

"Does mommy have one?"

He chuckled. "Tattoos are for idiots and your mom definitely is _not_ an idiot." He continued to play the game with Rachel until a few minutes later, they heard a shout.

"Oh my God, he's choking!" Someone yelled from the other side of the planter next to them. "Help! Please!"

House looked up and Rachel cried "Howse!" and pointed her little finger to the plant next to them. Through the leaves, House could clearly see an elderly couple seated on a bench there. The man was bent over clearly in distress. House jumped up immediately then looked back at Rachel and said sternly, "Don't _move!"_ She nodded emphatically and he turned around and limped over to help the choking man, leaving his cane behind.

A few minutes later, House had successfully performed a tracheotomy using just a small pen knife borrowed from a bystander and a straw from the man's drink. He had the man stabilized and was applauded by the crowd when the EMT crew arrived moments later. The man's wife hugged House and thanked him profusely after which he managed to escape and made his way back to the bench where he'd left Rachel. However, when he got there...

Rachel was_ gone._


	96. Chapter 96

**A/N:** Wow, I bet you didn't expect that did you? Let's move right back into this thing!

Thanks to Cherokee Jedi for always sacrificing her time to read this in advance to make sure it makes sense.

Thanks to everyone reading it!

Thanks to all those Huddy fic writers who keep churning out the love. Keep up the great work!

* * *

><p><em>"What's a tattoo?"<em>

_"Well, it's kinda like artwork on your skin."_

_"It washes off?"_

_"No, not exactly, it's permanent. Once it's there you can never get rid of it. Ever."_

_"That's stupid."_

_"That's my girl," he quipped._

_"I thought art was sposed to be pretty. That's ugly," she said pointing to the woman with the big tattoo on her leg._

_House couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, it is, but not all tattoos are ugly."_

_"Do you have one?"_

_"No."_

_"Does mommy have one?"_

_He chuckled. "Tattoos are for idiots and your mom definitely is not an idiot." He continued to play the game with Rachel until a few minutes later, they heard a shout._

_"Oh my God, he's choking!" Someone yelled from the other side of the planter next to them. "Help! Please!"_

_House looked up and Rachel cried "Howse!" and pointed her little finger to the plant next to them. Through the leaves, House could clearly see an elderly couple seated on a bench there. The man was bent over clearly in distress. House jumped up immediately then looked back at Rachel and said sternly, "Don't move!" She nodded emphatically and he turned around and limped over to help the choking man, leaving his cane behind._

_A few minutes later, House had successfully performed a tracheotomy using just a small pen knife borrowed from a bystander and a straw from the man's drink. He had the man stabilized and was applauded by the crowd when the EMT crew arrived moments later. The man's wife hugged House and thanked him profusely after which he managed to escape and made his way back to the bench where he'd left Rachel. However, when he got there..._

_Rachel was gone._

* * *

><p>"Rachel!" House yelled. He looked around frantically. His heart pounded wildly in his chest. On the floor lay the bags containing the things he'd bought for her.<p>

"Rachel!" He yelled again looking around as strangers gave him odd looks. He snarled at them all not trusting anyone, knowing one of them could've taken her. He didn't want to venture too far in case she was able to make her way back but he had to find security. He limped frantically over to the security guard in front of a nearby jewelry store. The security guard was on his cell phone.

"Need your help!"

"Hey you're the guy who saved that guy's life. Great job, man," he said as he hung up his phone.

"Yeah whatever, listen, I lost my...my girlfriend's daughter is missing."

The security guard quickly turned serious and grabbed his a pad and pen from his chest pocket and then reached for his radio. "What does she look like?"

For the next two minutes House gave the security guard a complete description of Rachel, down to the clothes she was wearing and the color of her shoes. The officer told him, "Go back to where you last saw her and wait in case she returns."

"I can't just sit there doing nothing!" He exclaimed.

"Right now you need to go back to where you last saw her," he said. Noting House's apprehensiveness at leaving, he added, "Sir, trust me. We train for this all the time. We _will_ find her."

House let out a deep breath and watched the officer relay the information over his radio and then he limped back to where he'd last left Rachel. Suddenly he heard a voice over the public address system issuing a "Code Adam" lockdown which informed mall patrons that a child had gone missing and nobody was allowed to leave. House heard the detailed description of Rachel broadcast and it sent a chill up his spine. He cursed himself inwardly for turning around to help that man. But Rachel was a smart little girl and she listened. No, he thought. She would not leave on her own. If anything, someone took her from that bench. That made his heart sink more, the thought that she had been kidnapped.

_Kidnapped._ Suddenly, all the terrible things that could happen to her went through his mind all at once. The world started to spin around him and he felt nauseous. He grabbed hold of the planter and steadied himself, knowing he had to keep it together to find her. He knew the guard had told him to stay where he was but he couldn't just sit by and do nothing. Determined to find her, he went from shop to shop in the vicinity showing people the picture of Rachel he had in his wallet but sadly, no one had seen her. He saw police everywhere talking to store owners and mall patrons. He leaned against the wall in frustration. For a moment he thought about calling Cuddy but he knew she would be hysterical and it wouldn't help the situation. She had trusted him with Rachel and he'd let her down. He knew that if anything happened to Rachel she would never forgive him but that was the least of his worries. His first priority was finding her. As he headed for stores in the opposite direction, he heard it.

"Howse!"

The sound of her voice nearly brought him to tears. He turned around and there she was, breaking free from the grasp of her police escort, running to him, a huge smile on her face. House kneeled albeit painfully, letting his cane fall to the floor. He grabbed her and held her tightly to him, then looked at her to make sure she was okay. Her face was streaked with tears, which he wiped away gently with the pads of his thumbs.

"I got lost," she said.

"Don't ever do that to me again." He whispered into her hair.

"I'm sorry Howse. I'm sorry." Rachel cried into his shoulder.

"Shhh it's okay kid, I'm not mad. I'm just glad you're okay." As he held her, he actually felt a pain in his chest at the thought that he nearly lost her. As he held her tightly, the crowd around them grew larger and the people began clapping and smiling. House opened his eyes and saw the security guard he'd spoken to earlier standing next to the officer. He made a motion that he needed help standing up and the guard assisted him and handed him his cane, then ushered them to the same bench they'd been sitting on before Rachel disappeared. House looked up gratefully and nodded, noticing the happy crowd dissipating around them.

"Thank you," he said. "For finding her."

The officer smiled. "We didn't."

"Huh?"

"_She_ found _us_." Noting House's confused expression she explained. "She apparently wandered for awhile, getting lost in the crowds and then found me and said, and I quote 'House told me if I get lost, look for a policeman and give them his name.' That was good thinking Dr. House." House glanced proudly at Rachel who beamed back at him through her tears, then gave the officer an odd expression, wondering how the she knew he was a doctor.

As if sensing what he was thinking, the officer offered an explanation. "She told us all about you being a world famous doctor. Said you healed lots and lots of sick people, isn't that right Rachel?" The officer smiled at Rachel. "Seems that you have one smart little girl there."

"I guess I do." Turning to Rachel he asked, "Why did you leave? I told you to stay put."

She looked down, afraid to tell him.

"It's okay kid, I won't be upset."

"Umm...I had to go pee really bad and the door was right there," she said as she pointed to the door three feet from them that had the gold plated icon of a girl in a dress on it.

"You knew that was the girls bathroom?"

"Uh huh."

"But nobody saw you come out. How did you get out?"

"Lots of people were in there and I went out the door and...I just got lost." She said. Her lower lip trembled a bit.

The security guard touched House on the shoulder. "There are two entrances to the restrooms, one on the north side here," he said pointing at the door facing House. "And another door on the south side. Apparently she got out on the that side and lost her bearing and wound up getting lost trying to find you."

"I shouldn't have just left her here." Looking over at Rachel, who yawned, he said, "Come on squirt, I think we've had enough excitement for one day."

"Are you going to tell mommy?"

"Yep."

"I sorry Howse, I didn't mean to scare you." She hugged him tighter than she ever had before.

"Hey it's okay, it's not your fault." He ran his arms up and down her little back to reassure her.

"I was scared until I saw you," she said. "Then I wasn't scared anymore."

"Is that so?"

"That so," she replied."You always make me feel safe." She smiled wide and House couldn't help himself.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Yeah!" She nodded emphatically with big blue eyes.

"I was scared too."

"You _were?"_

"Uh huh."

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "You don't have to be scared Howse. I'll take care of you." She patted him on his good leg which brought a chuckle from the officer and security guard. It also lightened House's heavy heart.

"We'll take care of each other, how's that?" He raised his hand up for a high-five.

"Okay!" Rachel smacked his hand.

The security guard held out his hand to House. "Dr. House, it was good to met you. I'm glad you've got your little girl back." In an unusual move, House extended his hand and reciprocated. "Thank you...for everything."

"You're welcome." The security guard ruffled Rachel's hair and walked away.

"Dr. House, is there anyone I can call? Do you need help?" The officer asked.

House looked over at the bags that were on the floor next to the bench. Before he could open his mouth, she said, "Come on, I've got it." She smiled and picked up the bags and escorted them out of the mall.

They got to the car and the officer put the bags in the trunk. House buckled Rachel in and checked it twice. He turned around to bid goodbye to the officer.

"Thanks for your help." They shook hands and parted ways. House watched her walk away then got in the car and buckled himself in, looking at Rachel in the rearview mirror.

"You ready to go?"

"Yep."

"I think I'm gonna call your mom first."

"Uh oh."

"Yeah, uh oh," he murmured. Though Rachel was safe, he worried about Cuddy's reaction. He took out his phone and dialed Cuddy's cell phone and waited.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later, House and Rachel arrived at Blythe's house. When they exited the car, Cuddy was there to greet them. She hugged Rachel and House looked on, silently.<p>

"You had some day, didn't you?" It was then that Rachel began to cry.

"Oh honey, what is it?"

"Please don't be mad at Howse."

Cuddy looked shocked. "Why would I be mad at House?"

"It wasn't his fault. I had to pee."

"I know, House told me." She wiped Rachel's eyes. "You and I have always talked about how important it is not to wander off, right?" Rachel nodded. "So you know you shouldn't have done it, but..you're just a child, you didn't understand what could happen."

"I'm sorry mommy," she said sincerely.

"I know baby. Please promise me you will listen to us from now on. We're only trying to protect you."

"Okay."

"That's my girl."

"Mommy, Howse saved a man."

"What?"

"A man was sick and Howse helped him."

Cuddy looked up at House. "You didn't tell me that."

"Didn't seem important at the time."

Cuddy stood and put her hands on Rachel's shoulders, steering her into the house. "Come on you two, let's go inside and we'll hear all about it."

Rachel ran into the house, followed by House and Cuddy. Before the entered, she turned around and grabbed his shirt and kissed him, unexpectedly and passionately, taking him completely by surprise.

When they parted slightly breathless, he asked, "What was that for?"

Without a word, she smiled, then smoothed his shirt and continued into the house ahead of him.

The four of them sat in the living room discussing what had happened a few hours earlier. House had said very little outside relaying the facts of the story. He still felt guilty about what had happened and when he excused himself and went into the kitchen, Cuddy knew it was her chance to talk to him. She found him at the sink with a glass of water, staring out the window.

She walked and stood behind him. It was anothe minute before he spoke.

"I screwed up."

"No, you didn't."

"I left her alone."

"From what you told me, you were only a few feet away."

"That's all it takes, you know that."

"I do, all too well."

House gave her a curious look and she explained. "Last year in the grocery store, she said she was too big to ride in the cart so I told her she could walk with me if she walked ahead of me and didn't run off. I turned around to get something and when I turned back around she was gone. I panicked and freaked out only to find she was a few aisles over, petting a guide dog. She'd never seen one before. So see...it can happen to anyone."

"You trusted me with her."

"I _still_ do," she insisted. "House, it's just impossible to keep an eye on her every single move twenty-four hours a day. I know you and you would never do anything to hurt her."

He looked at her and started to speak and she had the feeling she knew what he was going to say. She put a finger to his lips. "No. Don't say it. You were out of your goddamned mind and I forgave you. I _know_ you, the _real_ you. I trust you with my life _and_ with Rachel's."

He sighed in relief and before he could reply his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID he groaned. "It's the team, I gotta take it."

Cuddy smiled and kissed him, then turned around and left him to his work.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later House had finished up with the team. The toddler had Eisenmenger Syndrome, a heart defect that had not shown up on previous tests. He turned off his phone after telling Chase he would not be available.<p>

He knocked on his mother's bedroom door and found her sitting on the bed, perusing an old photo album.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course dear."

He leaned against her dresser. "Listen, I'm sorry I ran out earlier. I just wasn't ready..."

"I understand. I don't want to push you."

"I'm okay, it's just that I'm not good at...you know...all _this_."

She laughed hesitantly. "I know."

They sat there for a few minutes feeling out the situation. His mother spoke again.

"We tried but I couldn't get pregnant. I gave up after awhile."

"Did he really want kids?"

"Yes. He thought it would be nice to pass on the family name."

"Well that's a good reason," he replied sarcastically.

"He wanted what I wanted and I wanted children."

"But you cheated on him. If you didn't want to be with dad, why not just divorce him?"

She sighed. "Divorce? That was never an option. It's not how either of us was raised. I married your father because I loved him. He'd always been a strong and aggressive personality but early on he wasn't so bad. It wasn't until later..." she said, staring at her hands. She took a deep breath and continued. "Anyway, your father and Thomas were good friends. They went to college together. Thomas joined the Navy but after a few years he realized he didn't want to make a career of it like your dad did. He felt he had this higher calling, something else he was meant to do. Obviously you know what that was. John and I had been married about a year when my father died. John was overseas and couldn't come home. Thomas was home on leave visiting his parents and came by to cheer me up. He made me laugh and helped me through a very difficult time."

She looked up at House who sat listening silently.

"Thomas was so different from John. He was gentle and patient and understanding. It was easy to talk to him about certain things. We had deep, heartfelt conversations about life and what we wanted out of it. It was just...nice. He was so intelligent and he questioned everything. He always felt there was more to everything than we could see, hear, touch or smell. He was intuitive and curious. You're like him in many ways Greg. Anyway...that week when he visited, that's when it happened, between us. I was lonely. I missed John and I was so sad about my father's death. We were together...and it felt so right but we felt very guilty afterwards. We swore John would never find out. "

"And then you got pregnant."

"I did. I was with Thomas in October and your father didn't come back home until Christmas."

"How did you keep it from him?"

"He was on maneuvers and in training so much during the pregnancy, I just didn't tell him everything. He wasn't there when you were born, Sarah was with me. She knew immediately you weren't premature and I had to tell her. She promised she would never tell. And she didn't."

This news did not surprise House. His aunt Sarah was his favorite aunt. She knew how to keep secrets.

"I was young and scared of being alone. Then there was the stigma of adultery and having a child out of wedlock. I also didn't want to hurt him, I mean he hadn't done anything to deserve it. Take your pick of any number of reasons I didn't tell him. I suppose now it doesn't matter. He'd wanted a son and you were born and as time went on I just perpetuated the lie, there was no good time to come clean and then you were twelve years old and you knew. I always worried what would happen to you...how he'd treat you when he found out."

"Yeah," House said softly. "He was way ahead of you."

"He came to me the night you'd confronted him. He told me that he was hurt and angry over what you'd said but that it was time for the truth."

"He'd already known?"

"He suspected. As you got older, he noticed those changes. When he realized that even _you_ knew, he felt like a fool. He demanded the truth, so I told him."

"I can't believe he stayed with you and raised another guy's kid."

"He didn't get to that decision lightly. The night I told him, he packed his things, said he needed time to sort this out and left. I told you he was on maneuvers but he'd lived at the base all week. When he got home, he asked if I'd told Thomas and I said yes. He told me that I had to make a choice, either him or Thomas. Of course I chose my family."

"Dad gave you the chance to walk away and you didn't."

"I did what I had to do." She drifted off and then returned to her focus.

"What did Thomas say when you told him?"

"I thought he'd be surprised but he wasn't. He was perceptive. Some things clicked for him. There were things about you...mannerisms...he said there was something different about you but he couldn't put his finger on it. He really liked you and there were times you loved hanging out with him. In the end, it was about not tearing you away from your family. He knew you belonged with us. He wanted you to have the kind of childhood you deserved."

"Did he even want a child?"

Blythe bit her lip. "No, he did not."

House frowned. "Did dad confront Bell?"

"He did. The day I made my decision, John went to see Thomas. He was gone several hours. When he got back he told me Thomas was leaving."

He looked perplexed for a moment and then it hit him. "That would explain why he moved away. I remember riding my bike to his house and he was packing up boxes. He never would say why he was leaving. He would barely talk to me. He gave me his baseball glove, told me he'd used it in high school, said I should take care of it."

"He moved to the west coast, got his Masters in Theology and eventually became a minister. He had his own church for over twenty years. He even published a few books."

House stood up and paced the room. His leg hurt and he needed to move around. "You should've told me."

"You were a _child._"

He turned to her scowling. "I grew up didn't I? Nobody bothered to tell me the truth, I figured it out on my own and only confirmed it years later by testing dad's DNA after he died." He saw his mother frown. "Oh come on mom, you know me, I had to know for sure. What sucks is that once I confirmed what I'd already suspected, it didn't bother me. It should've but it didn't."

"I screwed this up," she said sadly. "I perpetuated this lie. Why couldn't he just be normal?" She asked in a loud, exasperated tone. "He thrived on the discipline and rigor of the Corps. He grew up with that with his own father and he needed it in his own life. He was the perfect Marine officer, the perfect leader and people _wanted_ to follow him. While he was not always well-liked he was respected and the men who served under him knew that with him, they had a good chance of going home in one piece. Sadly, he tried to instill the same discipline and rigor in his own house, with his own son, and it didn't work. When you were a child you emulated him, you wanted to be like him and that made him so proud. But as you got older, you changed. You no longer wanted to be like him. You were open-minded, outspoken and rebellious, and...well you became everything he could never be."

"And he could never get past it."

"No. It hurt him that how you were going your own way and didn't need him."

"I needed him," House emphasized. "He just didn't need me...or want me."

Blythe shook her head. "That's not the way it was though sadly I know he made you feel that way. He felt like a failure, that he hadn't done his job properly but he couldn't figure out why or where he'd gone wrong. What kind of leader was he when his own son didn't want to follow him? Didn't respect him? He wanted to be able to congratulate himself as much as you for your accomplishments but he couldn't because he felt none of it was his doing."

House looked at her thoughtfully. They both knew he was indeed like John in many ways. "Genetics doesn't have anything to do with parenting."

His mother nodded her agreement. House pinched the top of his nose. He was already overwhelmed and the conversation wore him out. "So did you ever see or talk to Bell again, I mean before dad died?"

Her eyes conveyed a bit of sadness when she replied. "No. Mutual friends told me years later that he'd gotten married to a schoolteacher. They never had any kids. I never saw him until your father died. I found out he was widowed and living in Virginia again and I asked him to come to the funeral."

House nodded. "How did _he_ die?"

"Cancer," she replied, then she laughed weakly. "Never smoked a day in his life and he died from lung cancer. By the time they found it, it was too advanced. We talked a lot those last few weeks. He was very proud of you, Greg."

House looked up curiously, suprised at this news. "He hardly knew me."

"He may not have wanted children but he was always interested in what you were doing. He followed your career."

"Which means he knew everything."

"We talked about a lot in those final days. He didn't judge you, he just said that he hoped God would help you find a way to heal and move on with your life. He wanted you to be happy."

"God." House chuckled to himself. He leaned forward, resting his weight on his cane. "So what now?"

"Now," she said with some trepidation. "We figure out a way to move on from this. I understand if you are angry with me."

"I always wondered how this conversation would go. I was angry, I'm not anymore."

"You've come a long way."

"Being angry doesn't change what happened."

She got up from the bed and walked to where he stood, now looking out the window. "I will always love you with all my heart and nothing would make me happier than to see you let the past go, accept what you have now and look forward to the future. You are my pride and joy, the _one thing_ I did right in this world. You have faced extreme obstacles at times in your life and you never gave up."

"I wanted to."

"But you didn't son, in the end, you didn't. You survived."

"Sometimes I don't know why after what I did."

"Look at me," she said. When she was gazing into his beautiful blue eyes, her voice softened. "Everything you ever wanted...you have. That woman," she pointed out the door, "Loves you and that little girl does too. They count on you, they need you."

"That's asking a lot mom."

"No," she said. "That's just asking you to be you. A lot of things have happened in your life to make you an angry, bitter man, and even though certain aspects of your personality lie dormant, they exist and you can't get rid of them no matter what you do. _This is who you are_. You hate change but you _have_ changed and you did it because you wanted to not because anyone made you. Allow yourself to move on and not let this baggage hang over your head."

"I need to make sense of it."

"I understand that, but we both know that analyzing it to death won't do any good. It doesn't change anything. John was proud of you but he could never tell you. He did not know how to be the father you needed and he gave up on himself and on you. Being a good dad took more than just rules and he didn't get that. John is dead but you are here. Live the life that he never could."

The room went silent as they contemplated all that had been said. Suddenly House looked up at her, noting her sadness. He hated seeing her like that.

"There were good times, mom," he said, suddenly.

She smiled. "You remember?"

"Yeah, I've been talking about it in therapy."

"I'm proud of you. There were some good times. I want you to hold on to those." She put her hand over his. "Greg, I'm sorry for everything I put you through. For John...and the relationship with your father you should've had. And I'm sorry about Thomas...that you never really got the chance to know him."

"It wasn't meant to be," he replied. It was meant to sound casual but it contained a great deal of feeling on his part.

"Will you be okay?" She asked.

"I guess I don't have a choice do I?"

She stood in front of him and grabbed both his arms gently. "I suppose not. But I know my son and you will be okay." She put her arms around him and brought her close to him. Her son had never been the hugging type but it felt so good to her. For a moment it reminded her of when he was a little boy and hugged her all the time. "I love you Greg with all my heart and I wouldn't change a thing if it meant I would not have you."

House was rigid at first but hearing those words, feeling his mother's embrace, it was too much and so he let himself relax in her embrace. When he did, he could feel her do the same. They pulled apart mutually and House grabbed his cane which hung on the dresser. He turned to walk out but looked back at his mother.

"Mom?"

"Yes Greg?" She looked up and saw his eyes were tired but he seemed much more at ease than before they'd talked.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome dear," she said as he turned and walked out the bedroom door, down the hallway and into the living room. She sat on the bed and opened the album again. She gasped when the first photo she saw was an old five-by-seven photo of John in fatigues and a four-year old Greg sitting on a table in front of the ice cream shop on base, eating cones and smiling, not at the camera but at each other, neither of them seemed to be remotely aware of the camera. Then she broke down in tears.


	97. Chapter 97

**A/N:** I'll share this little tidbit with you. Originally I'd planned to wrap this up around 100 chapters. Hell, I never even thought it would go this long, but it did. The thing is...there's no way with the ideas I have in mind, that this will wrap up in 100. I'm not intentionally delaying the inevitable, I just don't want to rush it, it has to play out otherwise it won't feel right. Please hang in there. I know this has been quite a ride but I really appreciate you reading it!

Thank you Cherokee Jedi for taking a peek...well more than a peek. She was my lifeline this week while I was sick with the flu and trying to write this.

* * *

><p><em>"There were good times, mom," he said, suddenly.<em>

_She smiled. "You remember?"_

_"Yeah, I've been talking about it in therapy."_

_"I'm proud of you. There were some good times. I want you to hold on to those." She put her hand over his. "Greg, I'm sorry for everything I put you through. For John...and the relationship with your father you should've had. And I'm sorry about Thomas...that you never really got the chance to know him."_

_"It wasn't meant to be," he replied. It was meant to sound casual but it contained a great deal of feeling on his part._

_"Will you be okay?" She asked._

_"I guess I don't have a choice do I?"_

_She stood in front of him and grabbed both his arms gently. "I suppose not. But I know my son and you will be okay." She put her arms around him and brought her close to him. Her son had never been the hugging type but it felt so good to her. For a moment it reminded her of when he was a little boy and hugged her all the time. "I love you Greg with all my heart and I wouldn't change a thing if it meant I would not have you."_

_House was rigid at first but hearing those words, feeling his mother's embrace, it was too much and so he let himself relax in her embrace. When he did, he could feel her do the same. They pulled apart mutually and House grabbed his cane which hung on the dresser. He turned to walk out but looked back at his mother._

_"Mom?"_

_"Yes, Greg?" She looked up and saw his eyes were tired but he seemed much more at ease than before they'd talked._

_"Thank you."_

_"You're welcome dear," she said as he turned and walked out the bedroom door, down the hallway and into the living room. She sat on the bed and opened the album again. She gasped when the first photo she saw was an old five-by-seven photo of John in fatigues and a four-year old Greg sitting on a table in front of the ice cream shop on base, eating cones and smiling, not at the camera but at each other, neither of them seemed to be remotely aware of the camera. Then she broke down in tears._

* * *

><p>House and Cuddy sat in the den which at one time had been John's office. It was small but comfortable with a loveseat, wood stove, and a recliner by the large bay window overlooking the backyard. They sat on the floor, their backs against the couch, looking at the small trunk in front of them.<p>

"Are you sure you want me here while you do this?"

"I'm sure. Haven't I hid enough shit from you over the years?" He asked. She placed her hand on his knee and squeezed gently.

As they unpacked the items they came across a number of old books, news clippings, some military items, letters, photos and small collectibles from his travels abroad.

"Damn how did he get his hands on this?"

"What?" She looked over and saw House flipping carefully through a book.

"A 1911 copy of Treasure Island. One of my favorites. I think this is the one mom used to read me when I was a kid."

Cuddy nudged him for the book. He handed it to her and she opened it and gently turned the pages.

"This is incredible House, it's over one hundred years old and still in beautiful condition."

"That's dad. Always took excellent care of everything." As an afterthought he said, "I bet Rachel would enjoy it."

"No, I couldn't give her something that old and valuable to read."

"No, I mean you could read it to her. She loves pirates, remember?"

"True. Hey...are you...giving _me_ this book?"

"Why not? Seems a shame to leave it in a trunk when the kid could enjoy it."

"You're so sweet." She leaned over and kissed him.

He kissed her back and whispered, "Don't let anyone hear that, you'll ruin my reputation."

Cuddy kissed him again and he felt little Greg begin to rise to the occasion. He nuzzled her neck and said, "You know things are going to get a bit out of control if we don't watch it. Do you really want to be writhing in pleasure all over my dead dad's stuff?"

She chuckled. "Who says I'd be writhing in pleasure?"

"You doubt my abilities?"

"Never." She winked at him before she reached into the chest again.

She pulled out a giant scrapbook and began flipping through it.

"You're awfully quiet. Whatcha got there?" He asked.

"It's..._you_...all about _you_."

"Let me see that." He took the book out of her hands and flipped through it. Sure enough, every page was dedicated to him. There were report cards, school progress reports, awards, news clippings and other information about him from elementary school to long past college. There were even a few articles about him receiving awards, having papers published and leading the world's foremost diagnostics department.

"Did you have any idea?" She asked.

"No, none." He turned the pages in awe, looking at all the things his father had collected over the years. When he got to the back of the book, he found an envelope, old and yellowed, postmarked May 1965 in San Francisco and Vietnam. He opened it and nearly gasped. Inside was a photo of him about six years old, dressed in his father's oversized Marine jacket and hat, standing with his back to a tall mirror. He was smiling and saluting the camera. On the back of the photo, it read, _"Little man misses you. I do too. We love you. Blythe."_

Cuddy leaned over and looked at the picture,. "Oh House, you were so adorable."

House barely acknowledged her as he spent the next several minutes looking at the photo, touching it as if trying to remember the moment it was taken. Cuddy tried to give him some space as she went through the rest of the odds and ends in the chest but she couldn't help but look over at him every now and then to see how he was doing.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he said. He dug into the chest again and brought out the last of the items which consisted of three small wooden boxes with an envelope taped to one of them. He immediately recognized his father's precise penmanship. Color drained from his face and his hands trembled a bit as he opened it, not sure what he expected to find.

_Dear Greg,_

_If you're reading this it means I'm dead. Not exactly a great opening but I don't know how else to start this letter. By now you've gone through the trunk full of what your mother refers to as junk but it's stuff that means something to me. It's all yours now and you can do with it what you want._

_You know I'm not one for writing about my feelings but your mother is right, as always. She told me that I needed to make things right with you. I wanted to for a long time, I just didn't know how to do it. Your mother is a piece of work isn't she? I don't know where I'd be without her. I wish I'd listened to her years ago._

_When I was growing up my father taught me that I had to work for everything I wanted, that it would never come easy because if it did, I wouldn't appreciate it. So I worked hard and I sacrificed because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. Then you came along and everything came so naturally to you. I guess I didn't like it because I didn't think you appreciated it. I guess I was envious of you. I know how ridiculous it sounds that a father would be envious of his son, but it's true. I intentionally made life difficult for you because I thought it would make you appreciate what you had more. I was wrong._

_When you were a little boy, you wanted to be like me but as you got older that changed and it hurt. I understand now why you didn't want to be like me and I am thankful you aren't. Over the years I've seen how my treatment of you has influenced your life and I wish I'd supported and encouraged you instead of pushing you away. _

_You deserved to hear this from me in person but I know now it will never happen, it's just not who we are. Greg, I'm sorry for the way I treated you. You deserved better. You were a good boy, the best son any father could've wanted. I tried to use the same discipline on you that I used on my men. I wanted to toughen you up, make you like me. I thought I was doing you a favor. I'd hoped to avoid all the mistakes my dad made with me but it looks like I just repeated them. I was awfully hard on you and I wish I could take it back. I wish I would've spent those years being the kind of father you deserved. You never had that and I am sorry._

_I know it is ridiculous to ask for forgiveness since I'm already dead but I am hoping you will do it, not for me but for yourself. I know how much I hurt you and you deserve to move on with your life and find some happiness. Don't let my misery be yours. Go live the life you really want and find the happiness you deserve._

_I am proud to be your dad and no matter what, you are my son and I love you._

_John_

House sat there for a moment, a stunned expression on his face. Cuddy, who had stepped out a few moments earlier to retrieve her laptop, returned to her place next to him. She noticed immediately something was wrong. He sat staring at the letter in his hand, his eyes were red-rimmed and wet with unshed tears.

"House?"

He didn't answer.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She asked, reaching for his hand.

He handed her the letter without saying a word. She read it and afterwards sat in stunned silence next to him.

"Wow."

"He didn't hate me." He leaned back against he couch and closed his eyes. His jaw was tight and he was tense.

Cuddy held his hand tightly. "House, I think this letter is one of the best things that could've happened to you. You needed this."

"I can't believe he wrote that. That's so not him."

"Your mom said he had regrets. It had to take great courage for him to write that letter and admit he was wrong and ask for your forgiveness. It seemed like everything your father did to you was always about him but this time he did something that was about you. I think he wanted you to be able to let go."

"He acted like he hated me but he didn't, did he?"

She leaned on his shoulder and he leaned back on her, each of them holding the other up. "No, he didn't. I can't make sense of this but maybe we don't have to. Maybe we don't have to analyze or wonder anymore. All of this just proves he was just human. He made mistakes and fucked up, but then we all do."

He put his arm around her and pulled her close, dipping his nose into her hair and kissing the top of her head. God how he loved her. She never sugarcoated things but she always knew how to help him see the other side.

"What was that for?" She asked, as she smiled and looked up at him.

"You said we."

She chuckled. "_We_ are in this together, right?"

"You're fucking amazing, you know that?" He said softly.

She could feel his body relax into hers. "You going to be okay?" She asked.

"I think so, his is just...a lot."

"I know it is, House."

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until she sensed it was a good time to change the subject and lighten the mood. She reached for one of the wooden boxes. "Come on, help me with this, will ya?"

"What are you doing?"

"Going through these coins. Most of them are pretty old, I'm just curious about their history, what they might be worth." Cuddy took a sheet from the first wooden box, perused it, then typed something into the search engine on her laptop.

"I can't believe dad kept these," House said as he picked up the box she was working with and began rifling through the coins. "He's been collecting since he was a kid. His father did too. I wonder if any of these belonged to my grandfather."

He looked over at Cuddy, she was biting her bottom lip and staring intently at the screen. "So...how's it going so far?"

"He's definitely got a lot of old stuff there, a lot of it rare and I-"

House looked up from the box to see why she didn't finish.

"What?"

"Hand me that first box there," she said, as she pointed to a box near his right leg. he picked it up and handed it to her. She put her laptop aside and went through the coins till she found the one she was looking for. Then she grabbed her laptop and scrutinized the coin she held and whatever was on the screen.

"What's going on?" He asked, impatiently.

"Holy shit!" She exclaimed.

"What?"

"This." She turned the laptop so he could see it. He read what was on the screen and his eyes got wide.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

"You gotta be kidding."

"I'm not kidding. Check for yourself."

House looked at the screen and then the sheet in her hand and then picked up the coin in question.

"I can't fucking believe it. Dad, you son of a bitch," he said, shaking his head.

* * *

><p>It was late and House and Cuddy were still sitting on the floor in the den. They were joined by Blythe and Rachel. Coffee cups, milk glasses and dessert dishes littered the coffee tables. The coin boxes were spread around and Cuddy was making notations on the sheets that were found in the boxes.<p>

"Well, that's it," Cuddy said, triumphantly.

"I can't believe your dad has a penny worth one hundred thousand dollars," Blythe said, still stunned.

"Ahh but it's not just any penny Blythe, it's a 1943 Copper Wheat penny," Cuddy said. "And then there's the buffalo head and the Morgan silver dollar."

"I can't believe it," House said, shaking his head. "If this is right, there's over four hundred thousand dollars here. Mom, you had no idea?" House asked, still in shock over their discovery.

Blythe shrugged. "Coins were your father's thing. He never really cared what they were worth, he just enjoyed collecting. I never bothered asking him what was in there because it just wasn't my thing. Now they're yours. You can do with them whatever you want."

"What are you going to do?" Cuddy asked.

"Well if you tell Wilson, I'll be paying him back all the money I owe him with interest," he said, making Cuddy laugh. Then he got serious. "I don't know. I don't have any debt. I own the apartment, the bike, the car..I've got a retirement plan, insurance, and plenty of savings." He saw Cuddy eye him curiously and he looked down. "I socked away quite a bit just in case something happened...with my health and all." He looked at her hoping she understood. She did. He'd worried he might need long-term care eventually and wanted to have enough money set aside for it.

"Well it's yours to do whatever you want dear," Blythe said. "I'm sure you'll do the right thing. In the meantime, I'm going to clean up the dishes here. Rachel, would you like to help me?"

"What about you?" House asked, when they were gone.

"What about me?"

"You doing okay financially? I mean, you always did but what about now?"

"I'm doing great. The house we live in is a rental, the insurance settlement paid for the new car and I put the rest in the bank. I've got my investments, Rachel's college plan, and savings. The only debt I have is the credit card and I pay that off every month. You know how I am with money. If it's one thing my parents taught me that didn't screw me up it's how to manage money."

"So what do we do with it?"

_"We?"_

He nodded. "Yep."

"House, it's all yours."

He took her hand and drew circles in her palm. "What if I wanted to share it with you?"

Her eyes got wide. "What are you saying?"

Before he could reply, Rachel and Blythe entered the room. Rachel bounded over to them and practically threw herself in her mother's lap.

"Mommy, I'm tired."

"You ready for bed?"

"Uh huh. Can you read me a story?"

Cuddy remembered the Treasure Island book. "Yep and I've got just the book." She picked it up and looked at House, who nodded. She got up from the floor and stretched, then led Rachel by the hand down the hall. Before they made it all the way, Rachel separated herself from her mother and ran back and wrapped her arms around House.

"G'night Howse," she mumbled into his neck.

He patted her on the head and ruffled her hair. "Night, kid."

Rachel ran over and hugged Blythe too, then took her mother's hand and led her down the hall to the bedroom.

Blythe's heart was warmed by the sight as she watched her son interact with Cuddy and Rachel. She walked over to her son and ruffled his hair, something she hadn't done since he was a boy.

House glanced up and saw his mother smiling at him.

"What?" He asked.

"You love those girls."

"I do," he said quietly.

"Go. I'll clean this up. I'm not that tired right now," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go." She watched as he got up from the floor and knowing how awkward it was for him she offered him a hand, which to her surprise, he accepted. She hugged him and whispered in his ear. "I'm so proud of you."

They parted and he grabbed his cane and limped down the hall with a purpose. She frowned that his limp was more pronounced, knowing it was because he'd been sitting on the floor for hours. She thought to herself what she would give, even if it meant her own life, to take away his pain. She sighed and looked around at all of the things that John had packed so carefully in his trunk, that lay on couch, coffee table and floor. She chuckled to herself at the thought that all that "junk" as she once called it, had turned out to contain a small fortune. She walked over to John's chair by the window and sat down a moment and picked up the framed photo of the two of them taken at a friend's retirement party the year before he died. She ran her finger over the glass surface remembering how he still looked healthy then and how much fun they'd had that night. She held the picture to her breast and closed her eyes, smiled and said, "Thank you, John."

* * *

><p>Back in Rachel's room, the little girl was freshly bathed and in her pajamas and snuggled under the covers. Cuddy lay on the bed reading to Rachel.<p>

_Chapter One. The Old Sea-dog at the Admiral Benbow_

_Squire Trelawney, Dr. Livesey, and the rest of these gentlemen having asked me to write down the whole particulars about Treasure Island, from the beginning to the end, keeping nothing back but the bearings of the island, and that only because there is still treasure not yet lifted, I take up my pen in the year of grace 17_ and go back to the time when my father kept the Admiral Benbow inn and the brown old seaman with the sabre cut first took up his lodging under our roof..._

House watched from the doorway as Cuddy read the first few pages of Treasure Island to Rachel. At first the little girl was caught up in the moment but eventually her eyes drifted shut. Cuddy read a little longer until she was sure Rach was asleep, then she bent over to kiss her and turned out the light. She met House in the hallway.

"Why didn't you come in?"

"Didn't want to interrupt."

"You could've read those pirate voices so much better."

"But you did such a bang up job," he mused with a grin.

She rolled her eyes as they walked into their bedroom and closed the door behind them. House hung his cane on the foot of the bed and sat down and dug the palm of his hand into his thigh to relieve the pain. Cuddy immediately stripped down to her panties as House watched; she knew it would momentarily distract him from the pain. She grabbed his tee shirt that hung on the bedpost and slid it over her body and then she stood in front of him.

"Hurting pretty bad isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Do you need to change the patch?"

"No, it's okay."

"Lay back," she instructed. He laid back on the bed and she kneeled down and took off his shoes and socks and then unbuttoned his jeans and gently pulled them off. She reached into her overnight bag and pulled out a bottle of hand lotion. She looked up momentarily and watched as his eyes got wide.

"Not even close," she said with a smirk. She knew his mind was conjuring up dirty thoughts. She warmed her hands with the lotion and then got back on the bed next to him and began to massage his thigh. He flinched at her initial touch but soon relaxed enough for her to continue.

"Thank...you..." he managed to groan.

"You're welcome. This okay? The pressure?"

"It's perfect...hurts so much."

"I know. And I'm going to help make you feel better."

"I don't have to, I want to. Now shut up and relax," she said.

"Yes, mistress," he replied sarcastically.

Neither spoke for a few minutes as she massaged his leg. She could feel the tension leaving his body and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw his fists unclench and his facial muscles relax.

"You're really not upset about Rachel?" He asked, breaking the silence. He peered at her with one eye open to gauge her reaction.

Without missing a beat she replied, "Nope."

"I was really worried about her."

"I know you were. But I know she's in good hands with you."

House smiled and laid his head back on the bed. He felt a tear begin to fall from the corner of his right eye but he wasn't sure if it was the pain or what she had said. Knowing how much Cuddy trusted him with Rachel filled him with depth of motion he couldn't express.

"I don't want to go back to Princeton without you," he said, out of the blue.

She smiled. "Funny, because I don't want to go back to Boston without you."

At the same time, they looked at each other, gray on blue, searching for the words that would come next. House spoke first.

"Come back with me. We'll go to Philly tomorrow and see Nolan then drive back to Princeton to spend the night. Maybe have dinner with Wilson. You can fly back on Monday."

"We could do that," she said. "You think Nolan will see you on a Sunday?"

"I'll call him tonight and ask nicely."

"It would be nice to talk to him again, given everything that we've been through."

"There's something else," he said.

"What?" She stopped and looked up at him. She noticed the hesitation. "What is it, House?"

"Thanksgiving is next week."

"Don't remind me," she groaned.

House chuckled knowing she was referring to her mother and sister visiting.

"Since I'm going to see you Wednesday night, I'd like to have Rachel stay with me for a few days. You know she'll be fine."

"Really?" She was completely shocked at his request.

"If you don't want to, that's okay. I mean-"

"No, that's not it. House...I don't know."

He frowned. He was worried this would happen. He sat up on the bed. "I thought you trusted me with her."

"I do trust you...it's just that you've never had her for more than a few hours."

"I can handle it besides we have _Aunt Wilson_ there to help. It'll be fine." He smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"She's a big responsibility. I mean...why would you want to do this?"

He hung his head and looked at the floor. "Today in the mall when she was missing, it felt like a piece of me was missing too, I mean, it just hurt. I knew then...how attached I am to her. I really care about her, Cuddy. When we first got together a few years ago I was apprehensive but I did it mostly for you. But she grew on me and I missed her after we broke up and...everything that happened. Now..." He looked up at her trying to convey his thoughts without saying them.

Cuddy stopped her massage and stepped off the bed and between his legs. With one hand she lifted his chin up so he would look at her. "I know," she said. She knew he loved her little girl. It was still hard for him sometimes to express his emotions and she knew that. She was just happy she could read him and understand him so well.

They held each other a moment when she looked down and cupped his face and said, "Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I bet Rachel would love to spend a few days with you."

He pulled her close and buried his face in her stomach and slid his hands underneath her shirt so he could feel her smooth warm skin. She wrapped her arms around around him and felt him relax into her.

"You're going to be okay House," she said. She wasn't prepared for what she heard next.

"It feels good to be loved."

She swallowed hard and tried not to cry as she ran her fingers through his hair, She loved him so much at that moment that she felt her heart would burst. She held him tighter.

"You will _always_ be loved."


	98. Chapter 98

**A/N:** TGIF. I meant to get this chapter and the two following out today but it didn't happen. There's a Thanksgiving chapter coming and I just couldn't get it written and published in time for our Thanksgiving. Oh well :) There just wasn't enough time to write and when there was, my mind wasn't cooperating. There's some good stuff coming up here. Important stuff. Read on and enjoy. Please don't forget to review, those of us who write these things sure do appreciate feedback.

Thanks to Cherokee Jedi for her wit and wisdom. I throw ideas at her and she tells me if they suck or not. :)

Thanks too to everyone currently writing. As an author of fanfic, I know how hard it is to do this and as a reader, I sure as hell appreciate what you do!

Oh and while we're at it. **HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEROKEE JEDI and MAYA295**, two nice gals and great Huddy fic writers whose birthdays have come and gone by the time I publish this!

* * *

><p><em>"Since I'm going to see you Wednesday night, I'd like to have Rachel stay with me for a few days. You know she'll be fine."<em>

_"Really?" She was completely shocked at his request._

_"If you don't want to, that's okay. I mean-"_

_"No, that's not it. House...I don't know."_

_He frowned. He was worried this would happen. He sat up on the bed. "I thought you trusted me with her."_

_"I do trust you...it's just that you've never had her for more than a few hours."_

_"I can handle it besides we have Aunt Wilson there to help. It'll be fine." He smiled, trying to lighten the mood._

_"She's a big responsibility. I mean...why would you want to do this?"_

_He hung his head and looked at the floor. "Today in the mall when she was missing, it felt like a piece of me was missing too, I mean, it just hurt. I knew then...how attached I am to her. I really care about her, Cuddy. When we first got together a few years ago I was apprehensive but I did it mostly for you. But she grew on me and I missed her after we broke up and...everything that happened. Now..." He looked up at her trying to convey his thoughts without saying them._

_Cuddy stopped her massage and stepped off the bed and between his legs. With one hand she lifted his chin up so he would look at her. "I know," she said. She knew he loved her little girl. It was still hard for him sometimes to express his emotions and she knew that. She was just happy she could read him and understand him so well._

_They held each other a moment when she looked down and cupped his face and said, "Okay."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yeah. I bet Rachel would love to spend a few days with you."_

_He pulled her close and buried his face in her stomach and slid his hands underneath her shirt so he could feel her smooth warm skin. She wrapped her arms around around him and felt him relax into her._

_"You're going to be okay House," she said. She wasn't prepared for what she heard next._

_"It feels good to be loved."_

_She swallowed hard and tried not to cry as she ran her fingers through his hair, She loved him so much at that moment that she felt her heart would burst. She held him tighter._

_"You will always be loved."_

* * *

><p>House, Cuddy and Rachel arrived in Princeton on Sunday afternoon. Their plans to travel to Philly to see Nolan had fallen through when Nolan told House he would be out-of-town attending the funeral of a retired colleague.<p>

When the taxi pulled up at House's apartment on Baker Street, House noticed Cuddy seemed anxious but he didn't say anything to her about it. He assumed her first visit to his apartment in two years might be a little difficult at first. When they got out of the car, he paid the driver extra to take their luggage and his father's trunk into the apartment. He followed the girls in, turned on the lights and locked the door behind them. Cuddy led Rachel to the bathroom and House went into the kitchen to make them something warm to drink and listen to his phone messages. A few minutes later he heard the patter of little feet fleeting about his apartment, then he listened as Cuddy talked to her about the books, the anatomical displays and the various musical instruments that lay about.

He smiled as he remembered the last time Rachel had been at the apartment. It'd been a few weeks before the breakup and Cuddy had picked up Rachel from preschool and took her straight over to House's apartment to surprise him with a home-cooked dinner. He recalled fond memories of a warm fire, wine, and Cuddy reading to Rachel until she fell asleep. Then she'd placed a sleeping Rachel carefully into her playpen and let House lead her into the bedroom where they made love until they fell asleep exhausted.

"House?"

"Hey, I called you but you were a million miles away."

House turned to her. "Oh, sorry."

"What were you thinking about?"

"The last time Rachel was here."

"You remember?" She ran her finger lightly up and down his arm.

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah," she said blushing. "I do."

"As I recall you were rather vocal that night," he said as he waggled his eyebrows.

"I thought for _sure_ we'd wake Rachel up," she whispered.

"The kid slept like a log back then."

"Thank goodness." They smiled at one another and House took her left hand in his right and drew circles in her palm. "We can recreate that, you know."

"Not now we can't!"

"Buzzkill."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and sauntered away from him, giving a shake of her hips for his benefit as she moved into the living room to find Rachel, who was sitting at the piano.

"You want to play something honey?" He heard her ask.

"Uh huh but I want to hear Howse play too." House smiled.

"I think he'd like that."

House had just placed the kettle on the stove when his phone rang. Grumbling, he picked it up and answered.

"This better be good," he growled.

"Hey where are you? Are you back yet?" Wilson asked.

"I'm at the apartment.

"Wanna do dinner later?"

"Sure. How about here? Me, you, Cuddy and Rachel."

"Cuddy and Rachel are here?"

"Yep."

"Wow."

"They've been here _before_ you know."

"Want me to bring anything?"

"Order pizza and you can pay, how's that?"

Wilson chuckled. "See you around seven?"

"Six. Cuddy's leaving early in the morning. Gotta get some lovin' in."

"You're disgusting."

"And you're jealous. See ya." He laughed and tossed his phone on the counter and went into the living room where he found Cuddy and Rachel sitting at the piano plucking out Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. He leaned against the wall watching them. He never liked anyone touching his piano but they were the exception.

Cuddy sensed they were being watched and looked up at him and their eyes locked for a moment, a slight smile shared between them. Suddenly the kettle started whistling. Cuddy, knowing House could not carry their drinks _and_ his cane, whispered something to Rachel then eased herself from behind the piano and walked past him into the kitchen, placing a reassuring hand on his bicep.

"She wants you to play for her," she whispered as she passed. House turned and went back into the living room and sat on the piano bench with Rachel.

"Can you play something?" Rachel asked.

"What would you like to hear?"

"Can you play me and mommy's song? The one you named after us?"

He hadn't played Cuddy's Serenade since he first played it for them. He smiled and his fingers graced the keys and he began to play. It flowed slow and methodically and filled the apartment, the music making its way into the kitchen where Cuddy heard it and stopped mixing the cocoa in the mugs. The music sent shivers up her spine as she remembered the first time not long ago when he played it for her. It made her happy to think he wrote it just for her and at the same time sad because she remembered so vividly the night he wrote it and how much she wished he'd been with her for one of the most important moments of her life. She hummed as she stirred and when she finished she loaded the mugs onto a tray and carried them into the living room. What she saw warmed her heart. There was House playing the piano, his eyes closed as his fingers drifted effortlessly over the keys. Rachel sat next to him, mimicking him exactly. Though she was not his biological child and had not around him for most of her young life, at times she seemed so much like him. Whether he realized it or not, he was a strong and powerful influence on the little girl. She sat on the couch sipping hot cocoa watching the two of them. When House finished, they both opened their eyes and at nearly the same time they laid their hands in their laps.

"How was that kid?" He asked.

"It was pretty." She looked over at her mother. "Mommy did you like it?"

"Yes baby, I did. Very much."

"Play something else Howse!"

House proceeded to play for Rachel's amusement, though Cuddy could tell by the blissful look on his face that it was as much for himself as it was her. Though House claimed to despise most Disney movies, he played a few of the songs from movies he knew Rachel loved and she sang along as best she could and danced around the living room. House and Cuddy lost themselves in the music and joy of watching Rachel that they didn't even hear the knock at the door. When House finished the second rendition of "Be Our Guest" Cuddy clapped and Rachel bowed. It was silent for a moment and that's when they heard the banging on the front door.

"Shit," House said, as he bowed his head.

"Shit," Rachel repeated.

"Rachel!" Cuddy exclaimed. "That's a bad word."

"Oops," Rachel said putting her hands over her mouth and giggling.

Cuddy looked over at House who got up from the piano. He shrugged. "What? I didn't mean it." He looked over at Rachel. "Kid, don't ever repeat that word, got it?"

"Got it," she said nodding her emphatically.

House turned to Cuddy. "See? She's fine." He limped over to the door and looked out the peephole. Adams's clearly annoyed face stared back at him. He slumped against the door and then turned around to face Cuddy.

"I don't have to take this. I can pretend it never happened. Just say the word."

"No, it's okay House. You still have a job to do. We're fine."

He opened the door a few inches. "WHAT?" He yelled. He saw Adams flinch and that made him smile.

"We have a case."

"No, _you_ have a case. _I'm_ on vacation." He slammed the door in her face, then turned around to look at Cuddy and Rachel, both of whom sat on the couch, watching him with the same humored expression.

"But I'm on vacation," he stressed in a whining voice.

"But Howse, we have a case," Rachel said and Cuddy burst out laughing.

"I guess that settles it," she said.

House sighed. He opened the door and without even turning to look at her, he motioned for Adams to enter the apartment, which she did and he closed the door behind her.

Adams cleared her throat and handed House the patient's file. Meanwhile, Adams, slightly nervous about intruding upon what appeared to be an intimate family gathering, walked over to the couch and put her hand out and introduced herself to Cuddy.

"Dr. Cuddy...I'm Dr. Jessica Adams. It's an honor to meet you."

"Dr. Adams."

"People still talk about you at the hospital," she said then cringing at how that might've sounded so she corrected herself. "I mean...nobody ever ran that place like you did."

"I know what you meant and I appreciate the sentiment."

House watched the interaction between the two with a smirk, then went back to his file. He leaned against his desk and read quietly.

"Okay," he said, finally. "Twelve year old female has muscle weakness, respiratory infection, and fatigue."

"Flu."

"No. She's got a history of this on and off going back years. Higher than average number of childhood colds including pneumonia at age seven. There's also fatigue and muscle weakness."

"Cystic Fibrosis?"

"Negative. Her doctors told her mother this is just one of those childhood things."

"She's always complained about feeling like she was sick or on the verge of getting sick. Colds, coughing, chills, that sort of thing."

"Which is not normal."

"Obviously."

House handed the file to Cuddy, then he went over to the fireplace and looked down into the glowing embers as he twirled his cane.

"House, she's small. Five feet tall and only fifty-eight pounds. Underdeveloped, slightly malnourished, weakness and tired. She's also very inactive, according to her mother."

"Could be autoimmune."

"Her last lung function was 70%."

"When?"

"Two months ago."

He looked at Adams. "Check her heart and lung function first. Put her on a treadmill. Get back to me."

Cuddy handed the file to Adams who smiled weakly and said, "It was nice meeting you."

"Likewise," Cuddy replied.

Adams was about to leave when she turned to House. "Are you coming in?"

House looked over at Cuddy and Rachel, sitting on the couch. Rachel was swinging her feet back and forth looking through the pictures in House's _Fishing Today_ magazine.

"No, As I said, I'm on _vacation_." He saw Cuddy's grin.

Adams acknowledged him with a nod. "Okay, I'll call you as soon as we get the results."

After she left, House threw some more logs on the fire then he sat on the couch between Cuddy and Rachel. "C'mere," he said to Cuddy. She moved closer and he put his arm around her.

"I hate when your patients are kids," she said.

"Me too."

"So that's Adams."

"Yep."

"I pictured her...I don't know...different?"

"Blonde?"

"No."

"Dumb?"

"No. Just...different. I knew she'd be pretty though, you always hire the pretty ones."

"No, I hire the smart ones."

"Is she smart?"

"She is but she's never going to be a great doctor. Too much guilt."

"You used to say that to me."

"I did." He smirked.

Their banter was interrupted by a knock at the door. "House, it's me," called the voice from the other side.

"Wilson!" Rachel yelled. She looked at Cuddy. "Mommy, it's Wilson."

"Yes honey, I know," she said as she let her daughter lead her from the couch. When they opened it, a smiling Wilson awaited them.

"Cuddy, it's great to see you." He hugged her when he entered.

"What about me?" Shouted Rachel, impatiently waiting her turn.

He handed the pizzas over to Cuddy then picked Rachel up and swung her around. "Hey munchkin how are you?"

"I missed you Wilson!"

"I missed you too kiddo." He mussed her hair and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Aww can I have a kissy kiss too?" House asked, earning an eye roll from Wilson and Cuddy.

When the pizzas and sodas were laid out, Cuddy announced. "Dig in everybody."

For the next two hours, the friends ate, laughed, and talked, catching up on everything. House and Cuddy told Wilson about the events of the last few days, at least most of it, opting not to share some of the more private details. Rachel interjected too and told him the story about her getting lost in the mall.

Cuddy decided it was time to ask Rachel if she wanted to stay with House for the next few days.

"Rachel, honey I have something to ask you."

"Okay mommy."

"Would you like to stay with House the next two days? He and Wilson will bring you home on Wednesday."

"I can stay? Here? With Howse?"

House looked at her. "Yep, but only if you want to."

"I want to! I want to!" She was so excited she could hardly contain herself. But then she stopped and had a sad look on her face.

"What's wrong Rach?"

"Will you be lonely without me?"

"I will but I'll talk to you every day, as often as you want."

Rachel looked thoughtful and Cuddy thought it was adorable. Finally after a moment, she said, "Okay, I'll stay with Howse and Wilson."

Wilson looked surprised. "Wow," he said. "How are you going to handle her for three days?"

"It's really two and a half and besides I've got you."

"Yeah but I have to work."

"So do I."

"You're bringing her to work?"

"Why not?"

Cuddy jumped in. "Wilson, I'm sure it'll be fine. Normally I wouldn't want Rachel to miss school but it's only a few days and I know she's in good hands."

"Yeah, Wilson, what she says."

"So...no sleeping in, drinking, staying at the hospital late..."

"What part of _'she's in good hands'_ did you not hear?" House asked, annoyed.

Wilson put his hands up in defense. "Okay, okay."

"I trust him Wilson. "

"I know, I do too. I just wasn't sure...just pretend I didn't say a word, okay?" Cuddy and House both laughed at him.

After a while Cuddy got up to stretch her legs and roamed around the apartment taking in all the things she'd missed over the last two years. She heard House and Wilson talking about the latest hospital gossip and she heard Wilson's clearly audible gasp at the news of the net worth of the coin collection John House had left behind. She perused his book collection when she came across a framed photo on one of the shelves.

"I wondered what happened to this," she said, walking over to House and showing him the photo.

He swallowed hard. "I stole it from you."

"What is it?" Wilson asked.

"The picture you took of Cuddy and me on my motorcycle." House handed Wilson the framed picture. It was of the two of them on House's motorcycle, in front of Cuddy's house. They'd posed without helmets and Cuddy had her arms wrapped tightly around House's midsection and both of them were smiling. It was a rare moment when House smiled and so it was one of Cuddy's favorite photos.

"I remember when I took that. You had me over for dinner just after Sam left," Wilson said.

"We looked good there," Cuddy noted,. Her smile could not be contained.

"Mommy, can I see?"

Cuddy handed her the photo.

"That's our house!"

"Our _old_ house."

"I liked it there."

"Me too baby." She looked up at House suddenly and saw that his expression had turned serious. She quickly placed the photo back on the shelf, then cleaned up the empty boxes from the coffee table and took them into the kitchen.

When she was gone, House pulled Wilson aside. "Hey, need you to do me a favor."

"Sure."

"Can you watch Rachel for a bit?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I wanna take Cuddy for a bike ride."

"Now?"

"Yes, _now_. Don't ask why, just do this for me."

"Okay."

At that moment Cuddy entered the room. "Hey you wanna go for a ride?" He asked.

"Now?" She looked at he watch. It was eight-thirty.

"Sure. We won't be gone long."

"I don't think he'll take no for an answer," Wilson chimed in.

Knowing that House wouldn't ask her to go with him unless he had a good reason she acquiesced. "Okay."

Ten minutes later they were driving through the tree-lined streets of Princeton, both helmet-clad and dressed warm. Cuddy held on tight with her arms wrapped snugly around House's waist. They made the turn off Hillcrest and Cuddy realized where they were. On their right was the all-too familiar house, number nine twenty five with the pretty green lawn and large oak tree and the stone steps and long concrete walkway leading to the front door. They pulled up the driveway at the side of the house and quietly crept through the gate until they were safely nestled in the backyard. When they stopped, they sat there for a moment, neither making the move to get off the bike. Finally, they took off their helmets and sat on the bike looking at the house. All in all from the outside, the house looked exactly the same as when she'd lived there.

"House?" She asked, confused.

"Come on," he said softly, patting her thigh. "You have to go first so I can get off."

Cuddy got off the bike, followed by House.

"It's for sale," she said.

"Yeah."

"How'd you know?"

He looked away from her. "Sometimes at night on my way home I drive by here."

"But it's not on your way home."

"I know. Sometimes I just need to come by here."

She felt a lump in her throat. "But why are we here?"

He looked down at her noting the confusion and slight sadness in her eyes. This had been something he'd never thought he'd be brave enough to do but now was the time...for both of them.

"Closure."

She let out a breath she didn't even realize she'd been holding.

"Cuddy, if it's too much for you, we can go home. The last thing I want to do is upset you."

She looked around at the backyard, the garden, the stone patio, the trees. The cool breeze sent shivers down to her bone. Her breath hitched a moment as her emotions threatened to overtake her. She'd missed that house so much, but not so much the house as the memories created in it. It was the first house she'd ever bought and it was just after she received the promotion to VP of Administration. So many memories took place in that house. She spent many lonely nights sitting on her couch, drinking tea and working long hours. She had brought men home to this house, most who never spent the night and she never saw again. House banged on her door at all hours of the night for years in that house. She had miscarried her first child in that house, painted a nursery for another and wept over losing her too. She'd kissed House for the first time in years, adopted Rachel and celebrated her birthdays here with her. She entertained family and friends, celebrated birthdays and anniversaries. This was the house where Lucas had nearly moved in with her and eventually proposed by candlelight and it was the house where she broke up with him the very next day in a tearful confession of her love for another man. Looking over at that man, the one she shared her bed with, in this very house, for almost a year, she realized most of her memories in this house involved _House_. Then she looked over at him and noticed his hands fidgeting, his facial expression somewhat apprehensive as he was unsure of what she was thinking.

"I had a lot of memories here," she said softly.

He took her hand gently. "I know. I was hoping we could leave this house with a better memory than the last time."

She tilted her head.

"I owe you that," he said."Are you okay?"

She shivered from the chilly air. "I...I think so."

He held out his hand. "Come," he said. He was relieved when she took his hand. With his other hand he pulled a flashlight out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her.

"Hold this," he said as he pried open an unlocked window.

"Oh my God we're going to get busted." She said.

"Oh ye of little faith."

"Have you done this before?" She asked him.

He looked at her with that _are you serious_ look. "Do you even know me?"

"I can't believe we're doing this," she said as he hoisted the screen off and pushed open the window. He helped her in, making sure to get an eyeful of her ample ass in tight jeans as she slid through the window. She got in and unlocked the back door for him.

"Are you sure we're not going to get caught?"

"No."

"House!"

"Just kidding. Nobody can see my bike, nobody lives here, nobody's coming out here this time of night. It's just us."

He walked around making sure the blinds were down and Cuddy stood there looking around, still in awe that she was standing in that house again. She walked around and caught her breath when she entered the hallway that divided the kitchen from the dining room. She stood there frozen, looking at the dining room window. She wasn't sure how long she stood there until she felt his warm hand in hers.

"We can leave at any time Cuddy. Just say the word."

"No no," she took a deep breath. "

"I'm sorry."

She squeezed his hand. "I know. I used to have the same dream over and over again that I saw you through the window walking away and I ran out there to talk to you."

"I wish you had."

"Me too."

"We can wish all we want to but nothing changes does it?"

"No."

"We had some good times here in this room though, remember?"

He grinned. "Lots of dinners and...other things," he said with a grin. She knew what he was talking about. More than once they hadn't been able to make it to the bedroom. "Oh and your mom and Wilson were passed out right about...there." He said pointing over by the wall in the dining room.

"I remember that food fight you had with Rachel."

"She started it."

"She was three, House."

He grinned. He had started it and it was fun...until Cuddy got out of the shower and entered the kitchen and screamed at him for ten minutes about the mess.

"You kissed me in the hallway here." She moved closer to the hallway near the front door.

"I remember."

"I'll never forget that kiss. Ever."

"Me either."

"I can't believe you left that night."

"I knew if I didn't..."

"Do you think we would've?"

"I don't know but I was afraid of how things would change between us if we did."

They walked into the living room, the largest room in the house. They'd spent countless hours on the couch, curled up with one another watching television. Sometimes they sat on the carpet playing cards and sometimes Cuddy would let him watch her do her yoga there on the mornings after nights he spent with her. After the living room, they headed toward the nursery. The room had been painted a soft blue color, obviously a boy's room. House looked at the lace curtained window and let out a chuckle.

"What?" She asked, amused.

"Wilson climbed out that window once."

"He what?"

"I'll tell you later, let's just say that he had this affinity for climbing in and out of windows."

"Apparently. You know...this was where Rachel and you made that first real connection."

He nodded. "We were starting to connect but that night she surprised me."

"I'll never forget that moment when she crawled into your lap. You didn't know what to do."

"I didn't expect it."

"Did it scare you?"

"It scared the shit outta me," he confessed.

She looked around the bare room. "I worked so hard to bond with her in this room. And then it finally happened. I was so happy."

"I made your life a living hell back then," he said somberly.

"It was your way of trying to protect me...and show me how much you wanted to be a part of it."

"I was jealous. I thought when you had her you wouldn't need me anymore."

She placed her hand on his cheek. "I always needed you. You were my truth. You were the only person not afraid to tell me the truth, as much as it hurt."

"The truth wasn't always necessary."

"Yeah, it was House. It was. Don't backtrack just to make me feel better. The truth hurts but in the end, it's the right thing to do."

They continued their reminiscing into the master bedroom.

"This is it," he said.

"The last time we had sex in this house..."

"Yeah," he said, remembering the night before it all fell apart.

"That night was wonderful."

"We were in our own little world."

"If walls could talk," he said.

"It's a good thing they can't." She smiled at him and turned to kiss him. "Remember when you hid under the bed and grabbed my ankle?"

"You said I was acting like a child."

"Sometimes you did but it was cute. You kept things playful and fun. Life wasn't boring with you around." She took his hand. "Come on." She led him back into the empty dining room. She eased herself down on the floor against the wall and put her hand out to help him do the same. They sat side by side whispering and reminiscing for more than an hour. Cuddy eventually lay down and put her head in his lap as he ran his hands through her hair.

"Back then, even before we were together, you gave me strength I never realized I had. I felt like I could do anything with you on my side," she said.

"You had strength already Cuddy, you didn't need me."

"You built me up, made me feel confident. I knew no matter what happened, you'd always have my back. I never realized it back then. I know I told you that you couldn't be there for me but you were, in your own way. You always had my back."

"I just couldn't be there when it meant I might get hurt."

"That goes both ways. Neither of us was willing to take the risk."

"You were always there for me too. Every time I did something stupid, risking my job, my life, you saved my ass every time."

"And it wasn't always because you were a great doctor." She looked up at him for his response. He said nothing so she continued talking. "I did it for selfish reasons too. I needed you in my life. If you were gone, I didn't know what I would do. I was afraid to even try."

"We were both selfish. I ran off your dates because I didn't...I couldn't handle the thought of you being with anyone else."

"We were so fucked up," she said.

"Does that mean we're not anymore?"

"We are. But we're so much less fucked up now than back then. I think we're okay now."

He continued to play with her hair and she reached up pulled her sweater over her head and tossed it to the side. Then she began to unbutton her blouse. His eyes met hers and they never lost their gaze as she finished her task. When she was done, the shirt fell open revealing her white, satin pushup bra. She smiled when House waggled his eyebrows and licked his lips.

"You like?" He nodded and she ran her hand down from her neck to the waistband of her jeans and then back up again, stopping only to circle her nipples with her fingers.

House followed her lead and took his hand and massaged her bare skin, following the trail of her hand. Her skin ignited under his touch.

"You like?" He asked.

"I do."

They removed each others clothing slowly, without a single word. They stripped down to nothing and she laid down on the soft carpet of the dining room and he moved between her legs and kissed her. Their kisses were soft, tentative and slow as they explored one another relishing in the familiarity and warmth.

He rolled on his back and pulled her with him. She straddled him and leaned down to kiss him, her nipples grazing his chest. While in that position, she raised her hips and with one hand glided his cock inside of her, closing her eyes and relishing the feeling of him filling her completely.

"This feels so amazing," she whispered as she raised and lowered herself on him, meeting his upward thrusts.

"Mmm hmm." He moaned. "You are so incredible."

"Only you make me feel this way." She caught her breath as he buried himself deeper into her. "Only you." With the little moonlight shining through the dining room windows, she could see the blue of his eyes and the look of pure bliss on his face. She would remember that look for the rest of her life.

The silence was perforated only by their soft sighs and moans as she moved over him, taking him as deep as she could. Their union was not rushed, it was meant to be savored. This would be the last time they would make love in this house and they wanted it to last. They were making up for lost time, getting closure, retiring old memories and building new ones. They moved together with a rhythm they had created long ago, during their first time together and had only perfected over the years even before they consummated their love once again.

Though they started slowly and deliberately, their passion consumed them, becoming more intense. Cuddy writhed above him, twisting and flexing and driving him crazy, Pain be damned, House bent his legs at the knees so Cuddy could rest her back against his thighs The new angle of penetration drove her wild as he thrust into her and she responded to his every move. He brought her forward so he could kiss her and their tongues dueled for dominance as their hands grasped what they could and held on tight. He ran his left hand through her hair while his right thumb massaged her sensitive clit, all the while whispering to her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. As she came, her body tensed and she cried her ecstasy into his mouth and at that moment he tumbled over the edge with her, gasping out her name and rolling his hips, pumping into her relentlessly. He poured every last drop of himself into her and eventually, they came down from their high, panting, sweating, and completely relaxed. When they opened their eyes and gazed lovingly at one another, they saw something neither had expected.

They were both crying.

"Cuddy..." He wanted to tell her how he felt but he didn't know how to put his feelings into words.

"I know." She felt the same way too.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Editing in...I wanted to address a comment by "Bounce" regarding this chapter:

_"Good idea for the closure, but Cuddy moved into the house she would've lived in with Lucas even after breaking up with him... the house House kissed her in in Joy is not the same house they were in through their relationship. At the end of Help Me Cuddy says "... I'm in my new house, with my new fiance..." yeah... just wanted to mention"_

Actually, if you watch the entire series, Cuddy lives at same house from beginning to end. Oh the door has been changed and the bedroom is different (1st floor in _Humpty Dumpty_, 2nd floor in _Meaning_ and back to 1st floor for the rest of the series) but it is in fact the same house. Cuddy's line in _Help Me_ makes you think she already was living in a new house already with Lucas but we _know_ she was still living at _her_ house based on the fact that well...that's what we saw post-_Help Me_. So...we can infer that Cuddy was going to move into a new house with Lucas but none of that really matters because the fact is she lived in the same house _after_ Lucas that she lived in _before_ Lucas.

Thank you for reading.


	99. Chapter 99

**A/N:** Thanks for all the great reviews. I cannot believe this fic is TWO YEARS OLD. I did NOT intend for that to happen, it just did. THANK YOU for sticking with it!

We're jumping into things here. Lots to go down in the next few chapters. Hang on.

* * *

><p><em>"Only you make me feel this way." She caught her breath as he buried himself deeper into her. "Only you." With the little moonlight shining through the dining room windows, she could see the blue of his eyes and the look of pure bliss on his face. She would remember that look for the rest of her life.<em>

_The silence was perforated only by their soft sighs and moans as she moved over him, taking him as deep as she could. Their union was not rushed, it was meant to be savored. This would be the last time they would make love in this house and they wanted it to last. They were making up for lost time, getting closure, retiring old memories and building new ones. They moved together with a rhythm they had created long ago, during their first time together and had only perfected over the years even before they consummated their love once again._

_Though they started slowly and deliberately, their passion consumed them, becoming more intense. Cuddy writhed above him, twisting and flexing and driving him crazy, Pain be damned, House bent his legs at the knees so Cuddy could rest her back against his thighs The new angle of penetration drove her wild as he thrust into her and she responded to his every move. He brought her forward so he could kiss her and their tongues dueled for dominance as their hands grasped what they could and held on tight. He ran his left hand through her hair while his right thumb massaged her sensitive clit, all the while whispering to her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. As she came, her body tensed and she cried her ecstasy into his mouth and at that moment he tumbled over the edge with her, gasping out her name and rolling his hips, pumping into her relentlessly. He poured every last drop of himself into her and eventually, they came down from their high, panting, sweating, and completely relaxed. When they opened their eyes and gazed lovingly at one another, they saw something neither had expected._

_They were both crying._

_"Cuddy..." He wanted to tell her how he felt but he didn't know how to put his feelings into words._

_"I know." She felt the same way too._

* * *

><p>On Tuesday around noon, Cuddy finished up her lecture and headed to her office when Sharon stopped her in the hallway.<p>

"Hey! How about some lunch?"

"Sure."

They walked to the cafeteria, got their food and found a table near a window. "So" Sharon said. "Tell me...day two…how are things with Rachel and House?"

Cuddy smiled. "Actually _better_ than I expected. I wasn't sure how this would turn out but she seems to be having a great time and he's not ready to put her on a bus and send her home."

Sharon chuckled. "I still can't believe you let her go. Nothing against House, it's just…well she's your baby. I know how hard it is for you to let her go even to Julia's house for a few days."

"Tell me about it," she said. "I miss her so much but I know she's in good hands. If anything, he's probably being extra careful. That incident in the mall really got to him. He didn't say it but I think this was his way of showing me I could trust him."

"It's a big step for him to take her and for you" Sharon pointed her fork at Cuddy. "To let her go."

"It is. I really never thought it would get to this point. So much has happened recently it's just overwhelming," she said, with a hint of hesitation.

"Hey, you seemed so happy when we talked last night. What's up?" She prodded.

"Nothing. I'm happy, it's just that I guess sometimes worry it's all too much for _him_. He's held it together so well. I worry sometimes that it'll get to him and everything we've accomplished will be over, just like that." She snapped her fingers for effect.

"Are you worried he'll relapse or run?"

She bit her bottom lip. "Both."

Sharon attempted to reassure her. "Talk to him. Together you come up with a plan of what to do in case he relapses. He's an addict, it could happen again. You need to be prepared for that. I don't mean worry about it every moment, just accept it _could_ happen, let him know if it does, you are there for him and you will deal with it _together._"

"I'm assuming he knows I won't leave him."

"Does he? Don't assume Lisa. Every time you've done it, it's backfired on you."

"Okay so how about the running?"

Sharon nodded her head emphatically. "I just don't see it, especially not after what happened Sunday night. He wanted to change that last memory of the two of you in that house. He wanted it to be something _good_. He took an awfully big risk. My experience counseling people tells me that's just not the action of a man intending to run in the other direction."

Cuddy moved the food around on her plate but not really eating it. "I guess you're right. Of course I'll never forget the night of the crash but now...it helps that when I think of the last time we were together at that house...it won't be all bad." She smiled dreamily of the memory they created that night. "I didn't know I needed something like that to help bring closure."

"But he did."

"Yeah," she said. "He's always known what I needed. Do you want to hear something crazy?."

"What is it?"

She put her fork down and leaned over and whispered, as if trying to keep a secret. "I didn't want to come back, not without him. People on the outside looking in probably think we're crazy but...I am happier _with_ him."

Sharon stared at her friend with a big smile on her face.

"What?"

"You're my best friend. I see you every day. I know you are. Lisa, you don't have to justify it to me. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes and what works for one couple doesn't work for another, and that's okay. What matters is what works for _you_. What you and House have works. Stop fighting it and go with it. To hell with what anyone else thinks. Now...have you told _him_ what you just told me?"

"About wanting to be with him?"

Sharon nodded.

"Not directly but I'm pretty sure he feels the same way."

"Tell him. What are you waiting for? You're not getting any younger you know," Sharon joked.

"Fine. I'll talk to him tomorrow."

Sharon cleared her throat. "Speaking of...tomorrow and then of course...Thanksgiving...what about _Julia_? They're going to be in the same house together Thursday. How are you going to handle that?"

Cuddy frowned. "Ahh the elephant in the room. I don't know."

"Is she still angry?"

Cuddy snorted. "Time may have softened the blow but I know my sister, she holds a grudge." Cuddy took a few bites of her salad and then put her fork down. "I haven't talked to Julia about it but I'm hoping they can figure out a way to coexist. I don't want to be caught in the middle."

"I don't have an easy answer for you but you're right, you don't need to be in the middle. They have to find a way to work through this."

"Do you think it's possible?"

"I didn't know if you and House could make it work when you found one another again but you did. Seeing how it's all unfolded and how happy you both are...yeah I believe it's possible." Just then Sharon's pager went off. She looked down. "Shit, gotta go, my one o'clock is here." She got up from the table and picked up her tray. "Call me later?"

"Sure."

Sharon walked away but then turned back quickly. She leaned over Cuddy's shoulder and nodded towards her cell phone. "About Julia, maybe you should call her and prep her in advance so she can decide how she wants to handle herself. Call you later," she said as she turned and walked away.

Cuddy thought about what Sharon said. She hadn't talked to Julia in about a week although they had emailed back and forth. She was sure Julia didn't know the extent of her relationship with House and she decided she might as well get it over with sooner rather than later. Sharon was right, Julia just needed time to absorb things. She got up and tossed her tray, then walked outside to a somewhat secluded picnic table in the sun, sat down and pulled out her phone and dialed.

"Hi Julia," she said when her sister answered.

"Leese! Oh my God, great to hear from you. How's it going?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Doing okay. Just got home from the store, picking up some things to bring to your house on Thursday."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you guys."

"Me too. Been awhile. I miss you two."

"Rach asks about her cousins all the time. I'm so sorry I suck at calling, I've just been so busy." She smirked knowing who had been on her mind keeping her busy lately.

"I know you are sis. Speaking of that, I talked to mom last night; she said you were in Virginia?"

Cuddy cringed and tried to come up with a story. "Yeah. Just had to go see a friend." She hoped that her mother hadn't blabbed to Julia.

A few moments of silence passed and then Julia spoke up again. "Leese, I know you went to see House," she said. "You didn't want me to know?"

"I've got nothing to hide," Cuddy replied. "Look, Julia—"

"Is he _clean_?" She asked, a hint of anger in her voice.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yes."

"So how long do you think _that_ charade will last?"

_"Julia!"_

"Hon, you can't blame me for being worried about you."

"He's doing great; we take it day by day. We've really come a long way Jules. He's even bonded again with Rachel-"

"And if she gets attached to him _again_? And then bails _again_? Or has another tantrum and drives into your house _again?_"

"He didn't bail last time. I bailed on him!" Cuddy said defensively.

"Seriously Leese?"

"What the hell Jules?" Cuddy stood up and paced the area by the bench, thankful there was no one else around to hear her conversation. "You've been supportive of me because you know how much this means to me but now you've done a reverse. Weren't you the one who told me after Michael died that I should do what I want regardless of what anyone else thinks? That I should do what makes me happy?"

"God I hate when you pick and choose when to take my advice. Look, I know I said that but-"

"No buts. I _love_ him. He _loves_ me. We're working really hard to do this better this time around. But what the fuck does that matter?" She threw one hand up in the air as she paced. She heard Julia sigh on the other end.

"I can't stand by and watch you get hurt again."

"It's not your choice."

"You cried on my shoulder when he left you back in college, when you were with Lucas and you told me you were in love with him, when you broke up with him after he relapsed and you decided he wasn't the man you needed, and then after he went fucking ballistic and drove his car into your house. I've been there for you, I saw how he hurt you. You can't keep getting sucked into the vortex of his insanity."

"It wasn't always his fault Julia. I screwed up too."

Julia gasped loudly. "Surely you aren't taking the blame for what he did because I was there that day and-"

"No, I don't need to take responsibility for his actions, he's already done that. But I can take responsibility for mine. Together, our actions set into motion the events that took place.

Cuddy sat down again and put her head in her hand and calmed herself before she spoke. "Luckily we've figured out some things since last time and we're working to do it all a bit different. We've been given a third chance at being together. We want to make this work." Her sister's silence was deafening. "Listen, I miss you and I am looking forward to seeing you guys but you need to know something...House is going to be here and we all have to figure out how to get through Thanksgiving. I know he could've hurt you and Michael. He knows that too. He's changed Jules, he really has."

"Isn't he the one who used to preach that people don't change?"

* * *

><p>That night, House built a fire while instructing Rachel on the finer points of prepping wood to burn properly. Just before nine-thirty, he sat on the couch with her and logged into Skype. They dialed Cuddy and waited for her to pick up. Rachel could barely contain her excitement when Cuddy finally appeared on the screen.<p>

"Mommy!" Rachel yelled at the laptop.

"Hi Baby!'"

"I helped Howse build a fire."

"You did?"

"Uh huh."

"Howse said I was the best fire assistant ever." Then turning to House, she pointed at the screen and said, "Say hi Howse."

House looked at the screen. "Hi House."

"No, you're Howse you say hi to mommy." She giggled.

"Hi mommy," he said with a smirk.

"Hi. Miss me?"

"Always."

"So what did you guys do today?" She asked and before House could open his mouth, Rachel began talking to her all about their day. He sat back on the couch and let her have at it. He grinned at how animated she was describing the events of the day.

"Wow, sounds like you had fun."

"Howse gave me a stesoscope."

She tilted her head and laughed at the mispronunciation. "He did?"

"Yep. He stole it from Wilson," she said, proudly.

"Oh geez," House cringed knowing what was coming.

"House, you are not teaching my daughter to take things that don't belong to her, are you?"

Rachel chimed in before he could answer. "Mommy I heard my heartbeat!"

"You did?"

"Uh huh and I heard Howse's heart beat too."

"That's wonderful honey but you have to give Wilson back his stethoscope. House will _buy_ you one...a toy...how's that?" She looked over at House and gave him the _eye._

"Okay," Rachel replied with a yawn.

"Time for bed. You've got a long day tomorrow," Cuddy said.

"Howse and Wilson going home with me tomorrow."

"Yep. I can't wait. I've missed you."

"Miss you too mommy."

House chimed in. "Hey kid, go get your pajamas on while I make up your bed."

"Will you read me a story?"

"Yep."

"About the pirates?" She asked excitedly.

"Yep. Now go." He pointed towards his bedroom and watched as Rachel skipped her way there to get into her pajamas. He looked back at the laptop and noticed Cuddy grinning. "What?" He asked.

"You're so good with her."

"The Cuddy women love me." He pretended to polish his fingernails on his shirt. "And speaking of Cuddy women, or woman, as in mommy…how 'bout I put her to bed and we can have some mommy and me time?" He asked flirtatiously.

"I'd like that. It'll give me time to shower and clean up."

"Hmm...Can I watch?"

"Tomorrow night you can watch all you want. For now, just put my daughter to bed and get your ass back here."

"Bye." They hung up and House got up and limped into the bedroom where Rachel was sitting on the floor in her pajamas playing with her doll and waiting for him.

"You ready squirt?"

She jumped up and followed him into the living room with her stuffed bunny. He tucked her into her sheets and blanket on the couch and sat on the coffee table and pulled out the Treasure Island book and began to read.

_Chapter two. _

_It was one January morning, very early-a pinching, frosty morning-the cove all grey with hoar-frost, the ripple lapping softly on the stones, the sun still low and only touching the hilltops and shining far to seaward. The captain had risen earlier than usual and set out down the beach, his cutlass swinging under the broad skirts of the old blue coat, his brass telescope under his arm, his hat tilted back upon his head. I remember his breath hanging like smoke in his wake as he strode off, and the last sound I heard of him as he turned the big rock was a loud snort of indignation, as though his mind was still running upon Dr. Livesey._

House had no sooner finished the first paragraph than he heard light snoring coming from the couch and looked up and noticed Rachel was passed out. His plan of keeping her busy all day at the hospital worked. He'd hoped to wear her out so she wouldn't have any problems getting to sleep. He put the book down, pulled her blanket up and smoothed it over her. He gently moved a lock of hair out of her face and stared at her a moment. She was so small, so innocent and she looked up to him. Sometimes it scared him to death, other times it filled him with a great sense of pride. He remembered Monday morning when he'd brought her to work and she insisted on holding his hand. The entire staff had done a double take at the scene of the grumpy diagnostician and the former boss's daughter. He smirked at how he had once again left them speechless, no doubt he was the subject of many rumors. He grabbed his laptop, turned off all the lights except for a nightlight in the corner, and retreated to his bedroom. He grabbed his pajama bottoms and tee shirt and went into the bathroom to shower. Ten minutes later he heard her calling in on the computer. He limped over to the bed and lay on it, his back against the headboard and hit "accept call."

"Hi," she said seductively. She was sitting on her bed, in the same position as him, wearing a white terry cloth robe, legs tucked underneath her and a cup of hot tea on the nightstand next to . Her hair was still damp but pulled back, face void of makeup. He thought she looked exhausted but beautiful.

"Hi, yourself."

"She asleep?"

"Yep. One paragraph and she was out like a light."

"You don't think that book will scare her do you?"

"Nah, I was reading it when I was her age. Besides, she doesn't stay awake long enough to get through too much of it and by the next day she doesn't even remember."

"Thanks for doing this."

"What?"

"Spending time with her, reading to her and all that stuff."

"She's a good kid. Real babe magnet too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I've been propositioned a half dozen times since she's been with me."

"Dying patients as old as your mother don't count," she snarked.

"Ohhh snap!"

"So how was your day?" She asked, sipping her tea.

"Long. We're still working on the patient."

"So what's the status so far?"

"You _really_ interested in work? We could be having sex right now."

"Uh no, I don't think so and I'm always interested in what you're doing."

"Killjoy. Lung function is down to about forty percent. We're doing a muscle biopsy."

"So what are you thinking?"

"Myopathy. We ruled out Lupus and Hashimoto's."

"Hmm," she said. "Fatigue, muscle pain, susceptibility to infections _does_ sound autoimmune."

"It does but it wouldn't affect her lungs like this."

"Cystic Fibrosis?"

"Negative?"

"MD?"

"Negative."

"Kid's got a severe case of scoliosis and she's four foot ten and fifty eight pounds."

"What about Duchenne-Becker? Progressive proximal muscle weakness, respiratory insufficiency, and difficulty moving around."

"Duchene is x-linked, generally affects males."

"Oh," she said looking thoughtful. She loved helping him with his cases. "You know, these symptoms...they sound so familiar. I was at a seminar when I first started here. There was a guy from Mayo speaking. He'd spent time in Holland doing experimental research in rare diseases. I think you know him…Gray…Grossman…" She looked into the air in deep thought. "Started with a G..."

"Grogan?" He asked, out of the blue.

"Yeah, that's it! How'd you know?"

"The guy is a genius in his field. Also an ass."

"Takes one to know one?" She smirked.

No sooner had she finished than House leaped off the bed." Hold on," he said and before she could reply, he'd left the room. She could hear him talking in the other room, presumably on his phone. She assumed she'd hit a nerve and sparked an idea. He returned a few minutes later and tossed his phone on the bed

"Epiphany?"

"Sort of. You gave me an idea. I called Foreman."

"At Mayo?"

"Yep and he's going to do some checking for me. I asked him to get some info on this guy. If Grogan had a similar case it might help."

"It may not even _be_ similar."

"It doesn't hurt to check," he stressed. He added, "Thanks for the help." It was sincere. He enjoyed when she took an interest in his work. In the past when she was his boss, he had a tendency to shoot down her ideas just because he could but he really did enjoy when she was a part of it and often enough she'd give him something that sparked an epiphany.

As if she could read his mind she asked, "We make a great team don't we? I mean…working together?" She really did enjoy working cases with him. Even though he shot down her ideas most of the time, every now and then she'd say something that would open a door for him and make him think. She only wished they had the opportunity to work together like that more often.

"As I recall _you_ spent countless hours in administrator mode nagging me while I spent an equal number of hours ignoring and evading you so I could do what could to save my patient."

"You're an ass," she mused. "Still, I miss those days."

He had an idea. "Maybe you can help me come up with material for my next lecture?"

Her eyes brightened. "I'd love that."

"I think we do make a great team." House leaned back, hands clasped behind his head, laptop perched on a pillow on his lap. "And speaking of team…I think your half should proceed to get naked."

"In your dreams cowboy. I want to hear more about you and Rachel."

"Not much to tell. I worked. She played. And…oh yeah...she _might've_ helped me with my patient."

She squinted. "How?"

"Okay she might have put her hands on her hips and told the mother of my patient that everybody lies," he said nonchalantly.

Cuddy nearly spat out her tea. "What?"

House put his hands in the air, protesting his innocence. "I had nothing to do with that."

"I'm sure. What was she doing in the patient's room in the first place?"

"She'd just finished forcing Wilson at gunpoint to buy us lunch," he said, taking note of how she shook her head, clearly annoyed. "And I was taking her to my office when we got a call from the nurse's station. I couldn't just leave her so I took her with me, told them she was my _assistant_. They didn't buy it." He watched as she rolled her eyes predictably and laughed.

"She drove the team crazy. It was great. The best part was when they were bitching about something and she just told them and I quote 'stop whining and do your jobs.'" At that point Cuddy was laying on her side on the bed laughing. He added, "I'm also thinking of hiring her to replace the tiny Asian boy who works for me, because Rachel is way smarter."

"Umm…Park is a girl, House." She laid on her stomach on the bed, chin in her hands and feet dangling in the air. House thought she looked adorable.

"Whatever. The point is Rachel is light years ahead already in her diagnostic abilities thanks to me."

Cuddy snorted. "Well, of course, it's all _you_."

"You think she gets that from _you_?"

"I _am_ her mother."

"But _I_ am her House."

"Her _House?_"

"She said it, I'm not making it up."

"Of course not." She began to say something else but stopped herself. It wasn't the right time to bring it up.

To House it appeared Cuddy had more to say but held back. "What?" He asked.

"What?"

"You weren't done."

"Yes, I was."

"Out with it," he insisted.

"Okay, fine. Listen...do you really like what you're doing now? I mean...as much as you did before...everything...?"

"Where's this coming from?"

"I'm just curious."

"It pays well."

"You don't need the money."

"No, I don't but I'm curious why you'd ask me that," he replied suspiciously.

"You just don't seem as excited about it as you once did."

"It's a job." Realizing that he owed her more, he continued. "For years, my job seemed to help numb some of the pain, then the Vicodin did the rest. Or maybe it was the other way around." He shrugged. "The job...that place...it's just not the same anymore."

"Because you don't have Vicodin?"

"Because I don't have _you_."

She blushed. "You have me," she said softly.

He fidgeted as he spoke. "The puzzles at work keep me out of trouble. Wilson's still around to do guy stuff with. I've got Nolan to get inside my head and Vince to help me with my leg. And then you..." He looked up at her and she nodded for him to continue. "The thing is _you_ do it all for me...well except the guy stuff," he joked. "Cuddy, I couldn't have made it all through that fucking place all those years without you there. You were..._everything_...wrapped up in one fucking awesome package." He smirked when he saw her laugh out loud. "So in answer to your question...the job sucks because _you're_ not there."

_Everything_.

Her mouth dropped open, amazed once again by his confession. He knew House was not a man of words but still he managed to render her speechless every time he opened up to her. She felt a few tears escape then she smiled at him and placed a finger on the screen, tracing the outline of his face. "I know," she said, quietly. It was meant to convey not only did she understand what he meant but she felt exactly the same.

House took a deep breath, clearly exhausted from his revelation. He was ready to divert the conversation elsewhere. "So...do we have to continue talking about my job? If you're not going to get naked, tell me what you did today and do not leave out the many moments throughout the day when you toyed with yourself fantasizing about me." He raised his eyebrows up and down as he teased her, enjoying the reaction he provoked from her.

"You certainly think highly of yourself don't you?" She asked, amused. She immediately turned serious though, as she dreaded what she was about to tell him.

"I talked to Julia today."

"Oh god," he whined as he put his hands over his eyes. "That's even fucking worse than talking about work."

"You asked! Anyway, she's being difficult."

He snorted. "I'm sorry, are we talking about the same _Julia_? Because the one I know…would _never_ be an annoying difficult bitch."

"Hey!" She chided. "I know she can be a pain at times but she's my sister and I love her. Sometimes though, she confuses the hell out of me. When I went to see her after Michael died, we had a really nice talk, I mean we bonded and I felt closer to her than I had in years. We talked about...things...and _she_ encouraged _me_ to do what I wanted with my life, to hell with what anyone thought about it. But when I told her we were together, that you'd be there for Thanksgiving, she nearly lost it."

"Surely you didn't think she'd warm to the idea and suddenly want to be my BFF," he said, condescendingly.

"I don't know what I thought," she said honestly.

"If you want me to apologize, I'd already _planned_ to do that."

"I know and I appreciate that but I don't know if it's going to be enough. She's just having a hard time right now, still settling Michael's affairs, first Thanksgiving without him; the kids are moody, mom's driving her crazy and now-"

He cut her off. _"I don't know what else I can do."_

"I don't either."

He leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes, rubbing them with his closed fists, then he sighed and looked at her. "So your sister hates me for life. Is this a dealbreaker? Is this going to force you to choose between us? I understand her hating me, I can even accept it and I won't ask you to choose but you need to let me know now."

She looked at him shocked. "Seriously? You have to even ask?" She shook her head in an effort to convey he should know better than to ask that question. He pursed his lips tightly and half blinked and nodded. He knew. It was just his way of testing the waters. He was always testing the waters to make sure they were safe. Even when he knew it was safe, it was a hard habit to break.

They talked for another half hour during which House tried unsuccessfully to convince Cuddy to strip for him. When they both yawned at the same time, around eleven, they realized it was time to go. Neither wanted to but he had a little girl who needed to be up at five o'clock so Wilson could pick them up and get them to the airport early. After a round or two of sexual innuendos, they bid goodbye and hung up, promising to call the next morning on his way out.

House closed the laptop and lay there in the dark trying to get to sleep. The full moon shined a bright light through the window of his bedroom casting a shadow of the tree outside on the wall. He watched the black leaves on the all move about and thought about his conversation with Cuddy and his case. A half hour passed and he still couldn't sleep. He decided to go into the kitchen and get something to drink. He found his cane and limped quietly into the kitchen, passing a sleeping Rachel along the way, but the floor creaked as he passed the couch and she woke up.

"Howse?" She asked sleepily.

"Hey kid, go back to sleep," he whispered.

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Getting some water, now go back to bed." He went into the kitchen, got some water, then paced a bit around the butcher block table as his leg hurt.

"Howse? You there?" He heard her ask.

"Yeah."

"Will you sit with me?"

House limped back into the living room and sat on the coffee table across from her. His leg hurt and he'd hoped to walk it off but he knew he wouldn't be able to do that now that she was up.

"What's up kid?"

"I had a bad dream."

"You did?"

"Uh huh."

"About what?"

She wiped her eyes. "Don' member." She said groggily.

"You want some warm milk?"

She shook her head no.

"Bathroom?"

Again, no. She pointed to the book on the coffee table next to him. "Can you read me some more?"

House looked up at the clock on the mantle, it was almost midnight, then he looked down at the sleepy child who batted her eyes at him sleepily and he caved.

"Oh don't give me that look. I'll do a few more minutes and then you have to go to bed." She scooted over and made room for him on the couch and patted the space she reserved for him. He sat down and picked up the Treasure Island and continued where he left off earlier:

_Well, mother was upstairs with father and I was laying the breakfast-table against the captain's return when the parlour door opened and a man stepped in on whom I had never set my eyes before. He was a pale, tallowy creature, wanting two fingers of the left hand, and though he wore a cutlass, he did not look much like a fighter. I had always my eye open for seafaring men, with one leg or two, and I remember this one puzzled me. He was not sailorly, and yet he had a smack of the sea about him too..._

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! Drama ensues next chappie! Please don't forget to leave your comments!<p> 


	100. Chapter 100

**A/N:** Thanks for all the great reviews. It's Thanksgiving in Huddyland! Be prepared. This is a super long mega-angsty chapter. Thanks Cherokee Jedi for reading this chapter and giving me feedback :)

Shout out to allthingsdecent for her recent "Huddy by way of Wuddy" fic today. Poor BB getting a lot of flack for Wuddy but have faith people, she's 100% Huddy all the time. Sometimes though ya gotta throw a wrench in the works to get those two crazy kids together!

* * *

><p>On Thursday morning Cuddy was up earlier than usual to prepare for what she fully expected to be a day from hell. She extricated herself from House's snug grip and shoved a pillow in her place, knowing that he was so beat he wouldn't notice the difference. She looked at him and smiled then bent down to kiss him lightly on the cheek. Given the restless night he'd dealing with his pain, mostly from having been stuck on a plane longer than expected due to the weather, she wanted him to get as much sleep as possible. She'd massaged his leg until the medication from the new patch kicked in. Exhausted, they huddled together under the covers and fell asleep around midnight.<p>

Cuddy finished her yoga around six o'clock and thirty minutes later she had the turkey in the oven. Afterwards, she decided to relish the quiet a bit longer so she prepared a cup of tea, put on her heavy socks and a bulky sweater and went outside and snuggled under a blanket on her new front porch swing. Though the temperature was in the teens and there was a light layer of snow on the ground, it felt like heaven to her. She sipped her tea and thought about the events of the previous day. House, Wilson and Rachel had arrived around noon and the moment she opened the front door to them and Rachel ran into her arms, Cuddy's eyes filled with tears. She had missed them more than she realized.

_"Damn woman, it was only two days. Two days. See, she's okay," House said as he watched his woman's eyes fill with tears.  
><em>

_"Shut up, House," she said as she hugged Rachel. When she finished, she stood up and hugged Wilson tightly, pecking him on the cheek, then turned to her grumpy lover._

_"I was saving the best for last you ass but I might just change my mind about that," she said in a flirtatious manner. She acted as if she was going to walk away when House reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her back. He wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her that sexy smirk she loved so much. She feigned annoyance but threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close and gave him a peck on the lips. He gasped, expecting more and then when she raised her eyebrows at him seductively, he laughed from deep within his throat and seized her lips with his own and kissed her deeply, lifting her off of her feet. As they kissed, Wilson groaned and Rachel giggled. It was when House ran his hands down to Cuddy's ass to cop a feel and Cuddy moaned her reaction that Wilson covered Rachel's eyes._

_"Umm...guys," he said.  
><em>

_"Hmm?" One of them moaned. He couldn't tell which one._

_"Child in the room."_

_"S'okay Wilson cover your eyes," House replied.  
><em>

_"Not me you ass, Rachel."_

_"Yeah, you ass," Rachel repeated. Wilson looked horrified._

_House and Cuddy stopped kissing and House looked over at Wilson and shook his head as if to say "no, you did not."  
><em>

_"Wilson you did not just curse in front of my child," Cuddy chastised.  
><em>

_"It was an accident."_

_Rachel tugged on her mother's sweater. "Mommy, ass is not a bad word, it's a animal."_

_"Yes it is, but it can also be a bad word depending on how you use it."  
><em>

_"And we know how Wilson used it, don't we?" House asked, knowingly._

_Cuddy turned to Wilson. "Can you take her to her room and help her unpack? I need to talk to House a moment." _

_House thought he was in trouble but when they were finally alone, Cuddy turned back to him and in that husky sultry voice that he loved so much, said,"Now, where were we?"_

_"You want more? Here?" He asked, surprised.  
><em>

_"Can you think of a better place?"_

_"Uh...bedroom?"_

_"No. Need you...now." She grabbed his shirt and pulled him roughly to her again. Not being one to turn down such a request, kissed her again and that time second seemed to turn into minutes as the two made out passionately in the foyer of her home. Their tongues dueled for dominance and they stayed connected, grasping at each other's clothing and body parts and kissing as if they were long-lost lovers who hadn't seen one another in years._

_"Two days is too long," she said, panting, as they parted._

_"I agree." He nuzzled her neck. He inhaled her scent and to him, it felt like home.  
><em>

_"I missed you." She pulled away gently, smoothed his collar and ran her hands through his mussed hair. "You know, I kinda like this thoroughly kissed look on you," she said._

_"Ditto." He winked at her. "There's more where that came from."_

_"Save it for tonight, stud."_

_"What about Wilson?"_

_"I'm really a one-man woman House but if you insist-" she joked._

_"Aren't you worried he'll hear us?"_

_"We'll just have to be quiet now won't we?" She replied seductively.  
><em>

Suddenly she felt giddy thinking about that moment. They'd never been very public about their affection, even around Wilson, but it just didn't seem to matter anymore. She'd felt like kissing him right then and there, and so she did. It was daring and wonderful.

"Mind if I join you?" Wilson appeared suddenly, shivering with flushed cheeks.

"Sure," she said as she picked up the blanket covering her and made room for Wilson who took the other half and covered himself.

"It's cold."

"Yeah we're going to get more snow. I love it."

"Me too."

"So, did you sleep okay?" She asked.

"Actually I did. That bed is so comfortable. You sure you don't mind me staying here?"

"I'd rather have you stay here than at a hotel. You're family."

They sat in comfortable silence and looked out at the front lawn covered in snow. Finally, Cuddy spoke again.

"So...House and Rachel...got along pretty well?"

He nodded emphatically. "She's got him wrapped around her pinky."

"Really?"

"You can't tell? She worships the ground he walks on. He refers to her as a mini-you but really I think she's just as much a mini-House."

Cuddy chuckled at the thought. "She told me about the poker game."

He cringed.

"Betting with Cheerios? Seriously?" She asked.

"It was Rachel's idea!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, she did. She really_ is_ a mini-you, Cuddy."

Cuddy shook her head. "And the cigars?"

"They weren't lit."

She shook her head and smirked.

"Did House tell you about the bike?"

"What bike?"

"She saw House's motorcycle and wanted to ride on it and he told her maybe when she was older but for now since she's so little, she'd have to be happy with a little girl bike. She wants him to buy her one and teach her how to ride."

"What'd he say?"

"He didn't know what to say so he changed the subject. I could tell he was worried about not being able to run after her or get to her fast enough in case something happens."

"I wish he wouldn't focus so much on what he can't do, I mean there's so much he can do. He can teach her so much. He already has."

"When she was with him, he talked to her like an adult, not a kid. He showed her how things work, explained things to her where she could understand and encouraged her to ask questions. He always seemed to be teaching her something."

"Just like his fellows."

"Yeah, he's always been a great teacher."

"What's he like back home?"

"Oh you know, he's your garden variety House. You remember that, right? Moody, moocher, annoying pain in the ass. But...oddly devoid of that dark side we got so used to seeing all those years."

"I'm so glad to hear that."

"For a man who hated change, he sure did it didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did," she remarked quietly. Then she turned to Wilson. "Back then...I really did love him for who he was, annoying, broken and all. I was happy with him but sad because I knew how he felt about happiness...that it was just a pipe dream. I knew he thought it couldn't last. I'd hoped that he could see he could be happy and maybe he'd want to change...for himself, not for me."

"It took a drastic set of circumstances for him to want to live his life differently."

"I never wanted it to be about me...I mean...It was too much pressure knowing that his sobriety and sanity depended upon me. I know that sounds narcissistic-"

"No, Cuddy, it doesn't."

"Now, he's really okay. He did that himself. I didn't. You didn't. _He did it_."

"He sure as hell did."

"I miss him so much. I wish he was here."

"He _is_ here." He looked at her puzzled.

She fidgeted with her blanket and then looked over at him, a forlorn expression. "No, I mean _really_ _here_, with us."

Wilson understood. "He misses you too. We hang out together and do guy stuff but at the end of the day, there's always something missing. It took some time to really admit it but the old days are gone and they're not coming back. I think that's a good thing. Instead of trying to hold on to the past, it's time to put it in its place and move on. Only this time, moving on means forward and _to_ something, not backward and running away from it."

"You're right."

He put his hand over hers and squeezed gently. "Cuddy," he said softly. "The future holds all kinds of great stuff for you guys. For all of us. Don't just talk about what makes you happy, _do_ it."

She smiled at him and squeezed his hand in return. "I've missed you, Wilson. You've always been a good friend." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. His face flushed and he gave her a boyish grin.

"Remind me why we never hooked up?" He joked.

"Oh my God, it would've been like having sex with my _brother_," she replied. And they both burst out laughing.

* * *

><p>House peeked outside the blinds and saw Cuddy and Wilson talking. He wondered what they were up to. He could hear muffled voices but couldn't make out what they were saying. He wasn't worried about what they were talking about, just curious. He saw her kiss Wilson's cheek and then they both started laughing. <em>What's that all about?<em> He wondered. Just then, he felt something tugging on his shirt from behind. He turned around and a little girl stood there smiling.

"Whatcha doin'?" She asked.

"Nothing."

"Don't look like nothin' to me," she said in her best smartypants voice.

"I'm eavesdropping if you must know."

"What's eezdroppin?"

"Eaves-dropping," he said with emphasis. "It means sneaking up on someone and listening to their conversation without them knowing."

"Why you doin' that?"

"Because I can."

"Oh. Well, I'm hungry."

"Go make yourself some breakfast."

"I'm too little to cook," she asserted.

"Neither can I."

"Uh huh you do know how cause you make the best pancakes ever."

"Oh yeah? Better than mommy's?"

"Mommy's pancakes taste funny."

House nodded in agreement. Cuddy tended to use the gluten-free pancake mix and both he and Rachel hated it. "Well I'll make them and they won't taste funny, how's that?"

Rachel jumped up and down. "Yay!" She yelled. At that moment, Cuddy and Wilson entered the house.

"What's this all about?" She asked.

"Howse is going to make pancakes."

"Oh he is?"

"Yep. Mommy, his pancakes don't taste funny." Wilson tried not to laugh.

"Oh. Well...go cook, I have things to do." She patted Rachel on the head and walked past House into the kitchen, swaying her hips just for him though Wilson caught sight too and they both tilted their heads to watch.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Cuddy's family arrived. House kept well hid until Arlene nagged Cuddy ad nauseam about it being rude of him not to greet their guests. Cuddy had to practically drag House out of her bedroom and into the living room, promising sex if he would behave himself.<p>

"Gregory." Arlene said, in a chastising voice as she walked past him, her arms loaded with bags.

"Dragonlady," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that Greg?" She asked suspiciously, peering at him from inside the kitchen.

"Oh nothing, just saying 'great to see ya,'" he replied sarcastically.

Cuddy nudged him. "Hang in there."

"Gramma!" Rachel suddenly burst into the room and ran over to Arlene and grabbed her legs.

"Hey hey, don't knock an old woman over," she said patting the little girl's head.

"Aunt Lisa!" Cuddy's niece, fourteen-year-old Samantha, rushed toward her and gave her a big hug, followed by her brothers, sixteen-year-old Jacob and twelve-year-old David.

Cuddy hugged all three. "You guys are getting so big," she said. She looked the kids up and down amazed at how much they'd grown. There was Jake, who at just sixteen, was nearing six feet tall and was strapping and handsome like his father. He played baseball, loved music and earned straight A's in school. Next was Sam, who was petite and small like her mother, with the same small nose and hazel eyes. At fourteen, she was more interested in shopping, boys and volleyball. Finally there was the youngest, twelve-year old Dave, who was every bit his mother in personality and attitude and he had his father's eyes. He also liked to play the piano, something neither parent could ever figure out since neither had ever shown an affinity for it.

"I missed you guys so much," Cuddy said. "How are you doing?" She asked sympathetically she rubbed Dave's massive head of hair.

"We miss dad."

"I know it's hard kiddo but you gotta hang in there. You guys need to help each other and be there for mom."

"It's not the same without him," Sam said regretfully.

"I know, honey. I felt that way when your grandpa died. It hurt a long time. But it gets better, I promise." She continued catching up with the kids until her sister approached and hugged her.

"Hey you," she held her close and whispered in her ear. "I've missed you so much, Leese."

"Same here. I'm glad you made it," she said.

"Were you worried I wouldn't?"

"No, I guess...we ended things a little abruptly last time we talked."

"Hey, I was in a mood besides I'm not going to miss my only sister's Thanksgiving dinner. And mom would never have let me hear the end of it anyway," she laughed.

"How bad was she today?"

"Oddly enough, not too bad to me, but the kids? She drove them crazy. She nagged Jake about what it says about a girl whose ass crack shows when she bends over and then she proceeded to advise Sam of the dangers of unprotected sex."

"Oh God."

"Exactly. Next year you come see _us _so I don't have to spend hours dealing with her crap._"_

"Deal." They walked together arm in arm through the foyer, leading the kids into the living room when they looked up and House limped into the room, practically running into them. The oldest, Jake took notice of the cane and stood straight up taking a defensive pose.

"What's _he_ doing here?"

Cuddy immediately turned to her mother for help. "Mom? Can you and Wilson take Rach into the kitchen? House and I need to talk..." She motioned to Julia and her family.

"Alright, it's about damn time. Just don't kill each other okay?" Arlene ushered Wilson and Rachel into the kitchen.

House knew what was coming. He sat in the chair to rest his leg and Cuddy beside him on the arm. She cleared her throat. "Kids," she said. "You probably already guessed but this is Gregory House."

"The guy who ran his car into Aunt Lisa's house." Sam asked accusingly.

"At your service," he replied. He wasn't joking but he was trying to diffuse the obvious tension.

"You could've killed my mom and dad," Jake said, a bit angrily.

He looked up at the tall boy. "I'm sorry."

"Why the hell did you do it?" Jake asked.

He looked around at the kids, then at Julia, as if asking permission. "Go ahead. They know everything anyway."

He swallowed hard and looked at the kids. "I don't know how much you know about me but I used to have a problem with prescription painkillers, mainly Vicodin."

'Because of your leg, right?" Sam asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. My addiction got worse until finally I began to hallucinate and I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital. It worked...for two years. My leg still hurt like hell, it was never meant to be a cure, just a way for me to figure out how to manage the pain without opiates. Cuddy...your Aunt Lisa and I have known each other since college and well...we had...feelings that we'd been denying for a long time." He paused when he saw her smile and nod for him to continue.

"We finally decided to try and make it work but almost a year into it, she got sick and...I couldn't be there for her, at least not in the way she needed. I was scared and didn't know what to do so I did what I had always done, I turned to the pills. They numbed me, gave me courage to face everything. I thought she might die...that I'd lose her. I couldn't handle it. When we found out everything was going to be okay, she came to her senses and figured out pretty quick that I'd relapsed." He swallowed hard. "She broke up with me a few days later. I just lost it. I...I went downhill fast, doing some pretty drastic things and hurting her a lot in the process."

Jake persisted. "Ramming your car into somebody's house is pretty damn drastic."

"I was hurt and I wasn't very good at expressing myself like normal people. She used to accuse me of taking everything to an eleven. That's what I did. I didn't plan it...it just...I don't know.."

Cuddy decided to assist him in his explanation. "Guys, it was hard...for both of us. We hadn't really talked since the breakup, we were both in a lot of pain but refused to talk to each other about it. We sucked at communication, we always have and when I broke up with him, it was just too hard to talk...for both of us. Finally, we did but it was brief and we argued more than anything. I apologized to him and he told me none of it was my fault. I felt relieved but still terribly guilty for hurting him. I House came to see me later that day..to bring me the hairbrush I'd left at his apartment. I didn't know it at the time but what he wanted was to talk to me...alone. He'd assumed Rachel was still at school and I was alone. He'd hoped maybe we could try and get back to where we were before we started dating. There's so much more to it but all I can say is that when he got there, he saw your mom and dad and me through the window. But he also saw Jerry...this guy your mom tried to set me up with." She looked at Julia and frowned.

House stepped in again. "When I saw her there...with that guy...laughing and smiling, I lost it. I mean at that moment it felt like I meant nothing to her. All those years we shared were just...gone. She'd moved on and I'd lost her for good." He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at her. Though they had made up, it was still hard to talk about. He looked up at Cuddy and she urged him to continue.

"I went back to the car, told Wilson to scram and I drove away. I never intended to turn around, if anything I think I wanted to kill myself. I was in self-destruct mode and nobody could've stopped me. But while I was driving down the street...all these feelings hit me...all at once and I couldn't deal with...it was just too much. I just turned the car around and well-"

Cuddy took House's hand. "I've known House since I was a freshman in college and he was in med school, that's how far back we go. I've seen him on his best and worst days and never would I have ever expected that. It broke my heart because I loved him so much. Twenty-five years is a long time to love someone. Breaking up with him was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made and when I did it, I wasn't in my right mind either."

He looked at her gratefully.

"Mom said you skipped town," Jake said.

"Yeah. I did. I'm not proud of that. Not long after, I turned myself in. I couldn't live with it anymore. I couldn't live with what I'd done to her.

"How long were you in prison?" Sam asked.

"Ten months followed by six months on parole. I'm free and clear."

"How did you and Aunt Lisa get back together?" Sam asked.

"I wrote her a letter...as part of my therapy. I said a lot of things I should have said years ago, things that might've changed everything for us."

"So she took you back just like that?" Jake asked, suspiciously.

Cuddy replied. "No. Not just like that. We've had to work at this. We're talking now. We never really did that before." She looked down at him and gave a faint smile."Look guys, I know you guys think this is insane but we've loved each other a long time. We've got a lot of history and neither of us were willing to let that go. When you love someone you don't dump them when they have a problem, you support them. At the first sign of trouble, I ran. That was our coping mechanism, we were both guilty of that and we were wrong."

"I know it's asking a lot to forgive me but you need to know I love her. House said, honestly. Cuddy beamed hearing those words and everyone noticed.

"What happens if you relapse?" Jake asked, suspiciously. He wasn't ready to give in yet.

He sighed. "It's always a possibility."

"But if it happens, are you going to get angry with Aunt Lisa again?"

Cuddy butted in. "If it happens, we will deal with it together."

House intervened. "Look, kid, I don't plan to go over the edge again...I've worked real hard to get to this point, to learn how to work through my problems. But...if I relapse and feel like things are out of control, this time I'm going to ask for help."

"I love him and I can't...I don't want to live without him. Or you. I want us to all move on as a family. I know you can't forget," she said looking at her sister. "But can you forgive?"

Sam and Dave looked at their mother for guidance and she said sincerely, "I won't tell you what to do, you're old enough to be able to make this decision on your own." The two looked at their Aunt Lisa and nodded. She smiled. "Come here," she said and she hugged them both. They looked at House and Dave said, "Please don't hurt Aunt Lisa or mom again." House nodded, taken aback by the youngster's heartfelt plea.

Jake, however, remained stoic. His lips were tight and all he said was, "I'm going outside." He got up and left. Cuddy said to the two younger ones, "Come on kids, why don't we go help Gramma and Rach?" She looked back ant House and gave him a tight smile.

"Well it's just you and me, kid," he joked, hoping to lighten the somber mood.

She looked at him, dead serious. "For Lisa's sake, I'll be cordial. I need some time, okay?" She got up abruptly and left the room.

House rubbed his hands over his face. "Well that went fucking well," he muttered to himself.

* * *

><p>Hours later, House and Wilson were on the couch watching a football game with David. Jake had gone for a walk and the Cuddy women were in the kitchen and Arlene was barking out orders.<p>

"Lisa, I always baked the stuffing in the turkey, why can't you do that?"

"Mom, it's my turkey. Besides it's just not sanitary."

"I did it for years, nobody got sick. Besides what do you care? You don't even eat meat."

"No, I don't but everyone else does."

"I've decided I want to be a vegetarian too." Sam piped up.

"Really? Where did this come from?" Her mother asked.

"I'm morally opposed to meat," Sam said, causing Arlene to roll her eyes.

"Good grief, you're too young to know what morally opposed even means."

"I do and I choose not to eat it. I'm going to be healthy and fit like Aunt Lisa." She smiled at her aunt, Cuddy smiled back but knew Arlene wasn't about to let it go.

"Oh for God's sake, she's too skinny and you're only fourteen years old. You need _protein_, you need to _eat_. Your mother eats meat and there's nothing wrong with her. Both my daughters grew up eating meat and they turned out just fine. When you're an adult you can decide to eat leaves for the rest of your life but for now live it up. No guy is going to want you if you're a stick." Arlene snarked.

As the debate raged on between grandmother and granddaughter, the doorbell rang. Cuddy shouted above the noise, "I'll get it" and practically ran out of the kitchen. As she passed House on the couch, she leaned towards him and whined, "She's driving me crazy!"

House just laughed and said, "I told you so!"

Cuddy rolled her eyes and opened the door to Sharon and Hannah, standing there, shivering and smiling.

"Oh thank God," she said giving both a hug.

"Let me guess, your mom at it again?"

Cuddy was exasperated. "Gee, how did you know?" She laughed and welcomed them into her home.

"How could I miss all the fun? It's been awhile since I've been in the same room with you and your mother," Sharon said as she closed the door behind them.

"It's like fodder for your next book."

"Exactly," Sharon replied with a chuckle. "I don't have to make it up when I have her!"

Hannah interrupted by tugging on Cuddy's sweater. "Miss Lisa can Rachel and I play in her room?"

"Sure Hannah, go on...she's in the kitchen."

Hannah zoomed into the kitchen and Sharon made her way over to the couch and sat down next to Wilson, giving him a half hug. "James, how are you?"

"Good, it's great to see you." Wilson said as he gave Sharon a once-over which made her blush. This did not go unnoticed by Cuddy and House who eyed each other.

"Greg, it's good to see you too."

"I'm not giving you a hug."

"I'm not letting you," she snarked back.

"How's the head shrinking biz these days?"

Sharon rolled her eyes and Cuddy smacked House on the arm.

"So Lisa can I help with anything?"

"I've got a full kitchen but you can do me a favor and stay with these guys and keep them out of trouble." For a second she thought she caught a smile of gratitude on Wilson's face.

* * *

><p>Around three o'clock in the afternoon, eleven people were seated around Cuddy's large dining room table. It held more food than they could've imagined and while the guys were ready to dig in, the women had to remind them to mind their manners. Cuddy handed House the carving knife and motioned for him to do the honors.<p>

"Oh geez," he said.

"Gregory," Arlene said. "It's a tradition that the man of the house carve the turkey, given that you're once again _schtupping_ my daughter, that would make you _the man." _She ended her sentence with air quotes. Her choice of words made the women _and_ Wilson blush while House and kids laughed.

House chimed in. "It's not schtupping, it's f-"

"House!" Cuddy tilted her head, raised an eyebrow and gave him the evil eye.

"What?" He asked innocently. "_Friendship_ isn't a bad word."

Julia and Sharon exchanged looks of relief while Cuddy put her head in her hands.

Hours later, they had polished off most of the turkey and side dishes and were working on apple and pumpkin pie. It had been a relatively noisy dinner with Arlene, Wilson and the kids doing most of the talking. Occasionally, House threw out a barb, Cuddy rolled her eyes, and Sharon shook her head. Julia participated in conversation, but tried to avoid any engagement with House. House of course was engaged in listening to what was going on around him. Oh he threw out the occasional barb but he was much more interested in what everyone else was saying. As the snow fell harder outside, Arlene amused them with stories about her two girls when they were children. The kids were enjoying the current story about the time when when their mother was in high school and climbing the stairs to class one day when the elastic on her panties snapped and they fell down in front of everyone. Of course, Julia put her head on the table, dying of embarrassment. House made mental notes for later use when suddenly his phone rang. He ignored it and let it go to voice mail. It continued to ring and Cuddy turned to him.

"You have to get that," Cuddy said.

"Actually, no I don't. I'm on what they refer to as _vacation_."

"Someone's poor mother could be sick and dying and you're on vacation?" Arlene chastised.

"Go ahead, it'll be okay," Cuddy assured him.

"Oh moooom," he whined. However he got up and answered it and mouthed to Cuddy that it was Chase. "I'll take this inside so as to be less _annoying_," he said sarcastically looking directly at Arlene. Moments after he left the room, Cuddy heard a loud crash followed by a scream. She jumped out of her chair and ran into the other room and found House, in the hallway on the floor in front of Rachel's bedroom writhing in pain, holding his right leg.

"Oh God, what happened?" She asked, kneeling at his side.

"Tripped." He cursed under his breath, gasping for air. Cuddy looked over and saw that the small table that stood in the alcove in the hallway lay on its side, two legs broken and the lamp that sat on top of it was shattered. She winced as she realized he must have hit it hard on the way down.

"Here, we've got to get you up." She was thankful Wilson and Jake had come to their aid. The two helped Cuddy get him up and into her bedroom.

"I've got to see how bad this is," she said, intending to remove his pants.

"No...alone," he groaned. He didn't want anyone else to see his scar. Wilson helped him lay down and Cuddy assured them she could handle it. Wilson closed the door partly behind him as they left.

Cuddy took off his shoes, unbuckled his belt and gently slid his pants down his legs and hung them over the chair in the corner. His scar was bruised and swollen. "Oh House," she touched the area around it gently.

"What can you take?"

"'Acet-"

"Acetaminophen? That's not enough. We need to get this down so the patch can take over. Do you have any oxy?"

"No!" He had tears in his eyes and she knew it was incredibly painful. She didn't know how he managed to control himself.

"You mean you don't want it or you don't have it."

"Don't want," he gasped.

She held his hand. "House. Please. You've had to take it before and you did great, remember? You only took it when you needed it."

He looked up at her through red-rimmed eyes. "Scared."

"I know, but Dr. Grogan prescribed you the lowest dose for a reason. I promise, I'll help you okay? You told me you'd let me help you when you were in pain. Please let me. Don't shut me out."

House heard her pleas and nodded.

"Okay is it in your bag?"

"Don't think...I brought-" He never finished his sentence. His teeth clenched and he lay on his left side with his hand resting on top of his right thigh. The pain radiated throughout his body.

"Oh shit. Okay I'll take care of it," she said.

"Mommy?" She heard from behind her. Suddenly, she turned and saw that Jake had brought Rachel into the room. His eyes were drawn to House's very visible scar.

"What is it Jake?" She asked, annoyed at the intrusion.

"Rachel's crying, she keeps saying it's her fault."

Cuddy sighed and noticed Jake staring at House's leg. "Jake honey, thanks, go back inside, I'll be there in a bit."

"Is he gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, it just...it just hurts. Go back inside."

"Okay Aunt Lisa," he said, suddenly sympathetic.

Cuddy turned to her crying child. "What's wrong honey?"

"I made Howse hurt."

"What? No, it was an accident."

"It...my...fault," she said between sobs. "My skates," she said. Cuddy sighed. She'd gotten Rachel a pair of skates for her birthday and instructed her they were to be kept in her closet when they weren't on her feet.

"I was just showin' them to Hannah." She cried again, snot dripping from her nose.

Cuddy brought her between her legs and wrapped an arm around her back while the other hand lay on House's stomach, rubbing it in an attempt to soothe him. "Oh you two, what am I going to do with you?"

"Rach," came the voice from the bed.

Rachel looked up at him. He motioned for her to get on the bed. Cuddy lifted her up on his left side. Rachel sat up on her knees next to him. She hiccupped from all the crying.

"I sorry Howse," she said softly.

"I know, kid." Suddenly, a spasm hit his leg and it was so violent it made his body jerk. It scared Rachel, who cried even more.

"House, I'm going to get something for this, I'll be back. Come on Rach."

"No mommy, I stay with Howse." She held on to his good leg and refused to leave his side.

Not wanting to waste another moment, she relented. "Okay baby, don't move, I'll be back." She ran from the room. When she got into the living room, the group was waiting there for her.

"Is he...okay?" Jake asked.

"He will be. I just need his medication. He said he doesn't have it with him. I know he hates to take it but he needs it now. Wilson?" She looked up at him. "If I call it in, can you run down to the pharmacy at Ridgemont, it's about a mile or two down the road. It's an old-fashioned brick building. They're open twenty-four hours."

"Sure. What am I picking up?"

She pursed her lips. "Oxy."

"Okay." He never batted an eye. For that she was grateful.

"James, I'll drive you." Sharon grabbed her keys and they headed out.

"Honey, is there anything I can do?" Her mother asked. It wasn't often her mother showed this side but she really did care about House and wanted to help.

"Actually mom, we'll be okay. Can you get everyone back to the table and carry on? House hates being the center of attention."

Arlene ushered the family into the dining room as her daughter gave her a smile of gratitude. Cuddy picked up her phone and dialed the pharmacy.

Meanwhile in her bedroom House was making the best of a bad situation and Rachel stayed by his side like a faithful companion.

"Can I see it?" He opened his eyes and looked at her. He knew she was referring to his scar. She'd seen his scar briefly before but not intentionally. It was about six months after he and Cuddy started dating and he was alone in her house. He'd slept in after working all night and he'd gone into he kitchen to get some coffee when they surprised him by arriving home from the store. He had immediately turned so Rachel wouldn't see his scar and was saved when Cuddy brought him his robe.

"You don't need to see anything that ugly," he said.

"Jenny Rivers has a big ole scar."

"She does?"

"Uh huh, from when she was a baby. They had to do a operation."

"Hmm." He wasn't sure what Cuddy would say. So he replied, "How 'bout later? When your mom's here. We'll look at it together, okay?"

"Okay." She sat next to him quiet for a few moments. "Um...does it hurt a lot now?" She asked, finally.

"Sort of."

"I really sorry Howse."

"Hey kiddo, it was an accident."

"What's a axadent?" She peered at him curiously.

"Well, it's..." He thought about how to answer the question in a way she would understand. "It's when an unfortunate incident happens unexpectedly and unintentionally and results in damage or injury." He grimaced in pain once again.

She tilted her head curiously and he knew she didn't understand.

"You're always good about putting your toys away, right?"

"Uh huh. Mommy says everything should be in its place so nobody trips."

"That's right. Did you mean to leave your skates in the hallway?"

"No. I showed them to Hannah and then mommy called us for dinner."

"Well see, you didn't do it on purpose. You didn't leave them out and say _I hope House trips on them._"

She put her hands up over her mouth. "Noooo. I never do that."

"Well then see, it was an accident. You didn't mean it. Make sense?" She nodded. "Now, I forgive you. You feel better?"

She nodded again and snuggled up to his left side. "I love you Howse. I will make you feel better."

She tugged at his heartstrings yet again and he had to admit, even with the pain as bad as it was, she really did make him feel better. He leaned over and whispered, "I love you too kid. And yeah you do make me feel better."

Meanwhile in the hallway outside Cuddy's bedroom stood a silent Julia. She'd been headed for the bathroom when she heard House and Rachel talking in the bedroom. She couldn't stop herself from eavesdropping. Without warning, Cuddy appeared behind her.

"Julia?"

She nearly jumped. "Oh hey, I was just heading to the bathroom."

"Uh, really?" She asked.

Julia knew she was busted. "Shit. I didn't mean to listen, I just...I heard them talking and I was curious."

"Anything interesting?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"Umm...do you think I could talk to him alone for a moment?"

Cuddy nodded her head no. "He's in a lot of pain Jules and if you're going to give him shit-"

"No, nothing like that. Please."

She bit her bottom lip. She never had a reason not to trust her sister. "Okay. I need to give him his pill first. Wait here."

Cuddy turned around and opened the door. "You okay in here?" She asked.

"Yeah."

Rachel peeked out from House's left side. "Mommy I helped Howse feel better."

"You did?" She asked as she filled a glass with water from the bathroom sink.

"Uh huh. I told him I wouldn't leave my stuff out anymore and he said it was just a axadent and he forgave me."

Cuddy entered the room again and smiled at them. "I've got your prescription," she said looking at House. "You want one or two?"

"One for now." She sat on the edge of the bed and handed him the pill and the glass. She helped him raise his head enough to drink. She could tell how much the pain had exhausted him.

"Hey, it's okay. It's just _one_ pill." She watched him take the pill and chase it with the entire glass of water.

"It's never just one," he whispered handing her the glass.

"Let's take it one step at a time. One pill does not mean you'll relapse-" She caught herself as she said it. Her eyes watered when she realized the impact of her words.

"I'm always one pill away from relapse."

She looked up at the ceiling and bit her lip, trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. She hated that those worries still consumed him.

Rachel could see her mother was upset. "Mommy are you okay?"

"Yeah baby, just worried about House."

"Howse told me I made him feel better." She gave a toothy smile.

"I know." She smiled at her little girl and patted her leg. She ran her hand over House's chest gently. "Julia wants to talk to you."

"Oh God," he groaned. "Not now."

"I don't know what happened in here earlier but I found her at the door and she had this look on her face. I think...I think she overheard you and Rachel. She really wants to talk to you."

House wondered if she'd overheard his conversation with Rachel. "Fine. This'll kick in soon enough anyway. Just don't go far, okay?"

"I'll take Rachel for a few minutes but I'll come back to check on you." She picked Rachel up gently from the bed. "Come on monkey let's go have some more pie. Aunt Jules wants to talk to House."

"I wanna stay with Howse," she whined.

"Go...kiddo, I'll be in there in a bit," he assured her.

"Okay I save you some." She leaned down and pecked him on the cheek.

"You'll be okay?" Cuddy asked. When he nodded, she and Rachel left the room. As she walked past Julia, she put her hand on her arm.

"Whatever you do, just don't start on him right now." Cuddy warned. "He's in a lot of pain. I just gave him something to help but...just save reading him the riot act for another day okay?"

"Okay." Julia smiled to reassure Cuddy before she and Rachel walked down the hall and into the dining room. Julia entered the room, surrounded in darkness except for a small lamp by the bed. She noticed House adjusting the blanket over him.

"Hey, um...you okay?"

"Yeah. Peachy."

"Listen, I didn't mean to listen intrude."

"Really? I think they call hanging around on the other side of closed doors and listening to conversations_ eavesdropping_."

"Okay, fine." She threw her hands up in the air. "I'll admit, it didn't start out that way but then I couldn't help myself."

"Okay fine, you can go now."

She sat on the chair across from the bed, keeping a reasonable distance. "You know, Michael used to tell me you needed therapy not prison."

Her words took him by surprise. "Why?"

"I don't know, don't get me wrong, he was angry as hell at you for what you did, but when things cooled down he remarked that you should've been in therapy, not in jail." She laughed. "We actually argued about that. Go figure, we actually argued about _you_. Anyway, not that it matters now, but Michael actually_ liked_ you. He liked your straight up no bullshit attitude and he saw through that bullshit facade you put up to keep people out."

House just glared at her.

"What?" She glared back at him and laughed. "Oh please! You couldn't fool _everyone_ House. Michael often remarked about how protective you were of Lisa and Rachel and how that wasn't the behavior of a guy who would intentionally hurt them. For a guy who didn't know you that well, he sure as hell knew you, didn't he?" She mused.

House didn't reply so she continued. "I was the only one that hated you. Mom was so fucking annoyed at the both of you for screwing it up so bad and then...Lisa hated you for awhile but apparently she got over it."

He finally spoke up. "She didn't hate me, she hated that I destroyed what we'd had all those years."

"Since you came back into her life, I've seen a change in her I've never seen before, not even when you two were together the last time. She's happy, radiant, fucking glowing."

"I have that effect."

"Seriously, shut up. I'm not done."

He looked at her with surprise and worry. He wondered what was next.

"I've known women who have been abused by their husbands and boyfriends-"

Her words hit him hard. His eyes were defiant when he growled at her. "I would never-"

"Lay a hand on her? I_ know_ that. What I was trying to say is that in the little time we'd spent near one another I never got that vibe from you. I did know that you loved her very much and that you would do anything for her which is why when you ran your car into the house, I kept asking _what the fuck_ over and over again? How could a guy head over heels in love with a woman for more than half his life do something like that?"

He didn't reply. He just looked down.

"I didn't buy any of the excuses, I stayed pissed off at you despite what Michael said. But hey I've been known to hold a grudge," she snorted. Her voice got softer. "I never understood the extent of your addiction until Lisa explained it to me. She said in all the years she'd known you...the only person you ever hurt was yourself."

"Physically yeah but I had a habit of treating people like shit."

"Yeah, she said that too. But she also told me you did it to keep people at a distance." She sensed House was becoming uncomfortable as their conversation turned a bit personal. "You didn't really want to hurt anyone that day, did you?"

"You have to ask me that?"

"I just need to hear you say it."

"No," he stated adamantly. "And she _knows_ that," he stressed.

"Yes, she does. Trust me. By the way, I know you went to see Jerry."

"Yeah?"

"He called me. You shocked the hell out of him. Jerry's a good guy. He told me if he'd known everything that would've happened from that day forward he never would've met us at Lisa's house for lunch."

House snorted. "Hindsight."

"Yeah."

They sat in uncomfortable silence until Julia spoke again. "I remember the night Lisa broke up with you. She was inconsolable."

"Well fuck, that makes two of us," he groaned.

"She sat at that dining room table and cried for hours until there was nothing left. All of that over _one_ pill. I don't understand why you-"

House didn't let her finish. He wanted-no he needed her to understand the reason he took that pill, that one pill. He grimaced in pain as he told her what was on his mind.

"I gave up two years of sobriety for her that night. I'm not the _cry on the shoulder type guy_ and she knew it but that night, I knew she needed me there. She thought she was going to die. I had to be there for her. I took _one_ pill Julia, just _one_, because I knew that being there for her during the worst moment of her life was worth giving up two years of sobriety. And then...when she broke up with me, over one fucking pill, it nearly killed me. I'd tried to do everything right but all I did was screw it up. People think I don't feel anything but they're wrong. I do. I _did._ It was like someone shoved a dagger in my chest and twisted it. Losing the one person I loved more than anything in the world _broke me_. You can't imagine—" he caught himself when he realized she knew all too well what it was like to lose someone.

At that point, Julia's eyes were most with tears. "I _do_ know House, I _do._ My husband, the father of my children, the man I thought I would grow old with is _dead_. Gone. Forever. We had our share of problems, we fought and argued but he stuck with me through it all, he always put up with my shit. He never did anything to anyone and there were times I'd get so angry because he's gone and you...with all the shit you've done...you get to live out your life and be happy with my sister and I'm alone."

House swallowed hard. He didn't know how to handle her.

"I'm really sorry Julia."

Julia wiped her tears with the sleeve of her sweater. "I guess that sounds pretty shitty doesn't it? I'm jealous of my sister because she's happy in love and my husband is dead." She sighed. "How fucked up is that?"

"Actually it sounds normal to me," he said.

"I love seeing her happy like this but in the back of my mind I worry. After the breakup, she tried to act like she was okay but she wasn't. She broke down with me. It killed me to see her like that."

"When we split up, I never saw that side of her."

"Because you never let up long enough to see it. You just kept hammering her. She tried to be strong. Then when you married that _whore_...she called me that night crying again."

"I was an asshole." He put his hand up to his forehead. He could feel the beginning of a headache.

"Yeah, you were," she replied quietly, there was no longer any anger or remorse in her voice.

"If your point is to make me feel fucking worse, thanks, I think you accomplished that."

"Actually no..." She wiped her eyes. "It's not why I'm here."

"Then why are you?"

"I forgive you."

He did a double take. He thought maybe it was the drugs kicking in making him imagine things. "Wait, you just finished chewing me out and now you forgive me."

"Something like that. I needed to do that House. I needed to tell you just how angry and hurt I was not for what you did to me but what you did to my sister. Lisa and I have been talking about things ever since you came back into her life and I've been really on the fence as to what to do. There's so much going on in my life, raising my kids alone...going back to work...dealing with mom...and Lisa needs my support and I really want to be there for her. I wanted to continue to hate you but I can't. Life is just too short. I learned that the hard way. I lost the man I love but Lisa still has the man she loves and I want her to enjoy it without all this _crap_ hanging over our heads."

Then she added, "I can see for myself that you've changed."

House was taken aback by her genuine sincerity and decided to return it. "I spent ten months in prison, I know it wasn't long enough but that was the sentence. I couldn't help but change because it changed me. I spent that time trying to figure out how I was going to live the rest of life. That whole _get busy living or get busy dying_ thing is so cliche but the thing is...it's true. I had a choice to make and I didn't want to wind up back in prison or six feet under before my time so I started doing what I needed to do. None of this has been easy...but it's been worth it."

She nodded. "Do you think you can ever be happy?"

"Did you grill your sister like this?" She pursed her lips waiting for his answer.

He sighed. He'd underestimated Julia, she was a tough one, just like her sister.

"Happiness isn't a constant, it's fleeting, it comes and goes. Most of my life I held on to the stuff that sucked so I wasn't disappointed but now I try to hold on to the stuff that doesn't suck. I'm always going to be moody and need my space but oddly enough, I don't like having either as often as I once did. Cuddy once said we made each other better and back then I thought she was just being ridiculously optimistic but now...I actually believe it." House winced again at the stabbing pain in his leg.

Julia cringed seeing him in pain. She felt guilty that she might've made it worse. "Is there anything I can do?" She asked.

"No," he said. Then he added, "And stop feeling guilty, this isn't your fault."

Julia couldn't help but smirk. Looking down at his covered leg, she said, "I'm sorry about your leg."

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

After a moment she asked, "Do you blame Lisa?"

"What?" He asked, genuinely surprised at her question. "Why would I?"

"She made the decision."

"No, she didn't. My _ex-girlfriend_ made the decision. Cuddy was just doing her job."

"Do you wish she hadn't done it?"

"Who?"

"Both."

"Stacy didn't want me to die. Cuddy was following the rules."

"That's not an answer."

"Fine. If they hadn't done it, I'd probably be dead. Sure, I would've missed thirteen years of the worst pain _you_ could _never_ even imagine but if I would've missed those years, I wouldn't be _here_."

Julia raised an eyebrow.

"I kinda like being here," he said. He noted a slight grin. It wasn't much but it was enough to show a break in the mood.

"I never thought I'd say this but you guys are actually good for each other."

He shrugged. "Cuddy knows me better than anyone, even my own mother. Without her I would not have been able to finally deal with the shit in my life. Nobody knows me or my pain like she does. _Nobody_. And I think she'd say the same about me."

"And Rach?"

"What about her?"

"Do you think she can be the father she needs?"

House thought carefully about his answer, well as carefully as he could while in pain. He did love Rachel but he never imagined he would ever be anything that remotely resembled a traditional father.

"Listen, I never saw myself as a father figure to anyone then again I didn't have the greatest role model. But she's a damn good kid and anyone fucks with her, they fuck with me. If you're looking for Ward Cleaver, I'm not your guy, but if you want someone who's going be there for her in every way that counts, protecting her and teaching her and trying to help her grow up with a sense of confidence and self-respect and keep her from screwing up her life, then I'm your man."

For the first time, Julia smiled at him. "You know a lot of people would think we're all crazy for letting you back into our lives."

"Since when do you give a shit what other people think?"

"True." She saw him yawn and thought maybe she should let him get some rest. "The medication kicking in?"

"Yeah. Still hurts but it took the edge off."

"I'm going back inside, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good." He shifted a bit to get more comfortable.

Julia got up and walked towards the door. As she pulled it open, she stood there a moment, her back to him. He sensed her hesitation.

"What is it?"

She turned around. "A fresh start is a good idea. Just...promise me-"

"No." He cut her off bluntly. He knew what she wanted and he couldn't give it to her. Not that anyway.

"I can't make any promises." He saw her face fall for a moment but he continued in an effort to explain himself better. "Cuddy and I are going to argue and fight, it's part of who we are. Shit's gonna happen Julia but I can tell you that we've learned from our past mistakes. We're finally figuring out how to do this thing right. Just...trust us. Trust _me_."

Julia stood there watching him. Those were powerful words coming from him. He wanted her to trust them, trust _him_. It was a bold request. She knew House was a man who valued actions over words but she could see in his eyes and hear in the tone of his words that he was trying to convince her of his sincerity. That was enough for her. They had all suffered enough. It was time to forgive and move on.

"Okay House," she said softly. She added, "Get some rest." She smiled and then turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

House settled back into the soft pillows and clasped his hands on his stomach. "Wow," he sighed out loud. It had been a long day and he had been dreading that inevitable conversation with Julia. Now that it was over, it felt like a huge burden lifted. He closed his eyes, allowing the medication to continue doing its job. The last thing he remembered before drifting into sweet oblivion was Cuddy's scent which wafted from the pillows beneath him.

* * *

><p>And there you are ladies and gents. Take a breath. I know it was long but it had to be done. Comments are encouraged and welcome! We fanfic writers thrive on comments!<p> 


	101. Chapter 101

**A/N:** Loved all the comments on the last chapter. We are moving right along here!

* * *

><p><em>Julia got up and walked towards the door. As she pulled it open, she stood there a moment, her back to him. He sensed her hesitation.<em>

_"What is it?"_

_She turned around. "A fresh start is a good idea. Just...promise me-"_

_"No." He cut her off bluntly. He knew what she wanted and he couldn't give it to her. Not that anyway._

_"I can't make any promises." He saw her face fall for a moment but he continued in an effort to explain himself better. "Cuddy and I are going to argue and fight, it's part of who we are. Shit's gonna happen Julia but I can tell you that we've learned from our past mistakes. We're finally figuring out how to do this thing right. Just...trust us. Trust me."_

_Julia stood there watching him. Those were powerful words coming from him. He wanted her to trust them, trust him. It was a bold request. She knew House was a man who valued actions over words but she could see in his eyes and hear in the tone of his words that he was trying to convince her of his sincerity. That was enough for her. They had all suffered enough. It was time to forgive and move on._

_"Okay House," she said softly. She added, "Get some rest." She smiled and then turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her._

_House settled back into the soft pillows and clasped his hands on his stomach. "Wow," he sighed out loud. It had been a long day and he had been dreading that inevitable conversation with Julia. Now that it was over, it felt like a huge burden lifted. He closed his eyes, allowing the medication to continue doing its job. The last thing he remembered before drifting into sweet oblivion was Cuddy's scent which wafted from the pillows beneath him._

* * *

><p>House woke a few hours later and though his leg still hurt, the urgent stabbing pain had diminished considerably. He heard voices in the living room and looked over at the clock, it was only eight. He lay there and pondered getting up and going into the living room or staying hidden until everyone left. He glanced over at the nightstand on Cuddy's side of the bed and eyed the orange bottle of oxy. He rubbed his leg and stared at that bottle wondering if he should take just one more to help get rid of the remaining pain. Suddenly, he heard the toilet flush in Cuddy's bathroom and the sound of water in the sink. A moment later, the door opened and she walked out.<p>

"Hey," she said. She sat on the bed and gently laid her hand on his right leg.

"Hey," he responded, still eyeing the bottle.

She followed the trail of his eyes and found the subject of his focus.

"Do you need another one?"

He swallowed before he responded. "No."

"It's okay. I _trust_ you to know if you need it."

"I don't trust myself."

She leaned down and kissed his temple. "How bad is it now?"

"Maybe a six but...that's manageable."

She frowned. She was torn. One one hand she wanted him to take the pill if he really needed it but on the other hand she wanted him to fight the temptation if he really felt he could live without it.

"Your gears are turning. What is it?"

"How could I have been blind for so long?" She asked, woefully.

He looked at her curiously.

"A six is _ manageable_? God, you say that like it's nothing." She closed her eyes and tilted her head back to look at the ceiling. She still felt guilty over dismissing his pain all those years. "All those years you struggled with this pain every hour of every day and I hardly gave it a second thought. One night you came to me, nearly begging me for relief and I gave you a fucking _placebo._ Wilson had me convinced that it was in your head. Why did I ever listen to him? It wasn't the first nor the last time I let him do that to me. What an idiot I was. "

"Hey, hey, stop. Enough with the guilt."

"I'm so sorry."

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him where she lay with her head on his stomach. He ran his fingers through her curls and she relaxed into him. She knew he forgave her.

"Wilson is a master manipulator, you know that right?"

She laughed. "He puts on this sweet boy-next-door facade but inside he's a son of a bitch like the rest of us."

"He learned from the best," House replied.

"He used to tell me we were doing it for your own good. I don't know if he truly believed that or if he had some other motive."

"I think he believed it."

"Sometimes when I think about it-"

He cut her off. "Don't."

"What?"

"Stop thinking so much, it's driving me crazy woman. I am not still upset over that. In retrospect, I think I can see why you guys did it. Did I ever actually tell you how bad the pain was?"

"Sometimes-"

"Hardly ever. I kept it hidden. I popped pills at work but when I got home I could barely function. I never wanted anyone to see that...especially _you_."

"House, I'm glad you trust us enough now to let us in."

"Honestly..." he said twirling his fingers in her curls. "It feels good not to deal with it alone anymore."

She beamed.

"Now...enough about my pain, okay?"

"Fine. So, how did things go with you and Julia?" She asked.

"She didn't tell you?" He stopped playing with her hair and leaned up to look at her.

"All she said was that you guys talked and came to a mutual agreement."

"We did." He put his head back down and continued playing with her hair.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I understand."

"It's not that. She forgave me."

Cuddy did a double take. "She what?"

"I can't believe she didn't go running to you."

"Maybe she wanted _you_ to tell me."

"I'm still shocked."

"Me too. Julia holds a grudge like nobody I've ever met. This is huge."

"That's what she said." He looked at her again and grinned as she rolled her eyes.

He ran her hand down her back. "She's jealous of you," he said, quietly.

"What?" Why on earth would her sister, who seemed to have it all for most of her life, be jealous.

"Yeah. I don't think she meant to let it slip but she told me she was angry that the love of her life, who was a good guy and never hurt anyone, is dead and you get to be happy with the SOB who treats people like shit."

"Oh. That was a shitty thing to say."

"It's a normal reaction. She had a good life with a guy who loved her, treated her right and gave her the family she always wanted. I didn't give you anything but shit all those years. How is it that we get to be happy and she doesn't?"

She snuggled closer to him wanting to reassure him. "Oh House. I don't know why things happen, they just do. I know why you did what you did all those years. Aren't we passed it?"

"Old habits. Look sometimes I really was doing it just to be an asshole.:

"But not all the time. You didn't believe you deserved to be happy. You spent years pushing me away and admiring me from afar because it was safe. You feared love because you worried about it being ripped from you."

"Look at Julia, it was ripped from her."

"It was but that's different. Julia wasn't afraid to live her life because she feared someday her husband might die. She fell in love, got married, had kids...she's had a great life. Michael may be gone but she has the kids and mom and me and she'll keep going because...that's what you do."

"You make it sound easy."

"Oh God no, it just is what it is."

"Could you move on so easily? I mean, if it were me?" He asked.

"Of course not!" She exclaimed. She lowered her voice. "Every time something happened to you, it broke my heart. You took so many risks, it was like you didn't care and it hurt me to see that. And then all those years on Vicodin, I was scared to death that you'd go on a binge and OD or that one day your liver would fail an that would be it. The only way I dealt with it was to try and put it out of my mind thinking there was no way you would die...not you."

"Everybody dies."

"I know," she said sadly. "But I was never ready to lose _you_."

For all his sarcasm, he really did regret causing her so much pain. "I'm so sorry I put you through that."

"I know. I really thought when you went over the deep end after we broke up, that I was going to lose you for good. When Wilson told me you jumped off that balcony, it nearly killed me and then...the tumors...it was after that I realized I had to try and do something...anything...to save you...but I was scared."

"Of what?"

"I was scared that if I took that chance, I'd be propping you up, that you'd be dependent on me yet again and that if you cleaned up it would be because of _me_, not you. I couldn't handle that. It was too much responsibility being both the cause of your relapse and the reason you cleaned up your act. You had to do it for yourself, on your own and for you. That night I went to your apartment and saw you...in the bathtub, that's when I knew you'd hit rock bottom. I don't think anyone else realized the extent of your pain and why you did it, but I did. At that moment, it hit me. And then that night when they had to operate on you, when you were worried you were going to lose your leg, you told me you trusted me and _only_ me. Trust for you is _everything_ because you've never really trusted anyone except yourself. I thought you hated me after the breakup but I knew when you said you trusted me, it meant that a part of you still loved me. It gave me...hope."

House swallowed hard at her confession. Hope. That was something he'd wanted so badly to have after the breakup. "I _never_ stopped loving you," he said.

"I know. That night, Rachel and I sat in your room as you recovered from surgery. I watched you sleep and all I could think of was how much I missed you. When Rachel wrote that letter, it wasn't just from her, it was from both of us."

"I knew." He remembered the letter, in fact it was still folded inside one of his favorite medical texts.

She smiled. "You always did." She wrapped her hands around his midsection kissed his stomach through his tee shirt, then placed her hand under it and rubbed his warm bare skin. "That you know me so well is one of the things I love so much about you."

"Just one?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well...just one of many things I love about you."

"Ditto," he said. They contemplated their words quietly for a few more minutes. House continued to run his fingers through her hair while caressed his stomach.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"What?" She noted the seriousness in his voice.

"I wanted to be your donor," he blurted out unexpectedly.

House's words took her completely by surprise. She stopped rubbing his stomach and looked up at him again. Their eyes met. She wondered what he was up to.

"What?"

"I hated the idea of you getting sperm from those losers."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"It's just something that's been on my mind."

"You were jealous." She stated matter-of-factly.

"A little."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, a lot. Look, I never wanted to be a dad but I think I would've done it for you."

Her heart leaped into her throat but she maintained her composure. "Stacy didn't want kids?"

"Hell, no, she was too busy doing her lawyer thing. Kids would've gotten in her way."

"I wish I would've been brave enough to ask. I almost did that night I went into your office. I wanted a baby with bright blue eyes, a mischievous smile and brilliant...like his father." She said dreamily.

"Don't forget...a little hellion."

She laughed. "Yeah, that too. I chickened out. I worried about what it would do to what we had. If I had a baby with you I could've lost you for good. I worried you would get cold and distant and I'd have to choose and you know what I would have done."

He nodded. "I know I didn't show it but I really was happy for you when you adopted Rachel. I'll never forget that night in the NICU. You hadn't even give birth and you glowed."

"I felt something different from you that night, it was just I don't know...as if you really were okay with it. I remember how hurt you were at the baby store, when you found out I was trying to adopt."

"I was jealous."

"I know. I never should've kept that from you. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

"Apology accepted. I knew once you had a kid, you'd have less time for me. But then I saw you with her and what she did for you, how she changed you and I thought...yeah...it worked out just right."

"You gave me so much shit." She chuckled.

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you. It hurt sometimes because I really wanted you to be a part of it all. You were the one person I really wanted there who wasn't. Those early days...Wilson tried to reassure me and tell me what I was feeling was normal but I needed someone to just tell me the way it was...without sugarcoating it. You did that for me. You gave me shit because you wanted me to be sure...you wanted me to fight because you knew I was close to giving her up. You knew if I fought hard enough I would find what it was I really wanted. You knew...even when I had lost sight of it."

"Something like that."

"I never thanked you," she said.

"Oh, I think you have." He smiled to himself and said aloud, "Many, many times." He heard her laugh into his skin and decided to change direction. He'd had enough of serious talk. "So...they're _still_ here?" He asked.

"Yep. The snow is coming down pretty bad and the weather report doesn't look good. I think everyone might have to stay overnight."

He raised his head up to look at her. Her met his. "Are you kidding?" He asked.

"No. It'll work though. Rachel can sleep with us, Sharon, Hannah and Sam can have her room. Mom and Julia can have the spare room, the boys can have the fold-out couch and Wilson can use the recliner."

He smirked. Of course she had it all worked out. "Wait! What's this about Rachel sleeping with us?"

"Well, where _else_ is she going to sleep?"

"In her _room_. You do realize that we can't actually have sex if she's in the bed with us."

"Seriously? Everything you've been through today and you still want to have sex?"

"You're kidding right? When do I not want to have sex? It's been days."

"One more won't hurt."

"And...what happens when Wilson wants to sleep with us tomorrow night?" He whined.

"Don't be an ass."

"Let the _kid_ stay with the other _kids_, they can pretend they're camping or something."

"You really want to be alone that bad don't you?"

"Well, _duh_. Think of it as pain management." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

She sighed heavily. "Okay fine." She raised herself up from him. "You coming with?"

"Do I _have_ to?" He pouted when she grabbed his cane and handed it to him.

"Come on, at least for a little while. Have some pie and coffee. I'll make it worth your while later." She grinned flirtatiously.

"You owe me, woman," he growled. He limped into the living room behind Cuddy. The kids were gathered around the television and they looked at him but didn't say anything when he walked through. That is, except for Rachel who yelled, "Howse!" and ran over and hugged his good leg.

"You feelin' better?" She asked, excitedly.

"Yep." He patted her head.

"I saved you pie."

"You did?"

"Uh huh. A piece o'punkin and o'apple. Come on." She took his hand and led him into the kitchen with a grinning Cuddy following them.

In the kitchen, the adults were sitting at the breakfast nook talking. They stopped when House walked into the room holding Rachel's hand.

"Okay, nothing to see here, move along," he said. He hated being the center of attention.

"Look who decided to grace us with his presence," Arlene said.

"Oh are _you_ still here?" He asked earning a wink from Cuddy.

"You okay?" Wilson asked.

"Yep. Good drugs."

Wilson frowned.

"Relax Wilson, it was just _one_ pill."

"Hey, I'm not worried."

"Really? That look you gave me a moment ago speaks volumes _mom._"

"Is this how it is with you two all the time," Sharon asked.

"Oh it gets better, he reads me stories when I can't sleep and snuggles with me when I get cold at night."

"Shut up House."

Julia snickered.

House grabbed a bar stool at the counter and made himself comfortable while Cuddy sliced a piece of apple pie for House and gave it to Rachel who insisted on carrying it over to him.

"Here, Howse." Rachel held the plate up for him and he took it from her happily. He was actually very hungry.

"Thanks, kid. Why don't you go watch TV with your cousins?"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine. Go ahead," he nodded.

She looked at him thoughtfully and she reminded him of Cuddy at that moment. Then she said, "Okay. But I'm right in there if you need me." She pointed to the other room. The adults laughed as she ran off to be with the others.

"House, I'd say you have her wrapped around your finger," Sharon said.

"It's more like the other way around," Wilson replied. "You should've seen them back in Princeton."

"Oh?" Arlene asked inquisitively.

"Hey, she's a good kid and smart too. I could fire my entire team and just have her working for me." Then as an afterthought he added, "Speaking of my team, I never did get to talk to the Aussie."

"I did," Wilson said.

"And? You going to keep me guessing here?"

"It's not autoimmune."

"Well, duh. I could've told you that. What else did he say?"

"Told me he'd call you back later"

"So do you guys have any other ideas?" Cuddy asked.

"No. But I'm thinking...where's your laptop?"

"Inside, let me get it." Cuddy left the room to fetch the computer. When she returned, she handed it to him and said, "You want our help?" She asked.

"I couldn't do it without my trusty sidekicks now could I?"

Cuddy caught Wilson's eye and smiled. The three of them had missed working together.

"So, we _finally_ get to see the great Gregory House in action again." Arlene said.

"Actually, you get to see me work, only your oldest daughter gets to see me in _action_," he said, facetiously.

"Smartass." Arlene rolled her eyes and looked across at her daughter. "He's such a pain in the ass, sometimes I don't know what she sees in him."

He flexed his right bicep and pointed to it. "She loves the big cane."

"Oh stop!" Julia said, laughing.

"You're disgusting," Arlene said.

Cuddy smacked House on the arm then took a seat on the stool next to him. She leaned on him as he booted up the computer and logged on to the internet. Once it was up, he typed a bit and then looked first at Cuddy, then Wilson. He gave them the rundown of the case and then said, "Okay, you guys know what do we have? Whaddya got that goes with muscle weakness, skeletal weakness, and myopathy?"

"To start," Wilson said. "LGMD has progressive muscle weakness in the pelvis, legs and shoulders."

"Good, what else?"

"BMD," Cuddy replied. She added, "BMD shows progressive proximal muscle weakness, respiratory impairment, difficulty walking and elevated CK."

"Scapuloperoneal syndrome? Has similar signs as LGMD only the muscle weakness is in the knees and shoulder blades."

They threw disease after disease out there while House threw back answers and did some research on the laptop. Sharon, Julia and Arlene sat quietly watching the vibrant interactions of the three friends. They saw House's frustration but they also noted the pure elated expression on his face when debating with Wilson and Cuddy. In fact, they noticed all three of them seemed to lose themselves in the differential, feeding off the energy of each other.

House rubbed his hands over his eyes. "What I need are my tools. I need my balls." He heard Sharon chuckle and then heard Cuddy explain.

"Really, he has these balls he bounces to think...it's part of his process."

"What I need...is a whiteboard."

Julia cleared her throat knowingly an looked at Cuddy who got up and walked over to her pantry and opened the door and came back with of all things...a whiteboard. It wasn't as big as the one he used at the hospital but it was big enough. She set it up on the counter across from House, and leaned it up against the microwave. She cleared her throat and House looked up.

"I don't believe it. You could not get any more perfect," he said.

Arlene snorted. "My daughter _likes_ to be organized. You could learn from that."

House just rolled his eyes. "Okay now where were we?" He nodded to Cuddy. She was writing the things they'd already mentioned on the board.

"Rigid spine syndrome," he said and she included that too. They rattled off other possible causes. Mostly it was House and Cuddy but Wilson chimed in occasionally.

"Myasthenia gravis."

"Spinal muscular atrophy."

"Polymyositis."

"Danon's."

"RA?"

"We tested for that. No."

"Mitochondrial myopathy."

"Does she have an elevated CK?"

"The upper end of the normal range but not out of range. We ran it all...CK, AST, ATL, LDH and GLC."

"Okay, how about a glycogen storage disease?"

"That would include Debrancher, Forbes, Andersen, McCardle...all muscle weakness, hypotonia _and_ elevated CK."

"How about Pompe's?" Cuddy asked, cringing a bit thinking she was probably way off base.

They got quiet.

House finally spoke. "It fits."

"Same symptoms as the others," Wilson said.

"Yeah but some with late onset may have CK levels in the normal range. You did a muscle biopsy right? Serum enzymes such as AST, ALT, or LDH can be elevated and may reflect enzymes released from muscle."

Apparently Cuddy hit a nerve because House looked up and clicked his tongue.

"Hold that thought." He returned to the laptop and clicked and they heard the sound of a phone ringing.

"You're skyping them now?" Cuddy asked.

"Why not? Relax it's just Chase, he never sleeps."

"Hello?" Came the voice of the Aussie back in Princeton.

"Hit your video."

"What happened to you? You never called me back."

"Busy. Listen, I've got Cuddy and Wilson here and we might have something."

"What?"

"Pompe's."

"Pompe's?"

"You didn't hear me? Yes, Pompe's. Let's go over the common presenting symptoms. Frequent infections, respiratory insufficiency, sleep apnea, morning headaches, back pain, rigid spine syndrome, poor weight gain, difficulty swallowing and eating."

"Now give me the patient findings again."

Chase walked over to the whiteboard and turned it towards his computer screen and rattled off the findings. "Weak cough, exertional dyspnea, respiratory difficulty, sleep apnea, progressive proximal limb girdle weakness, muscle weakness in the lower and upper extremities, gait abnormalities, exercise intolerance, scoliosis, back pain, difficulty maintaining or gaining weight, difficulty chewing, jaw tiredness, hepatomegaly. And oh yeah infrequent cardiomegaly."

"And what tests have you done?"

He sighed and wiped his eyes. "Lung function lying and sitting, muscle strength, EMG/NCS-"

"You didn't do the muscle biopsy?"

"Inconclusive."

"How is it inconclusive? Do it again. I need a histology and histochemistry. It'll allow muscle acid-glucosidase activity and glycogen content to be assayed directly and rapidly. We need to know the location and amount of glycogen accumulation in the tissue."

Cuddy intervened. "Whoa, you want him to do another muscle biopsy on her? She's just a kid."

"I need solid readings. If the muscle biopsy is negative we're back to square one." She frowned but nodded her head in agreement.

He looked back at the screen. "What about labs?"

"We did CK, AST, ALT, LDH. She had elevated GLC four in her urine."

He looked up at Wilson and Cuddy. "You're right. Pompe's fits. We just need the tests to confirm." He looked at the screen again. "Do the biopsy then a GAA activity on dried blood spots."

"House?"Cuddy tried to get his attention.

"In late onset Pompe's, you should measure the GAA activity through fibroblasts."

Chase heard and responded. "Cultured fibroblasts will take weeks, she may not have that kind of time."

Cuddy said, "You can do skin fibroblasts, it's much quicker and more certain. It'll be supported by the muscle tissue biopsy."

Chase wrote some things on the white board and said, "Got it. I'll call you when I know something." Then he added, "Cuddy, it's good to see you."

"Same here."

House disconnected the Skype looking very full of himself. Then he looked over at Cuddy. "Hey, what's this _we_ need to do tests?"

"Right now _we," _she pointed at her and Wilson_. "_Are your team. Shut up."

"You guys are amazing together," Julia said. "Now what's Pompe's?"

"Do you want the short of the long?"

"Humor me."

"Well, it's an autosomal recessively inherited metabolic disorder that affects one of more than forty lysosomal enzymes. Patients with Pompe disease have a total absence or partial deficiency of the lysosomal enzyme acid a-glucosidase-or as we call it...GAA...due to mutations in the GAA gene. As a result, the body is unable to breakdown lysosomal glycogen, which leads to massive glycogen accumulation and cellular dysfunction, with prominent involvement of cardiac, smooth, and skeletal muscle."

Cuddy laughed. Sharon looked over at Julia and said, "Aren't you sorry you asked?"

Cuddy intervened again to explain in terms everyone could understand."In a nutshell, it's an inherited disorder caused by the buildup of a complex sugar called glycogen in the body's cells. The accumulation of glycogen in certain organs and tissues, especially muscles, impairs their ability to function normally."

"Show off," House said.

"Now see, why couldn't you explain it like that?" Julia asked.

"Because the ass is too brilliant for that." Arlene mused.

Julia got up to get some more coffee and as she passed House she put her hand on his arm and asked, "Would you like some more coffee?" It took him by surprise but he could tell she was being genuine.

"Sure." He looked over and noticed a look of pure relief on Cuddy's face.

* * *

><p>Much later, after coffee, pie and more stories, they finalized the sleeping arrangements. Rachel, Hannah, and Sam took Rachel's room, Arlene and Julia took the spare room which was also Cuddy's home office, Jake and Dave took the convertible sofa in the living room, Sharon took the recliner and Wilson took the sleeping bag and the floor near the fireplace. Cuddy noticed that he strategically placed the bag between the fireplace and Sharon's chair.<p>

As she and Sharon got sheets out of the closet she mentioned Wilson.

"So, how are you and Wilson getting along?"

"I think a lot of James, he's really a nice guy." Then she eyed her friend carefully. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing, I just noticed you guys spent a lot of time chatting tonight. I haven't seen him that happy in a long time."

"He told me about Amber...and Sam. Between that and three failed marriages he hasn't had much luck has he?"

"No, not in that area, anyway. Wilson's a good guy. Okay...he's not the goody two shoes people might think he is and by that I mean he can be as manipulative a bastard as House but he really is a good guy."

"I'm not looking for a boy scout. I think I made that clear to him."

"Wait, so you are interested?" Cuddy asked, shocked.

"I'm not sure. I'm not out there looking, you know that. But James is a nice man and he makes me laugh and I watched him with the kids and he's really good with them. I wouldn't mind spending more time with him."

Cuddy beamed and Sharon shook her head. "No, do not take this as an invitation to play matchmaker."

"I wouldn't dream of it," she said. "But...I do owe Wilson for years of medding in my love life."

Both women laughed and said goodnight.

Cuddy walked into her bedroom and hung up House's jacket and fixed the covers on the bed. She soon heard the door close and lock and before she could turn around, House had tossed his cane on the bad and grabbed her from behind. He moved the hair away from her neck and started kissing her.

She laughed and turned in his arms. "Hey, did you see Wilson and Sharon together? I think there's something going on there. "

He stopped and shared at her. "Seriously? You want to talk about Wilson again when we're getting ready to have sex."

"Yes and no we are not having sex." He grabbed her breasts and she tried to stop his advances. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow."

"Nooo," he whined. "You can't do that. It's not fair."

"House, there are nine people sleeping in the house besides us and five of them are children."

"So? We'll be really, really quiet."

"No."

He sulked. "Seriously?" House sat on the bed and began taking his shoes off. Cuddy walked past him and kissed him on the top of his head and whispered, "Poor baby." Then she went over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of flannel pajamas and a pair of socks. He watched her as she went into the bathroom.

"Come on, I'm going to run you a bath. You interested?"

"Do I get a happy ending?"

"No."

"Aww mom."

"You're definitely not getting a happy ending if you keep calling me mom," she joked as she went into the bathroom.

House laid back on the bed listening to the sounds of water running into the bath trying to think of a way to manipulate Cuddy into sex.

* * *

><p>Sometime in the middle of the night House woke because his leg was bothering him. It wasn't unbearable, just a little uncomfortable. He noticed Cuddy sprawled across him snoring lightly and he smiled. He looked over at the clock which read just after three. He ran his hand up and down her arm hoping to wake her without making it seem obvious. After a few minutes, she moaned and woke in his arms. She looked up at him.<p>

"What time is it?"

"Two-thirty."

"Why are you awake?" Thinking it might be his leg, her eyes opened fully. "Is it your leg?"

"Yeah, just a little though. It's okay."

"Okay, go back to sleep," she mumbled into his chest.

"Don't wanna." He kissed the top of her head.

"Nooo House, not tonight, I already told you."

"Oh come on, we'll be quiet."

She moved a bit and felt his erection. She couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my."

"But Little Greg misses you sooo much," he whined.

"You're going to be the death of me," she said.

"Yeah but oh what a way to go," he said, with a grin.

She rolled off him and onto her back and quickly slid her flannel pajamas and panties down and off her legs in one motion, then she rolled over and straddled his knees. She reached down and pulled off his pajama pants and boxer briefs slowly so as not to irritate his scar, and discarded them as well.

He reached down to help her pull off her top and threw it behind her then she helped him remove his. When he laid back, he took in the full view in front of him and his eyes widened at the side of her taut naked body above him. He started to say something and she took her index finger and placed it over his lips to keep him quiet.

He watched mesmerized as she took her hands and started caressing herself from her thighs all the way up and over her belly, to her breasts, circling her nipples and pinching them, then moving her hand over her neck and through her hair. She leaned down and kissed him slowly, tenderly, savoring the moment. Her long hair fell around them like a curtain as they indulged in quiet, lazy open-mouthed kisses, teasing each other with their lips and tongues. They spent a long time just doing that with no sense of urgency despite them both feeling hot and wet and ready to play.

In an effort to take control, House nudged her and then turned them over. He lay off to her right side and while his left hand cradled her neck, he ghosted the fingers of his right hand ever so gently ran down her neck, over her shoulder, down her left breast and arm, sending shivers down her spine along the way. Then he did the reverse and brought his hand back up to her neck, caressing it and kissing it. He took his time thoroughly enjoying the way in which her body responded to him. He kissed her earlobe and gently bit the outer shell, then whispered "You are so beautiful." He felt her tremble under his touch.

She laid there, her hair fanned out on the pillow, skin flushed and pupils dilated. He moved on top of her and settled himself between her legs and placed his hands on either side of her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. She rested her hands on his biceps and they just stayed like that for a few moments, staring into each other's eyes, speaking without words. Cuddy nodded to him and he knew what she was ready. He moved his hand down to his cock and guided himself into her slowly. She closed her eyes as he went deeper. Her lips parted and she sighed at the pleasure of him filling her up. Her breath hitched as he pushed the last of himself inside her. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, eyelids, nose and then her lips. She opened her eyes and nodded to him that she was ready and he moved within her. As she met his gentle thrusts, the only sounds were their quiet whispers to one another. He felt Cuddy shiver so he stopped for a moment and brought the sheets over them to keep them warm. He resumed his movements, resting on his forearms as she ran her hands up and down his back, urging him further into her. As they made love slowly and tenderly under the sheets, she wrapped her legs around him and pressed her feet against his ass to encourage him to go deeper. When their movements became more urgent, he reached down between them and began gently rubbing her clit as she grinded herself against him. Their sighs of ecstasy grew louder and they used their hands and tongues to feel as much of one another as possible. They simply could not get enough.

"Oh...God...House..." she gasped.

"You feel...so good." He managed to get out his own gasps of pleasure. "I missed you...so much."

"Me too," she said and at that moment, her climax seized her and took over her entire body, the shock waves shooting up and down her spine. She cried out and he leaned down and kissed her deeply to silence her moans. Her muscles squeezed him tightly and at that moment, he lost himself as his climax took over his body. Cuddy could feel his body trembling and she held him tightly to her in an effort to make it last as long as possible.

Afterwards, he remained inside of her as they lay there, sweaty and panting. They planted kisses on one another and laughed together enjoying their shared moment of bliss. Finally, House removed the sheet so they could cool off and he rolled over onto his back, pulling her with him. He held her close, stroking her back and arms while she planted random kisses on his chest.

As they laid there satiated and relaxed in each others arms, Cuddy could tell that House was thinking about something. It was his shallow breathing, the way his fingers caressed her body lazily, and the feeling she had, that sense that something was going on. She knew House, his wheels were turning.

She raised herself to look into his eyes. "What are you thinking about?" She whispered.

He shook his head indicating it was nothing but she knew better. She placed her hands on either side of his face and gently massaged his scruff with her fingers, silently imploring him to talk to her.

He blinked and said, "That...was so...amazing."

"Yeah, it was." She kissed his chest again and closed her eyes listening to his heart beat.

"Makes you wonder why we don't do this _every_ night," he said, casually.

"True," she replied. His words intrigued her. _What was he leading up to?_

"Yeah?" He asked, picking his head up from the pillow. _Was she thinking the same?_

She lifted her head and looked directly at him and smiled. "Yeah."

* * *

><p>Thanks for all the great reviews. Comments are welcome! Lots going on, next chapter coming up soon!<p> 


	102. Chapter 102

**A/N:** Thank you for all the great comments. I've got quite a bit of the next chapter plotted out. Expect big things to happen. :) I finally have a better idea of how I want to wrap this up.

It's hard to believe it's come this far. I never expected this story to be this long but you guys are responsible as are my muses Hugh Laurie & Lisa Edelstein whose character portrayals were amazing beyond words, so much so that the fans still keep them alive by writing stories, posting pics, and talking about them! Huddy is the basis for so many amazing friendships-people who met through their love for the show, for these two actors and for their characters. Huddy really is a neverending love story and I am proud to be one of so many who is keeping the memories alive and well. There will never be another couple on television as dynamic as them. Of that, I am sure.

Do yourselves a favor and read the other great Huddy fics out there. There's over 3,800 of them. Comment on them, let the authors know how much you appreciate them!

* * *

><p><em>As they laid there satiated and relaxed in each others arms, Cuddy could tell that House was thinking about something. It was his shallow breathing, the way his fingers caressed her body lazily, and the feeling she had, that sense that something was going on. She knew House, his wheels were turning.<em>

_She raised herself to look into his eyes. "What are you thinking about?" She whispered._

_He shook his head indicating it was nothing but she knew better. She placed her hands on either side of his face and gently massaged his scruff with her fingers, silently imploring him to talk to her._

_He blinked and said, "That...was so...amazing."_

_"Yeah, it was." She kissed his chest again._

_"Makes you wonder why we don't do this every night," he said, casually._

_"True," she replied. His words shook her to her core. What was he leading up to?_

_Meanwhile, Cuddy's response took House by surprise. Was she thinking the same? He picked his head up from the pillow and looked at her._

_"Yeah?" He asked._

_She moved her head and looked directly at him. "Yeah."_

* * *

><p>House woke around six on Friday morning. His leg hurt but not too bad. He wanted to walk it off a bit and get some fresh air so he dressed warm and left Cuddy snuggled under the covers with a pillow tucked in his place. He limped past the two closed bedroom doors and through the living room past Wilson's snoring and into the kitchen without waking anyone. He put on his coat, gloves and hat and went outside. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he walked into the spacious backyard and the snow crunched under his feet. He had a lot on his mind, specifically the few words they exchanged after they made love last night. He'd meant what he said and he was sure she did too. The question was <em>what next?<em> Obviously they both wanted the same thing.

He stood there a moment looking up at the sky. He took a deep breath and thought about how he had become less and less interested in diagnosing patients at Princeton-Plainsboro and wanted more and more to be in Boston with Cuddy and Rachel. In the past, his work always took precedence, it was always the most important thing in his life but things had changed. _He_ had changed. In the old days, change scared him to death, that's why he avoided it. The thing was now...he liked his life, he was _happy_.

He twirled his cane around thinking about how far he and Cuddy had progressed in their relationship. In the past, when they were together, he had worried day and night about the final straw he knew would come, that final act which would force her to walk away from him. He'd once told her that she made him a worse doctor but he didn't tell her the whole truth. He couldn't concentrate on his cases because he spent all his time thinking about staying one step ahead of her so that he wouldn't screw up. That took away much of his ability to focus on his cases and thus he missed details he never would have missed in the past. It wasn't so much her that consumed him, it was the fear of what was to come.

Now, everything had changed. She consumed him but in a good way. He no longer worried about what he was going to do to screw up or whether or not their next time together would be their last. No, this was different. He felt secure in their relationship and most of all more secure in himself than he'd ever been. He knew she had much to do with that but he knew he had to credit his own hard work too. He'd had help along the way of course. Nolan, his mother, Wilson, Vince, Cuddy and Rachel, and even Chase...they all played an important part of his healing. They were his family now. He was no longer alone.

_Alone._

He remembered a night years earlier, it was Christmas Eve to be exact, when he sat on the leather couch in his apartment and called his mom to wish her a Merry Christmas and washed down nearly an entire bottle of stolen oxycodone with a bottle of scotch. Wilson had turned on him, Cuddy had lost faith in him, his team couldn't trust his judgment and Tritter was close to putting him behind bars. That night he stopped caring, it just hurt too much. He wasn't intentionally suicidal, he just wanted the pain to stop even if just for a little while. He felt lost, hopeless and hurt that night...hurt that he had no one, that nobody loved him. He wanted to be loved, he did, he just didn't know how to let himself love and be loved. He hadn't even really let himself go with Stacy, not completely. He let her in but never all the way. He never let his guard down. He was afraid. And after the infarction even more so. And so it went for all those years until now...the first time in so many years that he felt _complete_. He knew it sounded cliche but it was true. For the first time he felt his life had meaning, that his value in life wasn't just as a doctor, but as a person. That made him _happy_.

Suddenly he wanted to talk to Nolan. He needed help processing things from someone who could be objective. He looked at his watch. Six-thirty. Far too early for Nolan to pick up but he dialed and left him a message anyway. As soon as he hung up, his phone rang. He knew it wasn't Nolan, it had to be the team.

"I was right, wasn't I?" He answered boldly.

"Was there any doubt?" Chase asked.

"Never. Did Foreman call you?"

"Yeah, he gave us all the info. How'd you know about the research study in Switzerland?"

"I didn't initially. Cuddy heard the guy speak here in Boston and said she thought his patient had similar symptoms. While we were skyping the other night, I did some research on him."

"Well this patient may owe Cuddy her life. Once we get her stable, the hospital there is going fly her and her parents over."

"Good."

"You and Cuddy make a good team."

"Was there ever a doubt?"

"God you're smug."

"You better believe it." Suddenly the back door opened. He looked around and found Sharon pulling her coat tightly around her.

"Hey, gotta go. Call me if you need me." Then he hung up.

"Hey," she said when she found him leaning against the tree just off the back porch. "You working this early?"

"Always. It was my team, they miss me."

"I'm sure." She wrapped her arms around herself as she approached him. "It's so goddamn cold, what on earth are you doing out here?"

"Thinking."

"You can't think inside?"

"Too busy, too many vibes, needed to clear my head."

"Wanna talk?"

"You wanna listen?"

"I've been known to be pretty good at that." She tilted her head and smiled.

"I'm not paying you."

"I'm not charging you," she shot back. He grinned. He liked that Sharon was a smartass.

She nudged him. "Not out here, too cold. Come on, I made some coffee."

He followed her back into the house, which was still quiet. They shook off the snow and hung their coats by the door. House sat at the breakfast nook while Sharon grabbed two mugs.

"You think it's a good idea to shrink the head of your best friend's other-half."

"I'm not on the clock. Just one friend talking to another."

"So now we're friends?"

She leaned back against the sink and grinned at him. "Are you always this annoying?" She asked knowingly.

"Have you met me?"

She threw her hands up in surrender. "Okay you win." She handed him a mug and took a seat across from him at the table. "How are you feeling today?"

"Surprisingly better. Still hurts but it's under control."

"Any residual effects from the Oxy?"

"No. I only took one. It was a slightly higher dose but I'm okay."

"One, even two pills does not mean you will relapse."

"I know but I'm trying to do everything I can to avoid it."

"One day at at time. That's all you can do."

He nodded.

"You do know if it ever happens it's not the end of the world. You have a great support system of people who care about you and will help you through it."

"I know. I don't want it to get to that point. I feel like if I relapse, I have to start all over again, everything I've done will have been for nothing. I don't want to go back there."

"You're doing great. I know Lisa is incredibly proud of you." Sharon had experience dealing patients like House and she knew all too well how difficult it was to overcome the hurdles. She also knew they were more likely to stay clean and sober with a strong support system.

He fingered the rim of the cup."Tell me something. What was Cuddy like before I came along again?"

Sharon leaned forward with both elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. She looked at House and thought about how to answer the unexpected question.

"Well, she was quiet and reserved. She went to work and did her job, got along with everyone but didn't go out of her way to get to know anyone too well though we seemed to connect almost immediately. I was really her only friend here and she seemed okay with that. A work, she puts in a lot more there than a lot of people I know, but she tells me it's not nearly what she put into her old job. She said it was about time she adjusted her priorities. At home, she got to know a few of the neighbors but her life revolved around Rachel and they spent a lot of time together, as they do now. Why do you ask?"

"She seems pretty happy these days."

She laughed out loud. "Hell yeah she's happy. The entire time I knew her before you came back into her life, I felt something was missing. Even when she was smiling and having a good time, I could tell something was off, it just wasn't right. Now, she is more together, more complete and happier than I've ever seen her. Now let me ask _you_ something. What was she like back in Princeton?"

"She never told you."

"Sure, but I'd like to hear your point of view."

He smirked. "She ran a hospital, she worked all the time. She was nothing short of amazing." The pride on his face as he talked about Cuddy was evident.

"People respected her. She knew how to get things done. That place...it functioned like a well-oiled machine every single day because of her. She was really something when she was in administrator mode. Nobody could do that job half as good as she did, nobody. And nobody could go toe-to-toe like she could. She never backed down, she thrived on the challenge. She could make grown men cry." The thought made him smile.

"She put her job on the line to save my ass more times than I can count. She used to say I was her hospital's greatest asset because I saved so many lives, lives that nobody else could save but the truth is, she saved far more people than I ever could. She really gave a damn...about the people and that includes the patients and the people who worked there. I used to give her so much shit. I told she was a crappy administrator and an even crappier doctor," he said, sadly.

"But you never believed that for a moment, did you?"

"Nope. I did it so she wouldn't know what I really thought about her."

"Which was?"

"I admired the hell out of her."

Sharon smiled at him and nodded her head. She'd always seen something special about her friend, the way she cared so deeply for others. It was easy to admire and care about Lisa Cuddy.

"You talked a lot about her at work but what about when she wasn't at work? What was she like at home?"

House looked down at his mug as if trying to find the answer there. Without looking up he answered. "She knew how to relax but she was still always in administrator mode, always ready to tackle a crisis. It wasn't often that she relaxed. I guess maybe I had something to do with that," he smiled. "But hey I did my share of helping her relax, if you know what I mean." He winked and she smirked at him knowingly before he continued.

"Before Rachel she worked all the time. She went in early and stayed late most nights. She had a few dates here and there but they never lasted."

"I heard you interfered on several occasions."

"Actually probably more often than not. And the ones I didn't get to in time never called her back. Most men couldn't handle a woman that strong and powerful." He sat up straight, a smug look on his face, clearly proud of the fact he was the only man who could handle her.

"Anyway once she got Rachel, she was all about being a mom. I saw what trying to get pregnant did to her and then losing the first kid she was going to adopt. She'd given up and I'm telling you the Cuddy I knew all those years, all the way back to college, she never would've done that and yet suddenly she did. But then Rachel came along. It sucked that the kid's mother died and her family didn't want her but Cuddy swooped in and took this premature baby and nursed her to health and gave her a home. Having Rachel changed her. She stopped working all the time, didn't stay late anymore." He smiled. "I don't know how she did it between balancing work and having a kid but she did it and no kid could have it any better."

Sharon couldn't help but notice the glint in his eye when he talked about her friend as a mother.

"I agree," she replied. "She is a wonderful mother. And I want to tell you that in all the time I've known her, I have never seen her happier now that you are back in her life. _You_ did that."

"We have this unique ability to bring out the best and worst in each other," he confessed.

"I think the best far outweighs the worst these days, don't you?"

"Yeah," he said, tentatively.

"What? You still worried about messing it up?"

"Again, have you met me?"

"Just enjoy it. Shit happens, you deal with it and move on," she said.

"It's that easy."

"Yep."

"You're good."

"I know." She laughed, then added, "You know House...it looks good on you."

"What does?"

House turned and saw Cuddy entering the kitchen. He grinned. "You."

She rolled her eyes.

"I was going to say happiness, you ass," Sharon replied. Looking at Cuddy she said, "How do you do this? All the time?"

"Years of practice," she mused as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on top of his head.

"Is everyone else up yet?" She asked Cuddy, who sat down next to House and grabbed his mug of coffee, taking a sip from it.

"Yeah and my mother is already ordering everyone around."

"Of course," House groaned.

"I'll go see what Hannah's up to and leave you two alone for a moment," she said watching them give one another the eye.

Cuddy sat next to House at the nook. "I missed you this morning," she said.

"Didn't want to wake you. Figured you needed your _beauty_ sleep."

"What got you up so early anyway?"

"My leg hurt."

"Oh," she said sympathetically. "Can I do anything?"

"Yeah. Me."

"Didn't I do that last night...or rather _this_ morning?"

"Oh yeah but I think I need some more of you pain management."

"We can't have sex every time your leg hurts."

"But I looooove you soooo much," he whined.

Cuddy just laughed, then leaned over and kissed him. When they parted he told her about the phone call from Chase.

"They're flying them over?"

"Yeah. You did good."

"I didn't do anything. I just remembered a guy who spoke at a seminar here."

"Well, you may have saved her life because if you hadn't picked up on the symptoms and remembered that guy who came to speak, this girl might only have a year or two left. The trial program is getting a lot of positive feedback. So...again...you did fucking great. Now...shut up and kiss me."

Cuddy did as he requested and as they kissed, he slipped his hand inside her robe. Suddenly, a voice boomed behind them.

"Oh for crying out loud, don't you two ever let up for a moment?"

House leaned his head back against the wall and banged it a few times. "We really need to put a cowbell around her neck." Cuddy put her head in her hands to hide her laughter.

"What was that Gregory?" She asked over her shoulder as she poured herself some coffee.

"Nothing Arlene, nothing at all."

She took a seat at the counter and tapped her fingers on her mug. House and Cuddy just looked at each other waiting for it, which they knew was coming. Arlene was just too quiet for their liking. They didn't have to wait long.

"So when are you two schmegegges going your act together?"

"What are you going on about now old woman?" He asked.

She glared at him. "Do you love my daughter?"

"What?"

"You heard me, do you love her?"

"Mom!" Cuddy slapped her hands on the table.

"Hush Lisa, I'll get to you next." Turning back to House she said, "Do you love my daughter?"

"Well, duh."

Turning to Lisa she said, "Do you love the schmuck?"

"Of course I do and he's not a schmuck."

"Fine. So if you love her and she loves you, what in hell are you doing still living in two different states?"

"Mom, this is not the time to have this discussion."

"So when _is_ the time Lisa? You two aren't getting any younger. It's time you just did it."

"Did what?" He asked, annoyed to the point he wanted to strangle her.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?"

At that moment Wilson walked into the kitchen.

"Oh good, James you can help me with something."

He rubbed his hands together. "Sure, what is it Arlene?"

"Convince these two idiots they need to get married."

Wilson, clearly shocked, took a step backward and held up his hands as if defending himself. "Oh no, no no, no way am I getting involved with _that._"

"Hmm," she groaned. "I should've known. But then again you are divorced three times and were stupid enough to propose again to the first one who dumped you."

Wilson just stood there, shocked as Cuddy took control of the situation. She stood up and faced her mother.

"Mom my relationship with House is between me and House, that's it. We don't need any help thank you."

"All I can say is that in my day when two people loved each other they made it official by getting married. They didn't just play house every other weekend."

"Hey," House chimed in. "Get it..._play house_...and my name is _House_," he said, adding fake laughter and slapping his hand on his knee. Arlene rolled her eyes in disgust while Cuddy just laid her head on the table.

* * *

><p>House lay on top of the picnic table with his headphones listening to Dr. John when out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the give kids traipsing out of the house and into the backyard. He'd hoped to get some peace and quiet and avoid Arlene who was driving him batshit crazy. After her last stunt, he excused himself so he could go outside and as he told them, <em>"hang myself from the highest limb."<em> He hated leaving Cuddy to deal with her mother but if she didn't, he was tempted to drug her again. He pretended not to see the kids as he stared up at the sky but that didn't last long when Jake walked up to him.

"What are you listening to?" The teen asked.

"Someone you have never heard of,: he snarked.

Jake wasn't intimidated. "Yeah, try me," he said.

"McKinley Morganfield."

"No way dude, you like Muddy Waters too?"

House opened one eye and stared at him. Jake smiled. "My dad liked the blues."

"No kidding."

"I can't play but I just like to listen to it, it reminds me of him." He motioned to House's headphones. "Can I have a listen?"

House handed over one of the headphones and watched, intrigued when Jake started grooving.

"Manish boy, love that one." He listened a moment longer and handed the headphone back to House. "Can you play?"

"Can I play? Seriously dude?" House asked sarcastically. "Yeah, " he said. "I do a little piano, guitar, the occasional harmonica."

"Nice," Jake replied, shaking his head approvingly.

"So what are you guys up to?" He nodded towards the group but his view was obscured by Jake standing in his way.

"We're going to build a snowman."

"Aren't you too _old_ for that?"

"You're kidding right? You're never too old to build a snowman. Wanna help?" He asked.

He pointed to his leg. "Kinda hard to do that."

"Oh, sorry." Jake stood there at the table, watching the younger kids gather the snow in balls.

"Dr. House, what happened to your leg?" He asked, remembering that he'd accidentally seen House's scar earlier, he was curious. "I mean if you want to tell me."

House had been uncomfortable that the kid had seen his scar but he could tell Jake was truly sincere with his intent. He seemed like a good kid, protective of his mother, which House liked, and he seemed smart. He decided to humor him.

"I had an infarction...that's a blood clot...in my thigh muscle. By the time it was diagnosed, it was too late, it caused significant muscle death. I had surgery which left me..." He motioned to his cane.

Jake looked as if a light bulb went off in his head. "A couple of years ago I overheard mom and Aunt Lisa talking about you. Mom told Aunt Lisa she shouldn't feel guilty about your leg. Did she have something to do with it?"

"No," he said adamantly. "I don't blame her. She saved my life."

"But you're in pain...all the time."

"Yeah. The alternative is I could be dead." He could tell that Jake was interested so he went on. "Your aunt wanted me to amputate. My girlfriend wanted me to amputate. _Everyone_ wanted me to amputate, everyone that is, except me. I instructed them to remove the clot which they did, but the pain afterward was too much and they couldn't give me any more morphine so I told them to put me in a chemically induced coma to ride it out. They were still pushing amputation and then Cuddy told my girlfriend about an alternative which consisted of cutting out the dead muscle." He tapped his cane on the bench. "The downside of that is there was the chance of being in pain for the rest of my life."

"So, if you would've amputated would you have had any pain?"

"Maybe some phantom pain for a while but nothing like what I got."

"Wow. So why didn't you amputate? You wouldn't have been in all this pain."

House wasn't sure even he knew the answer to that all those years later. "I was stupid. I figured I'd be less of a man if I only had one and a half legs."

"That's stupid."

"Gee, thanks."

"So what causes the pain?"

"Damn kid, what's with the twenty questions?"

"Sorry, I really don't mean to pry. I just know you're this brilliant doctor who saves lives when nobody else can. I don't get how you do it while you're in so much pain."

House appreciated the kid's honesty. "Well, the pain is a combination of things...muscle atrophy surrounding the lesion, damaged nerves...and a little psychological too."

"Psychological? But that means it's in your head. It's not real?"

"It's been a long time since the infarction and it's possible some of the initial pain subsided but because I was on painkillers for so long, I didn't know that. I was afraid to get off the pills because it would hurt, and I was right. I don't know how much of the withdrawal pain was real or not. At one time there was so much Vicodin in my system, I actually hallucinated. I checked myself into a mental institution, detoxed and cleaned myself up, learned how to live without it. For two years I was on ibuprofen and that was it."

Jake looked stunned. "Ibuprofen? For that?"

"Yeah, tell me about it. All I did was give myself stomach aches with that shit."

"But you're still taking the strong stuff, right? I mean you took one last night."

"I haven't taken Vicodin in a long time but I use a pain patch," he said tapping his right thigh gently. "Which helps dull the usual pain by administering small doses into my system, I take something a little stronger if I have breakthrough pain, that's the bad pain which comes and goes without warning, or if I have a injury which is rare, I need something really strong to help with that initial pain till it subsides."

"Wow," he said. "I didn't know. I'm sorry I was rough on you."

"No. Don't be. You had every right."

"I was just really pissed off. You hurt Aunt Lisa and you could've hurt my parents. I remembered my mom and dad argued about you."

"About me?"

"Dad said it was partly Aunt Lisa's fault for breaking up with you over one pill and mom said it was your fault because you were..." He stopped, suddenly.

"Don't suddenly get shy on me."

"An addict. An asshole." He added, "Sorry."

"It's okay kid. Listen, it was true."

"And now?

"I'm always going to be an addict. It doesn't mean I'm popping pills all the time, it just means I can relapse any moment. As to being an asshole, I've been one since I was a kid...at least that's what my dad used to tell me."

"Your dad called you an asshole?"

"Hell, yeah."

"That wasn't nice."

"He wasn't very nice."

"Does he still call you that?"

"No, he's dead."

"Oh." He thought a moment longer. "My dad would never have called me that. You know, he didn't think you were an asshole, he just said you needed a shrink."

"Wouldn't be the first time I've heard that."

"Can I ask you something about prison?"

"Sure."

"What was it like?"

"Uh, I wouldn't recommend it. It sucked. I got beat up. I was miserable.. It's a really bad place. You don't ever want to go there." He was tired of answering questions so he figured he'd turn the tables. "Are we done playing twenty questions?"

"I guess."

"My turn. How are you guys getting along? I mean since your dad died."

"We're okay. Just takin' it day by day I guess." He kicked around some more snow. "It's just...weird. I mean he's always been there and now he's not. It doesn't seem real. We keep waiting for him to walk through the front door. Sometimes at night, we can hear mom crying when she thinks we're asleep."

House got a lump in his throat. He really did feel bad for those kids. "I'm sorry. No kid should have to go through that. It's hard but it'll get better, I promise."

"I know. Grandma says I'm the man of the house now."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Well," he said kicking some more snow around with his boot. "I can't screw up."

"Sure you can, you just have more responsibility so you can't do it as much."

"Mom really counts on me. I have my license so I run errands for her and pick up my brother and sister from school. I also help them with their homework. I cut the grass and do stuff around the house that dad used to do."

"That's good but don't forget you're still only sixteen."

"Yeah, I know. Mom tells me to go and have fun but sometimes I feel guilty."

"Why?"

"I'm the oldest, she counts on me."

"You're sixteen years old, you're still a kid. Stop feeling guilty for being a kid and just be one. Help your mom around the house but like she said, go have some fun.

"Okay," he said, hesitantly.

"Okay? Oh you make this too easy." House eased himself off the picnic table. Sitting there so long in the cold made his leg stiff and it was difficult to move.

Jake eyed him having difficulty getting up from the table. He was afraid to offer help because he didn't want House to think he pitied him, but he finally relented.

"Do you need some help?"

House stopped and eyed the kid. He was serious and the look on his face was far from pity. House gave in. "Yeah," he said, and he let Jake take his arm and help him from the table and they walked over towards where the other kids were building what House could only describe as the most half-assed snowman he'd ever seen.

"Do you think you and Aunt Lisa will get married?"

He closed his eyes and sighed loudly. "What is with your family and us getting married?"

"I think it'd be kinda cool to have you as an uncle. I mean...you're an okay guy."

"I'm assuming I'm the first one you've said that to?" He asked, facetiously.

"The only other one of Aunt Lisa's boyfriends I ever met was that guy Lucas."

House stopped in his tracks and looked over at Jake. "Oh and what did you think of him?"

"He was nice and all but he was a goof."

House couldn't help but grin. "A goof eh?"

"Yeah and he just didn't know when to _shut up_. It used to drive grandma crazy."

He smirked. "I bet it did."

"She used to call him a schmuck."

House laughed out loud. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. She couldn't stand him." As an afterthought, he added, "She likes you though."

"Ya think?"

"Yeah, I heard her telling mom that you're the only one who knows how to handle Aunt Lisa when she's being a controlling pain in the ass cause you're one too."

The more House talked to the kid the more he liked him.

"I also heard her say that you'd never marry Aunt Lisa because you were too much of a shithead to realize you'd be happier if you just settled down with her."

"Your _grandmother_ is an idiot."

Jake laughed. "Man, you better not let her hear you say that."

"Did she ever tell you that I saved her life?"

"At least once a year she tells us the entire story, without leaving anything out, then nags us about how someday she'll be gone and we'll wish we'd been nicer to her."

"God she's that annoying with you too?"'

"All the time."

House smiled at the kid. "Hey you wanna really piss her off? How 'bout I show you guys how to build a real snowman."

Jake grinned from ear to ear. "You're on."

An hour later, House's leg hurt like hell and he was exhausted but his head was clear and the fresh air had done him good. He watched as Rachel ran into the house.

Cuddy was deep in conversation with Julia and Sharon when Rachel ran up to her and tugged on her sweater.

"Mommy, come see what we did."

Cuddy kept talking and finally when Rachel tugged at her sweater again, she turned to her. "What is it honey?"

"Come see!" She jumped up and down enthusiastically.

Before Cuddy could respond she heard Arlene shout, "Oh my _God_."

"Mom, what is it?" Cuddy asked. When she reached the dining room, Cuddy found the adults standing at the French doors which led to the back porch. Sharon had her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh, Julia pursed her lips and shook her head in disgust while Wilson laughed so hard that Arlene jabbed him in the ribs. Cuddy took in the scene in front of her and her mouth dropped open in shock and then she started laughing and couldn't stop. There in the backyard were four smiling kids throwing snowballs at each other and at the misanthropic diagnostician who sat on the frozen ground laughing with them. Next to them, staring back at the house with large black beady eyes was their creation-a snowman, complete with both male _and_ female parts, in fact, the most anatomically correct snowman they'd ever seen.

* * *

><p>Several hours later, around eight o'clock in the evening, the house was relatively quiet for the first time in days. Arlene, Julia and the kids had departed for home as Julia's in-laws were spending the remaining holiday with them, but not before Arlene had given House a thorough chewing-out for exposing the children to such inappropriate things as anatomically correct snowmen. Sharon had invited Wilson over to her house to have dinner with her and Hannah. Of course this was spurred on by House telling Sharon he had something important and private to discuss with Cuddy and didn't need his <em>mother<em> around to interfere.

Cuddy sat on the couch reading with Rachel when House limped into the living room with a few pieces of firewood.

"You want some help?" She asked, looking up at him.

"I may be crippled but I can handle a few pieces of firewood."

"Shut up, you know what I meant," she said.

"Mommy, you said shut up. That's a no-no."

"You're right."

"Now you have to apologize to Howse."

"Yeah, you have to apologize to House." He stood there tapping his cane on the floor. "I'm waiting."

"Okay fine, I'm sorry House."

"That's better. He turned and stoked the fire, then sat on the couch next to her and Rachel. "So, what are we reading here?"

"Mister Popper's Penguins."

"Well, duh. It's about penguins,"

"So," he said, reaching for her hand, which rested on the back of the sofa.

"Something you want to talk about?" She asked.

"Yeah, _us_."

"I was thinking that too. Listen, let met get Rachel settled in bed first, okay? Can you make us some tea?"

"I hate tea."

"Fine, can you make me some tea and have whatever you want."

Cuddy practically had to drag Rachel from the couch into her bedroom. It was the same story every time House was there.

"Mommy, Howse is leaving tomorrow. Can I stay up longer?"

"No, honey time for bed. But you can get up early with us tomorrow and have breakfast before House and Wilson have to go back home."

"Oh come on Cuddy, let her stay up."

Cuddy saw his puppy dog eyes and gave in. "Okay you can stay up this time."

"Yay!" Rachel stood up on the couch cushions and gave House a high-five. "Thanks mommy, you're the best."

Cuddy laughed on her way into the kitchen to make tea. She turned around and peered over her shoulder and saw Rachel throw her arms around House's neck. He no longer hesitated in his response, he wrapped his arms firmly around her and closed his eyes. Cuddy's heart skipped a beat and she felt like would start crying.

Minutes later, when she returned, she set their drinks on the table and sat on the couch opposite House, with Rachel between them. Rachel was immersed in her book as they talked. She didn't care about what the adults were saying, she was just happy to be up with them.

"So I was thinking..." he started. "About our situation, you know...us living apart."

"This doesn't have anything to do with what my mother said, does it?"

"No. I've been thinking about it for awhile. It hit me with this last case. I wasn't excited over the case, but I haven't been for some time. I was excited though about doing the DDX with you."

"We make a good team."

"That's what Chase said and it got me thinking about some things." House pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. _It's now or never_, he thought.

"Like how I am not looking forward to going home."

She reached for his hand on the back of the couch. "I'm not either. Every time I get used to you being here, you have to leave. It hurts."

Suddenly Rachel looked up. "Mommy you hurt?"

"No, I'm okay honey, go back to your reading." Rachel looked down and continued her book.

"I don't want you to go," she said in a soft whisper.

He breathed a huge sigh of relief. "I'm glad you said that because I don't want to go either."

"We've been dancing around this, hinting at it but not coming out and saying it directly." She shook her head and bit her bottom lip. "Haven't we learned anything?"

He shrugged. "Some things are hard to change."

"So what do we do now?" She asked.

"We come up with a plan."

"I'd like you to...live here...with us," she said, pausing to gauge his reaction. "If you want to."

He swallowed hard and nodded. They were treading into new territory.

"But I need to know...I mean it's not just you and me, it's her too," she said, nodding her chin towards Rachel. "Everything we do affects her. I need to know what _you_ want before we do this." She studied him hoping for a glimpse into his thoughts.

"I think you know how I feel about us...about _her_." He was taken aback that she would question it.

Cuddy brushed her thumb over his palm reassuringly and squeezed his hand. "I _do _House_._ I'm sorry. I'm still in unchartered waters here."

"Me too," he said with a slight smile. "Change still scares the hell out of me but not having to going through it alone makes the difference."


	103. Chapter 103

**A/N: **Now that our favorite couple has finally admitted to each other in _words_ what they want...now they have to take _action_ and just do it. There will be bumps along the way otherwise...it wouldn't be Huddy. I'm trying to update once or twice a week now in order to keep the flow towards the finish. And yes, there is a finish, there's always a finish. :)

* * *

><p><em>"I don't want you to go," she said in a soft whisper.<em>

_He breathed a huge sigh of relief. "I'm glad you said that because I don't want to go either."_

_"We've been dancing around this, hinting at it but not coming out and saying it directly." She shook her head and bit her bottom lip. "Haven't we learned anything?"_

_He shrugged. "Some things are hard to change."_

_"So what do we do now?" She asked._

_"We come up with a plan."_

_"I'd like you to...live here...with us," she said, pausing to gauge his reaction. "If you want to."_

_He swallowed hard and nodded. They were treading into new territory._

_"But I need to know...I mean it's not just you and me, it's her too," she said, nodding her chin towards Rachel. "Everything we do affects her. I need to know what you want before we do this." She studied him hoping for a glimpse into his thoughts._

_"I think you know how I feel about us...about her." He was taken aback that she would question it._

_Cuddy brushed her thumb over his palm reassuringly and squeezed his hand. "I do House. I'm sorry. I'm still in unchartered waters here."_

_"Me too," he said with a slight smile. "Change still scares the hell out of me but not having to going through it alone makes the difference."_

* * *

><p>House was on a mission as he limped into Stevens office late Tuesday morning.<p>

"I'm busy," the Dean said pointing toward the door without even looking up.

"We need to talk."

"Make an appointment."

House tossed an envelope on his desk.

"What? Another lawsuit?"

"No, my resignation."

"Your _what_?" He looked up and peered at House over the rim of his glasses.

"You heard me."

"If this is a ploy to keep Dr. Chase-" Stevens warned.

"No," he said abruptly.

The Dean took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I suppose I should've expected it."

House plopped into the chair across from Stevens as he sucked on a lollipop waiting for his boss to continue.

"You seem to be in a good place. You've taken more time off these past months than you have in years, you're clean, you haven't gotten us sued in months, you don't spend every waking moment here, and you haven't terrorized the nursing staff in weeks."

"Clearly I've been slacking in my duties."

"Apparently," he mused. "And surprisingly, you're not the pain in the ass I thought you'd be. Granted I still have to nag the shit out of you to do clinic but other than that, you're actually not as bad as I expected. I gotta tell you House, I'm feeling a little cheated here." He grinned slightly watching House roll his eyes. "So, what about your department?"

"I was going to have to let them go anyway, right? Taub took this job years ago because he thought what we did mattered. I think he's gotten it out of his system. This job has given him confidence. I'm sure he'll find something out there that's better or go back to plastic surgery."

"And the others? Park and Adams?"

"I hired Adams because I'd gotten her fired from her last job." He looked down and tapped his cane on the floor. It hadn't been the only reason. He saw potential in her, among other things. Her compassion and the way she challenged him reminded him of Cameron and her willingness to take risks reminded him of Thirteen. Still...there was something missing that he couldn't yet put his finger on.

"Adams is a good doctor. She wants to do good..because she feels guilty about being born a privileged white girl. In my opinion, guilt doesn't make a good doctor. I don't think diagnostics is right for her mostly because she's not willing to take risks. Same goes for Park. Good doctor, caring, smart but not willing to put her ass on the line. In my job...when you're job is to do whatever it takes to find the problem, you have to be willing to take risks, even when it means your job." He looked up at Stevens. "Am I right?"

Stevens shook his head in agreement. Like his predecessors, he did not like the consequences of the risks especially the lawsuits and the heat from the Board _but_ he was a realist. He understood risk was a part of the job.

"Under the right tutelage, they both might turn out halfway decent doctors," House concluded smugly.

Stevens smirked. He knew House rarely complimented anyone but that was as close as he'd get to it with them.

"What are you going to do with Chase?" House asked.

"I still want him to head the ICU."

"So you don't think you'll keep the department?"

"Dr. Cuddy created the department specifically _for_ you and as I understand it she fought pretty hard until they gave her what she wanted. Even with your unorthodox ways, your department has a lot of backers because of the work you do. Truth is, without you here, there is no department."

"Chase could run it."

"I believe Dr. Chase is a fine doctor but he's not _you_. Your name and expertise make the department what it is. Donors are not likely to give their money so freely with you gone."

"You could entice them to donate to other causes."

"I could and I certainly will_", _he said."Losing you is a great loss to our medical community. If some donors choose to pull their funding after you leave, so be it. Let them donate elsewhere. In the end, it doesn't matter _where_ the patients get treated, so long as they get treatment."

"You'd rather _I_ take those patients somewhere else?"

He leaned forward. "House, so long as they get a correct diagnosis and treatment, does it matter where?"

"Nope," House concurred.

"I suppose we need to discuss when you're leaving. When is the big day?"

He nodded toward the desk. "It's in the letter."

"Yes, but that would defeat the purpose of me asking you now wouldn't it?"

House smirked. "As soon as possible. Is that a problem?"

Stevens leaned on the desk and put his head in his hands. "You're making this difficult aren't you?"

"It's not that bad. I've only got a few months left on my contract. I could stick around but that would mean taking on more cases, it'd delay the inevitable."

"Wow," Stevens replied said leaning back in his chair, letting it all sink in. "I'm going to have some explaining to do."

"I have complete faith you can handle the Board. You play ball with them, they like you."

"Can I tell you something off the record?" Stevens asked, tentatively.

"I've never been an on-the-record kind of guy, so shoot."

House watched as Stevens rolled his chair back and opened the bottom drawer of his desk. He pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two small glasses. Without looking at House, he put the glasses on his desk. House raised a curious eyebrow at him but said nothing as Stevens poured them each a shot. Stevens put the bottle back in its hiding place and continued.

"I _hate_ politics, I _really_ do," he said, leaning back in his chair swirling the whiskey in its glass. "I went into medicine to save lives, not to play these bullshit games. I understand the need for rules and discipline, I just hate when it gets in the way of medicine."

"I think I'm beginning to like you."

Stevens chuckled. "Yeah don't let that get around, some people here think I'm a real hardass." He nodded at House, who reciprocated with a smirk. "House," he said. "I know we didn't start off on the right foot and I had to lay down ground rules you didn't like but that's part of the job. I hope you understand that."

"You're just doing your job, I've got no problem with that. But I have to ask why in hell are you doing this job if you'd rather be actually doctoring?"

"Because...," he started, then paused. He swallowed the show and as it went down he closed his eyes and pursed his lips, savoring it. He looked back at House and nodded for him to consume his which he did. "I actually like both. I just hate the politics but I understand the need for it. I think a good administrator understands the needs of everyone and can bring them together. Doctoring and administrating don't have to always be at odds. I don't mind pushing boundaries till they stretch but not till they break. There have to be limits but there are times when stretching is good, don't you think?" He knew of course that House agreed with him.

House nodded then gulped down the shot of whiskey. He placed his glass on the desk with a thud. "I'd have to agree with that."

"It's not an easy job and I know you of all people, know that. This is one of the top hospitals in the country because of the fine staff here and the leadership of its former Dean. I wanted to be a part of that. Dr. Cuddy pushed boundaries, stretched the limits, took risks and in the end, it made this hospital _better_. It resulted in higher quality care and improved quality of instruction for our medical students. I don't want to undo her work, I want to _improve_ upon it."

House leaned his head back and looked around. How many times had he sat in this office across from Cuddy giving her a hard time about her administrator skills. he knew her job was difficult and that he made things worse. There were times he remembered how harsh he was with her and wished he hadn't been. The job was very difficult and it took a unique individual to make it work and seem so effortless while doing it. Cuddy had done that. He felt a surge of pride run through him. He would talk to her about that.

"This job is thankless at times. Half the staff will love you, half of them will hate you. You'll always be arguing with the Board because everything they say and do is _always_ right. And you'll have to kiss some donor ass sometimes...no wait...all the time," he said. "I'll deny I ever said this but...you're doing a pretty good job so far. This place will be fine under you."

Stevens had a look of complete surprise on his face. This was the closest Gregory House would ever come to offering a compliment.

"Thanks. Could it be that maybe you're _not_ as much of an ass under that exterior as you'd like everyone to believe," he asked with a smirk.

House rolled his eyes. "Oh geez, are we bonding now? Because I think I just felt my balls shrink."

Stevens let out a laugh and held up his hands. "Okay, okay. You're an annoying pain in the ass with a God complex and you make everyone's lives around here miserable."

House grinned. "Much, much better."

Stevens put his feet up on his desk and twirled his eyeglasses for a moment. "House, I can't figure you out. Everyone knows you hate change and yet here you are quitting a cushy job that pays you a hefty six figures with benefits. You don't have a new job so I'm guessing what you do have waiting for you is _far better_." He looked at House with a raised eyebrow.

House knew what he was referring to and decided to appease him. "I would have to say you are most definitely right."

Stevens pursed his lips together in thought for a moment, removed his feet from his desk and leaned forward, back in business mode. "Okay," he said. "I'm willing to give you what you want if you give me what I want."

"Which is?"

"Finish up the patients you have, I'll divert any others. Talk to your team, tell them not to worry, nobody is going to lose their job. Close out all your patient files, get your outstanding discharge summaries and dictation done so I can bill insurance. I'm not just losing one doctor here I'm losing an _entire_ department. There's a lot of administrative crap that goes along with this. Just keep me posted on anything I need to know."

"I can do that except...don't turn away the patients. I mean if there's one waiting..."

"There will always be one waiting, House." Stevens sighed.

"And leaving before the contract is up won't be a problem?" House asked. He didn't want a fight with the hospital over a few months.

"Nobody likes it when a contract isn't fufilled and your department brings the hospital a lot of money and prestige but I think that you'll be fine. Worse case, you take terminal leave to the end of your contract, you sure as hell have enough of it. By the way that reminds me, you'll need to meet with Griffin in HR,"he said.

House groaned. He couldn't stand Griffin.

"They need to work out payment for your remaining annual leave which is quite a bit if I recall. You need to discuss extending your health insurance benefits until you find something else."

"Okay." The health insurance was important. He had plenty of money to cover costs but he did want to keep a plan until he found another job. House pushed himself out of the chair and stood in front of the desk.

"So I guess we're done?"

Stevens nodded and House turned to leave.

"Wait, I've got something here that may interest you." He rifled through mail on his desk as House turned around to face him. "This came in the mail while you were gone." He tossed an envelope across the desk.

"What's that?"

"The Journal of Infectious Disease put out a call for papers. Thought you might be interested."

"Doesn't make much sense if I'm leaving."

"House, it doesn't matter whether you're working or not. You should do this. When you write, people read. I know I did."

House looked up."

"You're a great teacher. Write something...," he said encouragingly. He pushed the envelope towards House.

House hesitated and then gave in and retrieved the envelope. It was true, he'd have plenty of spare time so he figured there was no harm in it.

"I might need access to a few old case files."

"We can do that."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>House sat across the table at a diner in Princeton talking to Nolan. The psychiatrist had to drive to New York and they decided to meet in Princeton for lunch on his way through so House could catch him up on the recent events.<p>

"So how do you feel about leaving?" Nolan asked. They'd been sitting there talking the better part of an hour while House relayed the events of the past week.

"Strangely it feels right. I spend a few days with them and I feel good then I come home to an empty apartment and empty bed, a job that doesn't interest me much these days, a Dean who bugs me about clinic duty and the benefit of being kind to patients. The only thing I really have here is Wilson. He feeds me."

"So who will feed you when you go?"

"I'll have to convince Wilson to go with me."

"Seriously?"

"Sure. Eventually he'll see that he can't live without me."

"I see," he said with a chuckle. "You like your comfort zone and you're just going to pack it up and take it with you. You don't need that you know. You can do okay in Boston without Wilson."

"What if I don't want to? He's part of my process."

Nolan thought they'd been kidding about Wilson initially but he could tell from the tone of House's voice, he wasn't. "I know he is. I know how important he is to you. You have people that you can count on and connect with and each of them plays a vital role in your life. You need them."

"You think there's something wrong with that?"

"To the contrary. I like that you have a support system you can count on. Most of your life you never had that, you counted on one person, you. That's a pretty big burden for anyone to carry. To have people you trust in times of crisis is critical. I'm simply saying that I think you can do this without Wilson being on the other end waiting for you. I do think you need him and he probably needs you but there's an enormous satisfaction in doing something you think you can't do. You moving to Boston and leaving Wilson behind will hurt but...you can do it. Focus more on what you are moving towards than what you are leaving behind. Can you do that?:

"Yeah."

"Just take it one step at a time, focus on those things within your control."

House sighed and said, "This one step at a time bullshit is a real pain in the ass."

"I know, right? But it works. It's kept me sane all these years. Look, you should be really proud. This is seriously the biggest step you've taken since I've known you. With all the progress you've made I can't say I'm surprised. You didn't bring this up but...what about our visits?"

"Think I can convince you to move to Boston?" He grinned.

"_No_. How will you want to handle this? I have colleagues in Boston and other cities closer to you, I could make a phone call."

"No," he said.

"You're not giving up therapy are you?" Nolan looked worried.

House shook his head. "I mean no because I'm sticking with you. You see, one of the great things about Cuddy is she's a born problem-solver. You present to her a problem, she goes into administrator mode and finds a solution. Her first thought was my physical and mental well-being," he said shaking his head. "And she brought it to my attention that there are top-notch physical therapists in Cambridge, excellent primary care physicians for me to choose from to take over my health care and...that it's only an hour flight from Boston to Philly."

Nolan chuckled. "Really?"

"Once we started talking about things, she went into full administrator mode. Kept me up half the night talking and looking things up." He added, "Okay maybe we weren't talking the _entire_ time." He grinned.

Nolan laughed. "She certainly is something."

House nodded emphatically. "Hell yeah she is."

* * *

><p>After spending another half hour with Nolan catching up on things followed by a grueling hour and a half physical therapy session with Vince, who spent extra time giving him a deep tissue massage, House returned to his office. His limp was worse than usual from the workout but it wasn't in as much pain.<p>

As he sat in his office diagnosing a new case that had been sent over from St. Sebastian, Wilson barged in, his arms flailing wildly.

"House! I'm your best friend, why the hell didn't _you_ tell me you were leaving?"

They could have heard a pin drop as all four of House's fellows turned to him with their mouths open in shock.

House put a hand over his face. "Oh shit."

Taub turned to him. "You're _leaving?_"

House glared at Wilson and leaned forward with his elbows on the table. "Well now that the Wilson is out of the bag, yeah it's true."

"When were you going to tell us?" Taub asked.

"Well obviously not just yet."

"What does this mean? What about us?" Taub prodded. The others had remained silent.

House grabbed his cane and got up and limped toward his office. "Look at the file, come up with something, I'll be back in a minute." He pointed his cane at Wilson. "You, my office." He limped in there angrily and Wilson followed and closed the door behind him.

"What the hell, House?"

"I wasn't ready to tell you yet," House said in his defense.

"I'm your best friend," Wilson whined.

"Yeah and it would've been all over the hospital in an hour."

"Well, you played that one well because you didn't tell me and it's still all over the hospital."

"How?"

"Stevens' nosy secretary."

"The schoolmarm." House said knowingly. "I never liked her."

"Apparently she never liked you either."

House sat down in his chair. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you first."

Wilson sunk down into the chair across from House. "It's okay," he sighed. "So now what?"

"Now I figure out what to tell my team. I hadn't come up with a plan for them yet.

"I can't believe you're leaving." Wilson looked absolutely dejected.

"Oh shit, you're not going to cry are you?"

"No. It's just the end of an era. Hey, what does Cuddy think? I figure that's what you two were talking about when I got back to her house that night."

"She's all for it."

Wilson continued to sulk.

"You're sulking." House knew Wilson would not take the news well.

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Wilson asked, annoyed.

"I don't know, be a little bit happy for me. I mean, this is what you wanted for years. For as long as I've known you all you wanted was for me to be happy...or at least a little less miserable."

Wilson just looked at him, speechless.

"You didn't think we could carry on this thing long distance _forever_, did you?"

"I guess not," Wilson replied as he scratched his head. "I just...can't believe it. You're really leaving."

"If it helps, I can't either."

"So you guys are going to live together?"

"Yeah, in _sin_ and everything,"he joked.

"And Cuddy's okay with that? Especially with a child?"

"Well, _yeah_," he said facetiously. "It was her idea."

Wilson seemed surprised. "Wow."

"Come on Wilson, stop worrying. Cuddy and I are fine and Rachel isn't going to be scarred for life."

"I'm _not_ worried," Wilson said.

"Sure you are," House shot back. "You're worried about how I'll handle all this change, whether or not we'll screw it up, what you'll do here without me."

"Seriously, I'm not worried," he said. "You guys are adults, you know what you're doing."

"And what about us?" House asked.

Wilson shrugged. "We'll be fine." He looked at his watch. "I've got patients. Wanna do dinner later, maybe bowling?"

"Mexican."

Wilson stood there, hands on his hips, pondering. "Okay," he said, finally. As he left House's office by way of the conference room, he passed Chase, barely acknowledging him.

"What's with Wilson?" Chase asked on his way in.

"He misses me already."

Chase made himself at home in the chair Wilson previously occupied.

"So," he said.

House eyed him suspiciously. "So?"

"What's going to happen here?" Chase asked.

"Well, I'm not firing anyone. Stevens is going to relocate everyone. He still wants _you_ heading ICU."

"I know," Chase replied. "He isn't keeping the department, is he?"

House shook his head. "Not because he doesn't want to, he feels once I'm gone there won't be any support for it."

"He's probably right."

"It's too bad, we've been at this a long time," House said.

"Yeah, we have." Chase tried not to show his disappointment.

House grabbed his thinking ball and put his feet up on the desk. Leaning back, he said, "So let's discuss your future young padawan."

* * *

><p>Three days later, on a rainy and cold Friday afternoon, Cuddy was sitting in her office when Nancy Baker, Chief of Medicine entered her office.<p>

"Hi Nancy," she said standing to greet the older woman.

"No need to get up. It's always a pleasure to see you, Lisa." She took a seat across from Cuddy.

"What brings you here?"

"We'd like to have Dr. House do another guest lecture next week. I've tried calling him several times on his cell phone today but I can't get a hold of him. I wondered if you'll be talking to him soon?" She asked.

"I last talked to him the day before yesterday, I know he's been busy with a few cases. I'm sure I'll talk to him later so I'll ask him to call you." As an afterthought she added, "There's something you should know."

Nancy looked at her curiously.

"House is resigning his position at Princeton-Plainsboro and...he's moving here."

Nancy's eyes lit up. "Really?" She reached across the desk to give Cuddy's hand a firm but gentle squeeze. "You must be so happy."

"I am. We're in a good place and it's taken us so many years to get here. We just decided it was right."

"I am thrilled for you that things are working out. You two have been through so much. And you know," she said genuinely. "Dr. House strikes me as a man who, underneath that gruff exterior, isn't at all as gruff as he seems."

Cuddy blushed. "He really isn't but don't tell him I told you that."

"I won't." Nancy got up and prepared to leave Cuddy's office when she turned around and faced Cuddy again. "Lisa, when exactly is he leaving?"

"As soon as he wrapped things up in the department but that could take days or a couple of weeks. Why?"

Baker gave Cuddy a wide knowing smile. "The hospital may be able to offer him a position that would interest him."

* * *

><p>That night, around midnight, a very weary House arrived at his apartment. Between wrapping up months worth of discharge summaries and other paperwork, working on the case that was sent over from Saint Sebastian's, and assisting in the extremely short-staffed emergency room after a nasty multiple car pileup on the interstate, House was beyond exhausted. He hadn't had a good night's sleep in three days and couldn't wait to get into his own bed. Sleeping on the Eames chair in his office had wreaked havoc not just on his leg but his entire body. When he departed the hospital, he'd left explicit instructions for his team not to call him unless it were an emergency. He threw his coat on the couch and limped into the kitchen, turning lights on along the way. He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and pressed the button on his answering machine. He uncapped and gulped down the cold liquid as he listened to his messages.<p>

"Dr. House, this is Dr. Baker from Massachusetts General. I've been trying to reach you on your cell phone today but had no luck. We'd like you to come back and give another lecture next week. Also, I'd like to talk to you about something else which is very important...something I think would be of great interest to you. Please give me a call as soon as possible. Thank you."

House put down the bottle and took out his phone and sure enough he'd accidentally turned it off.

"Huh," he grunted out loud. "That would explain why nobody's called me." He threw the phone on the counter then turned around and limped out, making his way down the hall towards the bathroom for a hot bath and what he hoped would be twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep. His curiosity about the phone call was definitely piqued but everything would have to wait till morning.


	104. Chapter 104

**A/N:** I really enjoyed writing this chapter for many reasons and it will be obvious to you when you finish it. There's a segment in this chapter that just hit me as I was writing last night. When I thought of it, I had to include it as it just reflected House and Cuddy so well.

Many thanks to Cherokee Jedi for reading the segments and giving me advice as we discussed plot points.

* * *

><p><em>That night, around midnight, a very weary House arrived at his apartment. Between wrapping up months worth of discharge summaries and other paperwork, working on the case that was sent over from Saint Sebastian's, and assisting in the extremely short-staffed emergency room after a nasty multiple car pileup on the interstate, House was beyond exhausted. He hadn't had a good night's sleep in three days and couldn't wait to get into his own bed. Sleeping on the Eames chair in his office had wreaked havoc not just on his leg but his entire body. When he departed the hospital, he'd left explicit instructions for his team not to call him unless it were an emergency. He threw his coat on the couch and limped into the kitchen, turning lights on along the way. He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and pressed the button on his answering machine. He uncapped and gulped down the cold liquid as he listened to his messages.<em>

_"Dr. House, this is Dr. Baker from Massachusetts General. I've been trying to reach you on your cell phone today but had no luck. We'd like you to come back and give another lecture next week. Also, I'd like to talk to you about something else which is very important...something I think would be of great interest to you. Please give me a call as soon as possible. Thank you."_

_House put down the bottle and took out his phone and sure enough he'd accidentally turned it off._

_"Huh," he grunted out loud. "That would explain why nobody's called me." He threw the phone on the counter then turned around and limped out, making his way down the hall towards the bathroom for a hot bath and what he hoped would be twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep. His curiosity about the phone call was definitely piqued but everything would have to wait till morning._

* * *

><p>"House, this is really something, I mean talk about an opportunity. Teaching, research <em>and<em> running a brand new diagnostics center." Wilson sat across from House at PJ's enjoying a pancake brunch while House told his friend about the phone call with Baker.

"I'm not even officially unemployed yet and I've got a job. How the hell does that happen?" While House was thrilled about the job opportunity, he still couldn't believe things were coming together so easily. Without a doubt, he expected the worst.

"It doesn't...not to most people but _you_?" Wilson laughed out loud. "You're not like most people."

"With all the shit I've done, they want to hire me."

"You're negating."

"I'm a _realist_," he stressed.

"You always expect the worst."

House looked at Wilson like he was an idiot. "Duh," he said making a face. "Because the worst usually happens."

"Of course, poor House, everything bad happens to you and everyone hates you," Wilson mumbled.

"What's up with you?" House asked, annoyed at Wilson's attitude.

Wilson leaned forward and gave House a serious look. "Things are going your way and all you can do is sit there and wonder when it's all going to blow up in your face. There are people who would be thrilled to have this opportunity. I know you want this, it's obvious, but you're creating something out of nothing, you're spending valuable time worried something bad is going to happen instead of just living in the moment. This is what..." he threw his hands up in the air gesturing wildly. "This is what you do...you anticipate all the possible ways that things could go wrong so you can be prepared."

"Fine. You read me okay? Yeah, I'm actually happy about this...I just...things always get screwed up somehow, right? I can't help it, that's who I am, who I have always been."

Wilson smirked at that comment. Of course it's who he's always been, he thought. House had changed but still...somewhere in the recesses of that brilliant mind were those little thoughts always nagging at him and trying to detract him from happiness. His friend had made great strides since he got his life together and while sometimes he took a step back, he found a way to pick himself up and move forward. The House he knew now was a much stronger man than he had ever known and while there was always a chance for things to get screwed up, he believed House would survive whatever was dealt him.

Wilson finally responded. "You have to trust yourself here."

"What makes me more deserving than the next guy?" He asked, then he leaned back and looked out the window while fingering the edge of his coffee mug, Wilson knew he had to do something. As much as he loved his friend, he was just annoyed at his constantly thinking he wasn't deserving. So, he tried another approach.

"Okay look at it this way. Everything that happens to us is the result of an action committed either by us or someone else, right?" House nodded and he continued. "Right now things are going _good_ for you. Life is _good_, you're _happy_...for the first time in a long time. How did it happen this way? Chance?" He laughed. "_You_ don't believe in chance. Destiny? Randomness? _You_ don't believe in that either. Okay so that means everything that is happening to you can only be a consequence of _your own actions_ or...the actions of someone else."

Wilson saw House look from the window back to him and he knew he had his attention.

"_You_ decided you wanted a better life so _you_ went back into therapy and sought help for your addiction and pain management. _You_ chose to make things right with me and Cuddy, her sister and hell...even that guy Jerry. And _you_ made the move to improve the relationship you have with your mother. _You_ have set in motion a chain of events that have gotten you to this point."

House sat silently, absorbing it all.

"Every action has a reaction, as a man of science, you know this. In the past, your negative actions caused equally negative reactions. Now, your _positive_ actions are resulting in equally _positive_ reactions. If you say you don't deserve the good stuff then ultimately you're saying you didn't deserve the bad stuff either. I know you and you believe that a person's actions have consequences. You firmly believe that you deserved to suffer the consequences of your bad behavior in the past. So if that's the case, if you deserved the bad, then it holds true that you deserve the _good_ too. Tell me...where am I wrong here?"

House watched Wilson intently and he realized he couldn't deny his friend's logic. Wilson always had a knack for making him see things a bit more clearly, that was, when he wasn't nagging him to death.

"You're not," he finally replied. "You're not wrong."

Wilson smiled smugly in great satisfaction at the breakthrough. Selfishly he didn't want House to leave but he was happy for him and wanted him to embrace this moment because he really believed he deserved it. Finally, House was getting to live the kind of life he never thought deserved when the whole time it wasn't a matter of what he deserved, but rather making the right choices in life to get it.

"Good. This means that you need to stop questioning and start enjoying fully the fruits of your labors. You've worked hard for this. Everyone else gets to enjoy their life, now it's time for you to enjoy yours."

House took a sip of his coffee. "God you'd make a good shrink," he said pointing a finger at Wilson.

"No, but do I make a damn good friend," he mused.

House smirked. "Oh shut up,"he said as he stabbed at Wilson's last pancake and plopped it onto his own plate.

* * *

><p>Cuddy and Sharon sat on the floor of her home office going through piles of paperwork on Saturday morning. It was too cold to go anywhere and most of the roads were icy so Cuddy had invited her friend over to help organize and give the girls some time to play. She could hear them giggling from Rachel's room, no doubt playing in the old clothes and makeup she'd given them. Cuddy made them promise to keep the makeup on <em>them<em> and the old towels she provided. As Cuddy surveyed the mess around them, she wondered why it took so long to do something about getting organized.

_House. He's moving in with me,_ she thought. A smile graced her face and it didn't go unnoticed by her friend who called her name three times to get her attention.

"Lisa?"

"Oh, sorry," she said, embarrassed, her face was slightly flushed.

"Where were you?"

"Actually...I was thinking about House."

"Of course you were," Sharon mused. She held up some small booklets and laughed. "Jesus, these look twenty years old, do you even still have half of these appliances anymore?"

"Probably not, here let me see." Sharon tossed the bound package of warranties and manuals to her. "Oh God, this is that old old Oster blender my mother gave me a thousand years ago." She threw the manual into the shred pile.

"So have you heard from House?" Sharon asked.

"No. I tried to call him last night but no answer. I called Wilson and he said the team stayed late with the patient and got hit with a mess in the ER. My guess is he got home pretty late."

"What do you think of his offer?"

"I'm floored. I'm just...I can't believe it," Cuddy replied. "As medical minds go, House is the best," Cuddy said proudly. "He's not the most orthodox or the most ethical but he gets results. I just hope they put up with him because it's not easy being his boss."

"Well, he put you in some pretty precarious positions. _How_ you managed to save his ass so often is beyond me but I'm betting you had the goods on everyone didn't you?" She eyed her friend curiously.

"It wasn't easy at times convincing the Board to keep him but I knew where the bodies were buried and most times it was understood that so long as I could control him, they'd let him stay. I did however have to make some concessions at times."

"Nancy is going to have her hands full."

"She is," Cuddy sighed loudly.

Sharon laughed. "You think they can get along?"

"I think so. Nancy is an intelligent and reasonable person and respected throughout the medical community. She is a good leader and people won't question her hiring him and if they do she won't care. And House...well...he respects people who stand up for what they believe in even if he thinks they're wrong. He hates hypocrisy with a passion too. I think it can work. They'll just have to feel each other out. "

"Yeah but he's going to push, it's what he does. What if he goes too far?"

Cuddy shrugged. "He'll push her but she'll push back. He thrives on that...at least he did with me but maybe that's because it's how we always worked." She thought nostalgically for a moment about how that push and pull aspect of their relationship was so evident from the moment they first met.

"He actually needs someone to say no to him. He'll have to learn his boundaries with her. Working for her actually might be easier for him than when he worked for mebecause they'll lack some of the things that made our working relationship so..._unique_. I mean...I did let him get away with a lot because I believed in him, I trusted his judgment at times more than my own. But you know...the history we had played a huge part in it. I denied it but it did. Nobody would've understood, hell I don't even think we understood it, it was just something we felt...something that was always there. It was this intensely personal and very deep...trust. We knew each other's secrets, our hopes and fears. We knew the best and worst about each other. In a way I guess we manipulated each other with that knowledge."

"That is so screwed up." Sharon smiled at her.

"I suppose it was. And the funny thing is that although I fought him with the excuse that he was putting my job on the line, I actually knew that if it came down to that, he'd be there for me when it really counted. He'd have my back." She realized how ridiculous she must have sounded considering her actions of the past betrayed her words. "It's so insane that I always knew he'd come through for me and I told him I broke up with him because I didn't think he could."

"As a doctor, you know traumatic life-altering experiences can cause people to make hasty and sometimes unwise decisions. At that time you thought you were doing the right thing. Hindsight can be a bitch." Sharon replied.

Cuddy nodded in agreement as she threw some old bills in the shred pile. "There were times I needed someone...to help me, to lean on for support. I'd turn around and there he was. There was this one time I was short donations for the new NICU unit and thought we'd have to shelve the project. He knew how important it was to me and two days later I had two checks totaling an additional five hundred thousand in my hand and when I thanked them, one of the donors simply smiled at me and said "Don't thank me, thank Dr. House. He is one convincing son of a bitch."

"Did you ever ask him about it?"

"Yeah, he said he had _no_ idea what I was talking about. But I knew and so did he and we never discussed it after that. And then you know of course about the IVF when he gave me the shots and he never said a word to anyone about it, not even Wilson. And then he showed up at my door when I lost Joy. I felt so...just so...lost and there he was at my door. And when I finally became a foster mom to Rachel, I'd thought seriously about giving her back because I couldn't bond with her. Well damnit House was being a real asshole and it drove me crazy but it wasn't until later that I realized because he knew I wanted her with all my heart and that I was ready to give up, that he pushed me so damn hard. It's his own insane method but it works. He didn't let me give up. He pushed me and while some, including me, had the impression he wanted me to give her up, he really just wanted me to fight for whatever it was I really wanted. In the end, I did fight, I stuck with it...and the rest is history."

Sharon leaned against the filing cabinet watching her friend rattle on about House. Oh, she'd heard the stories before but she didn't mind hearing them again.

"And when my job was in jeopardy...mostly because of his crap...he always had my back. He never let me take the fall for his mistakes. He always owned up to them and defended me against the board. When my mother was dying and I didn't know what to do, he stood up to me and forced me to see the light...which eventually enabled us to save her life and actually helped make things between me and mom just a little better. And then with Rachel...when he lied and tried to get her into that preschool because he knew I wanted her to go there..."

Cuddy looked up and realized she'd been going on and on. "Shit, I'm so sorry. I'm rehashing the same stuff. I know we've talked about all this."

"Hey, it's okay. There's a difference now though. In the past, you talked about this with a sense of regret and sadness. Now, you talk about it with hope. I hear it in your voice and see it on your face."

Cuddy laughed out loud. "Thing is, I never realized in those moments what he was doing or why or what it meant to me. I just didn't."

"But you see it now and _that's_ what matters."

"Yeah. Now I want to be sure he knows how much I appreciate him. He deserves to know that his actions _do_ matter to me. That he tried...that night Sharon...the night he gave up two years of sobriety to be with me when I was scared to death. We needed to be there for each other. I wish I could've seen it more clearly then. "

"I know," Sharon replied. "House would mock me for saying this but...everything happens for reason. _Everything._ You don't know what might've happened had you remained together back then. It took some serious life changing circumstances to bring you both to this point. You have both grown so much and you may not have had that chance if everything that happened hadn't happened."

"You're right," Cuddy conceded.

"Exactly," Sharon replied firmly.

"No, I don't mean just about that," she said with a chuckle. "House would definitely mock you for saying that."

* * *

><p>Wilson parked his car in front of Kelly's Antiques and Rare Coins in Trenton. It was located in an old colonial brick building in the historic district.<p>

"Where did you find this place?" Wilson asked, admiring the old facade.

"A friend of a friend."

"You have no friends."

"Now that's just mean," he said. "A few years ago, I was working the clinic. An old couple came in, the woman complained about abdominal pain. Her primary died a few months earlier and she didn't trust doctors but her husband made her go to the clinic. Turned out she had peritonitis caused by diverticulitis. I sent her for tests and in a few hours she was in surgery. Just in time too. They sent me a card months later thanking me. It came from this place. Surprisingly I actually kept it. She and her husband own this place and the building, including the pub on the other side. This building has been in the family for nearly two hundred years. Just keeps getting passed down through relatives."

"Seriously?" Wilson asked, astonished.

"Yep."

"Wow."

"See that up there?" House pointed up. "The guy and his wife live up there."

They walked into the two-story, quaint historic colonial brick building. House hit the bell on the counter and a pleasant looking old man approached them. He wore glasses on a chain around his neck and sported a very worn but comfortable looking cable-knit sweater. He smiled at them.

"Hello, gentlemen, how can I help you?" He asked as he approached the counter. Looking more closely at House, he smiled. "Dr. House," he said happily. "It's good to see you again." He leaned his own cane against the counter and held out his right hand to House, who accepted and returned the smile. Wilson stood there in wonder as House rarely shook hands with anyone.

"Good to see you too Mr. Kelly. This is my friend and colleague James Wilson."

Wilson and the man shook hands and he introduced himself. "John Kelly, but you can both call me Jack."

"Nice to meet you," Wilson said.

"Did you bring them?"

"Oh yeah." House nudged Wilson to put the small box he carried on the counter. He opened it carefully so the man could inspect the coins.

Jack looked up at Wilson. "Dr. House saved my Estelle's life." Wilson smiled knowingly.

"Oh, these are very nice." He put his glasses on and peered more closely one of the coins. "Now according to the American Numismatic Association, this 1943 copper-alloy cent is one of the most idealized and potentially one of the most sought-after items in American numismatics. Nearly all circulating pennies at that time were struck in zinc-coated steel because copper and nickel were needed for the Allied war effort," he said, never taking his eyes off the coin. Wilson and House watched and listened as he gave them a history lesson.

"This is in near mint condition." He looked up at House. "It's nearly flawless and the markings are genuine. Did you know there's only forty of these known to be still floating around?" House looked at Wilson, who just shrugged. "Experts speculate they were struck by accident when copper-alloy one-cent blanks remained in the hopper when production began on the new steel pennies."

He took his glasses off and reached inside a drawer and pulled out what looked to be a magnet. He placed it over the penny and nothing happened. He pursed his lips together and nodded his head in approval. It was the result he had hoped for. It was so quiet they could've heard a pin drop, then Jack spoke again. "The first of these that sold collected some forty-thousand dollars and that was back in fifty-eight."

House and Wilson looked at each other again, speechless.

"You said these belonged to your father, correct?"

House nodded. "He acquired some but the rest were passed down to him."

Jack inspected a few more than took off his glasses. "Excuse me a moment." They watched Jack as he moved from behind the counter and walked to the front door and locked it, then pulled the blinds down. He returned to the counter and noticed House leaning against the counter, likely in an attempt to ease his pain. He smiled warmly at them and said, "Come back here with me. We'll have a seat and take a better look at these, okay?"

The men followed him into his office. It was very rustic and quaint, with a rocking chair in one corner, an old wooden desk and a chair across from it. House took a seat and let out an audible sigh of relief which did not go unnoticed by Jack.

"Please have a seat." He said to Wilson, nodding towards the rocker. "My wife comes in here from time to time and knits while I work. Keeps me company."

He sat at his desk and opened the box again. "Okay now let's take a look." He pulled out another coin. "Oh my," he said upon closer scrutiny. "Now this 1926 S Buffalo head nickel is amazing." He moved the lamp on his desk a little lower and took out a magnifying glass. "Look here," he said to House as he showed it to him. "It shows absolutely no signs of wear. Normally coins in circulation show some signs of wear. This is pristine. Very unique. All the markings are genuine too." He looked up at House. "Your father took very good care of this."

"He was a Marine," House replied. Jack nodded knowingly.

Jack continued going through the coins, rattling off the histories of each. He remarked more than once that John House obviously knew what he was doing in preserving, first by not cleaning the coins, which reduces their value and next, by wrapping them to keep them from getting nicked and scratched.

After awhile, he settled upon the last few coins which included the 1893 Morgan Silver Dollar and the 1921 Silver Walking Liberty Half dollar. Then his breath hitched with the last one.

"Oh now _this_ is something I have not been able to get my hands on. Do you know what this is?" He held it up for House to see.

"A penny," House said clueless.

The man laughed. "Oh it's a penny but it's more than that son. _This_...is a 1969-S Lincoln Cent with doubled die obverse. Upon casual glance it looks like the standard penny but there's a clear doubling of the obverse or as you know it, the _head side_." He smiled as he spoke, clearly excited over the find. "The Secret Service confiscated them thinking they were fake until the Mint admitted they were genuine. There are counterfeits around but distinguished because they have the wrong mint mark. Look here at the doubling, now the mint mark is different on both sides, its not the same. This my boy is a rare breed indeed."

"So, what do you think?" House asked.

Jack leaned back in his chair. "Well, I am pleased to see a private collection like this in such fine shape. For that you can be thankful because it adds to their value." He made some notations on a sheet and continued. "Now these..." he pointed to the first group are the least value here. Some are worn but most have value due to their rarity."

He pointed to another set. "These are in very good condition and worth much more but these...here we have your big ones, the more rare and precious coins." He picked one up and held it up to the light. "This Morgan sold fifteen years ago for eight thousand but now it could go for about ten, the Liberty Half dollar at about nine..." Jack rattled off the values of the remaining coins.

"The creme of this crop though are the Lincoln and the Copper Wheat, which combined are worth about a hundred thirty-five thousand."

Wilson gasped.

"So what's _your_ final offer?" House asked, anxiously.

"Well son, you've got a lot of coins here." He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'll give you two hundred even for the whole lot." He peered up at House with piercing blue eyes, to gauge his reaction.

House maintained his composure and looked at him. "Online they were worth closer to four."

He laughed softly and not at all in a condescending manner. "Son, I've been in the business of appraising nearly most of my life. There are two things to take into consideration here. First, the internet is just a guide and generally values online will be off either high or low, usually high and second, I still have to sell these too. Mind you, they'll sell but I will need to make a profit as well."

House looked over at Wilson, who nodded favorably.

Jack looked over at Wilson. "Your friend here, he's a good egg. My wife and I had the same doctor for forty years. Doc Turner always took good care of us and our kids, even our grandkids. Doc had told her that the diverticulitis could cause problems but after he died she wouldn't see anyone else. We were over in Princeton visiting our grandkids one day when the pain got worse. It's a good thing your friend was there. He talked my wife into getting more tests. I really appreciated him talking sense into her as she can be a bit stubborn at times. He was a bit rough on her and I wasn't so sure about him but he convinced her and that's what mattered. When my wife was recovering, that nice lady who ran the hospital came to see us. She smiled that pretty smile at me and assured me that while Dr. House here was a bit gruff, he saved lives. She had a look of pride in her eyes when she said that. I was willing to forgive his crappy bedside manner considering he saved her life."

Wilson grinned while House looked down and tapped his cane against the old hardwood floor.

"Yeah he's a bit gruff but we like him." Wilson saw House look up at him and roll his eyes.

"Okay, it's a deal," House said. Jack put out his hand and they shook on the deal.

"Alright," Jack said with a smile. "We just need to do some paperwork and a transfer of funds."

An hour later, the paperwork and wire transfer of two hundred thousand dollars to House's bank account were complete. While Jack put the coins in his safe, House stepped back into the front parlor to peruse the collection of antique canes. As he did, two items in a small glass case nearly hidden on the counter caught his eye.

"You like?" The old man asked, approaching him from behind.

"Yeah." House replied, softly. He was drawn to the beauty of the pair of matching silver necklaces with identical cameos depicting a mother holding a little girl in her arms. They were exquisitely carved, delicate and beautiful.

"That's hand-carved mother-of-pearl," he said. "These belonged to a dear friend of mine, Walt Winters. A nicer man you'd never meet. I think he died from a broken heart."

House scoffed. "Nobody dies of a broken heart."

"He did. His wife Dorothy, we all called her Dottie, died last year. After she died, he lost that spark he'd always had. He wasn't himself. The only thing he did every day was visit her grave for hours at a time, talking to her, then he'd come by here, have tea with my wife and me, stay awhile, then go home. A month after she died, so did he. Just died sitting there in his chair looking out the window of their old apartment. They were born and raised here, married seventy five years when she died. Walt used to love telling the story about how the first time he laid eyes on her, he knew she was the one for him. They were just teenagers back then. Whenever he'd tell that story, she'd laugh and smack him gently but there was a glint in her eye when he was around. Same for him."

"No kids?"

He sighed. "A daughter. Rosemarie, named after Walt's mother. They called her Rosie. She was a beautiful, delightful little girl."

"Was?"

"She died of the flu back in the thirties. She was only seven years old," he said softly. "Walt had these made for Dottie and Rosie when she was born. Rosie had apparently worn hers every day but the day she died, they discovered it missing. Walt said Dottie went crazy trying to find it so she could bury her in it. She found it a year later, apparently it had fallen behind the little girl's bed."

House swallowed. He had not been prepared for such a sad story. He looked up at Wilson who had noticeable tears in his eyes.

"Walt and Dottie loved that little girl and it nearly destroyed them when she died. But apparently they were strong enough to overcome it."

"Did they have more children?" Wilson asked.

"No. I guess they couldn't. Dottie had miscarried I believe before and after Rosie came along. There were none after," he said sadly. He couldn't help but notice the sadness that fell over House's face at that news. "Son, would you like to see them?"

He nodded and Jack opened the case and pulled them out carefully, handing them to House.

"House, these are beautiful." Wilson remarked, standing next to him.

"How much?" He knew when he first laid eyes on them, he wanted them for Cuddy and Rachel.

As if Jack could read his mind, he said, "You must have someone special of your own."

"Yeah, I do." He looked up. "Remember that nice lady in charge of the hospital?"

Jack's eyes widened. "Ahh...it would explain why her eyes lit up when she spoke of you."

House smirked. "They always does that when I piss her off."

"Obviously it's more than that. You have something very special."

House nodded. "Took me a long time to figure it out." House fingered the cameos.

"I take it you have a child?"

"Yeah. She's a good kid." House sighed and looked up at the old man. "How much for them both?"

"Nothing," Jack replied firmly.

His response caught House off guard. "They're not for sale?" He asked, clearly confused.

"Not anymore." He put his hand on House's arm. "I'd like you to have them."House looked at him stunned. Even Wilson's eyes got wide.

"What?"

"They've been here since he died, no one has taken an interest in them but I knew eventually the right person would come along. Dr. House, we were very scared when my wife fell ill. You helped us. When I told you the story about Walt and his family, I could see it in your eyes...it's like you felt his pain, like you understood." He gestured for House to hand him the cameos, which he did. Then Jack carefully wrapped them in tissue paper and placed them in a box and handed them back to him.

"I'm ninety years old, I may have a day left, maybe a few months or maybe another ten years, who knows? What I do know is that there are things far more important to us than money."

House stood there listening, still surprised over the amazing gift.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. Give these to that lovely young lady and her little girl. I'm sure Walt and Dottie would approve."

House nodded and put out his hand. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, son." He took a deep breath and gave them a soft smile. "Now if you two young men don't mind...my Estelle makes tea and lunch around this time every day. Been the same routine for fifty years and she hates for me to be late."

* * *

><p>Later that night, Cuddy laid on the couch in the living room wearing an old pair of sweatpants and even older and much worn Michigan tee shirt. It had been a long day which she had enjoyed with her friend and the girls and she was looking forward to some time alone to clear her head and relax. She sipped her chai tea and tried to read her book but had a hard time concentrating because all she could think about was House. She put the book down and snuggled up under the knitted throw, listening to the crackling of the fire. She recalled in her mind a time when in their past relationship, he'd started spending most nights at her house and she would often wait up for him on the couch when he had to work late. Sometimes she'd fall asleep there and she'd wake to him sitting on the coffee table in front of her, gently running her fingers up and down his arm. She remembered how happy it made her feel that he'd show up at her house rater than going back to his apartment. Suddenly the phone rang and she nearly jumped, then grinned with anticipation at who she knew would be on the other end.<p>

"Hello?" She answered in that smokey, seductive voice.

"What are you wearing?" He asked in an equally deep and seductive tone as he lay relaxed on his couch, a pillow under his right leg for support.

"Wait," she chuckled. "We don't talk for twenty-four hours and that's the first thing you have to say?"

"Priorities, woman. Now what are you wearing?"

"Fine," she sighed. She was just happy to hear his voice. "Socks, sweatpants and an old Michigan shirt."

"Waxing nostalgic are we?"

"Something like that," she truth was that the old worn Michigan shirt was his and wearing it made her feel close to him.

"Braless?"

"Completely."

"You little minx," he teased.

"I miss you House," she said, not trying t hide the longing in her voice.

"I miss you too." He picked up one of the cameo necklaces and caressed the delicate features gently as he talked to her. He had looked forward to hearing her voice all day.

"So, did you talk to Nancy today?" She asked.

"I did. I guess I don't have to tell you about the offer."

"Are you going to take it?"

"How can I turn it down?"

"Well...it's your decision but it's such a great opportunity. There's just one thing," she said hesitantly.

"Shoot."

"Do you think you can handle working for her? I mean she's really a great Chief of Medicine and I think she'd be fair but you like to argue and fight, you have issues with authority."

"Actually the only person like arguing with is you. With anyone else, it's just boring."

Cuddy couldn't help but smile. "So you could make it work with her?"

"Why not? I work with Stevens now, he's not that bad."

"We both know how much you like to push boundaries," she warned.

"I don't do it for the hell of it, just when I want to save my patients. I guess I'll have to figure out how to make it work."

"Wow, I like this new and improved you." She laughed.

"Don't get used to it. I'm still an ass," he said.

"I wouldn't love you if you weren't," she replied. "She's giving you complete hiring authority. Have you thought about what you might do with that?"

"Yep, I'm hiring an assistant to do all my grunt work. Then I'm hiring Chase."

"Chase?" Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Yep. I need him, he's part of my process. Besides, with no team left here, what's he going to do? Waste his House-given talents running the ICU?"

Cuddy stifled her laughter at his comment while he continued.

"He's going to be my team at least in the beginning until we get one together. He can do the hiring, some teaching, write some papers..."

"And what will you do?" She interrupted.

"I will reign with an iron fist over my kingdom." He heard her laughing out loud and it made him smile. God, he had missed that. He got serious for a moment. "I'll need him to be there when I can't. After I'll I'm not moving there to spend every waking hour at the hospital."

Cuddy's heart warmed at his words. "I know," she said quietly.

"Chase doesn't know and I didn't tell Wilson yet. I wanted to get your input first."

Cuddy beamed hearing he'd wanted her opinion_ first_.

"I think it's an excellent idea. You'll need someone with you who understands your process, is good with the patients and understands how things work. Chase has really grown over the years and you really trust him. Remember when you didn't?" She recalled a time years back when House was apprehensive about trusting Chase.

"Yeah, he was young and naive back then. He grew up."

"That he did," she said. "Sometimes I think about them...Foreman, Chase, and Cameron,...they were your first team and they were just kids back then. They've come so far."

"Yeah sometimes I had my doubts but they did it."

"You pushed them, treated them like crap at times. You did it because you wanted them to be strong."

"Ya think?" He mused.

"I know how you work."

He smiled to himself. _Yes, you certainly do_, he thought to himself. He decided to change the topic because he really just wanted to talk about her. He wanted to her everything about her day. "So, what did you do today?"

She relaxed back into the throw pillows on the couch. "It snowed outside so we stayed in. Sharon came over and we did some cleaning and organizing while the girl played together. You wouldn't believe how much stuff I cleared out of the office alone."

"Spring cleaning in winter?"

"Something like that. I was making room."

"Any particular reason?" He asked, feigning ignorance.

"Oh, maybe," she replied flirtatiously. "There's this handsome, sexy doctor moving in with me and I'm making room for his big..._cane_."

House grinned at her choice of words. He was also touched by her actions. She was making room for him in her home and soon it would be their home. Even though the change scared him a little, it warmed his heart that she and Rachel wanted him to be a part of their family.

"House? You there?"

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of her voice. "Yeah, sorry. Just thinking."

"About?"

"How much I miss your _ginormous_ ass," he mused. He heard her laugh and it hit him directly in his gut, just how much he missed her.


	105. Chapter 105

**A/N:** So far I'm living up to my commitment of one chapter per week. I've already got ideas for other stories. Big kudos to **Cherokee Jedi** for being my whiteboard. Hey, if you get a chance, go read her fic "Safety" which is a fine Huddy/Hachel story about love, loss and pain. She really delves into House's emotional pain in that story.

Also, big thanks to **GratefulInsomniac** who was the first person I talked about this story with when we talked about each writing a multi-chapter fic. I bounced a lot of ideas off her and she was great.

It's been one week since Thanksgiving.

* * *

><p>It was Wednesday night and House woke from a short nap. He'd apparently fallen asleep in his Eames chair reading a case file in preparation for his lecture. His team had long since gone home having spent most of the day conducting research for his lecture and engaged in paperwork to help close out a number of old cases.<p>

He rubbed his eyes and looked around the darkened office and thought about another time he'd fallen asleep in that chair late at night. It was a Friday night and he'd been working diligently for days on a case he could not solve. He hadn't been home the entire time, opting to shower in the locker room and eat his meals in the cafeteria.

_House looked at his watch, it was nearly one o'clock in the morning. His office was dark save for the glow of security lights on the grounds outside. The hospital was eerily quiet and even then he never heard her approach until his office door opened._

"_House?"_

_He looked up. "Hey," he answered groggy._

_She nudged his feet gently so she could sit on the ottoman in front of him. "Why are you still here?"_

_"Waiting." He looked over at her, more awake now. She looked good in jeans, espadrilles and a light sweater with a tank top underneath. Her face was freshly scrubbed and devoid of makeup and her hair fell in loose curls. She was a sight to behold.  
><em>

_"How's she doing?" Cuddy asked, gently rubbing his ankle.  
><em>

_"We got her just in time." He said, somewhat relieved._

_"That's great news." _

_"I guess. She won't have any more kids but she'll live," he said sadly. His eyes opened completely now. "Why are you here?" He asked.  
><em>

_"You haven't been home in days, haven't eaten a decent meal and I'm worried about you." He could feel her hand rubbing higher on his leg now, caressing it. It felt good.  
><em>

_"Where's Rachel?"_

_"I called Wilson. He was worried about you too. He was happy to take her for me."_

_"You didn't have to do that." He grimaced and rubbed his leg._

_"I did." She rested her hand over his as he rubbed his aching thigh. "How bad is the pain?"_

_"Not bad."_

_"Don't lie to me."_

_"It's fine."_

_"House, please." She urged.  
><em>

_House hated discussing his pain with her but he knew she wouldn't let it go. "It's about a seven."_

_She bit her lip and frowned. "Let me massage it for you."_

_"Cuddy, go home and get some rest. I'll be there later," he insisted. He watched as she shook her head in frustration and stood up and walked towards the door. Suddenly, she turned and looked right at him, tight-lipped and serious. She walked back over and kneeled on the floor next to him.  
><em>

_"No. I am not going anywhere. You've been on this case almost a week. I know you are sleeping in this chair almost every night or on the couch in the lounge. I know it hurts. Let me help you."_

_House watched her as she pleaded with him. He could see in her eyes that she didn't pity him, she loved him and she was begging him to share his pain with her. It was so difficult. There were times he felt less of a man because of his pain and he felt like a burden to her when she had to stop what she was doing to take care of him. _

_As if she could read his mind, took his hand and gently brought it to her cheek. "You are not a burden to me. Let me be there for you." She placed her hand gently on his thigh. He nodded without saying a word. Cuddy looked out into the darkened hallway and realizing no one would see them, she tapped his hip and said, "Drop your pants." _

_Without a word, he did as she requested and unbuckled his pants, then raised himself while she pulled them down his legs. When they were down to his ankles, she began massaging his leg. He groaned and grimaced and at times nearly screamed it hurt so much. But Cuddy persisted and kneaded in all the right places. She'd been slowly working him into allowing her to do this for him and learned the techniques so that she could.  
><em>

_He lay there in the chair, the pain subsiding and feeling more relaxed than he had in days. He knew the pain he felt from her fingers was worth the relief he would feel later. He glanced up at her and watched how she concentrated on her task. She paid such attention to detail with everything and this was no different. She hit all the right spots, all the while, talking to him softly telling him that the pain would subside soon. As he watched her, he wondered if she still felt guilty about his leg. He'd long since forgiven her but he didn't know if she had ever forgiven herself. When he was with her, he was as close to happy as he'd ever been and it was during those moments when he thanked a God he didn't believe in that she had saved his life that day, even though he was doomed to live it in pain.  
><em>

_His thoughts were interrupted when she looked up at him and smiled.  
><em>

_"You okay?" She asked. "You seemed out of it for a moment."_

_"Yeah, just thinking." He watched her open and close her palms and stretch her fingers. He knew massaging his leg was a lot of work and sometimes her fingers would get cramps from doing it too long. When she moved her hands back to his leg, he stopped her.  
><em>

_"Hey, it's better."_

_"Let me do it just a little more, I can feel it's less tight now."_

_"It's already much better," he said sincerely. He really did feel better. He pulled his pants up and raised himself up so he could get them over his hips. He left them unzipped and unbuckled and settled back in the chair. He then tugged at her wrist and gently pulled her onto his lap.  
><em>

_"Your leg," she protested. _

_"Shh, it'll be fine. He pulled his legs from the ottoman and scooted over in the chair, then brought her down to nestle next to him with her weight on his left side. He put his legs back up on the ottoman and draped her legs over his. He grabbed his jacket from the floor next to the chair and draped it over them.  
><em>

_"See now isn't this nice?" He asked._

_Cuddy giggled. "You need a bigger chair."_

_"Or you need a smaller ass." He smirked when she gently smacked his shoulder. _

_"I've missed you," she said, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. "Rach misses you too."_

_"Yeah, me too." He kissed her back to show her how much he'd missed her. He did miss being at her house every night for the usual routine of dinner, television, reading to Rachel occasionally and then making love to Cuddy when they went to bed. He leaned his head back to relax against the headrest and brought hers toward his chest and urged her to relax against him.  
><em>

_"You sure you're okay?" She asked, hesitantly after they broke their kiss. She worried their position might cause him pain.  
><em>

_"Definitely." And he was. Having her there made him feel better immediately. They stayed like that for some time. Cuddy relaxed against him, running her left hand over the bare skin exposed by the open buttons on his shirt while House stroked her arm with one hand and her thigh with the other. He relished having the strong, powerful, respected and feared Dean of Medicine lying in his arms, content and purring like a kitten. For that moment, he felt completely at peace. It did not happen often but when it did, it was because of her.  
><em>

__He felt her shiver and wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm._ She snuggled up against him and he kissed the top of her head._

_ "Definitely," he repeated.  
><em>

_He felt her smile against his chest.  
><em>

House opened his eyes and looked around as he thought about that memory. He smiled to himself thinking of how it felt that night to sit in that chair with her in his arms. It'd been a long week and it had been so good to spend those few hours together alone, without being needed by anyone. He suddenly felt that pain in his chest that only came when he thought about how much he missed her. He got up out of his chair and groaned from the pain of having sat in the same position too long. He knew he should go home but he wasn't ready yet. In truth, he didn't want to be alone in that empty apartment. He grabbed his gear and headed out but was met by Chase on the way in.

"Hey, I thought you left," he said to Chase.

"I thought you were gone too."

"Fell asleep in the chair."

"Oh."

"What are you doing here so late?"

"I was working on a few things you'd asked me to do earlier. Didn't feel like going home just yet."

"Just yet?" House looked at his watch. "It's nearly nine-thirty."

"Yeah, I'm a night owl these days."

House gathered Chase didn't like going home to an empty apartment for the same reason as he didn't.

"How about some dinner?" He asked.

Chase looked at him."With me?"

"Uh, yeah."

"You buying?"

"Do you know me at all?"

Chase smirked. "Okay, I am kinda hungry."

"Meet me at the diner down on the corner in ten."

Chase watched his boss walk away and noticed his limp more pronounced.

"House!" He shouted. When House turned around, he walked over to him. "Why don't you ride with me?"

House tilted his head. "Why?"

"Why not?" He hoped House wouldn't think he was making the offer out of pity.

House noted Chase's sincerity. It wasn't out of pity, he was just trying to be nice. Truth be told, his leg did hurt and he really didn't want to jump on his bike just yet.

"Okay," he said.

Ten minutes later, the two men sat at a booth in the all-night diner down the street from the hospital.

"Okay what's up?" Chase asked. "I know you and there's something on your mind."

House nodded. "Very perceptive," he said. "In my new job as department head I can pretty much do whatever I want."

"Yeah. I'm sure," Chase laughed. "Did you forget Cuddy isn't your boss anymore?" He smirked and added, "At least not at work."

"Ha ha," House said. "It's true. I've got complete hiring authority."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah and I need a team."

Chase took a bite of his burger and looked up at House, who was smirking at him.

"What?" He asked, his mouth full.

"I want you to come work for me."

Chase nearly choked on his sandwich. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Why me?"

"Why not?" He asked, throwing Chase's earlier words back at him.

Chase finished chewing his sandwich and gulped it down with his drink. "I don't know what to say."

"Yes or no. It's totally up to you but yes would be the _correct_ answer."

"So what would I be doing there?"

"You'd be my trusty sidekick."

"Like a Wilson?"

"No. I have a Wilson and one of those is enough, thank you. You'd be my team, at least starting off, until we get more people. I need someone to knows how I work, who isn't afraid to challenge me when he thinks I'm wrong and isn't afraid to take a chance when he thinks I'm right or when he thinks _he's_ right."

"Wow." Chase shook his head laughing.

"What?"

"Just trying to wrap my head around the fact that the great Gregory House needs _me_."

House sighed. "Big deal. So I need you. You're damn good at what you do."

"Oh this is good." He took out his cell phone. "Can you repeat that? I need a witness."

He rolled his eyes at Chase. "When I promised your dad I'd hire you, you were just a kid, wet behind the ears. Now you're responsible, mature and a damn good doctor. You can stay here and waste your life or come with me and conquer the world."

"Wait...I could stay here and be a department head or go with you and be your lackey." Chase mused, eating a fry.

"Lackey's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Seeing Chase's stare, he relented. "Okay you're not going to be my lackey. I can hire someone for that. I trust you. I'm about to start a completely new department at one of the most prestigious teaching hospitals in the country and I need you to help me do that."

"Don't you have to interview people? Get this approved?"

"Unless you've done something really bad...like _killing a world leader_," he said in a hushed tone, looking around. "I wouldn't worry about it. I'll take care of it."

Chase scoffed. "I'll have to think about it."

House smacked the table, annoyed. "What's to think about? You either want it or you don't."

Chase put down his burger and leaned back in his seat. He didn't have to think about the offer. He wanted it. _Oh hell yeah he wanted it._ And he knew House knew it too.

"Okay. I'll take it."

House smiled knowingly as he leaned back and crossed his arms. "I knew you'd see it my way."

Chase took another bite of his burger. "Now,"he said, chewing his burger. "Tell me more about it and don't leave anything out."

* * *

><p>So that's it?" Adams asked. "You're closing the department for good?"<p>

House had spent the better part of Thursday morning in the diagnostics conference room meeting with his fellows discussing their recent cases, his plans to leave Princeton and their future reassignments. As he spoke with the team, he looked around the table and thought about how many sessions had taken place in that room over the years. In the past the puzzles had been what energized him and kept him going. When everything else in his life crumbled around him, he always had his cases to fall back on and he was thankful for the times Cuddy had intentionally sought out cases to help him keep his mind occupied on things other than his own pain. Now he realized just how much things had changed and oddly enough he had no regrets about leaving. For the first time in years he felt the need to run _to_ something instead of _from_ it.

"House?"

"Yeah," he said. Realizing he had zoned out, he remembered Adams' question. "Yep, that's it," he replied. "Now I'm flying out to Boston today and Chase will be in charge. Clear everything through him. He's going to need your help closing out case files and wrapping things up."

"But you're coming back right?"

House got up to refill his coffee. "Yeah but not for long. You need to work with Stevens to find your new assignments because as I said earlier, we're not taking any new cases."

"But what about the people out there who need you now?" Park asked.

"There will always be a new case and when we solve it there will always be another one and another one. At that rate I'd never get out of here."

"You know we came to work here because of _you_," Adams said.

He leaned against the counter behind him and looked at Adams and Park. Both of them wore looks of disappointment. "I know you did. Look, you're young and you'll work with other doctors and if they do their jobs and you pay attention, you'll go on to be great doctors. You don't need me for that." He knew of course they would learn far more with him than anyone else, but he didn't want to make the situation any worse.

"You kids are going to have to find another teacher."

The room was quiet as the two younger doctors contemplated his words. Taub and Chase sat tight-lipped. Having worked for him so long, their feelings about him leaving were different. They understood him far better than the girls did and they knew why he had to go.

"Okay," Adams conceded said as she rose from her chair. "I know we haven't worked together that long but it really has been a privilege. Thank you for hiring me here after you got me fired." She offered her hand to House then changed her mind. In an unexpected move, she took him by surprise and hugged him instead. He watched as Taub and Chase snickered at him.

As she pulled back, Adams whispered, "Dr. Cuddy is apparently everything I've ever heard and more. I'm glad you got another chance with her House. You're not as bad as you think you are." Then she let go and stepped back.

House glanced over at Park who stared at him with puppy-dog eyes. "Oh _what_?" He whined.

"I just wanted to say thank you for giving me the opportunity to work with you."

"You're not going to _hug_ me?" He asked suspiciously.

She cringed. "Nooo. I don't do hugs."

"Good, neither do I," he said, sending a scowl over to Adams. "And you're welcome. Now go do something constructive before you two make me get all sentimental here and change my mind." Both girls rolled their eyes and laughed as they turned and walked out.

Just as House turned to Chase and Taub, Chase's cell phone went off. He looked down at the number and said, "I gotta take this." Then he left the two alone.

"Come with me," House said. Taub followed him to his office. House sat down behind his desk and motioned for Taub to have a seat across from him. House opened his drawer and took out an envelope and slid it over to him.

"What's this?"

"Your recommendation."

Taub looked at him, shocked.

"What? You don't think I can do something nice?"

"No...it's just so...unlike you."

"Gee, thanks."

"Sorry, House. Thanks for the rec."

"That's better," he snarked. "So...any plans?"

"Not yet."

"Going back to where the money is?"

"Nope."

His response surprised House. "Why not?" He scoffed. "You were good at that...and now if you can't keep it in your pants at least you don't have to worry about your boss ratting you out."

"Things change," Taub said drolly.

"Oh, do tell," House replied with mock anticipation.

"Remember when I told you a long time ago that I liked this job because I thought what we do matters? It _does_. I've gotten more crap from you in the last few years than from anyone else in my entire life and yet I've learned more than I ever thought I could, not just about the job but about myself. I want to do something more with my life. You'll no doubt mock me incessantly for saying this but having kids has given me a new perspective. I didn't want kids but now that I have them, I want to be a good role model for them, I want to do something good."

"And plastic surgery isn't something good?"

"Doing facelifts and boob jobs and tummy tucks for rich, white, bored housewives doesn't do it for me anymore."

"That's not the only kind of plastic surgery. There are people out there really need it. What about accident and burn victims? Remember that kid with the disfigured face a few years ago? There are all kinds of people who aren't rich, white and bored who need your services," House countered.

"I know that and I'll have to look around and see what's out there."

"You don't have much time. Can't be out of work long with two kids to support."

Taub sighed. "Yeah, I'm sure I'll figure something out," he said. "House, look, I never thought I'd say this but working with you changed my life, not always for the better but in the end, I'm a better person because of it."

"Most people would think you're crazy for saying that."

"I guess maybe I am, but aren't we all?"

House nodded. "I suppose so."

Taub stood up and ran his fingers over the envelope. "I appreciate you doing this for me. I'm not sure what I'll do next, I just know I definitely want to do something meaningful. I want to feel the same high I felt solving cases."

House shook his head. "You know that's not likely in most jobs."

"No, but I can try."

House leaned forward. "Let me ask you something. All the shit you've been through...these last few years. Would you do it all again? Knowing the outcome?"

Taub stood there, surprised by the question. He pondered it a moment before he shook his head. "Yeah."

House chuckled. "You really are crazy."

"Touche," he replied. "I know this isn't the end...yet. But thanks...for this," he said pointing at the envelope. "And for giving me a shot."

"You're welcome." He watched Tab exit his office and thought about how much he'd changed over the years. Gone was the self-centered, cheating, materialistic son of a bitch he'd once hired. He'd been replaced by a man who seemed more confident and wanted to spend his life doing something meaningful, something that had nothing to do with money. He had not liked Taub early on but he hired him because he was willing to stand up for what he believed in even if it meant he might lose his job. On occasion Taub had shown he had the balls but often his fear held him back. It seemed now that he had children, things had changed and Taub seemed empowered and determined to make the right choices.

He looked down at his watch. It was eleven-thirty. He had a few more hours before he and Wilson had to leave for Newark so he had time to wrap a few things up. In fact, he had one _very_ important thing to do before he left.

* * *

><p>Around five o'clock, Wilson and House arrived at the Newark airport. They were at least an hour early so they sat in the airport lounge having a round of beer chatting, mostly about work.<p>

"I asked Chase to join my team," House said.

"Whoa." Wilson put his hands up. "Stevens isn't going to like this. Not only are you leaving but you're taking him too. He's tapped to head ICU."

"I don't think his leaving will surprise Stevens. He knows Chase would rather do diagnostics."

"So Chase is your new trusty sidekick?" He mused.

"No, I've got one of those." He winked at Wilson. "I need him on the team. He knows how I think. He's learned to challenge me when he thinks I'm wrong and to do the right thing when he thinks it's right. He knows I won't fire him. He respects me but he's not afraid of me."

"He's grown up."

"That he has. In the beginning I couldn't stand him and didn't trust him."

"So is he doing your grunt work too?"

"Nope and as a matter of fact...neither am I. That's the beauty of this, I can hire someone to do all that for me."

"Like an assistant."

"Assistant, lackey, grunt, whatever, all I know is it'll be _their_ job to take care of all the crap like budgets, paperwork, etc."

Wilson shook his head. "Good to know some things never change. What about a team?"

"I am the team...and of course Chase until we get rolling. They're considering a student rotation but it's up for discussion."

"Well, that's just great, House," Wilson replied in what seemed to House a completely unenthusiastic tone.

"What's going on with you?"

"Me? Nothing, why?"

"You've been acting funny lately." He eyed Wilson suspiciously. "Wait a minute." He pointed his finger. "You're pissed at me for leaving, aren't you?"

"What? No," Wilson said, defensively.

"You are. I know you. You're losing your faithful sidekick and it upsets you."

"House, we're not conjoined twins, I think we can survive living apart."

"I'm not so sure about that. You've been moody ever since I told you I was leaving."

Wilson sighed. "It's nothing, I'll be fine."

"You know you can come visit."

"Yeah, I know," Wilson admitted resignedly. That was when House knew he was right. Wilson was upset that he was leaving. House knew the forlorn look and the dejected tone.

"Shit," House blurted out.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

Wilson blinked. "For what?" House's apology took him completely by surprise.

"Deserting you." House normally would have mocked Wilson for being so sensitive but facing the real prospect of losing his friend to the distance was on his mind too. The fact is the two needed one another, they depended on each other and while it was an unusual friendship they'd always had, it worked for them and House wasn't ready to give it up.

"There's no need to apologize House." Wilson assured him. "I'm really happy for you. You deserve this."

House heard him and he knew Wilson was sincere, but he sensed a sadness in Wilson's voice that could not be masked. As Wilson changed the subject and started to talk about something else, House's mind churned, thinking of a way to make things right.

* * *

><p>It was seven o'clock when Cuddy received a phone call from House telling her there had been a weather delay and he'd be at her house in about an hour. It gave her time to shower and bathe Rachel as well as make a pot of soup and a couple of sandwiches for him. An hour later, true to his word, she heard the banging of his cane on her front door. When she opened it, Rachel practically flew past her.<p>

"Howse! Howse! You're here!" Rachel greeted him and latched onto his good leg.

"Hey kiddo," he said, moved by her reaction to him. It had touched him that not only did she get excited every time she saw him but she always took great care not to do anything that would hurt his leg.

Cuddy kissed him as he entered. "Hi," she said. "She's been dying to see you all day."

"I can tell. But first _I_ have something I've been dying to do all day." House dropped his bags where he stood and grabbed Cuddy and wrapped his arms around her. Her pulled her close and kissed her. It was long and deep and passionate and full of tongues and lips and panting. When they pulled apart, they just gazed at each other, trying to catch their breath when they heard Rachel giggle and looked down at her. She had her hands over her eyes and was jumping up and down. Cuddy, flushed from the kiss, couldn't help but laugh out loud. To House, the scene before him was utterly adorable.

Rachel peeked through her fingers and saw the adults were done kissing. She reached for his hand and tugged him. "Come on Howse!" She led him into the living room with Cuddy following, a huge smile on her face. Rachel and House sat on the couch with Cuddy on the arm next to Rachel.

"I have something for you," House said. He watched her eyes light up.

"You do?"

"Yep. I had a little stop to make before I got here. That's the real reason I'm late." He looked up at Cuddy and waggled his eyebrows.

Rachel clapped her hands together. "What is it? What is it?"

"Well," he said as he pulled an envelope out of the inside pocket of his coat. "How about one-year passes for you, your mom and me to the Discovery Museums?" House knew that it was Rachel's favorite place. The two museums were hands-on and perfect for kids like Rachel who were curious and inquisitive.

Her eyes got wide. "We can do spearmints and stuff!"

"Yep." He laughed at her mispronunciation of the word _experiment_. "We can build volcanos and rockets and look through microscopes and pretty much anything you want."

Rachel was so happy that she crawled into House's lap and threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you Howse!" She said as she hugged him.

Moved once again by her reaction, he put an arm around her and held her as he rubbed her pajama-clad back. He looked over at Cuddy who was positively beaming as he said,

"Happy birthday, kid."


	106. Chapter 106

House and Cuddy sat on the couch together while Rachel lay in the recliner immersed in a Disney movie. House had already polished off two ham and cheese sandwiches and was nearly finished with a bowl of minestrone soup. Cuddy laughed as she watched him eat for she had no idea where all that food went. He had an appetite like a horse and never gained a pound.

"I can't believe you're actually letting me eat in the living room. What's happened to you woman?" He asked between slurps.

"I wanted you to be able to put your leg up. But now that you mention it, I'm having second thoughts." She snarked.

"Feet up on the table? I like this non-control freak Cuddy." He said.

"I can bring back her alter ego at a moment's notice," she joked.

House waggled his eyebrows and Cuddy leaned back against the arm of the sofa smirking. "So...you finally told everyone?" She asked in reference to their earlier conversation about the hospital.

"Yep, not a secret anymore. Everyone knows. The boss, team, even Wilson."

She sighed. "Good."

House dipped his spoon in his soup and stirred it with a thoughtful expression.

"What's up?"

"Wilson." The subject of leaving his best friend behind had nagged him all day.

From his tone she understood. "He's not taking it well is he?"

He shook his head no and slurped another spoonful of soup. "He hasn't actually said anything but I can tell."

"What are we going to do?"

_"We?" _He looked up at her curiously.

"Duh. He's my friend too."

"Yeah but you're not_ abandoning_ him."

"You're not and don't forget I left him back in Princeton when Rachel and I moved."

"That wasn't abandoning."

"And neither is what you're doing."

"He needs me."

"I know. You need him too. I'm sure our gut is telling us what we should do but reality says that you can't just drag your best friend with you everywhere you go."

"Reality bites."

"It does."

"What if an opportunity presented itself?" He asked, hopefully.

She shrugged. "It's possible. Maybe there's an opening somewhere."

"Do you think he'd go for it?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just know he'll miss you and you'll miss him. You guys have this completely unconventional needy relationship. You love each other one minute and kick the crap out of each other the next. You abuse one another and still go back for more."

"Sounds like us."'

"Which is why I get it." She smiled. She was probably the only person outside House and Wilson who got that friendship.

"I hate leaving him back there, all alone, no one to take care of him."

Cuddy scoffed. "He's not a pet."

House put his spoon down and picked up his bowl and drank the remainder of his soup. Cuddy shook her head in disgust.

_"What?"_

"Now I know where Rachel learned that!" She whispered loudly.

"She does it too?" He couldn't stifle his laughter.

"Yes and she stubbornly _refused_ to tell me where she learned it."

"That's my girl," he said. He grinned as he remembered the night a few years earlier when he and Rachel sat at the table alone after Cuddy had to take a call from the hospital. When House was sure she was in the other room, he put the bowl up to his mouth and finished the rest of his soup. When he finished, he put his bowl down and glanced over at Rachel who had done the same. Of course she got more soup on her than in her mouth and she'd made an absolute mess, giggling as she put her empty bowl on the table and smacked her lips as House had done. House had cleaned her up quickly, making her promise not to do it again, at least not around her mother.

House nodded towards Rachel. "Speaking of, do you think she liked her birthday present?"

Cuddy glanced at her daughter. "Yeah. That was pretty wonderful."

"I didn't know what else to get her. She's already got so many toys."

"You did great. It was the perfect gift because she loves the science stuff. She's going to love us taking her there."

"Hey, did you tell her I'm moving in?"

"No, I thought we'd tell her together."

"You think she'll be okay with it?"

"Seriously? Have you met her? She practically worships the ground you walk on." Cuddy took the remote and turned down the television, then turned to Rachel. "Hey Rach," she said. Rachel looked over at her. "Remember when I told you that House would be visiting more often?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Well, how would you like it if instead of visiting us, he just moved here for good?"

Rachel's eyes got wide. "Could he live here?"

"Uh huh," Cuddy replied.

She shot out of the recliner and ran over to the couch and hugged her mother. Cuddy glanced at House with an _"I told you so"_ look.

"I take it you approve?"

Rachel nodded her head vigorously, her dark blue eyes shining with excitement. She looked over at House. "We can go to museums all the time and you can teach me stuff and show me how to ride a bike and everything, right?" Rachel was beaming and jumping around excitedly. Cuddy eased her hands around Rachel and sat her down so she wouldn't accidentally step on House's thigh.

"Yep, kid I sure will."

Rachel stood up on the cushion between them and threw her little arms around his neck. "I love you Howse."

House was overcome with emotion and Cuddy watched as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he wrapped his free arm around Rachel. When he finally opened them, they were misty and Cuddy decided to intervene to give him a moment. She tried to take Rachel but he held fast to the little girl, mouthing the words _"hold on"_ as he held her a few moment moments longer. He could not deny the little girl had long ago stolen his heart. It felt good to be needed and loved by her. When he let her go, she let out a yawn.

"Okay kiddo time for bed," her mother said, smacking her lightly on the butt.

"Aww do I have to?" Leaning against House with her hands on her hips and a pout on her face, House thought she looked every bit like Cuddy.

"Yes, you have to. Come on, I'll read you a story."

"The one about the turtle and the snail?"

"Whatever you want. Why don't you go find it for me?" Rachel climbed off the couch and ran towards her room but then she stopped and did a complete about-face and ran back to the couch and stood in front of House who was still reeling from the events a few moments earlier.

"Yes?" He asked.

She reached her arms out again. "Night." He leaned forward and hugged her again. She placed an unexpected sloppy kiss on his cheek and turned and padded quickly to her room.

Cuddy got up from the couch and stood between House's legs. He wrapped his arms around her hips and buried his face in her stomach, relishing her warmth. She leaned down and kissed his head and ran her fingers through his hair.

"You okay?" She asked softly.

He sighed. "Yeah. Just sometimes..." He didn't finish the sentence hoping she understood.

"I know." She said. And she did know. There were moments when the emotions she felt for Rachel were overwhelming and she only imagined what it was like for House who had spent years keeping his emotions to himself.

"It's been a long day," she said. "Why don't you grab a shower and relax? I'll join you as soon as I get her in bed and clean up." She kissed the top of his head again and left him as she joined Rachel down the hall.

House sat there a few minutes more trying to collect himself then he got up and took his dishes into the kitchen and set them in the sink. He turned to walk out when something stopped him. He turned back towards the sink and rinsed his dishes and put them in the dishwasher. He wiped off the counter and tidied things up and once he was satisfied, he turned out the light and exited the kitchen. On his way out he chuckled to himself. He knew Cuddy would've taken care of it but something compelled him to do it. He didn't even have to think twice. He didn't have to do it, he wanted to. _For her_.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later, House had finished a very long and hot shower and changed into his pajamas and lay on top of the bed reading a journal. He got up and glanced down the hallway and noticed all the lights were off as he'd left them but the soft glow emanated from underneath Rachel's door. He limped down the hall quietly to see what was going on. As he approached he stood near the door and watched. Cuddy lay nestled on the bed with Rachel, her back to the door and blocking Rachel's view as well.<p>

"Mommy, is Howse really going to stay?"

"He sure is. Does that make you happy?"

"Uh huh."

"It makes me happy too."

"I hope he doesn't leave. I like when he plays with me and reads me stories. He tells me I'm smart too. Please don't let him go away again."

Hearing Rachel's heartfelt words warmed her own heart and confirmed once again how stupid she had been in breaking up with him. "Rachel," Cuddy said, softly. "You know how adults think they know it all?" Rachel nodded. Her mommy was always telling her that she knows best. "Well, we don't always know everything. In fact, we make a lot of mistakes."

"You make mistakes?" Rachel asked, appearing shocked.

Cuddy nestled in closer to Rachel. "Oh honey if you only knew. When House and I were together before, we needed to help each other get through some tough times but we just didn't know how to do it. We made a lot of mistakes. And that's why he left. It wasn't his fault, at least not all of it, it was my fault too."

"Is that why you were so sad?"

"Yeah."

"But you're not sad now, right?"

"No, I am not sad anymore. You're too young to understand right now but someday you will. Someday...when you find a boy you really like, you will understand. You see, House and I have loved each other for a very long time...since long before you were born. We were just scared."

"Nothing scares you mommy," she said.

"Everyone is afraid of something."

"But why?"

Cuddy thought about how to explain it in terms Rachel would understand. "Well honey, imagine having a toy...one you love so much, it's your favorite toy in the whole world but it's rare and made special, just for you. Now because it was especially made for you you know that if you break it, you can never get another one, it's gone forever. So, you decide to put the toy in a safe place...where you can look at it but not play with it, and it stays safe."

"But mommy what's the fun of having a toy if you can't play with it?" Rachel asked, wise beyond her years.

"It isn't any fun sweetie but it's kind of what I did with House. I felt like he was made just for me and I was afraid that if I made a mistake and hurt him or something happened and we weren't friends anymore, that I'd lose him for good. So for a long time mommy kind of put House on a shelf. I admired him from afar but I never allowed myself to enjoy being _with_ him."

Rachel snuggled up with her mother. "I'm glad you're not sad or scared anymore."

"Me too."

"Is Howse part of our family now?"

"Oh honey, yes, he has always been a part of our family, even when he didn't know it."

"Do you think he will ever want to be my real daddy?"

Cuddy suddenly got a lump in her throat. She didn't know how to respond. With a sigh she said finally, "Well we'd have to ask him about that. Would you like it if he were your daddy?"

Rachel beamed and shook her head vigorously.

Cuddy hugged her tightly to her. She hadn't planned on such an emotional conversation but for five years old Rachel was wise beyond her years.

"Honey, a daddy loves you, protects you, and keeps you safe, right?" Rachel nodded. "And a daddy takes care of you when you're sick, teaches you things, makes you laugh, and watches your favorite movies with you, right?" Rachel nodded again. "Well, House may not be your biological daddy but he loves you all the same. In a way he's better because he's _House_ and he's yours and nobody else in the world has a _House_ except you." She put her finger on Rachel's nose and the little girl giggled.

"Do you understand?"

"Uh huh. I like having a Howse!"

"That's my good girl. Now, you ready for bed?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay, under the covers." Cuddy tucked her in and gave her a kiss, and then she got up to leave the room.

"Night mommy," Rachel said.

"Night baby."

House had been at the door the entire time and when Cuddy got up from the bed, he limped quickly back down the hall and into her bedroom. In an attempt to sort things out in his head he felt like he needed to be doing something so he picked up his suitcase and unpacked it, placing his clothes in the empty drawer of Cuddy's dresser. He recalled Rachel's words. Every time he heard Rachel talk so fondly of him it warmed his heart. It also scared him because he realized just what was at stake. There were three hearts on the line.

Cuddy entered the bedroom and saw House, his back to her, putting away his things.

"Hey," she said, closing the door behind her but leaving it cracked as she always did.

"Hey." He closed the drawer and looked into the mirror above the dresser. He just stood there staring into it, his eyes on her.

Their eyes never left each other as she walked over to him. She stretched her arms around him from behind and leaned her head into his back and kissed him through is tee shirt. His hands clasped hers over his chest.

"I heard what you told Rachel," he said.

"How much?"

"All of it." He said as he turned to face her.

"Oh."

"So I'm her House?" He couldn't help the grin.

She giggled. "Cute huh?"

He nodded. "So much sugar it makes my teeth hurt."

She smiled. "I meant it." She took a deep breath knowing she was entering unchartered territory. "When we first got together we never talked about the role you would play in her life. We avoided that conversation like the plague. I never gave you the chance with her before. I guess I was scared it wasn't something you'd want. I figured if we just didn't talk about it, somehow it would work itself out eventually. But if you actually came out and said it...that you didn't want to be a father...ever...well...I didn't want to prepare myself for that."

He placed his hands on her hips and stroked her sides. "It wasn't something I wanted, not back then anyway, because I just didn't think I was the kind of man you could depend on like that. At first I took care of her and got along with her just to please you but I knew eventually it would come up and I wasn't prepared for what I knew you wanted...which was for me to step up." He looked down, as if ashamed. "But somewhere along the way something changed. I really started to like her. She was a good kid and smart...and I liked spending time with her but I just...I didn't see any point in encouraging anything because in the back of my mind I didn't think we'd last."

She sighed and latched on to his biceps, running her hands up and down his muscular arms. "I remember accusing you of holding back and you turned the tables on me and told me that I was holding back and not putting everything I had into it...that I wouldn't let you sleep over or get to know Rachel. You were absolutely right. I was protecting myself, always worried that it was you who would walk away, that you would break my heart and hers too but in the end I was wrong. In the end, it was me." She lowered her eyes, still ashamed of her behavior, of not having more faith in him. She'd always felt that if she had shown more faith, encouraged him more, he would have had the confidence he needed to be there for her.

He lifted her chin. "I don't think I ever could've walked away first but you had a right to be afraid. I was so sure I was the last person on earth who should be anyone's father."

"But you're wonderful with her now and I look back and remember times when you two bonded. It was there, subtle but there. I couldn't figure out how you'd done it but you did. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive."

He pulled her to him and rested his chin on the top of her head. "I forgive you for that just like you've forgiven me for a million and one things Cuddy." He kissed her neck. "She really is a good kid. She just grows on you. I just don't want to do anything that would make her hate me like I hated my dad."

"While a few years ago I worried that you might not want to bond with her or that you might walk away, I never thought for a moment you would do anything to intentionally hurt her. House, I never once believed you could ever hurt _any_ child."

He was quiet for a moment, just losing himself in her words and her touch. Once he had hated the thought of opening up and exposing his innermost thoughts and feelings but Cuddy had helped him realize that he could do that and not feel vulnerable or weak. The moments when they bared their feelings to each other were among their most intimate and it no longer had him running scared. Rather, he looked forward to those precious moments as they always gained new ground and brought them closer together.

"I heard you tell Rachel that I was a part of your family even before I knew it," he whispered.

She smiled into his chest and hummed a deep and very pleasant sounding sigh. "It's true you know. You've been a part of me..." Suddenly she felt overwhelmed with emotion and her breath hitched and she held him tighter.

He pulled away gently and lifted her chin and nodded for her to continue. He wanted to hear what she had to say.

"You've been in my heart for so long I don't remember a time when I didn't love you. Even when you crashed my dates and mocked me and made my life a living hell, I loved you."

His heart broke when he saw the tears in her eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

"Relief." She smiled through her tears. "I've got everything I ever wanted right here in this house," she said, sobbing. "I've got Rachel and I've got you and I've never been so happy. Sometimes I'm so happy it terrifies me."

"You're insane," he said, laughing as he pulled her to him.

"That's what makes us so good together," she said, now laughing and crying at the same time. "I don't ever want to push you away again."

"You won't, I won't let you. When things get tough, we'll figure it out."

She looked at him, her eyes full of sincerity. "We will, right? We'll keep working at it. No lies, no deflections, just the raw and honest truth. You tell me what you feel, I do the same. Even if it's something neither of us wants to hear, we have to do that."

"Okay," he gulped. "You know it's still hard for me sometimes."

She gazed at him. His blue eyes were burning with sincerity and also love and-_hope_. It was the most amazing sight to her because for so many years, it was all she ever wanted for him, for _them_. _Hope._

"Me too. We can work on it together." She reached up and gently caressed his cheek and then he smiled at her and it warmed her heart. It was that precious smile he reserved for her when he was truly happy and most content. It wasn't just his lips smiling, it was his eyes too, in fact his whole face lit up. She'd first seen that look in Michigan and then again in his apartment when she'd confessed her love for him the night of the crane collapse. A year after the incident at her house, she could still see that smile in her dreams and for so long she had wondered if she'd ever see it again.

House took her hand from his cheek, brought it to his lips and kissed her palm.

"I love you," he said. God how he loved her. He loved her more than he'd ever loved anyone, even Stacy. While he'd loved Stacy and they'd been good together, everything was just more passionate, intense and exciting with Cuddy and it had been like that since the moment they first met in college. He'd often scoffed at the notion of chemistry but with Cuddy, he knew it existed. It seemed they were just meant to be together given how they had been in each other's circles for so many years. What they shared was a deeper a connection than any he had ever experienced and beyond anything he could rationally explain. It still amazed him that once they finally forgave and decided to let the past go, everything just seemed to fall into place. House, having been programmed for most of his life to expect the worst, was never completely comfortable with the idea of letting go but he knew Cuddy was the same way and they would have to work at it together. With Cuddy, he felt he could conquer the world and after all the heartache and disappointment in his life, he finally felt a genuine happiness he thought had eluded him forever.

Hearing House's declaration of love, Cuddy's heart nearly exploded with happiness. It wasn't often he said it, so she knew when he did it was completely heartfelt and true. She thought about what she'd told him, how everything she had ever wanted was right in front of her. It was true. Rachel and House were her family. _Family_. The mere thought of it made her giddy. When they'd been together before, it hadn't felt that way. They had held back, too scared to go all in knowing that being too invested would mean the pain would be decimating if it fell apart. But now they had gone all in and everything had changed and she silently thanked God for that. She leaned up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and when her lips were nearly joined with his she whispered,

"I love you too."

* * *

><p>The next morning House and Cuddy were at the hospital early. House received a call from Baker the night before indicating that his meeting with the Board of Trustees was rescheduled from late afternoon to early morning and that members of the hospital's administrative council would be present as well.<p>

The group of about twenty sat around the table with coffee and Danish as introductions were made. When she was confident that everyone who wanted to attend had arrived and been introduced, Dr. Baker began the meeting.

"Dr. House," she said. "On behalf of MGH, I'd like to welcome you. We're still working on your contract however you have tentatively accepted our offer and I thought it would be a good idea to get some housekeeping out of the way. My apologies to everyone for rescheduling this meeting so early but with the upcoming holiday, people are already starting to take time off and it's proved quite a task getting everyone together. Now, as I explained previously, the Board requested this meeting for a few reasons. One, we wanted to introduce Dr. House to the Board and discuss a few specifics of the position and the department and two," she turned to House, "there are some issues regarding your past personal and professional conduct that need to be addressed so as to remove any doubt or questions and allow us to begin this new relationship amicably."

House nodded as did several of the individuals around the table. Baker leaned back in her chair and motioned to the Board Chair Alex Powers, a middle-aged friendly looking man who smiled and nodded.

"Dr. House, I believe I speak for my colleagues when I say there is no doubt in our minds that your expertise and knowledge will be a great asset to this hospital. There isn't a person in this room who doesn't know of your medical genius." He leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him and looking more serious. "That being said, you have an unusually high number of lawsuits due to unorthodox methods in treating patients. We've heard the stories but we'd like to give you the opportunity to weigh in."

"Me?"

"Yes. According to Dr. Cuddy and Dr. Stevens, there is...shall I say_..._a method to your madness?" _  
><em>

House sighed. He wished Cuddy were there with him to help him explain but he knew he had to do it on his own. It surprised him that Stevens would defend him, maybe he wasn't so bad after all. He cleared his throat.

"When patients come to me, I'm their last hope. It's my job to do everything I can to find the answer. Sometimes, it's a dirty job because when all _normal_ avenues are exhausted, the only roads left are not pretty. I grew up in a military household, I know about rules. I know they're in place for a reason and I am not entirely opposed to them but in my line of work, things are different."

One of the Board members interrupted. "So you're saying your patients are more important than others? Other doctors have patients who are just as ill and in need of treatment. They still must go through the normal channels."

House shook his head. "I understand that but the people I treat have nowhere _else_ to go." He looked around the table at the department heads in attendance. "We don't know if it's a heart issue or cancer or endocrine or neurological or whatever. If we did, they wouldn't be my patient. Not knowing the illness means not knowing how to treat. I'm the end of the line for them and if I don't find the answer, they die or are left severely debilitated by their illness. Nobody wants to use random treatments to rule things out but sometimes we have to. I can't tell you how many times we thought it was one thing but it turned out to be something else. The bottom line is that my patients don't have the luxury of time to wait around for a committee to convene and decide if the course of treatment is okay. If I wait, they could die. I don't take this lightly…my team and I spend a lot of time doing differentials, pouring through texts, discussing symptoms and researching case histories and every piece of patient information we can get our hands on…and that means anything and everything. Every patient is different, every approach is different. We're starting from scratch every single time."

House let out a deep sigh and leaned back in his chair. If that didn't convince them of why his methods were so unusual then he didn't think they'd ever get it. He was beginning to wonder if it was worth fighting these people. He was brought out of his thoughts by a question from another member of the Board.

"Which leads me to a question; is it true that your team breaks into patient's homes?"

House sighed. "Yes." He saw a few people shake their heads.

"Look...everybody lies. _Everybody._ Everybody has something they don't want other people to know. It may be something big, it may be something small. But it's _something_. Sometimes these lies...or if it makes you feel better…_omissions_…cover up details...seemingly small, insignificant details the patient and family thinks aren't important. I can't do my job unless they are completely honest. It's human nature to lie, it's about self-preservation. I can't say I blame them, I've been known to do it myself. But...when you're lying in a hospital bed sick and dying, that's not the time to lie and yet people do it anyway. So, in answer to your question, yes, I've had my team enter patients' homes and at times their places of employment with or without consent to snoop in an effort to find whatever it is they aren't telling us."

"Dr. House, that's completely inappropriate," replied the Board member.

He smirked. "I'm sure you could check with the hospital but of all the lawsuits filed against me, there's rarely been a case, if at all, where a patient has sued me for entering their home illegally. I guess that's because they're so happy to be alive, it sort of slipped their mind."

There were a few chuckles from his audience.

"I don't break rules for the hell of it. Ninety-nine percent of doctors follow the rules and that's great. Call me a member of the one-percent, I guess. I don't understand the point of rules if they prohibit us from doing our jobs. It's not my intention to engage in unethical behavior but I weigh the consequences of doing _something_ versus doing _nothing_. I have a hard time letting a patient die because of bureaucracy. I know it goes against the grain. I know I put my old boss through hell, but she understood and she supported me when she thought I was right. My primary commitment is always to the patient _first._ I know that bothers the lawyers but it's how I work."

"To be clear," Chairman Powers said looking around the room which had gotten very quiet as they held on to House's every word. "We don't have a problem with lawsuits if we can defend the actions of our doctors. That's why we have such great lawyers on the payroll. We are not adverse to risk, we understand the need for it, but we ask our doctors to also remember protocols are in place for a reason and we have to protect that."

"I understand that. But sometimes protocol gets in the way of saving a life. Then what?" House countered.

"We understand why you're doing it Dr. House, I don't think there's a person here who wouldn't want to do everything in their power to save a patient," said another Board member, Shirley Harris. "I don't have problems with exceptions so long as they are exceptions and don't become the norm. Bad decisions can put a hospital at risk. Lawsuits and bad press can result in loss of funding, reputation and accreditation and could hurt many areas of this institution. Do I think that will happen at MGH? With our reputation and stellar staff, no, I don't but we should still remain vigilant. In my opinion, so long as MGH can justify its actions, I think we're okay, that goes for all of our doctors in _every_ case. We have always stood behind our staff when we believed that their intentions were good and just. This isn't just about money...this is about preserving the entire institution so everyone can benefit."

House pondered her words. He couldn't disagree. It didn't sound to him like they were arguing against him, they were just being cautious. He thought about how their mindset was not entirely different from Cuddy's in her former position.

Baker spoke up. "As Chief of Medicine, it's my job to know everything that goes on around here. It's especially important to be kept aware so I can do damage control if necessary. I may not agree or be amenable to every request, but I assure you that if you present a valid, logical argument, as I know from Dr. Cuddy that you do quite well, you will, in most cases, have my support. I want to protect you, the hospital, and the patients. It means I need you to trust me."

He responded. "Look, I know you're worried I'm a liability. In the past I've been known to do some reckless things in the name of saving my patient. I can't promise I won't get you sued on occasion but I can promise that I'll meet you halfway."

Baker nodded in agreement and smiled. "Okay then, I think that's a good start." She looked down at a notepad in front of her. "Now, moving on, as you know, we intend to include a teaching component, albeit a small one, to your position. There's the diagnostics lectures throughout the year and we've had a request for you to teach an additional course." Looking at the man sitting directly across from her, she said, "Dr. Greer..."

"Thanks Nancy," said Dr. Jack Greer, head of the Infectious Disease program. House recalled meeting the man briefly before the meeting. The man had a slight limp and House wondered about it.

"We lost an esteemed colleague a few months back," Greer said. "Noel Bernstein taught in the Infectious Disease program for twenty-five years, in fact he helped set up the program. ID offers two continuing medical education post-graduate courses under the sponsorship of Harvard Med, one in the fall which is focused on HIV/AIDS and the other which is focused on infectious disease is in spring. We'd like you to teach the spring course."

House didn't mind lecturing; he just didn't like the paperwork that went with it, the grading and such. He was willing to make a concession if they would.

"How many times over the course of the semester?"

"Dr. Bernstein normally did one two to three-hour lecture each day over a long weekend…usually Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning, allowing people to return home in time to get back to work on Monday. Should you accept, you would be free to revise the course if necessary and you will be compensated for these lectures separate from your regular salary."

He thought about it. Every spring, one three-day weekend, wasn't really a big deal-unless he had a case, but he'd have Chase to run things for him so he it would work. The additional pay he'd receive for it would be great.

"Okay, I'm in."

"Good. We can discuss the specifics later and you're free to adjust the content to whatever you feel is relevant. If you have any questions, I'm happy to help."

Baker resumed the conversation. "Speaking of lectures, we've been discussing the diagnostics lecture series and we've narrowed it down to a minimum of once per month, one semester per year, you choose the semester. Is that still agreeable to you Dr. House?"

"Yes.'

"Okay then," she tapped her pen on the table. "One of the last things on this particular agenda is the matter of publishing. We're hoping you will pull from your most difficult or unique cases, write a journal article and present your findings to our faculty and student body as well as presenting at the occasional conference."

House groaned and Baker laughed. Cuddy had already told her how much he hated writing and presenting at conferences.

She said, "I know how much you hate publishing and conferences but it's important to share what we've learned. Your work would bring a great deal of positive press as well as grants." She hoped that would perk him up.

House's interest was picqued. At Princeton-Plainsboro his work had earned significant occasional grants and it funded a lot beyond the budget allotted to him by Cuddy and the Board. They were a lot more lenient with him when he brought in the dollars to fund his own department.

"I can do that," he said. It was then that he realized that so far things had gone smooth. There had been no major issues or disagreements. He wondered when the other shoe would drop. He didn't have long to wait.

"Now that we have that covered," Powers said, taking over the meeting. "There's the matter of an unpleasant nature, that we must deal with. We do not make a habit of intruding upon the personal lives of our doctors so long as they do not interfere with the business of the hospital, however as Dr. Baker said earlier, if we are to make a good start of this, we have to have this conversation. All of us in this room are aware that you served ten months in a state correctional facility for committing an act of criminal mischief with diminished mental capacity against Dr. Lisa Cuddy, who is now a member of our staff."

House looked around the table at his peers, waiting for the worst.

"We would like to offer you the opportunity to tell us your story, in your words."

House peered at them suspiciously. If they knew already, why did they want him to tell them? He knew though, if he wanted this job, he had to be honest and open with them about it. They were giving him a chance and as much as he hated talking about what happened, he knew he had to do it. He took a deep breath, once again wishing Cuddy were there.

"I don't know how much you know but I once had a problem with Vicodin. I took it for years after my infarction to help with the pain in my leg. The Vicodin numbed the pain on most days but sometimes it got so bad… I had to resort to morphine."

He looked around the table, all eyes were on him. _It's now or never_, he thought.

"If you ask most of the people I've ever worked with they'll tell you I was an SOB from the start. I've never been sunshine and puppies but...after the infarction, I was worse. I guess I didn't see it but everyone else did. The pain and the Vicodin changed me and made me a...harsher person. The pain and anger over losing the function in my leg caused me to lash out at people for no reason. I defended taking the Vicodin, claiming that it helped me do my job, at least I thought it did. I thought I couldn't survive without it and for that, it got me into a lot of trouble over the years. As time went on, my body built up a tolerance and I never realized it until it was almost too late." He paused to drink from his bottled water.

"In a short period of time, I suffered a few traumatic brain injuries and on top of that my father died and one of my fellows committed suicide. I suffered from insomnia and began hallucinating because I was taking too much Vicodin. I finally checked into a psychiatric facility in Philadelphia and spent two months detoxing and seeing a therapist which continued after I was released. Eventually, I went back to practicing medicine and was clean almost two years. It wasn't easy but I tried to keep occupied. I spent a lot of time at work and doing whatever I could to keep my mind off the pain and off the druga. Eventually, Dr. Cuddy and I embarked upon a relationship. I don't know how much _you_ know but we've known each other since college."

He looked around the room. Nobody said a word or moved and so he continued.

"Dr. Cuddy became ill and it was a stressful time for us. One night, I relapsed. As some of you may know, Dr. Cuddy has a young daughter and at the time she did what she thought was best by ending our relationship. She knew what the Vicodin had done to me in the past and she was protecting herself and her daughter though I was too hurt to see that at the time. After the breakup I went into self-destruct mode and did some pretty horrible things I wish I hadn't done. One day, I just lost it. I went to her house for something simple, just…to return a hairbrush but...I saw something...completely innocent...that sent me over the edge and...I drove my car into her house." He took a deep breath and told himself to keep going.

"It wasn't planned, it wasn't intentional. I just..." He paused and let out a deep breath. "I never wanted to hurt anyone. If anything I wanted to hurt myself. Anyway, after...the incident, I left town but returned shortly after and accepted the sentence handed to me. During the time in prison, I did a lot of thinking because...well…that's all you can do while you're in there...is think about what you've done. I decided I didn't want to be miserable anymore. I knew if I didn't change I was going to die alone. I didn't want that. The rest is history."

There was some movement, shuffling of papers and sighs. He could feel he was getting to them.

"In regards to your current relationship with Dr. Cuddy..." One Board member began.

House cut him off. "Is that a factor here?" He didn't want Cuddy judged for anything he had done.

"Relax Dr. House," said Associate Chair Peter Bowen. "We knew long before we made this offer that Dr. Cuddy was in a relationship with you again. When we discussed the idea of your hire with her a few days ago we asked her for her input...whatever she was comfortable with sharing. She is an esteemed member of the medical community and well-known and widely respected both personally and professionally and we value her a great deal. Not only has she talked in the highest regard for your abilities as a diagnostician but she has given her highest recommendation for you in this position. She told us that there is no one better qualified than you to start and run this new department."

House breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'll admit, many of us had reservations about hiring you based on what we had heard about your attitude and authority issues at Princeton-Plainsboro not to mention the actions for which you were sent to prison. I hope you understand that we are very protective of our reputation and what we have built here and we wanted to be absolutely sure that this would be a mutually beneficial working relationship. Dr. Cuddy was very candid with us. She was adamant that you driving your car into her home and the events that preceded it were completely out of character for you. She stressed that your pain had a tendency to cause you to lash out at times but never violently or in any physical manner toward others. She gave us pretty much the same recall of events that you did and told us she believes without a doubt that the stress, the physical and emotional pain and the Vicodin pushed you over the edge; that you would not have committed those acts otherwise. She told me and I quote, _"House is an amazing man. I love him and am so proud of how far he's come."_

House sat there, stunned. He knew how Cuddy felt but he was not prepared to hear the Board relay what she had told them. Cuddy's words made him feel proud and humbled. She may not have been physically present for the meeting but she had been there, not defending him but standing up next to him and showing openly to everyone her love for him. It made him feel extremely proud at that moment.

Dr. Baker saw House's reaction and smiled to herself. She and Cuddy had talked about the incident in great detail just two days earlier. Cuddy had been apprehensive initially but Dr. Baker assured her there was no reason to be hesitant to talk to the Board, that they greatly respected her and just wanted to hear the story in her words. They needed to know from her exactly how much he'd changed before they could take that next step. Once Cuddy realized their intentions, she was very forthcoming.

"Last week," Baker said. "Dr. House authorized me to contact his psychiatrist, Dr. Darryl Nolan for information on his illness and treatment for the purposes of relaying it here to you today. May I remind you what we discuss here must be kept confidential. Dr. House was kind enough to allow us some insight into his therapy and I think we owe him that courtesy." Her eyes roamed over every one of her colleagues, who all nodded in agreement.

"Dr. Nolan has an established private practice in Philadelphia, is the former associate director at the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital and an Eminent Scholar in the Department of Psychiatry at the Perelman School of Medicine at UPenn. Their department, by the way, is a leader in research and teaching in the area of psychiatry, currently number four in the country. I tell you this because Dr. Nolan's reputation and credentials are impeccable and his statement regarding Dr. House's road to recovery is important as well as impressive."

She looked over at House and she watched him breathe deeply knowing how difficult this was for him.

"Dr. Nolan verified that Dr. House voluntarily surrendered his medical license and sought treatment at Mayfield for a period of two months back in 2009 and that he had successfully detoxed from Vicodin, which he had been using for a period of about ten years for severe chronic pain, until his body became immune to it and he began taking more, resulting in physical and mental exhaustion, insomnia and hallucinations. As a condition of his return to practice at Princeton Plainsboro, he underwent weekly drug tests which he passed, and engaged in weekly outpatient therapy. Dr. House continued attending for a period of a year when he began going through a rough time. He wasn't back on drugs but there were personal issues he was dealing with that made him question the validity of his therapy. He and Dr. House only saw each other a few times during Dr. House's relationship with Dr. Cuddy so he had no knowledge what had happened until Dr. House left prison and began seeing him again."

"Dr. Nolan's report of Dr. House's progress is astounding. He says Dr. House has been consistent in his visits as well as his physical therapy sessions. He has also made significant progress making amends with the individuals he hurt in the past. His evaluation concludes that Dr. House has made significant progress in his personal and professional relationships and has improved the quality of his life greatly. Dr. Nolan stated that while no addict is ever cured, it is extremely important to have a solid support system, which he has with Dr. Cuddy and his family, friends and colleagues."

House was relieved to hear the statement from Nolan. It was like a burden lifted. He knew he had made progress but sometimes he wondered how much. Nolan's words definitely put him at ease. He knew Nolan would never give such a recommendation if he didn't believe it himself.

Alex Powers sat back in his chair and nodded affirmatively. "Dr. House," he said. "I am very impressed at what we've just heard. You have obviously worked very hard to get your life together. I commend you for that, we all do. Now, do you have any reservations at all…that your past drug abuse won't affect your job here at this hospital?"

House shrugged. "There are times when my leg hurts so bad it feels like someone is stabbing it with a hot poker." He watched as some of the people around the table cringed. "I think about the relief I could get from just one pill but then I weigh the consequences. There's a lot at stake now, a lot more than I ever thought I'd have again and I am not about to screw it up if I can help it. Thanks to my doctors and my therapist, I'm using a number of methods to alleviate the pain including a percutaneous fentanyl patch and limited doses of oxycodone…but that's only in extreme cases and under the supervision of my doctor. I have the pills prescribed in small amounts in the smallest dose possible and when it hurts I talk to someone about it first so they can help me monitor my dosage. Besides that there's strength training, swimming, stretching, hot soaks, and massage which have all become a part of my regular routine. The pain is always going to be there but the worst is occasional and I deal with it the best I can."

The room was silent. One female member of the board wiped a tear from her eye.

"And if you relapse? How will you handle it?" Someone asked.

House knew he couldn't make any promises so he was honest. "I can't sit here and tell you that I won't ever relapse but I _can_ tell you that if I do, I've got measures in place to help me. I won't deal with it alone. I always tried to handle my pain on my own and look where it got me. If it happens, I will rely on the people I care about to help me. I've worked hard to get here and I've overcome obstacles and challenge beliefs I've had all my life in order to get here. I'm in a really great place right now and anyone who knows me knows that I don't take that lightly because I've always been one to sit back waiting for the worst. I generally don't do well outside my comfort zone but the fact that I'm leaving a longtime position at Princeton-Plainsboro, leaving my best friend and my team behind, moving in with my girlfriend and her daughter and accepting a job here should be a testament to how far I've come. If you still don't believe me then there's nothing I can do. I'm better off leaving and you can bring someone else in to do this job."

There were nodding heads around the room. House noted Dr. Greer who had paid particular attention to him the entire time, often nodding in affirmation as if he understood more than the rest. He made a mental note of that.

"I want to thank you for your candor," Powers replied. "This was obviously very difficult for you. While it may have seemed intrusive, I feel, as I am sure my colleagues do, that it was an important discussion for us to have so that we put the matter to rest and move on."

"I agree." House said, feeling a wave of relief pass over him.

"Now," Powers said, as everyone seemed to shift into a more comfortable stance, since the hardest part of the meeting had concluded. "I believe that we've asked you enough questions. Now it's your turn. Do you have you any questions for us?"

"Actually," he said, with an air of confidence. "I do."

It was around eleven-thirty when the meeting adjourned and people milled around chatting and catching up. The mood had lifted significantly and ended on a very positive note. House felt like he had done well. At least he had done his best and that's all he could do. After shaking hands with several Board members and his fellow physicians, he headed for the door, anxious to find Cuddy and tell her everything that had transpired. Before he made it to the door, he heard someone call his name.

"Dr. House!" House turned around and found the jovial Chairman of the Board approaching him.

"When Dr. Baker gave us this proposal to hire you," Powers said. "I was initially skeptical because I'd heard stories about you but it was so apparent in talking to Dr. Cuddy that she saw something in you and thought you deserved a chance. I'll admit, it's not easy to sway me but I am swayed but I am. Believe it or not, even though I'm in this position, there are times I loathe bureaucracy, but I also see a need for it. I do like your no-holds-barred approach, your dedication to your patients and your willingness to stand up for what you believe in. I also understand human frailty and weakness; we've all got things we wish we could change in our past but...we can't change the past now can we? All we can do is move on. You did that against some serious odds and you should be proud. It's going to be a real honor having you a part of this hospital. Just don't get us sued too often okay?"

House smirked. "I can't promise, but I'll try."

"Good enough for me," the jovial man said, offering his hand to House. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to catch up with a few folks." He turned and walked back towards his fellow board members.

As House watched the older man walk away, out of the corner of his eye, he saw another-Dr. Greer approach him. House tilted his head just a bit and eyed the man's gait, again noting the slight limp. When Dr. Greer approached, he held out his hand and smiled. House accepted it.

"Congratulations. That was some tough grilling in there."

"Not too bad," he mused. Realizing Greer could see right through him he said, "Okay yeah it was."

Greer grinned. "You held your own and that's important. They had to ask the hard questions. We're really looking forward to having you joining us. It's a great place to work and while we do have our share of assholes, we get along for the most part. I think you'll like it here."

House smirked. He liked Greer already.

"I heard your lecture last time you were here. I was really impressed."

"Thanks. I'm still a little rusty on the lecture circuit."

Greer laughed. "We all are." He lowered his voice. "Listen, I wanted to talk to you about what you said in there...about pain. As doctors we should know all too well the struggles faced by people addicted to painkillers. It's a damn shame there's a stigma out there which prevents people from seeking help. It would be easy to sit back and judge you and say that you should've been tougher and asked for help or you should've made better choices but the truth is that it's just too hard. Pain sucks and it can make us do things we wouldn't do under normal circumstances. It can literally take over every aspect of your life and unless someone is in your shoes and has experienced it firsthand, they can never understand."

House tilted his head in curiosity wondering Greer's point.

"What I want you to know is that I _do_ understand."

House raised an eyebrow and then it hit him. Dr. Greer had a slight limp in his step. Greer noticed House's expression and so he smiled and lifted the hem of his left pants leg to show what House had just figured out-that Greer had an artificial leg.

"I lost it in an accident eleven years ago. I was thirty-nine years old. They amputated from the lower-thigh down. I experienced such intense pain I wanted to kill myself. I was so depressed. I was on painkillers, I was moody, I stopped seeing patients, and I spent months hiding away from everyone wishing I were dead. Not only could I not handle the pain but I thought I could never be real man again without my leg. I had a wife and two kids who tried their best to let me know they didn't see me any differently but it didn't work. One day, I went to the bathroom at home and I passed my son's bedroom and heard him crying. My fourteen-year old son was _crying_, I'd never seen or heard him do that. That's when I realized that my kids needed their dad and my wife needed her husband. I wasn't the only one hurt by that accident, it affected them too. I'd been so immersed in my own pain I didn't even bother to see theirs. So…I decided I had to quit feeling sorry for myself. It wasn't easy but I started small. I got help. I saw a psychologist, started physical therapy and my family helped me pick out the prosthetics that would work best for me. Now…I can play tennis with my kids." He shook his head in disbelief. "And to think that before I just wanted to die."

House swallowed hard. How well he understood."I didn't let them amputate."

"What did they do?"

"Removed the clot and the dead muscle." Greer shook his head in complete understanding. House asked, "How bad is your pain?"

Greer shrugged. "Manageable. Not at all like it once was. When the muscles were atrophying it was pretty bad but once I got into therapy and started working it, it got better."

"That's good," House said sincerely

"It is," Greer replied. "Your story hit me hard. I felt it was important to tell you that you're not alone. I'm sure you know that but sometimes it's nice to hear it. "

"Yeah," House replied. "It is."

Just then Greer's pager went off. He looked down and smiled. "Damn, I'm late," he said. "It's my wife, Michelle. She teaches at-risk kids over at University High. They get out early on Fridays so we like to do lunch together." He put his hand out to House again, who once again accepted it.

"We'll talk soon. If you need anything, just let me know."

"Thanks," he said as Greer turned and walked away. House was approached by a few more people before he was finally able to make it out of the conference room. When he did, he found Cuddy standing in the hallway waiting for him, a nervous look on her face.

"So how did it go?" She asked, tentatively.

"I think it went okay." He said, somberly.

"Oh," she said. "I'm sorry."

Suddenly Dr. Baker came up behind him and patted him on the back. "House, you did great!" She said. Cuddy just looked at him confused.

"I was kidding," he said, nudging her. "I did pretty good."

"I'd say you did better than that." Baker mused. "I know your reputation for being an ass but you held your own and hooked every one of them and I'm impressed. I think this is going to be the start of a great working relationship." She looked over at Cuddy who was positively beaming. "Lisa, you would've been proud of him. Now why don't you two grab some lunch and relax before House's lecture. Celebrate the victory!" She winked and left them alone in the hallway. .

When they were alone, Cuddy pulled him over to the alcove down from the conference room. It was secluded at the end of a long hallway so they were not likely to be seen.

"Hey! People might see." House joked.

"Don't care, _need_ you." She mumbled against his lips as she pulled him over to the alcove. Their kiss was needy and breathless, full of longing and desire and so perfectly them..

"I can't believe I made it through that," he said as they pulled apart.

"I can. You can be quite convincing _and_ charming when you want to be."

"Why didn't you tell me you talked to them?"

"Honestly, it just happened the other day and I was so busy at work and then you got here, I hadn't even thought about it."

He pulled her close and whispered in her hair. "It was so hard talking about it, telling them what I did. It's so humiliating and it will always hurts to think about how much I hurt you."

She pulled away gently and held his face in her hands. "I know but it's okay now. You don't have to feel humiliated or ashamed. We forgave one another and moved on and we both know why they had to bring it up, why they had to know. It's done and we are still okay," she said, smiling at him.

Thanks for doing it," he said, sincerely.

"You're welcome. You should thank Nolan too. Nancy said you'd given her permission to talk to him."

"Yeah, he really came through for me."

She planted a light kiss on his lips. "It's true you know. "

"What?"

She caressed his scruff. "You are an _amazing_ man and I am so damn proud of you." She kissed him again, this time they didn't let go immediately. This time is was slow and deliberate and sweet. They hid in the alcove and kissed as they mumbled sweet nothings to one another until they were out of breath and forced to part for air again.

When they broke apart, Cuddy attempted to straighten her clothes, then she ran her fingers through her mussed hair. House leaned against the wall watching her, an amused expression on his face. She looked up and caught him grinning a her like a Cheshire cat. She rolled her eyes and smacked him lightly on the chest.

"Oh shut up and take me to lunch."


	107. Chapter 107

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all the kind words and reviews. Cherokee Jedi has been phenomenal in her support of this. We throw around ideas and banter about dialogue and scenes and her input has helped make this story not only fun to write but fun to read.

By the way, we have a new Huddy fic writer who is PHENOMENAL! This new fic will knock your socks off! Please check out clinicduty's first Huddy fic titled "Making Amends" at fanfiction dot net/s/10086483/1/Making-Amends

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><p>On Friday night, House, Cuddy and Rachel enjoyed a leisurely dinner by candlelight. House's lecture ran late because he'd been inundated with questions from faculty and students and afterward he'd been involved in a rather long last minute meeting with Dr. Baker and Board Chairman Powers. He'd called Cuddy and told her he'd take a cab home and so she ordered Italian takeout and stopped over at Sharon's house to pick up Rachel.<p>

Throughout dinner, House had been somewhat quiet and Cuddy sensed something was on his mind but assumed he would talk when he was ready. As the two adults ate quietly, Rachel tried unsuccessfully to build a house made of peas. Cuddy took a sip of her tea and glanced up at House, who caught her eye.

House put his fork down. "Okay I know you're dying of curiosity."

"What?" She asked innocently. "I didn't say anything?"

"I can _hear_ you thinking. Why don't you just _ask_?"

"You'll talk to me when you're ready."

He lifted his fork and took another bite and before he finished chewing he said, "I changed my mind about the job."

Immediately Cuddy's jaw dropped. _"What?_"

"It's not what you think. I've still got a job, we've made some adjustments."

"What _kind_ of adjustments?"

"Well...I'm not going to be head of the department."

Cuddy looked at him in shock. "_What happened?_ I thought you won them over this morning."

"I did. But I changed my mind."

"But…why?"

"A number of reasons…there's the bureaucracy which you know I loathe and then the inevitable moment when I don't do something they like, they'll go running to you and ask you go keep me in check…"

"You don't know that!" She interjected.

"You're right, I don't but I don't want to chance it either. I don't want work to get in the way of _us_ again," he said sincerely. "Besides, in the past all I did was work, well…that and _other_ things, most of it not pleasant. I don't mind the work and I love the puzzles but I don't want to be stuck there days at a time, sleeping in my chair, waking up to my leg hurting like hell. I don't want to be in the position where I have to fight the bureaucracy every day just to do my job. I did my time. It's someone else's turn."

Cuddy was clearly confused. "You're serious?"

He nodded.

"But didn't they decide to finally run with this department because of _you_?"

"They were going to get this thing going eventually, knowing I was interested in being a part of it, just sped it along. You and I both know you can't create a department around one person. You did that for me and while I'll always be grateful, donations and support for it were in large part because of _me_ and nobody else had a chance of running it. While that gives me a nice big fat ego...it doesn't do anything for the hospital. They're about to lose a great department and in a way, I actually feel bad about that because we put a lot of work into it. So, I explained my point of view to them and suggested an alternative."

"Which is?"

"Chase."

"Chase?"

"Yep." He leaned back in his chair, a sense of satisfaction in his voice.

"But how do you know he'll do it?"

"Why do you think I was so late? We called him and asked him if he wanted it. When I left they were still working out the details."

"Wow. So what's your part in it?"

"I'm going to help Chase build the new department but it's his to do whatever he wants. He'll answer to Baker and hire his own team and assistants and runs all the cases. It's his baby. I'll serve as mentor and consultant and participate in cases when he needs my help."

"But that won't be enough for you," Cuddy said.

"That's just what I'll be doing in my spare time," he joked. "My _primary_ job will be to head the new Division of Research in Diagnostic Medicine which is an arm of the Diagnostics department. I'll be answering to Baker but in this position I'm far less likely to piss her off," he said with a grin.

Cuddy's eyes lit up. "Like the ones we have in emergency medicine, pediatrics and nephrology?"

"Yeah, they're all affiliates of their departments and work together closely but they're separate entities. Like them, I'll have a budget and a staff consisting of rotating med students _if_ I want them. I'm basically the behind the scenes guy working on papers, case studies, research, and of course, the lectures. It'll bring in prestige and grant funding too which you know will keep the powers that be off my back. I'll also be a consult with Infectious Diseases and Nephrology."

Cuddy sat back, impressed. "You did your homework didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did. I needed to be sure."

He watched as Cuddy eyed him with hesitation. He felt good about the new arrangement but sensed she wasn't convinced.

"What do I have to do to convince you?" He asked.

"I just want you to be happy."

He reached out and caressed her fingers in reassurance. "It's a win for _everyone_. The hospital gets a brand new diagnostics department built by a world renowned diagnostician, it's department head is trained and mentored by said diagnostician, Chase gets to finally move up and take charge like we _both_ know he's capable of doing, I'll still be able to help solve cases plus I get to work behind the scenes without dealing with people…which you know I hate…except for the teaching but I guess I'll get used to that. And you…_you_ won't have to worry about me causing trouble around the hospital…and don't say you weren't going to worry because I know you," he said with a grin as her jaw dropped in surprise. "Plus...I'll be able to spend time doing _more_ than just working." He hoped that would get her.

She smiled. She liked that idea.

"Look at it this way. Before, I worked all the time because I didn't have anything else in my life. I was miserable and depressed. Now I'm not. I don't need a distraction anymore," he said, softly.

"You're trying to butter me up aren't you?" She asked. He'd already won her over.

"Is it working?"

"Mmm...maybe," she replied, flirtatiously.

"When did you come to this decision? You hadn't even hinted about it." She wondered why he hadn't confided in her.

"I mulled it over a few days ago." He saw the look of disappointment and realized she was hurt that he hadn't told her. He squeezed her hand. "Don't be upset. I wasn't sure about it myself. I thought long and hard about it in between everything else I had going on. The answer came to me today, I knew it was the right one. Like I said before, I put my time in, it's time for someone else to do it. There's no one better qualified to fill my shoes than Chase," he said sincerely.

Cuddy knew House passed our very few compliments so when he did, he meant it. His decision was a surprise but his reasons for it made complete sense. He seemed at peace with it and she knew she would be too. After all, she just wanted what was best for him and as he often said, no one knew that better than he did.

Cuddy beamed. "You're pretty remarkable, you know that?"

"Well, duh," he said, with a roll of the eyes.

"Do you want seconds?" She asked pointing at his empty plate.

He winked at her. "Always."

Rachel, who had been mostly silent during dinner, choosing to immerse herself in her food and building walls of peas which didn't hold up, and had only glanced up occasionally between her mom and House, suddenly held her plate up and asked,

"Can I have some more too mommy?"

"You liked that?"

"Uh huh." She nodded her head and smiled. "Tastes just like yours."

Cuddy smiled and picked up the plates and took them into the kitchen.

Rachel looked up at House with a big fat grin on her face.

"Whaaat?"

"You got somethin' on your face."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Uh huh, it's right there," she said pointing her finger at his mouth. He picked up a napkin and wiped his chin and sure enough he'd had a drop of sauce there.

"See, I told you," she said. Sitting there with her hands on her hips, she reminded him of her mother and oddly enough a little of Arlene Cuddy too. _That_ made him cringe.

"So kid, did you have a good day at school?" He asked.

"Uh huh. I got a gold star in reading."

"You did?"

"I read four books this month." She held up her hand and four fingers.

"Good for you. What did you read?"

"I read…umm…Library Lion…Wake Up Louie…uhh…No Roses for Harry…and uh…" She looked up in the air thoughtfully then giggled. "I can't member the other one."

"You can't _member_?" He asked, grinning as he mocked her.

She shook her head. "No." She giggled again.

He made a funny face at her.

"Mommy says if you make a face like that it's gonna freeze that way."

"Well, what does mommy know?"

"What don't I know?" Cuddy asked from behind as she set their plates on the table.

"Oooh," Rachel chimed in, knowing House was in trouble.

"Nothing," he said making another face at Rachel. "Just educating the wee one here."

Before Cuddy could reply, House's phone rang. She knew by the ringtone it was Wilson. The two talked for a few minutes and House hung up.

"What was that all about?" She asked.

"He wanted to know how the meeting went. I guess he hasn't run into Chase." House picked at his fettuccine. "I can tell he's lonely. He needs a woman. Didn't he hit it off with Sharon? "

"Sharon likes him; it's just that she's apprehensive about a guy who can't keep a relationship for very long."

"Well its obvious _why_. He has this incessant need to give to these women till it hurts and leaving nothing for himself. The only one who wouldn't let him do that was Amber. She was actually good for him. He's hardly dated since Sam, it's like he's given up."

"It's nice that you're worried about him but Wilson can take care of himself. I think Sharon would be good for him. She's very strong and independent, not at all needy."

"So…how do we get them together?"

"Oh no…no no…" she said as she waved her hands in front of her. "We are _not_ getting involved in that. Look how long it took us to get our act together and now you want to get involved in someone else's relationship?"

"You know Wilson; he needs a little push sometimes."

"Need I remind you what happened in the past when you got involved?"

"What? It was done out of love," he whined.

She snorted. "Maybe partly done out of love but also out of self-preservation. Sure you wanted to prove the women he was with were bad for him but you wanted to protect your relationship with him too."

"And? Was I not right?"

"You were but still…Wilson's an intelligent, nice looking, compassionate guy who does _not_ need his friends intervening on his behalf. He will find a woman on his own."

House scoffed and took another bite of his dinner.

"Do you think he'd be happier here?" He asked.

"I don't know, House. He's got his practice there…his home. He's been there a long time."

"But he's got nothing else. The only two people he gives a crap about are here."

Rachel looked up suddenly. "Crap!" She shouted, gleefully.

"Rachel Cuddy! We do not say words like that." Cuddy chastised.

"But Howse did," she whined.

"Just because House does it doesn't make it okay, now finish your dinner, sweetie."

Rachel put on her pouty face and House stuck his tongue out at her but retracted in time to see Cuddy give him the evil eye.

"As I was saying…" House continued. "The only two people he cares about are _here_. Why would he want to stay _there_?"

Cuddy watched him. His wheels were grinding. She realized what he was up to. She pointed her fork at him. "Stop whatever you're thinking about doing. Don't try to set him up with Sharon and don't guilt him into moving here. If he wants to pursue something here, fine if not, fine but let him make his own decision."

They ate in silence for the next few minutes. House seemed to retreat into deep thought. The only sounds in the room were Rachel giggling when her second wall of peas collapsed and the clink of the forks hitting their plates. Cuddy finished her meal and put her chin in her hands and watched House finish his dinner. When he finished he pushed the plate forward and rested his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. He sighed and said,

"You're right."

That was not the response she expected. "That's a first. Right about what?"

"I can't meddle. I don't want him to move out of guilt or neediness."

"I don't think it would be out of guilt, he knows you won't be alone. And as far as neediness, would that be his or yours?"

"Maybe a little of both. Wilson's always been my go-to guy when I can't make sense of things."

"That's what friends are for."

"Yeah but I don't want to go to him about you. I did that in the past and look where it got me."

"I don't think you will, not like you used to. Now we talk to each other and we don't need a mediator anymore...not that he was that great a mediator considering how much trouble he's gotten us both in over the years by giving advice but..."

"I know. When we were together before, he grilled me every day to make sure I wasn't doing anything to screw it up."

"Didn't you get tired of that?"

He shrugged. "That's how we functioned…trying to keep each other from falling into the pit of despair."

"You guys can be best buddies without nagging each other night and day about screwing up your relationships. I never liked that he blamed you for his relationship failures. I know that your meddling and taking up so much of his time didn't make it easier on him but it wasn't you who cheated and it wasn't you who couldn't communicate. He made those choices, not you. If he's going to be in a stable relationship again, he needs to do it on his own. Same goes for you. Besides, I think if he stops trying to be the perfect guy all the time and sacrificing himself at every turn, I think he could find happiness."

"I thought you believed in sacrifice."

"To a point. Like you said, he gives till it hurts. Even I don't believe in that."

"Oh, you give baby…and it hurts."

She smacked him gently on the arm. "Stop!" She couldn't stop laughing.

"So," he said, inching his hand over and caressing her fingers. "What's for dessert?"

* * *

><p>House sat on the couch in his pajamas, his sock-clad feet on the coffee table. His eyes were glued to the television in front of them. Rachel sat next to him in a pair of bunny pajamas, leaning forward, her lips pursed and a scowl of concentration on her face. The two were playing a video game when Cuddy, clad in a fluffy dark blue robe and slippers, moved three empty bowls that once held chocolate mousse aside in favor of hot cocoa. Then she took a seat and snuggled next to Rachel.<p>

"This is nice, isn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Hey you cheated!" He suddenly yelled to Rachel.

"I did not. I'm just better than you." Rachel laid down her wii controller and fist-pumped the air in victory.

Cuddy snorted. "I wonder where she learned _that_."

He tossed his controller on the table. "I let you win," he said.

"Nuh uh!" Rachel yelled, scrunching her face at him.

"Uh huh," he scrunched his face right back at her. They were face to face and she refused to budge. Finally, he gave in first. "Fine, I give up but this…is _not _over."

Rachel cheered again triumphantly.

Cuddy laughed at their interaction, then turned on the television to find something they could watch together. She settled for a space documentary on the science channel. Space was a subject that Rachel loved and as soon as her mother put it on, she moved over to one of her favorite spots-the recliner which was closer to the television and soon forgot all about the adults who spoke in hushed tones in the background.

Cuddy moved closer to House and leaned against him and asked, "Does this feel at all out of character for us?"

"What?"

"Sitting here together…a television…a fire...a kid."

"We used to do this at my place...sometimes without the kid. We did a lot of other things too." He said waggling his eyebrows.

Cuddy blushed and whispered, "Yes, we did," she replied with a nudge. Changing the subject she asked, "So when are the movers going to be there?"

"My leave starts next Friday. Movers will be there Friday morning."

"Okay maybe while you're here this weekend we can figure out where to put stuff. We definitely need to find a place for your piano. I think Julia will take mine because they don't have one and the kids want to learn."

"Oh, does my piano have sentimental value to you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he ghosted his fingers up and down her arm.

"Something like that." She smirked. They had many good memories centered around that particular instrument.

"Also, I can get most of your books into shelves in the office. In fact, it's been more of a storage room than anything else. If we clean it out you can make that your man-cave."

House loved that Cuddy was back into administrator mode already planning and organizing the move. "What about when you work at home?"

"The beauty of no longer being in charge means I don't bring work home . I use the dining room table when I do the bills, that way I can spread things out. So that other room is all yours."

House liked the idea that she no longer brought her work home with her. But he supposed since she was no longer in administration there was no need to.

"What about my bed?"

"Oh your bed definitely moves in. It's bigger and I love the beautiful hardwood."

He nudged her and winked. "Hard wood...get it?"

She rolled her eyes. "Perv," she said.

"Takes one to know one," he replied.

"So what about your apartment?" She asked. "Are you listing it or just renting it out?"

"It's on the market. I think I can get about two and a quarter for it."

"That much?"

"Yeah. It's in the historic district so it'll go fast."

"Hmm," she said. They went back to watching television and every now and then she would steal a glance over in his direction. She watched as the reflection of the flames from the fireplace danced in his eyes. The worry lines on his face had disappeared and he looked better than she'd ever seen him. His muscles were firm from exercise and therapy and his mind was sharp. His eyes were devoid of that emptiness and sadness she'd seen so much of in the past. He was taking care of himself and that made her happy.

He turned to her and caught her staring at him.

"Stop staring."

"Just admiring."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. You look…good."

He let out a sigh. "I feel good. You know...in the old days, on a Friday night, I would've either been working late or holed up at the apartment drinking scotch with Wilson, thinking up ways not to think of the pain in my leg. Now, I'm sitting here on the couch in front of a warm fire, watching the science channel with two gorgeous babes. Nobody would've believed it."

Cuddy smiled. She understood. She'd spent her own share of Friday nights alone, usually sitting on the couch with a cup of tea going over hospital budgets, employee evaluations and grant proposals.

"You're right, they probably wouldn't," she said. "The only thing that matters is that you're here and you're...not miserable or lonely anymore. You're with the people who love you. You really did it House."

"I didn't have a choice."

"There's always a choice. I've heard you say that to patients a hundred times. You had a choice to live or die. You chose to live." She wrapped her arms around him.

House ran his fingers through her hair and whispered. "I'm not the only one who changed you know."

"Me? How?"

"You're far less controlling than you ever were and oddly enough I like it. Don't get me wrong…controlling bedroom Cuddy and controlling office Cuddy are a big turn on but somehow you not trying to control my every move at home has actually made a big difference. When you pushed me I got on the defensive and pushed back. Now, I don't feel the need to be on the defensive with you."

"But you don't live here full-time yet. What if I slip back into that mode without meaning to? You know I'll try but you're not the only one who worries about screwing up."

He sighed. "We said we were gonna talk right?"

She nodded.

"Well, there you go."

"You were on the defensive most of your life especially with your dad weren't you?"

He nodded. "Everything was scheduled and organized. Everything had to be done right the first time. If not, you did it over and over till you got it right. I hated it."

"I wish I'd known all of this years earlier, I could've-"

He cut her off. "You think it would've changed things?"

"Wouldn't it? It explains so much about you."

"But if you'd known what could you have done?"

"I don't know. I'd like to think I could've done _something_." She always felt bad that not knowing enough about House's past had hindered her ability to help him in the ways he needed.

He shook his head. "I don't think things would be much different and maybe that's a good thing. Anything different and who knows where we'd be? At least the way things did turn out we're here. That might not have happened otherwise."

Cuddy had to agree with him. There was no way to know how things would've worked out. There was always the possibility that he'd been different and they never would've gotten together. She thought about how empty and meaningless her life would've been without him. If given the choice, she'd always choose the path that led to being with him.

House noticed the science channel documentary was over and he picked up the remote and turned the television off. He had something that had been on his mind all evening. _I guess now's as good a time as any_, he thought to himself.

"Come here kiddo," he motioned to Rachel, who ran over to him and seated herself on the couch between him and her mother.

House took a deep breath and looked at Cuddy, then he reached over to the table next to him and opened the drawer and removed a shiny black box and handed it to Cuddy.

"I got something for you and Rachel."

He anxiously watched Cuddy open the box.

"House!" She gasped.

He smiled nervously and watched as she gently removed one of the cameos from the box. Her breath hitched when she saw the antique cameo of mother and daughter on a silver chain.

"House…this is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me!" She looked back into the box. "And there are _two_? One for me and…one for Rach?" She looked up at him adoringly.

He nodded.

"For me?" Rachel asked, excitedly.

"Yep, that one's for you," he said, pointing at the one in the box.

Cuddy lifted out an identical cameo on the smaller silver chain and tried to hold back her tears.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. This is just…" She couldn't finish her sentence.

"Here let me put it on you." He motioned for her to turn her back to him and gently placed it around her delicate neck and locked the clasp.

"How does it look?" She asked when she turned around.

"Gorgeous," he said in a voice indicating he meant far more than just the necklace.

She leaned forward, Rachel still between them, and cupped his face in her hands. His eyes closed as she ran her smooth fingers over his skin. "Thank you," she whispered against his lips before placing a feather light kiss upon them. He opened his eyes and was lost her gray orbs. They just stared at one another forgetting for a moment that Rachel was there.

"What about me?" Rachel interrupted with impatience.

Cuddy laughed and showed Rachel her necklace. "See Rach, that's a mommy and her little girl."

"Me and you?"

"Uh huh."

"It's pretty."

"Would you like to wear it now?"

"Okay." Rachel lifted her hair and Cuddy put the necklace on her.

"Now we're just alike," Rachel said, proudly.

"Yes we are."

Rachel suddenly turned to House and threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you Howse! I luv you!"

He swallowed hard and her words pierced his heart, the heart he never thought would beat as happily as it once did the day he first met and fell in love with a young Lisa Cuddy at the University of Michigan. As House hugged Rachel back, he stroked her hair and whispered, "Love you too, kiddo."

Cuddy watched the two and nearly broke down in tears. She could never get enough of those tender moments between her daughter and the man she loved. She put her hand on Rachel's back and rubbed it as her little girl embraced House. When they pulled apart Rachel was still beaming.

"Now Rach, we need to be careful, as they are very special. You can wear it on special occasions, but not outside and not to school," Cuddy said.

"But I want to wear it all the time," she whined.

"I know you do honey but it's such a special gift, we don't want anything to happen to it."

"Is it really special?"

House chimed in. "Yep. These are very old and were made for two very special ladies a long time ago. They're two of a kind, so you have to be careful."

Rachel tilted her head as if weighing his words carefully. Finally, she said, "okay."

"Now, I think it's bedtime for you young lady," Cuddy said.

"Do I have to?" Rachel whined. House smirked. Rachel always wanted to stay up with them.

"Come on kid, I'll help tuck you in. For once you can read me a story."

"Can I read you Marshmallow?"

"Sure," he said.

"Okay!" Rachel was up and out of the room before House even grabbed his cane.

* * *

><p>Cuddy had showered while House put Rachel to bed. When she emerged from the bathroom, she found him, hands behind his head, sitting up partially against the headboard, eyes closed. He looked so relaxed she hated to disturb him. When she closed the bathroom door behind her, he opened his eyes.<p>

"She asleep?" Cuddy asked.

"Yeah," he said. "She didn't want to take off the necklace but I finally convinced her if she did you'd let her wear it tomorrow."

Cuddy chuckled. "Softie."

"By the way, the kid's a great reader. I'm impressed."

"She's a smart little girl. I'm so proud of her." She tossed her robe on the chair next to the bed and climbed into bed next to him, wrapping her arm around his waist and snuggling up to him.

He reached around and ran his fingers under her tee shirt. "Mmm...I've been waiting for _this_ since I got here."

"Have you really?" She asked seductively, leaning up to kiss him.

"Oh yeah," he whispered against her lips.

She moved closer and felt a lump near the pillow. She pulled away from him and noticed the large manila envelope on the bed. "What's that?" She asked, sitting up on her knees facing him.

"Yeah...uh...there's one more thing I wanted to give you. Call it…a little insurance policy." He picked it up and handed it to her. She tilted her head and eyed him curiously as she accepted the envelope. She opened it carefully, pulled out the papers and unfolded them.

House watched her reaction as she read the documents. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Are you _sure_ about this?"

"Yeah."

"But _this _is a lot of money."

"When Rachel turns eighteen it's all hers to do with what she wants. She can use it for college or to travel or save it for a down payment on a house. Once we decide how we want to invest it, it'll sit there drawing interest until she's ready to use it."

Cuddy was speechless. She noted his use of the word _we_ and it made her heart flutter. Every step he continued to take was forward and with them. It warmed her heart.

"I don't know what to say," she said.

"Say its okay."

"Well…of course it's okay! Wait…you sold your dad's coins, didn't you?"

He nodded.

"But those were yours; they'd been passed down from your grandfather."

House shrugged. "I thought of holding on to them but I realized the money would do her more good down the road."

"This is such an amazing gift. I mean…I've been saving for her for college since I adopted her but this is more than I could've ever imagined she'd have to start her future. What did your mom say about it?"

"She said it was sweet and then she said she'd like to think my dad would've been okay with it."

"Do you think he would?"

"He used to tell me I didn't know how good I had it. Well, now I do. If he were around, maybe he'd see it."

"First the cameos and now this." Tears rolled down her face.

He pulled her to him and rocked her. "Hey," he whispered in her ear. "Hey come on, it's a trust fund, not the end of the world.'

"I'm not upset you idiot," she said smacking him playfully while sniffling. "It's just…you never cease to amaze me. I mean, I've always known you to be a good man. You insisted I saw something that wasn't there, but it was. I always knew it. It was just buried under so much heartache and misery that you thought it was gone forever. You said you couldn't change, that people don't change and yet you did. You allowed yourself to be happy. You're still _you_, it's just that you decided you weren't going to let misery rule your life anymore. You never believed you were worth it but you were, you always have been."

Cuddy straddled his lap on her knees and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her holding her tightly to him and when they broke apart, she moved down farther on his legs and motioned for him to raise his hips, then she removed his pajama pants, slowly pulling them down and off his feet, tossing them aside. She then reached forward and pulled down his boxers, careful to avoid his scar, and discarded them too. She licked her lips at the sight of a very aroused House who stared at her with lust in his eyes. Starting at his ankles, she kissed and nipped at his skin as she worked her way back towards him. She caressed, touched, and kneaded along the way. When she got to his scar, she ghosted her left hand over it and gave it a feather light kiss. Often during lovemaking, even in their prior relationship, Cuddy had made it a point to show him with her actions that she accepted all of him, including the one thing he perceived as his biggest flaw. She never saw his scar as a flaw but as a testament to his courage-that through everything, he had made it, he had defied the odds and lived. It had been hell for him quite often but he'd done it.

She gazed at him seductively as she took his erection in her hands and stroked gently. His eyes closed and he leaned back against the headboard and moaned her name softly. She leaned down and blew a puff of air on the tip, then dragged her tongue up his length, pressing it flat along the underside of his shaft and swirled it around the tip and sucked him into her mouth. Her delicate fingers wrapped round the base of his shaft and he groaned louder. He rocked his hips toward her face slowly pumping his length between her soft lips. He was finding it difficult to breathe, and his hands kneaded her shoulders involuntarily.

Cuddy loved to drive him crazy with her ministrations and his reactions aroused her even greater. She bobbed her head along with the slow thrusts of his hips into her mouth. "Mmm," she moaned as her head moved faster, up and down his shaft. She moved her free hand up his stomach, running her nails up and down his warm skin feeling him twitch and pulse beneath her. As she sucked him, her hand pumped him quicker. Her eyes flickered up to his and as blue met gray, it was apparent that the desire they felt for each other burned brightly.

House could barely control his reactions to her. She had always had an incredible power over him. He loved letting her take charge. With Cuddy, he felt this reckless abandon, the need to throw caution to the wind and allow himself to get lost in her. As Cuddy continued sucking him and caressing him, he felt his balls grow tight. The vibrations she made with her mouth were driving him crazy. He knew he wouldn't last long and he wanted so badly to be inside her when he came. Fighting the urge to come in her mouth, he gently pulled her by the wrists. She pulled him out of her mouth and looked up at him. No words were necessary to know what he wanted.

Cuddy slid easily out of her yoga pants and panties then moved her up his body to straddle him again. She put her arms up as he lifted her tee shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor. He looked at her adoringly and took her soft plump breasts in his hands and caressed them, gently pinching her nipples. He watched as she moaned and her head feel back, eyes closed, lips parted with desire. He was entranced by the vision before him. She was sexy, beautiful, intelligent, funny and compassionate. She matched him wit for wit, challenged his every move, made his life more exciting and energetic. He leaned forward and sucked on her breasts, rolling his tongue over her nipples and feeling her shiver above him. He could feel her wetness on his thighs and knew they wouldn't last much longer.

As if Cuddy read his mind, she raised herself up and then eased down on him slowly and both of them emitted loud sighs of gratitude and relief when they were finally joined. Though it had not been long since the last time they had made love, it felt like forever. She couldn't wait until soon they could spend every night like this. She had missed his presence so much that it hurt. At night, she would sleep with a piece of his clothing she had "borrowed" and fell asleep with her face buried in it, inhaling his scent as she drifted off into her dreams.

House held on to Cuddy tightly, wanting to feel the warmth of her against him for as long as possible. He kissed every inch of her neck and face as she moved above him. He placed his hands on her hips and helped move her up and down on his length. He watched as her breasts bounced, her fingers kneaded his shoulders and her long gorgeous locks of hair fell around her shoulders. His eyes were drawn down to the beautiful cameo that hung from her neck, nestled between her breasts. He buried his face there, licking and sucking, feeling her body shudder and tremble from his touch.

Cuddy unfolded her legs and wrapped them around his waist, drawing him farther into her in their sitting position. She needed to feel all of him as deeply as possible. She couldn't get enough.

"House," she whispered. "You feel so good." She rode him faster.

"How did I get so fucking lucky?" He asked, kissing her between his words.

"This isn't luck," she panted. "This…is us…who we've always been." She felt herself tumbling into ecstasy and could barely get the words out.

He took her face in his hands and gently caressed her cheeks with his thumbs as she rocked on top of him. "No matter how bad I screw up, don't ever give up on me." He looked at her with complete unabashed sincerity.

Cuddy took her hands and placed them over his as he continued to caress her face. It was those moments when he opened his heart and soul to her and trusted only her with his deepest darkest secrets, that she knew she would be with him forever.

"I won't. I promise," she said, her grey orbs misty with tears of joy and relief.

"Good, because I'm never letting you go again," he said breathlessly as he nipped at her chin when she leaned in toward his face. He exhaled into her mouth, feeling her warm tongue caress his as they kissed. He reached his fingers down to her wet thighs and circled her engorged clit.

Her legs tightened around him, their bodies pressed together as he bucked his hips into hers, drilling his length in and out of her. Every cell in her body was on fire. She shivered in his arms when she felt her orgasm take over. With one hand he massaged her clit while the other ran up and down her back and through her beautiful mane of curls.

"Come for me, Cuddy," he whispered in her ear and suddenly she came apart as she writhed in a frantic pace on top of him. He rubbed her faster as they raced to completion. As soon as Cuddy cried her orgasm into his mouth he hit his peak and exploded inside of her. They rode their climaxes together and their mouths met in an attempt to silence their loud moans. When they came down from their high, House rested back against the headboard and brought Cuddy with him. Her arms remained wrapped tightly around him while her head lay against his chest. She could hear his heart beating wildly. He ran her hands up and down her back and when she shivered he reached for the covers and brought them over their bodies. He was still inside her but neither of them wanted to move.

She pulled away to look up at him, taking note of how incredibly relaxed and happy he looked. She pressed her lips to his, keeping their mouths parted open as their tongues tangled together.

"I love you," he said between kisses.

"I love you too."

"One more week and we can do this any time we want," he said.

"I was thinking that earlier," she said.

He held her for awhile until their breathing calmed. A little while later, Cuddy reached around and pinched his ass cheek.

"Hey!" He yelled, drawn out of his near slumber.

"Just making sure you're still awake," she said. "For round _two_," she said seductively.

"Oh you evil, evil woman," he growled as he rolled her over on her back.

* * *

><p>It was some time in the middle of the night when House woke to a noise down the hall. He threw on his pants and tee shirt, grabbed his cane and made his way down the hall. It seemed the noise had come from within Rachel's room. He entered and walked over to her bed. She was still asleep but she was mumbling. He leaned closer and couldn't quite make out what she was saying but then she giggled in her sleep and then he knew she was alright. He turned around, grinning and walked away quietly closing the door behind him.<p>

Since he was up he figured he'd get himself something to drink so he ambled into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of milk and returned to the living room. He opened the curtains and noticed the snow coming down heavily. He opened them wider and lay on the couch facing the window and watched the snow fall. These moments of solace and quiet were when he reflected upon his life. In the old days those reflections were full of heartache and sadness and misery. Now, his life had changed. And he couldn't have been happier.

House never imagined he could feel as loved and in love as he did with Cuddy. Oh he had loved Stacy but that was a long time ago and he was a different man back then. After the breakup he never thought he could feel anything for anyone again but then Cuddy was not just anyone-she had always been there, the one constant in his life. She had been his friend, adversary, boss, protector, defender, savior and biggest fan. The love had always been there, it had just taken them twenty years to realize it.

He thought about when they'd been together before, Cuddy had told him he wasn't able to open himself up to other people's pain and that she didn't think he could do better. He knew he'd screwed up early on by not contributing a hundred percent to the relationship but when he'd finally realized what he had to do, he'd decided to fight for them by doing whatever it took to be he man she needed. But when he had, it was in his own screwed up way and she hadn't recognized it for what it was-his way of committing to her, letting her know he would give up everything just for her. It wasn't until later that House had realized he didn't have to give up everything. She didn't want him to give up who he was, she just wanted him to _be_ there with her, a willing participant in the good _and_ the bad-a full partner in their relationship. He wanted to but he just wasn't sure how. Now though, everything had changed. He had overcome his fear and he'd opened himself up to her and she'd accepted him. He felt complete. He no longer worried night and day as he'd once done, that it would all come crashing down on him. He knew anything was possible but he also knew if they worked together they would survive anything.

House's thoughts turned to Rachel. He loved her-that little girl who he'd been terribly jealous of years ago for taking up Cuddy's time and attention, had become a part of his heart in ways he'd never imagined possible. She'd made him feel things he never thought he'd feel. When he and Cuddy had broken up before, it hurt not only to lose her but to lose Rachel too because they'd just begun to bond. He'd just begun to let the little girl into his heart when she'd been taken away from him. He never admitted to anyone until much later that it had hurt deeply. Now, she was there again, tugging at his heartstrings. He felt very protective of Rachel, ready to hurt anyone who tried to hurt her. He never wanted to see her hurt the way he had been throughout his life. He wanted to be a good role model for her and teach her all the things he learned when he was a child and then some. The whole world was hers and he wanted her to take advantage of it.

House shook his head in disbelief at the situation before him. He had a _family_-something he had never wanted or even thought he could have but now that he was given a second chance at it-he never wanted to let it go. It brought him a great sense of peace. He closed his eyes and listened to the embers crackling in the fireplace.

Cuddy woke and reached for House but he was gone. She knew he couldn't have gone far so she rolled back to her side and smiled thinking about the night they'd had so far. She fingered the cameo around her neck. The thoughtfulness of his gesture filled her heart with such joy it was difficult for her to express in words.

Every time they were together, things just seemed to get better between them. She was overjoyed watching Rachel and House bond in such a way she had always hoped for but never expected. She had always wanted House to be a part of her little family. He knew how she felt about him, especially after the kiss they shared when she lost Joy, but he'd been too afraid and then later, when they were finally together, they had started to become a family and then it all fell apart. The timing had just never been right.

Until now. House had gotten the courage to write her a letter and ask for her forgiveness and everything had changed. _Everything._

Cuddy sighed aloud thinking about the night she broke up with him. She'd told him that in order to care about people, he had to open himself up to feel their pain. She had told him he was incapable of doing that but he had done it. He had put himself out there, made himself vulnerable and taken the chance and she hadn't even recognized it for what it was. Now, he was doing that again. He had opened himself up to her in ways she never could've imagined. He'd opened his heart to her and Rachel and showed them both, in his own way, that he cared about them and loved them.

Now that she had House in her life again, Cuddy was not about to let him go. She vowed to herself that her family would always come first-above work and above everything. She had been so willing to sacrifice everything for Rachel when she'd been with House before, but she realized she hadn't been willing to include him in that circle, not completely. She blamed it on her protectiveness of Rachel but later realized she'd hid behind her daughter, using her as an excuse _not_ to fight harder to make things work between them. She knew she had hurt House by not fighting for him, for _them_. He had been willing to try, she had not. She would never make that mistake again.

Suddenly she missed him terribly and she sat up and called for him but there was no answer. She put on her robe and walked down the hallway first checking on Rachel and then making her way down the hall. The house was dark but she noticed the curtain open immediately and snow falling outside. She looked over and found House laying on the couch, his eyes closed, and a look of sheer content on his face.

She sat on the coffee table and grazed her fingers along his arm. He opened his eyes immediately.

"Hey," she said softly.

"What are you doing up?"

"I missed you. What are you doing out here?"

"Heard a noise, turns out it was Rachel talking in her sleep."

"She does that sometimes."

"I wonder what she's dreaming about."

Cuddy shrugged. "She can never remember."

"C'mere," he said, spreading his legs on the over sized couch to make room for her. She nestled herself between his legs and pulled the throw from the back of the couch over them. He wrapped his arms around her and she laid her head on his chest and ran her fingers under his tee shirt, caressing his warm skin. They laid there watching the snow fall together.

"House?"

"Hmm."

"How many people do you think get as many chances as we did?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly.

"It's fate."

House scoffed at the notion.

She chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, I know you don't believe in fate but you have to admit, we were made for one another." She smiled against his chest.

He didn't reply but he nodded as he ran his fingers through her hair. He felt her body relax against him. _Oh yeah_, he thought to himself. _We definitely were made for each other._

"Tell me the story about the cameos," She said, lifting her head to look up at him.

House kissed the top of her head and nodded, then quietly relayed to her the story about his trip to the antique store and Walt and Dottie. When he finally finished, Cuddy was in tears.

"Don't cry." He said, stroking her hair.

She sniffled. "It's so sad. I can't believe they lost their only child."

"It wasn't supposed to make you cry," he said kissing the top of her head.

She sat up and looked at him. He brushed a lock of hair from her face.

"It's so sad and beautiful. Walt & Dottie remind me of us. I mean...in love all those years from the time they were so young...except they weren't complete idiots like we were."

"That's so romantic," he mused.

Cuddy chuckled. "I do love this," she said fingering her cameo. "It's the most beautiful and thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me and that it's from you means so much more than you could ever know."

"When I saw them...it just reminded me of you and Rachel," he said, as he continued to stroke her hair and her back.

"That was really nice of him to just give them to you."

"You know what he said? He said that no one had expressed any interest but he knew eventually the right person would come along."

"And the right person did," she said, snuggling against him.

"Do you think we should tell Rachel the story?" He asked.

"I think we could when she's a little older. It's a very beautiful and touching story. I think she'll appreciate it when she's old enough to understand it."

"Okay."

They remained on the couch, snuggled under the fleece blanket, quietly watching the snow fall until eventually they fell asleep._  
><em>


	108. Chapter 108

House arrived home late Sunday night very tired after a long day at the science museum with Cuddy, Rachel, Sharon and Hannah followed by dinner at Mr. Bartley's Burger Cottage, where all the burgers have clever names including those of political figures and famous local celebrities. House, of course couldn't resist ordering "The Viagra", described as a burger which "rises to the occasion" made with blue cheese dressing, bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Cuddy practically slithered under the table with embarrassment when Rachel, who always enjoyed mimicking House's actions, asked the waiter rather loudly if she could have a Viagra too.

Rachel had taken House's departure the hardest. When Cuddy had gotten her little girl ready to drop off at Sharon's so she could get House to the airport for his late flight, Rachel broke down in tears begging to go with them. It was then followed by a heartbreaking and pitiful scene at the terminal when Rachel latched on to House's good leg promising she'd be good if he stayed. The ticket agent was so moved that she told House to take a few extra moments with Rachel, that the plane was only a quarter full and could wait a few more moments before departing. A grateful House sat down and talked with Rachel and told her that he had to get back to Princeton but that he would be back for good in just one week. He even gave her his phone number so she could call him anytime, after looking up at a teary-eyed Cuddy who nodded her head in approval. Then he did something he did not expect to do as it was not in his nature. He pulled the little girl into his arms and hugged her. Cuddy wiped her eyes as she watched the scene in front of her. She watched as Rachel whispered something in his ear and he nodded gently before he let go.

When House said goodbye to Cuddy, he stood in front of her, a lump in his throat, not knowing what to say to make her feel better. They were both tired of the distance, tired of the trips back and forth. They just wanted to get the move over with and finally be together. Cuddy read in his eyes the promise of his return and gave him a faint smile and reached a hand to his face and caressed his scruff. House closed his eyes and leaned into her touch as he so often did. They stood there a moment, letting touch speak for them until Cuddy ran her hands down his chest, patting him gently to let him know it was time. When he opened his eyes, he nodded, gently clasped both her hands, and then let them go. He turned around and boarded the plane, not looking back. He couldn't look back, it just hurt too much.

Upon his return to the hospital, House had been kept busy, bombarded with tasks that needed completion before his departure. He spent Monday wrapping up discharge summaries and dictation for insurance billing then worked with Chase to refer patients who had recently requested their services to other hospitals, as well as other departmental administrative duties.

House was forced to cancel both his therapy sessions on Tuesday in order to attend a mandatory meeting with Human Resources to do his exit paperwork and give a lengthy presentation to the Board on the state of the Diagnostics department and how he and Stevens had planned to close it down. He hated cancelling therapy sessions with both Nolan and Vince had been what kept his pain in check. Stevens assured him that he could take the time he needed on Wednesday to attend his sessions.

On Wednesday morning, House surprised everyone when he walked into the hospital before eight o'clock. As usual he sneered at Nurse Jeffrey and the others who thumbed their noses at him. They'd never liked him before and much less so after he'd run off their beloved boss. Though word had spread that he and Cuddy were back together and that he was leaving the hospital and moving in with her, the attitudes of many had never changed. House didn't care either; he never put much stock in what they thought of him from the beginning.

He got off the elevator on the fourth floor intending to drop off his backpack in his office and head straight to physical therapy. He definitely needed the PT as he hadn't realized how much time he'd spent on his feet since returning from Boston and when he woke up that morning the breakthrough pain hit him, not severe but enough to remind him of the reason for his sessions.

When he entered the conference room, he found Adams and Park buried in stacks of files at the conference table and boxes littering the floor. Flat boxes were stacked along the wall. Chase was busy making coffee.

"Morning sunshines," he said, with mock cheeriness as he limped past them.

"Yeah, right," Adams groaned.

"What's up with you?" He asked.

"These case files...are...a mess," she whined.

"Remind me why we have to copy this stuff?" Park asked.

"Because I'm the boss and I say so," he replied. Park huffed at his reply. Actually, House really needed those files. He'd asked Stevens if he could copy several case files for use in the journal article he was writing. Stevens gave the green light knowing that whatever House would write would most certainly benefit the reputation of the hospital even if they no longer had a Diagnostics department.

Looking around, House asked, "Where's Taub?"

"Interview at Princeton General," Chase replied as he put the pot of coffee on to brew.

"No kidding," House said, nonchalantly. He hadn't kept up much with what his fellows were doing in the last week or so, especially since there were no cases and he knew they would be actively searching for other work.

"Nope. It's his second actually," Chase replied, following him into his office. "First one was Friday. Where have you been?" He joked.

"As you know...my mind has been elsewhere," he said, leaning his cane against the desk and taking a seat in his chair. So how did things go Friday night?" He put his feet up on the desk and crossed them at the ankles.

"Well, as you know," Chase replied with a grin. "I was taken completely by surprise."

"Does that bother you?"

"Not in the least."

"So..."

"It's a sweet deal, of course I'm taking it."

House leaned back with his hands behind his head and a smile of satisfaction. "You nervous?" He asked.

"A bit. Look, it's one thing to be your fellow all these years and follow you but it's another thing to take over a department."

"You're not taking over; you're starting a new department from scratch, just like what I did here. Big difference. You don't have any shoes to fill but your own."

Chase nodded. He had a point. "I can't thank you enough for recommending me."

"It's nothing."

Chase scoffed. "It's a lot." And it was. He was in awe that the man he'd always respected but at times loathed had become one of the most important people in his life. He knew House better than most; they had shared a similar upbringing in regards to their relationships with their fathers. They shared a similar passion for medicine and also a past history of failed relationships.

"You can owe me," House said.

Chase nodded with a laugh.

"By the way, when are you moving?"

"I'm already on it. Dr. Baker has sent me a list of places for rent and I've already checked a few of them out online. I could probably wrap things up and be there in a few weeks."

"Would you mind seeing to any loose ends here when I leave?"

"Sure, I don't think we have much left, do we?"

"No. You'd think that it'd be more difficult to close down a department that's been around this long."

"Things have gone rather smoothly," Chase replied. "But I'll do it, no problem. I can call you if there are any problems."

"I shouldn't say this but since you're doing me a favor...I _can_ come back here and help if it's anything disastrous."

"I doubt that's necessary but I'll let Stevens know."

"Thanks."

"Listen...I figured you'd need some boxes here and at home so I asked the janitor to bring some up." Chase motioned to the wall of the outer conference room where the flattened boxes were stacked that House had seen earlier. "I packed up quite a bit already out there but I figured you'd want to take care of things in here."

"Stevens letting you take anything?"

"Lot of stuff the hospital won't ever use but I'll need them."

Just then, Adams strolled past Chase with a huge stack of mail she tossed onto House's desk.

"Hey," he yelled as she walked out. "Didn't you forget something?"

"Not my job anymore," she said as she turned around and stomped out.

"Hey I'm still your boss and as long as I'm here I'll continue to make your lives hell," he called after her.

"Yeah, yeah," she yelled back, completely ignoring him, which made him smirk. He grinned at her smartass behavior. Opening his mail had been the thankless job that Adams had inherited when Chase became team leader. Chase of course had inherited it from Thirteen who inherited it from Cameron. House knew that Adams thought she was relegated to do it because she was female but the truth was, House thought she was enough of a bleeding heart where she would read the letters and referral requests carefully and decide which ones to consider for treatment. Cuddy had chastised him one time about having Cameron-his only female fellow act as his secretary but the truth was that Cameron was the person best suited to talk with the potential patients, screen them and write the letters accepting or denying requests for help.

Chase chuckled at the interaction. "Listen, I'm going to help them. If you need anything let me know."

House nodded without saying a word and leaned forward in his chair, rifling through his mail, most of which he tossed in the trash can, unopened. He came across a light blue envelope with a return address in New York. It felt like there was card board inside so he opened it and pulled out a three-by-five color photo of a baby wrapped in a onesie. On the back was the name Garrett Benjamin Hodges. There was a piece of paper with it which he unfolded and read:

_Dr. House,_

_This is my newest pride and joy. He was born about a month after I saw you. He was seven pounds, six ounces and not a single complication, thank God. I wanted you to have this picture because though you will deny it, you were an important part of this miracle. You helped me when I was at the lowest point in my life. You didn't intend to help, but you did. You helped me stand up and face my pain and fight to not let it take over my life. All I can do is say "thank you" for helping me ease my pain. I hope someday you will be able to find a way to ease yours too...so you can be happy._

_Warmest regards,_

_Eve_

House read the letter twice and picked up the picture and scrutinized it carefully. He had to admit, the baby was adorable. Small tufts of blonde hair and blue eyes like his mother. House never expected to hear from Eve again when she and her husband left his office months earlier. It was hard to believe that she had gone from college student and rape victim, pregnant with an STD to wife and mother to a newborn and obviously very happy. As he fingered the picture, his door opened.

"Hey, you hungry?" Wilson asked. "Figured we could grab a bagel and some coffee in the cafeteria."

"Actually I'm supposed to be headed to therapy." House tossed the picture and letter on the desk.

"Whatcha got there?" He asked as he approached House's desk. He picked up the picture and stared at it inquisitively.

"Yours?" He asked, facetiously.

"Ha ha," House replied. "Remember Eve? The rape patient from way back who came to see me a few months ago?"

Wilson looked at the picture again. "Wow, that's hers huh? Good for her. Cute kid."

"He's okay."

"Oh come on House, all babies are cute."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah till they grow up and become annoying oncologists."

"Hey...watch it...some oncologists buy their best friends lunch nearly every day for the past fifteen years."

House held up his hands. "Okay fine, most are annoying, you are not. You are just...you."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "You got anything planned after therapy? Are you going to see Nolan?"

House rubbed his thigh vigorously. Wilson could tell it hurt more than usual. "Yeah, Stevens told me I could take a few hours this afternoon. I'll come back here and finish up afterwards."

Wilson knew House's leg was bothering him more over the last few days. "You want me to drive you?"

* * *

><p>Nearly three hours later, House was settled comfortably in the passenger seat of Wilson's car as Wilson drove them to Philadelphia. Wilson had insisted on driving House to Philadelphia and immediately cancelled the only appointment he'd had that afternoon, packed up his laptop to do some work. While Wilson listened to talk radio, House sat back with his eyes closed and relaxed. It had been a tough but good physical therapy session. Though tired from the workout he was a bit invigorated and in much better spirits than he had been earlier that morning. The workouts released endorphins which had the tendency to relax him.<p>

When House started physical rehab at Mayfield, he realized just how out of shape he'd been. It was frustrating for him because he'd been athletic nearly his entire life up until the infarction. Years of limping and using a cane had taken its toll on his strength and his posture and it was difficult reversing the damage though his therapists assured him that with dedication and hard work it was possible. When he left Mayfield he'd continued physical therapy but not as often and then during his relationship with Cuddy he'd hardly gone at all. Of course afterwards, it was nonexistent and the abuse he heaped on himself physically and emotionally undid early all the good he'd achieved in the preceding two years, including decreasing his tolerance for pain and increasing his need for painkillers and other unsafe and unhealthy distractions.

House liked Vince's upfront no-holds barred approach to therapy. Vince had always worked him hard but in the end it was worth it. In their earlier session, they'd begun with stretching, followed by heavy repetitions on the nautilus machines for the upper body which worked the arm, shoulder, upper and lower back muscles. House did this without complaint for he liked the way his upper body strength had returned to where it was before his infarction. After some more stretching he'd done light abdominals and leg exercises with fewer repetitions at lower weights. He liked to work his left leg as hard as he could to make up for the lack of strength in the right. When it came to his right leg, Vince helped him work it, maximizing every functioning muscle in the leg in an effort to make up for what he was missing.

After the weights, he stretched again and Vince stuck him in the pool for some laps. House loved the pool; the zero gravity effect did wonders for his leg. In the pool he felt strong and vibrant as he raced from one end to the other attempting to beat his own speed record every time. Of course, Vince told him the point of the therapy wasn't speed, but strength and agility.

To round things out House received a massage from a young, newly engaged therapist named Kristen. House of course, hearing of her engagement, took every opportunity to give her advice on how not to let her fiancée screw up their relationship. Later she'd thrown a towel at him and told him to hit the hot tub, which he did, gladly.

* * *

><p>Though the weather was cold outside, there wasn't a cloud in the sky over the premises of the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital and so Wilson opted to sit outside at one of the picnic tables with his laptop catching up on his work email while House spent some quality time with Nolan.<p>

House sat in the big recliner twirling his cane updating Nolan on the latest events in his life and his upcoming relocation to Boston. He'd talked openly for some time and then just became quiet, for no reason. Nolan watched him intently as he twirled his cane with one hand and rubbed his thigh with the other.

"How bad does it hurt?" The psychiatrist finally asked.

"Not much, really."

"I take it therapy went well?"

"He kicked my ass. Made me swim double laps in the pool just because I'm leaving."

"Swimming is great therapy."

"Yeah."

"You and Dr. Cuddy should think about getting a pool."

"One thing at a time, I'm not even moved in yet."

"So how's that going?"

"Tomorrow's my last day at work. I'm nearly finished with closing up things there. Signed all the paperwork, taken care of all the benefits stuff."

"So, nothing left."

"Not much."

"Speaking of therapy, what will you do for PT once you get to Boston? Have you found a replacement?"

"Actually yeah. That reminds me." House reached down into his backpack and took out a blue folder and tossed it to Nolan."

"What's this?" He asked.

House nodded toward the documents. "Just read...especially if I'm paying for the time," he snarked.

Nolan smiled read through the materials and nodded his head, apparently in agreement with whatever he was reading. He flipped through some more papers and then shuffled them and closed the folder.

"Greg, this is impressive and this could not have worked out better for you. Mass General has one of the best new Pain Medicine and Pain Management Rehab programs on the east coast."

"Try in the country," House countered.

Nolan nodded. "Indeed. This," he tapped the folder with a finger. "Is very good news."

"Impressive isn't it?"

"I'll say. You'll be in excellent hands." Nolan was thrilled for House. That program was just what he needed.

"They take an individual approach, they don't force all patients into a few types of programs. It's tailored specifically to the patient's needs. This means they're going to work with me to develop the right plan for _me_."

Nolan opened the folder again and took out the sheet on top. "It says here their goal is to help you return to the highest level of function and independence possible, while improving the overall quality of life-physically, emotionally and socially."

"Yep. Combo of therapies like OTC's, prescription pain meds, antidepressants, heat and cold treatments, physical and occupational therapy, exercise, local electrical stimulation, nerve blocks, psychotherapy, stress management, relaxation, hypnosis, biofeedback, etc."

"I'm very proud of you."

"I wouldn't be so hasty."

Nolan leaned forward. "Why's that?"

House stared absentmindedly at the wall. "Some days I really want a Vicodin. Just one."

"That's to be expected. Of course you just want to alleviate your pain. Vicodin is the easy answer and yet you choose not to go that route. Instead you're working your ass off to alleviate your pain without taking those pills. The question is...why? What keeps you from giving in?"

House twirled his cane while he pondered his answer.

"I won't be able to just take one. It starts with one to ease the pain and then it's more than one and then...after that...however many I take...it'd never be enough."

"Is that the only reason?"

"No." He had several reasons, two of which were in Boston. "I've worked hard to get to this point. I don't want to start over. I know that all the shit I've gone through to date won't matter if I get hooked on them again. I don't want to go through that shit again."

"Starting over is hard but it's not impossible."

"I just don't want to. I'm doing everything now that I should've done years ago. If I'd done it then, I wouldn't be doing it now. I don't want to have to start over. Not if I can help it."

Nolan appreciated House's honesty. "That's a good attitude, Greg. You'll have roadblocks, setbacks and you might even relapse but you don't have to be afraid of it. Just know that things will happen which will test your resolve and you deal with them as they come. You have a support system when you need it and it is constant. Count on it, rely on it, use it."

"I know," he sighed softly. Then he added, "I spent so many years trying to save this fucking thing." He touched his leg gently with his cane. "I nearly lost everything because of it."

"Your pain has always been more than just physical."

"True but if it weren't for the physical, the rest probably would've been a little more bearable."

"Perhaps, but you'll never know and its useless and unproductive to speculate on it."

House sighed loudly. He knew Nolan was right. He'd often told people that focusing on their past was a useless waste of time. But he knew that his leg had just made it harder for him to deal with the other pain, it distracted him from it, pushed it pushed himself up from the chair and limped over to the window and looked out thoughtfully. He noted it was a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky. He watched the patients who walked among the grounds. He noted a man sitting alone on a bench and it reminded him of a time when that was him sitting there.

After a few minutes, Nolan asked, "What are you thinking?"

"Just reminiscing," he said. He half-turned to Nolan and pointed out the window. "The one in the wool cap and pajamas playing cards...that used to be me. Is he crazy too?"

"Greg, you were never crazy. You hallucinated due to an overdose of Vicodin in your system combined with brain injuries that never healed properly."

He laughed mockingly at Nolan but didn't turn around. "So you don't think that the all my dysfunction is a sign of being even a little mentally ill?"

Nolan shook his head adamantly. "No. There's no such thing as a _little_ mentally ill Greg. Either you are or you aren't. Mental illness is a condition which disrupts your thinking, feeling, mood, and your ability to relate to others and daily functioning. It's a medical condition..."

"Don't give me the clinical definition," he groaned. "I know the signs. Depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, OCD, panic disorder, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, blah, blah, blah."

"It's true that you've had to deal with depression and PTSD but we've identified the causes and you've worked very hard to manage and treat it. You've made amazing progress by making positive changes in your life to deal with your pain. Mental illness is about not being of sound mind. You are _without a doubt,_ of sound mind."

House seemed to accept that answer. Perhaps it was never even a question. Nolan thought it was just another piece of the puzzle of his life that he was putting in its proper place before moving on. He watched the diagnostician twirl his cane and knew his mind was churning. He sat back waiting for House to speak. Finally, he did.

"When I left Boston the other night, Rachel had a hard time with it. She cried and she...held on to me." House recalled the moment vividly when he hugged the little girl and her tears soaked the front of his tee shirt that she had grabbed tightly with her little hands. He also recalled her whispering in his ear. Remembering what she said both scared him and melted his heart. He hadn't talked about it with anyone, not yet. It was something just between them.

Nolan sat back with raised eyebrows. "Well, of course she doesn't want you to go Greg, she's very attached to you but you already knew that. And you...are very attached to her."

"It's hard not to be. She's a great kid." House leaned against the windowsill. "If you would've told me years ago this would've been my life..."

"I know. But it _is_ your life."

"What if there are things she needs that I can't give her?"

Nolan scoffed. "If you mean Rachel, I can't imagine anything she needs that you can't give her."

"I can't teach her how to ride a bike. I can't play sports with her. What if she gets hurt and I can't get to her fast enough?"

Nolan wasn't surprised to hear those things from House. He'd always been his own worst enemy and playing up the worst about himself instead of the best.

"It's not a big deal Greg. Dr. Cuddy can help you teach her to ride a bike. And when it comes to sports, there's more to it than actually playing. You can coach her and teach her good sportsmanship, be there to cheer her on, celebrate when she wins and be a shoulder when she loses. So you can't play most sports because of your leg but there are still physical activities you can do like throwing a ball or swimming. You still bowl right?"

House nodded.

"Okay there you go. Be creative Greg, don't limit yourself. Find things you can do together. And as to her getting hurt...first of all she'll be living in a house with two very capable doctors and second, you of all people should know that when you really have to do something, you find a way. There's no sense worrying about what might happen. If it happens, you deal with it. Don't let what might happen keep you from living your life."

House looked down; both his hands were firmly clasped on his cane which he tapped on the floor.

"You're not convinced."

"Have you met me?" He asked, attempting to deflect.

"Greg," he said softly. "Rachel is a bright little girl with her whole life ahead of her. There's so much you can teach her, so much she can learn from you. You have this wealth of knowledge and experience and you can pass that on to her. Children are like balls of clay, they need to be molded into the right shape. You do that through being the kind of influence and role model she needs in her life. There is no doubt that with you and Dr. Cuddy raising her, Rachel will be a remarkable child."

"She already is," House replied softly.

Nolan knew from the way House pursed his lips and tapped his cane like he did when he was in deep thought that he'd gotten through to him. He decided to try one more thing to send his point home.

"Greg, the life...the happiness that you thought had eluded you your entire life has now embraced you. It's going to have its share of ups and downs but that's the way life is. Those girls need you, you need them. That's all that matters. Figure out the rest as you go along."

Finally House looked up and asked, "So you really think I can do it?"

Nolan grinned. "You're _already_ doing it."


	109. Chapter 109

Cuddy was in the midst of a working dinner. The Director of the Administrative Fellows Program had called a meeting to discuss proposed changes in curriculum, entry requirements and teaching loads and they'd ordered dinner from a local restaurant. They'd already been at it three hours and for her that was two hours longer than she thought was necessary. Cuddy hated working late because she enjoyed her time with Rachel in the evenings. She'd worked so much back in Princeton that she made a promise to Rachel when they moved to Boston that unless there was an emergency, they would always have dinner and the evening together and she'd been successful at keeping that promise most of the time. Also, Rachel seemed down since House left and Cuddy wanted to keep her mind off missing him by spending as much time with her as possible.

Just as Cuddy was ready to chime in on something her colleagues were discussing, her cell phone vibrated. She took it out of her jacket pocket and placed it below the conference table to read so as not to draw attention. She read the display.

House.

_"What are you wearing?"_

She rolled her eyes and texted back. _"Later. In a meeting."_

_"Now!"_

_"Later!"_

_"Pleeeeeease!"_

Cuddy barely managed to stifle her laugh but gave in to his request.

_"Black skirt, silk top, cropped black jacket."_

He responded almost immediately.

_"Bra, camisole, panties? Details woman!"_

Cuddy grinned and texted him back.

_"White lace, no, and matching."_

_"Hmm...nice. No shoes?"_

_"Of course I'm wearing shoes."_

_"Manolo, Louboutins?_

_"Michael Kors."_

_"Hmm...don't know him. Stockings?"_

_"Duh, it's cold."_

"Lisa?" Cuddy looked up and realized they were talking to her.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Since we're done here some of us are heading over to Jackson's for a few drinks. You want to join us?"

"No thanks," she said, thankful the meeting was finally over. "Rachel's waiting for me."

The group disbursed and Cuddy gathered her things and headed back to her office to dump them so she could head home. No sooner had she entered her office than her phone rang. The screen displayed House's name and she smiled.

"Hi," she answered in a sexy, husky voice. "I've been thinking of you." It was true. It had been a long and hectic day and hearing his voice seemed to make all of the stress go away.

"Nice use of the sexy voice there, what if I was your mother?"

"Then this conversation would suddenly be _very_ weird. Besides, I'd be very worried if my mother were calling me from your phone. Now what are you doing?"

"Working. You?"

"Just finished a working dinner with colleagues."

"Bor-_ing_."

"Part of my job."

"Quit your job and run away with me. We'll travel the world," he said. Then he added, "Oh wait, I can't run. Fine, quit your job and limp away with me."

Cuddy snorted. "We're going to _limp_ around the world?"

"Yeah we'll have matching canes and everything. We'll even get a mini-cane for Rachel too. And a monkey."

"A monkey?"

"Yeah, doesn't _every_ freakshow have a monkey?"

Cuddy couldn't contain her laughter. "House, we're not a freakshow."

"You sure about that?" He asked. "I mean...there's your mother and-"

"House!"

"Fine. Listen, you're loaded, I'm loaded and in a few years Rachel will be loaded and then we can live off her. We can eat ramen noodles and travel the world for the rest of our lives."

"Yeah," she chuckled. "Till you got bored."

"I could never get bored with you around."

"Give it about thirty more years and we'll see how you feel," she mused. She could almost feel House grinning. She knew he liked it when she gave as good as she got.

"Oh...I'll be able to feel you in thirty years trust me because that ass-"

"House!" She was laughing out loud now.

"Okay fine. So...how's the kid?" He asked.

"Rach is fine, she's actually over at Bernie's for a few hours. You remember Bernie, our musician neighbor? His daughter Melissa and her family are in town and staying with him for a week. Her kids are around Rachel's age and they get along great. Rachel found out they were going to be here and wanted to play with them."

"So you know them pretty well?"

"Of course. e adore Bernie and his family, they're good people."

"So what's the plan for you tonight?"

"Well...I was getting ready to leave when you called," Cuddy said as she locked her office and headed to the elevator.

"I'll let you go so you can go home."

"I'm getting in the elevator. Talk to me till I get in the car."

"The movers are coming tomorrow."

"Are you ready?"

"No but I will be. They're doing all the work. Wilson's coming over too." As an afterthought he added, "I think I might've sold my apartment."

"Really? That was fast."

"Yep they're coming over to look at it tomorrow. Newlyweds both got jobs teaching at Princeton. Fresh from their PhD too. They saw the few pics my realtor posted and it's the perfect size and distance from work."

"That's great news. It'd be nice if you could get an offer right away. By the way, do you need help with anything? We can come down there if you need me," she said as she made her way through the parking garage, waving at the security guard as she passed him.

"Don't you have to work?" He asked.

"I can take off."

"No, don't. We've got it. Besides we'll be there Friday."

Cuddy got in her car and tossed her things in the passenger seat. She locked the door and leaned back in the seat.

"That's right, Wilson's coming with you." She leaned back against the headrest and sighed loudly. "Oh God I've got so much to do. I've need to clean up and move things around and..._shit_...I've got to get a storage unit so I can store the stuff I'm giving to Julia."

"Relax. It's covered."

"What?"

"The moving van will be there Friday morning early so you might want to skip your yoga."

"I kind of expected that. I took the day off, remember?"

"But you don't need to get the storage unit."

"Why?" She asked, puzzled.

"When they're done with us they're going to load up that stuff and take it to Julia's."

"How did you get them to do that?"

"Paid them a little extra. So you'll just need to tag all the stuff you want to go because they don't want to wait around."

"Thank you." He'd just saved her a lot of time. She grinned broadly at his gesture. It was just like House to do something completely unexpected like that.

"It's the least I can do."

She was still beaming at his thoughtfulness. "So is work all wrapped up yet?"

"For the most part. Chase has a few more weeks till he moves. He's going to take care of any loose ends. Told him I'd come back here if he needed me but I think it'll be fine because...and you'll love this...this is the first time since you hired me years back that I've got all my paperwork done."

"That's a shock."

He laughed. "That's what Stevens said."

They talked a while longer, in fact Cuddy put House on speakerphone and talked to him all the way home and then sat in the car another thirty minutes before she had to end it and walk down the street to the neighbor's house to get Rachel.

It was cold but invigorating and she enjoyed the walk to Bernie's house. As she wrapped her arms around herself trying to stay warm, her thoughts drifted to the one thing that seemed to occupy her mind so much of the time.

House.

She missed him so much. He made her feel safe. She knew that no one, except perhaps Wilson, would ever understand. Despite his propensity over the years to be gruff, brash and rude, lashing out at others for whatever reason, she had never_ not_ felt safe or protected around him. In their previous relationship she'd told him one night that she felt that way and he'd scoffed at the idea because of his leg but she explained his leg had nothing to do with it. She knew that if she or Rachel were ever in any kind of danger he would do everything to protect and save them. It was just something she knew in her heart. She always had.

She supposed that others would think she was crazy for feeling that way. After all, on the night of the crash, she'd sat on the cold concrete in front of her house and told the officer that she had expected something big would happen. But she really never expected _that_. She'd understandably spoken out of shock and anger but then one morning, just after having relocated to Boston, she woke up in her bed, cold and lonely, and reached her hand out to the other side and caressed the sheets where he would normally have been. She remembered how safe she'd felt with him in her bed and then it hit her that House had spent _years_ protecting her...shielding her from her own mistakes and of course shielding her from _him._ He'd always been there to prop her up when she needed it but when they'd gotten too close he'd put the wall between them. He'd done that for her as much as himself.

House was no knight in shining armor but his protectiveness of her ran deep. She knew there were only four people he would go to such lengths to protect-even sacrifice his life for-and that was her, Wilson, Blythe, and of course-Rachel. The moment Cuddy realized that was when her anger and shock had begun to subside and the full reality of how much she had contributed to his actions, hit her. It was then that she began to have feelings of remorse and forgiveness.

When they were together before, others had openly questioned her choice for a partner and often commented that she was crazy to date a man who put himself first but Cuddy knew the truth. House put the people he cared about _first _when it really mattered_._ He just did it in ways that didn't make sense to others, but they made sense to him. House touted he didn't belief in self-sacrifice but for the people he loved, he did. Yes, House made her feel safe and protected and loved. She smiled at the thought. She knew he could not protect them from everything, bad things would happen, but she always felt she had a better chance of surviving the worst with him by her side. To her, House wasn't just House, he was her safe place-her _home_.

Before she realized it, she was standing at the front door of Bernie's house. She heard the sound of the violin playing and people laughing. She took a deep breath and put on a smile for everyone and knocked on the door.

* * *

><p>About an hour later, Cuddy sat on the bed with Rachel reading her a story. She noticed her little girl seemed quiet which was odd because all the way home she'd gone on nonstop about how Bernie let her play his piano and let her try his violin and how her friends Gabriel and Megan shared their 5,000 piece Lego set with her.<p>

"You're awfully quiet monkey, you okay?"

The little girl sighed and her brows furrowed in deep thought. Cuddy swore she learned that look from House.

"Yeah," she replied.

Cuddy closed the book and tossed it aside. "What's up?"

"I miss Howse," she said looking up at her mother with a pitiful expression.

She grabbed Rachel and held her close. "Me too."

"When's he gonna be here?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"Can I call him?"

"Not tonight honey, it's late. But maybe tomorrow."

"But Howse said I could call him anytime," she whined.

Cuddy looked at her watch. It was just a little after ten. She wondered if House would still be up and then chastised herself. _Of course he was up._ Finally, she relented.

"Okay but you have to make it quick. You have school tomorrow."

"Yay!" Rachel yelled while Cuddy went into her bedroom to get her phone. She returned and sat down next to Rachel and dialed.

"I knew you couldn't resist me," came the sexy deep voice on the other line.

Cuddy chuckled. "I'm not the one calling...Rachel is...she wants to talk to you."

"Really?" He asked.

"Yes, really. Remember you told her she could call anytime she wanted. I'm going to put her on, she's so excited I'm afraid she's going to explode." Cuddy handed Rachel the phone.

As her daughter held the phone to her ear, Cuddy could only hear one side of the conversation. Rachel suddenly perked up and talked excitedly. She heard Rachel tell House about her day and of course she left out no details. As they talked, Cuddy decided to go get her bath started. She returned a few minutes later, Rachel was all smiles and handed her the phone.

"Here mommy."

Cuddy took the phone while Rachel tucked herself under the covers.

"Kiss her goodnight," he said. "I wanna talk to you."

"Okay," Cuddy said, tentatively, wondering what he wanted. She pulled the phone away from her ear and kissed Rachel goodnight. She turned off the light, closed the door almost all the way and went into her bedroom.

"Okay what's up," she asked.

"I miss you," he said, simply.

Cuddy's heart melted. "I miss you too."

"So what are you doing now?"

"Getting ready to take a bath."

"Can I join you?"

"I wish. Soon?"

"Yeah."

"Hey I forgot to ask you earlier how your sessions went today."

"Brutal."

"That bad?"

"Some breakthrough pain. PT helped. Vince hugged me. I think he's gonna miss me."

She nearly laughed out loud at the mental picture of Vince hugging House. Vince was a very friendly, outgoing, hugging kind of guy and she wished she'd had a picture of that.

"How about Nolan? You saw him too?"

"Oh yeah. Wilson drove me."

"Wilson? Why would he go?"

"I needed to stretch my legs."

"Oh." She knew he must have been in some pain and was thankful he'd let Wilson help him.

"So it went well?"

"You fishing?"

"No, just curious."

"Not much to tell."

"Oh," she said, a bit disappointed. She liked when he opened up about his sessions.

"Oh geez woman, stop. I can hear you caring."

"Well, sue me for caring about you!" She joked. In a more serious tone, she added, "Listen, I understand if you don't want to talk about it."

"It's not that...just a lot to go over on the phone."

"I understand."

There was a few moments of silence followed by, "We talked about you...and Rachel."

She perked up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, it's all good."

"I'm very glad to hear that." And she was. It didn't bother her that House discussed his relationship with Nolan because it helped him learn to open up with her.

What he said next threw her for a loop.

"Are you scared?"

She entered the bathroom in her robe and sat on the edge of the tub running her hand through the water to check the temperature.

"Not so much scared as anxious. I just want you here. For good."

"I know."

"Are you?"

"A little. Still working with the whole fear of screwing up thing."

"Oh hell, me too. We can work on it together."

"Yeah," he said, simply. "So...you going to take that bath and do I get to help you enjoy it?" He asked mischievously.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and stepped into the tub. She put the phone on speaker and set it on the roll of towels next to her.

"Wherever do we begin?" She asked seductively.

* * *

><p>It was late and House's office was dimly lit but enough for him to fill out the necessary reports. True to his word to Stevens, he'd returned to the hospital after his trip to Philadelphia. Hours earlier, Wilson and Chase had helped him pack up his office, which was now nearly bare save for the desk littered with papers and files and a few chairs and his computer. He wrote a few notes in a case file, signed it and tossed it on the floor with the rest for the team to collect in the morning.<p>

"Goddamned paperwork," he groaned. he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

He thought about his conversation with Cuddy earlier. Hearing her voice made him feel less lonely. They'd talked for a few hours that night about anything and everything. The talk was pierced by occasional spurts of silence which conveyed their longing for one another.

_Give it about thirty more years._

He recalled Cuddy's words. It was his nature to pick apart things and analyze them. Often times he did it without thinking. It was just second nature to him. He thought about what Cuddy had said to him and while it may not have seemed significant to her it meant everything to him. He wondered what it would be like to spend the next thirty years with her. He'd never pictured himself with anyone at that age or even that long. It was no longer just a possibility, it was reality. In two days he would be living with the woman of his dreams. _For the rest of my life_, he thought. He hoped to hell it was a lot longer than thirty years.

House looked around his nearly bare office. His entire life at Princeton-Plainsboro was packed up neatly in boxes along the wall of his office. Now it was bare, cold and without character. But in truth, it had been like that for some time. The objects were there, but the life, the vigor that had once flowed through the Department of Diagnostics and even the hospital, was long gone. Cuddy had given life and vigor to the hospital and to his life and without her it had never been the same.

_You're already doing it._

Nolan's words ran through House's mind as he sat at his desk, papers sprawled out in front of him, in an attempt to get some work done. It was terribly late and he wasn't sure how much more he'd get done. He didn't want to spend any more time than necessary in the place that would soon be his former office. He didn't even want to go back to his apartment. He wanted to be in his new home with the two people he loved more than anything.

_Those girls need you, you need them._

Those girls.

His girls.

_Wow_, he thought, as he processed it. Sometimes he really couldn't believe it was happening to him.

He leaned back and put his feet up on the desk, on top of the papers there. He twirled the pen in his hand as he thought about Nolan's words. They'd talked for over an hour and House had opened up much more about his feelings moving to Boston. He was thankful for Nolan who never judged him, just let him express himself and helped him work things out and make more sense of them.

House recalled a time he was not so fond of Nolan. It was months after leaving Mayfield and he'd done everything he thought was supposed to make his life better but instead he felt worse. Wilson had moved in with Sam and Cuddy was preparing to move in with Lucas. Everyone he counted on was gone and he felt as alone has he ever had. He'd blamed Nolan for that. Later though he realized it wasn't Nolan's fault, it was his because he'd never really moved on. Oh he'd made some changes in his life but in the back of his mind, he kept hoping his friends would come back to him and his life would be the way it once was. When they didn't, when it seemed they had moved on without him, House was lost.

Now, everything had changed. He'd moved on after his incarceration, picked up the pieces and taken sole responsibility for his own life and well-being and it seemed that when he did that, things started falling into place for him. He'd taken the first steps and offered the first gestures and they were reciprocated. He had been responsible for that. He had taken his life back under his control and it empowered him and brought him to the place he was at now. A _good_ place. With that thought, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Tucked inside where the bills were stored was a photograph. He traced his fingers along the edges and smiled. He stared at the photograph and thought back to when it was taken in Boston just weeks earlier.

_House, Cuddy and Rachel walked out of the restaurant and headed toward the soda fountain next door. House had insisted it was a sin not to have dessert after such a good dinner._

_"House, if you give her ice cream she'll be up all night," Cuddy had said to him._

_Rachel tugged on her mother's hand. "Mommy, please!"_

_Cuddy looked up at House and threw her hands up in the air. "See what you've done."_

_"I created a monster." He grinned._

_"Fine. Then you take your little monster in there," she pointed to the ice cream shop. "And you get her whatever she wants but you..." She pointed her finger at him sternly. "Don't even think about getting lucky tonight," she whispered. "Because you will be the one dealing with her bouncing off the walls all night long."_

_House grinned. He loved getting what he wanted. "Fine," he said, knowing he'd be able to tame Rachel and still get lucky.  
><em>

_"Come on squirt, let's go get some chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup, whip cream and lots of sprinkles."  
><em>

_"Yay!" Rachel yelled as she let go of her mom's hand and reached for House. _

__He stuck his tongue out at Cuddy as they left her behind. She found a bench and took a seat and waited for them.  
><em>_

_A few minutes later, the two returned with chocolate on their faces, their cones already half-eaten. Cuddy stared at them, shaking her head. Then she noticed Rachel had one hand behind her back._

_"Whatcha got there honey?"_

_"I got you a cone too." Rachel pulled the small waffle cone with one scoop of plain vanilla ice cream from behind her back.  
><em>

_Cuddy leaned forward and took the cone from her daughter. Even though she hadn't planned to eat one, House knew she couldn't resist. Ice cream was her guilty pleasure. _

_"Aww thank you sweetie." Cuddy began licking the ice cream and looked up at House, who raised his eyebrows provocatively at her. _

_"Pervert," she whispered with a grin._

_"Takes one to know one," he countered with a smirk. Then he turned to Rachel and leaned down and whispered something in her ear. Rachel laughed and then walked over to her mother._

_"Mommy you have something on your nose."_

_Cuddy put her hand up to her face. "I do?"_

_Rachel stuck her finger in her ice cream and then smudged it on her mother's nose._

_"You do now!" And she broke out in a fit of giggles._

_Cuddy heard a click and looked up. House had captured the moment with his phone. _

_"I am so going to get you two," she said as used her napkin and wiped the ice cream from her nose._

_"But mommy," Rachel said. "We got it on us too. Now we all match."_

_Cuddy looked at the two of them and burst into laughter. House thought he'd never seen anything more beautiful._

House had emailed that picture to himself and printed out a small version to put in his wallet. He took it out so often it was already worn. He loved how he'd captured the beauty that was their mother-daughter relationship. Though he felt he was certainly no good judge of happiness, Rachel was probably the happiest kid he'd ever seen. She was loved and cherished without being spoiled. He'd often mocked Cuddy's mothering abilities so many years ago but the truth was he was just doing it to push her to keep fighting for what she wanted. He wanted to push her so she'd finally decide once and for all what she wanted and then go for it, which she did. He was proud of her for defying the odds, for sticking with it because after she adopted Rachel she'd never been the same. No matter how lonely and left out he felt when she adopted that little girl, he knew that the day she found Rachel, Cuddy's life had forever changed for the better and for that he could not have been more happy for her.

He sighed and looked around. It was already close to eleven o'clock and there was nothing left to be done. He was too tired to drive and his leg hurt so he dialed a cab to pick him up. He'd get Wilson to drive him back to get his bike in the morning.

Twenty minutes later, he walked through the front door of his apartment, tossed his backpack aside and looked around. In just a few hours, the place would be a mess with movers packing things up and by tomorrow night it would be completely empty. He limped into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge and a paper towel, tossed his cane aside and sat down at the piano. He placed the beer on top of the paper towel and set his fingers on the ebony and ivory keys, closed his eyes and played whatever came to mind for the last time in the place he'd called home for so long.


	110. Chapter 110

**A/N:** Many thanks to Cherokee Jedi for letting me bounce ideas off of her. Thanks to the readers for all the words of encouragement and support. Thank you also to all the people who continue to write Huddy. You guys are phenomenal!

I am forever grateful to Hugh Laurie & Lisa Edelstein for bringing House & Cuddy to life in ways that no one-not the fans, Shore, or the writers could've imagined or anticipated. The chemistry between the actors and the characters gave us this greatness that fuels the Huddy fandom.

* * *

><p>House and Wilson were comfortably ensconced on the leather couch, feet up on the coffee table each with an Egg McMuffin in one hand and a beer in the other. The odd combination was the result of the need for sustenance and the celebration of the pending sale of House's apartment.<p>

Earlier, the realtor showed up with newlyweds Todd and Elizabeth Sterns, who had already seen pictures of House's apartment online. Once they arrived at the apartment, it had not taken long for them to decide it would be their perfect first place together as a married couple. Though cluttered with boxes and movers it had been obvious to them that the dwelling had undergone exceptional care and maintenance over the years. They loved the location, the interior colors, large windows, hardwood floors, high ceilings, built-in bookcases, and of course the fireplace. Thirty minutes after their arrival, they parted with a handshake and headed with the realtor back to her office to begin the process.

"Ka-ching," House said as he clinked beer bottles with Wilson.

"I can't believe you're getting your asking price."

"What? He's an engineer, she's in astrophysics, they're loaded."

"How could you know that?"

"Do you know what startup packages are for new assistant professors in those departments? Trust me, this apartment won't even make a dent in their budget. They're young and beautiful with the job of their dreams and rolling in dough. They're livin' the dream," he mused.

"Oh to be young and idealistic," Wilson said with a sigh.

House held up his beer. "Here's to the idiots." They clinked again.

"So, you took care of everything at the hospital this morning?" Wilson asked through a mouthful of sandwich. House had gone in early to meet with his fellows and Stevens one last time.

"Yep. All done."

"How'd it go?"

House shrugged. "Fine, I guess. They're disappointed but what can I say? I'm world famous."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Are they going to stay?"

"I doubt it."

"They'll be fine. It's not like you worked with them that long."

"Exactly. Hell I didn't even hire Park."

"Did you see Taub?"

"Yep and get this...he got hired on at the Children's Hospital at Newark Beth Israel."

"No kidding? Surely plastic surgery pays more."

"He doesn't care about the money. Well, he does but not like he used to. Having kids changed him."

"Ya think?"

"His words not mine but yeah I think so."

"In the beginning I was sure you wouldn't hire him."

"I couldn't stand him in the beginning but he was willing to challenge me and stand by it knowing that if he was wrong I'd fire his ass. I liked that. Back then his life was a mess. He's got his priorities straight now. He'll do fine."

Wilson watched House as he spoke about Taub. He spoke of him with respect. Wilson knew House didn't care much for his fellows when they began working for him but over the years they'd grown on him and he on them. He'd had a different relationship with each and built a mutual respect. House never talked about his feelings regarding his fellows but Wilson knew the truth. They each meant a great deal to him and they had left his tutelage as better people and doctors. Wilson thought it was a shame that Park and Adams hadn't worked with House long enough to build that type of relationship. It was their loss. Suddenly, he was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of House's voice.

"Hey...throw me another one of those hash browns will ya?"

* * *

><p>By early afternoon, most of the apartment was vacant. As the movers were moving out the last of the large furniture, there was a knock at the door. Wilson opened it to see a young man with a very pregnant girl standing next to him.<p>

"Can I help you?" Wilson asked as he noticed a cab pulling away from the curb. He looked them over and thought they couldn't have been more than twenty years old.

"We're here to see Greg," the young man replied.

_"Greg?"_ Wilson asked.

"Yeah, who're you?"

"Umm...I'm James. Who are you?"

The guy stuck his hand out. "Chris, this is my fiancee Gretchen. We're here for the car."

"The car?"

"Yeah, the Somerset."

Wilson looked puzzled and was about to ask them something else when House limped down the hallway toward the door.

"Hey man," Chris said as he caught sight of him over Wilson's shoulder.

House stood next to Wilson at the door. "Whoa! She's about to pop isn't she?" House nodded toward the very pregnant girl.

Chris looked proud. "Yeah. Any day now. Listen, we're still on, right? You haven't changed your mind?"

"Nope. Let's go take a look at it."

Wilson watched as House led the young couple outside to the street and past the moving van. The younger man got into the car and cranked it up and appeared to nod affirmatively as House spoke with him. When he got out of the car, House took a piece of paper out of his pocket and leaned on the side of the car. He then handed the paper over to Chris, along with the keys. They shook hands and moments later, the couple got into the car and left.

"So...what just happened there?" Wilson asked when House re-entered the apartment.

"I gave them the car."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"But you liked that car."

"It was _just_ a car. I haven't even had it that long."

"Why not sell it?"

"They can't afford it," he said. Seeing Wilson wasn't going to let it go, he explained. "I first met them in the clinic a few months ago when she was there for a checkup. He's a smart kid, graduated high school and worked with his dad in the family business for a few years until they had a falling out when the kid got his girlfriend pregnant. He moved in with her family but they couldn't afford a car. They came back for another checkup and I saw she was due soon so-"

"You figured you'd just give them yours," House interrupted.

"Hey, it runs great but it's too small for me."

"That was really nice of you."

"Not nice, just practical," House said, dismissively.

"Whatever," he said patting House on the back. "It was _nice_." House rolled his eyes.

"What about the bike?" Wilson asked.

"They're picking it up later."

* * *

><p>Around three o'clock, House and Wilson were tired and thankful that the apartment was cleared out. The two of them had spent a lot of time carefully packing House's guitars and smaller musical instruments, boxed up the smaller objects of sentimental value as well as House's personal papers, all of which they'd planned to take with them in Wilson's car. By the time they were done, the last item to be moved out of the apartment and into the moving truck was the piano.<p>

Though the movers were experienced and highly recommended piano movers, House didn't take any chances with his baby grand. He directed traffic and barked orders as he pointed his cane much to the annoyance of the movers who reminded him more than once that one of the reasons he hired them was their piano-moving expertise.

House would have none of that. He took control and watched them like a hawk as they removed the legs and lyre, padded the piano and placed it on the dolly. House held his breath as they moved it out of the apartment and down the steps and exhaled deeply only when it was firmly planted on the truck and surrounded by plenty of blankets and padding. It had taken about forty-five minutes to complete the task but when it was done and the door to the moving truck was closed and locked, House relaxed. Wilson watched him the entire time, amused. To him, House seemed more like an overprotective father who didn't want to let his child out of his sight.

When House re-entered the apartment, he quietly limped about the living room, the only noise coming from the echo of his cane on the hardwood floor. Wilson, who had been making the rounds checking to see nothing had been missed, walked back into the living room. House was running his hand along the mantle of the fireplace and Wilson noticed that he stood slightly hunched, no doubt from the fact he'd been on his feet most of the day.

"So this is it," Wilson said, not as a question but a statement of fact.

"Yeah."

Wilson stood with his hands on his hips looking around the room. "We had some good times here."

House nodded.

"And some not-so-good times too," Wilson admitted.

House nodded again but didn't say anything. It was clear his focus was elsewhere.

"You want a moment before we head over to my place?"

"Yeah," he finally said.

Wilson pursed his lips and nodded then headed out to the car to give House a moment alone.

House moved around the empty expanse of the apartment, his cane echoing throughout. He was momentarily overwhelmed by the memories. He'd spent a lot of years in that place and so much had happened. There were things he wished he could remember better and things he wished he could forget. Alas, it was the story of his life. He'd accepted that he couldn't change the past and as much as he fought against the idea of fate he knew that everything he'd been through in his life had led him to _this_ moment.

He ambled toward the open door then stopped and turned around, taking one last look at the empty space. He smiled crookedly then turned and walked out, closing the door behind him. He pulled his coat tight around him and limped down the steps where he found Wilson leaning against the driver's side of the car. The two of them got in and buckled their seat belts.

As he started the car, Wilson looked over at House, who was staring out the window and up at the clear, blue sky. He appeared deep in thought.

"You okay?" Wilson asked.

House nodded and then turned to him. A devilish smile graced his lips.

"Hell, yeah. I'm looking forward to pizza and beer and kicking your ass in poker."

Wilson laughed as they drove away.


	111. Chapter 111

Cuddy woke at five o'clock Friday morning and anticipating a very stressful and busy day, she did an hour of yoga then bundled up and relaxed on the back porch swing with a mug of yerba maté.

As she snuggled under the warm blanket she'd brought outside with her, she thought about the day ahead. It still had not completely sunk in that House was moving in with them. It had only been a few months since they'd reconciled and at times she had worried they were moving too fast. But then, when he was there with them and it felt so natural and so right, her worries left her. She was just happy that after everything they'd been through since their days at the University of Michigan, they were _finally_ on the same page. They'd finally chosen happiness..._together_.

Cuddy ran her index finger around the edge of the mug and thought about the huge step House was taking, how he'd put aside his fears and chosen happiness. She remembered vividly another time he'd done that, when he'd confessed to her that he'd been happy and in love with her and that she was more important to him than anything else in his life...even medicine.

It was the night of the banquet where she was to receive an award for her exemplary leadership of the hospital and her work expanding and funding the free clinic. Even though she knew it was unlikely he'd show, she still held out hope. After all she knew him better than anyone and he had a knack for surprising her when she least expected it. However, as each hour passed, she accepted the reality and so she hid her disappointment by smiling and keeping busy greeting people and working the ballroom. She'd eaten a luxurious meal and later, given her acceptance speech while trying not to look down at the empty place at the table, reserved for the man she loved who would never show. Later, he'd shown up at her house, drunk and soaking wet. _  
><em>

_"You completely disappeared on me. You wouldn't even answer your cell phone." She'd been angry at first but after talking to Wilson, her anger turned to concern.  
><em>

_House didn't respond. Instead, he turned toward her. "You're gonna want to… sit down for this." He gestured toward the couch. "Go ahead. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit." _

_He leaned heavily on his cane, closed his eyes and frowned. "I've made a decision," he said._

_Cuddy swallowed hard. Oh God, she thought. Don't do this. She closed her eyes for a moment and waited for the inevitable. She'd been waiting for it for months.  
><em>

_"Being happy and being in love with you…makes me a crappy doctor."_

_Cuddy opened her eyes and looked up at him. He swayed a little and tried to steady himself with his cane.  
><em>

_"Shut up," she demanded. "You're too drunk to end this relationship." She was angry at him again._ First he couldn't attend her awards ceremony and now this. It was typical, why should she expect any different?_  
><em>

_He ignored her and continued. "I am drunk. And I'm also right. You have made me a worse doctor. And people are gonna die because of that."_

_Cuddy's heart sank into the pit of her stomach.  
><em>

_"And…you…are totally worth it."_

_Cuddy's jaw dropped and she blinked several times as she absorbed the impact of his words. He'd confused her. At first, given his tone and his state of drunkenness, she thought he'd do what she feared since day one-realize it couldn't work and end things with her. But with his confession, he'd thrown her for a loop_. He would not joke around about something like this for she knew it wasn't easy for him to show his deepest feelings. She wished he'd had the courage to admit it in a more sober state of mind. _  
><em>

_House interrupted her thoughts when he sat on the couch next to her. She looked over at him. He was wet and exhausted but his eyes, though somewhat glazed, never betrayed his feelings. They were soft and sincere.  
><em>

_"If I had to choose between…saving everyone and loving you and being happy… I choose you. I choose being happy with you." House smiled drunkenly at her then leaned forward and laid his soggy head in her lap._

_"I will always choose you." _

_He'd said something incoherent and she'd hushed him and told him to get some sleep. Cuddy rubbed his back and leaned back into the cushions as she listened to his soft snores. After a few minutes, she extricated herself from him and laid him out on the couch, taking off his wet outer clothes, leaving him in his boxers and tee-shirt, then covered him in a blanket. Then, instead of going to her bedroom, she made herself comfortable in the recliner across from him. She eased it back and put her feet up and covered herself in her grandmother's warm afghan. _

_Cuddy watched House as he slept. He seemed so at peace which she knew was rare for him. She thought about his words again. _

_"I will always choose you."_

__Oh House, she thought. You __don't have to choose, you can have both.  
><em>___

____A lone tear slipped down her cheek. While she loved that he had confessed his devotion for her, slight panic spread through her at the thought of the burden he'd placed upon her. She was not only responsible for his happiness, she was responsible for his misery too-because that's what he'd be if he thought he would no longer have his gift. And Cuddy knew that even though it was his decision, she would always feel the guilt for it.  
><em>___

__This is not the way it should be, she thought. She'd spent years looking out for him and protecting him and n_ow that they were in a relationship she was his lover, friend, and equal partner, not his caretaker. She couldn't be solely responsible for his happiness-or lack of it. She tried to think of a way she could get through to him and convince him that he didn't have to choose, that he could have her and his puzzles. Cuddy knew she had to find a way because if she didn't, in the end, they would both lose dearly.  
><em>

She opened her eyes and sighed. She'd come up with a plan for them to go away together for a long weekend. Julia was going to take Rachel so that House and Cuddy could spend some quality time together talking and working through their issues. But it never happened because not long after the events of that night, everything between them had fallen apart.

_The past doesn't matter anymore,_ she thought. _Only the future._

Cuddy was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of the doorbell. She looked at her watch and realized she'd been sitting on the swing for almost an hour. She unwrapped herself from the blanket and went into the house. She looked through the peephole and saw House and Wilson shivering in the cold. She opened the door, greeted by two somewhat tired and haggard looking men.

"You guys look awful," she said as she stepped aside to let them in.

Wilson pointed to House. "Blame him and his midnight poker session."

"Midnight? You knew you had to leave early."

"Hey! I wanted to win my money back," House said. He wrapped his free arm around her and planted a short but tender kiss on her lips. Before she could let herself get lost in it, he pulled away. "Gotta pee," he said as he limped quickly don the hall toward the bathroom.

Cuddy hugged Wilson then gave him a smirk. "So did he win it back?"

"Nope."

"You beat him?" She asked, surprised. House rarely lost at poker. It was his gift for reading people. He called their bluff every time.

"I know, right? He was distracted. I won five hundred bucks."

"That isn't even close to what he owes you," she mused.

"Nope. And would you believe he made me buy him breakfast? He said I'd cleaned him out."

Cuddy snorted. "Yeah, right. That'll be the day."

They heard the thump of House's cane in the hallway again and then silence. Cuddy peeked down the hallway but didn't see him. At that moment she heard a loud squeal of delight which had no doubt come from Rachel's room. Moments later, he saw them making their way toward the living room, albeit slowly and carefully. There was House with his cane in his left hand, a grin on his face and a giggling Rachel slung haphazardly over his right shoulder.

* * *

><p>After breakfast, Cuddy moved into full administrator mode. As much as House had teased her often about her need to plan and prepare, he admired and respected it. It was one of those things he loved about her-that she was always able to create order out of absolute chaos. He watched her as she zipped around the house, in sweats and tennis shoes, her hair in a messy bun, carrying a clipboard and barking orders. He couldn't have been more in love.<p>

Though she'd only begun to really prepare for the move a week in advance, Cuddy was methodical and meticulous in her planning. She'd done a thorough housecleaning and made a list of the things she wanted to get rid of. She'd donated two carloads of books, toys, and household goods to the local animal shelter thrift store and had Goodwill pick up several things that could be sold secondhand. She'd organized the garage so that it would serve as a staging area, making it easier to unload the items and then later serve as excess storage space. She also tagged the furniture and boxed and labeled the smaller items going to her sister's house.

Sharon arrived shortly before the movers arrived with Hannah in tow. Originally she'd planned to take the girls shopping but Rachel raised such a fuss about wanting to help House move in that Cuddy didn't have the heart to send her away. She did however, make the girls promise to play in Rachel's room and stay out of the way while the movers were going in and out of the house.

At first it was organized chaos but by noon they had made significant progress. They'd moved House's bedroom furniture into Cuddy's room and placed his Eames chair in the corner by a window. With the old convertible sofa, end tables and lamps gone to Goodwill, the third bedroom-turned home office had plenty of space for House's leather sofa, coffee table, desk and television and a few tall bookcases. Wilson and one of the movers rearranged the living room to better accommodate House's lounge, two remaining bookcases, and three small tables. Finally, with the upright piano going to Julia, House's baby grand had been moved, under his watchful eye, into the corner of the living room by two large windows. He left his musical instruments in their cases and stored them in a hall closet until they figured out what to do with them.

By mid-afternoon, the movers had emptied the truck and loaded the items going to New Haven. House walked them outside and Cuddy watched as they shook hands and House handed them a large wad of cash. He watched them as they drove off and as he headed back inside the house, she met him at the front porch.

"All set?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Yep. They're paid and they'll be at your sister's in a few hours."

"And you're sure they know how to get there?"

"They've got GPS, it's fine."

"Good." She smiled.

He put his arms around her and pulled her close. He kissed her hair which was half in-half out of its messy bun.

"Your hair's a mess," he said. She laughed.

"Unlike yours of course." She pulled back from him and looked up. He still had the same bed head he'd walked in with that morning.

He leaned down and kissed her. His lips were soft and warm. She accepted his tongue greedily and then shivered.

"You cold or am I just that good?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Cuddy chuckled. "Someone's awfully stuck on himself."

"You could be stuck on me if-"

She smacked his chest lightly and laughed out loud. Then out of the corner of her eye she saw they two sets of eyes watching them.

"Look," she said nodding toward the living room windows.

House looked over and there stood a giggling Rachel and Hannah.

"I always knew you loved an audience," he said.

She stepped back and grabbed his hand. "Come on Romeo, work to do." She led him back into the house.

When they got inside, Cuddy surveyed the organized mess. There were boxes in every room which held an array of household goods, art decor, personal items, books and papers . Thankfully House had the movers mark everything clearly so he'd know what was in each box and with Wilson's help they distributed the items to the rooms they would likely be stored in.

This was the part she dreaded-where they had to figure out what to do with all the little things. She sighed.

House sensed her frustration and walked up behind her and rubbed her shoulders.

"It'll be fine. One box at a time," he said.

"What are we going to do with all this stuff? Do we have enough room?"

"We'll figure it out."

The sound of a horn outside diverted their attention.

"What's that?" Cuddy asked.

Rachel ran to the window. "It's a big truck with somethin' on the back."

House smiled. His bike.

* * *

><p>They ordered pizza and worked until early evening.<p>

Cuddy and Sharon worked in the kitchen merging items and throwing in boxes the things she and House didn't need. Cuddy couldn't get over that House seemed to have better and newer kitchen gadgets than she did. She wound up keeping most of his stuff and throwing much of hers in a donation box. She made a mental note to have House put his unique culinary skills to work as often as possible.

With Wilson's help, House unpacked the books and journals meant for the bookcases in the living room. When he realized just how much he had and that there wouldn't be enough room, he decided to make two piles, one for the house and one for his office at the hospital. They'd enlisted the help of their two trusty sidekicks, Rachel and Hannah, who put the items going to the office in designated boxes which Wilson taped up and stacked in the garage.

The women had been in the kitchen talking and occasionally listening to the banter going on between House and Wilson. When it was quiet, they decided to take a break and investigate. When they entered the living room, Wilson was flattening the last of the boxes. House laid sprawled out on the floor, a little girl on each side.

Cuddy stared at them stunned. She couldn't believe they'd gotten it all done. The only thing left to do was hang the artwork.

"It looks great," she said, surveying the room.

"We had help," House said pointing at the two girls on either side of him.

"Very nice," she said looking around. The addition of House's books filled the shelves nicely and his knickknacks fit perfectly among hers on the mantle and tables. The living room had been transformed into a comfortable lived-in space without feeling cluttered. It made her smile.

* * *

><p>Hours after Cuddy and Rachel had gone to bed and Wilson had departed to Sharon's to take advantage of her offer to sleep in the guest room, House sat in the home office going through the boxes of books, journals and his personal papers that Wilson had placed in there earlier in the day. He hadn't been tired enough for bed earlier and he'd gotten so engrossed in his task that he lost track of time, checking his watch only when he eventually yawned. His watch read eleven-thirty. He decided to open one more box and then call it a night.<p>

He got up and limped across the room without his cane to grab one of the last remaining boxes. It wasn't a heavy box and so he made it without incident. Just as he set the box down on the coffee table in front of him he felt the stabbing pain in his right thigh. He fell onto the couch and rubbed it vigorously.

"Fuck!" He groaned as his fingers dug into his leg. He looked up at the ceiling, his eyes squinted in pain. He knew he'd stressed it from being on it so much that day. He thought of trying to make it to the bedroom but he didn't think he could make it on his own and he really didn't want to wake up Cuddy.

He sat there rubbing desperate for relief. The patch was no help since he hadn't worn one in two days. He preferred the lowest dose possible and when he did wear it, he insisted on a break for a few days in between so he wouldn't become dependent on it. He eyed his backpack on the other end of the couch. It contained a few toiletries as well as his pills. He reached for the backpack and tugged it toward him, opening it but then he stopped himself. He knew he could take the pills if he needed them but he only wanted to take them as a last resort. He kept telling himself that he'd had worse pain that he'd been able to get through without the pills. He let go of the backpack which rested on the table in front of him.

_Please_, he thought to himself. _Just give me a fucking break for once._ He didn't want the pain to overshadow the momentous occasion of his first night in his new home. Suddenly he heard the patter of bare feet in the hallway.

"House!" Cuddy cried when she saw him doubled over in pain. She ran to his side and kneeled in front of him.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"What? No. It's okay."

"Did I wake Rachel?"

"No, her door is closed. And if you did, it doesn't matter, she'd get back to sleep. What happened? Did you fall?"

"No. Just...hurts...was on it too much today."

"The patch isn't working?"

"Not..wearing it."

She placed her hands gently on his knees. "What do you need me to do?"

"Just...give me a minute."

She nodded and sat on the couch next to him, on his right. She held his hand as he leaned back against the cushions and breathed in and out deeply. She could feel him squeezing her hand. It hurt but it didn't matter, she just wanted to be there with him...for him. She was desperate to share his pain with him so he wouldn't be alone.

His breathing evened out and he turned his head to her. Her hair was a mess and her eyes still slightly glazed over from sleep but she was the most beautiful sight to him. He gave her a faint smile to let her he was there with her.

"Are you going to be okay?"

He nodded. "Pills. I-"

"You need them?" She interrupted.

He shook his head no.

She tilted her head, confused. Then she realized he must have taken them.

"Did you take them? It's okay House, it's okay." She knew how hard he'd worked in therapy to find ways to manage his pain with as little medication as possible but she had also saw firsthand the moments when the pain was so unbearable he needed them. In the back of her mind, she sometimes worried there might come a day when it was so bad that he might take one and not be able to stop. She couldn't control the pain or whether he took the pills or not but she could be damn sure she was there to support him if it ever happened. What he didn't need was judgment, he needed love and encouragement and support.

He interrupted her thoughts. "No," he whispered. " I _wanted_ to take them..."

"You mean you didn't?"

"I'm weak," he said, sadly.

"How bad?" She asked, assuming he meant his physical condition.

He shook his head again. "No...weak. I almost took them."

She looked into his eyes and where she'd found happiness hours earlier, she found sadness. She hated that his pain sucked the life out of him and she'd give anything to heal it. She placed her hands on either side of his face and rubbed her thumbs over his scruff. She looked directly into his sad blue eyes.

"House, you're _not_ weak," she said. "You're the strongest person I know."

He just looked at her, his eyes glassy. She knew he hurt.

"What can I do to help you?" She begged him softly.

He looked down at her hands.

"Massage?"

"Of course." She motioned for him to lay down and she helped him get his pajama pants off then he laid down on his left side against the back of the couch to give Cuddy plenty of room. She placed her hands on his scarred area and caressed it gently, taking her time and eventually working into a deeper massage. She was thankful for the techniques that House and Vince had taught her.

"Is this okay?" She asked, wanting to be sure she wasn't hurting him.

"It's good. Hurts but it'll be okay." It was true, it did hurt but he knew the longer and deeper the massage, the better he'd feel eventually. He closed his eyes as Cuddy worked his leg as hard as she could.

Twenty minutes later House laid his hand on hers in a sign that she could stop.

"Better?" She asked. His eyes were still glassy but he seemed more relaxed. She flexed her sore fingers and wondered how on earth professionals did those massages day in and day out.

"Yeah." He took one of her hands in his and kissed the palm. He knew it had hurt and wanted her to know he appreciated it.

"Do you want to take a pill?"

"We'll see. I might take a half if it keeps up but right now it's bearable."

"How about a bath?" She asked, rubbing his arm lovingly.

"This late?"

"Sure."

"Only if you take it with me."

"You're in pain and you're flirting with me?" She mused.

"You act like that's something new." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

She smiled. He was obviously feeling a little better.

"Come on, let's get you into the bedroom."

"Oh yeah, she definitely wants me," he joked.

She laughed out loud then rose from the couch and helped him up. She picked up his pajama pants and handed him his cane which he gripped with his left hand for the second time that day. He raised his arm to let Cuddy underneath it. She put her arm around his waist and they held on to one another as they ambled down the hallway together. When they got to the doorway of the bedroom he rested against the door jamb and looked down at her.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind for our first night of living in sin," he said, regretfully.

"Me either," she whispered. "But honestly, just having you here...with us..._finally_...is enough for me."


	112. Chapter 112

Well ladies and gentlemen here we go, a chapter chock full of Huddy goodness. Thanks Cherokee Jedi for giving it a once-over and stating unequivocally, "I LOVE IT!"

As we move toward the end of this journey, think back on all the amazing progress they've made. It's been beautiful hasn't it? This isn't the last chapter but we're in the home stretch...ENJOY!

* * *

><p><em>"This isn't exactly what I had in mind for our first night of living in sin," he said, regretfully.<em>

_"Me either," she whispered. "But honestly, just having you here...with us...finally...is enough for me."_

* * *

><p>House awoke Saturday morning to the feeling of feather light touches all over his body. He raised his head and found a completely naked Cuddy leaning over him, her hair skimming his chest as she ravished him with tiny kisses. She felt him move and she looked up at him. Her eyes met his and he smiled at her.<p>

"Relax," she said, softly,. a glint in her eye

"Rachel?" It was an awkward but necessary question.

"We're all alone," she replied with a wink. "Lie back and enjoy."

House did as he was told and Cuddy kneeled between his legs and slowly dragged his boxers off and discarded them over her shoulder.

"God looking at you makes me so hot," she said in a sultry, seductive voice as she surveyed his naked body.

House swallowed hard. As time went on he was less self-conscious about his scar in her presence but it never ceased to amaze him that she used the word _hot_ to describe him.

"Stop thinking...just relax" she whispered, sensing his thoughts.

He loved when Cuddy took control of him in the bedroom. Though she liked to be taken control of, she never had a problem giving back. She had always been an equal partner in their lovemaking and it was one of the things he loved about her.

He was brought out of his thoughts when she nipped his left earlobe. She left a trail of wet kisses along his neck and down his throat. She sucked at his pulse point and he groaned in pleasure. Her teeth grazed him as she ran her tongue down his chest and took first one nipple into her mouth and then the other.

House involuntarily jerked his hips at Cuddy's ministrations. He lost himself in the feeling of her taking control over him.

Cuddy ran her hands up over his chest and biceps as she kissed and licked her way down his hairline to his stomach. She plunged her tongue into his navel and the felt the shudder that went through him. As she moved farther south, she intentionally avoided his shaft just to tease him. She kissed his scar lovingly and then laid kisses inside his thighs down his legs to his ankles and feet and back again.

House lost himself in the feeling of Cuddy all over him. Nobody but Cuddy had ever lavished such attention on his body. She'd done it before when they were together, always telling him how much she loved his body and taking pleasure in giving him pleasure and making him feel good. As she kissed and touched him, he felt more loved than he'd ever felt in his life.

As Cuddy moved up his body she let her breasts glide gently over his skin, her nipples becoming hard at the touch. When she reached his sex, she took his balls into her mouth one at a time which elicited a loud groan from him, then she kissed the top of his shaft and blew a puff of cool air on it. She teased him a bit with long slow licks from base to tip all the way around and then he shuddered when she took him in her mouth. She swirled her lips and tongue in a way that made him groan again. She loved that she could do that to him.

House could barely contain himself. His eyes were most of the time, concentrating on how she made him feel but he wanted to watch her and so he put one arm under his head to elevate it slightly and watched as her dark hair fell over her face and her breasts swayed as she bobbed up and down on him. As the fingers of her free hand grazed lightly over his stomach, he reached out for them and entwined them with his own.

Cuddy paused a moment to look up at him. His face conveyed happiness and she smiled, her lips still around his shaft while her hand stroked him.

"Cuddy...feels so good...only you," he said as he squeezed the hand that he held. It was true, only she could make him feel that way. He'd had sex with other women but it never been as amazing and as loving as it had been with her.

She released him for a moment. "I want to make you feel like this every day for the rest of your life." She gazed at him with an intensity that sent shivers up and down his spine. Cuddy found immense joy in bringing such pleasure to the man she loved. He had never held back with her and she would never do that with him.

House laid his head back and closed his eyes as she worked him into a state of bliss. Her words nearly sent him over the edge. _The rest of your life_. His heart skipped a beat at the thought.

Cuddy gently pulled her hand from his so she could balance herself as she concentrated on her movements. She worked her lips and her tongue in a manner that drove him mad with want.

House writhed in pleasure, unable to control himself and bucked his hips uncontrollably as he neared the edge, his breathing labored and his chest covered in sweat. The only thought on his mind was the feeling of her lips around him, her body covering him. He felt loved and protected as he'd never felt before.

Cuddy felt House was close to his breaking point. His thick shaft throbbed and his body trembled beneath her. As she sucked him, she used one hand to stroke him. Then she took one finger and gently massaged his perineum and that ended him.

"Cuddy!" He groaned loudly and his eyes squeezed shut as the contractions began. The feel of her lips were tight around him and he came apart crying out her name again as his entire body jerked from the force of his climax. His hips moved rhythmically, his body throbbed but she refused to let go. The more his hips jerked, the more simultaneous ministrations sent him over the edge. When he could take no more, she eased up on him. She pulled him out of her mouth and kissed the tip and looked up at him.

"Feeling any pain?" She asked smugly.

"Oh...God...no." He hadn't even opened his eyes yet. He was in a state of complete bliss and though barely conscious, he was in no pain.

Cuddy patted his hip affectionately and then rolled over and grabbed some tissues to clean him up, then she wiped her mouth and took a sip of water from the bottle at her bedside. The room was chilly so she pulled the covers over them and cuddled up next to him as he recovered.

Cuddy rolled on her left side and let her left leg rest against his right thigh as if protecting it and threw her right leg over him. She softly grazed his stubble with her right hand as she watched him come down from his high. She loved giving him pleasure and making him feel good and she loved that only she could do that to him, bring him to such a state of complete and total bliss and relaxation. She ran her fingers over his face and kissed his scruff.

Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at her, watching her intently. Their eyes met and they smiled at one another. He curled his right arm around her pulling her close to him and let his left hand trail lazily up and down her arm.

"You're amazing, you know that?" He said as he kissed her forehead.

"I do."

"Thank you." She'd made him forget his pain. Only she could do that.

"You're welcome." It was her pleasure.

His voice took on a serious tone. "Listen, about last night..."

She looked up at him and smiled faintly. "It's okay, House."

"I know taking a pill doesn't make me weak but sometimes I can't help feeling like that. I don't want to depend on them."

"You're strong House and you're a fighter. You will do what you have to do and I'll be right there alongside you. And not just me but all the people who care about you. We'll take it as it comes. No matter what happens, we're in this together."

He swallowed hard. He was a man of actions over words but he knew she'd back those words with everything she had.

Her fingers grazed his arm gently as she spoke again.

"House...in the past...there were times I dismissed your pain. I should've done more to help you. I'm sorry that I didn't."

He nodded and she smiled because his eyes told her all she needed to know. He accepted her apology and forgave her.

"I'm sorry I used my pain to hurt you," he said. His eyes conveyed the depth and sincerity of his words. She knew he'd felt guilty about hurting her in the past.

She nodded her acceptance.

"It takes a strong person to come through what you have and I'm proud of you," she said. "Together, we'll do whatever it takes to manage your pain so you can live the life you want."

_I am_, he thought. _I am living that life_. He pulled her tighter to him and rubbed his arms up and down her bare back.

"Whatever it takes?" He asked as he waggled his eyebrows.

"Yeah." She grinned.

"I love that you're the only one who really gets me."

"That's why you love me."

God how he loved her. He leaned down and kissed her. They traded long, passionate, deep open-mouthed kisses which made them both moan in delight. They broke apart only for the need of air.

"I do, you know." He loved her more than anything in the world.

"I know you do." She knew.

"Just because I don't say it often doesn't make it less true."

"I know," she replied. He wasn't the kind of man who said it all the time but she knew it was always there.

House pushed Cuddy onto her back and looked down at her. He suddenly felt as if he were looking at her for the first time. Even Cuddy was taken aback by the intensity of his gaze.

"What is it?" She asked.

He furrowed his brow then answered. "Michigan, 1985."

_"What?"_

"The first time I fell in love with you."

"Oh p_lease_. You loved _all_ the girls back then," she teased.

"Ahh...I met a lot of girls but _you_ were different. You were beauty _and_ brains." He kissed her on the forehead. "You were relentless and fast-paced and driven. You were like a speeding freight train and nobody was going to stop you before you got to your destination. It was easy to fall for you."

She looked at him wide-eyed.

"I wish I would've been a part of it...when you graduated from med school...when you kicked ass on your way to the top."

She laughed. "Together, we would've been unstoppable."

"You think?" He asked.

"Are you kidding? Have you met us?" They laughed together.

House ran his fingers through her hair. "You are so beautiful."

"House," she said softly. Her heart was overwhelmed with love for him.

"Inside and out. You're gorgeous, intelligent, kind, and compassionate." He kissed her eyelids, her nose and her chin.

"You are an amazing woman."

He nuzzled his nose in her hair as he continued.

"The way you ran that hospital...I never gave you enough credit because I didn't want to let you see my hand but goddamn Cuddy you were something. You handled everything like a pro. You put out fires, you stood up for the little guy, went toe-to-toe with administration and insurance companies. You were fierce and strong. You fought with everything you had to keep that clinic funded and it's because of you it's still funded and probably will be for a long time. You fought for raises, positions, funding. You cared about the patients and the staff. You gave everything you had to that place."

"I tried."

"You did more than that. You _did_. You made it one of the top teaching hospitals in the country. _You_ did that."

She swallowed hard. His words melted her heart. She had worked hard, that hospital was her pride and joy. She'd known all along he'd been proud of her, after all he threw enough subtle hints, but hearing him say it made her heart flutter.

"And then Rachel came along," he continued. "You ran a hospital _and_ took care of her. She's smart...thoughtful and respectful. Rachel's a good kid and she couldn't be happier or have a better life with anyone else. Because of _you_."

Cuddy was speechless as she listened to him.

"And then there's me," he said softly. "You always saw something in me that nobody else did."

There were tears in her eyes as he continued.

"You saved my life." He rubbed her arm affectionately. "I would surely have died from the infarction but you didn't let me. Then you created a department and hired me when I was at my worst and nobody else would. When Stacy left me you were at my door with Wilson kicking my ass back to work. You had my back even when I was an asshole, you believed in me. Every time I got in trouble you saved my ass."

He paused.

"And every time I was hurt..."

"House-" A tear rolled down her cheek as she remembered. He'd recklessly put his life in danger so many times she'd lost count.

"_Yours_ was the face I'd hoped to see when I woke up...if I woke up. And you were there. With me. _Every single time_." He ran his fingers gently over her face, and then through her hair again.

"How could I _not_ be? I loved you," she said quietly. Her hands reached up and clasped his. They just stared wordlessly as if they could read each others thoughts.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Cuddy's breath hitched for she knew the deeper meaning behind those words.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear.

Her heart melted again.

House reached down and removed the comforter and took in the sight of her naked body. She was indeed the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He reached his left hand down and caressed her skin, feeling her curves. His hand glided over her thigh and up toward her rib cage. It was soft and warm. He watched as she closed her eyes and relished his touch.

House took his time with her. His hands ran over her soft curves and nibbled and kissed every inch of her skin. He caressed her plump creamy breasts in his hands and sucked on her nipples and bit them gently eliciting moans of pleasure from her. He'd always loved how her nipples were so sensitive during sex and he took full advantage of it.

Cuddy loved the feel of his warm mouth on her breasts, his stubble abrasive against her skin. He trailed his tongue down the between her breasts and down her body, nipping at her skin along the way. His tongue lingered in her belly button until he slid further down to her waiting sex. His hands caressed her hips and her legs fell open for him. He kissed the inside of her knees and licked his way to her. She bucked her hips into him when he parted her folds gently and flicked his tongue over her. She cried out.

"You are so hot and wet," he whispered, then he slid his hands under her cheeks and brought her closer to him. He nuzzled her and dived in again. He sucked and swirled until her hips jerked in a frenzy.

"Oh!" She cried.

He stopped and looked up at her. Her eyes met his and he smiled devilishly at her. He knew he was driving her crazy and he loved it.

"House, get back down there!" She demanded as she smacked his shoulder.

House laughed and dove in again and he heard her utter sighs of ecstasy when he flattened his tongue and licked her mercilessly. To drive her even more wild, he inserted one finger into each opening and then she cried out for more.

"House...don't ever...stop!" Cuddy moaned uninhibited. She loved when he did that. House always knew what turned her on, he was always in tune with her body. Her body was on fire, overwhelmed with a million sensations and as his fingers and his tongue worked her into a frenzy.

With his free hand, House held her hips down while he probed and sucked and licked her to the point of no return. Knowing her body as he did, he knew she was nearing her end and when he hummed into her, she fell apart completely.

The vibration of his humming combined with the sensations of his tongue and fingers inside her pushed Cuddy over the edge as she climaxed in wave after wave. She called his name repeatedly and begged for him to never stop and so he continued his movements until her body was spent.

"Oh my God...Oh my God..." she repeated long after he was done. As she came down, she cried and House knew she'd hit sensory overload. He removed his fingers and tongue and gently kissed the inside of her thighs and laid his head on her stomach listening to her breathing and when it finally evened out, he kissed her belly and worked his way to her. She reached a hand around his neck and pulled him to her and tasted herself on his lips. When they parted, she smiled at him with heavy-lidded eyes. She was satiated and completely relaxed.

House cleaned them both up and pulled the comforter over them. He spooned her from behind and held her close, taking in her scent. They both sighed contentedly as they faced the window and watched as a few rays of sunlight peeked out over the horizon. There were light touches, kisses, hums, but no words. None were needed as so many feelings were conveyed when they made love. Cuddy covered his arms with hers, snuggling back into him. Her sigh of contentment was music to his ears.

"House," she said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Hmm?" He closed his eyes and nuzzled her neck.

"I'm glad you're home."

He kissed her shoulder tenderly.

"Me too."

* * *

><p>Hope you liked that Huddy goodness! More to come...though we're close to the end. Stay tuned!<p> 


	113. Chapter 113

**A/N:** We're at the end of the road and it's so sad to see this fic come to a close. Thinking about the last chapter made me cry. When you put so much of yourself into it...you can't help it, it becomes a part of you.

Many thanks to Cherokee Jedi who stuck with me through my persistent editing. Thank you to GratefulInsomniac who inspired me way back when we both started our first multi-chap fics. Early on, she and Allthingsdecent read through the first several chaps for me till I got my footing. Thank you to all the people who read this story, and for all the comments.

Finally, all of us in the Huddy fandom owe a debt of gratitude to Hugh & Lisa for their amazing portrayals of Cuddy & House. They took the words on paper and gave them life! They were truly amazing and the chemistry between the actors and the characters they played sparked a fandom that will live on...forever! I'm proud to be a part of this crazy thing!

Just so you know, eventually I'll be writing a sequel in this universe and also some other shorter fics. Lots of ideas!

* * *

><p><em>One month later.<em>

Cuddy hung up the phone and leaned back in her chair. She let out a sigh of relief that the surgeon had successfully removed the hypothalamic glioma from her five-year old patient. Since it had been found early and the surgeon had gotten it all, there was no need for chemotherapy or radiation.

The little girl with the brown hair and bright blue eyes named Christina reminded Cuddy of Rachel. She was inquisitive, smart and happy-go-lucky and as an only child, she was doted on by her parents. Cuddy felt a special connection with the parents because after suffering three miscarriages and dashed hopes of ever having children, Christina was born. She'd been slightly premature but eventually caught up with children her age and had been relatively healthy up until the last few weeks when she began to show signs of illness.

At her wits end and desperate to find the cause, Cuddy had gone to House for help. He in turn had enlisted the help of Wilson and Chase, who had just relocated and hadn't even hired a team yet. The four spent hours going over scans and symptoms which resulted in additional tests that eventually led to the discovery of the very small but operable tumor.

Cuddy wiped her eyes and breathed deeply in an effort to gather herself together. She always took a special interest in her patients but with this case, she'd gained a better understanding of one of the biggest reasons House had always been so adamant about maintaining a distance with patients.

Cuddy didn't believe her connection with Christina's parents compromised the diagnosis but it had affected her personally. The thought that Christina's parents might lose their only child, their _miracle_ child, left her emotionally exhausted and every day when she arrived home from work she'd dropped everything to spend more time with Rachel as if making up for time Christina's parents might not have with her. House had seen how much the case had affected her and instead of chastising or mocking her as he would've done in the past, he was quietly supportive and caring. He'd also surprised her by talking to Christina's parents and showing genuine concern in a way he had not done with patients families in the past.

Thinking of House made her smile. He had been there for her every step of the way, not just with Christina's case but in everything else. The two of them had adapted rather easily to sharing a home together and sharing the responsibilities involved in taking care of a child. As much as he adored Rachel, House still felt awkward at times being a parental figure but he did the best he could and Cuddy praised and complimented his efforts. She knew how difficult it was for him to adjust to the role and wanted him to know that she appreciated him. They'd never talked much about the next step, rather they just took one day at a time, happy to have the chance.

Cuddy watched how House interacted with Rachel and loved how he treated her not like a child but a little adult. She was inquisitive, always asking questions and he was happy to entertain her with the answers. Many times, instead of explaining the answers, he'd show her. Three days earlier, Rachel had asked House to help her make a pop-rocks volcano. Apparently her cousin had made one in science class and Rachel wanted to make one too. House immediately acquiesced and while Cuddy knew he enjoyed the science, she also knew he was a big kid at heart and just wanted to blow something up in the kitchen. He'd taken a half day off, picked Rachel up from school and they'd gone shopping for all the ingredients.

When Cuddy had arrived home that afternoon she'd found them both in the kitchen aproned and goggled yelling wild-eyed at the spewing mess on the kitchen island. Her first inclination had been to yell at both of them for the mess but after they turned to look at her and she saw the smiles on their faces, she didn't have the heart to spoil the fun. It occurred to her that given all they'd been through together, a mess in the kitchen was like a walk in the park and truth be told, she'd trade a thousand dirty kitchens for one moment with those smiles on their faces any day.

Cuddy sighed and smiled, feeling much more relaxed than she had in days. She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes, stood up, straightened her skirt and went on a mission to share the good news with House.

* * *

><p>House's new corner office was located on the floor above Cuddy in a space formerly occupied by a unit that had expanded and moved to the new wing. It was next to a suite of offices that housed Chase, his assistant, the fellows and the conference room. The office spacious with a picture window in the center of the rear wall that overlooked the duck pond below.<p>

Just after Christmas, House and Cuddy had hit an estate sale and purchased a solid wood colonial era credenza with side drawers and a large matching writing desk. House, an admirer of the craftsmanship and attention to detail of handmade objects had fallen in love with the set at first sight.

With the desk and credenza as the centerpieces, the rest of the office easily fell into place. They'd moved his Eames chair out of the house and placed it on one wall and a brown leather sofa and coffee table on the wall opposite. Cuddy had suggested a conference table but House found the couch a more practical option for nights when he worked late and needed to rest comfortably.

After the addition of bookshelves filled with journals, books, knick-knacks and various toys he claimed helped his process, the move-in was complete. The office with its earth-toned colors chosen by Cuddy and solid wood furniture was far more warm and personal than his old office in Princeton and though House generally abhorred change, he'd adapted to his new surroundings quite nicely.

Once House was settled in, he'd gotten down to the business of hiring of hiring his teaching assistants, preparing course lectures and outlining his research goals. He'd also begun the collaboration with Wilson on the first of the two journal articles. House was eager to work with Wilson not only because he knew they would publish a great paper but he missed his friend and hoped that the collaboration would help ease the transition of the distance.

They talked on the phone and Skyped often but it wasn't the same. Both men had confided separately to Cuddy that they'd missed the other's presence. House complained that he missed Wilson buying his lunches and Wilson whined that he missed House barging in to his office on a daily basis. Of course Cuddy knew there was more to it than that.

In addition to his collaboration with Wilson, House had taken Cuddy up on her suggestion that he help prepare Chase to lecture at the "Principles of Critical Care Medicine for Non-Intensive Care Specialists" conference in Boston which was scheduled for March. She'd heard about the three-day continuing medical education conference during a staff meeting and thought it would be a great opportunity for Chase given his extensive experience in Diagnostics and training as an Intensivist.

Chase hadn't been in Boston two days when Cuddy approached him and suggested he talk to his new boss about the opportunity to lecture at the conference. He had relocated just after the holidays, going back to Princeton on weekends to wrap up some loose ends. He'd found a comfortable apartment in a charming brownstone not far from the hospital and House and Cuddy helped him set up his new space at work. On his first official day at the hospital, he'd walked into his new office to find a brand new coffee machine and white board complete with dry-erase markers in a dozen colors waiting for him, a gift from both House and Cuddy. That week, Cuddy sat down with Chase and given him advice on hiring and working with Human Resources and by the end of the second week, he'd hired an assistant to manage the budget and paperwork and three fellows with glowing recommendations and impressive medical backgrounds.

Once he'd set up shop, the only special request he'd made to Dr. Baker was the installation of a wooden door with blinds adjoining House's office to the Diagnostics Conference room. He'd never talked to House about it but he knew his former boss was pleased when he'd walked into House's office one day as the door was being installed and House just grinned wordlessly at him. Chase knew that House appreciated being considered a part of his team.

Cuddy arrived at House's office by way of the new Diagnostics conference room, out of habit. She stood at the door watching him through the blinds He leaned back in his chair, feet up on the desk, talking as he threw the ball up into the air over and over again. She smirked quietly thinking how those who did not know him would misinterpret his body language but she knew in that pose he did his most serious thinking. She opened the door quietly and immediately recognized the female voice on the other end. House turned around and silently waved her in.

"Hey," she said quietly as she entered. House nodded.

"Is that Lisa?"

"Hi Blythe," she said.

"I was just telling my son that it's only been a week since I saw you last and I miss you both so much."

"We miss you too." It was true. Blythe's visit had been peaceful and something it seemed she and her son had evidently both needed. Blythe was the picture of happiness watching her son in his new domestic situation. She was supportive and positive and especially complimented his efforts with Rachel. Blythe had confided to Cuddy one night over tea that she had never been happier in her life than she had seeing House with his new family. When they'd taken Blythe to the airport for her trip home, House had embraced his mother so warmly, holding her close to him for a few moments extra, it had brought tears to Cuddy's eyes.

Cuddy sunk down in the deep burgundy Queen Anne chair across from House's desk. She'd brought it from home and though House had complained initially it was too feminine, once the office was completely furnished he found it fit in nicely not to mention it was actually comfortable.

"How's Rachel?" Blythe asked.

"She's fine. She's so happy with the puzzles you gave her, she's always working on them."

"That's wonderful. I know how much she loves animals and thought they would be perfect for her."

"Mom you're gonna spoil the kid," House joked.

"Oh Gregory, there's nothing I'd love more than to spoil that sweet child."

"I'm sure mom," House said. He was busy watching the expression on Cuddy's face. He noticed she seemed to be bothered by something and opted to cut the phone call short.

"Listen, something's come up, gotta go. I'll call soon okay?" He asked, watching Cuddy.

"Okay love you, son."

"Love you too, mom."

"Goodbye Lisa, we'll talk soon."

"We will and take care," Cuddy replied.

With that House disconnected the call. House leaned back in his chair and watched as Cuddy fidgeted. She wouldn't look up at him and he knew something had happened.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Christina Brady," she said tentatively.

House held his breath and stopped tossing the ball expecting the worst.

"They got it all," she said.

House exhaled deeply.

It was then that Cuddy started to cry. "I'm sorry," she choked out. "I actually didn't plan to do this when I got here. I'm…feeling good right now or at least I thought I was. It's just that…" she tried to find the words but couldn't. "Why do I get so involved?" She asked, tearfully.

House got up from his chair and walked around the desk and held his hand out. "Come here," he said softly. He led her by the hand over to the couch and sat down, pulling her down next to him. She leaned her head against his and cried as he ran his fingers through her hair trying to comfort her. Though he'd warned her about getting too involved, he knew she couldn't help herself and so he'd prepared himself for the moment when it finally hit her.

"You once said something that...at first I fucking hated but...it makes sense," he said.

She pulled away slightly and looked curiously at him.

"Pain happens when you care."

"Oh," she sniffed. She never forgot the moment she'd said those words to him and they had haunted her especially after she came to her senses after the breakup and realized he wasn't the only one running from pain. Unfortunately, by the time she'd realized it, it was too late.

"Your patients," he continued. "Especially the kids and _especially this kid_…mean a lot to you. You connected with this family because of your own past. Now of course you can stop caring about your patients and maybe it won't hurt and life might _seem_ simpler but actually…it would suck so much more."

"You're so poetic." She said, with a throaty laugh as she wiped her eyes. She felt better already. Just being close to him, having him hold her and comfort her was what she needed most.

"No, I'm just right and so were you. It hurts sometimes to care but think about where you'd be right now if you didn't. Think of where _we'd_ be." He raised his eyebrows in question.

She knew he was right. If she'd stopped caring she wouldn't be happier than she'd ever been in her life. She wouldn't have him.

"I know you're right. I just keep thinking about what her parents went through to have her. No person should have to go through that…and then worry that your child might die. I can't imagine what it would be like for them to lose her."

He rubbed her back gently. "You think about Rachel."

"I do. I can't imagine if she were sick…what we would do."

House liked that the word _we_ had become second nature with her. It had with him too.

"We'd figure out what was wrong with her, take steps to treat it and take care of her."

"You make it sound simple."

With a shrug he said, "We'd do what we had to do. Worrying and wondering doesn't change the outcome. It also doesn't keep something from happening." He knew it sounded a bit clinical but he knew she'd understand. He knew that she knew he'd do whatever it took to save her daughter.

She kissed his forehead indicating she understood his meaning. She sighed deeply as she rested against him. "Being a parent is fucking scary at times. And it's such hard work."

"That's why not everyone does it," he said. "But _you_ do it better than anyone I know."

She smiled at him, her heart made lighter by his words.

"It's hard to believe that there was a time I didn't even want to do it," she said.

He nodded as he remembered college-age Cuddy who was determined and driven and been adamant about a career over family.

She sighed. "Everything was going fine and then one day it hit me…my sister, my cousins, my friends from high school and college were married with kids…"

"And divorced," he interrupted.

"Not all of them."

"_Enough_ of them."

She smirked. "Okay maybe _some_. Anyway, they seemed so happy and I was all alone and felt like something was missing. It went beyond the job or the relationship, it was deeper. It just…it was like an ache. It seemed that overnight I had gotten older and the window of motherhood was closing fast. Like my mom once said, they weren't exactly lined up at the door for me."

"Your mother's an idiot," he blurted out.

She rolled her eyes at him. "One day I just began to panic. I felt like I was being left behind."

He remembered the shift. She had been coasting along in her job, working all the time as she'd always done and loving it. She'd had dates and a few short-term flings along the way but nothing serious. House managed to run off a few of the men and she'd wound up breaking it off with the rest before he even had a chance to interfere. She was far too involved in her work but that's who she was and most of the men she dated didn't like it. She was far too aggressive and assertive for them. Then one day out of the blue it seemed she wanted a child. She'd never mentioned it, never even hinted at it and it caught House completely by surprise because he could always sense things about her often times before she sensed them herself.

"Cuddy, you've never been one to do anything the way everyone else did. You've always done things the way you wanted and to hell with what people think. And one thing's for sure, you never needed a man or a child to validate who you are. You blazed a path for yourself and never looked back."

Cuddy looked at him shyly. She had never taken praise well but when it came from House it had always meant something special.

"Seriously, you survived being raised by the _dragon lady_," he said enjoying the smirk that graced Cuddy's face. "You graduated top of your class in college, got yourself a prestigious fellowship, became the second youngest Dean of Medicine, single-handedly reformed a _major_ teaching hospital, taking it to the top five in the country and you think you were...what was that..._left behind_?"

She grinned at his sarcasm. It was his way of complimenting her. He could be crass and brash at times but he always had _her_ best interests at heart. He always managed to present her with a point of view she hadn't considered and often times it helped change her way of thinking.

"I know what you're saying. It's just that it wasn't enough. Nothing I had in my life seemed to matter if I didn't have someone to share it with."

"Sharing's overrated."

"Liar," she snarked. She knew he was being facetious. He had expressed during quiet moments between them how grateful he was to share his life with her after so many years of believing he was destined to be alone.

"Okay, fine. I like when you share things with me." He peeked into her blouse. "Like these."

She snorted. "House, you're like a ten-year old."

"And yet you're letting a ten-year old look at your boobs. What does that say about you?" He mused. He'd hoped his attempt to distract her and lighten the mood had worked.

"Getting back to what we were discussing…" she said, smirking. I gave up on finding anyone." She peered up at him to find him watching her intently. "And I wanted someone to carry on the best parts of me…I needed to know that my presence here meant something."

Her words didn't surprise him. It was who she was. Cuddy was a person who believed everything happened for a reason and that everything and everyone mattered. She needed to know that all of the hard work, all of the pain was not in vain.

House's philosophy had always been that what he did in life didn't matter because there was no one to leave behind and nothing on the other side. Those thoughts had pervaded him when he was alone and miserable but since Cuddy and Rachel had entered his life again, those thoughts had begun to change. He now had two people who depended on him every single day, who would be left behind. He wanted his actions to matter, especially with Rachel. The more he bonded with the little girl and the deeper his feelings for her, the more he realized that she would be the biggest part of his legacy and he wanted her to emulate his best qualities, not his worst.

Cuddy's words brought him away from his own thoughts.

"And just when I thought it would never happen for me, it did. As hard as it was at first...that moment when Rachel and I finally connected, that's when I felt it...what I'd read and heard about but never thought I would experience. I finally felt what it was like to be a _mother_. And then I knew I'd made the right choice…that everything I'd been through leading up to that moment had been worth it."

He watched in complete awe as her face glowed as she talked about being a mother. He remembered how difficult it had been for her to bond with Rachel. He had kidded and chastised her for years about her maternal instincts but deep down he'd always thought she would be great at it.

"Do you ever think about trying again?"

Her eyes cast downward then away to the window. She bit her bottom lip and stared out at the sky. The snow clouds had dissipated a bit and the moon shown through brightly. She didn't realize how long she was silent until House gently took her chin in his hands and turned her face to him again. His eyes pleaded with hers for an answer.

"I don't even know if I _can_." The regret in her voice reflected the pain of two failed implants and a miscarriage. Over the years, it had waned but never completely.

House heard the pain in her voice. He hadn't intended to cause her pain but he wanted…no…he _needed_ to know. He hadn't exactly been supportive of her attempts to get pregnant, except of course for the injections. He had always regretted that.

"I wish I could have given that to you," he expressed that regret in a heartfelt tone. It wasn't that long ago they'd discussed the fact that he'd been jealous of her search for donors and she'd confessed in return that she'd wanted a child with him.

"Me too." She squeezed his bicep in reassurance. "But it wasn't who we were _then_. I love my life now, even more since you're a part of it. With you and Rachel, I have everything I want."

"Are you sure?" In the back of his mind, sometimes he feared there would be _something_ he could not give her.

She looked down at him and nodded. "I am. You're adamant about this. Why? Wait…" She paused and cocked her head."Do _you_?"

"I thought deflection was my game," he joked lamely. But he wasn't joking. He really didn't want to answer _this_ particular question because he didn't know the answer. But she looked at him expecting one and he knew he owed it to her.

"I never saw myself as the dad type and let's face it, what kind of dad would I have been? An angry, depressed asshole with a drug problem and a chip on his shoulder is not a good role model for a kid."

She placed her hands on both side of his face and gently brushed his three-day scruff. "You weren't that way because you wanted to be…your experiences did that to you. But things have changed, _you've_ changed. That was then, this is _now_. You're so good with Rachel. She loves you-"

"Love doesn't make a good father," he interrupted her then looked away.

This time she grabbed his chin and turned his face to her.

"_It does_."

"I wasn't exactly raised by Father of the Year."

"_Arlene_ isn't exactly mother of the year but I turned out okay," she replied.

"You turned out great."

"So did you." She leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'm proud of you."

House squeezed her thigh gently in appreciation. There were still times he was uneasy with compliments but he'd been working on it and she knew that. When she'd spot his uneasiness, she'd give him a smile or some other reassuring gesture to let him know it was okay.

They pondered quietly a bit longer, relishing the feel of just holding one another. They'd spent so many years maintaining a distance that these days, they made up for it as often as possible.

"Hey," he said, finally breaking the silence.

"Hmm?"

"I'm happy the way things are but…you know…if it ever happened...I mean…if you got knocked up, we'd figure it out. I wouldn't bail on you."

Her first thought was to tease him about his use of words but when she looked into his eyes she saw he was being completely serious. In his own House way, he was reaching out and letting her know his commitment to her. Not that it would ever happen…she'd long given up the notion of a biological child but…if it did happen, she wouldn't be alone and she _knew_ it. She stared at him in wonder and disbelief and wished they'd had the conversation years but once again realized it might not have lasted then and they might never have had another chance. Sensing the mood had become somber, she decided to lighten it.

"You know if you did bail I'd have to tell my mother and then she'd find you and nag you to death."

They both laughed. They sat a bit longer enjoying the peace and quiet. The only sounds were from the clock on the wall. Eventually, it was Cuddy's turn to break the silence.

"What do you say we leave early today?" She asked.

He looked down at his watch. It was almost noon. "We can't."

"Why?"

"Because we both have work to do."

"Do you see any work being done here?"

"Oh…I can think of some work I'd like to do," he teased as he grabbed her ass.

"Come on," she said. "We'll pick Rachel up from school early and go home and eat junk food and play video games." She tilted her head and grinned playfully in that way that made her seem like a teenage girl.

"You drive a hard bargain. Gee...I don't know though, my boss might get mad at me."

Cuddy extricated herself from his warm embrace and held her hand out to him.

"I'm sure this place can do without us both for the rest of the day. Let's go."

* * *

><p>House opened the oven and stuck the loaf of garlic bread in next to the lasagna. His mouth watered from the aroma and he was suddenly thankful he'd let Cuddy talk him into cooking dinner. Actually it hadn't taken much. As soon as they'd entered the parking garage, she'd pinned him against the car, moved between his legs, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, long and hard. When they parted out of breath, she ran her hands up and down his chest and smiled seductively.<p>

_"It's been a rough week," she said. "And tonight I want to celebrate." _

_House raised an eyebrow at her wondering what she had in mind._

_"Not like that…at least not until later. But Rachel overheard me say you'd been here a month and she asked me last night if we could celebrate. Right now I like that idea. I can call Chase and Sharon and Hannah—"_

_"Chase is back in Princeton this weekend."_

_"Okay so just the girls then. Come on it'll be fun."_

_"If I go along with this will I be rewarded?" He asked waggling his eyebrows._

_"Oh yeah...handsomely...especially if you cook." _

_He chuckled. "And here I thought you loved me for my body."_

_She looked up at him and bit her lip and smiled shyly. He loved that smile and he'd been seeing more of it lately. It was the playful Cuddy he'd known in college, the one who knew how to let her guard down and have fun. When she smiled at him like that, there was no way he could deny her anything. _

_"Oh God! You are an evil, evil temptress."_

_She planted a kiss on his lips. "And you so love me for it."_

_"Yes, I do." _

_He smacked her on the ass and she laughed out loud then they got in the car and headed to the supermarket to pick up all the things he needed to cook them a celebratory dinner._

Cuddy entered the kitchen and breathed in the aroma. "Oh my God!" She exclaimed.

House turned and winked. "That's what she said."

"Ha ha," she laughed. "Can I taste?"

"No! You certainly may not. But you _can_ kiss the chef."

"I don't want to kiss the chef, I want a bite of lasagna," she said with a pout.

"Kiss the chef, bite of lasagna." He looked up toward the ceiling and stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Or is it kiss the lasagna, bite the chef? I get confused." He winked and then leaned down and dipped the fork into the bubbly pan of lasagna, closed the oven door and handed it to her.

"Mmm!" Her eyes shut tightly and her tongue licked her lips as she savored the flavor.

"Good?"

She opened her eyes and smiled. "Are you kidding? It's unbelievable. God I wish I could cook like that."

"Ahh but you can. I can teach you," he said mischievously.

She scoffed. "Why do I get the feeling there would be more food on _us_ than anywhere else?"

House took the empty fork from her then grabbed her and lifted her onto the counter.

"Ahh but then there's the cleanup which is oh so much fun." With his finger he cleaned the remaining sauce off the fork and smeared it on her neck. Then he licked it off eliciting a squeal.

"House!"

"What? You got your bite, now I want my kiss." He leaned in and attacked her neck again.

She pushed away from him. "Maybe I don't want to kiss you," she said defiantly.

"Ha! That'll be the day." He leaned in again and she wrapped her legs around his back.

"Oh you don't think I can keep from kissing you?" She asked playfully.

"Nope. You're hot for me." He pulled her close and ran his tongue along her clavicle. He thought she smelled divine.

"Maybe I am…and maybe I'm not." She wrapped her arms around his neck and touched her forehead to his.

They were caught up in the moment when suddenly Rachel burst into the kitchen.

"Are you guys kissin' again?" She asked.

They broke apart and looked around to see Rachel standing there with her hands on her hips.

"It's okay," Rachel said matter-of-factly. "Wilson says when people kiss its cause they love each other."

House and Cuddy looked back at each other and burst out laughing.

"Is Wilson giving children lessons on relationships now?" He asked.

Cuddy grinned and nodded. "God help us," she said.

"And you guys love each other right?" Rachel asked.

House looked at Cuddy. "I don't know, do we?"

She rolled her eyes then looked over at Rachel. "Of course we do, honey."

Rachel grinned and then changed the subject. "Good. So uh...can we play picshunary later?"

House groaned.

"What? She loves that game."

"She's six, her tripid looks like a big fat seal with big fat legs and a Hoover vacuum for a mouth."

"My tripid isn't a seal. It's a tripid," Rachel stated, rather adamantly.

"It's a seal," House countered.

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

Cuddy rolled her eyes at both of them. She was used to the childish banter between the two. In the end, one of them always had to get the last word. But before anyone could say another word, the doorbell rang.

"Ooh Hannah's here!" Rachel shouted gleefully and ran out of the room.

"Rach, make sure it's them before you open the door.'" Cuddy yelled after her.

As Rachel ran out of the room, House yelled, "It's a seal!" Cuddy smacked House lightly on the shoulder then hopped off the counter to catch Rachel before she opened the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" House asked.

"This," she motioned between them. "Can wait till later."

"I'll be holding you to that," he said with a mischievous waggle of the eyebrows.

"You'll be holding much more than that I guarantee it," she said kissing him chastely before walking out of the kitchen. She put a spring in her step just for him. When she got to the front door, Rachel was standing there looking up at the closed door.

"Who is it?" She sing-songed.

"Guess who?" Came the voices from the other side. Rachel clearly recognized them and opened the door.

"Hi!" She exclaimed to Sharon and Hannah.

"Hi sweetheart how are you?" Sharon leaned down and gave Rachel a hug.

"So good to see you guys!" Cuddy exclaimed as she hugged Sharon and ruffled the hair on Hannah's head. She hadn't seen them for two weeks as Sharon had taken Hannah to see her grandparents in another state.

"Happy Monthiversary," Hannah said gleefully. When she smiled both of her front teeth were missing and Cuddy thought she looked adorable.

"Well, thank you sweetie."

Rachel tugged on Cuddy's shirt. "Can we go play?"

Cuddy nodded. "Go on. I'll call you when dinner's ready."

Cuddy ushered Sharon in and was about to shut the door when something or rather _someone_ stopped her.

"Whoa there!" The voice on the other side exclaimed.

Cuddy looked up to find Wilson standing there. He held up a bottle of wine.

"Surprise?"

"Oh my god!" She enveloped him in a tight hug and he returned it, kissing her on the cheek. They hadn't seen one another since the weekend House moved in. They'd talked on the phone and emailed often but it wasn't the same. They'd missed each other dearly.

She stepped back, her hands on his upper arms, looking him up and down. He looked good, better than the last time she'd seen him.

"House didn't tell me you were coming," she said as she shut the door behind him.

"That's because he didn't know."

"Well, how did you—?" She stopped mid-sentence and watched as Wilson helped Sharon off with her coat, then removed his and hung both on the rack by the door. She squinted at them and cocked her head and then it hit her.

"You're together!" She blurted out.

"Nooo…it's not like that," Wilson countered, his hands waving wildly.

Ignoring him, she looked at Sharon. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" House bellowed over her shoulder.

"These two," she said pointing at Wilson and Sharon. "Are together."

"Seriously?"

"We are _not_ together," Sharon said, amused.

Cuddy ignored her. She looked over at House and motioned between Wilson and Sharon.

"Look at how Wilson's leaning in to her and they're grinning ridiculously like they have something to hide."

House smiled at her proudly as he wiped his hands on the towel in his hands. "It's good to know my years of meticulously honed observational skills have rubbed off on you."

He peered at them closely then nudged Cuddy. "Check out the eyes on that one," he said nodding toward Wilson. "They're glazed over like a deer in the headlights. He's got that Debbie from Accounting is sitting on my lap look all over again."

Cuddy crossed her arms and nodded affirmatively.

Sharon raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Never mind, I'll tell you later."

"So exactly when did this happen?" House asked.

Sharon put her hands up in defense. "Now listen you two, we're _just_ friends, at least for now." She looked over at Wilson and smiled. "After we first met, we started talking. It was nothing serious, we just found out we had a lot in common."

"Oh so you've been married three times too?" House's retort earned him an elbow from Cuddy.

Sharon continued. "Not that…we have other things in common. Once we started talking, things just kind of fell into place."

"Kind of?" Cuddy asked.

"It means they had sex." House interjected.

"We did not," Wilson insisted.

"I just can't believe you guys hid it from me. I mean I get why you hid it from _him_," she pointed over her shoulder at House who rolled his eyes at her. "But why me?"

"Because we're just friends and didn't want to do anything to jinx it. I mean, if it didn't work out, it would've been awkward for us all. James is easy to talk to and with the distance...there was no promise of anything. We figured we had a good start at friendship since we had you guys as our reason for getting to know one another. We started emailing just to keep in touch and most of the time we talked about you two."

"And then well...talking about you guys got boring," Wilson cut in.

"Gee, thanks," House said, feigning hurt.

"So we just started talking about other things. My failed marriages-"

"Gee, I bet_ that_ took an entire night," House chimed in.

"House!"

"Fine, fine," he backed away with his hands up in surrender.

Sharon explained. "We talked about our careers and our relationships with our patients and then family and losing the people we loved. It's been very therapeutic."

Cuddy just stood there, grinning from ear to ear.

"I'll be damned," she said.

"Are you two done with the Spanish inquisition now?" Wilson asked, tapping his foot.

"Actually yeah," House replied. "And as warm and fuzzy as _young love_ is...I have to get back to dinner." He grabbed Cuddy's arm. "Come on, you can't cook but you've been known to make a halfway decent salad." She rolled her eyes at him.

And..." he added. "We can gossip about _those two_."

As she was hauled away, Cuddy yelled back over her shoulder. "Make yourselves at home you two." She smiled widely at them before they turned and walked back to the kitchen.

"You're such an ass," she said with a throaty laugh as they turned and walked away.

"And your cooking bites. Next."

She smirked at him. "You're just pissed because I knew before you did."

"Nooo..."

"Yes."

"Nooo..."

"Idiot," she said.

"Yeah but you love me." He said and grinned when he heard a voice behind them.

"So... _who_ is Debbie from Accounting?"

* * *

><p>After dinner they divided into teams and played Pictionary. House insisted boys against girls, and when Cuddy pointed out the obvious, Rachel said she wanted to be on House's team. Of course afterward, House pointed out it was because he and Wilson were cooler than the others.<p>

They'd been playing for about an hour and the score was five even with one more round because it was getting late and time for the girls to get to bed even though they whined that they weren't tired.

Rachel took her turn to draw and did as meticulously as she had done throughout the game, her tongue jutting out from between her lips in tedious concentration. When she was done, she beamed proudly at her latest creation.

House and Wilson looked at each other. Wilson shrugged. "No clue," he said.

"Guys better think fast, you only have sixty seconds," Sharon reminded.

It took far longer than sixty seconds. Rachel tried giving them hints, it didn't work. They still couldn't figure it out and so Cuddy and Sharon hummed the Jeopardy theme, much to House's chagrin.

"Hey cut that out, we're trying to think," he bellowed.

"You're never going to figure it out," Cuddy mocked.

"Oh and you can?"

"Of course, you forget I've known my daughter a lot longer." She winked at him flirtatiously.

Sharon looked at her watch. "Time's up guys. Way up." She high-fived Hannah.

"Okay, I'm dying to know. What the heck is that?" House asked.

Rachel put her hands on her hips and glowered at House in epic Cuddy fashion.

"It's a dinosaur," she said matter-of-fact.

"Is not," House replied.

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too." Rachel stuck her tongue out at him.

"Is not." House returned the gesture.

Wilson rolled his eyes and took a sip of wine. "Umm...can I say something here?" He asked.

Both Rachel and House turned to him. "No!" They said in unison then turned to each other again, both looking defiant.

"It's a di-no-saur," she stated again.

"_No_...It's a turd with feet."

Both Rachel and Hannah burst out in a fit of giggles.

"Mommy," Rachel said. "Howse said turd."

"Yes, he did." She looked up at him but clearly wasn't upset. "At the _dinner table_ yet."

"What? There's no dinner going on here."

"Rach, I think it's a fine dinosaur," Wilson said.

"Yeah," House scoffed. "Coming from someone who thinks _that_ is a UFO," he said pointing to a discarded drawing of what was supposed to be a spaceship but which House insisted looked more like an sno-cone.

"It's a _spaceship_."

"With a pointy thing on top?"

"It had one in Close Encounters."

"Seriously? I can't tell what that is!"

"Well…duh…what do you think a UFO is? An unidentified flying object."

"Well that thing is _definitely_ unidentifiable." House shook his head then looked over across the table at Hannah and her meticulous drawing of what looked to be a rabbit, albeit with horns, but still it was quite obvious at least to _him_ that it was a rabbit.

"Hey kid," He asked. Hannah looked up at him with that toothless grin.

"How'd you like to be on _my_ team next time?"

Sharon, Cuddy and Hannah wound up winning the game by one point. House insisted they cheated but Cuddy argued there's no way to cheat at Pictionary. Afterwards, the girls went into Rachel's room to play while House and Wilson sat on the back porch bundled in their heavy coats while the women had coffee in the kitchen.

Wilson reached into his pocket and took out a Cuban cigar and handed it to House.

"Whoa. The good stuff. What are we celebrating?"

"Nothing in particular, just felt like having one."

"Cuddy's gonna be pissed if I go back in there smelling like this."

"You're so whipped."

"I am not. I just like sleeping next to her."

"Don't lie to me, it's way more than sleeping." Wilson raised an eyebrow then lit his cigar and handed the lighter to House. He took a leisurely puff and leaned back blowing a perfectly round smoke ring.

"Ho! When the hell did you learn to do that?" House asked.

"Is there something the great Gregory House doesn't know about me?"

"Never." He lit up and took a puff himself, exhaling an even bigger smoke ring.

Wilson watched and laughed. "Of course you'd have to do it bigger, wouldn't you?"

"Have you met me?"

Wilson sat back in the chair toying with the cigar between his lips. "House, you look good."

House pursed his lips and looked over at his friend. "Oh now Jimmy if you'd only been this charming months ago we might've had a go round but now I'm taken," he said.

"You're such an ass. You know what I mean. Domesticity has done wonders for you."

"I am not domesticated."

Wilson chuffed. "You cook, you do dishes, help with the laundry…and take care of Rachel."

House eyed him suspiciously. "Who blabbed?" He wasn't upset at all about it, but the word domesticated always annoyed him. To him it meant boring, routine and predictable. He was anything but.

"Best girlfriends talk." Wilson took another puff and chuckled to himself.

House scowled and pointed his cigar at Wilson. "You and Sharon must love this. You get us alone and pick us for info then sit huddled in a corner somewhere French braiding each other's hair and sharing secrets."

Wilson grinned. "I think it's good for you. And don't deny you like it."

House took a look puff on his cigar and let it out slowly, savoring the flavor. "I fucking love it."

Wilson was not expecting that. He looked at House. "Seriously?"

"What's not to love? For years I woke up alone, hung-over and looking for my next high to take the edge off. Now…look around. I'm living the dream buddy."

"One thing's for sure. Nobody would've expected it."

"Nope."

House turned to Wilson. "Hey you do realize that soon-to-be wife number four has the same last name as wife number one who was almost wife number four?"

Wilson rolled his eyes. "She's not soon-to-be wife number four and how is this even relevant?"

"Just sayin' it's a sign."

"Oh this should be good. A sign of what?" He turned to House.

"I have no idea but it's a sign," House said, never batting an eye.

"Only in your world is _that _a sign." He shook his cigar at House. "Nobody else would ever have given this a second thought, but you did."

House pondered him as he chewed on his cigar. After a few moments he looked over at Wilson who seemed to be pondering something. He grinned.

"You're thinking about it aren't you?"

"No!" Wilson countered.

"Yes, you are." House grinned to himself.

They sat in silence a bit longer.

"So…what about you?" House asked, finally.

"What about me?" Wilson asked curiously.

"You're all alone now."

"Alone and lonely are two different things."

"Are they?"

"Actually," he said between puffs. "I think I'm better than I've ever been."

Finally, House replied.

"Okay."

Wilson raised an eyebrow curiously. "What? That's it? "

"What do you want me to say?"

"I was expecting to be nagged and browbeaten."

"Nope."

House looked over at Wilson occasionally gauging his noticed House watching him but said nothing. But after a while, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay I know you want to say something!" He exclaimed.

House replied patiently. "Actually, no."

"I know you," Wilson said. He got up and began pacing. "This is what you do. You…drive people crazy. You lecture and harangue everybody, especially me. You want to tell me how there's nothing left in Princeton and how I should get my ass to Boston because everyone I care about is here and my life would be so much better."

"Not what I was going to say at all."

"You're up to something." Wilson cocked his head and squinted in concentration.

"What makes you think that?" House asked, trying not to laugh.

"Because I _know_ you," Wilson replied knowingly.

Their cigars long finished, they sat on the porch in silence, relaxed, eyes closed. The noise in the kitchen had died down and all that was left was the sound of the icy breeze filtering through the a few dead leaves left on the trees. House glanced over at Wilson occasionally and looked away when he found his friend glancing back.

Minutes later, the light bulb in Wilson's head went off and he turned to House, a grin spreading across his face. He leaned toward him and poked his finger at House.

"You son of a bitch."

House just smiled and said, "You dumb bastard, took you long enough."

* * *

><p>While House was silently tormenting Wilson outside, Cuddy and Sharon were in the kitchen. Cuddy was moving about putting things away while she and Sharon traded holiday stories. As they talked, Sharon eyed her carefully, taking in her movements and the tone of her voice.<p>

Feeling that she was being watched, Cuddy looked up from what she was doing and found Sharon leaning against the counter across from her, arms crossed, with a knowing smirk on her face.

"What?" She asked laughing.

"I can't get over the change in you," Sharon said, shaking her head. "This is the happiest I've ever seen you. You're practically walking on air."

Cuddy flushed. "I'm happy."

"It's obvious."

Cuddy finished putting the silverware away and closed the drawer. "Don't get me wrong, I mean...we have our moments but this is going better than I could've ever imagined."

"I'm glad. Do you still have doubts?"

"Sometimes old habits creep in but we've changed. We talk now, we don't assume. And if we don't want to talk we just say so. We communicate now."

"What about the arguments?"

Cuddy ran her fingers through her hair. "God, we argue...that hasn't changed...except it has. We're not malicious. We don't say things to intentionally hurt each other."

"James told me any time he was in the same room with you felt like he was going to ignite any second, especially if you were fighting."

Cuddy shrugged. "It's who we are. I can't explain it."

"And there's no need to. You know Lisa...I envy what you have," she said. "I know it was hell getting here but the bond…it's really something special."

"You wouldn't envy it years ago if you'd seen us at our worst."

"All that made you who you are, it brought you to this so in a way it was all necessary. You both should be very proud. I know I am. The odds were against you and this probably wouldn't have worked for most people."

"True," Cuddy nodded agreeably. She turned to grab the leftovers and place them in the refrigerator then she shut the door and leaned against it. "I love my life right now. I used to envy people who had it all because I never thought I would. But now _I_ have it. I have the life other people want. I have a family now, a _whole_ family. I mean I had one before when it was just Rach and me but now that House is a part of it, it feels _complete_. I feel whole in a way I never have before. We're different from everyone else, we always will be. What we have…it works and it's right and that's all I give a damn about."

Sharon shook her head, wiping away an approaching tear. She really was happy for her friend.

"Lisa, I can't even tell you how happy I am for you. If anyone deserved this, you did. You both did." She walked over to Cuddy and held out her arms. The two women embraced and then Cuddy laughed.

They pulled away and Sharon looked puzzled.

"What?" She asked.

"You owe me. Tell me about you and Wilson."

Sharon backed away and grinned. She knew that was coming.

"Okay, you win! What do you want to know?"

* * *

><p>Later, after Wilson had gone home with Sharon and Hannah, Cuddy bathed Rachel and put her to bed while House cleaned up the kitchen. They showered and changed into pajamas then made some popcorn and settled down to watch an old movie.<p>

They took their usual positions on the new couch which Cuddy had purchased recently as a gift to both of them. Since they'd begun to enjoy more family time in the living room with Rachel, she bought a more comfortable sofa that reclined on both ends and often when Rachel went to bed, House and Cuddy stretched out with House reclined on one end with Cuddy sprawled the length of it, her head in his lap. Cuddy held the bowl of popcorn in her lap that they shared between them.

"You know he was married at least eight times," he said, jutting his chin at Mickey Rooney on the screen.

"Yeah, crazy isn't it? Who would want to get married _that_ many times?"

"Ask Wilson, apparently he's working on number four right now," he mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn.

"No, he's not. They're just friends."

"Yeah it starts out that way but he always marries them in the end."

"No, really they are. And marriage is not on the and I talked. She's taking this one slow. She's okay with them being just friends. Besides, she knows about his past." She saw House eye her curiously.

"He told her," she said.

"He did?"

"Yeah, they really are friends and they talk. It isn't just because she's a psychiatrist either, there's something else there. They connect and it's done both of them a world of good. They deserve it."

"Yeah." House was somewhat relieved that Wilson did have someone besides him to talk to, someone, a woman, he could connect with. He'd always worried Wilson wouldn't find anyone he could love as much as Amber. House didn't know if Sharon was the one but he knew Sharon and she was a good catch. He also knew his friend and aside from all his flaws, Wilson was a good man and he'd make the right woman extremely happy.

"I'll just say this," Cuddy said, interrupting his thoughts. "Wilson thrives on neediness and if things are going to get serious for them, he's got to change that. He always feels he has to be taking care of someone. He bitches about it but he does it anyway."

"Tell me about it. He hides it well, I'll give him that."

"Do you remember when he took in the neighbor's cat?" She asked.

"Don't remind me. That thing used to keep me up meowing all night long."

"It was nice what he did but it was out of his need to be needed. You two drove me crazy back then. Wilson obsessed over the cat because he thought you didn't need him anymore and you obsessed over Wilson because he didn't have anyone and you did."

House remembered that clearly. He'd felt guilty nearly the entire time because he was in a relationship and Wilson was alone.

Cuddy noticed House's lack of response and looked up at him.

She nudged him. "Hey."

"What?"

"Are you still worried about him being alone?"

"I was but I don't think there's anything to worry about."

"I'll have to admit he looks good. You were out on the back porch tonight for a while. Surely you talked."

"A bit."

"Did he divulge anything?"

He nodded. "We talked about a little of everything, work, his brother, my mom, us. I'll say this…don't be surprised if he moves here eventually."

She looked up at him quizzically. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh…just a feeling I have."

"Hmm." Was all she replied.

They ate popcorn and watched the rest of the movie in silence.

"Do you think they're sleeping together?" House asked out of the blue.

"How would I know? I didn't ask, she didn't tell me. I'm guessing no but I have no idea." She laughed. "And more importantly why do you care?"

"I just want him to be…what's that word you people use? Happy." He said through a mouthful of popcorn.

"You just want to harass him."

"I'm hurt you'd think that."

"I know you care about him but stop…he'll be fine. Look, I miss him too. He's like the brother I never had."

"Now that's just creepy considering you almost slept with him."

She looked up at him. "I did not."

"You did. You wanted to have his baby."

She cringed a moment. "I wanted a _donation_. I never wanted to have sex with him."

"Oh they all want to have sex with him…then they marry him."

"Stop!" She said laughing. "I never wanted to have sex with Wilson."

"Because you only had thighs for me."

"One of these days your head is going to explode."

"I could say something…"

"Don't! For the record, Wilson has always been _friend-zoned_. In fact, he was one of the only friends I had. Besides you, but-"

"Now that's just sad," he mused.

She threw popcorn at him and before he could reply the phone rang and interrupted their banter.

She looked up at the clock. "I wonder who's calling at this hour."

"Let the machine get it," he said.

"It might be important."

"All the important people are here in this house."

The answering machine picked up. "Lis, it's Jules, I need to talk to you."

Cuddy motioned quickly for House to hand her the phone, which he did begrudgingly.

"Hello?"

"Hey sis. Did I wake you?"

"No. We're just sitting here watching TV. Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just...thought I'd say hi," she said hesitantly. "How's Rachel?"

"Good." Cuddy thought it a bit unusual her sister would call her that late to say hello but she went along with it.

"She's got a piano recital in a few weeks, she's excited about that. House has been helping her and she's really improved."

"Speaking of House, how are things with you guys?"

"He's good. We're good. He's all moved into his new office and things are going great all the way around."

"That's great to hear, Lis," she said.

Cuddy knew her sister was being sincere. Thanksgiving had been a turning point and though House and Julia had very strong and differing opinions on many things, they had successfully put the past behind them as evidenced by the interactions between them as well as between House and Julia's children. It had been a great relief to Cuddy who had worried she would wind up in the middle of arguments between her sister and the man she loved over .

"Jules, something's going on with you. Small talk isn't your thing. What's up?" Cuddy asked.

Julia sighed. "I have a favor to ask."

"Okay."

"It's Jake."

"Jake?" Cuddy sat up straight. "Is he sick?" House perked up when he saw the worried look that crossed Cuddy's face.

"No...he's been acting out lately. At first, I figured it was the usual teenager phase plus the fact that he misses his dad, but it's gotten worse."

"What's he doing?"

"He's fighting with me, slamming doors, not telling me where he's going, staying out past curfew, and hanging out with the wrong crowd."

"That's _not_ like him." Cuddy knew her nephew, he earned good grades and was friendly, smart and well-liked. Most of all he'd never been any trouble to his parents.

"No it's not. It's even affecting his grades…Jake is applying to a few colleges and if this keeps up I'm afraid he won't get the one he wants."

"So what did he say when you tried to talk to him?"

"He says I don't understand, then he just slams the door in my face." Julia sighed with frustration. "Nobody can seem to get through to him." She began sobbing and Cuddy's heart broke. "I don't know what to do."

"I'm sorry Jules," she said, tears in her own eyes. "What can I do to help? Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No." She paused. "I don't think that will work. I want...I need…_House_ to talk to him."

"House?" At the sound of his name, House looked at her curiously.

"I know it sounds crazy...but…from everything you've ever told me…everything he's been through…I think maybe he could get through to him. I've tried everything I can think of. Jake misses his dad and needs a strong male role model he can look up to. I can't be what he needs...not in that way."

Other than when her husband died, Cuddy had never heard her sister so distraight. Julia had always been close to her three children and not only had she lost the love of her life but she was at risk for losing her oldest son too. Her son needed a positive male influence in his life, someone he could trust, and someone who would give him the brutal truth to help him get on the right path. She was still shocked her sister had hoped House would be that man but she knew that if anyone could get through to Jake, it was in fact, House.

Julia composed herself. "I'm sorry Lis; usually I'm pretty good about not getting out of control."

"You don't have to hide it, especially not from your family. We love you and we're here for you." She looked over to House who still had a puzzled look on his face. "You've been through a really rough time and it hasn't been that long. You need to get this out. So please don't apologize. Okay?"

"Okay," she sniffed. "You know he's a smart kid, but he's just that...a kid. He's keeping a lot in because he doesn't know how to express himself. He's scared and confused right now and I'm worried that he'll do something stupid that will impact the rest of his life. I'm hoping House can get through to him."

"Hon, I can't speak for House but he's sitting here next to me. You want to talk to him?"

"Yeah."

"Hold on."

Cuddy put her hand over the phone.

"Oh God, what?" He asked.

"She needs your help."

"Wait…your sister needs _my_ help?" He asked, the shock registering on his face.

"Yep."

"What is it?" He asked suspiciously.

"I'll let her tell you. Please at least hear her out first before you decide."

He pursed his lips. "Okay but whatever it is, I'm doing it for you."

She handed him the phone and mouthed the words "Thank you."

House leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and put the phone to his ear. Cuddy leaned back on the couch and listened intently to House's side of the conversation. After a few moments, he got up and limped into the kitchen, turning on the light. She could hear him getting something to drink. She lay back on the couch and closed her eyes. He was gone quite awhile before he returned to the living room and placed the cordless phone in its cradle and leaned down and tapped Cuddy on the shoulder and motioned for her to move so he could sit down. Once he was settled she rested her head in his lap again.

"So…how'd it go?" She asked.

He played with her hair. "Okay."

"Are you going to do it?"

"I told her I would."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, I don't even know if he'll listen."

"He will," she assured him.

"The kid barely likes me."

"Trust me, he likes you. Jake has always been very intuitive. He feels things very deeply and has a sense about people. He's a good judge of character. When you talked to the kids and told them about what happened, you were honest and you didn't treat them like children even though they are. You didn't make excuses, you accepted responsibility. What you did...it went a long way with the kids, especially Jake. Trust me...he holds a grudge just like Julia but with you he didn't seem to do that, not after you talked to him."

"He's a good kid," House admitted.

"Yes, he is. And you two _do_ get along. When they were here a few weeks ago, you guys listened to music and you let him play your guitar. And I know for a fact you don't let _anyone_ touch that except people you really like." Cuddy smiled thinking about how ecstatic Jake had been when House let him play his beloved Les Gibson. That House had been honest with Jake from the first moment they met at Thanksgiving had opened doors for them and music seemed to help the two forge a common bond.

"He didn't like what you did but then when he got to know you, he saw what I see...that you weren't_ that guy_. You connected with him."

House shrugged. "We both like Muddy Waters."

"Well that's not all of it but it's a start."

"I don't know if I can get through to him."

"I have faith in you."

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes while he ran his fingers through her hair. She could tell he was in thinking mode.

"You know that it's possible to survive anything."

He stopped his motions and looked down at her.

"You think?"

"Absolutely." She smiled. "You're good with young people in your own...way. The picture you showed me...Eve's baby. She was a scared college girl who had been raped and she had no one else to turn to and there you were. You never meant to be in that position but you were thrown into it and...you made a difference. She's married now with a child of her own. She fought her demons and won."

"She connected with me because we were both broken."

"Probably but what matters is you got through to her."

He tapped silent musical notes on her arm.

"You've had many experiences in your life House, you learned something from them, you passed on your wisdom in your own...unique way."

"You're being kind."

"I'm being honest."

"It feels weird...your sister asking me for a favor."

"I know."

"Do you think she's really let all that crap go?"

"You're the man who says actions speak louder than words. She just asked you to talk to her son…be sort of a mentor to him. What do _you_ think?"

"Point taken."

"Julia is the queen of grudges, at least she used to be. Even though things went well at Thanksgiving, I couldn't help but wonder if it would last. She sees that I'm happy and that you've changed. Losing Michael has mellowed her. She just doesn't seem as judgmental anymore."

"So much for the idea people don't change."

She shrugged. "Some people don't. Either they don't want to or they can't because they don't know how. But I believe people can change if they want to and if they can just figure out how do it. You're living proof it can be done."

"I'm just glad I don't have to fight with your mother and sister. I'd hate to put you in that position."

"I'm glad I don't have to worry about that." She placed her hand on his cheek. "But you know I'd always choose you right?"

"I do." He looked down at her fondly and she caught his glance. His confidence that she would always choose him reflected in his eyes.

"And speaking of mom, for all her annoying tendencies, she knew better than to force me to make that choice. Besides, she wanted me to choose you."

"I knew I liked the old bag for a reason."

Cuddy let out a chuckle. "So when are you going to call Jake?"

"They've got a long weekend coming up. Guess we need to make room."

She groaned. "It's always so tight when everyone's here. Maybe we can go there?"

"Is that what you want?"

"It's two hours, can you make it?"

"Yeah, we can make pit stops."

"I just know how much you hate long drives."

"I'll be fine."

"I know. You're always fine." She smiled at him and he leaned down toward her and their lips met in bliss. She knew he would travel there for her sake but she also knew how long trips in the car bothered his leg.

When their lips parted he said, "On second thought, I don't want to have sex in your sister's house, we'll just let them come here."

Cuddy laughed and they reconnected again. As the kiss heated up, the phone rang.

"Nooo," he said, his lips moving toward her neck.

Cuddy sighed. "Grab it will you?"

"Busy," he said as he nibbled her ear.

"Please?"

He groaned but answered the phone.

"This better be good," he growled.

"Oh good, it's the shmegegge, just the person I wanted to talk to."

"Hello _Arlene_," he groaned.

Cuddy put her hand to her head.

"To what do I owe this displeasure?"

"Don't be an ass. I called to thank you."

"For what?"

"Julia called me a little while ago and told me you had agreed to talk to Jake. I just want you to know I appreciate it."

"Okay."

Her voice softened. "Gregory, Jake is my firstborn…he's very special to me. He's a good kid and he needs a strong male influence."

"What is it with you Cuddy women that make you think I'm the one?"

"Because you are. My daughter loves you for a reason. Rachel loves you for a reason. Stop denying it and accept who you are."

"You missed your calling as a psychiatrist."

"With all your shit you couldn't afford me."

He laughed. Arlene always gave as good as she got. "So…are we done?"

"Yes, we are. You may go back to groping my daughter now."

"What?" He choked out.

"Nice try. I know you two. It's late, my granddaughter's in bed, and what else would you be doing?"

"We do more than _grope_ you know." Cuddy looked at him horrified.

"I'm sure. Now tell my daughter I love her, I'll call you soon. And thank you again," she said.

"You're welcome. Goodnight," he said, before hanging up. He leaned back and put his hand over his eyes. "I'll never be able to grope you again without thinking of your mother. I think she planned it that way."

"What?"

"Your mother wanted to thank me for agreeing to talk to Jake."

"And the groping?"

"She's apparently hitting the sauce again."

She shook her head and offered him the bowl of popcorn. He took a handful and greedily shoved it into his mouth.

"You're disgusting."

"And you love it."

"Shockingly, I do. I can't believe my mother thanked you. My father is rolling in his grave right about now. First Julia and now this."

"Hallelujah!" He shouted. "It's a miracle!"

She giggled. "Shut up."

"Well at least we know nobody else is going to call considering we've talked to my mom, your mom and your sister all in the same day. No wonder I've got a fucking headache."

"Shut up. Your mom is a sweetheart. I would love it if she visited us again."

House put his hand over his eyes and sighed.

"No. Just...no."

"What?"

"New rule. Family in atom-sized doses. Mothers and sisters only visit only upon invite and they stay _miles_ away. If they want to see us they make an appointment light years in advance."

"Oh stop." She was going to say something else when she felt him twinge beneath her. His hand immediately went to his thigh.

"House, are you okay?" She asked, concerned.

"Yeah. I should've put my feet up."

"Here let me massage it." She got up and sat on his right side facing him. She took her hands and kneaded his thigh muscle, eliciting a groan of pleasure from him.

"Yesterday's therapy was brutal." He said, eyes closed, enjoying her touch.

"It's still helping though right?"

"Hell, yeah. I miss Vince but...this pain management program is great."

"I'm so happy we've got one here. It's so much better than the typical physical therapy."

"It is. I'm lucky. Don't worry, it's helping Cuddy believe me, you'd know if it wasn't."

"I'm glad." She gave him a tired smile.

He nudged her. "Come on, let's go to bed."

She planted a kiss on his lips. "You don't want to sleep; you just want to grope me."

"Every chance I get just to be reminded of your mother."

She pulled away from him. "If you ever use the words _grope_ and _your mother_ in the same sentence I'm kicking you out. Now come on," she said as she stood and held out her hand to him. House pushed himself out of the sofa and followed her down the hall to their bedroom..

When Cuddy went into the bathroom to brush her teeth, House decided to go check on Rachel. Since he'd moved in it'd become habit for him to check on her every night before he went to bed. He didn't know why and Cuddy never asked. She would tell him Rachel was fine but as time went on, she realized it was something he needed to do.

House stepped into Rachel's room quietly and quickly noticed that she whimpered in her sleep. He stepped closer and stood over her. Worried that she was having a nightmare, his need to protect her suddenly overpowered him. He sat down on the bed next to her.

"Rachel." He shook her gently. "Rach."

She cried out, then turned over and rubbed her eyes. Her cheeks were wet, he assumed from tears.

"Hey kid, you okay?" It broke his heart to see her scared.

"Bad dream," she sniffled. She sat up and wrapped her little arms around him.

"Hey, it's okay," he said as he patted her on the back. It hit him in that moment how much he wanted to keep her safe.

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Don't 'member," she said through muffled tears.

"It's okay. It's just a dream, it's not real. It can't hurt you."

"I was scared," she said.

"I know but…look around, it's just me and your mom down the hall and we're not going to let anything hurt you. You know that right?"

She rubbed her eyes and nodded.

"Good. You think you can get to sleep?"

She shook her head no.

"You have to go back to sleep if you want to get up early and have pancakes with me in the morning."

"Pancakes?" She asked, her tears suddenly subsiding and eyes wide.

"Yep and you get to help."

She smiled at him. "I like to help."

"You're a great helper. Now let's get you back to sleep."

"Can you read me a story?" She asked with that pitiful Cuddy pout she inherited from her mother.

House sighed. "Just one," he said then he reached for the lamp next to her bed and turned it on enough that he could read. He pulled one of the thin books off the shelf over her nightstand.

"Five Funny Bunnies," he read from the cover.

"My favorite!" She said, clapping her hands together.

He put his finger to his lips. "Shh, or mom will come in and bust up our party."

Rachel put her finger over her lips. "Shh," she mimicked. "Will you do the voices too?" She whispered.

"Aww do I have to?" He faked a groan. Of course he would.

"Yeah!"

"Okay."

House opened the book and began reading the first of the three short stories contained within it.

House's back was to the door and so he couldn't see Cuddy standing in the doorway watching them. She watched and listened as House read to Rachel in several different voices and though her view of Rachel was obstructed, she could hear the little girl giggling.

She turned her back and leaned on the doorjamb in the hallway listening to their interactions and her heart fluttered at the deeper connection made between the two. It was what she had hoped and prayed for for so long. She didn't know how long she'd been standing there but she was brought out of her thoughts when House's voice changed back to normal and she realized he was done reading.

"Okay kid, gotta go to bed now."

"Will you read me the second story tomorrow?"

"Yep. If you go to sleep."

"Will you tuck me in?"

House leaned over and tucked her covers around her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, kid."

"Howse, I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, we have lots of fun and mommy smiles a lot now."

Cuddy smiled hearing that.

"She does?"

"Uh huh," Rachel replied adorably.

"Me too kid, me too."

Rachel beamed.

"I love you, Howse," She said as she threw her arms around him and hugged him.

Without a second thought, House wrapped his arms around her and breathed deeply as he ran his fingers through her hair. She smelled of baby shampoo and innocence and it never ceased to amaze him that the little girl could evoke such deep feelings in him that he once thought did not exist. She only saw the best him him, never seeing his weaknesses or flaws. Rachel never judged him, she accepted him for who he was.

There was truth in what Nolan had told him about unconditional love and there was no better proof than the little girl with her arms wrapped around him. Truth was, he loved her too, and he'd known it for a long time. She'd wormed her way under his skin since the moment Cuddy first let him hold her and six years later when she looked at him with those big blue eyes, he couldn't resist the temptation to give her anything she wanted. And at that moment he vowed he do everything he could to keep her safe and protect her for the rest of his life.

Cuddy held her breath and watched the scene play out before her and then she heard it.

"I love you too, kid."

Her breath hitched in her throat and caused her to emanate a small noise. She'd hoped House didn't hear her as she didn't want to interrupt their special moment.

"You do?" Rachel beamed.

"Yeah, I do."

Tears streaked down Cuddy's cheeks. She stepped into the hallway and made her way to the bedroom. She walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

"He loves her," she said to her reflection as she cried. She knew he did but to hear him say it was more than she could hope for. Love wasn't a word often used by Gregory House and when he said it, he meant it with every fiber of his being. It was everything she ever wanted and to hear him finally tell her in a way that was not forced, with love and pride, it made her extremely happy.

Cuddy splashed water on her face and walked back into the bedroom. She stopped at the window and looked out at the full moon that illuminated the entire backyard under a soft white blanket. At that moment, she didn't think she could be happier. She removed her robe and climbed into bed to wait for him.

A few minutes later, House entered the dark bedroom, hung his cane on the knob of his dresser and limped into the bathroom quietly, thinking Cuddy was already asleep. After using the bathroom he washed up and brushed his teeth. When he was done he took a moment to take in his appearance in the mirror.

Cuddy had told him months earlier that he looked better than she'd seen him in years and he could see it. Physical therapy and exercise had helped his posture and the pain in his neck and shoulders from use of the cane and the bad posture was near non-existent. His biceps were bigger from the upper body strength training and his chest was slightly broader. His legs were strong too. Other muscles strengthened in his weak leg helped compensate for the missing thigh muscle. Overall, he wasn't muscular but he was toned. His new therapy team was adamant, as Vince had been, that working the entire body, not just one area, was the key. He would always have pain, but the way in which he managed it was far healthier and better than anything he'd done before.

He moved closer to the mirror to inspect his face, noting fewer lines and the absence of the bags that had once been under his eyes caused by insomnia and stress. He knew his therapy with Nolan had helped with that and been as important as his physical conditioning. House thought he might be overall healthier now than he had been before the infarction. He liked the younger, healthier and happier man that stared back at him in the mirror and he was determined to keep him.

House turned off the light in the bathroom and joined Cuddy underneath the warm covers. She gravitated to him immediately and he spooned her from behind.

"Hey," He asked, his warm breath in her ear.

"Hi," she replied.

"Thought you'd be asleep." He said, kissing her exposed shoulder.

"Waiting for you," she murmured.

He listened to the sounds of her breath going in and out and he felt her relax in his arms.

"You heard me talking to Rachel." It was more a statement than a question. He hadn't seen her but he'd felt her presence.

"I did." She smirked to herself. He never missed a thing.

"Do you remember at the airport the last time I left, when she had that meltdown?"

Cuddy nodded.

"She whispered something to me."

"I remember." Cuddy turned over to face him. She had been curious about the secret House and Rachel shared but she knew eventually if they wanted her to know they would tell her.

When Cuddy rolled over, House ran his fingers over her face and neck. His hands found the cameo and fingered it gently. It warmed his heart that she wore it every day, taking it off only when she went to bed.

She sensed what he was thinking. "I forgot to take it off."

"That you did." He kissed her.

"I never told you what she said," he said when they parted.

"I figured you would when you were ready."

"She told me...that she wanted me to be her dad," he said quietly.

Cuddy was speechless. She watched as House swallowed hard and tears gathered in his eyes.

"I'm ready now."

She always knew when House was being sincere; it was in his eyes and in the tone of his voice and this time was no different. He had just told her he wanted to be a father to her daughter. He'd opened up his life and his heart to her and Rachel as he had never done with anyone else. She knew how much it took for him to do this. She drew him close and held him as the weight of his words settled in and the tears flowed between them.

When they finally parted, House reached up and wiped Cuddy's remaining tears with the pad of his thumb. When she smiled at him it told him everything he needed to know. She was ready and with him all the way. He thought about how it seemed so natural to take that next step and be the father Rachel needed. He needed it too. He needed _her_. He needed _them_.

He kissed her nose before he spoke again.

"Nolan once asked me why I pushed away the people who ever cared about me."

She placed her hands on the side of his face and brushed her fingertips through his hair. She watched him intently, awaiting his next words.

"I told him I didn't really want them out of my life, but that I had this stupid need to test my theory that all relationships were conditional. Most of my life, I believed they were. I did not believe it was possible to love someone in all circumstances, no matter what they did. I was sure of this."

She continued to run her fingers through his hair reassuringly.

"I couldn't have been more wrong," he whispered.

"I've always loved you," she said. "There may have been times I didn't like you very much but I never stopped loving you."

"Being with you...makes me...happy," he said. "I don't ever want to be without you...ever again. It hurts too much."

"I know. I feel the same way."

"So...Rachel...we'll tell her tomorrow?" He asked, hopefully.

She smiled. "Yeah, we will."

Without another word, they sought each other out and their lips met in the darkness. Tongues collided, breathing quickened and hands wandered. In that moment, they were just content to be close.

When they parted, breathless, he said, "I can't believe we're still fully clothed."

"See…it's not always about sex," she teased.

"It's not?"

She squeezed his bicep playfully. Their eyes adjusted to the dark with the only light coming from the moon outside. It rained a path of light upon their bed.

She placed her hands on his face and ran her thumbs over the corners of his lips. "Do you know how much I love you?"

He didn't respond with words, but nodded.

"What I feel for you is completely…overwhelming and so…" she left it there knowing he would understand. She could never adequately describe the depths of her love for him. It was far beyond words.

"I know." And he did. There were times he thought about what his life would be like without her again and it literally took his breath away. He couldn't describe it, he just knew he couldn't ever live without her again.

"I love how we get one another."

"Yeah," he said, smirking.

They lay there for some time caressing, touching and talking in hushed whispers. There was plenty of time for sex, at the moment it was just about reveling in the joy of being together, of taking that next big step in their lives.

They'd been quiet for sometime, sleep threatening to take over when he broke the silence.

"Sometimes I feel like this is someone else's life. That I'm just borrowing it until they decide to take it back," he said.

She snuggled closer to him. "This is _your_ life, House. What you have now…it's always been yours…you just needed to fight your fears and claim it. And now that you have it, no one can ever take it from you, ever."

"Good because I've actually become quite attached to it…and your ass." He palmed her ass playfully.

"Ass," she whispered and leaned forward and kissed him again then she rolled over so he could spoon her from behind. She loved that position because she felt so safe and protected when he wrapped himself around her. She pressed her back up against his chest and he pulled the covers over them and wrapped his right arm around her and pulled her tightly to him.

"You saved me, you know," he said.

"We saved each other."

"I love you," House whispered into her hair. His hands drifted over her lazily, caressing every inch of skin. How long he'd yearned for this. Now that he had it he would never let it go. He knew he'd fight with her but he also knew he'd fight for her and never again would either of them have to experience he hell of being alone.

"Love you too, House." She placed her hands over his, securing their connection. He was soft and warm and he made her feel safe and secure. With him she felt more loved than she ever had in her entire life. She knew they would hit rough times but it didn't matter knowing they'd weather it together.

Eventually their breathing slowed and they drifted off nestled tightly together, holding on to one another in sleep as they did when they were awake. And as they slept, they dreamed…about the one thing they'd wanted for so long…more than anything…and that they now had.

_Their future. _

**The End.**


End file.
